You're constantly exausted from trying to guess when the next psychological attack or manipulation tactic is coming and spending so much energy on how to defend yourself from it.
Then they use the "excuse" that they are old and cannot clean up after themselves or much less anything else ..unless it comes to shopping or something they want to do !! Total manipulation !
@@jengable4888 also even if theyre in good health w good memory, extreme narcs will fake or exaagerate symptoms and claim to have poor memory to gain supply and not be responsible if they do something wrong they just use the poor memory card so they wont be faulted for lying stealing etc
@@ladybug947 .. I WOULD TOTALLY AGREE ! In my case, there is always some SCHEME !! I have learned a very hard lesson !! The manipulation was so CUNNING and DEVIANT ! I knew it was bad, but it was not until I sat back within the last two years and directly observed and analyzed it ! OMG ! She screwed me out of a career and other things ! ALL EVIL !
@@jengable4888 theyre pathologically envious, bc they cannot experience real love or friendship, bonding, emotional connections so they want to sabotage others lives. They are so horrible, and the sad part is they are even playing and manipulating others who often are unaware, there are some though who easily pick up on their manipulation
@@ladybug947 I would TOTALLY agree ! The most disgusting thing about this situation is the FACT that the abuse, manipulation, lies, deceit, and other forms of abuse was ALLOWED to perpetuate for decades ! Add gaslighting to the mix as well ! ALL criminally and clinically INSANE ! BTW- Thank you for your response. I totally appreciate it !!
how do you deal with the guilt? Now my mother is 95 and getting worse as she is not able to control things any more. Since she is ill my sisters, the golden ones, take care of her. Which means they put the guilt on me.
You simply can't win with these people. Even when they're CLEARLY in the wrong, they will never take a single once of responsibility and blame everything on you. Narcissists are just too psychologically damaged. You can't really have anything to do with them.
You're right. They have no intention on changing or apologising. It's just going to hurt more and you will throw away any progress you have made. You will end up that sad and confused child again. Listen to this guy here.
My mom is a true Narc mom and have not spoken to her since 2008, the therapist told me Narc moms will never change, my mental health is more important right now than reconnecting with a crazy mom. My brother is the golden child. I remember when we were still in touch, she just freely shoots insults my way that it would take me days to get over it. I felt so much better after deciding not to talk to her anymore.
Eric Wesson agreed. I was the golden child for many years and was there for my Mom for everything and vice versa to the point it hindered my growth and maturity. I see also I kept attracting narcissist men in my life and doing codependent therapy. It took me crying out to Jesus after leaving a narcissist boyfriend. And only to find out that household wickedness is real and she was my worst enemy. Since I woke up from the trance and manipulation and triangulation with my siblings her rage against me has been vile. My apathetic emotionally neglecting father also plays a role in this. If I were to continue then that means enduring abuse as an adult. I say yes to my happiness and freedom
Kelly M Taylor I know what you mean. I have not talk to my 2 sisters and I know it's because of my mother. I decided to walk away from this sick relationship yesterday.
+Kelly M Taylor, My Mom is a Narc too. They are emotional sadist. That is why they like hurting you. So glad you went no-contact. They have no conscience and they never change. They know they are hurting you..they get a "high" from it.
You are spot on about re-connection. My narcissistic mother is in her 80's and I reconnected after 15 years, thru guilt but after 5 months, I left in tears. She also set me up with my sister and I simply walked away forever. Happiness is just around the corner once you leave the evil.
Here is the problem: it is not only about recognizing and talking about narcs...next step is troubleshooting and neutralizing their toxicity...this is where thing got out of control....your mother wouldnt be able to do the damage unless you had built narc-bulletproof relationships with your siblings...this should be the next area of inquiry: how to build narc-bulletproof relationships so a narc cannot penetrate them...it is a challenge...
What boggles the mind is how can old people planned evil scheming so fluidly , they must have been possesed by evil spirit throughout their entire lives.
Your video helped me stay strong in my decision to not reconnect with my narcissistic mother. My family hates me for it, but I'm 29 and I've been under her tyranny of terror for too long. Thank you for these videos.
+Andrea Ariza, if your Mom is a Narc, Stay Away because all they want to do is "hurt you emotionally over and over." They know exactly what they are doing! They never want you to realize it's them and not you! They are emotional sadists who enjoy making your life miserable and fooling everyone around them about it. Stay no-contact and Be Safe.
That is what I fear most, the judgement from my siblings who have not realized what I have realized about our mother and family dynamic. I already feel their scorn because I already dissociate from the family to some degree to break control from my covert narcissist mother and generally protect myself from her condescension and subtle but painful jabs all designed to asassinate my character and keep me feeling inferior. I know she has smeared my character to many people and I'm sure this has increased as revenge for my decision to associate less. She has sensed I have figured something out about her and her attempts to manipulate and control, and rather than have remorse, she only intensifies her game. Part of me knows I will need to completely cut off from it all, realistically this means moving cities for it to be possible. I am building the strength to do so. Wish me luck, and good luck to all those in the same boat.
My mother is 85, nothing has changed. She has abused me in every way possible until I could physically stop her. She has ruined my reputation with my siblings, aunts uncles and neighbours. All the lies she has told about me haunt me to this day as I cannot undo what she has said about me.
Focus on you. Some good books to read are Free Us From Bullying by Paul T. Coughlin , and DO YOU by Ben Cohen. A good thing to remember is that old saying from a different book, "What You Think of Me is None Of My Business". I hope, by now, that you are free from bullying.
Me too...I've orphaned myself from entire fam on moms side. Its impossible. I've lost everyone. I had to let go what others may think because what narrative my "monster" was spinning at them and I was not there to defend...but God and I know truth and I'm on recovery road. I refuse to be a victim
My mom has done the same to me. I was robbed of an entire family. Grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. All because my mother dragged my name through the mud at every opportunity to anyone who would listen. That would be unmotherly enough even if what she was saying was true. But it isn’t true. I can finally see myself for who I really am and always was: a really wonderful person.
I did as well and it was so energy draining and depressing I gave up again. When I was on the phone to my parents it was like talking into an empty vacuum. I can tell if somebody on the end of the line is actually listening.
Since I was 22 (I'm 57 now) I KNEW 'SOMETHING' was wrong with my mother, whether it was plain old jealousy due to what she blew up over that day (she realized I made more money than she did), but it seemed to be something deeper, a hate towards me. A couple of months ago I saw a video of Angie Atkinson's and realized it fit my mother perfectly! My older brother was diagnosed with NPD but he is a classic example!!! He is a psychopath, (sociopath is too nice sounding) to boot in my opinion, and was diagnosed 20 years ago. My mother has controlled my entire life! I have made horrible mistakes by getting married just to escape Her!!! She interfered with my daughter and now the grandchildren I raised for 9 years causing them to be sent back to their abusive dad by a corrupt judge in a small county away from large cities. She is crazier than a bedbug!!! Someone told me who to talk to that could help guide me out of this horrific nightmare but I can't find it now!!! She and her husband actually contacted my utility companies and had them shut my utilities off when they said the kids and I had to move next door. This was a home my husband and I were buying and my mother decided to pay off for the grandchildren ... even signed the deed over to me but I couldn't file it yet because of their taxes! Then my daughter supposedly committed suicide and my husband left two weeks later. My daughter and husband had committed tax fraud without my knowledge (of course and oh yeah, I found out and two weeks ago found out about a whole lot of Identity Theft on their parts and thought back about when my mother forged my signature on insurance papers, etc.!). My grandkids and I lost everything we owned because we couldn't even get back in to move things due to winter, no power, upset children facing visits with dad and they told us that we (myself that could barely walk due to Degenerative Disc Disease and severe Scoliosis and 3 small children had to move EVERYTHING including washer/dryer, new fridge paid $2K for, all furniture, EVERYTHING accumulated over past 13 years ... she took everything of mine before and denied it! I lost every picture of my Dad who passed away in 2007 because I couldn't get back in!!! Kids and I lost it all! We couldn't even buy a tub to put anything in. They told me I had to get rid of my dogs! Her husband poured LIME ALL OVER MY BORDER COLLIE! I managed to save him but he had some very bad burns. These are people that show another side to the public! My mother has spread the most horrendous lies about me and to think I had always been there for her!!! A bus could run her down tomorrow and I won't shed a tear!!! I can't work until my back is fixed. I have a trial at the end of August. I went into my physician recently and was suppose to see her. Instead I had to see her P.A. as her staff referred to her. I went and took my drug test (I'm on a pain protocol) and was told by this P.A. and the person that writes the scripts that I tested POSITIVE TO THREE DRUGS!! I told her that WASN'T possible! They didn't show me the test. It was written on a "napkin"! What he other person was doing in there is a BIG question! I demanded a blood test and have yet to be given he results. I am meeting I my Dr. next week. Awful funny the trial is coming up and I have NEVER used drugs in my life unless my doctor prescribed it for me and certainly not the ones I was accused of eating positive for. MY MOTHER OES TO THE SAME DOCTOR! The doctor is not at fault that I know of at he moment. The P.A. and "Medical Assistant" writing prescriptions is!!! My mother doesn't want me to have my grandchildren or her own sick reason. She to be the only one that can see and talk to them. Yes, my other has taken something, turned it completely around, and twisted it so that I have said or done what is the complete opposite of the truth or that the blame is all on me! Whoever said confronting them with the truth pissed them off is very right. So does finding out you are fed up with their manipulative, controlling behavior and shit they constantly lie about. I'm constantly reminded of "what all she has 'done' for me?" Funny, her idea of what she as 'done' for me has $$$ which were repaid from the time I was 18. When I ask about how I had to raise myself from barely 15 years old when she and my dad divorced because she came home 15 minutes before I left for school to change clothes and I was alone for 23 hrs and 45 minutes of every day, 365 days a year and was even so low as to take back Christmas gift she had given me the first year (and we WERE NOT BROKE BY ANY MEANS)!!! If I could sue her I would in a heartbeat because $$$ is the only thing that hurts her!!!
@Nelson Robert Willis Your mom has triangulated your brother against you. Narcs love division and conflict and hate peace and harmony, always have to keep some sh!t stirred up and keep the att'n on them. Your brother is a victim too but doesn't realize it yet so he's also dangerous to you. Take a deep breath and ghost them both. Make a good fulfilling happy life for you....away from them.
Mom is going to be 90 this year. My sister died last Easter so I felt it was my ‘duty’ to at least get in touch. Ahhhhhhh, whyyyyyyyy? They GET WORSE is a fact!
When you break No Contact, not only are you giving the narc a chance to abuse you again as they always have, you are also "instigating" increased intensity of the abuse, because they have to punish you for having had the audacity to go No Contact with them. They see that as slight, and they don't let such things go unpunished. No contact is a boundary. In narc's eyes, you do not have a right to boundaries, you are a possession with no human rights. An attempt to break free will be punished.
That exactly was the reason why it took me so long to go NC. I had to be 100% SURE that I would never have to re-establish contact with those monsters.
No contact with my 85 yr old mother for 5 years but she continues to pester me to get together. You are so right. I see right through her manipulation. She did a smear campaign on me to everyone. Why would I want to see her again? She’s sick.
I was raised by my narcissistic woman who gave birth to me and her narcissistic husband. I tell people I was born in chaos and raised by wolves. They’ve both been cut out for about 7 years now. The longer im away, the clearer I can see that I made the right choice and that the shame and guilt I felt wasn’t based in reality. I agree with this video. If you went no contact, stay that way no matter how much shame people try and throw on you for it. They made the choice to stay toxic, not you. Choose a toxic free life. Get healing from God. Be free from the trauma bonds. Live, protect, and love and be loved and protected.
There I was living my life and bumped into my sister after 10 years. She invited me out for coffee. That was the beginning of a downward spiral to homelessness and hurt. I lost almost everything. I found out later they had conspired to dehouse me and my children. They even called the spca on our pets! It took us a long time to recover, not just from their abuse but the fact nobody would help us. Not the police, not any social agency. It was a nightmare. We finally were able to settle down but we sustained such humiliation in the meantime. I so foolishly went out to breakfast with my sister who apparently has cancer. I actually doubted her at first because she didn't seem to have many details about her illness. Perhaps she was in denial but if it were me I would be researching everything. And I actually did for her. I spent hours researching the newest cancer drugs and treatments but she didn't seem very itnerested in the links I sent her. She never even said thank you (of course). Anyway, during breakfast she told me my parents were paying for a 5 star trip to europe for her. I was so angry, because of all the effort they put into deshousing us then they turn around and pay for a trip to europe for her. I felt horrible, but I had to leave that breakfast because she was gloating. She's still alive, which on a human scale is good but I still wonder if she was lying about the cancer. I'm not a bad sister or daughter. I tried my best. But I don't deserve to be abused. And no contact is self preservation. I don't care what anyone thinks, I need to protect my kids and me.
Good for you and valuing your life. When you get burnt, you don't go back to the fire. We want to believe the best but tge Bible says the wicked go astray from birth and a leopard can't change its spots. Im so sorry you had to suffer all that you did, you are very strong and your kids are lucky to have you. Have a look at "no contact with narcissists and toxic people" by The Royal We. He illustrates it so well, it helps in times of weakness. Stay strong, eyes forward. God bless you and your family.
@@LisaMaryification It sounds like your sister was being used by your mother as a "flying monkey". Flying monkeys do the dirty work on behalf of narcissists that can't get at you. Your mother probably wanted your sister to throw the gift of the European vacation in your face to hurt you.
@@LisaMaryification you sound like a sucker you should do something as bout your low self esteem I dint feel bad because you went back knowing how stupid that is too people who hurt you makes it worse
This is so true. I'm 55 and have had periods of no contact since I was 33. Every time I've reconnected, my well being has plummeted. And they get FAR WORSE with age. I wish I had the wisdom back then and had those years back. But at least now I'm free.
