The clip you showed would be a DJ Mixing Deck I suppose but DJs just call them 'decks' generally. If its just the part in the middle on its own (the part with the faders and knobs) that's the DJ Mixer and the parts on the outside, if separate units, are usually CDJ's (digital files or CDs) or Turntables (Vinyl). When all three are together it's often a DJ Controller because it's a physical interface for controlling DJ software.
I usually reply “Yea but everyone doesn’t [insert how it affects you]”. For example, “But everyone hates a corporate Xmas party”, “True. But everyone doesn’t lock themselves in a toilet every 20 minutes because they can’t handle another small talk.”
Finally talked with my parents about it for the first time yesterday.. Got exactly that, along with "well we don't have any history in the family," some "I'm sorry's"(...for what?), and asked if I was okay, as if all of this was something wrong with me. Nothing has made more sense in my life and it's seriously a HUGE relief discovering this about myself. I can tell they *want* to be supportive, but their entire approach has been a bit painful. What makes it all the "better," is that I fully believe at this point my dad has it as well. After getting to understand myself and ASD more, I see it so much in him too..
When people say to me "we're all a little autistic" it makes me crazy. I know they are trying to recue me from any harsh feelings, or insecurities, about being ASD (which I don't have). I usually ask them, "would you say to a blind person that we're all a little blind because most people wear glasses?" That usually sets them to thinking.
I guess I am somewhat guilty except in reverse. I have Autism and I think my boyfriend and good friends are not neuro typical so I tell them I think they have traits of Autism because I know they wouldn't like it if I said I thought they had Autism or something.
People love to say "we are all a little ____" and it drives me up the wall. I get that you relate to the human emotion but they suffer with ____, because its complicates their everyday life
Whenever my dad says this to me, I think I’m just gonna start saying yeah. Well everybody’s a little diabetic too. He has really bad diabetes, but he also has ASD and pretends that it doesn’t exist so he can deny mine. I tried to show him that with ADHD, and he said that ADHD wasn’t real. I think some people are just incredibly ignorant.
I completely agree. It’s a red flag for me when people act that way. Even those who are “experts” in a topic should be able to admit that they do not possess every piece of knowledge about it. Generally, the more you learn about something, the more nuance you will discover and realize that there will always be something new to learn or a different lens to view it through.
Yes! My first therapist helped me until I got diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) & she handed me over to my current therapist who specialises in DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). I had so much respect & appreciation for how much she helped me & was sad to move on but I really like my new therapist & she’s teaching me skills that are helping me in the areas I need. It was the way to go.
I laughed out loud at this part!!! I am a 51 year old with 2/3 autistic children who identified her mother 2 years ago...... and my husband just had to help me realize 2 weeks ago that I am almost definitely ASD. Although I don’t need an official diagnosis, I am going to talk to my psychiatrist, as she has been my doctor for 5 years now and I really believe that she knows me well. I don’t think that I am..... but I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is correct, as ASD and PTSD mimic one another and I do know I have PTSD. However, my entire life makes all of the sense in the world looking back now. I just want to make sure I am not completely crazy or something. My husband finally completely “gets” why the last 20 years have been so difficult and stressful it has been for me with no support from family or friends.
Perhaps a useful response to people that are rejecting your autism diagnosis is a quote from Neil DeGrasse Tyson: "that's the cool thing about facts, they're true whether you believe them or not". B.
Yes! You have reminded me about that quote, thank you. Facts are facts. Now I do not have a diagnosis and probably present as neuro-typical but one thing I cannot get over is when people say something so non factual and not true, and I present them with facts and then they still persist on saying the complete opposite. I love facts. I fill my head with random facts.
@@FrozenWillow1980 Yes, it is pretty typical that once someone has come up with their opinion on something, they search out corroborating evidence to support and solidify their position. Once set in their opinion, they will not be swayed by any manner of proof of the falsity of their belief. They simply dig in and the discussion degrades into a much less rational discourse. B.
as an adult with autism, a lot of people who I randomly tell that don't "believe" me or are "surprised" as they "never would've guessed" because I can talk and communicate well socially. What they don't realize is that I have had time to come up with and practice mental scripts to say in certain situations. since i only talk to these people once or twice, they don't realize that I repeat these scripts to everyone cause its just how I communicate casually (like at my job). Love your videos!
This is how I flourish in customer service. You follow certain patterns based on the situation. It is taxing, and I have to recharge a lot after, so it's not sustainable, but the more relaxed an environment, the longer I can last at a job. Being able to swear or be "weird" at my job helps. I find alternative shops and/or liberal areas helps, because my "quirks" add to the ambiance. I currently sell quality glass pipes in a college town. I can play my own music and control the volume, I can stimdance around, and people that use our pipes are usually pretty chill.
I always say that I pass... initially. It generally takes time for most people to catch on that I'm different. That's when I start hearing, "You're weird." I'd like never to hear that again. I'm autistic not weird.
Agreed, until 5 weeks ago I worked as a window clerk at a rural post office. I could mask all day to my customers because it was such a limited flowchart of questions and responses. I quit to work from home and I've been so chilled ever since, it's wonderful.
Indeed the US has managed to diagnose to a ratio of 1/54... while the rest of the world still hovers around the more realistic 1/100-150. When they develop the genetic test.... then we will know the truth!
My answer to "but you can't have Aspergers. You do so well in life!" is that I've had 49 years to figure out how to get by in this world. That's a lot of practice masking in public, fidgeting without notice (pens and pencils are great for this), and making my home a super comfy nest.
Omg this! So much this! I started looking into autism when I was 34-35 ish when I was teaching a kiddo who had non-verbal autism and I didn't know anything about it. It wasn't really diagnosed when I was younger. I was just called a shy, quirky, but smart little girl and that's it, even though I was followed by a social worker in ES, and saw many psychiatrist who tried to put me on many anti-depressants that never worked because I was misdiagnosed with depressions and such. So when I started researching for my student and came across these videos about autism in girls and such, I was so shocked to see how strongly it resonated with me. I actually -cry- sometimes watching, because I've always had to mask and feel drained all the time and I didn't know why. I've had 35 or so years practice masking so yeah...
My favorite is when they say, "you're just using it as a crutch" or "you're just making excuses for why you don't want to try harder to fit in." I'm like - Douchebag, I work harder at trying to fit in an function than anything you do.
I'm coming to the conclusion that there are two types of humans living on this planet, and I want nothing to do with the typical ones. Ignorance is bliss, and I can understand why they are the way they are. The few neural typical people I have in my life only cause me stress and anxiety. Also they are way more prone to deceiving you and/or taking advantage of you because they know you are desperately trying to fit. My autistic friends are the only real people I feel like exist on this planet, but I'm sure if I had more autistic friends they would be the same.
Negative. All I see are lines for being ahead of the other to jump off bridges of mystery. Fit in that sounds terrible. Watching is actually depressing.
@@francescoleman-williams911 my therapist even lost her professionalism for a moment when I told her I wanted to be tested. She gasped: oh come on, you are NOT autistic. When I explained to her why it was so important for me to get tested she supported me. I know I'm a master of conversation and social awareness. These days, that is. They see a product of years of trial and error. I used to scare friends away with my blunt honesty. I had little empathy for people who did not share my interests and thoughts. I preferred animals over humans. Nearing forty I have worked hard to fit in. I now have three friends! They just don't expect to see a well-dressed, intelligent, confident woman. I mask during therapy, lol. But thanks to Sam, and people like you I am prepared to fight for my right to be assessed! Chaaaaarge!
I'm 73 and being treated for anxiety and depression. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask to be considered for an ASD diagnosis. Your videos are so helpful to me. Thank you.
You and I are in very similar situations. I'm going to 69 in a few months and only now starting to understand that there is a reason behind the anxiety, depression and other challenges I've dealt with all my life. I will be seeing my GP tomorrow and plan to talk to him about the possibility of getting a diagnosis. I know your comment is from a year ago. Did you ever go for it?
@@olderandwiser333 I hope your meeting with your GP was successful. My counselor recommended me for testing with a psychologist experienced in testing adults for ASD, and I now have an official diagnosis. Getting diagnosed didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but the confirmation has helped with reconciling my life and my struggles, ( I can relate to the struggles you described) and realizing I wasn't to blame for not being like everyone else. My counseling sessions are going better and are more productive since my Autism diagnosis is being taken into account and addressed now. As for people not believing me, I really haven't had that problem. I don't tell everyone, but if the subject comes up I 'll tell people I'm Autistic.
