I had a homophobic coworker once. We worked in a factory. He was a recent immigrant from some African country. Anyway, we worked together quite a bit. He would say atrocious things about women and gays. One day, I told him I was gay. Said he had no idea. And then told me what would happen to me if we were in his country. It involved tires and fires. I mentioned this to a few coworkers and friends. They said I should tell HR. I didn't. I came to realize that he may have never had a gay friend or person in his life before. So I made it a point to work with him. We would talk a lot about life and stuff. Months go by. We've become friendly by then. One day, he asked if I could write a letter of recommendation for a college program he was trying to get into. I did. When he got in, he gave me a hug.
That dude had a serious problem - either he was extremely homophobic or he is a closet case. He appeared to have a very serious hangup about your sexuality - (which ought to be a private matter - no one else's business ) - period. If I had been his manager - I would have terminated him very quickly. First time, one written warning - Second time, immediate termination.
Their problem is this - as an older gay man myself, these people as adults have a serious lack of common sense and are not properly adjusted to reality that they cannot be allowed out in public at that stage of their lives without some serious mental health interventions - I personally believe that it is because of the way they are raised by their parents, who did not use strict and severe enough Millitary style parental discipline (standards of acceptable behaviour) on them as children, especially harsh military style parenting styles and including childhood corporal punishment for any misbehaviour, that every child needs, as if they are old enough to misbehave, they are old enough to receive corporal punishment, both as a consequence of and for that misbehaviour - I have witnessed this countless times in my 30 years in supermarket retailing and therefore, I am a strong advocate for the immediate restoration of corporal punishment in the family home by parents and in schools by teachers and by police officers below the age of 21, which traditional social and moral values we must return to and restore the mantra of “a child is a child until they are 21” - the “new ways” of the 1960’s onwards, starting with Vatican II has done terrible social damage to western society, in a similar way to how the policies of communism in Russia, Eastern Europe, the CCP and North Korea has done to those societies - at the other extreme, I also believe that another way that our western society has been damaged has been by the abolition of capital punishment and the treason and sedition laws in many western countries, of which I am a strong advocate of and for its immediate restoration - ultimately, I believe that it really all boils down to failing and refusing to obey God’s Commandments, especially important in our times
@@michaeljohndennis2231 THIS IS A F*CKIN TRIP. Why are you proselytizing corporal punishment of children and capital punishment on this video?? You are so off base.
It ABSOLUTELY depends on where you live in the United States. A co-worker creating a Hostile Work Environment based on sexual orientation (or any reason) Is it illegal in California...but not in Texas. In more than half of US States you can be fired at will for being gay. In just under half of those states you can be evicted for being gay. In those states, there are NO protections in housing or employment for people based on sexual orientation. If you're in one of those states use caution first... and work to change the laws where you live.
Yeah, like 99% probably. Based on being a 55yr old gay guy, and seen basically exactly this scenario play out more than a couple of times, and then 10 years or whatever you're at a gay bar or club and _well look who it is_
I wanted to say the same thing lol. I haven't seen many guys who are as cute as him. He's also got the best combo of cuteness plus a deep rumbly male voice
He was almost certainly into you, Matt. That does not excuse his actions in the slightest, but I can’t think of any other reason that he would be fixating over your sexuality other than that he is closeted and wanted you to be gay.
Not true at all. Most straight guys are like this, especially younger ones. Conservatives and the the most infleuncial podcasters tell them that it's the worst thing in the world
I came out at 17 in 1985, and had to put up with homophobes all throughout high school and college. some young men were fascinated by my sexuality and would talk about me being gay constantly and make it all the focus. i found out (through the grapevine) lots of those guys were screwing each other and their homophobia was really self directed hatred at their own sexuality. it's sad that the openly gay people become the focus of their internal strife but I think we are the stronger people in the end
I go through the gossip and talking behind my back thing myself at work. I work in retail as a manager and there was this guy in another department that I liked. For some reason its like every time i'd run into him or once when he came out the restroom, but I'd always give him this nod. He got to the point he wouldn't even talk to me even if it was me asking him to do something work related. He is like 19 and everyone in his department is like 16 to 22ish and none of them want to speak or talk to me. I found out from one of the people in my department that they were all talking about me behind my back. Now anyone new they hire will speak or hang around me but after a few days they have done told them all this crap about me. It totally sucks and I hate it
This situation showed how strong you are. You did not fold up. Now you know how to defend yourself. You could have asked him that if is so interested, are you asking so you can date me. Also when faced with these types of situations, do not go it alone. Share the burden. Have a good Christmas.
What happened to you was sexual harassment and bullying. I think when things like this happen, to report it to your manager and if they refuse to support you by correcting the bully, stopping the abuse then I would quit and document why I was quitting. This is a typical learning experience for many that are gay or anyone other than a typical heterosexual identity, as that is what is going on in the world, from religious and cultural family influences. I went through it so many times in my life, and it never worked out in my favor. However, I am retired now and live my life happily with the way I am and have always have been. I wish you all the best.
The 'happy ending' is that you have learned through a bad experience and are a much stronger person today. Many people watching will see that you are a kind and sensitive guy. Your best years are now. Merry Christmas Matthew 😊
I agree. And I bet there is someone in the same kind of situation out there rn. It's hard enough being a teenager in the comming out process. As a gay adult myself, I can relate somewhat to this. In a workplace situation, there is always some people u get along well with, and others that u may not have that much in common with. But u still have to work together. And u always have the right to seperate private life and work life. "Keep things profesional" at work.
People who are obsessed about other people's lives are so pathetic. You shouldn't feel shamed or humiliated because there is nothing wrong with being gay. He should feel ashamed for how cringe he was acting.
Document document document Date, time, what happened Keep a journal Present it to your boss and that kid will be fired on the spot so they don't get sued.
The way he behaved, I would be surprised if he wasn't a closet case. It would explain why he would resent you because you were comfortable with your sexuality.
This is something I've been struggling with most of my life. Everyone including my coworker just love to gossiping about my sexuality. They act so childish and disgusted eww reaction when they see me. I'm so offended and embarrassed. They just love ridicule and look down on me.
Is their problem, not yours. Try to do your work and ignore them. Some people don't have education. If they cross the line, try to get a record of it and then complain to your manager.
I know exactly what you mean. I am a straight guy and people thought I was gay at work once. I was victimised. It is not nice. I feel bad for anyone who goes thru this kind of bullying. It is always men that do it. They must think they are macho. Pathetic sad creatures is what they are. Woman do not care. I changed jobs and got a better job with better money. Never looked back.
This is a perfect example of what is considered a "hostile work environment", where a person is continuously subjected to workplace harassment due to their membership in a protected class (sexual orientation). The best way to deal with this type of harassment is to document each incident in writing, ensuring that HR or your boss is notified every time preferably by email. If your employer fails to adequately address the issue, they can be held civilly liable for discrimination.
The lesson to be learned from this story is this: The other guy's conduct constituted sexual harrassment, which is forebidden under the laws of the United States and (presumably) many other countries. What you should have done after it first started happening is report the issue to your supervisor or HR professional. Under the law, it is their responsibility to make sure the problem did not continue.
