Mass Effect 3 Citadel DLC: Distracting Casino guards (all 45 variations, all companions)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ย. 2024
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ความคิดเห็น • 1.2K

  • @Bubbabob145
    @Bubbabob145 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1754

    Urdnot Wrex. Warlord, Hero, Food inspector.

    • @elisabethhawke2040
      @elisabethhawke2040 7 ปีที่แล้ว +56

      I'M CRYING XD

    • @MrPsych77
      @MrPsych77 7 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      Bubbubob145 he is the ruler of all krogan he can give himself any position he wants

    • @gyorkedani5531
      @gyorkedani5531 6 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Bubbubob145 and father of all Krogan

    • @Whoami691
      @Whoami691 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Nobody knew he'd be his OWN food taster! 😂

    • @titanjakob1056
      @titanjakob1056 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      He saved more lives eating food then shooting lead

  • @happylittletree1727
    @happylittletree1727 9 ปีที่แล้ว +3242

    Married man turns down hot spectre. Respect.

    • @Spider-Man2094
      @Spider-Man2094 8 ปีที่แล้ว +298

      The guy then returned home to his boring sexless marriage and bitch wife wondering what could have been.

    • @ordersmilitant5998
      @ordersmilitant5998 6 ปีที่แล้ว +41

      Happy Little Tree
      Respect indeed

    • @Verdugo_Arulaq
      @Verdugo_Arulaq 6 ปีที่แล้ว +197

      He’s a faithful loyal man who ain’t got time for these thots or Williams.

    • @MultiTwentyseven
      @MultiTwentyseven 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      @@Verdugo_Arulaq who IS a thot, i like her though

    • @codyblea3638
      @codyblea3638 4 ปีที่แล้ว +65

      Little do we know, his wife is an Asari diplomatic envoy and he keeps working security because he doesn't want to feel useless.

  • @lafken2
    @lafken2 9 ปีที่แล้ว +2357

    "Sir, please don't cry."

    • @hushthebow9472
      @hushthebow9472 8 ปีที่แล้ว +207

      that was the best fuckin part

    • @Damocles16
      @Damocles16 4 ปีที่แล้ว +70

      Stop crying, or we're gonna call the "food inspector" over there .

  • @ZenaidaZeal
    @ZenaidaZeal 9 ปีที่แล้ว +2936

    This guy better be Employee of the Month.

  • @KennyG881
    @KennyG881 8 ปีที่แล้ว +2871

    Mordin would've been ideal for this mission. He never shuts up, so he would've been a perfect distraction for the guard.

    • @connorcaldwell588
      @connorcaldwell588 8 ปีที่แล้ว +721

      Mordin: Guard, would like to report missing person. A salarian, red complexion, wears white uniform.
      Guard: Sir, have you been taking red sand?
      Mordin: Did you know Turian horosk mixed with ryncol explosive if consumed by varren when...
      Guard: I'm sorry, but you're talking way too fast, sir.
      Mordin: [Singing Mozart]
      Guard: Sir! Please, settle down. You're a fine singer, but this isn't the time or the place.

    • @fluffychan6000
      @fluffychan6000 8 ปีที่แล้ว +52

      +Connor Caldwell perfect!

    • @josesuarez7484
      @josesuarez7484 7 ปีที่แล้ว +60

      This reply is gold.

    • @philipped.r.6385
      @philipped.r.6385 7 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      +Connor Caldwell Best reply I've seen in months!

    • @Manoto17
      @Manoto17 6 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      Oh god, MORDIN, why did you have to die on me buddy!

  • @jackharper1655
    @jackharper1655 10 ปีที่แล้ว +1642

    "No, no... please, sir. Please don't cry." Kaidan owns.

    • @foiltarmogoyf6203
      @foiltarmogoyf6203 2 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      Lol I've never heard that before. Liara talking like a southern bell was pretty funny too

    • @YoungMrBlue
      @YoungMrBlue 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      *”you owe me money”*

  • @Rangernewb5550
    @Rangernewb5550 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1664

    Hazer the lazer? Heh, I almost didn't recognize you.
    *YOU OWE ME MONEY*

    • @54lolman
      @54lolman 6 ปีที่แล้ว +74

      "I'm sorry.You have me mistaken. Please step back."

    • @crazedauthor98
      @crazedauthor98 6 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      I choked on my pasta at that part. XD

    • @IncredibleFulk1
      @IncredibleFulk1 6 ปีที่แล้ว +123

      I love the quickly added "You owe me money."

    • @jellyfish1213
      @jellyfish1213 6 ปีที่แล้ว +75

      I love Kaidan xD I was laughing so hard about that

    • @mackblack4843
      @mackblack4843 6 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      PLEASE DON'T CRY

  • @JessieJay7
    @JessieJay7 10 ปีที่แล้ว +1043

    And suddenly, Liara is southern XD

    • @Agent_1701-D
      @Agent_1701-D 10 ปีที่แล้ว +100

      Lots of planets have a south. (lol)

    • @JessieJay7
      @JessieJay7 10 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Unfortunately I don't watch dr who....

    • @Agent_1701-D
      @Agent_1701-D 10 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      Kevin McGechie Yeah, I kind of borrowed and altered it.
      Jessie Jay In the very first episode of the modern series of Doctor Who, the Doctor's companion asks that if the Doctor (portrayed at the time by Christopher Eccleston) is an alien, then why does he sound like he's from the North (Northern English accent). The Doctor's response was "Lots of planets have a North!" Just apply that stretch of logic to other species, and it's not so far fetched.

