I have failed hundreds of times. I've failed to meet deadlines, failed classes, failed a whole degree, but I got up every single time. Frankly, there's no better teacher than failure, even if it is a harsh teacher. I'm still trying to make it all work, trying to get my PhD, and trying to achieve more each day. You can't ever give up because you think you might fail, or you actually did fail.
but be careful of being stuck in the trying phase. i think that is another one of our mind's tricks. i spent over 16 yrs "trying". so don't try to succeed. succeed. give yourself the permission to succeed and complete some goal. that's why the pushups etc are so useful. its small but gives you the "win" your brain needs. when you are a loser like i was, your mind can somtimes never let you get to the other side and that can make your life miserable for a long time. hell, some people die trying and never achieving anything. not that achievement is the be all end all, but it is actually more of a mental unlock to succeed than it being a skill issue.
This is so true. I've struggled with self-esteem for a long time. You really can't think your way out of it. It's about proving things to yourself day after day. The phrase I like is "make a promise to yourself and keep it." Self-esteem is believing in yourself. And to believe in yourself you have to build credibility with yourself. You build credibility by telling yourself you'll do a thing and then actually doing it. You are literally proving your brain wrong about who you are and what you can do.
I remember meeting this guy on a first blind date and all he talked about was his mental health history-diagnoses, medications, hospitalizations etc. He was 100% identified as someone with a mental illness and all that involved. It was so sad. I wanted to say to him: "Who are you without your mental health diagnoses etc.?" We are so much more than our history, a diagnosis, a particular health issue.
We are everything we wish we could be and do if the illness would just magically disappear… the sad thing is that people (like myself) never get a good income to pay for therapy because of our illness.. so to get help you need do do well first or marry someone rich I guess.. I used up all my free therapy that I got from the state in my country.. they say that I’m resistant to therapy but I just didn’t meet any therapist good enough to treat someone at rock bottom..
On "doing the impossible" and "starting small": I realized something. Something that has helped me tremendously is when I have something I want to do, I think of the smallest possible step towards that thing...and then take that and turn it down another notch. Why? Because what I thought would be a "small step" was often too damn big, only because I THOUGHT, to OTHER PEOPLE, it was small. Comparison made my steps towards my goals way too big for me, or anyone, to climb - so I couldn't start at all. Say I want to exercise more often. In my mind, to other people, "going to a yoga class at dedicated date/time" seems like logically the smallest step, yeah? But in my brain, 8 different alarms are already going off ("What will I say? Do I have to bring anything? I'm going to look so inexperienced. I'm going to look like a fool compared to them.") and all the way down the rabbit hole I'd go until it debilitated me. Now, comparison turns this "small step" into a damn staircase. It made it so much more complicated. Now, my mind has made it impossible for me to win. And what is maddening is when I see a staircase, other people will tell me it's just one step. "It's so simple! Just take the first step!" And as motivational as people are trying to be, it makes it SO much worse. Low self esteem will turn that into a weapon. "Why can't I just do this?? This is so simple, I can't do anything. I'm cooked." But the reality is that often what people see as one step is actually multiple, or circumstances made them so they're already ahead of you - they just see it as one step because either they've done it before, or they're past that point already. You don't come out of the womb walking, or even crawling. You have to learn by experience, and in that way it simply becomes "simple". I had something similar happen recently about somewhere I wanted to go but I had all this fear attatched to it. For years I was reserved that I would never be able to do it, but I was so upset by that idea that it ate me up inside. But one day, some foreign voice in the back of my head just said "just go see it. stop by. you don't have go in and do a, b, c...just go casually walk by". I made it small enough to think "that'll be uncomfortable, but not the end of the world". This led to me pushing myself out of my comfort zone little by little until I ended up going through with the whole thing. Basically, I ended up inadvertently doing exposure therapy without realizing...and it worked. It was a huge breakthrough. For years, I was scared of it. And I finally did it. It was the "just one push up" of my life. And of course, then I had the "well, this was a small step to other people, there's no reason to be proud of what you did". And that's the curse of comparison, folks. I'm judging myself based on what I THINK other people think is easy. The smallest step isn't what you probably think it is. It's only easy when you're looking backwards. TL;DR - I needed to stop making my decisions on the basis of "this would be starting small for other people" and instead say "this would be starting small for me". Comparison made it unfair. I needed to make those steps small enough, back down to earth, so that I could actually climb them - otherwise I wouldn't be able to climb at all.
Really glad I read your comment , thank you for sharing this. I always assume that other people climb those first few stairs with ease, and since I can’t do it with ease that must mean I’m just not built like they are. What I need to do instead is tailor those steps to me, even if it means breaking 5 small steps into 50 baby steps.
Being diagnosed with ASD and my enviorment calling me incapable of social communication. Im now 25yo and chose to do a job around social communication, and I found that I actually really enjoy it! And get compliments for my work from clients. Really changed my perspective about "social communication"! I just didnt have the enviorment to talk and now im actually shining❤ People told me it was impossible, Yet I made it possible! Believe in yourself not others opinions about you🎉
For the last three years I tried to get a garden. Today I finally got one to lease. I live near a place where you can lease a garden, if you are lucky and one becomes free. I liked to stroll around there and sometimes talked to the people. That was what brought me finally success. Someone remembered me. Positive Mindset, one step after another and don't give yourself up.
It blows my mind that these videos are free, I've been in and out of therapy my whole adult life and nothing in those sessions makes as much sense as Dr. K
Lol I am very surprised if you get help from these. Dr K, Yeah these make sense, but thats about it. These are kinda straight forward and self evident in the end. I don't know what people do for years in therapy. Seems kind of a scam or just a status quo. 5 years ago I was here from the beginning and quit couple years ago because these videos just started to make me annoyed. Seems like nothing has changed in this, and I kinda know it. You start to know what the deal is with this content at some point. I just hope Dr K hasn't lured himself into thinking doing this is his ultimate dharma or whatever, or if it is, I hope he has made sure he isn't in a echo chamber.
I have been in therapy on and off for the last 12 years, and have been with the same therapist for 5 years now. But it also blows my mind that these are free. They are truly just so helpful. My therapist helps me a lot with my anxiety and obviously really personalized things I’m struggling with, but these are helpful in a bunch of small ways. I even try to get my coworkers to listen to him. 😁 I loveeee listening to them when I need to get chores done cause I’m able to get stuff done but my brain is also interested and engaged. I know you didn’t ask me either but I just felt like sharing cause I share your perspective 😊
I dont feel constrained by small or temporary things, I just want to be able to follow through on a plan, follow a schedule, remain consistent. Without ultimately feeling overwhelmed, stuck, stagnant, craving distraction to the point of giving up again.
Me too man,i want to have someone watching over me,i am confident that i can put in the effort but i need someone to make sure i don't get out of line.
@@alexanderthegreat-mx5zu yea, as I get older, it becomes clearer and clearer I need to be supervised to some extent. It sucks not being able to hold yourself sufficiently accountable...
@@GrumpBurger Your pic looks like that body horror game where fast food are bugs and if you eat them,you get a potato for a hand,honestly,great game,you should play it if you have a ps 4 or good pc.
Confidence comes from competence. To be confident you have to be competent at something. Confidence is not a thing that can be developed directly. Confidence is a by-product of becoming competent (skilled or proficient) at some task, skill or process. Someone who is a CEO of a multi-national, multi-million or billion dollar company may be extremely confident when it comes to doing massive, expensive business deals. That same person may be completely inexperienced at cooking. Put them in a kitchen and ask them to cook for you and they may just fall apart, if their confidence is only on the topic of business. Now, they may also be relatively confident, justifiably or not, if they are sure of their ability to learn. If they are good at the process or skill of learning and are comfortable when making mistakes, then they will be fine. Again, it's about their competence in doing a thing (learning in this case) and also their willingness to accept that they are going to make mistakes. That's another skill that can be practiced. So, the best advice is don't focus on the nebulous, ethereal concept of confidence, focus on becoming competent in what it is you're wanting to do. The more overall competence you have in a multitude of skills, including learning, the more generally and justifiably confident you will be, no matter what the situation you're facing.
@@xantishayde-walker4593 aint that what the adage means in the first place... Confidence by definition is "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities." So yes it is indeed a by-product emerging from one's own capabilities & aptitudes. Confidence by definition is a by product & not a thing that developed you on its own directly. I can see how the maxim may seem narrow & unidimensional in some sense tbh...but in my personal opinion, yes confidence does come from competence but to be competent at something one has to practice that particular thing. Mastery doesn't just happen, not in normal cases at least, mastery is a practice. Competency is a practice. Its only natural that the more you practice the more competent you become. & If competence births the fruit of confidence then perhaps one could say that practice sows the seed for it. Confidence as well as competence are by-products of practice. I definitely see how the adage is lacking elucidation... perhaps that is its gift & a curse that it leaves room for personal interpretation. But yeah I concur with you that confidence isn't something one develops directly... 👍🏾
@@xantishayde-walker4593I would also add that our self image/identity and limiting beliefs about people and life can deprive us of our confidence and ability to practice and learn. your comments is brilliant, thanks 😊
Over the years I’d convinced myself that I just don’t have the same “tools” others have, so I need to work 10x harder than other people to achieve the same things. The dangerous part about thinking that way for so long is that it led me to other similar beliefs about myself in comparison to others. I started seeing myself as a less efficient human than everyone else. Constantly comparing yourself to the rest of the world can do some serious damage in the long run. At almost 40 years old I’m finally realizing that the only person I should ever compare myself to is who I was before today, that’s the only comparison that ever really mattered.
I thought so for a long time dealing with depression in my teenage years and early 20's. I eventually fought through it like all of us have to do. I had a good life by 2019, but my destiny to fail was confirmed when I had my first bipolar manic episode. In the end of 2019 I was engaged, had a great job I loved, was physically in shape, mentally fit etc. My mania began with breaking off my engagement for no reason and in that year I caused an incident which led to me losing my job, spent $70k - $80k frivolously, ruined many relationships, did countless reckless and dangerous things, and ended in a hospitalization in Dec 2020. It was like I was possessed that year and was like wtf happened? I had no fiancé, no job, ruined financially, alone, and homeless. Bipolar literally destroys most or all aspects of your life. I've read hundreds of stories on Reddit of people who have done the same at various stages of their life. The worst part is that you did it yourself without being aware or in control even though you feel like you are in the moment. I wouldn't wish bipolar or any mental illness on my worst enemy. TLDR: Had a great life which I destroyed with my first bipolar manic episode. It confirmed my self-fulfilling prophecy, manifestation, confirmation bias etc. that I'm a loser and destined to fail.