I started in fast food and dealt with direct racism. It motivated me to work very hard to earn my degrees in CS and Statistics only to realize that the tech industry is very undiverse and indirectly discriminate you for being a minority. It was the same way during my masters degree to the point that people tried to get me expelled. I was so stressed for two years that I ended up at the hospital. Honestly I much preferred the direct racism cause at least people are open about it. Once you get into your career you feel you can't call anything out since everything is so indirect.
I am sorry you are having to deal with racism. I thought we, the people of the United States, had pretty much moved past racism until the orange faced cesspool stepped into the picture. Now I realize how wrong I was and it is very sickening to know that there are so many racist people. I truly hope people change for the better but it will be decades until we change for the better.
for me it sounds like he was definitely a closeted gay guy... like there's no other reason for this weird obsession with your sexuality. It feels like he was secretly into you and just couldn't accept that part of himself, so he projected onto you to make him feel better with himself, as if he was superior or something. that's PRETTY common with closeted gay people, specially with guys, because there's this whole complex patriarchal system, that involves what takes to be a "real man", if you like another guy, you're not a real man. they're raised with this mindset, that's why it's a struggle for them to come in terms with their sexuality, but of course that DOESN'T MEAN he can just throw it all onto random people, like he did to you, just because he has his own issues...
Oh, this is a closet case of some sorts. What I have learned in life is when something is on your radar it speaks more about you than it does the other person. This could be anything. This guy had an obsession about you being gay but that spoke more about him than it did you. It’s like a mother calling a child fat. That says more about the mother’s insecurities than it does the poor unfortunate child. This is interesting for sure! And with those cases that have those feelings, hate them, they are going to lash out at others they perceived to have characteristics they hate about themselves. So when you see a politician going off on gay people continually or a preacher that is going off continually it usually is because they are closeted by their own self hate (and the hate from there communities they come from). So sorry you experienced this. You are learning so much about humans right now.❤
I'm so sorry about your experiences, the treatment you received is absolutely disgusting. As an openly queer victim of bullying and harassment, I feel deeply honored that you can openly discuss your experiences. With the advent of social frameworks such as intersectionality, such conversations are essential for all disadvantaged groups -- people who may be hurt and discriminated against by others on the basis of their identities deserve to know that they are not alone. Once again, thank you so much for your openness, it is very moving.
My husband had a very similar situation. He reported it to the company HR. They did nothing and the harassment got worse. We sued them. Making a long story short; three and a half years later we won our $100,000 law suit.
Hi there just came across your channel. I went through the same thing a couple months ago with a homophobic coworker. And where i live we dont have any legal protection which is why i don't come out at work either. Anyway, your video helped me not feel alone with my situation.
The most random videos show up on TH-cam. But actually I'm glad this one did. I worked at a gas station years and definitely had people say remarks about gay people. I'm also gay. One older man who I couldn't stand to deal with used to come in and usually he'd say off the wall stuff. He came in one day and said Are you autistic? Or are you gay? I said excuse me? I'm not autistic. I said why don't you start going to another gas station, we don't need your business. He didn't come in for a while and one day he comes in and literally just paid for his stuff and left. I never did discuss the situation with anyone that worked there either.
He was so obviously a sad closet case and bc you are so super cute he became obsessed with you. In those situations it’s best to just answer with “What’s it to you?”
I kept waiting for you to say he was gay. 90% of the time, someone pestering you, making fun of you or teasing you about being gay, is because they are gay themselves. He may have been testing the waters to see how the coworkers would treat him if he came out by outing you and watching. It's also very possible he had a crush on you and that is where the aggression from him came from because he could tell you wanted nothing to do with him and that ruined his whole set of plans. Well, that's my $0.02 after many years of observing this phenomena
That co worker was very likely a closet case.. everything he did basically sums it up, no straight man would be constantly asking another guy if they’re gay like it’s an obsession, and when you stopped really speaking to him and he lashes out and starts being rude and hostile, definitely had feelings for you and he probably couldn’t admit it to himself.
Why is merely being asked if you're gay offensive? It's completely normal for people to become more curious when a secrete is deliberately kept from them, even if the secret is innocuous.
In Canada this is considered harassment and would have gotten him fired. Labour law and several acts of both provincial and federal Parliament are very clear about this issue.
It's considered harassment in the US too, but we don't imprison others for their bias or opinions because we have freedom of speech. The work place is no place for personal issues, bias, or problems. If reported, management would have addressed it.
@@bdpilot28 Last I checked that wasn't working out so well for you. Freedom of speech sounds like a great thing but when lies and deceptions are cynically engineered to sway a society in the political realm or public square some limitations need to be applied to maintain an orderly intelligent mass. We have laws against hate and outright lies are aggressively checked. You now have a president who is not capable of telling the truth about anything. He lies when there is nothing to profit from it even. Your society is being mocked by the entire world and the goodwill, prestige and respect you once could claim to have earned is degraded all for the lies one man and his servile toadies spewed to financially enrich himself and a handful of wealthy bigots hell bent on keeping the working class dependent on the crumbs they sweep off the table.
@@bdpilot28 Freedom of speech meant something when men and women had a sense of honour. That prerequisite no longer exists and I point to your new president and his servile toadies as evidence.
@@bdpilot28The first amendment only applies to government related entities not private business. There is no freedom of hate speech in the workplace and his employer should have policies in place not permitting such harassment in the workplace
As a man who's attracted to men, this is one of the reasons why I don't like making friends at the workplace. I just do my job and go home. I don't like talking to coworkers about my personal life. Also, I heard one guy say he talk to other guys about girls to "see where their head at." I believe it happened to me before, but I just don't engage in the conversation.
Many years ago I lectured at a police academy in homosexuality! Quite a challenging task! 😄 Some of the constables occasionally would look at me with such veherment hatred in their eyes! One could only surmise as to what was going through their minds. And of course about their own sexuality! Some may have had extremely conservative or religous upbringing. At the same time some gay and lesbian police were often treated appallingly by some of their colleagues. One hopes that things have improved somewhat now!
I was trained in my new job by a devout Jehovah's Witness. There was a gay heart surgeon on staff - highly regarded - but whenever he came in sight she would hiss "I can barely stand to look at him" I was in a awkward position being gay myself. Should I complain to her Manager or HR, or just let it pass? Disparaging me was one thing, but disparaging a noted heart surgeon was quite another.
I'm glad I live in a state where this probably wouldn't happen and if it did the bigot would be dealt with swiftly. It's sad that some bosses would willingly allow this to happen to some of their employees. But it is kind of unfortunate that you didn't report him because it seemed you had nothing to lose really anyways so might as well try to get rid of him sooner. Seemed like he was a weird douche so you could have got bonus points from your other co-workers.
I am a gay man in Holland the Netherlands I moved to another village I have been living here for 1 year now but I don't talk about it and nobody asks me. I don't feel like I have to say it. I am single I live my life and it is nobody's business.
There are two issues at work here. Open sexual harrassment based on your co-worker's secret admiration for you and American culture that says we must share everything about ourselves all the time. Both are repugnant to me. Never forget that co-workers are not truly your friend. They are competitors in the workplace dyamic. I don't discuss truly personal things at work for those reasons.
Truly, you should be who you are. Don't be a Yes Man. Don't be a people pleaser because at the end of the day and at the end of this life there's only one person you have to make happy and it is yourself. We are not responsible for other people's emotions. We are responsible to them but not for them. And just because you decide to live your life according to higher standards, don't expect others to meet you in the same place. For example, if you give respect, it doesn't mean it'll always be returned to you. You are an amazing, wonderful person with a lot of value. I struggled in a lot of the areas that you did when I was younger. I let people walk all over me and I was too afraid to tell people no or hurt their feelings with the truth. Healthy boundaries are important, but many people can't recognize that they aren't using them within themselves. And unfortunately you can't change that only they can.
