Me for 99% of the video: this video is honestly so great, i really really support you and it's cool to see how your identity has evolved so much! Me at 12:55 YOU GOT TO MEET RHETT AND LINK HOLY SHIT BALLS YES
You are so strong. I admire your bravery and the ability to do what is best for YOU. Thank you for sharing your story, I know a lot of people will benefit from it.
Hey, thanks so much for sharing your story! This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot A LOT lately! Pretty much my whole childhood I hated being seen as a girl, hated dressing as a girl, always aimed to be as tomboyish as possible. In the eighth grade, I shaved my head and started wearing a binder. I went by Axel with some friends, but especially online and identified as male, but I never was able to transition. Then in the junior year of high school I started growing my hair out, and by senior year I wasn’t so sure I identified as a boy anymore. These last few years I’ve been trying to present more feminine, and it’s really jarring sometimes looking in the mirror and seeing a girl when I was used to seeing a boy for so long haha. Gender is complicated and but I guess figuring yourself out along the way is half the fun. It’s really wonderful getting to live so many lives and find yourself in a better position to understand and relate to others. Wish you the best, you’re such a beautiful person!
That transition timeline is wild. You honestly passed so well as a dude towards the end of your transition, but then as soon as you started detransitioning, you passed so well as female again
But that goes against the whole trans LGBTQ logic that there is no set look for male and female. When in reality there very much is. Every single person you see on the street, no matter how they're dressed or however their hair is done, once you look at them within 2 seconds you know if they're male or female. It's an extremely rare case when you can't tell what gender someone is. I can't even remember the last time I saw someone where I didn't know if they were a boy or girl.
Perfect Tionist no, vocal chords don’t shrink back down after they’ve been thickened by testosterone- this is why trans women have to voice train or get surgery to thin down the vocal chords
This is one of the reasons why most doctors require trans people to live at their desired gender for at least a year, and preferably two, before they will do any permanently altering things to their bodies.
I haven't physically done so myself but by myself or online I am what my preferred gender is. Mostly don't cause of my family and their religious behavior. I'm hoping I can still go about hrt since I'm old enough to make that decision myself being in my 30s.
Exactly. I've been living as a guy for 4 years and I still have 6 months to wait until my doctor feel comfortable doing it. I had a meeting about side effects and stuff and was given papers and everything and told to really think about this and every month I'm going to have a meeting to talk about transitioning and if at the end of these six month I still want to he will prescribe t
I’m 15, born female. I’ve always been a huge tomboy. At around 11 when puberty really started to hit, I started to question my gender. Ages 12-14 I was living as “Miles” used he/him pronouns. And constantly fought with my parents about taking hormones. Now during quarantine I’ve been alone with myself for awhile, I’ve been able to really think about these things. I’m very unsure about hormones. But I think what’s the worst about this, at least for me, is that this is all so humiliating. All those years spent fighting with my parents will be for nothing. I’ll have to tell my friends that I’m not a boy anymore. I used to be so sure going on testosterone would just, magically solve all my problems. I’m realizing that no, it’s not. I’m working on loving myself for who I am right now. even thought it’s still kinda uncomfortable. I should probably go to therapy to sort this all out, haha. Anyway, this video really helped me to understand that there are other people who de-transition and that I’m not alone.
I was a huge tomboy, couldn’t relate to girls. I didn’t get boobs till I was about 16-17.. didn’t get my period until 15 a month from being 16.. my mom actually asked me if I was a lesbian bc I didn’t have boyfriends and I was so tomboyish. At the time, I was questioning myself. I think if becoming trans had been such a movement back then, I might’ve done it. I was bullied growing up and in middle school pretty bad, I felt so alone and just miserable. Luckily, I was in therapy the whole time. I did get into drugs for quite a few years. I’m so grateful that I didn’t do anything to physically change myself, bc as I got older, about 25, I really started to find myself and love myself. Don’t worry about changing your mind. That’s what finding yourself is all about. Change your mind, change it back.. it doesn’t matter. Make yourself happy. Don’t worry about your friends or your parents. If they love you and truly accept you, they will support you, no matter what sex you choose to be. At the end of the day, your life, is, your life. You’re the only one who has to live it. Twenty years from now, you will still be with you, who knows if you will be friends with the same people. My point is, just do what makes you feel secure. Don’t worry about humiliating yourself, bc you’re not. You’re being true to yourself. Being a teenager is hard without bringing transitioning into it. I wish all the kids who feel different would just wait. Don’t rush to do such permanent things. Everyone who has already gone through their teenage years will tell you how hard it was.. even the most popular or best looking kids. It’s a very hard awkward time for everyone, it will get better, I promise you. Get into therapy, the first therapist you find doesn’t have to be the one. Shop around a little and decide who you like the best.. but give them at least 4 meetings. I hope everything works out for you.
You are very very young, nobody will judge you for changing your mind. At your age people are easily drawn to things that are popular, or just things that they think will solve all your problems. I'm 22 and just now I'm actually coming to terms with who I am, how I want to present and who I want to love. Our brains are developing until we are 25, so until then maybe it's better to keep the big decisions for later. Especially those that alter your body. We only get one body, we have to cherish it and love it. And don't worry so much about what will people think. Being a tomboy is okay! How boring would the world be if every girl dressed the same. We all have different levels of masculine and feminine energies in us. If you like wearing masculine clothes it doesn't automatically mean that you are male. It's just clothes, fabric. I live in a very conservative country where nobody I know is trans. But tomboy girls are considered normal and accepted. Nobody is saying they are not female. So i'm sure you will be accepted however you are and end up being.💕
Hi! I just want to tell you that you can continue to be a tomboy and a girl. Being a girl/woman is not all about being stereotypically feminine. Society paints this picture of how a woman should behave, look, and think like to fit the mould. Truth is that you are not even a tomboy, you are you! Yourself. We are pushed into gender roles at birth. It's all culture. Go back in history and you will read about how blue was actually a colour for girls and red was for boys.
the level of self awareness, humility and courage you posess at 15 is inspiring. You deserve to live as you truly feel honey. I hope things work out and I have a feeling they will
Even though she transitioned for the wrong reasons I think it’s important to not generalize that all trans people transition for the same reasons .cause every one is different. It’s a very little percent of trans people who de transition there for most trans people are serious about transitioning properly and for the right reasons.
Dezzy How is this her fault? She just confused her identity when she was going through a tough time, we all make mistakes and we can’t blame her for feeling this way since we don’t know how her mentality was at the time. And how is her detransitioning offensive to trans people? She wasn’t making fun of them and she didn’t know that she wasn’t actually trans. Have some empathy 🤦🏽♀️
Trans man here: So glad you are able to talk about this. Sorry so much of the community hides de-transitioners. You see like a great person and I wish you the best of luck.
Apparently, she hates trans people so that's not very cool. Uh... Well, I guess she doesn't like me??? Lmao girl I was on your side until you wanted to hate us
Can you make videos contrasting how life is as a man vs a woman, what you felt/feel living in that role, and society's behavior towards you? I find this so interesting.
@Helder Cunha we both agree with that. honestly i want to hear what she has to say about living as a "man" and how that role/ headspace was different that how she lives now. I don't intend to have a side discussion with you. the comment was for her.
Helder Cunha I dont think either one are easy, but it deffenitly would be hard to live as a man if you are actually a female, and the other way around. Its easier to fall into your natural roll. Im pretty sure 99% of men would not want to grow, carry and deliver a whole baby lol neither do most women want to work heavy fulltime work etc.
As a happy trans guy on testosterone for 6 years now, I am really happy you have shared your story and continue to. Too many Transgender people want to sweep these stories under the rug, it's becoming more and more prevalent as our healthcare systems are adapting and changing rapidly. These stories must be shared so people exploring their own identities get a full spectrum view of what transitioning can be when it's not the best choice for some individuals. As I write this I realized I missed my shot a couple days ago, in my own perspective testosterone therapy has changed my life and opened many doors for me. Overall it has helped me achieve my highest self. This is not everyone's story. Continue to grow, be happy, and find your place my friend ❤
How on Earth do you go from being such a pretty girl, to such a handsome dude, and then back to an even prettier girl again?! You need to pay to put my mind back together because you have blown it to pieces! Holy shit! Good luck with everything. I cant imagine the will power it took to go through all of this and still smile while vlogging about it.
DO I Need To Be SAVED? God is holy. No sin will ever enter his presence, for “righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne” (Psalm 97:2). Humanity is sinful. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Sin separates all people from God. “Your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you” (Isaiah 59:2). It is impossible for humans to save themselves. “By works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight” (Romans 3:20). CAN I BE SAVED? God sent his Son to be your Savior. “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). The living Savior invites sinners to receive him “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28) Forgiveness of sins and salvation can be yours today. “ For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18). HOW CAN I BE SAVED? Agree with God that you are a lost sinner unable to save yourself. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins and ask him to be your Savior. “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12). Confess the Lord Jesus Christ. “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9) “Truly truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life”( John 5:24). Please share this with others ❤️🙏✝️
Coming from a straight guy who never thought about transitioning i have to say you are a beautiful girl and also was a handsome guy. Do whatever makes you feel happy and right. I wish you the best. :)
@@pryoxiscool6518 to use gay as an insult is discrimination of homosexual people and often comes from homophobic fears. I don't need you to tell me what a homophobe is. To call me gay just because i gave a compliment on how she looked as a man is probably coming from his own homophobic agenda. Maybe he shouldn't jump to conclusions.
@@Bean-cg4ub youre jumping to conclusions by thinking he used gay in a offensive way. Its logically impossible to come to a conclusion with the 2 words "u gay" dont be so hard headed.
wow the part where you said “maybe i will survive. maybe i will live past 18” hit me so deep. i was just talking to my therapist about this today. i spent the entirety of my teenage years depressed, not thinking i’d make it past 18, and once i “grew up” it hit me like a ton of bricks, i had zero plans. thanks for sharing.
Going through it right now. Even left school and my highschool job due to health issues that exacerbated my depression and thoughts of suicide much like they had when I was 13. I'm not able to go to college, never got my license, no job. Pained me even to think of never having a last prom, never going to a reunion, never having a graduation. I just focused on getting through the day and starting the cycle over again the next day, not what I would do after that. I used to be really good at art so I wanted to go to art school and have always been interested in the human body and psychology. I even wanted to be a tattoo artist. But because of my circumstances have no shot of doing anything with those passions I once had and lost. Neither do I have the money. Last night it hit me I should start a buisness, I'm tired of feeling like a failure to my past self. My mental health is no better than it was but being 19 now I've gained more perspective and I just miss having a creative outlet. All I'm doing is withering away in my bed. I want to figure out the me I am now and get to know her. I miss having dreams and goals. I miss doing something other than being stuck in my own head.
I wish I had gotten a job in hi school. I also wish I had involved myself in activities outside of school. Instead of focusing on how bad I thought my life was. Had I got a job I wouldn’t have had to be at home all the time. Then I could have used the money for activities outside of school (I didn’t have sports say my school). Also I wish I had learned to drive! Money I made from working I could have taken classes to learn.
This thought process is actually among many people. When I was 12, I told my younger sister that I could not imagine being old because I felt that I would die within few years. It all comes from loneliness, depression and anxiety. Thank God I grew out of that phase and love living now. I hope you are also doing well now.
I knew a girl who thought she was trans in middle school. She went by Oliver, then Evan, she even graduated with that name, and now she’s back to “Mia” (or however you spell it) and i’m happy for her. It’s always ok to change your mind.
@@George_Washington_ "giving kids pills" pretty sure you have to be over the age of 18 to get pills (unless your parents say yes, most don't so that's really rare or if you live somewhere where the legal age is 16 or something) and you have to have a doctors/therapists letter/note to obtain hormone pills, so I doubt that kids are out here walking around taking hormone pills.
@@George_Washington_ If you mean hormone blockers, those are totally reversible, and if you're talking about hormones, kids cannot take hormones and are not being given them. Also, the only hormone that's in the form of a pill is estrogen.
This is exactly why I absolutely REFUSE to medically transition until I'm in my late 20s early 30s. Even if I would HATE it in the present I want to make sure I'm 100% SURE. There's no reason to why I should medically transition as soon as I hit 18. Its a marathon not a sprint and I'm taking all the damn time I want
If you are really transgender, believe me, you will know sooner than that. From what you're saying, you might aswell stay as you are, it will be a waste of time/life/money 👌🏻
I agree, 18 can still be quite young. Basically you have to wait until you get out of the teen years at least, those are confusing times for everyone! I think 20 or 21 seems old enough
Henry Bollinger oh henry. you are so silly. one must go through intensive therapy before they are ever approved for sex reassignment surgery its not something that can just happen
@@angelcorekt That's not always true. Many, many times teenagers and younger children are given hormones blockers and stuff before even being able to finish puberty and then given what they need to transion without making sure it is the best for their mental health, often encouraged by CPS agents who will separate them from their parent for not being insane and wanting mutilation and stirilization as a last resort for curing mental illness. It is not the case always, of course, but to say that it is not being pushed into children by insane people who couldn't care less about the future mental health of the children would also be a lie. Look at all these child "celebrities" that are being used by their mothers as a trans activists, including people with down syndrome who hold little to no power on their own decisions. It is not only sickening but a very obvious show that our society glorifies manchausen by proxy, all for the sake of pushing an agenda held by cultitst that care more for fame, regardless of how inmoral they act.
I'm in my late 20's and I started doing things to transition. I have been thinking about transitioning for years. Currently, I think it's what's best for me, but a video like this makes me pause for a moment. For anybody questioning like me, take your time to explore how you feel. Dont jump into anything and don't feel like you have to commit just because you already started the process.
@@gregoryjarvis3067 thanks for the concern, but im more comfortable with being female than being male. Transition wasn't for her but for many people it's their only real option and they are happy once the process is over. I wish her the best, but I still need to do what is best for me.
I love this! Wonderful self insight and "don't have to commit just because you started the process" I wish someone said that to me when I was twenty. I miss that body. Went under the knife at 21. Sure it made locker rooms easier but nooooo! Sad day. Now it'll make locker rooms even harder. Oops! Happy travels wherever you go! Just love you.
I’m 17 years old and when i was 13-16 i was completely convinced i was transgender and i cut off all my hair and wore masculine clothes and my friends called me a boys name. i was so depressed and hated everything about myself and was so uncomftorable in my own skin and didn’t know how to help it so i thought changing my whole identity would fix it but it didnt. now that ive grown up a little and got my life more on track im so greatful i didnt jump the gun and ask my parents for hormones and commit to this huge change that i thought would fix everything
I went through the same thing as a male. My parents helped a lot. My father never required me to be “macho”, and my mother appreciated how emotional I was. I eventually met a great woman who loves me like I am.
