deborah williford i have comexto that point, myself...Im just indifferent to it...it doesn't make it any less painful, but im done trying to prove myself to a spiritually bankrupt vortex.
Don't be sad that the mentally ill creature hates you. Now that you realize the truth and that many others have been through the same insanity from their mother you can really begin to live you life free of the animal that wants to destroy you. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.
My mother hates me since I was born,every thing she did "for" me was to show everybody what a good mother she was,now,as I'm an adult,all she tryes to show yo everybody who knows me is what a bad daughter I am,she plays the victim,and of course I am the monster.
Oh, yes indeed! It makes the evil one feel so much better to try to turn the rest of her world against you. You... the one who destroyed her life by being born and taking away her youth and freedom. I guess it wasn't worth the sex act that resulted on your birth because now she has to suffer forever with your youth and the good life that you are trying to make for yourself. She is the victim of her own sexual desires so deeply that she did not care to circumvent pregnancy. She hates herself and she is blaming you. Let her rot in her own hate STAY AWAY FROM HER AT ALL COSTS EVEN IF SHE ATTEMPTS TO BUY HER WAY BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. SHE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YOU GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY.
@Asia McRae hi. Me too! I've blocked her for about 5 days now. We musr keep in touch to give each other strength and support esp if u feel guilt which i don't now. I'm so happy 4 us
I just walked out her life ! She abused me for 43 years. I did everything to win her heart. She cut me every time. I think God I'm nothing like her. Thanks so much.
Hugs Nadia. It's been a year for me, and the best year I have ever had. Mine abused me for 38 years--NO MORE. I hope I can stay strong as my parents start to age. I feel absolutely terrible for having to cut out my (enabling) dad too, but I just can't listen to his excuses for her anymore. He never, ever stood up for me against her, and that, too, really, really hurts. I just can't subject myself to it anymore.
Nadia Ramos I just only realised how much my mother hates and resents me. She favours her sons over me and accuses me of hating them and being jealous. She hides behind Christian piety, to cover up her behaviour! It's inexcusable! Sometimes you just need to accept that you'll never be the daughter they wanted! Sad, really sad!
Patsy, I too, observed how she favoured her sons over her only daughter. She DID accept all the goodies that came with HAVING an only daughter. In a small way I was like a younger girlfriend to her, who could advise on makeup, give facials and manicures, let her wear my clothes. And just when it felt like I had achieved a wonderful adult relationship with my mother, BANG! She'd turn into a serpent, put me down, tell me I looked fat and then bake peanut butter cookies for my arrival. Sabotage, undermining, criticism, competition, all of those strategies and more, it's amazing my suicide ideation didn't pan out.
I understand that your mother's lack of interest in how you're doing hurts. It's incredibly awesome that you bought a house. That's something I was never able to do. So, great job! Also on putting yourself through school. But on the other hand, it may be a good thing. She's not over at your house trying to pick out a room for herself. She's not going to Court to try for grandparents' rights to take your child for weekends when you know in your heart it might be dangerous. And trust me... people in your town know her. She can brag about paying for your schooling all she wants, but they see her when she goes out rigged up looking like a copycat of you. YOU are the one that people admire, because if they've known her for long, they know the truth.
What age does your mother sound like she is? She sounds more like a jealous younger sister doesn't she? That's because her narc brain has no adult personality development. My narc father used to take on the personality of his friends and/or people he met. Think about how bizarre they are! Go no contact with your bitch mother already.
When Narc Mum's are Dying: Covert narc mums manage to keep up appearances all their lives, but become unstuck when they are dying. My narc mum died recently, but before she did she re-wrote her will, leaving me with very little, and my brothers with everything. She cited that she "had problems with (daughter) ever since (daughter) was a teenager." I was in shock when I read that. In one swoop of the pen she discounted all the movies we went to, all the cafe's all the picnics, all the road-trips, all the excursions into the country national parklands to lift wild roadside shrubs for her garden (highly illegal but that was half the fun). The journeys to see her on long weekends, driving through the night to arrive at 4am, all the memories. She finally shed her sheep's outfit, the "prim and proper" mummy figure, the community worker, the famous fighter for civil rights, the admired "good citizen", the beautifully spoken, erudite, elegant woman she carefully cultivated.
Moonlight Lady, I feel so much for u !! When I read or hear about other people's narc mother's I realize it could be the same woman.Just like abusive men,..the same person..different face. I hope u feel the emotional freedom and peace of mind u really do deserve.I know my own narc mother will leave me nothing when she dies, just for spite. My narc sister is exactly like her, she was trained well. I am thinking about stopping all contact for good. For my own sake. I'm tired of their negativity and undercurrent hatred. We are the ones who r truly blessed by God. We are loved totally unconditionally
I remember when I began to assert my individuality and ignore my mother's demands, I was in my twenties, just living my life. She called it rebellion! Oh yes, being myself was seen as rebellion to the narc mom. They need you to mirror them for life!
I’m the last & only girl child. Two useless brothers are 10 & 7 years older than me who did not break ANY generational curses. I am the only one who doesn’t have kids, isn’t shacking up with someone, educated & values education. At 26, my nmom thinks that I’m perfect 🤣🙈 The sad thing is, not once have I ever stated that. In fact, some people have seen me in my awful embarrassing states. But to her, she wasn’t expecting me to not repeat the cycle. I told her that I miscarried and she drilled me with jabs & contradictions. Lol to which I replied, I believe in abortions & was going to do so. She didn’t respond. Last night I asked myself if I can remember a time when my nmom was ever happy for anyone & she wasn’t.
My sister and I are a year apart I remember saying once that you abused us. She looked at me as if I am INSANE and ridiculed me as if what I had expressed was a ridiculous statement. ABUSE???? 🤣 what ABUSE have I ever inflicted on YOU!!!? I don’t have a single memory of her ever hugging me as a child. Funny thing I grew up almost thinking that she was a normal mother but I always felt a void not knowing because of course it was Covert Narc abuse most of the time - emotionally unavailable and basically just spiteful. So fucking sad like why th fk have children If you don’t even have love to give. There was me my whole life busy trying to please my mother always trying harder because of course she was never proud of me and she was never satisfied. It was only in my forties that I realised the woman is a witch she even knew that one of my father’s employees was molesting me at the age of only 5. Many years later again is when i found out that she had known all along. And like you point out yes - I’m the one made to feel guilty for the occurrence! I was 5!!!! 😔 sad but true!!!
Being a loser of a daughter, I had one thing awesome about me.... My hair was thick, dark auburn and hung to my waist. Mommy dearest was a constant, hellacious storm in our family and my our precious Daddy was the anchor... One day when getting in the car to go to church....Daddy touched my long hair, and commented how beautiful it looked in the sun and that it reminded him of his mother's hair... I glanced at my mother's glare in my direction.....the very next day, my hair was gone...by the time she finished cutting, it was less than two inches long....I was broken. Her evil nature never stopped.
@@amberlance182 my mother cut my hair too, and I too got mistaken for a boy. She constantly told me I was fat, especially after someone complimented me, even though according to charts I was at a healthy weight. Ugh there was so much abuse, physically and emotionally.
I looked like Peter pan at one point. At 14 she told me I had a chance of being a model if my nose got fixed. I walked slowly away to look in the mirror. I had no idea my nose needed to be fixed.
My N mother did the same to me when a waitress said I had beautiful hair. I was 4 years old. When we got home the N cut my hair in clumps and told people I did it to myself.
OMG!!! God bless every woman in this who wrote their stories after seeing this video. NC mothers are bullies who pick on you everyday and say the most hurtful things hoping to break you, Tell all of your business makes sure the neighbors hear it, isolates you from the family and tells them don't talk to you, purposely buy things for others in your face when it comes to you all the money is gone, will watch you starve while she eats in front of you. Recognize the signs and cut her off it will only get worse if you stick around!
Royal's mom This is what is happening with me she yells so everybody walking outside and neighbors hear. She has Humiliated me in front of others . Been jealous of me she wants me to crawl up into a little ball and die. Written this I'm crying but I'm going to fight and keep on fighting to become everything she doesn't want me to be.
Omg i have the same problem mine is so jealous that whenever a guy likes me she tires to break us up and tries to take him from me. I live with her and my daughter as well, she is 46 but acts like 16 idk why and hates me so much she even tries to embarrass me in front of people tells them embarrass ing shit about me makes everyone dislike me, even my boyfriend's mother and who might become my future mother in law... She basically competes with me to take my bfs and flirts with them and she also Hates my 4 year old daughter so much because she makes her old now that she is a grandmother
my fear is ,.,will we become like them when older? yes they love to embarass you in front of others ,mine is jekyl+hyde changing between >the perfect mom who wants to take pride of her daughter ,when i get random compliments or otherwise especialy when i do things or get complimented abt what she thinks is good , and between>criticizing negative comenting everything i do ,my whole existence how i walk talk and eat and yes complains abt me behind my back and criticizes me in front of others.she talks loudly so that the neighbors will hear etc. thats psychopathy i cant explain it otherwise
Yes! This is exactly my experience, too! I actually did try to kill myself as a kid, and I swear, every time after that when they could tell I was getting down, she and her flying monkey son would TRY to drive me closer and closer to the edge. I actually called her out on it once, and she was so startled, she stumbled a pathetic, truly colorless denial, and then quickly stumbled away. At the time, I thought I'd finally tripped her into admitting it and she was embarrassed, but I don't believe that now -- I think she actually wanted me to know, to feel pain and confusion around that, to gain more malicious, evil, psychopathic pleasure from the whole vile thing.
faithcps so true, they always wait til your really down or in a major crisis to be their absolute worst to you, pron hoping they can push you over the edge. I'm almost certain their demon possessed. I've seen it in my mums eyes.
My mother was the same. She actually tried to get me to commit suicide via drug overdose when I was a teenager. She frequently gave me drugs and pushed me to OD. There was "as bad as it gets" level abuse going on that nearly pushed me there, but I am so glad I survived in order to leave and find my healing. I hope that you and everyone else on this forum finds or has found the healing you all need too. You do not deserve abuse - no matter what the narcissist in your life says.
Natalie Rice Same here. She was always jealous of me never happy for me. She's tried to destroy me for several years. When I hit rock bottom she tried to push me further she basically wants me dead or in the gutter
I don't agree it's *always*, about projection related to their own appearance, but rather general contempt for not being able to control the emerging, unique identity of the child. If the kids submits to the control and stays quiet, the NPD mother is pleased and stable. If the daughter fights back, that's when all hell breaks loose.
Phoenix Chastaine it's that too. And often it's projection of the mother's hatred of being a woman. She wants to be a man and holds any female in contempt for that reason.
Phoenix Chastaine true but remember there always has to be a human trash can and tje mother is incapable of love herself and the reflection she sees in her daughter.
Phoenix Chastaine the mother is incapable of love. The mother needs to throw all of what she deep down feels about herself on to the daughter. passing on the legacy of tremendous pain. lived it. still living it.
Sad, and true with my mother. I'm 47, and it took me 46 years to figure her out. I thought I was the only person with a mother who behaved the way she did. I thought it was me. It's heartbreaking, really. I feel better knowing the reason for her behavior, but there's also a very deep sadness for her, and for myself. Thanks for spreading the information with your videos.
My mother always tried to ruin every birthday that came along for me. I remember when I was around 9 years old and we both walked to the store and it was my birthday and she told me while in the store that I did not deserve any thing for my birthday and when I started crying in the store she literally threw some clip on earrings at me in the store because that is what I had been looking at in the store. I remember to this day, it was some clip on red tulip earrings. She did end up buying them for me for my birthday but not without making me feel horrible for acknowledging that it was my birthday. You know she is older now and seems more sorry for her actions but I have way too many memories like this to really feel too bad for her at this point in time.
+butterflygirl56 Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I have similar experiences. My mother tried to ruin my college graduation, and my wedding day. She wasn't the nicest the day my first baby was born, and completely ruined the day for my husband and me when our second was born. Holidays are her newest occasions to try to ruin. I haven't gone no contact, but minimal for sure. I no longer allow my children to be with her alone due to some of her behaviors and actions. Her games are exhausting!
Marlena thank you for writing to me. I am 60 years old and it has gotten better because I refuse to allow her to upset me anymore. I have decided to go limited contact and talk to her only when I feel able to handle it that day. She is 81 years old and she may not have that much time left and I did go for a long time without talking to her but it made me feel quite guilty and mean. I am not a mean person either, not like she can be but anyway, I have decided to do what makes me feel peaceful and happy at this point. I think at my age and as we all get older we owe ourselves that. I was also raised with the Bible teachings that we are supposed to show our elders compassion and care which makes their mental illness even harder to deal with so I will do what gives me peace. This has to be mental illness, it cannot be normal in any sense of the word.
+butterflygirl56 I agree with showing compassion. I forgive my mother, and I'll give her grace. I don't know why God made her this way, but I do my best to handle it now that I understand it. I want my kids to continue to have her in their lives. I just won't leave them alone with her, so when she says or does something hurtful, I can explain that Gramma loves them, she was made the way she is, and we accept her, but we don't need to like the way she speaks to us. I teach them to forgive also, and reassure them that God created them, they are wonderful, and they did nothing to deserve her treatment. Hugs!
My mother was jealous of me WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY before my puberty. She cut off my beautiful, curly blond locks and made me wear my hair short until she couldn't control me anymore. It's sad because I spent my childhood fantasising that I would wake up with long hair and that I'd been wearing a wig the whole time. I even got a gender identity crisis about it because everyone thought I was a boy. At least now I understand why she did it. And I'm getting to be OK about it - her projections got cleaned off eventually!!
My family is exactly like that. They always play to whomever they consider the highest ranking man in the room, and they are always awful to who they consider the lowest ranking woman. For instance, if it is my mom, grandma, me, and my husband, they are all dumping on me and competing for my husbands attention. But then my brother walks in and my role doesn't change, but my husband now barely gets a glance.
Ditto here. I remember taking a new boyfriend home to meet my mother, and she tore into me in from of him. He expressed curiosity at a piece of artwork, and when I took the solid wooden carving from Papua New Guinea off the wall to read the explanation of its meaning on the back, I was shouted at and humiliated, saying I had no right to touch it, and it was precious and fragile and might be broken. (Solid wood plank carving???) Fast forward on another visit home when Golden Boy is with Mummy - I go into the lounge to see his damp underwear pegged on the wooden carving above the fireplace, drying out over the fire. So much hypocrisy! I knew then there were two sets of rules - one set for Golden Boy and the other set for the Flying Monkeys and Scapegoats (whose roles occasionally switched from FM to SG or SG to FM). Interesting, isn't it? Once you understand what is going on here, and make sense of it; get to "label" it as a "system" which occurs sometimes in Nature, you begin to recover and heal (if you're a scapegoat).
Yup my mom wanted a boy... she got 3 girls... whom still to this day, she abuses. Most days I want to run away like an infant because that’s how she treats me... like an infant. I’m her colleague who brought her business to award winning status and she couldn’t even acknowledge that we did it as a team. Super sad. Everything I am and do is seen as competition for her. I sought out mothers of all kind because my mom wasn’t, and will never be, fit for that task.
My Narc mom, never wanted me to be pretty! in my H-School years, she did everything in her power to make me look awful... would cut all of my hair off. No cute clothes, just hand me downs. She let my stepfather keep me home. No girl scouts. Would not let me sing with my high school chorus class.... i never thought that I was pretty until i left home at 17. She never told me until a few yrs ago, that because my dad died so early, that my sister and I could have had a wonderful education, because dad was a veteran. Am 66 yrs old now have been successful and raised two great kids. Finally went No contact....
