And is that OK? I don't see how that could be. Their has to be someone in a position power or authority figures to believe you or your screwed. That's where my life is now and my life depends on exposing my narcassistic family and my mother. Please help me. GOD bless everyone effected by these psychopaths. Amen.
the weird thing is Narcissists smear you and if you say anything to defend yourself they say you are smearing them... AND call you A NARCISSIST! GOOD LUCK!!
Yes I also have thought that way i thoughtv after all get everyone thinking bibwas;- crazy and I thank God it happened immso glad I found u awesome GodBless
Going through this right now... this person smeared me to the entire neighborhood, then smeared me to my kid's school and finally this person called in a false police and CPS report when they knew I wouldn't have any support at that moment in time. This was calculated and malicious.
Yes, I came to the same conclusion a few years back that I needed to not concern myself with the smear campaign and it worked like a charm! The abuser typically exposes themselves, so I had nothing to concern myself with. I don't react to anything that they do either.
There is a very famous incident in the late 90s where Steve Jobs is publicly insulted by an engineer while Jobs is on stage. His response to that insult is very instructive. I have always been following that advice since the early 2010s and if done diligently it can make you reach levels of being that are just out of anyone's imagination.
It is so hard to deal with these monsters. Your on your own, the crazy maker is the good guy. It is heartbreaking and devastating and eye opening and liberating. Now I'm on my own and see people for what they are and I decide how people treat me with respect or they no longer exist in my world. And I treat others the same way because they deserve to be treated like human beings. People treat you how you allow them to. I lost everything and everyone as well now I rely trust and love myself.
“If it hadn’t been for him bringing me to my knees about what people thought about me, thus bringing up my persecution programs, I never would have healed this!” I have been a people pleaser all my life and all it has done is hold me back. It has taken this incredibly painful experience to see how I can finally heal those inner wounds and stop it! Thank you.
I can relate to this. The narcissists in my life are the immediate next door neighbours. I have been gangstalked. My devices hacked. Filmed inside our home having a shower and in hotels abroad. These clips have been circulated on the internet from June 2022. After filming and collecting the clips for 10yrs. They are also predatory stalkers. Who prey on single women. I am healing now ❤. To anyone going a similar circus, just know that the perpetrators have serious personality disorders: narcissist, psychopath and sociopath. Educate yourself on this.
That the calm unempathetic person easily becomes more believable by most than the distressed victim is one of the roughest realities. Somehow when we're being victimized in deep, scary, hurtful ways, we're supposed to find a way to be super centered for anyone to take us seriously, smh. I've even been in a work situation where people began to help me when they saw what was happening on their own. But then when I expressed too much honest frustration and hurt, the people who were going to help backed off because I guess feeling things deems you a crazy person. It was easier for them to step in when they just thought my abuser was just an idiot. But bully? Abuser? Too complicated or emotionally triggering to touch.
Unfortunately for us, feelings in their minds makes us weak. And they take it upon themselves to callous us to a thicker skin, so we are not so sensitive. Basically a cruel nonempathetic version of them. Basically an emotionless person. I refuse to be that, but have found for sanity sake I had to go numb during warfare to survive.
@NPC 3-P-O Meanwhile, I feel safer around people who express themselves (though not violently) because I grew up with all that passive aggressive covert narcissism. That's way more terrifying to me. When people express themselves, I feel the relief of not feeling like I have to decode them or wonder when they're going to blow out of the blue.
Oh my goodness!!! I have experienced exactly what you so eloquently verbalize about being stripped of all of my support, my "people". They all sided with the narcissist and I was left alone in treatment, no one would answer my phone calls, he cut me off financially, would not bring my children to see me, and he went around the community spreading lies, slept with one of my closest friends, she became Mom to my children, but I was the one who was sick and he was the victim and hero rolled into one. I was lost... I surrendered... my soul and my spirit had been crushed...I laid at the feet of Jesus and no longer worried about who I pleased. My entire life up until that point had been built around pleasing others. It was time to live for God, and through God I would come to know myself❤️
If God allowed you to go through it you will grow through it..Everything happens for a reason oftentimes the most challenging seasons become our biggest blessings. You will win..
Thankyou for sharing. I've suffered smear campaigns from first my narcissist (ex) husband 9 years ago, and again recently from my narcissist mother and (golden child) sister. Very clearly I am being given a message that I need to stop worrying about what other people think about me and take my power back!
I'm really struggling with feeling angry at the people who believe him. I feel the hurt and anger more about those people turning their backs on me then I do about the years of abuse and suffering he put me through. I need help letting it go.
Ayla please check out my inner transformational resources, which are all about 'how to let go'. I hope this helps www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse xoxox
same. going through a legal battle, I had to leave the house because of HIS abuse yet everyone we mutually know is believing whatever he is saying and turning their backs on me....even though I literally have a protective order against HIM. its insane.
@@Mcphersongirl They do a "preliminary" smear before the crap hits the fan, while they are still smiling in your face. Subtle things like a serpent would do, under the guise of "concern" for your mental state, etc. That way, when you attempt to expose their evil, you have already been smeared ahead of time. They all do this.
kalitor mensa That explains your judo-ing my comment, lol. Castaneda used both conjectures and plagiarism...and of course we’re all constantly adapting, so I find your response a bit pretentious...but perhaps that’s embedded in your adopted philosophy, haha. In any case, do what works brother.
You have completely stunned me. Why didn't I know this truth before? Now that I know it I can never un-know it. Instead of engaging in my besetting sin of self-indulgent self-pity, I need to rediscover who I am. I have always wanted to live in a world filled with Love, Peace, and Joy. I have tried to control my surroundings by moulding myself to the whims of others. No more. I give up my control. I here declare publicly that I will learn to find Love, Peace, and Joy in the beauty that the Cosmos - in her Infinite Wisdom - has always granted me without reserve from the beginning. I cannot change the world. I can only rediscover who I truly am. Your cat reminds me of my cat Jai, who was my best friend from the time I was eleven to the time I was 18. Nobody believed me at that time, but I still believe that Jai understood how I felt and was always there to comfort me. Thank you. Stay strong.
My cat, Fluffy, was my best friend for 15 years - she was 22 years old and just passed away this year from breast cancer, and it was heartbreaking, as she was like a child and a grandmother at the same time to my husband & I. Up until the day before she passed, we took walks, and up until the last couple months of her life, we took very long walks, at least once a day, usually twice. When she was 20 years old, she would walk up to 5 miles at one time, in the cold, snow, hills, rocks, etc - she was Persian so she had plenty of fur between her toes. She wore me out - but she kept me going - when I had surgery, or when I was feeling bad, she always lifted my spirits and kept me moving, she kept me motivated. She was very healthy and did not look her age at all until her breast cancer started causing problems.
Wow!!! I am actually paralleling your experience. I can completely identify with everything you have shared. Its excruciating as you state. I find I have to take one day at a time after undergoing a narcissist’s smear campaign. Its not easy, but I’m realizing the importance of working on self and letting go. There are days I slip, then I listen to what you and others have experienced. I’m not alone and must walk one day at a time.
telling them they are soul-less and unconsciousness really cuts them deep, its a weird thing to witness..almost feel them attempting to shed skin which is no longer there
@@alphaink3843 "The wicked are estranged from the womb; They go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies (meaning corrupt serpent genetics that look human but are not entirely...). Their poison is like the poison of a serpent; (subtle but deadly to poison everyone against you..... ) They are like the deaf cobra that stops its ear, (will not listen to truth or reason) Which will not heed the voice of charmers, (those of excellent speech and wisdom) Charming ever so skillfully." (Wasting their breath)....Psalm 58:3-5 "For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall." Proverbs 4:16
Totally agree with you, I thank the narcissist, it made me face my fears continue too heal to be the woman I've always wanted too be come, freeless and powerful high value, being me ,loving life smiling and thriving, thank you for sharing your story .
I am experiencing this very same thing right now at this present time by my boyfriend. The smearing campaign thickens. But I am confident the truth will be revealed. I don’t care what other ppl think about me based on what someone else’s description is of me. In time the truth will always reveal lies and karma never excuses anyone. Justice is always served towards the innocent whether it’s in this life or the next. My justice will be served in this lifetime. And very soon! This video was one of the most accurate pertaining to my experience. She explained it perfectly. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. ♥️🌹
its just the fact that they start this smear campaign ages before and when you are still on "good terms" and when they have their way with you its already been cemented in society and the community and its so overwhelming and insedious !!!!
Been there, done that! I was validated and truth discovered 8 years later as I was continually healing from narcissistic abuse. The one key that really helped my recovery was that I decided to be still, keep my calm, not take the bait and let God resolve the situation. Thanks Mel. Another DIAMOND of light that is brilliant.
Sandee G i thank Mel for bringing people like you into my life. My day was not the same today after I read your post. It completely changed my perspective and motivated me to go back and resume my NARP program.
I see now the turning point with my father came they day he was too obvious. Family I hadn't seen for ages invited me over to make peace, a party in my honor, I was 20. I thought he might be uncomfortable, so I made sure he was OK with it. I had a feeling both him not being the center of attention and them welcoming me back would set him off. By this time I already knew he talked about my behind my back and lied. We spoke the hour before the party and I confirm again, he's OK, we were fine, so I thought. I sensed something was up. So I get there and he won't speak to me or look at me and rejects me in front of 40 people. It crushed me, it was humiliating and I know it was more important to discredit me than support me. I watched him, it was hard to take my eyes off him, because I finally realized he'd set me up. All of it was his suggestion. Problem for him was I knew he'd told stories about me, he was old and I'm his only living child. I began slowly to walk away. I still have no relationship with his side of the family. When I tried to defend myself from his lies, I got shouted down. He was too good a manipulator. But he died without me. He won the battle, but lost the war. By pretending I was hurting him and ruining his life, taking half my family away from me, it never occurred to him I'd figure it out. It never dawned on him I'd leave. He thought he'd made me too dependent. So they took care of him, fine, they wouldn't even let me defend myself, so I'm happy they had that responsibility. Me, I'd at least hear the other person's version. And honestly, their pig headed ignorance makes me feel I'm better off without them. He claimed I went crazy, destroyed the house and run away from home at 15. He punched me, terrorized me, beat me, he trashed the house and I did indeed run away, which stopped the physical abuse. I went across the country. I only came back on the agreement he'd never hit me again. But they believe he's the victim, to this day. You'd think someone would wonder why I ran away? Nope.
Congratulations on getting away from their toxic grasp! You did a very brave and very hard thing. And if no one has told you, I'm proud of you, if that means anything. Have a safe and happy holiday season with your loved ones.