Dude, same. I’m still questioning some things rn but overall it’s nice for someone to think things through so during the process you would not regret about the results.
So glad that you can say, with a smile, "I am very proud of the person I am today."! Many people can't, irregardless of whether they are gay or straight, trans or not, male or female. That in itself is an accomplishment I am sure many would envy! You go, girl!!!😉
you’ve probably gotten this comment before, but you should most definitely write a book. i feel like it would help a lot of people and also spread awareness. your story is really inspirational 🦋
It's important to know that being trans is not about hating yourself, not even about hating your body. You just see yourself in your imagination (self-image) as looking more like the opposite sex body. And this alone can cause depression but dysphoria is not about hating yourself or wanting to change. It's just about wanting to make your outer appearance congruent with your inner self-image, you will feel something is unaligned. Hope this helps anyone who is confused and keep them from transitioning or help them transition
Yeah I wish I was supermodel gorgeous but I'm not going to get a bunch of plastic surgery. Better to accept who you are and love yourself as is. People should be grateful they have HEALTHY bodies without cancer.
@@niccolom4556 being trans is way different than wanting to look like a model. When I had long hair I was so depressed bc I looked so much like a girl and I dont identify that way. My hair looked gross all the time because showers were a thing I dreaded and I didn't properly take care of my hair bc it brought me down so much. But I was finally allowed to cut it short and I almost cried from happiness in the shower. I finally looked more like-well-me. That's just one example. I suggest doing more research and finding the perspective of trans people. There's lots of trans people here on youtube u can watch.
@@bartbaker6486 It is very normal to be confused about a lot of things, especially during puberty - please just embrace who you are & give everything a chance to settle down - give your brain, body, and emotions some time to adjust & fully form before you make any rash decisions ! There is no way I was the same person at 16 that I was at 26 !
We need to normalize not medically transitioning...there is no shame in being trans and 'not passing' well enough because you're not on hormones yet or whatever. It's okay to take a couple years and experiment with the way you present yourself.
yes i agree, i took some time of always thinking about it before i decided to tell anyone or go to a doctor and start getting the diagnosis.. in the beginning i accepted that i had a lighter voice and looked like a 12 year old cause i still passed if you saw me in person... but then as people around me grew older and i just felt more and more distant not passing as male anymore cause of my actual age i knew i had to do something.. I'm starting testosterone in a while and i have never been happier. being able to comfortably talk to people without feeling like my voice ruins everything for me i have never been happier before... i think that time i took to think made me realize how serious i was and how seriously i needed to transition as time went on
Transpeople who don't pass aren't ashamed tho? They are triggered and it hurts them. Why would you want to run around for two years without hormones etc experiencing what exactly? What it feels like to wear a dress as a "male"? Like... that has nothing to do with being trans. What is your point I genuinely don't get it.
NeptunCristalPower for me what the original commenter seemed to be getting at was that there are some people who rush into medically transitioning faster than they are truly ready, whether trans or not. Loads can happen in 2 years, especially when people are young. I took about 5 years to truly figure out what I wanted and that was a good decision for me. Everyone is different
I hope you are comfortable in your skin. You looked like a "male" when you transitioned. You looked like a girl before. You look like a woman after. I'm a very conservative person, but let me say this: be happy with you. Love yourself. If you do not like you, you will never be happy. Cherish yourself and your life. I wish you well and hope for your happiness
@kindinot I think this person has gone through a lot of rough times, trying to figure out how to love herself. She mentioned that she has dealt with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders with no mentioned trigures other then puberty. She obviously had a lot of trouble being happy, but she made an effort to try and change that. The steps she took may not have been correct for her, but she still was making an effort. Mental health is a journey. No one is going to love themselves 100% of the time. It’s about the effort that they make except themselves. She has just hit a lot of bumps in her road and you reaffirming something that she seems to be insecure about does not help anybody. She may not see it, but other people with similar problems may. Self image is something that humans historically have huge problems with. Keeping comments like that on a sensitive video like this to yourself is something that you should keep in mind for the future. Good luck on your journey, stranger.
A lot of the feelings you talk about having as a young teenage girl (before wanting to transition) are actually what most every teen girl goes through at that time... I have a developmental psychology degree and thats the main psychological characteristic of puberty in girls, it really messes with our self esteem and identity formation.
I can attest to this. I don’t know about others but for me middle school was definitely some of the worst years of my life, and I can see how these feelings could cause someone to come to what this person has come to. I think to avoid situations like this, maybe therapy would be best prior to hormonal treatments to identify where negative feelings are coming from. Seeing if someone’s hatred of their own body and selves is stemming from low self esteem or actual gender dysphoria. I’m not a psychologist though so you can probably elaborate on this 😂
Thank you for saying this.. not putting her down or her journey. But every young teen/teen goes through a period of not knowing who or what they are, or what they want to be.. and at the risk of getting some hate.. I really wish society wouldn’t put such a pressure on a individual of assuming they are trans, gay etc. I swear in today’s time.. if I were to go back to 6-8th grade... shoot I’d have thought I was trans too, such an awkward time... Also do not worry You look like a female! You’re beautiful!
Zach me too! I believe as much as we need to be aware of many people’s real need for transition, we also need to tell teens its okay to feel certain feelings. The line is getting so blurred between true dysphoria and other mental illness or normal teenage self esteem struggles. Im not saying its necessarily the case here, but it could explain why more and more people who transitioned as teens/young adults are coming out as being dissatisfied or wanting to de-transition :/
rosilveri estevez it really is! I mean even from personal experience i think every woman can attest to how shitty puberty and teenage years are hahaha! You can find a lot of good scientific literature on online databases!
As a 10 year old I started questioning my gender. I was a tomboy and I was very insecure about everything. When I turned 16 or something, I started to hang out with girls more instead of boys only. Now I'm almost 30 years old and I'm very happy to be a woman now. I embraced my body, worked on it and became secure, happy, calm and relaxed. Thank god for puberty, because it gave me my relaxed happy and adult life since it made me strong and gave me the ability to get to know myself 🤘🏼💪🏼🙏🏼
I'm also a FtMtF detransitioner, and it makes me so happy to see people that are brave enough to talk about their experiences like this because I've been so ashamed of mine for so long. Thank-you for sharing your story!
hey, im currently questioning if im a trans guy. If you're comfortable sharing, I would like to know what made you think you were a trans guy and what made you realise you weren't?
@@epidermispee971 what kind of concerns are you having? Do you feel out of place? I feel like if you are questioning it leave the door open for change. We are here for you.
@@TH-camr1045 hmm. . lets start with when I was little: (about ages 5 - 7) I wanted people to think i was a boy, and when they thought I was one it made me feel nice in a weird way I couldn't describe. Whenever I would think of myself I would never ever see a girl, I genuinely thought of myself as a boy. When I was young I wanted a 'boys' name. More little things like that too. A couple of years ago (give or take) I had this attitude of 'I am definitely a cis girl', yet even then I felt a discomfort about my chest, did some research and decided someday I would get top surgery... (its valid for cis women to get top surgery too tho!) I am pretty disconnected from myself when I'm out in public (such as at the grocery store for example), but more recently I decided to start thinking about what other people saw on me that would have them see me as a girl, so ofc the first thought was my chest.. I had these horrible feelings,, I don't know exactly what dysphoria feels like for trans folks, but I'm almost completely sure that was what I was feeling. Basically whenever I see my chest in the mirror it makes me very uncomfortable, and there have been times growing up where I would feel those horrible feelings I mentioned before. I just, never thought of myself like that, as a girl... with a chest,, until more recently. I actually asked my friends to use he/him pronouns with me just to test them out. It's been nearly a month and whenever they use them it feels really nice, and I feel comfortable with them. There's only been a couple of times where someone has accidently said 'she' and those couple of times felt bad to me. I have wondered about that and wondered if that means anything or not,, still dont really have a clue. I also told my dad and his girlfriend I'm trying out he/him pronouns and they've gotten better at using them, whenever they use them it feels really really nice! again, i dont know what this means, if anything. Growing up, being reminded of how people see me as a girl never ever felt right, and I despised wearing anything feminine. I do realize that being a masculine woman is completely okay and normal!! But, even when I think of myself as a masculine woman, ,, I don't like it at all. Not as much as thinking of myself as a cis guy, or even a trans guy. I also dont like the thought of me having wide hips, because those are seen as feminine, mine aren't too wide though, but i still worry about it. same with my chest, it isnt too large, in comparison with other peoples'. I've always felt comfortable with the fact its not huge though,,, and even with it being on the smaller side i really really dont like my chest... So i guess the short answer to the question 'do i feel out of place?' is yes. I do, and in a way I always have. It's taken me some time to realize these feelings, but im glad i did. I am 15 now, so still fairly young, I've got time to figure it out. I am also trying to find a gender therapist to talk to as well... I hope everything works out well. I would also love an answer to my previous reply from the original commenter, I really would love to know what had them think they were a trans guy and what had them realize they werent!!!! thanks for reading this i love u.
@@epidermispee971 hey I have no idea who you are, but can you give me your name? I want to pray for you, I can’t imagine the confusion and disarray you’re going through and I do not at all agree with the transgender movement, but I usually respond out of ignorance and anger and after reading this I can’t help but really feel so much sympathy for you. I really wish you the best of luck, you are still so young and life’s so freaking confusing especially at that age, I went through so much mental problems too and was very suicidal, but I know this sounds cliche but god changed my life and I just wanna pray for you tonight before I sleep so maybe you will at least have a peace of mind. I love you too!
If anybody is wondering not all sexuality therapist will jump into giving u hormones. I went to mine when i was 18 thinking i was a trans man and she figured out slowly that my sexual issues weren't really about my gender and help me to feel better. I still have a little bit of dysphoria but trust me i'm good. So please don't think that all pro-lgbt therapist will give hormones in 5 minutes
Right, I‘ve been to a therapist when I was 13 or 14 thinking I was trans. My therapist and I were talking alot about my childhood at first and why I thought I was male or „what even feeling like a male means“. She wasn’t really a professional on that topic tho and didnt know what to do really, she also didnt just wanna give me hormones so she gave me the adress of another therapist suggesting i should see him instead since he worked alot with trans people. I never went there cause that therapist lived way too far away for me to visit him every week. I‘m 17 now, turning 18 soon and not even sure about my identity anymore. Kinda glad my first therapist didn’t just give me hormones like that, couldve ended bad
I am currently considering transitioning, and looking at detransition videos like yours are very important so I know what I would be getting into. Thank you for sharing your experience because I understand it is a difficult subject. Happy you did what is right for you. Rock on!
Riiight? So pretty I'm jealous lol. Handsome boy and beautiful lady! Your video has helped me pursue my own detransition a lot more aggressively and while I'll never have my hair back--yours is gorgeous, I'm happy for you!!--I am feeling pretty great in my wigs. :) thank you.
As a trans guy, I can’t even imagine how brave you are, I really wish you the best and I’m glad you are at peace (at least you look like it). Good luck, you are already an incredible woman
It is so nice of you to leave such a wonderful comment for her. I have heard that many trans people who detranstion receive so much hate and I'm sure she appreciates your sweet comment.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. After spending 16 years on T I’m pretty unsure about ever looking like a girl again but I deeply regret my transition and am having a hard time reversing it. I quit T almost 3 years ago and started added estrogens 2 years ago, but I am mostly bald now, I’ve got the body hair of a gorilla, I’m built like a quarterback (always have been, I am 5’9” and very stocky and rectangular). I’ve always looked so masculine I felt stupid trying to be “a pretty girl” and found that I liked how people treated me better when they thought I was an average looking dude instead of a butch/androgynous woman. Even when I wore long hair and dresses before testosterone, people didn’t believe I was a girl. I got kicked out of binary bathrooms everywhere. I feel like I transitioned to hide because it was easier for me to be masculine than feminine, and I was soooo tired of being bullied *everywhere*. But now I go through life as a Cis white dude and I never get hassled anywhere... which is great and all... but also I feel like a fraud. Like I’m living a lie, misrepresenting myself to everyone, and I don’t recognize me in the mirror anymore. I look like a lumberjack. But your story gives me hope, helps confirm that I need to do what I need to do *for me*, regardless of how others take it. I appreciate how brave you are for putting your identity out there. I know how hard it can be to admit regret. I have decided years ago to Detransition but haven’t really done anything about it besides change hormones and hope for the best. Sometimes I shave and paint my nails. You’re inspiring. :) Thank you again!
"It ain't over till it's over", so you have time to work on YOU, to be your best and lessen the regrets on choices made. The past cant change, you can work on the NOW. Much love and luck.🙂❤
Thank you 4 that, L C. Everybody has the right 2 feel as comfortable as possible in their own skin. Have an awesome 2021! Your courage & candor is inspiring.
I’m so glad I found you. I’m a girl but I have been questioning if I was meant to be born as a guy. I’m going through the same things that you went through as a 16 year old, the exact same things it’s scarily accurate. I’ve been thinking about getting on testosterone to help with these feelings of hatred over my body, this distorted image of myself that maybe it will all go away if I transition, that maybe I am trans. but after watching this, I don’t think I am. I don’t have major gender Dysphoria towards my female body, and looking back at childhood photos I’ve always been feminine. Seeing how you feel after transitioning into a male I’ve realized that I would feel the same way too. Thank you for sharing your story.
Most kids go through an identity crisis particularly through puberty. Some have a larger crisis than others. Sometimes you really just need to work through it until everything settles.
not to assume but you might be non-binary ?which means u can present masculine feminine androgynous and everything in between with no bounds and you don’t have to take hormones if you don’t want to
I REALLY hope these transition - detransition videos don't start popping up all over the place. But I have a huge suspicion that they will be in the upcoming years. And that honestly saddens me. I am trans myself and I wouldn't wish gender dysphoria on anyone who doesn't already experience it. And the fact that people are giving themselves dysphoria unintentionally, it's really just awful. Regardless, though, I'm happy for you that you have found a way to live with this situation! It must not have been easy at all to think you have it figured out only to realize you were completely wrong about it. That's very difficult. I commend you for holding it together!
Happy for her? I guess,, but she's taken up Twitter to blame anyone who is transgender or is supportive of people that are trans for her personal choices to wreak havoc on her body one way or another. If she didn't "transition" she would have just self harmed in some other way. She already had an eating disorder, she was already hating herself...
