Guten morgen wütender Metzger! Sollte ich jetzt Angst haben? 😱 😁 Try internet search to find dating sites, apps and places where gays come together. Make (gay) friends who can help you and then go out and find someone. Easy to say, hard to make 😅 But, that's the way.
For real, i can't use dating apps cause im scared as fuck some one i know will find me there, creating an awkward situation + the whole hookup culture thing. I've actually tried it before and go so many unsolicited nudes/dick pics. AND IT WASN'T GRINDR! Irl is a costant game of shooting my shot and getting rejected or the other way around. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but 95% are a different species and 4% don't want to be fished. Like i still have 1% but when u compare that to the percentage of my straight peers it's a little demotivating.
I am gay and also asexual. This makes it even more difficult to find someone as a lot of people don't seem to understand how these two are connected. I am romantically attracted to males (I like to hug, hold hands, kiss, and cuddle up on the couch) but don't like the idea of having sex. Even most people who want committed relationships want some form of sex included, even though it's not the main thing, and as a homo-romantic asexual person, I have struggled with finding someone.
Thank you! I am also an asexual gay person and have never been interested in gay sex. Unfortunately, it feels like every gay person I meet revolves their life around sex, whether being a top, bottom, or side. It’s very frustrating, but seeing your comment made me realise there are others like me.
I think I’m also like this, I’m not entirely sure but I’m not really into the idea of having sex with anyone- the thought alone kinda holds me back from being in any kind of relationship with any guys, knowing that’s what they always expect. I hope to find someone, someday, who feels the same way like me.
As a young gay man on the autism spectrum, never lose hope in yourself and don't change anything about yourself just to win someone over. I've been out of the closet for a few years and it can feel very dark at times because barely anyone relates to you or there is not a supportive environment you live in. You just had to find your community somewhere online. And having my autistic quirks can get people questioning me if i was on drugs or not (btw i was not haha). You are not alone, my friend. And I'm happy to find somebody on the internet like you that relates to something like this. Dating can get frustrating, believe me. But it's not impossible. I've been in a few relationships and some were fun while they lasted and some were not. At the end of the day, we are both young and we have a lot to live for. Thank you for making these videos :)
I lived in California bay area and went to every gay parade every year, went to all the bars on the weekends for years, I've lived in Washington Seattle area, Michigan, and lived in Tampa Clearwater Florida for 10 years and went to many gay bars and parties. After all that searching for the right guy, Im still alone.
@@LanceyKersti Tampa bay area includes ST Pete, and Clearwater as well as other smaller little townships, Yes there are alot of people there and Clearwater is a serious international beach and is a huge vacation destination, and Clearwater is also the world headquarters for Scientology. I really miss it, its beautiful.
I relate to this video so much. I am 35, gay, demisexual, autistic, and an introvert. I grew up in a conservative small city, where I spent my school years being made fun of for being gay, even though I wasn’t out of the closet. After graduating high school, I moved to a big city, where I fell for the wrong person. They were only interested in sex. After dating just two guys, I have now been single for 14 years. My one and only hookup, 9 years ago, was a traumatic experience that added to a difficult period in my life. The situation as a whole left me struggling with severe depression for a long time, although I eventually managed to overcome it. Recently, I moved to another big city and have a good job here, but I still struggle to socialize. I often feel like I don’t fit in. I have trust issues and am cautious about sharing that I am gay with people. Using apps like Grindr is out of the question for me. I tried it once for two weeks, and it made me very uncomfortable. Now that I am older, I feel invisible in the gay community. It makes me wonder if I will ever be in a relationship again.
I relate to what you've said in your comment a lot - being more of an introvert, I wonder if I'll be able to find someone myself. I'm not big on socialising, preferring to spend time with the close friends I do have over a coffee or something like that. I wish you all the best in your search for someone you can relate to and share your life with.
It's funny, I'm also someone who relates to what you're saying. Recently turned 30, and same characteristics as well. All I can do is keep focusing on myself and wait for both the off chance I meet another guy who I can connect with, and also the off chance they want to take it further. Slimmer chance than traditional means, but I cannot fathom the idea of needing to sift through apps focusing on hookups and being unable to connect on an emotional level.
@@jsh. Couldn't agree with your comment more - what is the point of being with someone if there's no emotional connection? It just seems so hollow to me, and not something I'd want personally. I want to be able to share my life with someone who wants to be with me on a deeper level than that, someone who I can relate to. Seems like such a hard thing to find.
I was ghosted after 4 months, he convinced me that everything was fine, we talked a lot, often met and seemed to understand each other, but one day he just disappeared and stopped communicating. After that, I saw him on the street, so he just lives on without me, without even saying goodbye, while I was afraid for him. This is very difficult for me, I can't look for a partner until I get over the last one, and this takes years, but every few years I consistently find a person who is not interested in me, while convinces me otherwise. I don't know how to trust anymore.
I am sorry to hear that i mostly blame media and pride parades because the media and parades only presents this overly sexualised version of what they think a gay relationship is and I think that made gay men afraid to be emotionally and embrace a serious monogamous relationship. I’ve had one boyfriend and he was older than me but the age difference didn’t matter to us but I live with my parents and they didn’t approve because they thought he just wanted sex and he had a negative test and it told them he’s been intimate before, when I explained to my mum we’d been dating for 2 weeks and the topic never came up her response was literally shock like she didn’t expect me to say that. I think public perception of gay men makes gay men afraid to feel emotional and vulnerable and the reason they hook up is so they can feel vulnerable but only so long an intimacy is happening.
@CalvinTennessee I can't tell if you're being genuine or trying to insult them, but your comment does come across as abrasive. Just keep in mind that therapy isn't readily available for everyone, nor is it cheap.
@@moshe_fl I agree if anything being in a larger city brings even more issues because of the influences brought by so many people being around each other
I live in Denver and I’ve had a decent amount of luck. Don’t find too many people looking for hookups. I wish you best of luck and I agree that there are downsides when it comes to living in a big city as well.
@@seanhaley3204Well damn. Sorry for the curveballs life has thrown you, but my partner and I are 26 and met 8 years ago. We’re going strong, and it is the love of my life. I assure you our young love isn't wasted.
@@jt6766 yeah the phrase is "youth is wasted on the young". (And it's not a universal truth, age and maturity are two different things). Love is never wasted, no matter what age you are.
i am 31 maybe i've not hit that hard point just yet but people still find me attractive in different ways few days ago i was complimented for my eyes by another man. so don't give up on yourself because of age just find better company an avoid the drama click crowds or the toxic image types i should also mention i am physically and mentally crippled too so dating can be a challenge but as my earlier example shows there are people out there who see beyond my flaws an find the things that make me standout for the better.
im muscular, trained my way for years since i was a scrawny 20 yo, now im 35 and yet i still get rejected because im not masculine enough. Gay dating is a never ending mountain you re escalating, you are never good enough, not muscular enough, succesful enough, rich enough, handsome enough. i am an average good looking guy i mean im not an instagram fitness model or anything but im attractive, and i ve met guys like me atractive in an average way, well they always wanted someone who was more muscular and more manly. Gay dating is a sisyphus, a useless action that lead nowhere. I quit dating when i was like 33
I'm 37 and felt the same way you do when I was your age. I've been in two long-term relationships and I'm now married. If you're a kind person and you're open to dating and open to doing any self work that might be required, the right person will come along. I was also a smaller-town gay. I met my first long-term boyfriend on Grindr and all because I took my self to the city that day and we happened to chat. Keep at it. I know that's probably not helpful right now but you have time even if it doesn't seem like it.
Not sure why your video popped up on my feed because I’m happily married and have known my husband for 20 years now. I am reminded of how difficult dating and hookup culture used to be. I don’t miss being single, not one bit. I hope things get easier for you and that you meet the right guy!
your videos are refreshing and grounding, thanks for sharing like this. Mainstream culture feels like it's been gaslighting us gays in the past 10-15 years.
You communicate extremely well. Having autistic traits is not something that is flagged when watching and listening to you. Here's the thing, everyone has their own uniqueness, likes and quirks. What brings two people together is not really these things but it's an unexplainable chemistry that just maninfests of its own accord. Let expectations not standards go and put less stress on yourself
I relate 100% to what you’re saying. I’m a gay guy from Russia and I’ve struggled to find my loved one and I found him when I wasn’t looking just out of the blue…! I think you’re gonna meet someone, you’re very handsome and kind, good luck!
Да, я тоже его абсолютно понимаю. Я не уверен, есть ли у меня расстройство аутистического спектра, но все остальное в видео - в точку. Я из дальнего от Центра региона и мне пришлось разлучиться с семьёй из-за поступления в университет в Москву. Но в глубине души я чувствовал, что основная причина - это обустройство личной жизни, попытка найти свою вторую половинку. Я уже пятый год здесь, стараюсь полностью погружаться в образование, потому что попытки знакомиться уже надоели. Я не могу сказать что я урод, что я глупый, но складывается ощущение, что в community просто по стандарту завышенные требования или ожидания. Постоянно сталкиваешься с какими-то проблемами, понимаешь, что среди всего моего окружения я как белая ворона: все только ищут fwb, ons и т.д. В дейтинг-сервисах нет никакой романтики, только порнография по моему ощущению... Среди всего прочего начинает появляться мысль о переезде в европейскую или азиатскую страну, где разрешены однополые браки, чтобы найти свою любовь. Вопрос в другом - а смогу ли я найти там себе кого-то по душе, если сейчас сталкиваюсь с такими проблемами? Может быть проблема во мне?
@@simonesimone3583 I mean back when we lived there it wasn’t bad, but we couldn’t just walk in the streets holding hands, but now when there are laws against lgbt - it’s gotten way worse
@@grisleyвопрос с переездом хороший. Я бы на твоем месте пожил бы некоторое время то там, то сям пока годы позволяют. В любом случае ничего не потеряешь, если есть специальность на руках, которая пригодится по месту жительства. Познакомишься с другой страной, культурой, менталитетом, расширишь мировоззрение, хуже 100% не будет.