I'm super depressed. Doctors don't believe me and "lose" my entries on autism symptoms since I was a baby. They just think im being greedy becauss I have adhd, depression, anxiety and ptsd already. But hey I'm making this up for attention as my boyfriend believes. I can't work nor study either but I'm just "making excuses" they say. Yet they think I am manic staying up reading about quantum physics all night for fun. It's all in my head they say. I'm only starting my 30s..so I just grew out of it right?
Cindy A, did you go to the GP and be referred for an autism assessment? I was referred in 2022 and I've just done part one of my assessment. I have part 2 this week. And I'm so anxious over it.
I was on the 2nd visit with a therapist and she told me she didn't think I was autistic. She thought the doctor who diagnosed me was over diagnosing people. The doctor who diagnosed me had told me before that it isn't "over diagnosing" it's just that they are getting better at diagnosing people, especially girls. That therapist didn't know anything about me, or the process I went through to get diagnosed. There was so much paperwork, questions to answer, months and months of waiting, hours of talking. I have to remind myself that people only doubt me because they have a lack of understanding.
Seems like that therapist might not be the best one for you on several levels. The most important of which is that is helpful for neurotypical people is not always helpful for people with asd.
Right on, Sister Sam. I was diagnosed in June of 2019 at the age of 50. It explained and continues to explain so much about my life that I had ascribed to being "weird" and "bad luck". I've known almost all my life that something was wrong with me and never had a word for it or knew it was a Thing. Then -- may every diety bless Professor Attwood! -- I saw one of his videos on girls with autism and it ALL CLICKED. I went to a therapist, I've been misdiagnosed over the years with depression and borderline personality disorder, I asked about autism and took the assessments and boom. Diagnosed. It's real. It's me. Told my family. None of them believe me. I've never felt so invalidated in my life. And now none of them will talk about it. They can talk all day about my aunt's medical problems and my mother's medical problems... but because I'm just weird old Aunty being an attention whore I get nothing. It does no good to wave my diagnosis letter in their faces -- on the letterhead of an actual therapist with a PH.D! No. I'm just an attention whore.
Ouch. I've got six siblings, one of which has a son with autism. He and I get along like a house on fire. Yesterday he told me a joke and I didn't get it and he laughed: "And I'm the one with autism!" But no... I'm too emotional, I'm too sensitive, I'm a drama queen, I'm messed in the head. My parents, bless them, support me with all their hearts. They are the only ones who (almost) get to see the real. For the others I play my part: the little weirdo clown. People are weird about mental health. They are afraid it will force them to introspection. I'm a pro at examining myself but I (kind of) get that for most people it's not very easy. I don't understand who people just can't be honest, with themselves and others. But these days I almost understand. I hope it does some good to know you are not alone. I do know it can be so lonely.
I have a similar experience. I've known for a very long time (I'm 50 also) that there is something "wrong" with me. I've always wanted to know what it is. I do know that I suffer from depression derived from PTSD but that hasn't been the whole story. I haven't had an official diagnosis because where I live it's very expensive but I did do a test on the Canadian Autism website and a score of 30-50 there is a high likely hood of having autism. I score 29 so I'm pretty confident in my diagnosis. I haven't bothered to tell my family because I'm positive that they won't believe me. Gotta love family...lol
@@edm-london1660 I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was saying Christians are not humorous? I'm one myself. I was using Terry Pratchett's quote to show I agree with you that warmth, humour and personality are the best way to get neurotypicals to like us autistics because, as Terry Pratchett said, if we make them laugh at us, they won't be reaching for a stone to throw at us.
I’m nearing 70 and realized only a few months ago. Also self-diagnosed, but *nothing* has ever explained so much! I’m also sad that there wasn’t the awareness when I was younger; life could have been a bit easier if I had at least understood myself better. I never understood how most people seemed to glide through life with relative ease, but so many things (almost everything) was like sandpaper against my psyche. We need an online support group for late-diagnosed/self-diagnosed older women. First meeting: a collective scream of frustration for what could have been. Then we’ll pick ourselves up -lean on each other a bit- and make the best of what’s left. ❤️
@@ImaDoGToo I have always told people that it was like being told to go to Ouagadougou without knowing what or who that was, without a map or compass and being armed only with a fly swatter and a pen knife!
"You look and behave waaaaay to normal to be an aspie." That's the usual reaction when I tell people about it. They hardly know anyone with this, except for fictional characters. Just as if I needed to be an anthropomorphic stereotype. In short, this video totally mirrors what I experience among people I know. So better not talk about it anymore.
My dad says he is not autistic he is lazy and stupid, which was what he was told in the fifties. I am unsure whether to seek a diagnosis for myself (46) but it has been life changing for my child. My dad was sceptical when my child was on the autism diagnosis pathway because he couldn’t see anything ‘wrong’ child was just like him.
Nomeo Nay yeah, I can see that happening. They live with it for so long in the family that it’s not something anybody has experience with so they don’t know that being diagnosed doesn’t mean you are wrong in any way
For me it has been really valuble to get a diagnosis as it has meant that I’ve gotten access to education and tips and tricks about it ... my thinking I might live 30-50 more years ( I’m your age) also it can mean better adjusted help as an old person/ work place.
I don't know if you will see my comment, but I am getting my diagnosis because of you. A big part of me agreeing to go through the screening and get back into the mental health community was me coming to terms with myself that I don't CARE who believes me. I know, that I know what is happening in my head. The only way I could get myself to make this appointment was by making this mental pact with myself that no matter what people tell me I'm not going to stop moving forward in my journey. I know if I don't like a particular therapist or doctor then I don't have to go back to them again. If I can't get my misdiagnosis taken off record, I decided I don't care as long as I'm still working towards understanding this one. I can do this. Here is a message to anyone else out there who knows what this feels like: they are not living your life. They arent YOU. They can tell you what they think. They can act like they understand, and maybe they do. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in the negative consequences of somebody else's misunderstanding. This. Is. YOUR. Life. 🙌🏼
I'm 61, and have struggled with many of these characteristics my whole life. My 35 year old daughter was just diagnosed with autism this Spring, and so much of what she experiences resonates strongly with me as well. Being someone in my generation that I'm learning may be neurodivergent, I've learned to mask somewhat. I have been dismissed my whole adult life as being "just depressed". Ugh..I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted!
Went to my gp of 30 years. He 'reassured' me that I couldn't be autistic, I was just a 'kind people pleaser', 'intelligent', and 'controlling', then prescribed for anxiety. He then said, "Don't worry, you are not neurodivergent." I just sat there. He knows that I was diagnosed with ADHD 20 years ago. I thanked him for his time, left shaking my head, and decided, at 76, I'm pretty good at masking.
My son has stereotypical autism that which no one would ever doubt. My nephew is quite undoubtedly to anyone that has ever met him an aspie, just undiagnosed. My brother is an undiagnosed aspie, but maybe less obviously. More than likely my father is as well. Since my son's diagnosis 9 years ago, I hadn't once questioned if I might be autistic. Not until I watched one of your videos. Then I took the AQ tests online. 43/50 . Then the quiz (I can't remember the name) that was created by an aspie. Every quiz says I have a major amount of autistic traits. Now, I knew I was quirky. There's just so many instances that I've said "You mean everyone doesn't do/think/say that?" I just thought other people managed better. Had better filters. Didn't care as much. Well, they do. I just didn't know there was a reason why. This year (even without the pandemic) has brought so much change to my life that I'm crumbling. Little by little my abilities to manage have just dropped off. I don't know if it's worth it to pursue a diagnosis ( United States, high deductible HSA) but I won't be comfortable saying I'm autistic without it. It's the rules! The dumb rules that I've made up, and I must stick to because... I dunno I just have to. I have the money, but in the US what does it change? Quite a bit for me personally. Imposter syndrome is strong with this one. Of course I can say all the right things to get diagnosed, my son is sooo autistic. So, would a diagnosis really help me with this thought process? I know why I didn't know. Super strict parents. My sister and I present so well as heavy maskers that couldn't manage the mask so well after motherhood. Life, eh? Sorry, I dumped there. I have no one besides my super lovely, wonderful husband to listen to me.