    • @JessieJay7
      @JessieJay7 10 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Ohhh okay I get it now x3
      thank you for explaining lol

    • @Mister_Kourkoutas
      @Mister_Kourkoutas 10 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      CBunye Which then makes you think "there are some planets which *don't* have a North?!"

  • @nukesova7150
    @nukesova7150 10 ปีที่แล้ว +745

    "no sir please don't cry..."
    XD

    • @uyentang4571
      @uyentang4571 10 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      too bad he's dead in my book :P

    • @fanfictiondreamer7836
      @fanfictiondreamer7836 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@uyentang4571 Oh, I think I'll find a way around that

  • @CrescentGuard
    @CrescentGuard 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2231

    Ashley: I'm gonna act like a drunk diva partygirl (and probably actually get drunk while I'm at it).
    Tali: Just play cute, maybe occasionally use my race to play with it, that should do the trick.
    Vega: Okay... okay... I've seen spy vids. I can do this.
    Garrus: Ah, this can't be too hard, just ask for advice periodically and play like another one of the guys. Done it plenty of times before.
    Wrex: You want me to act subtle? You're serious? -Sigh- If you say so, Shepard.
    Javik: I will make the ultimate distraction by educating these people on how pathetic their cycle is.
    Liara: Move over you amateurs, let the professional handle this.
    Kaidan: I have no idea what I'm doing.

    • @patrickhallett6220
      @patrickhallett6220 5 ปีที่แล้ว +145

      Yep, that’s pretty much the personas they’re going for. And they all do pretty well at it XD

    • @simple-commentator-not-rea7345
      @simple-commentator-not-rea7345 5 ปีที่แล้ว +210

      For Kaidan, I was imagining something more like "Well, I AM a Spectre now. And Spectre's are universall; Infiltration is worth practicing."

    • @scribejay
      @scribejay 4 ปีที่แล้ว +105

      @@patrickhallett6220 That they all go in with 100% confidence is so much of the humor.

    • @johnmayernick9561
      @johnmayernick9561 4 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Absolutely spot on, mate.

    • @jakeadnams
      @jakeadnams 4 ปีที่แล้ว +41

      This....
      This......
      This is........
      AMAZING

  • @1stcaptainraldoron538
    @1stcaptainraldoron538 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1406

    I love how Javik just fails at trying to impress.

    • @stan_the_man618
      @stan_the_man618 8 ปีที่แล้ว +85

      +Carter Gates I like how he still has his guns equipped hahaha.

    • @Arthus850
      @Arthus850 8 ปีที่แล้ว +49

      +Stan_The_Man And I love how he didn't pull them out after the guard called him fake.

    • @EvilPaladin11
      @EvilPaladin11 8 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Javik is awful at being subtle

    • @rosygarrido
      @rosygarrido 7 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      He gives no fucks

    • @Torthrodhel
      @Torthrodhel 3 ปีที่แล้ว +58

      In my cycle, we had no fucks to give.

  • @raptorjesus3894
    @raptorjesus3894 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1148

    Garrus, always looking to calibrate something

  • @AlexandrZaytsevet
    @AlexandrZaytsevet 10 ปีที่แล้ว +1367

    Imagine if you were an oblivious guard and had to deal with them all in one night. It's almost as bad as working in retail.

    • @glittergrasshopper1144
      @glittergrasshopper1144 10 ปีที่แล้ว +267

      OMG, imagine it as a movie scene, where the instant he gets rid of Garrus e.g., Tali comes up to him, and then Ashley right after Tali, and they keep reappearing wearing wigs/sunglassed with the tab still on... That'd be hilarious xD

    • @PsyrenXY
      @PsyrenXY 10 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      little pyromaniac LMAO

    • @DaireBulson
      @DaireBulson 9 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      "That's it! I quit! Either that or we never have a party here again. I'm tired to dealing with weirdo guests..."
      -Guard

    • @NickCorvello
      @NickCorvello 8 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      just a regular saturday for me. #retail

    • @glittergrasshopper1144
      @glittergrasshopper1144 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Nick Corvello you win

  • @Luxai
    @Luxai 9 ปีที่แล้ว +556

    That guard
    has fucking seen it all.

  • @NefariousEvildoer
    @NefariousEvildoer 10 ปีที่แล้ว +985

    "I need to look at your basement."
    "Uh... is that code for something?"
    XDDD

    • @PsyrenXY
      @PsyrenXY 3 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      Between that and the "private bathroom" comment, I think they did intend James to be bi

    • @AndrewFullerton
      @AndrewFullerton 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      @@PsyrenXY for some reason I used to think he was a male-only romance option, maybe just because of how much he overcompensates with FemShep.

  • @Colbio
    @Colbio 2 ปีที่แล้ว +303

    I kind of love how supportive the guy is to Quarians.
    Seriously, it's kind of a background thing, so it's not really at the front of your mind the whole time, but alot of people just hate them. Basically think they're all thieves. Seeing this guy more or less drop what he's doing to help Tali is actually pretty heartwarming.

