I supported my husband in his dream with starting a business. But after 11 years of doing well with my support, taking care of our home and children I wasn't good enough for him. He divorced me, thinking the grass was better on the other side. Two years later, he is about to lose his business and doesn't have a place to stay. I am done with giving all of myself to a man building him up and losing who I was in the process. My focus now is starting my own business and taking care of my son.
I worked two jobs to support my family when couldn't pay not one bill, going to jail stealing and I help him got on his feet he still ended up cheat,lying and stealing . He still ended up leaving me of 21 years of marriage for a molly head
Stories like this is why bw rather to have bm who already accomplished versus helping him get there. Too many stories where bw helped their bm build up for him to turn around and not do the same.
I am proud of you on working towards starting your own business, the road to healing for all is to focus on God and on building ourselves spiritually, emotionally and financially, leave those wicked low vibrational men alone if it,s God will that you get married one day He will send the right one but if not enjoy your freedom
@Jamie Brumant Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm spiritual and naturally better because of God and the prayers of special friends. I have spent the past two years healing so that I can be a better person for myself and my son. God Bless You
I don't understand why being an established woman is all of a sudden considered "masculine". It sounds as if only men are allowed to be successful in society. Yes, we are taught by our fathers to become self-sustaining because there is no timeline pre-established for when one's mate will find them. So. while we wait, we work. I will never subscribe to the notion that being financially independent is a negative. I have been told that I am no longer "wife" material because I am above 40, have never married, have no children, and make over 100K a year. But, if I were a man, I would be the ideal mate material. I stand with all of us Black Women who seek a mate that is not intimidated by our education or portfolios.
The ideal of working a job is what sistas liken to being provider. Since sistas are paying bills they are saying they are the mama and the daddy of their child. They equate being gainfully employed with being a man. Since they making money they feel like they are the man. This is something women have been saying for two decades now. An men are simply repeating it. But i feel you, in the past women who were 18 and 19 would marry a man who was 30 or 40. Because those men were established. now women trying to stick with men who are with in a 3 to 5 year age range. You may have to wait 2 decades for him to be on that level. Since younger women are going for men closer to their age now and days they are having a harder time finding a man who will be able to provide. You got two options at 18 years old 1. Find an inshape man in his 40s to marry by age 20. 2. Marry another 18 year old and help him financially for the next decade or two If you choose the later option its best to wait to till college, an find you a husband in college who is going into stem. That would be your best bet, if you want a man in your age bracket who may be able to earn real money in the future. Otherwise you betting on luck
@@genovasquez8361 you’re worried about the wrong thing. That’s what they meant by you don’t know how to be men, you only have a concept of the way things USED to be done.
@@OG_Bap if you got that money then you can spoil me honey..I like a generous woman. A sponsor I'm pursuing. It's not finessing you. If you like it too
Blk men believe they are perfect that's why they will never heal and the women who won't let go will have no other end than to be run into the ground like they usually suffer day in and day out. Check the news, same thing everyday, one more blk woman gone because of a blk man
This was a very POIGNANT discussion! No woman wants to carry the BURDEN of being strong, but they do what they must to survive. Growing up, I wanted to be the housewife, I actually enjoyed cooking, baking, sewing and having hobbies of bettering myself. I DREAD going to work, let alone working 2 jobs to sustain myself. But, I was told you can't make a man stay, if he wants to go.
I can totally relate I been single 11 years. I've grown to just leave men where they at. My life still goes on, my parents were married 30 years. I witnessed real love growing up. Just not with my personal experiences in adult life. No complaints is what it is.
Amen 🙏 I agree with this discussion. Am that strong woman whom you are speaking about. My mother told me not to trust men. But the problem is, she was going by her own mistakes. Sometimes we give bad advice based solely on what we perceive. Stay Humble but be aware that woman are changed by her she has been treated by the men in her life.
So Men wanna be appreciated for not cheating?! 😂😂😂 They want cookies for doing the bare minimum and displaying the behavior of a normal, decent person. SMH
My dad left my mom after she got pregnant with their second child. He wanted out after he convinced my mom to leave her safety net at home miles away and into the US. Fast forward he past away while I was 8 and even prior to him passing my mom already had a strategy in place to ensure myself and my brother would get our education and be able to support ourselves. This took a lot out of my mom and growing up watching her struggle crying periodically yet pulling her strength to keep going raise 2 kids and hold two jobs to make rent. Traumatizing and I refuse to repeat the cycle.
Girl you sound like me. I didn't see my mom pain and struggles as much since I am the last kids but I refuse to repeat the same generational curses. Growing up without a father and seeing that BS you still dealing as adults. I am super cautious and rigid about men and sex. I see some many people created families off of hook up cultures and it baffles me but to each it own. I don't have kids and refuse to create situations with men who want to give you the bare minimum. God is still working on me and whatever situation he is going to open up and reward me. It's scary to have any kids in today's world. All my friends with kids seems to be strugggling. I do not go along to get long with mostly anything without reason. I'm sure I sound completed. I do like these men advice and material and the fact that they address both sides and issues for men and women.
I feel sorry for your mom I hope she is able to relax now, go on a vacation and have a nice stressless life, she deserves it, Every difficult road leads to a beautifull destination
@@jamiebrumant8512 no need to feel sorry hell she never felt sorry for herself. She picked up herself and made it happen for my brother and I and utilized her resources to her fullest. She is retired and stress free now while we hold her down. A true warrior indeed and graceful about it too. She’s the most kindest soul and will go out her way to help others. I truly admire my mom and learned a lot from her experiences. ❤️
Independence shouldn’t be an insult or even a conversation at this point. We’re all adults. If it hurts a man’s ego that a woman is not dependent on him like a child then he’s immature and in need of some emotional/psychological healing
Bingo. Women are acting as fully functioning adults and instead of stepping up, they are gaslighting women into thinking that being an adult means masculine. Which by the way, a lot of men arent living up to their own definition of it.
And reality is.. there’s nothing available to depend on. Even men that make 75K and more a year not supporting women or showing up that much if he’s contributing at all. They are most likely over 40, been married twice and have 3 plus children to support so any woman he deals with outside of that mess gets the bare minimum. Also with that being said, they are most likely not faithful to one partner.
Uh huh... They always talking about what we bringing to the table, but can't stand when you do have something to bring to the table. I suggest to just leave them alone all together and work on your own happiness, because men are too mentally and emotionally immature to be in any relationships at all. They don't want to work on themselves or even get their heads together like these gentlemen are doing. You will be wasting your time and allowing them to drain you of your energy.
As a women it’s half of what we’re taught growing up and half of what we experience. Do you know how many black women have to live with a family member that stole her innocence? It’s deep, and we don’t feel safe, heard or seen, yet everything wrong with the black community is the black woman’s fault. Tupac said ‘we’ll have a race of babies that hate the ladies’…. And that’s exactly where we’re at in society.
Their circular logic always comes back to it being the Black woman's fault no matter the case. The facts are, MEN rightfully teach their daughters not to rely on men lest she be taken advantage of or abused. They say the only man she might depend on is him, but even then he makes sure she has the tools, money, skills and housing to make sure she can take care of herself and her family. This is a safeguard for women that only makes sense and any good parent would raise their daughter this way. Basically teaching her to be an adult. Its just that men dont like it when it doesnt benefit them. I.e. not their daughters. All these feminine podcast TALKING males who dont want to earn a womans trust and want everything handed to them with no work dont understand thats a part of manhood too. Just like its a part of manhood to work and move silently instead of always sitting around talking like women.
You know what’s crazy that no one touch on…..men raise or teach their daughters to be independent so she don’t need no man. How many times have we heard men say this. You can’t do this and complain. #letschat
The guy in white shirt did at mark 4:49. He said the father's in the house that stayed taught their daughters to not depend on a man if he can't match what hes doing.
As women, we were designed to need our men. It's okay to need man but every man IS NOT NEEDED! We need the right man! The problem that we have is that men are no longer raised to be men just as you all spoke of. The men that we saw back in the day are rare now, and let's face it, what we saw back then was tainted because some of those men were horrible behind closed doors. So what is man? Are we even able to identify what I real man is? I agree with you all and Dr. Umar. I was raised by a single mom, and I learned how to depend on myself and Jesus by watching her. It's not masculine, it's called "a product of my enviroment". Thankfully, I don't mind my husband taking the lead because, even though he wasn't raised to lead, I want him to take his rightful place and walk in his office as my head of household. This is an awesome discussion, Fellas!
Agreed! I left an 8 year relationship recently and I’m so happy and at peace. I’m not masculine and of course I’d love to let the right man lead. But for now, I’ve got to take care of myself and my kids on my own.
@@bigtex8991The problem is that there are far too many pookies and Ray Rays in the community as a whole. And when I say Pookie and Ray Ray I'm talking about a mindset. The pickings for good men are slim.
Dr. Umar is right, women had to become independent not because they wanted to we had to. I've seen it firsthand with multiple black women who had no other choice but to be both mother, father, and sole provider, it's like some of these men just became too comfortable being for the streets, being lazy, and being "baby daddy" no morals, no values nothing. I will never understand why anyone would put up with that type of energy. And on the note of "woman being programmed " well, no most of the time a woman has lived it herself regardless of "what her mother taught her" She gets out there and have experienced firsthand how men (not all, but most) operates and when you see men who have multiple kids by multiple women, when you see men flaming for other men, when you see men living in jail and not even trying to be better it's like wait why would I tolerate that or settle for that type of man when I can do better by myself? Why carry that dead weight for another person especially if they don't even try? So yes while I personally am "independent" I am also lucky that I have a king who isn't like these other men in this world because his father, grandfather, and great-grandpa taught him how to actually be a man! 💯.. 11:32 I also know men who didn't allow their "environment " to take them down the same path they have seen their friends go. My best friend and his brother grew up with the same values, same rules, and same parents, and while they weren't "rich " they had what they needed my friend saw how his friends were going to jail, selling drug,s and staying in trouble, he chose better for himself he went to college, made good grades and is now a chemical engineer his bro, on the other hand, followed the same path of "drug dealers, gangs" etc now he's doing 25 years for attempted murder so my point is you can't blame "your environment " for the choices you yourself make we all have choices. 12:38 It goes both ways though a man needs to take accountability for their own actions and stop wanting someone to be a ride or die when they are not even willing to try, I am all for encouraging a man as I do for mine but if a man is just leaching, how can you "encourage him? " when he can't even encourage himself? It becomes draining
A lot of women watched our grandmother's & mother's suffer in their marriages we watched our mothers accept the abuse because Grandpa paid all the bills. The women today are saying we are self sufficient n prefer to be alone then to allow a man to abuse us. Needing a man vs Wanting a man are to separate things.