+Mark Skeeter, yes! They do get worse as they get older. Your "well-being" will "plummet" if you stay connected because they are emotional sadist who "enjoy" hurting you. It is on purpose. Glad you got away.
@@lunemiel786 they are sadistic, plain and simple. They don't have a conscience. They get off on your hardships. It's just the way they are. You didn't do anything. In many cases they are envious of targets. The best thing to do is to set firm boundaries and elevate your self-esteem. Learn to say no and respect yourself or you will attract them. They look for people who are emotionally reactive. they need you to react in order to get narcissistic Supply or as I like to call it " sadistic Supply." you can't change the fact that they are sadistic and they will pretend to be your friend while they stab you in the back and then gaslight you about it. Go no contact and work on healing yourself!!!
Any time I went back to my narcissist mother after no contact eventually it turned out the same. Narcissist never see their wrong doings and they have no empathy for you so they never change. Don't waste your time with them. Don't hold out hope because there is no hope for them.
The BEST video on this topic regarding cutting all ties. I am fed up with people forcing victims back into abusive situations because of blood connections. I had to cut of mother, father and grandparents and all siblings on mothers side
That's so true. When dealing with a narc mom you end up with a list of flying monkeys as long as your arm. Just have to cut everyone off. Luckily for me, my narc mom's favourite tactic (after silent treatment) was triangulation and isolation so I never really was close to the rest of my family. Therefore cutting them all off was easier than cutting her off. And now that I know the motivations behind a narc's actions, I'll never go back to her either. Videos like these will always serve as a reminder to keep her and her band of sycophants out of my life.
Make your own decisions. I did n I'm happy I did n guess what those that told me I was wrong dont even call me. They just wonna hear what you go through with the narcs n they will sit and say awe poor thing. Forget that. Leave them narcs n them too.
@@blessedthebest8972 just cut off everyone that doesn't add value to your life. If that's living selfishly, then calm me selfish. My happiness comes first.
@Tamkazi Gomba I had to cut my inlaws off. All of them. Yes the MIL and her flying monkeys. I experienced the triangulation n the silent treatment the lies the smear campaign. I left. I so glaaaaaad I did. I dont talk to any of them nor their friends. They have allies to report back. Well they say you cutting off people who done nothing to u. Well they sat n watched n offered no help. Cut cut. Dont call me n wonna talk now acting all concerned. Asking for my kids. Why would I do that. Let my kids go by u a flying monkeys n the narc. Hell naw you cant talk to my kids. We are a package. Where I dont go they dont go. Should have thought about that. Well ok thanks for listening. Do what you gotta do n dont look back n let others convince u that you wrong or make u feel guilty. Cause u not wrong. Nobody got time to be living in the twilight zone. They are crazy. Lies the lies.
I bumped into my Nmom after almost 2 years of No Contact. Had I seen her first, she would have never seen me. She actually came up behind me & stroked my back. The only feeling I had at the moment was one of mild annoyance. Obviously, she still has 0 respect for boundaries. (I haven't even called you in 2 years. Of course you can put your hands on me! I'm your property, after all.) I have no desire to return to the hellish existence that is her small miserable world. I highly recommend NO CONTACT to anyone considering it as an option of surviving a narcissist. Free at last! Free at last! Great God Almighty, I am free at last!
Well stated ToothFairy, it's my view that if the person is indeed a Narcissist No Contact is the only way to go and again, stay no contact as they become worse, a whole lot worse, as time go on. Thank you for sharing.
I’m 5.5 years of no contact with 87 year old narc “mother,” her golden child & her flying monkeys. Your message to NOT GO BACK is a very important one. Thank you. I’m not going back, ever. No funerals, nothing. Too risky & I certainly don’t plan to lose the victory, self respect & dignity I’ve gained. I live 100 miles away & plan to move even farther! I’m at peace and have no regrets.
This is insane. I thought this was just my life! My childhood was the worst because of my narcissistic mother. I've thought she become better a few times; No change!
Growing with narcissistic parent(s), you always know something is off deep down, very very young, but you need them so bad, that you talk yourself out of believing what you know is true, you are being used and abused.
I went no-contact with my mother for 10 years. I'm sorry I thought she would change. Reuniting was a massive mistake. She has been in a nursing home since 2017. I have never visited and have no guilt about it. My dad is a narc, too, living in the same room with her. I wish them all the best. I also wish myself the best. Never going back there again!
The worsening of narcissistic symptoms in my mom is why I recently went no contact. I got to the point I'd just had enough of the insults and put-downs. I feel so happy and free.
I had never know what was wrong with me . Why my mom never loved me. But yet used me as her slave and servant. I am now 64 years old. Have not had contact with her for the last 8 years. And as I watch your videos and the tears run down my cheeks I realize it was not me. Never was me all the years I struggled to show my worth find some recognition. And a few days ago I realized it was my lost identity I was trying to find. I find watching your videos are helping me. I thought tonight I wish I had the skills to write a book. I would call it the Lost Child. Because that is what she took from me. My childhood my sense of self worth. We have not spoken like I said for eight years. Because she choose to say my children lied that their uncle abused them. She went from there to having my other siblings disown us. I was devistased how a mother grandmother could treat anyone like that. Right to the point of having a sister return any pics she has of me as a baby any pics of her grandsons. It pretty much put me into a tail spin crashing. That was never how a felt or thought a mother should be like. But today a lite went on maybe it was a blessing. Maybe her doing what she did closing the door on any relationship with her saved me from ever feeling I owed her. It was like a funeral with no casket. I do agree. NEVER RECONNECT with them. Bless you for your videos. The healing will go on forever.
Wise & beautiful sentiments. I went back to mum (she's 84 now) a few years ago, having fled the abuse. At 56yrs, I have again had to go no-contact. I feel like a bruised, hollowed-out shell. Your sentiments help.
Your story tears me from the inside, I fully identify with you .... I had a difficult "crazy" mother who was extremely possessive and jalous of me ... Crazy! but, I was lucky: her mother (my grandmother) and two of her half sisters (my aunties) took over and raised me .... otherwise I might have similar story to yours to tell ... I finally discarded my mother ... and never looked back ... she died alone ...
I left my parents and relatives behind (narcisist disorder and much more) and I am done. When people ask, I say: she's dead. I live with my husband and kids. Living a normal middle class life far away from them, never was happier.
Re connecting with a narcissistic mother is a terrible mistake. it is very tempting to do so, especially when they smile to you and pretend to be nice. the temptation to introduce to her my future husband just of the sake of becoming a happy family, was devastating. She did everything she could, behind my back, to prevent my marriage, and I didn't know why, he left me. So everything you tell is true. They become more visious the more the are aging.Efrat, Israel
I have a Narc mother and I am the scapegoat... my brother is the golden child and now after 30 years of dealing with it and my brother not understanding, now he's finally getting his taste of it
Gotta love it! My little brother never understand why I got so frustrated with our mother until I moved out several year's ago due to her using me financially because she was lazy and didn't want to work. Now he's getting his taste of it, something I warned him about year's ago. I've personally talked with my aunt about her and everything my mother has told me over year's about herself isn't even true. She's lied about going to college but didn't even finish highschool. She lied to me about her parents not letting her take me to Germany with her, found out that was a lie. She left me behind with her parent's so she could go party in Europe. Yet she wants to tell people how to parent their kid's. I tell other's who grew up without their real parent's that it isn't so bad. My mom wasn't around, my real dad never wanted thus he left the picture when I was still a newborn. I at least had my grandparents, my aunt and uncle growing up as my immediate family. My mother has only gotten to be more of a habitual liar, self-centered and just all around miserable person as she has gotten older. She's only 43 mind you. However I'm now 25 and to a point where I just need to love her from a distance. She has made it hard to be close to her my whole life.
When you leave a narc situation they must find another scapegoat. It was never my brother who was the golden child. I remember cmplaining to him on the phone about my parents and he used to say 'Well, I'm 5000 miles away so I don't have to deal with it. But you know mom, she gets all riled up' I could never understand why he said that. Now I know, it's because he was pulling the strings! He was the one goading my mother on and riling her up to harm me. But he always came back when someone died and he could get money from them. Always.
That's what I hope is happening to my GC sister. She played along with my mother's abuse of me for years. Still, it was me who did all the running around to hospitals ect in all that time. They never call the GC when they're sick cos they know the SG is eager to please because they crave acceptance. But all I ever got was a straight kick in the teeth and an envelope stuffed with cash 🤣 which was a total insult. And it Now I've gone for 2 years + and the old hag will have to get her supply elsewhere. I told my kids to be vigilant for her tactics. Funny thing was, they already knew...
My mother made my brother very ill. I went no contact for two years with my family including my brother. However I do feel guilty because he is nothing like 2 years ago,maybe I could have save him somehow.. He is very ill right know..lost alot of weight. All because of this evil woman. And he doesn't know..wish he would wake up for good..it can save his life.
I also have a narcissistic mother, and after going years of no contact I also made the mistake (actually more than once) of getting in contact with her because each time I thought she had changed too. Wow similar story we share. I'm 22 and I'm back to having no contact with her because the truth of the matter is, she will never change, she only reactivates her manipulation into thinking she's being nice but then she will attack you over and over again just the same. I also made the mistake of telling her personal information about my life that she blabbed to so many people, I can't believe I trusted her with information after everything she's done.
Not even worth it August. I have a narcissistic mother and believe me her actions to this day have affected me and my sister. Many times I tried to contact her but those times just made things worse. She told people we are not her children granting we left her house at the age of 12 because of her inaction to protect us. I will never forgive her for what she has done to me and my sister and father. I am doing pretty great for myself and will continue to do so. My mother is just a person of darkness, cruelness and evil and the worse thing about this is, growing up knowing who she is. It's sad but comforting to see people like us talk about how we were dealt a bad hand in life.
Juan Morillo I'm so sorry your family went through that. She ruined me, my sister and my father and kicked us out when I was 14. She is also cruel and has a very evil side to her. It's confusing because she can pretend to be a nice woman and her acting is so good it even fools me sometimes, despite everything she's done to us. She'll turn around and act like your best friend, giving you advice and acting like she'll be there for you, but all the times I actually did need her she refused to be there for me. It's really confusing. She has the ability to charm a lot of people, including her new husband, into thinking we were the horrible ones.
***** I know how you feel. My mother has the supernatural like ability of creating a lie, then theatrically force herself to cry and bring out emotion to make her lie beyond believable. She is the black widow spider as you call it. She has destroyed my character. I am successful now and still growing but, there is a part I'm working on removing that reminds me of that monstrosity
Juan Morillo Same, I'm not successful yet but I'm getting there, she destroyed my confidence to the point that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in my teens. I'm planning on leaving the state when my dad passes away, getting my as degree, getting a job in a hospital, buying a house, and never look back. She said something the other month to me like "When I'm old and alone you will come take care of me." I was like omg wtf this bitch thinks I'm gonna take care of her after she ditched me at 14? LOL
Juan Morillo I am in the same situation like you, my mother also has a "supernatural" ability to lie. I think you are lucky that your mother does not try to contact you. If she contacts you is only to continue the abuse, and evil. My mother tries to contact me constantly, and I am actually petrified when I see is her calling me. I let her go strait to voicemail. I am getting professional help since it is impossible to deal with people like her. I would advise you to do the same. It really helps. Seeing a professional also will make you stronger. Good luck to you, and feel fortunate not to be harassed by your mother like me.
Dude I went no contact 4 years ago and I owe it to these videos that made me woke to my mothers behavior and my family complicity. You changed not only my life, but my wife and my children’s lives for the better. Thank you.
You are absolutely right. These people never change, they never understand anything, and they will keep doing the same thing until they die. You cannot reason with them, you cannot train them, you cannot even set some basic limits for them because they will break them as soon as your guard is down for a split second. Either you grow some really thick skin (which is unlikely, considering they have been pushing your buttons since childhood), or you accept that they cannot change and keep them out of your life.
"You are absolutely right. These people never change, they never understand anything, and they will keep doing the same thing until they die." Absolutely, totally, 100% right!
I moved states just to get away from my narc mother. Im succeeding in my life but she just cant be happy for me no matter how well i do. I thought she will be ok once I left but doesnt seem like it. I think ur right, re-connecting with a narc is a no go.
After 20 years. I tried reconnecting with her. And it was the biggest mistake of my life. She's just as narc and evil as ever! Trying to get close to my mother opened up new wounds and many scars that had already healed! Now, I have to start the process all over again. :' (
Va Mo I feel very sorry for you Va Mo but narcissists are nothing but monsters. Best advice is STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. Tell your son that you Love him and suggest therapy. Im sure that One Day The Truth Will dawn on him. All The. Best
I tried leaving from WI to Montana. It just got worse. But she goes behind my back to my family and friends and it has destroyed every relationship I have. Every last one.
Do you have any trouble with the fact that she has your social security number and can therefore track you wherever you go? I hate that my parents have my SS#. It's been 15 years and they still use it to track me. It makes my blood boil that the gov't gave me a number at my birth that my parents were given without my permission- allwoing them to harrass and follow me for the rest of my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, this video is 100 percent spot on. I learned the hard way unfortunately, as I’m sure many people do as well. Growing up with a narcissistic mother, all she did was divide and sabotage my relationship with my siblings. I took the route of giving space and thought she would change with time, she didn’t. I wish that wasn’t the case, but I’m still in the process of having to fix my relationship with my brothers. At the end of the day you really cant win or reason with a narcissist, best to just cut ties and save yourself the stress and negativity.
For those that don't realize they are dealing with a narcissistic person, they will continue to struggle for a long time. Recognizing the problem is the first big step...and you've done that. You're now in control. Good luck to ya.