    • @GenericUsername-qp1ww
      @GenericUsername-qp1ww ปีที่แล้ว

      Considering how the idiotic quarians were responsible for how the geth turned out I have no sympathy 4 them

    • @been_rly_n2_paragliding_lately
      @been_rly_n2_paragliding_lately ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Eh idk, seems more like good customer service at a high-end establishment. It's a nice thought though.

    • @YoungMrBlue
      @YoungMrBlue 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      It’s physically impossible for anyone to hate Tali
      Except for that one Turian clerk but he probably got killed by the reapers when the citadel was captured anyway

    • @TheMeta141
      @TheMeta141 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      might have something to do with unleashing a hostile synthetic race on the galaxy

    • @lewismartin3430
      @lewismartin3430 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      ​@TheMeta141 and yet no one gives the salarians flak for unleashing the rachni AND the krogan.

  • @KurtTijamoMusic
    @KurtTijamoMusic 9 ปีที่แล้ว +882

    Good guy security guard turns down Ashley Williams to maintain his marriage.

    • @mrcodypettit
      @mrcodypettit 8 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      +kurtwinterhalter If you read the tittle carefully it says "distraction "

    • @40kanon
      @40kanon 6 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      mrcodypettit Yes but he didn't know. The guard is a faithful man.

    • @scribejay
      @scribejay 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      I mean, if you, security guard voiced by Travis Willingham, were married to Mass Effect character voiced by Laura Bailey?

    • @jakeadnams
      @jakeadnams 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      He obviously saved Kaiden

  • @jeramahia123
    @jeramahia123 9 ปีที่แล้ว +992

    Wow. A guard who doesn't suck at his job.

    • @PsyrenXY
      @PsyrenXY 3 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Except he kinda does. You have to be professional AND not easily distracted!

    • @DanQZ
      @DanQZ 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      It’s a high end place so they probably have higher standards

    • @ede9177
      @ede9177 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      I've been a guard for three years and it only just occurred to me how often my profession gets made fun of.
      Even by myself for that matter.

    • @KopperNeoman
      @KopperNeoman 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@ede9177Remember to check UNDER suspicious cardboard boxes.

  • @kevinbernardini9176
    @kevinbernardini9176 7 ปีที่แล้ว +357

    Imagine this guard when he returned home
    Wife: Hey honey, how was your day?
    Guard: I've met the funniest people in the galaxy

    • @masterblaster3508
      @masterblaster3508 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Watch it be a quarian lmao that is why he is so nice.

    • @finvaly
      @finvaly 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      And then his boss died, oops

  • @CitizenKahne1992
    @CitizenKahne1992 9 ปีที่แล้ว +675

    Tali: "I was told there was varren racing here, but I'm having trouble finding it."
    Tali, it's literally 2 feet in front of you. There's even a big glowing sign hanging above the table.

    • @kuramakyuubi8483
      @kuramakyuubi8483 8 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      +CitizenKahne1992 trust me that prob happens alot.. lol

    • @raptorjesus3894
      @raptorjesus3894 8 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      +CitizenKahne1992 You know how people say about missing things with neon signs? If the Varren Racing had a neon sign, it would actually be harder to find.

    • @KahavaveCAPIPI
      @KahavaveCAPIPI 8 ปีที่แล้ว +48

      +CitizenKahne1992 I take it you've never worked retail? If you had, such a situation shouldn't have surprised you.

    • @CitizenKahne1992
      @CitizenKahne1992 8 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      +Unus Domus No, but I do work as an airport greeter. And everyday people ask me "where's this door?" and "how do I get to this terminal?" even though there are signs clearly posted around the airport.

    • @DorianMichaelsIII
      @DorianMichaelsIII 8 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      +CitizenKahne1992 I took it from her tone of voice that Tali was trying to fake being drunk.

  • @themedia1271
    @themedia1271 9 ปีที่แล้ว +901

    Tali's distractions are the only reasonable ones. But the rest are just damn hilarious. That security guard deserves employee of the month.

    • @klillym1461
      @klillym1461 3 ปีที่แล้ว +70

      He really does 😂 although Garrus had a couple good ones

    • @s.m.2523
      @s.m.2523 3 ปีที่แล้ว +59

      I'd say Liara is pretty decent at it too.

    • @moviemaker199
      @moviemaker199 2 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      @@s.m.2523 Liara is a _freaking_ professional at distracting! As the Shadow Broker she is, I wouldn’t be surprised.

  • @OhDatFilipinoKid
    @OhDatFilipinoKid 11 ปีที่แล้ว +193

    The Liara country accent...I CAN'T LOL

    • @Bowiiihowdy
      @Bowiiihowdy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Almost doesn't even sound like her

  • @ArdanTheHalfDragon
    @ArdanTheHalfDragon 10 ปีที่แล้ว +201

    "I am I Prothean! What do you think of that?"
    Javik seems to be adjusting to this cycle rather well.

    • @themadhammer3305
      @themadhammer3305 9 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Ah Javik the trollthean at it again, he also seemed amused that salarians evolved away from eating flies, that the asari learnt to read and that humans stopped throwing rocks at wildlife

    • @ghekor
      @ghekor 9 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      John Box I still think humans throw rocks at wildlife..well the wildlife is bigger and the rocks are frags but same thing :D

    • @austinbutcher8106
      @austinbutcher8106 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Honestly I'd get fed up by everyone saying I'm fake, I'd be doin the prothen experience sharing thing. AlOT

  • @lostjedi3380
    @lostjedi3380 3 ปีที่แล้ว +296

    You know, this place is surprisingly progressive if they treat Quarians nicely.