My last bf wanted me to quit my job working as a healer with celebs and professional athletes. He said he’d take care of me but kept always throwing up how he was paying for things so I’d rather make my own money. Plus I think he only wanted me to quit bc I work with so many powerful and rich men. And does it automatically make women masculine because she attains the ability to provide for herself? IMO it makes her a responsible adult.
What does it means to you is more important than what it may mean to others. While we should listen sometimes times it doesn't mean you have to listen to everything all the time. A man should only be in your life by invitation or family. If you invites him then on some level you should also trust him. We do so many things azz backwards in this world and then complain about the results.
Im leary of any man who wants me to quit my job. Literally thats how women get abused. Black men are the only men equate a woman being an adult with masculinity
I hope he is history because he is so dangerous. Also welcome to the reality of the traditional wives of the past, present and future. I hope you didn't quit your job
He was insecure, I hope u dumped him...I ain't quitting, unless I get $500 a week plus whatever I fkng want! I need a car, shopping money & whatever else...👍
Happened to Me. A Devoted faithful, submissive, loving, cater to, loved all up on my NOW Ex-husband. And you know what I got from it, STDs, and a Side-Baby, and becoming a single mother! Women CANT rely on a Man. Never Again would I put All my eggs in one basket.
I hear their viewpoints and respect them. I would like to say that their are many guys (not all), who aren't being honest about what they represent with their poor choices and criticize women who practice critical thinking skills (calling us "masculine" 🙄) when we choose not to engage with foolishness or choose not to deal with the brunt of their poor life decisions (i.e. being under educated, being under employed, having multiple baby's mamas, etc.)
Exactly... women/we are accused of being masculine when we are simply being adults! We still gotta live, which includes working, making decisions, paying bills, etc!
DUH, we've been saying this and men have been debating the absolute simple fact. Every adult in this country needs a career to survive. What are women supposed to do before they meet you? Sit in poverty and wait? LOL
It is my belief that many women have become more independent due to being repeatedly disappointed and let down in love and relationships- so much so that our ability to believe in the man that we may very well love or have the potential to be able to love has become weakened and desensitized.I am not saying that it is necessarily the fault of men as a whole however I think that men can be more sensitive and understanding and attentive enough to be able to recognize when your just dealing with a good woman who may have experienced some relationship trauma. Some behaviors are not relative to that man in particular sometimes it’s just a trigger that we hope you are intuitive and willing to see and understand.
By niggas who was gone let them down from the jump! Women have to understand that they are also a participant in the relationship. Good bad or indifferent both parties play a role to whichever experience one shall have. Most women have no accountability and pick the same TYPE of men! Let’s be real here, women have “a type” men will have sex with anything let y’all tell it. So which narrative is it? Men have low/no standards or are women standards very similar seeing how ALL of you describe the same archetype of men y’all fuckin that disappoints you? 🤔
@@yasminogbu8929 what ?🥴 Women should have higher self esteem than that. Also why compete to go be a free maid for someone when you can get well compensated for the same job with health insurance if you got hired.
I get your point. But the positive side of all this is that men's betrayal made women break from learned helplessness. How can you have a brain and an intellect but settle for just scrubbing and baking? And depending on someone else's mood and generosity to give some money, less than you could be making if you were working, while scrubbing and baking if you're so passionate about it occasionally? So no. Women have proven to themselves that they are naturally independent and that they have to drop everything and follow an ideology or some teachings to make themselves victims to be rescued and become financially dependent. That's women being programmed to gaslight themselves, their intellect, capacity and their accomplishments, to reject and despise a certain part of themselves calling it an anomaly, to make themselves mentally ill just to please a male and allign with societal norms created to uphold the male fragile ego Relationships and marriage ideologies have become cults to which women loose their brains and pay with their health, happiness, and longevity.
@@dearbrave4183 lots and lots of empty words! Women have never been and will never be independent. Start your own country, build up the military and infrastructure then get back to us about how independent women are. Until then please stfu respectfully
I would love to EMBRACE my FEMINITY, because hunny I'M EXHAUSTED!! I'm a Single mother of 4 raising both girls & boys, and Ive been married to their dad in my 20's. I know there are Great black MEN out here that are doing what is NEEDED but I haven't came across them, it's only been a MASK!! So until then I will continue to be in SURVIVAL mode and unfortunately be in a masculine mindset, because I CAN DO GREAT BY MYSELF!! NO MORE DISAPPOINTMENTS
Sorry for your situation. That being said, I think as women we need to stop believing in the fairytale in our heads and look around us. Do you think married women are happy and rested? Do you think husbands give money whenever needed and contribute to household chores? I'm sorry to say this but there's a high chance of your situation being exasperated with an extra kid and a husband to carry on your back with both a job and household chores than have a man contributing to housework and child rearing and giving money every time you ask and without complaining that he feels like an ATM , punishing you financially when upset or telling you to figure it out. Which may make you feel insignificant and push you to go back to work, but unfortunately while still being stuck with him and this is very common. So, I know your situation is hard but married women are called single married women for a reason and divorced women who were formerly resting in their femininity are heavily warning against these arrangements because of financial abuse, humiliation, and restrictions that come with it. Also the feeling of being trapped and unable to leave for making oneself financially vulnerable You may find the right man but the chances are slim. Only 35% of men have emotional intelligence (in other words, can love, listen, be empathetic, etc) Also predators are attracted to women with children , looking for a saviour. And the stats on chld abuse by step fathers are quite high. If there's a way to have a side hustle on internet, like design journals to sell on Amazon or pay a graphic designer. Whatever you can do for extra money do it. And then find ways to afford an expensive but trustworthy babysitter from a trusted organisation for your children safety so you can have more time to relax , rest and also work on that promotion for more money
I don't always agree with Umar, but he got this one right. This is very real. Men have to realize women are hardwired to submit, it's packaged in our dna...BUT it is only activated, viable and sustained with a Loving, Trusted Man. No we REALLY DON'T like doing it all, It's hard and tiring and We prefer to be the Bonnie to your Clyde, BUT when you don't provide, protect or look out for me...I have, and I can do all those things for myself...
We’ve been conditioned to submit-look up the etymology of submit-we were not created to submit as women ❤️🤞🏾 religion has us all operating out of our true natures
I like the fact that Krew Season makes it a point to explain why certain things can happen. They try to make men see that if they treat a woman a certain way it will help the relationship in general. They don’t blame women for being strong or wanting something in life other than a man.
What does it for me is how many men want to fuck before a relationship has been established. Courtship is dead… the one man that actually did that with me… establish the relationship before sex… we are happy. We have trust, friendship, teamwork, love…. Introduce me to his mother without the games… introduce me to the friends without games, invest into me, wanna meet my father…this the man imma marry and honor. We should get back to that… but we not ready for that conversation.
This is true. I hate to leave the man I love but I have no choice bec my professional growth is a threat to him when he only give us the bare minimum. He walked all over me berated me, betrayed me and belitted me for being ambitious when he can't fulfill his promise to provide for us. He chose a low blow ho€ whose all other men's hands are all over the ho€. I am a nurse. He is a truck driver.
CONGRATULATIONS 🥳😊 I had to choose me and end 32 years of marriage because I was the wife he was never the husband, please allow me to say this Beautiful, do not have anger towards her, you have no idea what lies and deceit he has told her. Your situation is with him alone. 🙏
The black woman has always worked whether if she was a maid, a nanny, traveling share cropper. I can't really think of a wife in my family who hasn't worked.
@@Cahluvca This, people are forgetting a woman's stature in life was based on her class. If she wasn't born into wealth or married into wealth, she had to work and live with her parents, be a wife and work, or become a lady of the streets to survive. The housewife narrative was only for the wealthy.
@@reneebrown4610 these podcasts have no problems comparing black women to other women. No caveats, no grace. But the instance you compare black men to other groups of men they'll bring up welfare, Jim crow, the Crack epidemic, mass encarceration, racism, global warming, gas prices-the list is exhaustive for why they can't do things like other men
A woman would like a man that she can trust and depend on. The problem is they find themselves with a man they can't depend on. That's that. Who said she wants to be overly independent? They always assume a strong independent woman is like that, as if she always wanna be that way without understanding why she is like that. 💯
@Mercury Mook sometimes woman accept the wrong ones, not knowing because of how the guy presented himself or naive to the different types of men. She could be in a vulnerable place in her life and the guy portrays himself to be a friend who knows he has no good intentions for her, unbeknownst to her. I have learned to choose and understand how that could happen... you are also right. Choose vs Accept Much respect.
I’m coming from a safe, not a hate space. Help me understand this sis. So are the ladies as a collective saying that men as a collective are the problem? It seems like women see themselves as the best of women, but view men as the worst of men. I get all the horror stories women have had. However, could it also be that the type of men most women like isn’t the type of man they need? That their type is toxic?