Me, too! It spreads onto succeeding generations! You MUST CALL IT OUT & EXPOSE THE DEVIL! Then CUT HIM OFF! - Or IT WILL SPREAD & become a MULTI-GENERATIONAL SATANIC, FAMILIAL CURSE! And it'll just GO ON & ON until SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY BREAKS IT in SOME GENERATION! + + + +Q-S/
I sure didn't expect she'd get worst... the pain associated with being the only daughter of a narc mother has been the most painful one I've ever fought but since being no contact for four months I'm finally regaining my self esteem... and I"m finally ok with not having contact...such a painful time.....................thank you for sharing with us.. your video came at a very important time... she's going to be calling and wanting me to go for Sunday supper as mom's day is in Canada this weekend.. thank you for your help.. Blessings
This makes me feel so validated. I’m 30 years old my mom is almost 50 and I swear she has gotten worse with age but It didn’t make sense to me. Teenage years sucked but the holidays were fun. Now the holidays are hell on earth with my mother and she is getting more controlling and mean as time goes on. It’s so rough.
I'm realizing how true the fact that narcissists do not mellow with age is. My narcissist has been declining in health in recent years and has been getting continually worse. The worse their health becomes, the worse the narcissism becomes. It's a sick cycle and I'm just glad I've removed myself from it. The road to recovery is getting shorter every day. The more I learn about narcissism the better I am at combatting the damage done within my mind.
You couldn’t be more right. My mother in law is awful. My sister in law died and all she said was “ What am I going to do now”. I can’t be in the same room as her. Triangulation oh my word. Yes. She is sickening.
You are absolutely right. I recently tried to "test the waters" by texting my stepmom, just to ask her how she was doing. She was very brief and rude backnto me. She may be 80 y.o., but thats it for me--I'm done. I will be skipping her funeral.
I made this mistake...8 year break...both her and my father convinced me to go back and she went into overdrive! I was virtually treated like dirt and she began to alienate me from my father completely and my father then told me to get lost...it caused me so much pain...I agree DONT DO IT!
Ive been suffering this for 38 years and I just realised the damage shes already done to mu own daughters so I went no contact and Ive been hardly judged by my family and friends specially in latin America mothers are worshiped and nobody believes are capable of harming their own child. Thank you for this message
Its hard because no matter what you are going to look like the villain. Narcissistic mothers are really nice to everyone, so no one will believe you when you cut them off. Trust me, for your own piece of mind take a long break from her and get your mind and self esteem up. God knows and see everything, no matter who she fools on earth, she can't fool God.
@@Bronte866 yes when they are treated as the golden child and you were the scape goat you think they are being treated nice but that’s another type of manipulation. Educate yourself on narcissistic abuse.
I just found out 2 days ago, my mother is a narc. I'm dying inside. 44 yrs of pain n now I know she never loved me. doesnt matter What she does or say, I can't help but to love her..... please God help me now
I just went no contact a few days ago within my n mother. I feel free and validated. But at the same time I feel very strange. So many of my emotions were not my own. It feels like I've had to much coffee, or like I'm starving and my adrenalin has taken over. There's this unsettling buzz in the pit of my stomach and I feel slightly nauseous. I think it might be anxiety which I've never had before. I'm reading and watching videos as much as possible to try to understand my situation. Tessa Frank, how are you doing now that it's 6 months later?
I love that you are taking this burden to God. There is no guilt in boundaries and distance. Pride is a bitter disease. We are blessed when we obey Him.
Do the research and don't expect to process it quickly. You can do it and you don't need anyone external to provide you with anything, you already have it all inside you. Good to get friendly with Mother Earth - walk on the ground barefoot, lie on the grass and let her take it away from you. In the absence of a good mother she is reliable. You have my sympathy- it is a big shock to realise that you've been abused for so many years. See a counsellor who will listen to you and help you find your own truth.
It’s normal and fine to live your mother as that is what God teaches. Just know that you don’t have to deal with the her or even talk to her (as have a mature, truthful, and logical conversation is NOT possible). They will try to guilt you into thinking you are doing the wrong thing, but don’t fall into their manipulation. My brothers try to manipulate me into condoning my mother’s behavior, but I won’t -even if she is my mother. What she is doing is wrong. And for my own sanity, I do not have to get involved in her drama, manipulation and evilness. God says to stay away from evildoers.
Thank you for this. My whole life, I am going through this very same thing. My mother is in her eighties. It is unbelievable how they lie right to your face about you or truths you know are true, and wear a false self mask, separate the siblings, stir up hatred, they are demonic and this is no doubt an abomination to God. I am heading for the hills, literally and I never want to see her again or go to the funeral. My sister has been groomed and is an even worse narc than our mother. God, I wish I had you for a friend, or had a support group. This is a hard thing to deal with, and impossible for a loving soul to understand. She has destroyed all my friendships and I didn't realize till recently what was going on. Who could dream up such treachery? No more denial. God bless & keep you.
Yes!!! My mother and sister are an evil duo. I am so glad I have been no contact for two years now and feeling great😇I have so much peace never knew peace could feel so wonderful 💛
It can be so difficult, especially when money (financial abuse) and psychological abuse have been used as weapons to control ! In addition, add in real CRIMES, and physical assaults ( from the outside- society) and it disasterous ! This has occured in the State of Connecticut and elsewhere ! Thank you Tom for this reminder !!
I agree with you, don’t do it! They get worse and worse. Scary! They are disturbed individuals.. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. It’s truly gross how they love to tear apart loving relationships.
I've been no contact with narc mom for five months and Mother's Day is coming up. I've been going back-and-forth with whether I should send a card. I chuckled my way through your video because I've been looking for very clear answers. "Don't do it!" Message received. Thanks
was the same for my spouse. there was a little a bit of a debate on both mother's day and their mom's birthday since my spouse, unlike their mom, is a good person......though in the end, they were very short debates, all we had to do is remember exactly what the final straw was that go us to go no contact in the first place, and the internal debates die out after that, and we move on.
you are so right!!! i learned this the hard way a month ago after 4 years of no contact.... i understood that my mom has a narcissistic personality disorder just a few hours ago. cried my eyes out like crazy when i realized that what turned my childhood and my adulthood into a nightmare actually has a name. already looking for a psychotherapist.... coz i need one bad...
I'm sincerely sorry and I identify with you. Beginning to find a therapist is an excellent step and please make sure that you interview on the phone about their understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. It's very complex and many professionals think of it simply as "Self Love" which as we know goes way beyond that. Thank you for writing.
OK, here's the deal: I am commenting BEFORE I watch your video, and cannot more whole heartedly AGREE!!!!! It is horrid, it is horrific....no matter how old you are, you want to think your parents loved you, that they were good people.....Narcissists DON'T love: They, until their death, will cause destruction.....they WILL burn in hell.
jon davey Yes!!! And my narcissistic mother in law is also a witch so she probably thinks that her rituals in magic will earn her her way... All I can say is BURN BABY, BURN!!!
@@drjrich222 l realised at 35. I went no contact. I took her back. Bad mistake. I'm no contact again. That venom is pure poison. They actually make you self destruct and they turn the knife so you'll die in pain. My kids knew Nana was a "weirdo" before l did. Go figure. They are so pure they could see her evil.
I TRULY thought I was living in this world all alone until now!!!! the part about the coming between the siblings hit the nail on the head!!!! And he's right! Don't go back!!! I went back about 6 years ago after having NO CONTACT for about 7 years,,,, and within days the MADNESS began,,,, and the lies my mother tell others about me is the worst,,,, UGLY HORRIBLE lies,,,,, I must stay away,,,,,,, if I want to live and live happily,,,, I must stay away,,,,, and staying away from her meant that I had to cut ALL ties with family members as well,,,,, and now I'm hearing that those same family members are pulling away from her,,,,, it's a hot sad mess!!!
I wished I had come across this video years before. I never understood the meaning of narcissism until the last few years. Most people do mellow out with age but you are so spot on in regards to this mindset of the narcissist. Always just wanted the attention/ love from my mother. It hurts and it will always hurt as I drove past her a few times while she was out walking her dog. A big part of me wanted to pull over and get out of the car and run up and embrace her. Oh that mammalian feeling to just smell her scent , to feel warmth from her body. To tell her that I am sorry, to forgive. This happened a few times in the span of a week, as I happened to be house sitting not far from where she lived. About a year and a half later she had a doctor come to her house and assist in (M.a.I.d.). Which is medical assistance in dying because she had stage 4 throat cancer. I was not informed until about 5 weeks after the fact. Even though I was the first born there was nothing for me it all went to youngest sibling, the golden child. It is messed up maybe like some sort of Stockholm syndrome, I can still feel the pain of her hitting me, pulling my hair. The verbal, emotional ,mental and physical abuse. I never liked my mother but yet I still love/ forgive her.
My mum is a narcissist. I only recently found out. I've been in therapy for a year and I've been reading about psychopaths for a few months now. A couple of sessions ago I mentioned that "gee, these aspects of psychopathy sound like her" and my therapist said that while she can't diagnose someone she's never met, my mum sounds narcissistic. It's all falling into place now. However, since I'm a very deep person who is very compassionate, it's so hard for me to understand that all of her expressions of affection are an act. All these years, I thought she's just been really lazy about maturing and since she's the youngest of four siblings, she's been spoiled rotten by everyone protecting her and letting her get away with everything. I'm going to be a psychologist in the future and I'm especially motivated to learn everything I can about antisocial personality disorders now. I had no idea narcissism was a real personality disorder and apparently they're absolutely everywhere.
I have seen your video many times, you give me strength, I know my mom is definitely narcissist she separated her entire family, she chose her golden child. I was the scapegoat and I just found out about this mental issue, it’s horrible and disgusting, I thought I was the only person on earth with a family that loves to hate they only care about money, they are greedy and disrespectful.
I wish I would have seen this video sooner...you are absolutely right, after 14 yrs no contact with my mother, February 2024 my uncle asked me to reconnect with her due to early stage dementia. Let me say, she has not forgotten how to be a manipulative,controlling, mean person
I went no contact as well... We are three brothers, with me being the scapegoat and my youngest brother the Golden Boy. My mother always manipulated in such a manner that we were being kept apart (just as you are describing in your video). I broke off all contact with my mother when I was pregnant with my baby (I did not want her to get anywhere near my son). The funny thing is that the Golden Boy and I are very close today - much to the chagrin of my mother. Great video! Thank you for making those! I would never think of reconnecting with my mother - after 36 years I am finally at a point where I do not care at all anymore what my mother thinks or whether she is in my life. What a sweet life it can be ;-)
Wow, are we the same person!? Your story is exactly mine. The only difference is that no one from my family talks to me because they all believe my N Mom, but that's fine with me. I'm so glad you can still have a relationship with your brother.
+North and South, the Narc is a Sadist. They love to divide and conquer people. That is why your Mom did what she did. They are "emotional" sadists too. They know they are hurting you and they have no conscience about it. You cannot reason with them or "bargain" with them because you only give them more supply. Glad you went no-contact. All they want to do is create "drama" and "manufacture" problems and "divide and conquer" people for the sadistic-supply of it all. They are truly "heartless" and they know "exactly" what they are doing!
Thank god I found your video because I was thinking of going to see my mom after no contact for 6 years....My brother age 61 just died 5 days ago he used to live in the same condo building as her (he also stopped talking to me6 years ago) . I found out he died through a cousin who facebooked me and now some other cousins email me to go see her because she is crying and alone now that my brother died. I was feeling sad and thinking of going BUT I did not want to go through all the abuse again. I WILL NOT GO TO FUNERAL OR SEE HER.
This video is so right on the money. You'll just get dragged down by her in that hell world she lives in. You don't need that abuse...not now...not ever.
I have recently broken contact with my mother. I learned about narcissism about 5 years ago and recognized all behavioral madness and destruction. At first I was able to handle it, defending my boundaries. But now I realize that she will always provoke a fight with me losing and being hurt. My mother is a personification of the devil. And I am afraid of her now as she Is 93 years old. It’s amazing that despite her so evident lies and manipulations, I still have feelings of guilt sometimes haunting me. This video strengthens me not to even appear on her death bed. Thank you!💪
Anytime I have reconnected with any narcissist in my life has always been at the cost of my mental health. I fell for the "I am healed, she will be better and treat me better now". Learned that was a lie the hard way!! I identify with your story of your mother lying to you about you. My adoptive mother gave me at least 3 contradictory versions of the circumstances of my adoption. Fortunately by Divine intervention my adoption officer crossed my path, recognised me and gave the the real version of events!!
shes just trying to regain her power over you. i know this first hand. it does get worse. they ''couldnt find me'' when my grandpa died...when ive had the same email that i saved in the laptop i bought her...and who knows what my sister (her clone) told everyone in the family when i didnt show up.
Thank you for this video. There is so much guilt for the child of a Narcissist mother when they finally walk away from the abuse, as I did last year. I have found that most people can't possibly understand how a person could have no contact with their own mother, adding to the guilt. I have often wondered if I should at least send birthday and mother's day cards, but have been afraid this would be like inviting her to contact me again. I too, have noticed that my mother was getting worse as she got older, and after 63 years of dealing with her, I simply couldn't take it anymore. Thank you for the final validation that I have done the right thing. I only wish I had understood this years ago.
Same here. No contact, for 2 years. Strong feelings of guilt, now that's getting better. But it's difficult to explain to others why you've "divorced" your mother. But that's how I explain it to myself and others now. You can divorce a spouse, a child who loses his parents is an orphan. But there's no word for a child who wants to "divorce" his parent.... My dad, who was the enabler and a very soft, well-tempered guy, died 11 years ago.
