🤐 Hidden Signs Of Loneliness - Dr Julie
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- Subscribe and follow me @DrJulie for more videos.
#mentalhealth #shorts #lonely
📘 Pre-order My New Book 👇
Amazon UK - amzn.to/33DZFgO
Audiobook UK - amzn.to/33cmsQA
Amazon USA - amzn.to/3qbo4Dp
Audiobook USA - amzn.to/3smyC2D
🖥️ Website - www.doctorjuliesmith.com
📷 Instagram - / drjulie
🙋♀️ Facebook - / drjuliesmith
🐦 Twitter - / dr_julie_smith
🎥 TikTok - / drjuliesmith
WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.
Hi I'm Dr. Julie | Clinical Psychologist subscribe & follow me for lots more videos on mental health and psychology.
For more on this see my new no.1 bestselling book - Why has nobody told me this before?
👉 linktr.ee/drjuliesmith
What should we do if we are wanting to start going to therapy, but currently no one is accepting new patients near us?
What to do if I am having all the symptoms
When I go to parties bring my headphones and my phone also I don't want to go but my mom forces me I don't make eye contact to no one I don't talk to you when I see say hi or how are you and I just ignore everyone there
Isn't the 3 and 4 a sign of being an introvert?
I used to be super social and then I got sick and worked a lot and now I don't know how to be social LOL I'm very awkward. So it would be nice to have a part two to this for some steps to help get out of that LOL
The worst feeling is being alone surrounded by people.
Yea. And then they all are able to connect 😢
i completly disagree, being actually alone is way worse, with no one to talk or to share moments....
@@Sim-po1mc I suppose. Both are bad though because I’m the first type of loneliness you realize how lonely you are compared to others while in the second you’re just in your own head
@@Sim-po1mcWould you rather "share emotions and connect" with people that mock and bully you or alone?
@SnowyZoe71Really
Loneliness is when you want so desparately to connect or be with someone, but you feel no one wants to connect or be with you.
This is called depression.
@@lulu07Luluno, she def described loneliness here. yes it is a feature of depression tho
Me irl
What do you call it when you have given up on that hope of looking for someone
@@mikehunt8563 well then, i’ll take it as a compliment
Don’t let loneliness make you reconnect with toxic people, you wouldn’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty.
Alcoholics do it every day
Excellent advice
Thank you
Exactly.
Believing things toxic people say may be a reason we're lonely
That is a nice one, thanks.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. *It's not.* The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."-Robin Williams
That's so heartbreaking in the context of knowing how he ended his life. 😥 What he said is absolutely true though. RIP Robin. ❤
def cap if you feel alone with people you have oppurtinity to make amends, you cant have that by yourseldf
Yeeh🎉
This is beautiful ❤
Agree❤
"I don't hate people. I just feel better when they are not around."
-Charles Bukowski
He knows how I feel
Very true .experience speaks
So true-I know to well the feelings
I'm at a loss as to why so many find it problematic when others would truly rather be in their own company. Why must society cast that as something that must be fixed?
I do also hate people
I prefer being alone over company with the wrong people.
That’s different. That’s more along the lines of self preservation. Most ppl don’t want to put themselves in a bad or uncomfortable situation.
@DickRitchie92 not true a lot of people are around and with the wrong people because they don't want to be alone. They would rather adjust their own behaviour and habits to suite what and how others are than be alone
it's not lonely being alone at all when you know people are thinking and caring about you. But if one day, you realize NO ONE has you in their thoughts/hearts that's what loneliness feels like....
Yep!👌
@@AzuristSky yes this
Only thing that is worse than being alone is to spend time with wrong people..
👍
Being alone is great
This!! I’d rather be alone, I rather enjoy the peace
LOWKEY YES I FELT THIS
Being lonely* intentional solitude is actually a really good thing, for a lot of people
When you have something to give, but no one seems to want it.
THIS
Me
Yes
I have nothing to give nor do I want to 😂😂
Here, here.
It made me incredibly sad to watch this and realize that I do all of these things, even though I already knew I was lonely
Same
Me 2 friend
Same here...
What do you mean you are lonely... What does that really mean.... Are you lonely or you have started to notice that most things are pretty empty.. Is it that you have started to notice that things do not last....
@@varvarahatzoglou1219 what do you mean you are lonely...
Social Media makes this 10X worse.
Yes indeed!
Simple stay away from social media problem solved...
@@patricverlinden4342 I agree but it’s not that easy when it’s all over the place and most of our lives are on social media. News flash, you’re on it right now lol.
My rule is, everything in moderation! Just decrease the amount of time you spend on it.
@@DickRitchie92 haha Yep but I'm not never conected on Instagram, facebook etc because of my privacy,on the other hand your right! 😉
Social media destroys a lot of relationships....
You realize that the only time anyone contacts you is if they want you to do something for them.
I'm hearing that, I get hey Jacko, me mate wants his motorbike painted , do you still live down that dirt road?
Oh well I guess I'm somewhat antisocial 🤫
Then after a while they stop needing you.
Ain’t that the damn truth, it’s a cold world but I don’t let the negativity get to me💪
My in-laws
True...
“Loneliness is the absence of others…Solitude is the presence of one’s self”
I’m fully aware that I’m lonely. & when I make new friends, I’m always suspicious and ready for them to end at any second.
Me too, and it always seems to happen
Me too 😢
Well maybe that's part of why you're lonely. Most people can pick up on if someone is intentionally being suspicious and keeping distant, and unlike what movies teach you, that behavior doesn't make you cool and mysterious, it makes you weird and annoying and most people would rather try to be friends with the person that doesn't seem like they're silently judging them the whole time.
@@viljamtheninjaid say most of us aren't this way on purpose.
Welcome to my life! 🌺
Sometimes your own company, can be the best company.
Yeah I want to have company when I want to have company
Loneliness isn't about being alone.
We all need someone to share with
It's always the best.
