My mom engaged in similar behavior. She lets my youngest sister do whatever she wants, which mostly revolves around taking every opportunity she has to make my life as unpleasant as possible. Anytime I stand up to her, our mom tries to make me back down and let my little sister have her way. They didn't even stop to consider the ramifications of this until my sister got married, and I refused to attend. Our mom tried to pressure me into going by saying it was my sister's big day and that it was important I be there to celebrate it with her, at which point I started laughing and asked why I'd ever want to celebrate anything involving her. We're in our 40s now, and this kind of behavior still goes on. Now that I've cut all ties with my sister, it means my mom is the target of her behavior, and my mom regularly tries to complain to me about how my sister acts. I just laugh and remind her that she's the one who enabled it and raised my sister to be the way she is now, and that she should enjoy it.
My mom was the same way with my little sister. When she got married the first time,neither one of them would speak to me. Come to find out they had a fight the night before and both blamed me for it.( I wasn't even there).When she had had her 2nd wedding,she didn't want me involved with it.I wasn't even going to go but got emotionally blackmailed into it.She didn't want me in her family pics. When I was leaving her MIL walked up to me,handed me a dish towel and said"Thank you for staying and washing the dishes( when I say dishes I mean all of the plates,silverware, cups,bowls,serving dishes,and pots and pans). I never volunteered so I was confused.I told her I wasn't washing them. I got yelled at by my mom for being rude.That was one of her things to accuse me of being rude to people. She told me I should do it because I didn't participate in anything else.
@@LAM-p6g That sucks that they just volunteered you like that. My family knows better than to do that, because they know I have no issue at all just walking away, even if it means burning down a bridge or two.
@@LAM-p6g What's really rude is assuming someone will simply hop to the beat of your drum and do what you want when you didn't even have the common courtesy to ask. It's probably far too late, but my response would be something along the lines of "You're delusional if you think I'm going to work for you when you never asked, and when I didn't even want to be here in the first place. Speaking of which, now I know why you were so insistent that I attend, you wanted free labor. Too bad, get your ungrateful and rude butt into the kitchen and do your own damn dishes, and don't darken my doorstep ever again unless it's to beg forgiveness for being a complete and utter douche to me...upon which time you can expect a swift kick in the ass followed by a slammed door." Then cut them out of your life.
I don't think the Mom was just clueless; she got her favorite son what her other son asked for, and since it happened repeatedly, that sounds more like deliberate cruelty.
It's also deliberate neglect. That is NO mother. She just despises her older son. And for what? What does the older son do other than exist that makes her hate him so much? CPS should relocate him to a REAL mother, not this one.
My mom did the same thing to me. My older brother got everything I asked for. They were models of a cartoon I liked as a kid and still like. Not once did my brother build them. He left it to our step dad and when I asked to help build them I was told no since my brother left it for my step dad to do. It hurt so so bad every time and still bothers me to this day. They would get him everything he wanted plus what I wanted and I got cloths at most. I no longer talk to my mother. But for additional reasons
OP was hurting and crying out for help. He did what he did because he didn't know what else to do. How could you expect him to behave like an adult if he was never made to feel like he belonged.
Emotional pain doesn't stop hurting when someone grows up, it scars for a lifetime. OP was nowhere near in the wrong, it is a shame he didn't come up with that plan sooner.
I can relate to the OP. My parents bought my late brother a HOUSE. He never had to pay them back. I am stuck living with them because I cannot afford one. IF I sign a rent on an apartment, it will surely keep me from having funds to afford a house. Soaring inflation and an always red-hot housing market have kept my dream out of my reach for over three years. I am on the verge of giving up.
Oh yeah, been there. Never put it to video because not the tech back then but I could tell you my younger siblings were the spoiled ones in my family. Free money, no job. Work for $11 every two weeks -buy your on clothes, gas etc…
As a child who suffered some unjust things, I'll tell you it stays with you forever. I'll be 79 years old tomorrow, and those memories are still there. When someone is treated differently from the rest it changes you inside. Trusting others will never come easy.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I hope you have a great birthday tomorrow ! Get yourself a toy that you could never get back then, I’ve been things like that of the equivalent over the last year and it’s been fun
It's hard when you miss your mom even though she's right there all because your sibling is the favored over you. it hurts so much to love your parent and not have it be reciprocated. You are living proof that pain lasts forever. I hope you found someone that loved you unconditionally.
OP will remember this when he has kids. He will probably be LC with his mom because he doesn't want her doing the same thing with his kids. I hope OP tells her that too so she knows why she's the holiday-only grandma to his kids with her only seeing them at family events.
My mother in law gave one child expensive gifts and the rest 1$ items. 6 kids total,I made them give it back.They will all be treated the same,or they get nothing. 3 kids were mine from a previous marriage and 3 were his.I was furious, some were old enough to know.2 his,3 ex,1 his,married him twice.oldest always got more.When younger it wasn't so bad,but not your own grandkids. That is bs.
OP, your mother isn't confused, she's doing it on purpose. If she were 'confused' you would have gotten your brother's choices once in a while just by chance. Her consistency gives away her intent.
It is a big deal, my sister always got better gifts then I did. I’m a December baby, so split that gift, a chain for bday and the matching pendant for Christmas. I’m old now, but I’m still salty and bitter over all of it. I just don’t care about my mom and her gifts anymore. Let her send my sister the diamond earrings dad gave mom, and give some 2nd hand mis-matched earrings with screw backs. Salty, petty but don’t care.
You have every right to be salty about that I think ! I'm sorry they ever treated you that way, parents are supposed to treat their kids equal!! You deserved better but atleast you know it wasn't your fault it was your parents ! I wish you all the best, besafe out there !
I'm a January 1st baby. I was always disappointed I either got a Christmas present and no birthday present or no Christmas present and a birthday present. 🥴🥴🥴🤨🤨🤨
I feel.your pain. why? Another December bday here (5th) Rest if fam hadcbdays in March, April, July, August. Our extended family at Xmas drew names and just got one nice gift person whose name was drawn. My older sis was the one who, if she drew my name, told me my gift was for bday and Xmas both. But boy if you didn't get her a separate bday gift for her come July 23, you were subject to her banshee shrieks until it drove you nuts. Older bros wife was so different, but then her oldest child was born 1st wk of Jan, and she refused to let her get shafted the way I did. Guess which one of those two I appreciated the most.
I believe that OP was in the right. Think about it this way oldest son asks for a hug the youngest one gets the hug. The oldest son asks to go to the park but while at a friends house they go without you even though the youngest son doesn't really want to go. This is not just about the big days in his life it is about a mom who doesn't even acknowledge his desires. This mom's behavior could have caused a lot of emotional issues for OP. He had tried to tell other family members about this treatment but nobody did anything. He did what he had to for the truth to be seen.
Then look at it from the other kid's perspective. Kid A mom, I've had a bad day. I really need to be left alone Kid B Mom, I really need a hug... Mom what a great idea! *Puts kid A into a bear hug* Kid A Hey mom, could I get Mortal Kombat? Kid B. Mom, Grand Tourismo looks AMAZING! I'D LOVE ANY DRIVING GAME! Mom: I can do that. Gives Kid A Grand Tourismo, Mario Cart and some gift cards for car games. Kid A. Mom, I love sports Kid B. mom, I love music Mom gives music to Kid A and filler to kid B I'm convinced she doesn't like either kid. Just vaguely remembers one of them mentioned X at some point and gets it for the later birthday so she has more time to round it up.
My maternal grandmother treated the kids next door better then she ever did with me. I wasn't allowed to call her Grandma either. There were pictures of everyone else even the dog on top of the tv and not one pic of me. I knew I was nothing. And even at 62 years old it still hurts my feelings but life goes on right. You learn to treat others better then you were treated. Because the memories never fade.
@@Darkspark06 sometimes it hurts but I don't lose sleep at night. After a while you get use to it. Remember blood is nothing all it means is you are related. It's better to have a chosen family
I’m glad OP stood up for himself. It’s very easy to internalize it all and write off the relationship when you get older. When that happens most times there is no winner.
He did not go too far. This kind of thing stays with you, even when you're not thinking about the actual events. In my case, I felt like I wasn't entitled to my own belongings, even those I bought with my own money. I tend to have difficulty dealing with conflict because I expect others to side against me, even if I am in the right. Favouritism has also driven a wedge between all of my siblings. I'm glad OP was finally able to confront his mother, and get out of that house. Perhaps he'll feel that he is as valued as other people and won't be treated as less.
Glad I have parents like OP's grandma. Unfortunately, I have parents like OP's mom too, and when you do, you have to stand up for yourself and be honest. Parents like those try to play pretend and act like everything is okay, so the family can't see what's really happening.
I feel your pain. My stepfather used to let his son my step-brother copy my Christmas list every year. Then he would get everything that I asked for and then not let me play with them and wouldn't play with them himself. I always felt it was just their way of saying f*** you to me. My birthday was no better. My step-brother got gifts on my birthday. To this day I hate Christmas and don't celebrate my birthday. I hate getting any kind of gift from anyone. It's hard to get past those feelings when they've been ingrained in you from a young age. Now don't get me wrong I love getting gifts for other people. I just don't like to receive them.