Wow...you just described my mother too. I cut off communication with her in 2004 and have never looked back. I'm also the only sibling that chose this path, and I'm also the only one that is doing really well now too. My mother is extremely passive-aggressive, so I can relate to everything you said. I have never thought about reconnecting though, but it is great to hear you validate my decision. My thinking is that the door is always open, so if she ever wants to communicate all she has to do is phone. I knew this was a safe plan because she has NEVER called me EVER LOL.
A loving mother would have contacted you. This is proof of what she is. In her mind you should do the contacting because she is entitled to it. She doesn't acknowledge that a child deserves a mother's love.
@@en7697 I totally agree with you, and that has been my thinking too. I didn't make a big scene when going no-contact...I just stopped calling. In retrospect it probably started out as an experiment just to see how long it would be before she actually picked up the phone and called me LOL. I'll talk to her if she calls...but it has been over 17 years now so I think it's a safe bet that she will never call. What I found amusing though was the smear campaign that ensued. I was lambasted, ridiculed and shamed for years afterward (not to my face of course...just tidbits I heard through the proverbial grapevine). And yet I never discussed my actions with anyone...ever :-).
Re-connecting? You were never able to connect to her in the first place. DO NOT DO IT! The thought that "Oh I am cool, strong adult now, I can do it for peace!" may sound logical. DO NOT DO IT!
Thank you for your insight, I’ve gone no contact again. I can confirm they get worse with age, and when you go back they make you pay for leaving them.
My heart goes out to you. Everything you described, sounded exactly like my experience too. The greatest pain in all of this is that my siblings and I are detached from each other. I want us all to be a happy family, but that's not going to happen, so long as my mom is alive. By the time she isn't around we'll all be strangers to each other, because of her evil triangulation tactics. I want to cry tears of rage. All I ever wanted was a normal, happy family, and a deep sisterly bond.
Evened after your mother dies, it will not be possible to have a relationship with those siblings. Walk away. Never look back. They’ve all had a million chances to do right by you. Get out.
I doubt you'll see much change after your mom is gone. My sister got worse right away, and I mean immediately. I put up with about three super paranoid phone calls from her and threw in the towel and haven't talked to my sister in 9 years. It has to be this way. She can't not triangulate.
Last night I was feeling so down. I thought about if I had anyone to call and I didn’t. I just wanted to call my mom and have her rub my head and tell me she loves me and everything is gonna be okay. Unfortunately she’s nicer in my fantasies than she is in real life. Thank you for this video, I’m glad I didn’t jump back into the circus and get dragged down again.
That´s soooo true. I just tried along this month and it was almost lethal. I started to have panic attacks again, to have suicidal thoughts, I started to think I was garbage in this world, so I decided to block her again, and I felt relieved right after it. It´s so sad, but necessary!
This is one of your very best videos! very passionate and REAL!!! thank you for exposing the truth I have suffered for years wondering wtf was going on in my dysfunctional family THE TRUTH IS OUT! Let's all work together to expose these abusive monsters!!!!this is my mom 100% and my sick siblings she has managed to triangulate Finding your channel has been a godsend!
+G Gonzalez Yes, so great to finally know what the situation is. I often wish there was an "Intervention" -type television show or other expose of the narcissist parent and the triangulation. I hope you are able to escape and thrive. Too late for me.
Ph. D. James Hollis also says in his book Finding meaning in the Second Half of Life, that narcissistic parent's will become worse, they will not become better. I haven't broken up with my mom, but we lived in different cities. Before when I went to visit her and my father, (usually with my small daughter) we could stay there about 3 days, then the atmosphere started to worsen and id we stayed another day, there became always some disaster. Nowadays the limit is one day. No more. I think it's because she tried to act properly, but finally she can not, because of course I always do something wrong, or someone else. In many of these stories I've listened here, it's amazing, that the father is not there for children, but let the mother do what she does. My father always asked me and my (golden) sister to "understand your mother". And so said my aunt and everyone. She could do and say anything, and no-one protected us. My daughter says, that the grand mom is like a bully in the high school, and the grandfather (and other relatives) is a backer who supports her teasing.
Yes!!! And the weirdest thing: my parents are long divorced, my mom re-married - but my dad still defends her and whatever happens he tells me to go "reconcile" and "know how mom is" etc! I was badly abused throughout my childhood and while I went to him on the weekends, he never took my side or prevented the abuse! Do narcissists have some sort of magical powers?:)
Thank you!! everytime the guilt gets me for going no contact, i will listen to your wise words and DONT DO IT!! my mother is in her 80's. I hoped that old age would soften her heart and she would be the loving mother I never had.. Oh no!! She has gotten worse and 1 yr ago I said to my sanity "enoughs enough". The guilt has been so hard but I know in my heart she will never change. And now I'm free at last.
they get worse as they get older once my mother got to 79 major changes took place in her behavior towards me its all reaction seeking behavior for the most part you can tell becuase of the smirk they display on their face when their should have been empathy and compassion and support towards you they see this as a opportunity to attack you by criticizing and judging you telling you you should of done this you shouldnt have done that its all toxic nagging talking to you like a child their trying too instill guilt and shaming upon you its all projection of how they feel about themselves
I have tried to reconnect with my Narc mother a few times and you are spot on. Its futile. She plays siblings against each other. She will manipulate and guilt me about every little thing. She is in her 80s and it makes me sad that she was never able to heal her shit. But they really dont change. Taking care of ourselves as the adult we never had is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
I found this out recently. I had no contact for two years, then a couple years ago started responding to e-mails and finally phone calls. It appeared my mother truly cared (I didn't know about narcissism, I just walked away because I was tired of how I was being treated). I recently visited my family (I'm the only one that lives out of state except two nieces and one nephew). My sister, who I was the "golden child" and also who I believe is also a narcissist, was making comments. Stupid me, I turned to my mom and was immediately told to "shut up, you never listen, you are the only one talking, you take things too personally" and then she went on to quote scripture and imply I wasn't as close to God as her. I was like, "What the hell?" and ended up going into my bedroom and laying down, but by night I was truly depressed and borderline suidical. I journaled, something my therapist taught me to do when I couldn't sleep. I'm not even sure why I brought my journal, I usually don't, but I was sure glad I had it along. The next day I didn't engage in conversations, I only played card games and ate meals. I passed on desert the second day (she knows I'm not supposed to eat it, but made three pie and then when I turned them down, she encouraged me to eat the one that was aspartame, knowing that can give me headaches--and later both my sister and mom asked me if I had a headache, which I didn't, and they almost seemed disappointed). I went on to visit the rest of my family. It was a major event, the solar eclipse. It's amazing to me that they all live in the same city, and yet still only really see each other about once a year. All conversations were about them. They didn't really ask about my husband or daughter, who didn't come. They didn't engage with my son, in fact, only a couple even gave him a hug, even though they talk all the time about how much them miss him. I left, and started to look up spiritual abuse, because of the way my mother always uses the Bible to "correct" me, and over and over the word narcissist came up. The funny thing is my mother has actually called me a narcissist a few times. After watching probably 30 videos on narcissist and narcissistic mothers, I know I will never go back. It's true, it is worse, because they are even more covert. She knows now how to wait patiently, but the smile, the one you talked about. When my tears started to fall, that smile came out and the hairs on the back of my head stood up and I shut down because I think I knew where it would go next. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." But the truth is, now I feel sorry for her, because she doesn't get on the amazing people (my kids, husband and myself) that she just threw out of her live like garbage. Yes, I walked away, and quietly mind you, but once she figures it out, all hell will break loose. Why can't parents just love their children? I've loved mine and they are happy and well adjusted adults (not perfect, maybe a bit quirky at times, but happy and content with life). It was so easy for me to love them. It's still, even with all this information, so hard to feel like I'm lovable or worthy. Thank you for these videos. They may have saved my life. Without them, I probably would go back. The only thing that has been separating me now is distance, we live hundreds of miles away. And after 25 years, I'm pretty sure they won't come visiting me.
This is my case... typical relationships with my mother 😢we haven't talked like 8 month and all relatives think something wrong with me, she controls all our relatives, and I'm in such a pain... if I'm not gonna contact her I will lose all my relatives ... it's a very hard and painful decision for me... I am so thankful for this video, I feel like I am not alone..Thank you 🌹
Thank you for your video. A family tragedy forced me to return to my family to deal with my NPD mother after years of low contact. I really wasn't aware that she had NPD before that - I just knew she was controlling, critical and my family was very toxic. I had to get the hell out of there at 18. Unfortunately my sister was under her abusive, manipulative spell for 30 years and the two of them were like toxic glue. Two years ago Oct 3rd, my sister suddenly died by smoking herself to death at 54 years old. I blame my mother for the years of emotional abuse she put her through. My mother used triangulation on the two of us and of course because of the years of lies and poison, my sister and I ended up hating each other. Its been a terrible nightmare having to return to this sick woman. But ... THANK GOD I WOKE UP to the truth. I am now 54 and there is no one to deal with her. I am the only relative left and she has NO FRIENDS. I spent my entire adult life suffering from a emotionally abusive childhood. I just wish it would have happened years earlier like you did!
this is from so long ago, it is unlikely you will ever read my comment. my mother is 87. I just broke contact with her 4 months ago. She's gotten so mean, it is hard to believe. Through your videos I gather strength. I actually made the move today to get a threapist. Thanks!
You just explained my mother exactly!! Both my parents are narcs but each specialize in certain traits. My mother did what u just described. She was using all the siblings against one another. My father was just a huge narcissist who went into rages as his supply drained. Can I believe he's 91 years old and STILL at it?? I went no contact March 27. 2015. Iam learning so much. I wish I had this info sooner. So many years wasted on trying to fix my family. It only made me more of the scapegoat. My entire family is SICK. I went no contact also with the two golden sisters. Bless you so much. I am in tears knowing I was not going crazy my entire life. It brought me so much anxiety resentment depression and interfered with my own marriage. I am finally free and starting over!!
my narcissist is also my mother, her "circle" are my siblings and father. the therapeutic advise I was given was, "when you see those people walking down the street, cross to the other side." I do have to deal with two of my siblings currently, but never mention my mother and say nothing when she is mentioned. And if there is such a thing as revenge, it is your own success. Hold your head up high - you are a survivor. I hope your intrusive thoughts become less and less; and, I wish you Peace also.
Being the child of a narcissist is like being born into a mind war.
It's absolutely not like that. IT IS THAT. It is a total mind war
This is exactly how I've described it mentally all these years.
Just a warzone. Bombs going off and all, and my room is the safe haven. Sorta..
Very well said👍🥰
Exactly! War on NOTHING. Why you wear white shoes? Why you don't?
You're constantly exausted from trying to guess when the next psychological attack or manipulation tactic is coming and spending so much energy on how to defend yourself from it.
They automatically feel even more entitled as they age...
Then they use the "excuse" that they are old and cannot clean up after themselves or much less anything else ..unless it comes to shopping or something they want to do !! Total manipulation !
@@jengable4888 also even if theyre in good health w good memory, extreme narcs will fake or exaagerate symptoms and claim to have poor memory to gain supply and not be responsible if they do something wrong they just use the poor memory card so they wont be faulted for lying stealing etc
@@ladybug947 .. I WOULD TOTALLY AGREE ! In my case, there is always some SCHEME !! I have learned a very hard lesson !! The manipulation was so CUNNING and DEVIANT ! I knew it was bad, but it was not until I sat back within the last two years and directly observed and analyzed it ! OMG ! She screwed me out of a career and other things ! ALL EVIL !
@@jengable4888 theyre pathologically envious, bc they cannot experience real love or friendship, bonding, emotional connections so they want to sabotage others lives. They are so horrible, and the sad part is they are even playing and manipulating others who often are unaware, there are some though who easily pick up on their manipulation
@@ladybug947 I would TOTALLY agree ! The most disgusting thing about this situation is the FACT that the abuse, manipulation, lies, deceit, and other forms of abuse was ALLOWED to perpetuate for decades ! Add gaslighting to the mix as well ! ALL criminally and clinically INSANE ! BTW- Thank you for your response. I totally appreciate it !!
DON'T DO IT. You will never win.
+Mary Richardson, that is right!
how do you deal with the guilt? Now my mother is 95 and getting worse as she is not able to control things any more. Since she is ill my sisters, the golden ones, take care of her. Which means they put the guilt on me.
You simply can't win with these people. Even when they're CLEARLY in the wrong, they will never take a single once of responsibility and blame everything on you. Narcissists are just too psychologically damaged. You can't really have anything to do with them.
Exactly
@@elisabethlernhardt7424
Never had any guilt
You're right. They have no intention on changing or apologising. It's just going to hurt more and you will throw away any progress you have made. You will end up that sad and confused child again. Listen to this guy here.
They become vengeful because you dared to go no contact and they try to destroy you before they die.
My mom is a true Narc mom and have not spoken to her since 2008, the therapist told me Narc moms will never change, my mental health is more important right now than reconnecting with a crazy mom. My brother is the golden child. I remember when we were still in touch, she just freely shoots insults my way that it would take me days to get over it. I felt so much better after deciding not to talk to her anymore.
Kelly M Taylor yes they kind of like to do that....
Eric Wesson agreed. I was the golden child for many years and was there for my Mom for everything and vice versa to the point it hindered my growth and maturity. I see also I kept attracting narcissist men in my life and doing codependent therapy. It took me crying out to Jesus after leaving a narcissist boyfriend. And only to find out that household wickedness is real and she was my worst enemy. Since I woke up from the trance and manipulation and triangulation with my siblings her rage against me has been vile. My apathetic emotionally neglecting father also plays a role in this. If I were to continue then that means enduring abuse as an adult. I say yes to my happiness and freedom
Kelly M Taylor I know what you mean. I have not talk to my 2 sisters and I know it's because of my mother. I decided to walk away from this sick relationship yesterday.
+Kelly M Taylor, My Mom is a Narc too.
They are emotional sadist. That is why
they like hurting you. So glad you went
no-contact. They have no conscience
and they never change. They know they
are hurting you..they get a "high" from it.