@@MountainRocky456 I've been unemployed for the last 4 years. I was hospitalized for an attempt and have been a bunch of different meds. Live with my mom and am a complete loser. I can't stop intrusive memories and thoughts that this isn't my life. I also have depersonalization (losing identity/sense of self) and derealization (life doesn't appear real.)
@@MountainRocky456 That's what everyone says, but it's hard not to. Even when you accept that it wasn't your "fault" then it makes it seem even more like you're cursed and destined to fail. Thanks for you concern friend!
@@sakifrahman1531 i think the intention behind saying that is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, but instead realize there is a problem that needs addressing so you can focus on it instead of feeling down. And don't get me wrong, it might be hard, and you might look around and think "why am I the one that has to deal with this?", i just can say that life isn't always fair, but focusing on that doesn't help you improve. I believe in you, take a mindful break, walk a bit, rest if you need to, recover all the energy you need and then move forward, I wish you the best
@@Kokolitofora im just going to bed permanently, we didnt make a promise to accept our cards before we were born against our will. To make you think you have to exist in this world, in your body as you is authoritarian. All lives mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, but our lives mean nothing at the smallest levek you can find except shitting in the dirt so the soil takes it to the environment. Everything else is copium
@@Kokolitoforaits like you trying to be a better version of yourself so u Create habits like going to the gym, inward looking strategies or introspective thinking etc etc, you need to think about every decision, even the "positive" ones and sometimes asking a question like what more can i do or what more could i be doing wrong apart from the usual thats on the surface, eg i stay up late because i eat late so i digest late, since you eat watching youtube (assumed) you blame it on the TH-cam and after cutting TH-cam you realize oh it was eating later all along, eventually you mah find an answer to the problem of WHY you eat late which isnt necessarily a YOU problem I tried my best doing this explanation since i would really love to see you grow as a person and i hate that you're getting desperate because its a really long life, so take things slowly and build a concrete foundation yah? Im rooting for you
I thought its impossible to stop people pleasing until I did the impossible by pleasing myself instead. Fast forward a year later, never felt so easy rejecting others without feeling hurt by it.
Anyone else feels they are throwing away their money with therapy? I've been on CBT for 2 months and I struggle with going out and tackling the things I want to do (going shopping, starting the gym, joining a social club, etc) and the only advise my psychologist gave me was "you "can't" actually do it? No, you can! Just try! Go outside!" So useless... I can get my family or friends to tell me that for free. Here Dr. K actually gave practical advise and explained perfectly how the brain works in a way that I can actually apply, and guess what? It's also free.
I'd see about talking with other people who have gotten therapy about your experience. This therapist might not be right for you, especially if its true that they only have offered a single piece of advice like you said about a problem important to you. In my opinion, as long as its not bleeding you dry financially, 2 months might be too early to swear off therapy as a whole, but I'd talk to more people online like reddit, for example, and get their thoughts.
I have had 7 diff therapists, on and off, over the last 12 years, and all I have to say is out of 7, only 2 have been extremely helpful. Idk what I would do without what I learned from them and after that first good one, I was convinced once you have the right therapist, they can TOTALLY change your life for the better (if you do the work). If anyone’s curious, I kept changing therapists cause my first therapist referred me to someone who specialized in ADHD, and then I moved for school and then I switched around cause I didn’t like some of them, and then I moved for work lol. Life happens and you get a diff therapist apparently lol. Thankfully I’ve been lucky enough to find a therapist who sees me remotely now and I have been seeing her regularly for the past 5 years. I went from not knowing what boundaries and trauma were to addressing my lack of understanding of all of that right before it blew up online. Wild timing really. Some therapists were genuinely a waste of time and 1 of them I could talk badly about forever lolll. I really have a lot of thoughts about how terrible she was. If your therapist isn’t helping you and you want individual support (something you can’t get from this vids) I would say look for a diff therapist. I think I’d lose it if someone tried to tell me I could do something I didn’t feel like I can do at this time. That therapist sounds AWFUL, and I’m sorry you had to listen to someone say that. Weirdly enough I’ve had better luck with licensed therapists who market themselves as ADHD coaches or coaches in general (even tho they have extensive backgrounds, and even master degrees, and are not just health guru wellness influencer ppl) than some of the stereotypical therapists. Whatever path you choose, I hope you find something that works for you!
Most therapists, in my experience, wanted me to keep digging through the sand forever to keep finding more bricks and nails and odd parts that never really add up to anything. You can keep digging forever, and your “traumas” (learning experiences) will never go away, but deciding the next way that you’re going to adapt around them - that’s where it’s at. I’m not even kidding, chatting with AI has helped me more than most of my therapists ever did.
Although I also prefer hearing it from Dr. K because he gives us the back-end explanation as to what is the problem and why certain solutions could help, your therapist gave you the EXACT same tip that Dr. K gives in this video.
This idea might get lost in the comments, but as a fan of your videos, I wanted to share a thought. Given your TH-cam name and profession, have you considered analyzing game characters in-depth, exploring their personalities, motivations, and thought processes? It could help your audience connect with these characters on a deeper level, uncovering complexities not only in the characters but also within themselves. One character that’s gained a lot of attention this year is Shadow the Hedgehog, especially with his upcoming movie by Paramount. Since he’s one of the most complex characters in the gaming industry, and even the creators admit he’s the hardest to write -it would be fascinating to hear your professional analysis of him, along with other notable game characters.
This is so true! Last week I volunteered to teach a dance class. I’ve been terrified of teaching my whole life, or even leading in any kind of way. I signed up before I could change my mind, and I had a horrible pit in my stomach. But it turned out fine! It helped break this stubborn idea I have that I can’t teach or take the lead on anything. Good advice.
My impossible thing for 40+ years has been looking people in the eyes. Sometimes I tell myself I'm gonna do it, and sometimes I actually do it. Sometimes it's a thill. Then next week, it just becomes impossible again.
I'm convinced that "finding enlightenment" in the modern world is really just finding the headspace to give no shits about what other people (aka INFLUENCERS and STRANGERS) have that you don't (basic needs notwithstanding) and being either comfortable with how you live and how you treat others, or working to be the person that is comfortable with how you live and how you treat others.
TH-cam influencers are con-people! How these people are even taken seriously is beyond me. People envy them and they are most pathetic members of our society
This is true, but also, it's very important not just to do things you thought you couldn't do, but to notice that you're doing the things and celebrate your wins. Because if you're depressed it's easy to just discount the thing because you're still comparing yourself to other people and not to the person you thought you were yesterday.
it's simple and common sense when you think about it, like of course you fail if you're trying to succeed, it's literally the path to success. But as obvious as it is, we tend to get in own ways by making it a lot worse than it actually is
This is so my brain: the more complex I make it, the more I procrastinate and therefore perpetually remain stuck. As simple as that! Dr K is delivering golden nuggets for people like myself. 👏🙏
I just did my first muscle up today after months of training and I thought it was impossible. Then this video about achieving the impossible pops up on my feed. 😮 so impactful for me. Thank you.
Couch to 5K running app, shattered my lifelong belief that my body isn't made for running. Turns out, I only needed practice, a training schedule and an app that tells me "stop running!". Now I see that previously I ran till I was exhausted, and saw being exhausted as a failure. Perfect setup for proving I was a running failure... If this is you: a Couch to 5K app and pair of okay sneakers is enough to make you a runner within 2 months. You will bodily experience why the growth mindset is much more accurate than the fixed mindset.
Me too. One thing's that's really helping me is my mantra of "I don't have to win" "There's no competition" I felt so inadequate so I have this sense of "I have to win" just to compensate the dread that I am feeling. So telling myself "It's okay. I don't have to win" really helps me
This is another one of your videos that everyone needs to watch. I feel like there are some people in this world who never do the impossible and hence they never experience life, staying stuck being a child forever.
Questioning what I believed to be right about myself and others was the constant in my development. It allowed me to be curious, accept uncertainty, and gain a degree of openness that people notice. Too many people have very strong opinions of things without ever really questioning if they could be wrong.
I now have a better understanding of why it's important to keep things simple. One simple obstacle can be overcome and not fall into procrastination. Making things too complex leads to procrastination and the long exhausting excuses for not doing anything. Pick 2 "impossible for me" things, set a time and a place and do them.
I did that thing where I don't identify with a certain thing and it has helped me in every way. I just dgaf anymore about "scary" things and it has helped me deal with stress. I also cry more so that helps. Also let myself feel empathy more.
Well I remember when I was a 25 years old virgin who never really talked to a girl and sure that he can't do it. I went to a bar alone, saw a group of 10 girls, stayed away for a long time, feeling more and more anxious, and then I just went to the group and talked, and suddenly all my fears went away, it was pretty smooth and on the next day, I Saw one of the girls on the street and she asked me if I would go to the bar on the evening so I went and I became kind of a star in the bar
This really resonated. My last year of college, I fully lost confidence in myself, and I ended up setting myself up for failure because of it. I stopped doing my schoolwork, and I stopped attending my classes. Somehow I still managed to pass most of my classes, except for one class that I needed to graduate in my very last semester. It was a capstone paper, and the thought of completing such a big project felt so daunting that I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. I felt like a fraud, and I felt like that was the point when I was finally being “found out” as one. The next summer, I came back to campus, I retook the class, I worked two jobs, and I got an A. It’s been one year since then, and have a job in the mental health field, and I’m studying for the GRE. I did the impossible once, and I’m starting to think I can do it again
Thanks doc, i recently went through 3 surgeries and now have a limp, walking with a limp crushed my self esteem and I started acting like a victim and hating myself, I would reject people in the start thinking I am not worthy of dating them, but now this video made me realise I am worthy of all the love I receive and give, I will start seeing other people now, cause my limp is not something I should be ashamed of its a part of me. and I love myself, thank you doc
I have to say that you're content change how I view my life. I've change from being a habitual smoker to an exercising, meditating and studying maniac. It's hard at first but it's been an eye opening journey. Thank you Dr k
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.zachary3 I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
It can have a big impact to see the world only from one perspective. I had this problem with my partner for a long time, and problems got more and more difficult. I also realized that the reality often isn‘t important when people are completely focused on their own perspective. what makes it super difficult is the fact that people who do this try to make you think their life as it would be more important and more difficult,
It's exactly what I need now. I feel constrained by myself, because I feel like I can't do certain things that others do. I will try to implement your advice this time instead of just watching videos and forgetting about it.