It never occurred to you to write a fake Christmas list??... I was an honest, but also a devious child if need be, and would have been on that idea in seconds, (among other things i would be doing in that situation... i would have seriously played your stepfather and his son for that shit)
Ouch, this is straight up wrong. Too many parents have a method of parenting based on favoritism, and the favorite always turns into a brat because they can do whatever they want. Too many kids are a victim of this...
The most insulting thing anyone can say to another person after they've been emotionally injured in any way is "get over it." To me that is the biggest slap in the face and it honestly makes me want to lash out. When I heard that there are people telling the OP in this story to just get over it that's exactly how I felt. This story was not one of a person reflacting on something that happened long ago and they now have a different perspective on it. No, this was the story of a person still being hurt by a person that is still in their life. That person also doesn't yet fully understand just how much pain they have inflicted on their child. If OP's mother was truly sorry and showed genuine remorse for her actions to back up her words, that would probably go a long way towards OP being able to get over it. For now though, it's a little too fresh in his mind. Callous comments like that "get over it" have no place here. I suspect the people using those words meant to inflict more pain rather than to help OP and to me those comments are just cold and heartless as how his mother treated him.
There might be something mentally wrong with OP's mom. It's like she was punishing him for existing by giving his little brother anything OP asked for. His brother didn't even want those things yet every time OP said something, she did this every time. Even after everyone told her she was in the wrong for her unhinged favoritism, she doubled down and shunned OP for having legitimate reasons and feelings. Both sons are victims of her unhinged behavior and she deserves to get raked over the coals by grandma.
Some only suffer abuse from just one parent due to circumstances that vary. They then have children and vow not to be that way as such parent was, but for some cruel ironic joke, they end up doing the same to either 1/2/3(etc) or all. I have seen this first hand, and sadly the favoritism trickles (if any) down to the grandchildren. In all honesty, if your mental health is normal or medically abnormal like mine, cutting off a parent is vital to your existence both metaphorical and literal. Take it from someone who is turning 29? This year and still hasn't gotten their life together. But I will tell you all this, we go through so much that it's not worth it to give up after recovering from a differing state of mind and circumstances. We just need an occasional reminder that we matter to someone/people, and that your love is genuine no matter the relationship you have with such.
People in general absolutely despise being shown their obvious flaws and love living in ignorance. When that gets exposed the initial shock is very painful. I don’t think the mom was willfully malicious (from the sounds of it). I think she was just ignorant. But I can be wrong about that
Sadly, this whole thing is very believable. My mom was generally very lousy at gift giving to all 4 of us as kids. As an adult though, when I had my own kids, my mom's issues were glaring. My husband and I often struggled. My mom LOVED shopping though, and would buy my oldest daughter tons of clothes. Often for the wrong season. She would ask me what my daughter wanted for her a birthday, and I might mention a kinda expensive toy that she always noticed when we were at Wal-Mart. But my mom would balk about how expensive it was. But when she would come to visit, she'd bring 20 or 30 items from the Dollar Store that I didn't want or need. 🤦♀️
I hope that Op and D can reconnect. I think it is too late for M. Granny may have gone too far too late, but whatever. I hope Op makes his own sphere after college.
OP did right!..as did grandma...as I had a similar problem..after my kids' dad died, his side of the family over indulgedy older daughter and left my youngest behind and I had to deal with my youngest in tears each yr.. Christmas and birthdays...until I ordered each of that side of the fam to give the exact same gift to each or the exact same amount on gift cards...at one point I even had to forbid that side of the family access to my girls...it caused a major rift... So I can understand OPs issues...
This story is my childhood story too. My mother played favourite and It hurt my confidence but one thing it did teach me is to listen to both of my children and treat them both with love, kindness and understanding.
the mother DESERVES to be humiliated. She has done OP wrong. That it has happened since the OP was 6. NOT not nearly far enough. GOOD that the grandma showed it to the entire family so the mom can't just pretend that it never happened. Had it NOT be publicized, yeah, she would have just pretended that she never played favorites that long and hard.
@@stephaniewilson3955i agree. Thankfully D didn’t let it get to him. He could have turned out to be a spoiled narcissistic AH but that didn’t happen (from what we know)
I had a mother similar to this. My 3 younger siblings got everything they wanted & my older brother too, when it was my birthday I would be lucky to get something & I remember she forgot my bday a lot. 1 time I got a second hand dirty bra & another time I was given a jar of coffee. The hardest birthday was my 16th I got nothing & she didn’t even remember it was my birthday, the next day she said oh well there’s always next year. I did everything to please my mum but I don’t think she cared about me at all. I got married at 17 to the love of my life & we have 5 wonderful children & not one of them is treated different from others. 43 years later & my husband is still making me happy & we have 12 Grandchildren & 2 Great Grandchildren. I’m so lucky I met my wonderful husband ❤❤❤
The first story with the birthday presents going to the favorite brother. Why didnt you ask for something you knew your brother would hate? That would have been interesting to see if she would gift it to your brother.
He actually like his brother. What a shame that he did not have the sense to ask for stuff his brother would like and get his brother to ask for stuff he would like.
I actually also feel sorry for the favored son, she wasn't giving him the gifts that he wanted, she was only giving him the gifts that his older brother wanted. Could you imagine?
My mom went through a phase of heavily favoring my younger sister in our teen years, into my early twenties. So far as to call me a "horrible big sister" for telling my sister she couldn't use my car for her driver's ed test after she cussed me out for no reason. Like, being a teen is hard but it was uncalled for, as was my mom's response and for some reason that just broke me. What really hurt is she stood by that opinion for literally years until we had a few good heart to hearts. I wasn't a bad sister; I was supporting all 3 of us, working my ass off, and tired of being cussed out by an entitled teenager. I'm in my thirties now and my mom has finally accepted that having boundaries isn't "mean", it's healthy.
I have a step brother, son of my evil stepmother. Dad always called him "Lttle Lord Fauntleroy," because he was favored blatantly over my brother and me. In this story, I say, "Hail Grandmother!" To the mother I say, "Bad dog! Baaad dog! Go lay down!"
My birthday is December 26. I always got from everyone 1 gift for birthday and Christmas wrapped in Christmas paper. My Step-Mon would put my birthday present under the tree on Christmas in the afternoon. It was always wrapped in birthday paper and had a small birthday celebration on my birthday. Loved her dearly. I still remember about my family, so I tell my friends to wrap my gift in birthday paper and of don't have any, wrap in brown bag, not Christmas stuff. They remember as my Step-Mom did. I am 73. My Grandfather made sure I had a small birthday cake with Happy birthday Linda on it.❤
If this is true, I also feel bad for the brother because if he was always getting OPs gifts, he wasn't getting his own. If he was the favorite, why wasn't the mom listening to his choices. She wasn't really listening to either son and causing a rift between them which is the saddest part to me.
I'm wondering if something is legitimately wrong with the Mom mentally. Favoring one child over the other is one thing, but to give the things Kid A wanted to Kid B even though B doesn't actually want those things? That's just weird.
I think grandma did good maybe to wake up his mother to realize she’s been preferring the younger one to the older one you should love all your children the same❤
OP was traumatized his whole life by his mother and that type of thing never completely goes away you just learn to live with it! He did not go overboard and she needed the reality slap if it actually worked but I doubt it! As a mother of 3 I do not have a favorite, I always ensured that they had separate one on one time with me outside of the house and still to this day know what they like and want because we have open communication!
Not the brother though. He's a victim in too since she kept giving him things he didn't ask for and kept shunning her oldest for wanting those things. And the other family members saw how unhinged she was being.
I think the fact that he made the video at that age proved his point and showing it made the family understand what he had gone through so that they could support him. Moms sometimes need to be shown their mistakes, even if it hurts so the healing can start.
Op was a doormat. He thought by not showing the vid he was being the bigger person. Unfortunately the truth was he was just deluding himself. He’s been treated badly for so long, that even if he knew she was wrong, he had to do was him mom says. He had a chance and he let it pass by. Luckily grandma, saw things as they are and decided to put a stop to it.
I don't think so. I think he realizes that the result of his plan can go as far as to go low contact or no contact with his mother, and he wasn't emotionally ready for that. He feels awful about her behavior toward him, but still love her.
@@Kingdo_RGT the whole ‘cuz their family’ is BS entitled family members use to justify being entitled. Even if you ‘love them’ it doesn’t make they way they treat Op right.
I'm glad the mother goddess pose and I'm glad that the grandmother had the cousin play the video to the whole entire family because it's already looks like the family already had suspicions of the favoritism to begin with and the mistreatment of the original poster constantly being neglected when it came to gifts or anyting else and I'm glad that I don't either this open up the eyes of the original poster in the whole entire family but it showed the type of person the mother was to begin with and even though she's trying to fix things now between her in the original poster the things she said that she doesn't get is it might be too late
I can’t stand favoritism when it comes to kids you have two kids treat them the same. Don’t give one nothing in the other everything or the other one more and the other one less she’s failed as a parent I’m so sorry. 0P.