@@dnabart Thank you. I went no contact over my brother. He was gay and had AIDS. That's when I finally realized how evil they were. I had to drive across the country twice to get him, no one else could manage this somehow. I had my mother under control, I thought. With me, yes, but bottom line my mother and I were both nurses. I was the best person to get him. Medically, she could care for him at home. That lasted a month until he told me she was abusing him. He was wasting away and she decided he needed to earn his keep by working as her maid. I thought I'd have to go to court but a nurse called social services. By that point she'd just gone too far with me. On top of hurting him, she went on the attack. I'd warned her those days were over and I'd leave. I did. Both my parents went off the deep end over this yet they had been divorced for ages. It was time for me to give up and move on. He wouldn't have survived a month instead of 9 if I hadn't protected him. To this day I cannot believe she gave her dying son a daily to do list when he could barely stand. Part of my big mistake was the only time she was good to me was when I was sick, but I was baby, I didn't expect it. I trusted her, big error. I actually straight up kidnapped him and put him in a hospice, then I was filing for guardianship, but they went there and took him out. Then the hospice told social services what I'd told them. Oh, I was a college student during all this, by far the youngest. She got my sister's on my case. They know what she's capable of. They're homophones too. She wanted to punish him, to kick him when he was down, for the last time in his life, for being gay. They don't usually kill. Killing slowly by torture though, that they'll do.
@@dnabart Yes, he was jealous. He also needed to discredit me with the family in case I ever disclosed his abuse. To my knowledge they still believe him, though he's long dead. My sister died when I was 9, leaving just two kids and me as younger relatives. Sadly, I have no relationship with them. Sadder because she asked me to watch over them. Sad for them because I look like her, much more than they do, but I also remind them of her and she had abusive moments. They're blind to the fact this is because he abused her too. I could explain to them the pressure she was under, but they won't civilly talk to me. Haven't seen them in 30 years. But they wouldn't let me defend myself, so too bad. They did chose him over me, therefore I can't help them. I think the yelling over me and threatening me when I did try to defend myself is denial. On some level they know, so I couldn't be allowed to get the words out, even carefully. I'm sorry for your loss. I ultimately left because I knew if I was ever sick or disabled and needed family, they'd turn on me. No family is better than them.
It's very hard to let go when you know you should after all the physical & mental abuse&accused of everything&anything, when all i do is bringing up children, stay home&be a cleaner, cook, Gardner list goes on&always tried to support him, sick of being the bad one while he plays the victim, blames me for children hating him, not his own attitude or behaviour, lives constantly in denial of all he does, rather live with blaming, denial&going to get help, thank you for you videos x
Thank you! Validation ! So devastating to realise that everyone believes his smearing lies. I have a real physical reaction today realising how deceptive they are!!
If you go to a marriage counsellor, be aware that the narc will turn on the charm, win over that person, who proceeds to enable the narc and tell you that everything is your fault.
I feel like in the situation with my mother it is amazing how these people will go to therapist and lawyers and judges and all these people with their in hand false narrative about you and all these people will believe this false narrative and become flying monkeys
Yes… that happened to me with two different family counselors. My husband convinced our therapist that I was the narcissist. My two youngest daughters have heard it for so long, they believe it too. It’s surreal. It’s a crapload of lies. It’s evil.
Relieved to listen to this that narcissists will turn this behaviour on you and lie and create a smear campaign, this behaviour is soul destroying but I will not give in and will hold my head high, I know who I am. I am on the right track and learning to deal with the difficulties of life and go forward to an expanded happy life. Thank you so much for the positive reinforcement of this video.
Your story matches exactly what I'm going through right now. I see this was published Dec. 16 2018. I left my house with my kids, with the help of the police & our local advocacy center, exactly one year from that day, Dec 16th, 2019, to go live in a hotel to get away from my narcissistic abusive husband. He is going around town & taking to Facebook, with his new persona, to smear me. It has been painful & really hard not to shout from the mountains he's a damn liar. You are an angel for making this video, no surprise it found me when I needed to hear it's message. Thanks for all you do, you are helping many people, including me. You are saying what I know deep down to be the answer, the truth. But I needed a nudge back to my center, because it's easy to get knocked off course in all of this.
Love this. You’re amazing. I went to the Lord too and it’s helped me so much. I’m still living the trauma now but praying the Lord will get us out and in to a safe place. Thank you for sharing. Love and prayers for you. 💕
Thank you for posting this! I have been a target of a smear campaign and have been abandoned by most of my relationships. I feel invalidated everyday and have constant memory triggers even years after the abuse. I am slowly healing now and want to spread the word about narcissistic abuse!
I was smeared at my University where I am studying at, and this person is studying Psychology. A very toxic person. This has happened to me a lot in my childhood, as my parents are narcissists and had smeared me to friends and family. Now I understand why I had no support throughout my childhood. I have now seen a new pattern in my life and I can now heal of this trauma. Thanks Melanie for your videos, they have helped me a lot.
The cat looks like it's ready to take on narcissists and get rid of them :) I don't normally comment on TH-cam but I have to thank you. This has blown my mind. In 2008 to about 2013 I had two ex friend narcissists after me. They accussed me of things and made me look very bad online. They got my ex friends in 2 Australian cities not to talk to me. Flying Monkeys galore. Last November I had a same situation. I did put a stop to it early and many say that my two ex friends dumping me and refusing talk to me, but at the same time got their flying monkeys to bully me on Facebook, was good. It has been so bad I can't work (although I have been) and been on Valium to try to ease the thoughts. Your view that people turn on the narcissist and come back to you, both with what happened ten years ago and last November, will not work for me and that saddens me. However, what you say is true. The abuse, the fact that they made me feel there was something wrong with me was not good. Yet others who found out why I walked out on those two have said I did the right thing. Thank you for confirming a lot of things. I hope by practicing these things that perhaps new people will come into my life with less dramas. Hope so.
Stay Blessed without negative people influencing your life. There are some lesser people that have to keep you lower or lesser than themselves in order to feel a sense of security in their life. These people are not meant for us....we don't get to use our full potentials, because we keep them comfortable within our own stagnation. Flourish and Love life
@@TheShivaspirit I visited their place again last November as they live in another city a year after the abuse. They were not home. I look a selfie in front of the building. It was my way of victory over them and when I look at it I feel very proud of my working past their campaign. A week ago one of them had a tragedy. I refuse to say sorry or speak or associate with them. They say don't act like a victim. Well, I'm not sorry I did they destroyed my life (to an extent not over exaggerating) but in the end I overcame this. I don't get pleasure from their suffering but a small amount of satisfaction.
Thank you for this eye opening perspective. I do not understand how any person can take at face value what someone claims about another person without considering there always two sides to a story
These people are so well rehearsed and so committed to another's destruction that they come across as totally sincere. They are--sincere in their need to destroy the reputation of others.
Many people do not want to believe what they hear about others, for many reasons - family members very often defend the narcissist or person with bpd, because they might be dependent upon them in some way, or they are in denial, as they don't want to admit to themselves that their family member (maybe their parent) is not a loving, supportive, healthy mom or dad, but someone who only cares about themselves and buys them gifts because there's strings attached. Some adult children who've lost one parent have a hard time admitting their only living parent is not truly loving & supportive, either, as it makes them feel alone.
Exactly, if people would stay objective and not be pulled into the subjective bs it would open their eyes a lot more to help them see the truth. When you use logic and reason and stick to objective truth, evil loses. What type of person goes around saying negative things about others a strong minded person or weak minded? That's a very weak minded individual. Especially when used to make someone else look bad and themselves look like the innocent victim.
my "Smear campaign" just begun and I am sooo sick of it. I have a violent past, because of how I grew up, but I've managed to turn my life around and taught myself how to diffuse conflict maturely at a very young age. because of him, I'm being seen as the crazy one, I lost friends, my job, etc! As of recent, I feel like I am going back to that, and I don't want to. Thank You for your video!!
The narcs will never let you live down your past. They will paint you with a brush for everyone to see you "that way" no matter how much you have grown and matured. My narc "mother" still tells people what I did when I was 15. Over 40 years ago!!!
Thank you for helping me understand. You were the first person who helped me understand I owe you a great thank you. Over the years your words and voice brings me peace.
Thank you for posting this! I broke up with a Narc and was sure that this was the hardest part of the process only to find out that a smear campaign has been ripping my reputation and social support system apart behind my back. That was hard. But I’m accepting that it’s all a part of the healing process. You end up feeling so alone and insignificant but then you learn to validate your own emotions, needs, etc. This is where I am right now realising how important it is for me to learn how to stand up for me. ❤
one overt narc was talking so much on the phone I couldn't get a word in at all..so I put the phone down..went to my Shiloh friends and came back every four minutes for half an hour..and he was still going on as if his life was over..when he finally finished I had no effing idea what he was strung out about.
I never had a clue people could exist like this. The lifestyles and thought processes of these people are bizarre and embarrassing for them. Thank you for your quantum insights ❤
My narcissist separated husband is the same. He turned family and friends, neighbours against me but I'm happy being alone with my kids. And now non of them know what I'm doing they can't feed him information
My coworker covert narcissist was spreading false rumors behind my back that I didn't "help" him on his own HW when I sent him all the answers through email. The situation got so much out of control that my other coworkers came up to me and brought up that the narc thought the situation was a big problem, asking why I didnt have the heart to "help" him. That was when I chuckled and showed them the email receipts. Just like that I converted the flying monkeys to my guardians. I'm so thankful everything was sent through email and not in person through paper.
Experiencing this right now. My neighbors have all turned against me ALL OF A SUDDEN/Not so suddenly if you get my drift. However my family TOTALLY has my back and they see him for what he is.....A Narcissist.
Omg the worst thing is people were actually falling for his projection against you. Feel sorry for you and those who suffered from this kind of abuse. I think leaving a narc silently is the best thing they are far more destructive then anything else.
The story of this video was exactly what happened to me, also, with my narc. I was with a narc for 25 years and after watching videos like this, I finally got the courage up to face my narc and tell him I was divorcing him. He started twisting every word I said to make me look like a crazy person and as he could see me getting more and more worked up, he decided to go to my daughter's room to get her out of bed to "see how crazy mommy is right now", I jumped in front of him and grabbed his arm and "no you are not getting any where near her", my narc yelled "you hit me! I'm calling the police!". I said that's good because the police will see that you were going to go into my daughters room and maybe hurt her. So the police came and I told them I grabbed him to get him out of the way from my daughters room and they questioned him in another room where I could not hear what he was saying to the police. After they talked to him they said that I was arrested for grabbing him and I WENT TO JAIL. He knew all along what he was doing. Playing it calm and cool and look at her , she is out of control. I fell right into the spiders web. Now he has a juicy story to tell everyone about his crazy wife so out of control she went to jail. I learned my lesson. Get as far away from narcs as you can. You never know what will happen. They are very skilled in the art of manipulation.
Why would the police believe him rather than you? Why would a person remain calm during a fight unless they were acting? The stupidity of people is beyond belief. It might be misogyny.
