"You can't punish someone relentlessly and expect them to keep going". I should know this but for some reason I didn't. Hearing it from someone else so eloquently really helps. I just wish I'd known it 18 months ago.
I love this. As a young man who has deep seeded insecurities set from childhood, I needed to hear this. I know there are young men (and women) all over the world who have experienced far worse trauma than myself and I hope this reaches those young men around the world. This content should be available in as many languages as possible. I’m taking more of an effort now after 28 years of failure, towards becoming a strong individual who loves himself. At the end of the day, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves, for the people we care most about if we do not love ourselves and have self worth. I hope this video reaches everyone who needs it!
I’ve had a lot of issues with the opposite of this as well. I feel cruel for outshining people. I feel sad about showing them what I’m working on if it might intimidate them. I don’t trust them to be inspired - I wait for them to start mentally cutting me down to eradicate feelings of inferiority. At moments I feel deeply talented, but am perplexed by an inferiority complex that’s built to prevent a million eyes from burning me with their judgment.
Yeah I sometimes play dumb or ignorant around some people I know bc they have called be arrogant or a know it all and I don't want to be perceived that way. maybe I should not give a damn?
I always play dumb because I've learned people will like you more. Do this as a test and you will see. I leave comments on youtube and throw in my accomplishments to provide reason on why I know what I'm talking about. It litterally pisses everyone off and they attack you. People feel more safe to share their real thoughts online. So you get to see how people really think. It's scary. So I just pretend to be a nobody in real life. My accomplishments are almost unfair so its just best to hide it and act dumb.
2:42 I needed to hear this. I need to embrace this. And I know I can because I live here and I’ll do what it takes to make sure I’m not letting my past trauma get in the way of a future with her.
i neex validation to be able to see that i am good enough, because i dont feel good enough and i always feel like a failure. Its axtually rlly hard to loce myself
My partner is very smart, has an IQ of 140 while I'm utterly average. He has a high paying job while I struggle financially. I am very ambitious in my job as an artist and athlete and I envy his intelligence and get frustrated sometimes seeing him so successful and so lazy at the same time!
@@Bmoby1 never, ever. But sometimes I feel treated like a child when he does things for me saying "it would be faster if I do it myself" or "don't bother, it's easier for me". It comes from a good place but what I hear is "you're not smart enough".
@@lilamysticwoods I am in similar situation , my girlfriend is the one who is way way more accomplished than I am, and she says things like that also coming from a good place. Makes me feel a bit less. Although I admit I'm not the fastest or the most focused (ADD i have)
I LOVED this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear as I’ve been going through relatable circumstances off-late. SO helpful and on-point to responding to the prompt question.
Thanks for covering this, I have a lot of issues with this with all my online friends, I can’t handle it when somebody ghosts me or makes a mean joke about me and because of this, everyone always takes advantage of it for a few quick laughs and it’s ruining my friendships.
Fking LOOOOOOVE THIS SHOW!! I'm french 🇫🇷 and using all of your tips like crazy. Even if I'm single during this pandemic 🤦🏻♀️ do you have any tips for singles in these times?
Emotional validation is essential in any healthy relationship. It is the foundation that builds emotional intelligence and intimate connection. It tells a person you give a damn what they are going through. If you dont give a damn, you are using and exploiting that person. You want them for what they do for you, not for pleasure in them. If you find them" too needy", you are making an ignorant value judgement. Theres no right to tell someone else what feelings they are and arent allowed to have. You need to be accountable for your own boundaries, instead of making someone else "wrong".
It's like you people didn't watch the video or maybe emotionally abusive yourself. Or maybe you're an idiot? Emotional validation is fine when logically necessary. But if you are putting all your emotional work on your partner (ie requiring them to say "yes I think you're smart, attractive, important etc" in order to feel good about yourself at all) every single day you are abusive. Full stop. That's forcing your partner to babysit you through your own emotions. That's not even love. That's exploitation of a partners good will and empathy to take a shortcut on dealing with your own poor mental health.