I’m so glad I realised I wasn’t trans before I started permanently transitioning. I completely support trans people, but boy was I wrong about my own gender...
hii. i hope this doesn't come off as rude because I'm just curious about this. how does one get confused about something like this? like did you think you were the opposite gender but later realised something else like being gender fluid? no need to answer if this makes you feel uneasy or if you don't want to I'm just asking our of curiosity
I was completely obsessed with being a boy- i genuinely thought I was. At the time I passed really well, i buzzed my hair, I binded, I only shopped men’s clothes etc... I was so... so confused. High school was awful man. I was surrounded by so many people who pushed a gender on me. I’m so fortunate I never physically transitioned. I’m really happy to see a video like this. I’m glad i’m not alone😣
You know what? I've been identifying myself as a male since 2 years (i'm 15 rn), i have a severe body dysphoria for real but i think I'll never take the decision to go and transition even if i'm sure 100% , imma just wear masc clothes and binders that's it cause i don't wanna regret anything later and go to the point when there's no coming back.(sorry for the english)
I don't know if this will help you, but people that detransition are very very rare. Most people that go through their transition are happy with their decision. But hey, it's your choice, and I wish the best of luck to you for the future
You’re still so so young. Take your time. I think it’s perfectly fine to just dress masculine and wear binders. It sounds perfect for your age in my opinion. Just make sure that if you still need help, please speak to a professional who understands trans youth and the like so they can help you sort everything out if you need the extra help. Be good to yourself ❤️ be careful and take care!
You can always take a low dose of t for a couple months to masculinize you slightly. Lots of women are masculine and I’ve heard of cis women taking t just to be more masc
Wow what a journey! When I was 16, for 3 months I thought I was trans, because of the people stating you “don’t need dysphoria” to be trans. But after a while of passing like a boy, when the person I was romantically interested in, commented on me possibly having facial hair. I got to feel what dysphoria actually felt like. And in that moment, I realized I didn’t want to be a boy, I just thought I did because I didn’t act “stereotypically” feminine.
It's really messed too that transmedicalist-advocating people are being basically silenced now on all these hyper-woke online spaces even now for literally just suggesting to the broader (I call them "gender radical") spheres that transmedicalism doesn't instantly mean we hate trans people, hate the concept of gender, hate non-binarism, hate people who don't pass, etc. It's so fucked up that at the end of the day we just wanna make sure people hold that core value of doing a transition solely for themselves to arrive at a better mental and emotional place in life and emerge genuinely entirely happier and more self-loving than ever before possible for people who actually struggle with dysphoria otherwise initially. And they even start irreverently silencing the concept of detransition as well all over the place. Where it's essentially become this community of like, less focus on the individual and what's personally best for them when it comes to their gender expression and not conflating gender expression & gender role stereotypes with gender as a core concept in and of itself. It's effectively become like a "cult of woke echo chamber" of a sort. And it really is a kind of cult online in a lot of these gender radical spaces, like literally there are so many times where I'll see this kind of coincides with radical leftism (not to say the left, politically, is bad at all, I consider myself mostly a centrist for the most part) and like this like Communism-advocating space too. And when something like this is so frequently and casually tied into political ideologies, then it does then start to become, in a word, a cult. Now, I'm actually an MtF transsexual and the first ever thing I found whenever I actually came out to my dad (actually of my own free volition and integrity; not brought on or "egged" on by any online spaces and exterior influences) the immediate first thing he wanted to show me was cases of detransitioned male-born people. And at the time, just with that being the case and how it came off, it did kind of leave a vibe of "transsexuals literally aren't real, look these people regretted it and you will too." But very shortly after, I knew my dad ultimately was just coming from a place of genuine love for his child (I was about 20 at the time when I finally could come out; long story - lots of distance from my parents growing up and lack of confidence to be able to trust them when I actually could - otherwise I would have came out way younger). Ultimately I'm so grateful he emphasized those stories to me. It really helped me to face the mirror and genuinely treat this as seriously as I already had a sense of knowing I should be treating it; to really truly look inward and make sure this - transitioning - would actually be what I would need to live a happy life again like I sort-of had as a very young and super feminine kid before being shamed and ridiculed and all sorts of other stuff by my grandmother for being that way. So by all means, don't be afraid to share your story. A lot of what the modern "trans movement" has become now could use more experiences like these in the hope that this community eventually reverts back to a rational point of "what is best for the individual?" basis, rather than some cult-like mentality eager to add everyone, even the most slightly masculine or "butch" female, or the most simply effeminate male into their ranks.
Ken Kenichi it wasn’t school Or media actually. It was Fake trans people, who wanted to feel special who convinced me it would be great. But then real trans people told me about dysphoria. And when I got JUST a tiny taste of what dysphoria felt like, it was absolutely HORRIBLE. I can’t even IMAGINE what it’s like to be actually trans and have dysphoria every day. They are fucking strong.
Ken Kenichi awe I see. You are one of those. I actually knew I wasn’t trans, because I didn’t have dysphoria. But for those who do- well if you want to bring up genitals, then I imagine you want to bring up biology? I’m actually been studying a lot in biology when it comes to chemicals and deformations during development in the womb. And basic psychology, and how the chemicals and hormonal structures effect a trans person brain. Basically making them have a complete copy of the opposite sex’s brain, from the neural networking, to have the different structures in each webbing component of the brain effects the host. Not only is the brain built, functions, and reacts the same way as the opposite gender, the way the brain is made up of the specific chemical alignments, it’s been proven, even as far back in a 60s that trans people have the brain of the opposite gender, and has been later confirmed by many researchers, scientists, physiologists, and brain scanning equipment. Meaning during the development in the stomach as a fetus, there was a mishap in the development of the person, and they ended up with the wrong genitalia. This also occurs when a person is born intersex (AKA hermaphrodite) where they have both male and female sex organs. But based on the chemicals and structures of their brain they either identify as male or female, even with both a penis and a vagina. It’s been proven they also have the same emotions, impulses, and mannerisms as the opposite gender. Because men and women are fundamentally different in how they think, feel and react. And it’s been proven trans people have the same behaviors as the gender that their brain is. So when a person is born with the incorrect brain, or the incorrect body, how ever you think is fit, they are diagnosed with Gender dysphoria, that being their brain is not reacting well with being in a body it does not recognize, basically their brain starts to reject the body, because it deems it as incorrect. This causes a multitude of issues for the individual. From depression, to anxiety, to extreme hate towards their body, genitals, and suicidal behavior and thoughts because of this. The only way we have ever been able to help sooth the intense Hatred and pain these people go through, is allowing them to transition, to allow their brains to feel more comfortable, and for them to be able to cope, and finally feel some peace after all the suffering they have gone through. I believe the brain is really what matters. You could surgically remove the brain of a man, and then put it into a woman’s body, but I would still see that person as a man, because he still is his own person. I’ve made sure to educate myself on a subject before forming a opinion.
Brony Pony, Aubry Boehrs Cm'on, dont be fools. This is not about being hot ... so disgusting yo wrap mind around sex side of it all. This is about Elles peace of mind, dignity, happiness & life.Elle, you are beautiful btw, with makeup youd be stunning & you have a sweet refined demeanor. WHAT A JOURNEY. The single most impt thing that I can share with you for your ride in life...is that HE loves you just the way you are, and is always right there- waiting for each of us to call UK pon HIS name In this entire spectrum of human life, through my incredible sometimes not easy journey is that J eS uS is the one staple who I found & met: is REAL & really loves me! HE gave me & continues giving me the most amazing live and approval 2B who I am. H E loves us just the way we are. I really dont get how MDs can transition one so young, while the mind not fully developed & theres been basically zero life experience... except as a child. As we mature.. we piece together who we are. Without that maturity, we are still in a childlike state. Such a huge decision for such a young mind seems should & would be premature for a doctor to let any young person take life altering steps. God bless you Elle and keep you and all you love safe during this Covid 19 crisis.
I think that these videos do a real service to people. You’re VERY VERY VERY brave for having the courage to show all these pics and be so honest about your journey. You rock. Thank you for everything you do.
It’s crazy how you said you “hated your voice” as a young person before hormones, and now it’s still the thing you hate in a completely different way. *That’s unimaginable, and I admire your strength truly* 🖤 i pray only great things happen to you from this post on
Linda Byram the person telling you to “go off” was cheering on you! It’s an encouraging and fun way to say “you go! you got this!” and kind of like a way to thank you for standing up for sth and speaking out about an often times serious topic! Hope this explains it! (And I’m sorry if I made any mistakes, English isn’t my first language)
What a strong mind you have! That is one heck of an intense journey you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how much strength that needed! I’m cheering for you!
i was thinking, whilst seeing your pictures as a guy, "mate, you look so good as a guy tbh i cant believe you would give that up i am extremely jealous". but then i saw your detransition photos and i thought, you look infinitely happier and way better as a girl. im so sorry all this happened to you, and you had these things plague your mind for so long. i hear your voice and i want to cry for you.
I’m so interested to hear more about your experiences as passing/not quite passing as either gender, sexism you experienced, gender roles/how you do and don’t fit into those stereotypes, etc. Love your openness on this topic. You have so much more life to live and discover yourself even more in the process.
You're so funny and down-to-earth. I really enjoy hearing about your experience. No doubt it will help other girls who might be going through the same thing.
I used to think that transitioning when still a teenager or a child would be ideal since the hormones would get the maximum effect... but I now realize that (surprise, surprise!) that age is one filled with confusion, uncertainty, body issues of all kinds, struggles of sexuality, identity, peer pressure, self-worth and everything else. Not an ideal time to make critical decisions that can affect your health and future in the long term.
100% agreed! That's why I think I won't let my kids (if I have any) take hormones if such a situation arises until they are past the puberty phase (will probably send them to therapy). I am a cis woman, I never had any gender identity crisis but I only came to realize who I am as a person when I was in my early 20s when I moved for my education. Moving to a new place and meeting new people and surviving on my own really helped me grow to who I am today. 15 year old me and 27 year old me now is very different. Puberty phase is a very confusing time for everyone.
Well said....these are the sorts of things that adults know and must tell their children....the questioning is normal and important. People must "make peace" and negotiate with their gender....that is, find out what kind of man or woman they wish to be....we are all unique and different and wonderful....as we are.
Well I’d say it really depends on the situation and kids should still be able to acess blockers and teenagers Testosterone. The doctor needs to evaluate the situation and see what’s best for that specific kid. gender dysphoria can be something debilitating like it was to me. I’m a 17 year old trans guy and have been on Testosterone for almost 2 years. I don’t regret a thing, my therapist along with my doctor decided this was the best directon for me since I had debilitating dysphoria. I wouldn’t be here if I had to wait longer. For some people these things are urgent.
What you say at the end there when you're talking about the decision to detransition, how you knew it was what you needed to do for yourself regardless of what anyone else thought - that is why I think the "desert island" thought process is so important. For every aspect of transition, I've asked myself whether this is something I would choose if I were going to live on a deserted island for the rest of my life. Of course we can't really know for sure because reality is we do live in society, but I think taking the time to really sit with that scenario can be very helpful for getting clarity. Thank you for sharing your experiences so generously, it's really important that these stories are heard as well as the 'standard' narrative.
Oh guy thank you, i never tought of the "deserted island" and now that i think about it i guess it just reassured me today that yeah, i am a 100% trans It's not the subject of the video, i just wanted to thank you for your little tip that helped my dysphoria today
voice training to get a more masculine voice is actually a thing if you want to try out speaking with a deep voice ! (does require a bit of work to make it work tho)
Whatever way you chose/choose to present yourself-- then, now, and in the future-- your soul shines through, no doubt. You passed really well as a male, look great as a female too, and the androgyny/flexibility of your appearance when detransitioning just reminds me how beautiful the trans experience and the vulnerability of the human condition are. Thank you for sharing your wild journey of finding yourself, self love, and appreciating where you are in life right now. This video is truly beautiful, and I'm glad you posted it. I hope that you're doing well, and think it's really special that you were able to experience those different routes before setting on your path. Sending love and support your way
You are so brave and courageous about being so open about this. Do not ever feel ashamed for being a detransitioning individual. So many of us support you. You're undoubtedly helping so many people by being open about your situation. I wish you comfort, safety and a joyous life. Take care friend.
When I was 10-14 I hated my body and thought I was fat, even though I was actually extremely skinny. I never developed any eating disorder but when I hit puberty I hated having boobs and curves and I would hide them all the time with baggy clothes. I wanted to be a boy but I knew I wasn’t. Thankfully I’ve grown out of that phase!
I started developing breasts before other girls and I hated it. I wore baggy clothes too. I didn't like "girly" things and was a bit of a Tomboy. Honestly, if I was a teen today I'd probably think I was trans since it's talked about more today than it was 15+ years ago. I just really hope most doctors are doing the right thing and taking their time to find out if their patients really have gender dysphoria or if they have something else going on. My issue was that I had really low self esteem and basically accepted that I was ugly and couldn't be feminine (which is ridiculous because I look back at my old photos and I was so cute. Wish I had thought more highly of myself)
Bro. Fucking. Same. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 16. I took my hating my curves and boobs to be that I wanted to be a boy. Probably didn't help that I'm more of a tomboy as well. Thankfully I decided to wait it out before I went on any hormones, now at age 19 I'm a happy little lesbian with no gender dysphoria (though still tons of body dysmorphia).
I often wondered about my gender growing up. I wanted to be a boy and often fantasized about the idea. In all of my daydreams, I was a boy. I acted, talked, walked, sat, and dressed like a boy. Now that I’m 28, I’m so happy to be a woman. I don’t know what changed, but I love being called “her” or “she”. It makes my identity feel real.
You’re a very cute woman. You were a very cute man. Whatever is your choice. It is yours and you are beautiful. Don’t forget to remind yourself everyday shiny soul. 🌞💛
@Helder Cunha Did you know people can see your channels comment history? You've been spamming detransitioning videos for a very, very long time. I think it's time to log off and see a therapist about that internalized hate. When people can see that you devote all of your time to making these comments we can deduce that you are projecting some serious insecurities. Get some help. It's time.
I’m not trying to hurts anyone’s feelings as I have been bisexual since primary school. Now married to a man with children, couldn’t be happier. My friends was transitioning in high school and I asked her if she was sure, and she said yeah. I blame her parents. They allowed the surgery and the therapists also said it would help her feel less suicidal. But now we are 28 she wishes she had stayed physically a woman and regrets the whole transition! I feel she was too young to make a decision like that. To young to know how much growth she would gain by waiting and working out her internal issues of being otherwise “different “ than society. She is a great girl and hates that she is now perceived as male. I pray she can get the help she needs and can mend her relationship with her parents. Sending love to you all!
