Gender Dysphoria as an Autistic person
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 มิ.ย. 2020
- A short spiel about my coming to the understanding of my gender dysphoria as an autistic person & of my need to transition from female to male. This video was made as a conference presentation in 2018.
I'm glad I'm figuring this out in my 20s. I do feel some dysphoria, mostly with my chest, but I really felt that point about needing to know who you are. I don't feel any gender. It's like if everyone is a wall made of bricks, I'm missing the brick that says gender. I feel like I'm putting on a costume that says "woman" when I go into the women's washroom, and I didn't realize that wasn't normal until recently. This really helps me have a bit more of an idea how I see things.
I feel exactly the same, but i don't think that gender identity is something I lack, but rather that i am free of its confiments. Btw i realised that im agender when i found out that cis people expiereinece gender dysphoria when they look, act, generally are precieved like another gender, with i can't resonate with at all, to me my body is just a dress up doll that lets me interact with reality. It may be a female one but what does its just phisicsicality, its also a body of an ape.
Sounds like agender
The love and respect you show towards your “previous” life despite holding a “mixed bag” of not feeling whole.. is very powerful..
The sensory issues and disconnect.. thank you for your vulnerability experience and knowledge.
Thankfully subscribed. ❤
“I’m not typical” ❤
This is my dillema. I do feel disassociated but it's very hard to figure out to what extent the dysphoria causes it, and the autism. Like you, I've always more aligned socially and psychologically with males in terms of peers. Right now I just think I'm nonbinary.
I was diagnosed at age 20, I'm also diagnosed with gender dysphoria but I haven't medically transition. Actually, I socially detransitioned. I still experience dysphoria. Its a very difficult choice for me, I feel stuck.
rant//
im currently on my bed trying on all my girl clothes again to make sure i am in fact not a girl. I dont think i have autism, but i dont have an unferstanding of gender at all. I wasn’t uncomfortable as a girl, one day i just tried crossdressing and decided that was just better. Maybe i cant comprehend how other people percieve me. I dont want to wear these clothes and they make me uncomfortable, but it could be that theyre just not my style. Whenever i think i might like how i look in these clothes, its because i see masculinity in my figure shows through my clothes. I dont understand what gender is, and i dont understand my own. If i dont know, how can i feel assured when i get top surgery?? What if i regret it??
I feel the same way inside. I'll never understand it but it feels right to me.
I don't feel connected in any way to gender too, but i used to think i must be a girl (I'm afab btw), because i hated how i looked in clothes typical men wear and didn't desire to look like a boy, but now I know that i just hate how i look in boring, ugly clothes and i personally I find men's sections in stores and the way vast majority of boys in my school dressed like very unfashionable. There is a thing that when men's clothing gets even a little bit more creative than usual it's labeled as effeminate and gay, with makes all my fits either feminine or gaymannish just because I refuse to be boring with them. I don't think the way you like to dress or in what clothes you feel good wearing can determine your gender in any way, and that it can in turn prove or disprove any identity, maybe you just don't like to show off or feel that you can express yourself better with a masculine style. The case gets different if you feel body dysmorphia, ( I assume it's not gender dysmorphia if you don't expiereinece gender), then i think you should talk with a specialist about this to understand yourself better and decide what to do with that. Idk if having top surgery without gender dysmorphia would be worth the costs and risks associated with it, you would have to think it over very well.
I wouldn't think risk is worth it unless quite sure, but people already accuse me of making my shape look wrong, giving them dysphoria. I'm oblivious even to beatings for not fakeyflaunt body parts for their tittlation. I will never be able to comprehend paradigm much less comply to their special need.
What concerns me is the pressure to do reshaping for the Other's social demands rather than ones own internally sourced joy. How much is externally forced to 'fit' and how much seems internally motivated, but reality is internalized compliance with external norms?
All that imputation of dysmorphia and dysphoria is the experience of the Other. I am expected to adopt feelings as mine for their comfort. Autistic neurology is what i believe prevents me from internalizing.
I'm saving this to my watch later because I don't know if I can handle watching this currently but I would really like to at some point. I'm alone and have no one around to ask questions about this kind of stuff especially with the unique way gender identity and autism work together so I think this video would be helpful. It's just scary to think deeply about how I feel on it.
One day, if I survive somehow whatever I am, I hope I can have a body that I don't think is gross and I feel represents a truer me. I want to exist and be okay with that, I want to stop trying to make myself smaller in the world. But its hard to battle with internalised transphobia & anti-autism sentiments that I've absorbed from the world I'm in over the years and use to destroy myself by giving my depression more and more ammo.
It's nice to see people who can get past that and love themselves. I have so much love, respect, and awe for those people.
Didn't mean to rant. Once I let myself think about this type of stuff it's like a floodgate being opened for the first time in years. Anyway, thanks for this video. I hope I can get to a point where watching this, and other videos like it, is less arduous of a thought and that I can get through it all.
You may feel like you're alone in your struggles, but you're not. It's common among autistic people to not be 100% cis gendered. You need to find yourself an online community. A place with autistic people. A place with trans people. Might be the same place, might be different places. Listen to other peoples stories. (Not all at once, just as much as you can take.) Ask questions. Find others like you. Because they are out there. We are out there. I'm 45 years old. Autistic. Tired. Socialized to be a woman, but unsure what gender I actually am. Not hating myself, just curious and want to find the right words to describe myself. I hope you find who you are, and learn how to love and value yourself. Because you are valid, and you deserve to feel that love.
My transition from male to female seemed "needed" or "necessary" too, it's hard to explain but in a way i didn't have a choice in the matter. I am very autistic.
Your video helped me feel heard and understood. Thank you so much for sharing. Sending love!
Thanks Wenn! I have never heard such a clear explanation of the trans experience, especially in the mind.
Really helpful video, especially like the concept of you now feeling at home in your body.
That was the most Insightful. Thank you.
Bravo another great video 👏🏻
Excellent video
oh wow
Thoughts tumps reality?
I am an autistic cis man, but I have an autistic trans friend, and her symptoms were similar to mine.
Nonsense.
Hey there, I’m a transexual man and I’m 19 years old and I also have autism.