DETRANSITION Q&A (#1)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
- You asked, we answered. We are Helena, Jesse, Dagny, and Chiara of the Pique Resilience Project, answering a few of your questions for detransitioners and desisters. These are our personal stories and opinions as women who identified as trans and desisted and do not reflect the views of anyone except ourselves.
You can reach out to us at:
Email: piqueresilienceproject@gmail.com
![[Deprogrammed] Helena: A Detransition Story](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Y8UTJCd-Hh0/mqdefault.jpg)
Very insightful. Unfortunately nowadays it has become trendy to be trans and because of it, I guarantee in the next 5-10 years we will hear so many more detransition stories. The worst part is that anyone who calls out people who say "you don't need dysphoria to be trans!!!" or people who are blatantly identifying as trans for social justice points, is labeled a transphobic bigot. It's sad and frankly insulting to real transsexual people.
Have you considered that your position of loudly declaring “You must have dysphoria to be trans” is actually adding to the pressure these young people feel to take steps to physically transition? I know some people who identify as transgender and non-binary and who are not taking any steps to physically transition, because they know/believe that you can be trans without having dysphoria or physically transitioning. This means that if they do stop identifying as trans, they haven’t taken any physical transition steps and it’s much easier for them to desist. The people in this video talk about feeling pressure from within the trans community to start testosterone, and I strongly believe that that pressure comes from people like you and people who follow you and support you, telling young people that they must have dysphoria to be transgender. Many young people who are lost and are trying to figure out who they are have already committed to the transgender identity, so, in order to fit into your narrow definition of what it means to be trans, they’re more likely to pursue medical transition even if they don't feel ready, because they’re being told that’s the only way to be trans. Your position is really not allowing them the space to explore and feel safe and supported doing so.
Your goal is great, to not have people transition if they're not actually trans, I totally think that's a great goal and that your heart is in the right place, I honestly think you are doing this out of genuine concern. But I implore you to consider that your position is actually doing more harm than good in this particular situation. You don't have to believe that people can be trans and not have dysphoria, but actively mocking trans people for stopping hormones, attacking people who you don't think are being trans in the right way or being 'trans enough', this is all contributing to the pressure felt from within the trans community that these detransitioners are talking about. It turns out that attacking someone's identity is not a compassionate or helpful way to support them in their own self exploration.
I do agree with you that it's likely that "in the next 5-10 years we will hear so many more detransition stories." I think you're completely right about that, and it's something that I am also concerned about. So I've been thinking about this a lot recently, as a trans TH-camr with a small but consistent audience, what can I do to best support my viewers so that pain is mitigated? What can I do to try and make sure that that happens to as few people as possible?
I think the best way is to let my viewers know that It's ok to explore their gender, and they might find out that they're cis, and that's ok too, and it's ok to not be sure for a while, and if they're really not sure and want to explore being trans for a while, that's chill as well. I myself am a person who had, I would say almost crippling chest dysphoria, it severely impacted my life in a negative way,, and so I know what that feels like, it would be so easy for me to just to just yell "You need dysphoria to be trans" at the top of my lungs, because that matches my own personal lived experience. But I also need to consider the fact that dysphoria is probably on a spectrum like most things in life. For example, I have a friend who wasn't quite sure if T was right for them, they had a small amount of dysphoria about their voice and body, but they really couldn't tell if it was internalized misogyny or dysphoria. So they gave it a go just to see, and they're now 18 months on T and have never been happier, and they plan on staying on full dose T for life. Their experience of dysphoria was there, but it was much more subtle than what a lot of trans people experience. So it makes sense that some people aren't sure if they're trans, but want to explore that. And of course some gender nonconforming cis people explore their gender as well. What can I do with my small amount of public presence to make sure that trans people are getting the support they need, AND, gender nonconforming cis people are also getting the support they need and aren't being pressured by the trans community in any way. I think it's important to support detransitioned folks and their platforms to talk about their experiences, and I think it's important to let people know "Hey, if you realize that you're not trans, we'll still support you, we'll still love you, you'll still be awesome, and your friends will still love and support you." What I heard from one of the people in this video, is that they moment she stopped identifying as trans, she lost some trans friends, precisely because they acted as though she betrayed them, or, probably called her a transgender.
Surely you understand that young people, especially teenagers, are stubborn as hell! Once they latch on to an idea, the number one worst thing you can do if you want them to let go of the idea, is to attack them for that idea (that's even one of the pieces of advice given in this video!) Think about it, if someone who thinks they might be trans sees one of your videos mocking and attacking "transtrenders," what do you think they're going to do? A common (subconscious) gut-reaction might be, "Well I know I am trans! and I'm not a transtrender! So then I must have dysphoria, and I so need to transition!" Your rhetoric is creating this rigid in-group out-group dynamic, where people aren't allowed to explore being trans without being told they have dysphoria and therefore have to physically transition. You and I both know that the experience usually goes "I have dysphoria, therefore I must be trans" but for people who are lost and trying to find themselves, they might start with "I'm exploring my gender, I think I'm trans, therefore I must have dysphoria (because people like Kalvin told me that's the only way to be trans)." If we decouple required dysphoria from being trans, if we have conversations where we talk about 'trans people with dysphoria' and 'trans people without dysphoria' then we make the space for people questioning their gender or who think they might be trans to do that exploration without the external pressure of having to physically transition. I truly think you're doing more harm than good with your videos by not allowing for safe spaces for people to explore gender and being trans outside of the community's pressure (a pressure that you're exacerbating) to have dysphoria.
Do you seriously think none of these people have ever had dysphoria? That none of them were ever "really trans"?
Kalvin, years ago I would have agreed with what you're saying. But most people I see who detransition, DID/DO have dysphoria. So many people, especially teenagers, experience dysphoria like you do. These people aren't "trenders" - they are what you'd call "real transsexuals". But for most, this dysphoria eventually fades - in some cases, after years and years of feeling this way. Who is to know whether or not one day you will no longer feel dysphoric? Will this mean that you're no longer trans? You can't just say "dysphoria is needed to be trans" anymore, because it really doesn't help all the millions of people feeling dysphoric as a result of being human.
@@hannahs2265 I have yet to come across a detransitioner who has/had genuine dysphoria. All of their experiences seem to arise from dysMORPHia, disconnect with their sex due to abuse, or gender non-comformity.
Tip for future videos:
Read the questions aloud so those that are listening in the car etc can hear what the questions are
Well said, Zack ^-^
thats transphobic
@@agnusdei3575 🤣😅
i think i big problem that may cause females to believe they’re trans even when they’re not, is expectations of how a female should behave/think/act and be. i remember having feelings of “am i a man?” “why do i feel male?” because i had always played with boys toys as a child, never been interested in makeup, etc and i have an extremely high sex drive and am interested in dominant aggressive sex. i also have strong urges of wanting to look after a boyfriend, pay for the date, buy him things, work for him. all this made me question that i was female.
but i realised that i am infact definitely female. if i just think to myself excluding all my personality traits/how i am and behave and whatever..who am i? and my answer to myself was, im female. that’s who i am and it doesn’t matter whatever interests, feelings, thoughts whatever i might have. that has nothing to do with me being female, just because most females and most males happen to act in a certain way that doesn’t match up to mine. people have often reacting freaked out to my personality traits and yes there would be easier if i was a male but i’m not i don’t feel disgusted or bothered with my body. more disgusted with how many people assume a female is supposed to act and be
I can relate on many levels and this is what young women need to hear. Our bodies are just that but we can think and feel and act all kinds of ways.
@@JulieDeuxFois parents. Dont. Discourage.it....what the hell??? Are you serious? Try being a feminine Male in a catholic household. You are ostracized, beaten, abused, and ultimately forced to behave correctly.
@@mikecarter4061 so a protestant or an evangelical household would have been better
Julie julie - great points and yea they often aren’t super “attractive” and usually don’t “fit in” but that’s another reason why any form of transition shouldn’t happen in adolescence because many people grow into nice looking adults. Some just need to lose weight, bulk up, face structure matures, etc. And most teens don’t feel like they fit in but they’re finding their outlet in this “community” rather than something more substantial
Also knowing what zodiac playes a part. Aries,sagg, amd leo women's will be more masculine and gel better with men. And Gemini women/men are the twins amd can seem to have 2 personalities. So check your zodiac. There is a gradient on male to female of the 12. Aries being the most masculine and pisces being the most feminine. I think it just makes variety along with genetics and sex
I identified as a transgender man for 5 years and have been off hormones for almost a year now. I don't think social media helps nowadays, basically stating that gender identity and gender expression are the same thing.
