@@CourtneyRyan she calls me and texts me all the time first. I nevr call her. I know her daughters. Her daughters love me. She gives me every sign she wants me me .But for some reason i dont put the effort into her. If i don't hear from her for a couple days i just think theres nothing there, so i end up ghosting her for a week or until she calls me. If it wasnt for her we wouldn't be talking..Idk if im crazy or to cautious and dont want to get my feelings hurt.. i want her but my bad thoughts keep me from going after her..idk what to do.
words & actions do not match 0:28 she won't spend time with you 1:40 it's one sided 3:45 says she is "too busy" 4:39 she brags & talks about herself 24/7 6:08
Ah yes, the infamous “I’ve been busy.” line. Usually people will say this to avoid you. People are never too busy for the people they want to make time for. Great video as always Courtney and hopefully you’ll cover the “I’ll let you know.” response in the future! 😁
Attention is so valuable to women, many are willing to talk, hangout, have a meal, and be driven around by men they DO NOT have any interest in. Because it's that much better than staying at home in silence with nothing to face but your fears and insecurities.
Yep. “too busy” = I don’t see you as high value enough to make time for you. Deep down she views and thinks she is better than you. And as we know, women for the most part want men who are better than them (in some way or another) Great video!
Not for the most part - women ABSOLUTELY want men that are higher SMV than them, however they (subconsciously) decide that. That is simply hypergamy, the hardwired mating strategy for women and every man should learn and internalize how hypergamy and female attraction works because if they don't they will struggle mightily in relationships.
The sad part is most of those women aren't better than you, they just THINK they are. I've seen some of the trashiest girls reject guys who were ten times better than they ever deserved.
I usually say the “I’ve been busy” line when I get that infamous “Hey Stranger” text. My time is valuable and I give that time to those who I truly care about, I like to be alone majority of the time so when I say this I don’t want to sound narcissistic or anything. I used to be this guy, once I started to learn the signs and patterns, i bow out gracefully without struggle and drama and I move forward until that day that I get the “Hey Stranger” text. I am super selective about who I give my energy to. I had a girl pretty much show me her hand and these were the kind of cards that she was bringing to the table. It immediately changed my perception of her and I basically bowed out gracefully and I kept it short during our interactions. At the end of the day you’re a human being, not some play thing that gets picked up when a person is bored. You’re better than that, don’t let nobody take advantage of you and do not let anyone waste your time whatsoever. Don’t be rude to them, call them out on it and if they don’t take accountability because some men and women don’t nowadays just walk away with your dignity and value intact.
Yes bro. It’s physically impossible to give time to lots of people. It’s really just reserved for certain people in our small circle of friends. Especially if they don’t actually value you for who you are. Drop them, respectfully.
I was that 'fill-in-guy' since 15-18 and for sure it wasn't pleasant especially when my emotions blinded me from those red flags. I've learnt from those situations and I now know that I should ONLY go for the girls that like me instead of forcing myself to getting them to like me. It'll be so much simple for them to say "I'm not interested" instead of just using filter lines like "I'm too busy" and following it up with "I'll let you know" or something like that. It's genuinely exhausting and time consuming for someone who actually wants get into a mature relationship.
All true. I had this same dynamic with a girl for a long while, once I decided to move on and just not engage her anymore, she vanished. I wasn't mad or sad, just sorta astonished. Like, "wow, after all that time she really didn't care about me at all." It happens. Like Courtney said, devote your time to people who value you.
Yep, happened to me too. It does suck. But when a girl just wants attention and validation and does not really want to be with you, and she knows that is what you want, there really is nowhere for it to go. So it is actually better that you never talk to her anymore.
I was that “Fill-In” Guy. I was a diversion and something to reduce her boredom on the phone. She took no initiative and showed no interest in seeing me. It was lousy.
I think the problem is a lot of us know what we want and how we actually deserve to be treated, but we don’t believe we will ever actually receive it. Therefore, we put up with being treated poorly. If you think about it, a lot of this stuff is common sense. We just refuse to listen to reality.
I mean... Unless you're at least 7/10 in looks, you will feel like you don't matter in life and get treated like shit by women even if you're a multimillionaire. Only exception is if you have a really charismatic personality that really stands out which only a real small percentage of men have... The type of personality that would be able to get a big TH-cam following etc.... In fact, Even most big youtubers don't have the personality it would take to get women attracted to them easily... Most Pick up artists aren't even good either
when I get the “i’m too busy” to hangout excuse after asking more than twice, just say “okay let me know when you have a day off” (everyone has at least one day off over a 2 week period) and never contact them first again. if you hear back then make plans but if you don’t then you know that they were wasting time and you can move on.
Even asking twice is too much, only ask once and see what they say. If they say yes, great! If they say no, see if they value your attempts/effort to make plans with them, by seeing if they try to reschedule after saying no. If they say no the first time and dont follow up with an alternative, just leave.
The best advice is to be yourself and do not change for anybody jus to be with them!! Focus on yourself, your health, peace, and completing your goals. And you’ll naturally attract females. Once you are completely focused u can spot a female that’s not good for u a mile away. And lastly pay attention to how they move, talk, and their mindset. A basic ass female love’s attention and can’t really hold a conversation especially a deep conversation
On the money Courtney. Every guy who's dated much at all has known some version of this woman. All men know when they really like someone, they WILL make time for them, somehow they don't apply that knowledge logically from time to time. No one takes advantage of you without your permission.
The last experience I had with a girl was so one sided that it drained the shit out of me. I honestly don’t even want to approach girls anymore. Perhaps I just need time to heal but right now the thought of going out on a date, or reaching out to someone new, doesn’t feel right at all.
@mattmartini836 yea m2. I'm about to send her a text on Monday after mother's day is over. I can't be to mad at myself because I definitely tried and spent money. Bur now I feel I'm just her bank. And I didn't even get as much as a kiss. So after 2months I'm done. I never took this long with a female and now I never will because it still was a waste of time and money
@@vaporfogg3437 man that’s almost identical situation to mine, she never reciprocated back and and I was doing 100% of the pursuing , had 2 dates but then made plans for a third and she didn’t reply back when I tried to confirm on the day and then didn’t reply to another msg so I just left it after that.. so weird because she kissed me both 1st and 2nd date, and there was sexual tension and laughing and everything, no awkward moments.. although I double booked on her by accident and left a week where I pretended I couldn’t catch up (should have worked in my favour those but maybe not) So strange but she was a Colombian girl and apparently they are big flakes and use ppl
You hit on literally EVERY single point I’ve been dealing with , with a chick who was using me for attention. Had a boyfriend the whole time and never mentioned him once
The fillin guy does have one secret weapon to shake it up, be someone who shocks the hell out of her and be so fucking amazing and seem to just get her with ease. You just promoted yourself to the fill in that became a decision that feels like crossroads in life that changes everything you thought you knew and planned for. You legend you
I’ve had experience in the second one. Funny enough, she didnt like it when i found someone else to hang out with and that someone wanted to hang out with me.
Hey Courtney! Like the new look, that hairstyle really suits you! 😃 I was the fill in guy when I was 19!! She was 22 and really made it appear that she liked me when she had no interest at all. I was just being played. For months I was trying to get her to go out with me but there was always an excuse. There are some girls out there who are just indirectly evil and just love to dangle a boy 👿! I learnt so much from the experience. I’m 31 now and this never happened to me again, I’m very good at reading women now; thanks for video and insights 🙏
I needed this video since this is happening to me right now! Iv been talking to this girl, and she's being flirty over text but when I asked her out she said she's busy. This video made me realize its time to move on! Thanks Courtney!
God I wish this information was available I when I was trying to woo a young lady a few years ago. She did EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of these things, to my annoyance. She texted me damn near constantly, early morning, late at night, and for HOURS we'd have text "conversations". I asked her out, but she just wouldn't commit to a time, despite her assurances that she REALLY wanted to go out with me. What a goddamn waste of time. I'd have noped right the fuck out had this video been available at that time. Thanks Courtney!