Before the updates Looks like she never, ever remembers anything D says... It looks like she's compensating. Can't even imagine what her "favorite" child's tastes are. I have the feeling she doesn't like the little one at all and is overcompensating
Hi, me again, my Birthday is 10 days before Christmas, and as I mentioned before it was not a fair gifting. I have the habit of bonding with my children’s friends. I’m in my 60’s now, and still salty about birthdays. My children’s friends have children and one has a child born on December 23rd. Once I met him, at age 7, I have gone out of my way to make sure he got gifts wrapped in birthday paper and gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. Since I have no grandchildren of my own, it’s my pleasure to spoil the heck out of my adoptive children’s children. Bwahahaha, I will never let a kid go gift-less if I can help it!!! Yup, I gift everyone, because it doesn’t take a boat load of money to gift something a child wants/will love if you pay attention. I pay attention, and give with love. sometimes I gift a homemade birthday cake, one child is not a cake kid, but does love pecan pie, so, a whole pie for your birthday? You bet.😅
Just finished the video , I have seen the favoritism in a family . But I never understood it as all my children are my favorites . I just don’t get along with them sometimes , sometimes 1 or 2 or 3 but all at different times . But that’s life isn’t it ?
I'm actually in a very similar scenario but sort of reversed? No dad, mom was chronically ill most of my life, aunts and grandma showering sister with everything. Even taking her to 6 flags... And she's older than me. I get it, their male cousins sexually abused them so I was always handled with a touch of disdain... But unlike OP here, nothing ever changed or was even acknowledged and I'm left as an adult working through this in therapy. Child abuse isn't just beating the crap out of your kid or telling them that they're ugly .. it's also leaving things unsaid, minimizing what they do and say... And no hugs. It's the lack of emotional support.
My dad treated me this way. On my older sisters 16th birthday she got a car. It was an old, used car, but still a car. My younger brother got a motorcycle on his 16th. Me? I got a card with a $5 bill inside, a pair of penny loafers (2 sizes too big), and a pair of socks. The penny loafers were my stepmothers that she didn't like, so I couldn't even return them to get ones that fit. They had been worn many times. Oh, yeah, it was a month late. I'm almost 70 and it still hurts.
Bifthday was main example of how he is treated different. You dont easily get over feeling unloved especially when other siblings are and so its unique to you
For me it was my paternal Grandma who treated my sister better than me. She would get the better gifts and even got a present from her on MY birthday which was more than my own birthday gift. I used to blame my sister for it when younger but then as I got to about 10 y/o I realised that it was Grandma, not her that was to blame. She (my sister) tried to fix it by asking for extra stuff then sharing it with me but when Grandma found out she got angry and took the items from me, tried to give to my sister and when sister wanted her to give them back to me Grandma just kept them. I was not a very outspoken or confident person so the anger and resentment simmered inside while I kept quiet. Eventually seeing what my sister had been given on her 18th compared with what I'd got i finally spoke my piece and asked her why she hates me, why she treats my younger sister better etc and she did not answer me and hung up on me.we were estranged for some years and bitterness and anger were eating away at me so i did counselling and for my own sake let go of the destructive emotions. She and grandad lived some distance away and for financial reasons I dont have a car and due to distance I could not visit as I had wanted when grandad started to get very sick. I managed to organise a ride with my best friend and visited my grandad I'd missed him terribly but because of anger at Grandma I'd not seen him either. I also visited Grandma and released last of the toxic emotions without saying about it. She was lucid enough to remember me she had dementia at this point. I realised she was as she was and just made my peace. I saw her again last year with my kid who hasn't seen her since they was a baby. Her reaction to them and they to her was beautiful and somewhat healed me. She clearly adored them and they were fascinated by her. This stuff stays with you but you gotta let go of the bitterness and resentment not for them but for you and your wellbeing. Best of luck to OP. (Edited for spelling, grammar is still terrible 😂)
People can say he needs to get over it but the thing is she started doing him bad like that as a young kid so even if he "gets over it" he will never be as close to her as he could have been had she just simply cared enough about him to listen. I Have an older brother who loved to tattle on me even through most of high-school he would tattle and didn't stop till I think his senior year when I got huge dirt on him and didn't squeel. Our relationship is better now but not nearly as good as my younger brother and mine we r thick as thieves both bonding in our younger years over him being the way he was to us.
As the oldest and going thru the same thing from my perception it does affect you but at some point you suck it up and find your joy somewhere else and just know that’s just how mom is.
He was right about brother being favorite. I had 1bio sibling and 2 half siblings as we were made to sacrifice for the others. My dad parentsvwere like grandma.
Yeah, my parents did that. They got my older siblings bike and me and my younger sister nothing for Christmas. Nada, zip, nothing and didn't feel bad about it.
Op.didnt do anything wrong here! As a mother you love all your kids the same ! Why wouldn't want to love them all the same.Mother is the Ungrateful one here !!
It’s a big deal. My sister is in her sixties and still claims that I’m the, “golden child” and being that she is a December baby, her gifts for her B-day and Xmas were combined, but not twice as nice.
I feel like the ones who say op went too far and to get over it either suffered from it and were in denial, or never experienced it. It's not the gifts themselves but what the mom's actions made him feel. If its just she got the younger brother better gifts, yeah, maybe let it go. But to blatantly prepare a better overall party for the younger year after year AND give the younger brother the EXACT SAME or similar gift the older brother asked for is rejection, dismissal, perhaps hatred. It's deliberate. And then make the older brother attend--even though there is an age gap. Seriously? A high schooler at a junior high schooler's party. Nope. This is the elephant in the room that needs to be addressed.
Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it. Grandma is awesome! 😎 OP's aunts are also great. OP's selfish, good for nothing mother deserves to be ripped to pieces for playing favorites. She's going to regret it later on when she doesn't get to her grandchildren from OP.
Sounds like the way my mom treated me … My sister is 5 years younger than me, and Mom allowed her to do or have anything by she wanted… and occasionally did something this very thing with gifts. My sister, however, became so narcissistic that she has tried everything she can to destroy my husband and me. It’s awful. I won’t go into detail, but what she did to us, permanently destroyed my husband, children and myself.
I'm floored. These Mother's who treat their children differently are just cruel. I was the oldest of 6..my mother doted on my sister..but she did not even try to treat me differently!! My sister caught pneumonia when she was 7 and I was 8..they bought my sister a new dress when she got out of the hospital and I didn't get one..so pissed yes..but that just proved I was spoiled.😂😂
To everybody in the comment saying that it wasn't a big deal when you don't address a problem it does not go away it just Fester's until it could be let out
He forgot that he ended the second update saying he "had to" show grandma. I understand wanting revenge. Edit* But be honest when anonymous so you don't look disingenuous
The mom sounds like a malicious troll. She knew what she was doing, and she gaslighted OP (and later her family) when confronted. This is the kind of parent whose kids go NC when they grow up, and the kids don’t visit at the nursing home.
If I was the grandma I'd tell op to packs his bags and he's moving in with me, and also change my will so all my stuff gose to op and his mother would get nothing. And if I was dee I'd go "sorry Mum I'm actually not in to this band,car, musical instruments, other stuff but op is" and hand it to him in front of her
OMG, this is so similar to my family. I can't begin to list all the ways my mom showed favoritism to my younger sister (11 years younger, no one in-between). My sister grew up thinking the world revolved around her. Lived at home until 26, then moved into a condo owned by our parents. Never has known what it is to have any responsibility for her actions.
It’s a big big deal that parents do have raised their kids differently from their ages. Even were you sit in the family line of birth. My little sister tried to get me kicked out of the house but my dad denied it by saying I don’t remember. What you done was the right way to let his mom how he was treated all these years under her roof. Even if the brother seen what was happening but some nothing to stop it because he enjoyed being the spoiled child.
Op should probably have LC starting when he goes back to school. Grandmother, even though op and D against it, gave m the humiliation that she deserved. Even if everyone thinks op went too far, he never showed the video. Originally wanted to just show her in private, but D had said he didn't want that.
The painful memories of childhood don't disappear. They still hurt but now your brain has matured and just "moving on" or "let it go " is hard to pull off.
I dont blame the brother for backing out. I do kinds blame him for not bringing it up with the mom prior. And especially blame the grandmother for not either
As someone else who a less than desirable relationship with their mother. I can and will speak to this. Those telling him to"just get over it" they have never been where he's been or still trying to Barry it instead of dealing with it. My guess is they are a simp married to a ball buster, has anger issues, or are a woman. This woman was so bad she could not even pay close enough attention to actually treat her favorite son better. I mean think about he never got what he wanted. he always got what his brother wanted. As a child that may not have dawned on him but to have to have it suddenly brought to life not once but many times. If he should fix things with anyone its his younger brother. It wasn't his fault. It took me a long time and the lose of a son to figure that out. My brother turned out to be a pretty good guy once I stopped looking at him through the eyes of a child abuse survivor, and saw him for him and who his is as a person.
OP didn't go far enough. OP's mom deserved to be embarrassed by grandma. Bad behavior MUST be exposed. The lack of attention from mom for OP could well have injured him mentally forever. His mental suffering could be a life long hazard. BAD mothers.
