I always bring up p3n1s size on the first date. Just want her to be aware of my shortcomings. Most women claim it's not a *big* deal but none of them ever want a second date after finding out I'm short in the shorts.
For what it is worth, I had women do many of the same things to me on a first date. With the exception of trying to get intimate too early in the relationship; that is a "guy thing". I have had women trash talk men, talk incessantly about past relationships, give one-word answers and all the other things you bring up. These things are unattractive when done by either gender.
The woman version is to put her hand in your wallet. Just order all the expensive stuff or pick up expensive things in a store. They'll put their hand deep into your wallet if you let them.
I really appreciate Courtney going through the dramatic stuff people post about relationships, norms, etc and giving us men down-to-earth, realistic, and actionable takes on it. It has kept my hope alive that I will find someone (when I'm financially ready).
@@andrewq159 It's not about buying drinks or dinner for a girl every now and then, I live in my parents house and I can't even afford an apartment. This is fine for me as a single man, but its not going to be compatible with the romantic relationship I want.
@@Skyler827 every woman doesn't mind single men living with their parents, as long as they share family responsibilities within the household, like help pay the bill, help do housework, etc. As a woman, I actually think that single men living with their parents come with benefits, like you won't easily bring women home to have casual sex with, or do drugs, or hang out with friends who're bad influence. It's like a factor to help you discipline yourself, unless your parents don't care. It also helps men save money, because they probably don't need to pay as much for rent or utilities as they would living in an apartment.
@@dian277 I get that not every woman demands or expects or even prefers a guy in his own place, but its situational, depends on age, and for me, since I want to have a family, the kind of woman I want, I expect her to have standards of income, not out of selfishness, but out of the fact that the world we live in is expensive. I also expect her to have a lot of options and also expect she will pre-screen potential guys like me based on profile information or early conversations, with questions such as "do you have your own place?". I intend to pass those pre-screens. For younger ladies, those not looking for a family, whatever, its not really my target audience.
True but doing so is a failure of understanding the nature of women and how they communicate. Just show that you can relate with supportive words of what it must feel like to be in that situation. Then offer encouragement and ask them what they are going to do. Don’t offer any logical suggestion or help to fix the problem. Just listen and be supportive. The trick is to try and think of it in a genuine way and not be dismissive or talk down to her like she’s a child or being silly. Even if it seems that way to you. Just listen…
Why would women want guys to act a certain way on the first date and then find out later, how horrible they are. I would want to know quickly so I could move on to someone that’s actually better.
For Men pursuing their purpose, a time-saver: 1. Don't bring up intimacy on the first date 2. Don't give unsolicited advice 3. Don't overdo the cologne 4. Don't talk about your ex(es). I guess womyn ignore this advice when it comes to themselves... 5. Avoid planning long term with her- you just met 6. Don't offer to pay, then expect something in return. You know, like grace, gratitude or feminine kindness. 7. Have conversational and social skills. 8. Don't focus on yourself. Remember, for womyn, it's all about THEM. 9. Avoid alcohol; if you must, then two drinks max 10. Don't be thirsty (complain about how long it's been since you've "been with" a woman. They can't relate, as they've likely had 3-7 rando dudes this month alone) 11. Don't look at other women, even if she's giving lusty glances to Chad and Tyrone or scrolling through her phone.
So 5 is the reason why so many INTJ/INFJ people from the MBTI & why so many 4, 5 & 6 people from the Enneagram are often single. Their whole minds revolve around planning ahead. Anything short term doesn't feel like it's even worth doing.
The queen just casually posting the most productive and helpful content for free, and yet she's still underrated! You have helped a lot of us trust me, much love❤
Courtney cracks me up!! “Oddly specific:D”. I was thinking the exact same thing, RIGHT when you said it. So much of what you say seems so obvious, but common knowledge isn’t common, and we all have different skill sets. Thank you for trying to help men and women be happy and healthy.
A few of them can work both ways tbf. I’ve had women speak about their exes before and wanted to know how many relationships I had been in. It’s uncomfortable. So it works both ways.
I actually thought it was more common. Not necessarily how many men have you been with, but more what was your last relationship like? It can tell you a lot about them
It's pretty simple to know if she wants you to kiss her, she will keep smiling and looking at your lips More than she's looking you in the eye while you are talking, or smiling
Agree on the cologne comment. A girl I dated gave me that comment, and got me another date. On the first date she said "most guys show up smelling like they stepped out of a Axe shower. You smell really good. Your cologne is faint, but good."
Courtney, i enjoy your videos. As a man in my mid fifties, I've learned so much from you and dating. I'm single, so dating can be challenging, however learning new things from you has enlightened my mental focus.😊
#1 is so spot on and it's an easy way to make a girl find you to be creepy. Reading the room and being aware of cues from the woman helps you avoid coming across as only focused on getting her in bed.
Sorry to disagree with you guys and Courtney, but women lie. Your MAXIMUM window for escalation is within ten minutes of meeting a girl. If you meet and go through a first date without expressing any romantic interest, you either get dumped or friend zoned. What you want to do is escalate in a classy way, and it should be YOU deciding if the girl comes up to YOUR standards. She has to earn being taken to bed, don't give it away. Or, you can believe a woman has never lied to you...
All of the ones you covered are very solid. Frankly they were common sense to me however, I'm aware not everyone has the same "common sense". I read a comment saying "Sorry women, you can't get everything you wish for." What?.. The points brought up essentially summarise to "Be a healthy human. Don't be a resentful creep." These weren't entitled at all.
Important things: 0:20 First thing - Don't Talk About The Sex On First Date, And Also About The Kissing As Well; 1:42 Second Thing - Be Accurate When Communicating (either men, and women); 3:52 Third Thing - Don't Overdo With The Fragrance (just take care of yourself); 6:23 Fourth Thing - Don't Talk About Ex People On First Date (nobody wants to listen about the bad past); 7:52 Fifth Thing - Don't Talk About The Future About The Future, Cause You May Never Know What Will Happen; 8:36 Sixth Thing - Gentleman Has To Be Prepared For Everything (even to pay on first day); 9:40 Seventh Thing - Be A Socialistic Person (either men, and women); 11:23 Eight Thing - Don't Be A Narcissist (either men, and women); 11:39 Ninth Thing - Stay Away From Alcohol On First Date (and that can be also applied to either cigars, and food); 12:23 Screw The Past (nobody gives a BS about that); 14:15 Tenth Thing - Don't Look At Other Women When You're On First Date (it's a big turn off); and 14:56 to summarize all the told here. I have no comment (in positive way of course), cause all of these are so true.
Hi Courtney: I agree that there are reasonable expectations and unreasonable ones. Of course, I agree on the first date with not wearing sweatpants, not having Cheeto-breath, or talking about exchanging fluids, etc: these are just common sense and good manners. What bothers me are blaming men for not being Florence Cook or a psychic detective-a couple tips bend the clairvoyant way.
I hate to be that guy but you have to be more captivating then because if she doesn't have genuine burning desire her showing up to the date isn't going to make anything different
@@Lonewolfmgtowbillsfan yeah I get well over a dozen girls a year, all of them calling me back multiple times throughout the year yet I'm some sort of simp? So now there's two men here that don't understand women 👌 If you really understood women you would know that women simp better than men and you won't end up getting ghosted 💯💯
@@LatimusChadimushave 12 girls in a year is Proof you are not successful with women and don't understand them since you can't get into an actual relationship with just one of them
One word to sum up most of the things said : “Needy” in other words they’re saying don’t sound needy or desperate on the first date but just be yourself.