This is happened to me wayy too many times, more than I like to recognize. Last time this girl started talking to me on Social Media, I didn't take me long to recognize the pattern ( only bragging about herself, talking about abusive exes, 0 interest in anything I have to say) well, for too many negatives there has to be 1 positive, right? She lives in a gorgeous tropical beach área. So I asked what were the chances of me staying with her for a few days to know where she lives, her business, etc. I would definitely stay on a separate room, and help her clean and cook (typical mangina behavior 🤣). She agreed! So I did as promised, payed some attention to what she had to say, but by the afternoon I was like I think I'm gonna go to check out the beach... So I found a nice shaded spot, got some beers 🍻 and have the most awesomest time all by myself, I even got to meet ppl from all over the world. And all I have to do was to listen to her rambling for a few hours, and got myself a super awesome vacation. BTW there's no way I could afford to stay on that area on my own...
Hi Courtney, I strongly believe in the meaning if "Actions speak louder than words" because it's true, you can say so many things but they mean nothing but your intentions/actions say volumes. If a girl really wants to see me as an example, she will find a way to see me no matter the time of the day and if it's a bunch of excuses, I don't want to waste my time
I pretty much figured this out a couple weeks ago. Courtney, I’d say dang you were too late for me but I recognized it from watching your previous videos. This is a confirmation that I’m learning! Thanks Courtney!
Its a learning curve, bro. We have all been there. The important part is not to make the same mistake over and over again. Because women are not on this planet to keep the species going, but are here to punish weak men. They are here to weed out weakness in men. Think of it like that. Its a tough but valuable lesson to learn.
Honestly, this doesn't just apply to early stages. You can be in a fairly full blown BF/GF relationship and still essentially be the placeholder or fill-in guy until someone better comes along. You'll know this because you always feel like she's not giving you as much as you are prepared to give her, she's looking for validation but not giving it back and is subtly critical and generally the relationship is a bit lopsided. The ultimate test is: is she making rules for you wrt the relationship? If she's limiting her time, her validation or her intimacy then ultimately she does not see you as her hypergamous best option (high SMV Alpha option) and sooner or later someone is going to come along and she'll cheat, monkey branch or just go colder and colder over time. I lived this in an early relationship as an Engineering student, the girl just didn't see me as her best option, She was an musical student/artistic type and I wasn't and I just couldn't be the guy that she really really wanted at that point in her life, but I was the guy that was there for her and conventionally high-value (i.e. to family and social circle) so I just filled the boyfriend role for her, boosting her social status. After about a year, when that seemingly dream artistic guy landed in her lap she cheated in a heartbeat and monkey branched and I was OUT. But ultimately she was young and naive, the guy was a complete Chad and it only lasted a couple of months with him. Several other failed relationships later she ended up marrying a software sales manager when she hit epiphany phase around 28. So she came full circle in a sense and had to settle for a fairly conventional dude. Meanwhile a few years after we broke up I'd met a 20yo Physio Student who was straightforward and giving and completely fell into my frame. My SMV was even higher as I was now working in London in Oil and Gas and I was super high value to this girl. Let me tell you, when you are the hypergamous best option to an attractive girl then man, you get a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. She will crawl over broken glass to be with you and break all her rules, even her life plans, to be with you. That's what you've got to have for LTR and Marriage, Miss Ride or Die. That's why building your value is so important for serious relationships - you've got to have that gap in SMV and get into SMV 8-10 range so those attractive girl-next-door SMV 6-7 girls just think you are the Bees Knees. Treat that girl well and retain your own attractiveness and that's about the best chance of long term success you can get. I'm 30 years with that girl this year.
You have to be someone that stands out though.. Either have a bomb ass charismatic personality that can make her smile and laugh with ease, be actually good looking, or be wealthy.... Take your pick... so many average looking men think acting monotone nice while working a dead end job is enough to cut it when it hasn't been enough for 10+ years now
From my experience as a husband, the "fill in guy" needs to be chased away. He will wait YEARS for his opportunity. He also tends to not care about the girl's current relationship. Fill in guy is almost the same as male orbiter. It is disrespectful for any woman in a relationship to have this "fill in guy" so men beware...Stomp it out.
OMG!!! Thank you so much Courtney! I was curious to hear you talk about this and as soon as you said that the words don't match the actions I was all ears because this is 100% on point!
Already been this guy.... she gave me many signs, flirting in person and on text, seeming interested. Then when I'd ask her out, she'd always make excuses. So I decided to tell her, I don't like these excuses, if you like me you can ask me out. Then she told me not to give up because she has trust issues and stuff. She has lots of mental health issues, which is sad, but she used that as an excuse to not hang out with me, despite just not wanting to. I felt like if I ditched her, I'd be the bad guy because of all her issues. Turns outs she was lying about liking me the whole time, even when I asked her straight up "do u like me". One of her best friends was also telling me that this girl liked me and was giving me advice. This friend claims that she genuinely thought the girl was interested but I find it hard to believe that she would lie to her friend about liking me. So I just got completely played for attention and some ab pics
Mental health issues? Girls love to parade these nowadays. It’s a behavioral “Get Out of Jail Free Card”. Rarely is it actually true but even if not it’s a Massive Red Flag either way. RUN!
Courtney i like how you got straight to the point on this topic and trying to help make our dating lives easier. I definitely agree that we watch what people do not what they say. Women actions speak louder especially in early stages of dating. This video falls in line with your TH-cam short you posted a few days ago. Keep being the best, have a lovely weekend. Also be safe with this crazy cold weather ok 😊🙏🏽💙☕
Yes, Courtney, these are all excellent points and reasons to be cautious. Having a Master's Degree in Leykis 101, I've learned to translate women into English. The 'Fill-in' guy, translated into the woman, keeps the man in the 'bull pen' while she may be bonking someone else. She has more than one man in the 'bull pen' though each man doesn't know they're in the 'bull pen' with numerous men. This is similar to what you, Courtney, described as being in the 'friend zone.' Once you're in the 'bullpen,' 'friend zone,' it's doubtful you will ever be invited out. For those who are invited out, this is most likely a temporary event. Remember that she has a lot of 'bullpen,' 'friend zone' men to invite out when she sees you don't have the resources to sustain the lifestyle she thinks she deserves. Regards
Never had this happen while dating, but I did when I was looking for a job, many years back. Had a female recruiter, who kept stringing me along, with promises of a job offer any day now.... I eventually figured out she was just using me to justify her own employment, with no actual work being done. I feel sorry for the fools who hired her, and wonder how long it took them to discover her shenanigans. 😭😂
literally just cut off this type of person yesterday! definitely never settle for being someone's texting buddy if you know you want more than that! goes for men and women!
to be fair though, if the dude never expresses he wants to date her and just expects her one day to ask him out after months of texting, that is all on him for being an idiot
These are all solid indicators. Some of us see these as obvious or pick up in it intuitively, but some guys are either completely oblivious or can’t see the forest through the trees when they’re in it to realize what’s happening
"Her words and actions do not match"... sounds like a former girlfriend of mine. In fact, she did several of the items mentioned here. I wish I had the info you give us guys Courtney when I started dating her. Heck, I probably would have not dated her in the first place!
I've been the fill in guy and fell victim to every single talking point Courtney hit on in this video. It's a mind f*** and it sucks hard. The only good thing about going through this is now I know what pitfalls to avoid. So I won't be in another situation like this again. Take it easy on yourselves, gents!
This is spot on. Usually she likes another guy who won't change or text her back, and you are the fill in to give her strength to keep waiting for that guy. I've been on both sides of that equation.
Courtney out here looking out for us.. she’s literally the friend I need in my life because she deals straight and understands being kind & cool does NOT equal marriage/relationship
As a human patience is one of the best skills to develop, sometimes you are only the fill in because she isn’t comfortable with you yet. Let women come to you but always be kind and cordial and open to new experiences. If she doesn’t atleast put in effort to move the social dynamic forward find somebody who will.
@surfer300ZX Are you serious? A girl can find you attractive yet not comfortable around you. They don't know your intentions or even if you are a murderer. You don't live the experience of a women so stop trying to project your own experience on them. Especially in the realm of online dating where you are only a picture.