This is exactly what I'm going through. My partner has an extremely high IQ, gets concepts easily, good at everything he does.. I feel not good enough, not pretty enough, stupid, etc. I don't seek validation from anyone but him but it exhausts him because I'm not confident in myself. I have a lot of strengths. I am an artist myself-- I do hyperrealism.. I relate to you guys a lot in this. I'm tired of not feeling good enough when it's a lie.
Emotional invalidating your spouse is somewhat emotional dysregulation becuase people are allowed to feel the way they feel. It's part of being who they are. There's no such think as being needy, thats what someone says when they aren't getting their own way. It's criticising the other person. Remember, we need compassion and empathy. This isn't relationship coaching, it's allowing people to justify their inappropriate behaviour. If one is superior, they need to seek therapy becuase its highly likely that they will live in a world of delusional thought and will pick on their partner for not meeting their unrealistic expectations.
Constantly forcing your partner to emotionally validate you is abusive. It's not "oh I'm going through a hard time I need some reassurance" it's "every single day I need my partner to run down the entire list of my insecurities and if they don't do that I feel bad about myself". That's unhealthy and toxic for both parties. It infantilizes one and parentifies the other. Gross that you're trying to justify it. I'm guessing you're quite emotionally immature.
Imagine being Tinkerbell, shining her fairy light autonomously 99% of the time…. but every once in a while, when her light inevitably dims, and the only way to relight her spark is through someone, anyone clapping 👏 for her….. only briefly and minimally externally dependent for encouragement and reassurance in a matter of seconds…… to sustain her autonomy and her glow….. irony being that minimalism being vital to her very existence and life. Moral of the story: when you see someone struggling and exposing their vulnerability, visibly in need of a “battery jump” to relight their spark….. DONT judge them. Don’t prey on their vulnerability. Because it takes COURAGE and STRENGTH to be vulnerable. It takes bravery to identify and express one’s innate needs and effort to ask for help. Humans are wired and dependent on connection and the need to feel understood and valued to be whole. ALWAYS check yourself to put yourself in their position and imagine how you’d feel if you were them…… I hate the expression “hurt people hurt people”!!! More than anything else because it’s the unfortunate truth. Stop the perpetuating, destructive cycle. Heal. Forgive. Because it’s just as true that “healed people heal people”. Be the one who hears the one who feels unheard; see the one who feels unseen….. Shine your light and share your flame to brighten the world. Always remember it’s nothing but contagious and spreads like wildfire 🔥 “If the house just keeps on winning, I got a wildcard up my sleeve, And if love keeps giving me lemons, I’ll just mix ‘em in my drink And if the whole wide world stops singing, And all the stars go dark I’ll keep a light on in my soul Keep a bluebird in my heart ❤️🪺🕯️
Have you talked to him about how you feel? And if you have and this is still occurring, maybe reconsider if this is a relationship worth being in. Of course I acknowledge that this is not a simple decision at all. You could be married or have children which always makes things more complex. It really depends on the context of the situation you are in. Are you dependent on him financially, live together? I know all of these things matter. Is this your first relationship or have you had experiences like this before? I only ask because if you have a feeling this person is playing on your insecurities, I'd tell you to run while you can, that is the definition of a 'toxic' relationship and a person emotionally abusing you.
My husband constantly needs validation sexually he's constantly watching videos on how to be perfect in bed. It's getting to a point where I feel like I'm being used as a test dummy instead of us having fun and connecting. I've lost my sex drive because of this 😢
Entirely untrue that neediness is the most undesirable character. For those of us with anxious attachment style. That is what we desire the most. Someone who wants us to validate them more than anything. Is that unhealthy, yes? That doesn't make it undesirable. Wake up dude
might be because in most cases saying a person is smart overlooks the hard work they have done to achieve what they may have achieved. For example, most academically smart people are hard workers, they read a lot. When you say they are 'smart' its like they didn't read that much
The set colors and the colors of their clothing are so staged and arranged that its almost distracting. Not sure if I like it or dislike it. Absolutly love the content though. 👌
False : the hungry need reflection for it's validation : the rest is a roll-over for turning worm : your daddy-stockholm! -- reclaim the Scapegoat or be lost in fake is.Real & Love is not pretending.
