SIL Claimed My Adopted Son Isn't Part Of The Family & Only Her Kids Should Be On My $2M Inheritance
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
- #AITA #AITAUpdate #Stories
Story :-
OP and his wife always wanted kids but had decided at the beginning of their relationship to adopt a child instead of risking a dangerous pregnancy. After years of going through the adoption process, they were finally blessed with a little three-year-old boy of their own. A beautiful boy, he is very shy and withdrawn, as he had to be taken from his birth parents due to a toxic and unsafe home environment. Due to his own emotionally neglectful childhood and the fact that his son is shy and reserved with low self-esteem, OP has waited to introduce his son to his brothers and their families, and when he does, his sister-in-law is rude and hostile, saying that his son is not really part of the family due to being adopted. This behavior continues every time they see her. OP’s sister-in-law always refuses to apologize, so OP and his wife decide to cut off contact for their son’s well-being. Weeks later, OP has come into an inheritance from an older family member he’d been very close with and suddenly receives an apology from his SIL. Despite apologizing, she continues bullying their son, and OP and his wife decide to cut them off permanently, giving them none of the inheritance, and deciding to put most of it into a trust fund for their son. This leads to OP’s brother and SIL showing their true colors, leaving threatening messages until OP decides to take legal action.
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Hurt me: You get a second chance
Hurt my spouse: You *might* get a second chance
Hurt my kids (regardless of how they're mine) : You're not worth being called the dirt on my shoes. I cut you 100% out of my life.
Do not forget lawyers
I agree 💯 %
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Yeah, I did just that and lost about 45 family members. My family on my side is now, my dad and my brother. It is bliss, no family drama for the last 10 years. Most of them live in misery now😂
I feel that the story ended a minute or maybe 2 minutes TOO SOON. I wanted that hag and her @$$H0L3 husband (codependent enabler to the nth degree, he was not evil like her but he would always protect her good name by making bullcrap excuses for her behavior) to be fully disowned by the rest of the family and banned from every family gathering , never invited to Christmas or Thanksgiving etc and if they complain about it be told that they are not invited because THEY ARE NOT FAMILY ANYMORE.
If my sister in law did that I would have cut all contact the 1st time and not allowed a 2nd chance.
Me either
Right! I don't believe a child or children should suffer the consequences of adults first and foremost. Second of all they're innocent they have nothing to do with what goes on with adults.
Exactly
I would do the same as the OP did and go no-contact with the younger brother and his family. Yes, I would regret my son not seeing his cousin , but my sons well being comes first.
If I were the OP, I would serve the SIL, a restraining order alongside a no-contact order, even a defamation lawsuit and even a defamation lawsuit over insulting a child who has been adopted. I'll even sue into the stone ages and have them filing for bankruptcy as well.
I have 16 grandchildren. They are not biologically mine but as far as I'm concerned they are. I have other "adopted" grandchildren that are children of my stepchildren's friends. Still not mine, but as far as I'm concerned they are. I love them all.
Jesus smiles knowing that there is a special place for you in heaven.
You are an awesome grandpa. Keep it up.
You should start a soccer team grandpa!!❤😂
I have always taken my children’s friends under my “wings” and love them like they were my own, if they allowed it. Now the children of those children are mine too, and I love them very much. I feel lucky to be in those lives.
I have a niece and nephew who were adopted as small children. I love them like I love my bio nieces and nephews. Children have no choice in the family to which they are born. They are innocent, and cannot comprehend all the adult garbage that drives some people. I love the way the husband and wife chose to cut off the ignorant, toxic younger brother and SIL. Their daughter is the one to suffer and, it it not her fault.
Being an adopted child, I was treated exactly like that. I'm in my 60's now and the emotional scars are still very fresh
So sorry that you had to go through that. Thank goodness everyone doesn’t think that way. It’s truly horrid
I'm sorry that happened to you.
As someone who's close to you in age and was nearly put up for adoption myself, sometime wish that I had of to way outside of my family, Family are those that raise you. 2nd They are the people of your heart, the people who love you. 3rd. All people are related as we all came from Noah, so we're the human family. I hope that this helps. Hugs
I had a boyfriend in high school and college. When his grandfather passed he excluded him and his sister from his will because they were adopted. They were two of three children. So painful and awful for him to find out his grandfather didn’t consider him a grandson.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
It is so absolutely appalling to treat any child like that
OP did exactly the correct thing. That brother and his family no longer exists, period. I don't believe that there will ever be a pathway back from this for them. For the daughter, possibly as and adult, who just wants to connect with family and that is all...no monetary desires, just a familial relationship.
As a grandmother, I have 2 adopted grandchildren. They are just as much my grandchildren as the other 9. Totally accepted from day one by each and every aunt and uncle and their children. I just can't comprehend this mentality.
Love your story. Kudos to the way you are with all your grandchildren
Dearest Helen, I wholeheartedly adore you 😊 Your grandchildren are so very lucky to have you.
I posted above that the worst victim in this story is the CHILD of those 2 d@mned @$$H0L3$. Her parents being shunned by the rest of the family will effectively shun the child too and she loved her cousins including the adopted one. And now she will have to be raised by 2 pieces of $HIT without the extended family to grow up with.