I’m not sure if I would call it favorites. I know my sister does but my sister also doesn’t realize how spoiled she is too. In my family I am the oldest of three children of my parents. To my perspective my siblings and I are all loved equally and I will say our parents do keep in mind our personal interests and tastes which are very distinctive from each other. However, my mom and my brother bother share a passion and love of music, musical theatre, and both have a lot of the same tastes in media and humor. And so, despite the fact that I know my mom does not favor any of us, it is obvious that she and my brother both have a bond where they understand each other better than mom has ever been able to connect with my sister and I. And this has led to some conflict between her and my sister. If I had to say which kid was most like my mother though, I would say it is my sister. And yes my sister is quite spoiled. Growing up she was a very cute kid who evolved into a very pretty girl/woman. She has pretty privilege for sure. And from family members? Well she was the youngest for a very long time and was a bit materialistic and a lot of my relatives use gift giving as a love language. As such, she got a lot of stuff pretty much whenever she wanted and was quite materialistic for a very long time. Anyway, my sister holds resentment towards my mother for what she perceives as favoritism though I don’t see it. My sister has always gotten privileges earlier than either my brother and I. Has gotten more expensive gifts than my brother and I. Has had our parents save her ass financially multiple times far more than either my brother and I combined. She doesn’t realize this but if my brother and I were to compare, it would be our sister who seems to be favored. Except I don’t see it that way. Here is how I see the dynamic. One, my sister gets a lot of what she wants but is jealous of the bond my mother has with our brother because the two understand each other from a view of similar interests and taste. My mother and I have never had that bond and I’m ok with that. We just don’t “get” each other and we have both learned to cope with it and make do. I know she loves me and I love her. We don’t have to “get” each other for that. But my sister doesn’t see it that way, she sees that bond as something to be jealous of, and possibly it also makes her insecure. Despite her and our mom being so alike in personality, both share the abrasive side of it and constantly come into conflict with each other because of it. Neither is good at backing down either and both are the type to double down if they feel cornered. So you can imagine the blow ups from that growing up. My brother has always felt conflicted because he knows how our sister sees this bond and knows of her resentment but he actually agrees with my perspective on the actual dynamic, in that he isn’t actually favored but that mom and him just have a clearer language together, that’s all. Anyway, as an adult this means I have started to hang out with my sister less. I love her but I’m tired of her resentment leaking out and her ranting to me any chance she gets about things. And she brings up old hurts and doesn’t like to hear when I remind her that those aren’t our mother’s fault but are the consequences of her own actions (like, I don’t know, getting in so many car accidents the premium for keeping my sister in the insurance was far more than my parents could afford so they removed her from it? Because I don’t know, maybe she got into TOO MANY?). My parents I believe are fair, they have always tried to be fair but my sister has always been the kind of person that if you give an inch she will take a mile. It’s why I learned to be strict with her. We don’t always get along but if she continues this resentment I don’t think our further adult bond will survive it. She’s already soured things with my brother after being his roommate for some years and him having to deal with her selfish actions. I mean, let me put it into perspective. My grandma constantly begs my brother and I to ask her for things because she wants to be fair to us as much as she is to our sister but neither my brother and I have asked nearly for the same amount from our grandma. And our grandma helped pay for some of my brother’s STUDENT DEBT….yeah that’s a lot and my sister still supersedes us in the amount she has been spoiled by. Now for all of this don’t think ill of my sister. I do love her and she is a good person. She is actually very generous with friends and very supportive and enjoys doing things that are beneficial to other people. She enjoys helping people. She’s very caring and a good friend to have on your side. The problem is that she takes her family for granted. It’s actually a conversation I have had to sit her down and talk with her over. I’ve done a lot of caregiving in my family (it gives me fulfillment so don’t think this comes from being the eldest) and my sister does respect me to a large degree due to the role I played in helping raise her, but I’m also the strict one with her and the one who will sit her down and have these difficult conversations without obfuscating. My brother can too but my sister takes it more seriously from me as I’m a more serious person (brother is a button pusher type and a bit of a jokester). I will likely be sitting her down soon to talk about her resentment. I don’t want her to bring that into the life of her child whom she will be giving birth to soon. At the very least I don’t want to be hanging out with my sister who can and will only rant about her difficult relationship with our mother that is something of her own making and pretty much in her own head. I won’t try to change her mind at this point as I’m done having that conversation with the brick wall of my sister’s assumption. My brother has even given up on that. We are at a loss though on how to deal with this. Truth is, I’m not sure we can? They kind of have to do this of their own will, especially on my sister’s part. We can’t fix this if my sister doesn’t want to or won’t fix it. I don’t know. I’m just tired. I live here with my parents due to them requiring an able bodied person to help with with chores and errands, basic stuff to help out and keep them healthy and safe, but that still means I get to be a target to talk at about other people’s resentments and frustrations and I’m kind of tired of being a soundboard for it. It’s why I have been hanging out with my brother more. He actually sees this and gets it and gives me a quiet space where I don’t have to hear about any of it and we can just catch up or talk about other things. I don’t rant to him about my situation though. I don’t need to. I just want space with my family where I don’t have to hear about their resentments or drama with each other. Sorry for the length of this. It just brought up all these memories. I guess I do resent my sister a bit but more in that she is blindly selfish and a hypocrite without realizing it and also doesn’t respect or pay attention to the fact that I’m tired of these loop of a conversation she keeps pulling us back into. I don’t want to hear about it, not unless her time changes. I’m not telling her to change her tune, just that I don’t want to hear it anymore. It feels like it’s all we talk about anymore. I don’t think it’s too much to ask right? Especially given I’m the one actually living with our parents. I don’t want to return home with my sister’s words of resentment ringing in my ears. It’s bitterness I don’t need in my life. It’s bitterness that I don’t think is reserved. It’s bitterness I see my sister has convinced herself of when it doesn’t actually exist. And before you all say that I’m not seeing it, yeah I’m not, but I’m also quite observant. I tend to be that type of person to a nearly scary degree (has weirded out some friends in the last before they got used to it, and even my godson thought I was magic for the longest time because of it). I do know what is happening here. And my brother has observed the same as I have discussed with him on if what I’m observing is true. We did discuss it because I was worried on if my sister was right or if my observations on this being self inflicted were more true. And my brother confirmed. Honestly my godson’s mother (who was raised as a sibling with us actually since her mother lived with us and her in our childhood) even agrees. It leaves us all at a loss. I don’t know. Sorry for this. Just….frustrated. Family dynamics are complicated even when they don’t seem like they should be.
I like to say more that you don't have a divided heart when you love people the same, your heart just gets bigger because there's always room for everyone in it ❤
This was a huge deal things like this from childhood cause things like resentment mental and emotional scars trust issues and making it hard to develope healthy relationships outside of the family People saying let it go , you try letting years of thing you were and are nothing complete trash to the person who is supposed to love protect and guide you through life That kind of thing stays with you OP is going to need a lifetime of yherapy
My mom did something like that, and it cuts to the core. I'm now 40 years old, and I love her, but it's hard to even be around her. Sometimes, I honestly feel like I hate her. I see the potential for the type of relationship I could've had with her but that she gives to my younger sister and even my own son ( who she calls her son). Parents can be fucked up. Smh, it took a long time for me to realize that she's messed up, not me. And even though I realize it, it still doesn't stop the pain I feel from the way I was raised.
![[Full Saga] Sister Stopped Eating After Discovering My Salary & Now Parents Demand I Make Up To Her.](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/j10f944CwBE/mqdefault.jpg)
![[Full Saga] Sister Stopped Eating After Discovering My Salary & Now Parents Demand I Make Up To Her.](/img/tr.png)
My mom engaged in similar behavior. She lets my youngest sister do whatever she wants, which mostly revolves around taking every opportunity she has to make my life as unpleasant as possible. Anytime I stand up to her, our mom tries to make me back down and let my little sister have her way. They didn't even stop to consider the ramifications of this until my sister got married, and I refused to attend. Our mom tried to pressure me into going by saying it was my sister's big day and that it was important I be there to celebrate it with her, at which point I started laughing and asked why I'd ever want to celebrate anything involving her. We're in our 40s now, and this kind of behavior still goes on. Now that I've cut all ties with my sister, it means my mom is the target of her behavior, and my mom regularly tries to complain to me about how my sister acts. I just laugh and remind her that she's the one who enabled it and raised my sister to be the way she is now, and that she should enjoy it.
My mom was the same way with my little sister. When she got married the first time,neither one of them would speak to me. Come to find out they had a fight the night before and both blamed me for it.( I wasn't even there).When she had had her 2nd wedding,she didn't want me involved with it.I wasn't even going to go but got emotionally blackmailed into it.She didn't want me in her family pics. When I was leaving her MIL walked up to me,handed me a dish towel and said"Thank you for staying and washing the dishes( when I say dishes I mean all of the plates,silverware, cups,bowls,serving dishes,and pots and pans). I never volunteered so I was confused.I told her I wasn't washing them. I got yelled at by my mom for being rude.That was one of her things to accuse me of being rude to people. She told me I should do it because I didn't participate in anything else.
@@LAM-p6g That sucks that they just volunteered you like that. My family knows better than to do that, because they know I have no issue at all just walking away, even if it means burning down a bridge or two.
@@LAM-p6g What's really rude is assuming someone will simply hop to the beat of your drum and do what you want when you didn't even have the common courtesy to ask. It's probably far too late, but my response would be something along the lines of "You're delusional if you think I'm going to work for you when you never asked, and when I didn't even want to be here in the first place. Speaking of which, now I know why you were so insistent that I attend, you wanted free labor. Too bad, get your ungrateful and rude butt into the kitchen and do your own damn dishes, and don't darken my doorstep ever again unless it's to beg forgiveness for being a complete and utter douche to me...upon which time you can expect a swift kick in the ass followed by a slammed door."