The narc is so predictable, you would think people would start to catch on. I’m at the point if it’s too good to be true it is. But then they never saw the mask slip. That was for behind closed doors the same as what went on for me growing up. I so want to transcend the dark energy that is and surrounds the narc. I can’t believe I never seen it in the beginning but there charm and fake concern had me hooked. It must be exhausting keeping up the empty shell with well rehearsed characters. Seriously damaged people. I’ve lost my parents, (although he has done me a favour as they are exactly like him) family members friends neighbours and most acquaintances. I’m not at the stage where they are coming back to me. Is it wrong not to want quite a few of them not to? The court actions and all the nasty stuff that has went on is enough to keep some of them out of my life. I feel like I’m in limbo land as I try to reach the other side and become whole in myself. X
Hi Grace, It's okay to let go of people. It's okay to rebuild your life and your relationships in a more authentic and healthy way. When people aren't capable of contributing to your experience this way, the kindest thing you can do is let them have their experience. You hold the hope that they will resolve it but you also realise their part in your experience is over. They've done what they've come to do, you are aware of the issue now and it's time to move forward. Give yourself permission to live your best, healthiest and happiest life. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start the mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. I don't react anymore and don't defend myself which is what they want. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
Also it was quite courageous that you told your story like this. I feel (as a fellow empath) that this was no easy task for you. But you've reached and helped so many people. Thank you!
I listen to your message, which reminds me of where I have been and how to use the support you give when I am triggered. Thank you. Sending blessings your way.
This is happening to me right now with my ex. He is lying and acting like he didn't abuse me knowing that he did daily. The emotional, mental and physical abuse was awful and he is denying it all even with proof. Makes me sick. I don't think I will ever trust or date a man again.
How empowering is Melanie . I am still find myself angry and still immersing in the state of how unfair and brutal is the smearing and how my children so easily believed in all his unfounded and unreasonable lies about me . But , Melanie's gives a lot of hope and encouraging and obviously that should be my next commitment to emerge deeply in and brush away the other people's view about me. How pathetic pitiable survive are the Narcissists, which Melanie exposed them in the best compelling way I've ever known and understood
Thank you, Melanie! I LOVE this message. It is all true. I have grown and evolved so much through a 14 year narc marriage that attempted to alter who I AM, stripping me of my spiritual power and convincing me that i wasn't enough because my faith is love based and his is money/ power based; he is god and will create and get everything he wants no matter how it might hurt others. I have a more childlike trust in LOVE/Source and my only desire is to be a conduit of that universal love and healing for all. It all culminated last year in an epic triangulation with a woman he wanted as a second wife because SHE was his spiritual "manifesting" partner. It had me near suicide, but I wouldn't do it because I will not leave my kids behind. While we were still together and he was saying he wanted to try to work on us (he was not actually making efforts on us though), we began attending a metaphysical church and I have had very specific messages and answers from God/ Yeshua/ angels that blow my mind and guided me directly on my path. I developed self love and healing myself and I made an exit plan and stuck to it because I knew it was the best solution for all involved (especially me). A couple of books that have really helped I listen to on Audible app: "You Can Heal Your Life" and "The Three Agreements". I went through it all, growing my relationship with my HP, staying in the light and LOVE and forgiveness, but spoke the truth. I learned to share with people who love me instead of stuffing it and pretending everything was ok (people were shocked but believed me). I don't know if he's smearing me behind the scenes, but I am not worrying about it. The people who love me, know me and know the truth. He is acting depressed and sad about it all, (I'm not sure if it's losing me or HER that is really bothering him- she left once she couldn't get more money from him) and I just sincerely encourage him saying, "You said that you want your life to completely change (I even have a screen shot of him telling HER that) and you have gotten exactly what you wanted. Now is the time to create the life you really want." I am being good and kind and forgiving to him and he's been behaving ok towards me and my kids in the past 2 months of our separation. If he does revert back to evil, I AM a love warrior and I will prevail no matter the circumstances because I AM never alone! I now have the FREEDOM to be who I be and who I AM is divine love for all.
Your words resonate so deeply with me. I am going to court tomorrow to get my beloved first son back (whom I raised in love, connection, attachment since the day he came into this world; and through whom I learnt the meaning of unconditional love) from the grip of his narcissistic father. I got remarried six years ago, and literally since day 1 he tried to make my life a living hell, using our son as a leverage to keep me paralised. He managed, for many years. I almost got divorced twice from my husband. But I didn't. His last tactic was to go all out into alienating my son from us. My biggest fear. The one that had me like a deer in the headlights for all these years. Until, last December, he took him. For three months. So, my biggest fear became a reality. And, then I was able to go through it, and overcome it. And, exactly as you say in 12:57 I would've never have healed if it wasn't for this. How ironic. I listened to your videos last week, when we had a meeting all together with child protection services. The specialist there, who had believed him initially, finally saw his true colours. He lost his cool. I kept calm and centred. I am now preparing mentally for the encounter tomorrow. I am not going from a place of revenge, but I am ready to set a limit and, especially, get my beloved boy back. There are no words to express my gratitude. I also know you understand how I feel, because you've been through it. I can only say a heartfelt thank you, from my soul, for your words and your labour of love. Kind regards from Germany.
I absolutely agree with what you’re saying here. My ex (married 18 years) did the smear with our three daughters as well. This was years ago, but I was always trying to prove myself with girls. To refute what I knew he was saying to them. When I finally discovered what narcissism is and that’s what he is, I became strong. I had nothing to fix. I got it. Whenever I heard the snickering or whenever I’d feel them doing things that were disrespectful or whatever, I told them to leave. That I love it them and they’ll be welcome when they’re respectful in my home. Otherwise, I’m not messing with you. It all stopped and THEN I started teaching them about what narcissism is. One fought it for a while, but all had to agree they knew their father did these things. One example is he had his mother live with us for a couple years after husband died. (Mind you, he isolated me from my family moving us from the Midwest to South Florida, and told me to just get over them, he and the girls were my family). His mother would get up and go through the paper on the weekends and they’d decide what my family would do that weekend. Both of them were huge controllers a manipulators. I finally stopped going to outings, and he told the girls I never like to do anything so don’t feel bad about me staying home. Forever they thought I just don’t like doing things. I told him I didn’t like him making plans with his mother and he said she enjoyed things more than I do. What you’re saying turned out so true. I knew the truth, I was strong and told the girls what happened and that I wasn’t going to be disrespected or.snickered at when they did not know the truth behind what was going on. When I started setting boundaries and telling them I was and why, they took a look into it and got it after all these years and nobody messes with me anymore. We have a good healthy relationship now. If anything happens, u let them know how much I love them, but that whatever was said, intimated, etc. was not allowed anymore. It rarely ever happens anymore. Or doesn’t happen. They get it now. Very good video. Spot on.
This just happened to me... she came over at 5am, she loves me so much... then wanted to talk (which she never wants to do) and started accusing me of so much. Then I noticed she was recording me.. it was so early that I kind of believed she wanted to talk. In retrospect, she was being so calm while making up things and I was defending myself. Thankfully I didn’t get angry. Very crazy!!!! When I broke up with her I thought she’d maybe self reflect NOPE. So sad.. I’m in cognitive dissonance. I feel love, but my brain is telling me to run.
I don't know about partners, but I know what smear compaigns are as a child. For my parents I was the problematic child, the one to be cured, I was sent to psychotherapists to see what was wrong with me, but never to see what was wrong with them. I remember my mom telling a friend of her how difficult I was. It was devastating not being understood. Also because she wasn't doing it to hurt, but because she was unconscious about what was happening so I have seen the impossibility to speak up, but accepting. I do totally believe the so within so without dynamics, because now she's not only apologized by telling me she have made terrible mistakes, but also become supportive, stopped judging completely and we were be able to restore a more adult relationship. Change yourself and all of your reality will change with you. Thank you so much dear Mel from the deep of my heart 💙💚💛
They tell you this bloke is bad for you then when the guy got you looking crazy they side with them it's a joke I've been so abused and kicked while I was down it's like it's all telepathic!
This is happening to me w the spouse and the Realtor!! My realtor friend I've known like 30 years she believes this narc man. I won't let it trigger me. I've lost my mind and my cool enough from this mind control. U described him to a "T", oh I'm so concerned about Jolene (to the Realtor), she's really hurt I've moved on and she's been hospitalized over the summer... oh Melanie, no matter what I could try would end up making me look worse, so I hired an attorney to speak for me and immersed myself in self healing self worth self love, self partnering and self parenting. A true blessing bc I'm finally being seen in my own community for who i am. I'm a counselor and teacher, speak world wide, and I got so lost this last year, but after 20 years w this trauma injustice, I finally see everything so clearly. I walk now proudly, graciously, and feel blessed myself w my relationship he could never steak from me w DivineSource. Lots of love and thanks for you and your channel. Ur videos inspire. I often tell folks change doesn't happen TO us...change happens FOR us. I want to seek my certification in narc abuse syndrome recovery once I'm through this karmic relationship and house sale that somehow I got snuffed out of I was so once under control of mind spinning. Xoxoxo.
What a fabulous video!!! I am so grateful to you for this perspective--THANK YOU! The smearing campaigns are enough to make a person feel that she is better off in total isolation forever. I have dealt with two narcissistic men in the last 1.5 years, and both did this exact thing--and they took it to my colleagues. I felt so helpless and angry, especially as in both cases, the men were phenomenally selfish and unkind behind closed doors. To see it this way--especially with the past life references and the quantum healing (which is the answer!!!)--makes TOTAL sense. We feel as though we are going to be executed--and indeed, these guys are happy to deliver the blows that hurt the most. As we shift, so does the circumstance! I know it is true. I can not thank you enough for putting this out here--THANK YOU!
I am a born again Christian so in the place of evolution I believe in Creation and a living God with which I find comfort. But God has used this video to help me heal. I pray this helps others
DEAR GOD...listening to this was EXACTLY what I experienced! 100 out of 10 ...THAT IS HOW INTENSE AND HURTFUL IT WAS, indeed. Thank God for the lessons learned during that time period. I too was BLESSED BY THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN. I HAD TO BE THERE FOR ME because NOONE else was. I literally considered ending my life. Funny enough ... maybe epiphanies just come on bathroom floors....lol. That is exactly whete I was too when I realized that this whole ongoing nightmare had to be happening for a reason. It HAD TO BE specifically TO FORCE ME to be there for me and to love me and to stop caring so much what anyone else thought of me because I KNEW THAT THEY WERE WRONG. I KNEW WHAT I KNEW AND I DID LIKE ME - I KNEW NONE OF IT WAS TRUE - I KNEW THAT IF I ENDED MY LIFE, THEY MIGHT NEVER KNOW THAT. I just turned inward, focused on ME and what I needed. I became my own best friend and just like you said ... once I started healing inside, people started coming back and the outside healing began as well. Today, I am closer than ever to my parents, brother and my 3 grown children. He is living in another state and everyone who did come back will never doubt me without talking to me again. I believe that. Those who didn't come back are people whose absense has only enhanced my life experience anyway. IT WAS HORRIFIC AT THE TIME. I DIDN'T KNOW PAIN LIKE THAT EXISTED. I felt so empty, abandoned, betrayed, confused alone and so so angry at the sheer injustice of it all. I really didn't think I would ever feel whole again, and at times I was just meeting the next new goal of "get through today". TO ANYONE GOING THROUGH IT NOW: THE OTHER SIDE IS SO MUCH BRIGHTER THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE YET. It doesn't come quick but it does come...piece by piece. Then, one day you look up and realize "HEY! I SURVIVED THAT SHIT AND ONLY A STRONG AS NAILS BAD ASS INDIVIDUAL COULD HAVE DONE THAT!".