It's click bait, but I can see people in a sensitive state, having a bad trip or being in a psychosis for example, responding negatively to it. As if God or the universe was trying to tell them something.
One thing that helped me develop confidence are non compettitive hobbies, like cooking or something artsy. You start off clumsy and end up skilled and confident
I have self hatred that runs deep. I find myself obsessing over how to look better and have a better personality. It’s draining when it comes to things as simple as entertainment I get so angry when there is nudity on movies and my husband watches it. I feel disgusted and inadequate even if I watch it alone. I get so over whelmed in criticism of myself on social situations that I completely shut down and don’t speak at all. Im extremely codependent and controlling over my spouse also scared he will leave me. It’s all very draining. Your videos are so insightful. I’m learning so much
This is exactly what i am going through right now. My mother conditioned me to a life of failure. A life of failure where I can't get anything done, where i procrastinate, where nothing i do is right and no matter what i do will ever be enough for somebody. I procrastinate work, responsibility and everything because of this. Honestly I feel completely stuck and completely without hope. I feel tormented everyday. I feel lost. I can't even take responsibility for myself. I feel like i'm breaking more day by day. I don't know if i will make it.
Sending love bc what you said really struck a chord with me. I feel very similarly and it’s a painful feeling. I hope we both make it through and start to feel better :)
So... I'm the opposite in a way. I believed everything is possible if I work hard. Everything is possible if I set my mind on it. So I did. I was confident. I was driven. I achieved all my goals. I worked hard. I made it. I'm successful. But I'm not happy. To the point it feels like it's impossible to be happy. I lost most of my confidence. I lost most of my drive. Seems like what I wanted wasn't what I needed and I have no idea what it is that I actually need.
Me too. I dreamed big but I failed so hard it was a huge embarrassment and I still can't pick myself up. It's been two years. Now I lost all confidence and all motivation do to anything.
Well, on the bright side, at least you're not in poverty and barely living paycheck to paycheck due to your life choices. At least, I hope your life isn't that bad.
I have never met someone with procrastination as bad as mine (will leave things to 2am, 4am and it could be a simple 5am task). This cycle has been the bane of my existence for over 10 years of my life and led to depression, anxiety and much more. This video changed my perspective and I can't believe I'm on my third day of doing something (actually doing my lectures and even joined the gym and went today). It's funny how our brain works when being told the obvious. Anyways here's to more 'doing the impossibles'.
I can't help but watch all Magnus Carlsen's games. It's almost like, and I really mean this hypothetically, he's actually like a pretty good chess player.
I honestly don’t know what I would do without this channel. It just keeps giving me more answers to all the problems i’m experiencing in my life. Thank you for this video
I think of this as demonstrating to myself that I can do something. It may be awkward to do, or embarrasing, but my driving force is the confidence boost I will get by showing myself that I can do this thing that I always thought I couldn't or was bad at. I am thankful to the kind senior student that started me down this path by patiently practising a sport with me until I got good at it.
But you can succeed! That's the whole point! You just have to change your mindset. What does "succeeding in life" mean to you? You should do one aspect of that, even if it's small, even if it's just a success for the day. And watch what was closed off to you become accessible.
Whenever I've taught someone to do anything (usually video games or chess, 'cuz nerd), getting them to do something they think they'd never be able to do has always been the biggest help when teaching someone how to get better at anything. Everything else feels achievable, and thus they have the motivation to tackle any mountains in the future. Gotta say, I absolutely love seeing someone's face light up when something finally clicks. (especially if they are being a grumpy butt beforehand who keeps going on and on how it'll never be possible)
I'm sure the dark souls trend is definitely proving to alot of people that are initial assessment of our limits are off. Foo me it came from platformers like Celeste where you look at the sheer number of obstacles and think to yourself this is impossible but every attempt you get further and further and suddenly the big complex mess is only a few tough obstacles.
10:25 doing imposible, brain has new variable 11:05 expereicne for change what other people can do but you not 11:31 make alist of 5 five that other people can do but you not
Legendary approach ❤ I can feel you hold so much love and compassion for people walking the path you've been through 🙏 I have so much appreciaton for you, your family and your work
it one thing if you Gaslighted yourself into state when everything seems impossible , and it's a completely different story if you can't do anything because of health problems , there are things that I clearly understand I can do , but there are things that I physically can't do , I can do push-ups 10 times and I know it , there's no point in me doing it , just like I know that I cannot run 100 meters without consequences for my condition. In trying to do the impossible, I will only make it worse. Although I admit there may be things that I can do and I'm just afraid to try to do them.
Well, there are two "impossibles" in this sense. Things that actually ARE impossible like running without legs. and things that you "gaslight" yourself into thinking they are impossible. Acknowledge the first "impossible", but challenge the latter.
Dr. K's video made such an impact on me than any other in recent years especially this video. The story you tell yourself is the story you play out. Lets be a movie star and make our own fate happen.
I always had this thought that no matter what I can't lose my weight so I just did the bare minimum and saw no result even after going to gym and it happened for years but something happened to me this year as I am in my worst possible self so I got like nothing to lose and I tried to push myself by saying 'well there is no point so let's bump it up to extreme' and in that process I realised that I am capable of losing weight, like I can literally see my progress and I am so happy, like I was able to lose my weight previously too but changes were not this big and I always felt weak but this time I am feeling strong and fit. So sometimes doing the impossible which by all means we all thought of just works. Hope you guys will find a way.
This video is only for normal people! I lack self-esteem because I developed anxiety troubles in my early childhood due to my parents, the result of which is no friends, thus no boyfriend, only a low-income useless job for the handicapped, comparing myself to 1 single normal person can only lead to low self-esteem, no need for globalization or the internet for that. Sorry Dr K and all other coaches, I'm not even sure a psychotherapist could do something for me. Though Dr K can't do anything for me, he is a great professional, top 👍
Nah, this video is absolutely for you. Everyone picked up their social anxiety somewhere, that stuff doesnt come out of nowhere. And everyone is afterwards stuck with a voice in their head saying "you cant that, you are not the person to do that, dont even try". With that in mind, look what you just wrote ;)
Thing is your shining light is currently hidden under a bushel, yet to be discovered and nurtured to enable you to grow in your most natural ways. Ideally parents should validate their Daughter's worth from a early age onwards. Showing appreciation, giving praise and recognition for all of their endeavours. This builds self-pride and provides a platform of security and stability they can work from as they explore more about themselves, their thoughtfulness and deeds for others, the positive impacts it has and how they benefit from it in tow. A strong woman is someone attuned to their worth and potential as they navigate life, able to steer all manner of turbulence to calmer waters. This is a woman very much in the driving seat of her life who lets her inner beauty shine and resonate. Your current situation isn't your fault my friend, but look within and let your inner-beauty out. To add looking after those less fortunate than ourselves is a very selfless thing to do and perhaps a start of discovering your inner most beauty etc. Hope this has been of some help to you my friend. Much love and respect to you. ❤
@@termitreter6545 I'm sorry, I think the way I expressed my problem was misleading. I have social anxiety, but it's one symptom of another trouble of which I know the mechanism, but it's too long to develop. However, I know that a part of my problems is not due to the disorder, and that part could be addressed by coaching, but it's difficult to tell when it's the case. Thank you so much for your help, and your humor.
@@John26767 You articulate what I often express more casually by saying my parents stifled my potential from the start. External appearance itself isn't a barrier, it becomes one when it's associated with personality traits. I really appreciate your kind support.
@@AlinefromToulouse You're too harsh on yourself. Let your inner beauty shine outwards and notice the difference it makes as your energy resonates and touches the hearts/Souls of others. 🙂 You will notice the difference in the mirror and also in your endeavours. Hope this has been of some help. ❤❤
if there is a big load that you have to move somewhere you have two choices : 1- to carry the heavy load at once which gives two options :Carrying such a heavy load at once that may break your back because it is just too heavy for you or you may put it off for longer periods of time. 2- you can break it down into smaller loads so that you can move with barely any effort.
This is so true. Man I didn't realize how much of this stuff is in my head. I just painfully assume people think bad of me. But recently those thoughts have kinda bothered me less. I have them. But it's almost like a gotcha moment and I remember that people are actually not so bad. And probably would wanna be my friend If I let them.
I really needed this video 6, 7 years ago. I was getting some help, employment mentoring for people with mh problems. my case worker blurted out that I didn't really want to get better (I was giving her all the reasons, like Dr K's tardy student). and it's a phrase that's been living in my mind ever since. I think this video explains what she meant. I was doing lots of what I felt to be impossible. I was really uncomfortably uncomfortable and I retorted "what am i putting myself through all this for then??" maybe I was adding complexity. I certainly wasn't honest with myself with the whys. I was trying to do as much as I could without looking into the whys. looking back I do feel I was putting all the effort I could during THAT period. Later I got stealth lazy again. Probably a lack of concrete whys.
I have a question: how does one deal with the thought that some of those leaps of fate are destined to fail? And how does one recover if it does end badly when one tries to step out of one's comfort zone?
Not sure if it helps, for me will i sit down and tell myself clearly that i want to do it for reasons and even if it fails its ok. So i fully accept and embrace the failure ,BUT i will still do it. And take every small step as progress towards the goal even if its very small. For me is its getting myself to take the continues step even if i keep failing that is more important. than reaching the end from the get go. Cant expect everything to be successful when i am trying it for the first time after all or even a few attempts for certains stuff
This is so well packed together. I learned that I can't change other people, I shouldn't even invest my time and effort in trying but giving them this starting information, as a one time push could very well change the life of so many people I know. I wish people would take this fact more seriously but they are in a prison of their mind that gives them all the reasons to not even try, not even try watching this video.. xd
This practice is actually very true. I just recently started running. I always wanted to run a mile. I slowly started training one night. I said tonight I will run a mile next thing.I know I ran five kilometers. Know that I know I can "do the inpossible" I'm asking myself "what's next"
I really liked this video! This was very helpful! Also, apologies if this has been asked before: Is there a Discord server where members of this community are? I have been watching your videos for about a year now and they have been so helpful in helping me take steps towards breaking bad habits, and the comments are always so kind. I would like to be in spaces that really lean in that direction. Thank you for all that you do! You really are the definition of an inspiration!