Theresa Sease good for you. Stay emotionally strong this holiday season. You deserve to be happy.
You are spot on about re-connection. My narcissistic mother is in her 80's and I reconnected after 15 years, thru guilt but after 5 months, I left in tears. She also set me up with my sister and I simply walked away forever. Happiness is just around the corner once you leave the evil.
I so understand.... Thank God other people know what it is like. Although I am sorry anyone suffers too.
AMEN
Absolutely correct!
Here is the problem: it is not only about recognizing and talking about narcs...next step is troubleshooting and neutralizing their toxicity...this is where thing got out of control....your mother wouldnt be able to do the damage unless you had built narc-bulletproof relationships with your siblings...this should be the next area of inquiry: how to build narc-bulletproof relationships so a narc cannot penetrate them...it is a challenge...
What boggles the mind is how can old people planned evil scheming so fluidly , they must have been possesed by evil spirit throughout their entire lives.
Whenever I start entertaining the idea of re-connecting, I watch this video. Thank you!
I do the same thing. Stay strong!
Your video helped me stay strong in my decision to not reconnect with my narcissistic mother. My family hates me for it, but I'm 29 and I've been under her tyranny of terror for too long. Thank you for these videos.
+Andrea Ariza, if your Mom is a Narc,
Stay Away because all they want to do
is "hurt you emotionally over and over."
They know exactly what they are doing!
They never want you to realize it's them
and not you! They are emotional sadists
who enjoy making your life miserable and
fooling everyone around them about it.
Stay no-contact and Be Safe.
Our families hate us because they become the new supply.
Stay strong
Stay away the longer your disconnected the happier you become
That is what I fear most, the judgement from my siblings who have not realized what I have realized about our mother and family dynamic. I already feel their scorn because I already dissociate from the family to some degree to break control from my covert narcissist mother and generally protect myself from her condescension and subtle but painful jabs all designed to asassinate my character and keep me feeling inferior. I know she has smeared my character to many people and I'm sure this has increased as revenge for my decision to associate less. She has sensed I have figured something out about her and her attempts to manipulate and control, and rather than have remorse, she only intensifies her game.
Part of me knows I will need to completely cut off from it all, realistically this means moving cities for it to be possible.
I am building the strength to do so. Wish me luck, and good luck to all those in the same boat.
@@HeartFeltGesture You can do it!
My mother is 85, nothing has changed. She has abused me in every way possible until I could physically stop her. She has ruined my reputation with my siblings, aunts uncles and neighbours. All the lies she has told about me haunt me to this day as I cannot undo what she has said about me.
Focus on you. Some good books to read are Free Us From Bullying by Paul T. Coughlin , and DO YOU by Ben Cohen. A good thing to remember is that old saying from a different book, "What You Think of Me is None Of My Business". I hope, by now, that you are free from bullying.
Me too...I've orphaned myself from entire fam on moms side. Its impossible. I've lost everyone. I had to let go what others may think because what narrative my "monster" was spinning at them and I was not there to defend...but God and I know truth and I'm on recovery road. I refuse to be a victim
What I did was ignoring them all...if they want to think ill it eould make them sick. So fuck them🖕
angela rohr
I know where you are - I am exactly in the same place
My mom has done the same to me. I was robbed of an entire family. Grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. All because my mother dragged my name through the mud at every opportunity to anyone who would listen. That would be unmotherly enough even if what she was saying was true. But it isn’t true. I can finally see myself for who I really am and always was: a really wonderful person.
I made the mistake of trying to re-connect after 25 years too....I'm about your age....and YOU ARE CORRECT...DON'T DO IT!
+ERIC PYTRYGA (ERIC) I had...And now I'n torn
thank you for validating Tom's re-connect experience. And your own as well.
I did as well and it was so energy draining and depressing I gave up again. When I was on the phone to my parents it was like talking into an empty vacuum. I can tell if somebody on the end of the line is actually listening.
Since I was 22 (I'm 57 now) I KNEW 'SOMETHING' was wrong with my mother, whether it was plain old
jealousy due to what she blew up over that day (she realized I made more money than she did), but it seemed to be something deeper, a hate towards me. A couple of months ago I saw a video of Angie Atkinson's and realized it fit my mother perfectly! My older brother was diagnosed with NPD but he is a classic example!!! He is a psychopath, (sociopath is too nice sounding) to boot in my opinion, and was diagnosed 20 years ago. My mother has controlled my entire life! I have made horrible mistakes by getting married just to escape Her!!! She interfered with my daughter and now the grandchildren I raised for 9 years causing them to be sent back to their abusive dad by a corrupt judge in a small county away from large cities. She is crazier than a bedbug!!! Someone told me who to talk to that could help guide me out of this horrific nightmare but I can't find it now!!! She and her husband actually contacted my utility companies and had them shut my utilities off when they said the kids and I had to move next door. This was a home my husband and I were buying and my mother decided to pay off for the grandchildren ... even signed the deed over to me but I couldn't file it yet because of their taxes! Then my daughter supposedly committed suicide and my husband left two weeks later. My daughter and husband had committed tax fraud without my knowledge (of course and oh yeah, I found out and two weeks ago found out about a whole lot of Identity Theft on their parts and thought back about when my mother forged my signature on insurance papers, etc.!). My grandkids and I lost everything we owned because we couldn't even get back in to move things due to winter, no power, upset children facing visits with dad and they told us that we (myself that could barely walk due to Degenerative Disc Disease and severe Scoliosis and 3 small children had to move EVERYTHING including washer/dryer, new fridge paid $2K for, all furniture, EVERYTHING accumulated over past 13 years ... she took everything of mine before and denied it! I lost every picture of my Dad who passed away in 2007 because I couldn't get back in!!! Kids and I lost it all! We couldn't even buy a tub to put anything in. They told me I had to get rid of my dogs! Her husband poured LIME ALL OVER MY BORDER COLLIE! I managed to save him but he had some very bad burns. These are people that show another side to the public! My mother has spread the most horrendous lies about me and to think I had always been there for her!!! A bus could run her down tomorrow and I won't shed a tear!!! I can't work until my back is fixed. I have a trial at the end of August. I went into my physician recently and was suppose to see her. Instead I had to see her P.A. as her staff referred to her. I went and took my drug test (I'm on a pain protocol) and was told by this P.A. and the person that writes the scripts that I tested POSITIVE TO THREE DRUGS!! I told her that WASN'T possible! They didn't show me the test. It was written on a "napkin"! What he other person was doing in there is a BIG question! I demanded a blood test and have yet to be given he results. I am meeting I my Dr. next week. Awful funny the trial is coming up and I have NEVER used drugs in my life unless my doctor prescribed it for me and certainly not the ones I was accused of eating positive for. MY MOTHER OES TO THE SAME DOCTOR! The doctor is not at fault that I know of at he moment. The P.A. and "Medical Assistant" writing prescriptions is!!! My mother doesn't want me to have my grandchildren or her own sick reason. She to be the only one that can see and talk to them.
Yes, my other has taken something, turned it completely around, and twisted it so that I have said or done what is the complete opposite of the truth or that the blame is all on me! Whoever said confronting them with the truth pissed them off is very right. So does finding out you are fed up with their manipulative, controlling behavior and shit they constantly lie about. I'm constantly reminded of "what all she has 'done' for me?" Funny, her idea of what she as 'done' for me has $$$ which were repaid from the time I was 18. When I ask about how I had to raise myself from barely 15 years old when she and my dad divorced because she came home 15 minutes before I left for school to change clothes and I was alone for 23 hrs and 45 minutes of every day, 365 days a year and was even so low as to take back Christmas gift she had given me the first year (and we WERE NOT BROKE BY ANY MEANS)!!! If I could sue her I would in a heartbeat because $$$ is the only thing that hurts her!!!
ERIC PYTRYGA it is sooooo frustrating. seeing how these phony bastards choose other victims.
My NC. mother is 86, so I went to see her to make peace with her...
You are so right…. They get worse….
Nelson Robert Willis we all are, lose the sibling
There is no peace with a narc. Make peace with yourself and leave them to their judge.
@Nelson Robert Willis Your mom has triangulated your brother against you. Narcs love division and conflict and hate peace and harmony, always have to keep some sh!t stirred up and keep the att'n on them. Your brother is a victim too but doesn't realize it yet so he's also dangerous to you. Take a deep breath and ghost them both. Make a good fulfilling happy life for you....away from them.
Mom is going to be 90 this year. My sister died last Easter so I felt it was my ‘duty’ to at least get in touch. Ahhhhhhh, whyyyyyyyy? They GET WORSE is a fact!
Make your peace by leaving and staying peaceful
When you break No Contact, not only are you giving the narc a chance to abuse you again as they always have, you are also "instigating" increased intensity of the abuse, because they have to punish you for having had the audacity to go No Contact with them. They see that as slight, and they don't let such things go unpunished.
No contact is a boundary. In narc's eyes, you do not have a right to boundaries, you are a possession with no human rights. An attempt to break free will be punished.
Spot on.
That exactly was the reason why it took me so long to go NC. I had to be 100% SURE that I would never have to re-establish contact with those monsters.
Yes. Exactly. 🌊
@@xrc7445 I feel ya, man.
So true. Thanks for your insight.
No contact with my 85 yr old mother for 5 years but she continues to pester me to get together. You are so right. I see right through her manipulation. She did a smear campaign on me to everyone. Why would I want to see her again? She’s sick.
I agree. They will never change and they lack empathy. You cannot work with a person who does not understand other people's feelings.
They understand your feelings all too well, that's the problem
I was raised by my narcissistic woman who gave birth to me and her narcissistic husband. I tell people I was born in chaos and raised by wolves. They’ve both been cut out for about 7 years now. The longer im away, the clearer I can see that I made the right choice and that the shame and guilt I felt wasn’t based in reality. I agree with this video. If you went no contact, stay that way no matter how much shame people try and throw on you for it. They made the choice to stay toxic, not you. Choose a toxic free life. Get healing from God. Be free from the trauma bonds. Live, protect, and love and be loved and protected.
I agree. I went back after 10 years of no contact and it was brutal.
There I was living my life and bumped into my sister after 10 years. She invited me out for coffee. That was the beginning of a downward spiral to homelessness and hurt. I lost almost everything. I found out later they had conspired to dehouse me and my children. They even called the spca on our pets! It took us a long time to recover, not just from their abuse but the fact nobody would help us. Not the police, not any social agency. It was a nightmare. We finally were able to settle down but we sustained such humiliation in the meantime. I so foolishly went out to breakfast with my sister who apparently has cancer. I actually doubted her at first because she didn't seem to have many details about her illness. Perhaps she was in denial but if it were me I would be researching everything. And I actually did for her. I spent hours researching the newest cancer drugs and treatments but she didn't seem very itnerested in the links I sent her. She never even said thank you (of course). Anyway, during breakfast she told me my parents were paying for a 5 star trip to europe for her. I was so angry, because of all the effort they put into deshousing us then they turn around and pay for a trip to europe for her. I felt horrible, but I had to leave that breakfast because she was gloating. She's still alive, which on a human scale is good but I still wonder if she was lying about the cancer. I'm not a bad sister or daughter. I tried my best. But I don't deserve to be abused. And no contact is self preservation. I don't care what anyone thinks, I need to protect my kids and me.
Good for you and valuing your life. When you get burnt, you don't go back to the fire. We want to believe the best but tge Bible says the wicked go astray from birth and a leopard can't change its spots. Im so sorry you had to suffer all that you did, you are very strong and your kids are lucky to have you. Have a look at "no contact with narcissists and toxic people" by The Royal We. He illustrates it so well, it helps in times of weakness. Stay strong, eyes forward. God bless you and your family.
@@LisaMaryification It sounds like your sister was being used by your mother as a "flying monkey". Flying monkeys do the dirty work on behalf of narcissists that can't get at you. Your mother probably wanted your sister to throw the gift of the European vacation in your face to hurt you.
@@LisaMaryification you sound like a sucker you should do something as bout your low self esteem I dint feel bad because you went back knowing how stupid that is too people who hurt you makes it worse
Me too I’m all alone
No contact perioooddddddd!!!! I have a malignant narcissistic mother and I went no contact going on almost 5 years! Best decision ever.
This is so true. I'm 55 and have had periods of no contact since I was 33. Every time I've reconnected, my well being has plummeted. And they get FAR WORSE with age. I wish I had the wisdom back then and had those years back. But at least now I'm free.
+Mark Skeeter, yes! They do get worse
as they get older. Your "well-being" will "plummet"
if you stay connected because they are emotional
sadist who "enjoy" hurting you. It is on purpose.
Glad you got away.
I left same age, it is my first year no contact and I’m still suffering in health and emotionally
@@ricebunnymoon4624 Hang in. It WILL get better. You will realise you did the only thing you could, for your own wellbeing.
@@pegasus5148 but my question is why do they want to hurt us ? That is what I don't get. I need to go to a support group I am deeply wounded inside
@@lunemiel786 they are sadistic, plain and simple. They don't have a conscience. They get off on your hardships. It's just the way they are. You didn't do anything. In many cases they are envious of targets. The best thing to do is to set firm boundaries and elevate your self-esteem. Learn to say no and respect yourself or you will attract them. They look for people who are emotionally reactive. they need you to react in order to get narcissistic Supply or as I like to call it " sadistic Supply." you can't change the fact that they are sadistic and they will pretend to be your friend while they stab you in the back and then gaslight you about it. Go no contact and work on healing yourself!!!
Any time I went back to my narcissist mother after no contact eventually it turned out the same. Narcissist never see their wrong doings and they have no empathy for you so they never change. Don't waste your time with them. Don't hold out hope because there is no hope for them.