This is very sad and unfair FOR HER.
@@Zurround , I do agree with you. That child is innocent and hopefully doesn't take on parents attitudes (thankfully most children grow up with their own attitudes and personalities and don't become mini versions of their parents). We can hope that they are able to reconnect as adults.
@@helenconnor3714 Her growing up to be a better person than her parents (not a guarantee) does NOT change the fact that she will have had a TERRIBLE CHILD HOOD and the rest of the family including the OP of this story needs to try and do SOMETHING to help that child and somehow include the child with the rest of the family so that she does not end up lonely and isolated, EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT FULLY CUTTING OFF CONTACT WITH THE 2 @$$h0L3 parents.
OP handled his Creepy brother and his horrible wife perfectly! No Contact so they can't hurt your Son!
That little boy is lucky to have you. Thank you for standing up for him.
They are lucky to have him and his affection.
Okay I want to say this now ... to the sil you are not part of a family just cause you married into it doesn't make ya family member cause the way you treated op adoptive son .. doesn't matter if it's blood or even being adopted its the bond that's there that makes a family .. and this ... can't even say anything of the big 5 cause my comment will be flagged is nothing more than a gold digging family shaming women ... I do hope ops son grows up to he a strong man
❤ i agree and well said
She is not real family aswell... she is just a mother....
This 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Sadly My stepmother never treated my stepkids or granddaughter as family. She even popped her mouth when we had my nieces come visit us and she spent the night at my stepmother apartment. This is a supposedly Christian. Sadly I got divorced but I cut contact with my stepmother cause she is mad I went to court with my sister to regain her child from his dad. My stepmother wanted my nephew and poisoned him with buying him anything he wanted and let him do whatever he wanted. She even tried saying his behavior that was bad he is only playing around.
Take that money put it in a trust .
For your son only.
They will try to take it .
My dad died early his family stole my future
Your younger brother’s wife is a complete evil witch. Why would she say stuff like that to a young child? I agree with what you said to her about how by her own logic then she’s not part of the family either but you only said that, not because you felt that way but, because she said that more than once to your young son who couldn’t process something said in such a mean and cruel manner. She didn’t like being hit with her own logic which also hurt her. How could she apologize to your son then say it again when she thought no adult was around? She is cruel.
They handled it like a boss. But for me I would have sprinkled a little of pettiness in the mix!!!! 😅
I'd have said, "So, SIL... that means YOU aren't family either. You don't have our blood either."
Glad they got to see the family for who they were before getting the inheritance. Who knows what sil would have done to get her hands on the inheritance.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her..
@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
I would be a little petty and give my older brother’s kids a college fund. Continue fostering your relationship with older brother’s family. Kids need playmate and cousins to grow together and less and learn social interactions. Exclude your younger brother of family activities but in neutral places (as your older brother’s house) as polite but distant and teach your son to do the same. Tell him that the aunt is crazy and don’t take seriously anything she says and if your little cousin begging to say and act like her suggest your other cousins to play somewhere else and leave her alone.
SIL was wrong to start her bullying to a five year old. Telling him he not part of the family because he don’t have the family blood. How wrong she was doesn’t matter about family’s blood it’s all about the child came into a loving 🥰 family. The lucky one on this story is the five year old not have to be raised in the foster home until he turned 18.
She isn't related by blood either only her kids are half relayed to OP
OP, you handled everything perfectly. The Cease and Desist (I hope I spelled it correctly) letter was the cherry on the sundae. When people are no good they can't hide it for long. When brother and sil heard about YOUR inheritance they thought it would be to their advantage to kiss 💋 up to you. I'm so glad you didn't fall for it. They are mean, deceitful, greedy people and they deserve each other. I loved it when you gave your older brother money. Little brother just knew his time was coming. Take YOUR money and enjoy your life. Secure your son's educational and financial future. I hope he grows into a loving, strong and successful man.
Beautifully said!
Love makes a family, not blood. Your DNA is not better than anyone else. Stop being narcissistic!
I agree
To whom are you referring?
Family is not so much about blood bonds, it is more about behavior, and shared memories.
Humans can be such vile creatures some of the time.
OP is NTA, his SIL and brother are however massive Aholes.
@@briankulesz9410 people reading the comments who think like the SIL.
@@briankulesz9410 Pretty sure they were referring to Just No SIL and people who think like her.
I would have a hard time holding back. The SIL is evil! No one should hurt children like that.
SIL was awful to that poor baby. Not only that was teaching her daughter it was okay to bully that kid for being adopted. At least that poor boy has loving parents.
@@blitzwolfmon8297 Yeah. Shame on OP's sister in law and brother for that matter, because he's enabling this. At least, OP and his wife are good to this little guy.
Absolutely! Even if you are mentally screwed up enough to think that way, saying it in front of the kid is just pure evil.
I would love to be an aunt to that curly haired little boy. 🥰
I'd go legal, that way they can't come back at me legally. Also, it should shut them up. In some cases you need an impartial 3rd party.