Matthew, you use the word 'find' a lot... the moment I stopped trying to find someone, I was much happier and eventually I connected with someone and we got together. I used to be so desperate for a boyfriend it got in the way of my happiness - letting that go changed everything for the better.
@@kallelellacevej2234I’ve stopped trying to find someone and been single for over a decade 😂😂 just adding my experience so that ppl song only focus on positive outcomes
I am sorry to hear these things. It seems the game is still the same in the gay community. The only thing that has changed is the use of technology and social media. I am an considered an older gay man even though I do not look my age. We used to meet people through social events, parties, clubs, organizations, hobbies and interests. Seek those things out. I did the online dating things decades ago. I failed miserably at it too. That too has changed with the apps. As far as gays living in small town, it is a struggle. I left a small town and moved to a large city. New York and Los Angeles are not the only large cities in this country. There are many more and I live in one of them. Do not lose hope or give up. I know it can be frustrating and difficult. I just feel bad for so many gay men who are alone and feel alone. You are right about many things you said. Not everyone wants to hookup or be apart of that culture. It seems that has not changed either. I am not in a relationship. I have not tried in years. I was never successful at it either. I am still happy as a person and individual. The happiness and fulfillment comes from with in. It does not come from being connected to someone. I know some gay mem just want some good supportive gay friendships as well. You will connect with someone when it is right. Do not lose hope or give up. The videos you post help you. They help others as well so they do not feel alone.
Being gay AND autistic is so rough especially on dating apps because I have time to process their messages and come up with something cute and witty, but then I flop so hard in person😭🤣 Thanks for sharing your experience though, makes me feel less alone in the struggle❤
I'm happy I discovered your TikTok page and your TH-cam channel last month when you said you are on the autism spectrum because I, too, have autism and I heavily relate with gay guys who are on the spectrum and that they are outed so much in gay dating. I feel that we need more representation of likeminded autistics, even if we share similar struggles as normal people would whether that can be developing relationships, understanding their feelings, or any other stereotypes. You did very well in handling these specific topics that you mentioned in your video. I cannot wait for your upcoming videos soon!
y’all i commented this on the community post but i feel it bears repeating. given that it is dead impossible to date as a gay person, at some point we must ask ourselves, why are we prizing so highly this idea of dating? most likely bc we grew up with the idea of “married happily ever after” endlessly thrust upon us, and we were like, “oh yeah, i guess that’ll be me someday”. and then we realise that for us this is impossible, and, as is natural, we have difficulty unlearning what was thrust upon us earlier, so we cling to this idea that “no, there must still be some way! there must be!” and then you end up, as Matthew said in the video, moving somewhere you don’t even wanna go, putting your whole life out of order, sometimes risking life and limb, just to date! we must take a second to think, and weigh our options economically. is it, in the end, worth going to all this immense trouble, for an enterprise whose likelihood of bringing us satisfaction is as low as it is? the answer to that is a resounding no. personally, i was devastated when i realised that dating would be impossible for me, but then i finally realised: why? why should i be devastated about that? dating certainly isn’t necessary, and these days, it very seldom ends well. so after a while i got used to these ideas, and i hope you can too if you’ve bothered to read this far which you probably didn’t. and sorry if this was completely incoherent but i’m tryna go to bed.
Yup, I made a similar comment. The "you are not complete without a romantic partner" myth is responsible for a lot of unhappiness in society (not just for gays, for EVERYONE). It's difficult to see unless you've been in a LTR but they're just not as great as you'd think. There's a one-year honeymoon / limerence period, then you're lucky if you're good friends (that's why a lot of people end up in unhappy marriages - fools rush in). Your partner has more of a familial like attachment after that. Being single is MUCH MUCH MUCH better than a bad relationship. You wouldn't think things like "the silent treatment" would be devastating to be on the opposite end of, but they absolutely are. Emotional abuse is incredibly common too.
I understand that some people don't need that but the comfort and security of having an exclusive life partner or even just one person I can be totally mutually honest with and rely on would be worth more than anything in the world to me. I can survive without it but I don't know if I can ever thrive unless I can have such a deep connection with another human. Close friends have never satisfied that for me because we don't have a deep yearning to know and understand each other, or at least it's never been reciprocated at the same time. Maybe that is just how male friendships are.
@@sshhii male friendships tend to be more surface-y but they're not obliged to be, just have to put yourself out there. Women do support each other more but also can be kind of two-faced (I had a co-worker who did not understand social cues at all, technologically illiterate, chronic absences, poor productivity, disliked by many but had a bunch of hugs and a gift certificate when she left). I don't think a romantic relationship is necessary but closeness is and you have to put yourself out there to get it.
I love your channel so much honestly, I’m new but you make me feel like I’m not alone out there!! 💜💜 it’s a real struggle man, being homosexual is hard and it’s even worse when those around you refuse to acknowledge such a wonderful side of yourself
I’m from NYC, and let me tell you dating is awful, I’m a chubby guy, I admit that I am and NYC IS THE PRETTY BOY CAPITAL OF THE EAST COAST and let me tell you dating here is like a combination of mean girls and that cheerleading movie. The superficial is all that matters and being able to bed as many “good looking Instagram model dudes” is all that matters. I once had someone tell me I’m a nice guy but I would ruin their brand if they dated me and walked away. Now add to all that the hookup culture which is depressing and sad and you get accosted with this on a daily basis, the club culture the web-media culture hookup culture all of that is just feeding the idea that instant quick one night stands and then the walk of regret the next day are all that matter and is the real way to live and have fun. But here is the question why do the caring and loyal and decent and MONOGAMOUS GUYS the people who are like me, and who are like this, why are we not paid any attention and instead are overlooked and seen as the bottom of the barrel on the dating scene There is no real reason why having 50-100-300 plus partners needs to be glorified, and yes I know people with those numbers, but guys who are waiting and want a real long lasting love and relationship and a family and something pure and real are seen as rejects Sad but this is the prevailing dating culture
I feel for you it was no different here in Australia when i was dating before i met my partner, too many fake guys more obsessed with looks and there is nothing wrong with a bit chubby
I'm in the same boat, dude. As a 20-something gay guy who's also probably autistic, it really sucks... Not to be weird, but I would definitely ask you out if you lived by me. Anyway, I hope you find a guy that cares about you soon!
being gay -> sometimes stigmatized (1), challenges coming from even inside the gay community itself (2), being autistic (3),... as a gay man, my difficulty level is exponential compared to the straight. Lord help me :(
My problem I’m dating is because I’m gay, autism spectrum, AND a side. So I got the narrow dating pool of gays, the even more narrow of autism spectrum, and then the even tinnier universe of guys who don’t want anal sex as part of our experience. Anal sex is so much of an expected thing that an otherwise great match will be uninterested on that alone.
If someone truly values you, they will respect the fact that there are certain things you do not want to do. If they can't, they're not worth your time.
Thank you for sharing your views on gay dating. I understand what you’re saying. Before I met my late husband (passed away 4 months ago), I found dating to be a nightmare, and I *do* live in a major city! Also, I too am on the spectrum, and that always made it difficult for other people to relate to me and me to them. Still, have patience. You are a highly attractive young man with a sparkling personality. At the risk of sounding like a fatalist, I do believe that when the time is right for you, the perfect guy will come into your life and you’ll sweep each other off of your feet! Have patience, Matthew. YOUR TIME WILL COME!!! ❤
The trying to date in a smaller city topic I found really relatable. I also live in a town of about 70,000 people and it’s funny because you almost familiarize yourself with all the queer people in your town (especially if you’ve spent time on dating apps, Grindr, etc.) But people are moving around all the time and I just found someone that I really like and who really likes me and things are going great so far. So even in smaller cities, new people are out there! Now, living in a REALLY small town of a couple thousand or a few hundred people is something that I cannot relate to or speak to. It would be interesting to hear that perspective.
I relate to you so much. I once lived in a small town, and now I am living abroad in a big city in Europe. I just feel like it is impossible to even date someone that clicks. I am very bad at social cues. I either become so nice to literally everyone or just look like having 0 empathy. From the outside, I look like someone who doesn't care about anyone else, but this is just not true. This makes it even harder to have friends. I know just a couple of people, but it's just like that. My relationship with them never goes deeper. When I think that I am close to someone, it is often a false impression. I rarely get invited to their activities, or just hang out together. Don't even ask about dating life, because no such thing has ever happened in these 24 years of my life on this planet
My biggest issue in gay dating has been trying to find someone who's on my level. In my area, I seem to have the dating intentions at 20 that most gay men have at 30. I'm looking for something long term and serious - someone to share my life with and connect with... and I really only see those intentions reflected on dating apps if I set me age range above 25 which is a huge bummer
Social groups that are not too sex-centred, and are more about socialising and making friends are probably better than dating sites or bars. (Those do tend to be more about hook-ups than relationships). Gay social clubs or groups that are not primarily about sex are perhaps quite rare, but going in with the aim to meet like-minded people and make friends is better (IMO) than thinking about sex and body-types. Lasting LTRs are not ultimately based on sex, they are about love and understanding, shared interests and enjoying each other's company. The right one comes along for many, when they are not really looking or trying too hard.
Amazing how we think alike, Matthew - we must be "kindred spirits!" You express your values, aspirations, longings (even your frustrations and disappointments) as if I were naturally sharing my counterparts with you candidly and from the heart. Thank you for being so charmingly sincere and touching upon themes that affect many viewers of this channel.
ADHD here, I understand how neurodivergency ramps the difficulties way up. I've learned to be happy in my solitude. I'm by no means alone, I do have a few very supportive friends. I've stopped trying to actively date to preserve my mental health. Either the right one will come along or he won't along the way.
I have a similar story, including relating to the spectrum challenges. I’m from a small town in the Midwest, but moved to LA many years ago. Your comments about the culture, the big city issues, life desires versus opportunities… all of it resonate. I wish I could offer wise words that made some difference, but you seem to understand the world as we’re navigating along. I can only offer an empathetic shoulder, an ear and offer a parallel. You already know, but you’re amongst folks who can and will love you for you. It’s difficult to feel sometimes, but remind yourself of its truth. I know I do. Best to you and thank you for your open vulnerability.