Agreed. A true introvert
It's better to be alone that to be with people who only contact you to use you then discard you when they don't need you anymore.
Isn't that everybody?
@@monesjones8431no its not everyone
@@monesjones8431no, real friends reach out and stay in touch , even if it’s just to say “hey how’s it going”.
That's not the message here
@@monesjones8431 Maybe in your circle
It's better to BE alone than to WISH you were alone. Solitude is PEACEFUL!!! 😊
True- if you're right with God?
Solitude guarantees you don't face your demons, the only way to get beyond them.
@@x-man5056??? Uh, solitude means the demons in other ppl can't harm you.
@@recoveringbaptist2023 They are harming you by causing you to withdraw. You have to face your fears to defeat them. Solitude in this context means you are hiding from them. There is no victory for you there.
@@recoveringbaptist2023 Yes, and life can't happen to you either.
The worst is when you try to fit in, but they ignore you.
I can relate
I hate when this happens a lot! Being ostracized is like the worst feeling in the world!!
yeah or they are toxic
@@suzymoon2067 thank you for your wisdom 🙏💐❤️
Sorry for you baby😢
"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." -Mark Twain
° This ° What Mr. Twain said.
Nobody deserves to feel those things. Sending big hugs to everybody who feels that way.
Thanks...
Thanks, hugs are needed. And maybe friends
Thank you stranger. Key word (stranger)
@@johnhorchler667 your weird
@steverichard2786 I meant because you are a stranger, my family doesn't do that much, and you say hugs all around 🤗 there for keyword. ( Stranger)
Social situations ARE exhausting. And I can't wait for them to be over.
Yeah, I don't necessarily think that has anything to do w/loneliness. Especially in my case as I'm an empath. Ive never handled crowds well. I get too bombarded by everyone else's emotions.
I don't know what have to do with loneliness either. Social situations, parties, loud music are more suitable for extroverts. When you're not it just hurts.
"Loneliness is dangerous. it’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people"
You're not talking about loneliness. Loneliness isn't "peaceful".
Loneliness is miserable, learning to be at peace with being alone is peaceful but loneliness? I'd rather not exist.
Loneliness is actually the feeling being uncomfortable being alone.
Even if you are around other people you feel alone, it feels as if there is no one else is on the same spiritual understanding with you and once that feeling of being alone becomes unpleasant, it becomes loneliness.
@01brake - I agree 100%
I agree, because there is peace in being alone. Loneliness is a feeling that is because of your circumstances, when you can’t deal with being alone, or the silence is deafening, or you can’t relate to the people around you, because they don’t get you. You feel outcasted, or like a freak. It gives you the feeling of being the only one, it’s neglectful in a way. There is so much peace in solitude if you’re ready for it. Then you just don’t want to tolerate other people and their bullshit. It’s independence to the extreme. That’s ok, but remember to express the love and gratitude to those you love.
Think the word you’re looking for is solitude
I wish more people understood loneliness is not the same as being alone or needing time to recharge from interactions. Big difference.
It's just a spectrum of introversion to extroversion.
Yup. And I do need time to recharge from interactions but a huge part of the reason social interactions can feel so draining for me is because it feels like everyone is being so fake. I can talk for hours with the right person if I feel emotionally engaged in the conversation and I feel like the other person is being emotionally engaged too.
the woman who made this vid clearly doesnt understand the difference :D and she calls herself Dr. of clinical psychology
Right, I tell that to people all the time. I sometimes think I am lonely then I go to my sisters house and listen to her kids scream, go home and instantly relax. 😂😂😂
@@anonymousnameless1835
I know the meaning of the words, but you didn't say anything useful
like most MDs, whether you are one or not
Another sign of loneliness is having verbal diarrhea at the first person who would listen. I am introverted in that I do not like big groups nor socializing. But I do crave some one-on-one interaction everyone now and again. In fact, I don’t even know if it’s loneliness or depression but it’s incredibly difficult to meet people the older you get.
I was like that for awhile and then figured out I don't have to talk at all.If they cared they'd come talk to me
@@k.p.outdoors6232 okay that's not a solution
Damn, I never knew wtf was that and now you explained... verbal diarrhea in introvert craving 1x1 contact, it's EXACTLY what I'm experiencing from time to time O_o
Spot on
@@RSTactical Technically, it could be a solution. You may disagree with it, but that doesn't make it any less of a solution than any other recommendations. Often times, it's when you start distancing that you begin to find out who truly cares, and who doesn't.
To the person who is going through the comments...
You are loved...And you are unique❤
Thank you! I hope you know that you are as well! ❤
So are you beautiful
You too brov!
How'd you know? ❤
Thank you and love you
Sometimes happiness lets you realise that you were sad without noticing.
Love this SO TRUE comment!
Would you (anyone that can relate) be kind to illustrate a particular example? Never felt it personally but the comment got me wondering.
This is so true. I never realised just how unhappy I was until I got help, got better and started to feel happiness. I felt like something was wrong and I wasn't doing things right, because I didn't feel a sense of dread anymore whenever I woke up.
@@somerandomboi8239There were days were I just drifted and I didn’t feel anything at all. This was very frequent during high school. Fast forward to senior year, my mental health was at an all time high. I always smiled and I never faked it, and I had a nice friend group and a sport I loved. I was happy, and I hadn’t realized how miserable I’d been because I had though going through life the way I had was normal.
I hadn’t realized what it felt like to be truly happy in such a long time.
@@squirrelleap Thank you for sharing.
It's better to be alone and happy than to be in a room full of people who make you feel alone
But I'm not happy. What if I am alone and sad?
@@simonolthenorwegiani dont know if this is helpful but i have found a lot of really good therapy on youtube. See if there are free services where you cant talk/text to someone. I know that the meetup app might be a good place to meet people that are struggling wirh similar things. If you dont see a group that would help you, see if you can start one. I hope you can find someone that is struggling too.