I'm also part of an autistic family. My brother is a higher support needs autistic, my son is also a classical autistic, with ADD too, though with extra support he has finished high school this year, while my daughter is an aspie like me and my father. My parents were also very strict, to the point of being harsh and bullying. My mother was never big on praise or encouragement, but she would hammer me all the time with reminders like "eye contact". My father was a harsh disciplinarian, who used physical punishment, even for things like saying the wrong thing or "fussing" or "daydreaming", so I learned to watch myself very closely from when I was very young. I also started studying how people work, in an effort to fit in. I used textbooks on human behaviour and body language and suchlike, as well as copying people from TV, practicing facial expressions in the mirror, that sort of thing. My brother was diagnosed when he was two. I am much older than him, so I was about 14 when he was diagnosed. No one had heard of autism then, so my family never joined the dots with respect to myself and my father, not until much later. I was just "odd" and "stand-offish" and "obsessive". It was only as an adult that it became clear to me, and confirmed when my son was diagnosed. I don't know that a diagnosis changes much. You are what you are. It can give you some reassurance I guess, and perhaps allow you to understand and even forgive yourself.
You are brave, hang in there and keep finding the right communities to support you. And thank you for "dumping," I enjoyed the thoughts that you shared, found them extremely informative
I live in a country with healthcare, so it was probably easier for me, but if you need permission to live your best life, go get it! I understand the needing the diagnosis. I felt the same way, I stopped looking at some online content because I felt I didn't get to without one. More than anything, I feel that now I have permission to do what helps me keep together. All the most important people around me are people who handle these things a bit better, or know it a bit more than most, for a few reasons, different for every person, but I'm lucky in that way, I know, so I feel comfortable masking less around them, and finding recourses online that now I'm 'allowed' to access in my own head that help me learn more about myself and how to manage my social and sensory input (and that pesky executive disfunction!) so I don't shutdown, burn out, or lose control.
God my mom is a school psychogist specializing in learning disabilities. She actually homeschooled me. I was misdiagnosed with PANDAS as a child but recently self diagnosed and formally diagnosed at age 27. She thinks because shes worked with a few young stereotypical boys that she knows all about autism. She also said autistic people are not funny, creative or empathetic...I am all three!
That's awful BS that they are saying 'can't be empathetic'. In my experience, in which I am high functioning/Aspergers, we are OVER emotional. The lack of empathy I think is based on extreme autism. If you have visual and audible processing problems then emotions are very hard to determine. I - myself - in person lol - can detect emotions by sound but have visual emotion deficit. I did a test from Cambridge (it's online) and I could not detect emotions AT ALL by seeing people eyes, I can detect a smile and tears but not by expression. That being said I showed very high audible detection. Your brain will compensate if another sense if active. A friend of mine had audible and visual emotional issues. He actually played guitar so he was again more visual. A group of friends (actually it was in a band we played in) kept shouting at him for missing cues, not being quick on understanding and missing emotional reactions, seeming a bit cold. I detected his autism immediately. When I spoke to him in person, and took the time to explain an emotional issue he had 'missed' it was clear he had a warm heart and really cared. He was a little robotic in his creativity due to I guess his more severe state of autism than my own, but I helped show him how to connect emotionally to the guitar better and find the better guitarist in him, the little punk started getting better than me!! And good on him. (PS I quit the band in disgust at their treatment of him, and me for that matter.) But due to his inability to detect emotions 'off the cuff' if you will, people were abusive to him. It was very upsetting. But mark my words underneath all of the confusion was the nicest, kindest, most gentle and warm hearted caring person you would ever meet. He just expressed it differently and needed things more carefully explained at times. Besides, most 'normal's' (pah!) all think everybody thinks and acts like them, and if they don't they are weird, and often these normals express emotion to others that are insincere just because 'they are supposed to'. I have picked up this habit as a learned trait, but also note that AN AUTISTIC PERSON WHO SAYS THEY CARE REALLY REALLY MEAN IT. How much is that true for the general population????? Who is it that really has empathy again???? Edit I will post this as a separate post, but I directed it at you as it seemed so nasty that somebody so close could persist with such a horrible view. Underneath your words I felt the pain and confusion of being there, cause I have been there.
I have a friend who has ADHD comorbid with OCD, the latter of which is attributed to PANDAS (she didn't call it that, but it fits how it was explained to me). I'm funny, but my humor is mostly puns. I'm creative, but my creativity is creative solutions to problems not artistic creativity. I'm not empathetic though.
This story literally makes me want to scream because it's so accurate to the way typical idiots see us. I'm done trying to explain things to people because they all have their own predisposed beliefs and biases. There is no point in explaining this to a mass majority of neuraltypical people because they are literally a different breed of human. I made the mistake of telling my parents and got threatened and told I was a liar even though I got a formal diagnosis and had it in writing. I will never tell another soul after how my own family reacted. It's just not worth it and makes me feel hopeless to the whims and idiocy that is neuraltypical people. More of them, less of us.
Wow, thank you for this! My 35 year old daughter was diagnosed with Autism in the Spring, as well as ADHD. I'm 61, and have struggled with what I'm convinced is ADHD my whole life. Being someone in my generation that I'm learning is Neurodivergent, and learned to mask fairly well. I have been dismissed my whole adult life as being "just depressed". Ugh..I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted!
I was told that I had to be completely mute and completely socially unable by a "professional". He interrupted me after barely describing my traits and told me that I couldn't have autism because I wasn't completely and utterly disfunctional. I honestly hate doctors at this point. We need a reform of the system.
well actually pretty sure cats usually consider autistic people to be more like them than neurotypicals...? at least my connection with cats throughout my life (even the ones outside, because i was only allowed cats at age 10) were the ones that helped me through my childhood maybe the most lol
@@pyruvicac.id_ No they don't see it that way. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you have a connection with your cat. My friends sister has autism and both their house cat and dog are beyond weirded out by her and go out of their way to stay away from her. It's nothing to be taken personally. Cats/dogs have much simpler brain functions, they obviously don't understand the idea of autism. All they see is her making sudden loud noises and sudden movements and the noises in particular scare them as their ears are more sensitive than ours.
"Autism is not about permanent suffering.. Well, depending on the day" 😂 That was just perfect! I can't stop laughing and agreeing at the same time! Thanks you just made my day!
I'm 15, and for a couple months now I've been looking into autism and trying to figure out whether I might be autistic. After everything I've seen I've been almost certain (minus the certainty a diagnosis would give) that I am as I relate so heavily to everything and a lot of it puts my entire life into perspective, like it all suddenly makes sense. I gathered the courage to bring it up to my mom, who at first was very open and welcoming to hear what I had to say, but the moment the words "I think I might have autism" came out of my mouth she shifted. "I can tell you that you 100% don't have autism." Is what she said and for the rest of the conversation she would not waver because she's had training and "worked with autistic kids" in the past, and that I'm just not it. I want to add that she seemed very angry and offended, though I can't understand why. She said an autistic person wouldn't be able to even recognize the symptoms in themselves to want to look into it like I did (because they can't be self aware), or be able to articulate their thoughts at all. I also love to write, and have been told I'm very good at it, but according to my mom autistic people aren't able to write. She proceeded to list a bunch of other mental illnesses she thinks I have instead (social anxiety, depression, bpd+) and tell me it's just my subconcious making up symptoms to avoid doing school work. I don't know what to do. I know a lot of the things she said are just wrong, but now I can't help but feel so much less confident in not only my original suspicion but myself. I'm starting to think, despite what "my subconcious" is telling me, that I'm just (and I know this isn't a good word to use) crazy. What hurts the most is how she seemed to care more about the fact that I had a different opinion than her on a topic she "knows about very well" than the fact it took a lot of courage and vulnerability that I notoriously lack to face her with this in the first place. One thing I know for sure is that I won't ever trust her with my feelings again.
i know your comment is old but my heart breaks for you, the same thing happened to me when i was 14. i'm so sorry you learned the hard way that you aren't comfortable trusting someone who should be there for you no matter what. you were very brave even if it didn't work out like you hoped. it's possible she'll come around but regardless, never stop advocating for yourself!
@@felixmastropasqua2820 Thank you, your words mean more than you know. My original comment may be old but still applies to this day, so it means a lot. It’s difficult, but I’ve begun to find comfort in learning about myself and finally allowing myself to be who I am despite who supports me. It’s really nice to be reminded there are people who are/have been in similar positions and understand. I appreciate your words very much :)
@@sonijya i'm glad her words didn't tear you down completely. i'm basically on my autism re-discovery journey at 21 years old now because i received so much doubt at the time. learning about yourself never stops, it's good you got a head start. be well!