Girl living in a major city is rough too. I agree with your points, and fundamentally we are too focused on aesthetics and the superficial aspects of what social media says we and ours potential partner should be versus what makes us fulfilled and content on a real level.
Man I have this kind of struggle too Specially because for some reason I tend to fall in love with straight woman plus I'm very introvert and have only straight close friends :(
Imagine dealing with is in say the 90s and earlier when there were no apps or even online to speak of. Not to mention even a place to come and air your frustrations of not being able to connect with anyone. Today you have so many ways of connecting it's mind blowing.
tudo que você disse é realmente verdade. hoje em dia está difícil demais encontrar alguém que realmente queira algo sério, geralmente a pessoa só quer ficar e depois sumir. pra mim, não faz sentido nenhum, sabe? como você disse, não tem problema querer apenas ficar, mas a pessoa mostra sentimento e diz quer algo sério, mas aí do nada some, é bem chato msm. eu amo sua vibe e seus vídeos, eu amaria super conhecer você.
I was straight as a teenager and early 20s and decided I was gay at 22 and I'm 33 now and I feel no difficulty difference in dating either sex. It's quite simple to go up to someone and ask them out. I think most people struggle with rejection and also staying in a relationship but honestly that issue goes for any sexual orientation. Not that this is a fact but I've had longer standing relationships with guys I dated in rural areas as opposed to living in the city. Be bold, go out more, meet new people in places you enjoy.
Be yourself. That can be very attractive. If you are fake, it always comes out at some point. Perhaps build a close group of gay friends and create a strong support group would be a good start. Hook up culture and body image are two of the most difficult things to deal with. I remember when my first BF told me I was the first person he ever dated who didn't have a flat stomach (ouch). As an older gay male, I have been in several relationships with the last being almost 20 years. I became undetectable in 2016 and to be honest, I got tired of telling guys this when we would start dating and seeing the look on their faces followed by rejection. These days I am building good friendships in a very conservative area (Florida) and I am happy to just hang out without any pressure.
When you put it in context, I would say that I might be in a similar position like you. But when it comes to reading people… I often don't understand them, but in very rare moments, I understand practically everything, don’t know why. Anyway, I hope you find a great guy soon. Lots of love ♥️
The ghosting thing is so common with gays because we are avoidants by nature, and avoidants tend to reject and stay away from people and situations that demand showing up in the moment with truthful feelings. It's sad but a common occurrence nowadays
One irony is, in your audience, right now, you have at least one eligible option... who found you... who appreciates you... who is giving you attention... who is reaching out to connect... who could provide the happiness you're looking for... who should not have to climb Mt. Everest to reach you... who is worthy of a response. The onus is on you to recognize him, as he was able to recognize you. The things you want, you have to be able to reciprocate, when they are being offered to you. "Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door." Your channel is relatively new, and it's already working to your advantage.
Hi Matthew. I'm a new subscriber to your channel from the U.K. Thank you for the video. I agree with the reasons you mentioned. From my own experience, I find there is too much emphasis on looks, stereotypes, not being honest. I am a strong believer that there is someone out there for everyone! Don't give up!
Agreed - I do still think there's someone out there for everyone, even if it can be difficult to find them. (I still have hope for myself!) This video earned a subscription from me too - and I'm from the UK myself too.
I think the problem boils down to the fact that guys (and straight people, honestly...) view relationships - and hookups! - like jobs or real estate these days. It's all about drawing up your list of needs, sticking to them and always thinking about whether something better might be out there. And I wished we actually treated each other like human beings that we're exploring a connection with - again, no matter if we're dating or just hooking up. It is so unfair. Guys need to be honest with each other and communicate better about their intentions and what they're thinking. We also really ignore just how genuinely and deeply cruel ghosting is, and yet it's pretty much considered a socially acceptable way to behave now. Also, it is SO confusing the way body image works. Don't forget that different subsets of the gay community have entirely different standards for each others' bodies, and we've ensured ourselves that it's always going to be *something* driving us insane.
Im autistic and gay too, my problem is I am really shy talk to people, because i have my tics and some of them are annoying to others, what i understand because they dont know how this is. But one day there will be someone. You get one too in some time i belive
In HS it felt necessary to live as straight - I wanted the benefits that conferred, and that meant girlfriends (and sex). But one thing I knew for certain was that I needed something different from college. Passed over scholarships for places that were in a smaller towns (think UVA) and headed to a good sized city (700k) with 5 major universities and a developed gay culture. I was able to anonymize, deal with me at my own pace, experiment (didn't abandon the straight thing all at once) and then - eventually - find a relationship. Far enough away that college me didn't impinge on high school me either, which I wanted for those first summers. Can't comment on autism b/c it wasn't a thing in those days, and I think a lot folks on the very mild side of A1 just went through life with coping mechanisms. What's challenging now is many years later with a house in the suburbs and older too boot - that's a struggle!
For those who doesn't know his Instagram, I can confirm about the body image part, that he look gorgeous from every side! Including from the inside. Like he seems such a great person it's hard to believe he is still single 🥰 I would add when you are a young man, you often receive attention from guys 3 times your ages, so it's difficult to connect more specifically with guys your ages for lot of reasons
It’s so difficult now. The longest relationship I had with a boyfriend was only five months. I’ve been on and off gay dating apps for about ten years too. The ghosting, the immaturity, the hookup culture, and everything else all has added up to disappointment for me. I gave up online. Now, to meet a guy, I’ll dress cute and go to a local department store or grocery to find someone. My best to all you guys looking and trying! Thanks for the video too 🤗
im 56. my last date was over 15 yrs ago. i ask someone out and their response is "Im not looking to date right now. just hookups". A lot of guys will say they just want to hookup and then 2 weeks later they are bragging about their new "husbear". guys want the next best thing and feel that there is always someone better. and body image is also a deal. so many profiles say "must be in shape / height-weight proportionate". thats not me, so unless i become anoerexic, im fucked
Very honest and heartfelt. There are a few good guys out there. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and remain hopeful. Add being 50-something to being gay and autistic. My world. Despite being kind, genuine, intelligent, told I’m handsome, excelling in my profession as a nurse, always striving to grow as a person, emotionally stable and healthy, physically healthy and take care of my physical health, and a good cook and handyman, can’t get any responses on dating sites, and living in a smaller town in Texas, meeting people in person is very difficult. Any north central TX/southern OK good guys around? Take care and love yourselves, y’all.
I totally feel you dude.....I have been trying hard to find someone.... I have been talking to this guy I met through tender that I would do anything to meet. But he claims he is nervous about rejection and needs more time, etc. So I dont know if he is leading me on or what. He thinks that 3 weeks isnt long enough to talk, I think what do you have to lose?? Why continue wasting time if we arent gonna like each other in person.
If you define yourself from being autistic….you’re gonna have a problem. A person should define himself by his values. If you make being autistic a common topic in a relationship….its not going to last. Put your attention on other things than trying to find a companion. Tell us what you do in your life, other than “looking”. Your other interests. It’s obvious you have a lot to learn about life. I’ve been in love for 24 years now. Imagine that. Longer than your life. I’ve had 4 other great long term relationships before meeting my current at 40. Look for your answers in those who have…what you are seeking. And remember….if you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
I live in a big city in texas. Everything that you experience in your small town you'll experience in a big city. Non committed for those looking for relationships, and ghosting and flakes for those into hooking up. The honest truth is, even though it's hard to find some one, keep your heart open and don't shut down, cuz really there has to be at least 1 guy out there for everyone. I've found love once in my life, and when you find it, keep it and maintain cuz just as fast as love came, it will leave.
I am on your level 100% Matthew. Gay dating is horrible... I'm 29, from the UK in a city of about 150k people and it's total sleaze or full of people who are interested, meet up, pour you with compliments, get what they want then move onto the next guy or they just slowly ghost you. Like what the hell? I'm not sure what the matter is with people these days, everyone is rude, cruel and immature and I am never like this to them. Why can't people be honest and slightly more kind? Who has the energy to sleep around constantly? Why does no one want to build a future? I think it's destructive behavior to be honest... society is cooked Great videos btw :)
Absolutely agree with your comment - why can't people be honest and at least try to be kind? I personally just want someone I can relate to, share life's journey with and, to be honest, the whole dating thing kinda scares me because of what you mentioned. (Also, 150,000 people is a big place to me - where I live has maybe 25,000...!)
Hi Matthew, I could totally relate to you and your struggles, as I'm gay and autistic (started out more as classic than Aspergers, but eventually made my way through to the latter) as well. On top of that, I'm a Modern Orthodox Jew (i.e. Orthodox without being Hasidic or what not) and I've generally lived in rather conservative Jewish communities. As such, and even expanding the dating pool to include non-Jews and non-religious Jews, I really had no luck in finding a boyfriend. I either hooked up rather infrequently, or went on first dates that didn't lead to much of anything long term, or else just ended up being friends with whoever I did find, gay or straight. Among my gay friends, there were some with whom I was friends with benefits. After being in this state for over 20 years, and after eventually realizing that it's better to not actively look, only just recently at 42 did I find somebody. I first met that guy, who is also Modern Orthodox (but, unlike me, not observant at this moment) at a synagogue - in a city where he and I were each just visiting - a number of years ago. However, he and I were just on and off friends (including with benefits) until 1-2 months ago, when he and I became more serious. (If he and I were in the same city, he and I might have started a relationship much sooner.) The fact that there's a big age difference (he's 26) doesn't bother me in the least. Matthew, just hang in there and be patient...you will eventually find your bashert (bah-SHERT; rough Yiddish equivalent of soulmate). If I didn't have my man, you would be one of my dating possibilities in a heartbeat; you're very very cute!
I'm 33 now and I have just about given up all hope aha, I am EXHAUSTED at the mere thought of getting to know someone all over again, catch feelings, just to get ghosted.
I live in SLC, about 2 million in the metro area. The mormon church has a major convention type thing twice per year and during that week hundreds of gay ppl come from all the small towns in surrounding States with their families and go out to the bars to meet ppl. It's always a major event for the LGBT community. I have known several of these guys throughout the years and this event is what brought them into the dating scene they had been missing. Just thought you might be interested.
