Would you do a video on how to catch yourself doing the manipulation and stopping it? I grew up with many manipulative people. It’s a pattern that I just recently found that I sometimes do. It feels like I am offering protection from what might be a bad decision. It’s an intense feeling. I was reminded of how capable this person was and felt shame for seeing what I was doing. I’m on the low end of BPD diagnosis and really appreciated being called out on this. (Even though the shame was there but that’s mine to process). I don’t want to hurt anyone. It was a reflexive response that I will be watching out for so I don’t do it again. But a little help recognizing it would be nice 😊
In my experience, every time you declare/explain a boundary to someone who is narcissistic (especially if the are highly narcissistic), or explain why something has to be a certain way when that person demands to know why, is that they then deliberately overstep your boundaries to provoke you. When they successfully provoke you after doing things to you dozens of times (sometimes hundreds of times), if you ever react once, especially in a professional setting, you often get shafted, because they then switch to victim mode, and you are the aggressor, because you reacted when they finally pushed you past your limits. Any individual who does this kind of thing to others, is not just displaying narcissistic tendencies, they are a highly narcissistic individual who will do anything to get, gain, or maintain control over you so their self image remains untarnished. It is one of the hallmarks of a highly abusive individual.
One shouldn't have to tell about specific boundaries upfront, nor should one have to repeat them. Just know precisely what your boundaries are, communicate them once it becomes relevant, and most importantly follow your boundaries always. Boundaries aren't optional, nor are they up for haggling.
Such fascinating perspective, well perspectiveS! Can't tell our truth unless the other "can't run away;" creating a desperation... the latter. Wow! I'll be thinking about this for a while.
Brilliant video dr dr fox ..... in reality the very beginning of this video is a major thing people with bpd can work on to minimize the resentment built by even perceived manipulation as well as real .... I have identy issues ..... placing boundaries ahead of time isent in my nature most the time .... but recently have been doing well to place boundaries.... and think about them and identify with them .... notnalow myself to bend them do to bpd..... as I think it's eazy for us to feel someone is abusing us or manipulating us when in reality we arnt placing boundaries in the beginning of the relationship... we are riding the honey moon phase and doing things with and for them even without them forcing us to ... we just want them happy and not leaving and filling the emptiness.... so when the honeymoon phase leaves we start to resent them for not knowing our boundaries or wants .... so it's imperative for those of us with BPD when were in relationships or before we even get into relationships are identifying our boundaries.... i can tell you so meny moments during a fight people and my partner have said you never said that was a problem or boundary.... you have to find what you like accept when others arnt around so when they are your not randomly placing one just becuase your not worried or hurt .....
So many other signs of manipulation, silent treatment, sulking, crying, pouting, angry stares/dagger looks, tone of voice, threats to leave, or just leaving, anger outbursts…it goes on and on The interesting part of this video is that both bpd and narcissistic personality types use the exact same styles of manipulation, with the acception of sui attempting and self mutulat… It makes me wonder if people with bpd have problems with boundaries because they themselves cross the same ones they try to lay down on a constant basis?
I really don’t really understand how threatening to leave someone, or leaving someone is manipulation. If a man breaks up with you he’s being manipulative?? I often try to break up with my boyfriend when we fight, and to me I’m actually trying to get away. I’m not doing it because I want him to listen, or telling him “if you don’t X y z then I’m leaving”, and I’m not doing it to hurt his feelings or out of spite. I just feel un safe. I feel like a cycle of emotional abuse is repeating, and I need to get out or it’s gonna get worse and I’ll end up murdered like my best friend from her boyfriend. I feel like nothings going to get better and we’re doomed, so I try and break up with him when we fight and it gets bad to where we’re just talking over each other and walking away every 5 seconds with no solutions.
@@sosyrobinson2636 It's not manipulation, if it's just to tell the other person how unsafe you feel around them. If it's done to make the other person to always choose your opinions and ways of doing things over theirs, then it becomes manipulation. On your logic, every conversation ever, can be seen as manipulation.
@ I guess it’s my clear direct communication of what I am thinking and feeling that makes it not manipulation. If a person has to decipher another persons thoughts and feelings based on the description in the original post, that interpretation by the one observing this behavior can easily be taken the wrong way. The difference is the mental gymnastics. Is there a floor mat rolled out for it, or is it clearly written on a whiteboard with picture references to make it so crystal clear and direct to the point minus the charade and drawing it out. That clear communication is not manipulation but maybe someone on the spectrum would still find a way to see clear communication as manipulation
@@sosyrobinson2636 There's more to communication than just words. All the things you listed on your original comment, are clear communication. They can be used to manipulate, sama as clearly stated words, but are not manipulative actions on their own - unless used that way.