The fact that a child gets adopted should speak volumes of how much they're loved and wanted by their adoptive family. Considering all the legal and financial issues that adopting families go through and waiting for years to finally get a child in their family. It's exhausting truly. But it's worth all the love one can witness seeing them complete their family and seeing the adoptee grow and flourish in a loving household
And then ppl wonder why they don't want teenagers 95% of the time
Both of my grandkids are adopted. You are absolutely right. My daughter and her husband went through insane measures and a lot of money and a lot of time to get them. They both have the same biological parents, and the youngest one in particular went though hell for a couple of years before the adoption, the older one being adopted at birth, which was easier on him. They are both in extremely good situations, growing up with loving parents now, parents who spend time with them, teaching them, training them, raising them to be happy and healthy minded people. But even if you take love out of the equation entirely and try to reduce the equation to "investment" terms, they spent a lot more than biological parents spend to get them. My daughter took me an hour or so of time to create. Ok, that's a lie, it was likely 10 minutes... or 5. :) I had good insurance and it was the 1970s so even though the bill was about $2000, my cost, out of pocket was almost nothing, maybe $50. My grandkids cost my daughter and her husband THOUSANDS of hours, spread out over several years, and TENS of $THOUSANDS of dollars.
Would you take as good care of an old clunker car you got for $500 as you would a $100,000 sports car? :)
That reminds me, my sister got married in december 2021, to a man with 2 boys of his own. At the wedding, my second cousins new wife said the boys shouldnt be in our familys wedding photos since they are "not real family". Of course my sister didnt appreciate this, and they WERE included in the photos.
I kind of get her not wanting him and the kids in all the pictures. They could be in some, but not all.
Not because they're not part of the family, it's more of how long are hey going to be part of the family? He has 2 children from another relationship. The chances of this relationship lasting drops from 50% to 21%.
My sister always got furious when her bf or husband was asked to sit out of some pictures, while my brother and my spouses weren't.
To be fair though, I was married 25 years, until he passed and my brother is still married (going on 36 years), whereas my sister has been married 3 times and had numerous "serious" bf's. Every 4 years she'd recycle them. 😐
So, back to your story,
Of course you accept and love them, call them family, but make sure they're not in all the family photos. Saves some awkwardness if the relationship tanks. And you don't have to hear "Why do you have this photo?!? HE is in it!!!!". 😂
@@UnscrupulousAgitator yeah, they are already getting divorced LOL. only been a year and a half
But the thing is, she is only family by marriage too. So if they are out, she should be out too
What sort of mentality does the sil have that she says such spiteful things in front of a five year old child. OP is right to keep away from his brother and his spiteful wife. A five year old who has been hurt already doesn't need to hear such hurtful comments from a spiteful adult. The sil is a bully and a witch and she needs to be kept far away from OP's son. I cannot comprehend how an adult can be so vicious to a young child!
OH MY! One Sunday my brother and his stopped by to visit and we were just yapping about nothing important. Out of the blue my SIL spoke up and asked me “why my brother and I never wanted to have children”? Now I was flabbergasted! This is why i was so blown away. At 23, i married my first husband who came with a 5 year son with no mother. I loved and raised that kid as my own until our divorce when our son was 15 and they left the state. Many years passed when i met my now (and last) husband who had 2 daughters (ages 7 & 8) that i took as my own and loved with everything in me. My Mother, brother,and SIL were here and was part of our lives as they grew up. My youngest was actually a bridesmaid at their wedding in 2012. I never answered her. I locked eyes with her with “are you kidding me” seething from every pore of my soul. She quickly broke eye contact and changed the subject. I just don’t understand why someone would think I never wanted to have kids! Blood doesn’t mean love!
You are an awesome mom!
Yea make sure she regrets it
That poor little boy all he needed was a family. It doesn’t matter if he’s blood that sister-in-law is evil.
The SIL seems to be a mirror of the toxic parents the little brother swears were good people. I wish their child well. She will need it.
Petty....let it be known anyone who maintains a relationship with the brother and his wife won't be included in your own will or receive any type of financial aid from you. Money is a powerful thing that can be used for both good and evil.
I would have no issues with my husband maintaining a relationship with any of his siblings, should he choose to. They are his family,but the spouse I will not tolerate (if she/he is berating my family). He can have a relationship with his brothers/ sisters (should they not berate our family), but our families would never mingle. This would be to protect our children.
@@susanmcpeak7267Doesn't matter family or not if they are toxic they should not be anywhere near your family
Disagree: 1) "not included in our will" as a threat = you're controlling relationships with money and basically saying your only value is your money. That's very unhealthy.
2) Just because you have a problem with a family member or anyone, no matter how vile they are, doesn't mean you get to dictate to others they shouldn't have relationships with them. Everyone gets their own choice.
I don't speak to my father's siblings and haven't for years because I don't want them in my life. I have not and would never tell my father he can't have a relationship with his siblings or my sisters that they can't have relationships with our aunts and uncles just because I have decided I don't want one. I respect and accept my parents' and siblings' choices and they respect and accept mine and support my point of view that I don't want those peole in my life. My one sister chose to stop speaking to our grandmother 15 years ago. No one has forced her to rebuild a relationship, and she has in no way tried to tell the rest of us we can't have a relationship with our grandmother. I also have a cousin that doesn't speak to her mother for very justifiable reasons. Her mother married into our family and divorced my uncle decades ago but she's still invited to family events, and her daughter respects that 1) her sister whom she has a good relationship also has a good relationship with their mom and 2) the extended family still have relationships with her mom. So she just avoids her mom at gatherings but has never expected anyone else not to speak to or not invite her mom.