@DC Carson Music That is possible. There are women that are fully aware that the guy she is trying to pursue is out of her league and tries to not acknowledge that... men as well. Most times it might just only be because of his/her status that they try to bait that person. I feel that if a person is truly being honest with themselves, they know what type of guy/ female is on their level but they don't have the kind of status they want that person to have..via money, looks, etc and so they try to act like that person doesn't fit the bill when they clearly haven't looked at their self and see what type of status they own. That's just my thought. 🤷🏽♀️
@@dccarsonmusic I would say look to data. Even in this conversation of independence. If black women don't go out and get it themselves most will go without. Can you show a period in time when black women as a general matter could financially depend on black men?
Just the first few minutes...dropped the mic! FINALLY...a real man unapologetically and obviously secure spoke truth!!! Thank you Umar!! Thank you for speaking up for the black Queens instead of blaming them for your short comings. I know it started with Adam blaming Eve ...but at the end of the day God gave him the instructions.
Truth be told! 🎉 that’s exactly right. That’s right -“ don’t wait on no man.” That hit it-on repeat as a young girl, then lady, etc. it’s a soundtrack for us, daughters.
True I believe you should have your own. The problem comes in with the constant fighting and disrespect that some women give to men. But in the end it all depends on what you are willing to put up with
@@AncestralRage excuse me? What does buying a pet have to do with relationship dynamics between genders? Don’t get this reply-which is quite off putting and unnecessary.
@@sdmoore89 I have no idea about disrespect/fighting. I believe that happens when there’s people that should not be in relationship with each other. Respect should be part of a foundation, let alone having a relationship like bf/gf or marriage with someone. 🧐 .. just saying.
And MEN are the ones who say it, so I dont know how this became something they say women are teaching their daughters. Men like to say this, but when its no longer convenient, they have a problem with it when they want an easy lay or whenever they are too lazy to earn a womans trust.
Exactly, I'm still hoping to see more successful marriages and men with integrity and follow through. There's more of the opposite in our culture and it makes it hard to believe it exists. But I'm definitely praying for it!
I feel like a lot of men do not respect the behavior of honor or integrity. Your foundation on both sides need to be soild with God first and self second.
I am independent but I will always need a man because as a woman I can’t teach a man how to be a man . I had to be a woman and take care of my daughters but when man walk away and leave you to be the man and woman you choose not to stay in a relationship and they not take care of they children you don’t need that . But I believe in Gods order he took us out of man . For the people in world today have took God out of everything in life that why it so many divorced in world today.🙏💕
My grandmother lived in the South. She had 6 husbands. They all either died or were killed. She had to raise all of her children on her own for most of their lives.
Nothing irritates me More than being compared to someones “strong mama/grandmama” when im their partner and not their elder (someone who is forced to be strong for the sake of their children/grandchild)
I grew up with a mom who was left with 2 kids while my dad dealt with mental issues from the military. As a foreigner, she seeked 0 child support. Even though she taught me to be strong, I couldn't help but learn from what I saw daily. I ultimately learned to be self-sufficient by default and just in case relationships don't work.
I remember growing up hearing the saying that "we raise our daughters and love our sons," and as a child, hearing that and feeling as though my mother showed favortism amongst my siblings was so unfair to me but it made me hyper independent as a child and well into my adulthood. I'm changing that with my own children, though.
What about the women who have experienced only the worst from men ,? From family to the streets, Women are tired of lies, cheats, thieves, man babies, broken, hurt, men who refuse to heal., but yet want submission, I am a natural nurturing, healing, submissive type women at 48 and have not yet found a man who deserves my submission
Wow, really appreciate the conversation fellas. It really hit home. It's truly hard to break that toughness/ Independence when you've been that way all or most of your life. I'd always been so use to pushing the buttons and making everything work accordingly. One day a guy I was in a relationship with said, you have help, you can relax some, chill a bit, you have a partner now, and you don't have to be miss do everything. Honestly I tried and tried to just chill a bit, but it's like, I guess I felt like I'd be giving up a certain control that I always had under control. A part that made me strong and who I was.
I feel what you're saying about letting go and giving up your sense of independence. I too struggle with that as I don't want to lose myself in a man or lose my individuality in a relationship/marriage. It takes a certain type of man to lead a woman and not deny her her right to her own individuality. This comes with great communication though so, that he's not in the dark about "me time" as it doesn't take away from the fact that a woman still wants and need her man. I think when it comes to us letting go of some of our independence, it's easier when we don't feel like someone is trying to manipulate and control us but rather guide us to a healthy union by creating a safe space for us to bask in our feminity completely
Thank you for just getting it. And seeing that there is a reason for our independence.I think for me being the only child of a single mother and my mom having to work sometimes 3 jobs. I was often home alone and there were things. Around the house that she just wasn't capable of doing. So I stepped up to do including working at 15 and building things in the house and fixing cars et cetera. So that is another way that I have learned to also be the man of the house.I do enjoy doing things like that but I do recognize how it has contributed to me having to wear both hats when I shouldn't have had to. So when I am now a? Single. Woman at the age of 40 who has had to do everything for herself and by herself with the help of only women. You can only imagine how difficult it is at times to relinquish that independence especially in a d*** age where you have men who are constantly saying whatever. They want and can to get inside your pants just to leave you to pick up the pieces. It's a continuing cycle and most men do not understand what real leadership looks like in the house. They just have a concept of it , no more than an idea.They do not know how to love from a mask inland place but they want to force respect from a masculine place.They are two different things. And I do agree that patience is needed on both sides because I've been here in some of the s*** that these females are out here doing and it's wild.
Thank you my brothers!! I am a 55 year old so called black woman, and I have three sons and three daughters. I have trained my sons and daughters to be abled to lead and submit. But never be no fool! I appreciate you guys for speaking up for us your mothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and grandmothers. I stood by a man for 8-years and I held him down. He married me according to our customs. But he did not for fill any of his responsibilities to me. All of my children were grown at the time he and I came together but one. My son was a teenager at the time. He welcomed him as head of our home,8and was very respectful to him. there are so many women out here with the same story. Thank you.
Women don't leave men who are trying and sacrificing. We leave men who are lying, devaluing, dismissive, cheating, or covertly rageful. We can't support people who are actively causing trauma to us especially when we have forgiven several times and explained the negative affects to our well-being. Also, thank you all for putting this very important message out about why women have become so hyper independent due to our environment and parental upbringing. Healing millennials are taking time to reparent ourselves and remove untruths we were brought up in. The main one for me is that a man leads through his submission to Christ. A woman has to be in discernment to really see though is he truly submitted or is he pretending.
Wheewww!! I’m going through a divorce right now because my husband was not a provider, he also was not good with finances, making good decisions, or communication. So instead of letting me know as his partner/teammate he chose to let bills get behind and not tell me. I wasn’t going for that, so my intuition told me to check on the bills and there I saw. I asked him about it and he didn’t like that I questioned him. And for me I was like wth??? Like im asking you so we can discuss what it is I need to do to help as your wife. He didn’t like that I was this type of woman. He told me that he knew that I didn’t need him so after that our marriage was completely OVER!! He has a huge ego and if he feels If no one needs him then he’s out. I said I married you didnt I? Also you should want a person more that you need them. I need my husband to provide, protect, profess and please me and everything else is a plus. I supported him in his career when I knew he didn’t made great choices because when I would say to him I don’t think that’s a good idea, he would get upset and say I wasn’t supportive even when I would express to him why I felt that way. So I decided to just go along with him and his poor decision making and it ended biting us in the ass and at that point I knew it was time for me to exit left bc I knew I had done all I could do. All I know is I’m TIED not tired of making “it” happen. I want a husband/ partner that will come in and do at least the basic things and also communicate with me.
I am sorry you are going through this. This is why I push back on all of this "support" a man double talk, because at what point do they consider our help "emasculating" and not needing him for simply doing what fully functioning adults do? Are women supposed to play this fake damsel in distress role while watching her house fall apart for fear of bruising a man's ego?
And what men don’t realize and seem to get is God calls us a HELPMEET for a reason! Not just to take care of a home but because we are wise in areas that men are clueless about
They say it takes 5 or more positive experiences of the same stimulus to erase that one bad one. Many people have unresolved trauma. People become hyper independent due to trauma (people exploiting their kindness, letting them down repeatedly, weaponizing vulnerabilities, etc). I don’t really think masculine is the right word, rather some women are willing to fight for their peace because there’s no choice and have no soft space to land…so they create one. At this stage of my life I’m not open to dating anyone not actively in therapy or open to it. I would be considered a “soft” woman and I plan on staying that way. Healing takes intention and extreme effort.
Some women were raised by Alpha men. Our Fathers said make sure you got you. Why? Because it is not someone's responsibility outside of YOU to make you great. Yes collaboration is a must too but you gotta hold you! What happens if/when they die?Holla at Pops dem, they are our "masculine" inergee.💙💚
Mine Grandpa was. He didn't play. He was a business owner, self taught mason who built 3 homes including his mansion him and my grandma are retiring in. He was a boxer and a lifeguard, too. Grew up in a boy's home. Taught himself English (he was born in Puerto Rico.) Plus raised 6 children with his wife, my grandma, of 65 years. He taught me my value and worth by his words and actions. And I'll never forget it.
Thank you Thank you THANK YOU for this discussion. Your points we dead on! These women raise their daughters to get it on their own so you don’t have to depend on a man because of their experiences and the experiences around them. And when a woman - speaking for myself - has been lied to by some men and not being consistent in their words and actions why would a woman trust you to be THAT man? It will take a change in mindset and time. Thank you for addressing the roots of why some women are so strong and independent and some men downing her for it. A lot of men don’t understand but want us to have that patience with them. I hate that as a culture we continue to have the struggle in connecting but don’t want to have the understanding of why we struggle. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Great points 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Programming.. Sometimes I don’t even thinks it’s always programming I think some women see how the guys treat women in their neighborhoods/classmates/uncles/father/relationship experience and put a wall up things they seen from being a child We just all need a hug
You three are amazing!!! Although you're stating your opinion, it's spot on. I'm a late 60"s baby, and I've had to go it alone.. not because I wanted to...I had too if I wanted me and my kids to have any sort of decent life. Thank you🙏🏾🫶🏾 I send blessings of prosperity, peace, and love to you all.