Then cut them out of your life.
Y'all nice my mother herd my mouth every time she did favor my older bros. Now they alianate her and lives in shame.
I don't think the Mom was just clueless; she got her favorite son what her other son asked for, and since it happened repeatedly, that sounds more like deliberate cruelty.
It's also deliberate neglect. That is NO mother. She just despises her older son. And for what? What does the older son do other than exist that makes her hate him so much? CPS should relocate him to a REAL mother, not this one.
My mom did the same thing to me. My older brother got everything I asked for. They were models of a cartoon I liked as a kid and still like. Not once did my brother build them. He left it to our step dad and when I asked to help build them I was told no since my brother left it for my step dad to do. It hurt so so bad every time and still bothers me to this day. They would get him everything he wanted plus what I wanted and I got cloths at most. I no longer talk to my mother. But for additional reasons
The Mom didn't confuse the kids, she did things in a malicious narcisistic way. What a shame
OP was hurting and crying out for help. He did what he did because he didn't know what else to do. How could you expect him to behave like an adult if he was never made to feel like he belonged.
Go grandma - that mother deserved to be outed for her blatant favoritism
Grandchad as a 12 y/o would say 🤣
OP did the right thing. He will always remember how he was treated. And a thumbs up to grandma
Emotional pain doesn't stop hurting when someone grows up, it scars for a lifetime. OP was nowhere near in the wrong, it is a shame he didn't come up with that plan sooner.
Doesn't matter how old you are, being treated unfairly is something that really sticks with you for your entire life!
I can relate to the OP. My parents bought my late brother a HOUSE. He never had to pay them back. I am stuck living with them because I cannot afford one. IF I sign a rent on an apartment, it will surely keep me from having funds to afford a house. Soaring inflation and an always red-hot housing market have kept my dream out of my reach for over three years. I am on the verge of giving up.
Oh yeah, been there. Never put it to video because not the tech back then but I could tell you my younger siblings were the spoiled ones in my family. Free money, no job. Work for $11 every two weeks -buy your on clothes, gas etc…
As a child who suffered some unjust things, I'll tell you it stays with you forever. I'll be 79 years old tomorrow, and those memories are still there. When someone is treated differently from the rest it changes you inside. Trusting others will never come easy.
Hopefully you know you never deserved that ! It's just wrong and I wish you all the best !
I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I hope you have a great birthday tomorrow ! Get yourself a toy that you could never get back then, I’ve been things like that of the equivalent over the last year and it’s been fun
Happy Birthday tomorrow. 🎉🎂
Wish you a Happy Birthday!
It's hard when you miss your mom even though she's right there all because your sibling is the favored over you. it hurts so much to love your parent and not have it be reciprocated. You are living proof that pain lasts forever. I hope you found someone that loved you unconditionally.
OP will remember this when he has kids. He will probably be LC with his mom because he doesn't want her doing the same thing with his kids. I hope OP tells her that too so she knows why she's the holiday-only grandma to his kids with her only seeing them at family events.
My mother in law gave one child expensive gifts and the rest 1$ items. 6 kids total,I made them give it back.They will all be treated the same,or they get nothing. 3 kids were mine from a previous marriage and 3 were his.I was furious, some were old enough to know.2 his,3 ex,1 his,married him twice.oldest always got more.When younger it wasn't so bad,but not your own grandkids. That is bs.
Lc means?
@@XaXa17xLC means low contact. Meaning only calling on holidays or special occasions. Basically holiday only visits/calls
@@joshguerrero8760 thanks
OP, your mother isn't confused, she's doing it on purpose. If she were 'confused' you would have gotten your brother's choices once in a while just by chance. Her consistency gives away her intent.
It is a big deal, my sister always got better gifts then I did. I’m a December baby, so split that gift, a chain for bday and the matching pendant for Christmas. I’m old now, but I’m still salty and bitter over all of it. I just don’t care about my mom and her gifts anymore. Let her send my sister the diamond earrings dad gave mom, and give some 2nd hand mis-matched earrings with screw backs. Salty, petty but don’t care.
Grow up cupcake
You have every right to be salty about that I think ! I'm sorry they ever treated you that way, parents are supposed to treat their kids equal!! You deserved better but atleast you know it wasn't your fault it was your parents ! I wish you all the best, besafe out there !
I'm a January 1st baby. I was always disappointed I either got a Christmas present and no birthday present or no Christmas present and a birthday present. 🥴🥴🥴🤨🤨🤨
I feel.your pain. why? Another December bday here (5th) Rest if fam hadcbdays in March, April, July, August.
Our extended family at Xmas drew names and just got one nice gift person whose name was drawn. My older sis was the one who, if she drew my name, told me my gift was for bday and Xmas both. But boy if you didn't get her a separate bday gift for her come July 23, you were subject to her banshee shrieks until it drove you nuts.
Older bros wife was so different, but then her oldest child was born 1st wk of Jan, and she refused to let her get shafted the way I did.
Guess which one of those two I appreciated the most.
@@cliftonm02 sorry that happened to you… but at least you get to celebrate every year. Unlike me… once every 4 years
I believe that OP was in the right. Think about it this way oldest son asks for a hug the youngest one gets the hug. The oldest son asks to go to the park but while at a friends house they go without you even though the youngest son doesn't really want to go. This is not just about the big days in his life it is about a mom who doesn't even acknowledge his desires. This mom's behavior could have caused a lot of emotional issues for OP. He had tried to tell other family members about this treatment but nobody did anything. He did what he had to for the truth to be seen.
Then look at it from the other kid's perspective.
Kid A mom, I've had a bad day. I really need to be left alone
Kid B Mom, I really need a hug...
Mom what a great idea! *Puts kid A into a bear hug*
Kid A Hey mom, could I get Mortal Kombat?
Kid B. Mom, Grand Tourismo looks AMAZING! I'D LOVE ANY DRIVING GAME!
Mom: I can do that. Gives Kid A Grand Tourismo, Mario Cart and some gift cards for car games.
Kid A. Mom, I love sports
Kid B. mom, I love music
Mom gives music to Kid A and filler to kid B
I'm convinced she doesn't like either kid. Just vaguely remembers one of them mentioned X at some point and gets it for the later birthday so she has more time to round it up.
My maternal grandmother treated the kids next door better then she ever did with me. I wasn't allowed to call her Grandma either. There were pictures of everyone else even the dog on top of the tv and not one pic of me. I knew I was nothing. And even at 62 years old it still hurts my feelings but life goes on right. You learn to treat others better then you were treated. Because the memories never fade.
Its good to be numb , I already know noone likes me so when someone doesn’t like me I don’t even care
@@Darkspark06 sometimes it hurts but I don't lose sleep at night. After a while you get use to it. Remember blood is nothing all it means is you are related. It's better to have a chosen family
I’m glad OP stood up for himself. It’s very easy to internalize it all and write off the relationship when you get older. When that happens most times there is no winner.
He did not go too far. This kind of thing stays with you, even when you're not thinking about the actual events. In my case, I felt like I wasn't entitled to my own belongings, even those I bought with my own money. I tend to have difficulty dealing with conflict because I expect others to side against me, even if I am in the right. Favouritism has also driven a wedge between all of my siblings. I'm glad OP was finally able to confront his mother, and get out of that house. Perhaps he'll feel that he is as valued as other people and won't be treated as less.
Glad I have parents like OP's grandma. Unfortunately, I have parents like OP's mom too, and when you do, you have to stand up for yourself and be honest. Parents like those try to play pretend and act like everything is okay, so the family can't see what's really happening.
I feel your pain. My stepfather used to let his son my step-brother copy my Christmas list every year. Then he would get everything that I asked for and then not let me play with them and wouldn't play with them himself. I always felt it was just their way of saying f*** you to me. My birthday was no better. My step-brother got gifts on my birthday. To this day I hate Christmas and don't celebrate my birthday. I hate getting any kind of gift from anyone. It's hard to get past those feelings when they've been ingrained in you from a young age. Now don't get me wrong I love getting gifts for other people. I just don't like to receive them.
It never occurred to you to write a fake Christmas list??... I was an honest, but also a devious child if need be, and would have been on that idea in seconds, (among other things i would be doing in that situation... i would have seriously played your stepfather and his son for that shit)
Ouch, this is straight up wrong. Too many parents have a method of parenting based on favoritism, and the favorite always turns into a brat because they can do whatever they want. Too many kids are a victim of this...
This is really cruel, so sorry you went through that😢
The most insulting thing anyone can say to another person after they've been emotionally injured in any way is "get over it." To me that is the biggest slap in the face and it honestly makes me want to lash out. When I heard that there are people telling the OP in this story to just get over it that's exactly how I felt. This story was not one of a person reflacting on something that happened long ago and they now have a different perspective on it. No, this was the story of a person still being hurt by a person that is still in their life. That person also doesn't yet fully understand just how much pain they have inflicted on their child. If OP's mother was truly sorry and showed genuine remorse for her actions to back up her words, that would probably go a long way towards OP being able to get over it. For now though, it's a little too fresh in his mind. Callous comments like that "get over it" have no place here. I suspect the people using those words meant to inflict more pain rather than to help OP and to me those comments are just cold and heartless as how his mother treated him.