*From the book Same as Ever* “The grass is always greener on the side that’s fertilized with bullsh*t.” ~Morgan Housel~ When comparing, a person always tends to neglect the other people's hard experiences that go with that certain success. We only see the cake, not the messy process of making one. Go out there and experience something uncomfortable, something out of your comfort zone. Fertilize your own grass with bull turd. Because as much as I like knowledge of something, unfortunately it can never replace experience. ~Same as Ever~ You might think you know how it’ll feel. Then you experience it firsthand and you realize, ah, okay. It’s more complicated than you thought. Now you get it. ~ Morgan Housel
Idk about you, but some of these comments seem down right resentful. Like they were waiting for some opportunity to shit on Dr. K and it's finally come.
If you ignore the context and content of the video then if someone walked up to you said "you are destined to failure". I think unless you have extremely low self esteem (so you agree with them) most people's defenses would go up, especially if it's someone you value their opinion of. I doubt Dr K will change the inflammatory titles because he's a business to make money and spread the videos to as many people as possible. I personally didn't see many comments attacking Dr K but I see a lot of people hurting and using self depreciating humour to alleviate the initial shock of the title.
@@mojo2418 I'm sorry for the long comment but I have ADHD dyslexia and a learning disability and it took me over an hour to write, so please think about that before you roll your eyes at how hard it'll be to read my comment. Also, I never usually comment and I've never written a comment this long so speaking of doing the impossible this is how *I* start. I kind of think of you remove the context and content of anything you can feel any way about it. If you remove the context and content of the last presidential debate you can feel anywhere from utterly hellish to completely pacified because once you remove context and content there's nothing left and you fill in the blanks with whatever you want, so I'm really unsure what your point is with that. Also, if somebody came up to me and said I was destined to fail I would not care because they do not know me and that statement has no basis in anything as a result. I would just laugh at them because that's a stupid thing to say to someone. One time a homeless guy cursed me out in front of my friends because I wouldn't give him any more money and I laughed at him because he made an ass of himself. You bring this up as if getting into an actual heated argument with some random about whether you are or aren't a failure when they have nothing to base that off of is a legitimate thing people are expected to do. If it is someone that you know and trust I can see how that can hurt, but back to square one, this is a completely different context than the one we are in. Also, as someone who has low self-esteem for years without knowing it and still some more after I still believe I would react the same way more or less in either situation regardless. So again I don't know what you're trying to say. And to me the title didn't really feel inflammatory it just made me think of when I used to think these things about myself, and made me want to learn more about what goes on to cause that. I didn't feel like I was being insulted I felt like I was being understood. Also based on what I've seen I feel like it's pretty presumptuous were to say that people were making self-deprecating jokes to alleviate their pain from the shock of the title in general, but also because it'd be way simpler to just watch the video to see what it meant in the first place and whether or not you needed to feel hurt. And by doing so you would realize that the video is about the exact opposite of whatever pain could be fell from the title. And of course that will be the case. This guy's entire channel is dedicated to helping the mental health of others and that is no surprise especially considering he has "healthy" in the name of this channel lol. I also think it's presumptuous to say that he's making titles this way specifically to make money because the way you phrase it it makes it seem like you're saying he's trying to make money for money's sake. As if healthy gamer is some sort of cash cow and Dr. K is going to retire in a beach house in Puerto Rico. To me the title was like a magnet for me to find out more about how my previous negative thinking worked and, once I finished it once I finished it, it was for me. So I really am confused by a lot of what you're saying. I mean no disrespect I simply don't feel that your arguments hold up under scrutiny. And again genuinely I mean no disrespect but to me you seem like a very hurt person who had spent a lot of time thinking about how they've been hurt, so you see hurt where it might not be. I feel this specific way in particular because that has a lot in common with the old me. I wish you the best, and I love you. Can't help it. It's just how I am. ❤🤗❤
Listened to this vid 2 months ago. Did the impossible, went speed dating in the city night life. I'm now two dates in and she's agreed to lead number 3. I'm skeptical until I see actions confirming words, but none the less, my identity has changed
Because of the fact that men are wired differently from women in that their self-esteem is tied more so to their accomplishments, I can see how this whole doing "the impossible" thing would work for them. With the vast majority of women, however, I don't see that method working since most women's self-esteem is primarily tied to their physical appearance and desirability because of how society's value system is structured. Many of us, including myself, have already challenged ourselves and accomplished the thing or things we once saw as "the impossible", but still struggle from not feeling like we're enough to be desired, or loved, or even liked in some cases. I also want everyone here to know that NO ONE is DESTINED to fail. People either fail because they lack the knowledge of who they are and don't realize they possess the power to choose their reality going forward, OR, they have given up and don't have the will to even try. Because of the fact that there are infinite parallel reality realities for each of our lives, as beings of divine consciousness expressing in physical vessels, we get to CHOOSE which destiny we prefer.
Yes this can very much be a way of thinking drummed into many women. Thing is this way of thinking is just so wrong and debilitating on many levels... Firstly beauty is not skin deep, but at someone's very core. How someone thinks about themselves and thinks towards others is very much written on their face. It can be all the difference between someone pleasant to look at vs someone who isn't (e.g. who finds a face of thunder attractive)... Here's another thing a Woman doesn't need a man to validate her, neither does she need to be deemed desirable to have value. A woman's value goes much deeper than that. The way I see it there are two areas of real importance. It is growing as a person and then a vision/direction towards what someone wants to achieve in their life short term and also long term. Then having the resources within to attain those goals without impeding on others, or build alliances and fill gaps in knowledge and understanding that will make for easier progression etc. Learning more about oneself and how best to express oneself to be understood at a place of inner beauty also has its place too. Hope this has been of some help etc. ❤
this is pretty minor compared to the other shared experiences here but i still feel like i should share this ever since i remember everyone knew me for being the "smart kid" being able to learn everything easily and just being good at everything he can do. because of that i developed the sense that my being and my identity and even the meaning of my existence is to be smart. i usually got 100s left and right so when i failed my first ever physics test thats where id say my mental downfall started. i didnt know who i was because i wasnt "smart" anymore and as a result my grades started to drop to the point where i was below average and it is still true to this day. how am i supposed to "reinvent" who i am?
I have failed hundreds of times. I've failed to meet deadlines, failed classes, failed a whole degree, but I got up every single time. Frankly, there's no better teacher than failure, even if it is a harsh teacher. I'm still trying to make it all work, trying to get my PhD, and trying to achieve more each day. You can't ever give up because you think you might fail, or you actually did fail.
The only way you can fail is to give up. Kudos to you !
Nah the best teacher is experience
@@SemekiIzuio manus manum lavat
@@LindaR-xh5hf thank you. Giving up was never really an option for me.
but be careful of being stuck in the trying phase. i think that is another one of our mind's tricks. i spent over 16 yrs "trying". so don't try to succeed. succeed. give yourself the permission to succeed and complete some goal. that's why the pushups etc are so useful. its small but gives you the "win" your brain needs. when you are a loser like i was, your mind can somtimes never let you get to the other side and that can make your life miserable for a long time. hell, some people die trying and never achieving anything. not that achievement is the be all end all, but it is actually more of a mental unlock to succeed than it being a skill issue.
Dr K when the credit card declines
edit: THIS IS A JOKE
who remembers when he claimed to not get this joke 😂
i expected this comment lol
When you unsubscribe
@@nena_._I don't know about Dr K, but I don't get it.
Man you are amazing ❤😂😂😂
This is so true. I've struggled with self-esteem for a long time. You really can't think your way out of it. It's about proving things to yourself day after day. The phrase I like is "make a promise to yourself and keep it." Self-esteem is believing in yourself. And to believe in yourself you have to build credibility with yourself. You build credibility by telling yourself you'll do a thing and then actually doing it. You are literally proving your brain wrong about who you are and what you can do.
@@nightmoose.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
I remember meeting this guy on a first blind date and all he talked about was his mental health history-diagnoses, medications, hospitalizations etc. He was 100% identified as someone with a mental illness and all that involved. It was so sad. I wanted to say to him: "Who are you without your mental health diagnoses etc.?" We are so much more than our history, a diagnosis, a particular health issue.
@@LindaR-xh5hf he must have said, "you're destined to fail."
You felt sad because you met someone whose life revolved around his limitations, whereas you believe there's so much more to him.
We are everything we wish we could be and do if the illness would just magically disappear… the sad thing is that people (like myself) never get a good income to pay for therapy because of our illness.. so to get help you need do do well first or marry someone rich I guess.. I used up all my free therapy that I got from the state in my country.. they say that I’m resistant to therapy but I just didn’t meet any therapist good enough to treat someone at rock bottom..
@christineh86 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. How have you survived so far?
exactly!@@ProfoundFamiliarity
On "doing the impossible" and "starting small": I realized something.
Something that has helped me tremendously is when I have something I want to do, I think of the smallest possible step towards that thing...and then take that and turn it down another notch. Why? Because what I thought would be a "small step" was often too damn big, only because I THOUGHT, to OTHER PEOPLE, it was small. Comparison made my steps towards my goals way too big for me, or anyone, to climb - so I couldn't start at all.
Say I want to exercise more often. In my mind, to other people, "going to a yoga class at dedicated date/time" seems like logically the smallest step, yeah? But in my brain, 8 different alarms are already going off ("What will I say? Do I have to bring anything? I'm going to look so inexperienced. I'm going to look like a fool compared to them.") and all the way down the rabbit hole I'd go until it debilitated me. Now, comparison turns this "small step" into a damn staircase. It made it so much more complicated. Now, my mind has made it impossible for me to win.
And what is maddening is when I see a staircase, other people will tell me it's just one step. "It's so simple! Just take the first step!" And as motivational as people are trying to be, it makes it SO much worse. Low self esteem will turn that into a weapon. "Why can't I just do this?? This is so simple, I can't do anything. I'm cooked." But the reality is that often what people see as one step is actually multiple, or circumstances made them so they're already ahead of you - they just see it as one step because either they've done it before, or they're past that point already. You don't come out of the womb walking, or even crawling. You have to learn by experience, and in that way it simply becomes "simple".