The BEST video on this topic regarding cutting all ties. I am fed up with people forcing victims back into abusive situations because of blood connections. I had to cut of mother, father and grandparents and all siblings on mothers side
love83forever yes, same with me. No going back, have to keep my daughters pure and free from the narc mother claws.
That's so true. When dealing with a narc mom you end up with a list of flying monkeys as long as your arm. Just have to cut everyone off. Luckily for me, my narc mom's favourite tactic (after silent treatment) was triangulation and isolation so I never really was close to the rest of my family. Therefore cutting them all off was easier than cutting her off. And now that I know the motivations behind a narc's actions, I'll never go back to her either. Videos like these will always serve as a reminder to keep her and her band of sycophants out of my life.
Make your own decisions. I did n I'm happy I did n guess what those that told me I was wrong dont even call me. They just wonna hear what you go through with the narcs n they will sit and say awe poor thing. Forget that. Leave them narcs n them too.
@@blessedthebest8972 just cut off everyone that doesn't add value to your life. If that's living selfishly, then calm me selfish. My happiness comes first.
@Tamkazi Gomba
I had to cut my inlaws off. All of them. Yes the MIL and her flying monkeys. I experienced the triangulation n the silent treatment the lies the smear campaign. I left. I so glaaaaaad I did. I dont talk to any of them nor their friends. They have allies to report back. Well they say you cutting off people who done nothing to u. Well they
sat n watched n offered no help. Cut cut. Dont call me n wonna talk now acting all concerned. Asking for my kids. Why would I do that. Let my kids go by u a flying monkeys n the narc. Hell naw you cant talk to my kids. We are a package. Where I dont go they dont go. Should have thought about that. Well ok thanks for listening. Do what you gotta do n dont look back n let others convince u that you wrong or make u feel guilty. Cause u not wrong. Nobody got time to be living in the twilight zone. They are crazy. Lies the lies.
The exact moment you said “DONT DO IT” is when I hit the 👍 button!
I bumped into my Nmom after almost 2 years of No Contact. Had I seen her first, she would have never seen me. She actually came up behind me & stroked my back. The only feeling I had at the moment was one of mild annoyance. Obviously, she still has 0 respect for boundaries. (I haven't even called you in 2 years. Of course you can put your hands on me! I'm your property, after all.) I have no desire to return to the hellish existence that is her small miserable world. I highly recommend NO CONTACT to anyone considering it as an option of surviving a narcissist. Free at last! Free at last! Great God Almighty, I am free at last!
Well stated ToothFairy, it's my view that if the person is indeed a Narcissist No Contact is the only way to go and again, stay no contact as they become worse, a whole lot worse, as time go on. Thank you for sharing.
That gave me the willies.
there is a thing called geographical sobriety. so be careful of that too. running away also has its limits ..
why have you got a blank profile? well what other name can you call something. isn;t dealing with abuse abuse. what else would you call it...
do not contact or write me a message again please... i do not like internet trolls at all.
I’m 5.5 years of no contact with 87 year old narc “mother,” her golden child & her flying monkeys. Your message to NOT GO BACK is a very important one. Thank you. I’m not going back, ever. No funerals, nothing. Too risky & I certainly don’t plan to lose the victory, self respect & dignity I’ve gained. I live 100 miles away & plan to move even farther! I’m at peace and have no regrets.
me too
I've managed to move about 250 miles, I would recommend it
You’ve done this right. ✅🎯
This is insane. I thought this was just my life! My childhood was the worst because of my narcissistic mother. I've thought she become better a few times; No change!
Growing with narcissistic parent(s), you always know something is off deep down, very very young, but you need them so bad, that you talk yourself out of believing what you know is true, you are being used and abused.
I went no-contact with my mother for 10 years. I'm sorry I thought she would change. Reuniting was a massive mistake. She has been in a nursing home since 2017. I have never visited and have no guilt about it. My dad is a narc, too, living in the same room with her. I wish them all the best. I also wish myself the best. Never going back there again!
The worsening of narcissistic symptoms in my mom is why I recently went no contact. I got to the point I'd just had enough of the insults and put-downs. I feel so happy and free.
I had never know what was wrong with me . Why my mom never loved me. But yet used me as her slave and servant. I am now 64 years old. Have not had contact with her for the last 8 years. And as I watch your videos and the tears run down my cheeks I realize it was not me. Never was me all the years I struggled to show my worth find some recognition. And a few days ago I realized it was my lost identity I was trying to find. I find watching your videos are helping me. I thought tonight I wish I had the skills to write a book. I would call it the Lost Child. Because that is what she took from me. My childhood my sense of self worth. We have not spoken like I said for eight years. Because she choose to say my children lied that their uncle abused them. She went from there to having my other siblings disown us. I was devistased how a mother grandmother could treat anyone like that. Right to the point of having a sister return any pics she has of me as a baby any pics of her grandsons. It pretty much put me into a tail spin crashing. That was never how a felt or thought a mother should be like. But today a lite went on maybe it was a blessing. Maybe her doing what she did closing the door on any relationship with her saved me from ever feeling I owed her. It was like a funeral with no casket. I do agree. NEVER RECONNECT with them. Bless you for your videos. The healing will go on forever.
Wise & beautiful sentiments. I went back to mum (she's 84 now) a few years ago, having fled the abuse. At 56yrs, I have again had to go no-contact. I feel like a bruised, hollowed-out shell. Your sentiments help.
Your story tears me from the inside, I fully identify with you .... I had a difficult "crazy" mother who was extremely possessive and jalous of me ... Crazy! but, I was lucky: her mother (my grandmother) and two of her half sisters (my aunties) took over and raised me .... otherwise I might have similar story to yours to tell ... I finally discarded my mother ... and never looked back ... she died alone ...
PSYCHOLOGY RULE n° 1: "People never change, until they decide to change, and start to act in accordance"
People change when they are ready.
Wow. That's actually really true.
@@alexvensel5730 they change mainly when they pass through a painful emotional experience
“Narcissistic people need supply” That is so horribly true
I left my parents and relatives behind (narcisist disorder and much more) and I am done. When people ask, I say: she's dead. I live with my husband and kids. Living a normal middle class life far away from them, never was happier.
Re connecting with a narcissistic mother is a terrible mistake. it is very tempting to do so, especially when they smile to you and pretend to be nice. the temptation to introduce to her my future husband just of the sake of becoming a happy family, was devastating. She did everything she could, behind my back, to prevent my marriage, and I didn't know why, he left me. So everything you tell is true. They become more visious the more the are aging.Efrat, Israel
Mine cannot wait to see me and my husband divorce.
so sorry to hear that, hugz
This summer will be 3 years I feel the longer we go the better life gets makes me so happy
I have a Narc mother and I am the scapegoat... my brother is the golden child and now after 30 years of dealing with it and my brother not understanding, now he's finally getting his taste of it
Gotta love it! My little brother never understand why I got so frustrated with our mother until I moved out several year's ago due to her using me financially because she was lazy and didn't want to work. Now he's getting his taste of it, something I warned him about year's ago. I've personally talked with my aunt about her and everything my mother has told me over year's about herself isn't even true. She's lied about going to college but didn't even finish highschool. She lied to me about her parents not letting her take me to Germany with her, found out that was a lie. She left me behind with her parent's so she could go party in Europe. Yet she wants to tell people how to parent their kid's. I tell other's who grew up without their real parent's that it isn't so bad. My mom wasn't around, my real dad never wanted thus he left the picture when I was still a newborn. I at least had my grandparents, my aunt and uncle growing up as my immediate family. My mother has only gotten to be more of a habitual liar, self-centered and just all around miserable person as she has gotten older. She's only 43 mind you. However I'm now 25 and to a point where I just need to love her from a distance. She has made it hard to be close to her my whole life.
When you leave a narc situation they must find another scapegoat. It was never my brother who was the golden child. I remember cmplaining to him on the phone about my parents and he used to say 'Well, I'm 5000 miles away so I don't have to deal with it. But you know mom, she gets all riled up' I could never understand why he said that. Now I know, it's because he was pulling the strings! He was the one goading my mother on and riling her up to harm me. But he always came back when someone died and he could get money from them. Always.
That's what I hope is happening to my GC sister. She played along with my mother's abuse of me for years. Still, it was me who did all the running around to hospitals ect in all that time. They never call the GC when they're sick cos they know the SG is eager to please because they crave acceptance. But all I ever got was a straight kick in the teeth and an envelope stuffed with cash 🤣 which was a total insult. And it Now I've gone for 2 years + and the old hag will have to get her supply elsewhere. I told my kids to be vigilant for her tactics. Funny thing was, they already knew...
My mother made my brother very ill. I went no contact for two years with my family including my brother. However I do feel guilty because he is nothing like 2 years ago,maybe I could have save him somehow.. He is very ill right know..lost alot of weight. All because of this evil woman. And he doesn't know..wish he would wake up for good..it can save his life.
Glad to hear it. 💕
From personal experience, this is true. They don’t change and you will be hurt again. Please, for your own sake, do not go back.
I also have a narcissistic mother, and after going years of no contact I also made the mistake (actually more than once) of getting in contact with her because each time I thought she had changed too. Wow similar story we share. I'm 22 and I'm back to having no contact with her because the truth of the matter is, she will never change, she only reactivates her manipulation into thinking she's being nice but then she will attack you over and over again just the same. I also made the mistake of telling her personal information about my life that she blabbed to so many people, I can't believe I trusted her with information after everything she's done.
Not even worth it August. I have a narcissistic mother and believe me her actions to this day have affected me and my sister. Many times I tried to contact her but those times just made things worse. She told people we are not her children granting we left her house at the age of 12 because of her inaction to protect us. I will never forgive her for what she has done to me and my sister and father. I am doing pretty great for myself and will continue to do so. My mother is just a person of darkness, cruelness and evil and the worse thing about this is, growing up knowing who she is. It's sad but comforting to see people like us talk about how we were dealt a bad hand in life.
Juan Morillo
I'm so sorry your family went through that. She ruined me, my sister and my father and kicked us out when I was 14. She is also cruel and has a very evil side to her. It's confusing because she can pretend to be a nice woman and her acting is so good it even fools me sometimes, despite everything she's done to us. She'll turn around and act like your best friend, giving you advice and acting like she'll be there for you, but all the times I actually did need her she refused to be there for me. It's really confusing. She has the ability to charm a lot of people, including her new husband, into thinking we were the horrible ones.
***** I know how you feel. My mother has the supernatural like ability of creating a lie, then theatrically force herself to cry and bring out emotion to make her lie beyond believable. She is the black widow spider as you call it. She has destroyed my character. I am successful now and still growing but, there is a part I'm working on removing that reminds me of that monstrosity
Juan Morillo
Same, I'm not successful yet but I'm getting there, she destroyed my confidence to the point that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in my teens. I'm planning on leaving the state when my dad passes away, getting my as degree, getting a job in a hospital, buying a house, and never look back. She said something the other month to me like "When I'm old and alone you will come take care of me." I was like omg wtf this bitch thinks I'm gonna take care of her after she ditched me at 14? LOL
Juan Morillo I am in the same situation like you, my mother also has a "supernatural" ability to lie. I think you are lucky that your mother does not try to contact you. If she contacts you is only to continue the abuse, and evil. My mother tries to contact me constantly, and I am actually petrified when I see is her calling me. I let her go strait to voicemail. I am getting professional help since it is impossible to deal with people like her. I would advise you to do the same. It really helps. Seeing a professional also will make you stronger. Good luck to you, and feel fortunate not to be harassed by your mother like me.
Paying for this right now after nearly 2 years of no contact... I will not break contact ever again.
Dude I went no contact 4 years ago and I owe it to these videos that made me woke to my mothers behavior and my family complicity. You changed not only my life, but my wife and my children’s lives for the better. Thank you.
You are absolutely right. These people never change, they never understand anything, and they will keep doing the same thing until they die. You cannot reason with them, you cannot train them, you cannot even set some basic limits for them because they will break them as soon as your guard is down for a split second. Either you grow some really thick skin (which is unlikely, considering they have been pushing your buttons since childhood), or you accept that they cannot change and keep them out of your life.
"You are absolutely right. These people never change, they never understand anything, and they will keep doing the same thing until they die." Absolutely, totally, 100% right!
@@Thystadid you go no contact with your parents?
I moved states just to get away from my narc mother. Im succeeding in my life but she just cant be happy for me no matter how well i do. I thought she will be ok once I left but doesnt seem like it. I think ur right, re-connecting with a narc is a no go.
After 20 years. I tried reconnecting with her. And it was the biggest mistake of my life. She's just as narc and evil as ever!
Trying to get close to my mother opened up new wounds and many scars that had already healed!
Now, I have to start the process all over again. :' (
Va Mo I feel very sorry for you Va Mo but narcissists are nothing but monsters. Best advice is STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. Tell your son that you Love him and suggest therapy. Im sure that One Day The Truth Will dawn on him. All The. Best
you can move to the moon, but the narc mother is always right "here" (pointing on my forehead)
I tried leaving from WI to Montana. It just got worse. But she goes behind my back to my family and friends and it has destroyed every relationship I have. Every last one.
Do you have any trouble with the fact that she has your social security number and can therefore track you wherever you go? I hate that my parents have my SS#. It's been 15 years and they still use it to track me. It makes my blood boil that the gov't gave me a number at my birth that my parents were given without my permission- allwoing them to harrass and follow me for the rest of my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, this video is 100 percent spot on. I learned the hard way unfortunately, as I’m sure many people do as well. Growing up with a narcissistic mother, all she did was divide and sabotage my relationship with my siblings. I took the route of giving space and thought she would change with time, she didn’t. I wish that wasn’t the case, but I’m still in the process of having to fix my relationship with my brothers. At the end of the day you really cant win or reason with a narcissist, best to just cut ties and save yourself the stress and negativity.