I disagree. What’s the point of having an intimate relationship with someone who never validates what you say or how you feel? There is no real emotional connection.
It’s not about never validating someone. It’s about the constant everyday need of validation. Imagine your S/O constantly putting themselves down and asking you the same questions everyday about their looks, their weight, whether or not you think someone else looks better than them, etc. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be validate or clingy from time to time. But EVERYDAY? Stop it. At some point you need to learn to love yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you.
![[UNCUT] เก็บ "สจ.โต้ง" เอี่ยวมาเฟีย รู้ตัวคนบงการ ก่อนสั่งลั่นไก I คนดังนั่งเคลียร์ I 13 ธ.ค.67](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/o-J_p62D40w/mqdefault.jpg)
Ive come to the conclusion the answer is to work on your anxiety in the case of anxious attachment. Learning how relationships work also helps a lot.
Lisa You are so much more than you or Tim believes. You are unusual because you have become you, with humility and without ego.
"You can't punish someone relentlessly and expect them to keep going".
I should know this but for some reason I didn't. Hearing it from someone else so eloquently really helps. I just wish I'd known it 18 months ago.
If you don't love the process in and of its self ..you'll be miserable......sooooooo true Tom. Thank you!. 😇🥰
That is bullshit
*Don’t wait for miracles, your whole life is a miracle.*
Love this!❤
I love this. As a young man who has deep seeded insecurities set from childhood, I needed to hear this. I know there are young men (and women) all over the world who have experienced far worse trauma than myself and I hope this reaches those young men around the world. This content should be available in as many languages as possible. I’m taking more of an effort now after 28 years of failure, towards becoming a strong individual who loves himself. At the end of the day, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves, for the people we care most about if we do not love ourselves and have self worth. I hope this video reaches everyone who needs it!
I’ve had a lot of issues with the opposite of this as well. I feel cruel for outshining people. I feel sad about showing them what I’m working on if it might intimidate them. I don’t trust them to be inspired - I wait for them to start mentally cutting me down to eradicate feelings of inferiority. At moments I feel deeply talented, but am perplexed by an inferiority complex that’s built to prevent a million eyes from burning me with their judgment.
Yeah I sometimes play dumb or ignorant around some people I know bc they have called be arrogant or a know it all and I don't want to be perceived that way. maybe I should not give a damn?
I always play dumb because I've learned people will like you more. Do this as a test and you will see. I leave comments on youtube and throw in my accomplishments to provide reason on why I know what I'm talking about. It litterally pisses everyone off and they attack you. People feel more safe to share their real thoughts online. So you get to see how people really think. It's scary. So I just pretend to be a nobody in real life. My accomplishments are almost unfair so its just best to hide it and act dumb.
This!
I dont mind being with someone who needs to be assured.
2:42 I needed to hear this. I need to embrace this. And I know I can because I live here and I’ll do what it takes to make sure I’m not letting my past trauma get in the way of a future with her.
I'm straight and I STILL love her shoes.
i neex validation to be able to see that i am good enough, because i dont feel good enough and i always feel like a failure. Its axtually rlly hard to loce myself
My partner is very smart, has an IQ of 140 while I'm utterly average. He has a high paying job while I struggle financially. I am very ambitious in my job as an artist and athlete and I envy his intelligence and get frustrated sometimes seeing him so successful and so lazy at the same time!
Is he in some way bringing up his status compare to yours, belittling you?
@@dareartes4232 I admit it's a judgement on my part, by lazy I mean that he has a low level of energy.
@@Bmoby1 never, ever. But sometimes I feel treated like a child when he does things for me saying "it would be faster if I do it myself" or "don't bother, it's easier for me". It comes from a good place but what I hear is "you're not smart enough".
@@lilamysticwoods I am in similar situation , my girlfriend is the one who is way way more accomplished than I am, and she says things like that also coming from a good place. Makes me feel a bit less. Although I admit I'm not the fastest or the most focused (ADD i have)
@@dareartes4232 I love this new way of looking at things, thanks!