I think a lot of young people are at risk of being influenced by others on the internet. Thank you so much for making this video. It's great to know that I'm not alone in detransitioning. :') xx
Agree
"I don't think social media helps nowadays, basically stating that gender identity and gender expression are the same thing."
Exactly. That's why I'm very skeptical towards "non-binary", cause this basically implies that if you're atypical and gender non-conforming, you're "non-binary". You can't be just maybe a little quirky and what people would've called "eccentric" back in the days, there's a nice gender identity waiting for you now. And ironically this does the exact opposite of "deconstructing gender roles" (something that I'm sure most of the people who identify as non-binary vehemently reject). It creates a new gender role for "misfits". In other words, many of the people who don't adhere to traditional gender roles will identify as "non-binary", leaving mostly the people who DO adhere to traditional gender inside the binary, all the while complaining that gender stereotypes are wrong.
@@HerrMisterTheo I'm 100% with you on this. I feel like if people have strong masculine and strong feminine qualities (I feel like my qualities are 50/50), that they're then attributing this to be some new kind of gender identity. Gender expression is the key thing here that people seem to be misunderstanding.
I was encouraged to pursue gender transition, even with a diagnosis of Borderline personality Disorder, one of the main symptoms of which is 'unstable personal identity.' I think we need better education in the world on the topic of transgenderism, because the politically correct portions of the world are now blurring the lines of understanding.
I agree it's very complicate
Well I'm glad you found out that transition isnt right for you, but personally I couldn't imagine ever going back. I've work this mask long enough.
So interesting, so glad I was born early enough to avoid the trans movement hitting my teen years because I can just imagine that I could have easily believed I was trans. I was so scared of puberty, I hated anything feminine, I wouldn't wear dresses and was always a tom boy.. Plus I had (have) mental health issues and I can see how easy it would be to attach those issues to my gender when I was so confused by my feelings. I hope we can find a way for trans people to have full support, while at the same time protecting vulnerable young people who are confused
ヘザー same, I was a complete tomboy and hated everything feminine. I also have mental illnesses and they think I’m autistic. If I was growing up now there’s no doubt I’d have been pushed to transition. I think it should be illegal to give kids any kind of puberty blocker or hormones etc. Let kids be kids. And if they want to transition when they’re adults they should be given therapy before hand and afterwards if they choose to go through with it. And people have to realise that even if you do transition it still won’t change your sex.
ヘザー Agreed. Nowadays I can totally see being born into a family that could've pushed me towards identifying as trans, because I wasn't very boyish growing up. I was never into sports, I had a doll, while playing pretend with my best friend I often played girls, I wore my sister's dress for fun a couple of times... My parents did many things wrong while raising me, but at least "screwing with my gender identity to be supportive towards trans people" wasn't one of them. I grew up just fine. I'm still not a very masculine guy, probably a little more feminine than most guys, but I guess being gay can do that to you. The mere thought of being told from a young age that I might actually be a (trans) girl mortifies me.
Same, except I didn't hate everything feminine, I was indifferent to it. I was always outside riding my bike or climbing trees or hiking, I had a lot of energy to burn so I was always moving, I still don't know why these things are perceived 'male', females enjoy being outside. To make matters harder, my older brother loved everything 'female', dresses and makeup and dolls and fashion. We spent your childhood being told by everyone that I should have been born a boy, and my brother should have been born a girl. Both of us a content with how we we're born. My brother is gay, and I'm asexual. But, I identify 100% as female.
Same here. I was very into feminine things as a young boy. Had I grown up in these times I probably would have gone for medical transitioning too. Now I’m just a gay man who’s into some feminine things and yeah that’s fine.
I think what young kids at the time don’t realize is that it’s completely 100% normal not to be comfortable with your body at that age. It’s an awkward time in life and everyone is still finding themselves.
And I’m with you. While I understand there are those who do identify as trans and genuinely do so, we still have to protect those who are young and questioning and help them from doing something they will regret later on. It’s a tricky thing and it doesn’t help that so many within the trans community are eager to help young ones transition.
I feel the exact same way.
I’m a trans guy and have been pretty much fully out for soon 3 years and on T for one. I think this discussion is extremely important and this video very helpful. Thank you for making this, it was very interesting to hear your insight! Looking forward to seeing more :)
And also, I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I don't care enough to go over it again.
@Bonidee Lee wow...so many words to just say nothing intelligent.
@Laws of Nature well not all women have a womb.
@Bonidee Lee you really know nothing about science? Go on with your uneducated self 😂
@Bonidee Lee this conspiracy business is laughable at best.
Trauma can play a huge role in the development of female identity. To be clear, I am an ally to the transgender community. I am also a rape survivor and socially presented as male for almost a decade. It is a hard to to walk down because nobody seems to ask question and when you ask questions about someone's gender you can be accused of being transphobic. Trauma is separate from gender identity but it can intersect. I am very happy that you made this video.
Readings By Genevieve But then there are trans people like Janet Mock who say they knew they were trans BECAUSE they were sexually abused as child in the way female children often are.
I am a trans guy and have been transitioning for 3.5 years. (I'm the stereotypical I knew since I was 4), anyways, love this and this is so important. As a trans person, trans people dislike me for voicing that transitioning isn't right for everyone. You all are doing a lot of good for speaking out xo
Bean Arias I do not see trans people like you as stereotypical, I see those caught up in trans ideology or transtrenders as stereotypical. Trans people like you also need to speak out because there is just far too much confusion about what being trans actually means because this ideology is taking over.
Thank you for speaking up despite your peers criticism-that takes courage which is woefully wanting these days.
im also a trans man and i agree with you :)
@@calni27 "transtrenders". thats just stupid. some trans people are different to the majoroty of trans people, and thats just how it is. Using neo pronouns or being gender fluid etc. is just how some ppl are and you shouldnt call them "trenders".
I agree with you as well, I’m a trans woman and I would say not everyone should transition. You should only when you consider everything that it comes with and get psychologically evaluated.
this is the most in depth interview I've ever seen of (non toxic) detransitioners. really made me question my own transition, I've never related to a detransitioner's narrative in any way before.
Explain what do you intend with "toxic detransitioners", please.
This video needs to be seen by everybody...not because it is "everybody's" story, but it is likely a very common story for nonbinary folks, gender-nonconforming and gender-questioning people etc. who were/are looking to explore their true identities amidst the pressure to either be cis or fully medically transitioned. I believe too many of us are made to feel that our experiences are less legitimate than others' paths.
I have never identified as a trans man, yet their descriptions of their feelings when they were 15/16 described what I was going through too. I was not quite ready to fully embrace society's idea of femininity. I think that misogyny is to blame for young women rejecting or questioning their gender identity. And homophobia, clearly the woman on the right had a difficult time accepting that she is a gay woman, if society were kinder to the gay community, then perhaps it will be easier for our children experiencing puberty.
I’ve identified as FTM for about a year and seven months now. I’m 16 and I realize it’s not what I truly identify now and that it’s just dysmorphia combined with feeling apprehensive towards femininity. I’ve already come out to my parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts and entirely socially and have no idea how to retract it all. I’m terrified and embarrassed.
You are 16. Teen years are a crazy upheaval for just about everybody, and your aunts/uncles and grandparents probably (definitely) did stuff as teenagers that they changed their minds about later, or feel embarrassed about, or regret.
Making mistakes and growing from them is part of life, and anyone in your family with a shred of empathy is going to understand that (especially when they have had a few extra decades to rack up mistakes than you)
Best wishes
You can do this. You can. Stay strong. You'll find support and it probably will be less hard that you are now expecting. Work up the courage. You can do this step.
It's not embarassing. It's an incredible proof of renewed awareness.
All the best to you!
Hey Kai as a parent I can assure you that you should not be embarrassed or terrified to tell your parents, it will actually take an enormous amount of stress off them and make everyone less stressed and more natural around you in general. Theres nothing wrong with evolving and changing paths as a teenager. And accepting your biological sex will make your life way easier in the long run.
I was in a similar situation. I didn't come out but would refer to myself as "he" for about 1,5 years. Then I stopped, realized that it's okay to be a girl (thanks to my bff) and started to refer to myself as "she" again. And nobody really cared. People at school didn't notice or noticed for like a day. It was smooth for me. Wish you luck! ❤️🌲💚
You may have figured it out by now, but if not I would suggest to just confide in one person to start with. Who do you trust the most in this group of people? Talk to them about how you feel first. You absolutely do not have to continue with transitioning if you don't want to. I hope you are well.