I had something similar happen recently about somewhere I wanted to go but I had all this fear attatched to it. For years I was reserved that I would never be able to do it, but I was so upset by that idea that it ate me up inside. But one day, some foreign voice in the back of my head just said "just go see it. stop by. you don't have go in and do a, b, c...just go casually walk by". I made it small enough to think "that'll be uncomfortable, but not the end of the world". This led to me pushing myself out of my comfort zone little by little until I ended up going through with the whole thing. Basically, I ended up inadvertently doing exposure therapy without realizing...and it worked. It was a huge breakthrough. For years, I was scared of it. And I finally did it. It was the "just one push up" of my life.
And of course, then I had the "well, this was a small step to other people, there's no reason to be proud of what you did". And that's the curse of comparison, folks. I'm judging myself based on what I THINK other people think is easy. The smallest step isn't what you probably think it is. It's only easy when you're looking backwards.
TL;DR - I needed to stop making my decisions on the basis of "this would be starting small for other people" and instead say "this would be starting small for me". Comparison made it unfair. I needed to make those steps small enough, back down to earth, so that I could actually climb them - otherwise I wouldn't be able to climb at all.
This is quite eye-opening. Thabk you for sharing!
brilliant, thanks for sharing 👏
Really glad I read your comment , thank you for sharing this. I always assume that other people climb those first few stairs with ease, and since I can’t do it with ease that must mean I’m just not built like they are. What I need to do instead is tailor those steps to me, even if it means breaking 5 small steps into 50 baby steps.
Thank you very much for sharing. It's quite resonating, and it's important to know we don't fight this battle alone
@@BillKroger maybe it aint your staircase in the firstplace. Maybe the thing isnt built for you, not vice virsa.
Being diagnosed with ASD and my enviorment calling me incapable of social communication.
Im now 25yo and chose to do a job around social communication, and I found that I actually really enjoy it! And get compliments for my work from clients.
Really changed my perspective about "social communication"!
I just didnt have the enviorment to talk and now im actually shining❤
People told me it was impossible,
Yet I made it possible!
Believe in yourself not others opinions about you🎉
Wow that's actually amazing!
That's so cool!!! Too many people think autism means not being able to communicate with people, and it's just not true in a lot of cases.
Proud of you fellow stranger (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
You should be proud of yourself 💕 and your achievements
Are you good looking though?
“Nah i’d win”
Dr K certainly has a lot of competition in terms of humor within the community 😂
5 chapters left
*Proceeds to die*
Hell yeah
@@kiattim2100 What do you mean, he's coming back next chapter! He just needed a little rest after only sleeping for 3 hours each night!
For the last three years I tried to get a garden. Today I finally got one to lease. I live near a place where you can lease a garden, if you are lucky and one becomes free. I liked to stroll around there and sometimes talked to the people. That was what brought me finally success. Someone remembered me.
Positive Mindset, one step after another and don't give yourself up.
How big is your section and price ?
Good luck have fun gardening. ❤
You kept at it
healthygamer getting personal with these titles
True that 😂😂😂
Waiting for "Psychiatrists explains why do You have the big stupid"
I feel personally attacked fr
@@Dolritto Easy 1 million views
If you don't watch it, you get nothing out of it.
It blows my mind that these videos are free, I've been in and out of therapy my whole adult life and nothing in those sessions makes as much sense as Dr. K
Right??
Lol I am very surprised if you get help from these. Dr K, Yeah these make sense, but thats about it. These are kinda straight forward and self evident in the end. I don't know what people do for years in therapy. Seems kind of a scam or just a status quo. 5 years ago I was here from the beginning and quit couple years ago because these videos just started to make me annoyed. Seems like nothing has changed in this, and I kinda know it. You start to know what the deal is with this content at some point. I just hope Dr K hasn't lured himself into thinking doing this is his ultimate dharma or whatever, or if it is, I hope he has made sure he isn't in a echo chamber.
@@Maissiz I wanna respect your differing opinion but I simply did not ask.
I have been in therapy on and off for the last 12 years, and have been with the same therapist for 5 years now. But it also blows my mind that these are free. They are truly just so helpful. My therapist helps me a lot with my anxiety and obviously really personalized things I’m struggling with, but these are helpful in a bunch of small ways. I even try to get my coworkers to listen to him. 😁
I loveeee listening to them when I need to get chores done cause I’m able to get stuff done but my brain is also interested and engaged.
I know you didn’t ask me either but I just felt like sharing cause I share your perspective 😊
@@EthelonYT that might be one of the politest roasts I've seen in a while 🤣
I dont feel constrained by small or temporary things, I just want to be able to follow through on a plan, follow a schedule, remain consistent. Without ultimately feeling overwhelmed, stuck, stagnant, craving distraction to the point of giving up again.
Me too man,i want to have someone watching over me,i am confident that i can put in the effort but i need someone to make sure i don't get out of line.
@@alexanderthegreat-mx5zu yea, as I get older, it becomes clearer and clearer I need to be supervised to some extent. It sucks not being able to hold yourself sufficiently accountable...
@@4_seagull Nah man,we didn't mean it that way,they won't put a leash on you so stop pretending 😂
It could be adhd, it’s familiar with my struggle
@@GrumpBurger Your pic looks like that body horror game where fast food are bugs and if you eat them,you get a potato for a hand,honestly,great game,you should play it if you have a ps 4 or good pc.
"Confidence is a practice."
Confidence comes from competence. To be confident you have to be competent at something.
Confidence is not a thing that can be developed directly. Confidence is a by-product of becoming competent (skilled or proficient) at some task, skill or process.
Someone who is a CEO of a multi-national, multi-million or billion dollar company may be extremely confident when it comes to doing massive, expensive business deals. That same person may be completely inexperienced at cooking. Put them in a kitchen and ask them to cook for you and they may just fall apart, if their confidence is only on the topic of business.
Now, they may also be relatively confident, justifiably or not, if they are sure of their ability to learn. If they are good at the process or skill of learning and are comfortable when making mistakes, then they will be fine. Again, it's about their competence in doing a thing (learning in this case) and also their willingness to accept that they are going to make mistakes. That's another skill that can be practiced.
So, the best advice is don't focus on the nebulous, ethereal concept of confidence, focus on becoming competent in what it is you're wanting to do. The more overall competence you have in a multitude of skills, including learning, the more generally and justifiably confident you will be, no matter what the situation you're facing.
@@xantishayde-walker4593
aint that what the adage means in the first place...
Confidence by definition is "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."
So yes it is indeed a by-product emerging from one's own capabilities & aptitudes. Confidence by definition is a by product & not a thing that developed you on its own directly.
I can see how the maxim may seem narrow & unidimensional in some sense tbh...but in my personal opinion, yes confidence does come from competence but to be competent at something one has to practice that particular thing.
Mastery doesn't just happen, not in normal cases at least, mastery is a practice. Competency is a practice.
Its only natural that the more you practice the more competent you become. & If competence births the fruit of confidence then perhaps one could say that practice sows the seed for it.
Confidence as well as competence are by-products of practice.
I definitely see how the adage is lacking elucidation... perhaps that is its gift & a curse that it leaves room for personal interpretation.
But yeah I concur with you that confidence isn't something one develops directly... 👍🏾
@@xantishayde-walker4593 when I see a mf with a tool pfp I know he's gonna cook
@@xantishayde-walker4593I would also add that our self image/identity and limiting beliefs about people and life can deprive us of our confidence and ability to practice and learn. your comments is brilliant, thanks 😊
@@trappart9209 You're not wrong. Thank you.
Over the years I’d convinced myself that I just don’t have the same “tools” others have, so I need to work 10x harder than other people to achieve the same things. The dangerous part about thinking that way for so long is that it led me to other similar beliefs about myself in comparison to others. I started seeing myself as a less efficient human than everyone else.
Constantly comparing yourself to the rest of the world can do some serious damage in the long run. At almost 40 years old I’m finally realizing that the only person I should ever compare myself to is who I was before today, that’s the only comparison that ever really mattered.
I thought so for a long time dealing with depression in my teenage years and early 20's. I eventually fought through it like all of us have to do. I had a good life by 2019, but my destiny to fail was confirmed when I had my first bipolar manic episode.
In the end of 2019 I was engaged, had a great job I loved, was physically in shape, mentally fit etc. My mania began with breaking off my engagement for no reason and in that year I caused an incident which led to me losing my job, spent $70k - $80k frivolously, ruined many relationships, did countless reckless and dangerous things, and ended in a hospitalization in Dec 2020. It was like I was possessed that year and was like wtf happened? I had no fiancé, no job, ruined financially, alone, and homeless.
Bipolar literally destroys most or all aspects of your life. I've read hundreds of stories on Reddit of people who have done the same at various stages of their life. The worst part is that you did it yourself without being aware or in control even though you feel like you are in the moment. I wouldn't wish bipolar or any mental illness on my worst enemy.
TLDR: Had a great life which I destroyed with my first bipolar manic episode. It confirmed my self-fulfilling prophecy, manifestation, confirmation bias etc. that I'm a loser and destined to fail.
@@sakifrahman1531How are you doing now man? Hopefully things have gotten better.
@@sakifrahman1531 Also, don't blame yourself too much, bipolar is outside your control.
@@MountainRocky456 I've been unemployed for the last 4 years. I was hospitalized for an attempt and have been a bunch of different meds. Live with my mom and am a complete loser. I can't stop intrusive memories and thoughts that this isn't my life. I also have depersonalization (losing identity/sense of self) and derealization (life doesn't appear real.)
@@MountainRocky456 That's what everyone says, but it's hard not to. Even when you accept that it wasn't your "fault" then it makes it seem even more like you're cursed and destined to fail. Thanks for you concern friend!
@@sakifrahman1531 i think the intention behind saying that is that you shouldn't beat yourself up over it, but instead realize there is a problem that needs addressing so you can focus on it instead of feeling down.
And don't get me wrong, it might be hard, and you might look around and think "why am I the one that has to deal with this?", i just can say that life isn't always fair, but focusing on that doesn't help you improve.