I agree it's so hard to find anyone these days. I've encountered a lot of jerks last year. I'm going to try to attend some gay meetup events but i know at the end of it I'll probably never see anyone again. They'll just be random acquaintances I once had a chat to. The problem is the statistics are against us, and then as you said certain expectations of how your body should look and having a disability on top also makes it hard too. I have tinnitus so going out to loud environments stresses me at times.What also really annoys me is being lead on, you think they are interested in you and then suddenly they just ghost you. Can't stand it. No wonder why I dislike my own community. I sometimes feel like an alien when I meet these people too. I've never really been into the gay scene either. I have literally nothing in common with these people. I honestly think I'll be a recluse at this point.
Hi, as a recently out guy, I love your channel ❤ Unfortunately, I can't watch this video bc I'm trying to be as positive as possible about gay dating but I'm leaving thumbs up for engagement. Keep it up ❤
I felt like that for ages but met a delivery guy asked me to take a parcel in for a neighbour. Every time he was dropping a parcel for any neighbour he'd always call at mine. We've been going out now for 2 years.
You're obviously a very articulate, and attractive young guy, who has been given a lot to deal with, but who so deserves to find what you're looking for, and I'm sure you will. Wishing you the very best of luck.
I ghosted someone once, but its because i felt unsafe about a situation + had a “you really live like this?” Moment. One of my boundaries is i will not have s x with someone whos name i dont even know. Tldr the guy was dirty, asked me to wipe his butt (wtaf) and also lied to me about his name while we already went on 2 dates prior. Its not my job to explain to him why that makes me feel unsafe and extremely uncomfortable. Not my job to teach personal hygiene lol. I dont mess with dl dudes and i have no idea if he lied to me about being out after lying to me about his name. Ive also been ghosted before and that really sucked too. Idk. Ideally you eventually find someone who matches your energy and can actually communicate without hiding basic information about themselves.
Dude you’re so relatable. I’m at the point where I’m comfortable with my sexual orientation and being gay, and I want to start trying to date but it is just a wasteland out there… especially in high school. Also the whole body image thing. Self improvement vs. unrealistic standards vs. attractivity ??? I have no clue where to start.
'Just hook up' - I guarantee that is 100% the same for straight people. Ask any girl and she will say exactly what you said. There are guys that are frustrated with girls that just want to have a fun night. 'Body image' - This is a cultural issue, not a unique one to gay people. Men, women, boys, girls, young, old... everyone is subjected to expectations of how they should look. The only thing I can offer is for you to continue to try to date. Don't be desperate, but do say 'yes' to more opportunities. Sometimes Mr. Right is in the least expected place. 🙂 (58 yo here, with my husband for 38 years. Yes, we met my first time in a gay bar and I had no intention of meeting anyone. I was just coming out and totally terrified, but it seems to have worked!) All love to ya Matthew!
Our Similarities and being another gay on the spectrum drove me to comment. In my experience the moment you are the least expecting it or when you’re at your strongest you tend to get hit with someone that stands a good chance! It’s almost the moment you get comfortable being single the universe is like we need a new plot twist. I liked your point about having a partner that can get the sense of “different” that comes with a mental disability and I think that gives me a greater sense of understanding of my partner. I’m sorry that guy made fun of you for the way you are I’m sure he has something going on that is getting to him. Anyway been enjoying this channel and keep up the good work!
I relate as well and makes sense knowing I am not the only one dealing with this...but it feels nice to see that there are others that are like minded as myself, You sound like a total sweet heart and a handsome young man to be single, be patient my friend your honesty will pay off and you will find someone special if you keep looking and putting out those positive desirable vibes, don't give in to doubt or negativity, much love
It takes time and you never know when the right connection will happen. IMHO, I think too many gays are like I am this, that, and the other; and he has to be like that, the other and this; so rigid. I’ll be 59 next month and July of 23 I met my match on Tinder. He is 26, very grounded, kind, lives in a perpetual state of gratitude and positivity. Inspiring me every day. We have been living together since August. Both of us are very flexible and genuinely want the best for each other and both of us intentionally go out of our way every day to make it known. We are both very supportive and giving to each other. If you want a relationship to work, start thinking about what and how much you have to offer the person you are with instead of what he will do for you. And your most positive intentions, genuine love and effort are extremely undervalued gifts.
Great video, Matt! Thanks for sharing your perspective. Another important point to consider in gay dating is the greater likelihood of dating someone who has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. It can make a relationship very toxic and difficult. Thanks for all the love you bring to the world!
This is sad to hear from someone younger. I have attempted dating for years and ive encountered the mismatched tastes issue constantly. I am into them they arent into me or the "your handsome but fat". Or they flake on the scheduled date. Or we meet and they are completely socially awkward versus our talks online. The other issue is it appears many gay men have unresolved childhood trauma and it comes out in adulthood causing issues in dating leading to substance use and denial. Its a whole hot mess of things. Not always though! there is hope and ive seen alot of happy couples! Manifest yall manifest!
matthew!! if you havent read the velvet rage by alan downs you should. since starting to read it ive been able to reflect a lot on gay dating and we as gay men feel so unlovable. people do present biases about the book which is important to consider, but for many its pretty eye opening. i feel like you might like it!
bro it’s so much work the thought of it makes me not want to do it, on top of the fact that I already don’t have a crazy high desire to seek anything in the first place😭 but part of me feels like should experience something it’s so muchhhh
I echo a lot of the struggles that you and others have shared Matthew! I recently turned 40 and live in a smaller city in the UK, but one that has always been considered very LGBTQIA+ friendly. Still, hookup culture has always been big here as a party city and big turn off for me and I think I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum too as I really don't care about sex and want an emotional, romantic connection with someone.
Not many options. When something does come along. I'm not what they're looking for. I been called unattractive, ugly, not into native guys, I'm too fem, I'm too masculine, too old, or too heavy, too thin, and everything in between. It's sad man. Then ghosted just like that. Sometimes making a friend is hard to come by. I just think there too few of us out there and people are very picky.
My last hookup was 7 years ago. That’s because we fell in love and quickly moved in together. Best hookup of my life. (We joke that we met on a popular gay dating app.)
I am not autistic, but I dated a guy who is. He was very kind and a really great guy; it just didn't work out because it was long distance. Good luck to you! It can happen!
I believe no one should ever move just for the hopes of meeting someone. It's better instead to move due to school, a new job, friends, family, etc. Focus on yourself and loved ones while putting yourself in places in which you just might meet someone with similar interests. Outside of that, it's just generally better to let love find you because a hunt for love is surely a path to misery.
I’m moving this year to be in a place that at least has a higher population of gay people to heighten those chances. I agree with your sentiment but the dating pool is grim here. I agree it’s good to just let it happen and not hyper focus on it but no harm in increasing the odds
I have lived in major cities and even there it is difficult. I currently live in a large city, and dating here is difficult. Now add into this factor being over 40 and neurodivergent, and it is near impossible to meet anyone. You are also right about the deceit of men in hook up culture. I have give up and adopted the single life.
I’m 58 and have been “out” for 44 years. I’m also autistic (Asperger) and have my quirks, peccadillos (the smaller, more snitty of armadilli) and foibles (yep lol). I’m financially secure, own my home and have no debt. I’m a nice guy who’s also lost with the social clues thing. I like music, walking my dog, never feel rejected and dig being a dork. Wanna go to dinner? I’m in the Oregon Cascades near Crater Lake.
Hey dude great video. You spoke my experience almost to a T! I’m autistic,gay, older, chubby, epileptic. Defining traits being demisexual,sapiosexual etc. YES it’s difficult to find a partner when you present with “Quirks”. I live in a large city here in Colorado, like you it yields very little in possible choices for a partner. Being analytically minded, techie doesn’t draw the boys to the table 😅! Good luck in your search just don’t give up. 🤗❤️🤗🌈🌈🌈
My biggest problem is, I don't know where to go to find someone.
Guten morgen wütender Metzger! Sollte ich jetzt Angst haben? 😱 😁 Try internet search to find dating sites, apps and places where gays come together. Make (gay) friends who can help you and then go out and find someone. Easy to say, hard to make 😅 But, that's the way.
Not home on couch.
Grindr
Christian mingle?
For real, i can't use dating apps cause im scared as fuck some one i know will find me there, creating an awkward situation + the whole hookup culture thing. I've actually tried it before and go so many unsolicited nudes/dick pics. AND IT WASN'T GRINDR!
Irl is a costant game of shooting my shot and getting rejected or the other way around. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but 95% are a different species and 4% don't want to be fished. Like i still have 1% but when u compare that to the percentage of my straight peers it's a little demotivating.
I am gay and also asexual. This makes it even more difficult to find someone as a lot of people don't seem to understand how these two are connected. I am romantically attracted to males (I like to hug, hold hands, kiss, and cuddle up on the couch) but don't like the idea of having sex. Even most people who want committed relationships want some form of sex included, even though it's not the main thing, and as a homo-romantic asexual person, I have struggled with finding someone.
I totally relate to this, thank you for bringing it up.
Thank you! I am also an asexual gay person and have never been interested in gay sex. Unfortunately, it feels like every gay person I meet revolves their life around sex, whether being a top, bottom, or side. It’s very frustrating, but seeing your comment made me realise there are others like me.
I think I’m also like this, I’m not entirely sure but I’m not really into the idea of having sex with anyone- the thought alone kinda holds me back from being in any kind of relationship with any guys, knowing that’s what they always expect. I hope to find someone, someday, who feels the same way like me.