So... I enjoy you channel and find the information very interesting... one thing I'd like to really kinda just float out there is this... really, the big issues I find personally are less the topics discussed but more HOW they are approached... the way you bring a topic of discussion up, you just need to work on being tactful. Delivery is more indicative of how the conversation flows rather than the specific topic itself. Guys... just be polite. Girls... try not to be so knee jerk if something comes off uncomfortably. You want men to approach and communicate in a healthy way... help us to practice. Social cues are always evolving and it's just a good rule of thumb to not be critical one way or the other when just meeting. Imo. Thank you a ton for your information! ❤
Point #9 - I agree, it goes both ways: if women want us to ask them questions with genuine curiosity, they should do the same for us. Not trynna sound self entitled but if I'm putting in the effort on the first date to get to know her, I think it's fair she does the same for me I've been in conversations with people that felt like Q&A job interviews where I ask a question and they answer, but don't ask me anything in return I understand social anxiety is a thing but if I'm the only one asking questions and being curious about the other person, it feels like I'm talking to a wall That's why I'm always surprised when I'm having a conversation with someone and they ask ME questions as well, like holy sheesh it's amazing when I feel like we're having a genuine conversation (small talk/deep conversation) rather than a "job interview"
5. I don't think you should make specific long term plans with someone you just met, but you're also trying to get to know someone and figure out if it's worth moving forward, and you need to know if their values and long term plans align with yours. When's a good time to find out? After you've been paying for dates for 2 months?
I am a bit shy, so I would never do #1. Unless I was asked, I probably wouldn't try to offer advice on a 1st date. I wouldn't go out on a date looking like a bum! Holding up my end of the conversation would be the hardest part for me. I don't drink, so no problem! Thanks for posting this, Courtney. Have a great week ahead!
@Ronald Gibson Thanks for sharing! Try to not look at it as "holding up your end of the conversation". And instead start simply vibing off of her energy and take it from there in a natural way. Meaning: If she brings something up, simply express yourself anywhichway by saying it how YOU would normally express yourself. Don't think too much about what she EXPECTS you to say. No pressure bro! Just enjoy! Cheers!✌
I was raised on the rule that men pay for the first date. It was proper etiquette and a sign of respect. That having being said… I was raised with the old fashioned mentality that men usually do the asking out. The way I have always viewed it… if I ask somebody out… I should be the one to foot the bill. But I certainly shouldn’t expect “an exchange” in return for it… The only thing I should “hope to expect in return” for a kind gesture is an appreciative thank you... nothing else. If I decide to be generous… that generosity is meant to be taken advantage of… otherwise I wouldn’t have extended it in the first place.
Dating in 2023 is like low key gambling. You’re throwing your money away for a 1% chance you will get in a serious relationship with a woman. You see all these men going on dates by a daily or weekly basis and it’s insane how much they are losing money basically rather than saving. For those men that go on constant dates, it’s not worth it and save up your money for someone you truly know is interested in you. You look desperate if you go on so many dates with different women. Women say that’s attractive, but I think not.
When talking about asking questions and answering, you're spot on about asking the same question back or a related question back. If you just answer and stop, she's going to keep asking questions and you're going to leave feeling like you've been in an interrogation. Who the heck wants that? I would also say "Have a bail out plan." You will probably know in the first 15 minutes or so if there's any connection. No connection? Hit the eject button and don't waste your time or her time.
The cologne thing I actually found that spraying my clothes before I put it in my dresser just makes the clothing have more of a permanent light scent that doesn't overbear the nose.
The oils and chemicals in the fragrance will deteriorate the materials, plus stain light-colored items. Fragrances/oils should always be sprayed directly on the skin, moderately of course 😂
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head. It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women. A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice "It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first" I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken. I thought that was bang-on right there. and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex. It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys. He said: "Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving." That pissed me off more when I read that. Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. The way a man talks or behaves in a conversation or in an interaction between a man and a woman is what makes or breaks attraction, not the other way around. And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman. If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems., as in, make someone feel uncomfortable. Men have to do all the practicing and all the learning, women just have to exist and automatically have dudes lined up wanting to be with them, that doesn't take any training or practice or trial and error or learning
It's funny cause for plenty of these things can be applied to women as well. I've been on dates where women were literally acting men in these cases. The biggest pain in the ass is the lack of back and forth conversation simply because then it starts feeling like you're interrogating a person rather than being on a date and trying to get to know them. That's the main reason why I try to avoid coffee and dinner dates if I can, simply because when you're going to a museum or a walk or having any kind of low energy activity, there's always something else to talk about rather than only each other ( even thou that's kind of the point on a date ).
Good point! A date that's ONLY focuses on talking can put a lot of PRESSURE on either/both people. You strike a good note w/date-ideas that give a context--like museum--thta still hs room for getting to know each other.
Courtney I have issues with trust we share , as though I can trust that she would not tell anyone else. That was my mistake. I should not have told her even though she asked then told everybody I know. So I close down my heart now ! I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. TRUST is very important for me.
So I actually think that dating can be a lot easier than what most people think. Letely I've been approaching women, holding eye contact with them, and in general just being more friendly. I don't necessarily flirt or anything but I'm just a human being you know? At one point I was that guy who was desperate for women's attention and I would get extremely nervous around them, but once you start talking to them, you focus on yourself, and you realize that they are human too, it gets a lot easier. Now I'm friendly, sometimes flirty, and I can tell you you get a lot better not just around women, but around other people. What does this have to do with the first date? Well, I feel like if you realize that again, the girl you're talking too is also interested in you, she's also a human being, and wants to know you. Keep this in mind and the date will go 10x better. Don't blame women or other men for your situation. P.S. Courtney you were a big part of me overcoming this wall I had in dating so thank you, your videos are awesome :)
For me, charming is incredibly important. It's also something that American women outside the South never learn while they're trying to learn to be men.
Hi Courtney, that was a really good video !!! Most things were common sense to me , but you definitely helped me think about a few things differently, but I think this will help a lot of guys out !! Nice job, n you were on the ball with your assessments ❣️ Thanks so much for what you do ❣️🙏
ADD - Hyperalert person. That last bit about focus on the date. 100% the biggest struggle. ESPECIALLY when its harder to get woman in general to go on a more "active" event like hikes/walks/etc. But when we sit down, I can keep attention for about 3-5 minutes before actions of others in a busy environment start to affect me. This is something I've struggled with for a long time. I don't stare or get distracted by other women only. It'll be a conversation across a room, people walking in/leaving, cars, animals, anything and everything. What would be the work-around for that? Generally, I'm upfront honest about the situation and will say hey, I just want to let you know about my situation, I'm against getting meds for it since it's messed me up in the past, and I am actively listening and engaged even if it may "seem" like I'm not.
Let's all be thankful for TH-cam's favorite big sister because it is sad that a lot of guys have to learn these things later in life because most of them weren't allowed to have a father and those fathers likely also weren't allowed to have a father so there's a giant gap between teaching men how to be men and now we're having women like Courtney teaching you guys the basics
This is great I'm glad I tuned in...that first date kiss can pose a problem; if you don't make an attempt to kiss them they might think you're not interested on the other hand if try to kiss them and they push back or whatever you're going to think they don't like you...another issue is after first date you ask for a second date and rather than commit to something she says "call me" then when you call they're like a different person. Frankly I'm not comfortable calling until I've met them in person a couple of times and feel I know them a little bit.
The future conversation thing; I've talked about the future on a first date but entirely in the context of goals and what do you want from life not a "we" thing because long-term goals can be deal breakers. I went on a date that I really enjoyed but when I talked about where do you want to be in the future she made it clear she wanted to be married and making babies right away which is not the path I was on. She wanted to live in the current state forever and I want to move in a few years. It was good to know we wanted very different things early.
Date 1 - biking, hiking, camping, mud mucking, swimming, jacuzzi, sauna - get that make up off the face She refuses - there is never an ask for another date.