To your original comment: I am 18 now and told my mum in a similiar kind of situation about half a year ago. Well, I've got a better response, I have to admit. Like, in the first moment after I told her about my suspicion she was like: "Yeah, I see what you mean, there are some points just fitting into the whole autism thing". But every now and then up to today there are moments she actually tells me "Nah, I don't believe you are autistic". By myself I think it's some kind of shielding by her, because she knows some of the "hard autism cases" (the one with great need of help) and is afraid. Because accepting, that I really are autistic would mean to accept and exspect so much more problems for my further life. And well, she's after all a loving mum, wishing best for her daughter... (However, the problems would anyways be there. It's just about her realising process, I think). I absolutely don't want to tell you, that your situation is less sh* than you experience it. The point I want to make is: Maybe this knowledge and understanding helps you to deal with her reaction. Maybe it makes it easier, because it's some kind of care and sign of her love. I don't know if this helps at all. I hope it does! :)
Hi Today I tried to tell my mom I think I'm autistic. I was really nervous to tell her because she is a bit of an interesting mother. So I started a year plus ago trying to figure out why I do the things I do and how I work. I eventually took an autusim online test and it told me I am highly likely to be on the spectrum. So I was so surprised because my mother would always tell me autusim is people with serious disabilities. So when I started looking into autusim I was so shocked how I related to a lot of the "symptoms". It finally struck me a few months ago that I actually may have autusim because everything especially the masking, stiming and socializing parts started to make a lot of sence. So today I tried to tell her "was so nervous" and she told me there is no way I could have autusim because I look and act normal. But the truth is I copy her body language all the time and everybody always tells me that. I have always struggle socially since I was small but they always says it's shyness. So now I am feeling hurt of what she said. But I still believe I am on the spectrum. I'm 16 now so I want to try and make an appointment as soon as I'm 18 to do a full assesment. Just needed to write it down 😊 Thank you for reading
I am not yet diagnosed ( I have an assessment booked in february) and have gotten the "I worked with kids with autism and dont see that in you" response from someone. It was actually really hurtful and set me back quite a way in my journey as I started to doubt myself. I think self doubt is the biggest challenge for me. I worry that even after getting a diagnosis I am going to think that I somehow manipulated them into giving me a diagnosis (even tho during the pre assessment they told me that I seem to have myself figured out which will make the assessment process go quite smoothly).
As an autistic person diagnosed at 43, I resonate with some of the comments and obviously feel the same (and of course the content of the video is exactly how I try to explain and educate people); Still, we autistics must remind ourselves that we would have probably reacted the same if someone "like us" came up and said they were autistic. Bc that's what X-Y generations know. My 13 y/o son and his friends see it differently. They actually think the diagnosis is "cool"...
I have an idea about why girls and women (in particular) are underdiagnosed with autism, or are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder instead: dissociation. Speaking for myself, I could not have a meltdown however badly I needed one (I almost envy people who can), and I could not figure out why for months. I don't think I've had a meltdown since I was very little (I got spanked for tantrums, among other reasons), but I've spent a huge chunk of my life in my own head, and trying to 'show up' for life has meant more stimming and more strategies to deal with stress. I strongly suspect I'm not the only one. I'm 'self-diagnosed' for now, but I seriously fear I won't be believed that I'm autistic partly due to lack of meltdowns, which are so strongly associated with autism. If there are many other people like me, then there are lots of people missing their lives who need help to find their voice.
Due to an over abundance of life changing events happening within the span of 4 months this year, I can not keep up the mask anymore. I need too. I really do but I can't. I had really strict parents. Extremely. No deviation from my dads idea of how life should be was acceptable. I had absolutely no idea I am autistic, not until last week when I watched a few of Sam's videos. My son is diagnosed autistic, but presents very stereotypically. So very many undiagnosed "male version " aspies in my family. I didn't even think for a second I might be autistic. I know that my parents being so strict is what kept me from realizing. It didn't work for my brother. I definitely knew he was an aspie. My sister, like me, the thought never crossed my mind until now. Everything fits so well. Even my dad's strictness. I try to control my environment to the max, but my max stops at other people's discomfort. His didn't.
Dissociation is the word I have been missing! I've only just started to figure out that I most probably have ADHD and are somethere, firmly on the autism spectrum. Thinking back to my childhood I begin to understand that my famous "tantrums" probably were meltdowns and then I learned to supress and control myself with an iron will that runs in the family and to internalize and "immobilize" everything.
Meltdowns are like eye contact problems: while common in people with ASD, they are no something everyone with ASD has. My meltdowns are very rare and I think relatively subdued compared to a lot of other people with ASD (and I only have eye contact problems talking to groups). I'm a guy, but I think under some stressful situations I start thinking about some random thing other than what is going on. I assumed it was more of an inattentive ADHD thing, but maybe actually dissociation due to ASD?
Oh my god, someone else has this problem. I’m so sorry. I have been diagnosed and my family don’t believe me because my brother had meltdowns and I didn’t.
@ReiSutoikku I wrote the above 3 years ago, but I'll tell you what's happened since. I decided I needed a regular doctor, and on my first visit, after the preliminaries, I straight up told him about my autism suspicions. I wasn't graceful, but I was direct and as complete as I could be and felt more like my hidden self the more I talked. I felt like I hadn't said enough afterward, like I couldn't say enough, but he took me at my word and referred me to a psychologist for an autism evaluation. There was an interview to start assessing my overall mental health, then a series of seemingly random tasks: arranging blocks, defining words, doing math among other things. Only those administering the evaluation could help me a little, and I could have short breaks when I needed them. In the end, I was diagnosed with autism, and a year later with ADHD (with another psychologist, but that was simpler and straightforward). So it was work and risk, but possible to be believed!
I can't get my therapist to believe that I'm autistic, I went for an official diagnosis and the man didn't take me seriously he offered me a different diagnosis (with no evidence of me having this diagnosis ) so im really struggling because I need to get my daughter evaluated and I know it's not something either of us can properly handle because of how this experience has influenced my faith in mental health care. So self diagnosis and embracing coping skills and God are my only hope.
definitely don't go back to the same guy when you get your daughter evaluated. sometimes when a child is diagnosed, their parent will get diagnosed too. if you can find a professional who specializes in autism and is up to date on how autism presents differently in women/non-binary people than it does in men, that would be ideal.
Yes! It’s not the system, but the individual. If you can, try someone else until you get a sympathetic ear - or at least one who is willing to reason through things with you. Don’t give up!!
I have not yet gone for a diagnosis, but I was searching for mental health support. Therapists are people, it can go well, it can be a disaster. I'm at my second one, and it's much better than the first...
Something that's given me hope after being tossed aside and misunderstood so many times by my loved ones and the mental health community is seeing the way my Uncle who struggles with addiction chooses his therapist. He makes all these appointments with multiple different people until he finds someone he feels like he "clicked" with. Even though I'm already aware (and you may be too) of how important this is in a therapist-client relationship, seeing him "shop around" made me realize that I can too. Now I encourage other people to do the same thing. This is our journey and as much as we may want to dive right in, remember its okay to take your time and let your heart lead the way
I like the point you make about engagement. Learning more about how likes, comments, and shares affect the TH-cam recommendations has made me interact more. It's important to recognize the reason behind why TH-camrs ask you to like, comment, and share. I want to help spread the causes and other things I care about, like the Neurodiversity movement.
Quite honestly, finding your channel while I was doing deep dives into information on autism was the lightning bolt of realization that I myself am very, very likely autistic. Certain memories started making sense, and everything that couldn’t be easily put into the box of “she just has ADHD” made all of the sense in the world. So really, truly, thank you! ❤️ ...I also feel the need to mention that, in the event that you were to write and publish a book, I would absolutely buy it without any hesitation.
I have meet several people who don't believe I have autism. They usually say "But you can do this/that" "But you are so...". I have tried to explain that autism exists on a spectrum and that everyone have bad and good days but they just don't seem to get it. It is so frustrating
OMG! A social educator told me I wasn't autistic cause "I didn't look autistic, there are too many autistic people out there and I had feelings" (whatever that means to hee) and had to re-do a lot of my disability paperwork because of her! Thanks a lot for doing this video!
"I had feelings." WTF? Pretty sure every human being on earth has feelings. Does she believe that autistic people aren't human? I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope that there's a way for you to report her.
I got "there's nothing wrong with you, you're just shy" only problem is I'm not shy. Pop culture has given a lot of people the wrong impression. Thanks Sam, take care 👍 ☺️ ❤️
That's what I have been told my whole life, too. I don't have a shy bone in my body. Nobody had any idea, not even I, that I was autistic (got my diagnosis at 38), but still.