Narc targets need to *block* the narc from their life in phone, texting, social media, chat tools. Failing to do so will expose your eyes to the narc's double life, the subtle smear of "I found someone better". If you peek at social media, the narc's evil re-opens wounds. You need distance from the narc in every way possible, if at all possible. If you have children with the narc, you need to take on the "gray rock" approach and learn how to respond without getting emotional.
Yep. I call what they do, "setting the scene". I had my NPD set up meet-ups where people invited had been lied to about me, like you I was losing my mind, I was sick, I was depressed, etc...Just prior to the meet-up which I didn't know was going to occur, my NPD would lash out and cause a huge fight so I was shaking with anger and confusion. Thus, when these people finally showed up for this "social meet", I was looking like an antisocial crazy person. It's f*cking unreal how they do it!!!
Listening to this takes me back to the end of my marriage and my ex husbands no holds barred emotional brutality and pure evil and makes me so glad to be past that part. Unfortunately, our young adult daughter, the former and since completely abandoned golden child, is exhibiting this same behavior toward me, reminding me I still have work to do. So within, so without. Thanks for articulating this truth. It will be my anchor for the journey ahead. Wishing things weren't so, only keeps you stuck in the reality of what is. It is time for me to let go of what I can't change, gather up my too other-focused energy and direct it toward self care. Deeply sad but also hopeful that I will be able to once again disentangle myself from this toxicity and be at peace.
One thing that comes to mind is that what if a person believes that their friend is starting to lose their mind..I would ring them. I certainly wouldn't just get away from them. Unless that's what the narc is probably telling them to do. "She needs time away from people, if you contact her she gets worse". But I would probably not believe it. Having known narcissists I know what is going on. It's a game, to isolate the victim. My own father actually tried to tell his doctor colleagues to have me "locked up for life" in an asylum.. at 16 years old, so that no-one would believe that I'm being physically abused by him. Then, at 29 I unfortunately entered a relationship with a narcissist who was exactly like him, too. It destroyed me, but I built myself up again. I had a brief but happy relationship 1 year later. At least it was a glimpse of what it can be like with someone who cares for you. At 38 I was smeared by a person I barely knew because I blocked him early on.. (He showed red flags) and he destroyed my reputation completely..and everyone turned against me, I lost friends and every new friend I made quickly disappeared from one day to another after they'd been "informed " by the others. I still don't know to this day what they are saying. What I'm mostly sad about is that I lost someone who I strangely met exactly when the smear campaign started... He felt like a kindred spirit, like no other, but very quickly the gossip reached him. And he was gone.
This is my diary entry for today.... After Dan burnt furniture in the backyard on Tuesday night (8th jan), I knew I needed to get my belongings out of the house along with Kirra's things to keep them safe from him taking his anger out on everything. I did it legally, it's my home, no one was home so no one was there to cause a breach of the peace. I had help as I'm entitled to have anyone I wish enter the home. We packed up only mine and Kirra's belongings. We were there less than half an hour. Dan told me "no" when I told him what I was intending to do, but he really had no say in the matter. I knew what I had to do and I did it properly, legally, and without confrontation. Well he started after that. Accusing me of stealing HIS stuff. Saying he was going to have me charged with break and enter, trespassing and stealing. I replied with a screen shot of legal aid nsw where it says he had no right to throw me out in the first place. He didn't even read it. He continued to say it was HIS house, that he threw me out 2 weeks ago and that I had no right to be there. I knew I did the right thing. I did. But I couldn't shake the feeling he was going to get me for something. I felt scared. I felt threatened. I felt like I was wrong for doing the right thing. I called Scotty to come have a chat. I felt I needed a restraining order. I can't stop feeling anxious at work, I can't relax at my parents, I'm too scared to do my shopping at woolies by my self, I can't even walk up the street with my daughter because I'm terrified he will just walk up, grab Kirra and walk off with her and I won't see her again for months till it goes to court. He won't be fair. He won't be honest. He won't be kind. He hasn't been any of those things yet and yet he expects me to trust him? My only goal here is to protect my daughter. He thinks I'm out to hurt him, but thats what he does, he thinks it's only about him. I wish I could trust him. I'd love for him and Kirra to spend the day together on Sunday on his birthday. I want to be able to trust him to do the right thing, to NOT drink while he has her, to NOT put her at risk, to NOT treat her like a pain in the arse, to NOT speak down to her, call her an idiot or a fuck wit, to NOT swear at her, or to NOT use her as a tool for manipulation or revenge on me. I wish for a good father for my little girl. I wish for a kind heart to raise her, a wise mind to guide her and a strong arm to keep her safe and protected. I see none of that when i look at him now. I see his father. I see pain and danger and conflict at every turn. I see lies and manipulation for self gain. I see broken promises and abandonment issues. I don't see a father. I've done nothing wrong to him except love him, care for him, worry about him. But that wasn't enough. He left us. He replaced us. He lied to me, cheated on me, strung me along for months while coming and going and making me still feel like this was just a rough patch, that he would come back and finally talk to me, open up, let me be there for him. Like he still loved me, he just needed to work through something. Then he got angry. I found out the truth and he still tried to lie to me. He got angry because i finally saw through him. I saw through the lies, the blame shifting, the gaslighting, the charade he had played out for me for months, even years. I saw the truth and i finally knew who i was dealing with. A narcissist. A sociopath. I've been told to not reply to his messages, to not answer his calls, no matter how badly i want to defend myself or how outrageous or cruel his words are. I've been told to just lay low for a week. To let him continue his accusations, blame shifting, abuse. I've been told to just take it. Because if i fight back then no one can help me. How is this so? I'm scared. I'm scared for my daughter and her future. I'm terrified of what kind of person he will raise her to be if he takes her away. The world doesn't need anymore monsters. There are enough already, and they don't live under the bed, they sleep next to you, in your bed, every night, claiming to love you.
I'm accepting that I can only depend on myself.This video really really hit home for me....And yes, narcissist s target those wounds uncannily accurately. I'm going to be working on healing myself from inside out.....and those who betray,wound and harm me can kiss my butt on the way out of the door!!!
Tiggy just surprised me lol!!! Beautiful cat 😻 Fantastic advice again. I am doing your 16 day course and hose around me have noticed a big change in me. The narc I can feel is losing is strength as I am becoming lighter and stronger . Cant wait to join NARP on my next payday if this is what the free course has done. Thank you xxx
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Anyone who believes smear campaigns is probably not meant to be part of your healing journey and that's o. k.
Lol ..., yes and that’s ok
Truth. Doesn't make it suck any less
AMEN!
What about a psychologist, the law, authority figures?
What if none of these people believe you and or believe the narcassist?
And is that OK? I don't see how that could be.
Their has to be someone in a position power or authority figures to believe you or your screwed.
That's where my life is now and my life depends on exposing my narcassistic family and my mother.
Please help me.
GOD bless everyone effected by these psychopaths. Amen.
the weird thing is Narcissists smear you and if you say anything to defend yourself they say you are smearing them... AND call you A NARCISSIST! GOOD LUCK!!
Exactly!!!
Yup found this post on her FB. Sick.
All the truth-speakers will get Jesus'd in the end, there's no turning this demise around
Accurate
@@tim3854 That sounds rather cheap and irreverent. I think you should reword that to honor Him.
“They break down your support structure” So true!
@NPC 3-P-O insecurity they cause
Yes I also have thought that way i thoughtv after all get everyone thinking bibwas;- crazy and I thank God it happened immso glad I found u awesome GodBless
@@barbiechai2386 Yes--deliberately and consistently!
@Andrea S I'm realizing that you're right
Going through this right now... this person smeared me to the entire neighborhood, then smeared me to my kid's school and finally this person called in a false police and CPS report when they knew I wouldn't have any support at that moment in time. This was calculated and malicious.
Narcissism is exhausting....
Oh dear Lord, it really is. I'm tired.
It definitely is but you become an even greater person for it
God yes it is. Blessing to anyone dealing with those bastards. ☝️💖
So exhausting...
@@jennifer.ann83 understatment
I am so grateful for the scars FROM THE NARC ,I am so much closer to CHRIST and stronger, healthier AND Happier than Ever before
I feel this comment deeply
Same here
Amen to this!
Yes, I came to the same conclusion a few years back that I needed to not concern myself with the smear campaign and it worked like a charm! The abuser typically exposes themselves, so I had nothing to concern myself with. I don't react to anything that they do either.
There is a very famous incident in the late 90s where Steve Jobs is publicly insulted by an engineer while Jobs is on stage. His response to that insult is very instructive.
I have always been following that advice since the early 2010s and if done diligently it can make you reach levels of being that are just out of anyone's imagination.
@@DharavSolanki do you have any link to this? I would love to watch.
It's soo hard tho. How did you do it?
It is so hard to deal with these monsters. Your on your own, the crazy maker is the good guy. It is heartbreaking and devastating and eye opening and liberating. Now I'm on my own and see people for what they are and I decide how people treat me with respect or they no longer exist in my world. And I treat others the same way because they deserve to be treated like human beings. People treat you how you allow them to. I lost everything and everyone as well now I rely trust and love myself.
“If it hadn’t been for him bringing me to my knees about what people thought about me, thus bringing up my persecution programs, I never would have healed this!”
I have been a people pleaser all my life and all it has done is hold me back. It has taken this incredibly painful experience to see how I can finally heal those inner wounds and stop it! Thank you.
I can relate to this. The narcissists in my life are the immediate next door neighbours. I have been gangstalked. My devices hacked. Filmed inside our home having a shower and in hotels abroad. These clips have been circulated on the internet from June 2022. After filming and collecting the clips for 10yrs. They are also predatory stalkers. Who prey on single women.
I am healing now ❤. To anyone going a similar circus, just know that the perpetrators have serious personality disorders: narcissist, psychopath and sociopath. Educate yourself on this.
That the calm unempathetic person easily becomes more believable by most than the distressed victim is one of the roughest realities. Somehow when we're being victimized in deep, scary, hurtful ways, we're supposed to find a way to be super centered for anyone to take us seriously, smh. I've even been in a work situation where people began to help me when they saw what was happening on their own. But then when I expressed too much honest frustration and hurt, the people who were going to help backed off because I guess feeling things deems you a crazy person. It was easier for them to step in when they just thought my abuser was just an idiot. But bully? Abuser? Too complicated or emotionally triggering to touch.
Lex Sound like they got scared
people cant handle the truth or emotions it seems. u have to act a certain way to get help and sympathy. why cant people just handle the truth ever?