@@Secretagent71114 You're not controlling relationships. They still have the freedom of choice. You are just letting them know up front the consequences of specific choices so there will be no surprises later on. It is only controlling when you take away someone's freedom to decide for themselves. When you tell them up front the consequences of specific decisions, it is informing them.
@dancedummy6886 I can tell you are a person that doesn't have any genuine, unconditional, loving relationships simply by the fact you think that is normal or justified. You have my greatest pitty.
It serves your little brother right to have his wife belittle and abuse your son, good for you!!
Before anybody jumped on me. These parents had warning signs from the get-go. This SIL was toxic from the get-go and these two people carry this poor child through this drama.
As soon as those two were toxic about my son, I would tell them to leave my house immediately and I would not and I repeat not have anything to do with them. The warning signs was there.
The father and mother should have told their adopted child that Auntie was bad and what she said was wrong and that he's a special little man that never has to hear Auntie say that again because Auntie is not allowed around.
I would become close to my older brother and let them beat uncle and auntie....
Sadly these two people brought that on themselves. If they put their foot down immediately this would have never happened for a second time
Exactly! They literally knew this was going to happen and now the child is traumatized
I was thinking the same thing. If u yourself don't even have a good relationship with your family, why would u think that they'll be any different to your child? And why on earth would u still attend a party that you obviously know your son wasn't invited to? Yes, it would be wonderful to have the kids grow up together and have aunties and uncles around, but if it does more damage than good, then is it really worth it? It's sad to know that there's still people like that around... it's even scarier that they have kids and raising them with their beliefs. I'm glad that this little loving family moved on and I wish the best for them. This little boy was so fortunate to have such loving and protective parents!
I agree with you. She had one time to behave that way. No more chances. Continuing to give the SIL and brother chances wasn’t fair to their son. I get wanting their son to have an extended family, but the family you want isn’t always the family you have.
@@jensogo5447😅
It was actually the mother. Her husband warned her that they would be inviting trouble and she didn't care. Now they traumatized their own child again!
That's just sick. NC is really the only way to go
SIL prejudice was greater than her greed or she would keep the mouth shut.
You're calmer than me
I'd be like the caged animal just praying that they'd open the door
Have done what you two have done what you will do I would go further and give you a little brother some brotherly love
Steadfast in your goals your son will turn out to be a wonderful young man some day and you will have done all you can do as a protective parents double thumbs up for you
I would have put together a college fund for my nephews
Solidify the appreciation for how they treated my child before the whole mess
I have to say, the son’s ability to grow and shrink his hair between “shots” is impressive.
😂😂😂
I like his hair curly better than short.
😀😀😀
It’s a superpower 😈
@Susan Farley that short hair was a home cut. Looked like a bowl cut for sure 😂
As an adopted person they need to keep him away from her asap, that is extremely cruel of her. It’s hard to believe this is even real. I have some very intolerant family members but never has one of them EVER said anything like this to us or our parents, and if they did, I never knew.
How entiteld and spoiled glad op has a backbone
👍
Me too. Good riddance to the toxic lot of them.
Omg doesn't the bowl cut qualify as child abuse? And his hair was so cute before.
Funny how OP got a huge inheritance just at the right time. Seems...oh I don't know...coincidental.
Inheritance really bring out the monsters in a family and I bet if it was reversed, they would not share.
The OP has gotten on my nerves‼️ He knew how his SIL felt after the brunch. HE is the one who decided to take his son to the birthday party KNOWING how she was, and subjecting his child to her behavior. Then, knowing they were only calling to apologize because of the money, he again subjects his son to her abuse‼️ All that was his fault. Even if his wife hadn’t overheard SIL comment and everything went seemingly well, she was going to still have the same sentiment when he didn’t give them any money.. or even if he did.. His SIL was a horrible woman, but a lot of the unnecessary trauma his son suffered, was his fault.
My two youngest sisters were the spoiled golden children and also don’t remember how bad our home life was with our mother! My other younger sister and I were abused and I was forced to act as the mom from age five up! She stepped up when I wasn’t around! Mom had/has untreated bipolar disorder and refused/refuses to admit it!
Yesh
As someone who is adopted, lemme part some advice from my late father who adopted me; "If anyone ever makes fun of you for being adopted, you look them dead in the eyes and say; "Anyone can just make a child. Someone actually wanted me.""
When a kid tried to bully me for being adopted, I did just that and he went crying to the principal and his parents. He F-ed his own mind up with that insult.
Rather nice guy after that though. We never had anymore issues ever again nor did I ever hear about him making fun of adopted kids again.
Your father taught you well! So sorry to hear of his passing.
I was told to say, I was chosen, your parents had to take you. !!