I really appreciate what you guys are doing and the conversations that you're bringing to the table. This is what we need as a community and as a people. We need to have these difficult conversations OUT LOUD. That's how we grow. I so appreciate your open-mindedness and the 'ministry of your presence' that you're sharing with us. Thank you. ❤
I think there are a lot of women who are working on living in their feminity, but then there are still many men who claim to be "Alpha" and living in their "masculine" but in fact are broken and insecure.... and while we are being told to be pretty, smile, take joke, be feminine and oh be patient while they learn, we are also being insulted, broken down and diminished in many cases... It's sad because there are so many videos talking about How a women should be and many women watching but yet, the How a man should be videos get little to no views... So while we trying to grow for men, what are men doing? Swallowing the red pill ... I'm gonna woosah and go wait patiently in the corner but my cup of patience is almost empty
I cook I clean I pay my own bills I take care of the kids I take out the trash. If a man can't step up then that's their own fault men want a woman to depend on them and all they want is to use us. Well my moa didn't raise no fool if you can't be at my level then step back another who can will and will not be disappointed #scorpionation!!!. I love love I love a clean house I love God always I love family I love work. There is only a few things that I do not like and will take serious offense to and that is cheating, lying, stealing, lack of consistency, lack of loyalty, lack of respect. Also narcissistic people. If I'm loyal then I expect the same and if you cannot give me that then get out the way I don't have time to waste.
If your independent: your too masculine If your feminine: your a gold digger and just want me to take care of you. 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️. Do ya know what ya really want?
Thank you all for this! Thee entitled do not think they need to earn any place in the lives of women yet scream respect us... Newsflash: we are looking at men for more effort and proof that many refuse to show... Okay move her out of my way. Not dropping my guard for the bare minimum. Get a better circle. Get a mentor. A life coach. If your efforts are not working for you do something different. They lackluster and motivated by lust.
Amen 🙏🏾 - just like we go to the doctor for physical ailments, see a therapist or counselor for mental health since the Bible taboo for whatever reason... We're malfunctioning because we've left the Creator out of everything 🤷🏾♀️
Well…I think you just said the quiet part out loud…it hasn’t been safe for women to be feminine for a while. Especially for sistas! We are THE most disrespected and not protected group in the world. So if you really want to bring out the best in a woman it’s best to listen to innerstand and learn so you can be the safety for her.
How disrespectful that to be on your phone during this particular conference, and that's how a large percentage of men function but they're asking women to give them multiple chances (I'm sure he knows better but does that stop him I'm doing what he knows to be wrong at this moment). In times past many women would never have just quit on a man but it actually got tiring🤔
This would’ve been really great if there was a few women to give their own perspective. Some women are head strong simply because of how men have used them. No input from a mother or father. Experience caused her to be like she is
We as women can't wait on potential because we have been disappointed before. I am in a relationship with a great man. He has hiccups in his financial situation and now and I have helped him. Now it seems like he is about what he needs and not what I need as well as his needs. So do I stop and leave or wait for him to figure it out? What if it doesn't work out and I never got anything but bills.
My father taught me all these things. He told me never settle, never depend on any man and to always have my own money. He used to make sure I had cab fare home in case a dude wanted more than I was giving, I'd have my own way home. Men that are in their daughters lives definitely are teaching them this.
Some of these comments are nonsensical! ~This is a loaded question 🙋🏾♀️ that does not have just one answer or explanation. ~There’s nothing wrong with a woman being independent. And being independent doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or need a man. ~An independent woman needs a woman who is not intimidated or threatened by her independence.
Exactly. I hate that the premise is all wrong and everyone makes is seem like a woman who is doing what she is supposed to do as an adult is somehow a bad thing. They will find a way to demonize women no matter what especially now that we are moving on without them.
I agree with you young brothers. Kudos to your analysis and self-awareness. I'm old enough to be your mother. I grew up with a father in my home. From the outside, people thought our family was perfect, Huxtable-like with a little less money. But it wasn't. My mother grew up with a strong father figure. He parented 11 children as well as dozens of his niblings ( nieces and nephews). She was ready and willing to submit. She kept asking my father his opinion of things to do. He abdicated his role. He couldn't be bothered with those little things. He was creating technology fir the future. If my mother didn't keep track of the money, we would have gone hungry and been evicted. So, I only trust men to do certain things. I don't think I will ever not work and make my own money. I've seen the disastrous effects from that.
I always would stop everyone who would bring this statement up and would ask but why is it this way then when I knew why And no one would answer. So thanks to Dr. Umar for laying thus truth down.
My grandfather was/is a strong black man but he still taught me to stand on my own two feet and never let em see me sweat. He is still married to my grandmother and they had 6 children together. But he STILL taught me to know my worth, trust Yah ALONE, and don't give my strength to those who don't deserve it.
THANK YOU finally it was a joint storm driven by WS that has affected black community WE are not each others enemy we are both hurt and damaged and need to work together to heal
I'm 60 (and fabulous lol) so my perspective is coming from an established woman who ain't looking to build a man, a hobosexual LOL look for an equal, not a project. You're looking for someone who takes care of themselves and has the capacity to take care of you too. Someone on your level that you can respect and vice versa. Don't fall in love with potential My table is SET and yours should be as well. you got to bring something to my table besides a fork and knife! When you are confident in what you bring to the table, you don't have to beg and chase anyone to sit down and eat! What category do they belong in? Partner, project, parasite or pond? Putting people in the wrong category will mess your life up! Pain prevention is tied to people being properly placed in your life y'all!!
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I supported my husband in his dream with starting a business. But after 11 years of doing well with my support, taking care of our home and children I wasn't good enough for him. He divorced me, thinking the grass was better on the other side. Two years later, he is about to lose his business and doesn't have a place to stay.
I am done with giving all of myself to a man building him up and losing who I was in the process. My focus now is starting my own business and taking care of my son.
I worked two jobs to support my family when couldn't pay not one bill, going to jail stealing and I help him got on his feet he still ended up cheat,lying and stealing . He still ended up leaving me of 21 years of marriage for a molly head
Stories like this is why bw rather to have bm who already accomplished versus helping him get there. Too many stories where bw helped their bm build up for him to turn around and not do the same.
I am proud of you on working towards starting your own business, the road to healing for all is to focus on God and on building ourselves spiritually, emotionally and financially, leave those wicked low vibrational men alone if it,s God will that you get married one day He will send the right one but if not enjoy your freedom
@@soroyale7805 this part now this why I’m on Ebony a side
@Jamie Brumant Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm spiritual and naturally better because of God and the prayers of special friends. I have spent the past two years healing so that I can be a better person for myself and my son. God Bless You
I don't understand why being an established woman is all of a sudden considered "masculine". It sounds as if only men are allowed to be successful in society. Yes, we are taught by our fathers to become self-sustaining because there is no timeline pre-established for when one's mate will find them. So. while we wait, we work. I will never subscribe to the notion that being financially independent is a negative. I have been told that I am no longer "wife" material because I am above 40, have never married, have no children, and make over 100K a year. But, if I were a man, I would be the ideal mate material. I stand with all of us Black Women who seek a mate that is not intimidated by our education or portfolios.
Provider tax bracket but not hardwired to provide without looking down. Just my opinion
The ideal of working a job is what sistas liken to being provider. Since sistas are paying bills they are saying they are the mama and the daddy of their child.
They equate being gainfully employed with being a man. Since they making money they feel like they are the man. This is something women have been saying for two decades now. An men are simply repeating it.
But i feel you, in the past women who were 18 and 19 would marry a man who was 30 or 40. Because those men were established.
now women trying to stick with men who are with in a 3 to 5 year age range. You may have to wait 2 decades for him to be on that level.
Since younger women are going for men closer to their age now and days they are having a harder time finding a man who will be able to provide.
You got two options at 18 years old
1. Find an inshape man in his 40s to marry by age 20.
2. Marry another 18 year old and help him financially for the next decade or two
If you choose the later option its best to wait to till college, an find you a husband in college who is going into stem.
That would be your best bet, if you want a man in your age bracket who may be able to earn real money in the future.
Otherwise you betting on luck
@@genovasquez8361 you’re worried about the wrong thing. That’s what they meant by you don’t know how to be men, you only have a concept of the way things USED to be done.
@@OG_Bap if you got that money then you can spoil me honey..I like a generous woman. A sponsor I'm pursuing. It's not finessing you. If you like it too
Because men can't use you and abuse you if you have your own stuff
BLACK MEN AND BLACK WOMEN NEED TO HEAL FIRST BEFORE A RELATIONSHIP.
I agree black men need deliverance from being wicked and black women need to be healed from low self esteem
@@jamiebrumant8512 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Blk men believe they are perfect that's why they will never heal and the women who won't let go will have no other end than to be run into the ground like they usually suffer day in and day out.
Check the news, same thing everyday, one more blk woman gone because of a blk man
This was a very POIGNANT discussion! No woman wants to carry the BURDEN of being strong, but they do what they must to survive. Growing up, I wanted to be the housewife, I actually enjoyed cooking, baking, sewing and having hobbies of bettering myself. I DREAD going to work, let alone working 2 jobs to sustain myself. But, I was told you can't make a man stay, if he wants to go.
