They want you to think that you’re less than them. But the reason why they do that is because they secretly believe that you are superior to them in many ways.
@@blossomsteep9088 On the positive end they would be empaths or highly sensitive people (HSP). On the negative end they would be codependents. It's entirely possible to be both.
I called him out on it. I told him point blank i was tired of his inferiority complex. I told him I was just relating information I had read and that he needed to stop putting me or anyone above him because we are all human and he should stop making others feel bad so he can feel better. After that came the silent treatment and I was "discarded" ... he treated me like I was nothing. Like I wasn't someone he loved or someones daughter. He basically ignored me, until i finally gave up when i realized what was happening was not mature . . And he basically said he couldn't fix it.
I was so strong and logical- then I met the narcissist. After five years in a relationship and a year out of it, I nearly went insane. That's what gaslighting does.
I literally miss who I was. I’m on no contact, maybe a few days in. But man, when I tell you I was a completely different person the day I talked to them, versus now 3 years later? It’s insane. Hope you’re well now.
Took me 40 years with a covert until full realization hit. Been out for 3 years and have been constantly working on my codependency issues. Your videos have helped me so much, Lisa! I’m in my 70’s, so it’s never too late. I am free and happy for the first time in my life!🌈
Cynthia Dee Be strong, fight for what you want and need-and keep taking Lisa’s advice. The other side is beautiful, but keep up with learning and healing-it’s an important process!
Conversation with narcissistic people is like being interviewed by the police for a crime you haven’t committed yet, on till they decide which crime you have committed. Which is usually there crime that they commit. 😱
Wow makes sense when they say they don't want to have to defend themselves when you just what at lest a sorry so twisted they abuse and injury you but if you slip and mention any pain in your body from another day they get into a screaming fit cause you shouldn't feel pain over something they did to you how dear you make them feel like they have to be on the defense
Yes he twist things around and blames me. And he said you said and you are laying. He does it fast . He also interrupts me when talking, I hate that because I feel frustrated I can finish my sentence. Talks over me.
Yes.....right after he was arrested for dv, ...totalled buggy, broke his leg, and petitioned the court to get to come back home for me to "take care of him" bc he has no family here......then I WAS THE ATTACKER"".....😳🤦♀️
Yes. He always said it was all about me. Waiting for a court date because of him assaulting me. I got a restraining order. I didn' realize what he was doing until I got away. I started to think I was crazy because he was tell me I was. He tells everyone its me. So... I have had to come to terms that its not my business what he says.
Yes! At the end he called me a narcissist and said he was an empath. Yet he gaslighted me, constantly deflected, refused to acknowledge my feelings (especially at the end, and especially if it was anger because of something he did). He was living with me and using my car and hadn’t paid me anything the last month he lived there. Kept making excuses and promising he’d give it to me the next week. It seemed like he would pick fights so he could “escape” for the weekend. Blew up my phone if I didn’t respond to him right away when he wanted something, but would ignore me for hours at times. Withheld sex and affection because of how I’d been acting. He’d call me names and lied about so much. It’s been a complete mindfuck, because I really did love him and believed he loved me. In the end, he threatened to leave over text and blocked me so I couldn’t respond and then got livid when I told my kids we were breaking up. After the break up, i let him use my van to take his stuff with the condition that he’d bring it back the next day. And when he didn’t, i got shunned because I called the cops. He told me I was selfish for thinking he was using me. But him calling me a narcissist has been the biggest mindfuck. Because i look at all the toxic things I did do, and start to feel like an asshole.
Mine's excuse for cheating/leading a double life was "she had things you don't and you have things she doesn't." lol I think that probably applies to every human being. It's a nonsensical excuse phrased to look like some valid and reasonable. I've left that relationship after a lot of gaslighting, projection, deflection, lying - all the narcissistic toys. It was the best thing I ever did. Once the cognitive dissonance was lifted, click, I was gone. I'm now not even attracted to him in any way. I had done healing work around an abusive marriage before I met him and I think that helped get me out of this one sooner than I would have done without that foundation - but it was still three and a half years. At one point I believed I could either accept aspects of his behaviour or "somehow" it would all work out. Wrong! When they have consistent narc symptoms it will never, ever work out how you need it to. I will trust my gut now until the day I die.
You are so so Wright I felt lake you talking about my narcissist wife , she slept with HER cousin how always I am at fault ?, that i can't even say anything against i will be in trouble . they call me crazy... I just started breathing life after i found you.
I’ve had a “caretaker” heart. I wanted to help, fix issues, etc. Figured out now that that’s what lead to my 1st -and hopefully last- Narc relationship. I didn’t know people like this existed. Eye opener later in life😳
During 12 year of abuse, I got very sick twice when I literally could not wake up from bed, and both these times, my ex covert narcissist did not believe me, I was sick.
Me, too. I had to call for an ambulance once, and called him while I was waiting as I was frightened. He said later he thought I had been making it up to get him to come to me.
We were at little dance /bar during a weekend getaway - that I planned and paid for. A that I really like came on so I asked him to dance with me. He said No, that he wasn't comfortable dancing in a place he was unfamiliar with. I went to get us drinks. Turned around and he was dancing with another woman. It was very upsetting to me. He said that she had asked him to dance and he was being polite. I attempted to explain that I had asked him to dance too, but he talked through me, called me nuts, crazy, too sensitive, and said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I feel reallt stupid writing this but hearing what you're saying in this video is very comforting. Thank you.
A long time ago I used to be crazy about this guy. He went away for a couple weeks and came back. I was so happy to see him that I threw my arms around him and gave him this big warm hug and got all excited asking him about his trip. He was ice cold to me. It was like hugging a piece of stone. He barely engaged me in conversation. I was so hurt, but that's not the best part. We were at work and a woman walks in that he barely knew and he threw his arms around her and gave her the type of hug that I gave him. Right in front of me. I got the strong impression that he did that on purpose to hurt my feelings, so I started to pay attention. It turns out he did a lot of things on purpose to hurt my feelings. It made him feel strong and Superior to see how much he could hurt me. I fell for a trick that he pulled on me and he smiled the whole time I was trying to connect with him. Then when I called him out on it he laughed right in my face. Some men won't laugh in your face, they'll just laugh behind your back. But these types of people are doing it on purpose, and they enjoy it. It only gets worse. Run!
Yes.... I used to react to Hollow Man just like you reacted to your ex, Lisa! His mind-games drove me NUTS! Literally, I got crazy. I kept trying to get through to him to show him how his gaslighting, blameshifting, future-faking, stonewalling, total inability to take responsibility, lying, etc, etc, etc, etc were wrong and that they were HURTING me. But nothing worked. Talking calmly didn't work. Explaining things logically didn't work. Screaming and throwing things didn't work. Instead, he tried to convince me that I was crazy, and convince everyone around us that i was crazy. Nothing was ever his fault! When I finally accepted that I could not change him, that he was NEVER going to see the light and change himself, I stopped trying. I mastered grey-rock. I learned to observe and not absorb and that is when everything became so clear to me. I wasn't the problem. I was never the problem. That was a very big breakthrough for me.
@Jinx Fairy yep, that is exactly what Hollow Man did to me! He went full on psycho for a year. Now he is hoovering me again and acting as if nothing happened. There is no use trying to talk about it with him because he just denies everything and gaslights. All of these stages have happened with me living with him. I can't wait to get away.
I have read (audio book) Pete Walker "Complex PTSD". Absolute 100% help in opening eyes/mind about what happened to me and why it happened during 12 years of abuse living with covert narcissist. I am really happy that I found this book, it popped out on audible app after I have read Lisa's book "The Road Back To Me" Thank you Lisa!!!❤️
I started being free once I read about narcs. And like u say- that gave me different eyes & ears which lead to WHOLE different perspective of his actions/ words.
Diane Zielinski just don’t stalk him or try to set him up. Most of the time it’s fear of being exposed from having a non curable STD. Such dishonesty in every relationship
Same for me. When I left home at age 18, my mom would say to me “my daughter is dead”. Hurt so much then. Now I realize that she was really saying was “my codependent daughter is beginning to get healthy”.