This is one of many reasons why I wish the DSM kept Aspergers as a diagnosis. My daughter presents very much like you do, but she ‘s only 10yrs old and not an adult woman. My daughter was diagnosed as gifted, with ADHD, and mildly autistic. I use the word mildly, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t suffer from sensory overload, anxiety, rigid/literal thinking , gets completely overwhelmed with new social situations, has trouble with transitions, is extremely empathetic while also having difficulty understanding another person’s perspective and then feels frustrated and sad because that barrier is real for her and people can’t easily see that.
I got diagnosed when I became a teen and I kept it to myself, masking it also. It didn't help that I had no idea what autism was. So when people did find I was autistic, it was a mix of people either not believing and surprise. I chose the different approach of being honest about it when I went to university and telling my friends, it was a much better experience and in the end, it helped a lot. I liked the comparison to the DJ Mixer and that overdiagnosis scene was awesome! XD
People love labels, so I like to label myself a psychic empath. I see more than others see, I feel differently than others do. I reason differently than "normal" people. People assume they know the definition of autism, but not that of a psychic empath. Works for me ♡ Before I knew it was autism I wrote an ebook called Care & Feeding for the highly sensitive soul.
When I went for my diagnosis (which my mother and sister suggested), I said to the psychologist (or whatever they're called) that I don't care what his findings are, as long as I know so I can prepare and adjust around it. It turned out I was high functioning. I immediately joined a Aspie group and explained my diagnosis to my boss at work. Had I known my condition at 15 rather than 45, I wouldn't have wasted my time looking for romance and friendships in the wrong places.
One useful thing I failed to mention for a long time because of which I struggled to get them to understand my autism, is breakdowns and shutdowns! Nowadays, that's the first thing I bring up during my autism conversations. A lot of times, I get this "aha" reaction where they finally understood why I was being cranky or such a jerk.
With regard to videos versus written materials: I love video because you say to someone “hey let’s sit and watch this five minute video TOGETHER” and it’s very well accepted as a together activity. I’ve been able to use videos (and often YOUR videos) to start and continue conversations. Thanks for this!
Getting the diagnosis answers so many questions that you didn't even know you have... anyone who thinks you're not autistic hasn't lived your life. When I told my closest relatives, they were like, "Ah, yes, that explains it (my difference)." That's enough validation for me.
Quite right: the diagnosis answers many questions and helps to understand yourself. I had a few bad experiences when I told some "friends". People just doesn't seem to be able to handle the outing. Except for my wife. She answered: "Tell me something I didn't know yet".
How do I explain to my mom that says "oh well everyone is a little autistic" or "You don't need support because you not really autistic"? Im about done with my own mother because I got diagnosed as an adult and she's taking it as a personal attack on her because she didn't have me tested as a kid because to her I was just quirky and weird. She's taking the whole thing as an attack on her when it has nothing to do with her. Update: we no longer talk over her accusations and political choices. I will not be anyone's lapdog. Im autistic not stupid.
This is the best response/explanation I've seen to "everyone is a little autistic." neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
@@calmercaninestraining6260 Wow! That's such an interesting and accurate way of explaining "the spectrum". I'm saving this page on my bookmarks to read it again so I can perhaps explain it to people in my life. (have to try translate it into my native language). Thanks for sharing. :D
@@calmercaninestraining6260 thank you so much for sharing this, I have made a photo copy of this as I am still coming to terms with my ASD diagnosis at the age of 43, and I’m still learning why I have felt so different all my life and had certain difficulties, my intention is to be able to get as much knowledge and information to make a file and maybe one day be able to help someone coming to terms with their ASD diagnosis, for me it has been like peeling an onion once I have taken a layer of I learn something new about my condition with the next layer,after my diagnosis of ASD/Aspergers there was no help or information given to me apart from the Psychiatrist who had done the assessment saying look online and at books on Aspergers.
I'm dyslexic and adhd and I often feel like the internet was designed and written specifically to waste my time so I just don't bother even trying to read online most of the time
You're right. It literally was. Check out the social dilemma on netflix. Additionally, you can slow down the internet by being really choosey about your sources. Spending less time on social media and more time on resource style sites can really help you get use out of the tool that is the world wide web without the burnout of constant clicking, scrolling, and misinformation.
@@Noalmenclature even on my social media, I've put a lot of effort into training the algorithms. I've become very block happy and my experience has only improved. I remember to react to all my friends depression posts so Facebook doesn't hide something I need to see under a bunch of memes. Resisting spending time on pointless memes is the hardest part but I'm getting better at it
@@Noalmenclature but on that note, youtube is the absolute worst. It's the most clearly biased with what it's pushing and the best at suppressing the things it hates. And it's block feature is just absolute trash
@@GaasubaMeskhenet TH-cam is... So weird. Like my very religious father once called me in a panic because his TH-cam was filled with porn. It turns out he had left autoplay on and had been casting to the tv downstairs for like an entire night and then youtube decided "oh well you're still watching so obviously this is what you were looking for" I had to clear his TH-cam viewing, browser history, and pull shenanigans with his IP address before it was fixed.
Great timing, I just got my unofficial diagnosis yesterday and I have to call to schedule my autism screening sometime today. When I told my friends yesterday their immediate reaction was that the diagnosis was wrong and that I’m perfectly fine and that everyone is a little autistic. I knew I would hear those things at some point but I didn’t expect to hear it the very same day I actually have a name for it and I especially didn’t expect to hear it from my friends. I’m really upset about it.
Fortunately, I had more people who are familiar with autism accurately guess that I'm autistic than people who are unfamiliar with it tell me I don't look autistic and can't possibly be autistic. It's actually really validating when I sometimes don't have to tell people I'm autistic; they just know and don't think any less of me for it. Those are the kinds of people I want to surround myself with. I don't want to associate with someone who barely knows me and thinks they know more about me than I do.
It's weird that people hear "Spectrum" and seem to picture a gradient. If they were to imagine say the colour spectrum for instance, like even the colour picker tool on a computer. There are endless possibilities 🎨
Literally, as a child, I was told my issues were never bad enough as I managed ok in school life etc, I got diagnosed recently after almost giving up and just thinking this must just be how everyone works!
It really seems too much to ask for. First it is difficult to understand yourself and as soon as you accept it yourself, others doubt it or don't know how to react. Sad.
In my mid 50s I came to understand why I am different and why I struggle with things others seem to understand intuitively. Realizing I am on the spectrum has at long last given me something to work with, a roadmap and an explanation as to why I am different. I now know why I need to avoid certain circumstances while developing strategies to aid in other circumstances. Still, I don't expect neurotypically wired individuals to understand why I'm different. I don't see that as having good results. In the end, I just want to have better interactions with people and learn neurotypical code well enough to have some close relationships. Why would neurotypical people want to learn my code? Once I reveal to others why I am different, I'm locked into a perception I can never escape. I don't want autism to be the key feature of my identity and my relationships.
I have never been able to describe how I feel EVER and I’m 51 (female). Then I heard an adult female who’d recently been diagnosed with autism speaking in a video and it was though she was mirroring me to a T. So I’ve now become obsessed, which means I’ve spent hours and hours and have taken so many notes I’ve gone through 2 big notebooks and EVERYTHING I have read and EVERYTHING I have heard has been the description of me that I’ve always tried to give myself. So today I took this information to my counselor and she balked it all and said she’d bet her bank account that I’m not autistic. It crushed me because just like you said, it was her betting that I’m not me! She tied every thing I told her to my horrible social anxiety and that I have verbal communication disability. I’m sure I do but there really weren’t but maybe 3-4 things on the 2 ADOS Aspie test I took that weren’t perfect descriptions of me. The results were all ‘you are very likely autistic’. But because I didn’t have time to go through every question I’d answered with her and tell how it related to me, well didn’t get to the ones that couldn’t so easily be traits in both, she basically laughed at me. I’m also a psych major. I just want validation in happiness I’m feeling having something to call what I’ve known was ‘wrong’ with me. Deflated. Oh she used example that I’d recognized some emotion that a former neighbor of mine would feel from me breaking ties as reason I can’t be autistic. I’m sorry I’ve been obsessed with psychology for 30 years as well so I’ve learned what to expect from certain things when it comes to what others could feel. I wouldn’t of known it prior to psychology obsession and education. I’m disappointed. I gain nothing from the label other than validation. She told me I was not leaving there thinking I was autistic. I’m trying to get in for the full psychological testing. Felt good getting that out. Thanks. Oh and I don’t ‘look autistic’ I don’t guess.