I have chills and heartaches reading your comment. You just described my childhood and the actions of my mother. I grew up in Africa, different culture but, same behavior!!!! The only difference in our story is I am 45 and chose not to have kids, I couldn't after everything I went through!
Omg! Very similar. Had an ugly bowl cut, made me dress either like a 80 year old or like her (tacky as hell), told me how fat, worthless and disgusting I was and would tell me I was a whore or would call me the derogatory name for lesbians :/ All of this in middle/ high school...I wasn't even sexually active. She told family members, after I got divorced (surprise, another narc!!) that I was a drug addicted, satanic whore lesbian who wanted no connection with them. I am laughing a little and crying over this video, because I now finally get that, that is actually HER 😕😩
I only wanted my mom to be my friend. I wanted her to like me, to hear me, to see me for who I was, but it never happened. She wanted to control me in every way. She made me feel like I couldn't make a good decision ever. She eventually disowned me and my four children
i have tried to love my mother but she is unlovable. I give up and have walked away. She want everyone to hate me. I could do nothing right in her eyes. Poor woman!
Narcs are all about competition and defining themselves in relation to others. It's absolutely, 100%, all about winning. And to win, someone needs to lose. It's really that simple. Think about it...
I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother. it's very true, but it's great that now I know that everything she tells me is a reflection of what she felt towards herself. nowadays, I just tell her that I'm sorry she feels that way about herself.
I abandoned my mother at 21. I'm 25 now and understand her as the cause of my distorted self-perception. She messages me with back-biting statements, hopes and condolences.. I never want to see her again and if I ever did I'd counter ever statement she made at me with bible verses because it's not a mother I ever interacted with; it was and will always be an empty vessel with corrupted consciousness, unprotected, defiled and evil. May God have mercy on her mind, body and soul.
Last words to me from Mom: I hate you and I always did......I looked her in the eye and said: I know, I have known it since I was a toddler, but I loved you. 67 yrs old now. Still trying to completely resolve it. Doing good but it can be rough. When your main love source hates you, it does unbelievable damage.
They create a grandiose false persona that appears to be very arrogant because they are the kings and queens of FAKING. They are very miserable, watch their faces when good happens to others, the way they down talk any joy that isn’t theirs to ruin. Monsters in masks. Do not be fooled and stay strong 💕
I’m with you because I’ve been abused and I don’t mistreat others. There isn’t a worldly reason for their evil. I’ve never wanted an innocent person to suffer because of my own innocence. They are guilty of corruption and they want you corrupt too. If they mistreat you it’s because they hate your innocence they want to see you corrupt. Narcissist mothers will sexually abuse their children to get this corruption started. And they gaslight their children in public so no one will believe it. If you told anyone your mother sexually abused you, would you be believed. No, you would be even more isolated because that’s the point of destroying your reputation and isolating you so they could destroy beauty they hate the good because they aren’t good and will never be innocent. They are evil that’s why those with experience tell you to go no contact forever.
My mother hated me. Simple as that. She was ALWAYS in a jealous rage. When I was a little girl, she always hit me in the face and the blood would fly everywhere. She wouldn’t even clean me up. I had 5 brothers that she taught to torment me. God says to forgive. It’s hard but I have to let go. She’s gone now and it consumes me.
This is something that I can relate to. It took me many years to realize that my Mum was a little bit jealous of me. For example, if I was telling a funny story to our relatives, my Mum would jump in and quite literally steal my thunder. When everyone used to tell me how beautiful my long blonde hair was, my Mum was constantly telling me to get it cut and dye it a different colour. When I got my first job at 17, my Mum told me I would probably end up getting fired because I wasn't clever enough to do the job. I think she was very disappointed when I was a success at that job. When I noticed that I was putting on weight I tried to diet and my Mum started buying loads of cakes.....something she had never done previously. Even when she was in hospital dying, I was sitting at her bedside and she was telling me about the Woman in the next bed whose Grand-Daughter had come in to visit her Grand-Mother that day. This is what my Mum said to me: "The Grand-Daughter is very pretty...she kind of looks like you but she is much younger and much prettier." Even on her death bed it seems that my Mum wanted to hurt me. I finally accepted that my Mum had probably never loved me, and this knowledge hurt me for many years, but I can now truly say that I have forgiven her. This has allowed me to move on.
The death bed part ,This is my fear that she be elderly I hv to take care of her & still no warm motherly feeling , still no genuine love , still no loving mother daughter relationship!🥲
Tried for some many years & held myself bk. She does not want it. Broken-hearted. she loves my 6 brothers though. She loves me (Bc she’s Christian & Gid says to love) does not like me.
I became a nurse.She got MS at 70.She was a weak woman and let her self decline.And I was the one to take care of her,Looking it at now she did that on purpose so I was stuck with her.I have a wonderful husband now and he always said she treated him well.Of course he was male.On her death bed she wanted me to forgive me for something terrible she did to me.Why did I tell her I did not remember.Since she was sick for 18 yrs I catered to her.Hub has asked me why did I still do that. I had a chance I could get some love. My bro had no children so my two girls were the only ones.She loved them very much.I still deal with this daily.
Coast Crystal there’s a number of his videos that go into this, his own mother had this trait- for those w malignant npd they are cruel and sadistic- mommie dearest subset of monsters
My narcissistic mother tried to turn everyone against me. even went that far that when she had a chance to talk on radio, she was talking how terrible daughter I am. Why? Because I have a good marriage and am happy
Yep, been there. I've often told my husband of 33 years that my Mom would break up our marriage if we let her because she is that jealous. Mom tells me all the time how lucky I am to have my husband...like I'm oblivious to that fact. She's insuiating that I don't appreciate my wonderful husband. I ignore her but it still makes me angry.
My narcissistic mother tried to take credit for my own personal achievements and would also compete with me when I achieved success. She would talk to me intimately about my father and her relationship and his sexual inadequacies. She would often ask me what kinds of things I would do with my boyfriend. It felt so wrong to me that she was asking me such intimate details about my relationships. She boasted to her friends when I graduated from college but didn't lift a finger especially financially to help me out. She made me ask my brother for the money to help pay my tuition!!!! She credited herself as being the influence when I became a published writer. After a while it made me so sad and angry and for a long time I gave up trying to succeed at anything. It was a difficult time in my life. My mother passed in 2010. I started healing around that time. Today, I own all my successes. I worked hard for them.
K'Lauren Paige omg!!! I’m so sorry to hear that. I was mad at my mom for texting the man that molested me when I was 8 and acting like it never happened by saying she “forgot about that stuff” & saying “well u kids were the one in his face”! Like wtf! Ur blaming children for getting molested!? U gotta be kidding me. Smh parents can be something else sometimes man
Same here. It's so weird, like wanting to know about my sexual life, as in if I know what an orgasm is....then throwing in there, that it's because her boss explained to her strategies on how to achieve them, and how she gifted her longtime time friend with the tips, since they'd been unable to their whole adult lives. Then she proceeded to explain to me in detail what it's like so I can recognize what it is, small bursts of explosions, like popping cycles. Earlier years before that, when I was a teen, at her job where all women worked, she brings up a conversation with me in the middle as the focus of the chat, where I get asked by her what type am I the outy or inny pleasure type, as in, if my anatomy is more pleasure centered on my inner or outer genitalia; proceeds to tell me she's an outer pleasure feeler. Wtf🤦♀️?!!! Also goes into detail about how the gspot of a women is 3 inches into the vagina.
I lost my dad in 2011. I always wondered how he dealt with my mom. Her constant taunts, hurtful words and behaviour towards dad and me. Every festival was nightmare. I dreaded summer vacations, prize day, weddings, everything. Nothing made her happy.Nothing could satisfy her. I tried everything and I saw my father try hard as well. Threats, emotional abuse, erratic behaviour , the list goes on. She blames me for everything she couldn't do. She blames me for every mishap. For a long time I thought I was to blame. That my birth was bad luck. But then I realised that it wasn't me. It never was. I am a good daughter. I'm her only child and I have done everything in my power to keep her happy and proud. But she isn't happy with herself. She will never be happy with me. The wound runs deeps and I know I'm scarred for life. It still hurts me. But I constantly remind myself that I was the apple of my daddy's eye. And that I must continue with life and make him proud. He never gave up. I won't either. I live for my dad. I know he's watching over me. He never let me down. I won't let him down. And today , I'm not afraid to walk away. I'm turning thirty. I've spent half of a human's average life span on trying to keep my mother happy. It's time for me to think about myself and my purpose in life. I will do my duty as a child but that's about it. Nothing more. I'm not afraid to walk away from the person who constantly destroyed my spirit. She has hurt me the most. Being mother means more than just proving your reproductive abilities. It's not just about cooking for and clothing your kid. A mother means everything to a child and children will always look up to their mothers and will always need them. All we need it unconditional non-judgmental love. We are not commodities to be possessed. A mother -daughter relationship can be so beautiful. If only.
Your comments are like you took the words right out of my heart...I empathize with you. My heart breaks for you, and myself. All I have ever wanted was for my Mom to be my friend. Only God can change her. Stay strong and remember it's not you that is causing your Mom's issues; it's her inner sadness and disappointment with herself.
Yes!! When you said something about how the narcissist mom treats the son differently. I was always treated horribly while my brother was always the good kid.
This is my mother, she took all my spirit . I can still remember all the disgusting words she would throw at me from childhood and still does when I’m an older adult .
My mother hated me from birth ! I had ZERO CHANCE AT ANY HAPPINESS . I came to this realization this year & I suffered a great depression when I faced this truth once & for all . She has been jealous of me & has made my life a living hell . She has projected all her crap onto me ( I am the scapegoat child) & yes , my mother has called me every name in the book . All they do is PROJECT their crap onto you . They are PERFECT yet they are sooo miserable but will never admit it or try to gain any insight into their destructive behavior.
Thank you, Tom. This was very true of my narc mother. I was probably about 12-13 years old when she asked me if I knew that there were some fathers who wanted to 'touch' their daughters inappropriately or even have sex with them. Of course I was appalled, being so innocent and young. That same day my father asked if I wanted to ride down to the river with him. (He loved to ride around and look; was fascinated with things such as the dams built up and down the river, etc. He was just interested in life in general. Loved documentaries, etc.) So there was nothing in his request that suggested he meant anything other than what he said. I will never forget feeling so uncomfortable because of the thoughts she put in my mind while we drove around and then came back home without untoward incidents. There was never any sexual abuse in our home that I know of, unless Mother did something to my younger brother, which the signs are beginning to point to. She planted that idea in my mind, perhaps to make me not trust Father. Or maybe men/boys in general. When I was around 15 she gave me permission to go out with a boy, and then the shit hit the fan. My life was never the same after that. She was always controlling, but she went off the charts. She also used to brag to me about insignificant things, such as "when I was your age I had a 19" waist." She made me feel like I was a failure because I had a 21" waist. I tried hard, dieting and all, to achieve a 19" waist, but I was taller than her. My whole physique was different. I'm just sorry that I'm so old before I found out about narc and how damaging it is.
When I was getting married my mother suggested that I try on her wedding dress. She hatefully commented that it would probably be to small for me to ware. When I tried on the dress it was at least 2 sizes to large. I gathered up the excess material at the waist and commented that the dress was way to large for me to ware. She went into pure evil anger and threw out her wedding dress. I didn't know how demented she was until that day when she really showed her intense hatred of my success in life. Now I am free of her and I can continue on with my life without her horrible memory haunting me as it has for the last 20 years.
Sarah Eff I literally turned anorexic bc of my mother at the age of 14. I got so sick of being put down and that summer when school got out I started exercising, throwing up my food and taking laxatives. I got very small... so small that when I returned back to school people couldn’t believe it was me. Of course I looked pretty. I even modeled at one point. And I got so sick from throwing up my food it busted a blood vessel in my right eye, my mother did not even take me to the doctor. I kept doing this for a couple years.. then I was just naturally smaller. But EVERY TIME in my 20’s, 30’s and even now at 42, this Bitch will tell me I’m fat! And she’s about 200 plus pounds. I’m not small like I was back then or even 10 years ago, but I’m not looking like her. My Aunt, my mother’s own sister told me all the time that my mother was jelious of me. Ohhh, I could write a book!
Sarah Eff my mother was sexually abused and became obsessed that the same was happening to me, when in fact it wasn't. To this day I have night terrors of my father raping me, even though he never laid a hand on me. 😭
This is right on point. I realize with my mother why she acted the way she acted when I was growing up. To stop or interfere with me growing and living my life out of jealousy. I have always been talented and fairly nice looking. I realized a few opportunities I have missed due to her personal issues. I was verbally abused and went through a lot of chaos growing up. Which caused me to start to not grow or strive for what I deserved. It's a sick, twisted personality and the best thing is to get away from it. They will purposely try to stop you from being free because they truly don't want to see anyone grow
I grew up like this I had a narc mother,abused very badly ,I'm a proud orphan. PS.my dad was horrible too. I'm sorry anybody had to grow up like this. keep your head up,you'll be blessed in life,love you and take care of yourself
My mother wanted me married, but she tried to set me up with looser after looser, then she said i am not capable of a stable relationship, then i met my great husband and she hated him to the day she died, for no good reason, my husband is great and loves me. You can never win. Dont try. Just move away.
My CN mom was very jealous of me, starting with when I was about 12. She would talk me out of anything that caused her to get less attention than her. I missed out on so many opportunities because I couldn't shine more than she did. I wrote in my journal as a teen, "Is it possible for a mother to be jealous of her daughter?" I was so right on. She was painfully jealous of me and caused me so much pain because of it. So now at 36, married 12 years with 3 kids, she still thinks she owns me and my accomplishments. I am 2 months NC. Best days of my life. I still wonder what she is plotting to shock me into a reaction.
I think this is an unhealthy and wholely inaccurate stance on this phenomenon. Narcissistic mothers view their daughters as an extension of themselves. Adolescence is the start of a daughter's exploration of her identity and sense of self. The daughter's burgeoning independence is viewed by a Narcissistic mother as a threat to that forced enmeshment. She desperately tries to clip the daughter's wings so to speak in order to maintain this false idea that the daughter is a part of who she is.
I think both views can be possible. I think my mother suffered from neglect. Her mother was a hoarder and may have been sexually abused by her father. My mother did not want me to have my own personality or even independent thoughts, when I stood up I got punished. This women was so cold to me. I thought I was adopted. I was never complimented. Never. BTW her mother treated her the same way. This stuff goes back for generations.
I am in the process of going no-contact with my mother. I am 51 yr and have finally had enough. This video was amazing..so many things my mom did to me as a child has come to light. She had a terrible growing up ..but I am the one that has suffered 2x over for her past. She used to flirt with my boyfriends to the point where they would bring her flowers. My father was a truck driver and never home..she craved any attention she could get and still does..its sickening. She went as far as trying to break my relationships and currently tried to talk to my now husband about my behavior...he told her to bugger off..and that she has a problem not me. I am going to need some help with family outings ..I have one brother that believes me and then theres the golden boy who deosnt think my mom does anything wrong and that I bully her...I don't bully her..I have been mean to her at times but its all the pissed offness coming out that I have handled wrong at the time.