    • @deltaomega2136
      @deltaomega2136 2 ปีที่แล้ว +37

      I was going to make a comment on this. The remark at the 4:00 mark seems to imply it's not just cause she's with Shepard, apparently they've had them in before.

    • @thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989
      @thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@deltaomega2136 I mean. There are rich quarians, why wouldn't a casino let them in?

    • @maxpotapenko4632
      @maxpotapenko4632 2 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      @@thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989 Quarians are like khajiits, no matter how wealthy they are, most often they are treated like no good beggars. Well and I don't think there are a lot of wealthy quarians, since most of them are on the Migrant Fleet, some are on the Pilgrimage and only so little don't come back home

    • @thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989
      @thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@maxpotapenko4632 yeah but like, a casino wouldn't really care about that, because they're trying to swindle you out of your money anyway

    • @BarelloSmith
      @BarelloSmith 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Or surprisingly regressive, considering that the Quarians are basically the space Nazis of the Mass Effect universe.

  • @stevie_ily
    @stevie_ily 8 ปีที่แล้ว +737

    "No, no... please sir. Please don't cry."
    Jesus that one knocked me out of my chair.

  • @TheSpartan451
    @TheSpartan451 10 ปีที่แล้ว +823

    Ashley is a fucking master at this.

    • @_tyrannus
      @_tyrannus 6 ปีที่แล้ว +90

      TheSpartan451 If only she could be a master at escaping nukes.

    • @commando6261
      @commando6261 6 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      turarwanaa Savage

    • @floricel_112
      @floricel_112 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      You just know in high school/college she was the popular girl

    • @starshipshari
      @starshipshari 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      @@floricel_112 apparently not, she'd stay home watching over her sisters

    • @DaLucster72
      @DaLucster72 3 ปีที่แล้ว +65

      @@_tyrannus can’t have a post complimenting Ashley without an mood killer reply explaining they killed her in their play through.

  • @EmilyHillgoddessofthunder64
    @EmilyHillgoddessofthunder64 8 ปีที่แล้ว +911

    Javik: Human, I met your ancestors long ago. They were living in caves throwing rocks at wildlife.
    Guard: We remind guests that some of our drinks contain hallucinogens. Please drink responsibly.
    I died XD

    • @fightwarrior9932
      @fightwarrior9932 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      He trolled the troll.

    • @aw2584
      @aw2584 3 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      I require your attention! IM A PROTHEAN! What do you think of that!?
      It cracks me up idk why, everyone else is making some shit up to gain the guard's attention and his dumbass is just like HEY LOOK AT ME

    • @moviemaker199
      @moviemaker199 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@aw2584 Uh-huh. You’re the fourth one I met this week.
      Though your costume is better than the rest.🤨

    • @bluesrike
      @bluesrike ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Guard pulled a "Go home, Prothean. You're drunk!"

  • @rotoseraph3727
    @rotoseraph3727 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1031

    This guard knows how to react to anything.
    Shepard: Harbinger, go distract that guard.
    Harbinger: I will direct this personally.
    ...
    Harbinger: I am the harbinger of your perfection. We are your genetic destiny.
    Guard: I'm sorry sir, you are not allowed to preach any religion within the premises even if you have a valid evangelical permit.
    Harbinger: I am Harbinger.
    Guard: That imitation is not funny sir, I would kindly request that you refrain from those kinds of jokes here. There are guests who have friends on Earth or Palaven.
    Harbinger: Assuming control of this form. You will not stop me.
    Guard: This isn't that kind of place sir. I think you will find that the lower levels of the wards will be better able to meet your needs.
    Harbinger: Human; viable possibility, impressive genetic malleability.
    Guard: Uh... Thank you for the compliment?...

    • @orionrolater2812
      @orionrolater2812 8 ปีที่แล้ว +83

      Made my day. Where can I get THAT mod though?

    • @willl676
      @willl676 7 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      Damn this comment is gold! What are you doing down here?

    • @voidimperial1179
      @voidimperial1179 7 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      I want this as a mod

    • @IllusivePrime
      @IllusivePrime 6 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      How about the Illusive Man doing it?

    • @florianechesnais
      @florianechesnais 6 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      I. Fucking. Love. That. Guard.

  • @Cassandra_Solidor
    @Cassandra_Solidor 11 ปีที่แล้ว +395

    Ashley pretending to cry over a break up is pure comedy gold.

    • @blackheartthedarklord6428
      @blackheartthedarklord6428 3 ปีที่แล้ว +43

      The fact that I accidently romanced her in the first game and then romancing Tali in the other 2 games, this is too accurate.

    • @felipedamiani8845
      @felipedamiani8845 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@blackheartthedarklord6428 I romanced her and then miranda in The next 2 so she might cry for real too 😂😂

    • @Nomad958
      @Nomad958 ปีที่แล้ว

      uhh she not

  • @psychronia
    @psychronia 8 ปีที่แล้ว +868

    Since Wrex is basically the king of Tuchanka, could he scribble up some credentials for himself on the spot and make himself an official food inspector?