I know we shouldnt diagnose but sometimes i feel like spouses and loved ones are the most equipped to establish these behaviors. I believe my ex suffered from this disorder. It was hell absolute hell. It didnt matter HOW you established boundaries, communication, or asked for the truth, she was dedicated to her delusional thinking and was committed to destroying everything and everyone around her. Broke my heart but i had to leave.
my ex-girlfriend of nine years does a lot of manipulating I believe, she guilt trips me all the time, but on the other hand, she has a lot of problems, physical and mental and financial. I guess it’s hard to tell what is real and what is manipulation.
Is passivity toward being on my side or even ask for my point of view something I need to set boundaries? Because to me that’s people who don’t care at all about me, but I don’t know how to put it into words.
Ive felt like ive been sexualised at times with BPD and ive said enough is enough with religious inspiration. Ive given here so much space and she disrespected it
It's really important to set boundaries and prioritize your feelings. Your experiences are valid, and it's great that you're taking a stand for yourself.
There are 10 recognized personality disorders, grouped into three clusters (A, B, and C) based on similar characteristics. Here's the breakdown: Cluster A: Odd or Eccentric Behavior 1. Paranoid Personality Disorder - Distrust and suspicion of others. 2. Schizoid Personality Disorder - Detachment from social relationships and limited emotional expression. 3. Schizotypal Personality Disorder - Eccentric behavior, odd beliefs, and discomfort in close relationships. Cluster B: Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Behavior 4. Antisocial Personality Disorder - Disregard for others' rights, impulsivity, and lack of remorse. 5. Borderline Personality Disorder - Intense emotions, unstable relationships, and fear of abandonment. 6. Histrionic Personality Disorder - Excessive emotionality and attention-seeking. 7. Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Cluster C: Anxious or Fearful Behavior 8. Avoidant Personality Disorder - Social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to criticism. 9. Dependent Personality Disorder - Excessive need to be cared for, submissiveness, and fear of separation. 10. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) - Preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control. These disorders are defined in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), a primary reference for mental health professionals. Source: ChatGPT
So when my wife rages an inch from my face, threatens to kill herself as manipulation and punches me over and over, I'm supposed to be "empowered" and say she did nothing to cause my feelings? Sounds like psychobabble BS, sorry. You're right on occasion for sure, but BPD abuse is real as you know and I cant accept that I caused all this simply because of my flawed reaction and inability to respond perfectly enough to my assailant. This type of blame shifting is harmful to victims who after doing everything in their power are still abused and like any normal human being with healthy emotional responses l, it doesn't feel good! Like pain physically that alerts us to something wrong. Even Jesus in His agony, passion and death on the cross expressed real pain and emotion! And He was the Son of God! Let's be real, huh?
Let’s be real then, like you said. You’re married to an abuser. The answer is Divorce. That’s beyond manipulation, and that’s beyond what this video is about. I have BPD, but I have never put my hands on another person, ever. despite raging, despite self harm, despite how angry I am, I would never do that. Your wife doesn’t sound like a good person, period, not because she has BPD, but because she’s an abuser. Not everyone with BPD abuses. You deserve better, and she deserves a hard lesson of what happens when you put your hands on people THEY LEAVE
In that moment you stay calm and remove yourself from the situation. If she blocks you, you call the police and ask them to help deescalate. Its not about being cut off from emotions, but about not letting the emotiond guide your actions. She wants a reaction and you recognise the manipulation amd refuse to give her that reaction. This is not about blameshifting but about recognising that you have power in every situation.
Would you do a video on how to catch yourself doing the manipulation and stopping it? I grew up with many manipulative people. It’s a pattern that I just recently found that I sometimes do. It feels like I am offering protection from what might be a bad decision. It’s an intense feeling. I was reminded of how capable this person was and felt shame for seeing what I was doing. I’m on the low end of BPD diagnosis and really appreciated being called out on this. (Even though the shame was there but that’s mine to process). I don’t want to hurt anyone. It was a reflexive response that I will be watching out for so I don’t do it again. But a little help recognizing it would be nice 😊
In my experience, every time you declare/explain a boundary to someone who is narcissistic (especially if the are highly narcissistic), or explain why something has to be a certain way when that person demands to know why, is that they then deliberately overstep your boundaries to provoke you. When they successfully provoke you after doing things to you dozens of times (sometimes hundreds of times), if you ever react once, especially in a professional setting, you often get shafted, because they then switch to victim mode, and you are the aggressor, because you reacted when they finally pushed you past your limits.