Hey. I'm a trans guy (Ftm). I think that a lot of people tend to blame the system and the groups they hang out with and while that may have a role, it is always that person's decision to transition. It's very damaging to our community when people who detransition blame everyone but themselves. I'm, not attacking anyone by the way, BUT I think the issue is that some people who transition don't actually consider the weight of the decision to transition and those are the people who detransition. The actual rate at which trans folks detransition is actually very low (something like 8 or 7 percent).
seheabol it’s a privilege to afford a top or bottom surgery(‘s). They cost a lot, I think it’s really the hormones that may raise a concern but most people who are trans are extremely eager in the process, I feel like this woman’s situation was just confusion and done out of desperation. She never claimed to have gender dysphoria, most transgender people experience that since very young.
@@uraniangems7511 questino..what evne makes a guy a guy and girl a girl....im questioning my gender lol....but I can't stop seeing how similar men and women are..
I hope your friend is able to go back to her normal self with nothing but love and not let society poison her mind. But how she felt in high school is usually where a lot of the social conditioning and manipulation is coming from (from Twitter, Instagram and other major forms of social media) even universities are backing up bogus and illogical ideologies such as this. I really hope she can get the help she needs
When you identified as a guy, you looked like a guy, but now you look like a woman? How is that possible? You are honestly so pretty. Thank you for sharing this!
I'm sorry to hear how hard your journey has been, and regardless of who you decided to be: I'm ultimately glad you're feeling more like yourself. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
I just finished it my empathy level is through the roof. You are brave and beautiful I hope for you nothing but happiness on the rest of your journey through life
You always mention your voice, personally I like it. Its soothing. At the end of the days, what you feel about yourself is what matters, but i think it could be nice to know that other people like it, and find nothing wrong with it.
It might sound like I’m just saying this, but I actually mean it. You talk about your “past self” as if you “used” to be beautiful but I just wanted you to know that you’re still really beautiful!
I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be trans. To wake up and feel like you’re in the wrong body, that sounds terrifying. And then you realize down the road after all the hormones and surgery’s etc. to feel like you’re still in the wrong body and want to go back. Sheesh Louise. That’s crazy.
I'm worried that when I go on T and then start wearing skirts and have long hair again my family and people in general are gonna assume I regretted it and want to detransition, but the thing is, I'm planning on doing that shit from the get go. I'm nonbinary, but I'm actually a much more feminine/adrogynous person in terms of fashion than I let on, but I feel so uncomfortable in a female body, I don't get to show it yet. (yes I know its not just body issues/dysmorphia, I've never had any problem whatsoever with things that have nothing to do with my birth gender)
Well... I'm in exactly the same situation as you. Hope you will manage to get what you hope to become, but remember that T can be much more stronger than you'd hope, like too much hair body etc and lose your "androgyny". As for myself I'm very slim (not much hip/breasts) so I will probably not take any T, but it can be different for you : only thing I have to say is to be very cautious and search up for a lot of information before taking hormones
I relate to this so much. I’ve always been a feminine person and came out as trans recently. Since then, I’ve been dressing more masculine in order to pass and not get misgendered in public spaces bc my social dysphoria is wild… my family said I’m trying to be someone I’m not and that I “changed my tastes to be more trans-ish” but really, I just want people to not call me “she”, I’ll wear skirts again when my voice helps
Hi! Today was the day that I decided to detransition! I had just hit my 1 year mark. I literally just threw away all of my meds & needles, etc & was browsing the internet for detransition videos & found you. 😊❤ I did it too girl, lol.
question: if you started taking estrogen, would it redistribute the body fat and increase the pitch of your voice?? i'm ftm but i know absolutely nothing about detransitioning, forgive me.
Wont change the voice back no. I would have hoped your doctor would have discussed this with you before you started taking T! But maybe you aren't there yet/aren't gonna take it.
There's no reason for her to take estrogen as her body already produces it. It would just have a similar effect to a hormonal birth control. The body fat will redistribute fairly quickly, but, like @Lana R. said, testosterone thickens the vocal cords, so there won't be an effect on that.
I feel for you, I also feel for your mom. I have a daughter who struggled with her self worth when she was in her early teens. As a mother to see your daughter hate herself, it was heartbreaking. She is now 19 and doing great.
Wow, I’m so grateful for your story. Thanks for sharing it. You can feel the sincerity in everything you shared, so thanks for being openly and honestly you. I’m not trans or gay, just a young guy who appreciates connecting and hearing other peoples stories and journeys in life who are authentic. You are definitely one of those people who I imagine still has a lot to learn and nay wonder what’s next for you. Just want to say it’s clear that wherever you go, even if you don’t know where that is yet from here, you’re going the right direction. I hope you continue to find joy in simply discovering you, and so glad you did this for you and not for anybody else’s expectations. I’m cheering you on!
Thank you for sharing your journey and for being so transparent about it all. In some ways it’s a cautionary tale. I’ve watched many videos on transition and detransition- the process of transition is actually quite a radical procedure, long, expensive, and really takes a huge physical and emotional /mental toll on people. Therefore, I personally think the root causes of dysphoria (or other things masquerading as dysphoria, such as PTSD from trauma or abuse) should be explored before going very far into the transition process. Slow and careful should be the motto, especially with surgical procedures, and side effects of hormones should be openly discussed. I love that you are doing this for YOU, and for your happiness! Your kindness as a person comes through all of the videos, and I wish and pray the best for you- hoping you have really good career exploration that speaks to your heart so you can “be yourself” in that area of life, too. 💕🤟🏻
@Tabitha J what is even your purpose in being here? Obviously, Elle is just someone who was trying to figure themselves out and sometimes that can only happen in hindsight. She's human just like you. Maybe you're bitter about something you've done to yourself in your past; that doesn't mean you have to come here and try to make this person feel bad, when all they're trying to do is give others a little insight by sharing their story.
Since she's not saying it I will. I think it's responsible to say that long-term cases like this are indeed rather rare, any responsible professional will take many precautions to make sure your decision really is the right one for you. If you truly feel like the opposite gender, and ignoring that feeling is taking a massive toll on your self-confidence and happiness, please do not ignore it, you know yourself best. Gender reassignment surgery will NOT solve your problems, and it will not solve your self-esteem issues IF those self-esteem issues don't originate from living as the wrong gender (which is why gender therapists exist to help you determine if that is really the cause of your insecurities at all). !!PLEASE see a gender therapist before making any decisions on transitioning!!
I was in therapy for years. I convinced them. No one let me transition willynilly. I dont think that's happening much, I think professionals are careful but sometimes patients have even fooled themselves. My mom believed and supported me, everyone said it made sense for me, I believed me... I do think there's pressure for professionals to not question someone's asserted gender identity though or they will sound transphobic. :( As much as I regret my transition and am meeting thousands of others who feel the same, transphobia is of course not the answer! I do wish the therapy process were more concrete somehow. It's a sticky situation for sure!
TH-cam suggested your videos to be a couple weeks ago and I always look forward to your posts. I love listening to you talk. I’m not trans, but I really identify with a lot of the questioning feelings you expressed. Growing up was hard on me. Being a teen was hard. Now I’m turning 26 and things can still be hard but it’s nice to hear other people’s stories. Thank you for sharing.
a friend of mine sent me one of your video's and is struck me how similar your story is to the beginning of my child's story. I searched for more videos and I came across this one, I had tears rolling down my face as I watched you tell us about your transition and detransition timeline. I think you are beautiful and I hope you continue to grow and love yourself. I worry so much about my child but your videos have helped me a lot. Thank you for being so brave.
Same for me. I won’t let my daughter get hormones and have pulled her out of school because at 13 she isn’t old enough to make these choices and her struggles are bang on with some of these detransitioners and it is just so scary.
I wish people didn't politicize your experience. I know I don't. Super grateful to hear the perspective of someone who's deeply questioned their identity, self esteem, and self worth (same here!)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! My daughter is struggling with self love and acceptance and I think it's important that folks see every side of every subject in life not just the glorification or demonization of it but true dialogue and representation of all aspects of the subject at hand. Don't let the haters get to you.
The world has conditioned us in such specific roles and categories that we don't have a chance to question them or we are too scared to do so. I think you are quite brave to have gone through it to find what ever makes you feel you. You seem also a very positive and shinny person, so I'm glad I randomly found you here.
I'm very happy you put this out here. Being trans is very supported now and accepted compared to what it used to be. This is great! I wouldn't have it any other way. But it can make the choice to transition be a little too easy where you try to fix the wrong problem. I feel like it is very important that people who consider transitioning get to hear stories like yours as well as the sunshine stores where it definitely was the right choice. It makes it easier to make a well informed decision. I am so proud of you! Thank you for telling your story
it is not easy at all to transition, it takes years of therapy. Most trans people find out as a kid or teen meaning they have to wait until they're 18.
![(gender) transition timeline (ftm [female-to-male]) - (but DANCE version !)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XB98KaW0sNA/mqdefault.jpg)
hi hi some people have been asking if I have Instagram so here it is! dunno if I’m gonna use it much though lol instagram.com/ellepalmer1
Me for 99% of the video: this video is honestly so great, i really really support you and it's cool to see how your identity has evolved so much!
Me at 12:55 YOU GOT TO MEET RHETT AND LINK HOLY SHIT BALLS YES
elle palmer I love your voice even if it sounds more masculine then how people would normally perceive a girls voice
You are so strong. I admire your bravery and the ability to do what is best for YOU. Thank you for sharing your story, I know a lot of people will benefit from it.
Hey, thanks so much for sharing your story! This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot A LOT lately! Pretty much my whole childhood I hated being seen as a girl, hated dressing as a girl, always aimed to be as tomboyish as possible. In the eighth grade, I shaved my head and started wearing a binder. I went by Axel with some friends, but especially online and identified as male, but I never was able to transition. Then in the junior year of high school I started growing my hair out, and by senior year I wasn’t so sure I identified as a boy anymore. These last few years I’ve been trying to present more feminine, and it’s really jarring sometimes looking in the mirror and seeing a girl when I was used to seeing a boy for so long haha. Gender is complicated and but I guess figuring yourself out along the way is half the fun. It’s really wonderful getting to live so many lives and find yourself in a better position to understand and relate to others.
Wish you the best, you’re such a beautiful person!
You need physiological help not hormones. Get some help and try not to hurt yourself and become even more of a statistic.
That transition timeline is wild. You honestly passed so well as a dude towards the end of your transition, but then as soon as you started detransitioning, you passed so well as female again
Not really, until she grew a beard she still looked female, she pass well as a female because she is female lol
Tori Kat Agreed!! It’s amazing... she was attractive as a male and as a female.
Yea she’s very cute as both
But that goes against the whole trans LGBTQ logic that there is no set look for male and female.
When in reality there very much is. Every single person you see on the street, no matter how they're dressed or however their hair is done, once you look at them within 2 seconds you know if they're male or female. It's an extremely rare case when you can't tell what gender someone is. I can't even remember the last time I saw someone where I didn't know if they were a boy or girl.
@@doubleboy2388 There is no "whole trans LGBTQ logic." LGBTQ people are individuals with different perspectives and opinions.
"I dont know if I ever look like a woman again"
You already look like one
Perfect Tionist Nah , not really.. Sounds like a boy and look like one more
@@hayleyjay4378 She looks like one but sounds like a guy. Tbh I wish I had her voice lool
Leopoldo Ferrari her voice will change in time after stop consuming those hormones
Perfect Tionist no, vocal chords don’t shrink back down after they’ve been thickened by testosterone- this is why trans women have to voice train or get surgery to thin down the vocal chords
@cool guy that's not hilarious.
This is one of the reasons why most doctors require trans people to live at their desired gender for at least a year, and preferably two, before they will do any permanently altering things to their bodies.
Preach.
I haven't physically done so myself but by myself or online I am what my preferred gender is. Mostly don't cause of my family and their religious behavior.
I'm hoping I can still go about hrt since I'm old enough to make that decision myself being in my 30s.
Exactly. I've been living as a guy for 4 years and I still have 6 months to wait until my doctor feel comfortable doing it. I had a meeting about side effects and stuff and was given papers and everything and told to really think about this and every month I'm going to have a meeting to talk about transitioning and if at the end of these six month I still want to he will prescribe t
Most doctors where? In the United States you can go to Planned parenthood or other "informed consent" clinics and get started, no waiting.
@@juliam3980 in England you have to go through a lot of shit to get hormones, to my understanding
I’m 15, born female. I’ve always been a huge tomboy. At around 11 when puberty really started to hit, I started to question my gender. Ages 12-14 I was living as “Miles” used he/him pronouns. And constantly fought with my parents about taking hormones. Now during quarantine I’ve been alone with myself for awhile, I’ve been able to really think about these things. I’m very unsure about hormones. But I think what’s the worst about this, at least for me, is that this is all so humiliating. All those years spent fighting with my parents will be for nothing. I’ll have to tell my friends that I’m not a boy anymore. I used to be so sure going on testosterone would just, magically solve all my problems. I’m realizing that no, it’s not. I’m working on loving myself for who I am right now. even thought it’s still kinda uncomfortable. I should probably go to therapy to sort this all out, haha. Anyway, this video really helped me to understand that there are other people who de-transition and that I’m not alone.
You're not alone
I was a huge tomboy, couldn’t relate to girls. I didn’t get boobs till I was about 16-17.. didn’t get my period until 15 a month from being 16.. my mom actually asked me if I was a lesbian bc I didn’t have boyfriends and I was so tomboyish. At the time, I was questioning myself. I think if becoming trans had been such a movement back then, I might’ve done it. I was bullied growing up and in middle school pretty bad, I felt so alone and just miserable. Luckily, I was in therapy the whole time. I did get into drugs for quite a few years. I’m so grateful that I didn’t do anything to physically change myself, bc as I got older, about 25, I really started to find myself and love myself.
Don’t worry about changing your mind. That’s what finding yourself is all about. Change your mind, change it back.. it doesn’t matter. Make yourself happy. Don’t worry about your friends or your parents. If they love you and truly accept you, they will support you, no matter what sex you choose to be. At the end of the day, your life, is, your life. You’re the only one who has to live it. Twenty years from now, you will still be with you, who knows if you will be friends with the same people. My point is, just do what makes you feel secure. Don’t worry about humiliating yourself, bc you’re not. You’re being true to yourself.
Being a teenager is hard without bringing transitioning into it. I wish all the kids who feel different would just wait. Don’t rush to do such permanent things. Everyone who has already gone through their teenage years will tell you how hard it was.. even the most popular or best looking kids. It’s a very hard awkward time for everyone, it will get better, I promise you. Get into therapy, the first therapist you find doesn’t have to be the one. Shop around a little and decide who you like the best.. but give them at least 4 meetings. I hope everything works out for you.