    • @MillyDel
      @MillyDel 8 ปีที่แล้ว +575

      "I'm going to have to see some credentials"
      "Here"
      "Sir, this is just a piece of paper with 'I am a food inspector' written on it"

    • @littleregg3164
      @littleregg3164 8 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      +Mara Dulog that would be perfect

    • @masterkillerfluffy
      @masterkillerfluffy 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Psychronia probably.

    • @tacticianM
      @tacticianM 6 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      I bet he would eat the food when he got in

    • @5223142
      @5223142 6 ปีที่แล้ว +87

      Shepard: Wrex, this isn’t part of the mission
      Wrex: What mission?

  • @xanderfulton3186
    @xanderfulton3186 3 ปีที่แล้ว +198

    I like that everyone’s first dialogue to distract the guard is some kind of clever small talk or Ashley showing off or pretending to be drunk. But then Kaidan is like:
    “Do you wanna be a Spectre?”

    • @sergiosalcedo5111
      @sergiosalcedo5111 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      And yet he probably was the most effective one. He got the guard's full attention and interest. People like to sleep on Kaidan but we can see how profesional he is and that he also knows how to play the game, when to act cool and when to act the fool.

  • @zaphodlucs
    @zaphodlucs 3 ปีที่แล้ว +154

    "you owe me money" that delivery is fucking perfect. I wanna hug the writers for this DLC

  • @mioangst
    @mioangst 10 ปีที่แล้ว +325

    There goes Garrus with calibrating again. 5:01

    • @Blazieth
      @Blazieth 9 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Damn it, Garrus...

    • @phantommangagirl
      @phantommangagirl 9 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I couldn't stop laughing at that.

    • @ENCHANTMEN_
      @ENCHANTMEN_ 6 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      oh boy, here I go calibrating again

    • @IllusivePrime
      @IllusivePrime 6 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It's Garrus' version of Shepard's "I should go."

  • @truesoprano2152
    @truesoprano2152 9 ปีที่แล้ว +574

    i think i have a new favorite mass effect character

    • @FluffyNinjaLlama
      @FluffyNinjaLlama  9 ปีที่แล้ว +324

      +TrueSoprano Employee of the year that's for sure

    • @fluffychan6000
      @fluffychan6000 8 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      +FluffyNinjaLlama so professional!

  • @JAYDOG1337A
    @JAYDOG1337A 10 ปีที่แล้ว +575

    0:20 HA, that bit with garrus, "sir I am definitely not an expert

    • @TMNTno1fan
      @TMNTno1fan 10 ปีที่แล้ว +92

      Garrus had me giggling, but that response had me ROLLING

    • @Eszti1218
      @Eszti1218 9 ปีที่แล้ว +53

      BTW, does anyone know if he uses this distraction even if you're not romancing him? Because if you are, you're like "Um, I can hear you. I like flowers, by the way."

    • @FluffyNinjaLlama
      @FluffyNinjaLlama  9 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      Eszti1218 He uses this distraction even with male Shep so definitely doesn't need to be romanced :D

    • @JAYDOG1337A
      @JAYDOG1337A 9 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      FluffyNinjaLlama huh... what if... maybe... DR CHLOE MICHELLE ?!?

    • @quarkyquasar893
      @quarkyquasar893 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      +JAYDOG1337A No, its Tali.

  • @LiquidIronTV
    @LiquidIronTV 10 ปีที่แล้ว +370

    Mike Hazer?! Hazer the Lazer?! Hah! I almost didn't reconize you! You owe me money... (Best Line Ever)

  • @destinedtwo8295
    @destinedtwo8295 8 ปีที่แล้ว +313

    liaras vioice on that "is there somewhere I can make a private call. it's very important." sounded so country

  • @cyrussmith_1656
    @cyrussmith_1656 4 ปีที่แล้ว +127

    Kaidan: I've lost all my money, how do I get it back?
    Security: That's not how it wor... oh no, please sir, don't cry.

  • @Alex-vu3dm
    @Alex-vu3dm 9 ปีที่แล้ว +134

    Liara's fake accent. OH MY GOD.

  • @krushhhh
    @krushhhh 9 ปีที่แล้ว +315

    Wrex: I need to look at your kitchen. I'm a food inspector.
    Guard: Uh... I'm going to have to see some credentials.
    *brings out his shotgun*
    Wrex: How is this for credentials?

    • @PaiSAMSEN
      @PaiSAMSEN 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Guard : "We remind all of our guess that weapons are prohibited in this place. You must put it away or I will have to call for security."

    • @rae6075
      @rae6075 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yes that is very “subtle”

  • @geoffrey111995
    @geoffrey111995 9 ปีที่แล้ว +342

    Javik the Trollthean wins again.

  • @xsz03
    @xsz03 10 ปีที่แล้ว +183

    "I could have sworn there was a volus brothel upstairs" LOL
    Tali and Liara are doing a good job. That's why they're boring. Kaidan and Ashley and Garrus tho? Brilliant

    • @mattj2081
      @mattj2081 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Liara has a couple entertaining ones.

    • @aguspuig6615
      @aguspuig6615 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      i think Tali gets a pass because shes speaking like a watchmojo top 10, like ''did you knoww i saw someonee i think they miiight be cheatting''

  • @lafken2
    @lafken2 9 ปีที่แล้ว +156

    James: "I need to take a look at your basement."
    Guard "... Is that code for something?"