Im experiecing all of these things at the same time. Ended up cutting her off and blocking her, now she's calling every day...I'm never going back. I was nothing but straightforward, honest, and genuine with her and she played🤷🏾♂️
Not only did this happen to me, but it was different. she always FaceTimed me every morning and night and would even kiss me. I talked to her about what we wanted and we agreed on our boundaries. When her actions didn’t line up with her words I called things off. Then she started making out with me multiple times making me think sex was an option and I just needed to be patient. As long as I was doing what she wanted she was fine but if I went against the grain there was stonewalling, gaslighting and deflection. She would even get jealous of other women. I endured verbal abuse, emotional abuse and constant manipulation for months. Finally I blocked her and called it quits. She never cared about me, only the attention I gave to her. If their actions don’t line up with their words, it’s time to walk.
I think I was that guy Courtney. ☹ I was into a woman. We talked. We send pictures. We shared thoughts. She acted as she was liking me for a long time. But we never properly dated. Then at some point a new guy, appeared on her social media. He started giving her likes and hearts to all her post. Every single one. At first I thought he's one of those orbiters guys, cause she had a few. That until this Christmas, when she "accidentally" posted a picture into that guy's car. That's when I realised they are together. Most painful experience of my life. I never cried on Christmas before, but this year did. Those emotions, the disappointment, the loss, feeling unworthy, I just couldn't help it. 😩 Now she keeps her relationship a secret. She keeps posting pictures of herself traveling to different places, but she's always single, though you realise someone is taking her photos as not all of them are selfies. Then her social media status is set to "single", and she even post silly memes of being single. Yet that guy is always there liking all her posts, and he does that within a minute or less. He's always there no matter what. So I took her posts pretending to be alone, and I asked her out. Telling her that if she's single, to go out with me and have fun. I also asked for her number. Guess what happened? She didn't said if she's single, didn't gave her number, and said that she's too tired from work to go out. I don't understand women. If they don't want anything with you, why don't you say from the very first time, and not giving me false hope. Just because I'm a guy, means I can take it? I have feelings too. And it hurts badly to feel both rejected and used at the same time.
Think on this though - would you want to be the guy she is with if that's how she acts? She's still looking to trade up or at the very least she's seeking external validation through SM. And he's actively simping for her in this regards. Believe me when I say you dodged a bullet there.
@@jleano609 You are right J. A part of me still wants her. It's too soon. But I know what you're saying. If you start asking yourself proper questions, like "Is this the type of woman you want to marry?" or "would she be a capable mother to my children?". Worst part is I feel cheated, even though we weren't together. I had a lot of trust in her, in her honesty, integrity etc. She never warned me there's another guy in the picture, or that she likes someone or anything. Everything she's done was keept highly secret.
@@jleano609 And you are right about another thing. She does like attention and validation a lot. She's very active on facebook. There isn't a day to not post or share something. Most of the time, silly jokes and memes, nothing of quality about herself for example. It's stupid really, as we're both in our thirties not teenagers.
@@sherwood5103 I get it, I'm sure she's physically attractive - and she knows it. And she gave you some online attention. And you believed it, trusted her and started building castles in your mind. Because you are lonely, right? That's what women of this type prey on though. They are attention Wh*res. And in her 30s this girl is now addicted to the point she can't do without it even if and when she's got a guy. Believe me when I say, you don't want that girl, you only want the version of her you've built in your mind. So take the lesson and get out there and beat your scarcity mindset which got you into this over-invested situation in the first place. Work on yourself and if any attractive women get on your radar , by all means talk a bit but be asking them out pretty soon. No sending pictures or sharing thoughts before. SAVE IT FOR THE DATE. No Date, just move on. Don't give your GOLD away for free. You are worth more than that BROTHER.
@@sherwood5103 agree with @J Leano - she's in her thirties & doing what you've described? Yeah, doesn't sound good & definitely not a good look. As hard as it may be to think in this frame - be thankful she's with another guy. Good luck to you bro.
In my experience this is the #1 cause why guys stop pursuing the really great women. Because a lot of girls pretend to be that great, even around "fill-in" guys. You really gotta be careful as a guy even in the relationship
Keep in mind, guys. Every situation needs attention to details, and not every situation is identical, or even similar. You have the knowledge you need to make the judgment calls on your life, so, when you learn that this is you, just remember, NUKE THE BRIDGE!!! Don't try to "win her over". Don't bother trying to sabotage every relationship she has after you. That is classless behavior, and this WILL spill into every potential relationship you have after this. The friend zone needs to be heavily discouraged, if you ever want to see it die the death it so rightfully deserves.
No one is ever too busy to make time. Either she's into you and will make time to date, call, text or she's not interested. Took me forever to get this in my head and value myself
i wish i had watched this video few months back so that i could have spent my precious time into someone who is really genuine instead of these fake attention seekers.
Yes!...You are painfully correct to all of the hopeless romantics out there. Love ❤ is a two way street & always takes priority when 2 people are mutually in love and attracted to each other. You have to feel the love and it should always be reciprocal. When you know better....you do better! Thanx Court for having everyones back on this sensitive subject!!!
I watched this video about a month ago when I suspected I might be in one of these scenarios. At that time, I managed to convince myself this wasn’t the case, even though quite literally all of the warning signs Courtney is mentioning were there. Wish I had listened to my gut/courtney one month ago .
This LITERALLY happened to me recently. She said she wanted to be single and she praised me nonstop. She then turns around and hooks up with another guy after she said all that. The biggest takeaway is ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. And I do feel like I was lied to, but I'm glad I get to walk away free and learn a valuable lesson from it. The whole time, she was a fake friend.
Everything you said 100% describes a women I dated briefly. You hit the nail on the head with each point. Hind sight is 20/20 and I now see this is exactly how she played me and that she wasn't genuinely interested. Even while I was with her I had this nagging feeling in my gut, that this isn't going to last. Always trust your gut. She ended it with the , "it's not you it's me" (yes, she literally said those words.) and talked about how busy she is and not interested in a relationship. We met on a dating app and after we stopped seeing each other guess who I ran into on the app again? Yep, actions speak louder then words. From this experience I've come up with a standard when it comes to dating. She needs to be good too me, good for me and what we have is fair and balanced. If she doesn't measure up to those things then she's gone. Thanks for putting this video out there and giving guys the insight and knowledge they need to negotiate dating and dealing with women.
Some helpful tips, be a good guy, not the nice guy, because that makes you a doormat and she will never respect you, don't make plans and ask her to come along, make plans and invite her because if you give her the opportunity to say no, she likely will say no, and, another big one is no free attention, and no compliments on her physical appearance! Nothing wrong with telling her that stripes look really good on her or that she did well with her hair but I don't give compliments on physical appearances anymore and I get them all the time instead; think about, if she wants compliments on her physical self, she will post a picture online and let thousands of betas swarm her notifications panel
I never get in this fill in guy situation up until now and I didn't get it. I never even thought that someone can be that immature... That girl is always texting you, texting you first and everything, talks to you and flirt with you but want hang out with you and with that comes words don't match actions. Thanks for the video, this was the first channel I ever reached when it comes to dating and I think that you are very objective and realistic... When you people find yourself out in this kind of situation (male or female), stop wasting your time, if you called them out 2 times, they said no, walk away if they really want something with you, they will reach you. If you really care about someone it is not hard to message first and ask out...
You're absolutely right about the fill in guy you're so right about everything you said I was putting a lot of time and effort with a the woman online it was just a waste of time you have to be 50/50 in the relationship for it to work out and she has to be into you like you said not all one sided you are a very good coach for me I put a thumbs up on all your videos very helpful to me I think you are so kind Courtney Ryan
I watched several of your videos. I really like your positive and healthy approach. I want to tell you that the Nerds win after age 55, if they date a woman in their age group. Suddenly there are more attractive women in the over 55 age group looking for a stable man than there are stable men for many reasons. This is something I have not seen in any of your videos. I still think your videos are very good for men. Thank you.
lol OMG guys don't know when they are this? Good on you for posting about it, it's good advice. I had one mistake me as her fill in. She had a sense of honor and admitted it to me, as she wanted to be fair to me. I told her I had no idea she felt that way, and that I didn't have interest in her past just being buddies, so it's actually totally fine. She had the weirdest look of surprise, relief and almost offense all at once (she's cool we remained very good friends from then on). We ended up having a good laugh about it.