YOU ARE SPOT ON!!!! My mom invents issues about me that aren’t even true so that she can go to a prayer group and have everyone pray for me! Everything that happens to her is projected on me as if I am the reason that other people do not like her. I have had it! I had to let her go!
I woke up to my abuse. About 6 months ago. Now that i am standing up for myself. She is trying to make me pay. For not wanting to be a codependent anymore. My mother is a sick, Sociopathic bully. Who when she cant get her way. She is evil like a serial killer. No conscious, no compassion, no empathy. She is a violent, uncaring, narcissist. She cares nothing but herself. She pretends to be someone she is not. She talks about everyone behind their backs. Makes fun of everyone. Thinks she is superior to everyone. Is a racist and a backstabber. She tries to control everyone and everything. She has no self esteem and loves being a bully. If you don't conform to her will. She will do everything she can to make you pay. She has a emotional mentality of a 5 year old. Her parents were sociopaths like her. I have been a extension of her. Never a person of my own. With wants and needs. My life never mattered to her as long as she was bossing people around. She loves to hurt people. She gets a sociopathic need to hurt everyone. She used emotional, physical, verbal, psychological torture on me for 48 years. Someday she will do this to the wrong person. I hope someone slits her throat or she dies a painful death. She will never admit she has done anyone wrong. She has never apologized to anyone!!! She is never wrong. She is a sick sick sick soul less conscienceless sociopathic nut job!!! I will remove myself forever from this abuse. She has turned my 22 year old daughter against me. My daughter hurts me and laughs when my mother hurts me. I am all alone in this fight. She has hurt me by making my daughter her flying monkey. I just wish most therapists knew something about. Parental Narcissistic Abuse!!!
I hear you and I relate very much. You're NOT ALONE, though it sure feels like it, I know. There's many out here who understand and who have gone through the same kind of hell. Just wanted to let you know that I get it and I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope being NC is bringing you some healing.
I am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you and that she has turned your daughter in such a hurtful way. It does hurt and as a mother myself, I dearly love everyone of my children and I just do not understand how a mother can do this to their own child. I was abused physically and emotionally by my narc mother for many years because I lived near her and believed that as a Christian, I was supposed to turn the other cheek and love my parents no matter what. But one day, when my kids were still young, we took off and moved over 400 miles away where she could not get to us and that was the best thing that I could do for us. You just have to quit talking not only to your mother but also to your daughter which seems like too much to ask, I know! If you give them both enough rope, they will turn on each other and hopefully your daughter will come to her senses and realize who the real sicko is and it is not you. Refuse to talk to people who are toxic and want to hurt you and you have to be diligent and if your daughter comes to you and wants to know why, then tell her that you will not tolerate hurtful and disrespectful treatment any longer and that if she really wants to have a relationship with her own mother, she had better straighten up and act right! We have to teach people how to treat us and that means weed out the ones that don't.
I did not know anything about narcissists until my younger sister died and her son and daughter turned on me. Swearing and flipping out on me, bullying and demanding money for funeral expenses - all within 24 hrs of my sister's death. They are 40 and 33 respectively and I was 65 at the time and on a fixed income. When I refused to be bullied into their demands, they became enraged, would hang up on me and finally told me never to contact them again. I was crushed, traumatized and grief stricken. By the way, I was perfectly willing to pay all expenses and so was my sister's fiance who also was spit out by them at this time, had we been asked in an adult fashion. I began to research what had happened, because I didn't know what had happened and now understand I needed to go no contact and accept the fact that I would not be having a relationship with either one of them ever again. It was heartbreaking and still is. I didn't want to do it, but you can't run after people begging them to love or respect you when they are not capable of such emotions. I had to stand up for myself and define the boundaries of what treatment I will not accept from anybody. I also know now their mother, our youngest sister was a narcissist. I cannot figure out how or why it happened though. It's very sad, but they are not capable of loving us and what's worse is they don't care.
YEP! VERY WELL SAID and it's the story of my life concerning my Narc mother and how she has treated me throughout my life. It took many years, decades actually til NOW (I'm mid 40's) for ALL of the pieces to this puzzle to finally fit together. From as early as I could possibly attempt to try and understand what was wrong with my family I started to read psychology related books as a teenager and didn't understand why my mother rejected me and treated me with so much disdain and animosity. There was a therapist at one point who met with my entire family and later told me when she and I were alone that she felt that I was the "healthiest person in my family" and went on to describe to me the roles that play out in dysfunctional families (i.e., scapegoat etc) and she told me all about the "blame game" and drew a triangle up on a white board as she attempted to get me to understand what was happenening. My narc mother ended up stopping my therapy with this woman who was helping me so much and I never knew why but only that it came in the heels of her (my NM) having a one on one meeting with the therapist that the therapist has suggested. Then there were well meaning individuals in my life (who my mother tried at every opportunity she had to cut me off from their support) who actually said to me, "(my name)...I really think your mother is jealous of you". This concept to me as a teenager I just could NOT wrap my brain around but, as time went on and the classic narcissistic mother who scapegoats her daughter and favors her sons all played out in my life, layer by layer, puzzle piece by puzzle piece, year after year, decade after decade more and more awareness I have gained and I am now at a point in my life - literally half way through my life, where I now TRULY SEE THIS AND HER FOR WHAT IT IS. It's taken a LONG LONG WHILE to get to this point but, I'm just grateful to have "woken up" and perhaps it is because I am now strong enough to fully face the reality of all of this now that I am now at this point. My ❤️ heart goes out to any and all who have been through the same thing and what Tom is describing above and I'm just SO grateful that at least now in this day and age this whole topic and it's impact is so much more widely discussed and of course, I'm forever grateful for communities like this. I can revisit the past if I choose to in my memory and upon reflection however, I CHOOSE NOT TO LIVE THERE ANYMORE.
Yup, I'm not suprised AT ALL to hear this . Especially when there's a major event like a death I think it just really intensifies everything for the "players" involved and so the dysfunction and abuse gets even worse. Scary! But, grateful now that I know what I know and I'm not uninformed like I used to be about all of this thanks to channels like Tom's :)
I had exactly the same experience, just 2 years ago I could give it a name , I am now 54. She was always jealous of the relationship between my father and me and as an only child my childhood was very difficult. I can write a book of everything I had to endure.
You should really write your book! It would be great! I have often thought of doing this myself, I think my story would make a good book or even movie. If I can get it out in an entertaining enough way.
Marion Brandsen Same. My dad & I were very close; someone had to raise me! My dad went to my horse shows, PTA meetings, tennis matches. I was an "ugly duckling." When I transformed @ 16, she called me a whore, accused me of trying to "steal" my dad from her. I was horrified- he was all the family I had.
Marion Brandsen How different I would be- and you too, I am guessing- had my dad divorced her. He almost did. I'm 29 btw, & I will NEVER live under the same roof as that sick bitch ever again.
My narcissist mother actually said she was jealous of me right from the time when I was a baby because of all the attention I got lol How can you be jealous of a baby? She was mentally and physically abusive (but no sexual abusive thank goodness.) I was a wreck as a teenager with zero self confidence. Because I accepted abuse as normal I had no boundaries to protect myself and fell prey to other narcissists in my relationships. Thankfully I am aware now. I know how to set boundaries about what I find unacceptable. Also I know it wasn't my fault and that my mum had a disorder. I still see her and care about her but I keep a healthy distance and one eye on the door, and I don't try to reason with her, I know that I can't, so that saves a lot of arguments, I just think that's her disorder and I walk away. Wish I'd known information about narcissistic personality disorder years ago.
That was my experience with my mother when I became a teenager. I am now 48 and finally walked away with so much gratitude for the empathy I have for myself and others. I so needed to hear this today. My mother became worse as I became successful in my career bc she never accomplished what she wanted. It’s horrible to have a jealous parent
my mother enjoys my suffering. Three shrinks told me to give up after meeting her. She is evil and pretends she is sweet church lady yet talks horrible things about them. She ALWAYS diminishes me in front of others especially my boyfriends. Now that I'm stuck with a NARC a continent away, he uses all the beautiful gossip my mom told him against me. When he was close to hitting me, she said :"put up with it! I did! hey you wanted to leave with him!......" no compassion. whenever I've been sick to the point of not being able to walk 4 years ago for 20 months, she claimed she didn't want to catch my MONO and that's why she wouldn't visit... I hate that woman. she kisses everyone's ass
The things my mother has said to me...I could always tell she Hates herself and her marriage. And she always hoped I would crumble like her and be nothing.....but I PRAY TO A LIVING GOD!!!!!
My father was an overt narcissist and my mother a covert narcissist as well. Horrifically nasty combination... I wish you the best on your healing path.
Katy Groves Uhhmm shaming? Don't understand? I know ALL TOO WELL what it feels like to have a miserable, petty, jealous mother....I just recently sent her another video by an expert on this subject, and bid her a fair aidue.
Your soul tastes like grape soda I accidentally misread who your comment was directed at!!! I deleted right after I realized my mistake. I am so sorry. I meant absolutely no harm.
Katy Groves No worries...I understand, it's called collateral damage after expecting that sort of thing from a lifetime of being around these spawns of satan .....glad to see you're a survivor, and didn't end up becoming one of them. (I know that may sound funny comming from someone with a username like mine, but that's my little nephews fault, screwing around with my account) Now I gotta wait till rapture to fix it back.💪😚
In my situation, my younger sister became the GC. My mother has this complex where she has to have an enemy, and that's been me my whole life. She liked to point to me and tell my sister, "Don't become like her!" My sister has turned into a mean, narcissistic and judgmental person who I don't really care to be like. Despite the fact that she received so much more materially and in terms of support, I feel that I've done better in my life overall, but this sister is focused on money and material things like her mother. Even as a teenager, I was called a "whore" by both parents on multiple occasions - never actually being whorish, whatever that is, I couldn't understand why this term was used. My sister was lionized and could do no wrong - it's still that way. I can't even explain how damaging and hurtful that is to be called a "whore" by ones parents 's as a child and young adult woman - and how absolutely abusive it is. But I know that I'm better off for not becoming that narcissistic GC - her personality and general lack of empathy is going to be her downfall. It's very sad...even sadder than what we go through as narc victims - because the world doesn't respond to you the same way the Narc manipulator teaches you. You are not, in fact, incredibly special - you are only under the illusion that you are entitled. That teaching sets up on the GC for constant disappointment and and defensiveness which ultimately leads to failed relationships. So bright side - some of us are way better off when you look at this situation holistically.
Your younger GC sister and mine should have lunch. That would be interesting to see how much they would be alike. Materialistic, selfies, degrading others, competitive. We are much better off, like you, I love who I am! And that is what counts!
My narc mother used to say how my brothers were beautiful babies and looked like her. Then she said I was a long baby with a big nose. My father was a tall handsome man with a big nose. I was so self conscious and insecure about my looks. One day my father pulled me aside, pulled a book with illustrations of ancient Egypt and said to me “your nose looks like that, you must have Royal Egyptian blood”. It wasn’t true but the fact he took something that everyone else called ugly, and told me it made me unique and special did so much for my confidence. She was always jealous of the care my father took to speak positively about me and over my life. Now that he’s gone, she is in full-blown narc mode. We haven’t spoken in almost a month after she raged and verbally abused me for having a different opinion from her. I’m coming to terms that we may never speak again.
I am sorry for your dad 😢. Hope you are better now. Narcissistic mothers don't change so better have boundaries with her (don't talk about serious things, plans, relationships etc.)
I always knew that my mom or grandma never loved me even as old as 6 years old I felt like they're the same as strangers only differences is they know more info about me but not enough into actually know me since they don't give a second to look at me unless I made a mistake.
So sad. I'm sorry to hear about this. I have seen mothers and grandmothers out shopping together and being cruel to their little ones. It made me feel sick and scared for them. The fear and sadness in the child's face is heartbreaking. I should have reported them.
Thank you for your videos. When we were in contact, my mother once told me, "I hope you have a boy. If you have a girl, you'd be jealous of her." Of course, as a typical narc she was completely unable to see that she was talking about herself. The jealousy began with my birth; could be about having to share affection, or simple jealously of the purity and potential of a child.
I'll bet all of you who watch this video and read this message are one of the most resilient people within your social groups. I'll bet that you have a compassionate heart that is also into advocacy to others who are being treated unfairly. Never forget you are the light, you were out against one of the biggest challenged in life but you made it and you recognise the negative and disgusting attributes of your abusing narcissistic n mother. You are nothing like her and your light mahes her feel weak, I'm willing to bet that she's afraid of you when you finally stick up first yourself, that she has convinced you that your not deserving of love, but in the same breath, i hope you know better... Theres a very solid but split bunch of people who who born into families with narsacisstic mother, you either liar your mind like everyone else and become her scape goat for hey own misery or you stand tall. Bright and true and start away from the selfish alien parent. Be strong, teach, give and receive only respect, family or not, it's not ok to be treated like your less than who you really are. You are perfect just the way you are, take some developmental psychology, abnormal behavior in psychology and then learn everything you can about the mind and how the mind works for people who are mentally ill keep yourself away or get yourself into a position my job where you can help younger children who you will be able to easily identify and help because you know what it's like it's just like in the movies folks when you get a super power you always use it for good being a child of a narcissistic mother gives you a superpower although unfortunately for some of this takes a little long time and she'll be realize that we actually hold the power the ones we do we're ready to the tables turn.
thank god for this video! ive developed severe anxiety and used to suffer from clinical depression all because of a narcissist bully aka my own mother. all i wanted was parents. i got literal satan instead. No father. no help. just abuse my entire life
im 19 and just realizing everything is a reflection of herself. i keep crying because all i ever wanted was a mother. someone to talk to, someone to ask how my day ws. someone that cared about my school, friends etc. someone that told me they loved me...hugged me etc....didnt criticize my EVERY move. and i do mean every. someone who supported me...why the hell was i born in the wrong family? im just now learning to cope with all of this
I would never even dare say the name of a boy in front of my evil narcissistic mother. The rage and disgusting things she would say to and do to me if I did….
when my mum was dying, her friend asked why she didn't just give me a big hug and tell me she loved me. My mum shook her head and said to her friend, " she doesn't need it." I was sat right there next to her.
This is me, my mom loves my brothers and always hated me; her daughter. Even when I was little and she let me know she didn't love me. She would beat me up physically and emotionally. Its so hurtful and awful. :(... Mothers day is always difficult for me as she was and continues to be this way towards me.
Breaking away from my mother, permanently, is the best thing I have ever done! 😊 Life is so much better 😊 To all the heartbroken men and women out there who have been rejected, life does get better. Give yourselves time to heal. Everyone is different in their journey. Remember this, guys, you are worthy, you are good! Say out loud, I deserve better! You will believe it, I’m sure. Life is precious, let’s embrace it. Hugs and comfort to every person that’s going through crap. ❤🤗
what you spoke of today..I can say first hand it is true. when my dad died and no one was alive to cover for her she disintegrated and i was able to unearth many secrets..which blew my mind...my world exploded as the realizations of the impact on my life..so i hated her but i pitied her at the same time. my heart did break for her. I wish I could have helped her but she never admitted it even to herself since she blocked most of it out. during her life she caused the death of her father from heart attack..mother from alzheimers. .my dad..from autoimmune disease..and I didn't want to be her last victim..so I went no contact..and found my own life... if I had to say her parents were too trusting of relatives they only made it worse by not getting their daughters help...instead they made up a story and everyone went along..but they moved away from those relatives and never spoke to them again. I learned that even when tragedy hits you..the best thing is to get help. don't ever feel your life is ruined..get help and never enable those people who have been victimized and chose to hurt others.. so very sad indeed. I forgave my mother a long time ago..but I refuse to go visit her and maintain no contact for my own sake. her adult life was in the past......mine is in the present...and I will not allow myself to be her scapegoat any more. I will pray for her soul...