He would tell everyone that I was his "life partner." I asked him what that meant to him. He said "I'm not going to tell you what it means to me because then you would have an expectation and what I'm supposed to do." When I told him how ridiculous that sounded I was yelled at, called nuts, crazy, too sensitive, angry, and always wanted to fight.
Oooh it just makes me so mad that these narcissists screw with our heads! I am so glad to see it now! I don't take it personal anymore, it just makes me mad about the psychological abuse! 😡
I've had a few of them, all military and cult type guys completely fracture my mind but now I'm happy alone, healing and more powerful than ever. The warrioress emerges from the ashes ⚡🌞
My jaw dropped and my brain froze when you said that the narcissist uses emotional weapons. That phrase so accurately describes my Narc experience! My NARC loves calling me names, and giving me the silent treatment. I am hearing impaired and he frequently says “You hear what you want to hear,” or “you don’t hear, you don’t listen” or “what is wrong with your brain?” Does that count as the narc trying to make it seem like I am the Narc?
@@elderherrera2238 thank you for your comment. it’s been several weeks since I wrote the above. It makes me teary eyed to read it. Your response is affirming, and I think you are correct. Thank you for you.
@@terrapintravels3829 your response makes me think about how we constantly have to adjust our behavior for the Narc. You don’t deserve to be snapped at because you asked “What?”
" I was told I am a selective listener " lol. You know I swear God truly protected me from half the things he said and did To me. They are really sick individuals. 4 months NC can't get to me anymore. Enjoying my peace again
Try some cannabis or cbd oil. Or lavender essential oil rub it on your neck and chest. Even chamomile tea or two might help in some way :) Helped me a lot I tell you
My own experience with them is they always critisize my personality since I am an introvert they always ask me if I was sick by not opening up to them, later they started criticizing my passive nature calling me weak and unable to defend myself, later again since I didn't react they started criticizing me even more calling me arrogant and pretentious for not talking to them while I was TRYING to open up, I was TRYING to talk to them I litteraly force myself to be more extroverted to prove them that I was not an arrogant brat like they called me but that it is when the nightmare truly began... When I was not talking they critisize me calling me "Arrogant" when I was talking, they still critisize me and make fun of me because my "way of talking" was not right. I modified my way of talking and they still critisize me calling me "weak". I tried to open up more and they rage at me and humiliated me calling me abnormal because I was too "controlling" and when I stop talking because I was tired they started criticizing me again and guiltrip me for not "opening" up to them as before. I am talking from experience no matter what you do for them there WILL ALWAYS be something for them to critisize about you so when the critisism start just ignore and accept the fact that they will never accept you for who you are. Don't try to change to gain their love it will never happen
Hey Lisa....found you few days ago...what a blessing.... you explain so accurately...I, former codependent wife, was married to & divorced from grandiose narcissist. The Narcissist continued chaos thru 2 subsequent divorces.Thank you for helping me heal via your U Tube videos. Rae
Codependency is a fact of life no one stands alone it is very egotistical arrogant for a person to say I did this I did that I'm where I'm at because I did it alone by myself you owe a debt of gratitude to your parents for supporting you until you were able to support yourself you owe a debt of gratitude for an employer who gave you the opportunity to make money the question one must ask themselves is this code dependency beneficial or not
Lisa, on point and another great video.😊 Thank you for helping me " clear the fog" As a Parentified Co Depend Adult son of a Narc, and in the process of Divorcing my Covert Narc wife of 9 years, you have helped me so, so much. Love & Light sent your way from Nova Scotia.❤❤❤
They are Soul snatchers taking you to the brink of hell if your not careful. Almost felt like I was loosing my sanity. God's Saving Grace rescued me. Amen to all the survivors.
This video made me completely break down . I've watched a lot of videos (I mean, a LOT) around this topic and something about this just hit. It was good tho honestly - I think I have struggled with the acceptance and grieving what happened. Thank you Lisa...
Being in that relationship was so draining. Omg 18:30min...thats what I could never understand! Thank you for explaining the difference 🙏 Wow.... Taking notes 📝
Narcissism is an act of covert war. To hunt, seek, stalk to destroy the vulnerable. These are the mind games in their heads. Those are my bounderies!❌💯 Because I love my self more💝🥰💝🥇
Oh my god yes, the theory about narcissism is what i ve always missed. It does not cure everything about it, but surely makes u heal slowly but surely. Really thanku uathankfromme for this enormous job in analizing this and above all sharing this.
This woman amazes me every time i listen to her, if anyone needs to get free from abusers, study these teachings, take her 12 Week Course, when you're ready, she can teach you to stand up for yourself peacefully and successfully. Thank you Lisa for your work, you are changing the world in peaceful positive actions.
Thank you so much for this Video Lisa. I was never allowed to feel feelings as a child or even now as an adult with my parents. It led to many abusive relationships with Narcissistic men and “friends”. I married one who I thought was a ‘nice’ guy. 13 years later I finally left. I was targeted by another monster. 4 years now. I’m trying to heal and end this cycle once and for all. I wish I would of known what this disorder was years ago. It would of saved a lot of heartbreak. I’m glad I do know now.. even at the age of 51. Some never get out. Xx
Great video. (FYI, Vader started out good but became twisted by the fear of loss and turned evil. So I think using evil Vader as an example is perfect.) I agree that once I started to be able to look for the methods my narcissistic sibling was using, labeling them in my mind as they happened, it opened up a world of detachment for me. It was like a miracle. She became predictable and almost comical, because you could see what was coming a mile off. That enabled me to eventually go no contact.
Jennifer I have a question does the narc has cycles or does he or she give hints . How did you figure it out? I am married to ☝️ and I am learning about narcissistic people. I do notice he try to provoke me and then I question him and argue then gaslight silent treatment withdrawal. I heard a video and this person was talking about how a narc goes 4 days fine and then he does something. I want to know if this is true. Thank you for comments. By the way good information about Vader.
Yes I caught my narcissistic partner redhanded cheating on me! Saying love you to some girl on phone in bathroom in the morning which I heard by standing outside bathroom coz i was in my room and i could overheard him whispering in bathroom so i had to get up and go stand at bathroom and for that he didn't apologise to me at all but instead shouts and gets angry at me that why was i standing outside bathroom listening to his conversation in the first place i was disgusted i cried and he called me crazy and sensitive for it! Thanks to your video Lisa its opened my eyes that such ppl exists and they are called narcissistic who can never stop playing mind games and gaslighting!and the best is to get them out of your life for good coz narcissistic never change!
This video came to me at exactly the right time. I'm one month out of a three year toxic relationship with who I now believe to be an overt narcissist. It's the gaslighting, manipulation and invalidation of my emotions that I'm now seeking to understand. I find that as I look back over at the relationship, a lot of it is murky. There are things I can't remember. Everything that you mention resonates with the relationship I had. I was told that nobody would tolerate me like she did, that I deserved everything that happened to me, and more. I've now found a supportive and genuine small group of friends who want the best for me, and I am taking the time to begin healing and working on my self-worth. I can't think about my ex for too long because my mind becomes incredibly foggy.
Yes, very good point after being in it a while you can really start to see the patterns and weapons for them to keep you small and crippled and ruminating in their fake warped world because it does not make sense. Mine says comments like if you would have had better parents or if I could have raised you you could have probably could have been anything you wanted to be. At the point, I was a single parent being positive going to school starting business and a self-help addict most of all a kind person. so skipping ahead 20 years I started to get symptoms physically before any signs of exterior conflict from narc about 3 months ago things were going well or acceptable because I was conforming. One day I started to get that sick feeling nauseated, dizzy, so I went and said to him lets go for a walk I wanted to get outside. of course, I could not share with him what happened he said ok I could hear him swearing as he was trying to get ready. He then came out dressed up like he was going to dinner, first of all, he does not even shower or ever dress up ever so and it was so hot out this was just strange. So I just asked nicely are you going like this I did not care I was just curious. OH my God You would have thought I just killed someone. I have been in hell ever science he has not talked to me, he stopped doing anything just sits in his room and watches porn calls me a old hag and he is 25 years older than me. I am paying all the bills mowing the yard cleaning house and he is going to take house now FOR WHAT it is crazy. . I know in 6 months this will be over guys. I will not do this again. Do not be an eternal optimist the only reason it was ever good was that I backed down and said no worries and let horrible things go. It has really been hard for me to believe that I wasted all this time and he can not see. But I will get to the other side Thanks so much Lisa Love You
Omg yes ! After my late husband passed of 20 years. A narcissist took advantage of my love kindness and financially. I thank God I healed and met a wonderful man empathy like me.