Life is so hard!! It is s so sad to realize how many people have gone through so, so much, terrible abuse of all kinds, it is so unfair! Please know there are people that care!! ❤ Much love sending your way!!❤
Being alone is nice and all but feeling alone really sucks.
@@simonolthenorwegian if you don't enjoy your own company, why would anyone else?
@daggergblue that's ultimately just a buzz phrase mean very little
Most people wouldn't want to date themselves for example, cause they're not self absorbed asses, doesn't mean they hate themselves and therefore no one else will date them
It's better to be alone than be with people who make you feel you aren't good enough for them
Get a dog, treat them right and they'll love you even if you're homeless.
your comment is almost acceptable
😉
A very wise older person told me as a teen: "you are no better than any one else, BUT no one else is any better than you" !
Lets be real, this just a cope, being lonely and the premonition of aging/dying alone is most definitely the worst.
It takes strength to want to be alone.
I love being alone in my sanctuary. I never belonged anywhere. Everyone who knows me, knows this.
I have a t-shirt that says, "I used to be a people person, then people ruined it".
Yeah, I totally get that. I’ve had some health issues the past few years, including scar tissue on my brain from a fall during a seizure (encephomalcia), and I’ve no clue if that’s exacerbated my introverted hermit nature, or if it was always there.
It’s an innate feeling of “I’m lonely and wish I was had someone”, but then when I’m around people I don’t want to be, and it’s like a “get away from me” vibe.
So hard trying to define this…
@@jasoncinema
I finally figured out why I do not like being around people.
I feel their energy. When it is positive energy, I have no problem. But when there is negative energy, my mood become, well, almost violent. That takes all my will power to suppress my urge to go, "hulk", on people. When there is mixed energy, I am a roller-coaster ride.
It is all very exhausting. My child, who is an adult, does not understand this, no matter the explanations.
@@deannyeltatzie7759 See, I wish mine was similar. It’s become when I am even around people in the grocery store, I don’t want to be, or when I’m walking the 3 miles home from work, and I see people coming down the sidewalk toward me, I really wish they weren’t.
Conversely, I’m perfectly fine and social and conversational around coworkers and customers at work.
🤷
@@jasoncinema
Are you sensitive to lights, sounds, smells?
@@deannyeltatzie7759 No, not really.
Nothing makes you feel lonelier than watching your friends have key life moments on social media because they didn't tell you
So when they have a crappy moment and do contact you to 'share the burden' just respond "we all have to take the bad with the good, why not post it?"😁
That's not a friend then :)
With the sole exception of TH-cam, I don’t even _HAVE_ any social media accounts, on the ground that in order to justify having social media, I must first have a social life (which I don’t). I figure if somebody want to talk to me they can call, email, text, or write an old-school letter…which they don’t do (not even my family). Screw it, I’ll just spend the rest of my life as the “crazy cat lady.” Cats don’t stab you in the back, they don’t judge you, they don’t abandon you, and they show the true meanings of genuine friendship, family loyalty, and unconditional love, which is more than I can say for a lot of so-called “humans” I’ve known in my life!
then they aren’t your friends.
@@sandburgmartin7947 that's a whole different situation than what was being talked about....
Preferring your own company to superficial people isn't loneliness, it's peace. 😇
Yes cuz there's plenty of superficial around.. Lots of it
Yes iam at peace bieng alone ...
AMEN!!!! You said it.
Man is a social creature, Social anxiety has gone through the roof with smart phones and social media,Godlessness ads to it.
I agree but I also think there is a very thin line there...
I think we need to make an effort to be there and and be present for the people we do have/want in our lives. Our family and close friends that matter to us. If you are avoiding them as well or feeling disconnected when with them... then there may be more to explore there internally. ❤
I get lonely at times but my peace and serenity are worth it. You can be lonely with the wrong person.
Thats being alone not lonely. Loneliness is never fun
Amen. This! I was married to a Narcissist for a very long time. The last drop was when I did not want to come home anymore, I would park my car in the nearest Jack in the Box and eat my dinner and think....God did not mean for my Life to be this way. He would Neglect me in Any which way U can think of..and I am not even the type who Seeks attention. Then I would drag myself to get "home" because I needed to take care of my children. I Thank God I made it out Alive from that horrible marriage.
@@---nj7hl so glad you're out of that abuse.😊
Its not peaceful if you don't have friends for years and you want to have birthday parties and things but have nobody to come to a birthday party
These days, especially as I'm getting older, I've started to wonder if loneliness is just a phase or if it's part of my personality that I should just learn to accept.
Same. Learnt to accept it after 40.
Same
Same, I just accept it
I tried so hard from my puberty up until 23 to fit in and pretended to like parties and such things. That's just not me though. I guess we are a minority and people don't care. I have 2 friends and I don't even meet with them rl that often.
I'm 46 and I honestly love to be alone. I never feel lonely. I occasionally have anxiety about not having a social network as far as if I needed someone to care for me at cetera when I'm older. I would say examine why you are feeling lonely not just the feeling of loneliness. What is it that you're missing is a physical contact, conversation?
I love spending time on my own, it doesn't always mean you are lonely far from it.
Same.
Same. Loneliness is a state of mind only.
totally agree w you..i don't think this video is right you know?
True. I don't mind being alone most of the time. I can entertain myself and enjoy my own company. I do sometimes feel really alone.
Once you've learned to be comfortable with your own company you prefer to only be in your own company. 💯
The thing no one tells you about loneliness is that you both desire it and hate it. You love that feeling of peace and quiet, but you also want interaction every now and then, but it's hard to communicate it because you're not used to socializing. At least that's how it works for me anyway
You are missing the point here what she is describing. She isn't talking about alone time you spend by yourself for quiet.
She is talking about people that in general. Regardless of where they are or doing with/without people. Feel like no one understands them. They feel they can't connect with anyone. They feel they have to do everything, because others will either mess it up or not help at all.
This is what is being more described.
@HM4HILL spot on my friend!!! so true
@@fighterpimpOP very clearly wasn't talking about alone time.