I am dealing with a narcissistic mother I am 48 years old. I have bags under my eyes from constant drama constant. It never ends its one week good one week extremely bad. When you need a parent who is a narcissist be prepared for an uphill battle. They will rip your heart out if they don’t don hear what they want to hear. And when they do wow well the compliments roll in them whoops your nothing again a worthless daughter. Up and down up and down. Love is never consistent. I cry at work at home I get angry i want to cut her off then wham back in my life. Why because I feel guilty she is my mother. How I deal with my mother? As soon as she gets out of line I end the conversation and hang up. She calls me back to tell me most of the family don’t like me i then end the conversation and hang up. I then receive 3 emails first one saying I am ungrateful and she lists everything she has done for me. Second email is follow up of the first more lists of everything she had done. Third email telling me everything will be ok I love you. How do I deal with that!! I can’t flush her she’s my mother and 76 years old which she reminds me on a daily basis.
They are not only jealous but also realize that their daughter is going to attract other people and love and desire from other people into her life which brings joy and freedom. They have to squash the joy because they cannot control someone who is joyful and free. Your video is spot on. My mother did everything you said and also said everything you said to and about me although none of it was true. Thankyou for enlightening me!!
Crazy for sure, but far too many of us can relate....... My mother always made sure to get "caught" naked whenever myself and my then-partner were visiting for the holidays. Sickening.
These monsters live forever too; mine is still a hateful master manipulator at 94. They are truly evil and the damage is felt across generations. Heartfelt commiserations to all the women who've had to suffer these abominations disguised as mothers.
Thank u. This makes sense. I have been asking this question for about a ytear now. My mother favors the son. I could never understand why she liked boys better.Now I do. At her relations gatherings the women wait to get their food from the buffet line until all the men have food, are seated, and have begun eating. Before I even married I told my fiance about this and said I could never marry a man who thought so little of me that he would do this to me. So he waited at the end of line with me. I never thought she might have been abused. She always argued that this was a good thing to do. At 13 I had anwoman's figure and that is when she starved me. She would make a big dinner for my dad and brother. She gave me jello. Said it was all I could eat and refused to feed me. I sat before a banquet and ate jello. She ate too.She always had chicken legs, no breasts, etc. In every way ; personality, skills, intelligence, I am the complete opposite of her. I am everything she is not and never will be. We r polar opposites.
I was given $1 for lunch money. I was allowed a can of plain tuna after school until dinner time. I was starved! I got a special permit to work for the law allowed it. (I suffered for 2 years first.). I worked at a diner and got my dinner for free. Then I paid for my lunches and everything else. I have the worst eating habits now! After going thru starvation periods to diner meals. :\
A great video, thank you. Shortly before my narc mother died she told me that she hated herself. Its one of the few times i felt she spoke truthfully, and it was a "lightbulb moment". Suddenly alot of things made sense. Now i am putting back together the pieces of the person i should have been- and AM - before i got dumped on. It is a journey but i see a path.
My mother had four pretty sisters.She was very homely.I remember one of the last group photos one of her sisters said she ruined for them as she was so homely.
Just another reason I won’t be having kids, amongst many. Due to things outside my control, I never got to really live or be myself, I still isolate to this day to avoid further stress and humiliation. (Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than being trapped inside your own body. ) I know I would seethe with hatred and resentment if I brought someone into this world who got to experience everything I did not. I watched all my potential go down the drain because of things that I could not change no matter how hard I tried, even watching my own siblings get to live on a completely different side of life-simply because they were lucky where I was not-is enough to drive a person mad. I’m not a narcissist but I don’t understand why people with such bitterness (which may very well be due to circumstances that were no fault of their own) decide to have children..it’s basically like torturing yourself, it won’t end well for either party.
My mom has always hated me, called me names and yelled at me, I remember her calling me the B word and pulling my hair even when I was 4 years old. 4!!! Even my family remembers recall me being yelled at even as.. A BABY! She always favored my brother over me. Hence a sibling rivalry, I started becoming extremely aggressive to my brother due to neglect. My mom always labeled us “good one” and the “bad one”, and always called me “disrespectful” and “oh, Adriana just wants to be the mon” ever since I was just so young. Through the pre teen years we started having BIG arguments, and even PHYSICAL FIGHTS. I always cry sometimes to myself wondering why I wasn’t raised correctly. She is emotionally abusive to me, physical abuse, and she’s an alcoholic. I just wish I had a better mom. Our dad has another family. I have no one to turn to. My teen years now are especially worse, and I’ve contemplated suicide- sorry for the rant. She calls me ugly, stupid, dumb, and always tells me that I’m crazy. She outright says that she hates me, doesn’t want to see me, and wants me to die, and that nobody cares about me. To everyone else she puts on a show and acts nice to me on the outside. And nobody suspects anything even when I cry for help. She dismisses all of my issues / trauma as “oh, she’s hormonal” “she’s a teen” “she’s probably on her period” (which is why I don’t even tell her when I’m on my period, she’ll see it as an excuse to gaslight me). Even though this has been going on way before. a little bit more stuff: When I started learning how to cook, she got angry and jealous of me. She wouldn’t let me have my own responsibilities, she never gave me chores, she always said “I’ll do it”. Whenever I do things on my own she belittles me and laughs in my face. It’s like being trapped. So I’ve separated myself from her, learned responsibility and I’m trying to calm down from my life by isolating myself. But she always barges into my room. Life is hell. She thinks that I am her enemy. She even said “YOU WANNA COMPETE WITH ME? YOU CANT COMPETE WITH ME!” she talks to me like I’m her peer or something. She makes ghetto hand movements, like the hand clapping thing when talking to me, spitting in my face as she yells at me and whatever. She never taught me some life skills so I had to learn on my own. She neglects my medical care, so now I have a lazy eye. She is kind to all her sons but abuses her daughters (she has 2 which includes me) and even abuses her own mother. erghh. she spreads lies about me to my family, every new person she talks to she paints me as a monster. I hate it.
Spot on, Tom, thank you. This subject is so painful for me. I'm just starting to learn about this, and it also explains the intense mother-hunger I've always had, because I was completely abandoned basically from birth. Neglected, malnourished (but the boys always had more than enough, yup), attention-starved, and abused in so many ways. Too disgusting to summarize in a comment or anything of the kind. I think it'll take years of work to address this, and the abandonment wounds, but I know I'm worth putting in the effort, despite what she tried to get me to believe.
Welp, my dad abandoned me, my brother abused me, and my mother tries to constantly overstep my boundaries. My whole life so far has been about everyone else. I can never talk to my mom, even though she said I always could. She always has to make everything about her. It's always that I'm being negative, I'm being argumentative, or that's in the past. I'm trying my best to get my life back in order. I have major mental issues, and I just had a nervous breakdown. I'm also too nice to people. When I tell someone to stop doing something, they continue to do it. I had to really hold myself from exploding in anger the other night. I'm tired of the one's who say they care make me feel alone when I'm around them. Maybe my next lifetime will be better. Hopefully I can find my peace. It's kinda sad that a mother would be jealous of their own daughter. It's heartbreaking, and I don't think I'll ever get over what she has done to me. Sleeping with someone who she knew I was involved with. How can I ease that pain. The scars are permanent. Nice video.
After 26 years of trying to be approved by my mother, I've finally come to terms that she never will accept me. No matter what I do. And I can now start living guilt free.
Tom, thank you so much for assisting women with this powerful video. My mother is the woman you described to a T. I feel it’s very important that daughters in this situation know it’s not that they’re a ‘bad girl’, it’s that they’re mother has deep suffering. Thanks for the love!
My narcissistic mother was exactly like this until she died. It took two years for me to get over being disinherited to finally forgive her. She treated me the same way her Narcissistic mother treated her. I forgive her I won’t forget it. Life is short I I don’t need to hold onto that dark energy. I’m living fine now. But trust me it took everything I had to get here. Wishing you all peace!!!!!
I remember finally dating men in my late teens and my narcissistic mother was jealous. I was always insecure about my looks because my mother made me feel that way. She told me that sex was bad. I would really like guys but She would angrily say to me, “He’s just using you kid”. Meaning, the guy didn’t like me for me. My mother was an insecure lil girl. She never felt love and didn’t want me to feel it either, sadly
Lucky me, my mother is an overt narc and my mother in law is a sickening sweet covert narc. How the heck did I get to be so lucky. My husband BTW is the scapegoat as am I.
I have only realized that my mother is a narcissist the last few years. You have shed some light into areas I still didn't understand. Thanks for the video.
I relate heavily :(((( I just looked up narcissistic mother dynamic and it relates all to my life especially her making my older brother the golden one since I was 13 which affected me until now still
I had a narc mother who dropped me off at my grandmother s house for 5 years. I was so very fortunate to have unconditional love in the formative years. So during the years I had to live with my mother with all her nonsense, I laid low and prepared for the future. Once I figured out the problem, I felt intensely sorry for her unhappiness-at an emotional distance. She died when I was 42 and it was a relief to be free of the ambivalence and chaos. So sad it was that way. On the positive side I learned to live in the present and not be a victim and be intuitive. There are lessons to be learned from narc mom's. It is not a good thing, but life is not always fair and I have had so much to be thankful for in my long life.
My mother hated 2 of her 3 daughters & of course LOVED her son. She kept 2 of us girls’ hair cut very short & the golden daughter’s hair long. Took me till my 60’s to know she is a narcissist. I thank God because it never pays to be the golden child.
I'm confused. Narcissism is by definition self-love not self hate. My NM loved herself above all others, especially her husband and children. Why do NM's hate their daughters? Well, they only hate the ones they cannot control. I wouldn't say they love the others, but do pretend that to use them, if they are the needy type. Narcissists love to hate children, animals, other people because they love it. They get off on it. Their hate is also their entertainment. My NM never hated herself, ever, even when it was obvious that she created harm to her own daughters.
My experience as well. My NM loved herself, money and material things. She had a diamond ring for every finger and toe. Her children were not going to get college educations but mother dearest was dripping in diamonds and furs. A year ago when I reminded her of her diamond fetish and fur coat, she instantly reminded me it was many fur coats not just one. I recently got a good punch in 3 weeks ago at her (verbally not physically) when I stated she hated her kids. Her sick reply "I don't have any regrets how I raised my 6 children." Sick bitch is all I can say. I also told her how much her kids can't stand her and she said you should hear what they say about you. Well, cupcake, I haven't spoken to them in nearly 9 years so no biggie there. My mother and sibling all cannibalize each other and stay clear of that fray. I am going NC and it has been two weeks. Wish me luck.
I think a LOT of people are mistaking Borderline Personality disorder with NPD here. The BPD exhibits many traits of the NPD but it's a whole different ballgame with BPDs. BPD mothers are VERY hate filled and hateful towards themselves but it only shows towards others, especially their daughters. Many BPDs are misdiagnosed as bipolar. They are several different people but bipolar they are not. My father is NPD 100% and like your mother is totally in love with himself. My mother on the other hand is seriously disturbed and not the same kind of crazy as NPD.
I have FINALLY accepted that my mother never loved me. Acceptance is freedom.
It's your mom's loss.
I'm still working on accepting that...it's a painful journey, and I'm in my mid 30's.
im with you. yep
deborah williford i have comexto that point, myself...Im just indifferent to it...it doesn't make it any less painful, but im done trying to prove myself to a spiritually bankrupt vortex.
Me too. At age 59. :(
Jealousy is the root cause of narcassism.
@Kathleen Magee. You're right
That is an extremely deep comment. I'd never thought of it like that. WOW!
Kathleen Magee No insecurity
Narcissism = Need for control (never had any control as a child). Later, the control is seen as power.
Kathleen Magee fear
😢😢😢😢 I thought i was the only girl in the world who's mother hated them...
nope my mother hates me as well
candace rattler Mine hates me as well. I have no mother or father, I'm an orphan really with parents who are still alive
candace rattler No...not by a long shot.
Don't be sad that the mentally ill creature hates you. Now that you realize the truth and that many others have been through the same insanity from their mother you can really begin to live you life free of the animal that wants to destroy you. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.
Better to be free of the evil. Love is in your future now.
My mother hates me since I was born,every thing she did "for" me was to show everybody what a good mother she was,now,as I'm an adult,all she tryes to show yo everybody who knows me is what a bad daughter I am,she plays the victim,and of course I am the monster.
Oh, yes indeed! It makes the evil one feel so much better to try to turn the rest of her world against you. You... the one who destroyed her life by being born and taking away her youth and freedom. I guess it wasn't worth the sex act that resulted on your birth because now she has to suffer forever with your youth and the good life that you are trying to make for yourself. She is the victim of her own sexual desires so deeply that she did not care to circumvent pregnancy. She hates herself and she is blaming you. Let her rot in her own hate STAY AWAY FROM HER AT ALL COSTS EVEN IF SHE ATTEMPTS TO BUY HER WAY BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. SHE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YOU GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY.
Me too.
@Asia McRae hi. Me too! I've blocked her for about 5 days now. We musr keep in touch to give each other strength and support esp if u feel guilt which i don't now. I'm so happy 4 us
Eagle One damn that’s so sad
Ruth Sans Nom 😪 yes
I just walked out her life ! She abused me for 43 years. I did everything to win her heart. She cut me every time. I think God I'm nothing like her. Thanks so much.
Hugs Nadia. It's been a year for me, and the best year I have ever had. Mine abused me for 38 years--NO MORE. I hope I can stay strong as my parents start to age. I feel absolutely terrible for having to cut out my (enabling) dad too, but I just can't listen to his excuses for her anymore. He never, ever stood up for me against her, and that, too, really, really hurts. I just can't subject myself to it anymore.
My mother Is so rude to me
Nadia I did the same. Walked out of my mothers life at the age of 50. I am happier now. Not easy but well worth it
Nadia Ramos I just only realised how much my mother hates and resents me. She favours her sons over me and accuses me of hating them and being jealous. She hides behind Christian piety, to cover up her behaviour! It's inexcusable! Sometimes you just need to accept that you'll never be the daughter they wanted! Sad, really sad!
Patsy, I too, observed how she favoured her sons over her only daughter. She DID accept all the goodies that came with HAVING an only daughter. In a small way I was like a younger girlfriend to her, who could advise on makeup, give facials and manicures, let her wear my clothes. And just when it felt like I had achieved a wonderful adult relationship with my mother, BANG! She'd turn into a serpent, put me down, tell me I looked fat and then bake peanut butter cookies for my arrival. Sabotage, undermining, criticism, competition, all of those strategies and more, it's amazing my suicide ideation didn't pan out.
my opinion is that the narc mothers see as herself as competition with the daughter.
I understand that your mother's lack of interest in how you're doing hurts. It's incredibly awesome that you bought a house. That's something I was never able to do. So, great job! Also on putting yourself through school.
But on the other hand, it may be a good thing. She's not over at your house trying to pick out a room for herself. She's not going to Court to try for grandparents' rights to take your child for weekends when you know in your heart it might be dangerous.