While I understand the desire to want to see her without loads of makeup, there are a plethora of valid reasons to refuse some of these 1st date ideas as a woman other than not wanting men to see us without makeup. A first date that is hiking/camping would probably be declined simply due to safety reasons (meeting a stranger in the woods doesn’t sound like the smartest thing to do lol). Swimming, jacuzzi and saunas will most likely be declined due to the fact that it can be awfully uncomfortable and awkward to be partially naked with a stranger😅 Biking at a local public park and mud mucking could be a good idea, though! 👌🏼
I have been asked on first dates as to why my marriage of many decades ago failed. My standard one size fits all answer is “ It failed because we didn’t love each other the way we both deserved to be and the union simply failed “ . It works.
I respectfully disagree with the first one. Read the room, sure, but it’s not like you can read her mind. I say go ahead and ask. “Just kiss her” is assault
For the men that struggle or are unable to decipher social cues in a romantic setting, there's usually two possibilities: a) he genuinely doesn't have the intuition to know how to gauge whether a woman is displaying sexual interest or b) he knows full well that the woman isn't inviting him to get handsy but he does so anyway to see whether she acquiesces to his advances. I can understand why some men may think that if he approaches it aggressively that the woman would just play along, but this almost never works unless she already finds him physically attractive.
Women that expect men to approach them, make the first move, go for the kiss, etc. but are this harsh on you when you make mistakes, are rubbish anyway.
A woman asked me when was the last date you went on? I told her it was August 2020. She asked me why it had been so long and I told her that I just haven't found too many women to date and she immediately unmatched me. So just be aware that honesty might be a bad thing. I'll pay on the first date if it is something simple like a coffee shop or you order off the dollar menu. I'm not taking some stranger to a fancy restaurant and spending 50 bucks on her. If she needs a steak dinner and Margarita in order to spend time with me, she is not in it for the right reasons.
@@andersnielsen6044 "an adult woman". What a laugh. Someone who needs men to pay for her is a child, not an adult. We hear about men needing to "man up". Many of Courtney's youtube articles about how modern "women" are spoiled and entitled and effectively worthless for anything other than the bed. @chadsmith1200 I recommend a first date of a walk through a park and a picnic lunch, minigolf, or perhaps even tennis (where they can't hide their looks behind makeup). They'll be hungry and easily pleased with a $4 burger.
You probably dodged a bullet. But you might also rephrase your answer to that kind of question. Instead of saying you haven't found women to date, maybe express how she stands out to you in a way other women haven't so far.
@@Metatarsus0 The question is rude because it puts him on the spot. Courtney suggests for how "gentlemen" can be nice on a date but a question like that is insulting and even a shit test. After all, Courtney says that men shouldn't talk about their exes on a first date but she's largely asking a man to do that about women he has seen. The proper answer is "I don't talk about my previous relationships on a date with you because I'm focused on you, not them. I hope you feel the same way about me and whomever you choose to have a relationship with in the future. Is that an acceptable answer?"
All of these ive learned not from courtney but from experience in general. Trial and error hopefully teaches you a lot. But these are good reminders for many of us.
Stay in the moment. Talking about the ex is moving to past. Talking about the future is moving to future. Stay at the moment or at least close to it. Question like what did you do today is not too far back in time.
Most of this applies to both sexes tbh. Especially stuff like don't talk about your exes, don't show up looking like you just cleaned your garage, don't spend 1/2 the time looking at your phone or checking out other people, etc.
I assuredly understand your point, but I, for one, am tired of women who expect men to make the first approach and pay for the date while asserting independence in all other ways. It appears hypocritical to expect men to conform to traditional gender roles in this one respect while women abandon their traditional gender roles in so many ways.
It's only my personal experience but the only relationship that worked out for me was the one where the guy approached me first. Those whom I approached were interested enough to chat but not to get into relationship. If a guy doesn't approach me, I won't assume that he just wants to stray from conventions. I'm going to assume he is not attracted to me enough, maybe willing to string me along for a while but wouldn't mind approaching women he would be truly attracted to.
Most women aren't brave or hungry for intimacy like men are, plus societal expectations have screwed people up. As a handsome man, most women who approached me first were unattractive and shooting far out of her looks department. Unless you prefer 5 belows, you better make the first approach and be ready to take rejection.
@@sweatytryhard9891 I understand. It is, however, hypocritical to expect traditional gender roles only when women benefit from tradition. I have a question: If women do not desire relationships with men as strongly as men desire relationships with women, is it a relationship of equals or does it place men in an inferior position?
Hi Courtney: How to give advice might make a good video. For a reference, Joseph Addison’s essay “On Giving Advice” is 300 years old but remains very relevant to today.
@@WriterProfessorI had not thought of things this way. It helps explain why comments box interactions can be so full of hurt, anger, and one-up mansship. Thanks!
Thank you Courtney. I think we should be grateful for women like Courtney for trying to reach across the Isle and tell us like it is. Most of these loneliness problems stem from social media. All this pre-judgement, negative dissection of character, and blowing guestimation observations way out of proportion is due to people who get off labeling others online. And guys and girls in general need to quit with the admiration of shittiness. Laughing at people who are hurt like we're still sophomores in high school and viewing learning in general as lame also fuels the situation. Making fun of people for being optimistic and trying to solve problems is obviously not helpful either.
#11 reminds me of a story I heard about how a celebrity got rid of a stalker. He asked her on a date and complained about everything, so by the end of the night she didn't want to be around him anymore.
Sorry it’s ‘23. That was like that in the 90’s to 2000’s. You know that’s not a thing anymore and you know there’s more to it than that and you’re lying
@andersnielsen6044 No one's. If you won't give someone a chance solely because they're not rich or hot, you're probably a horrible person with the personality of a tree stump. 🤷♂️
I think talk about sex, not explicit or obscene, but sort of dancing around that fire, is OK on the first date. Actually, a little bit mandatory. Don't start right off with it, don't focus on that only, but some frisky talk is in order (it's a date, not a business meeting). It takes a bit more fineness than talking about most other subjects but it is far from off the table. A humorous quip, a funny joke, an off hand comment, just enough to keep sex in the conversation peripherally or just under the surface. It is where you want to lead the conversation much of the time, even if for just a touch and go. If I'm on a first date and she recoils from any sexual innuendo at all, she's not for me. I think "sexual tension" is an essential part of a good 1st date. Light touching certain places also. Hold her hand when you leave the restaurant. The ion exchange will work in your favor.
1. State clear boundaries when someone crosses them. Personally, every woman I've made a physical advance with led to a relationship. However, I've explained multiple times to women who has asked why I took so long? Reading minds isn't a simple thing. It's easy to say from the other side. If men are being violating your boundaries state it. I've intervened with friends who weren't as calibrated but without help they don't get there.
Wouldn't mind seeing the other side of the spectrum (what men wish women wouldn't do on a first date), though some of those answers might be the same as ones given here.
Great video. I was hoping and open to picking up some pointers. Going thru your list, I'd say, "nope, I don't do that" until the very end. I also leave my phone in my pocket. The pics in my profile are current and I'm athletic, not overweight. Yet my dinner dates never seem to bear fruit. I'm getting to the point of thinking it's not worth the effort. Courtney, do you have a sister? 😊
What worked for me. Work on yourself and get your crap together before you start dating. Dress sharp. Be in shape. Use your sense of humor to make her laugh and keep things light. Listen to her and show interest. Ask good questions. Hint at some cockiness and confidence. NEVER TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOURSELF.
This. If your pp is sm0l then deny it and falsely claim it's satisfyingly sizeable. Relish the look of disappointment on her face when she finds out after committing to you.
Regarding the first one, if men don't ask for a kiss, we can get deemed guilty of sexual assault. Not worth the risk, so men need to ask now. You did this, ladies. Not our fault.
@@vickyrodas8961 That is extremely arbitrary and sounds like a recipe for wasting time. I don't get it: women constantly complain about men wasting their time, but also refuse to cut to the chase? Make it make sense.