Unfortunately for us, feelings in their minds makes us weak. And they take it upon themselves to callous us to a thicker skin, so we are not so sensitive. Basically a cruel nonempathetic version of them. Basically an emotionless person. I refuse to be that, but have found for sanity sake I had to go numb during warfare to survive.
@NPC 3-P-O Meanwhile, I feel safer around people who express themselves (though not violently) because I grew up with all that passive aggressive covert narcissism. That's way more terrifying to me. When people express themselves, I feel the relief of not feeling like I have to decode them or wonder when they're going to blow out of the blue.
@@Owondr sounds like cowards. Met a few of them too...or better realised they where after being left alone because I said the word abuse..
Whatever they're accusing you of? Is exactly what they themselves are guilty of. The guilt makes them project alot onto you.
Backed with evidence.
Oh my goodness!!! I have experienced exactly what you so eloquently verbalize about being stripped of all of my support, my "people". They all sided with the narcissist and I was left alone in treatment, no one would answer my phone calls, he cut me off financially, would not bring my children to see me, and he went around the community spreading lies, slept with one of my closest friends, she became Mom to my children, but I was the one who was sick and he was the victim and hero rolled into one. I was lost... I surrendered... my soul and my spirit had been crushed...I laid at the feet of Jesus and no longer worried about who I pleased. My entire life up until that point had been built around pleasing others. It was time to live for God, and through God I would come to know myself❤️
Sorry to hear what you went through.
But what a beautiful ending❤️
God can and will heal us
Was he caught at last or his still enjoying his bogusness?
If God allowed you to go through it you will grow through it..Everything happens for a reason oftentimes the most challenging seasons become our biggest blessings. You will win..
Thankyou for sharing. I've suffered smear campaigns from first my narcissist (ex) husband 9 years ago, and again recently from my narcissist mother and (golden child) sister. Very clearly I am being given a message that I need to stop worrying about what other people think about me and take my power back!
Amen. Me to. I think I might actually believe it this time.
I'm really struggling with feeling angry at the people who believe him. I feel the hurt and anger more about those people turning their backs on me then I do about the years of abuse and suffering he put me through. I need help letting it go.
Ayla please check out my inner transformational resources, which are all about 'how to let go'. I hope this helps www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse xoxox
I need help too.
same. going through a legal battle, I had to leave the house because of HIS abuse yet everyone we mutually know is believing whatever he is saying and turning their backs on me....even though I literally have a protective order against HIM. its insane.
willow wisp I totally get that, I found out who my real friends are. Mutual friends all dumped me immediately.
@@Mcphersongirl They do a "preliminary" smear before the crap hits the fan, while they are still smiling in your face. Subtle things like a serpent would do, under the guise of "concern" for your mental state, etc. That way, when you attempt to expose their evil, you have already been smeared ahead of time. They all do this.
I completely understand how painful and intense the trauma and Shame can be. It’s unreal. I’m going through it now.
I think they hypnotize people, like a snake charmer.
It's like a spell
@@reneeharrison1698 Manipulation is as the sin of witchcraft....1 Samuel 15:23
Carlos Castaneda calls narcissist petty tyrannys that are necessary to push to our higher selves if you use them correctly.
kalitor mensa Petty only if their power over you is petty...like what if one became president?
kalitor mensa That explains your judo-ing my comment, lol. Castaneda used both conjectures and plagiarism...and of course we’re all constantly adapting, so I find your response a bit pretentious...but perhaps that’s embedded in your adopted philosophy, haha. In any case, do what works brother.
@@kalitor217 Not a value judgement, just a snarky observation for your somewhat presumptuous posit about my mindset. Like I said, do whatever works.
@@Owondr narcissists are all petty and the president cannot push anyone around only those in his circle if they have no protection
@@Owondr stop judging people and being so petty dude!
You have completely stunned me. Why didn't I know this truth before? Now that I know it I can never un-know it. Instead of engaging in my besetting sin of self-indulgent self-pity, I need to rediscover who I am.
I have always wanted to live in a world filled with Love, Peace, and Joy. I have tried to control my surroundings by moulding myself to the whims of others. No more.
I give up my control.
I here declare publicly that I will learn to find Love, Peace, and Joy in the beauty that the Cosmos - in her Infinite Wisdom - has always granted me without reserve from the beginning. I cannot change the world. I can only rediscover who I truly am.
Your cat reminds me of my cat Jai, who was my best friend from the time I was eleven to the time I was 18. Nobody believed me at that time, but I still believe that Jai understood how I felt and was always there to comfort me.
Thank you.
Stay strong.
My cat, Fluffy, was my best friend for 15 years - she was 22 years old and just passed away this year from breast cancer, and it was heartbreaking, as she was like a child and a grandmother at the same time to my husband & I. Up until the day before she passed, we took walks, and up until the last couple months of her life, we took very long walks, at least once a day, usually twice. When she was 20 years old, she would walk up to 5 miles at one time, in the cold, snow, hills, rocks, etc - she was Persian so she had plenty of fur between her toes. She wore me out - but she kept me going - when I had surgery, or when I was feeling bad, she always lifted my spirits and kept me moving, she kept me motivated. She was very healthy and did not look her age at all until her breast cancer started causing problems.
Wow!!! I am actually paralleling your experience. I can completely identify with everything you have shared.
Its excruciating as you state. I find I have to take one day at a time after undergoing a narcissist’s smear campaign.
Its not easy, but I’m realizing the importance of working on self and letting go. There are days I slip, then I listen to what you and others have experienced. I’m not alone and must walk one day at a time.
Narcissists have no conscience - it's about not wanting to get caught. Very helpful information to heal the trigger points. Thank you.
telling them they are soul-less and unconsciousness really cuts them deep, its a weird thing to witness..almost feel them attempting to shed skin which is no longer there
Yes. That is why they are such convincing liars. They do not feel any guilt when lying
@@alphaink3843 "The wicked are estranged from the womb; They go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies (meaning corrupt serpent genetics that look human but are not entirely...). Their poison is like the poison of a serpent; (subtle but deadly to poison everyone against you..... )
They are like the deaf cobra that stops its ear, (will not listen to truth or reason) Which will not heed the voice of charmers, (those of excellent speech and wisdom) Charming ever so skillfully." (Wasting their breath)....Psalm 58:3-5
"For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall." Proverbs 4:16
Totally agree with you, I thank the narcissist, it made me face my fears continue too heal to be the woman I've always wanted too be come, freeless and powerful high value, being me ,loving life smiling and thriving, thank you for sharing your story .
Don't thank the narc, thank yourself.
I am experiencing this very same thing right now at this present time by my boyfriend. The smearing campaign thickens. But I am confident the truth will be revealed. I don’t care what other ppl think about me based on what someone else’s description is of me. In time the truth will always reveal lies and karma never excuses anyone. Justice is always served towards the innocent whether it’s in this life or the next. My justice will be served in this lifetime. And very soon!
This video was one of the most accurate pertaining to my experience. She explained it perfectly. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. ♥️🌹
The more they smear the more I succeed & am blessed. 😁🙏
That really helps
@@barefootedqueen710 ignoring them 100% and keeping emotion out of it wins every time.
its just the fact that they start this smear campaign ages before and when you are still on "good terms" and when they have their way with you its already been cemented in society and the community and its so overwhelming and insedious !!!!
And you don't even know what is happening
Going through this now! It's so messed up. I clearly did not see it coming and it's obvious that its been going on for a while before I noticed.
Been there, done that! I was validated and truth discovered 8 years later as I was continually healing from narcissistic abuse. The one key that really helped my recovery was that I decided to be still, keep my calm, not take the bait and let God resolve the situation. Thanks Mel. Another DIAMOND of light that is brilliant.
It is the way Sandee. Well done! Thank you for your lovely comment xoxo
This gives me hope. Truly gives me hope. 8 years!!!! Gives me hope. Thank you for posting. It really made my day reading your encouraging post.
@@Vivianne1124 The truth comes when you least expect it. Continue to love yourself daily , heal and know that you are already free!!!
Sandee G i thank Mel for bringing people like you into my life. My day was not the same today after I read your post. It completely changed my perspective and motivated me to go back and resume my NARP program.
@@Vivianne1124 YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see now the turning point with my father came they day he was too obvious. Family I hadn't seen for ages invited me over to make peace, a party in my honor, I was 20. I thought he might be uncomfortable, so I made sure he was OK with it. I had a feeling both him not being the center of attention and them welcoming me back would set him off. By this time I already knew he talked about my behind my back and lied. We spoke the hour before the party and I confirm again, he's OK, we were fine, so I thought. I sensed something was up. So I get there and he won't speak to me or look at me and rejects me in front of 40 people. It crushed me, it was humiliating and I know it was more important to discredit me than support me. I watched him, it was hard to take my eyes off him, because I finally realized he'd set me up. All of it was his suggestion.
Problem for him was I knew he'd told stories about me, he was old and I'm his only living child. I began slowly to walk away. I still have no relationship with his side of the family. When I tried to defend myself from his lies, I got shouted down. He was too good a manipulator. But he died without me. He won the battle, but lost the war. By pretending I was hurting him and ruining his life, taking half my family away from me, it never occurred to him I'd figure it out. It never dawned on him I'd leave. He thought he'd made me too dependent. So they took care of him, fine, they wouldn't even let me defend myself, so I'm happy they had that responsibility. Me, I'd at least hear the other person's version. And honestly, their pig headed ignorance makes me feel I'm better off without them. He claimed I went crazy, destroyed the house and run away from home at 15. He punched me, terrorized me, beat me, he trashed the house and I did indeed run away, which stopped the physical abuse. I went across the country. I only came back on the agreement he'd never hit me again. But they believe he's the victim, to this day. You'd think someone would wonder why I ran away? Nope.
Congratulations on getting away from their toxic grasp! You did a very brave and very hard thing. And if no one has told you, I'm proud of you, if that means anything. Have a safe and happy holiday season with your loved ones.
@@amewilcox9483 Thank you.
@@dnabart Thank you. I went no contact over my brother. He was gay and had AIDS. That's when I finally realized how evil they were. I had to drive across the country twice to get him, no one else could manage this somehow. I had my mother under control, I thought. With me, yes, but bottom line my mother and I were both nurses. I was the best person to get him. Medically, she could care for him at home. That lasted a month until he told me she was abusing him. He was wasting away and she decided he needed to earn his keep by working as her maid. I thought I'd have to go to court but a nurse called social services. By that point she'd just gone too far with me. On top of hurting him, she went on the attack. I'd warned her those days were over and I'd leave. I did.
Both my parents went off the deep end over this yet they had been divorced for ages. It was time for me to give up and move on. He wouldn't have survived a month instead of 9 if I hadn't protected him. To this day I cannot believe she gave her dying son a daily to do list when he could barely stand. Part of my big mistake was the only time she was good to me was when I was sick, but I was baby, I didn't expect it. I trusted her, big error. I actually straight up kidnapped him and put him in a hospice, then I was filing for guardianship, but they went there and took him out. Then the hospice told social services what I'd told them. Oh, I was a college student during all this, by far the youngest. She got my sister's on my case. They know what she's capable of. They're homophones too. She wanted to punish him, to kick him when he was down, for the last time in his life, for being gay.