Tom is a really good listener!
I LOVED this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear as I’ve been going through relatable circumstances off-late. SO helpful and on-point to responding to the prompt question.
Thanks for covering this, I have a lot of issues with this with all my online friends, I can’t handle it when somebody ghosts me or makes a mean joke about me and because of this, everyone always takes advantage of it for a few quick laughs and it’s ruining my friendships.
Y’all are awesome! Blessings to you both. 🙂
Fking LOOOOOOVE THIS SHOW!! I'm french 🇫🇷 and using all of your tips like crazy. Even if I'm single during this pandemic 🤦🏻♀️ do you have any tips for singles in these times?
Emotional validation is essential in any healthy relationship. It is the foundation that builds emotional intelligence and intimate connection.
It tells a person you give a damn what they are going through. If you dont give a damn, you are using and exploiting that person. You want them for what they do for you, not for pleasure in them.
If you find them" too needy", you are making an ignorant value judgement. Theres no right to tell someone else what feelings they are and arent allowed to have.
You need to be accountable for your own boundaries, instead of making someone else "wrong".
It's like you people didn't watch the video or maybe emotionally abusive yourself. Or maybe you're an idiot? Emotional validation is fine when logically necessary. But if you are putting all your emotional work on your partner (ie requiring them to say "yes I think you're smart, attractive, important etc" in order to feel good about yourself at all) every single day you are abusive. Full stop. That's forcing your partner to babysit you through your own emotions. That's not even love. That's exploitation of a partners good will and empathy to take a shortcut on dealing with your own poor mental health.
This is exactly what I'm going through. My partner has an extremely high IQ, gets concepts easily, good at everything he does.. I feel not good enough, not pretty enough, stupid, etc. I don't seek validation from anyone but him but it exhausts him because I'm not confident in myself. I have a lot of strengths. I am an artist myself-- I do hyperrealism.. I relate to you guys a lot in this. I'm tired of not feeling good enough when it's a lie.
I honestly love your insights! ❤️ thank you 🙏🏼
I'm always so grateful for these untalked about convos
We share the same story about math and comparisons with my siblings!
Emotional invalidating your spouse is somewhat emotional dysregulation becuase people are allowed to feel the way they feel. It's part of being who they are. There's no such think as being needy, thats what someone says when they aren't getting their own way. It's criticising the other person. Remember, we need compassion and empathy. This isn't relationship coaching, it's allowing people to justify their inappropriate behaviour. If one is superior, they need to seek therapy becuase its highly likely that they will live in a world of delusional thought and will pick on their partner for not meeting their unrealistic expectations.
Constantly forcing your partner to emotionally validate you is abusive. It's not "oh I'm going through a hard time I need some reassurance" it's "every single day I need my partner to run down the entire list of my insecurities and if they don't do that I feel bad about myself". That's unhealthy and toxic for both parties. It infantilizes one and parentifies the other. Gross that you're trying to justify it. I'm guessing you're quite emotionally immature.
Brilliant!!
I love you both!
Imagine being Tinkerbell, shining her fairy light autonomously 99% of the time…. but every once in a while, when her light inevitably dims, and the only way to relight her spark is through someone, anyone clapping 👏 for her….. only briefly and minimally externally dependent for encouragement and reassurance in a matter of seconds…… to sustain her autonomy and her glow….. irony being that minimalism being vital to her very existence and life.
Moral of the story: when you see someone struggling and exposing their vulnerability, visibly in need of a “battery jump” to relight their spark…..