I believe in you, take a mindful break, walk a bit, rest if you need to, recover all the energy you need and then move forward, I wish you the best
How is bro bullying me in my notifications
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!
i love it, keeps my ego in check
@@prakharanand7012 same
Dr. K finally bringing me back to what I'm familiar with
"What else am I wrong about" opens so much things for a person that's just starting to change
It didn't really work for me, do you know anything else I can do? I'm kinda starting to get desperate
@@Kokolitofora im just going to bed permanently, we didnt make a promise to accept our cards before we were born against our will. To make you think you have to exist in this world, in your body as you is authoritarian. All lives mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, but our lives mean nothing at the smallest levek you can find except shitting in the dirt so the soil takes it to the environment. Everything else is copium
@@Kokolitoforaits like you trying to be a better version of yourself so u Create habits like going to the gym, inward looking strategies or introspective thinking etc etc, you need to think about every decision, even the "positive" ones and sometimes asking a question like what more can i do or what more could i be doing wrong apart from the usual thats on the surface, eg i stay up late because i eat late so i digest late, since you eat watching youtube (assumed) you blame it on the TH-cam and after cutting TH-cam you realize oh it was eating later all along, eventually you mah find an answer to the problem of WHY you eat late which isnt necessarily a YOU problem
I tried my best doing this explanation since i would really love to see you grow as a person and i hate that you're getting desperate because its a really long life, so take things slowly and build a concrete foundation yah? Im rooting for you
@@s3ated980 Thank you for the explanation, I'll try to dig a bit deeper into the why from now on. Good luck with whatever you have too!
@@Kokolitofora appreciate the luck man, have yourself some relax time to absorb the positive stuff, wish to see you where you wanna be seen
“We’re all constrained by our sense of self.” That’s good stuff
I thought its impossible to stop people pleasing until I did the impossible by pleasing myself instead. Fast forward a year later, never felt so easy rejecting others without feeling hurt by it.
Good way to put it, great job.
Anyone else feels they are throwing away their money with therapy? I've been on CBT for 2 months and I struggle with going out and tackling the things I want to do (going shopping, starting the gym, joining a social club, etc) and the only advise my psychologist gave me was "you "can't" actually do it? No, you can! Just try! Go outside!" So useless... I can get my family or friends to tell me that for free. Here Dr. K actually gave practical advise and explained perfectly how the brain works in a way that I can actually apply, and guess what? It's also free.
I'd see about talking with other people who have gotten therapy about your experience. This therapist might not be right for you, especially if its true that they only have offered a single piece of advice like you said about a problem important to you. In my opinion, as long as its not bleeding you dry financially, 2 months might be too early to swear off therapy as a whole, but I'd talk to more people online like reddit, for example, and get their thoughts.
Yep.
I have had 7 diff therapists, on and off, over the last 12 years, and all I have to say is out of 7, only 2 have been extremely helpful. Idk what I would do without what I learned from them and after that first good one, I was convinced once you have the right therapist, they can TOTALLY change your life for the better (if you do the work). If anyone’s curious, I kept changing therapists cause my first therapist referred me to someone who specialized in ADHD, and then I moved for school and then I switched around cause I didn’t like some of them, and then I moved for work lol. Life happens and you get a diff therapist apparently lol. Thankfully I’ve been lucky enough to find a therapist who sees me remotely now and I have been seeing her regularly for the past 5 years. I went from not knowing what boundaries and trauma were to addressing my lack of understanding of all of that right before it blew up online. Wild timing really.
Some therapists were genuinely a waste of time and 1 of them I could talk badly about forever lolll. I really have a lot of thoughts about how terrible she was.
If your therapist isn’t helping you and you want individual support (something you can’t get from this vids) I would say look for a diff therapist.
I think I’d lose it if someone tried to tell me I could do something I didn’t feel like I can do at this time. That therapist sounds AWFUL, and I’m sorry you had to listen to someone say that.
Weirdly enough I’ve had better luck with licensed therapists who market themselves as ADHD coaches or coaches in general (even tho they have extensive backgrounds, and even master degrees, and are not just health guru wellness influencer ppl) than some of the stereotypical therapists.
Whatever path you choose, I hope you find something that works for you!
Most therapists, in my experience, wanted me to keep digging through the sand forever to keep finding more bricks and nails and odd parts that never really add up to anything.
You can keep digging forever, and your “traumas” (learning experiences) will never go away, but deciding the next way that you’re going to adapt around them - that’s where it’s at.
I’m not even kidding, chatting with AI has helped me more than most of my therapists ever did.
Although I also prefer hearing it from Dr. K because he gives us the back-end explanation as to what is the problem and why certain solutions could help, your therapist gave you the EXACT same tip that Dr. K gives in this video.
This idea might get lost in the comments, but as a fan of your videos, I wanted to share a thought. Given your TH-cam name and profession, have you considered analyzing game characters in-depth, exploring their personalities, motivations, and thought processes? It could help your audience connect with these characters on a deeper level, uncovering complexities not only in the characters but also within themselves. One character that’s gained a lot of attention this year is Shadow the Hedgehog, especially with his upcoming movie by Paramount. Since he’s one of the most complex characters in the gaming industry, and even the creators admit he’s the hardest to write -it would be fascinating to hear your professional analysis of him, along with other notable game characters.
This is so true! Last week I volunteered to teach a dance class. I’ve been terrified of teaching my whole life, or even leading in any kind of way. I signed up before I could change my mind, and I had a horrible pit in my stomach. But it turned out fine! It helped break this stubborn idea I have that I can’t teach or take the lead on anything. Good advice.
Cold water swimming, I swam a kilometre in the sea, did absolute wonders for my confidence.
My impossible thing for 40+ years has been looking people in the eyes. Sometimes I tell myself I'm gonna do it, and sometimes I actually do it. Sometimes it's a thill. Then next week, it just becomes impossible again.
2-3 second forehead/hair/beard, 1-2 second eyes/nose.
I'm convinced that "finding enlightenment" in the modern world is really just finding the headspace to give no shits about what other people (aka INFLUENCERS and STRANGERS) have that you don't (basic needs notwithstanding) and being either comfortable with how you live and how you treat others, or working to be the person that is comfortable with how you live and how you treat others.
"enlightenment" has never been different from that. It's about "you doing you things and not giving a crap about things you cannot change"
TH-cam influencers are con-people! How these people are even taken seriously is beyond me. People envy them and they are most pathetic members of our society
This is true, but also, it's very important not just to do things you thought you couldn't do, but to notice that you're doing the things and celebrate your wins. Because if you're depressed it's easy to just discount the thing because you're still comparing yourself to other people and not to the person you thought you were yesterday.
it's simple and common sense when you think about it, like of course you fail if you're trying to succeed, it's literally the path to success. But as obvious as it is, we tend to get in own ways by making it a lot worse than it actually is
This is so my brain: the more complex I make it, the more I procrastinate and therefore perpetually remain stuck. As simple as that! Dr K is delivering golden nuggets for people like myself. 👏🙏
I just did my first muscle up today after months of training and I thought it was impossible. Then this video about achieving the impossible pops up on my feed. 😮 so impactful for me. Thank you.
Couch to 5K running app, shattered my lifelong belief that my body isn't made for running. Turns out, I only needed practice, a training schedule and an app that tells me "stop running!".
Now I see that previously I ran till I was exhausted, and saw being exhausted as a failure. Perfect setup for proving I was a running failure...
If this is you: a Couch to 5K app and pair of okay sneakers is enough to make you a runner within 2 months. You will bodily experience why the growth mindset is much more accurate than the fixed mindset.
I honestly hate that I compare myself to others. It’s a constant battle I’m trying to fix.
Are you working on overcoming it or accepting it?
Try meditation for big ego video if You didn't already, it may help over time.
@@reallivebluescat I am. It's not easy, but I'm hoping with time it'll get easier to manage.
@@Dolritto I'm gonna check that out!
Me too. One thing's that's really helping me is my mantra of "I don't have to win" "There's no competition" I felt so inadequate so I have this sense of "I have to win" just to compensate the dread that I am feeling. So telling myself "It's okay. I don't have to win" really helps me
Not only shatter your sense of self but constantly practice to keep it broken.
This is another one of your videos that everyone needs to watch. I feel like there are some people in this world who never do the impossible and hence they never experience life, staying stuck being a child forever.
Discovering your channel has actually been a blessing.
Questioning what I believed to be right about myself and others was the constant in my development. It allowed me to be curious, accept uncertainty, and gain a degree of openness that people notice. Too many people have very strong opinions of things without ever really questioning if they could be wrong.
I now have a better understanding of why it's important to keep things simple. One simple obstacle can be overcome and not fall into procrastination. Making things too complex leads to procrastination and the long exhausting excuses for not doing anything.
Pick 2 "impossible for me" things, set a time and a place and do them.
I did that thing where I don't identify with a certain thing and it has helped me in every way. I just dgaf anymore about "scary" things and it has helped me deal with stress. I also cry more so that helps. Also let myself feel empathy more.
Well I remember when I was a 25 years old virgin who never really talked to a girl and sure that he can't do it. I went to a bar alone, saw a group of 10 girls, stayed away for a long time, feeling more and more anxious, and then I just went to the group and talked, and suddenly all my fears went away, it was pretty smooth and on the next day, I Saw one of the girls on the street and she asked me if I would go to the bar on the evening so I went and I became kind of a star in the bar
Awesome story haha
Well done mate
@@titeufpif chad
@@denisdelinger3265Chad as in terms of looks or cuz he actually went up there to talk.
It seems like the first is more likely.
WHAT DO YOU EVEN TALK ABOUT??????
The last couple of weeks have been very rough for me. You have helped me alot, thank you!
This really resonated. My last year of college, I fully lost confidence in myself, and I ended up setting myself up for failure because of it. I stopped doing my schoolwork, and I stopped attending my classes. Somehow I still managed to pass most of my classes, except for one class that I needed to graduate in my very last semester. It was a capstone paper, and the thought of completing such a big project felt so daunting that I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. I felt like a fraud, and I felt like that was the point when I was finally being “found out” as one.
The next summer, I came back to campus, I retook the class, I worked two jobs, and I got an A. It’s been one year since then, and have a job in the mental health field, and I’m studying for the GRE. I did the impossible once, and I’m starting to think I can do it again
The Best Psychologist and Psychiatrists, I ever see.
Love from Bharat ❤
Thanks doc, i recently went through 3 surgeries and now have a limp, walking with a limp crushed my self esteem and I started acting like a victim and hating myself, I would reject people in the start thinking I am not worthy of dating them, but now this video made me realise I am worthy of all the love I receive and give, I will start seeing other people now, cause my limp is not something I should be ashamed of its a part of me. and I love myself, thank you doc
Do the impossible
See the invisible
ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWA
Touch the untouchable
Break the unbreakable
@@pabloporrero1932 ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWER!