4:00 - As we say in Australia, 'Fragrances are Discovered, not announced' because there are both men and women who douse themselves in the stuff like they wash in it and its just insane the potency, as if they use so much they are immune to it and have a hightent tollerance. I can relate to that one due to my sensitivities.
Actually, good conversation skills are one of the quickest ways to a woman's bedroom. If you can keep her in a deep conversation while teasing and gently spiking the conversation with slightly sexual things, that could be one of the more memorable moments in her dating life, because not many men can do that. In fact, if you can guide her to talking about her dating life, she will be the one spiking the conversation with slightly sexual comments.
The cologne problem: You will stop smelling it. Easy oversprayed. Rotating perfumes hellps but dont spray till you smell it. My recommendation is 1 spray for p arfumes and higher % and 2 fo eu de toilette and lower %.
I think asking about kissing can definitely work, but only as a way to flirt when you sense that you two are into each other. Another fun way to do it is exchanging stories about your worst or most awkward kisses (without being mean about it ofc), it brings a little humour to the situation.
Also asking about their worst date and type of guys they like. Most likely if they’re on a date with you, you fit some of their type. Also they can ask you yours and you can list characteristics of her.
He is right to offer a solution. Your basically saying you want him to just hear you "complain, vent, whatever you call it,, if thats the case you may need to hire a counselor for that. Or ask your husband for the solution to why he just needs to hear you vent without commenting back. Lol
I think alot of guys who are nervous talking to women on a date have it in their mind that everything they say and do must impress the girl. Like every word out of your mouth must be especially tailored to the girl your with in order to have any success. That puts so much pressure on the guy to say the right thing that he kind just jams up. I was like this for a long time, eventually I realized that if I just be myself and she doesn't like me, then it wouldn't work anyway. Its not like I could keep up the act forever with her. It was a very odd change in my life as I was convinced Id have no luck just being myself. Well I was wrong. See Im a super nerdy guy and I love nerdy stuff. I can talk for hours about anything nerdy I am into. I always told myself that being into nerdy stuff was a turn off and I shouldn't focus on it if I wanted to improve my chances. But when I do talk to girls about nerdy stuff, Im super into it, full of energy and girls love that. It doesn't really matter what your talking about as long as you love talking about it Take that to heart guys
If she is going to pay for herself, the appropriate time to do it is when the waiter takes your orders by saying "Separate checks". If she does not do that, assume that you are paying for both when the check comes. If she says that she wants to pay for her order or that she is willing to pay for her order, you can say, "That would be fine, but I am happy to pay. After all I invited you." At that point she will say, "Thank you", or "I'll get the next one" (meaning she wants another date), or "No, I insist."
Re point 7. Something that I did, was limiting my planning ahead to how long we _have_ known each other so far. So after a month, planning for a month ahead or less is fine. We. Have planned very far on to the future since, so I'd call that a successful approach. We've known each other for a day and you're planning your last day on Earth? Too far.
Well done again Courtney. I can’t help but think how almost all of these are applicable to both sexes. News flash people don’t be a jerk especially on your first date, duh 😊
There’s finally a good change in the society of people in the United States. Recently, scientists in the medical profession have determined that NO amount of alcohol is safe. Many celebrities who were total alcoholics, have gone sober and are staying sober and realizing that their life is much better sober. I say stay away from drinking at any time and that would include a first date. I dated a woman recently and I told her that I was OK with her drinking but I was not OK with her DRUNKING. So we went to dinner a few times and she was very light on the drinking, For example, having one beer or one glass of wine. Then after a couple of months, she returned from a trip to the East Coast where she’d been gone for almost 3 weeks. We went to a concert that night, and she just got smashed. That was our last date.
Very good info! It's amazing how many men can't read social cues on dates. The little things you mentioned in this video will go a long way for a lot of men. Keep spreading that knowledge!
All first dates were simple, a nice coffee shop simply to get to know each other, a nice dinner if theres a next date. If anyone was ever so entitled as to expect a lavish wine and dine that Im expected to pay hundreds of dollars for right off the hop theyre not worth one iota of my time. Everyone I dated in the past offered to pay their half, I was happy to pay at that point because its all about the gesture, it speaks volumes about the person.
Men speak to solve... a man won't bring anything up in which he isn't looking for resolution or discussion. Women speak to speak... its not to look down on them, but women don't understand the differences... if a man is talking about an issue, its for a solution. Its natural for that to translate to a woman, it just isn't how things work.
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A man should pay when going on a date.with no expectations
I am getting messages from you about some damn prize I win, but I know it's not you personal
I always bring up p3n1s size on the first date. Just want her to be aware of my shortcomings. Most women claim it's not a *big* deal but none of them ever want a second date after finding out I'm short in the shorts.
You've been hacked and someone alleging to be you wants me to go off site and "communicate" with you. You should try to find out what is going on.
@@chrisd6053 I agree. Unfortunately some men have expectations that are inappropriate.
For what it is worth, I had women do many of the same things to me on a first date. With the exception of trying to get intimate too early in the relationship; that is a "guy thing". I have had women trash talk men, talk incessantly about past relationships, give one-word answers and all the other things you bring up. These things are unattractive when done by either gender.
It is for sure NOT a guy thing.. ! Women are just as much straight forward here in the modern world.
The woman version is to put her hand in your wallet. Just order all the expensive stuff or pick up expensive things in a store. They'll put their hand deep into your wallet if you let them.
And don't forget showing up in their pajamas. I've seen waaay more women underdressed on dates than men.
It's not "a guy thing" , attention starved fat girls do it all the time.
@@zakuzeon7382 Some women are born with/into wealthy families.
Wife: I have a problem, my car broke down.
Husband: I’m sorry to hear that.
Hahahahaha
tell me how that makes you feel...
Bully Mcguire style:"I miss the part where that is my problem"🤭🤭😂
This is exactly how our relationship ended ... now I have less demands on my time & $$$ ;meanwhile, she's paying others to take up her time & $$$
If you don't see a car service sticker on the up left side of the window in the drivers side, that says it all.
I really appreciate Courtney going through the dramatic stuff people post about relationships, norms, etc and giving us men down-to-earth, realistic, and actionable takes on it. It has kept my hope alive that I will find someone (when I'm financially ready).
Financially ready? You mean you can't afford to date?
@@andrewq159 It's not about buying drinks or dinner for a girl every now and then, I live in my parents house and I can't even afford an apartment. This is fine for me as a single man, but its not going to be compatible with the romantic relationship I want.
@@Skyler827 Can you get girls who don't mind you living with your parents & without spending much?
@@Skyler827 every woman doesn't mind single men living with their parents, as long as they share family responsibilities within the household, like help pay the bill, help do housework, etc. As a woman, I actually think that single men living with their parents come with benefits, like you won't easily bring women home to have casual sex with, or do drugs, or hang out with friends who're bad influence. It's like a factor to help you discipline yourself, unless your parents don't care. It also helps men save money, because they probably don't need to pay as much for rent or utilities as they would living in an apartment.
@@dian277 I get that not every woman demands or expects or even prefers a guy in his own place, but its situational, depends on age, and for me, since I want to have a family, the kind of woman I want, I expect her to have standards of income, not out of selfishness, but out of the fact that the world we live in is expensive. I also expect her to have a lot of options and also expect she will pre-screen potential guys like me based on profile information or early conversations, with questions such as "do you have your own place?". I intend to pass those pre-screens. For younger ladies, those not looking for a family, whatever, its not really my target audience.
men offering solutions to problems is one way they show they care
True but doing so is a failure of understanding the nature of women and how they communicate. Just show that you can relate with supportive words of what it must feel like to be in that situation. Then offer encouragement and ask them what they are going to do. Don’t offer any logical suggestion or help to fix the problem. Just listen and be supportive. The trick is to try and think of it in a genuine way and not be dismissive or talk down to her like she’s a child or being silly. Even if it seems that way to you. Just listen…
Sorry to burst your bubble women, but you can’t get everything you wish for.
