Shocking Truth If He Has Bad Hygiene
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ค. 2023
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Not my job to change men. If they present badly that's a red flag
Yes so true if a person can’t get their home or their hygiene right then there are likely to be problems imo
Bad hygiene may indicate depression as well. I’d steer clear of a guy who’s messy and smells. You only change your behavior if you want to. No amount of nagging or wishing he’ll change will fix him. Girls, you deserve so much more than a project. Look for a man who has his crap together. ❤
Trust me it can’t be changed
Poor hygiene and untidiness is a non starter for me. It’s right up there with physical attraction. I won’t tolerate an environment where I am uncomfortable or being affectionate (kissing, touching)or close to someone who is unpleasant.
Clutter might be the result of ADHD but hygiene is not. I have ADHD but I wouldn’t be able to tolerate someone with poor hygiene practices. That’s a self care issue to me.
Sometimes people just haven't been taught, or have a poor sense of smell.
I've told a few men how to get stinky body odour out of shirts and why the shirt is trapping, then releasing the smel.
No they don’t change so you’ll spend all of your time trying to clean up their stuff so you can stand to be around them. They also generally don’t have a sense of smell and have tunnel vision not only about dirt but about what’s important.
Hi Jonathan, Thank you for bringing up this topic. I recently had this conversation with a man I have dated. He was receptive and listened to my suggestions, ie: one must brush their teeth before going to bed.
Unfortunately, as you said this habit was not maintained for more than a week. In this case, I believe it is a longstanding practice from his upbringing in a rural environment.
A lovely man, but I can’t accept that and other lackluster hygienic habits. Thanks and I appreciate your brutal honesty platform. All the best!
And flossing nightly. I've met so many people with extremely stinky breath - but then I am a super-nose.
That is not a great guy,
If a grown ass adult doesn't know how to take care of his or her body.
There is a problem.
Oh my gosh I agree. I started a relationship with a man who always smells of cigarette 🚬 smoke, often does not brush his hair and who’s clothes are always soiled and tatty 😢 such pity. He’s s darling heart ♥️ he’s also a train wreck 😮
You still with him???
Mental illness 😖 pass on that one! They won’t change!
Mental illness is sad...
Indeed Juke.
it likely is.
? Wat a cruel and judgemental comment. Some are too unwell.
Or depressed. Not your responsibility to fix. Be careful though if they change how they treat you and start cleaning up their act. Last guy started shaving in our last months together,. And i had caught him with another woman at his house. When we were together most the time he would try to be scruffy and get overly defensive when i let him know it wasnt my preference. He would shave for his jobs so it wasnt unreasonable for me to prefer it. When his mom told him he needed to shave, he did not get defensive with her. I still did not believe him when i told him i see why he was shaving that it had nothing to do with her.
Geeze...., I knew one that was very clean., always smelled good but internally he was a mess 🤷
Don't be desperate....move on!
One friend told me her partner told her he couldn't live with her due to the mess - also her elderly mother nags her and cleans her apartment.
I told her they had no right to boss her round, and it was controlling.
After I visited her apartment, i gifted her a "clearing clutter" book for Christmas! She had expressed an interest in the subject so i wasn't beinr totally insensitive. She never mentioned the book or her apartment though after that.
I made an excuse to not go to her place for dinner - she loved to cook she had told me - because not only did the place smell of unwashed clothing, there was a very large bin with no lid and no lining in the kitchen, half full of mostly stinky food waste!
Also, there was stuff strewn everywhere, in illogical places and not stuff just dropped and no time to clean up yet or hobbies laid out.
It's not the first time I've come across people who look put together outside the home, but the minute you're behind closed doors, it's a s**tstorm of no hygiene, heavy stinky dust, odours and mould.
I recently got an inflamed throat for a week after visiting a neighbour whose place was very dusty and chemical smells. Not long after she had surgery for severe sinus issues. I gently gave her a couple of tips for cleaning and removing problems and to buy an air purifier.
I have to disagree with you saying the boyfriend was being bossy if all he did was express that he would not be comfortable living with her in the vile conditions in which she left her home. Especially if there was talk of them moving in together. Even with the mother, if all she did was express her disgust with the condition of the home, and started cleaning herself. It isn't necessarily being bossy, but taking action to make the house a more comfortable place to visit. This is one thing that has always got me about people who keep their homes and cars filthy, but then complain that no one ever wants to hang out with them at their home or go anywhere with them. Well, duh, they have created environments most well adjusted and mature adults are repulsed by. If they want their social life to improve , they need to fix the environments causing the problem. Oh, and anyone reading this who this strikes a chord with - that doesn't mean waiting until you are in a relationship where you live together and expecting the other person to pick up all your slack. That will just chase them away when they realize you are never going to change. If you want to be a disgusting slob, don't expect to attract anything more than what you are for a long-term or permanent relationship. People with any amount of self-respect will only deal with the filth and stench so long before bowing out.