And trust me... people in your town know her. She can brag about paying for your schooling all she wants, but they see her when she goes out rigged up looking like a copycat of you.
YOU are the one that people admire, because if they've known her for long, they know the truth.
What age does your mother sound like she is? She sounds more like a jealous younger sister doesn't she? That's because her narc brain has no adult personality development. My narc father used to take on the personality of his friends and/or people he met. Think about how bizarre they are! Go no contact with your bitch mother already.
When Narc Mum's are Dying:
Covert narc mums manage to keep up appearances all their lives, but become unstuck when they are dying.
My narc mum died recently, but before she did she re-wrote her will, leaving me with very little, and my brothers with everything. She cited that she "had problems with (daughter) ever since (daughter) was a teenager."
I was in shock when I read that. In one swoop of the pen she discounted all the movies we went to, all the cafe's all the picnics, all the road-trips, all the excursions into the country national parklands to lift wild roadside shrubs for her garden (highly illegal but that was half the fun). The journeys to see her on long weekends, driving through the night to arrive at 4am, all the memories.
She finally shed her sheep's outfit, the "prim and proper" mummy figure, the community worker, the famous fighter for civil rights, the admired "good citizen", the beautifully spoken, erudite, elegant woman she carefully cultivated.
I agree
Moonlight Lady, I feel so much for u !! When I read or hear about other people's narc mother's I realize it could be the same woman.Just like abusive men,..the same person..different face. I hope u feel the emotional freedom and peace of mind u really do deserve.I know my own narc mother will leave me nothing when she dies, just for spite. My narc sister is exactly like her, she was trained well. I am thinking about stopping all contact for good. For my own sake. I'm tired of their negativity and undercurrent hatred. We are the ones who r truly blessed by God. We are loved totally unconditionally
I remember when I began to assert my individuality and ignore my mother's demands, I was in my twenties, just living my life. She called it rebellion! Oh yes, being myself was seen as rebellion to the narc mom. They need you to mirror them for life!
Tess W oh my god, same!! It's shocking. I'm nearing on thirty.
I’m the last & only girl child. Two useless brothers are 10 & 7 years older than me who did not break ANY generational curses.
I am the only one who doesn’t have kids, isn’t shacking up with someone, educated & values education. At 26, my nmom thinks that I’m perfect 🤣🙈
The sad thing is, not once have I ever stated that. In fact, some people have seen me in my awful embarrassing states.
But to her, she wasn’t expecting me to not repeat the cycle. I told her that I miscarried and she drilled me with jabs & contradictions. Lol to which I replied, I believe in abortions & was going to do so. She didn’t respond.
Last night I asked myself if I can remember a time when my nmom was ever happy for anyone & she wasn’t.
Oh shit why didn't I started as early as you 👍🏼 it was too late when I found out about narc mom. Good for you to made it out
My sister and I are a year apart I remember saying once that you abused us. She looked at me as if I am INSANE and ridiculed me as if what I had expressed was a ridiculous statement. ABUSE???? 🤣 what ABUSE have I ever inflicted on YOU!!!?
I don’t have a single memory of her ever hugging me as a child. Funny thing I grew up almost thinking that she was a normal mother but I always felt a void not knowing because of course it was Covert Narc abuse most of the time - emotionally unavailable and basically just spiteful. So fucking sad like why th fk have children If you don’t even have love to give. There was me my whole life busy trying to please my mother always trying harder because of course she was never proud of me and she was never satisfied. It was only in my forties that I realised the woman is a witch she even knew that one of my father’s employees was molesting me at the age of only 5. Many years later again is when i found out that she had known all along. And like you point out yes - I’m the one made to feel guilty for the occurrence! I was 5!!!! 😔 sad but true!!!
And, in your 50s!!!
Being a loser of a daughter, I had one thing awesome about me.... My hair was thick, dark auburn and hung to my waist. Mommy dearest was a constant, hellacious storm in our family and my our precious Daddy was the anchor...
One day when getting in the car to go to church....Daddy touched my long hair, and commented how beautiful it looked in the sun and that it reminded him of his mother's hair...
I glanced at my mother's glare in my direction.....the very next day, my hair was gone...by the time she finished cutting, it was less than two inches long....I was broken. Her evil nature never stopped.
@@amberlance182 my mother cut my hair too, and I too got mistaken for a boy. She constantly told me I was fat, especially after someone complimented me, even though according to charts I was at a healthy weight. Ugh there was so much abuse, physically and emotionally.
OMG 😰
I looked like Peter pan at one point. At 14 she told me I had a chance of being a model if my nose got fixed. I walked slowly away to look in the mirror. I had no idea my nose needed to be fixed.
I failed a math test and my Mom dragged me to the kitchen sink by my hair and cut my ponytail off with a steak knife. True story.
My N mother did the same to me when a waitress said I had beautiful hair. I was 4 years old. When we got home the N cut my hair in clumps and told people I did it to myself.
OMG!!! God bless every woman in this who wrote their stories after seeing this video. NC mothers are bullies who pick on you everyday and say the most hurtful things hoping to break you, Tell all of your business makes sure the neighbors hear it, isolates you from the family and tells them don't talk to you, purposely buy things for others in your face when it comes to you all the money is gone, will watch you starve while she eats in front of you. Recognize the signs and cut her off it will only get worse if you stick around!
Royal's mom This is what is happening with me she yells so everybody walking outside and neighbors hear. She has Humiliated me in front of others . Been jealous of me she wants me to crawl up into a little ball and die. Written this I'm crying but I'm going to fight and keep on fighting to become everything she doesn't want me to be.
Yes, They love to humiliate you in front of others. I could never understand it. Now I know why.
Omg i have the same problem mine is so jealous that whenever a guy likes me she tires to break us up and tries to take him from me. I live with her and my daughter as well, she is 46 but acts like 16 idk why and hates me so much she even tries to embarrass me in front of people tells them embarrass ing shit about me makes everyone dislike me, even my boyfriend's mother and who might become my future mother in law... She basically competes with me to take my bfs and flirts with them and she also Hates my 4 year old daughter so much because she makes her old now that she is a grandmother
Royal´s mom, all that describes exactly my situation! Went no contact two days ago and let it be!
my fear is ,.,will we become like them when older? yes they love to embarass you in front of others ,mine is jekyl+hyde changing between >the perfect mom who wants to take pride of her daughter ,when i get random compliments or otherwise especialy when i do things or get complimented abt what she thinks is good , and between>criticizing negative comenting everything i do ,my whole existence how i walk talk and eat and yes complains abt me behind my back and criticizes me in front of others.she talks loudly so that the neighbors will hear etc. thats psychopathy i cant explain it otherwise
my mums always hated me and has tried to destroy me all my life. I think she was hoping I would kill myself and is annoyed that I haven't.
Yes! This is exactly my experience, too! I actually did try to kill myself as a kid, and I swear, every time after that when they could tell I was getting down, she and her flying monkey son would TRY to drive me closer and closer to the edge. I actually called her out on it once, and she was so startled, she stumbled a pathetic, truly colorless denial, and then quickly stumbled away. At the time, I thought I'd finally tripped her into admitting it and she was embarrassed, but I don't believe that now -- I think she actually wanted me to know, to feel pain and confusion around that, to gain more malicious, evil, psychopathic pleasure from the whole vile thing.
faithcps so true, they always wait til your really down or in a major crisis to be their absolute worst to you, pron hoping they can push you over the edge. I'm almost certain their demon possessed. I've seen it in my mums eyes.
Natalie Rice Me too! My mother rang me once and when I didn't answer the phone, she said she wondered if I'd "committed suicide" yet.
My mother was the same. She actually tried to get me to commit suicide via drug overdose when I was a teenager. She frequently gave me drugs and pushed me to OD. There was "as bad as it gets" level abuse going on that nearly pushed me there, but I am so glad I survived in order to leave and find my healing. I hope that you and everyone else on this forum finds or has found the healing you all need too. You do not deserve abuse - no matter what the narcissist in your life says.
Natalie Rice Same here. She was always jealous of me never happy for me. She's tried to destroy me for several years. When I hit rock bottom she tried to push me further she basically wants me dead or in the gutter
She tried to make me like her and I refused!! I'm not only worthy of love I am capable of loving, I must. I'm good enough and so are you all xx
Kayla-Marie Yasss!!
Danaé Lauren Tolbert stay strong baby girl 💗
Kayla-Marie. I can truly relate
I love you sis
Love to you all 💕💕
I don't agree it's *always*, about projection related to their own appearance, but rather general contempt for not being able to control the emerging, unique identity of the child. If the kids submits to the control and stays quiet, the NPD mother is pleased and stable. If the daughter fights back, that's when all hell breaks loose.
@Phoenix Chastaine. Yes. You are right
Phoenix Chastaine it's that too. And often it's projection of the mother's hatred of being a woman. She wants to be a man and holds any female in contempt for that reason.
Phoenix Chastaine true but remember there always has to be a human trash can and tje mother is incapable of love herself and the reflection she sees in her daughter.
***** I don't quite understand the list part of your comment :/
Phoenix Chastaine the mother is incapable of love. The mother needs to throw all of what she deep down feels about herself on to the daughter. passing on the legacy of tremendous pain. lived it. still living it.
Sad, and true with my mother. I'm 47, and it took me 46 years to figure her out. I thought I was the only person with a mother who behaved the way she did. I thought it was me. It's heartbreaking, really. I feel better knowing the reason for her behavior, but there's also a very deep sadness for her, and for myself. Thanks for spreading the information with your videos.
I'm also 47 and have learned about NPD over the last year. I feel better knowing too, but I am angry too. Good luck to you
My mother always tried to ruin every birthday that came along for me. I remember when I was around 9 years old and we both walked to the store and it was my birthday and she told me while in the store that I did not deserve any thing for my birthday and when I started crying in the store she literally threw some clip on earrings at me in the store because that is what I had been looking at in the store. I remember to this day, it was some clip on red tulip earrings. She did end up buying them for me for my birthday but not without making me feel horrible for acknowledging that it was my birthday. You know she is older now and seems more sorry for her actions but I have way too many memories like this to really feel too bad for her at this point in time.
+butterflygirl56 Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I have similar experiences. My mother tried to ruin my college graduation, and my wedding day. She wasn't the nicest the day my first baby was born, and completely ruined the day for my husband and me when our second was born. Holidays are her newest occasions to try to ruin. I haven't gone no contact, but minimal for sure. I no longer allow my children to be with her alone due to some of her behaviors and actions. Her games are exhausting!
Marlena thank you for writing to me. I am 60 years old and it has gotten better because I refuse to allow her to upset me anymore. I have decided to go limited contact and talk to her only when I feel able to handle it that day. She is 81 years old and she may not have that much time left and I did go for a long time without talking to her but it made me feel quite guilty and mean. I am not a mean person either, not like she can be but anyway, I have decided to do what makes me feel peaceful and happy at this point. I think at my age and as we all get older we owe ourselves that. I was also raised with the Bible teachings that we are supposed to show our elders compassion and care which makes their mental illness even harder to deal with so I will do what gives me peace. This has to be mental illness, it cannot be normal in any sense of the word.
+butterflygirl56 I agree with showing compassion. I forgive my mother, and I'll give her grace. I don't know why God made her this way, but I do my best to handle it now that I understand it. I want my kids to continue to have her in their lives. I just won't leave them alone with her, so when she says or does something hurtful, I can explain that Gramma loves them, she was made the way she is, and we accept her, but we don't need to like the way she speaks to us. I teach them to forgive also, and reassure them that God created them, they are wonderful, and they did nothing to deserve her treatment. Hugs!
I'm happy for anybody who got out of that. The children of narcissists suffer from unseen pain.
Yes they do
My mother was jealous of me WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY before my puberty. She cut off my beautiful, curly blond locks and made me wear my hair short until she couldn't control me anymore. It's sad because I spent my childhood fantasising that I would wake up with long hair and that I'd been wearing a wig the whole time. I even got a gender identity crisis about it because everyone thought I was a boy. At least now I understand why she did it. And I'm getting to be OK about it - her projections got cleaned off eventually!!
My mum did that to my hair too 😢 she always wanted a son and told me she was disappointed I was girl
@Nya The Gemini hey girl! What's your mother zodiac's sign? Just curious, my mom is a narcissist too and she's a libra.
@@jelenasofiya8981 are libras narcissists ? My crush is one lol I’m worried
@@sandic0924 you've got to have the lowest of self esteem to get mad about having a girl instead of a boy and you're a woman. That's.... Really sad.
Mine did that to me too
My family has a long history of hating women and putting men on pedestals... I think that also has a lot to do with it. My parents wanted a boy.
My family is exactly like that. They always play to whomever they consider the highest ranking man in the room, and they are always awful to who they consider the lowest ranking woman. For instance, if it is my mom, grandma, me, and my husband, they are all dumping on me and competing for my husbands attention. But then my brother walks in and my role doesn't change, but my husband now barely gets a glance.
Ditto here. I remember taking a new boyfriend home to meet my mother, and she tore into me in from of him. He expressed curiosity at a piece of artwork, and when I took the solid wooden carving from Papua New Guinea off the wall to read the explanation of its meaning on the back, I was shouted at and humiliated, saying I had no right to touch it, and it was precious and fragile and might be broken. (Solid wood plank carving???)
Fast forward on another visit home when Golden Boy is with Mummy - I go into the lounge to see his damp underwear pegged on the wooden carving above the fireplace, drying out over the fire. So much hypocrisy! I knew then there were two sets of rules - one set for Golden Boy and the other set for the Flying Monkeys and Scapegoats (whose roles occasionally switched from FM to SG or SG to FM).
Interesting, isn't it? Once you understand what is going on here, and make sense of it; get to "label" it as a "system" which occurs sometimes in Nature, you begin to recover and heal (if you're a scapegoat).
Kim Snyder I know what you mean
Yup my mom wanted a boy... she got 3 girls... whom still to this day, she abuses. Most days I want to run away like an infant because that’s how she treats me... like an infant. I’m her colleague who brought her business to award winning status and she couldn’t even acknowledge that we did it as a team. Super sad. Everything I am and do is seen as competition for her. I sought out mothers of all kind because my mom wasn’t, and will never be, fit for that task.
What if your mom has two daughters? Will she despise one and love the other?
My Narc mom, never wanted me to be pretty! in my H-School years, she did everything in her power to make me look awful... would cut all of my hair off. No cute clothes, just hand me downs. She let my stepfather keep me home. No girl scouts. Would not let me sing with my high school chorus class.... i never thought that I was pretty until i left home at 17. She never told me until a few yrs ago, that because my dad died so early, that my sister and I could have had a wonderful education, because dad was a veteran. Am 66 yrs old now have been successful and raised two great kids. Finally went No contact....
I have chills and heartaches reading your comment. You just described my childhood and the actions of my mother. I grew up in Africa, different culture but, same behavior!!!! The only difference in our story is I am 45 and chose not to have kids, I couldn't after everything I went through!
Same with the college. Never told I was eligible.
Omg! Very similar. Had an ugly bowl cut, made me dress either like a 80 year old or like her (tacky as hell), told me how fat, worthless and disgusting I was and would tell me I was a whore or would call me the derogatory name for lesbians :/ All of this in middle/ high school...I wasn't even sexually active. She told family members, after I got divorced (surprise, another narc!!) that I was a drug addicted, satanic whore lesbian who wanted no connection with them.