Thank you for this video...I really needed this! I was diagnosed at the age of 60 and I think some people don’t believe that I am because I had developed a lot of coping skills and I’m very good at masking.
I'm awaiting my daughter's diagnosis. We have our telephone call (in the world of covid) in 10 days. She presented her beautiful autistic self. I told her not to mask it. Because I had noticed her masking when ever she was going to camhs. Temple Grandin is really good as well if anyone wants to know more about autism. All people are different and all neuro-divergent people are different too. That DJ Mixer analogy is really the best. I first seen Agony Autie use it and I was like "Yes, that's what it's like" I love how you are all teaching me more about my confirmed Autistic son and my unconfirmed possibly Autistic daughter :) You are helping those of us with a listening ear who are curious about how this works and how we can help our loved ones through the struggles/meltdowns. I have sat and looked myself at my daughter and thought, if I was wrong because she has done something that presents as neurotypical. But actually she's just masking and I need to remember she does that to fit in. You are Amazing. Thank you.
I was diagnosed on the 29th September 2020. I already get these comments. Like honey you're also the one who thinks I'm "weird" and doesn't want to talk at other times so...
As a non binary person who isn't out to their family, and just discovered your channel and am self diagnosed, the 'coming out' analogy is So real, and also the energy and education that I'm going to have to do for my family is similar in a lot of ways. Thanks for making awesome content!
Honestly people diagnosing is clueless. I’ve gone to several people, and most of them don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ve been labelled as a “introverted, highly sensitive, kept-to-themself, shy, talented empath with a high IQ and limited knowledge of social cues” I don’t see why they can just admit I’m probably on the spectrum, just because I don’t fit the typical image of a person on the spectrum. edit: A lot of people are talking in the comments, so let me specify. I was given a referral, they spoke to about one or two people who barely know me, and my opinion was not given at all. The topic of masking was not even bought up. My experience with the process was pretty bad and it looks like I’ll be getting very limited help. The people were not doctors either, mostly counsellors made to handle completely different issues and it was mostly school aswell, there was pretty much no professionals
My therapist thought it was more accurate to give me an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder diagnosis (I have two of the eight symptoms) than admit that I'm dealing with executive dysfunction "because I have too many friends and interests to be autistic". If anything, autism is underdiagnosed.
my doctor also doesnt want to admit i may be autisitc because i dont speak like bill gates does in his words, and because he thinks it mainly affects males. females generally mask more successfully so its harder for us to get diagnosed. also like someone else said they see it as a stigma whereas i dont. i accept i am autistic but for them its near a death sentence
To be fair though, you can have all those attributes and not be autistic. The assessment process is pretty in depth and asks some really specific questions so if you've met with multiple doctors who've all administered some form of assessment and none of them have agreed with you, you may just be mistaken. I get that for some people the label can be comforting and give them a sense of identity, or explain certain experiences in their lives, but that doesn't make the self given label accurate. I've met my fair share of incompetent doctors but if they're all saying the same things, especially without having communicated with each other, chances are they're not wrong.
@@mydogeatspuke Of course but when it comes to autism, there is an extra level of prejudice and misinformation. The way I see it is, if they just say no without offering a better explanation for my struggles and behaviour, then their opinion is as unprofessional as mine.
I really appreciate your videos. I'm 57, and these videos are really helping explain why my life has happened the way that it has. Everything is finally starting to make sense.
Watching this makes me realise how effing lucky I am, that every single person I told until now has been really respectful (its not been many, but they have been cool and many people seem to not have this luck!)
1) You are so right - I’m a medical student and a late-diagnosed ASD. We did not cover anything about ASD in our curriculum (although we may have some exposure on neuro/psych rotation). However, one of my professors will be adding lectures on autism to neuroscience block! (He said it was inspired by a project I’m doing on ASD.) 2) It’s inappropriate for non-experts in a field to comment/disregard someone else’s diagnosis without even interviewing the patient. For example, you wouldn’t see a psychiatrist telling you, “Um, you don’t have atrial fibrillation....I can tell by your eyes.” No! Even a normal EKG couldn’t contradict a previous diagnosis. Psychiatrists/psychologists themselves often specialize in particular aspects of a condition (childhood presentation of ASD, adult presentation, etc). A psychiatrist who focuses only on borderline wouldn’t be the best person to evaluate ASD - and they would say that. Could they? Yes. And they could also do a tracheotomy, in an emergency. . . . 3) People don’t understand how rigorous the diagnostic process is. By the scoring system and masking and clinician bias, it is MUCH more likely to receive a false negative diagnosis than a false positive diagnosis. . . . 4) Thank you for educating people about this topic!
Hi, Sam! I'd love for you to share more information on different examples of what the diagnostic criteria can look like in action, particularly the three criteria under "persistent deficits in social communication". The more I hear of the experiences of women with late diagnoses, the more I wonder if I might be on the spectrum myself, but figuring out whether those criteria truly apply to me is tricky. All I have to go on is that socializing often feels overwhelming to me and that I feel I'm working really hard to give people what I think they want out of interactions, but I can't identify specific examples of social (especially nonverbal) communication that are difficult for me (sort of the same way I have trouble identifying my own feelings, when I need to eat, etc). In fact, I think I've become quite good at it. I'm a medical student and have even been told by multiple instructors that one of my greatest strengths is my bedside manner! (Interactions with defined roles between parties tend to be easier than casual peer-to-peer interactions). As I kid I remember the distinct feeling that everybody knew something about how to be with each other that I didn't, and I was continually rejected for reasons I still can't identify. I imagine this means there was probably some atypical social approach involved, but I have no memory of what these things might have been. It might just be due to my inattentive type ADHD. I understand the concept of "masking", but if I were ever to explore pursuing a diagnosis, I would need to be able to provide concrete examples of how my experience fits the diagnostic criteria, and I don't know if I can given how automatic my adopted social approach has become, how little I remember about the process of adopting that approach, and how difficult it is to identify within myself what is natural and what is artifice. I wonder if anyone with a diagnosis has had similar experiences, or if I'm just barking up the wrong tree here.
Hi Safflora, I know your comment is two years old but as I saw in another one that you did get a diagnosis and I'm asking myself exactly the questions you asked yourself two years ago (complete with very bad memory of my childhood) - how did the diagnostic process go? Did you go into it after you have found concrete examples? Or did you just go for it and you found references in the process?
I deal with it by *telling* people I'm autistic, because I want people to start to see what autism looks like. It's not just the non-verbal kid in the corner staring into space flapping their hands.
In noting your very good point about the parents of recently diagnosed people on the spectrum I used to work with families doing non directive play sensory play as part of the Short Breaks programme in the UK where we consciously included parents and siblings to work alongside in intuitive playwork where the realisation and acceptance of themselves being on the spectrum gradually developed, due to an atmosphere of non judge-mentality and seeing that through using multiple sense and feeling/thinking processes we are all different and adaptive. Thanks for-the vid
Hi. I found just getting the diagnosis really helped. My parents and wife now go “oh that’s why. They understand now “ just telling people is a good thing. It’s great to be a bit special. Happy thoughts to all of you.
Your plushies who all got a diagnosies looked a bit like me as a child playing school with my plushies ^^; (and your cat is great too!) And thanks for your videos. (On thursday I have my first asingnment for a diagnosis after waiting for over a year now... im so afraid/nervous/hopeful/overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings -.-)
I have been holding in the fact that I suspect I have autism for about a month now... I finally told one person. The first words out of their mouths were "we are all on the spectrum". I have only just begun my journey and I already know it isn't going to be easy.
I have an appointment next Friday and wanted to talk about my auto diagnosis to my psychiatrist. Well, I see her once a month and found out that I might be autistic like eight months ago (I think I'm her patient for over a year, not sure) and just couldn't approach it yet. I really don't know how! I am afraid the way I say it may affect her believing in me or not. I get anxious as hell every time just by going out, so thinking about telling her makes me nervous and sick. I am awful at expressing my self, I find it to be very difficult communicating ideas but I'm not sure she got that, even tho I tried very hard to explain lol. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to her or I might just freeze and nod if she says she doesn't think I am autistic or maybe I won't tell her and be anxious for another month
What autistic people need to do, if they possibly can, is to stop caring what other people think about them. I was 15, after five heartbreaking, personally and socially catastrophic, friendship rejections, over about 3 years, each involving my entire friendship group at the time, when I finally realised, I'm ok just being a loner. I'm confident just in myself. I don't need other people's kindness and understanding to be directed at me. Yet I value kindness above all other human qualities. When I see anyone showing kindness to others, or to animals, or even to me, I think that's the best of human nature. I strive to be kind to all other people and all other animals as one of the highest goals in life. But I don't NEED personally to be the recipient of others' kindness. When we are oddballs, and we can't help it, and others are rejecting us because of it, we gotta have that strength of independence, and confidence in our own integrity, or we're setting ourselves up for a life of misery. If we need others to see and accept us as "normal", or even for them to be understanding and welcoming after they know we're autistic, that's often unrealistic. There will be people who are kind and very understanding of our situation. And it's always super lovely to know them. But we autistics can't rely on a steady stream of them through our lives to prop us up. We have to keep ourselves going, and not feel like failures, and still have internal confidence, while we have no one like that in our life. Sorry for the long post, I tend to do that. I think I'll just say something short, but then I just need to expand.