@@c.p.8040 I probably didn't make it clear enough I thought the boyfriend and mother were too bossy telling a grown, put together looking lady to tidy up BEFORE I discovered what a smelly unhygienic and messy way she lived.
Obviously, then it was apparent that even though she was an adult, they were justified- yet she STILL didn't clear up (well, maybe she had a bit, and it used to be worse before my first and last visit).
She was a bit clumsy socially, so I doubt she knew the smell and hygiene is why I didn't come over for dinner (with an excuse - I wasn't going to say "no way, you're food hygiene is too off putting"). Though she didn't ask me a second time.
Ironically, she was so bossy and controlling towards me that the friendship ended after she got angry I wouldn't change my core values (like honesty) to suit her. She was so disrespectful.
Before I saw her living conditions, she had said the boyfriend had complained just about the shoes lying around in a messy state. When I saw the flat, it wasn't the shoes! She'd tidied them, but stuff, including unwashed clothing, were scattered all over floors, and scattered floor items looked like they'd been there a long time.
She wasn't a hoarder & it wasn't mouldy or super dusty, but it was below my standards of where i will sit around in - never mind eat!
It was a new apartment in a good complex at an expensive beach area too!
Yes, it’ll change as long as you stick around to clean it up.
Hi Jonathan! Do you have a video/advice on how to make sure before getting or committing to a relationship , that a man is dishonest esp regarding a cheater? I Recently Found out that my now ex boyfriend who is In late 50s (I'm mid 40s, so both of us are full grown and he made it clear he wanted a serious relationship, asked me to be his girlfriend, etc., and was dating with a purpose desired marriage, both of us have been divorced for a while. He was good to me in most every way, so I thought😒),but I began to suspect boundaries crossed (with an acquaintance via their kids, that he knew before me, only to find out), he betrayed/cheated on me. I know cheating is as old as time, unfortunately. just that this hurt probably worse than any other and was a surprise esp given our age, and his approach with me. He's still professing love and asking for forgiveness. Wth is wrong with ppl😢. Should I date again , just want to know what are some signs when a man is seeming good, caring, truly seeming to be the things that and qualities I hear a man will have, show, etc. Pardon the vent, I'm just like kinda hurt and fed up and the disappointed in the lack of maturity. Want some tips on avoiding yet also not being strung along . Lol.
Bravo !!!! 👏......finally !
Run, girl. He will not change. If your intolerance for mess and dirt is higher than his, it's a bad match. He will always feel nagged and will clean/tidy up begrudgingly, if at all. Find someone with similar tolerance level for mess. It's not a behavior, it is personality. Specifically 'orderliness' and 'disgust sensitivity'; it's one of the harder traits to reconcile with your partner if you differ in this aspect.
I dated a guy recently who a psychologist and seem very smart. When we met i was surprised that he didn't even bother to dress properly and brush his hair. When i see his car it's a very old car 44 yrs old and when i went in it was very dirty and he has junk food coz he drove 2 hrs to see me.
Gross. Dealbreaker.
people on the autism spectrum,, may have issues with hygiene and a dislike of water,, or other quirks
I am on the spectrum but I have always been very clean. I have an eztremely sensitive olfactory system, and I get extremely nauseated by people who had body odor or bad breath. It makes me sick to my stomach. (i do not care so much about how tidy someone is....as I do not live with them...but if they smell, it makes me gag. People need to take care of theor hygiene. It can be so repulsive and unfortunately some really kind people can be rejected due to hygiene. And if their hygiene is poor due to depression....that is really sad. :/
Really?? That explains a lot... my now ex spent 5 minutes in the shower, the last 2 weeks he lived with me he never showered or even cared to brush his teeth. One time he told me he would take showers at the gym so I wouldn't have to worry about him showering at home.... which I know it's a lie. I could never bring myself to fully kiss him as he had bad teeth and gums. We didn't really last that long... he was a great guy in the beginning but I felt so uncomfortable with his lack of personal hygiene.
Omg.....if their hygiene and clutter are off their radar and you're orderly and clean and polished this is not the guy or gal for you.
Their not going to change.
If he goes out with you and they have bad breath and other hygiene issues it's NOT A PRIORTY. Their not detail oriented. Run...youza!