For those that don't realize they are dealing with a narcissistic person, they will continue to struggle for a long time. Recognizing the problem is the first big step...and you've done that. You're now in control. Good luck to ya.
I made the same mistake.My younger brother is also now the golden child.Now I`m dealing with 3 of these idiots.
Me, too!
It spreads onto succeeding generations!
You MUST CALL IT OUT & EXPOSE THE DEVIL!
Then CUT HIM OFF!
- Or IT WILL SPREAD & become a MULTI-GENERATIONAL SATANIC, FAMILIAL CURSE!
And it'll just GO ON & ON until SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY BREAKS IT in SOME GENERATION!
+ + +
+Q-S/
YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!!! It’s scary
You are SOOOO right. DON"T RECONNECT THEY DON"T GET WELL!!!
No they don't Shannon, the fact is they become much worse as they age. Thank you for sharing.
Thank u for the video. I finally, finally broke ties. Beyond painful but finally feeling peace which is long overdue
I sure didn't expect she'd get worst... the pain associated with being the only daughter of a narc mother has been the most painful one I've ever fought but since being no contact for four months I'm finally regaining my self esteem... and I"m finally ok with not having contact...such a painful time.....................thank you for sharing with us.. your video came at a very important time... she's going to be calling and wanting me to go for Sunday supper as mom's day is in Canada this weekend.. thank you for your help.. Blessings
This makes me feel so validated. I’m 30 years old my mom is almost 50 and I swear she has gotten worse with age but It didn’t make sense to me. Teenage years sucked but the holidays were fun. Now the holidays are hell on earth with my mother and she is getting more controlling and mean as time goes on. It’s so rough.
I'm realizing how true the fact that narcissists do not mellow with age is. My narcissist has been declining in health in recent years and has been getting continually worse. The worse their health becomes, the worse the narcissism becomes. It's a sick cycle and I'm just glad I've removed myself from it. The road to recovery is getting shorter every day. The more I learn about narcissism the better I am at combatting the damage done within my mind.
You couldn’t be more right. My mother in law is awful. My sister in law died and all she said was “ What am I going to do now”. I can’t be in the same room as her. Triangulation oh my word. Yes. She is sickening.
You are absolutely right. I recently tried to "test the waters" by texting my stepmom, just to ask her how she was doing. She was very brief and rude backnto me. She may be 80 y.o., but thats it for me--I'm done. I will be skipping her funeral.
I made this mistake...8 year break...both her and my father convinced me to go back and she went into overdrive! I was virtually treated like dirt and she began to alienate me from my father completely and my father then told me to get lost...it caused me so much pain...I agree DONT DO IT!
That's terrible. I'm sorry.
Similar here. Prayed about it and was told to never go back
I can 100% relate to you. I will never forget what she did. I am 1000% sure will never talk to her again
Ive been suffering this for 38 years and I just realised the damage shes already done to mu own daughters so I went no contact and Ive been hardly judged by my family and friends specially in latin America mothers are worshiped and nobody believes are capable of harming their own child. Thank you for this message
Its hard because no matter what you are going to look like the villain. Narcissistic mothers are really nice to everyone, so no one will believe you when you cut them off. Trust me, for your own piece of mind take a long break from her and get your mind and self esteem up. God knows and see everything, no matter who she fools on earth, she can't fool God.
38 yrs me too in 2022...i calculate since the age of 12
You “just realized” the damage to your daughter? Nobody here is buying that. What a shame. 👎
@@Bronte866 yes when they are treated as the golden child and you were the scape goat you think they are being treated nice but that’s another type of manipulation. Educate yourself on narcissistic abuse.
narcs do not love, it's all about the supply to them. TRUTH!
I just found out 2 days ago, my mother is a narc. I'm dying inside. 44 yrs of pain n now I know she never loved me. doesnt matter What she does or say, I can't help but to love her.....
please God help me now
I just went no contact a few days ago within my n mother. I feel free and validated. But at the same time I feel very strange. So many of my emotions were not my own. It feels like I've had to much coffee, or like I'm starving and my adrenalin has taken over. There's this unsettling buzz in the pit of my stomach and I feel slightly nauseous. I think it might be anxiety which I've never had before.
I'm reading and watching videos as much as possible to try to understand my situation. Tessa Frank, how are you doing now that it's 6 months later?
I love that you are taking this burden to God. There is no guilt in boundaries and distance. Pride is a bitter disease. We are blessed when we obey Him.
Do the research and don't expect to process it quickly. You can do it and you don't need anyone external to provide you with anything, you already have it all inside you. Good to get friendly with Mother Earth - walk on the ground barefoot, lie on the grass and let her take it away from you. In the absence of a good mother she is reliable. You have my sympathy- it is a big shock to realise that you've been abused for so many years. See a counsellor who will listen to you and help you find your own truth.
It’s normal and fine to live your mother as that is what God teaches. Just know that you don’t have to deal with the her or even talk to her (as have a mature, truthful, and logical conversation is NOT possible). They will try to guilt you into thinking you are doing the wrong thing, but don’t fall into their manipulation.
My brothers try to manipulate me into condoning my mother’s behavior, but I won’t -even if she is my mother. What she is doing is wrong. And for my own sanity, I do not have to get involved in her drama, manipulation and evilness. God says to stay away from evildoers.
@@GodsChildrenOnEarth God says to stay away from evil doer. And it is such a heavy test when God put the evil doer as the mother....
Thank you for this. My whole life, I am going through this very same thing. My mother is in her eighties. It is unbelievable how they lie right to your face about you or truths you know are true, and wear a false self mask, separate the siblings, stir up hatred, they are demonic and this is no doubt an abomination to God. I am heading for the hills, literally and I never want to see her again or go to the funeral. My sister has been groomed and is an even worse narc than our mother. God, I wish I had you for a friend, or had a support group. This is a hard thing to deal with, and impossible for a loving soul to understand. She has destroyed all my friendships and I didn't realize till recently what was going on. Who could dream up such treachery? No more denial. God bless & keep you.
MaiRaven3 your sister was born a N
Yes it's demonic. I only just realized what she is. She makes up lies about me and presents the to anyone as truth.
similar experience im getting through. i coulndt even imagine im gonna see all of these... literally demonic.@@deborahgonzalezknight168
Yes!!! My mother and sister are an evil duo. I am so glad I have been no contact for two years now and feeling great😇I have so much peace never knew peace could feel so wonderful 💛
It can be so difficult, especially when money (financial abuse) and psychological abuse have been used as weapons to control ! In addition, add in real CRIMES, and physical assaults ( from the outside- society) and it disasterous ! This has occured in the State of Connecticut and elsewhere ! Thank you Tom for this reminder !!
You are still invested in a toxic, hopeless situation. There is no amount of money worth eating what they’re shoving into you. Good luck.
Gosh! How is it that I didn’t stumble on your video before! Thank you for this strong message! Got it! Once you go no contact, stay no contact!
I agree with you, don’t do it! They get worse and worse. Scary! They are disturbed individuals.. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. It’s truly gross how they love to tear apart loving relationships.
I've been no contact with narc mom for five months and Mother's Day is coming up. I've been going back-and-forth with whether I should send a card. I chuckled my way through your video because I've been looking for very clear answers. "Don't do it!" Message received. Thanks
was the same for my spouse. there was a little a bit of a debate on both mother's day and their mom's birthday since my spouse, unlike their mom, is a good person......though in the end, they were very short debates, all we had to do is remember exactly what the final straw was that go us to go no contact in the first place, and the internal debates die out after that, and we move on.
EXCELLENT VIDEO…HUGE THANK YOU. Needed to be reminded to stand my ground.
you are so right!!! i learned this the hard way a month ago after 4 years of no contact.... i understood that my mom has a narcissistic personality disorder just a few hours ago. cried my eyes out like crazy when i realized that what turned my childhood and my adulthood into a nightmare actually has a name. already looking for a psychotherapist.... coz i need one bad...
I'm sincerely sorry and I identify with you. Beginning to find a therapist is an excellent step and please make sure that you interview on the phone about their understanding of narcissistic personality disorder. It's very complex and many professionals think of it simply as "Self Love" which as we know goes way beyond that. Thank you for writing.
This video just, wow put so many pieces in my puzzle of life, the picture is becoming clearer, thank you.........wow.......
OK, here's the deal: I am commenting BEFORE I watch your video, and cannot more whole heartedly AGREE!!!!! It is horrid, it is horrific....no matter how old you are, you want to think your parents loved you, that they were good people.....Narcissists DON'T love: They, until their death, will cause destruction.....they WILL burn in hell.
jon davey Yes!!! And my narcissistic mother in law is also a witch so she probably thinks that her rituals in magic will earn her her way... All I can say is BURN BABY, BURN!!!
Great video, thank you! It took me 35 years to figure out what was wrong with my mother.
Sunny C; you are not alone!
Well done. 35 years is relatively quick. I was 48. Some people don't know til they are elderly. Others die never knowing.
@@drjrich222 l realised at 35. I went no contact. I took her back. Bad mistake. I'm no contact again. That venom is pure poison. They actually make you self destruct and they turn the knife so you'll die in pain. My kids knew Nana was a "weirdo" before l did. Go figure. They are so pure they could see her evil.
I TRULY thought I was living in this world all alone until now!!!! the part about the coming between the siblings hit the nail on the head!!!! And he's right! Don't go back!!! I went back about 6 years ago after having NO CONTACT for about 7 years,,,, and within days the MADNESS began,,,, and the lies my mother tell others about me is the worst,,,, UGLY HORRIBLE lies,,,,, I must stay away,,,,,,, if I want to live and live happily,,,, I must stay away,,,,, and staying away from her meant that I had to cut ALL ties with family members as well,,,,, and now I'm hearing that those same family members are pulling away from her,,,,, it's a hot sad mess!!!
Me too
Stay away. Let them all die alone. They won’t mind anyway. Everyone here knows it’s true.
I wished I had come across this video years before. I never understood the meaning of narcissism until the last few years. Most people do mellow out with age but you are so spot on in regards to this mindset of the narcissist. Always just wanted the attention/ love from my mother. It hurts and it will always hurt as I drove past her a few times while she was out walking her dog. A big part of me wanted to pull over and get out of the car and run up and embrace her. Oh that mammalian feeling to just smell her scent , to feel warmth from her body. To tell her that I am sorry, to forgive. This happened a few times in the span of a week, as I happened to be house sitting not far from where she lived. About a year and a half later she had a doctor come to her house and assist in (M.a.I.d.). Which is medical assistance in dying because she had stage 4 throat cancer. I was not informed until about 5 weeks after the fact. Even though I was the first born there was nothing for me it all went to youngest sibling, the golden child. It is messed up maybe like some sort of Stockholm syndrome, I can still feel the pain of her hitting me, pulling my hair. The verbal, emotional ,mental and physical abuse. I never liked my mother but yet I still love/ forgive her.
My mum is a narcissist. I only recently found out. I've been in therapy for a year and I've been reading about psychopaths for a few months now. A couple of sessions ago I mentioned that "gee, these aspects of psychopathy sound like her" and my therapist said that while she can't diagnose someone she's never met, my mum sounds narcissistic. It's all falling into place now.
However, since I'm a very deep person who is very compassionate, it's so hard for me to understand that all of her expressions of affection are an act. All these years, I thought she's just been really lazy about maturing and since she's the youngest of four siblings, she's been spoiled rotten by everyone protecting her and letting her get away with everything.
I'm going to be a psychologist in the future and I'm especially motivated to learn everything I can about antisocial personality disorders now. I had no idea narcissism was a real personality disorder and apparently they're absolutely everywhere.
oh wow...
Yes they are everywhere. The whole lump (of humanity) is nearly leavened by narcissism (aka the serpents seedline).
They have you question your own sanity also have you convinced your not seeing what you saw.
I have seen your video many times, you give me strength, I know my mom is definitely narcissist she separated her entire family, she chose her golden child. I was the scapegoat and I just found out about this mental issue, it’s horrible and disgusting, I thought I was the only person on earth with a family that loves to hate they only care about money, they are greedy and disrespectful.
I wish I would have seen this video sooner...you are absolutely right, after 14 yrs no contact with my mother, February 2024 my uncle asked me to reconnect with her due to early stage dementia. Let me say, she has not forgotten how to be a manipulative,controlling, mean person
I went no contact as well... We are three brothers, with me being the scapegoat and my youngest brother the Golden Boy. My mother always manipulated in such a manner that we were being kept apart (just as you are describing in your video). I broke off all contact with my mother when I was pregnant with my baby (I did not want her to get anywhere near my son). The funny thing is that the Golden Boy and I are very close today - much to the chagrin of my mother.
Great video! Thank you for making those! I would never think of reconnecting with my mother - after 36 years I am finally at a point where I do not care at all anymore what my mother thinks or whether she is in my life. What a sweet life it can be ;-)
Wow, are we the same person!? Your story is exactly mine. The only difference is that no one from my family talks to me because they all believe my N Mom, but that's fine with me. I'm so glad you can still have a relationship with your brother.
North and South your story is inspiring
Wow, all of that sounds so familiar! I am the scapegoat. My brother is the golden boy.
+RJ Brown BOTH me and my sis were the scapegoats and my male cousin was the golden child
+North and South, the Narc is a Sadist.
They love to divide and conquer people.
That is why your Mom did what she did.
They are "emotional" sadists too. They
know they are hurting you and they have
no conscience about it. You cannot reason
with them or "bargain" with them because
you only give them more supply. Glad you
went no-contact. All they want to do is
create "drama" and "manufacture" problems
and "divide and conquer" people for the
sadistic-supply of it all. They are truly
"heartless" and they know "exactly" what
they are doing!
I am absolutely cemented in my decision to never reconnect with my lunatic mother figure.