I am laughing a little and crying over this video, because I now finally get that, that is actually HER 😕😩
Bubbles McRainbow sounds about right. I was going to ask you was she any of those things that you mentioned
Khaleesi L shit is sad. Thanks for your insight
I only wanted my mom to be my friend. I wanted her to like me, to hear me, to see me for who I was, but it never happened. She wanted to control me in every way. She made me feel like I couldn't make a good decision ever. She eventually disowned me and my four children
There's my life and I thought I was the only one
i have tried to love my mother but she is unlovable. I give up and have walked away. She want everyone to hate me. I could do nothing right in her eyes. Poor woman!
Poor you!
My story exactly 😢
They don't hate them all. My narc mom loves my other two sisters but she despises me. I was nothing but free labor and baby-sitter.
Ms. Johnnie I think they sell hate them but in a different way, and the minute they turn on her she will hate them too.
She probably doesnt love the other two. She is showing them favoritism to hurt you. A narcissist doesnt love anyone.
same.
Its a performative love. Trust they are masters at it. You were unfortunately the sacrif1ce
You are the scapegoat of the family, getting the blame of all their issues. You can watch video about it.
Narcs are all about competition and defining themselves in relation to others.
It's absolutely, 100%, all about winning. And to win, someone needs to lose.
It's really that simple.
Think about it...
Capricorn
My mom has hated/abused me since I was a toddler. I finally cut all ties to her. I'm much happier without her.
Mine did the same thing and I'm on no contact for the past 6 months...Shit hurts sometimes, but as you state , feels better without her in my life .
I wish I could do the same.
Actually I will... Once I get independent and start earning. I won't even look at her face. My life will be much sorted then:)
Same here.
I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother. it's very true, but it's great that now I know that everything she tells me is a reflection of what she felt towards herself. nowadays, I just tell her that I'm sorry she feels that way about herself.
I abandoned my mother at 21. I'm 25 now and understand her as the cause of my distorted self-perception. She messages me with back-biting statements, hopes and condolences.. I never want to see her again and if I ever did I'd counter ever statement she made at me with bible verses because it's not a mother I ever interacted with; it was and will always be an empty vessel with corrupted consciousness, unprotected, defiled and evil. May God have mercy on her mind, body and soul.
I agree, it's projection. My mother hated me from the get-go. She let me be abused too.
Last words to me from Mom: I hate you and I always did......I looked her in the eye and said: I know, I have known it since I was a toddler, but I loved you. 67 yrs old now. Still trying to completely resolve it. Doing good but it can be rough. When your main love source hates you, it does unbelievable damage.
It is her disorder talking. You are enough, you always were. Hugs.
Shame here
I hope you know Jesus loves you.
He does.
I don't think they hate themselves...they are too selfish..and inconsiderate when it comes to the needs of others
Adri Brand oh no, they do not hate themselves! Ha! They love themselves too damn much! I promise y’all that
They create a grandiose false persona that appears to be very arrogant because they are the kings and queens of FAKING.
They are very miserable, watch their faces when good happens to others, the way they down talk any joy that isn’t theirs to ruin. Monsters in masks.
Do not be fooled and stay strong 💕
I’m with you because I’ve been abused and I don’t mistreat others. There isn’t a worldly reason for their evil. I’ve never wanted an innocent person to suffer because of my own innocence. They are guilty of corruption and they want you corrupt too. If they mistreat you it’s because they hate your innocence they want to see you corrupt. Narcissist mothers will sexually abuse their children to get this corruption started. And they gaslight their children in public so no one will believe it. If you told anyone your mother sexually abused you, would you be believed. No, you would be even more isolated because that’s the point of destroying your reputation and isolating you so they could destroy beauty they hate the good because they aren’t good and will never be innocent. They are evil that’s why those with experience tell you to go no contact forever.
Hatred of self can be unconscious
My mother hated me. Simple as that. She was ALWAYS in a jealous rage. When I was a little girl, she always hit me in the face and the blood would fly everywhere. She wouldn’t even clean me up. I had 5 brothers that she taught to torment me. God says to forgive. It’s hard but I have to let go. She’s gone now and it consumes me.
😢 I have a 5 yrs old princess… hope I’m wrong about her mother
my mother slapped me in the face until I was 30 then I slapped her back, felt great
This is something that I can relate to. It took me many years to realize that my Mum was a little bit jealous of me. For example, if I was telling a funny story to our relatives, my Mum would jump in and quite literally steal my thunder. When everyone used to tell me how beautiful my long blonde hair was, my Mum was constantly telling me to get it cut and dye it a different colour. When I got my first job at 17, my Mum told me I would probably end up getting fired because I wasn't clever enough to do the job. I think she was very disappointed when I was a success at that job. When I noticed that I was putting on weight I tried to diet and my Mum started buying loads of cakes.....something she had never done previously. Even when she was in hospital dying, I was sitting at her bedside and she was telling me about the Woman in the next bed whose Grand-Daughter had come in to visit her Grand-Mother that day. This is what my Mum said to me: "The Grand-Daughter is very pretty...she kind of looks like you but she is much younger and much prettier." Even on her death bed it seems that my Mum wanted to hurt me. I finally accepted that my Mum had probably never loved me, and this knowledge hurt me for many years, but I can now truly say that I have forgiven her. This has allowed me to move on.
awful thing to say to you!!
The death bed part ,This is my fear that she be elderly I hv to take care of her & still no warm motherly feeling , still no genuine love , still no loving mother daughter relationship!🥲
Tried for some many years & held myself bk. She does not want it. Broken-hearted. she loves my 6 brothers though. She loves me (Bc she’s Christian & Gid says to love) does not like me.
I became a nurse.She got MS at 70.She was a weak woman and let her self decline.And I was the one to take care of her,Looking it at now she did that on purpose so I was stuck with her.I have a wonderful husband now and he always said she treated him well.Of course he was male.On her death bed she wanted me to forgive me for something terrible she did to me.Why did I tell her I did not remember.Since she was sick for 18 yrs I catered to her.Hub has asked me why did I still do that. I had a chance I could get some love. My bro had no children so my two girls were the only ones.She loved them very much.I still deal with this daily.
im so sorry you ecperienced this......u deserve better! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Mine is incredibly sadistic as well
Extremely sorry to know that
Coast Crystal there’s a number of his videos that go into this, his own mother had this trait- for those w malignant npd they are cruel and sadistic- mommie dearest subset of monsters
My narcissistic mother tried to turn everyone against me. even went that far that when she had a chance to talk on radio, she was talking how terrible daughter I am. Why? Because I have a good marriage and am happy
Thank God he gave you good husband and good marriage, after all the tests with a horrible mother!
Same ugh how did i deal it a been 5 yeara
Yep, been there. I've often told my husband of 33 years that my Mom would break up our marriage if we let her because she is that jealous. Mom tells me all the time how lucky I am to have my husband...like I'm oblivious to that fact. She's insuiating that I don't appreciate my wonderful husband.
I ignore her but it still makes me angry.
My narcissistic mother tried to take credit for my own personal achievements and would also compete with me when I achieved success. She would talk to me intimately about my father and her relationship and his sexual inadequacies. She would often ask me what kinds of things I would do with my boyfriend. It felt so wrong to me that she was asking me such intimate details about my relationships. She boasted to her friends when I graduated from college but didn't lift a finger especially financially to help me out. She made me ask my brother for the money to help pay my tuition!!!! She credited herself as being the influence when I became a published writer. After a while it made me so sad and angry and for a long time I gave up trying to succeed at anything. It was a difficult time in my life. My mother passed in 2010. I started healing around that time. Today, I own all my successes. I worked hard for them.
Carey Doris Widman I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad now you can live for yourself
l wish she was alive to see you now.
K'Lauren Paige omg!!! I’m so sorry to hear that. I was mad at my mom for texting the man that molested me when I was 8 and acting like it never happened by saying she “forgot about that stuff” & saying “well u kids were the one in his face”! Like wtf! Ur blaming children for getting molested!? U gotta be kidding me. Smh parents can be something else sometimes man
Good for you. God always was there for you and never forsake you. Always be happy for our creator he is our true loving father that never fails us.
Same here. It's so weird, like wanting to know about my sexual life, as in if I know what an orgasm is....then throwing in there, that it's because her boss explained to her strategies on how to achieve them, and how she gifted her longtime time friend with the tips, since they'd been unable to their whole adult lives. Then she proceeded to explain to me in detail what it's like so I can recognize what it is, small bursts of explosions, like popping cycles. Earlier years before that, when I was a teen, at her job where all women worked, she brings up a conversation with me in the middle as the focus of the chat, where I get asked by her what type am I the outy or inny pleasure type, as in, if my anatomy is more pleasure centered on my inner or outer genitalia; proceeds to tell me she's an outer pleasure feeler. Wtf🤦♀️?!!! Also goes into detail about how the gspot of a women is 3 inches into the vagina.
I lost my dad in 2011. I always wondered how he dealt with my mom. Her constant taunts, hurtful words and behaviour towards dad and me. Every festival was nightmare. I dreaded summer vacations, prize day, weddings, everything. Nothing made her happy.Nothing could satisfy her. I tried everything and I saw my father try hard as well. Threats, emotional abuse, erratic behaviour , the list goes on. She blames me for everything she couldn't do. She blames me for every mishap. For a long time I thought I was to blame. That my birth was bad luck. But then I realised that it wasn't me. It never was. I am a good daughter. I'm her only child and I have done everything in my power to keep her happy and proud. But she isn't happy with herself. She will never be happy with me. The wound runs deeps and I know I'm scarred for life. It still hurts me. But I constantly remind myself that I was the apple of my daddy's eye. And that I must continue with life and make him proud. He never gave up. I won't either. I live for my dad. I know he's watching over me. He never let me down. I won't let him down. And today , I'm not afraid to walk away. I'm turning thirty. I've spent half of a human's average life span on trying to keep my mother happy. It's time for me to think about myself and my purpose in life. I will do my duty as a child but that's about it. Nothing more. I'm not afraid to walk away from the person who constantly destroyed my spirit. She has hurt me the most. Being mother means more than just proving your reproductive abilities. It's not just about cooking for and clothing your kid. A mother means everything to a child and children will always look up to their mothers and will always need them. All we need it unconditional non-judgmental love. We are not commodities to be possessed. A mother -daughter relationship can be so beautiful. If only.
Your comments are like you took the words right out of my heart...I empathize with you. My heart breaks for you, and myself. All I have ever wanted was for my Mom to be my friend. Only God can change her. Stay strong and remember it's not you that is causing your Mom's issues; it's her inner sadness and disappointment with herself.
Yes!! When you said something about how the narcissist mom treats the son differently. I was always treated horribly while my brother was always the good kid.
This is my mother, she took all my spirit . I can still remember all the disgusting words she would throw at me from childhood and still does when I’m an older adult .
Psalm 27
My mother hated me from birth ! I had ZERO CHANCE AT ANY HAPPINESS . I came to this realization this year & I suffered a great depression when I faced this truth once & for all . She has been jealous of me & has made my life a living hell . She has projected all her crap onto me ( I am the scapegoat child) & yes , my mother has called me every name in the book . All they do is PROJECT their crap onto you . They are PERFECT yet they are sooo miserable but will never admit it or try to gain any insight into their destructive behavior.
My mother is so jealous of me.she tried to ruin my Life.she competes me
Same
This explains my mother .
Candice Walker mine too.
Mine also
mine too
Thank you, Tom.
This was very true of my narc mother.
I was probably about 12-13 years old when she asked me if I knew that there were some fathers who wanted to 'touch' their daughters inappropriately or even have sex with them. Of course I was appalled, being so innocent and young.
That same day my father asked if I wanted to ride down to the river with him. (He loved to ride around and look; was fascinated with things such as the dams built up and down the river, etc. He was just interested in life in general. Loved documentaries, etc.)
So there was nothing in his request that suggested he meant anything other than what he said. I will never forget feeling so uncomfortable because of the thoughts she put in my mind while we drove around and then came back home without untoward incidents. There was never any sexual abuse in our home that I know of, unless Mother did something to my younger brother, which the signs are beginning to point to.
She planted that idea in my mind, perhaps to make me not trust Father. Or maybe men/boys in general. When I was around 15 she gave me permission to go out with a boy, and then the shit hit the fan. My life was never the same after that. She was always controlling, but she went off the charts.
She also used to brag to me about insignificant things, such as "when I was your age I had a 19" waist." She made me feel like I was a failure because I had a 21" waist. I tried hard, dieting and all, to achieve a 19" waist, but I was taller than her. My whole physique was different. I'm just sorry that I'm so old before I found out about narc and how damaging it is.
NC *does* mean "game over".
They're the only ones still playing.
I'm so sorry about your oldest sister. That came very close to being my fate as well.
Sarah Eff my narc mom did both of those things as well
When I was getting married my mother suggested that I try on her wedding dress. She hatefully commented that it would probably be to small for me to ware. When I tried on the dress it was at least 2 sizes to large. I gathered up the excess material at the waist and commented that the dress was way to large for me to ware. She went into pure evil anger and threw out her wedding dress. I didn't know how demented she was until that day when she really showed her intense hatred of my success in life. Now I am free of her and I can continue on with my life without her horrible memory haunting me as it has for the last 20 years.
Sarah Eff I literally turned anorexic bc of my mother at the age of 14. I got so sick of being put down and that summer when school got out I started exercising, throwing up my food and taking laxatives. I got very small... so small that when I returned back to school people couldn’t believe it was me. Of course I looked pretty. I even modeled at one point. And I got so sick from throwing up my food it busted a blood vessel in my right eye, my mother did not even take me to the doctor. I kept doing this for a couple years.. then I was just naturally smaller. But EVERY TIME in my 20’s, 30’s and even now at 42, this Bitch will tell me I’m fat! And she’s about 200 plus pounds. I’m not small like I was back then or even 10 years ago, but I’m not looking like her. My Aunt, my mother’s own sister told me all the time that my mother was jelious of me. Ohhh, I could write a book!
Sarah Eff my mother was sexually abused and became obsessed that the same was happening to me, when in fact it wasn't. To this day I have night terrors of my father raping me, even though he never laid a hand on me. 😭
This is right on point. I realize with my mother why she acted the way she acted when I was growing up. To stop or interfere with me growing and living my life out of jealousy. I have always been talented and fairly nice looking. I realized a few opportunities I have missed due to her personal issues. I was verbally abused and went through a lot of chaos growing up. Which caused me to start to not grow or strive for what I deserved. It's a sick, twisted personality and the best thing is to get away from it. They will purposely try to stop you from being free because they truly don't want to see anyone grow
I grew up like this I had a narc mother,abused very badly ,I'm a proud orphan. PS.my dad was horrible too. I'm sorry anybody had to grow up like this. keep your head up,you'll be blessed in life,love you and take care of yourself
My mother wanted me married, but she tried to set me up with looser after looser, then she said i am not capable of a stable relationship, then i met my great husband and she hated him to the day she died, for no good reason, my husband is great and loves me. You can never win. Dont try. Just move away.
Every time you talk about narc mothers, it's like you're accurately describing my situation. And it's so incredibly validating. Thank you.
4:29 I need to listen to over and over. I am not the things my mom said about me. I deserve love.
🖤🦋
My CN mom was very jealous of me, starting with when I was about 12. She would talk me out of anything that caused her to get less attention than her. I missed out on so many opportunities because I couldn't shine more than she did. I wrote in my journal as a teen, "Is it possible for a mother to be jealous of her daughter?" I was so right on. She was painfully jealous of me and caused me so much pain because of it.
