When 48, I met a wonderful attractive 23 year old German in Europe who fell totally in love with me. He was barely out of the closet but extremely mature and intelligent. He then quickly came out to everyone with no problem, but he had no interest in gay clubs or cruising or sleeping around etc. He wanted a relationship --- with me. Although I do like somewhat younger men, I definitely dont go looking for 25 year olds, and I knew that it is difficult to sustain, and also I dont want any kind of "daddy" vibe. But he didnt have the slightest daddy vibe, he basically treated me totally as an equal, and he himself had a strong independent personality that was a match for me in every way. Age simply wasnt an issue. Yes, there was a money difference, and I did my best to work through that in a fair but sustainable way. We had a very active long distance relationship for 22 years, married in 2017, got his Green Card in 2019, started planning for his move to the US, then Covid delayed things in 2020, then.....he died very suddenly of heart failure in Feb 2021. Nothing to do with Covid. A devastating tragedy. Not totally responsive to the points you are making, since our relationship was not typical for such a big age difference, and this was due to how unique he was.
I'm 42 and basically go 10 years up and 10 years down, or thereabouts. Much past that it feels like the experience is just going to be too vastly different. Also... I'm a romantic, we don't live forever and... I'm kind of scared of pushing it so far that we know who will likely outlive the other. Maybe that's morbid. I prefer people close to my age who can share my 90s nostalgia haha, but it's not a deal breaker. I do expect emotional maturity regardless of age and don't really get involved unless I feel it's there. My opinion is most people don't have it, regardless of their age, so I wouldn't prejudge on that basis alone, though much younger than 30 and I guess I do tend to be more sceptical. I was in a relationship with an older woman when I was in uni. She would tell me things about my lack of maturity I just was not ready to hear, it was something that worried her, like she was partly waiting for me to finish growing up, and I would feel she was unfairly judging me. You know, life isn't all romance and just following your heart and doing your thing, you got to worry about pragmatic things, where are you going in life, how are you going to put food on the table, how do your emotions affect the people who care about you, that kind of thing. Of course when I got to be her age and face the same pressures, I realized, ohhhh, NOW I understand what she was on about. 😅 I'd never even been out of uni or had a bill to pay, she'd been working ten years already and living on her own. How silly to think we were on the same level, I was still just a kid really. 😅 But hey, I was young and naive. I knew stuff, mostly because I'd read about it. I felt grown up. 😅 I think saying anyone younger than me is necessarily going to be less mature is too extreme, though. I've been with people who, despite being older, when I went through that process of maturing, they didn't.
I guess it depends on the ages of the couple. I am in a relationship with someone 11 years younger, however we meet when we were middle aged and been a couple for 21 years. I believe at some point age is no longer relevant when you both have a career, are financially independent and well basically, grown up. It matters more if you are compatible or at least support each other's interests. We have each other's backs, even now since he lives 2500 miles away. (we both had to take care of aging parents).
yeah i agree..age indeed becomes less relevant the older one gets. its different when two people are together lets say aged 50 and 61, in comparison to someone who is 20 and the other 35 lets say for exmple.
I totally agree, but just to play devil's advocate . Should the more dominant of the two take on more of the responsibilities of the relationship? Just throwing it out there....
you inspired me to talk about this hehe. but i think that age is still the factor that determines ones dominance per say in the relationship and the roles dont determine it
You just gotta hang out alot and see if you click. On all points. The age issue is only an issue basically on the very young & very old spectrum. Anything in the 25 to 54 spectrum should mesh.
My last BF was 50 and i was 46. He was not that mature emotionally and cheated behind my back. I had more available money than him and paid a lot for meals out. I think it doesnt matter what age one is the shared expenses should be equally shared 50%. Just because one partner is younger doesnt mean they get to treat their BF like a walking ATM and take advantage .
Yeah i get what youre saying. But usually if one is wayy younger they usually make less money. Its different a relationship of 4 year age gap in the 40s, 50s and above. I say from experience, when i was 18 college student unemployed i was dating a 33 yo employed university graduate who lived alone payed rent had a stable job and plenty of life experience in general. it was his choice to be with me and therefore followed common sense knowing that i wasnt going to be able to provide for him financially. the relationship ended months later though for other reasons
I would actually argue there is less compatibility WITH A 50 DATING A 40 because if a man wants a kid he's not going to date the older woman . biologically speaking that would be dangerous on the child . also it's a very dangerous misconception that an older person will be mature . AGE has nothing to do with how mature you are its your lifestyle . this whole video is playing with fire do you want to be very careful you don't end up in the bigotry category
yeah youre right. although im mentioning more regards to same sex relationships here but i should of clarified that. but yes having kids past 40 is a bad idea and not healthy. Regards to maturity, lifestyle is usually determined by age, since usually a teenager wont be working full time like an adult in their 40s would.
I agree with everything that you say, I think that this is the most polite and even tempered rant that I have ever heard
lol thanks!
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said! Perfect!!! Excellent content!!!