Any individual who does this kind of thing to others, is not just displaying narcissistic tendencies, they are a highly narcissistic individual who will do anything to get, gain, or maintain control over you so their self image remains untarnished. It is one of the hallmarks of a highly abusive individual.
One shouldn't have to tell about specific boundaries upfront, nor should one have to repeat them.
Just know precisely what your boundaries are, communicate them once it becomes relevant, and most importantly follow your boundaries always.
Boundaries aren't optional, nor are they up for haggling.
They aren’t rules for others either. I see a lot of people confuse boundaries for themselves as rules they set on other people.
You’re in denial dear
@@habonholif5 no, I've just stopped hanging around narcissists.
Such fascinating perspective, well perspectiveS! Can't tell our truth unless the other "can't run away;" creating a desperation... the latter. Wow! I'll be thinking about this for a while.
You just described my mother!!!😢
My mom too.😢
honesty human relationships are not worth it in terms of energy, emotion and time
Brilliant video dr dr fox ..... in reality the very beginning of this video is a major thing people with bpd can work on to minimize the resentment built by even perceived manipulation as well as real .... I have identy issues ..... placing boundaries ahead of time isent in my nature most the time .... but recently have been doing well to place boundaries.... and think about them and identify with them .... notnalow myself to bend them do to bpd..... as I think it's eazy for us to feel someone is abusing us or manipulating us when in reality we arnt placing boundaries in the beginning of the relationship... we are riding the honey moon phase and doing things with and for them even without them forcing us to ... we just want them happy and not leaving and filling the emptiness.... so when the honeymoon phase leaves we start to resent them for not knowing our boundaries or wants .... so it's imperative for those of us with BPD when were in relationships or before we even get into relationships are identifying our boundaries.... i can tell you so meny moments during a fight people and my partner have said you never said that was a problem or boundary.... you have to find what you like accept when others arnt around so when they are your not randomly placing one just becuase your not worried or hurt .....
This is a great message,thank you
So many other signs of manipulation, silent treatment, sulking, crying, pouting, angry stares/dagger looks, tone of voice, threats to leave, or just leaving, anger outbursts…it goes on and on
The interesting part of this video is that both bpd and narcissistic personality types use the exact same styles of manipulation, with the acception of sui attempting and self mutulat…
It makes me wonder if people with bpd have problems with boundaries because they themselves cross the same ones they try to lay down on a constant basis?
I really don’t really understand how threatening to leave someone, or leaving someone is manipulation. If a man breaks up with you he’s being manipulative??
I often try to break up with my boyfriend when we fight, and to me I’m actually trying to get away. I’m not doing it because I want him to listen, or telling him “if you don’t X y z then I’m leaving”, and I’m not doing it to hurt his feelings or out of spite.
I just feel un safe. I feel like a cycle of emotional abuse is repeating, and I need to get out or it’s gonna get worse and I’ll end up murdered like my best friend from her boyfriend. I feel like nothings going to get better and we’re doomed, so I try and break up with him when we fight and it gets bad to where we’re just talking over each other and walking away every 5 seconds with no solutions.
@ that part is manipulation when it’s not carried out. Sorry for any confusion.
@@sosyrobinson2636 It's not manipulation, if it's just to tell the other person how unsafe you feel around them. If it's done to make the other person to always choose your opinions and ways of doing things over theirs, then it becomes manipulation. On your logic, every conversation ever, can be seen as manipulation.
@ I guess it’s my clear direct communication of what I am thinking and feeling that makes it not manipulation. If a person has to decipher another persons thoughts and feelings based on the description in the original post, that interpretation by the one observing this behavior can easily be taken the wrong way.
The difference is the mental gymnastics. Is there a floor mat rolled out for it, or is it clearly written on a whiteboard with picture references to make it so crystal clear and direct to the point minus the charade and drawing it out. That clear communication is not manipulation but maybe someone on the spectrum would still find a way to see clear communication as manipulation
@@sosyrobinson2636 There's more to communication than just words. All the things you listed on your original comment, are clear communication. They can be used to manipulate, sama as clearly stated words, but are not manipulative actions on their own - unless used that way.