I'm proud of you women. Thank you for being so open and honest. Thank you for letting other people know that it's okay to detransition and that it does happen. ❤️
True
They beautiful
Authenticity is true beauty. Really makes me want to be real like this.
I used to identify as trans as well and desisted around the age of 18/19. I never came out socially and when desisted I felt ashamed of talking about it and still do. Thank you so much for this content, it makes women like us feel less out of place and alone ❤
I knew I was dysphoric at 13, came out piecemeal at 14-15. Then I waited, and I waited. it sucked dealing with the dysphoria, but i waited 5 years, until i was 22, to start hormones. I wanted to be absolutely sure. It's been 9 months now, and it's been the best decision i've ever made. My body feels more like my own with every month that goes by, i'm way more social, i'm making friends, i'm doing things i've always wanted to do, and i'm excelling in my classes. I have long-term plans for surgery, my career, and eventually fatherhood. Transition was one of the best decisions i've ever made. I made sure not to rush into it though.
I have a pretty similar story, I started hormones at 23 and am now 25 and this has been the BEST year and a half of my life. Cheers bro I'm glad everything is going well for you
I’ve been waiting since I was 13 to start hormones. I’m 18 now and I’ve been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but listening to all these stories I feel like I should wait
@@carter4959 hey there!
If you've known for five years, and have talked to a therapist and all that, gotten diagnosed, you should be totally fine.
Visualize yourself when you're old. What gender can u see yourself as? I personally am excited to be like, a fun grandpa type some day. I couldnt visualize a future for myself as a "girl" that brought me any joy.
Roadkill Cryptid yo same here with the grandpa thing. Any type of future that I try to imagine myself in as a girl just seems distorted and like it’s happening in a separate universe. My parents have stopped me from transitioning, but the dysphoria is killing me
@@carter4959
It sucks having unsupportive parents, I went through a similar thing with mine. You will get there!
Once you start everything starts feeling Normal, finally. Theres initial excitement but really it feels like everything is finally falling into place and you get to just, exist peacefully for once.
It sounds like transition will be really good for you. Don't let the stories on this video scare you too much, detransition is actually quite rare. (Especially for those with dysphoria)
Thank you all so much for sharing!
I'm a little over 1 yr destransitioned, started T at 22 and spent the next 6 years on it feeling more and more that it was the wrong decision.
I am currently 16 and identifying as a trans guy for a year, however I was questioning my gender since I was about 12.
I will definetly wait until I am 18 or 20 to start transitioning. Because my parents aren't supportive and because I think puberty is a time where most people are far too unstable to make major life decisions.
So yeah, I will wait.
I hope this helps you: th-cam.com/video/jg35gq8PCpQ/w-d-xo.html
how’s life now?
@@yaoi.devil. almost 19, out as trans, moved out a year ago, became an EMT/Firefighter and living the dream🤙
Honestly didn't think I'd make it, but live is pretty great
@@maximellow5745 that’s absolutely wonderful :)
glad to see that you’re thriving
May God help you find true acceptance and love with the body he made.
One thing to consider is that you can convince a doctor or therapist just about anything if you’re consistent enough. Like if you’re 15 and constantly saying “I’m trans for sure” and all you do is talk about it and read about it etc. you’ll believe it and so will your therapist (most of the time)
I think that's what kind of happened with me...
I feel you need to be over 18, get life experience. Feelings may or may not change. As you are, these folks did it early in their teens.
Be proud whatever you decide 😊
Doctors know that trans is a money maker, which is so sad
Doesn’t help that doctors can lose their licenses for not supporting someone in transitioning. Makes it hard to say no, activists come after doctors who don’t comply
@Jake Dean what are you suggesting?? to just let them feel the dysphoria, depression, and anxiety destroy their minds, become suicidal, and kill themselves? nice.. thats the point of medical treatment and psychological treatment, and these are different for everyone. This video is irresponsible. No everybody is this resilient and this video should be a conversation...not everybody feels like these 4 young folks.
@@luisnatal8658 hmm you both make interesting points. I think it comes down to allowing kids to voice any doubts about the transition early on, without feeling pressured to transition. Moreover, more counselling around what it means to be trans vs gender roles. Also more info about ppl who have detranstioned and why needs to be available to the kids so they can judge whether they may have similar doubts. Moreover, more education about gender fluid and info needs to be put out just in case. It's a hard one, more studies need to be carried out. Those who are sure will be less likely to question themselves or be swayed. It's not about saying anyone either way it's more about allowing ppl to make an informed decision.
Thank you! It horrifies me that instead of embracing the fact that girls and women are individuals with every variation/combination of traditionally "masculine " and "feminine " tastes and behaviors, we're increasingly pushing transition. Women don't need to change our bodies and identity to fit a gender stereotype.
theauklet perfectly phrased, thank you.
🙏🏽♾
Accepting yourself exactly as you are is important.
It doesn’t mean you don’t grow and evolve as a person. No matter what you learn or how you age, you’re always going to be you.
This is perhaps one of the best comments I've read concerning this topic. Kudos to you. 👍
Thank you this is how I see this issue …..
I felt dysphoric from early childhood, and it persisted long into adulthood, but I am SO glad now that it wasn't really viable for me to act on my impulses in any practical way.
During my teens- had I not been isolated, (and also mortifyingly embarrassed about my feelings), I would have jumped at the chance to transition. I was 100% sure I 'should have been' male.
But I also knew deep down that a 'man-made' transition would never have lived up to expectation- and would have probably felt like deception.
Much later, when I got my autism diagnosis, I came to the realisation that I do just have a LOT of really odd brain/ body 'disconnects', that I never previously realised most people don't have, and because a lot of my feelings tend to be atypical, finding a niche where I fit is also an attractive thought. But I just try to make the best of what I was given, these days. Not giving myself the choice to mess with nature in this way takes some pressure off to be any sort of 'perfect' (even if it's just my own personal skewed idea of 'perfect').
There's still a LOT I'd change if magic was an option, but function is *far* more important to me now. I'm pretty content.
I am what I am, and that's become much easier to accept with age. But I know it's incredibly hard being a young girl. The style was a lot more naturally unisex when I was a teen and that helped to mitigate dysphoria. I have teenage daughters and one's had a gender questioning patch, but thankfully she doesn't seem to have my levels of dysphoria and has also come through as a confident, 'gender-non-conforming' young woman.
Thanks for this video. There are a lot of girls and women out there with similar experiences, and we need more of their voices to be heard.
It's curious how so many trans-identified females are autistic (not including the ones who don't know yet that they are, as there is bias in the diagnosing of women) and nobody seems to acknowledge it... i do notice it because autism and feminism are literally my special interests.
I find that we autistic people often live in the gray area of gender identity and expression...just because of the way our brains are wired. I’m not trans but my partner is (Also Autistic) and I support them in any well thought out way they want to live their life.
Great video, you're all so brave for speaking out so honestly about your experiences. There are so many young women who feel like you do and will be relieved to hear about your experiences. I'm glad for you all if you feel happier now!
I am medically transitioning to a male body (I identify as Transmasculine) at age 46. I have been out to myself since age 44. Like a lot of people my age, I tried to be myself from birth and got derailed by family, school, etc to the extent that I stopped knowing myself. I dissociated when I could not prevent biologically female puberty. I got to the point where I could not continue as a woman, and exposure to younger trans and non-binary people showed me that I had a choice. I may be a binary Transman. I may not be. I am absolutely sure about the male part. Going on testosterone I think literally saved my life. The female part....I have lived as a woman for 44 years. What is genuine and what is a construction of “female”? I might never know. Supporting my male identity and having a testosterone driven body is euphoric in the relief I feel. But also very difficult. I am so far away from a time of life where this kind of body change happens. It is terrifying. I can see both sides. Transitioning medically too early OR too late is dangerous. It is good to reduce as much uncertainty as possible....but some uncertainty is part of life.
This sort of confirms everything I've ever thought about binary societies. The stricter binary gender roles are in a society, the more confused those who are somewhere in the middle will feel. Looking around the world, there will be always be a percentage of people who will feel trans no matter what. But as we shift our cultures towards a more non-binary model, where girls are free to do as they wish and boys are not chastised for not being "man" enough, you'll find less and less children being "confused." If you're a girl growing up in a strict binary society, but you'd rather climb trees and ride your bicycle than play mommy with dolls, it's no surprise that you'll be confused by your gender identity! It's high time we shifted our cultures and accommodated all those little boys and girls who are somewhere in the middle, rather than (in)directly forcing them to choose one side or the other in order to be accepted in an intractable binary society.
This is exactly what I think, too.