Also, I'd like to share a quote with you from of all people. Dr. Seuss. " Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter."
Good advice at the end. I would’ve replied yes I am gay or say it’s none of your concern, keeping in mind TikTok was accessible to them anyway. If they started harassing you, then it’s time to report to management.
Wanted to say thank you for making your channel. There needs to be more gay vlog channels. You're the only one I've found that i like so far. I don't use TikTok or ig though so i can't follow you there
Hi Matthew, 54 years old Irish gay man in the U.K. 23 years, 30 years in supermarket retailing, raised Catholic in Rural Ireland, only child background and new subscriber - I can definitely relate to this, as I’ve experienced this for most of my life - it’s ironic that while these people, including some within the gay community, used Catholic social teaching to justify their hateful attitudes, it was my traditional Irish Catholic faith that carried me through these experiences 🇮🇪☘️🇮🇪😍🙏❤️
i’m sorry you had to go through all of that. people can sometimes be SO weird, i don’t get it. if i can offer one piece of advice, it’s that nobody at your work is your friend. no matter how buddy-buddy you might be, it will never turn into a true and genuine friendship.
It sounds like a closet case or mentally on a scale with other issues. Good you are standing strong and being an example for others to be out and proud of who they are. It sounds like your other coworkers were kind people just wanting to know the entire you...perhaps they knew/know another fit guy to set up a date for you. Best and thank you for sharing.
I had a similar experience about 30 years ago. Today, and even then, you are legally protected, and this is definitely a case of a hostile work environment having been created based on his reaction to your sexuality. I would not have wanted to fight it, but you definitely would be within your rights to pursue legal action. I am sorry you experienced this.
Hi 👋 i started work in the 1970s. I was 17. Im a gay man of 64 now. It was hard back then , i never heard anything positive about gay men. It was like everyone was homophobic. This guy you are talking about is horrible. You could talk to your manager about it. I dont like straight men. I have been abused by them. I have nothing to do with them. The thing is hes not likely to change. Start looking for another job somewhere else , if your boss doesn't help you.
I remember being in my early 20’s (I’m 38 now) and working in a warehouse part time and the men there wouldn’t stop asking if I had a girlfriend smirking at each other. I’m sad to hear these micro aggressions still occur. Even if you ever question yourself you really are so confident to pick up a camera and be so open and honest
Sorry you went through that- it sounds dreadful. Do you think he even knew what social boundaries even *are*? Or years later is he still asking every coworkers' deets and gossiping up a storm? 🤔 Kudos to you, though, for understanding that our coworkers are *not* entitled to our authentic self/truth/*anything*. I was *much* older before I figured that out, lol.
He is hiding his identity. You, on the other hand, are great looking, Intelligent and have a good sense of who you are. And it is a great lesson you learned. Don't live your life caring what others think. You are going to find a partner. And you both will build a life.
I appluad your strength dealing with that. I came out in my late 20s and people do not pickup I'm gay at all. It's a blessing and a curse. Yes, it prevents this crappy behavior, but it definitely makes it hard to meet other gay men.
Do you consider in retrospect, that you might have liked to have handled the situation in a different manner? When you're young & confronted, it's difficult to assert yourself, but, maybe if you'd given a big long wink, accompanied with an endearing smirk, upon being asked the first time, or saying "what, do you need a date for Saturday night, or something?" With a bit of comical effect, or perhaps to deflect insecurity back on to himself, instead of denial - but also never giving the direct declaration, maybe it would have defused what was going on? He obviously had obsession going on over it, whether his own life was just so incredibly dull, and he needed to seek validation by trying to embarrass, or intimidate you, or on some level he might have had some genuine interest in exploring an understanding of same sex attracted guys, how gay lives work, or maybe had some interest in your person that he was either confused about, or full on knew what he felt it. Perhaps you should get in touch, and see if he'll take part in a car interview where you have a good old conversation & your viewers have sent in awkward questions for him to squirm around? 😅 I guess I just like the thought of people ironing out their hang ups, and coming to amicable understandings about one another. I imagine your work colleagues would have been embarrassed for him being so gossipy and hung up on your orientation. Hope they they all didn't give a toss about it. I suspect they may have had a fairly good inkling beforehand anyway 😄, but it's no one's place to be forcing you out, or making some big hoo-ha about it, as if maybe they were wishing vicariously it was them. I'm not sure if you said though.. was he someone you were attracted to on a physical, or personality level at all, or just some busy body who did nada for you?
When I was 19 in the early 2010's I had just started coming out to others, and the assistant manager at my job at a grocery store often made lame ass homophobic jokes. This is the guy that was supposed to represent my coworkers and I in the union on top of that. I didn't like my job much, but this made me HATE my job. This prompted me to come out to a coworker which was something I had never done, so I'm proud of that at least, but I wish I had stood up for myself directly to my homophobic assistant manager. I just wasn't ready to assert myself like that. Nowadays I let coworkers know I am gay at the first glimmer of potential homophobia, that way either they reconsider their behaviour, I escalate (if I like the job or need it) or I'm out of there.
My first thought was that this is harassment and they guy should have been reported, written up, and perhaps terminated very early on. Although, I probably would have reacted the same way you did. I probably wouldn't have done this, but I had thought at some point in your story you should have asked him why this was so important to him. My second thought was that I wondered if he had some mental health issues. I know people who have no filter and therefore say anything that comes to their mind. Most of us think things about others that we simply never say out loud. Anyway, glad you learned something from this. Life goes on, and you're right, worrying about what other people think is a waste of your emotional energy.
I've had this problem nearly all of my work life. People are nosy! And co-workers figure you out pretty fast, so don't kid yourself that they don't know. They know. Best thing to do? Come out as soon as you can. Takes the wind out of their sails.
I totally agree with your statement about (that it’s not anyone’s business about your sexuality). I went through the exact same situation with someone I worked with and I put him in his place.
Today, fortunately, we have laws against workforce sexual harassment. In my day, we did not. You had to simply remain silent. I found it a great strategy dealing with a person like you describe, by throwing it back on them with: "Is the reason you keep asking me because YOU are gay and interested in finding a sex partner?" That 99% of the time took care of the behavior. Best beautiful boy. Stay strong, and always be kind.
I am really surprised someone your age would have gone through this kind of situation. I am so sorry you had to endure that. I am glad you are ok with it now. That dude has some major issues.
I've always wondered why the hell some people are SO obsessed with sexuality. Worse yet, is what is it to them if you are gay? So one guy is gay and 10 others are straight. BFD. I guess it comes from the need for some people to somehow feel they are "better than you ..." because they are not gay. I know, it makes no sense whatsoever, but I do believe in cases like this dude that may be part of it. I believe that people like him are basically insecure in themselves and struggle to find SOMETHING - anything that makes them feel better about themselves. Like you suggest, it's best to just ignore these kinds as best as you can. But I clearly understand how being stuck in a work or school situation with some jerk like this makes ignoring them very difficult. But as you suggest though NEVER give others permission to tell you how you "should" feel about yourself - whether the issue is being gay or ANYTHING else. Be yourself and live your life to the fullest with a positive attitude. If you do this, you will be MUCH happier and confident in yourself than those who criticize you. Take care. Nice video.
love the videos Matthew just being yourself. Its a shame some people obsess over people's sex life/ sexual orientation. You seem a sweet guy and didn't deserve crap like that.