Pierce the heavens with your drill
@@pabloporrero1932 ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA
I have to say that you're content change how I view my life. I've change from being a habitual smoker to an exercising, meditating and studying maniac. It's hard at first but it's been an eye opening journey. Thank you Dr k
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.zachary3 I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once.
Breathe. You're strong. You got this Take it day by day.
Please, how do I reach him?
Is He on Instagram?
It can have a big impact to see the world only from one perspective. I had this problem with my partner for a long time, and problems got more and more difficult. I also realized that the reality often isn‘t important when people are completely focused on their own perspective. what makes it super difficult is the fact that people who do this try to make you think their life as it would be more important and more difficult,
15:20
The only thing that popped into my mind was "checkity-check yourself before you wreck yo' self!"
Same 😂
😂😂 Those were the days when rapper used the give us Dr k vibes 😂
Shitty self esteem is bad for yo' health
It's exactly what I need now. I feel constrained by myself, because I feel like I can't do certain things that others do. I will try to implement your advice this time instead of just watching videos and forgetting about it.
"You Are Destined To Fail ?"
"yes
Me, right from the day I was born, and even earlier.
pfp checks out
@@Pemmican1871 I use my pfp to hide how much of a failure I am
But spoken in an optimistic tone
@@alle_editsyou are a failure in your own eyes, but it's not the reality
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your destiny.
That notification came at a baaaaad time, my friend.
It's click bait, but I can see people in a sensitive state, having a bad trip or being in a psychosis for example, responding negatively to it. As if God or the universe was trying to tell them something.
@@codycrawford7842your brain shapes your reality
yeah, shit title, especially because its not a good description of the content of the video... who tf chooses these
@@GXpookit's very relevant to the content of the video
@@GXpook Nah it is a good title for the video, grabs peoples attentions and directly states what Dr. K is talking about throughout the video.
One thing that helped me develop confidence are non compettitive hobbies, like cooking or something artsy. You start off clumsy and end up skilled and confident
Picked two things . Doing regular Yoga and meditation. 7 months in I’m realizing that they are both one thing and many things at the same time. 🤯
I have self hatred that runs deep. I find myself obsessing over how to look better and have a better personality. It’s draining when it comes to things as simple as entertainment I get so angry when there is nudity on movies and my husband watches it. I feel disgusted and inadequate even if I watch it alone. I get so over whelmed in criticism of myself on social situations that I completely shut down and don’t speak at all. Im extremely codependent and controlling over my spouse also scared he will leave me. It’s all very draining. Your videos are so insightful. I’m learning so much
If people like you can get a partner then I sure can, huh comparisons not that bad
This is exactly what i am going through right now. My mother conditioned me to a life of failure. A life of failure where I can't get anything done, where i procrastinate, where nothing i do is right and no matter what i do will ever be enough for somebody. I procrastinate work, responsibility and everything because of this. Honestly I feel completely stuck and completely without hope. I feel tormented everyday. I feel lost. I can't even take responsibility for myself. I feel like i'm breaking more day by day. I don't know if i will make it.
Sending love bc what you said really struck a chord with me. I feel very similarly and it’s a painful feeling. I hope we both make it through and start to feel better :)
I’m so thankful for you, Dr K. Helping people change their lifes for the better. I love your work.
So... I'm the opposite in a way. I believed everything is possible if I work hard. Everything is possible if I set my mind on it. So I did. I was confident. I was driven. I achieved all my goals. I worked hard. I made it. I'm successful.
But I'm not happy. To the point it feels like it's impossible to be happy. I lost most of my confidence. I lost most of my drive. Seems like what I wanted wasn't what I needed and I have no idea what it is that I actually need.
I hope you find that...
Not smth i can relate to but sounds depressing very depressing tbh
Accepting this unhappiness is the first step in becoming a real adult. Things will get better if you keep moving forward now.
Me too. I dreamed big but I failed so hard it was a huge embarrassment and I still can't pick myself up. It's been two years.
Now I lost all confidence and all motivation do to anything.
Well, on the bright side, at least you're not in poverty and barely living paycheck to paycheck due to your life choices. At least, I hope your life isn't that bad.
I have never met someone with procrastination as bad as mine (will leave things to 2am, 4am and it could be a simple 5am task). This cycle has been the bane of my existence for over 10 years of my life and led to depression, anxiety and much more. This video changed my perspective and I can't believe I'm on my third day of doing something (actually doing my lectures and even joined the gym and went today). It's funny how our brain works when being told the obvious. Anyways here's to more 'doing the impossibles'.
Dr K always sucks me in with these titles. For some reason I feel like this guy really understands psychology. ;)
as if he is actually some kinda psychiatrist or something
I can't help but watch all Magnus Carlsen's games. It's almost like, and I really mean this hypothetically, he's actually like a pretty good chess player.
He is a licenced psychologist, he studied neuroscience
@@dungeontnt You know, im something of a psychiatrist myself
@@dungeontnt I added the winky face thanks to your comment lol
I honestly don’t know what I would do without this channel. It just keeps giving me more answers to all the problems i’m experiencing in my life. Thank you for this video
Very pleasant notification my friend lol
I think of this as demonstrating to myself that I can do something. It may be awkward to do, or embarrasing, but my driving force is the confidence boost I will get by showing myself that I can do this thing that I always thought I couldn't or was bad at.
I am thankful to the kind senior student that started me down this path by patiently practising a sport with me until I got good at it.
Impeccable timing as usual, funny how this came up when I tricked myself into believing I will succeed in life ....
But you can succeed! That's the whole point! You just have to change your mindset. What does "succeeding in life" mean to you? You should do one aspect of that, even if it's small, even if it's just a success for the day. And watch what was closed off to you become accessible.
Whenever I've taught someone to do anything (usually video games or chess, 'cuz nerd), getting them to do something they think they'd never be able to do has always been the biggest help when teaching someone how to get better at anything. Everything else feels achievable, and thus they have the motivation to tackle any mountains in the future. Gotta say, I absolutely love seeing someone's face light up when something finally clicks. (especially if they are being a grumpy butt beforehand who keeps going on and on how it'll never be possible)
I'm sure the dark souls trend is definitely proving to alot of people that are initial assessment of our limits are off. Foo me it came from platformers like Celeste where you look at the sheer number of obstacles and think to yourself this is impossible but every attempt you get further and further and suddenly the big complex mess is only a few tough obstacles.
Does one push-up...
Breaks bones...
Has panic attack..
Goes home crying 😂😂
I can say this makes complete sense because my joy and resilience has steadily increased the more I identify as simply human, or even simply alive.
10:25 doing imposible, brain has new variable
11:05 expereicne for change what other people can do but you not
11:31 make alist of 5 five that other people can do but you not
Thanks for your notes.
Dr. K is the only reason why I still believe in people and myself
How the hell am I supposed to pick a date and just do something I can't do? It doesn't make any sense
Great piece of advice, thanks! ❤
“We’re fucking psychiatrists” - Dr K HAHAHAHHA
Legendary approach ❤ I can feel you hold so much love and compassion for people walking the path you've been through 🙏 I have so much appreciaton for you, your family and your work
it one thing if you Gaslighted yourself into state when everything seems impossible , and it's a completely different story if you can't do anything because of health problems , there are things that I clearly understand I can do , but there are things that I physically can't do , I can do push-ups 10 times and I know it , there's no point in me doing it , just like I know that I cannot run 100 meters without consequences for my condition. In trying to do the impossible, I will only make it worse. Although I admit there may be things that I can do and I'm just afraid to try to do them.
Well, there are two "impossibles" in this sense.
Things that actually ARE impossible like running without legs.
and things that you "gaslight" yourself into thinking they are impossible.
Acknowledge the first "impossible", but challenge the latter.
Thank you Dr K. And your team because I really needed to hear this, and I'm sure that it helps a bunch of other people.
“Wow what a motivational title”
"Do the impossible" what a wonderfully inspiring idea. Thank you!
For anyone watching after this point and wondering what all these comments are about:
The original title read 'You are destined to fail.'
@@sophie-dd7wg ah now I get it, when I saw the original thumbnail even I felt like it was a miss, and didn't click... Current title is better...
Dr. K's video made such an impact on me than any other in recent years especially this video. The story you tell yourself is the story you play out. Lets be a movie star and make our own fate happen.
4:27: Interesting ....🤔
I always had this thought that no matter what I can't lose my weight so I just did the bare minimum and saw no result even after going to gym and it happened for years but something happened to me this year as I am in my worst possible self so I got like nothing to lose and I tried to push myself by saying 'well there is no point so let's bump it up to extreme' and in that process I realised that I am capable of losing weight, like I can literally see my progress and I am so happy, like I was able to lose my weight previously too but changes were not this big and I always felt weak but this time I am feeling strong and fit. So sometimes doing the impossible which by all means we all thought of just works. Hope you guys will find a way.
This video is only for normal people! I lack self-esteem because I developed anxiety troubles in my early childhood due to my parents, the result of which is no friends, thus no boyfriend, only a low-income useless job for the handicapped, comparing myself to 1 single normal person can only lead to low self-esteem, no need for globalization or the internet for that.
Sorry Dr K and all other coaches, I'm not even sure a psychotherapist could do something for me.
Though Dr K can't do anything for me, he is a great professional, top 👍
Nah, this video is absolutely for you. Everyone picked up their social anxiety somewhere, that stuff doesnt come out of nowhere. And everyone is afterwards stuck with a voice in their head saying "you cant that, you are not the person to do that, dont even try".
With that in mind, look what you just wrote ;)
Thing is your shining light is currently hidden under a bushel, yet to be discovered and nurtured to enable you to grow in your most natural ways.
Ideally parents should validate their Daughter's worth from a early age onwards. Showing appreciation, giving praise and recognition for all of their endeavours. This builds self-pride and provides a platform of security and stability they can work from as they explore more about themselves, their thoughtfulness and deeds for others, the positive impacts it has and how they benefit from it in tow. A strong woman is someone attuned to their worth and potential as they navigate life, able to steer all manner of turbulence to calmer waters. This is a woman very much in the driving seat of her life who lets her inner beauty shine and resonate. Your current situation isn't your fault my friend, but look within and let your inner-beauty out. To add looking after those less fortunate than ourselves is a very selfless thing to do and perhaps a start of discovering your inner most beauty etc. Hope this has been of some help to you my friend. Much love and respect to you. ❤
@@termitreter6545 I'm sorry, I think the way I expressed my problem was misleading. I have social anxiety, but it's one symptom of another trouble of which I know the mechanism, but it's too long to develop.