Agreed.
yeah true. I feel like I try real hard to figure out if I'm trans or cis, because of all these gender roles that I've been conditioned with. I think moving forward, I wanna focus on what I'm most comfortable with. There's comfortability, or discomfort. you are a trans boy, but you like playing with barbies, wearing skirts and suits, and putting make up? that's absolutely okay, because society defined these boxes, or labels, but who cares what is what. You are what you say you are and what you're comfortable with. And I feel like people should focus on what they feel most comfortable in rather than what will make me palatable for society.
It’s not the strictness that made it possible for people to go gung ho on health altering hormones, it is the opposite. The fallacy of the “non binary” and the lie of gender not being real that made this. MORE non binary ideology and having a bunch of “they” people walking around is not the answer.
There was a moment of acceptance of non fem women and non masc men and it was goood. Our society passed that by too quick.
Thank you. I saw my daughter in you. After being groomed, labelled (gender-queer-trans) and encouraged to chest-bind, she got herself out, declaring them "a cult of pervs and weirdos", not proper transsexuals
I just kept the lines of communication open and kept a watchful eye and listened, with a little advice. She's now graduated & dating a lovely bloke and happy in herself.
With love from the U.K. xx
Speak louder. We need to hear you all over the world.
I'm a detrans female too and thank you for sharing! Being a woman with such an unique experience makes it even harder to me but I feel better when I hear other women who have gone through the same
it's good to harshly question ourselves to truly know if transition is right for us. waiting, thinking, talking about it, going to a normal therapist AND a gender therapist and making the best informed decision we can make. it is a personal journey and a huge choice to be making. thank you for sharing
yep I identified as trans at 15 too lol, it's great to see a bunch of detrans women having this discussion
Same here, I identified as a transman from age 20-24 and have been off of T for almost a year now. I think it's important for people experiencing gender dysphoria not to be forced by doctors to go on hormones. x
@Janae Rose Because we experience more emotional intensity in the general sense and the way the media makes us feel like victims (when we don't need to feel like that at all) probably drives us to transition when we don't even need to.
A lot of the way information is spread on social media and the internet in general is making people assume certain things about gender. Sad, really. We need to learn that gender is fixed, it's biology. The way we express our gender (gender expression) can vary but our gender can not.
@Janae Rose cause ppl treat mtf as goddesses so they (mtf) get used to their fantasy
@Janae Rose but they ARE Men! Kkkkkkk what can i do?! Its not my fault blaim Nature
@@eugeniarodrigues9720 oof, the actuality of transgenderism is another whole debate. In this regard, trans woman do experience a big change - specifically a drop - in privalge.
Thank you for this. I'm in the process of detransitioning after being on T for 3 years and it's scary and confusing its good to see others who went through this.
i used to believe i was trans ftm/ nonbinary, very internally and honestly wasn't sure what my future involved. due to my home situation i didn't act on it and believed when i was 18 i would be able to transition. now looking back, i was very insecure for other reasons and have always been more masculine but transitioning wouldn't have been the right choice for me. 2 years later i'm almost thankful for the reasons that stopped me beginning a medical transition because at the time i was so sure it's what i wanted/needed and now i feel so different. huge respect for sharing your stories.
I am so so glad I grew up in the 80's and 90's I was a tomboy and I was totally terrified of puberty and being a woman. It's not like I wanted to be a boy though, I just didn't want to grow out of my light strong and fast child body, in elementary school I was as strong as anyone in my class as we hit puberty the boys got stronger. It was sad, but I lived in a rough rural community with loggers and farmers so I actually had examples of strong independent and capable women around me, women who were women buy drive trucks for a living and race off road for fun or forest fire fighting women or just strong women who run their farm and are strong. It gave me a sense that as a woman I could do whatever I wanted. I'm so glad we didn't have tumbler or Facebook back then, yikes!
PS I think you are all great and thoughtful folks who have gone thru a huge self exploration and come out stronger and wiser! Keep up the good work.
Benjamin Boyce semt me here, so glad you did those interviews!
Amanda Faulks yep
Same here. This is scary to me. I was a Tom boy. Didn't like girl clothes or girly things too much. As a preteen walked with a bop like the boys and wore baggy boy clothes. I'm so glad I didn't grow up in this day and age. That I could be a Tom boy and still be a woman and that was ok. I cringe to think of what I may have put my body and mind through if these ideas were handed to me.
It's great you're doing this, the comments say it all.
Do you think social contagion plays a role? If there was no tumblr, no internet at all even - would it have occurred to you to transition in the first place do you think?
Well the internet both connects people and it isolates them, if you enter an echo chamber it's hard to leave,
internet discussions often turn into who can find the most sources to support their claim and leave both sides convinced that the other is stupid and wrong, while it's possible to have critical discussions and exchange ideas on the internet, it's also possible to isolate yourself so much that you become immune to criticism and critical thinking,
we need to teach people to think for themselves and how to communicate now more than ever.
Maybe if there weren't all those echo chambers they wouldn't have transitioned, but there are also women who decide to present themselves as males for example due to trauma and other circumstances that don't necessarily mean that they are trans, they existed before the internet and before tumblr, they just didn't medically transition
Thank you for being so open & honest.My daughter identified as a boy for 3 years during her teens & then desisted.It is so important to speak openly & frankly to give all sides.Much respect to you all .Joan
What their identity now?
With seeing much of it on social media I was questioning whether i was trans too. I’m the usual tomboy, does “boy stuff” story and scared to become a woman with puberty. I’m glad I realised that I just don’t want to be what a woman “is supposed to be” and that’s perfectly fine, there is nothing wrong with that and I can express myself any way I want without it having to do with anything with my identity. I’m way happier with myself, just going with what I want to do and how I want to look and I’m glad I realised it was just insecurities and not fitting in tho.
It's good to see detransitioned people who are so clearly happy in their current lives. You may have been through miserable times, and to have what seemed like your solution turn out to be fake must be devastating, but you all seem to have bounced back from that and become healthier and it's heartening to see. I'm glad to have a reasonable counterbalance while deciding whether to go on hormones.
You are all amazing! Please keep talking, especially about everything the mainstream media and the medical/mental health communities are ignoring. You are providing an invaluable public service.
I never medically transitioned, but I went by James from 2014-2017. I gotta say, I think it was a great experience for me mentally and helped me truly find out where I'm comfortable. I don't think young people should medically transition, but living as the opposite gender can serve as a clarifying experience for how you feel about yourself. I intentionally didn't take testosterone injections because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just puberty throwing off my mental image or social media influencing my decisions(which were both accurate doubts). But if I hadn't lived as James for a while, I think I would have always wondered if that was truly how I felt and if I was living my happiest life. I learned a lot about what makes me happy and my sexuality. I thought I was only into chicks until I lived as James. But it turns out I like chicks AND dudes, which is the opposite of most trans experiences. I think anyone who thinks they are trans should wait at least 5 years before making any permanent changes, just on the chance that you'll do something you'll later regret. I know lots of people who were my age that transitioned and I'm sure they'll stay transitioned and be happy. But if there's even a 1/1000 chance that you'll regret it later on, waiting is the wisest choice. But yeah, I'd say try out living as the opposite gender as long as you don't do anything permanent after a LONG wait period, just to be sure.
*Edit: I'd just like to add to anyone reading this, that detransitioning isn't as scary as it sounds. I literally just phased myself back into wearing feminine clothes, told everyone I'm non-binary and to call me by my birth name, and TA-DA! I didn't get picked on for it, people just went back to how it was beforehand. I'm sure anyone who was happy to call you a different name and gender, would be happy to do it again. :)
Former dysphoric woman who's now a radical feminist here, thank you all for this video and the creation of the Pique Resilience Project, this is so heartwarming. Your voices are needed and there's a lot of women out there who support you endlessly !
✊✊✊
I came out as transgender at 10 years old and I'm detrans. I believe I was transgender because of an unhappiness for gender norms that I didn't realise evolved *from that* into "I am transgender and that's why I feel the way I do about my gender, about my body, about my life" and I thought transtrending was so cool because it "supported trans lives", it wasn't just something that was all-bad as far as I felt. I do not see myself as ever being a transtrender but I DO see myself as being environmentally transgender and that if all rules were my rules that I never would have felt trans let alone transition to detransition and regret it.
And BTW I came out at 10 years old and I was pre-pubant so it didn't originate with my dislike for my breasts or body shape. I was an up and down twig and could have dressed in boy's clothes at that age and not look any different.
What that comes down to is my core and how I deep down reacted to the world *not* having big ol titties in my face to add to the experience.
Femininity, masculinity, gender norms, roles ... are so influential it's not funny.