They don't usually kill. Killing slowly by torture though, that they'll do.
@@dnabart Yes, he was jealous. He also needed to discredit me with the family in case I ever disclosed his abuse. To my knowledge they still believe him, though he's long dead. My sister died when I was 9, leaving just two kids and me as younger relatives. Sadly, I have no relationship with them. Sadder because she asked me to watch over them. Sad for them because I look like her, much more than they do, but I also remind them of her and she had abusive moments. They're blind to the fact this is because he abused her too. I could explain to them the pressure she was under, but they won't civilly talk to me. Haven't seen them in 30 years. But they wouldn't let me defend myself, so too bad. They did chose him over me, therefore I can't help them. I think the yelling over me and threatening me when I did try to defend myself is denial. On some level they know, so I couldn't be allowed to get the words out, even carefully.
I'm sorry for your loss. I ultimately left because I knew if I was ever sick or disabled and needed family, they'd turn on me. No family is better than them.
@@dnabart I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how they live with themselves. Blessings to your sister.
It's very hard to let go when you know you should after all the physical & mental abuse&accused of everything&anything, when all i do is bringing up children, stay home&be a cleaner, cook, Gardner list goes on&always tried to support him, sick of being the bad one while he plays the victim, blames me for children hating him, not his own attitude or behaviour, lives constantly in denial of all he does, rather live with blaming, denial&going to get help, thank you for you videos x
What are you doing With my not soon enough ex?
14:12 no amount of ''doingness'' from a shattered ''beingness'' will grant you the shift you want. wow this is very profound...
Thank you! Validation ! So devastating to realise that everyone believes his smearing lies. I have a real physical reaction today realising how deceptive they are!!
Air hugs to u from me! I too suffer from self harm bcoz of narc abuse.x
So true
It's so painful to have friends leave you because of the narcissistic false stories
My own mom sold me out to the devil
@@RosasResources
Hi Rosa
I'm sorry about what you've been through..,,,
Would you like to talk about it?..
@@beautifulawareness1707 I'm all talked out I'm in silence with Lord just don't trust humans anymore
".....if we don't know how to love ourselves we will find someone who doesn't know how to love us either"
If you go to a marriage counsellor, be aware that the narc will turn on the charm, win over that person, who proceeds to enable the narc and tell you that everything is your fault.
I feel like in the situation with my mother it is amazing how these people will go to therapist and lawyers and judges and all these people with their in hand false narrative about you and all these people will believe this false narrative and become flying monkeys
Yes… that happened to me with two different family counselors. My husband convinced our therapist that I was the narcissist. My two youngest daughters have heard it for so long, they believe it too. It’s surreal. It’s a crapload of lies. It’s evil.
Relieved to listen to this that narcissists will turn this behaviour on you and lie and create a smear campaign, this behaviour is soul destroying but I will not give in and will hold my head high, I know who I am. I am on the right track and learning to deal with the difficulties of life and go forward to an expanded happy life. Thank you so much for the positive reinforcement of this video.
Your story matches exactly what I'm going through right now. I see this was published Dec. 16 2018. I left my house with my kids, with the help of the police & our local advocacy center, exactly one year from that day, Dec 16th, 2019, to go live in a hotel to get away from my narcissistic abusive husband. He is going around town & taking to Facebook, with his new persona, to smear me. It has been painful & really hard not to shout from the mountains he's a damn liar. You are an angel for making this video, no surprise it found me when I needed to hear it's message. Thanks for all you do, you are helping many people, including me. You are saying what I know deep down to be the answer, the truth. But I needed a nudge back to my center, because it's easy to get knocked off course in all of this.
Wow this is so speaking to my soul. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for your time today. tears.
I'm so glad this helps Ted xoxo
Omg I just recently figured this out and can’t believe how I fell for the tricks lies and manipulation
Love this. You’re amazing. I went to the Lord too and it’s helped me so much. I’m still living the trauma now but praying the Lord will get us out and in to a safe place. Thank you for sharing. Love and prayers for you. 💕
Thank you for posting this! I have been a target of a smear campaign and have been abandoned by most of my relationships. I feel invalidated everyday and have constant memory triggers even years after the abuse. I am slowly healing now and want to spread the word about narcissistic abuse!
I was smeared at my University where I am studying at, and this person is studying Psychology. A very toxic person. This has happened to me a lot in my childhood, as my parents are narcissists and had smeared me to friends and family. Now I understand why I had no support throughout my childhood. I have now seen a new pattern in my life and I can now heal of this trauma. Thanks Melanie for your videos, they have helped me a lot.
You are very welcome Julie and I'm so pleased that they have xoxox
The cat looks like it's ready to take on narcissists and get rid of them :) I don't normally comment on TH-cam but I have to thank you. This has blown my mind. In 2008 to about 2013 I had two ex friend narcissists after me. They accussed me of things and made me look very bad online. They got my ex friends in 2 Australian cities not to talk to me. Flying Monkeys galore.
Last November I had a same situation. I did put a stop to it early and many say that my two ex friends dumping me and refusing talk to me, but at the same time got their flying monkeys to bully me on Facebook, was good. It has been so bad I can't work (although I have been) and been on Valium to try to ease the thoughts. Your view that people turn on the narcissist and come back to you, both with what happened ten years ago and last November, will not work for me and that saddens me.
However, what you say is true. The abuse, the fact that they made me feel there was something wrong with me was not good. Yet others who found out why I walked out on those two have said I did the right thing. Thank you for confirming a lot of things. I hope by practicing these things that perhaps new people will come into my life with less dramas. Hope so.
Stay Blessed without negative people influencing your life. There are some lesser people that have to keep you lower or lesser than themselves in order to feel a sense of security in their life. These people are not meant for us....we don't get to use our full potentials, because we keep them comfortable within our own stagnation.
Flourish and Love life
@@TheShivaspirit I visited their place again last November as they live in another city a year after the abuse. They were not home. I look a selfie in front of the building. It was my way of victory over them and when I look at it I feel very proud of my working past their campaign. A week ago one of them had a tragedy. I refuse to say sorry or speak or associate with them. They say don't act like a victim. Well, I'm not sorry I did they destroyed my life (to an extent not over exaggerating) but in the end I overcame this. I don't get pleasure from their suffering but a small amount of satisfaction.
Thank you for this eye opening perspective. I do not understand how any person can take at face value what someone claims about another person without considering there always two sides to a story
These people are so well rehearsed and so committed to another's destruction that they come across as totally sincere. They are--sincere in their need to destroy the reputation of others.
@@heatherpothier6998 "For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall." Proverbs 4:16
Many people do not want to believe what they hear about others, for many reasons - family members very often defend the narcissist or person with bpd, because they might be dependent upon them in some way, or they are in denial, as they don't want to admit to themselves that their family member (maybe their parent) is not a loving, supportive, healthy mom or dad, but someone who only cares about themselves and buys them gifts because there's strings attached. Some adult children who've lost one parent have a hard time admitting their only living parent is not truly loving & supportive, either, as it makes them feel alone.
Exactly, if people would stay objective and not be pulled into the subjective bs it would open their eyes a lot more to help them see the truth. When you use logic and reason and stick to objective truth, evil loses. What type of person goes around saying negative things about others a strong minded person or weak minded? That's a very weak minded individual. Especially when used to make someone else look bad and themselves look like the innocent victim.
my "Smear campaign" just begun and I am sooo sick of it. I have a violent past, because of how I grew up, but I've managed to turn my life around and taught myself how to diffuse conflict maturely at a very young age. because of him, I'm being seen as the crazy one, I lost friends, my job, etc! As of recent, I feel like I am going back to that, and I don't want to. Thank You for your video!!
The narcs will never let you live down your past. They will paint you with a brush for everyone to see you "that way" no matter how much you have grown and matured. My narc "mother" still tells people what I did when I was 15. Over 40 years ago!!!
Thank you for helping me understand.
You were the first person who helped me understand
I owe you a great thank you.
Over the years your words and voice brings me peace.
Thank you for posting this! I broke up with a Narc and was sure that this was the hardest part of the process only to find out that a smear campaign has been ripping my reputation and social support system apart behind my back. That was hard. But I’m accepting that it’s all a part of the healing process. You end up feeling so alone and insignificant but then you learn to validate your own emotions, needs, etc. This is where I am right now realising how important it is for me to learn how to stand up for me. ❤
one overt narc was talking so much on the phone I couldn't get a word in at all..so I put the phone down..went to my Shiloh friends and came back every four minutes for half an hour..and he was still going on as if his life was over..when he finally finished I had no effing idea what he was strung out about.
Amazingly true. It takes to fix those issues that drew the narcissist to you to help you as the victim and to prevent this happening again.
I never had a clue people could exist like this. The lifestyles and thought processes of these people are bizarre and embarrassing for them. Thank you for your quantum insights ❤
My narcissist separated husband is the same. He turned family and friends, neighbours against me but I'm happy being alone with my kids. And now non of them know what I'm doing they can't feed him information
My coworker covert narcissist was spreading false rumors behind my back that I didn't "help" him on his own HW when I sent him all the answers through email. The situation got so much out of control that my other coworkers came up to me and brought up that the narc thought the situation was a big problem, asking why I didnt have the heart to "help" him. That was when I chuckled and showed them the email receipts. Just like that I converted the flying monkeys to my guardians. I'm so thankful everything was sent through email and not in person through paper.
Your life with the narc sounds almost identical to mine. Your video make me feel so much better, Thank You sooo much dear sweet lady!
Bless you my friend! Forever thankful for your support knowledge and non judgment!🕊🌷🕊
That's where the higher power lives: inside of us & is all around us, but only available from looking inwards.
Experiencing this right now. My neighbors have all turned against me ALL OF A SUDDEN/Not so suddenly if you get my drift. However my family TOTALLY has my back and they see him for what he is.....A Narcissist.
Omg the worst thing is people were actually falling for his projection against you. Feel sorry for you and those who suffered from this kind of abuse. I think leaving a narc silently is the best thing they are far more destructive then anything else.
Your story is our story.
Thanks again Melanie. It's so uncanny when you talk about your experience. You are spot-on, with my wife's behavior.
You are very welcome Da Wor. Love to you xoxox
The story of this video was exactly what happened to me, also, with my narc. I was with a narc for 25 years and after watching videos like this, I finally got the courage up to face my narc and tell him I was divorcing him. He started twisting every word I said to make me look like a crazy person and as he could see me getting more and more worked up, he decided to go to my daughter's room to get her out of bed to "see how crazy mommy is right now", I jumped in front of him and grabbed his arm and "no you are not getting any where near her", my narc yelled "you hit me! I'm calling the police!". I said that's good because the police will see that you were going to go into my daughters room and maybe hurt her. So the police came and I told them I grabbed him to get him out of the way from my daughters room and they questioned him in another room where I could not hear what he was saying to the police. After they talked to him they said that I was arrested for grabbing him and I WENT TO JAIL. He knew all along what he was doing. Playing it calm and cool and look at her , she is out of control. I fell right into the spiders web. Now he has a juicy story to tell everyone about his crazy wife so out of control she went to jail. I learned my lesson. Get as far away from narcs as you can. You never know what will happen. They are very skilled in the art of manipulation.
why does everyone say "my" narc.. it's really annoying. u really wanna claim ownership of a person who abused u?