Damn near the story of my dating life 😂. Took alot to break these habits.. The jury is still out though on the particular outcome currently smh.. sad to say.. But almost there..👍🏾
The information given here really resonated with me. I was recently involved in a relationship with a younger female who gave me all of these red flags from this video and more. When I spotted her walking with her "ex" while "wanting space" from me, I decided right then and there to cut my losses. I had a feeling for a while that I was being strung along or made to be the "side guy". Never again will I want to be involved with someone like that. Thinking about how all of this ties with my situation makes my blood boil. Your points are pretty much dead on. Got my sub and will watch more of your stuff.
this isn't true... People who work stressful jobs may not want to always go out on their days off, but either way, it should always be obvious if she cares enough to want to date you or not
98% of the time i realized i was set up for the "fill in trap" and backed away, i also noticed they had a minimum of 2-3 fill in guys. Some girls are not interested and some are pathological attention seekers. In both cases learn to recognize and retreat.
Can totally relate, happened to me many times in the past but the worst was two years ago with some girl on Snapchat who did is this stuff. Unfortunately, I was very inexperienced and almost became somewhat in denial of he constant excuses why we couldn’t meet. 100% she was a gold digger.
Just seen this video because you caught my attention when you talked about self healing and loving yourself. Thanks for this content. This has happened to me and I’m growing more when I learn about it. It is what it is and I will always strive and prosper.
Something you truly value, whether that be a person a trip, a concert or whatever it may be; if you want it enough you will find a way to make it happen...
This is one of the many reasons why every single guy should have more than one woman on his rotation. If one doesn't reciprocate as she should, you have more choices to go for and always keep busy.
Somehow the Almighty Algorithm knew this happened to me recently and recommended your video - perfect reminder! An ex-gf from 4 years ago has been reaching out to me recently after getting divorced and I figured I'd at least see if she'd grown at all. You pretty much described her behavior 100% through the entire video.
Gentlemen, you must not Simp for her. When you learn to see them, the signs are everywhere. Watch her actions. A woman who tells you she's "super busy" and rarely interacts with you is not worth another second of your time. You are the simp. The free meal ticket. The attention and validation she desperately seeks. If the only time she reaches out to you is when she needs something, back to the streets you must send her.
This is why, when I match with someone online on a dating site, I immediately ask to get her phone number and progress to a phone CALL......I repeat, a phone CALL. None of this texting bullshit, especially when you have never even met before, as it's so impersonal and tedious and a poor indicator of chemistry. And it often screens out the women who are truly interested in meeting up with me, vs the ones who just want attention and a space filler.
100% - texting is for the kids. Can't build any real attraction that way. Phone is way better to build attraction - plus it tests HER attraction. Is she serious enough to give you her number and talk to you? In sales there is a great phrase - you have to give the customer the Lyrics, the Music and the Dance for effective communication. Lyrics is Words i.e. TEXT. Super boring by themselves plus it's not real time and spontaneous. Lyrics and Music is PHONE, i.e. Words and Tone and real time interaction. Finally Lyrics, Music and Dance is the DATE - face to face interaction where body language is added. This is why it's important to get the DATE and get all three forms of communication working for you.
Hey Courtney, I'm not gonna hide the fact that at first I found you annoying but I kept on watching and I figured out that I was delusional in my past. Your view point is straight, to the point and direct which initially had me to refuse that I'm delusional, I kind of enjoy listening and taking notes now. Great job, keep giving men new perspective. P.S. Great hair, really suits you.
Ask her out and if she flakes give her one more chance and if she flakes again, onto the next girl unless she gets back to you, but it's up to her to arrange the date. She's probably got ten guys in her phone that she's playing with, one alpha and nine beta's and you become the fill in guy until she hooks the alpha.
This was my case some 6 years back. A lady in my office liked it when I was giving her the attention, but she never did anything to know me or approach me, or even hang out with me. She was blushing and all and beamed when I gazed at her, but in that 1 year in the office she never even said Hi. I gave up on her after 3 months. Then she started hanging with other colleagues to make me jealous. This video was a final nail in the coffin, it made me realize she never cared about me. Thanks
These points which she is talking about was exactly like my last relationship, of course if we can truly call it that way... And yeah this is a more and more common behaviour from girls even slightly older women from most of my experiences. Using you for THEIR satisfaction while shitting on men in general and carrying a burden from their past relationships which they wont get over and judging YOU by the example of their ex.. even though you might be a good person, loving the women and keep working on a healthy relationship togethet while she is slowly destroying it as days go by...
Hey Courtney, i was wondering if you could cover the “let everything come by itself/come in time” statement or excuse to delay plans or any action taken to improve our relationship. It’s like fooling someone by telling them that “one day we’ll do this/that” and that day ends up eventually never coming because he/she never wanted to commit to doing anything with you.
May *I* chime in? Unless you and she are next-door neighbors, both in the same church group, bowling team, car pool, volunteer drive, have a dozen common friends, etc. - then meetings *have* to be organized, otherwise they simply won't happen. Unless you and she both live in a 19th Century Midwest town (population: 200), there will be NO "accidental" or "serendipitous" meetings.
Courtney you have to do this correctly with these type of women. I've been a full in guy but for several women so if one gives me the "I've been busy" the other girls in the that circle are not and that girl loses her place in my cycle. So I'm always busy I get what I want she gets her attention once in a while from me who ever the girl is in my circle
*This is what I do, if I feel like I am always the one initiating contact....I pull back. Total 180. If she never says anything, I won't either.* If she never does, she wasn't into me anyway. Bye.
If your absence doesn't bother them, then your presence never mattered in the first place
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
This one stung so much, but aye its true
Ohhhh someone's a rapper 😂
Amen
@@CourtneyRyan she calls me and texts me all the time first. I nevr call her. I know her daughters. Her daughters love me. She gives me every sign she wants me me .But for some reason i dont put the effort into her. If i don't hear from her for a couple days i just think theres nothing there, so i end up ghosting her for a week or until she calls me. If it wasnt for her we wouldn't be talking..Idk if im crazy or to cautious and dont want to get my feelings hurt.. i want her but my bad thoughts keep me from going after her..idk what to do.
words & actions do not match 0:28
she won't spend time with you 1:40
it's one sided 3:45
says she is "too busy" 4:39
she brags & talks about herself 24/7 6:08
Thanks ✨
Ah yes, the infamous “I’ve been busy.” line. Usually people will say this to avoid you. People are never too busy for the people they want to make time for. Great video as always Courtney and hopefully you’ll cover the “I’ll let you know.” response in the future! 😁
I remember an old friend I wanted to meet with who responded with "If fate wants it". So yeah. Just delete and move on haha
The “ I’ll let you know” response means let me see if there is anything else I’d rather do that comes up if not I’ll lock in my plans with you.
@@toxicskillerz19tfc63 I know, I just want her to make a video about it for the others that might not know.
Heyyyyyyyy alll, its me!!!! :D
It's been really hectic
Reality just kicked in and I just realized I’m in this exact situation with this girl that I’m seeing. Thanks for the info Courtney.
She played people.
Run
Lol simp
You’re welcome!
Good on you for facing the reality, that is wise. Hope you find a girl who you truly matter to!
Attention is so valuable to women, many are willing to talk, hangout, have a meal, and be driven around by men they DO NOT have any interest in. Because it's that much better than staying at home in silence with nothing to face but your fears and insecurities.
Yep. “too busy” = I don’t see you as high value enough to make time for you. Deep down she views and thinks she is better than you. And as we know, women for the most part want men who are better than them (in some way or another)
Great video!
🙌🏼 thank you!!!
Not for the most part - women ABSOLUTELY want men that are higher SMV than them, however they (subconsciously) decide that. That is simply hypergamy, the hardwired mating strategy for women and every man should learn and internalize how hypergamy and female attraction works because if they don't they will struggle mightily in relationships.
The sad part is most of those women aren't better than you, they just THINK they are. I've seen some of the trashiest girls reject guys who were ten times better than they ever deserved.
@@Mancer1980 That's the whole thing, how do you expect Trash to recognize Treasure? Gents, raise your standards!
@@jleano609 haha true, I'll have to remember that
This is true. The “fill in” guy is there to boost her ego and self esteem to go after the guy she really wants. Knowledgeable vid!!