I mean I have spent a *large chunk of my life* identifying as trans and I've been happy being transsexual but I look back and I wonder if it ever actually needed to happen because I'm happy now and I have breasts that aren't only getting bigger, they hurt and I notice that every moment of the day...whereas before I even transitioned I told myself my body is wrong, my gender is wrong, everything is wrong and I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria more than the one time and I identify as cisgender.
That is why I believe in cisgender gender dysphoria and it's *not as black and white as definitions portray.* Misleading.
I'm *not anti-labels* nor do I care to protest against labels as a whole just because of this but I think if there were no labels, no I don't think I would find as many people who felt similarly to how I had but I wouldn't have become so fixated in fitting in.
Let's say there were no specific labels but everyone acknowledged diversity... My personal opinion is that there wouldn't be nearly as many people to regret transition because there would be the possibility of possibilities in people's minds eg. gender variant people do not have to transition, gender variant people may not even identify with their *felt* gender, gender variant people have their own story!
From *what I see* , the transgender community quite often leads people to think we all think, feel and behave in the same ways and that in turn pressures us to conform to that in order to be or feel supported.
It's really *NO WONDER* I went as far as I did. After all, it had always been more about my relationship with society than it had with myself, unaware of that fact.
How I feel now is... I do not like feeling pressured to conform to female norms but I no longer feel as though I am living a lie.
I believe that my personal hurdle is coming to terms with the impact society has had on me, does have on me, will have on me and breaking the tight ropes society has wrapped me in... Then and only then will I be truly happy with what I have in the trunk while also expressing freely and fearlessly 'who I am' as *an individual.* I am about as complex as every other hidden 'human' being.
since my 11 years I thought thaf I would be happier if I was a boy
I had ALL 'symptons' of trans men for most of my life
now I'm in 27 years old and I see how being a lesbian was so hard (and still is because of my religious family) in my mind that i wish that I could change into a boy
Now I'm 27, still a HUGE lesbian, but the curious thing is that I am a little less masculine than I was before. We change so much trough our lives. It's dangerous to do certain choices
you girls are amazing and were brave and real. This video is very powerfull. Hope it can help some young people out there
really amazed with you all. I am so touched by everything you said, specially about how parents should treat their child
Wish I can talk to you girls, I am detransitioning socially. I've "known" I was trans since I was 17, I'm almost 22 and I realized that I'm not actually trans just a butch lesbian. Love the video!
I am 54 years old, I transitioned when I was 38, lived as a trans guy since then, did try to detransition on several occasions, and finally Now, have realized that I no longer want to live as a trans guy and I am detransitioning for the last time. It is difficult and I know I have a hard road ahead since I have been on T for 16 years. I am wondering if there are many detransitioners my age and who have been on hormones as long as I have?
didnt you transition again?
@Transition Radio Show th-cam.com/video/-pxxBQm114k/w-d-xo.html I Want My Sex Back: Transgender people who regretted changing sex (RT Documentary) a ducumentairy of about 30 min about detransitioning. these people are all older and have regrets in some ways. It was the one of first docus about de transitioning i saw and made me more aware about trans dificulties. I hope it helps
I was 10 years in hormones
We're all nonbinary in the sense that not many people fit into the complete stereotype of masculinity and femininity. To me, it's only men who embrace the entire stereotype of femininity because for them it's a fetishistic activity. They all want to look like porn stars, which is the ULTIMATE symbol for femininity.
For women like us though, femininity is a prison. I'm so glad you're having these conversations because girls all over the western world are completely unhappy with being socialized into the subjugated sex role of femininity and are going online and finding transgenderism and thinking it's a way out.
I think a lot of young people need to understand the difference between gender identity and gender expression. Women in the western world aren't as subjugated as people make out and I feel like social media preaches a lot of things that make young women feel awful about themselves. xx
R Berg those are valid concerns. I don’t think they didn’t mean anything disregarding that tho
Men's issues need more publicity. Things are getting ridiculous.
We’re not “all nonbinary,” we’re all humans that don’t have to conform to gender because it’s literally just a social construct. It’s regressive to think that women not being feminine makes them not women, or vice versa with men.
@jackie NOTHING ABOUT ANYONES ANSWERS OR QUESTIONS OR STATEMENTS ARE FUNNY AND SHOULD NOT BE LMAOOO PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am 20 years old and i came out to my family almost nine months ago, when i was 19. I recently came out to my co-worker and am planning to come out to all my co-workers.
I had a lot of shame for the word "trans" and i could not, until now, put the word in my mouth. Saying "i'm trans" wasn't and isn't something i want to say. But i am?
Also, i feel like i'm so late to this but watching these videos make me calm down and take a breather. It's okay that i'm not on T at 20. I'm only 20, even though i feel like i get older so fast..It's okay that i've not had top surgery. I'm only 20. What should i fucking know at 20 years old?
Thank you for this video, because it makes me calm down. My world should not revolve around gender. I should go out more, now, not when i finally get T. I should have "normal" friends now, not when i finally get T. My life is now, not just when i finally get on T.
This comment is all over the place, i know.
Joel i am sending you a big hug. i think you are showing immense wisdom. when you are young, sex is hugely important, as you get older love, experiences, work friends and ideas are what define you. im 50, ive never been comfortable with the stereotypes of my gender, but now im not even comfortable with the stereotypes of sexuality, ie that i should even waste my time on it, as it has so little to do with what fuels me. maybe this doesnt describe your experience, but maybe it helps a bit. most all of us struggle with identity and it doesnt have to be based around gender or sexuality.
I'm 21 rn and 2 years later your comment were posted and I resonate with it so much. I hope you are happy right now :) Your words are Powerful
im in the process of detransitioning rn, just finished titrating off of my T after, i think its 3,5 years? i transitioned socially and legally right after my 14th bday, then medically about 6 months after. im almost 18 now. i never actually really had doubts, but i expereinced a big change from the tumblr "im just a different type of man!!" thought process to a much more,,, idk, grounded? version of seeing myself as a female man, or a female person passing as a male. i was really content w that for a while, i was passing in all parts of my life, my dysphoria was mitigated, things were good, but my dysphoria actually just. disappeared qnd now im detransitioning, because i see no reason to continue treating a no longer present condition. as you can see i view it a lot more medically now haha. for me, viewing it as such has allowed me to stay out of the delusion and obbsessive, distortion aspects of dysphoria and transition. thank you for making this !!! sorry this messqge is very discombobulated. ill be heading to college as a woman, whichll be pretty wild. i dont regret transition, becquse without it i dont. think i would have been able to develop socially or emotionally nearly as well as i did, much less figure out im actually a lesbian. on the gay trans man thing: same but w ace lmfaoooo. transitioning gave me a great relief from my depression and dysphoria though, and i was able to get pass the obsession of it, yall mention the emphasis on gender. its very much like rumination. so, i dont regret it, but im here now. we all are. i wish the best for yall!!!
Alex Bell how did u get on T so quick ?
The fact that you've started HRT so young just seems insane. It's ridiculous that it's allowed
@@CM-qy2fm i had been going to a counselor for several years, however most importantly when i went to find a gender therapist to get a letter for the endocrinologist, the place (now known as two-spirit in orlando area) did one skype call and said yup youve got it. while i dont doubt that i had the requirements for a diagnosis, that easy passing was definitely the most concerning thing about my transition. as a result of that being so quick, i went on hormones very fast after i came out because i had my parents support. my parents just wanted what would make me happy and still do; as of now i dont regret taking t but i shouldnt have been able to get it so easily. even though i had to get a letter from both my normal physician and a gender therapist, it took literally no effort. even when there is "gatekeeping," its minimal. two spirit is morally bankrupt in how it treats its clients even now; ive since visited a different gender therapist who, while flawed, at least requires more than one damn visit before diagnosing someone (stephanie mahoney, in orlando area but also will do video counseling.)
Yes I completely get u here in the UK we have two services one which is free but has longer waiting lists up to two years and can take years to get on T but if you go private you get it so quick
But wouldn't your dysphoria go away becuase transitioning fixed it? So won't it just come back after you've detransitioned totally?
am i the only trans guy watching out of fear of not actually being trans lmao
@@envyrem that blows dude. im sorry you got bullied and all that other shit. and i feel you, i dont pass at all and it sucks so bad. being trans sucks but i guess we just gotta try to make light of what we're stuck with :/
Keep in mind the detransition rate is between 1-4% of people who transition and a lot of them end up transitioning again later in life because it was for safety reasons or internalized transphobia etc
toadie you don’t have to do anything permanent and you can always just experiment with clothes and hairstyles and pronouns and things like that without rushing into hormones or surgery. There’s no countdown clock that you have to beat. Take the time to figure yourself out.