  • @karlyr259
    @karlyr259 10 ปีที่แล้ว +179

    These were all pretty funny but damn, Wrex's "food inspector" and Kaidan's "you owe me money" made me laugh pretty hard.

  • @erettew
    @erettew 11 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    Tali instantly won over the guy heart with that cute performance; Javik is hilarious to the point of tears as is Kaidan:" Please sir don't cry." lol

  • @anyanka1059
    @anyanka1059 9 ปีที่แล้ว +87

    "I'm with the varren anti-cruelty association" lmao

  • @ravenblood1954
    @ravenblood1954 8 ปีที่แล้ว +258

    That guard's voice acting's incredible xD

    • @bell6437
      @bell6437 7 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Raven Blood That's Travis Willingham for you.
      I didn't see the date of your comment until after I wrote that.

    • @ZeroResurrected
      @ZeroResurrected 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I like to imagine that this is the job Mustang had before being promoted to Colonel. Then again, Mustang would never turn Ashley down.

    • @EvilPaladin11
      @EvilPaladin11 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      He also loves dogs.

    • @Bowiiihowdy
      @Bowiiihowdy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@ZeroResurrected thats where I've heard him before

  • @Spider-Man2094
    @Spider-Man2094 8 ปีที่แล้ว +89

    2:48 Ashley's melt down, best one.

    • @firestorm165
      @firestorm165 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      That was just plain evil. And absolutely hilarious

    • @theactionman007
      @theactionman007 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I lost it too. Especially since Shepard is right there.

  • @TTTLLover18
    @TTTLLover18 8 ปีที่แล้ว +133

    I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE THAT WAS TRAVIS WILLINGHAM UNTIL HALFWAY THROUGH. holy crap now we know where Roy Mustang ended up.

    • @NeutralObjections
      @NeutralObjections 8 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      +Isabella Gandy I knew I recognized it somewhere. Good ear!

    • @EvilPaladin11
      @EvilPaladin11 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      But does the guard love dogs?

    • @kreigguardsman3355
      @kreigguardsman3355 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I cannot unsee this. I guess his rise to Furher was rough

    • @MsYunaFires
      @MsYunaFires 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I have watched HOURS of Critical Role, like 85% of C1 and all of C2. And I had some 'this sounds familiar' vibes but he absolutely slipped by. Good ear!

    • @aleksandarvil5718
      @aleksandarvil5718 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      No *Tiny Miniskirts* reference???

  • @SCI-FIWIZARDMAN
    @SCI-FIWIZARDMAN 10 ปีที่แล้ว +230

    Aaaahhhh, Ashley has the best distraction lines. I bring Tali anyway, because I'm sleeping with her and we almost never get to go anywhere nice what with the race of giant genocidal sentient calamari-shaped starships invading the galaxy and the seemingly-never-ending stream of people lining up to shoot us, but Ashley's distraction lines are just hilarious.

    • @cobaltcrysis2085
      @cobaltcrysis2085 9 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      Yeah. Giant sentient genocidal squid robots harvesting the galaxy might get in the way of a relationship.

    • @1stcaptainraldoron538
      @1stcaptainraldoron538 8 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      +Cobalt Crysis I am suddenly unable to take reapers seriously anymore.

    • @lostfan10000
      @lostfan10000 8 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      +Carter Gates The Catalyst ruined that for me.

    • @zerogbot23
      @zerogbot23 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I never could, i've always seen them as giant evil squids.

    • @KopperNeoman
      @KopperNeoman 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@lostfan10000Knowing anything's motivation makes it less scary automatically.

  • @TheBeastlygrrl
    @TheBeastlygrrl 9 ปีที่แล้ว +191

    The guard is so adorable. He puts up with so much.

  • @luckyj.7951
    @luckyj.7951 10 ปีที่แล้ว +84

    'They don't pay me enough for this...'
    Favorite line ever :D

  • @erbgorre
    @erbgorre 11 ปีที่แล้ว +79

    you gotta picture the team meeting at bioware where everyone presents their ideas for these lines. i cant imagine anyone not dropping to the floor at "hazer the laser", or the guards "is that code for something?" line -.-

  • @aguspuig6615
    @aguspuig6615 2 ปีที่แล้ว +44

    lets be honest, i think Kaidans are the best here, the rest can pretty much rely on their ract, or say something very mild, but Kaidan faking hes about to cry is just gold

  • @selenagallegos4297
    @selenagallegos4297 11 ปีที่แล้ว +82

    Oh my God! Liara's southern accent. Lol

  • @gittonsxv
    @gittonsxv 11 ปีที่แล้ว +288

    i like how in this dlc alone they have over a hundred different scenes and variations but the ending has like 3 options...

    • @Cremon342
      @Cremon342 11 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I found another one! Well.. I missclicked at my first playtrought.. nothing happend and than I saw some kind of "Stargazer"

    • @NightOwl1515
      @NightOwl1515 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Just like the trilogy!

    • @janeshepard6318
      @janeshepard6318 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Just like the base game!

    • @GoddoDoggo
      @GoddoDoggo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      It actually has four. Or one, if you're like me and can't bear to do anything _other_ than shooting that little shit each time.