Men can’t get everything they wish for either.
@@Lonewolfmgtowbillsfanyou have incel written all over you.
@@cheyennesmith3365 and you have I am a lying cheating gold digger written all over you like all women
Mind you, few of these are unreasonable, and most of them are things anyone should reasonably expect from anyone on a first date.
Why would women want guys to act a certain way on the first date and then find out later, how horrible they are. I would want to know quickly so I could move on to someone that’s actually better.
For Men pursuing their purpose, a time-saver:
1. Don't bring up intimacy on the first date
2. Don't give unsolicited advice
3. Don't overdo the cologne
4. Don't talk about your ex(es). I guess womyn ignore this advice when it comes to themselves...
5. Avoid planning long term with her- you just met
6. Don't offer to pay, then expect something in return. You know, like grace, gratitude or feminine kindness.
7. Have conversational and social skills.
8. Don't focus on yourself. Remember, for womyn, it's all about THEM.
9. Avoid alcohol; if you must, then two drinks max
10. Don't be thirsty (complain about how long it's been since you've "been with" a woman. They can't relate, as they've likely had 3-7 rando dudes this month alone)
11. Don't look at other women, even if she's giving lusty glances to Chad and Tyrone or scrolling through her phone.
thank you man mvp
Thanks a lot my man
Cheers on you, mate
Thank GOODNESS!
So 5 is the reason why so many INTJ/INFJ people from the MBTI & why so many 4, 5 & 6 people from the Enneagram are often single. Their whole minds revolve around planning ahead. Anything short term doesn't feel like it's even worth doing.
The queen just casually posting the most productive and helpful content for free, and yet she's still underrated! You have helped a lot of us trust me, much love❤
You’re so kind, thank you!
@@CourtneyRyan you are no queen you are a lying cheating gold digger like all women he is just a simp
@tranzorz6293 oh you're a red pill sigma giga alpha brother chad. How's millionaire scam life going, say hi to Tate, sis💅
Courtney cracks me up!! “Oddly specific:D”. I was thinking the exact same thing, RIGHT when you said it. So much of what you say seems so obvious, but common knowledge isn’t common, and we all have different skill sets. Thank you for trying to help men and women be happy and healthy.
A few of them can work both ways tbf.
I’ve had women speak about their exes before and wanted to know how many relationships I had been in. It’s uncomfortable. So it works both ways.
I actually thought it was more common. Not necessarily how many men have you been with, but more what was your last relationship like? It can tell you a lot about them
Definitely cringing in both directions
@@somethingawesome1462 They're not going to tell the truth on a first date.
The cologne thing I agree with. Some ladies way over do it too.
Maybe, every time I pass a woman and get a smell of their perfume, I always think, damn, women smell so good lol
For instance, I live in a multi-floor apartment. There are times I can tell every direction someone just walked just using my nose.
It's pretty simple to know if she wants you to kiss her, she will keep smiling and looking at your lips More than she's looking you in the eye while you are talking, or smiling
So...never
Being confident + self aware is key
Thanks for the advice, Courtney! These are great tips for single men to do well on their first dates.
Agree on the cologne comment.
A girl I dated gave me that comment, and got me another date. On the first date she said "most guys show up smelling like they stepped out of a Axe shower. You smell really good. Your cologne is faint, but good."
Any tips on how to apply it correctly?
@@datoolz0spray it away from you than walk into it. Do that like 3 or 4 times and you’ll be good.
Courtney, i enjoy your videos. As a man in my mid fifties, I've learned so much from you and dating. I'm single, so dating can be challenging, however learning new things from you has enlightened my mental focus.😊
It never ceases to amaze me how you put together so much help in such a great format....FOR FREE. Amazing.
She has sponsors.....
As in....free for us@@mdhazeldine
This channel is monitized.
#1 is so spot on and it's an easy way to make a girl find you to be creepy. Reading the room and being aware of cues from the woman helps you avoid coming across as only focused on getting her in bed.
It's never a good idea to go to bed with them if you're under six inches. She'll be very disappointed!
"Reading the room“ is just such a stupid lazy overused phrase.
@@valentingartner3793 No kidding. I mean what if you're in a library? That would take forever!
Also agree on how you dress as well why on earth would you dress like a bum on your first date man or woman.
Sorry to disagree with you guys and Courtney, but women lie. Your MAXIMUM window for escalation is within ten minutes of meeting a girl.
If you meet and go through a first date without expressing any romantic interest, you either get dumped or friend zoned.
What you want to do is escalate in a classy way, and it should be YOU deciding if the girl comes up to YOUR standards. She has to earn being taken to bed, don't give it away.
Or, you can believe a woman has never lied to you...
All of the ones you covered are very solid. Frankly they were common sense to me however, I'm aware not everyone has the same "common sense".
I read a comment saying "Sorry women, you can't get everything you wish for." What?.. The points brought up essentially summarise to "Be a healthy human. Don't be a resentful creep." These weren't entitled at all.
Are you a man or a woman?
Important things: 0:20 First thing - Don't Talk About The Sex On First Date, And Also About The Kissing As Well; 1:42 Second Thing - Be Accurate When Communicating (either men, and women); 3:52 Third Thing - Don't Overdo With The Fragrance (just take care of yourself); 6:23 Fourth Thing - Don't Talk About Ex People On First Date (nobody wants to listen about the bad past); 7:52 Fifth Thing - Don't Talk About The Future About The Future, Cause You May Never Know What Will Happen; 8:36 Sixth Thing - Gentleman Has To Be Prepared For Everything (even to pay on first day); 9:40 Seventh Thing - Be A Socialistic Person (either men, and women); 11:23 Eight Thing - Don't Be A Narcissist (either men, and women); 11:39 Ninth Thing - Stay Away From Alcohol On First Date (and that can be also applied to either cigars, and food); 12:23 Screw The Past (nobody gives a BS about that); 14:15 Tenth Thing - Don't Look At Other Women When You're On First Date (it's a big turn off); and 14:56 to summarize all the told here.
I have no comment (in positive way of course), cause all of these are so true.
Hi Courtney: I agree that there are reasonable expectations and unreasonable ones. Of course, I agree on the first date with not wearing sweatpants, not having Cheeto-breath, or talking about exchanging fluids, etc: these are just common sense and good manners. What bothers me are blaming men for not being Florence Cook or a psychic detective-a couple tips bend the clairvoyant way.
You give such great advice Courtney. You're always so respectful, down to earth and thoughtful.
As a man what I would like women not to do before the date... ghosting
I hate to be that guy but you have to be more captivating then because if she doesn't have genuine burning desire her showing up to the date isn't going to make anything different
@@LatimusChadimussimp boy
@@Lonewolfmgtowbillsfan yeah I get well over a dozen girls a year, all of them calling me back multiple times throughout the year yet I'm some sort of simp? So now there's two men here that don't understand women 👌
If you really understood women you would know that women simp better than men and you won't end up getting ghosted 💯💯
@@LatimusChadimushave 12 girls in a year is Proof you are not successful with women and don't understand them since you can't get into an actual relationship with just one of them
Dating is basically a job interview.
That was an spectacular topic on what woman wish that men's wouldn't do when they're on an romantic date. Brilliant Idea Courtney Ryan
You used the word 'wholesome'. I love it!
Thank you, Courtney for the excellent helpful insights.
Thank you for being a refreshingly sane perspective
One word to sum up most of the things said : “Needy” in other words they’re saying don’t sound needy or desperate on the first date but just be yourself.
So... I enjoy you channel and find the information very interesting... one thing I'd like to really kinda just float out there is this... really, the big issues I find personally are less the topics discussed but more HOW they are approached... the way you bring a topic of discussion up, you just need to work on being tactful. Delivery is more indicative of how the conversation flows rather than the specific topic itself. Guys... just be polite. Girls... try not to be so knee jerk if something comes off uncomfortably. You want men to approach and communicate in a healthy way... help us to practice. Social cues are always evolving and it's just a good rule of thumb to not be critical one way or the other when just meeting. Imo. Thank you a ton for your information! ❤
Ooo... on this note, it may be fun to break down the difference in the way men and women approach conversations!