@@leogorgone4414 I don't think that's right, they have found their way out of a harmful ideology, the thing they internalised was misogyny
@@envyrem Are there things about yourself you like and enjoy? If so focus on that for a while and see how you feel once some time passes.
A question I have. Had you all you been diagnosed with gender dysphoria before you went on T? (I think you all have been?). And if so, what does it mean now to you all you had been diagnosed with that and it turned out the gender dysphoria dx was 'wrong'? How do you explain this for yourself? The affirmative model, diagnosed too quickly, other issues overlooked? etc. Lots of love!
@Oana Good point, I should have added that. It could be the dx was correct. This is a complicated issue b/c the dx may be correct, but other factors are at play as well. Like what do the dx criteria mimic? As gender dysphoria can be caused by different things. And dx given too fast, and eg no psychological testing and other things. It is strange that with the widening of what trans is, I have become critical of it. I agree there can be other ways to manage gender dysphoria other than medical, depending on its severity. So another question would be: on what basis did they get a dx of gender dysphoria? And is the dx still correct for them.
@@valeriavagapova exactly! Medical practitioners get accused of practicing conversion therapy and can lose their licence. I have been reading up on all of what is happening and many medical practitioners who are speaking out about it are doing so anonymously to avoid being harassed and their licences stripped. The transgender ideology mob likes to destroy any dissenters so these four women are extremely brave!
true, i think this is the fault of bad doctors, and probably pc culture..
I’m 16 and have been on T for a year. It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I watch these detransition videos and it scares the crap out of me. But then I realize, I am completely 100% confident as a guy. I am a guy and my dysphoria is so incredibly strong when I think I look like a girl or whatever. I don’t know if I could ever wait until I was 18 to start hormones, watching all the other guys my age growing up into men and me being stuck. Would be the worst feeling ever. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been and I know I am bound to have an epic life! Thanks for making this video it probably will help some people out there! :)
All of them were pretty sure...
@@eugeniarodrigues9720 jesus, fuck off already
I'm really happy for you :) And statistically speaking, your are more likely to lead a happy and fulfilled life as a man than your are to detransition, so I wouldn't worry too much, the odds are definitely in your favour.
Also, there are ppl out here who do change their identity again later in life (and technically detransition) but who are still glad that they took this path. I have a friend who identified as a trans guy for a few years, was on T for maybe two years or so, then went off it and now identifies as non-binary and he is content with his decisions even if maybe in retrospect, that wasn't the right path for him.
@@unboxed1017 great argument 😂😂😂you are all the same...
@@imaginareality statistics shows trans ppl r quite unhappy. And please stop blaming the world for not engaging on this social madness
Another question: Do you feel like a should be more strict regulations (gatekeeping) in terms of medical transitioning? In the Netherlands you need to go through extensive psychiatric testing before getting T. It sucked for me, because it took 2 years of testing before I got my T. But it proberbly helps to weed out people who might detransition, at least better then informed consent would.
I really appreciate your candor. Thank you for adding your voices to the conversation. I grew up in the gender-bending 80's. I told my mother I was a girl-boy. Nobody labeled children transgender back then. I thought I might be transgender in my teens, and I've experienced some gender related dysphoria throughout my early life. I did eventually grow out of it, though I continue to be fairly androgynous (not trans, not non-binary!) My comfort with my body, my gender, and my sexuality came with age and emotional maturity. I fear for your generation and younger generations, because gender transitioning is so easily accessible these days and comes with potentially irreversible consequences. Gender dysphoria and confusion is a common part of human development, and I hope we as a society can learn to discern this common confusion from transsexualism, so we can better guide our young people through their adolescence and beyond.
Yes more education is required at the transition stage, but doctors are scared that they'll get called transphobic or sued. It's not about trans phobia it's about being informed and making an informed decision. That being on the spectrum is a possibility etc etc. Its really hard because you want trans ppl to get treatment but what about the 1-4% who might regret permanent changes. I do feel sorry for doctors as it's so hard to know what to do. I feel like a person thinking about transitioning needs be educated in all possible gender expressions and make up their own mind in their own time. It's hard to know what the answer is hmmm
@@alegriart I believe there must be some way of documenting the no. of ppl who regret transitioning. I know longitudinal studies are v.hard and expensive to do though ... however I believe a trans person before and after treatment should be told they can come back anytime to the hospital if they ever want to detransition and that there is no shame in that etc. so that they can get treatment again and/or record officially that they want to detransition, so that it can be part of the statistics. People who are transitioning need to be told what the current stats and reasons for detransitioning are. I mean it may scare some people to hear that as it's a permanent procedure but at the same time the only way to know true numbers is to destigmatize the small possibility of detransitioning and allow people to come back to the doctors. Either that or just somehow doing a longitudinal study. I think people who have decided to detransition should be consulted about how pre transition treatment should be approached to avoid pitfalls. Currently there are certain signs that someone may be at risk of detransitioning and these are from a detransitioning group. They should have a say in how the current process works. I think though like I said education before transitioning is key there are so many ways to express gender/sex and in particular young kids might not be able to understand all the complexities yet or understand who they are as a person yet. Especially if they haven't been educated in this very well, we cant presume they have. Open non judgemental dialogue is very important and I'm not sure if that's truly offered yet. It's such a hard subject though as you don't want people who need the treatment to keep suffering either. You don't want doctors to be over cautious either.
Hey,
I'm a transman. Thank you for sharing your experience. There's a lot here that I empathize with. When I was young and transitioning, it was also an all consuming experience that I thought would solve all of my emotional problems. It didn't of course, because no single aspect of your identity or personality is all controlling. I still had to do the usual amount of growing up and self work in every part of my life.
I also appreciated the light you shone on the pushback you recieved from the trans community. In my youth, there wasn't really a trans community yet, just disconnected trans people reaching out to each other through online spaces. The pushback I recieved was from the lesbian community, especially butch lesbians who saw my existence as a threat to the wider population's acceptance of their own identity. I was seen as a traitor to "lesbianism" and womanhood. I think that your account definitely reflects the damage that can be self imposed on oppressed or marginalized people by members of their own or adjacent communities when we feel we have to compete for acceptence from greater society. In the ideal world, we'd all be accepted. But in this one we often self police the boundaries of our identities as a way of trying to protect ourselves. So I appreciate you sharing that, and I hope that detransitioning individuals will be welcomed, accepted, and respected by the queer community as greater awareness of these experiences spread, just as I feel welcomed and supported by lesbian communities today and queer communities in general. And, as a transperson, let me say that I am sorry for the censure you endured.
If you do another of these, my question would be: how do you keep your experiences from being used as a bludgeon against transpeople, and instead, be used to help people make informed choices about transition amd gender expression?
It cannot be denied that transpeople continue to face significant discrimination. Even in this video, some questioners referred to trans people as a "cult", so what can you do to help your stories be respected in their own right, and not just used as a weapon against another group?
Also, maybe I'm wrong, but you don't seem to have many boys/men or former transgirls/women among you. One of you mentioned fleeing the discrimination faced by women as a main reason for transitioning. Considering women and, especially transwomen, face increased discrimination, do you think that boys are less likely to feel pressured/pushed to mistakenly transition? Or do you just happen not to have that viewpoint represented?
Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience. I hope that no one who watched this now feels validated in their hatred or dismissal of transpeople/trans experiences.
Wow, this is a much needed breath of fresh air. Thank you for putting your stories out there.
Thank you for posting this conversation, it’s very honest and it’s good to see you as a group, sharing strength. I hope this post reaches many people who need it and who can’t find any discussion or answers for these very, very important questions on, you know, tumblr.
That's an interesting insight that came up in this video. You could measure a lack of growth in life as part of having made the wrong decision for you. I really appreciate the courage it took to change back. I hope you continue to make progress in life and find happiness.
Fuck this is so important. I feel like detransitioned individuals are so silences in the LGBTQ community. Glad you guys have decided to come make a space for yourself. I know it is important to so many.
Did any of you feel pushed to starting T before you felt you were ready? What about top or bottom surgery?
Thank you for bravely sharing these stories. We need to hear more people talking about this experience.
Thank you all for making this! I'm excited to see that you found each other offline--it's so important to have those connections. I'm sharing this in all the detrans groups online. Please get in touch if you're interested in our annual gathering for detransitioned women/reconciling with being female/desisters. You can find me on tumblr/gmail at redressalert.
Redress Alert Hi! Thank you for this comment first of all!