I go straight to HR no matter where I am working if someone is being homophobic. I've gone multiple times and have had multiple people fired even a manager. Do you think I have an ounce of empathy for them? The answer is never. 😂
Well, discussing anyone's private life and especially asking about it is a red flag to management and owners. The person asking would have to be made redundant really fast. And that would be it. And it would be a sign to others to restrain their questions to co-workers. Period. No need to go further on this.
@@BFDT-4its fast food, nothing is going to happen unless he sues. Ive seen employees in fast food get into fist fights with customers, smoke in the bathroom, have gang bangs in the freeze and nothing happened to them because they needed the workers. Only time it got serious if because a worker was switching the money from the registers with fake money.
on top of its the type of employee to start shit and twist words and breeds negativity amongst everyone. Like hell yea some and i dare to say most upper management are trash and their job is to beat you out of money and benefits. There are some of us though that like to actually fight for everyone below us position wise because we came from those positions so we know what its like. People like that dude however make things hard because he just like attention and he likes to get it by dogging on others. If I had someone like that on my team you bet your ass im watching their work like a hawk to catch them fucking up, on a cell phone, etc because i'll get you gone quick.
The very first response should be to have a conversation with your boss and have that jerk fired for sexual harassment because thats exactly what it is and it its NOT legally allowed to take place at work.
So sorry you had to go through that, that guy ain't shit. He either was super homophobic or closeted and self-hating. Also wtf, no one stood up for you or reported this guy? Some places really should be stricter with their anti-harassment policy...
When someone doesn't treat you with the care, respect and value you deserve, simply don't give them your time. Don't even waste your energy on them. You have better things to do and you're more important than that.
@ancientafricanblood1547 I hear you and definitely appreciate how you feel but I have to say, we are all on a path of self discovery and life is our teacher. None of us come into this world full of experience but we must learn and grow. By the way, when things are perfect and wonderful we don't grow and become stronger. It's the difficult times and the painful moments in life that change us from what we were to what we must be. Thank you for sharing your thoughts you sound like a person who values and lives by wisdom. God bless and never underestimate your value! 👍
Hi Matthew, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy watching your videos. I really appreciate how genuine and true to yourself you are-it’s something I can really relate to. I completely agree with you: life is meant to be enjoyed, and being yourself is so important. Keep being you!🎉 😊
Hi and thanks for sharing your story time. It sounds like he was jealous. He's either gay or bi himself or jealous about how good you are at your job. What he did was harrasment and sexual harassment. It should be documented and reported. He wasn't following rules at all at your job.
Us quiet straight guys get asked this once in awhile, too. But, everyday? Dang, people are weird! They obsess because, I think they want to feel like they solved a big mystery. And this guy wants everyone to know he solved it. I've worked with gay people over the years. And I never asked because, it's so weird to me to be that concerned. I only know the few that I know of because, one guy talked about his fantasy to meet rich gay guy. One got his boyfriend hired in and was open about it. And the rest were gossip people making it known to others. I also find it weird that people who knew were telling everyone.
You are totally correct : that guy's behavior was shitty. I am old, and I have learned that no one can make me feel something, either bad or good. I am totally responsible for my feelings; I own them, I feel what I wish to feel. If I feel something I do not want, it's my mistake for feeling it. This attitude of mine allows me to be in control of myself in almost any situation. It takes a little practice to accomplish this control of oneself, but it's worth it!
This story reminded me when I worked retail in 1999 and I was SA’ed by a male co-worker. I forgot all about it until watching this video. I was also SA’ed in High School in front of other students by a guy who was bullying me. In 2015, I had a co-worker make obsessive comments about me being overweight (even though several other employees were MORE overweight than me, he targeted me for some reason).This guy sincerely apologized to me years later via phone during the pandemic. I rarely ever get apologies and was taken aback. Sorry this happened to you. Sad to hear homophobia is still rampant.
This guy clearly has a serious problem that himself needs to deal with and treat it. We all could tell that he definitely crossed the line a ton of times. I mean, did you ever think about reporting him to your manager or HR for harassment at that time? I’m asking that because I’m not sure if you felt this was a safe space to report him to someone after he kept asking you such an uncomfortable question muuuuultiple and endless times.. 😢 like you said: someone’s sexuality isn’t no one’s business, so why would he care so much about YOUR sexuality? Why should this be a matter or impact his life somehow? That is incredibly weird and he clearly had serious problems with himself 😅 sorry to hear you had to go through this 😢
I had a homophobic coworker once. We worked in a factory. He was a recent immigrant from some African country. Anyway, we worked together quite a bit. He would say atrocious things about women and gays. One day, I told him I was gay. Said he had no idea. And then told me what would happen to me if we were in his country. It involved tires and fires. I mentioned this to a few coworkers and friends. They said I should tell HR. I didn't. I came to realize that he may have never had a gay friend or person in his life before. So I made it a point to work with him. We would talk a lot about life and stuff. Months go by. We've become friendly by then. One day, he asked if I could write a letter of recommendation for a college program he was trying to get into. I did. When he got in, he gave me a hug.
@@marcob2137 looks like we are not able to follow up here 😭
nice fake story
funny how they get over it
That dude had a serious problem - either he was extremely homophobic or he is a closet case. He appeared to have a very serious hangup about your sexuality - (which ought to be a private matter - no one else's business ) - period. If I had been his manager - I would have terminated him very quickly. First time, one written warning - Second time, immediate termination.
in Canada there is a saying: "a skunk smells its own piss first..." }=)
Their problem is this - as an older gay man myself, these people as adults have a serious lack of common sense and are not properly adjusted to reality that they cannot be allowed out in public at that stage of their lives without some serious mental health interventions - I personally believe that it is because of the way they are raised by their parents, who did not use strict and severe enough Millitary style parental discipline (standards of acceptable behaviour) on them as children, especially harsh military style parenting styles and including childhood corporal punishment for any misbehaviour, that every child needs, as if they are old enough to misbehave, they are old enough to receive corporal punishment, both as a consequence of and for that misbehaviour - I have witnessed this countless times in my 30 years in supermarket retailing and therefore, I am a strong advocate for the immediate restoration of corporal punishment in the family home by parents and in schools by teachers and by police officers below the age of 21, which traditional social and moral values we must return to and restore the mantra of “a child is a child until they are 21” - the “new ways” of the 1960’s onwards, starting with Vatican II has done terrible social damage to western society, in a similar way to how the policies of communism in Russia, Eastern Europe, the CCP and North Korea has done to those societies - at the other extreme, I also believe that another way that our western society has been damaged has been by the abolition of capital punishment and the treason and sedition laws in many western countries, of which I am a strong advocate of and for its immediate restoration - ultimately, I believe that it really all boils down to failing and refusing to obey God’s Commandments, especially important in our times
@@michaeljohndennis2231 You need to seek therapy. You have anger issues.
@@michaeljohndennis2231 THIS IS A F*CKIN TRIP. Why are you proselytizing corporal punishment of children and capital punishment on this video?? You are so off base.