I agree with you and yes the Ines who say that are probable people who do the same to someone.
As someone who has PTSD from mistreatment as a child and was told “Just get over it already” by a therapist, you hit the nail on the head.
There might be something mentally wrong with OP's mom. It's like she was punishing him for existing by giving his little brother anything OP asked for. His brother didn't even want those things yet every time OP said something, she did this every time. Even after everyone told her she was in the wrong for her unhinged favoritism, she doubled down and shunned OP for having legitimate reasons and feelings. Both sons are victims of her unhinged behavior and she deserves to get raked over the coals by grandma.
Some only suffer abuse from just one parent due to circumstances that vary. They then have children and vow not to be that way as such parent was, but for some cruel ironic joke, they end up doing the same to either 1/2/3(etc) or all. I have seen this first hand, and sadly the favoritism trickles (if any) down to the grandchildren. In all honesty, if your mental health is normal or medically abnormal like mine, cutting off a parent is vital to your existence both metaphorical and literal. Take it from someone who is turning 29? This year and still hasn't gotten their life together. But I will tell you all this, we go through so much that it's not worth it to give up after recovering from a differing state of mind and circumstances. We just need an occasional reminder that we matter to someone/people, and that your love is genuine no matter the relationship you have with such.
@@williamtell9000Well said. Also, it's not unusual not to have it all together at 29. Your timeline has no standard. Go at your own pace.
People in general absolutely despise being shown their obvious flaws and love living in ignorance. When that gets exposed the initial shock is very painful. I don’t think the mom was willfully malicious (from the sounds of it). I think she was just ignorant. But I can be wrong about that
Sadly, this whole thing is very believable. My mom was generally very lousy at gift giving to all 4 of us as kids.
As an adult though, when I had my own kids, my mom's issues were glaring. My husband and I often struggled. My mom LOVED shopping though, and would buy my oldest daughter tons of clothes. Often for the wrong season. She would ask me what my daughter wanted for her a birthday, and I might mention a kinda expensive toy that she always noticed when we were at Wal-Mart. But my mom would balk about how expensive it was. But when she would come to visit, she'd bring 20 or 30 items from the Dollar Store that I didn't want or need. 🤦♀️
I hope that Op and D can reconnect. I think it is too late for M. Granny may have gone too far too late, but whatever. I hope Op makes his own sphere after college.
OP did right!..as did grandma...as I had a similar problem..after my kids' dad died, his side of the family over indulgedy older daughter and left my youngest behind and I had to deal with my youngest in tears each yr.. Christmas and birthdays...until I ordered each of that side of the fam to give the exact same gift to each or the exact same amount on gift cards...at one point I even had to forbid that side of the family access to my girls...it caused a major rift...
So I can understand OPs issues...
This story is my childhood story too. My mother played favourite and It hurt my confidence but one thing it did teach me is to listen to both of my children and treat them both with love, kindness and understanding.
Grandma is the hero! Op did right thing exposing his narcissistic mom!
the mother DESERVES to be humiliated. She has done OP wrong. That it has happened since the OP was 6. NOT not nearly far enough. GOOD that the grandma showed it to the entire family so the mom can't just pretend that it never happened. Had it NOT be publicized, yeah, she would have just pretended that she never played favorites that long and hard.
She did both children wrong.
@@stephaniewilson3955i agree. Thankfully D didn’t let it get to him. He could have turned out to be a spoiled narcissistic AH but that didn’t happen (from what we know)
I had a mother similar to this. My 3 younger siblings got everything they wanted & my older brother too, when it was my birthday I would be lucky to get something & I remember she forgot my bday a lot. 1 time I got a second hand dirty bra & another time I was given a jar of coffee. The hardest birthday was my 16th I got nothing & she didn’t even remember it was my birthday, the next day she said oh well there’s always next year. I did everything to please my mum but I don’t think she cared about me at all. I got married at 17 to the love of my life & we have 5 wonderful children & not one of them is treated different from others. 43 years later & my husband is still making me happy & we have 12 Grandchildren & 2 Great Grandchildren. I’m so lucky I met my wonderful husband ❤❤❤
Congratulations I am so happy for you.
The first story with the birthday presents going to the favorite brother. Why didnt you ask for something you knew your brother would hate? That would have been interesting to see if she would gift it to your brother.
He actually like his brother. What a shame that he did not have the sense to ask for stuff his brother would like and get his brother to ask for stuff he would like.
Always expose the narcissists to the FAmily friends and community. The shame will BLOW up their game and force them to feel the shame they bury down
The good thing about having a horrible parent is you get to put them in the worst home you can find when they are old
Sorry no one should get that
I actually also feel sorry for the favored son, she wasn't giving him the gifts that he wanted, she was only giving him the gifts that his older brother wanted. Could you imagine?
My mom went through a phase of heavily favoring my younger sister in our teen years, into my early twenties. So far as to call me a "horrible big sister" for telling my sister she couldn't use my car for her driver's ed test after she cussed me out for no reason. Like, being a teen is hard but it was uncalled for, as was my mom's response and for some reason that just broke me. What really hurt is she stood by that opinion for literally years until we had a few good heart to hearts. I wasn't a bad sister; I was supporting all 3 of us, working my ass off, and tired of being cussed out by an entitled teenager. I'm in my thirties now and my mom has finally accepted that having boundaries isn't "mean", it's healthy.
I have a step brother, son of my evil stepmother. Dad always called him "Lttle Lord Fauntleroy," because he was favored blatantly over my brother and me. In this story, I say, "Hail Grandmother!" To the mother I say, "Bad dog! Baaad dog! Go lay down!"
My birthday is December 26. I always got from everyone 1 gift for birthday and Christmas wrapped in Christmas paper. My Step-Mon would put my birthday present under the tree on Christmas in the afternoon. It was always wrapped in birthday paper and had a small birthday celebration on my birthday. Loved her dearly. I still remember about my family, so I tell my friends to wrap my gift in birthday paper and of don't have any, wrap in brown bag, not Christmas stuff. They remember as my Step-Mom did. I am 73. My Grandfather made sure I had a small birthday cake with Happy birthday Linda on it.❤
If this is true, I also feel bad for the brother because if he was always getting OPs gifts, he wasn't getting his own. If he was the favorite, why wasn't the mom listening to his choices. She wasn't really listening to either son and causing a rift between them which is the saddest part to me.
Pain doesn't stop when you reach 18. Pain stops when the issue is addressed and only then can the healing start.
And the scars stay for ever.
I’m honestly disgusted by all the adults. They saw the favoritism and nobody said anything
It's not the "presents" it was the fact he didn't feel like he mattered as much as his brother did. He felt he needed to give his mom a wake-up all.
I'm wondering if something is legitimately wrong with the Mom mentally. Favoring one child over the other is one thing, but to give the things Kid A wanted to Kid B even though B doesn't actually want those things? That's just weird.
some people are just evil.
I think grandma did good maybe to wake up his mother to realize she’s been preferring the younger one to the older one you should love all your children the same❤
I felt that OP did the right thing.
I think the grandma was the real MVP. Op. was an innocent bystander. The cousin was pretty darn cool too.❤
OP was traumatized his whole life by his mother and that type of thing never completely goes away you just learn to live with it! He did not go overboard and she needed the reality slap if it actually worked but I doubt it! As a mother of 3 I do not have a favorite, I always ensured that they had separate one on one time with me outside of the house and still to this day know what they like and want because we have open communication!
Grandma should disinherit mother and brother and give OP their shares.
Not the brother though. He's a victim in too since she kept giving him things he didn't ask for and kept shunning her oldest for wanting those things. And the other family members saw how unhinged she was being.
I think the fact that he made the video at that age proved his point and showing it made the family understand what he had gone through so that they could support him. Moms sometimes need to be shown their mistakes, even if it hurts so the healing can start.
Op was a doormat. He thought by not showing the vid he was being the bigger person. Unfortunately the truth was he was just deluding himself. He’s been treated badly for so long, that even if he knew she was wrong, he had to do was him mom says. He had a chance and he let it pass by. Luckily grandma, saw things as they are and decided to put a stop to it.
Look up 'Stockholm Syndrome'.
There's an idea - make it even worse for him. Geez.
I don't think so. I think he realizes that the result of his plan can go as far as to go low contact or no contact with his mother, and he wasn't emotionally ready for that.
He feels awful about her behavior toward him, but still love her.
@@Kingdo_RGT the whole ‘cuz their family’ is BS entitled family members use to justify being entitled. Even if you ‘love them’ it doesn’t make they way they treat Op right.
I'm glad the mother goddess pose and I'm glad that the grandmother had the cousin play the video to the whole entire family because it's already looks like the family already had suspicions of the favoritism to begin with and the mistreatment of the original poster constantly being neglected when it came to gifts or anyting else and I'm glad that I don't either this open up the eyes of the original poster in the whole entire family but it showed the type of person the mother was to begin with and even though she's trying to fix things now between her in the original poster the things she said that she doesn't get is it might be too late
I can’t stand favoritism when it comes to kids you have two kids treat them the same. Don’t give one nothing in the other everything or the other one more and the other one less she’s failed as a parent I’m so sorry. 0P.