We would LOVE more information about this! We were all thinking of organizing something like this and we didn’t know someone already was. If we could team up and make such a gathering even more awesome I think the other 3 would totally be interested.
Can you email us with more information at piqueresilienceproject@gmail.com?
- Helena
Thank each of you women for sharing your candid, authentic stories. I'm looking forward to hearing more.
I am a traditional conservative and I really appreciate the time you up into this video. It clearly doesn't on represent all trans people but this is more common then most Americans are aware of. I just hate to see confused children be told lies that build into life long regrets or suffering. Again thanks for the video and perspective. Gods speed!
Great video, thanks. Hope you make many more. What you have to say is really, really important. Glad you all found a way out & are doing well now.
Though I am trans and do not look back on my decisions, I appreciate you sharing your experiences. People do need to hear stories like this more often, especially the young folks who wish to transition but have doubts or are confused thinking they have gender dysphoria when they might not, or even not have it at all.
I first started hormones at 13, but started and stopped HRT multiple times for a whole decade until restarting for good at age 23. Now that it’s been a few years I can see a few positive aspects of not having been able to transition at such an early age:
1) I was able to have a biological child and would have never known before how important that would turn out to be;
2) I was more mature when I made the decision to pursue this permanently, even though I knew that was the right thing to do for almost 20 years. When one is too young, one does not know all things. Even now I don’t, but at least I know that there is no more risk for a life of regret.
HRT is a very serious matter and should not be treated lightly. I wish you all the best and I am glad you have found the right path for your lives.
Call it a mental disorder as much as you want. I don't disagree. I don't follow any agenda or ideology, don't make any claims or activism, don't belong to any movement or party. All I need some peace of mind to live well. It's a personal, private issue.
Cristiano Rizzotto the points you made about the benefits of waiting until one is older is wise advise to give. I hope others will learn from your experience. I hope you find relief from the discomfort you feel, perhaps emotional healing and self love would aid this, it certainly has for me.
Laws of Nature I totally feel where you are coming from and I agree. Sex can not be changed, those not in a female body have no idea what our bodies go through and how totally and utterly significant it is to our lives and those claiming to “feel like a woman” have no idea what we actually feel like and thus lack empathy for us and our current and historical struggles. That said I feel like we can remain compassionate to those struggling but not to the extent that we sacrifice ourselves. Ive thought for some months women need spaces to discuss this where we feel free to express our emotions and thoughts on the matter away from those personally struggling with their sex.
Laws of Nature yes I know. The very thing we are is now being redefined by the trans ideology and our voices are being shut down and rights taken away. It’s really gotten serious in the UK and Canada.
@Laws of Nature Do you even know the literal definition of cis? You're an idiot.
Wow, you’ve opened my eyes. Growing up in the 90’s I had to fiercely hide who I was for my own survival. As a result, I was forced, despite severe Dysphoria, to wait until I was an adult to begin transition. Today, I know if I had access to estrogen and puberty blockers pre-puberty, I would be MUCH better off. I hate the fact that society was so closed minded in my teenage years that I did not have access to the support these kids did. So, when I would see society move so far forward that kids finally had the support I needed, I was over the moon for them. I really didn’t want to believe that an identity that would gotten me MURDERED if I were open about it in the 90’s had gotten so trendy that today kids who weren’t even trans would feel drawn to adopting it, TO FEEL ACCEPTED! Holy shit, how times change. So now we’re gonna have all these regret stories from dopey barely 20-something’s talking about their teenage years like it wasn’t last Thursday, complaining that it was too easy to transition for them and someone should have stopped them. Stories which the right are already eating up like candy and using to justify reversing all the progress the LGBT community has made in the past two decades (which is NOT a long time) thus revoking access to support from so many actual trans kids who could have REALLY benefitted from the privileges today’s kids squandered for a fad. Fucking hell.
Jake Dean The problem with that is so little is known about this condition still, that proper “vetting” is difficult at best. I may be biased from my own experience, but I fear false negative diagnoses more than I do false positives.
I’m 32, gay, I’m biracial and dress androgynous and am mistaken for a female which doesn’t bother me but I am a male, 100%. I can’t imagine living in this young generation which I believe is shaped by young Tumblr ideology which has turned the LGBT community upside down and is having a negative effect on young people. When I was growing up as a teenager, it was all about “no labels!” Now today it’s all about labels and sub labels and it’s insane. My heart goes out to the kids. Be yourself! Identify with yourself! Stop trying to join the scene for identity.
I am baffled at why people can't accept the fact some people are more androgynous than others - whether gay , bi or straight - and being more physically (or menally, emotionally) androgynous shouldn't immediate get the label of "trans". I agree BE YOURSELF.. straight or gay guy wants to wear eye makeup? Wear it! Gay or straight woman want to have super short hair and dress any way you want? Fine..
That mom calling it a cult just pushes her child further away from her. I support transition and detransition, and know/love several trans people who really are genuinely happy after transition (social and/or medical).
i agree
ReineDeLaSeine14 but it truly is a cult upheld by gender roles and stereotypes. However, I do agree their parents shouldn’t be too harsh. They should teach them that whether their male or female they can like what like, they can have whatever interests they want, they can dress how they want, they like who they want, but at the end of the day, that doesn’t make them the opposite gender just because you fit their norms.
Thank you for your honesty. I hope this helps young people to love and accept their bodies.
As a parent, I very much appreciate having this video as a resource. Very insightful and you all gave me some great things to think about that I hadn't before. What I will say is that I hope none of you ever have a child that falls down this rabbit hole. It takes hold of the entire family and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to endure as a parent to watch my child struggle and not only not be able to help, but not even be able to talk about it with others without being labeled unsupportive, a bigot, transphobic and the like. I just love my kid and want to spare her the irreversible effects of HRT if at all possible. So again, thank you for this very insightful video! Best of luck to you all!
Thank you for speaking out! Is is possible to add the questions to your description? The screenshots are hard to read on a phone.
This is an important conversation to have! Good on you guys for putting this out there! This is why it's important to wait and have conversations like this instead of shooting down others doubts.
Great video, such a thoughtful and open discussion. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with such generosity,
All people live in transition, always. This is always a forward-moving process. None of us ever goes back to who we used to be. You transition one way at a certain stage of your life, and then you transition another way. And another. Even deciding to remain the same is false, because we change through time whether we choose to or not. So the question is then - who are you becoming now? What is the most prudent or interesting way to manage your body/mind? It's is a life's work.
It is a PROCESS rather than a mere "identity".
except that some of this 'process' can have far-reaching physical impacts on the body and mind, especially if it is pushed onto young children
@@MsDidi38 - Change is the only constant of life, so it doesn't need to be "pushed" on anyone. Try keeping your body and mind the same over time and - you can't.
The best way to raise children IMO is to teach them responsibility. And managing how your body and mind work and develop is far more responsible than merely leaving it to random chance.
@@HereComesPopoBawa change is a constant, yes but radical transformation as a response to identity issues that could be managed sensitively without major surgery or hormones is not the appropriate solution, that is not responsible at all
@@MsDidi38 - I am skeptical of identity issues, generally. So I see identity as an unnecessary excuse for change. People don't need excuses to change/manage their bodies. After all, all puberty is a radical change of mind and body. And it is driven by hormones, regardless of identity. There is no such thing as living "without hormones".
It seems like a popular ethical double--standard where leaving things to chance is blameless regardless of the outcome, but steering the process deliberately is frowned upon because it might not go well. But there are no guarantees in either case.
@@HereComesPopoBawa what is your point then? Yes, puberty involves big changes, yes there are certain hormonal changes as well as the social meanings attributed to them. Why would one then go and take more hormones to rectify an already difficult situation, especially ones not indicated for them by their sex? That is not 'steering the process deliberately', it is interference in an already difficult process. Rather than give girls testosterone to make them cope better in a male-dominated world, it makes more sense to challenge the social stereotypes of sex roles and leave biology alone. That is not 'leaving it to chance,' that is dealing with the root cause of the problem where it actually lies, not in some bogus ideology of gender identity.