I've used that same line...except "his folks were stuck with him"...😂
At 5 i became th 26:34 e literal red headed step child to a step father who hated redheads, he was jilted by one, and was racist against Mexicans. I'm half Spanish. It was horrible. Abusive words and actual physical abuse. In the 50s there was no cps. I still feel the pain if i look back on my childhood, so i don't. Luckily, im 74 and can just say, I don't remember anymore.
About 4 years ago my mother got with this complete A-hole.
He is Racist, homophobic, sexist, retarded, Ableism, and abusive, not to mention i'm pretty damn sure he's a Pedo/Herbe/Ephebo.
My mom has 6 kids (Including me) with 5 different babydaddys, an 18 year old Male who is Bisexual, Autistic, and has ADHD and OCD, 16 year old Female who is part Mexican, 11 year old Male who is also part Mexican, 6 year old Male who is mixed and has a blind father not to mention who also has disabilities too, and last but definitely not least a 1 year old Male that is biologically that A-holes son.
My mother knew ALL of his...traits, when she had started dating him, she claims she didn't know he was Abusive but she had multiple warnings by people and him (he didn't tell her but did show MULTIPLE signs).
Ever since he had came into our life it's been hell, we lost tons of money due to him, kicked out on the streets, and multiple other things, She had multiple chances to get away and never took them, and when she did she went straight back.
I had called the cops on him twice, my mother has twice, and his own mother has too and was only arrested twice.
The first time my mom did when we were moving out and nothing happened (she got back with him after like a day or two, the second time i called and he wasn't arrested the cops didn't even come and talk to us they just sat in the driveway and then left a few seconds after (Which is against protocol) the third time i called and he did get arrested but his mommy bailed him out and we had gotten a restraining order on him, the fourth time i was at school but the cops had watched him try to run over my mother in my car that he tried to steal on a suspended licence (he did hit her) and he was not even arrested even tho the cop saw him do it, the fifth time his mother called for us because he had broke into our house and proceeded to try and kidnap my mothers son and he was arrested which was actually April 19, this year and we are still going through court and i...a 16 year old minor have to go and be a witness and we currently have another restraining order on him besides his bio son because of the judge not allowing it.
He is ex military, ex cop, and has multiple cop friends and that is why he gets out so easily.
The child endangerment charges were dropped bc supposedly "It's not illegal" and he is allowed to have visitation once he gets out but on Wednesdays and Saturdays he gets to call him for 2 hours from jail.
The reason why i think he's a Child predator is for multiple reasons, he likes to go to dinner with his daughters but he always wears his "dress pants" that show his butt off and he said that himself, his daughters name is Allison....my mothers name is too, when hes over and has taken a shower he likes to walk back to the room without clothes to show off his no-no and he likes to go pee with the door opened and is always making comments to us about him showing us what a real no-no is, if that isn't child predator behavior idk what is.
My mother breaks up with him then gets back with him again, right now she isn't and she says she won't but i don't have much faith in her if not any.
It's harder to get away too because they have a kid together and i flat out told her that when she and him started to talk about kids...yes she willingly got herself pregnant and now we'll be going throw this BS drama forever and when he gets out i'll be in collage so i won't be there to protect them (Since my older brother is a special needs every older child task was left to me at the age of 5 and age 7 (i say different ages cause at 5 it was small things (my parents split up) but when i was 7 my mom moved out of my grandmas and i had to start babysitting everyone then while she worked).
I am often shy and quiet but when it came to him a gave no shit and everyone knew it (and i think he was scared of it too).
It is a fact that the cops are helping him get out of this sh*t because when my mom first called the cops we were living with him and they got into a fight and he started calling me a s*ut and things like that because i like to wear baggy shirts with shorts inside the house (even though i don't go out with them because of insecurity's about my legs, thighs (the shorts covered them but still), and arms) and as soon as she heard that she broke up with him and started packing (we had just moved there so it wasn't a lot and at the time we had laggy temperary WiFi so my older brother was at our grandmas) he said that he was keeping everything and wasn't gonna let her leave so she called the cops (It actually might have been the neighbor (Apartment building) too who was also a pedo we had found out after moving) the cop had came over and started talking to him as i helped but things in the car as the 2 boys (at the time cause this was like 3 years ago and the baby wasn't born yet) played, the ex-bf told the cop his name and told the cop to to talk to his commanding officer because they were friends and then the cop did and had went up and told my mom she had 3 hours (we did it in less than 1) to get everything out (Which is illegal cause by law we actually had 30 days).
My mom told me to call my aunt so she could come pick up the boys cause they wouldn't have fit and she had decided for me to go too because she was just finishing packing up and she didn't want me around as the A-hole ex-bf was talking sh*t about her to the cop as the cop just listened so we got into my uncles grandmas car (bc my aunt was to far away and didn't want us kids waiting too long while in that situation so she called our uncles grandma to come and get us cause she was only a couple of streets away).
Personally i don't see any good endings in this situation i mean obviously we'll get custody but we also might not because he's been trying to get my baby brother taken away because if he can't have him then no one will....pretty obvi he doesn't give 2 sh*ts about his bio son, i mean he's abusive to my mom and baby brother but it's not like the judge or court cares.