I usually say the “I’ve been busy” line when I get that infamous “Hey Stranger” text. My time is valuable and I give that time to those who I truly care about, I like to be alone majority of the time so when I say this I don’t want to sound narcissistic or anything.
I used to be this guy, once I started to learn the signs and patterns, i bow out gracefully without struggle and drama and I move forward until that day that I get the “Hey Stranger” text. I am super selective about who I give my energy to.
I had a girl pretty much show me her hand and these were the kind of cards that she was bringing to the table. It immediately changed my perception of her and I basically bowed out gracefully and I kept it short during our interactions.
At the end of the day you’re a human being, not some play thing that gets picked up when a person is bored. You’re better than that, don’t let nobody take advantage of you and do not let anyone waste your time whatsoever.
Don’t be rude to them, call them out on it and if they don’t take accountability because some men and women don’t nowadays just walk away with your dignity and value intact.
Sounds sigma. I wish I could be more like that in life. Interesting summary in any case.
Yes bro. It’s physically impossible to give time to lots of people. It’s really just reserved for certain people in our small circle of friends. Especially if they don’t actually value you for who you are. Drop them, respectfully.
I was that 'fill-in-guy' since 15-18 and for sure it wasn't pleasant especially when my emotions blinded me from those red flags. I've learnt from those situations and I now know that I should ONLY go for the girls that like me instead of forcing myself to getting them to like me. It'll be so much simple for them to say "I'm not interested" instead of just using filter lines like "I'm too busy" and following it up with "I'll let you know" or something like that. It's genuinely exhausting and time consuming for someone who actually wants get into a mature relationship.
All true. I had this same dynamic with a girl for a long while, once I decided to move on and just not engage her anymore, she vanished. I wasn't mad or sad, just sorta astonished. Like, "wow, after all that time she really didn't care about me at all." It happens. Like Courtney said, devote your time to people who value you.
Very true indeed
Same and very true!!
Yep, happened to me too. It does suck. But when a girl just wants attention and validation and does not really want to be with you, and she knows that is what you want, there really is nowhere for it to go. So it is actually better that you never talk to her anymore.
Happened to me too
I was that “Fill-In” Guy. I was a diversion and something to reduce her boredom on the phone. She took no initiative and showed no interest in seeing me. It was lousy.
I think the problem is a lot of us know what we want and how we actually deserve to be treated, but we don’t believe we will ever actually receive it. Therefore, we put up with being treated poorly. If you think about it, a lot of this stuff is common sense. We just refuse to listen to reality.
I mean... Unless you're at least 7/10 in looks, you will feel like you don't matter in life and get treated like shit by women even if you're a multimillionaire. Only exception is if you have a really charismatic personality that really stands out which only a real small percentage of men have... The type of personality that would be able to get a big TH-cam following etc.... In fact, Even most big youtubers don't have the personality it would take to get women attracted to them easily... Most Pick up artists aren't even good either
When you see people like Courtney in this world, you know there is still hope!
Keep up the good work Courtney! God bless you.
Very true, Courtney. Perhaps the same people who accepts being a "fill in guy" are the ones who put a person on a pedestal?
🙌🏼 spot on
Simps
when I get the “i’m too busy” to hangout excuse after asking more than twice, just say “okay let me know when you have a day off” (everyone has at least one day off over a 2 week period) and never contact them first again. if you hear back then make plans but if you don’t then you know that they were wasting time and you can move on.
Even asking twice is too much, only ask once and see what they say. If they say yes, great! If they say no, see if they value your attempts/effort to make plans with them, by seeing if they try to reschedule after saying no. If they say no the first time and dont follow up with an alternative, just leave.
The best advice is to be yourself and do not change for anybody jus to be with them!! Focus on yourself, your health, peace, and completing your goals. And you’ll naturally attract females. Once you are completely focused u can spot a female that’s not good for u a mile away. And lastly pay attention to how they move, talk, and their mindset. A basic ass female love’s attention and can’t really hold a conversation especially a deep conversation
On the money Courtney. Every guy who's dated much at all has known some version of this woman. All men know when they really like someone, they WILL make time for them, somehow they don't apply that knowledge logically from time to time. No one takes advantage of you without your permission.
The fact you even have to talk about this tells you everything you need to know about modern women.
Luckily not all women are the same
@@Daniel-ws9qu oh son, be careful now
@@MrBooYa-yd5er no, Daniel is right. My last girlfriend was an undisciplined cheating pig. My now wife is a complete 180 degrees from that
It’s even uglier when you realize modern men are the perfect victim for them
The last experience I had with a girl was so one sided that it drained the shit out of me. I honestly don’t even want to approach girls anymore. Perhaps I just need time to heal but right now the thought of going out on a date, or reaching out to someone new, doesn’t feel right at all.
Get some therapy from a male orientated therapist. Sounds like you need it. Also check out
"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover
Read 'Treat Women Like Crap And Get More Pu$$y Than An NBA Player" by Dr. Williams Henderson
I know how you feel, Im in a similar situation right now..
@mattmartini836 yea m2. I'm about to send her a text on Monday after mother's day is over. I can't be to mad at myself because I definitely tried and spent money. Bur now I feel I'm just her bank. And I didn't even get as much as a kiss. So after 2months I'm done. I never took this long with a female and now I never will because it still was a waste of time and money
@@vaporfogg3437 man that’s almost identical situation to mine, she never reciprocated back and and I was doing 100% of the pursuing , had 2 dates but then made plans for a third and she didn’t reply back when I tried to confirm on the day and then didn’t reply to another msg so I just left it after that.. so weird because she kissed me both 1st and 2nd date, and there was sexual tension and laughing and everything, no awkward moments.. although I double booked on her by accident and left a week where I pretended I couldn’t catch up (should have worked in my favour those but maybe not)
So strange but she was a Colombian girl and apparently they are big flakes and use ppl
You hit on literally EVERY single point I’ve been dealing with , with a chick who was using me for attention. Had a boyfriend the whole time and never mentioned him once
The fillin guy does have one secret weapon to shake it up, be someone who shocks the hell out of her and be so fucking amazing and seem to just get her with ease. You just promoted yourself to the fill in that became a decision that feels like crossroads in life that changes everything you thought you knew and planned for. You legend you
I’ve had experience in the second one. Funny enough, she didnt like it when i found someone else to hang out with and that someone wanted to hang out with me.
Sounds about right lol
Hey Courtney! Like the new look, that hairstyle really suits you! 😃
I was the fill in guy when I was 19!! She was 22 and really made it appear that she liked me when she had no interest at all. I was just being played. For months I was trying to get her to go out with me but there was always an excuse. There are some girls out there who are just indirectly evil and just love to dangle a boy 👿! I learnt so much from the experience. I’m 31 now and this never happened to me again, I’m very good at reading women now; thanks for video and insights 🙏
I needed this video since this is happening to me right now! Iv been talking to this girl, and she's being flirty over text but when I asked her out she said she's busy. This video made me realize its time to move on! Thanks Courtney!
God I wish this information was available I when I was trying to woo a young lady a few years ago. She did EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of these things, to my annoyance. She texted me damn near constantly, early morning, late at night, and for HOURS we'd have text "conversations". I asked her out, but she just wouldn't commit to a time, despite her assurances that she REALLY wanted to go out with me. What a goddamn waste of time. I'd have noped right the fuck out had this video been available at that time. Thanks Courtney!
Ugh, hate to hear it. But hey… better late than never right? 😂 lol
This is happened to me wayy too many times, more than I like to recognize. Last time this girl started talking to me on Social Media, I didn't take me long to recognize the pattern ( only bragging about herself, talking about abusive exes, 0 interest in anything I have to say) well, for too many negatives there has to be 1 positive, right? She lives in a gorgeous tropical beach área. So I asked what were the chances of me staying with her for a few days to know where she lives, her business, etc. I would definitely stay on a separate room, and help her clean and cook (typical mangina behavior 🤣). She agreed! So I did as promised, payed some attention to what she had to say, but by the afternoon I was like I think I'm gonna go to check out the beach... So I found a nice shaded spot, got some beers 🍻 and have the most awesomest time all by myself, I even got to meet ppl from all over the world. And all I have to do was to listen to her rambling for a few hours, and got myself a super awesome vacation. BTW there's no way I could afford to stay on that area on my own...