This is how introverts are for the most part, we value being alone but every once in a while we crave social interactions but because we are never in social situations we are very socially awkward and get anxiety in these types of situations making it not enjoyable leading to a life of loneliness.
Fun Fact 99% of people that say they are introvert are not actually that and just want to claim a title to have an excuse why they are just trash people to be around in the first place.
Just like how the RE RE trans people need you to make up dumb trash words to call themselves. @@lakaiskates8064
Interesting. I don’t hate being alone. Never felt lonely.
There is a difference between being alone and loneliness. many people enjoy their own company.
Yaa i do... I don't have any friends and no social media
This video just described an introvert. Introverts are not lonely.
@@anshdeshwal7004 I was thinking about deleting all of my social media lately lol
@@ernc8844 But introverts can get lonely. I find myself doing #1 sometimes and try to ask myself what void I'm trying to fill. But it usually goes away within 1 week or 2.
I'm also super thankful for the extroverts who adopt me and bring me into their fold.
@@BreennddaI’m broke so I can’t afford to buy stuff I don’t need haha
If you're comfortable with yourself, you don't need others,stay strong out there
If you are at peace with being alone, you have transcended loneliness, and crossed over to aloneness, where you are literally enjoying yourself.
aloneness, that's a pretty word
thats nonsense and sad. There are good people out there that would enrich your life far more than any alone time you could ever have.
That is your opinion. You are free to keep it. @@dblshotz75
@@dblshotz75Different people find enrichment in different things.
@crysiser6440 isolation isn't enrichment its waste. But people are free to do whatever they want
“I’ve been losing friends but finding peace, but honestly that sounds like a fair trade to me”
Losing friends sucks initially but then you adjust
I've lost most of my friends throughout my step into adulthood, but considering my best friends started doing drugs, and some of others always had depressive thoughts or had a very abusive behavior towards me... I don't feel like I really lost anything 😅
Where they really friends or people you hung around?
Verrätst du mir, von wem das Zitat stammt?
@@Kya438a Drake song. “Fair Trade” I think it’s called
I actually got off social media because I think it makes it worse for me. Seeing everyone living their lives and so seemingly happy. Sometimes I just wish I had my own person to share life with.
I can relate..😢
Every one is having a party and we are not there happens to everyone some time that's normal xxx
@@honeysuckle4537it is way more than that.
Especially during holidays, birthdays and vacations.
@@maryhartsock7792 yes. It definitely gets harder. Sending you love and light.
Never underestimate the joy around a good shopping spree.
✅️
❤
Then you feel crappy when you realize how much money you just spent 🥲
It's fake dopamine rush
Definitely a comment by a woman
I like being alone. Being around people stresses me out. I hate small talk and prefer to just sit in a corner somewhere and read.
Damn, i felt sad watching this but even sadder seeing all the people in the comments who are also lonely. Sending love to everyone who needs someone right now .❤
❤
Thank you ! Sending it right back at you 😊
@@deanihendry7967 Thanks
Sending love to everyone watching this you are not alone cos I'm here if you want to txt or just want some one to listen it can make a world of difference xxxxx
I um alzo lonly.. send bitcorn?
What’s most frightening about loneliness is it has a way of becoming your most intimate companion. It becomes possessive of you and the longer you’ve been lonely, the harder it is to tear yourself away from it. I’ve hated being lonely most of my life, but I shut myself away more because I’m so twistedly comfortable in it.
It's as if you have a window into my soul. I'm comforted to know that i'm not alone in feeling exactly as you have so eloquently described.
"Intoxicated, with the madness, I'm in love with, my sadness" - Billy Corgan.
I feel this so much. I’ve actually managed to make some real connections recently and I KNOW I should reach out to them again but there’s this strange urge to just let them all drift away. It’s the devil I know I guess.
Very well spoken. I've gotten so used to myself and set in my ways from it I don't think I could be in a relationship again even though I want to do desperately because I'm too selfish now. I am used to trying to comfort myself and Im afraid to feel what I have tried so hard to not
Hello darkness my old friend.
I've come to talk with you again.
I'm 40 and never had social anxiety until now. I used to have no fear in public situations. Now, I am a hermit. Even if I do make friends or date, I meet the worst people sometimes that it almost reinforces me to revert back to being alone. I'm cool, I love myself, but finding people to share life with has not been ideal for me...
Things have changed since the use of social media not like the 90s 🤷🏽♀️
Time to explore childhood ....it always goes back to trauma.... I'm with you. I found out that I'm a sensitive empath type with cptsd and subconsciously attracted emotionally unavailable and covert narc types. It's heavy. The plandemic + anti-social media has NOT helped. The phone never rings, and if you're not on FB, you're dead. I'm too old school and old soul'd for this shallow, pathetic humanity,
@@karmaklutzme too damn and it is no easy
Same here as soon as 40 hit just feel like I cannot connect or relate to anyone. Anxiety set it late in my life.
I am having the same experience at 30 buddy
Sucks when you're always there for everyone, yet when you need them, they're nowhere to be found.
When you're terrified to love/trust again after having your heart torn out
I guess you just need to be sufficient unto yourself and then find true friends
@forestcop2399 Wow. Your words really resonate in my heart and mind. Let’s just say it sounds like we have had very similar experiences. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you as well. I have to keep faith that one day, I will find friends and even a man, possibly who appreciates me. Do not harden your heart. Don’t ever let them change you. 🙏🏼💕
Yup
It's tiring to always be the one who gives out your own heart and puts everything on the table and people continue to be selfish and don't worry as much etc...But I don't see why is it bad if we enjoy more being alone, I feel content and in peace by myself, it's when I giggle and feel in peace the most, and feel relaxed, so if it doesn't hurt you I can't see anything wrong, I enjoy my own company, sometimes I like to be with other people but most of the time I prefer to be alone
Thank you all very much for sharing. What great energy.
There's a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely .
"Loneliness isn't the feeling of not having anyone, it's the feeling that no one has you." -Theo Von
@@AzuristSky God has me so everything is covered .I prefer being away from humans .I am happiest when out around nature but also love dogs .They're great company ...and funny 😊
@@Dawn-Songs
Me too in that exact same order !!!!❤😊
@@maureenstevens6824 People I know couldn't understand why the Covid lockdowns didn't bother me in the least ... because was so content being alone . I am not antisocial in a nasty way and will help anyone if I can , but I live a very simple life and hate crowds ,so I only go into crowded places such a town occasionally .Online buying suits me fine . 🙂
@@Dawn-Songs amen !!!
Social situations have always felt stressful and exhausting for me, and I always want to leave early. It's called being introverted, not necessarily lonely.
Totally agree.
I agree. I prefer intimate small gatherings with close friends and family. Not huge gatherings where I don’t know many people. I’m definitely introverted and on the ASD spectrum.
maybe it's called being lonely and you're using being introverted as a crutch. Be open to the idea that you might be lonely.
I'm both extroverted and introverted, it just depends on my mood and the situation. Regardless, I just like my solitude, it gives me time to think about the day, events, and to be comfortable.
Yep
Wherever I am I feel so alone... blessings from AFRICA ❤️🦁🦁
I relate to all of the signs. I've also been single for the last 30 years. But at least I'm still here.
That about describes me. I feel I’ve put a lot of effort into it as well. Joined Meetup probably 20 years ago, I have been to tons of events. It’s like auditioning all the time. But I have to be honest. I don’t often meet people that I want to get to know that well. I never thought of myself as a loner, but I’m also not a very mainstream person. I did actually meet someone a couple of months ago at a meet up and we’ve gotten together socially a few times. I hope it continues. It’s not like I don’t know people. I just relate to them only on a few channels.
Me too. I've been divorced 36 years.
am personally looking forward to the day i have sufficient courage to...get off the carousel.
@TND.4.worldpeace and yet research shows that happy couples who never had kids are just as happy in their later years as ones who did. And during the child rearing years, the childless couples are happier. But there are some luck in finding a truly compatible partner.
If your honestly comfortable with yourself carry on..
My mom once said to me that if you have one true friend in the world, you are extremely lucky.
It’s true because nobody really has friends but they think they do.
All the friends I thought I had, I no longer talk to.
@@mikes7446 who I thought was once one of my closest best friends that I dont usually hear from told me recently that his second, current wife is the only thing he cares about. Ima let him call me next time. We were friends since HS.
Yeah, cuz they are really hard to find. Someone who will stay at your side no matter what and will accept you no matter who you are.
@@rimurutempest8809 seems to be more like "what can you do for me" fair weather friends for the most part.
Loneliness is a dreadful thing. I was so loney for years. The very thing you need to do to brekfree from it, is the very thing you dont have the courage to do. I'm so happy now, but it was an extremely very harduous journey to happiness. Bless all you lonely people. My heart goes out to you all 😢.
Loneliness is actually pretty awesome because I actually like who i am. My happiness or sense of worth isn't determined by the values of being around other people. I'm not saying I am not "lonly" as I'm technically alone in these times. However I will say that whether it's sad or happy is a result of your core values in yourself.
@@kookou13 humans are still pack animals lol, we require human connections. liking being alone is one thing, but you havent truly felt lonely if you're claiming to like it.
I don't think it's a matter of courage. Maybe only in some cases.
@annajane7860 you guys might be sheep but after being alone for so long in my life, I no longer need "human connections" in the same way you guys do. I Hate human nature because I've seen it at its ugliest and everyone is ugly inside. My entire life has been about understanding everyone's perspective. Again, loneliness is good because I made it good. That concept can be applied to anything if you don't let your emotions control you.
What was the thing you did to break free?
It’s a perfect state to mediate and reach towards higher vibrations!
While loneliness can be sad, I’d rather rely on my own company than fake or controlling ‘friends’
I think I quite enjoy my own company…. No bitchiness, back stabbing or stress ❤
amen.
True loneliness is not feeling like you don't have anyone.
It's when no one has you.
Yea. Ig I jus got regular loneliness. And tbh, I’m grateful it’s just that and not true loneliness
Alright Theo Von
In their mind. There, I finished it for you.
This is what happens when people dont have children. enjoy feeling that way at 80!
Okay most people just add to the pain.
The only time I fell lonely is being in a room full of extroverts.
Are you an introvert?
@@mariamunoz3338 Yes. I avoid crowds when possible. If I am in a crowded space I usually position myself to where I can easily escape if I start to feel claustrophobic.
@@michaelburasco4171 Instead of running away from social situations, learn, practice, repeat to strike up a conversation with strangers. Because there is always time to start.
We just dont like people in our space. Period.
@@Matlockization I'm introverted and doing none of that 😂 beyond draining. Being a fake extrovert is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
Loneliness is the worse feeling in the world, when everyone ignores you while your heart is breaking for a connection from someone.
loneliness is bad. i agree. and it may not feel good, what i tell you now - but fearing for your life every minute is worse. that doesnt make loneliness easier or better. only less scary.
So true
I’m not lonely, I want to be left alone.
If you enjoy being alone then it's a wonderful thing ❤
Fellow introvert here 🙋🏻♀️…I know exactly what you mean
I can feel you
A bit generalistist ... many people (myself included) just like their own company or left alone in a natural environment away from.fools ....doesn't mean you are lonely.
I’m an introvert too, I find happiness in myself and it’s not dependent on anyone else.
I felt the loneliest when I was with my ex. Now I'm alone but feel full. I was able to discover being alone doesn't mean the same thing as being lonely.
I love being this way. I don’t want to be around anyone. I do not feel alone, I choose to be alone. I am the happiest I have ever been.
I don't even feel much in the way of loneliness, I just like spending most of my time on myself.
Less people you know, less problems.