So now at 36, married 12 years with 3 kids, she still thinks she owns me and my accomplishments. I am 2 months NC. Best days of my life. I still wonder what she is plotting to shock me into a reaction.
I think this is an unhealthy and wholely inaccurate stance on this phenomenon. Narcissistic mothers view their daughters as an extension of themselves. Adolescence is the start of a daughter's exploration of her identity and sense of self. The daughter's burgeoning independence is viewed by a Narcissistic mother as a threat to that forced enmeshment. She desperately tries to clip the daughter's wings so to speak in order to maintain this false idea that the daughter is a part of who she is.
I think both views can be possible. I think my mother suffered from neglect. Her mother was a hoarder and may have been sexually abused by her father. My mother did not want me to have my own personality or even independent thoughts,
when I stood up I got punished. This women was so cold to me. I thought I was adopted. I was never complimented. Never. BTW her mother treated her the same way. This stuff goes back for generations.
I am in the process of going no-contact with my mother. I am 51 yr and have finally had enough. This video was amazing..so many things my mom did to me as a child has come to light. She had a terrible growing up ..but I am the one that has suffered 2x over for her past. She used to flirt with my boyfriends to the point where they would bring her flowers. My father was a truck driver and never home..she craved any attention she could get and still does..its sickening. She went as far as trying to break my relationships and currently tried to talk to my now husband about my behavior...he told her to bugger off..and that she has a problem not me. I am going to need some help with family outings ..I have one brother that believes me and then theres the golden boy who deosnt think my mom does anything wrong and that I bully her...I don't bully her..I have been mean to her at times but its all the pissed offness coming out that I have handled wrong at the time.
YOU ARE SPOT ON!!!! My mom invents issues about me that aren’t even true so that she can go to a prayer group and have everyone pray for me! Everything that happens to her is projected on me as if I am the reason that other people do not like her. I have had it! I had to let her go!
My mother could have had so much more in life if she had built me up rather than laugh as she tried to bury me .
I've been told my narc mom hates me because I'm everything she WISHes she was.
spacedout You broke the cycle and see it. Bravo. Maybe limit or no contact with her/them. No other way to stay healthy. Good Luck
I woke up to my abuse. About 6 months ago. Now that i am standing up for
myself. She is trying to make me pay. For not wanting to be a
codependent anymore. My mother is a sick, Sociopathic bully. Who when
she cant get her way. She is evil like a serial killer. No conscious, no
compassion, no empathy. She is a violent, uncaring, narcissist. She
cares nothing but herself. She pretends to be someone she is not. She
talks about everyone behind their backs. Makes fun of everyone. Thinks
she is superior to everyone. Is a racist and a backstabber. She tries to
control everyone and everything. She has no self esteem and loves being
a bully. If you don't conform to her will. She will do everything she
can to make you pay. She has a emotional mentality of a 5 year old. Her
parents were sociopaths like her. I have been a extension of her. Never a
person of my own. With wants and needs. My life never mattered to her
as long as she was bossing people around. She loves to hurt people. She
gets a sociopathic need to hurt everyone. She used emotional, physical,
verbal, psychological torture on me for 48 years. Someday she will do
this to the wrong person. I hope someone slits her throat or she dies a
painful death. She will never admit she has done anyone wrong. She has
never apologized to anyone!!! She is never wrong. She is a sick sick
sick soul less conscienceless sociopathic nut job!!! I will remove
myself forever from this abuse. She has turned my 22 year old daughter against me. My daughter hurts me and laughs when my mother hurts me. I am all alone in this fight. She has hurt me by making my daughter her flying monkey. I just wish most therapists knew
something about. Parental Narcissistic Abuse!!!
I hear you and I relate very much. You're NOT ALONE, though it sure feels like it, I know. There's many out here who understand and who have gone through the same kind of hell. Just wanted to let you know that I get it and I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope being NC is bringing you some healing.
I am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you and that she has turned your daughter in such a hurtful way. It does hurt and as a mother myself, I dearly love everyone of my children and I just do not understand how a mother can do this to their own child. I was abused physically and emotionally by my narc mother for many years because I lived near her and believed that as a Christian, I was supposed to turn the other cheek and love my parents no matter what. But one day, when my kids were still young, we took off and moved over 400 miles away where she could not get to us and that was the best thing that I could do for us. You just have to quit talking not only to your mother but also to your daughter which seems like too much to ask, I know! If you give them both enough rope, they will turn on each other and hopefully your daughter will come to her senses and realize who the real sicko is and it is not you. Refuse to talk to people who are toxic and want to hurt you and you have to be diligent and if your daughter comes to you and wants to know why, then tell her that you will not tolerate hurtful and disrespectful treatment any longer and that if she really wants to have a relationship with her own mother, she had better straighten up and act right! We have to teach people how to treat us and that means weed out the ones that don't.
This is sad. We all deserve happiness. Mine only happy when there is misery and she there to see it. Go for peace and happiness every time..
butterflygirl56 Amen!! I Agree 100%... Awesome Advice!
I did not know anything about narcissists until my younger sister died and her son and daughter turned on me. Swearing and flipping out on me, bullying and demanding money for funeral expenses - all within 24 hrs of my sister's death. They are 40 and 33 respectively and I was 65 at the time and on a fixed income. When I refused to be bullied into their demands, they became enraged, would hang up on me and finally told me never to contact them again. I was crushed, traumatized and grief stricken. By the way, I was perfectly willing to pay all expenses and so was my sister's fiance who also was spit out by them at this time, had we been asked in an adult fashion. I began to research what had happened, because I didn't know what had happened and now understand I needed to go no contact and accept the fact that I would not be having a relationship with either one of them ever again. It was heartbreaking and still is. I didn't want to do it, but you can't run after people begging them to love or respect you when they are not capable of such emotions. I had to stand up for myself and define the boundaries of what treatment I will not accept from anybody. I also know now their mother, our youngest sister was a narcissist. I cannot figure out how or why it happened though. It's very sad, but they are not capable of loving us and what's worse is they don't care.
Now my childhood makes so much more sense
I’m 18, and all my life I’ve been confused about this. I thought I was the only person whose mum hates them. Thank you so so much for sharing.
YEP! VERY WELL SAID and it's the story of my life concerning my Narc mother and how she has treated me throughout my life. It took many years, decades actually til NOW (I'm mid 40's) for ALL of the pieces to this puzzle to finally fit together. From as early as I could possibly attempt to try and understand what was wrong with my family I started to read psychology related books as a teenager and didn't understand why my mother rejected me and treated me with so much disdain and animosity. There was a therapist at one point who met with my entire family and later told me when she and I were alone that she felt that I was the "healthiest person in my family" and went on to describe to me the roles that play out in dysfunctional families (i.e., scapegoat etc) and she told me all about the "blame game" and drew a triangle up on a white board as she attempted to get me to understand what was happenening. My narc mother ended up stopping my therapy with this woman who was helping me so much and I never knew why but only that it came in the heels of her (my NM) having a one on one meeting with the therapist that the therapist has suggested. Then there were well meaning individuals in my life (who my mother tried at every opportunity she had to cut me off from their support) who actually said to me, "(my name)...I really think your mother is jealous of you". This concept to me as a teenager I just could NOT wrap my brain around but, as time went on and the classic narcissistic mother who scapegoats her daughter and favors her sons all played out in my life, layer by layer, puzzle piece by puzzle piece, year after year, decade after decade more and more awareness I have gained and I am now at a point in my life - literally half way through my life, where I now TRULY SEE THIS AND HER FOR WHAT IT IS. It's taken a LONG LONG WHILE to get to this point but, I'm just grateful to have "woken up" and perhaps it is because I am now strong enough to fully face the reality of all of this now that I am now at this point. My ❤️ heart goes out to any and all who have been through the same thing and what Tom is describing above and I'm just SO grateful that at least now in this day and age this whole topic and it's impact is so much more widely discussed and of course, I'm forever grateful for communities like this. I can revisit the past if I choose to in my memory and upon reflection however, I CHOOSE NOT TO LIVE THERE ANYMORE.
Yup, I'm not suprised AT ALL to hear this . Especially when there's a major event like a death I think it just really intensifies everything for the "players" involved and so the dysfunction and abuse gets even worse. Scary! But, grateful now that I know what I know and I'm not uninformed like I used to be about all of this thanks to channels like Tom's :)
I had exactly the same experience, just 2 years ago I could give it a name , I am now 54. She was always jealous of the relationship between my father and me and as an only child my childhood was very difficult. I can write a book of everything I had to endure.
You should really write your book! It would be great! I have often thought of doing this myself, I think my story would make a good book or even movie. If I can get it out in an entertaining enough way.
Marion Brandsen Same. My dad & I were very close; someone had to raise me! My dad went to my horse shows, PTA meetings, tennis matches. I was an "ugly duckling." When I transformed @ 16, she called me a whore, accused me of trying to "steal" my dad from her. I was horrified- he was all the family I had.
Marion Brandsen How different I would be- and you too, I am guessing- had my dad divorced her. He almost did. I'm 29 btw, & I will NEVER live under the same roof as that sick bitch ever again.
My narcissist mother actually said she was jealous of me right from the time when I was a baby because of all the attention I got lol How can you be jealous of a baby? She was mentally and physically abusive (but no sexual abusive thank goodness.) I was a wreck as a teenager with zero self confidence. Because I accepted abuse as normal I had no boundaries to protect myself and fell prey to other narcissists in my relationships. Thankfully I am aware now. I know how to set boundaries about what I find unacceptable. Also I know it wasn't my fault and that my mum had a disorder. I still see her and care about her but I keep a healthy distance and one eye on the door, and I don't try to reason with her, I know that I can't, so that saves a lot of arguments, I just think that's her disorder and I walk away. Wish I'd known information about narcissistic personality disorder years ago.
OMG yes, my mother is an aggressive narc and my mother in law is covert. Both use money as a weapon, buy compulsively and hoard everything.
That was my experience with my mother when I became a teenager. I am now 48 and finally walked away with so much gratitude for the empathy I have for myself and others. I so needed to hear this today. My mother became worse as I became successful in my career bc she never accomplished what she wanted. It’s horrible to have a jealous parent
my mother enjoys my suffering. Three shrinks told me to give up after meeting her. She is evil and pretends she is sweet church lady yet talks horrible things about them. She ALWAYS diminishes me in front of others especially my boyfriends. Now that I'm stuck with a NARC a continent away, he uses all the beautiful gossip my mom told him against me. When he was close to hitting me, she said :"put up with it! I did! hey you wanted to leave with him!......" no compassion. whenever I've been sick to the point of not being able to walk 4 years ago for 20 months, she claimed she didn't want to catch my MONO and that's why she wouldn't visit... I hate that woman.
she kisses everyone's ass
The things my mother has said to me...I could always tell she Hates herself and her marriage. And she always hoped I would crumble like her and be nothing.....but I PRAY TO A LIVING GOD!!!!!
It helped. I am in years. 53 years old and still trying to heal. Father overt narcissist. Mother covert. So damaging to me.
Kimberly McCracken it's a horrible disease.
My father was an overt narcissist and my mother a covert narcissist as well. Horrifically nasty combination... I wish you the best on your healing path.
Katy Groves Uhhmm shaming? Don't understand? I know ALL TOO WELL what it feels like to have a miserable, petty, jealous mother....I just recently sent her another video by an expert on this subject, and bid her a fair aidue.
Your soul tastes like grape soda I accidentally misread who your comment was directed at!!! I deleted right after I realized my mistake. I am so sorry. I meant absolutely no harm.
Katy Groves No worries...I understand, it's called collateral damage after expecting that sort of thing from a lifetime of being around these spawns of satan .....glad to see you're a survivor, and didn't end up becoming one of them. (I know that may sound funny comming from someone with a username like mine, but that's my little nephews fault, screwing around with my account) Now I gotta wait till rapture to fix it back.💪😚
In my situation, my younger sister became the GC. My mother has this complex where she has to have an enemy, and that's been me my whole life. She liked to point to me and tell my sister, "Don't become like her!" My sister has turned into a mean, narcissistic and judgmental person who I don't really care to be like. Despite the fact that she received so much more materially and in terms of support, I feel that I've done better in my life overall, but this sister is focused on money and material things like her mother. Even as a teenager, I was called a "whore" by both parents on multiple occasions - never actually being whorish, whatever that is, I couldn't understand why this term was used. My sister was lionized and could do no wrong - it's still that way. I can't even explain how damaging and hurtful that is to be called a "whore" by ones parents 's as a child and young adult woman - and how absolutely abusive it is. But I know that I'm better off for not becoming that narcissistic GC - her personality and general lack of empathy is going to be her downfall. It's very sad...even sadder than what we go through as narc victims - because the world doesn't respond to you the same way the Narc manipulator teaches you. You are not, in fact, incredibly special - you are only under the illusion that you are entitled. That teaching sets up on the GC for constant disappointment and and defensiveness which ultimately leads to failed relationships. So bright side - some of us are way better off when you look at this situation holistically.
Your younger GC sister and mine should have lunch. That would be interesting to see how much they would be alike. Materialistic, selfies, degrading others, competitive. We are much better off, like you, I love who I am! And that is what counts!
Thank you so much for this video. I am done letting my mom control my life. I'm leaving in a month and I'm never looking back.
It's not that age stole her beauty, but there is jealousy and control
My narc mother used to say how my brothers were beautiful babies and looked like her. Then she said I was a long baby with a big nose. My father was a tall handsome man with a big nose. I was so self conscious and insecure about my looks. One day my father pulled me aside, pulled a book with illustrations of ancient Egypt and said to me “your nose looks like that, you must have Royal Egyptian blood”. It wasn’t true but the fact he took something that everyone else called ugly, and told me it made me unique and special did so much for my confidence. She was always jealous of the care my father took to speak positively about me and over my life. Now that he’s gone, she is in full-blown narc mode. We haven’t spoken in almost a month after she raged and verbally abused me for having a different opinion from her. I’m coming to terms that we may never speak again.
I am sorry for your dad 😢. Hope you are better now. Narcissistic mothers don't change so better have boundaries with her (don't talk about serious things, plans, relationships etc.)
I always knew that my mom or grandma never loved me even as old as 6 years old I felt like they're the same as strangers only differences is they know more info about me but not enough into actually know me since they don't give a second to look at me unless I made a mistake.
So sad. I'm sorry to hear about this. I have seen mothers and grandmothers out shopping together and being cruel to their little ones. It made me feel sick and scared for them. The fear and sadness in the child's face is heartbreaking. I should have reported them.
Thank you for your videos. When we were in contact, my mother once told me, "I hope you have a boy. If you have a girl, you'd be jealous of her." Of course, as a typical narc she was completely unable to see that she was talking about herself. The jealousy began with my birth; could be about having to share affection, or simple jealously of the purity and potential of a child.
I still feel those sad feeling of when I was little.Amazed she did not end up killing me from neglect.
I'll bet all of you who watch this video and read this message are one of the most resilient people within your social groups. I'll bet that you have a compassionate heart that is also into advocacy to others who are being treated unfairly.