I can totally relate I been single 11 years. I've grown to just leave men where they at. My life still goes on, my parents were married 30 years. I witnessed real love growing up. Just not with my personal experiences in adult life. No complaints is what it is.
Well said! 😊
Amen 🙏 I agree with this discussion. Am that strong woman whom you are speaking about. My mother told me not to trust men. But the problem is, she was going by her own mistakes. Sometimes we give bad advice based solely on what we perceive. Stay Humble but be aware that woman are changed by her she has been treated by the men in her life.
@@patriciamccoy1336 14:11
Absolutely, I have witnessed this time and time again.
So Men wanna be appreciated for not cheating?! 😂😂😂 They want cookies for doing the bare minimum and displaying the behavior of a normal, decent person. SMH
THIS! Then get mad when a woman doesnt want to mother them
My dad left my mom after she got pregnant with their second child. He wanted out after he convinced my mom to leave her safety net at home miles away and into the US. Fast forward he past away while I was 8 and even prior to him passing my mom already had a strategy in place to ensure myself and my brother would get our education and be able to support ourselves. This took a lot out of my mom and growing up watching her struggle crying periodically yet pulling her strength to keep going raise 2 kids and hold two jobs to make rent. Traumatizing and I refuse to repeat the cycle.
Girl you sound like me. I didn't see my mom pain and struggles as much since I am the last kids but I refuse to repeat the same generational curses.
Growing up without a father and seeing that BS you still dealing as adults. I am super cautious and rigid about men and sex. I see some many people created families off of hook up cultures and it baffles me but to each it own.
I don't have kids and refuse to create situations with men who want to give you the bare minimum.
God is still working on me and whatever situation he is going to open up and reward me. It's scary to have any kids in today's world. All my friends with kids seems to be strugggling. I do not go along to get long with mostly anything without reason.
I'm sure I sound completed.
I do like these men advice and material and the fact that they address both sides and issues for men and women.
It’s crazy to me the most men refuse to acknowledge this common factor to why women do what they are doing
God bless your mothers.
I feel sorry for your mom I hope she is able to relax now, go on a vacation and have a nice stressless life, she deserves it, Every difficult road leads to a beautifull destination
@@jamiebrumant8512 no need to feel sorry hell she never felt sorry for herself. She picked up herself and made it happen for my brother and I and utilized her resources to her fullest. She is retired and stress free now while we hold her down. A true warrior indeed and graceful about it too. She’s the most kindest soul and will go out her way to help others. I truly admire my mom and learned a lot from her experiences. ❤️
Independence shouldn’t be an insult or even a conversation at this point. We’re all adults. If it hurts a man’s ego that a woman is not dependent on him like a child then he’s immature and in need of some emotional/psychological healing
Bingo. Women are acting as fully functioning adults and instead of stepping up, they are gaslighting women into thinking that being an adult means masculine. Which by the way, a lot of men arent living up to their own definition of it.
And reality is.. there’s nothing available to depend on. Even men that make 75K and more a year not supporting women or showing up that much if he’s contributing at all. They are most likely over 40, been married twice and have 3 plus children to support so any woman he deals with outside of that mess gets the bare minimum. Also with that being said, they are most likely not faithful to one partner.
Uh huh... They always talking about what we bringing to the table, but can't stand when you do have something to bring to the table. I suggest to just leave them alone all together and work on your own happiness, because men are too mentally and emotionally immature to be in any relationships at all. They don't want to work on themselves or even get their heads together like these gentlemen are doing. You will be wasting your time and allowing them to drain you of your energy.
As a women it’s half of what we’re taught growing up and half of what we experience. Do you know how many black women have to live with a family member that stole her innocence? It’s deep, and we don’t feel safe, heard or seen, yet everything wrong with the black community is the black woman’s fault. Tupac said ‘we’ll have a race of babies that hate the ladies’…. And that’s exactly where we’re at in society.
Their circular logic always comes back to it being the Black woman's fault no matter the case. The facts are, MEN rightfully teach their daughters not to rely on men lest she be taken advantage of or abused. They say the only man she might depend on is him, but even then he makes sure she has the tools, money, skills and housing to make sure she can take care of herself and her family. This is a safeguard for women that only makes sense and any good parent would raise their daughter this way. Basically teaching her to be an adult. Its just that men dont like it when it doesnt benefit them. I.e. not their daughters. All these feminine podcast TALKING males who dont want to earn a womans trust and want everything handed to them with no work dont understand thats a part of manhood too. Just like its a part of manhood to work and move silently instead of always sitting around talking like women.
@@ecclairmayo4153 This and This... nobody will raise their girl child to depend on a man, because they love their children.
You know what’s crazy that no one touch on…..men raise or teach their daughters to be independent so she don’t need no man. How many times have we heard men say this. You can’t do this and complain. #letschat
🎯
The guy in white shirt did at mark 4:49. He said the father's in the house that stayed taught their daughters to not depend on a man if he can't match what hes doing.
So true 🗣
Yep, my dad said this to me.
That's a fact
As women, we were designed to need our men. It's okay to need man but every man IS NOT NEEDED! We need the right man! The problem that we have is that men are no longer raised to be men just as you all spoke of. The men that we saw back in the day are rare now, and let's face it, what we saw back then was tainted because some of those men were horrible behind closed doors. So what is man? Are we even able to identify what I real man is? I agree with you all and Dr. Umar. I was raised by a single mom, and I learned how to depend on myself and Jesus by watching her. It's not masculine, it's called "a product of my enviroment". Thankfully, I don't mind my husband taking the lead because, even though he wasn't raised to lead, I want him to take his rightful place and walk in his office as my head of household. This is an awesome discussion, Fellas!
When u get tired of bs ass relationships u don’t have a choice but to be independent. Well for me that’s the case.
And it goes right back to that is the result of men not in a position to stand by you.
Agreed! I left an 8 year relationship recently and I’m so happy and at peace. I’m not masculine and of course I’d love to let the right man lead. But for now, I’ve got to take care of myself and my kids on my own.
I respect that me too😁
Ya also pick these men and stay in these bad relationships. And if you are consistently in bad relationships you’re the common denominator
@@bigtex8991The problem is that there are far too many pookies and Ray Rays in the community as a whole. And when I say Pookie and Ray Ray I'm talking about a mindset. The pickings for good men are slim.
Dr. Umar is right, women had to become independent not because they wanted to we had to. I've seen it firsthand with multiple black women who had no other choice but to be both mother, father, and sole provider, it's like some of these men just became too comfortable being for the streets, being lazy, and being "baby daddy" no morals, no values nothing. I will never understand why anyone would put up with that type of energy. And on the note of "woman being programmed " well, no most of the time a woman has lived it herself regardless of "what her mother taught her" She gets out there and have experienced firsthand how men (not all, but most) operates and when you see men who have multiple kids by multiple women, when you see men flaming for other men, when you see men living in jail and not even trying to be better it's like wait why would I tolerate that or settle for that type of man when I can do better by myself? Why carry that dead weight for another person especially if they don't even try? So yes while I personally am "independent" I am also lucky that I have a king who isn't like these other men in this world because his father, grandfather, and great-grandpa taught him how to actually be a man! 💯.. 11:32 I also know men who didn't allow their "environment " to take them down the same path they have seen their friends go. My best friend and his brother grew up with the same values, same rules, and same parents, and while they weren't "rich " they had what they needed my friend saw how his friends were going to jail, selling drug,s and staying in trouble, he chose better for himself he went to college, made good grades and is now a chemical engineer his bro, on the other hand, followed the same path of "drug dealers, gangs" etc now he's doing 25 years for attempted murder so my point is you can't blame "your environment " for the choices you yourself make we all have choices. 12:38 It goes both ways though a man needs to take accountability for their own actions and stop wanting someone to be a ride or die when they are not even willing to try, I am all for encouraging a man as I do for mine but if a man is just leaching, how can you "encourage him? " when he can't even encourage himself? It becomes draining
Most men don't have kids...so what are you talking about?
@Elton John Sew WE(WombEternal) Just Been Climbing On Top of OurSelves & Impregnating OurSelves??.... This IS 🤡 Talk....
Your comment was long, but definitely on point!
I couldn’t have said it better myself!!!
@@eltonjohn4239Most men HAVE kids. I fixed it for you, you're welcome 😁
Support him..he’ll grow and go show out for the next. 😂
A lot of women watched our grandmother's & mother's suffer in their marriages we watched our mothers accept the abuse because Grandpa paid all the bills. The women today are saying we are self sufficient n prefer to be alone then to allow a man to abuse us. Needing a man vs Wanting a man are to separate things.
Amen!!
Facts!
My last bf wanted me to quit my job working as a healer with celebs and professional athletes. He said he’d take care of me but kept always throwing up how he was paying for things so I’d rather make my own money. Plus I think he only wanted me to quit bc I work with so many powerful and rich men.
And does it automatically make women masculine because she attains the ability to provide for herself?
IMO it makes her a responsible adult.
That's a petty ass man
What does it means to you is more important than what it may mean to others.
While we should listen sometimes times it doesn't mean you have to listen to everything all the time.
A man should only be in your life by invitation or family. If you invites him then on some level you should also trust him. We do so many things azz backwards in this world and then complain about the results.
Im leary of any man who wants me to quit my job. Literally thats how women get abused. Black men are the only men equate a woman being an adult with masculinity
I hope he is history because he is so dangerous. Also welcome to the reality of the traditional wives of the past, present and future. I hope you didn't quit your job
He was insecure, I hope u dumped him...I ain't quitting, unless I get $500 a week plus whatever I fkng want! I need a car, shopping money & whatever else...👍
Men are also forcing me to be celibate too.
They will find a way to demonize that too
Girl I been celibate for a year now. Most dudes don’t want that. Some of them can’t even give good conversations. My ex fiancé was a a narcissist.