You are phenomenal Lisa. Your insights are spot on and I like that you say, "In my opinion", because situations and personalities are different and all our stories, though similar, are varied. You always hit the nail on the head and your experiences are so helpful. Thanks!
Hi Lisa, thank you for your videos. Watching your videos has helped me to identify and understand my own mother’s narcissism and how it has shaped my life through the years. Not only is my mother a severe neglectful and covert narc but my father is a very violently tempered and abusive person. I still suffer from bouts anxiety and feelings of unworthiness, which impacts and affects all my current relationships (husband, children, in-laws, friendships, etc). On the healing end of all this trauma, I have gone no contact (2nd time now). I mistakingly recontacted my narc mother during the pandemic (guilt and worry over her well-being). It was a big mistake because her narcissism is getting worse over the years. I believed that things might have gotten better through no contact the first time and thought maybe she would want to see her grandchildren or at least want to know that we were ok, sadly this was not the case and I am kicking myself now for breaking the original no contact. Needless to say, I have once again gone no contact. I was wondering if you could make a video on tips and tools that a person like me could use moving forward focusing on healing from narc trauma and what can be done on a day today to not fall into feelings of guilt or false hope that somehow the narc will change and also nurturing the health relationships in my life. Thank you.
This was spot on. Thank you for keeping me focused with these reminders and being able to identify toxic, Narcissistic traits. I know that healing is an ongoing process.
My husband used to tell me all those nice words that made feel like I was so loved and very important to him as a woman. He used to ask me for a new photo of me every night since we were in different countries.he used to tell me that all women get older and I was looking younger and prettier every day is which made me feel very special. After marriage I stopped hearing those beautiful words and he started critizingmy look . It's awful
No more lies, belittling, gas lighting, rages, reaction abuse, having sensitive info used against us, using fear of abondonment against us while they do whatever, enforcing rules on us, abusing us while stuck in cars, putting us on defensive while the do wrong.
I have been going round in circles wondering whether I was the narcissist in a toxic situation. The constant gaslighting and projecting made me doubt my true self and I listened to the person because I thought they knew better. I realise I was codependent and a people pleaser. These videos really help to understand what is healthy and what is seriously unhealthy behaviour. Thank you Lisa.
I know you work with many people so I will share this. When I was a child I was beaten up and picked on for being intelligent...I really did no work on this problem...later in my marriage, when I would confront my ex wife with her lies I would get the insults and the it is all my fault...that unhealed part of me took the brunt of it....I let her turn me from being a confident adult who had out grown those hurts back into that sad little broken boy that blamed himself for everything...decades later, after actually healing from that part of my childhood, I have the strength to process lies such as these without it being a capital case...thank you for all of the work you do, listening to this info, practicing it, and holding myself up to it has helped me tremendously...I can't understand having to waste my time in a battle of wits with my partner when I think it would be better to put our heads together to maximize our fun...(my marriage partner was in the same Sigma of intelligence as I so there was compatibility (we met in High School), but I think the self esteem of the narcissist is such that they lie because they feel threatened. I just had one try to say she was all this gifted and talented stuff but I caught her lying about and she also lied about her feeling towards me in a way that I thought it was safe to embarrassingly open up (gaslighting). This is the games they play to keep you giving them attention)....
I think I almost had a flashback or something when you described the methods there....lol It is good to remember that these are traits and people can change, I don't have to let any of them hurt me while they do....
@@lisaaromano1 Thank you so much for your encouragement. I do struggle with this but every time I stand up for me I realize that I am enough, not perfect, but...your theories have certainly helped me get a good picture of things to help me be confident enough to stand up and I appreciate it....
I've learned that you will never get them to see how wrong they are. Don't argue. Don't explain yourself. It's a waste of time and energy. Just walk away and heal yourself.
I couldn’t find my driver’s license right before a flight I checked they dryer wasn’t in there I was freaking out and nervous looking everywhere losing my mind went back to the dryer again it was laying on top right there She definitely did a gas light trick on me 🧟♀️
What is the narcissists obsession with IDs??? The one I was with stole mine twice and tried to crack one in half. So weird how they all do the exact same things.
Cece E I had that happen as well. They want to steal your identity, or if they can’t BE you, at least make it hard for YOU to be you! I’ve had 2 people do that to me. Both did it at a time that I was going through a transition in my life that would upset their position in my life.
He wakes up in the middle of the night makes noises turns the light 💡 and when I question him he denies it. I even told him this is demonic if you did not do that who did it? And he just looks at me. I know is him.
This will really help me. I’ll start recognizing his weapons from now on and not re-act like I always do. I react out of control at times. Your 👍🏼. I’m so fortunate and I think God sent for me to have listened the 1st time. I believe everything happens for a reason. Ty
Same thoughts, experience, and knowledge of Star Wars! As for the rest... recognizing the tactics as they're being used is the awakening key. When you learn it and then see it playing out in your life... it then becomes undeniable. (Though your brain will give you many 2nd thoughts later on). When it clicked for me I began seeing everyone who was or had been significant in my life as well as their extended families along with my own 'ancestors'... Little family trees in my brain showing me who was who in each dynamic. The awareness can be a bit much... and at that time you just need to keep moving forward. You can't unsee what you've seen and the only choice now is growth. Thanks Lisa, you're forever one of those who 'saved me.'
Lisa, I relate so much with your content...My father is a Narcissist very high on the spectrum, mother is unrecovered ACOA. I recently purchased your book Co-Dependent Now What? Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and experience on TH-cam. It’s been life changing.
You are amazing. The level of which I understand you is absurd! I wish I would have come across your videos years ago, it would have without a doubt saved me so much heartache.
Watching your videos has been really enlightening, The last 10 months of my life has just whizzed past my eyes. As a conquest of the abuse of my former partner, I have just been diagnosed with C-PTSD. I find the information in your videos very helpful in understanding what I have lived through.
I love you and your the reason why I attracted not only narcissist but sociopaths I'm truly lucky I'm alive. The work you do matters so much and saves lives so thanks ❤🦋
I love your channel you talk about narcissism and all the signs you talk about I have seen for myself show up in my family members thinking back how they showed up in my ex-husband. I love your channel because you are real you don't sugarcoat things I can tell you really been through this this is not just about the money for you you're really passionate about helping others thank you Lisa you could have kept this knowledge to yourself but you didn't thank you you have helped me so much in my journey after dealing with my narcissistic EX in all his drama so I just wanted to say thank you again Lisa 😊✌🏾
Thank you for sharing all your knowledge and insight about narcissism... This makes things so much more clear for me about what and who my dad is and why I feel the way I do about myself. I can navigate behavior patterns now better. And I don't feel so unworthy and absolute in my doubt in myself.
I have decided that I am not going to have anyone in my life again, it's just not worth it, how many times do I have to get hurt before I learn, I can't do it anymore, lies, accusations, always defending myself and explaining myself for something I haven't done and the places I have been seen at with someone else despite the fact that I haven't crossed the door in years, I am pissed off by the people who tell these lies and spread these rumours and I have to defend myself when they should get the said person to come to my door and tell me where, when and who was I with, 5mins could sort it out or maybe that person doesn't exist at all.