@@orpheus6398 Totally agree with you ive been in a relationship for 7 years but there is no sex, we are intimate in other ways but no sex
@@O-nb5hu Yep 100% i am like you
As a young gay man on the autism spectrum, never lose hope in yourself and don't change anything about yourself just to win someone over. I've been out of the closet for a few years and it can feel very dark at times because barely anyone relates to you or there is not a supportive environment you live in. You just had to find your community somewhere online. And having my autistic quirks can get people questioning me if i was on drugs or not (btw i was not haha). You are not alone, my friend. And I'm happy to find somebody on the internet like you that relates to something like this. Dating can get frustrating, believe me. But it's not impossible. I've been in a few relationships and some were fun while they lasted and some were not. At the end of the day, we are both young and we have a lot to live for. Thank you for making these videos :)
@@jackhoeting9094 Thank you for sharing your experience! I appreciate the kind words and support. :)
I lived in California bay area and went to every gay parade every year, went to all the bars on the weekends for years, I've lived in Washington Seattle area, Michigan, and lived in Tampa Clearwater Florida for 10 years and went to many gay bars and parties. After all that searching for the right guy, Im still alone.
Hi
is Tampa considered a large city?
I guess yes
@@LanceyKersti Tampa Bay metro area is over 3 ‘million people. Yeah it qualifies
@@LanceyKersti Tampa bay area includes ST Pete, and Clearwater as well as other smaller little townships, Yes there are alot of people there and Clearwater is a serious international beach and is a huge vacation destination, and Clearwater is also the world headquarters for Scientology. I really miss it, its beautiful.
I relate to this video so much. I am 35, gay, demisexual, autistic, and an introvert. I grew up in a conservative small city, where I spent my school years being made fun of for being gay, even though I wasn’t out of the closet.
After graduating high school, I moved to a big city, where I fell for the wrong person. They were only interested in sex. After dating just two guys, I have now been single for 14 years. My one and only hookup, 9 years ago, was a traumatic experience that added to a difficult period in my life. The situation as a whole left me struggling with severe depression for a long time, although I eventually managed to overcome it.
Recently, I moved to another big city and have a good job here, but I still struggle to socialize. I often feel like I don’t fit in. I have trust issues and am cautious about sharing that I am gay with people. Using apps like Grindr is out of the question for me. I tried it once for two weeks, and it made me very uncomfortable.
Now that I am older, I feel invisible in the gay community. It makes me wonder if I will ever be in a relationship again.
I relate to what you've said in your comment a lot - being more of an introvert, I wonder if I'll be able to find someone myself. I'm not big on socialising, preferring to spend time with the close friends I do have over a coffee or something like that. I wish you all the best in your search for someone you can relate to and share your life with.
It's funny, I'm also someone who relates to what you're saying. Recently turned 30, and same characteristics as well. All I can do is keep focusing on myself and wait for both the off chance I meet another guy who I can connect with, and also the off chance they want to take it further. Slimmer chance than traditional means, but I cannot fathom the idea of needing to sift through apps focusing on hookups and being unable to connect on an emotional level.
@@jsh. Couldn't agree with your comment more - what is the point of being with someone if there's no emotional connection? It just seems so hollow to me, and not something I'd want personally. I want to be able to share my life with someone who wants to be with me on a deeper level than that, someone who I can relate to. Seems like such a hard thing to find.
Go onto meet up and join a gay group focused on something you like.
In your story, you never once talk about getting help. You need to get therapy.
I was ghosted after 4 months, he convinced me that everything was fine, we talked a lot, often met and seemed to understand each other, but one day he just disappeared and stopped communicating.
After that, I saw him on the street, so he just lives on without me, without even saying goodbye, while I was afraid for him.
This is very difficult for me, I can't look for a partner until I get over the last one, and this takes years, but every few years I consistently find a person who is not interested in me, while convinces me otherwise.
I don't know how to trust anymore.
I am sorry to hear that i mostly blame media and pride parades because the media and parades only presents this overly sexualised version of what they think a gay relationship is and I think that made gay men afraid to be emotionally and embrace a serious monogamous relationship. I’ve had one boyfriend and he was older than me but the age difference didn’t matter to us but I live with my parents and they didn’t approve because they thought he just wanted sex and he had a negative test and it told them he’s been intimate before, when I explained to my mum we’d been dating for 2 weeks and the topic never came up her response was literally shock like she didn’t expect me to say that. I think public perception of gay men makes gay men afraid to feel emotional and vulnerable and the reason they hook up is so they can feel vulnerable but only so long an intimacy is happening.
You need to get help. You need therapy.
@CalvinTennessee I can't tell if you're being genuine or trying to insult them, but your comment does come across as abrasive. Just keep in mind that therapy isn't readily available for everyone, nor is it cheap.
Even in big cities, it’s not easier. Take Miami, big city but extremely superficial and also hook-up based
Amen to that
@@moshe_fl I agree if anything being in a larger city brings even more issues because of the influences brought by so many people being around each other
its working like that everywhere I think
I live in Denver and I’ve had a decent amount of luck. Don’t find too many people looking for hookups. I wish you best of luck and I agree that there are downsides when it comes to living in a big city as well.
@ Denver sounds real and nice,
Plus you guys have the best skiing
Imagine being older. I’m older than u and best believe it’s harder than what u as a cute younger guy have to deal with.
Yep. In my 40s. People 60+ really had it bad
100% and then some. Love is wasted on the young.
@@seanhaley3204Well damn. Sorry for the curveballs life has thrown you, but my partner and I are 26 and met 8 years ago. We’re going strong, and it is the love of my life. I assure you our young love isn't wasted.
@@jt6766 yeah the phrase is "youth is wasted on the young". (And it's not a universal truth, age and maturity are two different things). Love is never wasted, no matter what age you are.
i am 31 maybe i've not hit that hard point just yet but people still find me attractive in different ways few days ago i was complimented for my eyes by another man.
so don't give up on yourself because of age just find better company an avoid the drama click crowds or the toxic image types
i should also mention i am physically and mentally crippled too so dating can be a challenge but as my earlier example shows there are people out there who see beyond my flaws an find the things that make me standout for the better.
im muscular, trained my way for years since i was a scrawny 20 yo, now im 35 and yet i still get rejected because im not masculine enough. Gay dating is a never ending mountain you re escalating, you are never good enough, not muscular enough, succesful enough, rich enough, handsome enough. i am an average good looking guy i mean im not an instagram fitness model or anything but im attractive, and i ve met guys like me atractive in an average way, well they always wanted someone who was more muscular and more manly. Gay dating is a sisyphus, a useless action that lead nowhere. I quit dating when i was like 33
I'm 37 and felt the same way you do when I was your age. I've been in two long-term relationships and I'm now married. If you're a kind person and you're open to dating and open to doing any self work that might be required, the right person will come along. I was also a smaller-town gay. I met my first long-term boyfriend on Grindr and all because I took my self to the city that day and we happened to chat. Keep at it. I know that's probably not helpful right now but you have time even if it doesn't seem like it.
i am a GAYmer, also very introvert, is awfully hard to find someone to connect, hell even finding a friend is difficult for me
Good luck in your search, in my experience good things happen when we least expect it
try with me buddy please
@@StenlieBS777 same
Not sure why your video popped up on my feed because I’m happily married and have known my husband for 20 years now. I am reminded of how difficult dating and hookup culture used to be. I don’t miss being single, not one bit. I hope things get easier for you and that you meet the right guy!
I like the little pauses you take while you talk
your videos are refreshing and grounding, thanks for sharing like this. Mainstream culture feels like it's been gaslighting us gays in the past 10-15 years.
You might like Thairivera for the older gay outlook. His pride video is quite good.
@@samlerf no offense, on the face of it he seems pretty biggoted :\
You communicate extremely well. Having autistic traits is not something that is flagged when watching and listening to you. Here's the thing, everyone has their own uniqueness, likes and quirks. What brings two people together is not really these things but it's an unexplainable chemistry that just maninfests of its own accord. Let expectations not standards go and put less stress on yourself
Thank you! ❤
@@matthewscorner2000 there is couple of things you should had mentioned 1. dating when someone is feminine and 2. when someone is shorter gay guy
I relate 100% to what you’re saying. I’m a gay guy from Russia and I’ve struggled to find my loved one and I found him when I wasn’t looking just out of the blue…! I think you’re gonna meet someone, you’re very handsome and kind, good luck!
Can you tell me what is like being gay in russia please ?
Да, я тоже его абсолютно понимаю. Я не уверен, есть ли у меня расстройство аутистического спектра, но все остальное в видео - в точку. Я из дальнего от Центра региона и мне пришлось разлучиться с семьёй из-за поступления в университет в Москву. Но в глубине души я чувствовал, что основная причина - это обустройство личной жизни, попытка найти свою вторую половинку. Я уже пятый год здесь, стараюсь полностью погружаться в образование, потому что попытки знакомиться уже надоели. Я не могу сказать что я урод, что я глупый, но складывается ощущение, что в community просто по стандарту завышенные требования или ожидания. Постоянно сталкиваешься с какими-то проблемами, понимаешь, что среди всего моего окружения я как белая ворона: все только ищут fwb, ons и т.д. В дейтинг-сервисах нет никакой романтики, только порнография по моему ощущению... Среди всего прочего начинает появляться мысль о переезде в европейскую или азиатскую страну, где разрешены однополые браки, чтобы найти свою любовь. Вопрос в другом - а смогу ли я найти там себе кого-то по душе, если сейчас сталкиваюсь с такими проблемами? Может быть проблема во мне?
@@simonesimone3583 not cool, that’s one of the reasons we left Russia three years ago
@@simonesimone3583 I mean back when we lived there it wasn’t bad, but we couldn’t just walk in the streets holding hands, but now when there are laws against lgbt - it’s gotten way worse
@@grisleyвопрос с переездом хороший. Я бы на твоем месте пожил бы некоторое время то там, то сям пока годы позволяют. В любом случае ничего не потеряешь, если есть специальность на руках, которая пригодится по месту жительства. Познакомишься с другой страной, культурой, менталитетом, расширишь мировоззрение, хуже 100% не будет.
Damn, as a fellow young gay guy, I agree with most of what you're saying!! Would love to connect with you 🫂
Matthew, you use the word 'find' a lot... the moment I stopped trying to find someone, I was much happier and eventually I connected with someone and we got together. I used to be so desperate for a boyfriend it got in the way of my happiness - letting that go changed everything for the better.
sure, but let's be real, that won't happen to everyone.
I stopped trying to find someone too. I’ve now been single for about 6 years.