Point #9 - I agree, it goes both ways: if women want us to ask them questions with genuine curiosity, they should do the same for us. Not trynna sound self entitled but if I'm putting in the effort on the first date to get to know her, I think it's fair she does the same for me
I've been in conversations with people that felt like Q&A job interviews where I ask a question and they answer, but don't ask me anything in return
I understand social anxiety is a thing but if I'm the only one asking questions and being curious about the other person, it feels like I'm talking to a wall
That's why I'm always surprised when I'm having a conversation with someone and they ask ME questions as well, like holy sheesh it's amazing when I feel like we're having a genuine conversation (small talk/deep conversation) rather than a "job interview"
5. I don't think you should make specific long term plans with someone you just met, but you're also trying to get to know someone and figure out if it's worth moving forward, and you need to know if their values and long term plans align with yours. When's a good time to find out? After you've been paying for dates for 2 months?
A long term plan for a woman is an hour...
I am a bit shy, so I would never do #1. Unless I was asked, I probably wouldn't try to offer advice on a 1st date. I wouldn't go out on a date looking like a bum! Holding up my end of the conversation would be the hardest part for me. I don't drink, so no problem! Thanks for posting this, Courtney. Have a great week ahead!
@Ronald Gibson
Thanks for sharing!
Try to not look at it as "holding up your end of the conversation". And instead start simply vibing off of her energy and take it from there in a natural way.
Meaning: If she brings something up, simply express yourself anywhichway by saying it how YOU would normally express yourself.
Don't think too much about what she EXPECTS you to say.
No pressure bro!
Just enjoy!
Cheers!✌
That's pretty much me on every point.
I was raised on the rule that men pay for the first date. It was proper etiquette and a sign of respect. That having being said… I was raised with the old fashioned mentality that men usually do the asking out.
The way I have always viewed it… if I ask somebody out… I should be the one to foot the bill. But I certainly shouldn’t expect “an exchange” in return for it… The only thing I should “hope to expect in return” for a kind gesture is an appreciative thank you... nothing else.
If I decide to be generous… that generosity is meant to be taken advantage of… otherwise I wouldn’t have extended it in the first place.
Dating in 2023 is like low key gambling. You’re throwing your money away for a 1% chance you will get in a serious relationship with a woman. You see all these men going on dates by a daily or weekly basis and it’s insane how much they are losing money basically rather than saving. For those men that go on constant dates, it’s not worth it and save up your money for someone you truly know is interested in you. You look desperate if you go on so many dates with different women. Women say that’s attractive, but I think not.
When talking about asking questions and answering, you're spot on about asking the same question back or a related question back. If you just answer and stop, she's going to keep asking questions and you're going to leave feeling like you've been in an interrogation. Who the heck wants that?
I would also say "Have a bail out plan." You will probably know in the first 15 minutes or so if there's any connection. No connection? Hit the eject button and don't waste your time or her time.
If it takes 15 minutes to know.. You are doing it wrong..
The cologne thing I actually found that spraying my clothes before I put it in my dresser just makes the clothing have more of a permanent light scent that doesn't overbear the nose.
The oils and chemicals in the fragrance will deteriorate the materials, plus stain light-colored items. Fragrances/oils should always be sprayed directly on the skin, moderately of course 😂
I spray my genitals.
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head.
It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women.
A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice
"It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first"
I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken.
I thought that was bang-on right there.
and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex.
It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys.
He said:
"Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving."
That pissed me off more when I read that.
Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. The way a man talks or behaves in a conversation or in an interaction between a man and a woman is what makes or breaks attraction, not the other way around.
And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman.
If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems., as in, make someone feel uncomfortable.
Men have to do all the practicing and all the learning, women just have to exist and automatically have dudes lined up wanting to be with them, that doesn't take any training or practice or trial and error or learning
It's funny cause for plenty of these things can be applied to women as well. I've been on dates where women were literally acting men in these cases.
The biggest pain in the ass is the lack of back and forth conversation simply because then it starts feeling like you're interrogating a person rather than being on a date and trying to get to know them. That's the main reason why I try to avoid coffee and dinner dates if I can, simply because when you're going to a museum or a walk or having any kind of low energy activity, there's always something else to talk about rather than only each other ( even thou that's kind of the point on a date ).
Good point! A date that's ONLY focuses on talking can put a lot of PRESSURE on either/both people. You strike a good note w/date-ideas that give a context--like museum--thta still hs room for getting to know each other.
Courtney I have issues with trust we share , as though I can trust that she would not tell anyone else. That was my mistake. I should not have told her even though she asked then told everybody I know. So I close down my heart now ! I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. TRUST is very important for me.
So I actually think that dating can be a lot easier than what most people think.
Letely I've been approaching women, holding eye contact with them, and in general just being more friendly.
I don't necessarily flirt or anything but I'm just a human being you know?
At one point I was that guy who was desperate for women's attention and I would get extremely nervous around them, but once you start talking to them, you focus on yourself, and you realize that they are human too, it gets a lot easier.
Now I'm friendly, sometimes flirty, and I can tell you you get a lot better not just around women, but around other people.
What does this have to do with the first date?
Well, I feel like if you realize that again, the girl you're talking too is also interested in you, she's also a human being, and wants to know you. Keep this in mind and the date will go 10x better.
Don't blame women or other men for your situation.
P.S. Courtney you were a big part of me overcoming this wall I had in dating so thank you, your videos are awesome :)
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Watching this video lets me know, I'll do just fine on a first date. 😆 Thanks for what you do for ALL of us, Courtney.
Thanks Courtney. This stuff helps so much. Always wished I had a sister/friend like you who I could ask advice from. Appreciate all you do!
For me, charming is incredibly important. It's also something that American women outside the South never learn while they're trying to learn to be men.
Underrated comment 😂
This was great because I don't want to f'd up if I had my first date honestly. So knowing what women wish men wouldn't do on a first date is a plus.
Hi Courtney, that was a really good video !!! Most things were common sense to me , but you definitely helped me think about a few things differently, but I think this will help a lot of guys out !! Nice job, n you were on the ball with your assessments ❣️ Thanks so much for what you do ❣️🙏
ADD - Hyperalert person. That last bit about focus on the date. 100% the biggest struggle. ESPECIALLY when its harder to get woman in general to go on a more "active" event like hikes/walks/etc. But when we sit down, I can keep attention for about 3-5 minutes before actions of others in a busy environment start to affect me.
This is something I've struggled with for a long time. I don't stare or get distracted by other women only. It'll be a conversation across a room, people walking in/leaving, cars, animals, anything and everything.
What would be the work-around for that? Generally, I'm upfront honest about the situation and will say hey, I just want to let you know about my situation, I'm against getting meds for it since it's messed me up in the past, and I am actively listening and engaged even if it may "seem" like I'm not.
On god.
@@M0b1us_118 glad to know I'm not the only 1. Sometimes (even though I know it's not true or that I'm "that" special), feels like I'm a lonely egg.
Let's all be thankful for TH-cam's favorite big sister because it is sad that a lot of guys have to learn these things later in life because most of them weren't allowed to have a father and those fathers likely also weren't allowed to have a father so there's a giant gap between teaching men how to be men and now we're having women like Courtney teaching you guys the basics
This is great I'm glad I tuned in...that first date kiss can pose a problem; if you don't make an attempt to kiss them they might think you're not interested on the other hand if try to kiss them and they push back or whatever you're going to think they don't like you...another issue is after first date you ask for a second date and rather than commit to something she says "call me" then when you call they're like a different person. Frankly I'm not comfortable calling until I've met them in person a couple of times and feel I know them a little bit.