There's a difference between being alone and suffering from loneliness
Exactly. I don’t understand why so many people find it difficult to grasp the concept that one can be alone, but not lonely.
@@StopTheWorld65they learn it when they get their psychology degree😅
When I'm alone at home or something, I don't feel lonely. But as soon as I'm in company and see everyone make fun memories I feel terrible
I GET THE EXACT SAME FEELING WHAAAT! I have well.. people in my class I hang around with but their not my friends.. not to me anyway, I just don't think they are the right people I want to hang around but I don't have anyone else so I just hang around them anyway
They are always laughing, making jokes together, spending alot of time together while I'm just.. THERE... in the background staying quest most of the time 😢
Being alone is not necessarily loneliness. Loneliness is not knowing that you have other people; its realizing that no one has you.
Yes, this seems to hit it rather well. Once you realize that no one will ever help you and you will have to do everything yourself. You realize you are alone.
Welcome to being a man 101. No one cares for you. Treats you like dirt. You are also alone and lonely. You either force yourself out of it or stay in it and be sad.
@@fighterpimpyou need a great gal, treat her right, don’t cheat, get married and have children with her.
Godspeed!♥️
That’s the exact recipe.
- KS
Really because in America. All we have is 304 corner workers and overweight fat women. So where are these great gals you speak of. But seems single mothers that are in massive debt and have insane demands aren't what you call a sound plan. But there is tons of them.
I guess being a simp and raising other peoples children is how you have to do things. When their own parents don't want the children. But yet had them...............@@Killersushiofficial
@@fighterpimp lol well no, no one is asking you to settle for 304s or deluded whales!!!💀
I’m so sorry if the problem has escalated and taken over till you guys feel overrun by ‘aliens’.
Alls I’m sayin is if you do find a diamond in the dust, don’t make a mistake and treat her like dust.
They are rare…for a reason…otherwise, if found easily, she ain’t a real diamond and won’t be/isn’t, a rarity at all.
So again, I wish you luck to find your diamond!
May you find each other and keep each other safe, loved and happy.
But hold up, are you a male 304 too…or a deluded guy-whale yourself?
If you are, maybe lower your standards a little.
Let’s be real…date accordingly shall we?
🙄Giggles💀
@@fighterpimp …passport-bros bro, passport-bros 😉 = option 2
Option 1 is searching for a diamond in the dust.
No one said life was gonna be easy. #truth
There’s no greater loneliness than grief.
Couldn’t have said it better 😩Grief such a deep lonely feeling.
Very true indeed
The most lonely feeling I have ever had is grieving something dead that is still alive/on going. (my marriage/my husband). Because it was never real/love for him and he doesn’t want it to work.
Agree 😔
@@2780-l2kSame here. And my parents
I already know I'm lonely, knowing doesn't help
Exactly.
It can help. Realization is the first step to healing.
@@Zebratang no. Lol it doesn't work that way at all.
@@TruePathLiving it can. For some people
@@Zebratang often people who are lonely stay lonely because they been rejected ad nauseum..maybe due to looks or being considered different or weird. This isn't something people can control. So videos like this just add insult to injury when they rest of us are trying to forget that we are not welcomed.
I watch my parents house for 4 months out of the year while they go to Florida. This year I was so unbelievably lonely, lost my job and lost a good friend. I would just sit on my floor crying and hugging my cats. I have a solid small circle of friends who honestly got me through this winter. reach out to those who care about you, they will answer.
I now love being alone my solitude became a strength ❤
Being alone by choice is not the same as loneliness
Thanks covid
I am 57 , been married 2x,2 grown kids, been a medic/ fireman, deputy sheriff, and a few other little jobs in between, I would rather spend time with my animals, I used to be a people person but people ruined that for me. So sometimes it's not depression it's just that we're tired of dealing with people's drama . Nothing more. I have my immediate family and a couple others and I am content.
Same
Completely relate to this!!!
The worst part of people is... people.
I felt there was something wrong with me that I didn’t care that I had no more friends. Still have my grown kids and husband and I’m trying to reinvent myself but seeing this tells me it’s ok. There’s nothing wrong or missing. Thanks
I agree with you 100%
I prefer to be alone, it's more relaxing and peaceful. I feel stressed all the time am around people. I chose to be alone.
Hear! hear!
Then why are you here?
Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Loneliness is a symptom of other mental disorders, while being alone is the act of not being surrounded by people. This means that you can be alone and lonely, or alone but not lonely, or lonely while not alone.
The video focuses on the signs of loneliness.
Based on your comment, you seem to be alone but not lonely, which is great! Wish you the best ❤
💯
That could just be a coping mechanism or sheer avoidance.
That’s when you need to go out and find REAL people. And BE a friend to them. If you want love, you must be love.
Did you read that on pinterest?
I left the toxic people behind. I had a long season of being alone and so lonely. Went to therapy, bought my dream car and started to attend local car shows. I have met the most wonderful people and made new friendships. ❤
Thats the way to do it, bro. Sometimes ya gotta let those anchors go to sail off into the horizon where ya can see a more beautiful aspect in life
This is me 😭I would still rather be alone until I find my tribe then surrounded by energy depleaters
Exactly.But if one could only get away from them...
Tribe? Are you from New Guinea?
@@tooyoungtobeold8756 we have tribes in America aswell
He had friends but he ate them all.@@tooyoungtobeold8756
Yep… and I refuse to even get on social media to even see people’s lives …
Yaaah I just “unfriended” most because it hurts to see. 🤦🏻♀️😞
makin videos and gaining a following on TikTok with lots of supportive people telling me how funny I am saved my social life factually. I was pretty much living like an incel was before I tried to put myself online and get over me not liking how I look.. I'm aa special case though since I always knew I had stand out comedic talent
I don’t care enough to watch people lives on social media
I used to call it fakebook. Because it's so phony. Posting your life so people can see how wonderful life is . Pretending you have hundreds of "friends". Now that's sad..