  • @hatsuharu333
    @hatsuharu333 10 ปีที่แล้ว +182

    I laughed so hard when I played this DLC - totally worth it
    HAZER the LAZER? I almost didn't recognize you! ... You owe me money. LOL oh kaidan. 4:39

  • @Necroskull388
    @Necroskull388 11 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    I like how most squadmates try to just consume the guard's time with something completely insipid, yet Javik just brazenly drops a bomb on him.

  • @swolbrohamlincoln9659
    @swolbrohamlincoln9659 10 ปีที่แล้ว +212

    Volus brothel lmfao!

  • @ailluh
    @ailluh 10 ปีที่แล้ว +47

    Liara's country accent is so cute omg

  • @SamuraiMorshu
    @SamuraiMorshu 10 ปีที่แล้ว +49

    This guard is the best part of the DLC, I want him as a crew member.

    • @xo7746
      @xo7746 8 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I want him to have his own game.

    • @patrickn.4113
      @patrickn.4113 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@xo7746 Mass Effect: Guardians

  • @Luke_Danger
    @Luke_Danger 11 ปีที่แล้ว +167

    You know, for a "simple soldier", Ashley is fucking awesome at acting on the spot as a distraction. Should of had her for leading the distraction team in the Suicide Mission :P
    They were all insane, though. Especially 7:20 ; did Liara just take advantage of the stereotype of asari promiscuity as a DISTRACTION? O.O

    • @hansolo235
      @hansolo235 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yep.

    • @KopperNeoman
      @KopperNeoman 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      The stereotype is well-founded. Most asari maidens ARE at least somewhat promiscuous. All the more reason to pretend you're not different for a moment.

  • @generalmaul4615
    @generalmaul4615 8 ปีที่แล้ว +60

    This guard better be in Andromeda, I require more of his banter

  • @tommywhispers7477
    @tommywhispers7477 10 ปีที่แล้ว +52

    I doubt Garrus asked that question just to ask the guard

  • @nicholasemjohnson47
    @nicholasemjohnson47 8 ปีที่แล้ว +72

    Samara: Guard, you should know that I'm a Justicar, and my Code compels me to kill anyone who commits the smallest injustice.
    Guard: Oh, no. Um, listen... this place is perfectly legal, Ma'am. And we make sure there is no violence here. Okay?

  • @CallofDutycommentate
    @CallofDutycommentate 10 ปีที่แล้ว +81

    The one guy who doesn't flip over a Prothean in his presence. Self control.

  • @QuarterCentum
    @QuarterCentum 9 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    I think Tali was the better at distracting, didn't call too much attention.

    • @FalconWindblader
      @FalconWindblader 8 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      But the point of distracting people is to call as much attention to yourself as possible...

    • @Interfector0
      @Interfector0 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@FalconWindblader The point is to call the attention to yourself AND be able to leave unmolested, in this case, without having to leave the premises. Things like Wrex's food inspector line are admittedly hilarious, but can get you the wrong sort of attention.

  • @GamerX13X
    @GamerX13X 9 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    So many highlights, but Garrus 1, Southern-Bell Liara, and Ash/Kaiden getting the guard's hopes up are some of the best.

  • @Dorano121
    @Dorano121 8 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    Garrus's line about the volus brothel killed me.

  • @KBABZ
    @KBABZ 3 ปีที่แล้ว +88

    3:51 This is EASILY the best one

    • @thedgzgames427
      @thedgzgames427 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Nah 2:48 is the best one.

    • @cobalt-6D
      @cobalt-6D 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Nah 6:00 is the best one

  • @Excalibur2112
    @Excalibur2112 10 ปีที่แล้ว +73

    Javik, still has a gun attached behind him, lmao. WTF!

    • @Summon256
      @Summon256 10 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      LOL and nobody seem to be giving a bloody fuck! ROFL ah Bioware...

  • @chaosrex1487
    @chaosrex1487 9 ปีที่แล้ว +105

    Wrex the food inspector!

  • @snakestone9739
    @snakestone9739 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Legion: "Does this unit have a soul?"
    Guard: That's a...pretty deep questi- wait a minute, mechs aren't allowed here! Who let you in?!

  • @SolidSnake0621
    @SolidSnake0621 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    Wrex: I need to look in you kitchen. I’m a food inspector.
    Guard: I’m going to need to see some credentials.
    Wrex: You humans are all racist!
    Traveling Turian from ME2: That’s my line!

  • @BoyanDimitrov
    @BoyanDimitrov 11 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I love it that he's always so helpful to Tali.

  • @xxninja112233
    @xxninja112233 10 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    omg i cannot take liara serious with a country acent

  • @QX1138
    @QX1138 3 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    HK-47: "Distraction: Meatbag, do you know the location of the Star Forge."
    Guard: "Sir, I don't believe this interaction can be canonical."

  • @miltongeorgina
    @miltongeorgina 8 ปีที่แล้ว +78

    Ashley is Awesome! "Feel my muscles!" omg that's the best. haha

    • @Blazieth
      @Blazieth 8 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Ashley is a fucking MASTER at this. Acting drunk, fake crying? Good god.

    • @nekolordnito4931
      @nekolordnito4931 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      *Clap Clap Clap*

  • @blueturtle3623
    @blueturtle3623 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    I love that Kaiden's method of distracting the guard to avoid getting kicked out by getting in trouble, is to go up and try to _get kicked out by getting in trouble._

  • @Nevi234
    @Nevi234 9 ปีที่แล้ว +340

    Kaiden's lines are surprisingly funny! Too bad they waited until this dlc is give him a personality :/

    • @Boxfortress
      @Boxfortress 8 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I do my best to remember him as Carth Onasi... more anger than anything but at least its something.