Same here
Us as women be saying this and most men pretended like they did get it smdh 🤦🏽♀️
Happened to Me. A Devoted faithful, submissive, loving, cater to, loved all up on my NOW Ex-husband.
And you know what I got from it, STDs, and a Side-Baby, and becoming a single mother! Women CANT rely on a Man.
Never Again would I put All my eggs in one basket.
I’m sorry sis
Im so sorry you had to endure that
wow ! Unfortunately I’ve herd similar stories * Women will be nuts to not be independent these days
I’m sorry.
But people push marriage like it’s gonna solve all the problems. It won’t. There’s still individuals behind that union 🤷🏾♀️
I hear their viewpoints and respect them. I would like to say that their are many guys (not all), who aren't being honest about what they represent with their poor choices and criticize women who practice critical thinking skills (calling us "masculine" 🙄) when we choose not to engage with foolishness or choose not to deal with the brunt of their poor life decisions (i.e. being under educated, being under employed, having multiple baby's mamas, etc.)
Yup, instead of stepping up they would rather get mad at the woman because she isnt dimming her light. Its backwards logic.
Facts
Exactly... women/we are accused of being masculine when we are simply being adults! We still gotta live, which includes working, making decisions, paying bills, etc!
They have gaslighted women by equating being an adult with being "masculine".
Especially if you’re single… what I’m supposed to be? A damsel in distressed?
DUH, we've been saying this and men have been debating the absolute simple fact. Every adult in this country needs a career to survive. What are women supposed to do before they meet you? Sit in poverty and wait? LOL
It is my belief that many women have become more independent due to being repeatedly disappointed and let down in love and relationships- so much so that our ability to believe in the man that we may very well love or have the potential to be able to love has become weakened and desensitized.I am not saying that it is necessarily the fault of men as a whole however I think that men can be more sensitive and understanding and attentive enough to be able to recognize when your just dealing with a good woman who may have experienced some relationship trauma. Some behaviors are not relative to that man in particular sometimes it’s just a trigger that we hope you are intuitive and willing to see and understand.
We will be here waiting till most men turn 40! For them to want to settle down.
By niggas who was gone let them down from the jump! Women have to understand that they are also a participant in the relationship. Good bad or indifferent both parties play a role to whichever experience one shall have. Most women have no accountability and pick the same TYPE of men! Let’s be real here, women have “a type” men will have sex with anything let y’all tell it. So which narrative is it? Men have low/no standards or are women standards very similar seeing how ALL of you describe the same archetype of men y’all fuckin that disappoints you? 🤔
@@yasminogbu8929 what ?🥴 Women should have higher self esteem than that. Also why compete to go be a free maid for someone when you can get well compensated for the same job with health insurance if you got hired.
I get your point. But the positive side of all this is that men's betrayal made women break from learned helplessness. How can you have a brain and an intellect but settle for just scrubbing and baking?
And depending on someone else's mood and generosity to give some money, less than you could be making if you were working, while scrubbing and baking if you're so passionate about it occasionally?
So no. Women have proven to themselves that they are naturally independent and that they have to drop everything
and follow an ideology or some teachings to make themselves victims to be rescued and become financially dependent.
That's women being programmed to gaslight themselves, their intellect, capacity and their accomplishments,
to reject and despise a certain part of themselves calling it an anomaly, to make themselves mentally ill just to please a male and allign with societal norms created to uphold the male fragile ego
Relationships and marriage ideologies have become cults to which women loose their brains and pay with their health, happiness, and longevity.
@@dearbrave4183 lots and lots of empty words! Women have never been and will never be independent. Start your own country, build up the military and infrastructure then get back to us about how independent women are. Until then please stfu respectfully
I would love to EMBRACE my FEMINITY, because hunny I'M EXHAUSTED!! I'm a Single mother of 4 raising both girls & boys, and Ive been married to their dad in my 20's. I know there are Great black MEN out here that are doing what is NEEDED but I haven't came across them, it's only been a MASK!! So until then I will continue to be in SURVIVAL mode and unfortunately be in a masculine mindset, because I CAN DO GREAT BY MYSELF!! NO MORE DISAPPOINTMENTS
Sorry for your situation.
That being said, I think as women we need to stop believing in the fairytale in our heads and look around us.
Do you think married women are happy and rested?
Do you think husbands give money whenever needed and contribute to household chores?
I'm sorry to say this but there's a high chance of your situation being exasperated with an extra kid and a husband to carry on your back with both a job and household chores
than have a man contributing to housework and child rearing and giving money every time you ask and without complaining that he feels like an ATM , punishing you financially when upset or telling you to figure it out.
Which may make you feel insignificant and push you to go back to work, but unfortunately while still being stuck with him and this is very common.
So, I know your situation is hard but married women are called single married women for a reason and divorced women who were formerly resting in their femininity
are heavily warning against these arrangements because of financial abuse, humiliation, and restrictions that come with it.
Also the feeling of being trapped and unable to leave for making oneself financially vulnerable
You may find the right man but the chances are slim. Only 35% of men have emotional intelligence (in other words, can love, listen, be empathetic, etc)
Also predators are attracted to women with children , looking for a saviour. And the stats on chld abuse by step fathers are quite high.
If there's a way to have a side hustle on internet, like design journals to sell on Amazon or pay a graphic designer. Whatever you can do for extra money do it.
And then find ways to afford an expensive but trustworthy babysitter from a trusted organisation for your children safety
so you can have more time to relax , rest and also work on that promotion for more money
I don't always agree with Umar, but he got this one right. This is very real. Men have to realize women are hardwired to submit, it's packaged in our dna...BUT it is only activated, viable and sustained with a Loving, Trusted Man. No we REALLY DON'T like doing it all, It's hard and tiring and We prefer to be the Bonnie to your Clyde, BUT when you don't provide, protect or look out for me...I have, and I can do all those things for myself...
We’ve been conditioned to submit-look up the etymology of submit-we were not created to submit as women ❤️🤞🏾 religion has us all operating out of our true natures
@@DivineChakras777 agree
@@DivineChakras777 - bingo. Everyone isnt the same. Lots of womem are natural born leaders.
😂 at women were hard wired to submit.
@@DivineChakras777 I respect your opinion and anything that assisted your arrival to that conclusion.
I like the fact that Krew Season makes it a point to explain why certain things can happen. They try to make men see that if they treat a woman a certain way it will help the relationship in general. They don’t blame women for being strong or wanting something in life other than a man.
What does it for me is how many men want to fuck before a relationship has been established. Courtship is dead… the one man that actually did that with me… establish the relationship before sex… we are happy. We have trust, friendship, teamwork, love…. Introduce me to his mother without the games… introduce me to the friends without games, invest into me, wanna meet my father…this the man imma marry and honor. We should get back to that… but we not ready for that conversation.
This is true. I hate to leave the man I love but I have no choice bec my professional growth is a threat to him when he only give us the bare minimum. He walked all over me berated me, betrayed me and belitted me for being ambitious when he can't fulfill his promise to provide for us. He chose a low blow ho€ whose all other men's hands are all over the ho€. I am a nurse. He is a truck driver.
CONGRATULATIONS 🥳😊 I had to choose me and end 32 years of marriage because I was the wife he was never the husband, please allow me to say this Beautiful, do not have anger towards her, you have no idea what lies and deceit he has told her. Your situation is with him alone. 🙏
Sound like my story a lil
a nurse is not more ambuitous than a truck driver?
he could be a nurse too and the work would be easier for him
@@genovasquez8361 he's not academically inclined. And he is more of mechanically inclined.
@@genovasquez8361 sitting on your ass all day is not as difficult as nursing.
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS.
Imagine if more men started lifting burdens off women's shoulders, instead of adding to them exponentially.
The black woman has always worked whether if she was a maid, a nanny, traveling share cropper. I can't really think of a wife in my family who hasn't worked.
Folks live vicariously through the 1%
@@Cahluvca This, people are forgetting a woman's stature in life was based on her class. If she wasn't born into wealth or married into wealth, she had to work and live with her parents, be a wife and work, or become a lady of the streets to survive. The housewife narrative was only for the wealthy.
@@Cahluvca or just not separating things by race. White women were able to be housewives
@@soundsaboutright--- I say this in my head every time I see people say that. Black women didn’t have the same opportunities!
@@reneebrown4610 these podcasts have no problems comparing black women to other women. No caveats, no grace. But the instance you compare black men to other groups of men they'll bring up welfare, Jim crow, the Crack epidemic, mass encarceration, racism, global warming, gas prices-the list is exhaustive for why they can't do things like other men
A woman would like a man that she can trust and depend on. The problem is they find themselves with a man they can't depend on. That's that. Who said she wants to be overly independent? They always assume a strong independent woman is like that, as if she always wanna be that way without understanding why she is like that. 💯
They find themselves?... They chose.
@Mercury Mook sometimes woman accept the wrong ones, not knowing because of how the guy presented himself or naive to the different types of men. She could be in a vulnerable place in her life and the guy portrays himself to be a friend who knows he has no good intentions for her, unbeknownst to her. I have learned to choose and understand how that could happen... you are also right. Choose vs Accept Much respect.
I’m coming from a safe, not a hate space. Help me understand this sis. So are the ladies as a collective saying that men as a collective are the problem? It seems like women see themselves as the best of women, but view men as the worst of men. I get all the horror stories women have had. However, could it also be that the type of men most women like isn’t the type of man they need? That their type is toxic?
@DC Carson Music That is possible. There are women that are fully aware that the guy she is trying to pursue is out of her league and tries to not acknowledge that... men as well. Most times it might just only be because of his/her status that they try to bait that person. I feel that if a person is truly being honest with themselves, they know what type of guy/ female is on their level but they don't have the kind of status they want that person to have..via money, looks, etc and so they try to act like that person doesn't fit the bill when they clearly haven't looked at their self and see what type of status they own. That's just my thought. 🤷🏽♀️
@@dccarsonmusic I would say look to data. Even in this conversation of independence. If black women don't go out and get it themselves most will go without. Can you show a period in time when black women as a general matter could financially depend on black men?