"Arachnophobic huh? You must want to have sex with spiders" that's how you sound like.
Sounds like sexual harassment, which is a fireable offense. The company could be held liable for this kind of behavior.
Prima facie case.
Depends on where you live. This happened to me, I was fired and no recourse whatsoever. It was the owner of the company who insisted I get fired.
It ABSOLUTELY depends on where you live in the United States. A co-worker creating a Hostile Work Environment based on sexual orientation (or any reason) Is it illegal in California...but not in Texas. In more than half of US States you can be fired at will for being gay. In just under half of those states you can be evicted for being gay.
In those states, there are NO protections in housing or employment for people based on sexual orientation.
If you're in one of those states use caution first... and work to change the laws where you live.
The maker of this video is just dramatizing for views in hopes that people sympathize with him. In reality he likely caused the trouble
@@JohnathanWilliamson849 respectfully disagree.
He probably secretly wanted you.
Yes mostly liked that was it was
gay
100% these are facts. He was definitely closeted gay and crushing hard. What other reason to over compensate and discuss it all the time?
Yeah, like 99% probably.
Based on being a 55yr old gay guy, and seen basically exactly this scenario play out more than a couple of times, and then 10 years or whatever you're at a gay bar or club and _well look who it is_
Secretly? It's like the little boy in elementary who picks on a girl because he likes her.
Instead of answering his question when he asked you are you gay, you simply turn towards him and say ARE YOU !!
Or ask him if he's straight...
He should have just said why do you even care?
My reply has always been, "why? Are you looking for a date?"
Very mature.
Matthew is cute.
I wanted to say the same thing lol. I haven't seen many guys who are as cute as him. He's also got the best combo of cuteness plus a deep rumbly male voice
Agree, he's ultra cute. Sounds like a genuine young man as well.
gay
Yes he is smart and handsome.
He's freaking fine ❤❤
He was almost certainly into you, Matt. That does not excuse his actions in the slightest, but I can’t think of any other reason that he would be fixating over your sexuality other than that he is closeted and wanted you to be gay.
Not true at all. Most straight guys are like this, especially younger ones. Conservatives and the the most infleuncial podcasters tell them that it's the worst thing in the world
@@Svalinn-s1j insecure and homophobic men are like that
It's a method of social shaming, don’t say that you are gay, even though he is right everyone can see, but that is all.
I came out at 17 in 1985, and had to put up with homophobes all throughout high school and college. some young men were fascinated by my sexuality and would talk about me being gay constantly and make it all the focus. i found out (through the grapevine) lots of those guys were screwing each other and their homophobia was really self directed hatred at their own sexuality. it's sad that the openly gay people become the focus of their internal strife but I think we are the stronger people in the end
I go through the gossip and talking behind my back thing myself at work. I work in retail as a manager and there was this guy in another department that I liked. For some reason its like every time i'd run into him or once when he came out the restroom, but I'd always give him this nod. He got to the point he wouldn't even talk to me even if it was me asking him to do something work related. He is like 19 and everyone in his department is like 16 to 22ish and none of them want to speak or talk to me. I found out from one of the people in my department that they were all talking about me behind my back. Now anyone new they hire will speak or hang around me but after a few days they have done told them all this crap about me. It totally sucks and I hate it
Whether or not you are gay, continually asking you if you are gay is harassment that shouldn't be tolerated in any workplace.
The guy should have been fired, sounds like he was obsessed
This situation showed how strong you are. You did not fold up. Now you know how to defend yourself. You could have asked him that if is so interested, are you asking so you can date me. Also when faced with these types of situations, do not go it alone. Share the burden. Have a good Christmas.
Well said
In today's world that is sexual harassment and can be a legal issue.
Not really.
@user-yn9mx7xu1r Yes, it is sexual harassment
@@user-yn9mx7xu1r what a productive comment...
@ might want to check with your employer. Asking about someone’s sexual identity is most definitely harassment. Especially when asking multiple times.
What happened to you was sexual harassment and bullying. I think when things like this happen, to report it to your manager and if they refuse to support you by correcting the bully, stopping the abuse then I would quit and document why I was quitting. This is a typical learning experience for many that are gay or anyone other than a typical heterosexual identity, as that is what is going on in the world, from religious and cultural family influences. I went through it so many times in my life, and it never worked out in my favor. However, I am retired now and live my life happily with the way I am and have always have been. I wish you all the best.
The 'happy ending' is that you have learned through a bad experience and are a much stronger person today. Many people watching will see that you are a kind and sensitive guy. Your best years are now. Merry Christmas Matthew 😊
There is nothing wrong with saying “my private life is none of your business!” Done.
I agree. And I bet there is someone in the same kind of situation out there rn. It's hard enough being a teenager in the comming out process. As a gay adult myself, I can relate somewhat to this. In a workplace situation, there is always some people u get along well with, and others that u may not have that much in common with. But u still have to work together. And u always have the right to seperate private life and work life. "Keep things profesional" at work.
That's basically admitting you're gay without actually telling.
People who are obsessed about other people's lives are so pathetic.
You shouldn't feel shamed or humiliated because there is nothing wrong with being gay. He should feel ashamed for how cringe he was acting.
He was sexually harassing you. Not a loud. Dude should've been fired.
Not a loud? Do you not mean: "Not allowed"?
Document document document
Date, time, what happened
Keep a journal
Present it to your boss and that kid will be fired on the spot so they don't get sued.
The way he behaved, I would be surprised if he wasn't a closet case. It would explain why he would resent you because you were comfortable with your sexuality.
This is something I've been struggling with most of my life. Everyone including my coworker just love to gossiping about my sexuality. They act so childish and disgusted eww reaction when they see me. I'm so offended and embarrassed. They just love ridicule and look down on me.
Is their problem, not yours. Try to do your work and ignore them. Some people don't have education. If they cross the line, try to get a record of it and then complain to your manager.
I know exactly what you mean. I am a straight guy and people thought I was gay at work once. I was victimised. It is not nice. I feel bad for anyone who goes thru this kind of bullying. It is always men that do it. They must think they are macho. Pathetic sad creatures is what they are. Woman do not care. I changed jobs and got a better job with better money. Never looked back.
Never let them tear down your self esteem. Their bad actions will backfire one day. They are bad people.
This guy was totally obsessed with you. Hmmmm
"Arachnophobic huh? You must want to have sex with spiders" that's how you sound like.
This is a perfect example of what is considered a "hostile work environment", where a person is continuously subjected to workplace harassment due to their membership in a protected class (sexual orientation). The best way to deal with this type of harassment is to document each incident in writing, ensuring that HR or your boss is notified every time preferably by email. If your employer fails to adequately address the issue, they can be held civilly liable for discrimination.
Matthew, I agree with your outlook on life. Be you, be happy.
The lesson to be learned from this story is this: The other guy's conduct constituted sexual harrassment, which is forebidden under the laws of the United States and (presumably) many other countries. What you should have done after it first started happening is report the issue to your supervisor or HR professional. Under the law, it is their responsibility to make sure the problem did not continue.
I started in fast food and dealt with direct racism. It motivated me to work very hard to earn my degrees in CS and Statistics only to realize that the tech industry is very undiverse and indirectly discriminate you for being a minority. It was the same way during my masters degree to the point that people tried to get me expelled. I was so stressed for two years that I ended up at the hospital. Honestly I much preferred the direct racism cause at least people are open about it. Once you get into your career you feel you can't call anything out since everything is so indirect.
blessings and good luck for you in your life.