Thank god I found your video because I was thinking of going to see my mom after no contact for 6 years....My brother age 61 just died 5 days ago he used to live in the same condo building as her (he also stopped talking to me6 years ago) . I found out he died through a cousin who facebooked me and now some other cousins email me to go see her because she is crying and alone now that my brother died. I was feeling sad and thinking of going BUT I did not want to go through all the abuse again. I WILL NOT GO TO FUNERAL OR SEE HER.
This video is so right on the money. You'll just get dragged down by her in that hell world she lives in. You don't need that abuse...not now...not ever.
I have recently broken contact with my mother. I learned about narcissism about 5 years ago and recognized
all behavioral madness and destruction. At first I was able to handle it, defending my boundaries. But now I realize that she will always provoke a fight with me losing and being hurt.
My mother is a personification of the devil. And I am afraid of her now as she
Is 93 years old. It’s amazing that despite her so evident lies and manipulations, I still have feelings of guilt sometimes
haunting me.
This video strengthens me not to even appear on her death bed.
Thank you!💪
I'm pretty sure that my mom and his mom disliked this video!
Bob Lazar mine too!
Same!
Lol
Anytime I have reconnected with any narcissist in my life has always been at the cost of my mental health. I fell for the "I am healed, she will be better and treat me better now". Learned that was a lie the hard way!! I identify with your story of your mother lying to you about you. My adoptive mother gave me at least 3 contradictory versions of the circumstances of my adoption. Fortunately by Divine intervention my adoption officer crossed my path, recognised me and gave the the real version of events!!
Oh man i 100 percent relate to what you are saying 😂
shes just trying to regain her power over you. i know this first hand. it does get worse. they ''couldnt find me'' when my grandpa died...when ive had the same email that i saved in the laptop i bought her...and who knows what my sister (her clone) told everyone in the family when i didnt show up.
That's exactly what my family did! lol.
Thank you for this video. There is so much guilt for the child of a Narcissist mother when they finally walk away from the abuse, as I did last year. I have found that most people can't possibly understand how a person could have no contact with their own mother, adding to the guilt. I have often wondered if I should at least send birthday and mother's day cards, but have been afraid this would be like inviting her to contact me again. I too, have noticed that my mother was getting worse as she got older, and after 63 years of dealing with her, I simply couldn't take it anymore. Thank you for the final validation that I have done the right thing. I only wish I had understood this years ago.
Same here. No contact, for 2 years. Strong feelings of guilt, now that's getting better. But it's difficult to explain to others why you've "divorced" your mother. But that's how I explain it to myself and others now. You can divorce a spouse, a child who loses his parents is an orphan. But there's no word for a child who wants to "divorce" his parent.... My dad, who was the enabler and a very soft, well-tempered guy, died 11 years ago.
Wow...you just described my mother too. I cut off communication with her in 2004 and have never looked back. I'm also the only sibling that chose this path, and I'm also the only one that is doing really well now too. My mother is extremely passive-aggressive, so I can relate to everything you said. I have never thought about reconnecting though, but it is great to hear you validate my decision. My thinking is that the door is always open, so if she ever wants to communicate all she has to do is phone. I knew this was a safe plan because she has NEVER called me EVER LOL.
same situation ! so funny !! lol !!
A loving mother would have contacted you. This is proof of what she is. In her mind you should do the contacting because she is entitled to it. She doesn't acknowledge that a child deserves a mother's love.
Good for you😁🙏
My mom phoned me. But it always end up chaotic.
@@en7697 I totally agree with you, and that has been my thinking too. I didn't make a big scene when going no-contact...I just stopped calling. In retrospect it probably started out as an experiment just to see how long it would be before she actually picked up the phone and called me LOL. I'll talk to her if she calls...but it has been over 17 years now so I think it's a safe bet that she will never call. What I found amusing though was the smear campaign that ensued. I was lambasted, ridiculed and shamed for years afterward (not to my face of course...just tidbits I heard through the proverbial grapevine). And yet I never discussed my actions with anyone...ever :-).
Re-connecting? You were never able to connect to her in the first place. DO NOT DO IT! The thought that "Oh I am cool, strong adult now, I can do it for peace!" may sound logical. DO NOT DO IT!
Thank you for your insight, I’ve gone no contact again. I can confirm they get worse with age, and when you go back they make you pay for leaving them.
My heart goes out to you. Everything you described, sounded exactly like my experience too. The greatest pain in all of this is that my siblings and I are detached from each other. I want us all to be a happy family, but that's not going to happen, so long as my mom is alive. By the time she isn't around we'll all be strangers to each other, because of her evil triangulation tactics. I want to cry tears of rage. All I ever wanted was a normal, happy family, and a deep sisterly bond.
Evened after your mother dies, it will not be possible to have a relationship with those siblings. Walk away. Never look back. They’ve all had a million chances to do right by you. Get out.
I doubt you'll see much change after your mom is gone. My sister got worse right away, and I mean immediately. I put up with about three super paranoid phone calls from her and threw in the towel and haven't talked to my sister in 9 years. It has to be this way. She can't not triangulate.
Last night I was feeling so down. I thought about if I had anyone to call and I didn’t. I just wanted to call my mom and have her rub my head and tell me she loves me and everything is gonna be okay. Unfortunately she’s nicer in my fantasies than she is in real life. Thank you for this video, I’m glad I didn’t jump back into the circus and get dragged down again.
You did the right thing. Next time you're feeling down, call contact a friend. Good luck to you.
That´s soooo true. I just tried along this month and it was almost lethal. I started to have panic attacks again, to have suicidal thoughts, I started to think I was garbage in this world, so I decided to block her again, and I felt relieved right after it. It´s so sad, but necessary!
I have no contact now for 6 years I even changed my cell number feel better now
This is one of your very best videos! very passionate and REAL!!! thank you for exposing the truth I have suffered for years wondering wtf was going on in my dysfunctional family THE TRUTH IS OUT! Let's all work together to expose these abusive monsters!!!!this is my mom 100% and my sick siblings she has managed to triangulate Finding your channel has been a godsend!
+G Gonzalez Yes, so great to finally know what the situation is. I often wish there was an "Intervention" -type television show or other expose of the narcissist parent and the triangulation. I hope you are able to escape and thrive. Too late for me.
ME TOO !!! whole life was destroyed by those Demons
Ph. D. James Hollis also says in his book Finding meaning in the Second Half of Life, that narcissistic parent's will become worse, they will not become better. I haven't broken up with my mom, but we lived in different cities. Before when I went to visit her and my father, (usually with my small daughter) we could stay there about 3 days, then the atmosphere started to worsen and id we stayed another day, there became always some disaster. Nowadays the limit is one day. No more. I think it's because she tried to act properly, but finally she can not, because of course I always do something wrong, or someone else. In many of these stories I've listened here, it's amazing, that the father is not there for children, but let the mother do what she does. My father always asked me and my (golden) sister to "understand your mother". And so said my aunt and everyone. She could do and say anything, and no-one protected us. My daughter says, that the grand mom is like a bully in the high school, and the grandfather (and other relatives) is a backer who supports her teasing.
Yes!!! And the weirdest thing: my parents are long divorced, my mom re-married - but my dad still defends her and whatever happens he tells me to go "reconcile" and "know how mom is" etc! I was badly abused throughout my childhood and while I went to him on the weekends, he never took my side or prevented the abuse! Do narcissists have some sort of magical powers?:)
Thank you!! everytime the guilt gets me for going no contact, i will listen to your wise words and DONT DO IT!!
my mother is in her 80's. I hoped that old age would soften her heart and she would be the loving mother I never had.. Oh no!! She has gotten worse and 1 yr ago I said to my sanity "enoughs enough". The guilt has been so hard but I know in my heart she will never change. And now I'm free at last.
.
they get worse as they get older once my mother got to 79
major changes took place in her behavior towards me its all reaction seeking behavior for the most part
you can tell becuase of the smirk they display on their face when their should have been empathy and compassion
and support towards you they see this as a opportunity to attack you by criticizing and judging you telling you you should of done this you shouldnt have done that its all toxic nagging talking to you like a child their trying too instill guilt and shaming upon you its all projection of how they feel about themselves
Exactly
I have tried to reconnect with my Narc mother a few times and you are spot on. Its futile. She plays siblings against each other. She will manipulate and guilt me about every little thing. She is in her 80s and it makes me sad that she was never able to heal her shit. But they really dont change. Taking care of ourselves as the adult we never had is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
I found this out recently. I had no contact for two years, then a couple years ago started responding to e-mails and finally phone calls. It appeared my mother truly cared (I didn't know about narcissism, I just walked away because I was tired of how I was being treated).
I recently visited my family (I'm the only one that lives out of state except two nieces and one nephew). My sister, who I was the "golden child" and also who I believe is also a narcissist, was making comments. Stupid me, I turned to my mom and was immediately told to "shut up, you never listen, you are the only one talking, you take things too personally" and then she went on to quote scripture and imply I wasn't as close to God as her. I was like, "What the hell?" and ended up going into my bedroom and laying down, but by night I was truly depressed and borderline suidical. I journaled, something my therapist taught me to do when I couldn't sleep. I'm not even sure why I brought my journal, I usually don't, but I was sure glad I had it along.
The next day I didn't engage in conversations, I only played card games and ate meals. I passed on desert the second day (she knows I'm not supposed to eat it, but made three pie and then when I turned them down, she encouraged me to eat the one that was aspartame, knowing that can give me headaches--and later both my sister and mom asked me if I had a headache, which I didn't, and they almost seemed disappointed).
I went on to visit the rest of my family. It was a major event, the solar eclipse. It's amazing to me that they all live in the same city, and yet still only really see each other about once a year. All conversations were about them. They didn't really ask about my husband or daughter, who didn't come. They didn't engage with my son, in fact, only a couple even gave him a hug, even though they talk all the time about how much them miss him.
I left, and started to look up spiritual abuse, because of the way my mother always uses the Bible to "correct" me, and over and over the word narcissist came up. The funny thing is my mother has actually called me a narcissist a few times.
After watching probably 30 videos on narcissist and narcissistic mothers, I know I will never go back. It's true, it is worse, because they are even more covert. She knows now how to wait patiently, but the smile, the one you talked about. When my tears started to fall, that smile came out and the hairs on the back of my head stood up and I shut down because I think I knew where it would go next.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." But the truth is, now I feel sorry for her, because she doesn't get on the amazing people (my kids, husband and myself) that she just threw out of her live like garbage. Yes, I walked away, and quietly mind you, but once she figures it out, all hell will break loose.
Why can't parents just love their children? I've loved mine and they are happy and well adjusted adults (not perfect, maybe a bit quirky at times, but happy and content with life). It was so easy for me to love them. It's still, even with all this information, so hard to feel like I'm lovable or worthy.
Thank you for these videos. They may have saved my life. Without them, I probably would go back. The only thing that has been separating me now is distance, we live hundreds of miles away. And after 25 years, I'm pretty sure they won't come visiting me.
Terri Isbell congratulations!! But what if one dies or the other is debilitatingly ill, what will you do?
You never had that parent in the first place, so what does death change?
Truth Tellers are my people ❤️
This is my case... typical relationships with my mother 😢we haven't talked like 8 month and all relatives think something wrong with me, she controls all our relatives, and I'm in such a pain... if I'm not gonna contact her I will lose all my relatives ... it's a very hard and painful decision for me... I am so thankful for this video, I feel like I am not alone..Thank you 🌹
Sad how many of us have survived this family dynamic. It’s heartbreaking. These people are evil.
Thank you for your video. A family tragedy forced me to return to my family to deal with my NPD mother after years of low contact. I really wasn't aware that she had NPD before that - I just knew she was controlling, critical and my family was very toxic. I had to get the hell out of there at 18. Unfortunately my sister was under her abusive, manipulative spell for 30 years and the two of them were like toxic glue. Two years ago Oct 3rd, my sister suddenly died by smoking herself to death at 54 years old. I blame my mother for the years of emotional abuse she put her through. My mother used triangulation on the two of us and of course because of the years of lies and poison, my sister and I ended up hating each other. Its been a terrible nightmare having to return to this sick woman. But ... THANK GOD I WOKE UP to the truth. I am now 54 and there is no one to deal with her. I am the only relative left and she has NO FRIENDS. I spent my entire adult life suffering from a emotionally abusive childhood. I just wish it would have happened years earlier like you did!
You are still entirely invested in a hopeless, toxic situation. You already know what to do but you won’t do it. Good luck.
this is from so long ago, it is unlikely you will ever read my comment. my mother is 87. I just broke contact with her 4 months ago. She's gotten so mean, it is hard to believe. Through your videos I gather strength. I actually made the move today to get a threapist. Thanks!
Great video & channel. I've added this to my narcissism recovery playlist on my channel. Keep up the good work.
You just explained my mother exactly!! Both my parents are narcs but each specialize in certain traits. My mother did what u just described. She was using all the siblings against one another. My father was just a huge narcissist who went into rages as his supply drained. Can I believe he's 91 years old and STILL at it?? I went no contact March 27. 2015. Iam learning so much. I wish I had this info sooner. So many years wasted on trying to fix my family. It only made me more of the scapegoat. My entire family is SICK. I went no contact also with the two golden sisters. Bless you so much. I am in tears knowing I was not going crazy my entire life. It brought me so much anxiety resentment depression and interfered with my own marriage. I am finally free and starting over!!
I’m sorry I hope you’re doing well.
my narcissist is also my mother, her "circle" are my siblings and father. the therapeutic advise I was given was, "when you see those people walking down the street, cross to the other side." I do have to deal with two of my siblings currently, but never mention my mother and say nothing when she is mentioned. And if there is such a thing as revenge, it is your own success. Hold your head up high - you are a survivor. I hope your intrusive thoughts become less and less; and, I wish you Peace also.