I'm not confirmed to be autistic but I do have ADHD, which is a very similar condition as you may know. I haven't told many people about my ADHD yet as I just got diagnosed a few months ago, but I feel like once I start telling more people the more won't believe me. I am probably the least stereotypical ADHD person people know because I'm generally very calm and quiet, but my parents know the real, messy, forgetful, executive dysfunctional me. I suspect I may be autistic as well but after my assessment the doctor didn't think so. I think I masked too much and the fact that I got my ADHD diagnosis after the assessment probably ruined my opportunity to really dive into my issues with executive functioning and auditory processing. I will be looking for a second opinion though
W hat an inspiration you are. I was diagnosed with autism 15 years ago (I’m 63. Years old). None of my family takes this diagnosis’ seriously. Eve n though, w hen you review my childhood, it is obvious that this was the problem. They just think I’m lazy, stupid,and unorganized. It’s disheartening. I actually cried during one of your videos, with empathy. I generally don’t tell people . I didn’t even n tell my doctor, because I didn’t think he would believe me. My family thinks this is just some trumped up excuse for not (trying harder). Your video about pregnancy was very relatable. I also had great difficulty asking for help or getting my doctor to take my concerns seriously. In spite of everything,, the diagnosis was a relief. Thank you for what you are doing. If all you wanted to do was help one person, mission accomplished. Thank you.
Sam, i hope you read this. I work in IT, it's a profession that really favours the neural divergence among us. i myself have dyslexia and major depression. Anyway, I was working a some place and there was a guy who just didn't fit in, I guessed right immediately. So being me , I treated him like a normal human being. I soon discovered he had talents that others ignored. Not to boast but I'm smart, yet often when I came to him with an issue he left me in his wake. However he was hopeless at paperwork or getting people to understand what he was saying. He was VERY self contained. One of the greatest days of my life was when he came over to me and simply asked if I could write a technical paper for him. He saw that I could be a conduit to get his ideas across. That blew me away. It was the first time I'd ever seen him trust(ask for help, use, goto anyone) in all the time I knew him. Together we saved the tax payer approximately £12,000,000 that day (probably far more). But the fact that he came to me that was everything to me.
This helped a lot. Thank you. And yes, please make a video on the topic of how people believe that “real autism” is someone who needs more assistance than those who don’t need as much constant care.
Two of my brother were diagnosed as kids with aspergers, and one of my friends told me she was diagnosed as an adult with autism, and shared some of her struggles she had with it. I never would have guessed that she had autism at all. She seemed "normal" when ever we talked. But it's a spectrum for a reason. People don't see just how much goes on behind the scenes, and things that people struggle with socially, because they learn to hide it so well. My little brother is high functioning, and they debated on where to put him on the spectrum, because he was in such a gray area of definitely autistic, but unsure of how severe. I remember learning different hugs that would help calm him down, him having to use weighted blankets to help him during school, along with various other things. Poor kid didn't have eyelashes for a long time because he would pull them out when he got anxious. I feel like for every visible trait, there are any more that aren't visible. And most of the time, I feel that if someone tells you about their new diagnosis, they are asking for your support, not your opinion on the validity of their diagnosis.
I appreciate your videos so much. I’ve learned so many little things that are helpful for me and I hope to help my students with them too. Everyone can benefit from trying to understand different viewpoints.
Hello Sandy Sam, I was diagnosed under 2 years ago at the age of 63. I’ve been a singer songwriter all my life and now after a 40 year quest (having walked away from a record deal in London) to come to know myself, people and the world - everything makes sense. Diagnosis is not a fix but I recommend it for anyone who is unsure. Thanks for your videos. I have subscribed and will be watching and listening. Dx
My stepdad said that my older brother's diagnosis was 'the flavor of the month' and he's said that autism isn't real. I can't argue with him because he's crazy, and arguing with crazy people is impossible.
Thank you so much for this channel. My mum was basically screaming at doctors since I was 6 that I was autistic and they didn’t believe her. I finally got an assessment at 20 when I had finished school and got my diagnosis. It’s so frustrated to not be believed
I'm going for a diagnosis right now and I feel my therapist doesn't quite believe I can be autistic just because I can talk to people and have friendships. I feel like I have to remind her constantly that autistic traits go beyond that and even then, I still struggle in some social situations, especially when I'm caught unprepared. At least she went on to test me anyway, so I hope the results next week help me get through this.
@Samantha Macmillan Thanks, that's what I plan on doing. I keep pointing out that even if I can blend really well it drains me very quickly and on some occasions I just run away from the situation altogether. I'm praying they're listening to me.
I was just diagnosed today at 38 years old and already gaslit by both my mother and mother in law. After I got my diagnosis I felt free and like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders only to be shot down by both of them. Thank you for posted this video.
That comparison with the mixer caught me off guard--I like making music, so that hit close. Actually, every time you mentioned arts and such I felt called out lol I really like the humor in this video, the start had me rolling! I'm saving that maths joke for later. Speaking of the start, that was a nice animation
I am just starting my neurodiversity journey (still in the assessment process), but I have a fairly high confidence that they're going to confirm what I have already self-diagnosed. With that in mind, I have been watching your videos. I have enjoyed them SO MUCH, and have learned a lot in a short amount of time. I particularly love your analogy of the DJ mixing board (although when I explain it to my 84 year old mother, I use the analogy of a record engineer. She thinks of a DJ as the guy who plays songs on the oldies station). That and your other talks have helped me get past the mental and emotional hang-ups about being diagnosed late in life. It's never too late to live your best life!
"All Autism kind of starts at spicy anyway, doesn't it?" XD Thank you for saying family members may doubt you because they have the same autistic traits. I am going through this now and it's very validating to hear after years of, "There's no reason for you to be struggling. Get over it." Also love the idea of referencing mixing boards and Anthony Hopkins. I'm going to try using those.
I am so grateful I came across this channel. I am middle aged and just recently diagnosed. Excellent at masking, clearly. Literally nobody, including my friends, believe me.
@@desperatemohammedantheworl5833 learning about Courtney Love helped my [ formerly ] punk mama understand. Courtney is known for being blunt / honest in interviews,, that connection blew my mind
This video is so very helpful. I actually came out to a couple of good friends, a married couple, and one, a special needs teacher for God's sake said my brilliant clinician was on drugs! I wish I would have seen this video before I came out to them...on a good note her husband was very supportive of me and I felt somewhat validated by his understanding. It's such a disservice when people don't know anything about autism but claim they know you don't have it. I wish people would open their minds and get out of the stereotypical mode where they think only highly impacted autism is the only valid autism. It even took awhile for my therapist to warm up to my diagnosis and she is highly intelligent and competent. Thanks again for making this video.
What DO we call those DJ thingys?
it's a DJ mixer :)
Thank you!
The clip you showed would be a DJ Mixing Deck I suppose but DJs just call them 'decks' generally. If its just the part in the middle on its own (the part with the faders and knobs) that's the DJ Mixer and the parts on the outside, if separate units, are usually CDJ's (digital files or CDs) or Turntables (Vinyl). When all three are together it's often a DJ Controller because it's a physical interface for controlling DJ software.
or mixer or controller
If not specifically for DJ, then perhaps soundboard
Family saying, "but everyone does that" to literally every autistic trait is the story of my life.
I usually reply “Yea but everyone doesn’t [insert how it affects you]”. For example, “But everyone hates a corporate Xmas party”, “True. But everyone doesn’t lock themselves in a toilet every 20 minutes because they can’t handle another small talk.”