I've been trying to figure out how to compose my anger in court because being respectful to the judge is in favor of us winning but i also want to make it clear to him that i'm not gonna take their BS so I've thought of a few ways while still being respectful but idk how it's gonna be everyone in my family is pissed and friends of too because the situation for us already is traumatizing and now their gonna make a 16 year old face more trauma?
It's stupid especially cause my 18 year old brother who very clearly isn't a minor witnessed everything with me yet he doesn't have to (the youngest besides the baby didn't witness anything cause surprisingly they were asleep).
My brother is "leveled out" with his autism cause of his ADHD it's very clear that he is a special needs if you pay attention but it's not to obvious and he acts as "normal" as possible so he'd be ok to do so, thankfully they didn't say he had to but it was still an option that i bet they never even considered.
I say thankfully because he's still pretty nervous about things but he also really wanted to go on stand as a witness, he was pretty pumped, i mean i honestly think he wouldn't do bad as soon as he got up their because he expressed how much he wanted the ex-bf gone and stuff but then everyone agreed that "the children shouldn't be brought into this" obviously it didn't work out that way and my mom was very pissed that she was basically lied to but he was pretty sad and sort of understood, he was pretty pissed that i had to go on stand as well because i'm 16 and he knows I've been through enough in the past 10 years but he was pretty excited to find out what would happen in court cause i know a thing or two about law and the system.
Honestly the only ending i see is me dead and the killer (ex-bf) being let free, along with multiple other things with my family, it's just so chaotic especially cause we found out my bio dad is stealing our money and because he is we aren't eligible for an actual house (we want to move so the ex-bf doesn't know were we are and because we hate the place were living in but we found out we can't live 50 miles away from the city he was arrested in and we might legally have to tell the him were we live too which is f-ed up)
I'm deeply sorry for this being so long but i just wanted to share my story.
So uh, anyone wanna give OP and his Wife parent of the year award?
following from another channel -
blood is thicker than water =
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
It basically means that the bonds you form through choice with those that you love are thicker than than the ones chosen for you through birth.
You need to change that inheritance so that once the boy turns of age that he doesn't go find his real parents and give all the money to them something needs to be put into that that that can't happen
Why would he give the birth parents the money? That’s a bit of a weird stipulation
I absolutely love the way the babies and kids look in the story, so cute!
I have always said "blood doesn't make you family, family are the ones you stick around through good & bad times"
I had a similar experience actually, being an adoptee. One Christmas, the extended family got together for gift exchange and dinner. Guess who was left out.
I’m so sorry.
My eldest granddaughter is not related to us by blood, but we love her and treat her as our granddaughter. Why do people not understand that love should expand and shelter children.
She just graduated h.s. and we could not be prouder. We met her when she was 5 and now at 17 she is a very sweet and kind young lady.
Ahh so your mom went mommy bear as well ?
@@benzelwasington4059 Actually, it was grandmother who did, because she was angry at seeing me left out.
@@pangaeawriter8766 ouch so your parents failed you sorry to hear
This happened to me as a child. My stepfather took the family to see his auntie, who was visiting his mother. She hugged and smiled at each of my brothers and my sister. I walked up to her with a big smile on my face and said, "Hi auntie, and she said, very loud, DO NOT CALL ME AUNTIE, I'M NOT YOUR AUNTIE. My father told her off, and we left the house. That was the last time he and we ever saw his aunt. Later, she went into the convalescent home. No contacts.
The way these people accepted that scar(r)ed little boy into their lives was soooo sweet. How they gave him time to come to them, how they played with Legos. (I'd have added a puppy into the mix). Such nice, good people. Lucky kid.
FAMILY is the people you CHOOSE.
Blood doesn't make you family. Loyalty does.
Ya know what? I have to add “loyalty”. I’ve been saying, “Love makes a family, not blood” for years. But now it’ll be, “Love and loyalty make a family, not blood.”
OP younger brother needs to put his wife in her place hurting a little boy that’s done nothing to her who’s been through hell and back.
The way OP described his son is so unbelievably precious. That little boy was definitely very lucky to have two parents that would give him love and finally fight for him where none would before.
OP, good for you and your wife for cutting out that toxic family. Your son, is your son, regardless of by adoption or biological. Keep being the awesome parents that you and your wife are.❤❤
When the younger btother demanded an apology for his wife, the answer should have been the "click" of the phone being 'hung up'.
or "sorry i did not rip the witch's tongue out of her head there and then, but i will next time i see her"
I would have given his nieces and nephews some money for college, except for his younger brother's kids.
They did the right thing in protecting their son.
Have two adopted kids and my entire family always say they are 100% family. A lot of family even forgot they were adopted. We are so blessed.
S1: OP, welcome to the club. All you can do is take care of your family.
Family does not have to be blood relatives, you can pick your family. Behavior is a huge part of being a family. Family will not treat you badly.
Always remember that leopards can not change their spots.
Wow! SIL is insane and so is her husband! They were cruel to a child! Op did the right thing! I feel sorry for op's niece she has horrible parents.
She’s only upset about upsetting a little boy because of the money OP got.