You are very very young, nobody will judge you for changing your mind. At your age people are easily drawn to things that are popular, or just things that they think will solve all your problems. I'm 22 and just now I'm actually coming to terms with who I am, how I want to present and who I want to love. Our brains are developing until we are 25, so until then maybe it's better to keep the big decisions for later. Especially those that alter your body. We only get one body, we have to cherish it and love it. And don't worry so much about what will people think. Being a tomboy is okay! How boring would the world be if every girl dressed the same. We all have different levels of masculine and feminine energies in us. If you like wearing masculine clothes it doesn't automatically mean that you are male. It's just clothes, fabric. I live in a very conservative country where nobody I know is trans. But tomboy girls are considered normal and accepted. Nobody is saying they are not female. So i'm sure you will be accepted however you are and end up being.💕
Hi! I just want to tell you that you can continue to be a tomboy and a girl. Being a girl/woman is not all about being stereotypically feminine. Society paints this picture of how a woman should behave, look, and think like to fit the mould. Truth is that you are not even a tomboy, you are you! Yourself. We are pushed into gender roles at birth. It's all culture. Go back in history and you will read about how blue was actually a colour for girls and red was for boys.
the level of self awareness, humility and courage you posess at 15 is inspiring. You deserve to live as you truly feel honey. I hope things work out and I have a feeling they will
I really don’t get how she transitioned for all the wrong reasons but not therapist or doctor ever said no
she went to a new lgbt therapist that favored her opinions so she could get hormones.
Lgbt therapists just prescribe hormones and surgeries if you want to.
People who transition are looking for some magic pill, to escape their pain. It would be better if people just accepted their bodies.
Seriously. Ew.
Even though she transitioned for the wrong reasons I think it’s important to not generalize that all trans people transition for the same reasons .cause every one is different. It’s a very little percent of trans people who de transition there for most trans people are serious about transitioning properly and for the right reasons.
on a lighter note--if you sing, there are all female acapella groups that need basses and they are hard to find. loved your story :)
I feel like you’ve lived such a long life in such a short amount of time
this is such a true statement
Dezzy she is trans... well i mean kinda
Yanni’s Life she’s not trans, she’s a cis woman who detransitioned
NPC #34254334 Response: what’s the attitude for? She’s technically a cis woman because she was born a girl and is identifying as a girl
Dezzy How is this her fault? She just confused her identity when she was going through a tough time, we all make mistakes and we can’t blame her for feeling this way since we don’t know how her mentality was at the time. And how is her detransitioning offensive to trans people? She wasn’t making fun of them and she didn’t know that she wasn’t actually trans. Have some empathy 🤦🏽♀️
Trans man here: So glad you are able to talk about this. Sorry so much of the community hides de-transitioners. You see like a great person and I wish you the best of luck.
Apparently, she hates trans people so that's not very cool. Uh... Well, I guess she doesn't like me??? Lmao girl I was on your side until you wanted to hate us
i like how she seems happy and not dramatic about it and didn't become transphobic
smug kurt cobain I’m was expecting a lot of TERFiness
Pola Jaszczak Stop using that word as a synonymous with “transphobic”, it doesn’t make any sense
@@saakmalo8273 you have a problem with transphobes, but not trans exclusionary radical feminists?
MaximumFlies oh f- what’s up on their twitter?
@@somethingsnotrighthere Have you found out yet? :0
Can you make videos contrasting how life is as a man vs a woman, what you felt/feel living in that role, and society's behavior towards you? I find this so interesting.
Yes, please
@Helder Cunha yea obviously that would have been her previous experience.
@Helder Cunha we both agree with that. honestly i want to hear what she has to say about living as a "man" and how that role/ headspace was different that how she lives now. I don't intend to have a side discussion with you. the comment was for her.
Helder Cunha I dont think either one are easy, but it deffenitly would be hard to live as a man if you are actually a female, and the other way around. Its easier to fall into your natural roll. Im pretty sure 99% of men would not want to grow, carry and deliver a whole baby lol neither do most women want to work heavy fulltime work etc.
@@EM-yk4wn She never did live as a man... simply because she never was a man. What else is there to be curious about ???
Elle Palmer: looking better in two genders than you do in one 😜
this made me laugh out loud
She does
Facts!
Deadass though! Woo
I felt that in my bones
As a happy trans guy on testosterone for 6 years now, I am really happy you have shared your story and continue to. Too many Transgender people want to sweep these stories under the rug, it's becoming more and more prevalent as our healthcare systems are adapting and changing rapidly. These stories must be shared so people exploring their own identities get a full spectrum view of what transitioning can be when it's not the best choice for some individuals. As I write this I realized I missed my shot a couple days ago, in my own perspective testosterone therapy has changed my life and opened many doors for me. Overall it has helped me achieve my highest self. This is not everyone's story. Continue to grow, be happy, and find your place my friend ❤
This is an important comment!
Agreed!
How on Earth do you go from being such a pretty girl, to such a handsome dude, and then back to an even prettier girl again?! You need to pay to put my mind back together because you have blown it to pieces! Holy shit!
Good luck with everything. I cant imagine the will power it took to go through all of this and still smile while vlogging about it.
They are just a beautiful person in general
Beautiful soul. 😊
DO I Need To Be SAVED?
God is holy. No sin will ever enter his presence, for “righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne” (Psalm 97:2).
Humanity is sinful. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
Sin separates all people from God. “Your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you” (Isaiah 59:2).
It is impossible for humans to save themselves. “By works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight” (Romans 3:20).
CAN I BE SAVED?
God sent his Son to be your Savior. “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10).
The living Savior invites sinners to receive him “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)
Forgiveness of sins and salvation can be yours today. “ For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18).
HOW CAN I BE SAVED?
Agree with God that you are a lost sinner unable to save yourself. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins and ask him to be your Savior. “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12).
Confess the Lord Jesus Christ. “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9)
“Truly truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life”( John 5:24).
Please share this with others ❤️🙏✝️
Coming from a straight guy who never thought about transitioning i have to say you are a beautiful girl and also was a handsome guy. Do whatever makes you feel happy and right. I wish you the best. :)
u gay
@@godfield33 and you are a homophobe, congrats
@@Bean-cg4ub just because he called you gay doesnt mean hes homophobic lol. Learn the meaning of homophobic and then skip to accusations.
@@pryoxiscool6518 to use gay as an insult is discrimination of homosexual people and often comes from homophobic fears. I don't need you to tell me what a homophobe is. To call me gay just because i gave a compliment on how she looked as a man is probably coming from his own homophobic agenda. Maybe he shouldn't jump to conclusions.
@@Bean-cg4ub youre jumping to conclusions by thinking he used gay in a offensive way. Its logically impossible to come to a conclusion with the 2 words "u gay" dont be so hard headed.
wow the part where you said “maybe i will survive. maybe i will live past 18” hit me so deep. i was just talking to my therapist about this today. i spent the entirety of my teenage years depressed, not thinking i’d make it past 18, and once i “grew up” it hit me like a ton of bricks, i had zero plans. thanks for sharing.
mooni black I expected to die young too, now am 67 ;). ROFL I blew that one!
I relate
Going through it right now. Even left school and my highschool job due to health issues that exacerbated my depression and thoughts of suicide much like they had when I was 13. I'm not able to go to college, never got my license, no job. Pained me even to think of never having a last prom, never going to a reunion, never having a graduation. I just focused on getting through the day and starting the cycle over again the next day, not what I would do after that. I used to be really good at art so I wanted to go to art school and have always been interested in the human body and psychology. I even wanted to be a tattoo artist. But because of my circumstances have no shot of doing anything with those passions I once had and lost. Neither do I have the money. Last night it hit me I should start a buisness, I'm tired of feeling like a failure to my past self. My mental health is no better than it was but being 19 now I've gained more perspective and I just miss having a creative outlet. All I'm doing is withering away in my bed. I want to figure out the me I am now and get to know her. I miss having dreams and goals. I miss doing something other than being stuck in my own head.
I wish I had gotten a job in hi school. I also wish I had involved myself in activities outside of school. Instead of focusing on how bad I thought my life was. Had I got a job I wouldn’t have had to be at home all the time. Then I could have used the money for activities outside of school (I didn’t have sports say my school). Also I wish I had learned to drive! Money I made from working I could have taken classes to learn.
This thought process is actually among many people. When I was 12, I told my younger sister that I could not imagine being old because I felt that I would die within few years. It all comes from loneliness, depression and anxiety.
Thank God I grew out of that phase and love living now.
I hope you are also doing well now.
I knew a girl who thought she was trans in middle school. She went by Oliver, then Evan, she even graduated with that name, and now she’s back to “Mia” (or however you spell it) and i’m happy for her. It’s always ok to change your mind.
giving kids pills makes it impossible to revert back, saying this today is considered whateverphobic
@@George_Washington_ "giving kids pills" pretty sure you have to be over the age of 18 to get pills (unless your parents say yes, most don't so that's really rare or if you live somewhere where the legal age is 16 or something) and you have to have a doctors/therapists letter/note to obtain hormone pills, so I doubt that kids are out here walking around taking hormone pills.
@@George_Washington_ Since you’re so educated on this topic, why not explain what pills kids are getting?
@@George_Washington_ If you mean hormone blockers, those are totally reversible, and if you're talking about hormones, kids cannot take hormones and are not being given them. Also, the only hormone that's in the form of a pill is estrogen.
@@quinxit5033source for them being reversible??
This is exactly why I absolutely REFUSE to medically transition until I'm in my late 20s early 30s. Even if I would HATE it in the present I want to make sure I'm 100% SURE. There's no reason to why I should medically transition as soon as I hit 18. Its a marathon not a sprint and I'm taking all the damn time I want
Good idea
justotto say it louder for the people at the back 👍🏻
If you are really transgender, believe me, you will know sooner than that. From what you're saying, you might aswell stay as you are, it will be a waste of time/life/money 👌🏻
I agree, 18 can still be quite young. Basically you have to wait until you get out of the teen years at least, those are confusing times for everyone! I think 20 or 21 seems old enough
how does that work with the dysphoria and that?
reminder everyone: just because one person detrasitioned, that does not give you the right to be transphobic!!
@Henry Bollinger data shows otherwise
Henry Bollinger oh henry. you are so silly. one must go through intensive therapy before they are ever approved for sex reassignment surgery its not something that can just happen
Haley Banion there is literally someone being transphobic in this thread but okay
@@angelcorekt That's not always true. Many, many times teenagers and younger children are given hormones blockers and stuff before even being able to finish puberty and then given what they need to transion without making sure it is the best for their mental health, often encouraged by CPS agents who will separate them from their parent for not being insane and wanting mutilation and stirilization as a last resort for curing mental illness.
It is not the case always, of course, but to say that it is not being pushed into children by insane people who couldn't care less about the future mental health of the children would also be a lie. Look at all these child "celebrities" that are being used by their mothers as a trans activists, including people with down syndrome who hold little to no power on their own decisions. It is not only sickening but a very obvious show that our society glorifies manchausen by proxy, all for the sake of pushing an agenda held by cultitst that care more for fame, regardless of how inmoral they act.
Henry Bollinger Jesus calm down, why can’t you just shut up and let others do what they want
I'm a cis woman and i barely pass as a human being.
Same sis 😔😔
Hah, same
*David Bowie has entered the chat*
@@ThinWhiteAxe Your username. Chef's kiss.
@@darksideofthemood Hahaha thank you, it's not every day someone gets it.
I'm in my late 20's and I started doing things to transition. I have been thinking about transitioning for years. Currently, I think it's what's best for me, but a video like this makes me pause for a moment. For anybody questioning like me, take your time to explore how you feel. Dont jump into anything and don't feel like you have to commit just because you already started the process.
Dont do it dude, everyone is perfect just as they are
@@gregoryjarvis3067 thanks for the concern, but im more comfortable with being female than being male. Transition wasn't for her but for many people it's their only real option and they are happy once the process is over. I wish her the best, but I still need to do what is best for me.
@@thecriticalone1783 whatever makes you feel more comfortable I'm all for. Congrats on your transition
Much love
I love this! Wonderful self insight and "don't have to commit just because you started the process" I wish someone said that to me when I was twenty. I miss that body. Went under the knife at 21. Sure it made locker rooms easier but nooooo! Sad day. Now it'll make locker rooms even harder. Oops! Happy travels wherever you go! Just love you.
agreed
I’m 17 years old and when i was 13-16 i was completely convinced i was transgender and i cut off all my hair and wore masculine clothes and my friends called me a boys name. i was so depressed and hated everything about myself and was so uncomftorable in my own skin and didn’t know how to help it so i thought changing my whole identity would fix it but it didnt. now that ive grown up a little and got my life more on track im so greatful i didnt jump the gun and ask my parents for hormones and commit to this huge change that i thought would fix everything
I went through the same thing as a male. My parents helped a lot. My father never required me to be “macho”, and my mother appreciated how emotional I was. I eventually met a great woman who loves me like I am.
Dude, same. I’m still questioning some things rn but overall it’s nice for someone to think things through so during the process you would not regret about the results.
hey are you still active, can i talk to u over insta dms or sumthing
@@5roundsrapid263 that’s so cool bro. Glad you found the light in your life.
@@nathanr5737 yes of course. Instagram or Snapchat works my ig is @journeyniemela and my snapchat is @jurnygrace
So glad that you can say, with a smile, "I am very proud of the person I am today."! Many people can't, irregardless of whether they are gay or straight, trans or not, male or female. That in itself is an accomplishment I am sure many would envy! You go, girl!!!😉
EXACTLY!!
SK ONTHEROAD irregardless is not a word. You mean regardless
Brittany Beautiful lol just commented the same thing without even seeing yours lol
Brittany Beautiful I had this fight with my boyfriend all the time. Technically, though, irregardless is a valid word and that infuriates me.
McKenna Lynch no it isn’t lol. Irregardless is a colloquialism.
you’ve probably gotten this comment before, but you should most definitely write a book. i feel like it would help a lot of people and also spread awareness. your story is really inspirational 🦋
I second this
moth - exactly she would be really inspiring
And also, get that coin
It's important to know that being trans is not about hating yourself, not even about hating your body. You just see yourself in your imagination (self-image) as looking more like the opposite sex body. And this alone can cause depression but dysphoria is not about hating yourself or wanting to change. It's just about wanting to make your outer appearance congruent with your inner self-image, you will feel something is unaligned. Hope this helps anyone who is confused and keep them from transitioning or help them transition
I’m really confused at the moment
Yeah I wish I was supermodel gorgeous but I'm not going to get a bunch of plastic surgery. Better to accept who you are and love yourself as is. People should be grateful they have HEALTHY bodies without cancer.
@@niccolom4556 Ikr. I cannot believe this thing actually exists.
@@niccolom4556 being trans is way different than wanting to look like a model. When I had long hair I was so depressed bc I looked so much like a girl and I dont identify that way. My hair looked gross all the time because showers were a thing I dreaded and I didn't properly take care of my hair bc it brought me down so much. But I was finally allowed to cut it short and I almost cried from happiness in the shower. I finally looked more like-well-me. That's just one example. I suggest doing more research and finding the perspective of trans people. There's lots of trans people here on youtube u can watch.