Just the first few minutes...dropped the mic!
FINALLY...a real man unapologetically and obviously secure spoke truth!!!
Thank you Umar!! Thank you for speaking up for the black Queens instead of blaming them for your short comings.
I know it started with Adam blaming Eve ...but at the end of the day God gave him the instructions.
It's better to have guards up than not you get taken advantage of greatly. I've learned that the hard way
Truth be told! 🎉 that’s exactly right. That’s right -“ don’t wait on no man.” That hit it-on repeat as a young girl, then lady, etc. it’s a soundtrack for us, daughters.
True I believe you should have your own. The problem comes in with the constant fighting and disrespect that some women give to men. But in the end it all depends on what you are willing to put up with
Yep. Buy a dog
@@AncestralRage excuse me? What does buying a pet have to do with relationship dynamics between genders? Don’t get this reply-which is quite off putting and unnecessary.
@@sdmoore89 I have no idea about disrespect/fighting. I believe that happens when there’s people that should not be in relationship with each other. Respect should be part of a foundation, let alone having a relationship like bf/gf or marriage with someone. 🧐 .. just saying.
And MEN are the ones who say it, so I dont know how this became something they say women are teaching their daughters. Men like to say this, but when its no longer convenient, they have a problem with it when they want an easy lay or whenever they are too lazy to earn a womans trust.
Exactly, I'm still hoping to see more successful marriages and men with integrity and follow through. There's more of the opposite in our culture and it makes it hard to believe it exists. But I'm definitely praying for it!
I feel like a lot of men do not respect the behavior of honor or integrity.
Your foundation on both sides need to be soild with God first and self second.
I am independent but I will always need a man because as a woman I can’t teach a man how to be a man . I had to be a woman and take care of my daughters but when man walk away and leave you to be the man and woman you choose not to stay in a relationship and they not take care of they children you don’t need that . But I believe in Gods order he took us out of man . For the people in world today have took God out of everything in life that why it so many divorced in world today.🙏💕
My grandmother lived in the South. She had 6 husbands. They all either died or were killed. She had to raise all of her children on her own for most of their lives.
That's really scary. It kind of remind me of the story of Sarah and Tobit. You should pray over your family lineage. She might be under a curse
Nothing irritates me
More than being compared to someones “strong mama/grandmama” when im their partner and not their elder (someone who is forced to be strong for the sake of their children/grandchild)
this is not just a black woman’s struggle, now a days it’s all women in American culture
How many women have supported men in their goals and after he reaches the goal he leaves her for someone else or he cheats on her?
There are countless horror stories of women "supporting" or "building" with him for it all to go left.
@@ecclairmayo4153 that's my point
Daaaaamn! 😮 FINALLY A MAN SPEAKS THE TRUTH!! I’ve been saying this foreverrrrrr & it seemed like no one heard me!!
Soooo true! Thanks for saying the truth and not lying about what has happened to us.
I APPRECIATE YOU MEN SO MUCH, YOU ARE GREAT, WE THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. I HEAR YOU AND UNDERSTAND. THANK YOU!
Because the Man I love don't love me. I have to handle my own. He can't even commit to simple shit like calling planning a date.
Then why do you love him if the basics are being extended?
Tired of trying to do things the right way and still losing.....just over it
Their mouths say one thing but their actions say another.
I grew up with a mom who was left with 2 kids while my dad dealt with mental issues from the military. As a foreigner, she seeked 0 child support. Even though she taught me to be strong, I couldn't help but learn from what I saw daily. I ultimately learned to be self-sufficient by default and just in case relationships don't work.
I remember growing up hearing the saying that "we raise our daughters and love our sons," and as a child, hearing that and feeling as though my mother showed favortism amongst my siblings was so unfair to me but it made me hyper independent as a child and well into my adulthood. I'm changing that with my own children, though.
What about the women who have experienced only the worst from men ,? From family to the streets,
Women are tired of lies, cheats, thieves, man babies, broken, hurt, men who refuse to heal., but yet want submission, I am a natural nurturing, healing, submissive type women at 48 and have not yet found a man who deserves my submission
Time for them to heal themselves 1st then when they are healed the right one will come along
They dont deserve you.
If men were more understanding then women would be
Wow, really appreciate the conversation fellas. It really hit home. It's truly hard to break that toughness/ Independence when you've been that way all or most of your life. I'd always been so use to pushing the buttons and making everything work accordingly. One day a guy I was in a relationship with said, you have help, you can relax some, chill a bit, you have a partner now, and you don't have to be miss do everything. Honestly I tried and tried to just chill a bit, but it's like, I guess I felt like I'd be giving up a certain control that I always had under control. A part that made me strong and who I was.
I feel what you're saying about letting go and giving up your sense of independence. I too struggle with that as I don't want to lose myself in a man or lose my individuality in a relationship/marriage. It takes a certain type of man to lead a woman and not deny her her right to her own individuality. This comes with great communication though so, that he's not in the dark about "me time" as it doesn't take away from the fact that a woman still wants and need her man. I think when it comes to us letting go of some of our independence, it's easier when we don't feel like someone is trying to manipulate and control us but rather guide us to a healthy union by creating a safe space for us to bask in our feminity completely
Thank you for just getting it. And seeing that there is a reason for our independence.I think for me being the only child of a single mother and my mom having to work sometimes 3 jobs. I was often home alone and there were things. Around the house that she just wasn't capable of doing. So I stepped up to do including working at 15 and building things in the house and fixing cars et cetera. So that is another way that I have learned to also be the man of the house.I do enjoy doing things like that but I do recognize how it has contributed to me having to wear both hats when I shouldn't have had to. So when I am now a? Single. Woman at the age of 40 who has had to do everything for herself and by herself with the help of only women. You can only imagine how difficult it is at times to relinquish that independence especially in a d*** age where you have men who are constantly saying whatever. They want and can to get inside your pants just to leave you to pick up the pieces. It's a continuing cycle and most men do not understand what real leadership looks like in the house. They just have a concept of it , no more than an idea.They do not know how to love from a mask inland place but they want to force respect from a masculine place.They are two different things.
And I do agree that patience is needed on both sides because I've been here in some of the s*** that these females are out here doing and it's wild.
Thank you my brothers!! I am a 55 year old so called black woman, and I have three sons and three daughters. I have trained my sons and daughters to be abled to lead and submit. But never be no fool! I appreciate you guys for speaking up for us your mothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and grandmothers. I stood by a man for 8-years and I held him down. He married me according to our customs. But he did not for fill any of his responsibilities to me. All of my children were grown at the time he and I came together but one. My son was a teenager at the time. He welcomed him as head of our home,8and was very respectful to him. there are so many women out here with the same story. Thank you.
Women don't leave men who are trying and sacrificing. We leave men who are lying, devaluing, dismissive, cheating, or covertly rageful. We can't support people who are actively causing trauma to us especially when we have forgiven several times and explained the negative affects to our well-being.
Also, thank you all for putting this very important message out about why women have become so hyper independent due to our environment and parental upbringing. Healing millennials are taking time to reparent ourselves and remove untruths we were brought up in.
The main one for me is that a man leads through his submission to Christ. A woman has to be in discernment to really see though is he truly submitted or is he pretending.
Great subject and commentary 🙌🏽
Wheewww!! I’m going through a divorce right now because my husband was not a provider, he also was not good with finances, making good decisions, or communication. So instead of letting me know as his partner/teammate he chose to let bills get behind and not tell me. I wasn’t going for that, so my intuition told me to check on the bills and there I saw. I asked him about it and he didn’t like that I questioned him. And for me I was like wth??? Like im asking you so we can discuss what it is I need to do to help as your wife. He didn’t like that I was this type of woman. He told me that he knew that I didn’t need him so after that our marriage was completely OVER!! He has a huge ego and if he feels If no one needs him then he’s out. I said I married you didnt I? Also you should want a person more that you need them. I need my husband to provide, protect, profess and please me and everything else is a plus. I supported him in his career when I knew he didn’t made great choices because when I would say to him I don’t think that’s a good idea, he would get upset and say I wasn’t supportive even when I would express to him why I felt that way. So I decided to just go along with him and his poor decision making and it ended biting us in the ass and at that point I knew it was time for me to exit left bc I knew I had done all I could do. All I know is I’m TIED not tired of making “it” happen. I want a husband/ partner that will come in and do at least the basic things and also communicate with me.
I am sorry you are going through this. This is why I push back on all of this "support" a man double talk, because at what point do they consider our help "emasculating" and not needing him for simply doing what fully functioning adults do? Are women supposed to play this fake damsel in distress role while watching her house fall apart for fear of bruising a man's ego?
And what men don’t realize and seem to get is God calls us a HELPMEET for a reason! Not just to take care of a home but because we are wise in areas that men are clueless about
Some men grew up with out their fathers or mothers as well. We need to show more grace across the board.
What kind of grace and to who's expense?
@@RAJOHN-ke7mc What do you mean what kind of grace?
They say it takes 5 or more positive experiences of the same stimulus to erase that one bad one. Many people have unresolved trauma. People become hyper independent due to trauma (people exploiting their kindness, letting them down repeatedly, weaponizing vulnerabilities, etc). I don’t really think masculine is the right word, rather some women are willing to fight for their peace because there’s no choice and have no soft space to land…so they create one. At this stage of my life I’m not open to dating anyone not actively in therapy or open to it. I would be considered a “soft” woman and I plan on staying that way. Healing takes intention and extreme effort.