Dudes ain’t trying to be meal plans for women who are too selfish to reciprocate.
This is the exact reason coffee dates exist.
The future conversation thing; I've talked about the future on a first date but entirely in the context of goals and what do you want from life not a "we" thing because long-term goals can be deal breakers. I went on a date that I really enjoyed but when I talked about where do you want to be in the future she made it clear she wanted to be married and making babies right away which is not the path I was on. She wanted to live in the current state forever and I want to move in a few years. It was good to know we wanted very different things early.
Date 1 - biking, hiking, camping, mud mucking, swimming, jacuzzi, sauna - get that make up off the face
She refuses - there is never an ask for another date.
While I understand the desire to want to see her without loads of makeup, there are a plethora of valid reasons to refuse some of these 1st date ideas as a woman other than not wanting men to see us without makeup.
A first date that is hiking/camping would probably be declined simply due to safety reasons (meeting a stranger in the woods doesn’t sound like the smartest thing to do lol).
Swimming, jacuzzi and saunas will most likely be declined due to the fact that it can be awfully uncomfortable and awkward to be partially naked with a stranger😅
Biking at a local public park and mud mucking could be a good idea, though! 👌🏼
@@mackenziejones2861 play as you will, those are my rules - I am well booked.
I have been asked on first dates as to why my marriage of many decades ago failed. My standard one size fits all answer is “ It failed because we didn’t love each other the way we both deserved to be and the union simply failed “ . It works.
Well said!
Great video
"What women hate"
Yeah.... Okay.... Its everything.
I respectfully disagree with the first one. Read the room, sure, but it’s not like you can read her mind. I say go ahead and ask. “Just kiss her” is assault
For the men that struggle or are unable to decipher social cues in a romantic setting, there's usually two possibilities: a) he genuinely doesn't have the intuition to know how to gauge whether a woman is displaying sexual interest or b) he knows full well that the woman isn't inviting him to get handsy but he does so anyway to see whether she acquiesces to his advances. I can understand why some men may think that if he approaches it aggressively that the woman would just play along, but this almost never works unless she already finds him physically attractive.
What if they have a spectrum disorder where it’s hard for them to interact in ANY social environment?
Women that expect men to approach them, make the first move, go for the kiss, etc. but are this harsh on you when you make mistakes, are rubbish anyway.
Making a good first impression by dressing sharply!
A woman asked me when was the last date you went on? I told her it was August 2020. She asked me why it had been so long and I told her that I just haven't found too many women to date and she immediately unmatched me. So just be aware that honesty might be a bad thing.
I'll pay on the first date if it is something simple like a coffee shop or you order off the dollar menu. I'm not taking some stranger to a fancy restaurant and spending 50 bucks on her. If she needs a steak dinner and Margarita in order to spend time with me, she is not in it for the right reasons.
If I would say, when my last date happened, she would probably think I am a time traveler from Stone Age xD
If $50 is "fancy" for you - you better go and work on your financial situation before going on a date with an adult woman.
@@andersnielsen6044 "an adult woman". What a laugh. Someone who needs men to pay for her is a child, not an adult. We hear about men needing to "man up". Many of Courtney's youtube articles about how modern "women" are spoiled and entitled and effectively worthless for anything other than the bed. @chadsmith1200 I recommend a first date of a walk through a park and a picnic lunch, minigolf, or perhaps even tennis (where they can't hide their looks behind makeup). They'll be hungry and easily pleased with a $4 burger.
You probably dodged a bullet.
But you might also rephrase your answer to that kind of question. Instead of saying you haven't found women to date, maybe express how she stands out to you in a way other women haven't so far.
@@Metatarsus0 The question is rude because it puts him on the spot. Courtney suggests for how "gentlemen" can be nice on a date but a question like that is insulting and even a shit test. After all, Courtney says that men shouldn't talk about their exes on a first date but she's largely asking a man to do that about women he has seen. The proper answer is "I don't talk about my previous relationships on a date with you because I'm focused on you, not them. I hope you feel the same way about me and whomever you choose to have a relationship with in the future. Is that an acceptable answer?"
All of these ive learned not from courtney but from experience in general. Trial and error hopefully teaches you a lot. But these are good reminders for many of us.
Stay in the moment. Talking about the ex is moving to past. Talking about the future is moving to future. Stay at the moment or at least close to it. Question like what did you do today is not too far back in time.
Most of this applies to both sexes tbh. Especially stuff like don't talk about your exes, don't show up looking like you just cleaned your garage, don't spend 1/2 the time looking at your phone or checking out other people, etc.
Gentlemen, this is all the more reason to let today's generation of young women make the first approach by asking YOU out.
I don't agree they like you to make the effort just take pride in your appearance be confident
I assuredly understand your point, but I, for one, am tired of women who expect men to make the first approach and pay for the date while asserting independence in all other ways. It appears hypocritical to expect men to conform to traditional gender roles in this one respect while women abandon their traditional gender roles in so many ways.
It's only my personal experience but the only relationship that worked out for me was the one where the guy approached me first. Those whom I approached were interested enough to chat but not to get into relationship. If a guy doesn't approach me, I won't assume that he just wants to stray from conventions. I'm going to assume he is not attracted to me enough, maybe willing to string me along for a while but wouldn't mind approaching women he would be truly attracted to.
Most women aren't brave or hungry for intimacy like men are, plus societal expectations have screwed people up. As a handsome man, most women who approached me first were unattractive and shooting far out of her looks department. Unless you prefer 5 belows, you better make the first approach and be ready to take rejection.
@@sweatytryhard9891 I understand. It is, however, hypocritical to expect traditional gender roles only when women benefit from tradition. I have a question: If women do not desire relationships with men as strongly as men desire relationships with women, is it a relationship of equals or does it place men in an inferior position?
This was helpful. Recently had a bad string of first dates and now I understand why so I will course correct. Thanks for the insight, Courtney. 🙂
You’re assuming that the average man today can even get a date in the first place.
Always appreciated your videos and insights into dating how improve one's self to be a better man💯
Ask a woman her body count and if she's a good digger
Bruh have you watched the video
That will definitely get you her
Number 🙄
Hi Courtney: How to give advice might make a good video. For a reference, Joseph Addison’s essay “On Giving Advice” is 300 years old but remains very relevant to today.
PS: People get defensive and often misinterpret well-intended advice as a put down (i.e., “men are better,” etc.).
@@WriterProfessorI had not thought of things this way. It helps explain why comments box interactions can be so full of hurt, anger, and one-up mansship. Thanks!
Thank you Courtney. I think we should be grateful for women like Courtney for trying to reach across the Isle and tell us like it is. Most of these loneliness problems stem from social media. All this pre-judgement, negative dissection of character, and blowing guestimation observations way out of proportion is due to people who get off labeling others online. And guys and girls in general need to quit with the admiration of shittiness. Laughing at people who are hurt like we're still sophomores in high school and viewing learning in general as lame also fuels the situation. Making fun of people for being optimistic and trying to solve problems is obviously not helpful either.
This, this right here. Thank you.
Wish I could give this 2000 more likes.
This needs to be top comment! Toxic behaviors & attitudes are propped up on a pedestal these days & it needs to stop.
So TRUE! Well said!
#11 reminds me of a story I heard about how a celebrity got rid of a stalker. He asked her on a date and complained about everything, so by the end of the night she didn't want to be around him anymore.
Also a great way to break up with a girl without going through a dramatic breakup.
Step 1. Be attractive.
Step 2. Don't be unattractive.
She will make or brake rules depending on those 2 things.
There's a low bar for attractiveness though.
Sorry it’s ‘23. That was like that in the 90’s to 2000’s. You know that’s not a thing anymore and you know there’s more to it than that and you’re lying
None of these have ever applied to me at any point in my life, but these are good things for people to know
23 things women don't like about first dates.