@@bartbaker6486 It is very normal to be confused about a lot of things, especially during puberty - please just embrace who you are & give everything a chance to settle down - give your brain, body, and emotions some time to adjust & fully form before you make any rash decisions ! There is no way I was the same person at 16 that I was at 26 !
We need to normalize not medically transitioning...there is no shame in being trans and 'not passing' well enough because you're not on hormones yet or whatever. It's okay to take a couple years and experiment with the way you present yourself.
I agree with you
yes i agree, i took some time of always thinking about it before i decided to tell anyone or go to a doctor and start getting the diagnosis.. in the beginning i accepted that i had a lighter voice and looked like a 12 year old cause i still passed if you saw me in person... but then as people around me grew older and i just felt more and more distant not passing as male anymore cause of my actual age i knew i had to do something.. I'm starting testosterone in a while and i have never been happier. being able to comfortably talk to people without feeling like my voice ruins everything for me i have never been happier before... i think that time i took to think made me realize how serious i was and how seriously i needed to transition as time went on
Thank you.
Transpeople who don't pass aren't ashamed tho? They are triggered and it hurts them. Why would you want to run around for two years without hormones etc experiencing what exactly? What it feels like to wear a dress as a "male"? Like... that has nothing to do with being trans. What is your point I genuinely don't get it.
NeptunCristalPower for me what the original commenter seemed to be getting at was that there are some people who rush into medically transitioning faster than they are truly ready, whether trans or not. Loads can happen in 2 years, especially when people are young. I took about 5 years to truly figure out what I wanted and that was a good decision for me. Everyone is different
I hope you are comfortable in your skin.
You looked like a "male" when you transitioned. You looked like a girl before. You look like a woman after.
I'm a very conservative person, but let me say this: be happy with you. Love yourself. If you do not like you, you will never be happy. Cherish yourself and your life. I wish you well and hope for your happiness
kindinot And you clearly don’t have a brain to understand under people’s points of view. Keep your ignorance to yourself.
kindinot You wouldn’t say it offline.
@kindinot ok stop lying lol
@kindinot Lol
@kindinot I think this person has gone through a lot of rough times, trying to figure out how to love herself. She mentioned that she has dealt with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders with no mentioned trigures other then puberty. She obviously had a lot of trouble being happy, but she made an effort to try and change that. The steps she took may not have been correct for her, but she still was making an effort. Mental health is a journey. No one is going to love themselves 100% of the time. It’s about the effort that they make except themselves. She has just hit a lot of bumps in her road and you reaffirming something that she seems to be insecure about does not help anybody. She may not see it, but other people with similar problems may. Self image is something that humans historically have huge problems with. Keeping comments like that on a sensitive video like this to yourself is something that you should keep in mind for the future. Good luck on your journey, stranger.
A lot of the feelings you talk about having as a young teenage girl (before wanting to transition) are actually what most every teen girl goes through at that time... I have a developmental psychology degree and thats the main psychological characteristic of puberty in girls, it really messes with our self esteem and identity formation.
i need to read up on this! sounds crazy interesting
I can attest to this. I don’t know about others but for me middle school was definitely some of the worst years of my life, and I can see how these feelings could cause someone to come to what this person has come to. I think to avoid situations like this, maybe therapy would be best prior to hormonal treatments to identify where negative feelings are coming from. Seeing if someone’s hatred of their own body and selves is stemming from low self esteem or actual gender dysphoria. I’m not a psychologist though so you can probably elaborate on this 😂
Thank you for saying this.. not putting her down or her journey. But every young teen/teen goes through a period of not knowing who or what they are, or what they want to be.. and at the risk of getting some hate.. I really wish society wouldn’t put such a pressure on a individual of assuming they are trans, gay etc. I swear in today’s time.. if I were to go back to 6-8th grade... shoot I’d have thought I was trans too, such an awkward time... Also do not worry You look like a female! You’re beautiful!
Zach me too! I believe as much as we need to be aware of many people’s real need for transition, we also need to tell teens its okay to feel certain feelings. The line is getting so blurred between true dysphoria and other mental illness or normal teenage self esteem struggles. Im not saying its necessarily the case here, but it could explain why more and more people who transitioned as teens/young adults are coming out as being dissatisfied or wanting to de-transition :/
rosilveri estevez it really is! I mean even from personal experience i think every woman can attest to how shitty puberty and teenage years are hahaha! You can find a lot of good scientific literature on online databases!
As a 10 year old I started questioning my gender. I was a tomboy and I was very insecure about everything. When I turned 16 or something, I started to hang out with girls more instead of boys only. Now I'm almost 30 years old and I'm very happy to be a woman now. I embraced my body, worked on it and became secure, happy, calm and relaxed. Thank god for puberty, because it gave me my relaxed happy and adult life since it made me strong and gave me the ability to get to know myself 🤘🏼💪🏼🙏🏼
My life has been the same.
I'm also a FtMtF detransitioner, and it makes me so happy to see people that are brave enough to talk about their experiences like this because I've been so ashamed of mine for so long. Thank-you for sharing your story!
hey, im currently questioning if im a trans guy.
If you're comfortable sharing, I would like to know what made you think you were a trans guy and what made you realise you weren't?
@@epidermispee971 what kind of concerns are you having? Do you feel out of place? I feel like if you are questioning it leave the door open for change. We are here for you.
@@TH-camr1045 hmm. .
lets start with when I was little:
(about ages 5 - 7) I wanted people to think i was a boy, and when they thought I was one it made me feel nice in a weird way I couldn't describe. Whenever I would think of myself I would never ever see a girl, I genuinely thought of myself as a boy. When I was young I wanted a 'boys' name. More little things like that too.
A couple of years ago (give or take) I had this attitude of 'I am definitely a cis girl', yet even then I felt a discomfort about my chest, did some research and decided someday I would get top surgery... (its valid for cis women to get top surgery too tho!)
I am pretty disconnected from myself when I'm out in public (such as at the grocery store for example), but more recently I decided to start thinking about what other people saw on me that would have them see me as a girl, so ofc the first thought was my chest.. I had these horrible feelings,, I don't know exactly what dysphoria feels like for trans folks, but I'm almost completely sure that was what I was feeling.
Basically whenever I see my chest in the mirror it makes me very uncomfortable, and there have been times growing up where I would feel those horrible feelings I mentioned before. I just, never thought of myself like that, as a girl... with a chest,, until more recently.
I actually asked my friends to use he/him pronouns with me just to test them out. It's been nearly a month and whenever they use them it feels really nice, and I feel comfortable with them. There's only been a couple of times where someone has accidently said 'she' and those couple of times felt bad to me.
I have wondered about that and wondered if that means anything or not,, still dont really have a clue.
I also told my dad and his girlfriend I'm trying out he/him pronouns and they've gotten better at using them, whenever they use them it feels really really nice!
again, i dont know what this means, if anything.
Growing up, being reminded of how people see me as a girl never ever felt right, and I despised wearing anything feminine.
I do realize that being a masculine woman is completely okay and normal!! But, even when I think of myself as a masculine woman, ,, I don't like it at all. Not as much as thinking of myself as a cis guy, or even a trans guy.
I also dont like the thought of me having wide hips, because those are seen as feminine, mine aren't too wide though, but i still worry about it.
same with my chest, it isnt too large, in comparison with other peoples'. I've always felt comfortable with the fact its not huge though,,, and even with it being on the smaller side i really really dont like my chest...
So i guess the short answer to the question 'do i feel out of place?' is yes. I do, and in a way I always have. It's taken me some time to realize these feelings, but im glad i did. I am 15 now, so still fairly young, I've got time to figure it out.
I am also trying to find a gender therapist to talk to as well... I hope everything works out well.
I would also love an answer to my previous reply from the original commenter, I really would love to know what had them think they were a trans guy and what had them realize they werent!!!!
thanks for reading this i love u.
@@epidermispee971 hey I have no idea who you are, but can you give me your name? I want to pray for you, I can’t imagine the confusion and disarray you’re going through and I do not at all agree with the transgender movement, but I usually respond out of ignorance and anger and after reading this I can’t help but really feel so much sympathy for you. I really wish you the best of luck, you are still so young and life’s so freaking confusing especially at that age, I went through so much mental problems too and was very suicidal, but I know this sounds cliche but god changed my life and I just wanna pray for you tonight before I sleep so maybe you will at least have a peace of mind. I love you too!
@@epidermispee971 I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do next !
Did everyone noticed how her eyes became kinda like brighter after detransitioning, I think, it's obvious she's happier now
Well ofcourse it takes a lot to reject your own body you were born with
Yes, like she is glowing. And she seems to get more beautiful in each video.
It’s very similar to how trans people look when they transition. That makes sense when it’s kinda the same process
One reason I think there needs to be even more stricter standards on gender transitioning due to that.
it just think that's beacuse of her face shape from taking hormones. I still have "girl eyes" but a good person to see that change on is storm ryan
If anybody is wondering not all sexuality therapist will jump into giving u hormones. I went to mine when i was 18 thinking i was a trans man and she figured out slowly that my sexual issues weren't really about my gender and help me to feel better. I still have a little bit of dysphoria but trust me i'm good. So please don't think that all pro-lgbt therapist will give hormones in 5 minutes
For me it was general body dysmorphia due to bullying and not wanting to be a female because of stuff that had happened to me for that very reason
That is very good to hear. I'm glad you didn't get persuaded into something that's so life changing only to regret it later.
No good therapist or psychiatrist should be jumping to hormones. Maybe hormone blockers when you are young to give you time to think.
The problem isn’t so much therapists as “informed consent.”
Right, I‘ve been to a therapist when I was 13 or 14 thinking I was trans. My therapist and I were talking alot about my childhood at first and why I thought I was male or „what even feeling like a male means“. She wasn’t really a professional on that topic tho and didnt know what to do really, she also didnt just wanna give me hormones so she gave me the adress of another therapist suggesting i should see him instead since he worked alot with trans people. I never went there cause that therapist lived way too far away for me to visit him every week. I‘m 17 now, turning 18 soon and not even sure about my identity anymore. Kinda glad my first therapist didn’t just give me hormones like that, couldve ended bad
I am currently considering transitioning, and looking at detransition videos like yours are very important so I know what I would be getting into. Thank you for sharing your experience because I understand it is a difficult subject. Happy you did what is right for you. Rock on!
when you said you werent sure if you’d look like a woman again i was like WAT you look stunning hun omg
Riiight? So pretty I'm jealous lol. Handsome boy and beautiful lady! Your video has helped me pursue my own detransition a lot more aggressively and while I'll never have my hair back--yours is gorgeous, I'm happy for you!!--I am feeling pretty great in my wigs. :) thank you.
As a trans guy, I can’t even imagine how brave you are, I really wish you the best and I’m glad you are at peace (at least you look like it). Good luck, you are already an incredible woman
It is so nice of you to leave such a wonderful comment for her. I have heard that many trans people who detranstion receive so much hate and I'm sure she appreciates your sweet comment.
@@brandiva96 unfortunately her Twitter is full of anti trans rhetoric. She probably doesn’t care.
@@yodagaming2559 Ah that is sad
Brave lol?
@@yodagaming2559 Wait she's transphobic?
Thank you for sharing your story with me. After spending 16 years on T I’m pretty unsure about ever looking like a girl again but I deeply regret my transition and am having a hard time reversing it. I quit T almost 3 years ago and started added estrogens 2 years ago, but I am mostly bald now, I’ve got the body hair of a gorilla, I’m built like a quarterback (always have been, I am 5’9” and very stocky and rectangular). I’ve always looked so masculine I felt stupid trying to be “a pretty girl” and found that I liked how people treated me better when they thought I was an average looking dude instead of a butch/androgynous woman. Even when I wore long hair and dresses before testosterone, people didn’t believe I was a girl. I got kicked out of binary bathrooms everywhere. I feel like I transitioned to hide because it was easier for me to be masculine than feminine, and I was soooo tired of being bullied *everywhere*. But now I go through life as a Cis white dude and I never get hassled anywhere... which is great and all... but also I feel like a fraud. Like I’m living a lie, misrepresenting myself to everyone, and I don’t recognize me in the mirror anymore. I look like a lumberjack. But your story gives me hope, helps confirm that I need to do what I need to do *for me*, regardless of how others take it. I appreciate how brave you are for putting your identity out there. I know how hard it can be to admit regret. I have decided years ago to Detransition but haven’t really done anything about it besides change hormones and hope for the best. Sometimes I shave and paint my nails. You’re
inspiring. :) Thank you again!
You deserve the world. Trust.
Sending you lots of love and strength. 💙💙
Be true to your authentic self
"It ain't over till it's over", so you have time to work on YOU, to be your best and lessen the regrets on choices made. The past cant change, you can work on the NOW. Much love and luck.🙂❤
Cis guy here.
Be true to yourself, regardless of how others perceive you. I wish you nothing but the best, seriously.
Thank you 4 that, L C. Everybody has the right 2 feel as comfortable as possible in their own skin. Have an awesome 2021! Your courage & candor is inspiring.
I’m so glad I found you. I’m a girl but I have been questioning if I was meant to be born as a guy. I’m going through the same things that you went through as a 16 year old, the exact same things it’s scarily accurate. I’ve been thinking about getting on testosterone to help with these feelings of hatred over my body, this distorted image of myself that maybe it will all go away if I transition, that maybe I am trans. but after watching this, I don’t think I am. I don’t have major gender Dysphoria towards my female body, and looking back at childhood photos I’ve always been feminine. Seeing how you feel after transitioning into a male I’ve realized that I would feel the same way too. Thank you for sharing your story.
Puberty can make your mind crazy, take it day by day and don’t let anyone push you into things. You will see how it all works out.
Please don't take hormones or any surgery until you're 18.
Most kids go through an identity crisis particularly through puberty. Some have a larger crisis than others. Sometimes you really just need to work through it until everything settles.
I wish you the absolute best ❤️ I’m glad Elle’s story helped you in some way
not to assume but you might be non-binary ?which means u can present masculine feminine androgynous and everything in between with no bounds and you don’t have to take hormones if you don’t want to
I REALLY hope these transition - detransition videos don't start popping up all over the place. But I have a huge suspicion that they will be in the upcoming years. And that honestly saddens me. I am trans myself and I wouldn't wish gender dysphoria on anyone who doesn't already experience it. And the fact that people are giving themselves dysphoria unintentionally, it's really just awful.
Regardless, though, I'm happy for you that you have found a way to live with this situation! It must not have been easy at all to think you have it figured out only to realize you were completely wrong about it. That's very difficult. I commend you for holding it together!