Before the updates
Looks like she never, ever remembers anything D says...
It looks like she's compensating.
Can't even imagine what her "favorite" child's tastes are.
I have the feeling she doesn't like the little one at all and is overcompensating
1) got to do what you have to do. Show the truth & live w/Grandma.
What the mom did was wrong. She didn’t get the gifts mixed up; she did it deliberately and on purpose. She knew exactly what she was doing.
Hi, me again, my Birthday is 10 days before Christmas, and as I mentioned before it was not a fair gifting. I have the habit of bonding with my children’s friends. I’m in my 60’s now, and still salty about birthdays. My children’s friends have children and one has a child born on December 23rd. Once I met him, at age 7, I have gone out of my way to make sure he got gifts wrapped in birthday paper and gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. Since I have no grandchildren of my own, it’s my pleasure to spoil the heck out of my adoptive children’s children. Bwahahaha, I will never let a kid go gift-less if I can help it!!! Yup, I gift everyone, because it doesn’t take a boat load of money to gift something a child wants/will love if you pay attention. I pay attention, and give with love. sometimes I gift a homemade birthday cake, one child is not a cake kid, but does love pecan pie, so, a whole pie for your birthday? You bet.😅
I do wonder if this mother absolutely hates her oldest child for some weird psychopathic reason
I think she hates both sons. After all, D never got what he wanted only what OP wanted.
@@stephaniewilson3955 so trueee
Just finished the video , I have seen the favoritism in a family . But I never understood it as all my children are my favorites . I just don’t get along with them sometimes , sometimes 1 or 2 or 3 but all at different times . But that’s life isn’t it ?
I think it is too little too late. OP is grown now and the disparity will never actually go away.
That's when you cut famley ties no questions asked
I don’t think OP did anything wrong.
I'm actually in a very similar scenario but sort of reversed? No dad, mom was chronically ill most of my life, aunts and grandma showering sister with everything. Even taking her to 6 flags... And she's older than me.
I get it, their male cousins sexually abused them so I was always handled with a touch of disdain... But unlike OP here, nothing ever changed or was even acknowledged and I'm left as an adult working through this in therapy. Child abuse isn't just beating the crap out of your kid or telling them that they're ugly .. it's also leaving things unsaid, minimizing what they do and say... And no hugs. It's the lack of emotional support.
My whole life as a middle child so I had it twice as 😞
My dad treated me this way. On my older sisters 16th birthday she got a car. It was an old, used car, but still a car. My younger brother got a motorcycle on his 16th. Me? I got a card with a $5 bill inside, a pair of penny loafers (2 sizes too big), and a pair of socks. The penny loafers were my stepmothers that she didn't like, so I couldn't even return them to get ones that fit. They had been worn many times. Oh, yeah, it was a month late. I'm almost 70 and it still hurts.
Bifthday was main example of how he is treated different. You dont easily get over feeling unloved especially when other siblings are and so its unique to you
For me it was my paternal Grandma who treated my sister better than me. She would get the better gifts and even got a present from her on MY birthday which was more than my own birthday gift. I used to blame my sister for it when younger but then as I got to about 10 y/o I realised that it was Grandma, not her that was to blame. She (my sister) tried to fix it by asking for extra stuff then sharing it with me but when Grandma found out she got angry and took the items from me, tried to give to my sister and when sister wanted her to give them back to me Grandma just kept them. I was not a very outspoken or confident person so the anger and resentment simmered inside while I kept quiet. Eventually seeing what my sister had been given on her 18th compared with what I'd got i finally spoke my piece and asked her why she hates me, why she treats my younger sister better etc and she did not answer me and hung up on me.we were estranged for some years and bitterness and anger were eating away at me so i did counselling and for my own sake let go of the destructive emotions. She and grandad lived some distance away and for financial reasons I dont have a car and due to distance I could not visit as I had wanted when grandad started to get very sick. I managed to organise a ride with my best friend and visited my grandad I'd missed him terribly but because of anger at Grandma I'd not seen him either. I also visited Grandma and released last of the toxic emotions without saying about it. She was lucid enough to remember me she had dementia at this point. I realised she was as she was and just made my peace. I saw her again last year with my kid who hasn't seen her since they was a baby. Her reaction to them and they to her was beautiful and somewhat healed me. She clearly adored them and they were fascinated by her. This stuff stays with you but you gotta let go of the bitterness and resentment not for them but for you and your wellbeing. Best of luck to OP. (Edited for spelling, grammar is still terrible 😂)
People can say he needs to get over it but the thing is she started doing him bad like that as a young kid so even if he "gets over it" he will never be as close to her as he could have been had she just simply cared enough about him to listen. I Have an older brother who loved to tattle on me even through most of high-school he would tattle and didn't stop till I think his senior year when I got huge dirt on him and didn't squeel. Our relationship is better now but not nearly as good as my younger brother and mine we r thick as thieves both bonding in our younger years over him being the way he was to us.
I wouldent go back
As the oldest and going thru the same thing from my perception it does affect you but at some point you suck it up and find your joy somewhere else and just know that’s just how mom is.
T Thats horrible way of thinking you dont shuck it up Whats wrong with you you stand up for yourself And put your foot down
He was right about brother being favorite. I had 1bio sibling and 2 half siblings as we were made to sacrifice for the others. My dad parentsvwere like grandma.
Mom deserves everything that she gets
Yeah, my parents did that. They got my older siblings bike and me and my younger sister nothing for Christmas. Nada, zip, nothing and didn't feel bad about it.
Nta. Your mother was neglectful and abusive. Your mother deserves to be called out. D can stop being a brat.
Op.didnt do anything wrong here! As a mother you love all your kids the same ! Why wouldn't want to love them all the same.Mother is the Ungrateful one here !!
It’s a big deal. My sister is in her sixties and still claims that I’m the, “golden child” and being that she is a December baby, her gifts for her B-day and Xmas were combined, but not twice as nice.
46 and I still go through it at all holidays and birthdays.
I feel like the ones who say op went too far and to get over it either suffered from it and were in denial, or never experienced it. It's not the gifts themselves but what the mom's actions made him feel. If its just she got the younger brother better gifts, yeah, maybe let it go. But to blatantly prepare a better overall party for the younger year after year AND give the younger brother the EXACT SAME or similar gift the older brother asked for is rejection, dismissal, perhaps hatred. It's deliberate. And then make the older brother attend--even though there is an age gap. Seriously? A high schooler at a junior high schooler's party. Nope. This is the elephant in the room that needs to be addressed.
What amazes me is this stuff actually goes on. I know my family is crazy but his stories make me rethink my family dynamics. People are just crazy.
Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it. Grandma is awesome! 😎 OP's aunts are also great. OP's selfish, good for nothing mother deserves to be ripped to pieces for playing favorites. She's going to regret it later on when she doesn't get to her grandchildren from OP.
Pathalogical narcisism has MANY MANY victims. These people simply destroy anyone else around them in every way. It is brutal!
Sounds like the way my mom treated me … My sister is 5 years younger than me, and Mom allowed her to do or have anything by she wanted… and occasionally did something this very thing with gifts.
My sister, however, became so narcissistic that she has tried everything she can to destroy my husband and me. It’s awful. I won’t go into detail, but what she did to us, permanently destroyed my husband, children and myself.
I'm floored. These Mother's who treat their children differently are just cruel. I was the oldest of 6..my mother doted on my sister..but she did not even try to treat me differently!! My sister caught pneumonia when she was 7 and I was 8..they bought my sister a new dress when she got out of the hospital and I didn't get one..so pissed yes..but that just proved I was spoiled.😂😂
That's basically the dynamic here, with a parrot and a dog that we also consider like siblings lol
To everybody in the comment saying that it wasn't a big deal when you don't address a problem it does not go away it just Fester's until it could be let out
He forgot that he ended the second update saying he "had to" show grandma. I understand wanting revenge.
Edit* But be honest when anonymous so you don't look disingenuous
The grandmother did the right thing, to put the truth into the open.
My mom has said to people as I meet them in front of me saying “he’s not my favorite”…. I could write several books about it
The mom sounds like a malicious troll. She knew what she was doing, and she gaslighted OP (and later her family) when confronted. This is the kind of parent whose kids go NC when they grow up, and the kids don’t visit at the nursing home.
The grandmother did the right thing, OP mother should feel ashamed
If I was the grandma I'd tell op to packs his bags and he's moving in with me, and also change my will so all my stuff gose to op and his mother would get nothing.
And if I was dee I'd go "sorry Mum I'm actually not in to this band,car, musical instruments, other stuff but op is" and hand it to him in front of her
Thats how grandma treated me and my brother, she only cared about our cousin an extremely spoiled brat!!
OMG, this is so similar to my family. I can't begin to list all the ways my mom showed favoritism to my younger sister (11 years younger, no one in-between). My sister grew up thinking the world revolved around her. Lived at home until 26, then moved into a condo owned by our parents. Never has known what it is to have any responsibility for her actions.