I never knew it was "illegal" to grab someone. Sounds like the cops are also narcs.
Why would the police believe him rather than you? Why would a person remain calm during a fight unless they were acting? The stupidity of people is beyond belief. It might be misogyny.
Hi Mel, the narcissist has no 'sense of self'. Which is an integral part to being a whole human being. Love and hugs, Kate
You give a very comforting reminder when I need it. Thank you. 💖
Yes!! Brilliant--your videos are brilliant, helpful, and encouraging--thank you!
Yes!!!! It truly was 100 out of 10 terrible. But such a huge blessing! I LOVE who I am today for it.
The narc is so predictable, you would think people would start to catch on. I’m at the point if it’s too good to be true it is. But then they never saw the mask slip. That was for behind closed doors the same as what went on for me growing up. I so want to transcend the dark energy that is and surrounds the narc. I can’t believe I never seen it in the beginning but there charm and fake concern had me hooked. It must be exhausting keeping up the empty shell with well rehearsed characters. Seriously damaged people. I’ve lost my parents, (although he has done me a favour as they are exactly like him) family members friends neighbours and most acquaintances. I’m not at the stage where they are coming back to me. Is it wrong not to want quite a few of them not to? The court actions and all the nasty stuff that has went on is enough to keep some of them out of my life. I feel like I’m in limbo land as I try to reach the other side and become whole in myself. X
Hi Grace,
It's okay to let go of people. It's okay to rebuild your life and your relationships in a more authentic and healthy way. When people aren't capable of contributing to your experience this way, the kindest thing you can do is let them have their experience. You hold the hope that they will resolve it but you also realise their part in your experience is over. They've done what they've come to do, you are aware of the issue now and it's time to move forward. Give yourself permission to live your best, healthiest and happiest life. Love and blessings xoxox
You will reach the other side ~ ♡
thomas burke thank you 🙏
Melanie Tonia Evans thank you 🙏
Your videos are so timely for me, every time its exactly when I need them. Thank you xox
That's great we are in synch Nicole! Bless xoxo
@@MelanieToniaEvans I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start the mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. I don't react anymore and don't defend myself which is what they want. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
Also it was quite courageous that you told your story like this. I feel (as a fellow empath) that this was no easy task for you. But you've reached and helped so many people. Thank you!
I listen to your message, which reminds me of where I have been and how to use the support you give when I am triggered. Thank you. Sending blessings your way.
Same here - friends all gone all of them - I found my inner beauty my peace my power and strength - it was always there waiting for me to accept it
And it hurts--especially when we offer only love and respect to the very same people who immediately turn on us, based on what the narc says!
Did you get your friends back?
sunshine andloveinside that was the coolest and most insughtful thing ive read in a very long time. Love it.
Tiggy purred "Hello" to you when jumping up on sofa! 💕
thank you for the validation, it helps so much, four years narc free , and still healing
This is happening to me right now with my ex. He is lying and acting like he didn't abuse me knowing that he did daily. The emotional, mental and physical abuse was awful and he is denying it all even with proof. Makes me sick. I don't think I will ever trust or date a man again.
I hope you've gotten a restraining order
Not all men are like that. Don’t be bitter.. forgive and let go. It just happened to me too! Sorry to hear!
A Xu that’s not a sorry! I hope
You’re not going to tolerate that abuse. A kind hearted person deserves better than that B.S.
How empowering is Melanie . I am still find myself angry and still immersing in the state of how unfair and brutal is the smearing and how my children so easily believed in all his unfounded and unreasonable lies about me . But , Melanie's gives a lot of hope and encouraging and obviously that should be my next commitment to emerge deeply in and brush away the other people's view about me. How pathetic pitiable survive are the Narcissists, which Melanie exposed them in the best compelling way I've ever known and understood
Thank you, Melanie! I LOVE this message. It is all true. I have grown and evolved so much through a 14 year narc marriage that attempted to alter who I AM, stripping me of my spiritual power and convincing me that i wasn't enough because my faith is love based and his is money/ power based; he is god and will create and get everything he wants no matter how it might hurt others. I have a more childlike trust in LOVE/Source and my only desire is to be a conduit of that universal love and healing for all. It all culminated last year in an epic triangulation with a woman he wanted as a second wife because SHE was his spiritual "manifesting" partner. It had me near suicide, but I wouldn't do it because I will not leave my kids behind. While we were still together and he was saying he wanted to try to work on us (he was not actually making efforts on us though), we began attending a metaphysical church and I have had very specific messages and answers from God/ Yeshua/ angels that blow my mind and guided me directly on my path. I developed self love and healing myself and I made an exit plan and stuck to it because I knew it was the best solution for all involved (especially me). A couple of books that have really helped I listen to on Audible app: "You Can Heal Your Life" and "The Three Agreements". I went through it all, growing my relationship with my HP, staying in the light and LOVE and forgiveness, but spoke the truth. I learned to share with people who love me instead of stuffing it and pretending everything was ok (people were shocked but believed me). I don't know if he's smearing me behind the scenes, but I am not worrying about it. The people who love me, know me and know the truth. He is acting depressed and sad about it all, (I'm not sure if it's losing me or HER that is really bothering him- she left once she couldn't get more money from him) and I just sincerely encourage him saying, "You said that you want your life to completely change (I even have a screen shot of him telling HER that) and you have gotten exactly what you wanted. Now is the time to create the life you really want." I am being good and kind and forgiving to him and he's been behaving ok towards me and my kids in the past 2 months of our separation. If he does revert back to evil, I AM a love warrior and I will prevail no matter the circumstances because I AM never alone! I now have the FREEDOM to be who I be and who I AM is divine love for all.
Thank you Melanie and all you beautiful souls in the comment section for your words of wisdom and encouragement!
It always amazes me how these Beautiful therapist could have ever hurt so bad...it's very inspiring....thank you so much ☮️☮️💜💜
Your words resonate so deeply with me. I am going to court tomorrow to get my beloved first son back (whom I raised in love, connection, attachment since the day he came into this world; and through whom I learnt the meaning of unconditional love) from the grip of his narcissistic father. I got remarried six years ago, and literally since day 1 he tried to make my life a living hell, using our son as a leverage to keep me paralised. He managed, for many years. I almost got divorced twice from my husband. But I didn't.
His last tactic was to go all out into alienating my son from us. My biggest fear. The one that had me like a deer in the headlights for all these years. Until, last December, he took him. For three months. So, my biggest fear became a reality. And, then I was able to go through it, and overcome it. And, exactly as you say in 12:57 I would've never have healed if it wasn't for this. How ironic.
I listened to your videos last week, when we had a meeting all together with child protection services. The specialist there, who had believed him initially, finally saw his true colours. He lost his cool. I kept calm and centred.
I am now preparing mentally for the encounter tomorrow. I am not going from a place of revenge, but I am ready to set a limit and, especially, get my beloved boy back.
There are no words to express my gratitude. I also know you understand how I feel, because you've been through it.
I can only say a heartfelt thank you, from my soul, for your words and your labour of love.
Kind regards from Germany.
Narc's specialize in Parental Alienation. And not just narc "exes" but Narc grandmothers as well.
super clear testimony, real valuable to a lot of us thanks.
I really feel like you're getting to the root of why a lot of suicides come out of social media smear campaigns (11-12 min range)
Its my pleasure QBN xoxo
I absolutely agree with what you’re saying here. My ex (married 18 years) did the smear with our three daughters as well. This was years ago, but I was always trying to prove myself with girls. To refute what I knew he was saying to them. When I finally discovered what narcissism is and that’s what he is, I became strong. I had nothing to fix. I got it. Whenever I heard the snickering or whenever I’d feel them doing things that were disrespectful or whatever, I told them to leave. That I love it them and they’ll be welcome when they’re respectful in my home. Otherwise, I’m not messing with you. It all stopped and THEN I started teaching them about what narcissism is. One fought it for a while, but all had to agree they knew their father did these things. One example is he had his mother live with us for a couple years after husband died. (Mind you, he isolated me from my family moving us from the Midwest to South Florida, and told me to just get over them, he and the girls were my family). His mother would get up and go through the paper on the weekends and they’d decide what my family would do that weekend. Both of them were huge controllers a manipulators. I finally stopped going to outings, and he told the girls I never like to do anything so don’t feel bad about me staying home. Forever they thought I just don’t like doing things. I told him I didn’t like him making plans with his mother and he said she enjoyed things more than I do. What you’re saying turned out so true. I knew the truth, I was strong and told the girls what happened and that I wasn’t going to be disrespected or.snickered at when they did not know the truth behind what was going on. When I started setting boundaries and telling them I was and why, they took a look into it and got it after all these years and nobody messes with me anymore. We have a good healthy relationship now. If anything happens, u let them know how much I love them, but that whatever was said, intimated, etc. was not allowed anymore. It rarely ever happens anymore. Or doesn’t happen. They get it now. Very good video. Spot on.
Smear campaign happening now.And as I look back I see it throughout my life.Wake up call for sure..
This just happened to me... she came over at 5am, she loves me so much... then wanted to talk (which she never wants to do) and started accusing me of so much. Then I noticed she was recording me.. it was so early that I kind of believed she wanted to talk. In retrospect, she was being so calm while making up things and I was defending myself. Thankfully I didn’t get angry. Very crazy!!!! When I broke up with her I thought she’d maybe self reflect NOPE. So sad.. I’m in cognitive dissonance. I feel love, but my brain is telling me to run.
My ex told new supply that I was stalking him wouldn't leave him alone that I'm mad about him.. Telling the new supply wtf
Lol new supply will learn. I was the new supply once too.
Yes new supply will also learn the hard way.
I don't know about partners, but I know what smear compaigns are as a child. For my parents I was the problematic child, the one to be cured, I was sent to psychotherapists to see what was wrong with me, but never to see what was wrong with them. I remember my mom telling a friend of her how difficult I was. It was devastating not being understood. Also because she wasn't doing it to hurt, but because she was unconscious about what was happening so I have seen the impossibility to speak up, but accepting. I do totally believe the so within so without dynamics, because now she's not only apologized by telling me she have made terrible mistakes, but also become supportive, stopped judging completely and we were be able to restore a more adult relationship. Change yourself and all of your reality will change with you. Thank you so much dear Mel from the deep of my heart 💙💚💛
You are so welcome Mark. I'm so happy for you and your Mum. What a lovely relationship you must share now. Love and blessings dear man. xoxox
They tell you this bloke is bad for you then when the guy got you looking crazy they side with them it's a joke I've been so abused and kicked while I was down it's like it's all telepathic!