I am sorry you are having to deal with racism. I thought we, the people of the United States, had pretty much moved past racism until the orange faced cesspool stepped into the picture. Now I realize how wrong I was and it is very sickening to know that there are so many racist people. I truly hope people change for the better but it will be decades until we change for the better.
for me it sounds like he was definitely a closeted gay guy... like there's no other reason for this weird obsession with your sexuality. It feels like he was secretly into you and just couldn't accept that part of himself, so he projected onto you to make him feel better with himself, as if he was superior or something. that's PRETTY common with closeted gay people, specially with guys, because there's this whole complex patriarchal system, that involves what takes to be a "real man", if you like another guy, you're not a real man. they're raised with this mindset, that's why it's a struggle for them to come in terms with their sexuality, but of course that DOESN'T MEAN he can just throw it all onto random people, like he did to you, just because he has his own issues...
Oh, this is a closet case of some sorts. What I have learned in life is when something is on your radar it speaks more about you than it does the other person. This could be anything. This guy had an obsession about you being gay but that spoke more about him than it did you. It’s like a mother calling a child fat. That says more about the mother’s insecurities than it does the poor unfortunate child. This is interesting for sure! And with those cases that have those feelings, hate them, they are going to lash out at others they perceived to have characteristics they hate about themselves. So when you see a politician going off on gay people continually or a preacher that is going off continually it usually is because they are closeted by their own self hate (and the hate from there communities they come from). So sorry you experienced this. You are learning so much about humans right now.❤
I'm so sorry about your experiences, the treatment you received is absolutely disgusting.
As an openly queer victim of bullying and harassment, I feel deeply honored that you can openly discuss your experiences. With the advent of social frameworks such as intersectionality, such conversations are essential for all disadvantaged groups -- people who may be hurt and discriminated against by others on the basis of their identities deserve to know that they are not alone.
Once again, thank you so much for your openness, it is very moving.
Here in Brazil homophobia is a crime. I would have gone to the police lol
we dont care what others think. Learn this at your age not 67 like I did
Sorry to hear you were outed at work like that it’s so unfair💔💔. Men suck sometimes 😭
This coworker needs to get a life. Why would he care so much? Such obsession.
My husband had a very similar situation. He reported it to the company HR. They did nothing and the harassment got worse. We sued them. Making a long story short; three and a half years later we won our $100,000 law suit.
Hi there just came across your channel. I went through the same thing a couple months ago with a homophobic coworker. And where i live we dont have any legal protection which is why i don't come out at work either. Anyway, your video helped me not feel alone with my situation.
The most random videos show up on TH-cam. But actually I'm glad this one did. I worked at a gas station years and definitely had people say remarks about gay people. I'm also gay. One older man who I couldn't stand to deal with used to come in and usually he'd say off the wall stuff. He came in one day and said Are you autistic? Or are you gay? I said excuse me? I'm not autistic. I said why don't you start going to another gas station, we don't need your business. He didn't come in for a while and one day he comes in and literally just paid for his stuff and left. I never did discuss the situation with anyone that worked there either.
He was so obviously a sad closet case and bc you are so super cute he became obsessed with you. In those situations it’s best to just answer with “What’s it to you?”
He's probably a bottom
That’s sexual harassment. If it happens again go straight to human resources.
When this happens report it to your manager or HR.
I’ve always thought an individual’s sexuality is only relevant if you want to date them, so….
I would've answered, "My personal life is none of your damn business."
I kept waiting for you to say he was gay. 90% of the time, someone pestering you, making fun of you or teasing you about being gay, is because they are gay themselves. He may have been testing the waters to see how the coworkers would treat him if he came out by outing you and watching. It's also very possible he had a crush on you and that is where the aggression from him came from because he could tell you wanted nothing to do with him and that ruined his whole set of plans. Well, that's my $0.02 after many years of observing this phenomena
I was waiting for the ending where you would say that "Brice" sent you a message on Grindr. 😂 Sorry this happened to you.
That co worker was very likely a closet case.. everything he did basically sums it up, no straight man would be constantly asking another guy if they’re gay like it’s an obsession, and when you stopped really speaking to him and he lashes out and starts being rude and hostile, definitely had feelings for you and he probably couldn’t admit it to himself.
Why is merely being asked if you're gay offensive? It's completely normal for people to become more curious when a secrete is deliberately kept from them, even if the secret is innocuous.
In Canada this is considered harassment and would have gotten him fired. Labour law and several acts of both provincial and federal Parliament are very clear about this issue.
It's considered harassment in the US too, but we don't imprison others for their bias or opinions because we have freedom of speech. The work place is no place for personal issues, bias, or problems. If reported, management would have addressed it.
@@bdpilot28 Last I checked that wasn't working out so well for you. Freedom of speech sounds like a great thing but when lies and deceptions are cynically engineered to sway a society in the political realm or public square some limitations need to be applied to maintain an orderly intelligent mass. We have laws against hate and outright lies are aggressively checked. You now have a president who is not capable of telling the truth about anything. He lies when there is nothing to profit from it even. Your society is being mocked by the entire world and the goodwill, prestige and respect you once could claim to have earned is degraded all for the lies one man and his servile toadies spewed to financially enrich himself and a handful of wealthy bigots hell bent on keeping the working class dependent on the crumbs they sweep off the table.
@@bdpilot28 Freedom of speech meant something when men and women had a sense of honour. That prerequisite no longer exists and I point to your new president and his servile toadies as evidence.
@@bdpilot28 I'm not sure how much freedom of speech you actually have as my two responses to you get removed.
@@bdpilot28The first amendment only applies to government related entities not private business. There is no freedom of hate speech in the workplace and his employer should have policies in place not permitting such harassment in the workplace
As a man who's attracted to men, this is one of the reasons why I don't like making friends at the workplace. I just do my job and go home. I don't like talking to coworkers about my personal life. Also, I heard one guy say he talk to other guys about girls to "see where their head at." I believe it happened to me before, but I just don't engage in the conversation.
same. also i learned by seeing it happen there's always the little puke that will use that knowledge against you. believe me, they will find a way.
Many years ago I lectured at a police academy in homosexuality! Quite a challenging task! 😄 Some of the constables occasionally would look at me with such veherment hatred in their eyes! One could only surmise as to what was going through their minds. And of course about their own sexuality! Some may have had extremely conservative or religous upbringing. At the same time some gay and lesbian police were often treated appallingly by some of their colleagues. One hopes that things have improved somewhat now!
very interesting story, thanks for sharing!
I was trained in my new job by a devout Jehovah's Witness. There was a gay heart surgeon on staff - highly regarded - but whenever he came in sight she would hiss "I can barely stand to look at him" I was in a awkward position being gay myself. Should I complain to her Manager or HR, or just let it pass? Disparaging me was one thing, but disparaging a noted heart surgeon was quite another.
Absolutely. Report her. Get her to change her behavior, or fired.
I'm glad I live in a state where this probably wouldn't happen and if it did the bigot would be dealt with swiftly.
It's sad that some bosses would willingly allow this to happen to some of their employees. But it is kind of unfortunate that you didn't report him because it seemed you had nothing to lose really anyways so might as well try to get rid of him sooner.
Seemed like he was a weird douche so you could have got bonus points from your other co-workers.