Bingo. All of this equating women being fully responsible adults to being masculine is nothing but another way to insult black women
This the video right here!!! Wow! Finally some gentleman who get it!! ❤🥲 I salute U bruthas!! Real talk! Thank U so much!! Blessings to U all. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Some women were raised by Alpha men. Our Fathers said make sure you got you. Why? Because it is not someone's responsibility outside of YOU to make you great. Yes collaboration is a must too but you gotta hold you! What happens if/when they die?Holla at Pops dem, they are our "masculine" inergee.💙💚
Exactly!
Mine Grandpa was. He didn't play. He was a business owner, self taught mason who built 3 homes including his mansion him and my grandma are retiring in. He was a boxer and a lifeguard, too. Grew up in a boy's home. Taught himself English (he was born in Puerto Rico.) Plus raised 6 children with his wife, my grandma, of 65 years.
He taught me my value and worth by his words and actions. And I'll never forget it.
@@realashandaatlarge Yes, the lineage goes way back. Astute and Debonair fasho! Men of Valor!! #theproductof# 😂😂
I have been saying this for the longest! 💯
Thank you Thank you THANK YOU for this discussion. Your points we dead on! These women raise their daughters to get it on their own so you don’t have to depend on a man because of their experiences and the experiences around them. And when a woman - speaking for myself - has been lied to by some men and not being consistent in their words and actions why would a woman trust you to be THAT man? It will take a change in mindset and time. Thank you for addressing the roots of why some women are so strong and independent and some men downing her for it. A lot of men don’t understand but want us to have that patience with them. I hate that as a culture we continue to have the struggle in connecting but don’t want to have the understanding of why we struggle. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Great points 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Some of the older guys aren’t established.
Programming..
Sometimes I don’t even thinks it’s always programming
I think some women see how the guys treat women in their neighborhoods/classmates/uncles/father/relationship experience and put a wall up
things they seen from being a child
We just all need a hug
Best commentary I've heard on this matter from black men thus far!
Round of applause 👏🏿. Good job!
Short precise and to the point 💯💯💯 I love this pod
Coming from a woman who doesn’t feel feminine due to being in survival-mode for so long, this is some great advice. Thank you for sharing!!!
You three are amazing!!! Although you're stating your opinion, it's spot on. I'm a late 60"s baby, and I've had to go it alone.. not because I wanted to...I had too if I wanted me and my kids to have any sort of decent life. Thank you🙏🏾🫶🏾 I send blessings of prosperity, peace, and love to you all.
I really appreciate what you guys are doing and the conversations that you're bringing to the table. This is what we need as a community and as a people. We need to have these difficult conversations OUT LOUD. That's how we grow. I so appreciate your open-mindedness and the 'ministry of your presence' that you're sharing with us. Thank you. ❤
The first I've ever heard man talking like this honestly it's true for the most part always love your content
Sistah Notebook,
Because, Dr. Urm Johnson spoke the TRUTH to Black Men. Sistahs , we have been trying for decades for Brothas to listen 👂🏿
I think there are a lot of women who are working on living in their feminity, but then there are still many men who claim to be "Alpha" and living in their "masculine" but in fact are broken and insecure.... and while we are being told to be pretty, smile, take joke, be feminine and oh be patient while they learn, we are also being insulted, broken down and diminished in many cases... It's sad because there are so many videos talking about How a women should be and many women watching but yet, the How a man should be videos get little to no views... So while we trying to grow for men, what are men doing? Swallowing the red pill ...
I'm gonna woosah and go wait patiently in the corner but my cup of patience is almost empty
COME ON GENTLEMEN!!!! Thank you for seeing us and not judging us!!!
I cook I clean I pay my own bills I take care of the kids I take out the trash. If a man can't step up then that's their own fault men want a woman to depend on them and all they want is to use us. Well my moa didn't raise no fool if you can't be at my level then step back another who can will and will not be disappointed #scorpionation!!!. I love love I love a clean house I love God always I love family I love work. There is only a few things that I do not like and will take serious offense to and that is cheating, lying, stealing, lack of consistency, lack of loyalty, lack of respect. Also narcissistic people. If I'm loyal then I expect the same and if you cannot give me that then get out the way I don't have time to waste.
I completely agree with Dr. Umar Johnson!!He said it perfectly
If your independent: your too masculine
If your feminine: your a gold digger and just want me to take care of you. 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️. Do ya know what ya really want?
Right?
The Black Community needs Helping and Healing as a Whole.
Thank you all for this!
Thee entitled do not think they need to earn any place in the lives of women yet scream respect us...
Newsflash: we are looking at men for more effort and proof that many refuse to show...
Okay move her out of my way. Not dropping my guard for the bare minimum.
Get a better circle. Get a mentor. A life coach. If your efforts are not working for you do something different. They lackluster and motivated by lust.
Amen 🙏🏾 - just like we go to the doctor for physical ailments, see a therapist or counselor for mental health since the Bible taboo for whatever reason... We're malfunctioning because we've left the Creator out of everything 🤷🏾♀️
Bingo. They say choose better, but the only way to do that is if you take the time to earn a womans trust. They want everything handed to them.
Well…I think you just said the quiet part out loud…it hasn’t been safe for women to be feminine for a while. Especially for sistas! We are THE most disrespected and not protected group in the world. So if you really want to bring out the best in a woman it’s best to listen to innerstand and learn so you can be the safety for her.
How disrespectful that to be on your phone during this particular conference, and that's how a large percentage of men function but they're asking women to give them multiple chances (I'm sure he knows better but does that stop him I'm doing what he knows to be wrong at this moment). In times past many women would never have just quit on a man but it actually got tiring🤔
I applaud u guys I hv tried to explain this point to guys so much and to c that sum of u get is refreshing and give me hope
Thanks for the honest and balanced conversation brothers we need to hear more of this.
You have some men that are present in the house. But are still irresponsible and disrespectful, sometimes to women and kids.
Yep. Abusive and unstable.
Very refreshing and knowledgeable conversation among MEN. Much needed dialog, good work bredren🤎
This would’ve been really great if there was a few women to give their own perspective. Some women are head strong simply because of how men have used them. No input from a mother or father. Experience caused her to be like she is
Yep 👍🏾
Great topic & great discussion guys!
We as women can't wait on potential because we have been disappointed before. I am in a relationship with a great man. He has hiccups in his financial situation and now and I have helped him. Now it seems like he is about what he needs and not what I need as well as his needs. So do I stop and leave or wait for him to figure it out? What if it doesn't work out and I never got anything but bills.
My father taught me all these things. He told me never settle, never depend on any man and to always have my own money. He used to make sure I had cab fare home in case a dude wanted more than I was giving, I'd have my own way home. Men that are in their daughters lives definitely are teaching them this.
He spoke facts!
The promotion of pimp culture changed a lot of dynamics men fell into that role and now our culture is suffering.
Yes but very true. But we get ridiculed either way.
Some of these comments are nonsensical!
~This is a loaded question 🙋🏾♀️ that does not have just one answer or explanation.
~There’s nothing wrong with a woman being independent. And being independent doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or need a man.
~An independent woman needs a woman who is not intimidated or threatened by her independence.
Sometimes it's good to just listen and learn.
Cory, I agree.
Exactly. I hate that the premise is all wrong and everyone makes is seem like a woman who is doing what she is supposed to do as an adult is somehow a bad thing. They will find a way to demonize women no matter what especially now that we are moving on without them.
I agree with you young brothers. Kudos to your analysis and self-awareness. I'm old enough to be your mother. I grew up with a father in my home. From the outside, people thought our family was perfect, Huxtable-like with a little less money. But it wasn't. My mother grew up with a strong father figure. He parented 11 children as well as dozens of his niblings ( nieces and nephews). She was ready and willing to submit. She kept asking my father his opinion of things to do. He abdicated his role. He couldn't be bothered with those little things. He was creating technology fir the future. If my mother didn't keep track of the money, we would have gone hungry and been evicted. So, I only trust men to do certain things. I don't think I will ever not work and make my own money. I've seen the disastrous effects from that.
Imma circle back for the comments from the men…..
I always would stop everyone who would bring this statement up and would ask but why is it this way then when I knew why And no one would answer. So thanks to Dr. Umar for laying thus truth down.
He gave a perfect explanation of mothers raising son and daughters differently
Aye that last part was ummmmmmmmm bop lololol. Everything else was great
Yup, never miss a chance to blame women and/or tell them how they can "support" a man and praise him for doing what he is supposed to do.
God bless you all for truly understanding THIS!!! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
My grandfather was/is a strong black man but he still taught me to stand on my own two feet and never let em see me sweat. He is still married to my grandmother and they had 6 children together. But he STILL taught me to know my worth, trust Yah ALONE, and don't give my strength to those who don't deserve it.
THANK YOU finally it was a joint storm driven by WS that has affected black community WE are not each others enemy we are both hurt and damaged and need to work together to heal
I'm 60 (and fabulous lol) so my perspective is coming from an established woman who ain't looking to build a man, a hobosexual LOL
look for an equal, not a project. You're looking for someone who takes care of themselves and has the capacity to take care of you too. Someone on your level that you can respect and vice versa. Don't fall in love with potential
My table is SET and yours should be as well. you got to bring something to my table besides a fork and knife!
When you are confident in what you bring to the table, you don't have to beg and chase anyone to sit down and eat!
What category do they belong in? Partner, project, parasite or pond? Putting people in the wrong category will mess your life up! Pain prevention is tied to people being properly placed in your life y'all!!
Whewwww👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Amen!!! Facts!!!
Thank you,
Love this advice
Ohh speaking knowledge!!! I understand partner, project, parasite but "pond"? Can you explain what this last one is?
Truer words have never been spoken! Wisdom!!!
We’re not masculine we just have to work and take care of ourselves to no man is looking for a wife at the homeless shelter