What do you think would have helped you more instead of transitioning?
therapy
You guys (no offense there) are amazing! I comment you for your bravery and self-reflection. You have wisdom that parents could use. In the end, we are seeing the issue of self-worth and humanist values that need to be the center of the discussion, not gender or sexual orientation. If the primary principle and 'identity' that is emphasized by parents is the 'human' identity -- humans with complex needs and desires that go beyond gender and sex, -- then self-acceptance, healthy social networks and accessibility to worlds to explore outside the virtual world would be much more helpful than expensive biotechnical manipulations that circumvent a person's appreciation of the very sophisticated biological apparatus - male or female - that they possess, and about which science is still discovering and building knowledge. The real 'identity politics' we are facing is about natural human versus genetically, surgically or electronically modified human. What is it to be human, and how much do we know, and what are we missing when we make artificial alterations?
this was a really great video. you’re all so articulate and insightful it’s amazing.
i have a question for you all. do you think transition is ever the right decision?
i am a transman and i volunteer a lot with teenagers who identify as trans. there are so many who i feel would greatly benefit from narratives like this. i see so many kids who i think probably feel very similar to the four of you and deserve people like you to speak out and share your stories. but, i also see a lot of kids who i feel will/have greatly benefited from transitioning.
i think a lot of people from my perspective who have greatly benefited from transition don’t want to consider that transition is not always the right decision. however, i also see a lot of people from the opposite perspective who did not have a beneficial transition experience who think transition is NEVER the right decision in any case. i would love to know what your opinion is on this, thank you all so much.
I do not believe anymore in happy endings for trans ppl. All of them in real life are unhappy. Met plenty of them. Hope ppl wake up of this social hysteria.
@@eugeniarodrigues9720 trans people have always existed and we can live very happy lives. there's not a lot of stories about older trans men specifically but search joão w nery, he transitioned during the military dictatorship in brazil and lived a very beautiful happy life. we exist.
Cassian Ramirez Did you know this person who was sooo happy? There is often a public facade that is radically different from the lived reality.
@@ramirez3110 João coudnt even go up the stairs... Horrible health conditions. Died of câncer... Maybe testosteron played a role.
@@ramirez3110 gays indigenous ppl and lesbians from 1850 were not ""trans"""
I think gender dysphoria is a lot more common than people think, it just hasn't been as socially engineered as it is now. i definitely experienced it well into my 20s but i just grew out of it eventually. and it was due to shame projected onto me - and you're right being a female is not easy, and parents don't make it easy with all the expectations of how you're supposed to look and act honestly. a lot of what you said i could relate to even though I've never identified as trans - managing appearances through clothing? thats something i think everyone can relate to - its so exhausting
trans woman here (30 yld), I just started on october and started hrt in December, thank you for this video. Ive actually talked to a few detransitioners on reddit and one of the things they told me was t be certain you want to be on hrt, and I waited until december doing therapy and such but my depression from my dysphoria got so bad that I decided to go on hrt. at 2 months I don't have any doubt going on that, all though I may go with transfemine rather then just calling myself a woman. Idk still working on that.
anyways thanks for this video it was really eye opening.
Interesting that you all experienced this at the same age, 15-19 when you were still very young and in school. Prescribing life altering hormones should be well thought out when people are still growing up mentally and psychologically. Thank you all for being open with your stories!
Clearly is seems that waiting till one turns 18 before transitioning is the solution..... Parents need to hold the line if they love their kids.... kids may suffer for 2 or 3 years.. but then they will have another 78 years of peace...
Or sometimes they'll commit suicide before the age of 18. Don't assume you know what's right for everybody.
@@altruisticflower9627 majority of kids get out disphoria when they do not get puberty blockers
@Jake Dean Therapy and support are great. I'm honestly not sure if I would accept the numbers you present, but I think that people with different viewpoints on this should work together to reduce both problems. All I was trying to point out is that the comment I was replying to, encouraging all parents of trans youth to withhold all medical transition (and maybe social transition; comment is unclear) for as long as they are legally able, was going too far.
@Jake Dean Easy for you to say when you are not the one experiencing it.
@Jake Dean And for every detransitioner, there are about 50 who wish they had done it younger. I know trans people, one thing that I hear all the time is wishing they had transitioned before puberty.
This is why people need to take their time and see. There is no rush for most. Try living as the gender as much as you can without the hormones and surgery. You can bind, use packers etc for a while before really deciding.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your voices are so important and will change the lives of other young women.
Fantastic video. I’m an old lesbian, and hearing some of these remarks for the first time. I really hope more videos like this start to get more notice so that gay/lesbian/trans interwoven issues are dealt with. Thank you all SO much!
Thank you for this video. It is important that the young women who have had the experience of sincerely believing they were trans can speak for themselves, noone should be speaking for them. It is clear so much pressure comes from places like social media and Tumblr when young people are feeling depressed, anxious and confused about their identity. Something that so many teens go through has become medicalized and very dangerous for a young persons true self-actualization.
Thank you for such an open, honest, frank and intelligent discussion.
Hello! I just wanted to say that I hope you all receive positive feedback for sharing your experience. I have always been glad that I was already in my 20s before I encountered gender theory. I spent quite a few years confused being an a-typical female but at 36 I am glad that I am able to choose the kind of female I am. Having the hindsight of experience can really change your perspective. I am encouraged by you young people. Seeing what teenagers deal with since the onset of social media makes me sad about the dangers of isolation, and the need to constantly present yourself to the world. Go out in the world! Meet people! Have fun! Move to Europe! Explore gender in theater! The world is a big, beautiful place.
Thank you for making this video; it was very helpful. I look forward to future videos!
Thank you all a million times!
to all you anxious transpeople, from a detransitioning 27 yr old nonbinary woman: i think its really good of you to educate yourself and that your questioning yourself and thinking one step further before making major life decisions. however dont be too scared of detransition. i delayed my medical transition 5 years because i was afraid i would regret it and that just created more anxiety than i needed. the human psyche is complex and you can never really know what will happen tomorrow. i watched a bunch of videos from both transpeople and detransitioners before i made the decision about hormones and when i finally made it i was welleducated and secure in my decision. still i ended up detransitioning. but it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. there is a life after detransition. I'm not sayig its not complicated, its been hard and a hella weird thing to go through, but i'm happy with my life today. i don't regret my transgender experiences, they've shaped me as a person and made me a better, more open human being. :) good luck in life :)
I made this comment as reply to someone down below, but I think it needs to be said to more: there is a life even if you were to detransition.
Important video for kids to see. Thanks so much for posting this. Beautiful💐🌸🌼🌺🌻🌷🌹
Thanks to these brave young women for speaking the truth about the social pressure that allows unscrupulous charletans to exploit normal teen angst for their own greed.
Such an important topic and perspective. Thank you for raising your voices and bringing new insight to this complex issue. Please do more videos to help us understand even just a little bit more. Thank you!
Such a great job at making sure each other had a chance to speak or encouraging to talk. So often I will see a group like this and one person getting lost in the shuffle. Such great communication.
That was great, thank you for being so open about your detransition, can't wait to hear more.
Thanks for this great video!
Lately I've been thinking a lot about being trans and transitioning, but now I'm wondering if it's just an effort to distance myself from my trauma. I was raised by a narcissist mother, I got my female physical characteristics from her which is probably part of the reason I have dysphoria.
From my own experience and being in the trans life (I made a video about it if youre interested) your theory could very well be correct. I had a narcissistic father and a family full of "empowered" females and as a result I didnt feel accepted as a man and socially got pressured into being like a girl. Now its been more than ten years since I went back to being a man and I love it. I thank God everyday I was never talked into doing any harm to my body.
I'm a parent of a teen identifying as trans. It blindsided me! Did not see this coming! Before puberty played with My Little Pony, loved Barbie movies, very much a girl. With puberty started becoming a tomboy and now wants to start T at 15. We started therapy for depression and anxiety issues. I don't want her to transition because I don't believe she is truly trans. Your stories all sound like what we're seeing. What can we do to help her?!
Great video thanks, especially the things-not-to-say towards the end there, and especially especially minute 24-25. That's some good advice.
I feel like questioning was a lot more accepted in the past than now. I think this is because there is a narrative that you must accept someone 100% when they come out (which is fair because a negative coming out can be traumatizing) but then it doesn’t give people room to explore or feel awkward and embarrassed. Instead it puts pressure on them to be right about their identity 24/7.
very humble and honest discussion. it takes courage to admit these kinds of things. thank you. this also brings to light that it sounds a little too easy to get on T and transition. therapists and doctors need to be way more thorough before just handing out T like skittles. dysphoria needs to be distinguished from other symptoms of teen angst, trauma, body dysmorphia, and sexual orientation issues.
I know for a fact that I am trans ftm BUT I don’t plan on medically doing anything to change my body until I’m financially ready and mentally stable to make major decisions like this ofc with long term therapy
Great video!! I'm so glad you're all speaking out about your experiences, it's brave of you 🌹💐🌹💐🌹💐🌹💐🌹💐🌹💐🌹💐🌹
Thank you for getting together and sharing. Hopefully you are all well. It would be nice to see how you are doing.
This phenomenon is mostly affecting teenage girls.