He was hiding his sexuality and bullying you for it.
You are so strong. Don’t let anybody beat you down.. 👍🤙🤙
I am a gay man in Holland the Netherlands I moved to another village I have been living here for 1 year now but I don't talk about it and nobody asks me. I don't feel like I have to say it. I am single I live my life and it is nobody's business.
HR should of been involved..... I'm happy you don't have to deal with him anymore. I love your vids ❤
There are two issues at work here. Open sexual harrassment based on your co-worker's secret admiration for you and American culture that says we must share everything about ourselves all the time. Both are repugnant to me. Never forget that co-workers are not truly your friend. They are competitors in the workplace dyamic. I don't discuss truly personal things at work for those reasons.
Truly, you should be who you are. Don't be a Yes Man. Don't be a people pleaser because at the end of the day and at the end of this life there's only one person you have to make happy and it is yourself.
We are not responsible for other people's emotions. We are responsible to them but not for them.
And just because you decide to live your life according to higher standards, don't expect others to meet you in the same place. For example, if you give respect, it doesn't mean it'll always be returned to you.
You are an amazing, wonderful person with a lot of value. I struggled in a lot of the areas that you did when I was younger. I let people walk all over me and I was too afraid to tell people no or hurt their feelings with the truth. Healthy boundaries are important, but many people can't recognize that they aren't using them within themselves. And unfortunately you can't change that only they can.
Also, I'd like to share a quote with you from of all people. Dr. Seuss.
" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter."
Good advice at the end. I would’ve replied yes I am gay or say it’s none of your concern, keeping in mind TikTok was accessible to them anyway. If they started harassing you, then it’s time to report to management.
Hi, Great video! And I think you're brave and strong to speak about this type of harassment. Have a good Cristmas selebration of 2024. ❤
Wanted to say thank you for making your channel. There needs to be more gay vlog channels. You're the only one I've found that i like so far. I don't use TikTok or ig though so i can't follow you there
I’m sorry to hear that. 😞 No one should have to endure workplace harassment!
Hi Matthew, 54 years old Irish gay man in the U.K. 23 years, 30 years in supermarket retailing, raised Catholic in Rural Ireland, only child background and new subscriber - I can definitely relate to this, as I’ve experienced this for most of my life - it’s ironic that while these people, including some within the gay community, used Catholic social teaching to justify their hateful attitudes, it was my traditional Irish Catholic faith that carried me through these experiences 🇮🇪☘️🇮🇪😍🙏❤️
i’m sorry you had to go through all of that. people can sometimes be SO weird, i don’t get it.
if i can offer one piece of advice, it’s that nobody at your work is your friend. no matter how buddy-buddy you might be, it will never turn into a true and genuine friendship.
It sounds like a closet case or mentally on a scale with other issues. Good you are standing strong and being an example for others to be out and proud of who they are. It sounds like your other coworkers were kind people just wanting to know the entire you...perhaps they knew/know another fit guy to set up a date for you. Best and thank you for sharing.
I had a similar experience about 30 years ago. Today, and even then, you are legally protected, and this is definitely a case of a hostile work environment having been created based on his reaction to your sexuality. I would not have wanted to fight it, but you definitely would be within your rights to pursue legal action. I am sorry you experienced this.
Hi 👋 i started work in the 1970s. I was 17. Im a gay man of 64 now. It was hard back then , i never heard anything positive about gay men. It was like everyone was homophobic. This guy you are talking about is horrible. You could talk to your manager about it. I dont like straight men. I have been abused by them. I have nothing to do with them. The thing is hes not likely to change. Start looking for another job somewhere else , if your boss doesn't help you.
I remember being in my early 20’s (I’m 38 now) and working in a warehouse part time and the men there wouldn’t stop asking if I had a girlfriend smirking at each other. I’m sad to hear these micro aggressions still occur. Even if you ever question yourself you really are so confident to pick up a camera and be so open and honest
Sorry you went through that- it sounds dreadful.
Do you think he even knew what social boundaries even *are*? Or years later is he still asking every coworkers' deets and gossiping up a storm? 🤔
Kudos to you, though, for understanding that our coworkers are *not* entitled to our authentic self/truth/*anything*. I was *much* older before I figured that out, lol.
He is hiding his identity. You, on the other hand, are great looking, Intelligent and have a good sense of who you are. And it is a great lesson you learned. Don't live your life caring what others think. You are going to find a partner. And you both will build a life.
Good for you. I'm glad you don't have to work with him anymore. I gather all your other co-workers don't have a problem with you, and they shouldn't.
I appluad your strength dealing with that. I came out in my late 20s and people do not pickup I'm gay at all. It's a blessing and a curse. Yes, it prevents this crappy behavior, but it definitely makes it hard to meet other gay men.
Do you consider in retrospect, that you might have liked to have handled the situation in a different manner? When you're young & confronted, it's difficult to assert yourself, but, maybe if you'd given a big long wink, accompanied with an endearing smirk, upon being asked the first time, or saying "what, do you need a date for Saturday night, or something?" With a bit of comical effect, or perhaps to deflect insecurity back on to himself, instead of denial - but also never giving the direct declaration, maybe it would have defused what was going on? He obviously had obsession going on over it, whether his own life was just so incredibly dull, and he needed to seek validation by trying to embarrass, or intimidate you, or on some level he might have had some genuine interest in exploring an understanding of same sex attracted guys, how gay lives work, or maybe had some interest in your person that he was either confused about, or full on knew what he felt it.
Perhaps you should get in touch, and see if he'll take part in a car interview where you have a good old conversation & your viewers have sent in awkward questions for him to squirm around? 😅
I guess I just like the thought of people ironing out their hang ups, and coming to amicable understandings about one another. I imagine your work colleagues would have been embarrassed for him being so gossipy and hung up on your orientation. Hope they they all didn't give a toss about it. I suspect they may have had a fairly good inkling beforehand anyway 😄, but it's no one's place to be forcing you out, or making some big hoo-ha about it, as if maybe they were wishing vicariously it was them.
I'm not sure if you said though.. was he someone you were attracted to on a physical, or personality level at all, or just some busy body who did nada for you?
When I was 19 in the early 2010's I had just started coming out to others, and the assistant manager at my job at a grocery store often made lame ass homophobic jokes. This is the guy that was supposed to represent my coworkers and I in the union on top of that. I didn't like my job much, but this made me HATE my job. This prompted me to come out to a coworker which was something I had never done, so I'm proud of that at least, but I wish I had stood up for myself directly to my homophobic assistant manager. I just wasn't ready to assert myself like that. Nowadays I let coworkers know I am gay at the first glimmer of potential homophobia, that way either they reconsider their behaviour, I escalate (if I like the job or need it) or I'm out of there.
My first thought was that this is harassment and they guy should have been reported, written up, and perhaps terminated very early on. Although, I probably would have reacted the same way you did. I probably wouldn't have done this, but I had thought at some point in your story you should have asked him why this was so important to him.
My second thought was that I wondered if he had some mental health issues. I know people who have no filter and therefore say anything that comes to their mind. Most of us think things about others that we simply never say out loud.
Anyway, glad you learned something from this. Life goes on, and you're right, worrying about what other people think is a waste of your emotional energy.
I've had this problem nearly all of my work life. People are nosy! And co-workers figure you out pretty fast, so don't kid yourself that they don't know. They know. Best thing to do? Come out as soon as you can. Takes the wind out of their sails.