Struggling with narcissistic parents, and you help me so much. You help me when I'm questioning my own reality. My God, thank you. In New support group / spiritual recovery group and i spoke about what I'm going through. This one woman has given me time and attention on a phone....but that was based on major vulnerability. I told her my dog needs attention, just oversharing about that because ive been so isolated, triggered by a text from my father. Now she's offering to pay for a vet visit, and asking for my address to send me something for her ear on Amazon. I just don't know how to say or am scared to say that I have weird feelings about accepting this gift. Or distant Reiki healing. If I've suffered a myriad of abuse, am healing but unhealed and absolute starved out for validation of my experiences with narcissistic abuse. I am having money concerns, I love my dog and hate that I contributed to her being traumatized by inviting unhealthy lifestyle and people into our space, where bad things happened. These are all things that i have shared in meetings. I have had this unconscious pull, somewhat magnetic attachment, or repetition compulsion to meeting older women mentors, first at AA, then in my building.... and them turning out to be some level of narcissistic. Then I doubt myself because I want so badly to have loving friendships abd relationships, avd not be on the lookout for toxicity.... That assumption also makes an assumption about me being some kind of target for this, which I don't want to be true, but I am willing to admit that it's true and see how it is,, if it will help me heal from this and detach from this I'm in so much pain and most days im disassociating somehow, isolating. Some days feel more manageable than others.
Hmm... i guess it can be evil but I don't know enough about it to say. I can say that I wish to stay mindful of spiritual abuse, and I know any practice or spiritual community can be breeding grounds for narcissists. Personal experience with that
Your videos help me so much, even though it hurts to hear it like it is. it's like you personally knew this person I was married to for 30yrs.and my health did suffer .I definitely connect to the hurricane 🌀 in your head but we survived 🙏🌅
Hello Lisa, very interesting video. The narcissist lets you thinking that you are the narcissist. I felt more my covert narcissist ex partner 'copied' my positive character parts. Ok, it is a sort of projecting. My ex tried to put the blame on me when she started to gaslight and devaluating me after the love bombing ended. I had problems, I was the angry , frustrated, damaged, insecure, scary and immature person she said. And yes, I started doubting myself. But.... but, after several incidents with her ex husband, her own father (who was a typical overt person I noticed) I saw the patterns and I saw 'the light.' Than I knew where I was dealing with. It was not about me, it was all about her. Total control and obey, that was what she wanted, but she did not succeed. And as her tricks and trades were not working anymore on me she of course knew that she had to end this relationship quickly and move on to new supply. I was one step ahead and ended the relationship. She couldn't deal with that because she was not in control. I betrayed her of course. It is all hate and frustration with this sort of fake people. They think by punishing others they will feel better. I feel sad for her because she will have an unhealthy and unhappy life. Anyway, not my problem. It is her choice and she will not change at all. I moved on and I learned a lot about myself. I can set boundaries easier and if that means ending friendships or other sorts of relationships, then that can be hard and sad but I have my peace then. It is more easy to close a book and start a new one!
I consult Melanie Tonia Evans a lot, and I agree with one major thing that she says about this: that a relationship with a higher power - even if it is the power of the Universe - definitely helps me. Personally, I believe in God the Creator, and Provider - and it helps me. I know people who have experienced spiritual abuse might feel something different, but everyone, I believe, has a right to this direct connection with the Divine. What I get from MTE is that, the narcissist lives off of your relationship with that Divine Power, but refuse to have their own - so they rob you of what you're given from that Divine Provider, or keep you from having what they get, because perhaps your methods are different? And that "I will give you nothing, because you don't agree with my methods"?!! Where, a narcissist will have a lot, but will purposely give you nothing, to exclude, and punish you, which is why it is important to connect directly with God, because God actually does count and matter and God loves you. God is so important to me because of this. I ask God for help, and ask God to please provide. And I try to encourage all living beings to have a good relationship with God, especially pets because they need to know that they have a Divine Provider looking out for them. I think, if we are on a spectrum, I know I have some narcissistic traits, but I choose to work on them: I think that is the difference - I think that is what makes a person "not a match" with active narcissists. Yes: the hope is that somehow, if you play dead, the tornado will just die down - you just hope it will fade and weaken. Thank you for "We all do things that we're ashamed of" 🙂
I would like to recommend the show Animal Kingdom, to actually see from a safe distant how a Narcissist mother psychologically scorch earth her brood . I actually cried myself to sleep and had to turn the show off once. it really hurt me to my core but was very cathartic.
They want you to think that you’re less than them. But the reason why they do that is because they secretly believe that you are superior to them in many ways.
Right
Who r the people opposite of narcissist...?🤔
@@blossomsteep9088 On the positive end they would be empaths or highly sensitive people (HSP). On the negative end they would be codependents.
It's entirely possible to be both.
I called him out on it. I told him point blank i was tired of his inferiority complex. I told him I was just relating information I had read and that he needed to stop putting me or anyone above him because we are all human and he should stop making others feel bad so he can feel better. After that came the silent treatment and I was "discarded" ... he treated me like I was nothing. Like I wasn't someone he loved or someones daughter. He basically ignored me, until i finally gave up when i realized what was happening was not mature . . And he basically said he couldn't fix it.
Masters of reverse psychology
Don’t let them
“Psych”you out ✊
I was so strong and logical- then I met the narcissist. After five years in a relationship and a year out of it, I nearly went insane. That's what gaslighting does.
What he does to me . He does not let me speak and interrupts me does not let me finish my sentence. I feel so disoriented .?is this gaslighting?
She did it to me for 10 years and it finally got to me. I used to be so mentally strong now I have to fix my brain.
hypergiggles14 try ten years two yeas I’m still trying to trust myself..
And omg never aloud me to finish a sentence.
I literally miss who I was. I’m on no contact, maybe a few days in. But man, when I tell you I was a completely different person the day I talked to them, versus now 3 years later? It’s insane. Hope you’re well now.
Took me 40 years with a covert until full realization hit. Been out for 3 years and have been constantly working on my codependency issues. Your videos have helped me so much, Lisa! I’m in my 70’s, so it’s never too late. I am free and happy for the first time in my life!🌈
wiser125 I am so happy for you. I am in the middle of it right now at age 57. Thank you for giving me hope.
Cynthia Dee Be strong, fight for what you want and need-and keep taking Lisa’s advice. The other side is beautiful, but keep up with learning and healing-it’s an important process!
Cynthia Dee same here 58 and out of the nightmare 2 years onwards and upwards🙌😊
I wish i had your strength
Lillian Thomson You do!
Conversation with narcissistic people is like being interviewed by the police for a crime you haven’t committed yet, on till they decide which crime you have committed. Which is usually there crime that they commit. 😱
Good analogy it fits perfectly with how they behave and how they get you to behave.
Melinated Vessel in the end your head spins, making you very sick. And in many cases causing deaths.
lol.. that s funny....because it is true.
Well said! 😀
Wow makes sense when they say they don't want to have to defend themselves when you just what at lest a sorry so twisted they abuse and injury you but if you slip and mention any pain in your body from another day they get into a screaming fit cause you shouldn't feel pain over something they did to you how dear you make them feel like they have to be on the defense
Narcissist want u to think that u are crazy and nothing is wrong with them.
Are u hearing voices
@ heru nile. I don’t hear voices. I still have all my sanity.
Yes. And then you get well and you get space.
You are absolutely right
Yes he twist things around and blames me. And he said you said and you are laying. He does it fast . He also interrupts me when talking, I hate that because I feel frustrated I can finish my sentence. Talks over me.
Has a narcissist ever tried to turn the tables on you and make you out to be the narcissist?
Yes.....right after he was arrested for dv, ...totalled buggy, broke his leg, and petitioned the court to get to come back home for me to "take care of him" bc he has no family here......then I WAS THE ATTACKER"".....😳🤦♀️
Yes. He always said it was all about me. Waiting for a court date because of him assaulting me. I got a restraining order. I didn' realize what he was doing until I got away. I started to think I was crazy because he was tell me I was. He tells everyone its me. So... I have had to come to terms that its not my business what he says.
O yes, he turned everything around
Yes! At the end he called me a narcissist and said he was an empath. Yet he gaslighted me, constantly deflected, refused to acknowledge my feelings (especially at the end, and especially if it was anger because of something he did). He was living with me and using my car and hadn’t paid me anything the last month he lived there. Kept making excuses and promising he’d give it to me the next week. It seemed like he would pick fights so he could “escape” for the weekend. Blew up my phone if I didn’t respond to him right away when he wanted something, but would ignore me for hours at times. Withheld sex and affection because of how I’d been acting. He’d call me names and lied about so much. It’s been a complete mindfuck, because I really did love him and believed he loved me. In the end, he threatened to leave over text and blocked me so I couldn’t respond and then got livid when I told my kids we were breaking up. After the break up, i let him use my van to take his stuff with the condition that he’d bring it back the next day. And when he didn’t, i got shunned because I called the cops. He told me I was selfish for thinking he was using me.