Aren't they already popping up everywhere? lol
Happy for her? I guess,, but she's taken up Twitter to blame anyone who is transgender or is supportive of people that are trans for her personal choices to wreak havoc on her body one way or another. If she didn't "transition" she would have just self harmed in some other way. She already had an eating disorder, she was already hating herself...
I’m so glad I realised I wasn’t trans before I started permanently transitioning. I completely support trans people, but boy was I wrong about my own gender...
me too. I'm just androgynous boy, that's fine :)
me too :( i haven't yet told my parents im not trans tho.. im almost 18 and i dont think i could live it down tbh
There's only two genders tho
@@jobobby664 and what?
hii. i hope this doesn't come off as rude because I'm just curious about this. how does one get confused about something like this? like did you think you were the opposite gender but later realised something else like being gender fluid? no need to answer if this makes you feel uneasy or if you don't want to I'm just asking our of curiosity
I was completely obsessed with being a boy- i genuinely thought I was. At the time I passed really well, i buzzed my hair, I binded, I only shopped men’s clothes etc... I was so... so confused. High school was awful man. I was surrounded by so many people who pushed a gender on me. I’m so fortunate I never physically transitioned. I’m really happy to see a video like this. I’m glad i’m not alone😣
I didn't realize anyone else had experienced this. I went through the same thing.
You know what? I've been identifying myself as a male since 2 years (i'm 15 rn), i have a severe body dysphoria for real but i think I'll never take the decision to go and transition even if i'm sure 100% , imma just wear masc clothes and binders that's it cause i don't wanna regret anything later and go to the point when there's no coming back.(sorry for the english)
I don't know if this will help you, but people that detransition are very very rare. Most people that go through their transition are happy with their decision.
But hey, it's your choice, and I wish the best of luck to you for the future
You’re still so so young. Take your time. I think it’s perfectly fine to just dress masculine and wear binders. It sounds perfect for your age in my opinion. Just make sure that if you still need help, please speak to a professional who understands trans youth and the like so they can help you sort everything out if you need the extra help. Be good to yourself ❤️ be careful and take care!
You’re pretty young still, I think it’s a good decision to just wait a bit. Keep researching and hearing stories, they do a lot for people.
You can always take a low dose of t for a couple months to masculinize you slightly. Lots of women are masculine and I’ve heard of cis women taking t just to be more masc
2??
Wow what a journey! When I was 16, for 3 months I thought I was trans, because of the people stating you “don’t need dysphoria” to be trans. But after a while of passing like a boy, when the person I was romantically interested in, commented on me possibly having facial hair. I got to feel what dysphoria actually felt like. And in that moment, I realized I didn’t want to be a boy, I just thought I did because I didn’t act “stereotypically” feminine.
It's really messed too that transmedicalist-advocating people are being basically silenced now on all these hyper-woke online spaces even now for literally just suggesting to the broader (I call them "gender radical") spheres that transmedicalism doesn't instantly mean we hate trans people, hate the concept of gender, hate non-binarism, hate people who don't pass, etc. It's so fucked up that at the end of the day we just wanna make sure people hold that core value of doing a transition solely for themselves to arrive at a better mental and emotional place in life and emerge genuinely entirely happier and more self-loving than ever before possible for people who actually struggle with dysphoria otherwise initially.
And they even start irreverently silencing the concept of detransition as well all over the place. Where it's essentially become this community of like, less focus on the individual and what's personally best for them when it comes to their gender expression and not conflating gender expression & gender role stereotypes with gender as a core concept in and of itself. It's effectively become like a "cult of woke echo chamber" of a sort. And it really is a kind of cult online in a lot of these gender radical spaces, like literally there are so many times where I'll see this kind of coincides with radical leftism (not to say the left, politically, is bad at all, I consider myself mostly a centrist for the most part) and like this like Communism-advocating space too. And when something like this is so frequently and casually tied into political ideologies, then it does then start to become, in a word, a cult.
Now, I'm actually an MtF transsexual and the first ever thing I found whenever I actually came out to my dad (actually of my own free volition and integrity; not brought on or "egged" on by any online spaces and exterior influences) the immediate first thing he wanted to show me was cases of detransitioned male-born people. And at the time, just with that being the case and how it came off, it did kind of leave a vibe of "transsexuals literally aren't real, look these people regretted it and you will too." But very shortly after, I knew my dad ultimately was just coming from a place of genuine love for his child (I was about 20 at the time when I finally could come out; long story - lots of distance from my parents growing up and lack of confidence to be able to trust them when I actually could - otherwise I would have came out way younger). Ultimately I'm so grateful he emphasized those stories to me. It really helped me to face the mirror and genuinely treat this as seriously as I already had a sense of knowing I should be treating it; to really truly look inward and make sure this - transitioning - would actually be what I would need to live a happy life again like I sort-of had as a very young and super feminine kid before being shamed and ridiculed and all sorts of other stuff by my grandmother for being that way.
So by all means, don't be afraid to share your story. A lot of what the modern "trans movement" has become now could use more experiences like these in the hope that this community eventually reverts back to a rational point of "what is best for the individual?" basis, rather than some cult-like mentality eager to add everyone, even the most slightly masculine or "butch" female, or the most simply effeminate male into their ranks.
You sick puppy I blame the schools and media you're just a product of a massive propaganda campaign from elites.
Ken Kenichi it wasn’t school Or media actually. It was Fake trans people, who wanted to feel special who convinced me it would be great. But then real trans people told me about dysphoria. And when I got JUST a tiny taste of what dysphoria felt like, it was absolutely HORRIBLE. I can’t even IMAGINE what it’s like to be actually trans and have dysphoria every day. They are fucking strong.
@@animebrains6859 No they are weak. Here's what I do. I look and see that I have balls and I accept reality.
Ken Kenichi awe I see. You are one of those. I actually knew I wasn’t trans, because I didn’t have dysphoria. But for those who do- well if you want to bring up genitals, then I imagine you want to bring up biology?
I’m actually been studying a lot in biology when it comes to chemicals and deformations during development in the womb. And basic psychology, and how the chemicals and hormonal structures effect a trans person brain. Basically making them have a complete copy of the opposite sex’s brain, from the neural networking, to have the different structures in each webbing component of the brain effects the host. Not only is the brain built, functions, and reacts the same way as the opposite gender, the way the brain is made up of the specific chemical alignments, it’s been proven, even as far back in a 60s that trans people have the brain of the opposite gender, and has been later confirmed by many researchers, scientists, physiologists, and brain scanning equipment.
Meaning during the development in the stomach as a fetus, there was a mishap in the development of the person, and they ended up with the wrong genitalia. This also occurs when a person is born intersex (AKA hermaphrodite) where they have both male and female sex organs. But based on the chemicals and structures of their brain they either identify as male or female, even with both a penis and a vagina. It’s been proven they also have the same emotions, impulses, and mannerisms as the opposite gender. Because men and women are fundamentally different in how they think, feel and react. And it’s been proven trans people have the same behaviors as the gender that their brain is.
So when a person is born with the incorrect brain, or the incorrect body, how ever you think is fit, they are diagnosed with Gender dysphoria, that being their brain is not reacting well with being in a body it does not recognize, basically their brain starts to reject the body, because it deems it as incorrect. This causes a multitude of issues for the individual. From depression, to anxiety, to extreme hate towards their body, genitals, and suicidal behavior and thoughts because of this.
The only way we have ever been able to help sooth the intense Hatred and pain these people go through, is allowing them to transition, to allow their brains to feel more comfortable, and for them to be able to cope, and finally feel some peace after all the suffering they have gone through.
I believe the brain is really what matters.
You could surgically remove the brain of a man, and then put it into a woman’s body, but I would still see that person as a man, because he still is his own person.
I’ve made sure to educate myself on a subject before forming a opinion.
Why are you hot as a woman and hot as a man and hot when you look like something in between like damn save some for the rest of us
Check out her Twitter though
Brony Pony, Aubry Boehrs Cm'on, dont be fools. This is not about being hot ... so disgusting yo wrap mind around sex side of it all. This is about Elles peace of mind, dignity, happiness & life.Elle, you are beautiful btw, with makeup youd be stunning & you have a sweet refined demeanor. WHAT A JOURNEY. The single most impt thing that I can share with you for your ride in life...is that HE loves you just the way you are, and is always right there- waiting for each of us to call UK pon HIS name
In this entire spectrum of human life, through my incredible sometimes not easy journey is that J eS uS is the one staple who I found & met: is REAL & really loves me! HE gave me & continues giving me the most amazing live and approval 2B who I am. H E loves us just the way we are. I really dont get how MDs can transition one so young, while the mind not fully developed & theres been basically zero life experience... except as a child. As we mature.. we piece together who we are. Without that maturity, we are still in a childlike state. Such a huge decision for such a young mind seems should & would be premature for a doctor to let any young person take life altering steps. God bless you Elle and keep you and all you love safe during this Covid 19 crisis.
@@sandymanor3895 triggered much? Hot also means beautiful lol. It's not that deep.
she looks equally good as a man as she does a woman. that's like the most gorgeous and versatile face ive ever seen :o
Right?
I think that these videos do a real service to people. You’re VERY VERY VERY brave for having the courage to show all these pics and be so honest about your journey. You rock. Thank you for everything you do.
It’s crazy how you said you “hated your voice” as a young person before hormones, and now it’s still the thing you hate in a completely different way.
*That’s unimaginable, and I admire your strength truly* 🖤 i pray only great things happen to you from this post on
You do YOU. Life is a journey. AND... BOOBS don’t make a woman OR a man!!! (I just had ANOTHER mastectomy!)
Linda Byram go off Linda!
??????
Linda Byram the person telling you to “go off” was cheering on you! It’s an encouraging and fun way to say “you go! you got this!” and kind of like a way to thank you for standing up for sth and speaking out about an often times serious topic! Hope this explains it! (And I’m sorry if I made any mistakes, English isn’t my first language)
yag Excellent! Because that’s how it was meant...to be encouraging!!!!
Linda Byram you seem so sweet! Have a good day☺️
What a strong mind you have! That is one heck of an intense journey you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how much strength that needed! I’m cheering for you!
A strong mind? Yeeeah, a person with a strong mind wouldn't change their gender 3 times
Strong mind? Strong mind wouldn't have to transition.
@@yungbfresh1 yesssssssssss!!!
i was thinking, whilst seeing your pictures as a guy, "mate, you look so good as a guy tbh i cant believe you would give that up i am extremely jealous". but then i saw your detransition photos and i thought, you look infinitely happier and way better as a girl. im so sorry all this happened to you, and you had these things plague your mind for so long. i hear your voice and i want to cry for you.
I’m so interested to hear more about your experiences as passing/not quite passing as either gender, sexism you experienced, gender roles/how you do and don’t fit into those stereotypes, etc. Love your openness on this topic. You have so much more life to live and discover yourself even more in the process.
You're so funny and down-to-earth. I really enjoy hearing about your experience. No doubt it will help other girls who might be going through the same thing.
@@justc0dy How long have you been transitioning for?
You truly are a beautiful person. You should be so proud of yourself. The chaos you have had in your mind and body. Must have been overwhelming.
Yes true... Like trans girls who did not had the chance to take puberty blockers
I used to think that transitioning when still a teenager or a child would be ideal since the hormones would get the maximum effect... but I now realize that (surprise, surprise!) that age is one filled with confusion, uncertainty, body issues of all kinds, struggles of sexuality, identity, peer pressure, self-worth and everything else. Not an ideal time to make critical decisions that can affect your health and future in the long term.
100% agreed! That's why I think I won't let my kids (if I have any) take hormones if such a situation arises until they are past the puberty phase (will probably send them to therapy). I am a cis woman, I never had any gender identity crisis but I only came to realize who I am as a person when I was in my early 20s when I moved for my education. Moving to a new place and meeting new people and surviving on my own really helped me grow to who I am today. 15 year old me and 27 year old me now is very different. Puberty phase is a very confusing time for everyone.
Well said....these are the sorts of things that adults know and must tell their children....the questioning is normal and important. People must "make peace" and negotiate with their gender....that is, find out what kind of man or woman they wish to be....we are all unique and different and wonderful....as we are.
But that isn't the same for everyone of course (this is aimed at all the lawmakers reading this lmao)
Well I’d say it really depends on the situation and kids should still be able to acess blockers and teenagers Testosterone. The doctor needs to evaluate the situation and see what’s best for that specific kid. gender dysphoria can be something debilitating like it was to me. I’m a 17 year old trans guy and have been on Testosterone for almost 2 years. I don’t regret a thing, my therapist along with my doctor decided this was the best directon for me since I had debilitating dysphoria. I wouldn’t be here if I had to wait longer. For some people these things are urgent.
What you say at the end there when you're talking about the decision to detransition, how you knew it was what you needed to do for yourself regardless of what anyone else thought - that is why I think the "desert island" thought process is so important. For every aspect of transition, I've asked myself whether this is something I would choose if I were going to live on a deserted island for the rest of my life. Of course we can't really know for sure because reality is we do live in society, but I think taking the time to really sit with that scenario can be very helpful for getting clarity. Thank you for sharing your experiences so generously, it's really important that these stories are heard as well as the 'standard' narrative.
Oh guy thank you, i never tought of the "deserted island" and now that i think about it i guess it just reassured me today that yeah, i am a 100% trans
It's not the subject of the video, i just wanted to thank you for your little tip that helped my dysphoria today
I also love being a woman, but having a deep voice sounds dope. Elle you do whatever you need to feel yourself
voice training to get a more masculine voice is actually a thing if you want to try out speaking with a deep voice ! (does require a bit of work to make it work tho)
Hey, I'm also detransitioning, thank you for paving the way for the rest to come
Whatever way you chose/choose to present yourself-- then, now, and in the future-- your soul shines through, no doubt. You passed really well as a male, look great as a female too, and the androgyny/flexibility of your appearance when detransitioning just reminds me how beautiful the trans experience and the vulnerability of the human condition are. Thank you for sharing your wild journey of finding yourself, self love, and appreciating where you are in life right now. This video is truly beautiful, and I'm glad you posted it. I hope that you're doing well, and think it's really special that you were able to experience those different routes before setting on your path. Sending love and support your way
Ok I am an old lady but can I say your voice suits you fine? I am cis and have had a super deep voice since early elementary school. You do you
lol and there is people that say that nikkie tutorials has a man voice.
@@janesmith8050 hope thats sarcasm LMAO
@@janesmith8050 is hetero also a slur?
Just curious though does her voice have a chance on becoming less deep or like what it was meant to be again? And how long would that take if so?