It’s a big big deal that parents do have raised their kids differently from their ages. Even were you sit in the family line of birth. My little sister tried to get me kicked out of the house but my dad denied it by saying I don’t remember. What you done was the right way to let his mom how he was treated all these years under her roof. Even if the brother seen what was happening but some nothing to stop it because he enjoyed being the spoiled child.
You forget the D helped where he could and even helped make the video.
Op should probably have LC starting when he goes back to school. Grandmother, even though op and D against it, gave m the humiliation that she deserved. Even if everyone thinks op went too far, he never showed the video. Originally wanted to just show her in private, but D had said he didn't want that.
The painful memories of childhood don't disappear. They still hurt but now your brain has matured and just "moving on" or "let it go " is hard to pull off.
Coffee without sugar isn't bitter, it's delicious.
I dont blame the brother for backing out. I do kinds blame him for not bringing it up with the mom prior. And especially blame the grandmother for not either
All I ever wanted for my birthday was vindication.
As someone else who a less than desirable relationship with their mother. I can and will speak to this. Those telling him to"just get over it" they have never been where he's been or still trying to Barry it instead of dealing with it. My guess is they are a simp married to a ball buster, has anger issues, or are a woman. This woman was so bad she could not even pay close enough attention to actually treat her favorite son better. I mean think about he never got what he wanted. he always got what his brother wanted. As a child that may not have dawned on him but to have to have it suddenly brought to life not once but many times. If he should fix things with anyone its his younger brother. It wasn't his fault. It took me a long time and the lose of a son to figure that out. My brother turned out to be a pretty good guy once I stopped looking at him through the eyes of a child abuse survivor, and saw him for him and who his is as a person.
OP didn't go far enough. OP's mom deserved to be embarrassed by grandma. Bad behavior MUST be exposed. The lack of attention from mom for OP could well have injured him mentally forever. His mental suffering could be a life long hazard. BAD mothers.
I’m not sure if I would call it favorites. I know my sister does but my sister also doesn’t realize how spoiled she is too. In my family I am the oldest of three children of my parents. To my perspective my siblings and I are all loved equally and I will say our parents do keep in mind our personal interests and tastes which are very distinctive from each other. However, my mom and my brother bother share a passion and love of music, musical theatre, and both have a lot of the same tastes in media and humor. And so, despite the fact that I know my mom does not favor any of us, it is obvious that she and my brother both have a bond where they understand each other better than mom has ever been able to connect with my sister and I. And this has led to some conflict between her and my sister. If I had to say which kid was most like my mother though, I would say it is my sister. And yes my sister is quite spoiled. Growing up she was a very cute kid who evolved into a very pretty girl/woman. She has pretty privilege for sure. And from family members? Well she was the youngest for a very long time and was a bit materialistic and a lot of my relatives use gift giving as a love language. As such, she got a lot of stuff pretty much whenever she wanted and was quite materialistic for a very long time. Anyway, my sister holds resentment towards my mother for what she perceives as favoritism though I don’t see it. My sister has always gotten privileges earlier than either my brother and I. Has gotten more expensive gifts than my brother and I. Has had our parents save her ass financially multiple times far more than either my brother and I combined. She doesn’t realize this but if my brother and I were to compare, it would be our sister who seems to be favored. Except I don’t see it that way. Here is how I see the dynamic. One, my sister gets a lot of what she wants but is jealous of the bond my mother has with our brother because the two understand each other from a view of similar interests and taste. My mother and I have never had that bond and I’m ok with that. We just don’t “get” each other and we have both learned to cope with it and make do. I know she loves me and I love her. We don’t have to “get” each other for that. But my sister doesn’t see it that way, she sees that bond as something to be jealous of, and possibly it also makes her insecure. Despite her and our mom being so alike in personality, both share the abrasive side of it and constantly come into conflict with each other because of it. Neither is good at backing down either and both are the type to double down if they feel cornered. So you can imagine the blow ups from that growing up. My brother has always felt conflicted because he knows how our sister sees this bond and knows of her resentment but he actually agrees with my perspective on the actual dynamic, in that he isn’t actually favored but that mom and him just have a clearer language together, that’s all. Anyway, as an adult this means I have started to hang out with my sister less. I love her but I’m tired of her resentment leaking out and her ranting to me any chance she gets about things. And she brings up old hurts and doesn’t like to hear when I remind her that those aren’t our mother’s fault but are the consequences of her own actions (like, I don’t know, getting in so many car accidents the premium for keeping my sister in the insurance was far more than my parents could afford so they removed her from it? Because I don’t know, maybe she got into TOO MANY?). My parents I believe are fair, they have always tried to be fair but my sister has always been the kind of person that if you give an inch she will take a mile. It’s why I learned to be strict with her. We don’t always get along but if she continues this resentment I don’t think our further adult bond will survive it. She’s already soured things with my brother after being his roommate for some years and him having to deal with her selfish actions. I mean, let me put it into perspective. My grandma constantly begs my brother and I to ask her for things because she wants to be fair to us as much as she is to our sister but neither my brother and I have asked nearly for the same amount from our grandma. And our grandma helped pay for some of my brother’s STUDENT DEBT….yeah that’s a lot and my sister still supersedes us in the amount she has been spoiled by.
Now for all of this don’t think ill of my sister. I do love her and she is a good person. She is actually very generous with friends and very supportive and enjoys doing things that are beneficial to other people. She enjoys helping people. She’s very caring and a good friend to have on your side. The problem is that she takes her family for granted. It’s actually a conversation I have had to sit her down and talk with her over. I’ve done a lot of caregiving in my family (it gives me fulfillment so don’t think this comes from being the eldest) and my sister does respect me to a large degree due to the role I played in helping raise her, but I’m also the strict one with her and the one who will sit her down and have these difficult conversations without obfuscating. My brother can too but my sister takes it more seriously from me as I’m a more serious person (brother is a button pusher type and a bit of a jokester). I will likely be sitting her down soon to talk about her resentment. I don’t want her to bring that into the life of her child whom she will be giving birth to soon. At the very least I don’t want to be hanging out with my sister who can and will only rant about her difficult relationship with our mother that is something of her own making and pretty much in her own head. I won’t try to change her mind at this point as I’m done having that conversation with the brick wall of my sister’s assumption. My brother has even given up on that. We are at a loss though on how to deal with this. Truth is, I’m not sure we can? They kind of have to do this of their own will, especially on my sister’s part. We can’t fix this if my sister doesn’t want to or won’t fix it. I don’t know. I’m just tired. I live here with my parents due to them requiring an able bodied person to help with with chores and errands, basic stuff to help out and keep them healthy and safe, but that still means I get to be a target to talk at about other people’s resentments and frustrations and I’m kind of tired of being a soundboard for it. It’s why I have been hanging out with my brother more. He actually sees this and gets it and gives me a quiet space where I don’t have to hear about any of it and we can just catch up or talk about other things. I don’t rant to him about my situation though. I don’t need to. I just want space with my family where I don’t have to hear about their resentments or drama with each other. Sorry for the length of this. It just brought up all these memories. I guess I do resent my sister a bit but more in that she is blindly selfish and a hypocrite without realizing it and also doesn’t respect or pay attention to the fact that I’m tired of these loop of a conversation she keeps pulling us back into. I don’t want to hear about it, not unless her time changes. I’m not telling her to change her tune, just that I don’t want to hear it anymore. It feels like it’s all we talk about anymore. I don’t think it’s too much to ask right? Especially given I’m the one actually living with our parents. I don’t want to return home with my sister’s words of resentment ringing in my ears. It’s bitterness I don’t need in my life. It’s bitterness that I don’t think is reserved. It’s bitterness I see my sister has convinced herself of when it doesn’t actually exist. And before you all say that I’m not seeing it, yeah I’m not, but I’m also quite observant. I tend to be that type of person to a nearly scary degree (has weirded out some friends in the last before they got used to it, and even my godson thought I was magic for the longest time because of it). I do know what is happening here. And my brother has observed the same as I have discussed with him on if what I’m observing is true. We did discuss it because I was worried on if my sister was right or if my observations on this being self inflicted were more true. And my brother confirmed. Honestly my godson’s mother (who was raised as a sibling with us actually since her mother lived with us and her in our childhood) even agrees. It leaves us all at a loss. I don’t know. Sorry for this. Just….frustrated. Family dynamics are complicated even when they don’t seem like they should be.
Hi everyone
I like to say more that you don't have a divided heart when you love people the same, your heart just gets bigger because there's always room for everyone in it ❤
S1: my grandfather used to always tell me that two can keep a secret if one is dead.
Also that sometimes both needed to be killed.
This was a huge deal things like this from childhood cause things like resentment mental and emotional scars trust issues and making it hard to develope healthy relationships outside of the family
People saying let it go , you try letting years of thing you were and are nothing complete trash to the person who is supposed to love protect and guide you through life
That kind of thing stays with you OP is going to need a lifetime of yherapy
My mom did something like that, and it cuts to the core. I'm now 40 years old, and I love her, but it's hard to even be around her. Sometimes, I honestly feel like I hate her. I see the potential for the type of relationship I could've had with her but that she gives to my younger sister and even my own son ( who she calls her son). Parents can be fucked up. Smh, it took a long time for me to realize that she's messed up, not me. And even though I realize it, it still doesn't stop the pain I feel from the way I was raised.