Hi Courtney, I strongly believe in the meaning if "Actions speak louder than words" because it's true, you can say so many things but they mean nothing but your intentions/actions say volumes. If a girl really wants to see me as an example, she will find a way to see me no matter the time of the day and if it's a bunch of excuses, I don't want to waste my time
I pretty much figured this out a couple weeks ago. Courtney, I’d say dang you were too late for me but I recognized it from watching your previous videos.
This is a confirmation that I’m learning!
Thanks Courtney!
I’m so glad my videos helped! Thanks for sharing with me ❤️ and thanks for being here!
Its a learning curve, bro. We have all been there. The important part is not to make the same mistake over and over again. Because women are not on this planet to keep the species going, but are here to punish weak men. They are here to weed out weakness in men. Think of it like that. Its a tough but valuable lesson to learn.
Honestly, this doesn't just apply to early stages. You can be in a fairly full blown BF/GF relationship and still essentially be the placeholder or fill-in guy until someone better comes along. You'll know this because you always feel like she's not giving you as much as you are prepared to give her, she's looking for validation but not giving it back and is subtly critical and generally the relationship is a bit lopsided.
The ultimate test is: is she making rules for you wrt the relationship? If she's limiting her time, her validation or her intimacy then ultimately she does not see you as her hypergamous best option (high SMV Alpha option) and sooner or later someone is going to come along and she'll cheat, monkey branch or just go colder and colder over time. I lived this in an early relationship as an Engineering student, the girl just didn't see me as her best option, She was an musical student/artistic type and I wasn't and I just couldn't be the guy that she really really wanted at that point in her life, but I was the guy that was there for her and conventionally high-value (i.e. to family and social circle) so I just filled the boyfriend role for her, boosting her social status.
After about a year, when that seemingly dream artistic guy landed in her lap she cheated in a heartbeat and monkey branched and I was OUT. But ultimately she was young and naive, the guy was a complete Chad and it only lasted a couple of months with him. Several other failed relationships later she ended up marrying a software sales manager when she hit epiphany phase around 28. So she came full circle in a sense and had to settle for a fairly conventional dude.
Meanwhile a few years after we broke up I'd met a 20yo Physio Student who was straightforward and giving and completely fell into my frame. My SMV was even higher as I was now working in London in Oil and Gas and I was super high value to this girl. Let me tell you, when you are the hypergamous best option to an attractive girl then man, you get a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. She will crawl over broken glass to be with you and break all her rules, even her life plans, to be with you. That's what you've got to have for LTR and Marriage, Miss Ride or Die. That's why building your value is so important for serious relationships - you've got to have that gap in SMV and get into SMV 8-10 range so those attractive girl-next-door SMV 6-7 girls just think you are the Bees Knees. Treat that girl well and retain your own attractiveness and that's about the best chance of long term success you can get. I'm 30 years with that girl this year.
Amen that is the absolute truth, been there before myself
Remember. She's not yours, its just your turn.
Hell thank you, thats the exact Situation i am in but cant explain to anybody. Damn, i fucked that last year so Up. Thank you
That was a great story. You sound really smart my guy.
You have to be someone that stands out though.. Either have a bomb ass charismatic personality that can make her smile and laugh with ease, be actually good looking, or be wealthy.... Take your pick... so many average looking men think acting monotone nice while working a dead end job is enough to cut it when it hasn't been enough for 10+ years now
From my experience as a husband, the "fill in guy" needs to be chased away. He will wait YEARS for his opportunity. He also tends to not care about the girl's current relationship. Fill in guy is almost the same as male orbiter. It is disrespectful for any woman in a relationship to have this "fill in guy" so men beware...Stomp it out.
OMG!!! Thank you so much Courtney! I was curious to hear you talk about this and as soon as you said that the words don't match the actions I was all ears because this is 100% on point!
I’m so glad! Thanks for watching ❤️
Good Job Courtney , 👍 I was gonna critique ya a little , then
Then I realized May B you Your Truth can get past a gals ears & they Get it . . l will keep 😳 U
Already been this guy.... she gave me many signs, flirting in person and on text, seeming interested. Then when I'd ask her out, she'd always make excuses. So I decided to tell her, I don't like these excuses, if you like me you can ask me out. Then she told me not to give up because she has trust issues and stuff. She has lots of mental health issues, which is sad, but she used that as an excuse to not hang out with me, despite just not wanting to. I felt like if I ditched her, I'd be the bad guy because of all her issues. Turns outs she was lying about liking me the whole time, even when I asked her straight up "do u like me". One of her best friends was also telling me that this girl liked me and was giving me advice. This friend claims that she genuinely thought the girl was interested but I find it hard to believe that she would lie to her friend about liking me. So I just got completely played for attention and some ab pics
Mental health issues? Girls love to parade these nowadays. It’s a behavioral “Get Out of Jail Free Card”. Rarely is it actually true but even if not it’s a Massive Red Flag either way. RUN!
Avoid women who have mental/emotional issues, they will drive you crazy. Find someone else...
Bpd... run next time. You must not going around saving women, they will hate you for that
Best channel I've ever found. I wish more women had the same mindset and self-worth as you do!
Courtney i like how you got straight to the point on this topic and trying to help make our dating lives easier. I definitely agree that we watch what people do not what they say. Women actions speak louder especially in early stages of dating. This video falls in line with your TH-cam short you posted a few days ago. Keep being the best, have a lovely weekend. Also be safe with this crazy cold weather ok 😊🙏🏽💙☕
🙌🏼❤️ thanks Georgio! Have a great weekend!
I learned this the hard way recently it crushed me
Yes, Courtney, these are all excellent points and reasons to be cautious. Having a Master's Degree in Leykis 101, I've learned to translate women into English. The 'Fill-in' guy, translated into the woman, keeps the man in the 'bull pen' while she may be bonking someone else. She has more than one man in the 'bull pen' though each man doesn't know they're in the 'bull pen' with numerous men. This is similar to what you, Courtney, described as being in the 'friend zone.' Once you're in the 'bullpen,' 'friend zone,' it's doubtful you will ever be invited out. For those who are invited out, this is most likely a temporary event. Remember that she has a lot of 'bullpen,' 'friend zone' men to invite out when she sees you don't have the resources to sustain the lifestyle she thinks she deserves.
Regards
Never had this happen while dating, but I did when I was looking for a job, many years back. Had a female recruiter, who kept stringing me along, with promises of a job offer any day now.... I eventually figured out she was just using me to justify her own employment, with no actual work being done. I feel sorry for the fools who hired her, and wonder how long it took them to discover her shenanigans. 😭😂
literally just cut off this type of person yesterday! definitely never settle for being someone's texting buddy if you know you want more than that! goes for men and women!
to be fair though, if the dude never expresses he wants to date her and just expects her one day to ask him out after months of texting, that is all on him for being an idiot
I text as little as possible
Spot on, Court!
Guys, you’ll know very fast when you’re the “something to do when there is nothing to do” guy.
These are all solid indicators. Some of us see these as obvious or pick up in it intuitively, but some guys are either completely oblivious or can’t see the forest through the trees when they’re in it to realize what’s happening
"Her words and actions do not match"... sounds like a former girlfriend of mine. In fact, she did several of the items mentioned here. I wish I had the info you give us guys Courtney when I started dating her. Heck, I probably would have not dated her in the first place!
I've been the fill in guy and fell victim to every single talking point Courtney hit on in this video. It's a mind f*** and it sucks hard. The only good thing about going through this is now I know what pitfalls to avoid. So I won't be in another situation like this again. Take it easy on yourselves, gents!
This is spot on. Usually she likes another guy who won't change or text her back, and you are the fill in to give her strength to keep waiting for that guy. I've been on both sides of that equation.
Courtney out here looking out for us.. she’s literally the friend I need in my life because she deals straight and understands being kind & cool does NOT equal marriage/relationship
As a human patience is one of the best skills to develop, sometimes you are only the fill in because she isn’t comfortable with you yet. Let women come to you but always be kind and cordial and open to new experiences. If she doesn’t atleast put in effort to move the social dynamic forward find somebody who will.