But him calling me a narcissist has been the biggest mindfuck. Because i look at all the toxic things I did do, and start to feel like an asshole.
Mine's excuse for cheating/leading a double life was "she had things you don't and you have things she doesn't." lol I think that probably applies to every human being. It's a nonsensical excuse phrased to look like some valid and reasonable. I've left that relationship after a lot of gaslighting, projection, deflection, lying - all the narcissistic toys. It was the best thing I ever did. Once the cognitive dissonance was lifted, click, I was gone. I'm now not even attracted to him in any way. I had done healing work around an abusive marriage before I met him and I think that helped get me out of this one sooner than I would have done without that foundation - but it was still three and a half years. At one point I believed I could either accept aspects of his behaviour or "somehow" it would all work out. Wrong! When they have consistent narc symptoms it will never, ever work out how you need it to. I will trust my gut now until the day I die.
The narcissist is trying to bring out the worst in you because they see the best and potential in you! You’re a threat to them 😉
Believe it!
💯👏
*wants to hug you in the middle of a pandemic.
(you're so right by the way)
Omg yes
You are so so Wright
I felt lake you talking about my narcissist wife , she slept with HER cousin how always I am at fault ?, that i can't even say anything against i will be in trouble . they call me crazy...
I just started breathing life after i found you.
I’ve had a “caretaker” heart. I wanted to help, fix issues, etc. Figured out now that that’s what lead to my 1st -and hopefully last- Narc relationship. I didn’t know people like this existed. Eye opener later in life😳
Same here.
Me too..
Never knew that they existed neither and kept asking to myself, but what type the person is that? Headache!
A narcissist is not a proper human being but a Satan.
I ‘m not talking about a relationship between men and women but a normal friendship.
During 12 year of abuse, I got very sick twice when I literally could not wake up from bed, and both these times, my ex covert narcissist did not believe me, I was sick.
Yes and he probably caused it 🤷♂️
The stress is real and can literally kill you.
@@Moonbunny55 I agree with you.
Patricia Pfeiffer narcissists kill there victims
Me, too. I had to call for an ambulance once, and called him while I was waiting as I was frightened. He said later he thought I had been making it up to get him to come to me.
They constantly try bullying you into submission its endless until you end it and walk
We were at little dance /bar during a weekend getaway - that I planned and paid for. A that I really like came on so I asked him to dance with me. He said No, that he wasn't comfortable dancing in a place he was unfamiliar with. I went to get us drinks. Turned around and he was dancing with another woman. It was very upsetting to me. He said that she had asked him to dance and he was being polite. I attempted to explain that I had asked him to dance too, but he talked through me, called me nuts, crazy, too sensitive, and said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I feel reallt stupid writing this but hearing what you're saying in this video is very comforting. Thank you.
A long time ago I used to be crazy about this guy. He went away for a couple weeks and came back. I was so happy to see him that I threw my arms around him and gave him this big warm hug and got all excited asking him about his trip. He was ice cold to me. It was like hugging a piece of stone. He barely engaged me in conversation. I was so hurt, but that's not the best part. We were at work and a woman walks in that he barely knew and he threw his arms around her and gave her the type of hug that I gave him. Right in front of me.
I got the strong impression that he did that on purpose to hurt my feelings, so I started to pay attention. It turns out he did a lot of things on purpose to hurt my feelings. It made him feel strong and Superior to see how much he could hurt me. I fell for a trick that he pulled on me and he smiled the whole time I was trying to connect with him. Then when I called him out on it he laughed right in my face. Some men won't laugh in your face, they'll just laugh behind your back. But these types of people are doing it on purpose, and they enjoy it. It only gets worse. Run!
@@crystalcole888 that is so sad, stay strong beautiful 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙏🏿💕
@@preciousmcfarland5265 thank you very much :-) don't worry, I've gotten considerably smarter since then. Best of luck to you
@@crystalcole888 good for you!!! thank you:)
They are energy vampires, not empaths.
Yes.... I used to react to Hollow Man just like you reacted to your ex, Lisa! His mind-games drove me NUTS! Literally, I got crazy. I kept trying to get through to him to show him how his gaslighting, blameshifting, future-faking, stonewalling, total inability to take responsibility, lying, etc, etc, etc, etc were wrong and that they were HURTING me. But nothing worked. Talking calmly didn't work. Explaining things logically didn't work. Screaming and throwing things didn't work. Instead, he tried to convince me that I was crazy, and convince everyone around us that i was crazy. Nothing was ever his fault! When I finally accepted that I could not change him, that he was NEVER going to see the light and change himself, I stopped trying. I mastered grey-rock. I learned to observe and not absorb and that is when everything became so clear to me. I wasn't the problem. I was never the problem. That was a very big breakthrough for me.
@Jinx Fairy yep, that is exactly what Hollow Man did to me! He went full on psycho for a year. Now he is hoovering me again and acting as if nothing happened. There is no use trying to talk about it with him because he just denies everything and gaslights. All of these stages have happened with me living with him. I can't wait to get away.
It wasn’t you
It’s was THEM 😳 gasp 🤨
Moment of Enlightenment ✊
I have read (audio book) Pete Walker "Complex PTSD". Absolute 100% help in opening eyes/mind about what happened to me and why it happened during 12 years of abuse living with covert narcissist. I am really happy that I found this book, it popped out on audible app after I have read Lisa's book "The Road Back To Me" Thank you Lisa!!!❤️
I started being free once I read about narcs. And like u say- that gave me different eyes & ears which lead to WHOLE different perspective of his actions/ words.
Narcissist are always playing mind games with my head !
It’s so confusing
Yes they do
Its what they are good at
And within your heart
@@maryjankowski9032 yep it sad
The blame game is disgusting on their part
Told him he disgusts me & makes me SICK then dropped him drove off like bat fr hell
Diane Zielinski just don’t stalk him or try to set him up. Most of the time it’s fear of being exposed from having a non curable STD. Such dishonesty in every relationship
They need to try define how you feel.
And when your mother is the narcissist?! Your life is a permanent living hell, with or without a partner.
Same here.
My mother is affraid that I will meet a good caring man. It is hostage life, while living alone. Love &hugs to you all 💓
Same 💞
Same and a manipulative father. life is a nightmare my mom is a narcissist. It's so hard l can't leave them
Same for me. When I left home at age 18, my mom would say to me “my daughter is dead”. Hurt so much then. Now I realize that she was really saying was “my codependent daughter is beginning to get healthy”.
The reason they want to confuse you is so they can get away with everything and keep looking good in their opinion.
He would tell everyone that I was his "life partner." I asked him what that meant to him. He said "I'm not going to tell you what it means to me because then you would have an expectation and what I'm supposed to do." When I told him how ridiculous that sounded I was yelled at, called nuts, crazy, too sensitive, angry, and always wanted to fight.
The tornado analogy.... Yes I didn't realise what I was in until I was out.
After i was free, only then did i see how PEACEFUL i felt. Only then did I realize how clenched my whole body had been
I was a human doing, not a human being...the best x
Just went no contact with my mom one week ago. Thanks to you I’ve gained strength I never knew I had. I feel more confident and clear headed everyday.
Oooh it just makes me so mad that these narcissists screw with our heads! I am so glad to see it now! I don't take it personal anymore, it just makes me mad about the psychological abuse! 😡
Wow you just describes the entire reason the relationship began and lasted 12 years.. discarded now i am fixing me and getting stronger every day
I've had a few of them, all military and cult type guys completely fracture my mind but now I'm happy alone, healing and more powerful than ever. The warrioress emerges from the ashes ⚡🌞
Thats right babe!! 🤗
Psychic AumBar Bores Congratulations!
Love being alone and recharging after dealing w/energy vampires for so long.... we deserve our peace and sanity!!