Social media is as addictive as booze and as toxic as smoking. You're very wise to stay away from it. I wish I could do the same.
Worst thing when you are with friends but still always feel lonely😢
Being lonely doesn't always mean being alone either. The worst lonely is when youre surrounded by people you love
Im not even going out of the house without strong reason...even word "party" scares the shit out of me
Me too.
To be honest i had no idea high school parties existed irl and not just in movies until like, march 2022. My 18th bday is in 8 months.
indeed...it's not comforting to be alone, but i rather be alone than to be out seeing familiar faces who pry abt ur personal life😔
Same here just hate this kind of gathering even in family or friends too
@Fumiko same i am so reserved in front of my parents too
To anyone lonely... im here saying hi, you matter. You are worthy and loveable ❤
❤❤
If only those words were genuine and not because you feel bad for them :(
Hey living alone doesnt mean that you're trash smh
Thank you
Thanks❤
Being alone prevents me from feeling alone!!
I used to be surrounded by a lot of people and still feel lonely because they were not the right people in my life. Now I’m alone and love it because I’m at peace and have too much on my plate for a social life ❤
Cope
That's not for everyone though.
No let's downs no disappointment..I totally get it ❤
@@michelelynn1010 Hi from spain
@@MorrissDeroosbeing happy by yourself is 100x better than being surrounded by miserable ppl who don't actually like eachother. It's like how ppl chase the idea of building up the "follower count". At the end of the day, they're shallow connections where everyone is using eachother for empty likes & projecting the facade of being liked when no one truly gives af. It's a social mirage.
I wish everybody could understand this. Even though I like to be alone, I don’t ever really feel lonely. I truly believe it’s a gift from God.
Thank you for your comment. It's so very true ❤ God is so so good & if it's God's will it will be.
I don’t ever feel lonely. Guess I’m mutant. And I’m ok with that.
There's a difference between being alone out of choice because you enjoy it than being alone because you have no choice.
Try to understand how brain works before putting god in every occasion.
@@bomjur God is in every occasion
OBVIOUS SIGNS OF LONELINESS :
- you don't go to social gatherings because you are not invited
- you don't know your friends lives because you don't have any
- you'd rather buy stuff such as coffee, to drink it on your own
BUT don't feel bad about being alone. Alone doesn't have to be lonely. Lonely doesn't have to be alone. Remember that.
Some people would rather surround themselves with jerks than being alone while you can actually spend a very amazing time on your own.
Babes there is a balance to maintaince, for egs your social ligfe got sucked and you alone out of sudden unpreapred that lonliness will also somehow suck especially if its without purpose
Exactly, like while watching this video I related to all of these and when the video ended I said : "but is it bad?"
Because I definitely don't feel bad when staying on my own, alone
It depends being alone or a lone wolf mentality I wouldn’t say is necessary a good idea. Humans are social creatures so naturally we strive for connections and belonging however when this is difficult that’s where loneliness creeps in and depression occurs.
And there is a difference between choosing to have a few quiet moments alone compared to not having that option due to being socially isolated
I'm perfectly happy on my own most of the time but my therapist still asked me to go out for a while atleast a few times a week if just to the shops etc. I wondered why. When I did go out, I felt anxious around people and was quite overwhelmed when I went to a crowded mall. I now get that a certain amount of social interaction is required so as not to lose the ability to be around people.
At some point, if I need to socialise or even just be in a crowded place, I can't afford to fall apart cz I've been on my own for so long. It's an acquired skill that I would not like to lose as I can't control my circumstances all of the time.
Also, I did like being around people again especially in a quiet café or a park etc. It was refreshing to view others going about their lives. Random conversations with strangers were also not as tiring as I remembered them. Initially the experience made me anxious but after a few times, it was rejuvenating. After watching this video, I realise I've felt loneliness at times without knowing it. But to each his own ofcourse.
I never feel more lonely than when I’m surrounded by people.
Loneliness also means you're selective about the company you keep. You had a hard life and want to protect yourself from more negativity.
It's better to see a life coach to help you move forward before starting to connect with others.
God bless everyone out there going through so much stuff. It's not easy, but when get that breakthrough it will be worth it. Just keep going. . . 💫 Remember how precious you are 🙏Look after yourself 🦋
I mean for me on the 4th point, i try to socialize with others but once i noticed that they’re not giving off the same vibe or energy level for me too i immediately drop it & remove myself from the equation 😭🤣
But isn’t that good in a way rather than pushing ourselves jus for the sake of it
That’s what I do too
And I’m made to feel it’s weird but I can’t help it if I don’t vibe I don’t vibe right
@@kikibaby18 yes i totally agree ! But i guess Dr Julie’s view point might be in general, like bringing an awareness to those who are actually don’t realize that they’re “lonely” ? Get what i mean ?
It’s like a different angle is what i’m trying to say 🤣
Same 🥲 and more embarrassing is that when they say something no one laugh but I laugh at them so they wouldn't feel off but when I say something they don't say anything 💀💀
@@izraakazekeen you mean like doing small talk and then growing quite till you aren't saying anymore compared to actually trying to socialize and feeling free doing so rather than pressured.
Some call it loneliness, others call it peace.
There's a difference between being alone and lonely but aight
Others cope
Yes
Peace isn't oppressive.
if what the doctor says is called loneliness, then sign me up for more of it. i love it, even though i dont think its considered loneliness, but happiness
"Their is a difference between being lonly and being by yourself" ❤❤
Stay strong everyone and never give up!
It’s so difficult to find a healthy balance between being social and being a homebody
You have to be comfortable being alone the older you get. Friends get married and start families, you can't expect to be doing things with them 24/7.
This is true. All my friends are now married with kids while I'm still single. I'm fine being single no stress.
Sounds like I'll have plenty of practice before I get older
you do need to be comfy being alone, but being alone and being lonely are two different things. Loneliness isn't just being alone.