@@kallelellacevej2234 - Are you happy?
@@kallelellacevej2234I’ve stopped trying to find someone and been single for over a decade 😂😂 just adding my experience so that ppl song only focus on positive outcomes
he probably have an utopic idea of what features his boyfriend need to have and isn't willing to relax his standards.
At this point I’m ready to become a celibate monk lol
Lol, for real. I don't even care anymore. I'd love to find the right person, but I'm good with it not happening.
@@jeremiahallyn4603great attitude!.
@@kylerrariden7483 let’s goooo
Welcome to the club.
I am sorry to hear these things. It seems the game is still the same in the gay community. The only thing that has changed is the use of technology and social media. I am an considered an older gay man even though I do not look my age. We used to meet people through social events, parties, clubs, organizations, hobbies and interests. Seek those things out. I did the online dating things decades ago. I failed miserably at it too. That too has changed with the apps. As far as gays living in small town, it is a struggle. I left a small town and moved to a large city. New York and Los Angeles are not the only large cities in this country. There are many more and I live in one of them. Do not lose hope or give up. I know it can be frustrating and difficult. I just feel bad for so many gay men who are alone and feel alone.
You are right about many things you said. Not everyone wants to hookup or be apart of that culture. It seems that has not changed either.
I am not in a relationship. I have not tried in years. I was never successful at it either. I am still happy as a person and individual. The happiness and fulfillment comes from with in. It does not come from being connected to someone.
I know some gay mem just want some good supportive gay friendships as well.
You will connect with someone when it is right. Do not lose hope or give up. The videos you post help you. They help others as well so they do not feel alone.
Being gay AND autistic is so rough especially on dating apps because I have time to process their messages and come up with something cute and witty, but then I flop so hard in person😭🤣 Thanks for sharing your experience though, makes me feel less alone in the struggle❤
I'm happy I discovered your TikTok page and your TH-cam channel last month when you said you are on the autism spectrum because I, too, have autism and I heavily relate with gay guys who are on the spectrum and that they are outed so much in gay dating. I feel that we need more representation of likeminded autistics, even if we share similar struggles as normal people would whether that can be developing relationships, understanding their feelings, or any other stereotypes.
You did very well in handling these specific topics that you mentioned in your video. I cannot wait for your upcoming videos soon!
y’all i commented this on the community post but i feel it bears repeating. given that it is dead impossible to date as a gay person, at some point we must ask ourselves, why are we prizing so highly this idea of dating? most likely bc we grew up with the idea of “married happily ever after” endlessly thrust upon us, and we were like, “oh yeah, i guess that’ll be me someday”. and then we realise that for us this is impossible, and, as is natural, we have difficulty unlearning what was thrust upon us earlier, so we cling to this idea that “no, there must still be some way! there must be!” and then you end up, as Matthew said in the video, moving somewhere you don’t even wanna go, putting your whole life out of order, sometimes risking life and limb, just to date! we must take a second to think, and weigh our options economically. is it, in the end, worth going to all this immense trouble, for an enterprise whose likelihood of bringing us satisfaction is as low as it is? the answer to that is a resounding no.
personally, i was devastated when i realised that dating would be impossible for me, but then i finally realised: why? why should i be devastated about that? dating certainly isn’t necessary, and these days, it very seldom ends well. so after a while i got used to these ideas, and i hope you can too if you’ve bothered to read this far which you probably didn’t. and sorry if this was completely incoherent but i’m tryna go to bed.
Yup, I made a similar comment.
The "you are not complete without a romantic partner" myth is responsible for a lot of unhappiness in society (not just for gays, for EVERYONE).
It's difficult to see unless you've been in a LTR but they're just not as great as you'd think. There's a one-year honeymoon / limerence period, then you're lucky if you're good friends (that's why a lot of people end up in unhappy marriages - fools rush in). Your partner has more of a familial like attachment after that.
Being single is MUCH MUCH MUCH better than a bad relationship. You wouldn't think things like "the silent treatment" would be devastating to be on the opposite end of, but they absolutely are. Emotional abuse is incredibly common too.
I love this...thank you
@@dante6985trueee
I understand that some people don't need that but the comfort and security of having an exclusive life partner or even just one person I can be totally mutually honest with and rely on would be worth more than anything in the world to me. I can survive without it but I don't know if I can ever thrive unless I can have such a deep connection with another human. Close friends have never satisfied that for me because we don't have a deep yearning to know and understand each other, or at least it's never been reciprocated at the same time. Maybe that is just how male friendships are.
@@sshhii male friendships tend to be more surface-y but they're not obliged to be, just have to put yourself out there. Women do support each other more but also can be kind of two-faced (I had a co-worker who did not understand social cues at all, technologically illiterate, chronic absences, poor productivity, disliked by many but had a bunch of hugs and a gift certificate when she left). I don't think a romantic relationship is necessary but closeness is and you have to put yourself out there to get it.
I love your channel so much honestly, I’m new but you make me feel like I’m not alone out there!! 💜💜 it’s a real struggle man, being homosexual is hard and it’s even worse when those around you refuse to acknowledge such a wonderful side of yourself
I’m from NYC, and let me tell you dating is awful, I’m a chubby guy, I admit that I am and NYC IS THE PRETTY BOY CAPITAL OF THE EAST COAST and let me tell you dating here is like a combination of mean girls and that cheerleading movie. The superficial is all that matters and being able to bed as many “good looking Instagram model dudes” is all that matters. I once had someone tell me I’m a nice guy but I would ruin their brand if they dated me and walked away.
Now add to all that the hookup culture which is depressing and sad and you get accosted with this on a daily basis,
the club culture the web-media culture hookup culture all of that is just feeding the idea that instant quick one night stands and then the walk of regret the next day are all that matter and is the real way to live and have fun.
But here is the question why do the caring and loyal and decent and MONOGAMOUS GUYS
the people who are like me, and who are like this, why are we not paid any attention and instead are overlooked and seen as the bottom of the barrel on the dating scene
There is no real reason why having 50-100-300 plus partners needs to be glorified, and yes I know people with those numbers, but guys who are waiting and want a real long lasting love and relationship and a family and something pure and real are seen as rejects
Sad but this is the prevailing dating culture
I feel for you it was no different here in Australia when i was dating before i met my partner, too many fake guys more obsessed with looks and there is nothing wrong with a bit chubby
You articulate well the frustrations so many of us gay guys either face or have faced in our lives.
I'm in the same boat, dude. As a 20-something gay guy who's also probably autistic, it really sucks... Not to be weird, but I would definitely ask you out if you lived by me. Anyway, I hope you find a guy that cares about you soon!
being gay -> sometimes stigmatized (1), challenges coming from even inside the gay community itself (2), being autistic (3),... as a gay man, my difficulty level is exponential compared to the straight. Lord help me :(
🌷
My problem I’m dating is because I’m gay, autism spectrum, AND a side. So I got the narrow dating pool of gays, the even more narrow of autism spectrum, and then the even tinnier universe of guys who don’t want anal sex as part of our experience. Anal sex is so much of an expected thing that an otherwise great match will be uninterested on that alone.
Interesting
If someone truly values you, they will respect the fact that there are certain things you do not want to do. If they can't, they're not worth your time.
Thank you for sharing your views on gay dating.
I understand what you’re saying. Before I met my late husband (passed away 4 months ago), I found dating to be a nightmare, and I *do* live in a major city!
Also, I too am on the spectrum, and that always made it difficult for other people to relate to me and me to them. Still, have patience. You are a highly attractive young man with a sparkling personality. At the risk of sounding like a fatalist, I do believe that when the time is right for you, the perfect guy will come into your life and you’ll sweep each other off of your feet!
Have patience, Matthew. YOUR TIME WILL COME!!! ❤
The trying to date in a smaller city topic I found really relatable. I also live in a town of about 70,000 people and it’s funny because you almost familiarize yourself with all the queer people in your town (especially if you’ve spent time on dating apps, Grindr, etc.) But people are moving around all the time and I just found someone that I really like and who really likes me and things are going great so far. So even in smaller cities, new people are out there! Now, living in a REALLY small town of a couple thousand or a few hundred people is something that I cannot relate to or speak to. It would be interesting to hear that perspective.
Hey
70,000 people is not a small town😂
I relate to you so much. I once lived in a small town, and now I am living abroad in a big city in Europe. I just feel like it is impossible to even date someone that clicks. I am very bad at social cues. I either become so nice to literally everyone or just look like having 0 empathy. From the outside, I look like someone who doesn't care about anyone else, but this is just not true. This makes it even harder to have friends. I know just a couple of people, but it's just like that. My relationship with them never goes deeper. When I think that I am close to someone, it is often a false impression. I rarely get invited to their activities, or just hang out together. Don't even ask about dating life, because no such thing has ever happened in these 24 years of my life on this planet
My biggest issue in gay dating has been trying to find someone who's on my level. In my area, I seem to have the dating intentions at 20 that most gay men have at 30. I'm looking for something long term and serious - someone to share my life with and connect with... and I really only see those intentions reflected on dating apps if I set me age range above 25 which is a huge bummer
Social groups that are not too sex-centred, and are more about socialising and making friends are probably better than dating sites or bars. (Those do tend to be more about hook-ups than relationships). Gay social clubs or groups that are not primarily about sex are perhaps quite rare, but going in with the aim to meet like-minded people and make friends is better (IMO) than thinking about sex and body-types. Lasting LTRs are not ultimately based on sex, they are about love and understanding, shared interests and enjoying each other's company. The right one comes along for many, when they are not really looking or trying too hard.
Amazing how we think alike, Matthew - we must be "kindred spirits!"
You express your values, aspirations, longings (even your frustrations and disappointments) as if I were naturally sharing my counterparts with you candidly and from the heart.
Thank you for being so charmingly sincere and touching upon themes that affect many viewers of this channel.
ADHD here, I understand how neurodivergency ramps the difficulties way up. I've learned to be happy in my solitude. I'm by no means alone, I do have a few very supportive friends. I've stopped trying to actively date to preserve my mental health. Either the right one will come along or he won't along the way.