This might just be me, but this is what I would do. I'd get the older brother to agree to my plan, then I'd tell the SIL that she is not a part of the family. Then I'd tell the younger brother, that if he did want to be a part of the family, he has to divorce his wife. If not, he's out. The niece can still call me and see me, though.
Nta. She is grown woman being cruel to a 5yr old. I would care how many time she apologized i wouldn't give her even an empty box from my cereal. I would also have them sued for harassment
I'm adopted and I've dealt with family members on my moms side of the family who claimed it was dangerous to adopt babies because you don't know what type of people the birth parents are, so I might have genes from a rapist or criminal. I was separated out of the family by my mom's parents, who looked down their nose at me like I was beneath them. I eventually found my birth families through Ancestry DNA testing. Yes, my birth mother was a drug addict who had died 12 years before I found her and she used drugs while pregnant with me. My birth father is a wonderful man who welcomed me into his family with open arms. Only one of my half siblings accepts me, and the rest detest me. I'll never understand people who hate someone just because of their very existence. I had nothing to do with my conception, I couldn't have rejected the act that conceived me, yet there are people that hate me because of that one moment. Some people are just so full of hate that it spills over into their every waking moment.
I haven't finished listening, but already, baby brother doesn't get a dime. He was already spoiled, the money came to you, so it's for your and your's, not an entitled in law or brother.
Cut contact with little brother and SIL. Don’t fight. Children whether bio or adopted need to be loved. I don’t and will not condone abuse of any kind towards my child. Remember that a leopard does not change their spots miraculously. Let them know. Also, I would ask my son if he wants to see them. Keep your distance.
Evelyn, I agree with you on everything you have said except, I do not think that asking the son if he want to keep seeing them is even a thing. OP and his wife are the parents, and they know that these people are toxic and abusive and will just cause their son pain and trauma. Their son is still a little kid and does not necessarily know what is best for him yet. The son seemed to have connected with his cousin, even if the SIL was a POS and didn't want her child to have a relationship with your son. That is very sad not just for your son but for the little girl as well. But in the end, even though it is not your niece's fault that her parents are toxic, they are. You have to protect your son from these toxic adults.
They have sent a 'cease and desist' which is a pretty firm way of OP telling them to, er, go away and never come near.
I would have ZERO Tolerance for someone like that.
Good for you. Alway take care of your child. But update your will. He gets everything and to make sure if something does happen to you. Make sure you make it clear he is never to be your child's guardian.
It would be NC for them and my family. Family is not defined by blood it's frormedin how you treat others. From personal experience people not related to me have been more understanding of my feelings. Family can be very judgemental in their actions and treatment. Feeling they have an axe to grind. Children of abuse have vering beliefs of abuse. It's wonderful to know Op you and your wife truly love your son. Hopefully your younger brother and his wife will learn the error of their ways
Omg OP took their son to that horrible woman again!? Stop traumatizing your child!
You are a wise man, my friend. More rare than an Alexandrite and more valuable than gold!!
I come from a big family. My mother raised mostly by herself when we were really young. My father’s family lived 3 states away. However, my mother had 2 sisters & 4 brothers. But, I remember specifically 1 Christmas when I had finally had enough. For any social dinner, bbq, etc. the women had to serve all of the men and children first. No problem serving the children, but by the time the woman were able to eat, some of the men and kids would be ready for dessert. I looked at my mother and all of the aunts and said ENOUGH !! I thought as a family dinner, we were supposed to all sit down together. I screamed and said that that was what was wrong with the men in my family. They didn’t appreciate it anymore being waited on. They expected it. I was expecting a few good friends over and everyone was bringing something. I told her then that I had learned a valuable lesson., Blood. Doesn’t. Always. Make. Family. I won’t repeat some of the other things that I said. God bless all. 🙏🏻✌🏻
That son has some amazing magical hair, sometimes long, sometimes short.
Metamorphagi?
I have four adopted children, now adults, I was very fortunate that my family accepted them. My ex-mother-in-law did not and would treat the adopted children and even my daughter from a previous marriage horribly. I kind of did what you did. I stopped going to family functions where my children would feel uncomfortable until they realize I was serious but it didn't change the scars that my children. Kudos to you and your wife for putting your child first!
I would adopt a sibling for your son I think it would be great for the whole family
"joking"? the joke should have ended with cake, hugs and apologies when the 5 year old started crying.
Poor kid. If you take him around that horrible person again then your the jerk.
SIL WILL ENCOURAGE CHILDREN 2 RUIN & BE EXTREMLY MEAN 2. SON !!!! BE SURE 2 ASK SON 2 GO CHECK CHILDREN ROOM !!! MAKING SURE HE HAS EVERYTHING SON CAME WITH.
Lure both the younger brother and the SIL to one on one conversations in separate cafes in a one party consent state (if you aren't in one alread), and record their reactions to offering either one $100,000.00 or so to divorce the other and then show the recordings to one another.
Or maybe just hire some very large people to have a private conversation with them about the appropriate way to behave around children, at a price of $1,000.00 per kneecap.
that is so evil sadist underhand and nasty............. damn wish i had thought of it
OPis a great father. I had a similar situalion. I have two adopted children and some people when speaking to me will say how are you children and as I'm telling them about all of my children they will say "Oh i am talking about YOUR children". I then tell them all of my children are my children. At that point they either apologize or I don't speak with them again.