Bro, you know most of us don't get a first date cause we're not rich and/or hot, right?
Whos problem is that?
first-date-world problems ...
@andersnielsen6044 No one's. If you won't give someone a chance solely because they're not rich or hot, you're probably a horrible person with the personality of a tree stump. 🤷♂️
Thanks C,
Some handy tips to help strike a good first hit and getting to first base (maybe).
I think talk about sex, not explicit or obscene, but sort of dancing around that fire, is OK on the first date. Actually, a little bit mandatory. Don't start right off with it, don't focus on that only, but some frisky talk is in order (it's a date, not a business meeting). It takes a bit more fineness than talking about most other subjects but it is far from off the table. A humorous quip, a funny joke, an off hand comment, just enough to keep sex in the conversation peripherally or just under the surface. It is where you want to lead the conversation much of the time, even if for just a touch and go. If I'm on a first date and she recoils from any sexual innuendo at all, she's not for me.
I think "sexual tension" is an essential part of a good 1st date. Light touching certain places also. Hold her hand when you leave the restaurant. The ion exchange will work in your favor.
Veritas
1. State clear boundaries when someone crosses them. Personally, every woman I've made a physical advance with led to a relationship. However, I've explained multiple times to women who has asked why I took so long? Reading minds isn't a simple thing. It's easy to say from the other side. If men are being violating your boundaries state it. I've intervened with friends who weren't as calibrated but without help they don't get there.
Wouldn't mind seeing the other side of the spectrum (what men wish women wouldn't do on a first date), though some of those answers might be the same as ones given here.
Great video. I was hoping and open to picking up some pointers. Going thru your list, I'd say, "nope, I don't do that" until the very end. I also leave my phone in my pocket. The pics in my profile are current and I'm athletic, not overweight. Yet my dinner dates never seem to bear fruit. I'm getting to the point of thinking it's not worth the effort. Courtney, do you have a sister? 😊
What worked for me. Work on yourself and get your crap together before you start dating. Dress sharp. Be in shape. Use your sense of humor to make her laugh and keep things light. Listen to her and show interest. Ask good questions. Hint at some cockiness and confidence. NEVER TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOURSELF.
This. If your pp is sm0l then deny it and falsely claim it's satisfyingly sizeable. Relish the look of disappointment on her face when she finds out after committing to you.
Another simp boy grow a pair
Statements of the obvious! Good work C.
Regarding the first one, if men don't ask for a kiss, we can get deemed guilty of sexual assault. Not worth the risk, so men need to ask now. You did this, ladies. Not our fault.
Wait until the second or third date to ask. It shows discipline and maturity. If she likes you enough - she will want to see you again.
@@vickyrodas8961 That is extremely arbitrary and sounds like a recipe for wasting time. I don't get it: women constantly complain about men wasting their time, but also refuse to cut to the chase? Make it make sense.
Just go for it if it feels right to you; don’t waste your time.
If she likes you - she will kiss you!
How often do you really think that is happening
4:00 - As we say in Australia, 'Fragrances are Discovered, not announced' because there are both men and women who douse themselves in the stuff like they wash in it and its just insane the potency, as if they use so much they are immune to it and have a hightent tollerance. I can relate to that one due to my sensitivities.
Actually, good conversation skills are one of the quickest ways to a woman's bedroom. If you can keep her in a deep conversation while teasing and gently spiking the conversation with slightly sexual things, that could be one of the more memorable moments in her dating life, because not many men can do that. In fact, if you can guide her to talking about her dating life, she will be the one spiking the conversation with slightly sexual comments.
The cologne problem:
You will stop smelling it. Easy oversprayed.
Rotating perfumes hellps but dont spray till you smell it. My recommendation is 1 spray for p arfumes and higher % and 2 fo eu de toilette and lower %.
A lot of first impressions are fake. People act on their best behavior like a job interview to get their foot in the door.
Once again Ms. Courtney is spot on guys!!! Pay attention and see where it takes you. ❤
"Women Reveal What They Wish Men Wouldn't Do On First Date"
What they REALLY reveal is "men should not be short and ugly".
I think asking about kissing can definitely work, but only as a way to flirt when you sense that you two are into each other. Another fun way to do it is exchanging stories about your worst or most awkward kisses (without being mean about it ofc), it brings a little humour to the situation.
Also asking about their worst date and type of guys they like. Most likely if they’re on a date with you, you fit some of their type. Also they can ask you yours and you can list characteristics of her.
I talk about my most awkward premature ejaculations.
He is right to offer a solution. Your basically saying you want him to just hear you "complain, vent, whatever you call it,, if thats the case you may need to hire a counselor for that. Or ask your husband for the solution to why he just needs to hear you vent without commenting back. Lol
I think alot of guys who are nervous talking to women on a date have it in their mind that everything they say and do must impress the girl. Like every word out of your mouth must be especially tailored to the girl your with in order to have any success. That puts so much pressure on the guy to say the right thing that he kind just jams up.
I was like this for a long time, eventually I realized that if I just be myself and she doesn't like me, then it wouldn't work anyway. Its not like I could keep up the act forever with her.
It was a very odd change in my life as I was convinced Id have no luck just being myself. Well I was wrong.
See Im a super nerdy guy and I love nerdy stuff. I can talk for hours about anything nerdy I am into. I always told myself that being into nerdy stuff was a turn off and I shouldn't focus on it if I wanted to improve my chances. But when I do talk to girls about nerdy stuff, Im super into it, full of energy and girls love that. It doesn't really matter what your talking about as long as you love talking about it
Take that to heart guys
If she is going to pay for herself, the appropriate time to do it is when the waiter takes your orders by saying "Separate checks". If she does not do that, assume that you are paying for both when the check comes. If she says that she wants to pay for her order or that she is willing to pay for her order, you can say, "That would be fine, but I am happy to pay. After all I invited you." At that point she will say, "Thank you", or "I'll get the next one" (meaning she wants another date), or "No, I insist."
Normal thing is that the bills are split as the night is over.. Done that +100 times ;)
Re point 7.
Something that I did, was limiting my planning ahead to how long we _have_ known each other so far.
So after a month, planning for a month ahead or less is fine.
We. Have planned very far on to the future since, so I'd call that a successful approach.
We've known each other for a day and you're planning your last day on Earth? Too far.
Well done again Courtney. I can’t help but think how almost all of these are applicable to both sexes. News flash people don’t be a jerk especially on your first date, duh 😊
There’s finally a good change in the society of people in the United States. Recently, scientists in the medical profession have determined that NO amount of alcohol is safe. Many celebrities who were total alcoholics, have gone sober and are staying sober and realizing that their life is much better sober. I say stay away from drinking at any time and that would include a first date. I dated a woman recently and I told her that I was OK with her drinking but I was not OK with her DRUNKING. So we went to dinner a few times and she was very light on the drinking, For example, having one beer or one glass of wine. Then after a couple of months, she returned from a trip to the East Coast where she’d been gone for almost 3 weeks. We went to a concert that night, and she just got smashed. That was our last date.
Very good info! It's amazing how many men can't read social cues on dates. The little things you mentioned in this video will go a long way for a lot of men. Keep spreading that knowledge!
Another great video Courtney
Another excellent video from Courtney !
All first dates were simple, a nice coffee shop simply to get to know each other, a nice dinner if theres a next date. If anyone was ever so entitled as to expect a lavish wine and dine that Im expected to pay hundreds of dollars for right off the hop theyre not worth one iota of my time. Everyone I dated in the past offered to pay their half, I was happy to pay at that point because its all about the gesture, it speaks volumes about the person.
Men speak to solve... a man won't bring anything up in which he isn't looking for resolution or discussion. Women speak to speak... its not to look down on them, but women don't understand the differences... if a man is talking about an issue, its for a solution. Its natural for that to translate to a woman, it just isn't how things work.