Unless you're the same in the messy/hygiene department this is not a match! 😮
I agree..... mind...body... car ..... 😊😮
Or they just don t want to wear aluminum filled anti perspirant- it IS a thing, according to Brad Pitt😉
& isn’t clutter on one’s desk a sign of genius?😉
I once dated a man whose car was covered in dog hair 😮 so if you drove with the windows down, the hair would get to flying 😂. However, he kept a clean house. Go figure 😊
Oh wow!
Nope. Unacceptable. There are many men with good hygiene and a good personality.
Wow, my fall moment😮
Not the same - you don't have to have sex with his car.
So true ❤
Hmmm. That would be a huge turnoff for me. Zero tolerance. Didn’t you share that when you and Marie were doing visits - before you were living together, You mentioned one time when you picked her up at the airport, Marie said you had BO?
Oh hell naw. Lol. Just don’t come up to me stanking or lying. I’d prob wind up committing a felony so no. That’s not happening with me. I couldn’t even have a roommate like that much less any SO. Not sure people realize just how rage inducing it can be to constantly clean up after some able bodied adult day after day after day. Or if you don’t clean it, just how nerve racking it is to wind up living in a pig sty Bcuz of their awful habits. Whatever the reason tho. This person is a child. Not an adult. So unless you want another kid to tend to….I guess that IS the one takeaway I kept regarding feminine energy lol. A needy or deficient man can’t love you Bcuz he can’t even love himself. And some “needy” men are just plain predators. (Aka Ted Bundy with his fake car trouble and fake broken arm). So I def don’t go for a man as a build a bear project nor do I want one who asks me for any kind of “help.” But one could also say that’s just human adulthood tho. You have to ask yourself first and foremost…but are they grown? How could they ever be chivalrous-or even just outward or giving minded-ya know since they’re so immature and needy? Turn off.
There are really only two types of “adult” people in this world. Grown folks you can build with (on any level-business, friendships, romance) and charity cases. And if they are one, they can’t ever be the other. So my ongoing top priorities and obligations don’t ever go to charity cases.
Rage? That's an unhealthy trait too. Just saying
@@Pinkcandy777 Healthier to admit you feel how you feel than to pretend nothing ever ticks you off. Didn’t say I was gonna go hurt anyone over it. Just how I feel. Abuse and injustice angers me as it would anyone. And getting used sucks. My verbiage in my journal might be this hard (or while venting to a gf etc) but about the only thing that happens is that I finally get bold enough to say no to a bunch of jerks or tell the ones bleeding my coffers that their selfishly using me days are over. Like go use someone else. So yah. “Rage” is my friend in this case. After some kinds of abuse well, assertiveness doesn’t just happen and it’s not always a smooth process.
And well for real some people just keep insisting on trampling all over your boundaries and won’t ever quit. Rude. Inconsiderate. Hogs. Selfish. Will proceed to take all you have if you don’t get clear enough with them. So well anyone that thick headed needs a little more stern kick in the butt (figuratively speaking) or else they won’t even hear it. No means no and what is unsafe and unhealthy is a male who refuses to respect your no….no matter how many times you tried to get the message across to them. It’s not that much diff than someone having to use a megaphone to get a deaf person to hear what you are saying to them. “The rod” was made for the backs of fools such as that. That was just me learning how to be more “clear” with some who are absurdly low ego dense. These days seems like you can’t even be a little salty tho without someone playing the victim on you. Like lay down and be “nice” while I walk all over you and have no respect for you. If you don’t play sweet, you’re a “toxic bitch” or whatever. 🙄 Funny how it’s ok for them and not for me tho. I’m done being “nice” or “sweet” just to get trampled all over, abused or used up and drained dry. And well if that makes me “unhealthy” then so be it. And truly with even just users, it’s usually the hundredth time or such and well that is just the last straw. But I’m learning to cut a fool off now at least sooner before I get to some boiling point anymore. And that is decent progress. A slow process. We should get angry. But also it should teach us where our limits are and what to stop tolerating etc. But that doesn’t often just happen overnight either. Anger isn’t always wrong or bad. It can be quite useful. Like fire, we just have to learn how to manage it effectively and safely.
Besides I’m pretty sure this was just me writing about how I felt at the time when dealing with this awful addict roommate from hell that had to finally be given an ultimatum when I was at my utter wits end about it about to pull out all of my own hair over it. But for her yah. Shape up or ship out. I’m not living like this anymore. Things are much better now Bcuz that’s who I learned from about what kind of fool I won’t be allowing in my home anymore. And just how far away people like that need to be from me.
@@goodenoughgirl8102 I understand
Is he paid💸??
No no no. That points to laziness and lack of self respect