I have a similar story, including relating to the spectrum challenges. I’m from a small town in the Midwest, but moved to LA many years ago. Your comments about the culture, the big city issues, life desires versus opportunities… all of it resonate. I wish I could offer wise words that made some difference, but you seem to understand the world as we’re navigating along. I can only offer an empathetic shoulder, an ear and offer a parallel. You already know, but you’re amongst folks who can and will love you for you. It’s difficult to feel sometimes, but remind yourself of its truth. I know I do. Best to you and thank you for your open vulnerability.
Its super hard here in Sweden as well, everyone only seek out hook-ups
Girl living in a major city is rough too. I agree with your points, and fundamentally we are too focused on aesthetics and the superficial aspects of what social media says we and ours potential partner should be versus what makes us fulfilled and content on a real level.
Man I have this kind of struggle too Specially because for some reason I tend to fall in love with straight woman plus I'm very introvert and have only straight close friends :(
Imagine dealing with is in say the 90s and earlier when there were no apps or even online to speak of. Not to mention even a place to come and air your frustrations of not being able to connect with anyone. Today you have so many ways of connecting it's mind blowing.
tudo que você disse é realmente verdade. hoje em dia está difícil demais encontrar alguém que realmente queira algo sério, geralmente a pessoa só quer ficar e depois sumir. pra mim, não faz sentido nenhum, sabe? como você disse, não tem problema querer apenas ficar, mas a pessoa mostra sentimento e diz quer algo sério, mas aí do nada some, é bem chato msm.
eu amo sua vibe e seus vídeos, eu amaria super conhecer você.
Way smaller dating pool not even considering your type, his type, age, race etc... it's a tough road for sure.
Thank you so much for being so open
You are amazing and I hope you find the right one eventually!! I love your vids!!❤️❤️
Thank you!!
In Portugal we use an expression that is: "turning our backs on the world, proudly alone", to achieve true glory through virtues and actions
I was straight as a teenager and early 20s and decided I was gay at 22 and I'm 33 now and I feel no difficulty difference in dating either sex. It's quite simple to go up to someone and ask them out. I think most people struggle with rejection and also staying in a relationship but honestly that issue goes for any sexual orientation. Not that this is a fact but I've had longer standing relationships with guys I dated in rural areas as opposed to living in the city. Be bold, go out more, meet new people in places you enjoy.
You must be extremely attractive really. Confidence is a factor but your experience is definitely not usual.
@@etcwhateveryes
Be yourself. That can be very attractive. If you are fake, it always comes out at some point. Perhaps build a close group of gay friends and create a strong support group would be a good start. Hook up culture and body image are two of the most difficult things to deal with. I remember when my first BF told me I was the first person he ever dated who didn't have a flat stomach (ouch). As an older gay male, I have been in several relationships with the last being almost 20 years. I became undetectable in 2016 and to be honest, I got tired of telling guys this when we would start dating and seeing the look on their faces followed by rejection. These days I am building good friendships in a very conservative area (Florida) and I am happy to just hang out without any pressure.
When you put it in context, I would say that I might be in a similar position like you. But when it comes to reading people… I often don't understand them, but in very rare moments, I understand practically everything, don’t know why. Anyway, I hope you find a great guy soon. Lots of love ♥️
The ghosting thing is so common with gays because we are avoidants by nature, and avoidants tend to reject and stay away from people and situations that demand showing up in the moment with truthful feelings. It's sad but a common occurrence nowadays
there is something unique about the way you talk. I kinda like the slow pace and the little pauses you make. best of luck
One irony is, in your audience, right now, you have at least one eligible option... who found you... who appreciates you... who is giving you attention... who is reaching out to connect... who could provide the happiness you're looking for... who should not have to climb Mt. Everest to reach you... who is worthy of a response. The onus is on you to recognize him, as he was able to recognize you.
The things you want, you have to be able to reciprocate, when they are being offered to you.
"Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door." Your channel is relatively new, and it's already working to your advantage.
Are you, Brian, the eligible option you are talking about?
Hi Matthew. I'm a new subscriber to your channel from the U.K. Thank you for the video. I agree with the reasons you mentioned. From my own experience, I find there is too much emphasis on looks, stereotypes, not being honest. I am a strong believer that there is someone out there for everyone! Don't give up!
Agreed - I do still think there's someone out there for everyone, even if it can be difficult to find them. (I still have hope for myself!) This video earned a subscription from me too - and I'm from the UK myself too.
Thank you!
I think the problem boils down to the fact that guys (and straight people, honestly...) view relationships - and hookups! - like jobs or real estate these days. It's all about drawing up your list of needs, sticking to them and always thinking about whether something better might be out there. And I wished we actually treated each other like human beings that we're exploring a connection with - again, no matter if we're dating or just hooking up. It is so unfair.
Guys need to be honest with each other and communicate better about their intentions and what they're thinking. We also really ignore just how genuinely and deeply cruel ghosting is, and yet it's pretty much considered a socially acceptable way to behave now.
Also, it is SO confusing the way body image works. Don't forget that different subsets of the gay community have entirely different standards for each others' bodies, and we've ensured ourselves that it's always going to be *something* driving us insane.
Hi
Im autistic and gay too, my problem is I am really shy talk to people, because i have my tics and some of them are annoying to others, what i understand because they dont know how this is. But one day there will be someone. You get one too in some time i belive
In HS it felt necessary to live as straight - I wanted the benefits that conferred, and that meant girlfriends (and sex). But one thing I knew for certain was that I needed something different from college. Passed over scholarships for places that were in a smaller towns (think UVA) and headed to a good sized city (700k) with 5 major universities and a developed gay culture. I was able to anonymize, deal with me at my own pace, experiment (didn't abandon the straight thing all at once) and then - eventually - find a relationship. Far enough away that college me didn't impinge on high school me either, which I wanted for those first summers. Can't comment on autism b/c it wasn't a thing in those days, and I think a lot folks on the very mild side of A1 just went through life with coping mechanisms. What's challenging now is many years later with a house in the suburbs and older too boot - that's a struggle!
Thank you for sharing this on your channel.
For those who doesn't know his Instagram, I can confirm about the body image part, that he look gorgeous from every side!
Including from the inside. Like he seems such a great person it's hard to believe he is still single 🥰
I would add when you are a young man, you often receive attention from guys 3 times your ages, so it's difficult to connect more specifically with guys your ages for lot of reasons
It’s so difficult now. The longest relationship I had with a boyfriend was only five months. I’ve been on and off gay dating apps for about ten years too. The ghosting, the immaturity, the hookup culture, and everything else all has added up to disappointment for me. I gave up online. Now, to meet a guy, I’ll dress cute and go to a local department store or grocery to find someone. My best to all you guys looking and trying! Thanks for the video too 🤗
Online dating scares me - I've heard too, too many horror stories.
Your immortal beloved is out there, don’t give up hope! ❤
So true 😢
yup, been through all the challenges you've mentioned. but we keep trying....hang in there....
im 56. my last date was over 15 yrs ago. i ask someone out and their response is "Im not looking to date right now. just hookups". A lot of guys will say they just want to hookup and then 2 weeks later they are bragging about their new "husbear". guys want the next best thing and feel that there is always someone better. and body image is also a deal. so many profiles say "must be in shape / height-weight proportionate". thats not me, so unless i become anoerexic, im fucked
Very honest and heartfelt. There are a few good guys out there. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and remain hopeful.
Add being 50-something to being gay and autistic. My world. Despite being kind, genuine, intelligent, told I’m handsome, excelling in my profession as a nurse, always striving to grow as a person, emotionally stable and healthy, physically healthy and take care of my physical health, and a good cook and handyman, can’t get any responses on dating sites, and living in a smaller town in Texas, meeting people in person is very difficult. Any north central TX/southern OK good guys around? Take care and love yourselves, y’all.
I totally feel you dude.....I have been trying hard to find someone.... I have been talking to this guy I met through tender that I would do anything to meet. But he claims he is nervous about rejection and needs more time, etc. So I dont know if he is leading me on or what. He thinks that 3 weeks isnt long enough to talk, I think what do you have to lose?? Why continue wasting time if we arent gonna like each other in person.
I am autistic too so I feel you 100%!
If you define yourself from being autistic….you’re gonna have a problem. A person should define himself by his values. If you make being autistic a common topic in a relationship….its not going to last. Put your attention on other things than trying to find a companion. Tell us what you do in your life, other than “looking”. Your other interests. It’s obvious you have a lot to learn about life. I’ve been in love for 24 years now. Imagine that. Longer than your life. I’ve had 4 other great long term relationships before meeting my current at 40. Look for your answers in those who have…what you are seeking. And remember….if you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
I live in a big city in texas. Everything that you experience in your small town you'll experience in a big city. Non committed for those looking for relationships, and ghosting and flakes for those into hooking up. The honest truth is, even though it's hard to find some one, keep your heart open and don't shut down, cuz really there has to be at least 1 guy out there for everyone. I've found love once in my life, and when you find it, keep it and maintain cuz just as fast as love came, it will leave.
I am on your level 100% Matthew. Gay dating is horrible... I'm 29, from the UK in a city of about 150k people and it's total sleaze or full of people who are interested, meet up, pour you with compliments, get what they want then move onto the next guy or they just slowly ghost you. Like what the hell? I'm not sure what the matter is with people these days, everyone is rude, cruel and immature and I am never like this to them. Why can't people be honest and slightly more kind?
Who has the energy to sleep around constantly? Why does no one want to build a future? I think it's destructive behavior to be honest... society is cooked
Great videos btw :)
Absolutely agree with your comment - why can't people be honest and at least try to be kind? I personally just want someone I can relate to, share life's journey with and, to be honest, the whole dating thing kinda scares me because of what you mentioned. (Also, 150,000 people is a big place to me - where I live has maybe 25,000...!)
Sleeping around is very destructive you are 100% correct
Hi Matthew, I could totally relate to you and your struggles, as I'm gay and autistic (started out more as classic than Aspergers, but eventually made my way through to the latter) as well. On top of that, I'm a Modern Orthodox Jew (i.e. Orthodox without being Hasidic or what not) and I've generally lived in rather conservative Jewish communities.