No OP was stupid about one thing taking his son to that non blood toxic woman and mans daughters birthday party
Personally the second they started talking about my child adopted or not I’d go 100% no contact. I’d only go legal route if they forced me to.
Good for you.your brother and his wife must be right noddys.
I have 3 kids and 4 step kids. I also have 5 grandchildren and 6 steps. I treat all of them as my children and grandchildren. No one has the right to tell you how much a part of your family a child can be!
I was adopted (in the mid 60's)by my mother's cousin, family took me(6) aside to say 'you aren't family, you are a sinner as you're mother wasn't married, a bastard'. It's so good to see adoptive parents protect their child. Mine didn't, they were abusive themselves.
In this situation I'd put what's happening on facebook to expose the two of them. Let society school them. The arrogance to put themselves above the law. The law says the son is legally family. Just as a spouse becomes family via the law with marriage.
To pick on a child is the lowest whatever SIL's thoughts, no cake at a party, that's vile. She's a bully.
I would’ve been petty in the chaotic good sort of way. I’d set aside something like $5k for each cousin as a college fund and leave the younger brother’s kid out saying it was only for my son’s REAL cousins.
OP, you and your wife are doing the right thing by your son. Meanwhile your SIL and baby brother are trash and I feel sorry for your niece being raised by such trash. In the end you and your family are better off without these toxic people in your life. I have no idea how your niece's life might go given her parents, but I hope you can have a bit of compassion in your heart for her in case your brother and SIL end up being as abusive to their daughter as your parents were to you and your oldest brother. By no means am I saying you should every allow your son or yourself to take abuse from you niece in the future should your paths cross, but if she ever should come to you as you found yourself going to your aunt, please have it in your heart to hear her out and welcome her if she realizes that your family is her family.
I had a very dysfunctional childhood and find myself as a senior woman who is almost 70 finally realizing just how traumatized I was and how negatively it has affected me. I am so glad that you adopted your son and love him and protect him so much. Your care and love should go a long way in helping him in the future, but please consider making sure that your family receives some counseling now and in the future. All things considered, even given that it is only in the last few years I have started to get professional help with my mental and emotional health my life has been relatively productive and pleasant, although I have had 3 marriages and divorces and some self esteem issues. I wish I had gotten help long ago, but sometimes you don't realize that how you were raised and the way you feel is not normal and healthy. I wish you son, and you and your wife the most happy and successful life possible.
My sister's oldest child is from another man..her spouse and his family have welcomed her into their family and my sister's in laws love her and call her their granddaughter. It is so beautiful to see..that she is so loved by her step father and his family. Especially since he is adopted.
I am adopted at 3 months old. Only once did anyone make a nasty comment to me about it. First or second grade, I'm guessing, and I got upset. When I told my mom about it she told me "If he says anything again, you tell him that you were chosen out of hundreds of babies; his parents were stuck with him." Never again did my adoptive status ever make me feel bad again!
This man and his wife seem to have done the exact thing they should have. LOVE THIS❤
His description of his son was beautiful!!
I don’t understand why you would take your son to SIL home, knowing how she felt?
I would NOT put my child In that situation EVER! I hate being an outcast as my stepmother treated me like that my whole life
They did the absolute right thing ! I had a sister that would not let my child into her house ! She would let all the neighbor kids in her house but my child could not ! Needless to say that summed up my relationship with my sister.
There is a good use for a restraining order right there.
Best thing I can suggest which I'm sure OP won't see is to let that little boy know that while his mom didn't give birth to him. He is the child they chose and wanted to be their kid and love him for the rest of his life. You can't usually pick your family, but they were lucky enough to be able to pick him. Let him know he is loved and let him know he won't ever have to see that wicked woman again and that she is not family. That little boy is the family you wanted and will always be your family.
Among other things, make sure you have an ironclad will.
I have an adopted son and I have no mercy and zero tolerance for *anyone* who disrespects or upsets him - I don't care who they are. We have, thankfully, not had any real problems - almost all of our family and friends accept him as part of the family. One "family friend" made a snide comment early on, so they were told in no uncertain terms that their behaviour was unacceptable and then they were cut out immediately (blocked on phone and all platforms, not invited to anything, etc - haven't seen them since). As far as I'm concerned, they no longer exist - and as they relied on us for help with things, not the other way around, it's their loss, not our's. So everyone else knows what would happen if they didn't respect my boy but, being good people, they fully support us and agree with our approach. In fact, when we had the "snide comment" issue, everyone else immediately sided with us, with my siblings going to bat for us (confronting the individual and going the extra mile to reassure my son), and I think that really helped my son to see that he is genuinely loved, wanted and part of our tribe 💖
(Edited to fix typo)
When my parents adopted my brother and me they cut contact to about 50% of their friends and extended family because of their attitude. That was fifty years ago. Since I was the younger one I was never even exposed to any of it. Love you, mom and dad.
i have a nephew that is not blood related and i treat him like blood as he is a joy to be around. i refuse to treat adopted children that is adopted by my family with disrespect but with open arms and love