@surfer300ZX Are you serious? A girl can find you attractive yet not comfortable around you. They don't know your intentions or even if you are a murderer. You don't live the experience of a women so stop trying to project your own experience on them. Especially in the realm of online dating where you are only a picture.
Think its very common these days to be easily manipulated, it's good that you have highlighted the warning signs Courtney 👍
Im experiecing all of these things at the same time. Ended up cutting her off and blocking her, now she's calling every day...I'm never going back. I was nothing but straightforward, honest, and genuine with her and she played🤷🏾♂️
Wow, never even thought about someone addressing this subject. Happens to all of us here and there. Really informative content!
Not only did this happen to me, but it was different. she always FaceTimed me every morning and night and would even kiss me. I talked to her about what we wanted and we agreed on our boundaries. When her actions didn’t line up with her words I called things off. Then she started making out with me multiple times making me think sex was an option and I just needed to be patient. As long as I was doing what she wanted she was fine but if I went against the grain there was stonewalling, gaslighting and deflection. She would even get jealous of other women. I endured verbal abuse, emotional abuse and constant manipulation for months. Finally I blocked her and called it quits. She never cared about me, only the attention I gave to her. If their actions don’t line up with their words, it’s time to walk.
Been there, done that. Avoid it at all costs my friends.
I think I was that guy Courtney. ☹ I was into a woman. We talked. We send pictures. We shared thoughts. She acted as she was liking me for a long time. But we never properly dated. Then at some point a new guy, appeared on her social media. He started giving her likes and hearts to all her post. Every single one. At first I thought he's one of those orbiters guys, cause she had a few. That until this Christmas, when she "accidentally" posted a picture into that guy's car. That's when I realised they are together. Most painful experience of my life. I never cried on Christmas before, but this year did. Those emotions, the disappointment, the loss, feeling unworthy, I just couldn't help it. 😩
Now she keeps her relationship a secret. She keeps posting pictures of herself traveling to different places, but she's always single, though you realise someone is taking her photos as not all of them are selfies. Then her social media status is set to "single", and she even post silly memes of being single. Yet that guy is always there liking all her posts, and he does that within a minute or less. He's always there no matter what.
So I took her posts pretending to be alone, and I asked her out. Telling her that if she's single, to go out with me and have fun. I also asked for her number. Guess what happened? She didn't said if she's single, didn't gave her number, and said that she's too tired from work to go out.
I don't understand women. If they don't want anything with you, why don't you say from the very first time, and not giving me false hope. Just because I'm a guy, means I can take it? I have feelings too. And it hurts badly to feel both rejected and used at the same time.
Think on this though - would you want to be the guy she is with if that's how she acts? She's still looking to trade up or at the very least she's seeking external validation through SM. And he's actively simping for her in this regards. Believe me when I say you dodged a bullet there.
@@jleano609 You are right J. A part of me still wants her. It's too soon. But I know what you're saying. If you start asking yourself proper questions, like "Is this the type of woman you want to marry?" or "would she be a capable mother to my children?". Worst part is I feel cheated, even though we weren't together. I had a lot of trust in her, in her honesty, integrity etc. She never warned me there's another guy in the picture, or that she likes someone or anything. Everything she's done was keept highly secret.
@@jleano609 And you are right about another thing. She does like attention and validation a lot. She's very active on facebook. There isn't a day to not post or share something. Most of the time, silly jokes and memes, nothing of quality about herself for example. It's stupid really, as we're both in our thirties not teenagers.
@@sherwood5103 I get it, I'm sure she's physically attractive - and she knows it. And she gave you some online attention. And you believed it, trusted her and started building castles in your mind. Because you are lonely, right? That's what women of this type prey on though. They are attention Wh*res. And in her 30s this girl is now addicted to the point she can't do without it even if and when she's got a guy. Believe me when I say, you don't want that girl, you only want the version of her you've built in your mind.
So take the lesson and get out there and beat your scarcity mindset which got you into this over-invested situation in the first place. Work on yourself and if any attractive women get on your radar , by all means talk a bit but be asking them out pretty soon. No sending pictures or sharing thoughts before. SAVE IT FOR THE DATE. No Date, just move on. Don't give your GOLD away for free. You are worth more than that BROTHER.
@@sherwood5103 agree with @J Leano - she's in her thirties & doing what you've described? Yeah, doesn't sound good & definitely not a good look. As hard as it may be to think in this frame - be thankful she's with another guy. Good luck to you bro.
In my experience this is the #1 cause why guys stop pursuing the really great women.
Because a lot of girls pretend to be that great, even around "fill-in" guys.
You really gotta be careful as a guy even in the relationship
I recently went through something like this. It can be very disheartening.
Keep in mind, guys. Every situation needs attention to details, and not every situation is identical, or even similar. You have the knowledge you need to make the judgment calls on your life, so, when you learn that this is you, just remember, NUKE THE BRIDGE!!! Don't try to "win her over". Don't bother trying to sabotage every relationship she has after you. That is classless behavior, and this WILL spill into every potential relationship you have after this. The friend zone needs to be heavily discouraged, if you ever want to see it die the death it so rightfully deserves.
No one is ever too busy to make time. Either she's into you and will make time to date, call, text or she's not interested. Took me forever to get this in my head and value myself
i wish i had watched this video few months back so that i could have spent my precious time into someone who is really genuine instead of these fake attention seekers.
Yes!...You are painfully correct to all of the hopeless romantics out there. Love ❤ is a two way street & always takes priority when 2 people are mutually in love and attracted to each other. You have to feel the love and it should always be reciprocal. When you know better....you do better! Thanx Court for having everyones back on this sensitive subject!!!
I'm definitely one of these people rn so this video has come at the right time 😂
I hope it helps!!
I watched this video about a month ago when I suspected I might be in one of these scenarios. At that time, I managed to convince myself this wasn’t the case, even though quite literally all of the warning signs Courtney is mentioning were there.
Wish I had listened to my gut/courtney one month ago .
This LITERALLY happened to me recently. She said she wanted to be single and she praised me nonstop. She then turns around and hooks up with another guy after she said all that. The biggest takeaway is ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. And I do feel like I was lied to, but I'm glad I get to walk away free and learn a valuable lesson from it. The whole time, she was a fake friend.
Courtney, I really could've used your videos in undergrad. Glad someone like yourself setting the record straight for men!
Everything you said 100% describes a women I dated briefly. You hit the nail on the head with each point. Hind sight is 20/20 and I now see this is exactly how she played me and that she wasn't genuinely interested. Even while I was with her I had this nagging feeling in my gut, that this isn't going to last. Always trust your gut. She ended it with the , "it's not you it's me" (yes, she literally said those words.) and talked about how busy she is and not interested in a relationship. We met on a dating app and after we stopped seeing each other guess who I ran into on the app again? Yep, actions speak louder then words.
From this experience I've come up with a standard when it comes to dating. She needs to be good too me, good for me and what we have is fair and balanced. If she doesn't measure up to those things then she's gone.
Thanks for putting this video out there and giving guys the insight and knowledge they need to negotiate dating and dealing with women.
Some helpful tips, be a good guy, not the nice guy, because that makes you a doormat and she will never respect you, don't make plans and ask her to come along, make plans and invite her because if you give her the opportunity to say no, she likely will say no, and, another big one is no free attention, and no compliments on her physical appearance! Nothing wrong with telling her that stripes look really good on her or that she did well with her hair but I don't give compliments on physical appearances anymore and I get them all the time instead; think about, if she wants compliments on her physical self, she will post a picture online and let thousands of betas swarm her notifications panel
Beautiful is not a strong enough word to describe the perspectives of this awesome lady, among other things. 🙂
I never get in this fill in guy situation up until now and I didn't get it. I never even thought that someone can be that immature... That girl is always texting you, texting you first and everything, talks to you and flirt with you but want hang out with you and with that comes words don't match actions. Thanks for the video, this was the first channel I ever reached when it comes to dating and I think that you are very objective and realistic... When you people find yourself out in this kind of situation (male or female), stop wasting your time, if you called them out 2 times, they said no, walk away if they really want something with you, they will reach you. If you really care about someone it is not hard to message first and ask out...
Wow. I'm learning this the hard way right now. Thank you for opening my eyes to this.