    • @ZeroCanalX
      @ZeroCanalX 8 ปีที่แล้ว +39

      +Nevi1097 Kaiden at least has some moments and a backstory of why he is such a wet blanket. Cortez has just 3 traits to himself with barerly there backstory & hardly any redeeming traits until that DLC.

    • @Nevi234
      @Nevi234 8 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      Slaaneshi Rubric Marine yeah Cortez was bland as hell. Don't know anyone who would ever romance him. I think they kind of shoed him in to be the one gay romance option(other are bisexual), which wouldn't be that bad if they have him a better personality, like with Traynor(who I thought was great)

    • @orionrolater2812
      @orionrolater2812 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Always funny to see the comment section soliloquies after replays have been deleted.

    • @jellyfish1213
      @jellyfish1213 6 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      How dare you! Kaidan has definetly a personality all the time, You're just ignorant.

  • @yawningpheonix
    @yawningpheonix 10 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    "Am i going to die??"
    "Stay calm, ma'm. we can take care of it. You have a good night, now."

  • @Xfushion2
    @Xfushion2 11 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    Tali has the best distracting lines

    • @benharrison3569
      @benharrison3569 10 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      neh ashleys are best only cause she is drunk like f*uck

    • @MrHarindrakvidya
      @MrHarindrakvidya 10 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Tali has a lot o best stuff in ME

    • @jassjake5137
      @jassjake5137 10 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      You sure? Loved Wrex's lines.
      "I need to check your kitchen. I'm a food inspector."

    • @DorianMichaelsIII
      @DorianMichaelsIII 10 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Jass Jake The funny thing is, Wrex could probably name himself one if he wanted (since he is effectively leader of the entire krogan race by ME3).

    • @GenericUsername-qp1ww
      @GenericUsername-qp1ww 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      nope. Not even close.

  • @simranwhitham3075
    @simranwhitham3075 10 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    Thank you so much for taking the time to record and upload all of your Mass Effect Variations videos FluffyNinjaLlama. Liara's southern accent and Garrus's volus brothel comments had me in stitches :)

  • @mistersmiley9425
    @mistersmiley9425 8 ปีที่แล้ว +48

    "I"m a food inspector!"
    Fucking lost it.

  • @QuarkDerStrudel
    @QuarkDerStrudel 11 ปีที่แล้ว +57

    Ashleys acting drunk. Best performance of all. :D
    Worth an Oscar.

  • @leonie8525
    @leonie8525 4 ปีที่แล้ว +95

    "I'm sorry sir, but we aim to entertain our guests. Not put them in a coma."
    😂😂😂

    • @thelistener365
      @thelistener365 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      That one was my favorite lol

  • @1234deathisatthedoor
    @1234deathisatthedoor 11 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    Ashley just breaks down into a drunk, its so funny

  • @nevrotik91
    @nevrotik91 9 ปีที่แล้ว +61

    Liara's "foreign" accent and Kaidan's "you owe me money" made me rofl.But James,Javik and Ashley were the best.

  • @x-raymnd3972
    @x-raymnd3972 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You know what, Ash’s voice actor is actually really good

  • @mstone1995
    @mstone1995 11 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    "You don't need to call backup. I just want to play a game that isn't crap." One of wrex's best lines in this dlc.

  • @YoungMrBlue
    @YoungMrBlue 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    0:42 dang Wrex pulled the most cliche distraction
    He really is the groups uncle

  • @gN0mseryiops
    @gN0mseryiops 9 ปีที่แล้ว +64

    Tali is definitely the best at this. She is so smart.

    • @GenericUsername-qp1ww
      @GenericUsername-qp1ww 8 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      *completely misses the sign showing Varren racing right in front of her*
      Yeah, real smart.

  • @kari4990
    @kari4990 9 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    Aww Kaidan is criying?
    haha he´s adorable! x3 He and Zevran just care about money! ahaha xD

  • @TheRepty818
    @TheRepty818 9 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    Wow, Ashley's may have been the funniest of all of them.

  • @breezingby2611
    @breezingby2611 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I love how James correctly guesses the name of the guard’s friend

  • @edgyguy5572
    @edgyguy5572 9 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I am with the anti barren cruelty association and I can not believe what I am seeing

    • @FoxGamer39618
      @FoxGamer39618 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      edgyguy5 It’s varren.

  • @calebbradley6522
    @calebbradley6522 10 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Man, these are all funny! Did anyone else notice how competent this guard was? He actually seemed to do a good job, even if he was easy to distract.

  • @AvalancheZ250
    @AvalancheZ250 7 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    "I'm a Prothean"
    "Your the fourth one I've seen this week"
    LOL. Javik must be like "where are the impersonators? I will throw them out the airlock"

  • @MrShmigoogy
    @MrShmigoogy 11 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    Surprisingly, this guard is actually quite a swell guy. Polite, Helpful, even funny at times. Credit to nameless guards everywhere.

  • @lupusdracoaquila5257
    @lupusdracoaquila5257 10 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Guard: Varren Racing? Sure, it's right behind me.