@@AriaputriM she could do voice training to possibly learn to lower her pitch. Besides that who knows, we shall see as we watch her journey lol
You are so brave and courageous about being so open about this. Do not ever feel ashamed for being a detransitioning individual. So many of us support you. You're undoubtedly helping so many people by being open about your situation. I wish you comfort, safety and a joyous life. Take care friend.
I'm really glad you're listening to yourself and trying to live in a way that feels right for you. You owe the rest of us absolutely nothing!
Hello 👋. How are you doing today.’
When I was 10-14 I hated my body and thought I was fat, even though I was actually extremely skinny. I never developed any eating disorder but when I hit puberty I hated having boobs and curves and I would hide them all the time with baggy clothes. I wanted to be a boy but I knew I wasn’t. Thankfully I’ve grown out of that phase!
I started developing breasts before other girls and I hated it. I wore baggy clothes too. I didn't like "girly" things and was a bit of a Tomboy. Honestly, if I was a teen today I'd probably think I was trans since it's talked about more today than it was 15+ years ago. I just really hope most doctors are doing the right thing and taking their time to find out if their patients really have gender dysphoria or if they have something else going on. My issue was that I had really low self esteem and basically accepted that I was ugly and couldn't be feminine (which is ridiculous because I look back at my old photos and I was so cute. Wish I had thought more highly of myself)
Bro. Fucking. Same. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 16. I took my hating my curves and boobs to be that I wanted to be a boy. Probably didn't help that I'm more of a tomboy as well. Thankfully I decided to wait it out before I went on any hormones, now at age 19 I'm a happy little lesbian with no gender dysphoria (though still tons of body dysmorphia).
I often wondered about my gender growing up. I wanted to be a boy and often fantasized about the idea. In all of my daydreams, I was a boy. I acted, talked, walked, sat, and dressed like a boy. Now that I’m 28, I’m so happy to be a woman. I don’t know what changed, but I love being called “her” or “she”. It makes my identity feel real.
You’re a very cute woman. You were a very cute man. Whatever is your choice. It is yours and you are beautiful. Don’t forget to remind yourself everyday shiny soul. 🌞💛
@Helder Cunha You can't say she wasn't cute tho. :D
Helder Cunha Are you okay?
@Helder Cunha Someone's a bit moody, aren't they.
@Helder Cunha Did you know people can see your channels comment history? You've been spamming detransitioning videos for a very, very long time. I think it's time to log off and see a therapist about that internalized hate. When people can see that you devote all of your time to making these comments we can deduce that you are projecting some serious insecurities. Get some help. It's time.
@Helder Cunha finally someone with a brain
I’m not trying to hurts anyone’s feelings as I have been bisexual since primary school. Now married to a man with children, couldn’t be happier. My friends was transitioning in high school and I asked her if she was sure, and she said yeah. I blame her parents. They allowed the surgery and the therapists also said it would help her feel less suicidal. But now we are 28 she wishes she had stayed physically a woman and regrets the whole transition! I feel she was too young to make a decision like that. To young to know how much growth she would gain by waiting and working out her internal issues of being otherwise “different “ than society. She is a great girl and hates that she is now perceived as male. I pray she can get the help she needs and can mend her relationship with her parents. Sending love to you all!
I have a feeling this is going to affect a lot of people since it’s so easy to transition now.
Hey. I'm a trans guy (Ftm). I think that a lot of people tend to blame the system and the groups they hang out with and while that may have a role, it is always that person's decision to transition. It's very damaging to our community when people who detransition blame everyone but themselves. I'm, not attacking anyone by the way, BUT I think the issue is that some people who transition don't actually consider the weight of the decision to transition and those are the people who detransition. The actual rate at which trans folks detransition is actually very low (something like 8 or 7 percent).
seheabol it’s a privilege to afford a top or bottom surgery(‘s). They cost a lot, I think it’s really the hormones that may raise a concern but most people who are trans are extremely eager in the process, I feel like this woman’s situation was just confusion and done out of desperation. She never claimed to have gender dysphoria, most transgender people experience that since very young.
@@uraniangems7511 questino..what evne makes a guy a guy and girl a girl....im questioning my gender lol....but I can't stop seeing how similar men and women are..
I hope your friend is able to go back to her normal self with nothing but love and not let society poison her mind. But how she felt in high school is usually where a lot of the social conditioning and manipulation is coming from (from Twitter, Instagram and other major forms of social media) even universities are backing up bogus and illogical ideologies such as this. I really hope she can get the help she needs
When you identified as a guy, you looked like a guy, but now you look like a woman? How is that possible? You are honestly so pretty. Thank you for sharing this!
@3amaintpretty not entirely
Gender fluid face and persona.
It takes a lot of strength to be true to yourself. Thank you for being so brave and vulnerable 💕
You went through so many physical changes in such short time. It's kinda like I'm flipping a physique slider back and forth on an RPG lol.
I'm sorry to hear how hard your journey has been, and regardless of who you decided to be: I'm ultimately glad you're feeling more like yourself. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
You are so brave and I’m really proud of the way you tell your story ! ❤️
I'd trade voices with you. I was born male and have a very annoyingly high pitched voice.
I'm an adult woman with the voice of a child :(
@@thecurseddinkleberg4086 there is woman that goes to my gym with your kind of voice.
There’s something strangely humbling about your voice and it’s nice
ikr
humbling? tf?
Humbling??
she sounds like a man.
Handsome Squidward Well she had dysphoria though
I just finished it my empathy level is through the roof. You are brave and beautiful I hope for you nothing but happiness on the rest of your journey through life
You always mention your voice, personally I like it. Its soothing. At the end of the days, what you feel about yourself is what matters, but i think it could be nice to know that other people like it, and find nothing wrong with it.
LOL
It might sound like I’m just saying this, but I actually mean it. You talk about your “past self” as if you “used” to be beautiful but I just wanted you to know that you’re still really beautiful!
I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be trans. To wake up and feel like you’re in the wrong body, that sounds terrifying. And then you realize down the road after all the hormones and surgery’s etc. to feel like you’re still in the wrong body and want to go back. Sheesh Louise. That’s crazy.
I can't speak from a detransition point of view but to me dysphoria isn't scary. It's just debilitatingly depressing and makes me suicidal.
It is not scary it is more uncomfortable. You get used to it like women get used to changes in their menopause anf all body changes that happens.
Wouldn't it not be on the same wavelength as someone who thinks they're fat but see themselves as anorexic?
@@SuperHydra93 not at all.
Honestly my biggest fear, I hate where I am but I also fear that I'll hate where I end up even more.
I'm worried that when I go on T and then start wearing skirts and have long hair again my family and people in general are gonna assume I regretted it and want to detransition, but the thing is, I'm planning on doing that shit from the get go. I'm nonbinary, but I'm actually a much more feminine/adrogynous person in terms of fashion than I let on, but I feel so uncomfortable in a female body, I don't get to show it yet. (yes I know its not just body issues/dysmorphia, I've never had any problem whatsoever with things that have nothing to do with my birth gender)
Like basically I wanna look like you when you were questioning your gender for the second time, but that's my end goal
And that is valid.
Well... I'm in exactly the same situation as you. Hope you will manage to get what you hope to become, but remember that T can be much more stronger than you'd hope, like too much hair body etc and lose your "androgyny". As for myself I'm very slim (not much hip/breasts) so I will probably not take any T, but it can be different for you : only thing I have to say is to be very cautious and search up for a lot of information before taking hormones
I relate to this so much. I’ve always been a feminine person and came out as trans recently. Since then, I’ve been dressing more masculine in order to pass and not get misgendered in public spaces bc my social dysphoria is wild… my family said I’m trying to be someone I’m not and that I “changed my tastes to be more trans-ish” but really, I just want people to not call me “she”, I’ll wear skirts again when my voice helps
i want to be a boy but i also want to wear skirts and makeup, so i relate. although im not rly sure. still figuring myself out. :)
Hi! Today was the day that I decided to detransition! I had just hit my 1 year mark. I literally just threw away all of my meds & needles, etc & was browsing the internet for detransition videos & found you. 😊❤ I did it too girl, lol.
question: if you started taking estrogen, would it redistribute the body fat and increase the pitch of your voice?? i'm ftm but i know absolutely nothing about detransitioning, forgive me.
Testosterone thickens the vocal cords so it's pretty permanent
Wont change the voice back no. I would have hoped your doctor would have discussed this with you before you started taking T! But maybe you aren't there yet/aren't gonna take it.
There's no reason for her to take estrogen as her body already produces it. It would just have a similar effect to a hormonal birth control. The body fat will redistribute fairly quickly, but, like @Lana R. said, testosterone thickens the vocal cords, so there won't be an effect on that.
For the voice: No. Vocal cords only go one way. Once they thicken they do not unthicken naturally.
@@lanar.1565 but i heard you can do a surgery to make it sound higher.
I feel for you, I also feel for your mom. I have a daughter who struggled with her self worth when she was in her early teens. As a mother to see your daughter hate herself, it was heartbreaking. She is now 19 and doing great.
Wow, I’m so grateful for your story. Thanks for sharing it. You can feel the sincerity in everything you shared, so thanks for being openly and honestly you. I’m not trans or gay, just a young guy who appreciates connecting and hearing other peoples stories and journeys in life who are authentic. You are definitely one of those people who I imagine still has a lot to learn and nay wonder what’s next for you. Just want to say it’s clear that wherever you go, even if you don’t know where that is yet from here, you’re going the right direction. I hope you continue to find joy in simply discovering you, and so glad you did this for you and not for anybody else’s expectations. I’m cheering you on!
Can we talk about how gorgeous your hairstyle is? I love it so much, it suits you really well.
Thank you for sharing your journey and for being so transparent about it all. In some ways it’s a cautionary tale. I’ve watched many videos on transition and detransition- the process of transition is actually quite a radical procedure, long, expensive, and really takes a huge physical and emotional /mental toll on people. Therefore, I personally think the root causes of dysphoria (or other things masquerading as dysphoria, such as PTSD from trauma or abuse) should be explored before going very far into the transition process. Slow and careful should be the motto, especially with surgical procedures, and side effects of hormones should be openly discussed.
I love that you are doing this for YOU, and for your happiness! Your kindness as a person comes through all of the videos, and I wish and pray the best for you- hoping you have really good career exploration that speaks to your heart so you can “be yourself” in that area of life, too. 💕🤟🏻
damn looking hella adorable both genders... jealous
IKR
Tabitha J - a lot of us aren’t lying? she’s really cute....
@Tabitha J they arent lying
@Tabitha J I'd say the same and I'm definitely not lying ☀✨
@Tabitha J what is even your purpose in being here? Obviously, Elle is just someone who was trying to figure themselves out and sometimes that can only happen in hindsight. She's human just like you. Maybe you're bitter about something you've done to yourself in your past; that doesn't mean you have to come here and try to make this person feel bad, when all they're trying to do is give others a little insight by sharing their story.
Since she's not saying it I will.
I think it's responsible to say that long-term cases like this are indeed rather rare, any responsible professional will take many precautions to make sure your decision really is the right one for you. If you truly feel like the opposite gender, and ignoring that feeling is taking a massive toll on your self-confidence and happiness, please do not ignore it, you know yourself best.
Gender reassignment surgery will NOT solve your problems, and it will not solve your self-esteem issues IF those self-esteem issues don't originate from living as the wrong gender (which is why gender therapists exist to help you determine if that is really the cause of your insecurities at all).
!!PLEASE see a gender therapist before making any decisions on transitioning!!
I was in therapy for years. I convinced them. No one let me transition willynilly. I dont think that's happening much, I think professionals are careful but sometimes patients have even fooled themselves. My mom believed and supported me, everyone said it made sense for me, I believed me... I do think there's pressure for professionals to not question someone's asserted gender identity though or they will sound transphobic. :(
As much as I regret my transition and am meeting thousands of others who feel the same, transphobia is of course not the answer! I do wish the therapy process were more concrete somehow. It's a sticky situation for sure!
TH-cam suggested your videos to be a couple weeks ago and I always look forward to your posts. I love listening to you talk. I’m not trans, but I really identify with a lot of the questioning feelings you expressed. Growing up was hard on me. Being a teen was hard. Now I’m turning 26 and things can still be hard but it’s nice to hear other people’s stories. Thank you for sharing.
I can tell this was a little hard for you to make and honestly im so proud of you and just wow I'm so amazed with your journey
I was like "wow, so beautiful girl", then "wow, so beautiful man" and again "wow so beautiful girl" haha :D
Thank you for sharing your story !
Litterally me
It was great to hear you say you are happy with who u are now. That's all that matters! ❤
I didn't have sound on, so I was looking at you saying "woah, she so pretty" and then I put the sound. You are beauuuuutiful.
Idk "who let you do that" but the "why" is clearly bc you were rocking it. Your whole journey, you looked fabulous.
It's so difficult to be young these days. I was born in 1980 and already so much has changed.
a friend of mine sent me one of your video's and is struck me how similar your story is to the beginning of my child's story. I searched for more videos and I came across this one, I had tears rolling down my face as I watched you tell us about your transition and detransition timeline. I think you are beautiful and I hope you continue to grow and love yourself. I worry so much about my child but your videos have helped me a lot. Thank you for being so brave.
Same for me. I won’t let my daughter get hormones and have pulled her out of school because at 13 she isn’t old enough to make these choices and her struggles are bang on with some of these detransitioners and it is just so scary.
The important thing is that you're at peace with yourself. That's the only thing that counts.
I wish people didn't politicize your experience. I know I don't. Super grateful to hear the perspective of someone who's deeply questioned their identity, self esteem, and self worth (same here!)
this was very raw and brave of you to share your experience/journey, I wish you nothing but good vibes :)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! My daughter is struggling with self love and acceptance and I think it's important that folks see every side of every subject in life not just the glorification or demonization of it but true dialogue and representation of all aspects of the subject at hand. Don't let the haters get to you.
The 12-13 year old pics are the Justin Bieber starter pack aka The Bieb Effect
What did your parents/family think of your change and then the change back?
The world has conditioned us in such specific roles and categories that we don't have a chance to question them or we are too scared to do so. I think you are quite brave to have gone through it to find what ever makes you feel you. You seem also a very positive and shinny person, so I'm glad I randomly found you here.
I'm very happy you put this out here. Being trans is very supported now and accepted compared to what it used to be. This is great! I wouldn't have it any other way. But it can make the choice to transition be a little too easy where you try to fix the wrong problem. I feel like it is very important that people who consider transitioning get to hear stories like yours as well as the sunshine stores where it definitely was the right choice. It makes it easier to make a well informed decision. I am so proud of you! Thank you for telling your story
it is not easy at all to transition, it takes years of therapy. Most trans people find out as a kid or teen meaning they have to wait until they're 18.