How to be comfortable.. like I go to socialize I am not feeling means loneliness. So should I start enjoy the vibe their like be alone and vibe it. Can you help me with the solution to this. Accepting but how to start accepting the fact of it which is making me feel low
@@mayurikaghosh1888 You just have to become more independent and emotionally stronger. It sounds to me you only enjoy doing things when you are with other people. That is a problem, that tells me you are reliant on companionship. Do you have any hobbies at all? If you don't, please develop some. It would be really sad if a person has zero hobby. The truth is I can't force you to enjoy being alone, I am not even asking you to love being alone, but you just need to be perfectly fine with it. Do you even live by yourself? Tell me, what is wrong with going home after work, crack open a bottle of wine, cook up something, read your favorite book or watch your favorite TV show? For example, I love hi-fi and music, so I can spend hours just chilling out to my favorite music with a glass of wine or whatever the case may be. Or I could go for outings with my dogs for hours to make sure my dogs are happy. Or I could go fishing. The list goes on and on. This is just what I like, you will have your own list. Bottom line is this, it cannot be taught, you just need to practice it. The more you do it, by right you should be able to become more independent and emotionally stronger.
From my perspective it can be difficult because I will drop what I’m doing to assist my friends and family. I continue to check in on friends/family but I feel like the feeling isn’t reciprocated.
I used to do that, making all the effort to keep the connection going until I discovered when I do not call them, they do not care to call me. I don't waste my time doing that anymore.
@@m.taylor I’m in the stage at the moment. My wife provided some perspective though. She said that it’s okay to grow apart from friends and a sign of forcing the friendship is a common sign of this.
@@m.taylor same.
This right here😢
Exactly. I realized that I was making all the effort. So I stopped to see what would happen. Literally nothing happened. Now I know where I stand. It's depressing.
Yup! Some of those symptoms are caused by decades of a family member’s narcissistic abuse 😢
This just feels like being an introvert.
Not really.. I'm an introvert and I enjoy socialising, just in a more quiet environment (like a restaurant or a park) and with small groups of people. Just because introverts don't feel the need to socialise as much doesn't mean they dislike socialising. What prevents me from enjoying it now is a shit ton of anxiety but that's got nothing to do with me being an introvert. I'm proud to be an introvert!
@@iadoreappleheadmetimes we just haven't found our tribe or purpose yet. We keep doing the same safe things out of habit. Life is hard. I am an introvert too but can be extroverted on occasion. Oh yeah I have anxiety more as of late. Too much introversion may be part of the problem. Lord have mercy.
I think the difference is the introvert who is fulfilled with this kind of life or just doing out of loneliness. They don't have another choice or how to break out of this unsatisfying life.
I thought I was an introvert because I did all these things but I was just lonely and wasn’t in a position at the time to be able to make a lot of friends. Now I realise I am actually more extroverted than I thought and I love socialising and meeting new people. It’s done wonders for my mental health bcos that’s what I needed. An actual introvert would probably enjoy alone time a lot more than I did. I just felt empty and disconnected when I was on my own for too long.
@@iadoreapplehead I am introvert and to me, even socialising with one person is exhausting! I'd rather read a book, go for a walk, play an instrument, tend the garden - anything but socialise. I feel like I ran a marathon after talking to someone for an extended period of time. The only exception is my son.
I recently found a group of friends at my school that welcomed me as a part of their group, and I honestly had no clue how lonely I was before with my other friends, which I didn't realize how little I actually talked to them at all. My new friends make me feel like I'm an actual part of the group and accepted, my older ones ussually ignored whatever I had to say. I'm super glad I found this new group and I value every one of them so, so much
You no longer feel so lonely because they support your sense of self. They let you talk and also their talk is of interest to you and so you don't feel lonely.
My 86 year-old mother makes new friends all the time
Don't just stop there.. friends come and go.. always come and go ALWAYS.. none them last. Not pre school Highschool. Middle school college etc etc etc... nothing. Rare if it did but only few last ..3 or 1. Don't hold on to friends Ever
I guess loneliness shows its peak when... you don't have any single friend. Not one. So you're lonely and alone at the same time.
You can be lonely in a crowd if you feel you don't git or are not wanted.
being alone and surrounded by people. its literal hell and I get it everyday
I think being lonely often times is an experience of an unfulfilled expectation that we make up for ourselves.
I felt the absolute least lonely climbing mountains by myself.
I felt the most fulfilled finding someone else out there on a lonely trail and having a very cool conversation.
And I absolutely feel the most lonely when I'm in a city surrounded by 1000's where nobody looks each other in the eyes.
True introvert here and I love being alone, because the only thing that people do is drain my energy. Now that's exhausting and I try to stay away from them as far as possible and I love it. I love the peace, quiet, and not being bothered by folk who never shut up and are always complaining.
I also love being alone and am introverted, but there does come a point where I can become lonely.
lonely and alone are different
Exactly. People are drama.
@@northamericanproductions They surely are and that's why I keep my distance from them too. Dont have the time nor expend my energy on those types of individuals.
@@sanskar3697 You're right yet I'm far from lonely. I just love my own company and if my peace is disturbed, that's where the problem starts. I love my peace 💯%>
Counterpoint: you find your own company more enjoyable than with others. We need to dispel the myth that spending your time alone is a symptom of, or equates to, loneliness.
Spending your money on yourself is much better for you than wasting it on trying to be what everyone wants you to be for their own benefit.
Amen to this
This is just being avoidant. Humans are social creatures by default
I spend too much time alone, that's the problem. I don't mind it most of the time, but when I need someone, no one's there.
@@Martin-ph8zx Dont speak for me you know nothing about me
There are exceptions to every rule
The best feeling is when you learn not to care what everyone thinks and worrying about others. Do your own thing, people will come to you.
It's called, most people suck and you don't want to be around them...
That's essentially what I was thinking.
I passed all the signs yet I'm happy on my own and I don't feel lonely at all. ✨💃
The "buying things to fill the void" one hit hard 😭