However, I know that a part of my problems is not due to the disorder, and that part could be addressed by coaching, but it's difficult to tell when it's the case.
Thank you so much for your help, and your humor.
@@John26767 You articulate what I often express more casually by saying my parents stifled my potential from the start.
External appearance itself isn't a barrier, it becomes one when it's associated with personality traits.
I really appreciate your kind support.
@@AlinefromToulouse You're too harsh on yourself. Let your inner beauty shine outwards and notice the difference it makes as your energy resonates and touches the hearts/Souls of others. 🙂 You will notice the difference in the mirror and also in your endeavours. Hope this has been of some help. ❤❤
if there is a big load that you have to move somewhere you have two choices :
1- to carry the heavy load at once which gives two options :Carrying such a heavy load at once that may break your back because it is just too heavy for you or you may put it off for longer periods of time.
2- you can break it down into smaller loads so that you can move with barely any effort.
And what if you know you're capable but just can't. You've done it before but you just can't anymore.
My same question
This is so true. Man I didn't realize how much of this stuff is in my head. I just painfully assume people think bad of me. But recently those thoughts have kinda bothered me less. I have them. But it's almost like a gotcha moment and I remember that people are actually not so bad. And probably would wanna be my friend If I let them.
I needed this title today
I really needed this video 6, 7 years ago. I was getting some help, employment mentoring for people with mh problems. my case worker blurted out that I didn't really want to get better (I was giving her all the reasons, like Dr K's tardy student). and it's a phrase that's been living in my mind ever since. I think this video explains what she meant. I was doing lots of what I felt to be impossible. I was really uncomfortably uncomfortable and I retorted "what am i putting myself through all this for then??" maybe I was adding complexity. I certainly wasn't honest with myself with the whys. I was trying to do as much as I could without looking into the whys. looking back I do feel I was putting all the effort I could during THAT period. Later I got stealth lazy again. Probably a lack of concrete whys.
Good lord Dr K nails the timing again I might actually cry now
Whenever I’m struggling, Dr.K is right there with the perfect video. How can I possibly not think I’m the main character
I have a question: how does one deal with the thought that some of those leaps of fate are destined to fail? And how does one recover if it does end badly when one tries to step out of one's comfort zone?
try more
Do steps you think are manageable if you fail and start pushing that boundary of comfort as you get more confident that you can fail and still get up
@@Lightenin Thank you for the advice!
Not sure if it helps, for me will i sit down and tell myself clearly that i want to do it for reasons and even if it fails its ok. So i fully accept and embrace the failure ,BUT i will still do it. And take every small step as progress towards the goal even if its very small. For me is its getting myself to take the continues step even if i keep failing that is more important. than reaching the end from the get go. Cant expect everything to be successful when i am trying it for the first time after all or even a few attempts for certains stuff
This is so well packed together. I learned that I can't change other people, I shouldn't even invest my time and effort in trying but giving them this starting information, as a one time push could very well change the life of so many people I know. I wish people would take this fact more seriously but they are in a prison of their mind that gives them all the reasons to not even try, not even try watching this video.. xd
Why does the title look so relatable
This practice is actually very true. I just recently started running. I always wanted to run a mile. I slowly started training one night. I said tonight I will run a mile next thing.I know I ran five kilometers. Know that I know I can "do the inpossible" I'm asking myself "what's next"
Yes, I am.
Finally someone told me the truth.
@@dsteddd6087 i feel you 🤣 it feels like "oh, okay someone is validating and agreeing to me internal self depriciating overthinking thoughts"
things maybe tough right now, and while is likely not your fault you feel this way, is your responsability to change it. Wishing you all the best
I really liked this video! This was very helpful!
Also, apologies if this has been asked before: Is there a Discord server where members of this community are? I have been watching your videos for about a year now and they have been so helpful in helping me take steps towards breaking bad habits, and the comments are always so kind. I would like to be in spaces that really lean in that direction.
Thank you for all that you do! You really are the definition of an inspiration!
I don't feel like I'm failing.
Same I’m just at a standstill
Can't feel like you're failing if you've already failed
@@TheCostanExactly
There is a quote my parents always say that I think is very applicable. Comparisons are the thief of joy.
Well I guess i'm starting a youtube channel
*From the book Same as Ever*
“The grass is always greener on the side that’s fertilized with bullsh*t.” ~Morgan Housel~
When comparing, a person always tends to neglect the other people's hard experiences that go with that certain success. We only see the cake, not the messy process of making one.
Go out there and experience something uncomfortable, something out of your comfort zone. Fertilize your own grass with bull turd.
Because as much as I like knowledge of something, unfortunately it can never replace experience.
~Same as Ever~
You might think you know how it’ll feel. Then you experience it firsthand and you realize, ah, okay. It’s more complicated than you thought.
Now you get it. ~ Morgan Housel
Idk about you, but some of these comments seem down right resentful. Like they were waiting for some opportunity to shit on Dr. K and it's finally come.
If you ignore the context and content of the video then if someone walked up to you said "you are destined to failure". I think unless you have extremely low self esteem (so you agree with them) most people's defenses would go up, especially if it's someone you value their opinion of.
I doubt Dr K will change the inflammatory titles because he's a business to make money and spread the videos to as many people as possible.
I personally didn't see many comments attacking Dr K but I see a lot of people hurting and using self depreciating humour to alleviate the initial shock of the title.
@@mojo2418 I'm sorry for the long comment but I have ADHD dyslexia and a learning disability and it took me over an hour to write, so please think about that before you roll your eyes at how hard it'll be to read my comment. Also, I never usually comment and I've never written a comment this long so speaking of doing the impossible this is how *I* start.
I kind of think of you remove the context and content of anything you can feel any way about it. If you remove the context and content of the last presidential debate you can feel anywhere from utterly hellish to completely pacified because once you remove context and content there's nothing left and you fill in the blanks with whatever you want, so I'm really unsure what your point is with that. Also, if somebody came up to me and said I was destined to fail I would not care because they do not know me and that statement has no basis in anything as a result. I would just laugh at them because that's a stupid thing to say to someone. One time a homeless guy cursed me out in front of my friends because I wouldn't give him any more money and I laughed at him because he made an ass of himself. You bring this up as if getting into an actual heated argument with some random about whether you are or aren't a failure when they have nothing to base that off of is a legitimate thing people are expected to do. If it is someone that you know and trust I can see how that can hurt, but back to square one, this is a completely different context than the one we are in. Also, as someone who has low self-esteem for years without knowing it and still some more after I still believe I would react the same way more or less in either situation regardless. So again I don't know what you're trying to say. And to me the title didn't really feel inflammatory it just made me think of when I used to think these things about myself, and made me want to learn more about what goes on to cause that. I didn't feel like I was being insulted I felt like I was being understood. Also based on what I've seen I feel like it's pretty presumptuous were to say that people were making self-deprecating jokes to alleviate their pain from the shock of the title in general, but also because it'd be way simpler to just watch the video to see what it meant in the first place and whether or not you needed to feel hurt. And by doing so you would realize that the video is about the exact opposite of whatever pain could be fell from the title. And of course that will be the case. This guy's entire channel is dedicated to helping the mental health of others and that is no surprise especially considering he has "healthy" in the name of this channel lol. I also think it's presumptuous to say that he's making titles this way specifically to make money because the way you phrase it it makes it seem like you're saying he's trying to make money for money's sake. As if healthy gamer is some sort of cash cow and Dr. K is going to retire in a beach house in Puerto Rico. To me the title was like a magnet for me to find out more about how my previous negative thinking worked and, once I finished it once I finished it, it was for me. So I really am confused by a lot of what you're saying. I mean no disrespect I simply don't feel that your arguments hold up under scrutiny. And again genuinely I mean no disrespect but to me you seem like a very hurt person who had spent a lot of time thinking about how they've been hurt, so you see hurt where it might not be. I feel this specific way in particular because that has a lot in common with the old me. I wish you the best, and I love you. Can't help it. It's just how I am. ❤🤗❤
Listened to this vid 2 months ago. Did the impossible, went speed dating in the city night life. I'm now two dates in and she's agreed to lead number 3. I'm skeptical until I see actions confirming words, but none the less, my identity has changed
Because of the fact that men are wired differently from women in that their self-esteem is tied more so to their accomplishments, I can see how this whole doing "the impossible" thing would work for them. With the vast majority of women, however, I don't see that method working since most women's self-esteem is primarily tied to their physical appearance and desirability because of how society's value system is structured. Many of us, including myself, have already challenged ourselves and accomplished the thing or things we once saw as "the impossible", but still struggle from not feeling like we're enough to be desired, or loved, or even liked in some cases.
I also want everyone here to know that NO ONE is DESTINED to fail. People either fail because they lack the knowledge of who they are and don't realize they possess the power to choose their reality going forward, OR, they have given up and don't have the will to even try. Because of the fact that there are infinite parallel reality realities for each of our lives, as beings of divine consciousness expressing in physical vessels, we get to CHOOSE which destiny we prefer.
Yes this can very much be a way of thinking drummed into many women. Thing is this way of thinking is just so wrong and debilitating on many levels... Firstly beauty is not skin deep, but at someone's very core. How someone thinks about themselves and thinks towards others is very much written on their face. It can be all the difference between someone pleasant to look at vs someone who isn't (e.g. who finds a face of thunder attractive)...
Here's another thing a Woman doesn't need a man to validate her, neither does she need to be deemed desirable to have value. A woman's value goes much deeper than that. The way I see it there are two areas of real importance. It is growing as a person and then a vision/direction towards what someone wants to achieve in their life short term and also long term. Then having the resources within to attain those goals without impeding on others, or build alliances and fill gaps in knowledge and understanding that will make for easier progression etc. Learning more about oneself and how best to express oneself to be understood at a place of inner beauty also has its place too. Hope this has been of some help etc. ❤
are designed to break us.
this is pretty minor compared to the other shared experiences here but i still feel like i should share this
ever since i remember everyone knew me for being the "smart kid"
being able to learn everything easily and just being good at everything he can do. because of that i developed the sense that my being and my identity and even the meaning of my existence is to be smart.
i usually got 100s left and right so when i failed my first ever physics test thats where id say my mental downfall started.
i didnt know who i was because i wasnt "smart" anymore and as a result my grades started to drop to the point where i was below average and it is still true to this day.
how am i supposed to "reinvent" who i am?