You're absolutely right about the fill in guy you're so right about everything you said I was putting a lot of time and effort with a the woman online it was just a waste of time you have to be 50/50 in the relationship for it to work out and she has to be into you like you said not all one sided you are a very good coach for me I put a thumbs up on all your videos very helpful to me I think you are so kind Courtney Ryan
Exactly we all have our phones in our faces this is 90% of the time.
I watched several of your videos. I really like your positive and healthy approach. I want to tell you that the Nerds win after age 55, if they date a woman in their age group. Suddenly there are more attractive women in the over 55 age group looking for a stable man than there are stable men for many reasons. This is something I have not seen in any of your videos. I still think your videos are very good for men. Thank you.
Why date a woman your own age in your 50's? When I married my wife In was 35 and she was 27.
lol OMG guys don't know when they are this? Good on you for posting about it, it's good advice.
I had one mistake me as her fill in. She had a sense of honor and admitted it to me, as she wanted to be fair to me. I told her I had no idea she felt that way, and that I didn't have interest in her past just being buddies, so it's actually totally fine. She had the weirdest look of surprise, relief and almost offense all at once (she's cool we remained very good friends from then on). We ended up having a good laugh about it.
Damn near the story of my dating life 😂. Took alot to break these habits.. The jury is still out though on the particular outcome currently smh.. sad to say.. But almost there..👍🏾
The information given here really resonated with me.
I was recently involved in a relationship with a younger female who gave me all of these red flags from this video and more. When I spotted her walking with her "ex" while "wanting space" from me, I decided right then and there to cut my losses. I had a feeling for a while that I was being strung along or made to be the "side guy". Never again will I want to be involved with someone like that. Thinking about how all of this ties with my situation makes my blood boil.
Your points are pretty much dead on. Got my sub and will watch more of your stuff.
Also she's 100% correct. There's no such thing as "I'm busy". Take the hint and don't be suckered by it. You'll know when there's interest.
this isn't true... People who work stressful jobs may not want to always go out on their days off, but either way, it should always be obvious if she cares enough to want to date you or not
98% of the time i realized i was set up for the "fill in trap" and backed away, i also noticed they had a minimum of 2-3 fill in guys.
Some girls are not interested and some are pathological attention seekers.
In both cases learn to recognize and retreat.
I push them away because I don't want to get trapped as the fill in guy as i have experienced it a lot.
Can totally relate, happened to me many times in the past but the worst was two years ago with some girl on Snapchat who did is this stuff. Unfortunately, I was very inexperienced and almost became somewhat in denial of he constant excuses why we couldn’t meet. 100% she was a gold digger.
Just seen this video because you caught my attention when you talked about self healing and loving yourself. Thanks for this content. This has happened to me and I’m growing more when I learn about it. It is what it is and I will always strive and prosper.
Good words there, and yes notification squad for Courtney Ryan 😊
Appreciate you ❤️
I added your video to my playlist "Do this and I'm leaving" Thank you and congrats.
Something you truly value, whether that be a person a trip, a concert or whatever it may be; if you want it enough you will find a way to make it happen...
This is one of the many reasons why every single guy should have more than one woman on his rotation. If one doesn't reciprocate as she should, you have more choices to go for and always keep busy.
Somehow the Almighty Algorithm knew this happened to me recently and recommended your video - perfect reminder! An ex-gf from 4 years ago has been reaching out to me recently after getting divorced and I figured I'd at least see if she'd grown at all. You pretty much described her behavior 100% through the entire video.
One too many times. Thanks for the helpful info 🙌🏻
Gentlemen, you must not Simp for her. When you learn to see them, the signs are everywhere. Watch her actions. A woman who tells you she's "super busy" and rarely interacts with you is not worth another second of your time. You are the simp. The free meal ticket. The attention and validation she desperately seeks. If the only time she reaches out to you is when she needs something, back to the streets you must send her.
Amen
I like Courtney Ryan she knows women well❤
This is why, when I match with someone online on a dating site, I immediately ask to get her phone number and progress to a phone CALL......I repeat, a phone CALL. None of this texting bullshit, especially when you have never even met before, as it's so impersonal and tedious and a poor indicator of chemistry. And it often screens out the women who are truly interested in meeting up with me, vs the ones who just want attention and a space filler.
I do the same. Once I hear the bs, I leave it alone.
100% - texting is for the kids. Can't build any real attraction that way. Phone is way better to build attraction - plus it tests HER attraction. Is she serious enough to give you her number and talk to you?
In sales there is a great phrase - you have to give the customer the Lyrics, the Music and the Dance for effective communication. Lyrics is Words i.e. TEXT. Super boring by themselves plus it's not real time and spontaneous. Lyrics and Music is PHONE, i.e. Words and Tone and real time interaction. Finally Lyrics, Music and Dance is the DATE - face to face interaction where body language is added. This is why it's important to get the DATE and get all three forms of communication working for you.
@@jleano609 agreed. I only use texting as a quick confirmation AFTER we’ve spoke on the phone and got a sense of each other
I've been through this, really appreciate u shedding light on it👍 good video thank you 👏👏👏
Great advice. I really like the way you "tell it like it is," with blunt advice. You don't beat around the bush! Thanks so much.
Hey Courtney, I'm not gonna hide the fact that at first I found you annoying but I kept on watching and I figured out that I was delusional in my past. Your view point is straight, to the point and direct which initially had me to refuse that I'm delusional, I kind of enjoy listening and taking notes now.
Great job, keep giving men new perspective.
P.S. Great hair, really suits you.
Ask her out and if she flakes give her one more chance and if she flakes again, onto the next girl unless she gets back to you, but it's up to her to arrange the date. She's probably got ten guys in her phone that she's playing with, one alpha and nine beta's and you become the fill in guy until she hooks the alpha.
This was my case some 6 years back. A lady in my office liked it when I was giving her the attention, but she never did anything to know me or approach me, or even hang out with me. She was blushing and all and beamed when I gazed at her, but in that 1 year in the office she never even said Hi. I gave up on her after 3 months.
Then she started hanging with other colleagues to make me jealous. This video was a final nail in the coffin, it made me realize she never cared about me. Thanks
Stay away from women at work. You don't want some woman getting you fired.
@@stevec3526 Yeah, that was long time back
These points which she is talking about was exactly like my last relationship, of course if we can truly call it that way... And yeah this is a more and more common behaviour from girls even slightly older women from most of my experiences. Using you for THEIR satisfaction while shitting on men in general and carrying a burden from their past relationships which they wont get over and judging YOU by the example of their ex.. even though you might be a good person, loving the women and keep working on a healthy relationship togethet while she is slowly destroying it as days go by...
Hey Courtney, i was wondering if you could cover the “let everything come by itself/come in time” statement or excuse to delay plans or any action taken to improve our relationship.
It’s like fooling someone by telling them that “one day we’ll do this/that” and that day ends up eventually never coming because he/she never wanted to commit to doing anything with you.
It's simply another way of saying the same thing. A woman does that game on you, walk...
May *I* chime in? Unless you and she are next-door neighbors, both in the same church group, bowling team, car pool, volunteer drive, have a dozen common friends, etc. - then meetings *have* to be organized, otherwise they simply won't happen. Unless you and she both live in a 19th Century Midwest town (population: 200), there will be NO "accidental" or "serendipitous" meetings.
Again, great content! I recently experienced this.
Courtney, I love your videos! I always rewatch your videos if I'm stuck on something then I'll accept it then move on in life!
If someone uses the word “busy” even once but doesn’t offer another day and time I’m done with them.
Courtney you have to do this correctly with these type of women. I've been a full in guy but for several women so if one gives me the "I've been busy" the other girls in the that circle are not and that girl loses her place in my cycle. So I'm always busy I get what I want she gets her attention once in a while from me who ever the girl is in my circle
“Stop being a sample for someone who’s hungry for your attention. When you can be worth a whole meal from someone who will be full from it.”
*This is what I do, if I feel like I am always the one initiating contact....I pull back. Total 180. If she never says anything, I won't either.* If she never does, she wasn't into me anyway. Bye.
Dealing with women is easy. There is three zones:"fuck no", grey zone, "fuck yes". If it's not last - move on.