When 48, I met a wonderful attractive 23 year old German in Europe who fell totally in love with me. He was barely out of the closet but
extremely mature and intelligent. He then quickly came out to everyone with no problem, but he had no interest
in gay clubs or cruising or sleeping around etc. He wanted a relationship --- with me. Although I do like somewhat younger
men, I definitely dont go looking for 25 year olds, and I knew that it is difficult to sustain, and also I dont want any kind of "daddy" vibe.
But he didnt have the slightest daddy vibe, he basically treated me totally as an equal, and he himself had a strong independent
personality that was a match for me in every way. Age simply wasnt an issue. Yes, there was a money difference, and I did my
best to work through that in a fair but sustainable way. We had a very active long distance relationship for 22 years, married in 2017, got his Green Card in 2019, started planning for his move to the US, then Covid delayed things in 2020, then.....he died very suddenly of heart failure in Feb 2021.
Nothing to do with Covid. A devastating tragedy. Not totally responsive to the points you are making, since our relationship was not typical
for such a big age difference, and this was due to how unique he was.
So sorry for your loss. 😞
I'm 42 and basically go 10 years up and 10 years down, or thereabouts. Much past that it feels like the experience is just going to be too vastly different. Also... I'm a romantic, we don't live forever and... I'm kind of scared of pushing it so far that we know who will likely outlive the other. Maybe that's morbid.
I prefer people close to my age who can share my 90s nostalgia haha, but it's not a deal breaker. I do expect emotional maturity regardless of age and don't really get involved unless I feel it's there. My opinion is most people don't have it, regardless of their age, so I wouldn't prejudge on that basis alone, though much younger than 30 and I guess I do tend to be more sceptical.
I was in a relationship with an older woman when I was in uni. She would tell me things about my lack of maturity I just was not ready to hear, it was something that worried her, like she was partly waiting for me to finish growing up, and I would feel she was unfairly judging me. You know, life isn't all romance and just following your heart and doing your thing, you got to worry about pragmatic things, where are you going in life, how are you going to put food on the table, how do your emotions affect the people who care about you, that kind of thing.
Of course when I got to be her age and face the same pressures, I realized, ohhhh, NOW I understand what she was on about. 😅 I'd never even been out of uni or had a bill to pay, she'd been working ten years already and living on her own. How silly to think we were on the same level, I was still just a kid really. 😅 But hey, I was young and naive. I knew stuff, mostly because I'd read about it. I felt grown up. 😅
I think saying anyone younger than me is necessarily going to be less mature is too extreme, though. I've been with people who, despite being older, when I went through that process of maturing, they didn't.
I guess it depends on the ages of the couple. I am in a relationship with someone 11 years younger, however we meet when we were middle aged and been a couple for 21 years. I believe at some point age is no longer relevant when you both have a career, are financially independent and well basically, grown up. It matters more if you are compatible or at least support each other's interests.
We have each other's backs, even now since he lives 2500 miles away. (we both had to take care of aging parents).
yeah i agree..age indeed becomes less relevant the older one gets. its different when two people are together lets say aged 50 and 61, in comparison to someone who is 20 and the other 35 lets say for exmple.
Good points
thanks you
I totally agree, but just to play devil's advocate . Should the more dominant of the two take on more of the responsibilities of the relationship? Just throwing it out there....
you inspired me to talk about this hehe. but i think that age is still the factor that determines ones dominance per say in the relationship and the roles dont determine it
You just gotta hang out alot and see if you click. On all points.
The age issue is only an issue basically on the very young & very old spectrum. Anything in the 25 to 54 spectrum should mesh.
25 to 54 mesh? nah i doubt it tbh. maybe its a personal bias of yours? jc
My last BF was 50 and i was 46. He was not that mature emotionally and cheated behind my back. I had more available money than him and paid a lot for meals out. I think it doesnt matter what age one is the shared expenses should be equally shared 50%. Just because one partner is younger doesnt mean they get to treat their BF like a walking ATM and take advantage .
Yeah i get what youre saying. But usually if one is wayy younger they usually make less money. Its different a relationship of 4 year age gap in the 40s, 50s and above. I say from experience, when i was 18 college student unemployed i was dating a 33 yo employed university graduate who lived alone payed rent had a stable job and plenty of life experience in general. it was his choice to be with me and therefore followed common sense knowing that i wasnt going to be able to provide for him financially. the relationship ended months later though for other reasons
I would actually argue there is less compatibility WITH A 50 DATING A 40 because if a man wants a kid he's not going to date the older woman . biologically speaking that would be dangerous on the child . also it's a very dangerous misconception that an older person will be mature . AGE has nothing to do with how mature you are its your lifestyle . this whole video is playing with fire do you want to be very careful you don't end up in the bigotry category
yeah youre right. although im mentioning more regards to same sex relationships here but i should of clarified that. but yes having kids past 40 is a bad idea and not healthy. Regards to maturity, lifestyle is usually determined by age, since usually a teenager wont be working full time like an adult in their 40s would.