My jaw dropped and my brain froze when you said that the narcissist uses emotional weapons. That phrase so accurately describes my Narc experience! My NARC loves calling me names, and giving me the silent treatment. I am hearing impaired and he frequently says “You hear what you want to hear,” or “you don’t hear, you don’t listen” or “what is wrong with your brain?” Does that count as the narc trying to make it seem like I am the Narc?
Yes he told me I had a limited mind. And I confronted him and he twisted everything around saying that he meant something else.
Hello, you're last sentence just described projection. Yikes!!. I'm still in shock over how accurate this video is.
@@elderherrera2238 thank you for your comment. it’s been several weeks since I wrote the above. It makes me teary eyed to read it. Your response is affirming, and I think you are correct. Thank you for you.
@@terrapintravels3829 your response makes me think about how we constantly have to adjust our behavior for the Narc. You don’t deserve to be snapped at because you asked “What?”
" I was told I am a selective listener " lol. You know I swear God truly protected me from half the things he said and did
To me. They are really sick individuals. 4 months NC can't get to me anymore. Enjoying my peace again
I'm so manipulation proof it's not even funny. Lisa you've been such a great help. 🥰
I always record around narcs. They lie with ease.
As always, tears of healing. Tears with a positive outcome. Amazing. Thank you Lisa.
This is such an unbelievably important video to watch, it describes it so well! Thank you Lisa!! 💖
You are so welcome!
Thank you for that video Lisa. I needed it. Sleepless night.Bad memories. I have mild sleep disorder caused by long time exposure to narcs.
Try some cannabis or cbd oil. Or lavender essential oil rub it on your neck and chest. Even chamomile tea or two might help in some way :) Helped me a lot I tell you
i'm a pothead. i just smoked a bong. thanks for the advice.
Me too.
@@wendellignatin1228 please can I join.😁😁😁
Sure. We could sleep together.sounds good to me. lol
My own experience with them is they always critisize my personality since I am an introvert they always ask me if I was sick by not opening up to them, later they started criticizing my passive nature calling me weak and unable to defend myself, later again since I didn't react they started criticizing me even more calling me arrogant and pretentious for not talking to them while I was TRYING to open up, I was TRYING to talk to them I litteraly force myself to be more extroverted to prove them that I was not an arrogant brat like they called me but that it is when the nightmare truly began... When I was not talking they critisize me calling me "Arrogant" when I was talking, they still critisize me and make fun of me because my "way of talking" was not right. I modified my way of talking and they still critisize me calling me "weak". I tried to open up more and they rage at me and humiliated me calling me abnormal because I was too "controlling" and when I stop talking because I was tired they started criticizing me again and guiltrip me for not "opening" up to them as before. I am talking from experience no matter what you do for them there WILL ALWAYS be something for them to critisize about you so when the critisism start just ignore and accept the fact that they will never accept you for who you are. Don't try to change to gain their love it will never happen
I struggle with codependency and a family member that is a Covert Narcissist.... love your information 💉
♥️🙏
Same here. Covert narc mother and covert controlling bro.
M Fighting with them as well as my codependency
Hey Lisa....found you few days ago...what a blessing.... you explain so accurately...I, former codependent wife, was married to & divorced from grandiose narcissist. The Narcissist continued chaos thru 2 subsequent divorces.Thank you for helping me heal via your U Tube videos. Rae
Codependency is a fact of life no one stands alone it is very egotistical arrogant for a person to say I did this I did that I'm where I'm at because I did it alone by myself you owe a debt of gratitude to your parents for supporting you until you were able to support yourself you owe a debt of gratitude for an employer who gave you the opportunity to make money the question one must ask themselves is this code dependency beneficial or not
@@donaldyanson8144 you've missed the point
Lisa, on point and another great video.😊 Thank you for helping me " clear the fog" As a Parentified Co Depend Adult son of a Narc, and in the process of Divorcing my Covert Narc wife of 9 years, you have helped me so, so much. Love & Light sent your way from Nova Scotia.❤❤❤
Able to recognize that’s when the truth starts to set you free. This is your best video ever!
Thank you Lisa! The more I listen, the more I see how I showed up!! Wowza! The clarity I have now is amazing!! Thank you for all that you share🙏😇
They are Soul snatchers taking you to the brink of hell if your not careful. Almost felt like I was loosing my sanity. God's Saving Grace rescued me. Amen to all the survivors.
One of the most clear and profound posts on this. Thank you Lisa🙏🏼✨✨✨✨🌻🌻💧💧🌻🌻🌻🌻
This video made me completely break down . I've watched a lot of videos (I mean, a LOT) around this topic and something about this just hit. It was good tho honestly - I think I have struggled with the acceptance and grieving what happened. Thank you Lisa...
Being in that relationship was so draining. Omg 18:30min...thats what I could never understand! Thank you for explaining the difference 🙏 Wow....
Taking notes 📝
Narcissism is an act of covert war. To hunt, seek, stalk to destroy the vulnerable. These are the mind games in their heads. Those are my bounderies!❌💯 Because I love my self more💝🥰💝🥇
Oh my god yes, the theory about narcissism is what i ve always missed. It does not cure everything about it, but surely makes u heal slowly but surely.
Really thanku uathankfromme for this enormous job in analizing this and above all sharing this.
This woman amazes me every time i listen to her, if anyone needs to get free from abusers, study these teachings, take her 12 Week Course, when you're ready, she can teach you to stand up for yourself peacefully and successfully. Thank you Lisa for your work, you are changing the world in peaceful positive actions.
My life to a T. My narc made me think I was the narc and am nuts. Still trying to get out of this mess.
Thank you so much for this Video Lisa. I was never allowed to feel feelings as a child or even now as an adult with my parents. It led to many abusive relationships with Narcissistic men and “friends”. I married one who I thought was a ‘nice’ guy. 13 years later I finally left. I was targeted by another monster. 4 years now. I’m trying to heal and end this cycle once and for all. I wish I would of known what this disorder was years ago. It would of saved a lot of heartbreak. I’m glad I do know now.. even at the age of 51. Some never get out. Xx
Great video. (FYI, Vader started out good but became twisted by the fear of loss and turned evil. So I think using evil Vader as an example is perfect.) I agree that once I started to be able to look for the methods my narcissistic sibling was using, labeling them in my mind as they happened, it opened up a world of detachment for me. It was like a miracle. She became predictable and almost comical, because you could see what was coming a mile off. That enabled me to eventually go no contact.
Jennifer I have a question does the narc has cycles or does he or she give hints . How did you figure it out? I am married to ☝️ and I am learning about narcissistic people. I do notice he try to provoke me and then I question him and argue then gaslight silent treatment withdrawal. I heard a video and this person was talking about how a narc goes 4 days fine and then he does something. I want to know if this is true. Thank you for comments. By the way good information about Vader.
Yes I caught my narcissistic partner redhanded cheating on me! Saying love you to some girl on phone in bathroom in the morning which I heard by standing outside bathroom coz i was in my room and i could overheard him whispering in bathroom so i had to get up and go stand at bathroom and for that he didn't apologise to me at all but instead shouts and gets angry at me that why was i standing outside bathroom listening to his conversation in the first place i was disgusted i cried and he called me crazy and sensitive for it! Thanks to your video Lisa its opened my eyes that such ppl exists and they are called narcissistic who can never stop playing mind games and gaslighting!and the best is to get them out of your life for good coz narcissistic never change!
Thank you, for this video. It totally hit home.
Namaste. 💜
OMG. THIS IS MY LIFE🤬🤬🤬
I describe it as “Psychological Warfare”‼️
My ex “wife” ended the “ marriage” and then wanted me back as if nothing happened. Nothing short of crazy making.
This video came to me at exactly the right time. I'm one month out of a three year toxic relationship with who I now believe to be an overt narcissist. It's the gaslighting, manipulation and invalidation of my emotions that I'm now seeking to understand. I find that as I look back over at the relationship, a lot of it is murky. There are things I can't remember. Everything that you mention resonates with the relationship I had. I was told that nobody would tolerate me like she did, that I deserved everything that happened to me, and more. I've now found a supportive and genuine small group of friends who want the best for me, and I am taking the time to begin healing and working on my self-worth. I can't think about my ex for too long because my mind becomes incredibly foggy.