Appeasement does not work. They need to be shut down. I once had a creepy boss who was nosy. A male who acted like a gossipy old woman.
I totally agree with your statement about (that it’s not anyone’s business about your sexuality). I went through the exact same situation with someone I worked with and I put him in his place.
And you didn't report him to HR or some shit?
well dam you are so cute ....merry christmas
Today, fortunately, we have laws against workforce sexual harassment. In my day, we did not. You had to simply remain silent. I found it a great strategy dealing with a person like you describe, by throwing it back on them with: "Is the reason you keep asking me because YOU are gay and interested in finding a sex partner?" That 99% of the time took care of the behavior. Best beautiful boy. Stay strong, and always be kind.
Back in the day it was a huge issue! Now it’s a case of “Have you a problem? Get over it ..most of us don’t!” Same problem with HIV+ friends.
👋Santa says hang in there, May the fowling year be brighter. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 🙏🎅
I am really surprised someone your age would have gone through this kind of situation. I am so sorry you had to endure that. I am glad you are ok with it now. That dude has some major issues.
I've always wondered why the hell some people are SO obsessed with sexuality. Worse yet, is what is it to them if you are gay? So one guy is gay and 10 others are straight. BFD. I guess it comes from the need for some people to somehow feel they are "better than you ..." because they are not gay. I know, it makes no sense whatsoever, but I do believe in cases like this dude that may be part of it. I believe that people like him are basically insecure in themselves and struggle to find SOMETHING - anything that makes them feel better about themselves. Like you suggest, it's best to just ignore these kinds as best as you can. But I clearly understand how being stuck in a work or school situation with some jerk like this makes ignoring them very difficult. But as you suggest though NEVER give others permission to tell you how you "should" feel about yourself - whether the issue is being gay or ANYTHING else. Be yourself and live your life to the fullest with a positive attitude. If you do this, you will be MUCH happier and confident in yourself than those who criticize you. Take care. Nice video.
love the videos Matthew just being yourself. Its a shame some people obsess over people's sex life/ sexual orientation. You seem a sweet guy and didn't deserve crap like that.
I go straight to HR no matter where I am working if someone is being homophobic. I've gone multiple times and have had multiple people fired even a manager. Do you think I have an ounce of empathy for them? The answer is never. 😂
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, hun!! The guy obviously is a major douchebag! We survive to fight another day! Stay strong, stay you! ❤
Well, discussing anyone's private life and especially asking about it is a red flag to management and owners. The person asking would have to be made redundant really fast. And that would be it. And it would be a sign to others to restrain their questions to co-workers.
Period. No need to go further on this.
And if management doesn't care. Get your resume ready and book.
"The company could be held liable for this kind of behavior."
@@BFDT-4its fast food, nothing is going to happen unless he sues. Ive seen employees in fast food get into fist fights with customers, smoke in the bathroom, have gang bangs in the freeze and nothing happened to them because they needed the workers. Only time it got serious if because a worker was switching the money from the registers with fake money.
on top of its the type of employee to start shit and twist words and breeds negativity amongst everyone. Like hell yea some and i dare to say most upper management are trash and their job is to beat you out of money and benefits. There are some of us though that like to actually fight for everyone below us position wise because we came from those positions so we know what its like. People like that dude however make things hard because he just like attention and he likes to get it by dogging on others. If I had someone like that on my team you bet your ass im watching their work like a hawk to catch them fucking up, on a cell phone, etc because i'll get you gone quick.
The very first response should be to have a conversation with your boss and have that jerk fired for sexual harassment because thats exactly what it is and it its NOT legally allowed to take place at work.
So sorry you had to go through that, that guy ain't shit. He either was super homophobic or closeted and self-hating. Also wtf, no one stood up for you or reported this guy? Some places really should be stricter with their anti-harassment policy...
He is just a bully.
When someone doesn't treat you with the care, respect and value you deserve, simply don't give them your time. Don't even waste your energy on them. You have better things to do and you're more important than that.
@ancientafricanblood1547 I hear you and definitely appreciate how you feel but I have to say, we are all on a path of self discovery and life is our teacher. None of us come into this world full of experience but we must learn and grow. By the way, when things are perfect and wonderful we don't grow and become stronger. It's the difficult times and the painful moments in life that change us from what we were to what we must be.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts you sound like a person who values and lives by wisdom. God bless and never underestimate your value! 👍
Hi Matthew, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy watching your videos. I really appreciate how genuine and true to yourself you are-it’s something I can really relate to. I completely agree with you: life is meant to be enjoyed, and being yourself is so important. Keep being you!🎉 😊
Thanks! ❤
Hi and thanks for sharing your story time. It sounds like he was jealous. He's either gay or bi himself or jealous about how good you are at your job. What he did was harrasment and sexual harassment. It should be documented and reported. He wasn't following rules at all at your job.
He liked you... Like LIKED you
Right ...., so closeted?.... they're really dangerous. The lengths they'd really go through to make sure they hide it is wow...just wow
Us quiet straight guys get asked this once in awhile, too. But, everyday? Dang, people are weird! They obsess because, I think they want to feel like they solved a big mystery. And this guy wants everyone to know he solved it. I've worked with gay people over the years. And I never asked because, it's so weird to me to be that concerned. I only know the few that I know of because, one guy talked about his fantasy to meet rich gay guy. One got his boyfriend hired in and was open about it. And the rest were gossip people making it known to others. I also find it weird that people who knew were telling everyone.
Sorry that happened to you. You seem like a good person. That guy was a total asshole probably with very low self-esteem
You are totally correct : that guy's behavior was shitty. I am old, and I have learned that no one can make me feel something, either bad or good. I am totally responsible for my feelings; I own them, I feel what I wish to feel. If I feel something I do not want, it's my mistake for feeling it. This attitude of mine allows me to be in control of myself in almost any situation. It takes a little practice to accomplish this control of oneself, but it's worth it!
People are hung up on many things - who cares - be yourself and have a great life. Love and Hugs..
This story reminded me when I worked retail in 1999 and I was SA’ed by a male co-worker. I forgot all about it until watching this video. I was also SA’ed in High School in front of other students by a guy who was bullying me. In 2015, I had a co-worker make obsessive comments about me being overweight (even though several other employees were MORE overweight than me, he targeted me for some reason).This guy sincerely apologized to me years later via phone during the pandemic. I rarely ever get apologies and was taken aback. Sorry this happened to you. Sad to hear homophobia is still rampant.
Thanks for sharing. Your self strength is impressive. Keep on being you. 👍
This guy clearly has a serious problem that himself needs to deal with and treat it. We all could tell that he definitely crossed the line a ton of times. I mean, did you ever think about reporting him to your manager or HR for harassment at that time? I’m asking that because I’m not sure if you felt this was a safe space to report him to someone after he kept asking you such an uncomfortable question muuuuultiple and endless times.. 😢 like you said: someone’s sexuality isn’t no one’s business, so why would he care so much about YOUR sexuality? Why should this be a matter or impact his life somehow?
That is incredibly weird and he clearly had serious problems with himself 😅 sorry to hear you had to go through this 😢
Thank you for sharing your story! I agree with others that you should have reported him, though!
Im sorry you had to go through that 😔. Some people are just shitty people. Im glad he isnt in or around your life anymore