My husband of 20 years was an expert at manipulating. I'm going to become an expert on how not to be ☺️
Sounds like a good plan.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you for everything you do 🙂
I know we shouldnt diagnose but sometimes i feel like spouses and loved ones are the most equipped to establish these behaviors. I believe my ex suffered from this disorder. It was hell absolute hell. It didnt matter HOW you established boundaries, communication, or asked for the truth, she was dedicated to her delusional thinking and was committed to destroying everything and everyone around her. Broke my heart but i had to leave.
Correct. Projections of the mind is delusional yet correct
my ex-girlfriend of nine years does a lot of manipulating I believe, she guilt trips me all the time, but on the other hand, she has a lot of problems, physical and mental and financial. I guess it’s hard to tell what is real and what is manipulation.
It can be very confusing. Be well
Thank you for making this video. Can you do a video on manic eyes?
Is passivity toward being on my side or even ask for my point of view something I need to set boundaries? Because to me that’s people who don’t care at all about me, but I don’t know how to put it into words.
So consciously manipulating the manipulator!
"Ethically Manipulating" According To Attorney Rebecca Zung
I would like to watch a video from you talking about envying others
I have a video on jealousy and envy. Thanks for suggestions too.
Ive felt like ive been sexualised at times with BPD and ive said enough is enough with religious inspiration. Ive given here so much space and she disrespected it
It's really important to set boundaries and prioritize your feelings. Your experiences are valid, and it's great that you're taking a stand for yourself.
Thank you,
As a manipulator, time to step up my game.
I looooove blocking ppl
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “ A PERSONALITY DISORDER “ ….
There is actually a lot of research to support personality disorders. You may want to check it out. Be well
There are 10 recognized personality disorders, grouped into three clusters (A, B, and C) based on similar characteristics. Here's the breakdown:
Cluster A: Odd or Eccentric Behavior
1. Paranoid Personality Disorder - Distrust and suspicion of others.
2. Schizoid Personality Disorder - Detachment from social relationships and limited emotional expression.
3. Schizotypal Personality Disorder - Eccentric behavior, odd beliefs, and discomfort in close relationships.
Cluster B: Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Behavior
4. Antisocial Personality Disorder - Disregard for others' rights, impulsivity, and lack of remorse.
5. Borderline Personality Disorder - Intense emotions, unstable relationships, and fear of abandonment.
6. Histrionic Personality Disorder - Excessive emotionality and attention-seeking.
7. Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
Cluster C: Anxious or Fearful Behavior
8. Avoidant Personality Disorder - Social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to criticism.
9. Dependent Personality Disorder - Excessive need to be cared for, submissiveness, and fear of separation.
10. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) - Preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control.
These disorders are defined in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition), a primary reference for mental health professionals.
Source: ChatGPT
So when my wife rages an inch from my face, threatens to kill herself as manipulation and punches me over and over, I'm supposed to be "empowered" and say she did nothing to cause my feelings? Sounds like psychobabble BS, sorry. You're right on occasion for sure, but BPD abuse is real as you know and I cant accept that I caused all this simply because of my flawed reaction and inability to respond perfectly enough to my assailant. This type of blame shifting is harmful to victims who after doing everything in their power are still abused and like any normal human being with healthy emotional responses l, it doesn't feel good! Like pain physically that alerts us to something wrong. Even Jesus in His agony, passion and death on the cross expressed real pain and emotion! And He was the Son of God! Let's be real, huh?
Let’s be real then, like you said.
You’re married to an abuser.
The answer is Divorce.
That’s beyond manipulation, and that’s beyond what this video is about. I have BPD, but I have never put my hands on another person, ever. despite raging, despite self harm, despite how angry I am, I would never do that. Your wife doesn’t sound like a good person, period, not because she has BPD, but because she’s an abuser. Not everyone with BPD abuses. You deserve better, and she deserves a hard lesson of what happens when you put your hands on people THEY LEAVE
I could have written that too.
In that moment you stay calm and remove yourself from the situation. If she blocks you, you call the police and ask them to help deescalate.
Its not about being cut off from emotions, but about not letting the emotiond guide your actions. She wants a reaction and you recognise the manipulation amd refuse to give her that reaction.
This is not about blameshifting but about recognising that you have power in every situation.
Ps- Jesus wasn't neutral. He was on fire in love and truth! But also integrated and whole grounded in both natural and Supernatural reality.
💔❤️🩹💖💗💞
not saying this is bad, but Magnetic Aura makes it look basic
Not sure what you’re referring to