I want to say thank you for this... you have helped me so much after watching this.
Yes, very good point after being in it a while you can really start to see the patterns and weapons for them to keep you small and crippled and ruminating in their fake warped world because it does not make sense. Mine says comments like if you would have had better parents or if I could have raised you you could have probably could have been anything you wanted to be. At the point, I was a single parent being positive going to school starting business and a self-help addict most of all a kind person. so skipping ahead 20 years I started to get symptoms physically before any signs of exterior conflict from narc about 3 months ago things were going well or acceptable because I was conforming. One day I started to get that sick feeling nauseated, dizzy, so I went and said to him lets go for a walk I wanted to get outside. of course, I could not share with him what happened he said ok I could hear him swearing as he was trying to get ready. He then came out dressed up like he was going to dinner, first of all, he does not even shower or ever dress up ever so and it was so hot out this was just strange. So I just asked nicely are you going like this I did not care I was just curious. OH my God You would have thought I just killed someone. I have been in hell ever science he has not talked to me, he stopped doing anything just sits in his room and watches porn calls me a old hag and he is 25 years older than me. I am paying all the bills mowing the yard cleaning house and he is going to take house now FOR WHAT it is crazy. . I know in 6 months this will be over guys. I will not do this again. Do not be an eternal optimist the only reason it was ever good was that I backed down and said no worries and let horrible things go. It has really been hard for me to believe that I wasted all this time and he can not see. But I will get to the other side Thanks so much Lisa Love You
Omg yes ! After my late husband passed of 20 years. A narcissist took advantage of my love kindness and financially. I thank God I healed and met a wonderful man empathy like me.
You are phenomenal Lisa. Your insights are spot on and I like that you say, "In my opinion", because situations and personalities are different and all our stories, though similar, are varied. You always hit the nail on the head and your experiences are so helpful. Thanks!
Hi Lisa, thank you for your videos. Watching your videos has helped me to identify and understand my own mother’s narcissism and how it has shaped my life through the years. Not only is my mother a severe neglectful and covert narc but my father is a very violently tempered and abusive person. I still suffer from bouts anxiety and feelings of unworthiness, which impacts and affects all my current relationships (husband, children, in-laws, friendships, etc). On the healing end of all this trauma, I have gone no contact (2nd time now). I mistakingly recontacted my narc mother during the pandemic (guilt and worry over her well-being). It was a big mistake because her narcissism is getting worse over the years. I believed that things might have gotten better through no contact the first time and thought maybe she would want to see her grandchildren or at least want to know that we were ok, sadly this was not the case and I am kicking myself now for breaking the original no contact. Needless to say, I have once again gone no contact. I was wondering if you could make a video on tips and tools that a person like me could use moving forward focusing on healing from narc trauma and what can be done on a day today to not fall into feelings of guilt or false hope that somehow the narc will change and also nurturing the health relationships in my life. Thank you.
This was spot on. Thank you for keeping me focused with these reminders and being able to identify toxic, Narcissistic traits. I know that healing is an ongoing process.
What I still ask myself years after ending the relationship: how to forgive the narcissist? Not for him but for me!
Thats a difficult one
I became him while he sucked out all the good on me. I would suffer from rages in the end while he's sit and laugh.
This is sooo accurate of a description to what i experienced over the course of four years it is downright spooky!
My husband used to tell me all those nice words that made feel like I was so loved and very important to him as a woman. He used to ask me for a new photo of me every night since we were in different countries.he used to tell me that all women get older and I was looking younger and prettier every day is which made me feel very special. After marriage I stopped hearing those beautiful words and he started critizingmy look . It's awful
@Susan Fiedler he does hurt me. I'm working on getting my freedom and dignity back
Yep. My ex (thankfully he's now dead) pulled all these tricks.
I wish mine was
Honestly I wish my ex narc was too
We realy dont need their kind on the planet
It sounds bad to wish someone DEAD......just be glad ur rid of them now...period!!!
@@katasher6596 👏👏👏
Yes! Starts with feeling unseen then you’re love-bombed and you feel like its life itself. And they always come with a sob story. Avoid the bait!!
Took me 30 years to leave I feel great right now I feel free ...I was codependent on them not any more .I'm standing in my own power right now ...
💯🤗
No more lies, belittling, gas lighting, rages, reaction abuse, having sensitive info used against us, using fear of abondonment against us while they do whatever, enforcing rules on us, abusing us while stuck in cars, putting us on defensive while the do wrong.
I didn’t even know we were competing is a good way I’d describe it
No matter what I look up on youtube, it brings your unrelated videos to the top.
I have been going round in circles wondering whether I was the narcissist in a toxic situation. The constant gaslighting and projecting made me doubt my true self and I listened to the person because I thought they knew better. I realise I was codependent and a people pleaser.
These videos really help to understand what is healthy and what is seriously unhealthy behaviour.
Thank you Lisa.
Lisa becomes more beautiful in each new video... I am making big break-throughs ... I adore you, Lisa!
Love the chicken 🐓 in the 🌪 analogy! 💯💯💯💯💯 Spot on!!!
Yes!!!! It home!
I know you work with many people so I will share this. When I was a child I was beaten up and picked on for being intelligent...I really did no work on this problem...later in my marriage, when I would confront my ex wife with her lies I would get the insults and the it is all my fault...that unhealed part of me took the brunt of it....I let her turn me from being a confident adult who had out grown those hurts back into that sad little broken boy that blamed himself for everything...decades later, after actually healing from that part of my childhood, I have the strength to process lies such as these without it being a capital case...thank you for all of the work you do, listening to this info, practicing it, and holding myself up to it has helped me tremendously...I can't understand having to waste my time in a battle of wits with my partner when I think it would be better to put our heads together to maximize our fun...(my marriage partner was in the same Sigma of intelligence as I so there was compatibility (we met in High School), but I think the self esteem of the narcissist is such that they lie because they feel threatened. I just had one try to say she was all this gifted and talented stuff but I caught her lying about and she also lied about her feeling towards me in a way that I thought it was safe to embarrassingly open up (gaslighting). This is the games they play to keep you giving them attention)....
I think I almost had a flashback or something when you described the methods there....lol It is good to remember that these are traits and people can change, I don't have to let any of them hurt me while they do....
Please know you are enough!
@@lisaaromano1 Thank you so much for your encouragement. I do struggle with this but every time I stand up for me I realize that I am enough, not perfect, but...your theories have certainly helped me get a good picture of things to help me be confident enough to stand up and I appreciate it....
yYUP ! THE LAW GOD THE FORCE ELECTS GREAT MASTER JEDI Lisa A. Romano IN ACTION WITHIN THE FORCE GOD THE LAW....THANK YOU MASTER JEDI.
I've learned that you will never get them to see how wrong they are. Don't argue. Don't explain yourself. It's a waste of time and energy. Just walk away and heal yourself.
I couldn’t find my driver’s license right before a flight I checked they dryer wasn’t in there I was freaking out and nervous looking everywhere losing my mind went back to the dryer again it was laying on top right there She definitely did a gas light trick on me 🧟♀️
Yes indeed. It took me a long time to accept that he was taking my stuff. I still find it amazing.
What is the narcissists obsession with IDs??? The one I was with stole mine twice and tried to crack one in half. So weird how they all do the exact same things.
Cece E I had that happen as well. They want to steal your identity, or if they can’t BE you, at least make it hard for YOU to be you! I’ve had 2 people do that to me. Both did it at a time that I was going through a transition in my life that would upset their position in my life.
He wakes up in the middle of the night makes noises turns the light 💡 and when I question him he denies it. I even told him this is demonic if you did not do that who did it? And he just looks at me. I know is him.
Last night, narc told it did not have it's phone and then it got a text. I had only asked to use it for GPS.
5:34 for the #1 reason answer. Thank you Lisa. As always very helpful.