DONT judge them. Don’t prey on their vulnerability. Because it takes COURAGE and STRENGTH to be vulnerable. It takes bravery to identify and express one’s innate needs and effort to ask for help. Humans are wired and dependent on connection and the need to feel understood and valued to be whole. ALWAYS check yourself to put yourself in their position and imagine how you’d feel if you were them…… I hate the expression “hurt people hurt people”!!! More than anything else because it’s the unfortunate truth. Stop the perpetuating, destructive cycle. Heal. Forgive. Because it’s just as true that “healed people heal people”. Be the one who hears the one who feels unheard; see the one who feels unseen….. Shine your light and share your flame to brighten the world. Always remember it’s nothing but contagious and spreads like wildfire 🔥
“If the house just keeps on winning,
I got a wildcard up my sleeve,
And if love keeps giving me lemons,
I’ll just mix ‘em in my drink
And if the whole wide world stops singing,
And all the stars go dark
I’ll keep a light on in my soul
Keep a bluebird in my heart ❤️🪺🕯️
What if your in relationship where he would never gives you reassurance but seams to play on it to make u feel more insecure
Have you talked to him about how you feel? And if you have and this is still occurring, maybe reconsider if this is a relationship worth being in. Of course I acknowledge that this is not a simple decision at all. You could be married or have children which always makes things more complex. It really depends on the context of the situation you are in. Are you dependent on him financially, live together? I know all of these things matter. Is this your first relationship or have you had experiences like this before? I only ask because if you have a feeling this person is playing on your insecurities, I'd tell you to run while you can, that is the definition of a 'toxic' relationship and a person emotionally abusing you.
He doesn’t seem to grasp the meaning of love and the whole point of a relationship
Dump him
@@lisam5509 thank you Lisa no we not married but live together yes tried taking to him still the games
@@katiie7 yes it's like controlling games heartbreaking thank you appreciated
Soo powerful and true
How to receive the truth? How do you know they are real with you? That they are not wrong about you?
People today are just too selfish. There is an epidemic of insecurity of people jumping into other relationships after breaking up.
I do ask for critical feedback, I always seek people out who I know honestly know me, and will tell me if I was wrong
This growth mindset stuff reminds me of humble brag. It would be looking for toxic positivity in this person
It's Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, correct. But it's Salieri. Greetings from Mozarts Birthplace 😊
I’m needy 😬
I know of a very powerful spell caster who helped me get my ex back, he has helped lot of people, you can search him on TH-cam, Dr Joel spell caster
He offers gold dig it.
My husband constantly needs validation sexually he's constantly watching videos on how to be perfect in bed. It's getting to a point where I feel like I'm being used as a test dummy instead of us having fun and connecting. I've lost my sex drive because of this 😢
question: have you validated him and if yes did it have any effect at all?
Entirely untrue that neediness is the most undesirable character. For those of us with anxious attachment style. That is what we desire the most. Someone who wants us to validate them more than anything. Is that unhealthy, yes? That doesn't make it undesirable. Wake up dude
Why does Tom, not like to be called "Smart"? This is an important question to me.
I dunno, but I wouldn't say "he's smart thats why he succeeded" I think most would say "he's lucky thats why he succeeded"
might be because in most cases saying a person is smart overlooks the hard work they have done to achieve what they may have achieved. For example, most academically smart people are hard workers, they read a lot. When you say they are 'smart' its like they didn't read that much
The set colors and the colors of their clothing are so staged and arranged that its almost distracting. Not sure if I like it or dislike it. Absolutly love the content though. 👌
❤
I had a man like this. Got rid of him. ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽
False : the hungry need reflection for it's validation : the rest is a roll-over for turning worm : your daddy-stockholm!
--
reclaim the Scapegoat or be lost in fake is.Real & Love is not pretending.
I disagree. What’s the point of having an intimate relationship with someone who never validates what you say or how you feel? There is no real emotional connection.
I know of a very powerful spell caster who helped me get my ex back, he has helped lot of people, you can search him on TH-cam, Dr Joel spell caster
It’s not about never validating someone. It’s about the constant everyday need of validation. Imagine your S/O constantly putting themselves down and asking you the same questions everyday about their looks, their weight, whether or not you think someone else looks better than them, etc. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be validate or clingy from time to time. But EVERYDAY? Stop it. At some point you need to learn to love yourself, because nobody else is going to do it for you.
@@ajmulengacouldn’t have said it better!! It’s super draining.
Jesus dont woman talk nonsence 😂