Never forget you are the light, you were out against one of the biggest challenged in life but you made it and you recognise the negative and disgusting attributes of your abusing narcissistic n mother. You are nothing like her and your light mahes her feel weak, I'm willing to bet that she's afraid of you when you finally stick up first yourself, that she has convinced you that your not deserving of love, but in the same breath, i hope you know better... Theres a very solid but split bunch of people who who born into families with narsacisstic mother, you either liar your mind like everyone else and become her scape goat for hey own misery or you stand tall. Bright and true and start away from the selfish alien parent.
Be strong, teach, give and receive only respect, family or not, it's not ok to be treated like your less than who you really are.
You are perfect just the way you are, take some developmental psychology, abnormal behavior in psychology and then learn everything you can about the mind and how the mind works for people who are mentally ill keep yourself away or get yourself into a position my job where you can help younger children who you will be able to easily identify and help because you know what it's like it's just like in the movies folks when you get a super power you always use it for good being a child of a narcissistic mother gives you a superpower although unfortunately for some of this takes a little long time and she'll be realize that we actually hold the power the ones we do we're ready to the tables turn.
🗣The Hardest Part About All Of This Is That You Have No One To Talk To About It, Because To Everyone You’re Gonna Sound Crazy🤦🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
talk to me...
thank god for this video! ive developed severe anxiety and used to suffer from clinical depression all because of a narcissist bully aka my own mother. all i wanted was parents. i got literal satan instead. No father. no help. just abuse my entire life
im 19 and just realizing everything is a reflection of herself. i keep crying because all i ever wanted was a mother. someone to talk to, someone to ask how my day ws. someone that cared about my school, friends etc. someone that told me they loved me...hugged me etc....didnt criticize my EVERY move. and i do mean every. someone who supported me...why the hell was i born in the wrong family? im just now learning to cope with all of this
Do you still struggle with depression and anxiety? In no, what helped? I struggle with the same.
My moms always been weirdly obsessed with my sexuality..
Mines to
I would never even dare say the name of a boy in front of my evil narcissistic mother. The rage and disgusting things she would say to and do to me if I did….
when my mum was dying, her friend asked why she didn't just give me a big hug and tell me she loved me. My mum shook her head and said to her friend, " she doesn't need it." I was sat right there next to her.
This is me, my mom loves my brothers and always hated me; her daughter. Even when I was little and she let me know she didn't love me. She would beat me up physically and emotionally. Its so hurtful and awful. :(... Mothers day is always difficult for me as she was and continues to be this way towards me.
Sending you a hug....
Hope you can self heal, there are too many monsters should not have kids.
Breaking away from my mother, permanently, is the best thing I have ever done! 😊
Life is so much better 😊
To all the heartbroken men and women out there who have been rejected, life does get better.
Give yourselves time to heal. Everyone is different in their journey. Remember this, guys, you are worthy, you are good!
Say out loud, I deserve better! You will believe it, I’m sure.
Life is precious, let’s embrace it.
Hugs and comfort to every person that’s going through crap. ❤🤗
what you spoke of today..I can say first hand it is true. when my dad died and no one was alive to cover for her she disintegrated and i was able to unearth many secrets..which blew my mind...my world exploded as the realizations of the impact on my life..so i hated her but i pitied her at the same time. my heart did break for her.
I wish I could have helped her but she never admitted it even to herself since she blocked most of it out.
during her life she caused the death of her father from heart attack..mother from alzheimers. .my dad..from autoimmune disease..and I didn't want to be her last victim..so I went no contact..and found my own life...
if I had to say her parents were too trusting of relatives they only made it worse by not getting their daughters help...instead they made up a story and everyone went along..but they moved away from those relatives and never spoke to them again.
I learned that even when tragedy hits you..the best thing is to get help. don't ever feel your life is ruined..get help and never enable those people who have been victimized and chose to hurt others..
so very sad indeed. I forgave my mother a long time ago..but I refuse to go visit her and maintain no contact for my own sake. her adult life was in the past......mine is in the present...and I will not allow myself to be her scapegoat any more.
I will pray for her soul...
This has been my question for 45 years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am dealing with a narcissistic mother I am 48 years old. I have bags under my eyes from constant drama constant. It never ends its one week good one week extremely bad. When you need a parent who is a narcissist be prepared for an uphill battle. They will rip your heart out if they don’t don hear what they want to hear. And when they do wow well the compliments roll in them whoops your nothing again a worthless daughter. Up and down up and down. Love is never consistent. I cry at work at home I get angry i want to cut her off then wham back in my life. Why because I feel guilty she is my mother. How I deal with my mother? As soon as she gets out of line I end the conversation and hang up. She calls me back to tell me most of the family don’t like me i then end the conversation and hang up. I then receive 3 emails first one saying I am ungrateful and she lists everything she has done for me. Second email is follow up of the first more lists of everything she had done. Third email telling me everything will be ok I love you. How do I deal with that!! I can’t flush her she’s my mother and 76 years old which she reminds me on a daily basis.
They are not only jealous but also realize that their daughter is going to attract other people and love and desire from other people into her life which brings joy and freedom. They have to squash the joy because they cannot control someone who is joyful and free. Your video is spot on. My mother did everything you said and also said everything you said to and about me although none of it was true. Thankyou for enlightening me!!
My narcissistic ex girlfriend made a pass at her daughters husband How crazy is that!
Crazy for sure, but far too many of us can relate.......
My mother always made sure to get "caught" naked whenever myself and my then-partner were visiting for the holidays. Sickening.
These monsters live forever too; mine is still a hateful master manipulator at 94. They are truly evil and the damage is felt across generations. Heartfelt commiserations to all the women who've had to suffer these abominations disguised as mothers.
Thank u. This makes sense. I have been asking this question for about a ytear now. My mother favors the son. I could never understand why she liked boys better.Now I do. At her relations gatherings the women wait to get their food from the buffet line until all the men have food, are seated, and have begun eating. Before I even married I told my fiance about this and said I could never marry a man who thought so little of me that he would do this to me. So he waited at the end of line with me. I never thought she might have been abused. She always argued that this was a good thing to do. At 13 I had anwoman's figure and that is when she starved me. She would make a big dinner for my dad and brother. She gave me jello. Said it was all I could eat and refused to feed me. I sat before a banquet and ate jello. She ate too.She always had chicken legs, no breasts, etc. In every way ; personality, skills, intelligence, I am the complete opposite of her. I am everything she is not and never will be. We r polar opposites.
I was given $1 for lunch money. I was allowed a can of plain tuna after school until dinner time. I was starved! I got a special permit to work for the law allowed it. (I suffered for 2 years first.). I worked at a diner and got my dinner for free. Then I paid for my lunches and everything else. I have the worst eating habits now! After going thru starvation periods to diner meals. :\
A great video, thank you.
Shortly before my narc mother died she told me that she hated herself. Its one of the few times i felt she spoke truthfully, and it was a "lightbulb moment". Suddenly alot of things made sense. Now i am putting back together the pieces of the person i should have been- and AM - before i got dumped on. It is a journey but i see a path.
WOW.
My mother had four pretty sisters.She was very homely.I remember one of the last group photos one of her sisters said she ruined for them as she was so homely.
Just another reason I won’t be having kids, amongst many.
Due to things outside my control, I never got to really live or be myself, I still isolate to this day to avoid further stress and humiliation.
(Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than being trapped inside your own body. )
I know I would seethe with hatred and resentment if I brought someone into this world who got to experience everything I did not.
I watched all my potential go down the drain because of things that I could not change no matter how hard I tried, even watching my own siblings get to live on a completely different side of life-simply because they were lucky where I was not-is enough to drive a person mad.
I’m not a narcissist but I don’t understand why people with such bitterness (which may very well be due to circumstances that were no fault of their own) decide to have children..it’s basically like torturing yourself, it won’t end well for either party.
My mom has always hated me, called me names and yelled at me, I remember her calling me the B word and pulling my hair even when I was 4 years old. 4!!! Even my family remembers recall me being yelled at even as.. A BABY! She always favored my brother over me. Hence a sibling rivalry, I started becoming extremely aggressive to my brother due to neglect. My mom always labeled us “good one” and the “bad one”, and always called me “disrespectful” and “oh, Adriana just wants to be the mon” ever since I was just so young. Through the pre teen years we started having BIG arguments, and even PHYSICAL FIGHTS. I always cry sometimes to myself wondering why I wasn’t raised correctly. She is emotionally abusive to me, physical abuse, and she’s an alcoholic. I just wish I had a better mom. Our dad has another family. I have no one to turn to. My teen years now are especially worse, and I’ve contemplated suicide- sorry for the rant. She calls me ugly, stupid, dumb, and always tells me that I’m crazy. She outright says that she hates me, doesn’t want to see me, and wants me to die, and that nobody cares about me. To everyone else she puts on a show and acts nice to me on the outside. And nobody suspects anything even when I cry for help. She dismisses all of my issues / trauma as “oh, she’s hormonal” “she’s a teen” “she’s probably on her period” (which is why I don’t even tell her when I’m on my period, she’ll see it as an excuse to gaslight me). Even though this has been going on way before.
a little bit more stuff: When I started learning how to cook, she got angry and jealous of me. She wouldn’t let me have my own responsibilities, she never gave me chores, she always said “I’ll do it”. Whenever I do things on my own she belittles me and laughs in my face. It’s like being trapped. So I’ve separated myself from her, learned responsibility and I’m trying to calm down from my life by isolating myself. But she always barges into my room. Life is hell. She thinks that I am her enemy. She even said “YOU WANNA COMPETE WITH ME? YOU CANT COMPETE WITH ME!”
she talks to me like I’m her peer or something. She makes ghetto hand movements, like the hand clapping thing when talking to me, spitting in my face as she yells at me and whatever. She never taught me some life skills so I had to learn on my own. She neglects my medical care, so now I have a lazy eye. She is kind to all her sons but abuses her daughters (she has 2 which includes me) and even abuses her own mother. erghh. she spreads lies about me to my family, every new person she talks to she paints me as a monster. I hate it.
Spot on, Tom, thank you. This subject is so painful for me. I'm just starting to learn about this, and it also explains the intense mother-hunger I've always had, because I was completely abandoned basically from birth. Neglected, malnourished (but the boys always had more than enough, yup), attention-starved, and abused in so many ways. Too disgusting to summarize in a comment or anything of the kind. I think it'll take years of work to address this, and the abandonment wounds, but I know I'm worth putting in the effort, despite what she tried to get me to believe.
"It's always projection" You got a subscription from me. Thank you, this helped a lot!... Beautifully said
Welp, my dad abandoned me, my brother abused me, and my mother tries to constantly overstep my boundaries. My whole life so far has been about everyone else. I can never talk to my mom, even though she said I always could. She always has to make everything about her. It's always that I'm being negative, I'm being argumentative, or that's in the past. I'm trying my best to get my life back in order. I have major mental issues, and I just had a nervous breakdown. I'm also too nice to people. When I tell someone to stop doing something, they continue to do it. I had to really hold myself from exploding in anger the other night. I'm tired of the one's who say they care make me feel alone when I'm around them. Maybe my next lifetime will be better. Hopefully I can find my peace. It's kinda sad that a mother would be jealous of their own daughter. It's heartbreaking, and I don't think I'll ever get over what she has done to me. Sleeping with someone who she knew I was involved with. How can I ease that pain. The scars are permanent. Nice video.
After 26 years of trying to be approved by my mother, I've finally come to terms that she never will accept me. No matter what I do. And I can now start living guilt free.
Tom, thank you so much for assisting women with this powerful video. My mother is the woman you described to a T.
I feel it’s very important that daughters in this situation know it’s not that they’re a ‘bad girl’, it’s that they’re mother has deep suffering.
Thanks for the love!
My narcissistic mother was exactly like this until she died. It took two years for me to get over being disinherited to finally forgive her. She treated me the same way her Narcissistic mother treated her. I forgive her I won’t forget it. Life is short I I don’t need to hold onto that dark energy. I’m living fine now. But trust me it took everything I had to get here. Wishing you all peace!!!!!
I remember finally dating men in my late teens and my narcissistic mother was jealous. I was always insecure about my looks because my mother made me feel that way. She told me that sex was bad. I would really like guys but She would angrily say to me, “He’s just using you kid”. Meaning, the guy didn’t like me for me. My mother was an insecure lil girl. She never felt love and didn’t want me to feel it either, sadly
Telling me how horrible sex was.My second husband helped to heal me.
Yes, I can relate and understand.
I love my daughter to bits... I will NEVER understand why my mother has hated me even as a child!
The same applies to daughter in Laws
Yeah my Narc Son and his wife
"Dumb n dumber"
Lucky me, my mother is an overt narc and my mother in law is a sickening sweet covert narc. How the heck did I get to be so lucky. My husband BTW is the scapegoat as am I.
@@AK-gk6sd MANY, mothers in laws,
I have only realized that my mother is a narcissist the last few years. You have shed some light into areas I still didn't understand. Thanks for the video.
I relate heavily :(((( I just looked up narcissistic mother dynamic and it relates all to my life especially her making my older brother the golden one since I was 13 which affected me until now still
I had a narc mother who dropped me off at my grandmother s house for 5 years. I was so very fortunate to have unconditional love in the formative years. So during the years I had to live with my mother with all her nonsense, I laid low and prepared for the future. Once I figured out the problem, I felt intensely sorry for her unhappiness-at an emotional distance. She died when I was 42 and it was a relief to be free of the ambivalence and chaos. So sad it was that way. On the positive side I learned to live in the present and not be a victim and be intuitive. There are lessons to be learned from narc mom's. It is not a good thing, but life is not always fair and I have had so much to be thankful for in my long life.
Your description was so correct and perfect, it gave me chills.
My mother hated 2 of her 3 daughters & of course LOVED her son. She kept 2 of us girls’ hair cut very short & the golden daughter’s hair long. Took me till my 60’s to know she is a narcissist. I thank God because it never pays to be the golden child.
I'm confused. Narcissism is by definition self-love not self hate. My NM loved herself above all others, especially her husband and children. Why do NM's hate their daughters? Well, they only hate the ones they cannot control. I wouldn't say they love the others, but do pretend that to use them, if they are the needy type. Narcissists love to hate children, animals, other people because they love it. They get off on it. Their hate is also their entertainment. My NM never hated herself, ever, even when it was obvious that she created harm to her own daughters.
My experience as well. My NM loved herself, money and material things. She had a diamond ring for every finger and toe. Her children were not going to get college educations but mother dearest was dripping in diamonds and furs. A year ago when I reminded her of her diamond fetish and fur coat, she instantly reminded me it was many fur coats not just one. I recently got a good punch in 3 weeks ago at her (verbally not physically) when I stated she hated her kids. Her sick reply "I don't have any regrets how I raised my 6 children." Sick bitch is all I can say. I also told her how much her kids can't stand her and she said you should hear what they say about you. Well, cupcake, I haven't spoken to them in nearly 9 years so no biggie there. My mother and sibling all cannibalize each other and stay clear of that fray. I am going NC and it has been two weeks. Wish me luck.
I think a LOT of people are mistaking Borderline Personality disorder with NPD here.
The BPD exhibits many traits of the NPD but it's a whole different ballgame with BPDs. BPD mothers are VERY hate filled and hateful towards themselves but it only shows towards others, especially their daughters. Many BPDs are misdiagnosed as bipolar. They are several different people but bipolar they are not.
My father is NPD 100% and like your mother is totally in love with himself. My mother on the other hand is seriously disturbed and not the same kind of crazy as NPD.
I’ve always wondered why. Thank you for this information.
Many thanks for sharing with us. It makes a lot of senses.