You have such a great vibe, great channel and content. Thank you.
This is happening to me w the spouse and the Realtor!! My realtor friend I've known like 30 years she believes this narc man. I won't let it trigger me. I've lost my mind and my cool enough from this mind control. U described him to a "T", oh I'm so concerned about Jolene (to the Realtor), she's really hurt I've moved on and she's been hospitalized over the summer... oh Melanie, no matter what I could try would end up making me look worse, so I hired an attorney to speak for me and immersed myself in self healing self worth self love, self partnering and self parenting. A true blessing bc I'm finally being seen in my own community for who i am. I'm a counselor and teacher, speak world wide, and I got so lost this last year, but after 20 years w this trauma injustice, I finally see everything so clearly. I walk now proudly, graciously, and feel blessed myself w my relationship he could never steak from me w DivineSource. Lots of love and thanks for you and your channel. Ur videos inspire. I often tell folks change doesn't happen TO us...change happens FOR us. I want to seek my certification in narc abuse syndrome recovery once I'm through this karmic relationship and house sale that somehow I got snuffed out of I was so once under control of mind spinning. Xoxoxo.
What a fabulous video!!! I am so grateful to you for this perspective--THANK YOU! The smearing campaigns are enough to make a person feel that she is better off in total isolation forever. I have dealt with two narcissistic men in the last 1.5 years, and both did this exact thing--and they took it to my colleagues. I felt so helpless and angry, especially as in both cases, the men were phenomenally selfish and unkind behind closed doors. To see it this way--especially with the past life references and the quantum healing (which is the answer!!!)--makes TOTAL sense. We feel as though we are going to be executed--and indeed, these guys are happy to deliver the blows that hurt the most. As we shift, so does the circumstance! I know it is true. I can not thank you enough for putting this out here--THANK YOU!
The same offspring of the Serpent that Smeared and Scapegoated Jesus and had Him nailed to a cross......
Your message is brilliant, life~changing, sooo important, and you are such a god-send. Saying that, your lipstick is bomb!! Suits you perfectly 😘
Thank you for your courage to do this video. I need this!!!!
I am a born again Christian so in the place of evolution I believe in Creation and a living God with which I find comfort. But God has used this video to help me heal. I pray this helps others
DEAR GOD...listening to this was EXACTLY what I experienced! 100 out of 10 ...THAT IS HOW INTENSE AND HURTFUL IT WAS, indeed. Thank God for the lessons learned during that time period. I too was BLESSED BY THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN. I HAD TO BE THERE FOR ME because NOONE else was. I literally considered ending my life. Funny enough ... maybe epiphanies just come on bathroom floors....lol. That is exactly whete I was too when I realized that this whole ongoing nightmare had to be happening for a reason. It HAD TO BE specifically TO FORCE ME to be there for me and to love me and to stop caring so much what anyone else thought of me because I KNEW THAT THEY WERE WRONG. I KNEW WHAT I KNEW AND I DID LIKE ME - I KNEW NONE OF IT WAS TRUE - I KNEW THAT IF I ENDED MY LIFE, THEY MIGHT NEVER KNOW THAT. I just turned inward, focused on ME and what I needed. I became my own best friend and just like you said ... once I started healing inside, people started coming back and the outside healing began as well. Today, I am closer than ever to my parents, brother and my 3 grown children. He is living in another state and everyone who did come back will never doubt me without talking to me again. I believe that. Those who didn't come back are people whose absense has only enhanced my life experience anyway. IT WAS HORRIFIC AT THE TIME. I DIDN'T KNOW PAIN LIKE THAT EXISTED. I felt so empty, abandoned, betrayed, confused alone and so so angry at the sheer injustice of it all. I really didn't think I would ever feel whole again, and at times I was just meeting the next new goal of "get through today". TO ANYONE GOING THROUGH IT NOW: THE OTHER SIDE IS SO MUCH BRIGHTER THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE YET. It doesn't come quick but it does come...piece by piece. Then, one day you look up and realize "HEY! I SURVIVED THAT SHIT AND ONLY A STRONG AS NAILS BAD ASS INDIVIDUAL COULD HAVE DONE THAT!".
I love when you share, Mel! Sending love and blessings!
Love and blessings to you too Caitlin xoxox
Narc targets need to *block* the narc from their life in phone, texting, social media, chat tools. Failing to do so will expose your eyes to the narc's double life, the subtle smear of "I found someone better". If you peek at social media, the narc's evil re-opens wounds. You need distance from the narc in every way possible, if at all possible.
If you have children with the narc, you need to take on the "gray rock" approach and learn how to respond without getting emotional.
Yep. I call what they do, "setting the scene". I had my NPD set up meet-ups where people invited had been lied to about me, like you I was losing my mind, I was sick, I was depressed, etc...Just prior to the meet-up which I didn't know was going to occur, my NPD would lash out and cause a huge fight so I was shaking with anger and confusion. Thus, when these people finally showed up for this "social meet", I was looking like an antisocial crazy person. It's f*cking unreal how they do it!!!
Listening to this takes me back to the end of my marriage and my ex husbands no holds barred emotional brutality and pure evil and makes me so glad to be past that part. Unfortunately, our young adult daughter, the former and since completely abandoned golden child, is exhibiting this same behavior toward me, reminding me I still have work to do. So within, so without. Thanks for articulating this truth. It will be my anchor for the journey ahead. Wishing things weren't so, only keeps you stuck in the reality of what is. It is time for me to let go of what I can't change, gather up my too other-focused energy and direct it toward self care. Deeply sad but also hopeful that I will be able to once again disentangle myself from this toxicity and be at peace.
This is pretty brilliant, Melanie.
wow, that is exactly what happened. Just as you described. social shaming. family and friends turned against me. God Bless
One thing that comes to mind is that what if a person believes that their friend is starting to lose their mind..I would ring them. I certainly wouldn't just get away from them. Unless that's what the narc is probably telling them to do. "She needs time away from people, if you contact her she gets worse". But I would probably not believe it. Having known narcissists I know what is going on. It's a game, to isolate the victim. My own father actually tried to tell his doctor colleagues to have me "locked up for life" in an asylum.. at 16 years old, so that no-one would believe that I'm being physically abused by him. Then, at 29 I unfortunately entered a relationship with a narcissist who was exactly like him, too. It destroyed me, but I built myself up again. I had a brief but happy relationship 1 year later. At least it was a glimpse of what it can be like with someone who cares for you. At 38 I was smeared by a person I barely knew because I blocked him early on.. (He showed red flags) and he destroyed my reputation completely..and everyone turned against me, I lost friends and every new friend I made quickly disappeared from one day to another after they'd been "informed " by the others. I still don't know to this day what they are saying. What I'm mostly sad about is that I lost someone who I strangely met exactly when the smear campaign started... He felt like a kindred spirit, like no other, but very quickly the gossip reached him. And he was gone.
Hive minds. You are better off without them. They are faux humans.
This is my diary entry for today....
After Dan burnt furniture in the backyard on Tuesday night (8th jan), I knew I needed to get my belongings out of the house along with Kirra's things to keep them safe from him taking his anger out on everything.
I did it legally, it's my home, no one was home so no one was there to cause a breach of the peace. I had help as I'm entitled to have anyone I wish enter the home. We packed up only mine and Kirra's belongings. We were there less than half an hour.
Dan told me "no" when I told him what I was intending to do, but he really had no say in the matter. I knew what I had to do and I did it properly, legally, and without confrontation.
Well he started after that. Accusing me of stealing HIS stuff. Saying he was going to have me charged with break and enter, trespassing and stealing. I replied with a screen shot of legal aid nsw where it says he had no right to throw me out in the first place. He didn't even read it. He continued to say it was HIS house, that he threw me out 2 weeks ago and that I had no right to be there.
I knew I did the right thing. I did. But I couldn't shake the feeling he was going to get me for something. I felt scared. I felt threatened. I felt like I was wrong for doing the right thing. I called Scotty to come have a chat. I felt I needed a restraining order. I can't stop feeling anxious at work, I can't relax at my parents, I'm too scared to do my shopping at woolies by my self, I can't even walk up the street with my daughter because I'm terrified he will just walk up, grab Kirra and walk off with her and I won't see her again for months till it goes to court. He won't be fair. He won't be honest. He won't be kind. He hasn't been any of those things yet and yet he expects me to trust him? My only goal here is to protect my daughter. He thinks I'm out to hurt him, but thats what he does, he thinks it's only about him.
I wish I could trust him. I'd love for him and Kirra to spend the day together on Sunday on his birthday. I want to be able to trust him to do the right thing, to NOT drink while he has her, to NOT put her at risk, to NOT treat her like a pain in the arse, to NOT speak down to her, call her an idiot or a fuck wit, to NOT swear at her, or to NOT use her as a tool for manipulation or revenge on me. I wish for a good father for my little girl. I wish for a kind heart to raise her, a wise mind to guide her and a strong arm to keep her safe and protected. I see none of that when i look at him now. I see his father. I see pain and danger and conflict at every turn. I see lies and manipulation for self gain. I see broken promises and abandonment issues. I don't see a father.
I've done nothing wrong to him except love him, care for him, worry about him. But that wasn't enough. He left us. He replaced us. He lied to me, cheated on me, strung me along for months while coming and going and making me still feel like this was just a rough patch, that he would come back and finally talk to me, open up, let me be there for him. Like he still loved me, he just needed to work through something. Then he got angry. I found out the truth and he still tried to lie to me. He got angry because i finally saw through him. I saw through the lies, the blame shifting, the gaslighting, the charade he had played out for me for months, even years. I saw the truth and i finally knew who i was dealing with. A narcissist. A sociopath.
I've been told to not reply to his messages, to not answer his calls, no matter how badly i want to defend myself or how outrageous or cruel his words are. I've been told to just lay low for a week. To let him continue his accusations, blame shifting, abuse. I've been told to just take it. Because if i fight back then no one can help me. How is this so? I'm scared. I'm scared for my daughter and her future. I'm terrified of what kind of person he will raise her to be if he takes her away.
The world doesn't need anymore monsters.
There are enough already, and they don't live under the bed, they sleep next to you, in your bed, every night, claiming to love you.
Wowww...... So powerful. People pleasing NO MORE. love it 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Thank u Mel...It’s wonderful to find ur own inner whole being...may u b blessed
I'm accepting that I can only depend on myself.This video really really hit home for me....And yes, narcissist s target those wounds uncannily accurately. I'm going to be working on healing myself from inside out.....and those who betray,wound and harm me can kiss my butt on the way out of the door!!!
Same happened to me exactly.....insanity.....
Life happens for you, not to you ♾💜
Thank you Melanie for showing me the way home. 😘
Tiggy just surprised me lol!!! Beautiful cat 😻 Fantastic advice again.
I am doing your 16 day course and hose around me have noticed a big change in me. The narc I can feel is losing is strength as I am becoming lighter and stronger . Cant wait to join NARP on my next payday if this is what the free course has done. Thank you xxx
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