This will really help me. I’ll start recognizing his weapons from now on and not re-act like I always do. I react out of control at times. Your 👍🏼. I’m so fortunate and I think God sent for me to have listened the 1st time. I believe everything happens for a reason. Ty
Same thoughts, experience, and knowledge of Star Wars! As for the rest... recognizing the tactics as they're being used is the awakening key. When you learn it and then see it playing out in your life... it then becomes undeniable. (Though your brain will give you many 2nd thoughts later on). When it clicked for me I began seeing everyone who was or had been significant in my life as well as their extended families along with my own 'ancestors'... Little family trees in my brain showing me who was who in each dynamic. The awareness can be a bit much... and at that time you just need to keep moving forward. You can't unsee what you've seen and the only choice now is growth. Thanks Lisa, you're forever one of those who 'saved me.'
I am so happy you are seeing these patterns and letting your inner light shine!
"You can't unsee what you've seen and the only choice now is growth", this succinctly explains why narcs avoid/detest insight.
Lisa, I relate so much with your content...My father is a Narcissist very high on the spectrum, mother is unrecovered ACOA. I recently purchased your book Co-Dependent Now What? Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and experience on TH-cam. It’s been life changing.
You are amazing. The level of which I understand you is absurd! I wish I would have come across your videos years ago, it would have without a doubt saved me so much heartache.
Watching your videos has been really enlightening, The last 10 months of my life has just whizzed past my eyes. As a conquest of the abuse of my former partner, I have just been diagnosed with C-PTSD. I find the information in your videos very helpful in understanding what I have lived through.
This was so refreshing to finally hear you speak about what we have come to understand about our reality. Thank you for this
I love you and your the reason why I attracted not only narcissist but sociopaths I'm truly lucky I'm alive. The work you do matters so much and saves lives so thanks ❤🦋
I love your channel you talk about narcissism and all the signs you talk about I have seen for myself show up in my family members thinking back how they showed up in my ex-husband. I love your channel because you are real you don't sugarcoat things I can tell you really been through this this is not just about the money for you you're really passionate about helping others thank you Lisa you could have kept this knowledge to yourself but you didn't thank you you have helped me so much in my journey after dealing with my narcissistic EX in all his drama so I just wanted to say thank you again Lisa 😊✌🏾
What happens when you feel like you've become the narcissist that you are trying to escape?
Thank you for sharing all your knowledge and insight about narcissism... This makes things so much more clear for me about what and who my dad is and why I feel the way I do about myself. I can navigate behavior patterns now better. And I don't feel so unworthy and absolute in my doubt in myself.
You are worthy no matter what!
Nicely put Madam Lisa ,with sensitivity.Thank You.☺️
I listen to every video you make it really makes me stronger and helps me cope with my decision to have left a narc.
Thank you so much. I thought I was going crazy. Fighting sor my sanity.
This is what I’m doing now understanding the how and why and what to do about it
Omigoodness I feel SEEN. That bit about the gas poured on your head is just exactly it. So so often. Thank you. This video had so many THIS moments.
I have decided that I am not going to have anyone in my life again, it's just not worth it, how many times do I have to get hurt before I learn, I can't do it anymore, lies, accusations, always defending myself and explaining myself for something I haven't done and the places I have been seen at with someone else despite the fact that I haven't crossed the door in years, I am pissed off by the people who tell these lies and spread these rumours and I have to defend myself when they should get the said person to come to my door and tell me where, when and who was I with, 5mins could sort it out or maybe that person doesn't exist at all.
Struggling with narcissistic parents, and you help me so much. You help me when I'm questioning my own reality. My God, thank you.
In New support group / spiritual recovery group and i spoke about what I'm going through. This one woman has given me time and attention on a phone....but that was based on major vulnerability. I told her my dog needs attention, just oversharing about that because ive been so isolated, triggered by a text from my father. Now she's offering to pay for a vet visit, and asking for my address to send me something for her ear on Amazon.
I just don't know how to say or am scared to say that I have weird feelings about accepting this gift. Or distant Reiki healing. If I've suffered a myriad of abuse, am healing but unhealed and absolute starved out for validation of my experiences with narcissistic abuse. I am having money concerns, I love my dog and hate that I contributed to her being traumatized by inviting unhealthy lifestyle and people into our space, where bad things happened.
These are all things that i have shared in meetings. I have had this unconscious pull, somewhat magnetic attachment, or repetition compulsion to meeting older women mentors, first at AA, then in my building.... and them turning out to be some level of narcissistic.
Then I doubt myself because I want so badly to have loving friendships abd relationships, avd not be on the lookout for toxicity....
That assumption also makes an assumption about me being some kind of target for this, which I don't want to be true, but I am willing to admit that it's true and see how it is,, if it will help me heal from this and detach from this
I'm in so much pain and most days im disassociating somehow, isolating. Some days feel more manageable than others.
Don't do reiki it's evil, try yoga
Hmm... i guess it can be evil but I don't know enough about it to say. I can say that I wish to stay mindful of spiritual abuse, and I know any practice or spiritual community can be breeding grounds for narcissists. Personal experience with that
Your videos help me so much, even though it hurts to hear it like it is. it's like you personally knew this person I was married to for 30yrs.and my health did suffer .I definitely connect to the hurricane 🌀 in your head but we survived 🙏🌅
Wow, it is amazing how Dr. R has done such a great job describing exactly. And in an understanding way. Thank You.
Loved this ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🇩🇴 sadly this was my life for ten years. Thank you.
♥️🙏
Narcissists are too entitled to ever think of others.
Overt narcissism in women exists also.
Thank you for sharing your truth it’s so helpful to know I’m not alone.
Hello Lisa, very interesting video.
The narcissist lets you thinking that you are the narcissist.
I felt more my covert narcissist ex partner 'copied' my positive character parts. Ok, it is a sort of projecting.
My ex tried to put the blame on me when she started to gaslight and devaluating me after the love bombing ended.
I had problems, I was the angry , frustrated, damaged, insecure, scary and immature person she said.
And yes, I started doubting myself.
But.... but, after several incidents with her ex husband, her own father (who was a typical overt person I noticed) I saw the patterns and I saw 'the light.'
Than I knew where I was dealing with.
It was not about me, it was all about her.
Total control and obey, that was what she wanted, but she did not succeed.
And as her tricks and trades were not working anymore on me she of course knew that she had to end this relationship quickly and move on to new supply.
I was one step ahead and ended the relationship.
She couldn't deal with that because she was not in control.
I betrayed her of course.
It is all hate and frustration with this sort of fake people.
They think by punishing others they will feel better.
I feel sad for her because she will have an unhealthy and unhappy life.
Anyway, not my problem.
It is her choice and she will not change at all.
I moved on and I learned a lot about myself.
I can set boundaries easier and if that means ending friendships or other sorts of relationships, then that can be hard and sad but I have my peace then.
It is more easy to close a book and start a new one!
I consult Melanie Tonia Evans a lot, and I agree with one major thing that she says about this: that a relationship with a higher power - even if it is the power of the Universe - definitely helps me. Personally, I believe in God the Creator, and Provider - and it helps me. I know people who have experienced spiritual abuse might feel something different, but everyone, I believe, has a right to this direct connection with the Divine. What I get from MTE is that, the narcissist lives off of your relationship with that Divine Power, but refuse to have their own - so they rob you of what you're given from that Divine Provider, or keep you from having what they get, because perhaps your methods are different? And that "I will give you nothing, because you don't agree with my methods"?!!
Where, a narcissist will have a lot, but will purposely give you nothing, to exclude, and punish you, which is why it is important to connect directly with God, because God actually does count and matter and God loves you.
God is so important to me because of this.
I ask God for help, and ask God to please provide.
And I try to encourage all living beings to have a good relationship with God, especially pets because they need to know that they have a Divine Provider looking out for them.
I think, if we are on a spectrum, I know I have some narcissistic traits, but I choose to work on them: I think that is the difference - I think that is what makes a person "not a match" with active narcissists.
Yes: the hope is that somehow, if you play dead, the tornado will just die down - you just hope it will fade and weaken.
Thank you for "We all do things that we're ashamed of" 🙂
I would like to recommend the show Animal Kingdom, to actually see from a safe distant how a Narcissist mother psychologically scorch earth her brood . I actually cried myself to sleep and had to turn the show off once. it really hurt me to my core but was very cathartic.