As such, and even expanding the dating pool to include non-Jews and non-religious Jews, I really had no luck in finding a boyfriend. I either hooked up rather infrequently, or went on first dates that didn't lead to much of anything long term, or else just ended up being friends with whoever I did find, gay or straight. Among my gay friends, there were some with whom I was friends with benefits.
After being in this state for over 20 years, and after eventually realizing that it's better to not actively look, only just recently at 42 did I find somebody. I first met that guy, who is also Modern Orthodox (but, unlike me, not observant at this moment) at a synagogue - in a city where he and I were each just visiting - a number of years ago. However, he and I were just on and off friends (including with benefits) until 1-2 months ago, when he and I became more serious. (If he and I were in the same city, he and I might have started a relationship much sooner.) The fact that there's a big age difference (he's 26) doesn't bother me in the least.
Matthew, just hang in there and be patient...you will eventually find your bashert (bah-SHERT; rough Yiddish equivalent of soulmate). If I didn't have my man, you would be one of my dating possibilities in a heartbeat; you're very very cute!
I'm 33 now and I have just about given up all hope aha, I am EXHAUSTED at the mere thought of getting to know someone all over again, catch feelings, just to get ghosted.
I live in SLC, about 2 million in the metro area. The mormon church has a major convention type thing twice per year and during that week hundreds of gay ppl come from all the small towns in surrounding States with their families and go out to the bars to meet ppl. It's always a major event for the LGBT community. I have known several of these guys throughout the years and this event is what brought them into the dating scene they had been missing. Just thought you might be interested.
I agree it's so hard to find anyone these days. I've encountered a lot of jerks last year. I'm going to try to attend some gay meetup events but i know at the end of it I'll probably never see anyone again. They'll just be random acquaintances I once had a chat to.
The problem is the statistics are against us, and then as you said certain expectations of how your body should look and having a disability on top also makes it hard too. I have tinnitus so going out to loud environments stresses me at times.What also really annoys me is being lead on, you think they are interested in you and then suddenly they just ghost you. Can't stand it. No wonder why I dislike my own community. I sometimes feel like an alien when I meet these people too. I've never really been into the gay scene either. I have literally nothing in common with these people.
I honestly think I'll be a recluse at this point.
Hi, as a recently out guy, I love your channel ❤ Unfortunately, I can't watch this video bc I'm trying to be as positive as possible about gay dating but I'm leaving thumbs up for engagement. Keep it up ❤
I felt like that for ages but met a delivery guy asked me to take a parcel in for a neighbour. Every time he was dropping a parcel for any neighbour he'd always call at mine. We've been going out now for 2 years.
You're obviously a very articulate, and attractive young guy, who has been given a lot to deal with, but who so deserves to find what you're looking for, and I'm sure you will. Wishing you the very best of luck.
Hi
I ghosted someone once, but its because i felt unsafe about a situation + had a “you really live like this?” Moment. One of my boundaries is i will not have s x with someone whos name i dont even know. Tldr the guy was dirty, asked me to wipe his butt (wtaf) and also lied to me about his name while we already went on 2 dates prior. Its not my job to explain to him why that makes me feel unsafe and extremely uncomfortable. Not my job to teach personal hygiene lol. I dont mess with dl dudes and i have no idea if he lied to me about being out after lying to me about his name.
Ive also been ghosted before and that really sucked too. Idk. Ideally you eventually find someone who matches your energy and can actually communicate without hiding basic information about themselves.
Dude you’re so relatable. I’m at the point where I’m comfortable with my sexual orientation and being gay, and I want to start trying to date but it is just a wasteland out there… especially in high school. Also the whole body image thing. Self improvement vs. unrealistic standards vs. attractivity ??? I have no clue where to start.
'Just hook up' - I guarantee that is 100% the same for straight people. Ask any girl and she will say exactly what you said. There are guys that are frustrated with girls that just want to have a fun night.
'Body image' - This is a cultural issue, not a unique one to gay people. Men, women, boys, girls, young, old... everyone is subjected to expectations of how they should look.
The only thing I can offer is for you to continue to try to date. Don't be desperate, but do say 'yes' to more opportunities. Sometimes Mr. Right is in the least expected place. 🙂
(58 yo here, with my husband for 38 years. Yes, we met my first time in a gay bar and I had no intention of meeting anyone. I was just coming out and totally terrified, but it seems to have worked!) All love to ya Matthew!
Our Similarities and being another gay on the spectrum drove me to comment. In my experience the moment you are the least expecting it or when you’re at your strongest you tend to get hit with someone that stands a good chance! It’s almost the moment you get comfortable being single the universe is like we need a new plot twist. I liked your point about having a partner that can get the sense of “different” that comes with a mental disability and I think that gives me a greater sense of understanding of my partner. I’m sorry that guy made fun of you for the way you are I’m sure he has something going on that is getting to him. Anyway been enjoying this channel and keep up the good work!
I relate as well and makes sense knowing I am not the only one dealing with this...but it feels nice to see that there are others that are like minded as myself, You sound like a total sweet heart and a handsome young man to be single, be patient my friend your honesty will pay off and you will find someone special if you keep looking and putting out those positive desirable vibes, don't give in to doubt or negativity, much love
Honestly, I really needed to hear what you had to say about body image issues. Thanks for that ❤
Matthew i just love your stuff! I wish more ppl were like you
Thank you! ❤
It takes time and you never know when the right connection will happen. IMHO, I think too many gays are like I am this, that, and the other; and he has to be like that, the other and this; so rigid. I’ll be 59 next month and July of 23 I met my match on Tinder. He is 26, very grounded, kind, lives in a perpetual state of gratitude and positivity. Inspiring me every day. We have been living together since August. Both of us are very flexible and genuinely want the best for each other and both of us intentionally go out of our way every day to make it known. We are both very supportive and giving to each other. If you want a relationship to work, start thinking about what and how much you have to offer the person you are with instead of what he will do for you. And your most positive intentions, genuine love and effort are extremely undervalued gifts.
Great video, Matt! Thanks for sharing your perspective. Another important point to consider in gay dating is the greater likelihood of dating someone who has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. It can make a relationship very toxic and difficult. Thanks for all the love you bring to the world!
Unfortunately I relate to and understand a lot of what you said. Thank you for being open about your feelings!
This is sad to hear from someone younger. I have attempted dating for years and ive encountered the mismatched tastes issue constantly. I am into them they arent into me or the "your handsome but fat". Or they flake on the scheduled date. Or we meet and they are completely socially awkward versus our talks online. The other issue is it appears many gay men have unresolved childhood trauma and it comes out in adulthood causing issues in dating leading to substance use and denial. Its a whole hot mess of things. Not always though! there is hope and ive seen alot of happy couples! Manifest yall manifest!
matthew!! if you havent read the velvet rage by alan downs you should. since starting to read it ive been able to reflect a lot on gay dating and we as gay men feel so unlovable. people do present biases about the book which is important to consider, but for many its pretty eye opening. i feel like you might like it!
Thank you Matthew, I really needed to hear this.
bro it’s so much work the thought of it makes me not want to do it, on top of the fact that I already don’t have a crazy high desire to seek anything in the first place😭 but part of me feels like should experience something it’s so muchhhh
I echo a lot of the struggles that you and others have shared Matthew! I recently turned 40 and live in a smaller city in the UK, but one that has always been considered very LGBTQIA+ friendly. Still, hookup culture has always been big here as a party city and big turn off for me and I think I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum too as I really don't care about sex and want an emotional, romantic connection with someone.
Not many options. When something does come along. I'm not what they're looking for. I been called unattractive, ugly, not into native guys, I'm too fem, I'm too masculine, too old, or too heavy, too thin, and everything in between. It's sad man. Then ghosted just like that. Sometimes making a friend is hard to come by. I just think there too few of us out there and people are very picky.
I feel you. I'm 35 and gay. It's so hard
My last hookup was 7 years ago. That’s because we fell in love and quickly moved in together. Best hookup of my life. (We joke that we met on a popular gay dating app.)
I am not autistic, but I dated a guy who is. He was very kind and a really great guy; it just didn't work out because it was long distance. Good luck to you! It can happen!
I believe no one should ever move just for the hopes of meeting someone. It's better instead to move due to school, a new job, friends, family, etc. Focus on yourself and loved ones while putting yourself in places in which you just might meet someone with similar interests. Outside of that, it's just generally better to let love find you because a hunt for love is surely a path to misery.
So true
I’m moving this year to be in a place that at least has a higher population of gay people to heighten those chances. I agree with your sentiment but the dating pool is grim here. I agree it’s good to just let it happen and not hyper focus on it but no harm in increasing the odds
I have lived in major cities and even there it is difficult. I currently live in a large city, and dating here is difficult. Now add into this factor being over 40 and neurodivergent, and it is near impossible to meet anyone. You are also right about the deceit of men in hook up culture. I have give up and adopted the single life.
I've been relating to so so so much of what you say in these videos. I'm gay and autistic as well. Suddenly it all makes sense lol
I’m 58 and have been “out” for 44 years. I’m also autistic (Asperger) and have my quirks, peccadillos (the smaller, more snitty of armadilli) and foibles (yep lol). I’m financially secure, own my home and have no debt. I’m a nice guy who’s also lost with the social clues thing. I like music, walking my dog, never feel rejected and dig being a dork. Wanna go to dinner? I’m in the Oregon Cascades near Crater Lake.
You’re adorable Matthew. We all have our struggles in the gay community. Thanks for sharing.
I would definitely love to get to know you. I love when respectful men are vulnerable and honest. 🎉
Hey dude great video. You spoke my experience almost to a T!
I’m autistic,gay, older, chubby, epileptic. Defining traits being demisexual,sapiosexual etc. YES it’s difficult to find a partner when you present with “Quirks”. I live in a large city here in Colorado, like you it yields very little in possible choices for a partner.
Being analytically minded, techie doesn’t draw the boys to the table 😅!
Good luck in your search just don’t give up. 🤗❤️🤗🌈🌈🌈