Yes hearing "oh honey everyone does that" just honestly hurts. Or my favorite but you look people in the eyes. Umm no i make you think i do lol
This is what I'm scared of. T-T
@@PavlosViscacha Clever
Finally talked with my parents about it for the first time yesterday.. Got exactly that, along with "well we don't have any history in the family," some "I'm sorry's"(...for what?), and asked if I was okay, as if all of this was something wrong with me. Nothing has made more sense in my life and it's seriously a HUGE relief discovering this about myself. I can tell they *want* to be supportive, but their entire approach has been a bit painful. What makes it all the "better," is that I fully believe at this point my dad has it as well. After getting to understand myself and ASD more, I see it so much in him too..
When people say to me "we're all a little autistic" it makes me crazy. I know they are trying to recue me from any harsh feelings, or insecurities, about being ASD (which I don't have). I usually ask them, "would you say to a blind person that we're all a little blind because most people wear glasses?" That usually sets them to thinking.
I guess I am somewhat guilty except in reverse. I have Autism and I think my boyfriend and good friends are not neuro typical so I tell them I think they have traits of Autism because I know they wouldn't like it if I said I thought they had Autism or something.
My favourite is “everyone’s a little pregnant because everyone gets nauseous in the morning sometimes!” 😂
Or we're all a little blind because we blink every x times a minute.
People love to say "we are all a little ____" and it drives me up the wall. I get that you relate to the human emotion but they suffer with ____, because its complicates their everyday life
Whenever my dad says this to me, I think I’m just gonna start saying yeah. Well everybody’s a little diabetic too. He has really bad diabetes, but he also has ASD and pretends that it doesn’t exist so he can deny mine. I tried to show him that with ADHD, and he said that ADHD wasn’t real. I think some people are just incredibly ignorant.
Re: your dad's cardiologist friend - I respect people's expertise a lot more when they demonstrate their awareness of its limitations.
Ha!
I completely agree. It’s a red flag for me when people act that way. Even those who are “experts” in a topic should be able to admit that they do not possess every piece of knowledge about it. Generally, the more you learn about something, the more nuance you will discover and realize that there will always be something new to learn or a different lens to view it through.
Yes! My first therapist helped me until I got diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) & she handed me over to my current therapist who specialises in DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy). I had so much respect & appreciation for how much she helped me & was sad to move on but I really like my new therapist & she’s teaching me skills that are helping me in the areas I need. It was the way to go.
I laughed out loud at this part!!! I am a 51 year old with 2/3 autistic children who identified her mother 2 years ago...... and my husband just had to help me realize 2 weeks ago that I am almost definitely ASD. Although I don’t need an official diagnosis, I am going to talk to my psychiatrist, as she has been my doctor for 5 years now and I really believe that she knows me well. I don’t think that I am..... but I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is correct, as ASD and PTSD mimic one another and I do know I have PTSD. However, my entire life makes all of the sense in the world looking back now. I just want to make sure I am not completely crazy or something. My husband finally completely “gets” why the last 20 years have been so difficult and stressful it has been for me with no support from family or friends.
it´s tempting to tell him that oh,well he´s not really a cardiologist ,he just redecorate peoples giblets.
Something I tell myself, that I find helpful is: "Just because someone doesn't understand your reality doesn't mean you are wrong"
@Jjjj Llll Your thinking is wayward there.
Thank you
And vice versa
Perhaps a useful response to people that are rejecting your autism diagnosis is a quote from Neil DeGrasse Tyson: "that's the cool thing about facts, they're true whether you believe them or not".
B.
Bryce White oh, that’s great!,I wish I had known that quote when we told my sister in law I was Autistic and she said “ no, you’re just quirky”
That’s great. Must remember that one👍🏻
Yes! You have reminded me about that quote, thank you. Facts are facts. Now I do not have a diagnosis and probably present as neuro-typical but one thing I cannot get over is when people say something so non factual and not true, and I present them with facts and then they still persist on saying the complete opposite. I love facts. I fill my head with random facts.
@@FrozenWillow1980 Yes, it is pretty typical that once someone has come up with their opinion on something, they search out corroborating evidence to support and solidify their position. Once set in their opinion, they will not be swayed by any manner of proof of the falsity of their belief. They simply dig in and the discussion degrades into a much less rational discourse.
B.
@Bryce White, You need a Mic Drop after that amazing quip! ☺
as an adult with autism, a lot of people who I randomly tell that don't "believe" me or are "surprised" as they "never would've guessed" because I can talk and communicate well socially. What they don't realize is that I have had time to come up with and practice mental scripts to say in certain situations. since i only talk to these people once or twice, they don't realize that I repeat these scripts to everyone cause its just how I communicate casually (like at my job). Love your videos!
This is how I flourish in customer service. You follow certain patterns based on the situation. It is taxing, and I have to recharge a lot after, so it's not sustainable, but the more relaxed an environment, the longer I can last at a job. Being able to swear or be "weird" at my job helps. I find alternative shops and/or liberal areas helps, because my "quirks" add to the ambiance. I currently sell quality glass pipes in a college town. I can play my own music and control the volume, I can stimdance around, and people that use our pipes are usually pretty chill.
I always say that I pass... initially. It generally takes time for most people to catch on that I'm different. That's when I start hearing, "You're weird." I'd like never to hear that again. I'm autistic not weird.
@@WallebyDamned That sounds really nice. I am happy you've found a place that works for you. I wish this for everyone alive.
Agreed, until 5 weeks ago I worked as a window clerk at a rural post office. I could mask all day to my customers because it was such a limited flowchart of questions and responses. I quit to work from home and I've been so chilled ever since, it's wonderful.
Ok that’s is me. Having to rehearse things to say all the time. I’ve even started writing stuff down, which helps.
LOL!!!! “YOU GET A DIAGNOSIS AND YOU GET A DIAGNOSIS AND YOU GET A DIAGNOSIS” I’m rolling on the floor
😁
If only...
I totally saw that one coming 😸
Indeed the US has managed to diagnose to a ratio of 1/54... while the rest of the world still hovers around the more realistic 1/100-150.
When they develop the genetic test.... then we will know the truth!
Channeling her inner Oprah. Lol and loved her cat's expression.
My answer to "but you can't have Aspergers. You do so well in life!" is that I've had 49 years to figure out how to get by in this world. That's a lot of practice masking in public, fidgeting without notice (pens and pencils are great for this), and making my home a super comfy nest.
I heard that alot myself. I was 30 till I finally was diagnosed as Aspie/ADD
Omg this! So much this! I started looking into autism when I was 34-35 ish when I was teaching a kiddo who had non-verbal autism and I didn't know anything about it. It wasn't really diagnosed when I was younger. I was just called a shy, quirky, but smart little girl and that's it, even though I was followed by a social worker in ES, and saw many psychiatrist who tried to put me on many anti-depressants that never worked because I was misdiagnosed with depressions and such. So when I started researching for my student and came across these videos about autism in girls and such, I was so shocked to see how strongly it resonated with me. I actually -cry- sometimes watching, because I've always had to mask and feel drained all the time and I didn't know why. I've had 35 or so years practice masking so yeah...
Totally!!! I've had years of practice in learning to cope!!! "But you don't seem autistic" Or, "What makes you think that you might be" 🙄🤨
Ha! No one ever says it about me cuz I am a failure
My favorite is when they say, "you're just using it as a crutch" or "you're just making excuses for why you don't want to try harder to fit in."
I'm like - Douchebag, I work harder at trying to fit in an function than anything you do.
AGREED!!!
Facts
I'm coming to the conclusion that there are two types of humans living on this planet, and I want nothing to do with the typical ones. Ignorance is bliss, and I can understand why they are the way they are. The few neural typical people I have in my life only cause me stress and anxiety. Also they are way more prone to deceiving you and/or taking advantage of you because they know you are desperately trying to fit. My autistic friends are the only real people I feel like exist on this planet, but I'm sure if I had more autistic friends they would be the same.
Negative. All I see are lines for being ahead of the other to jump off bridges of mystery. Fit in that sounds terrible. Watching is actually depressing.
Time one spends learning about autism in a medical degree = about 2.25 mins (seriously, I have a medical degree 😊) It’s REALLY bad
Good to know, thanks!
My GP: I've dealt with real autistic people, you could get tested but if you are autistic, you are definitely not regular autistic.
Inez De Kleine that’s awful 🤯
@@francescoleman-williams911 Oh dear, that does not seem like enough time
@@francescoleman-williams911 my therapist even lost her professionalism for a moment when I told her I wanted to be tested. She gasped: oh come on, you are NOT autistic. When I explained to her why it was so important for me to get tested she supported me. I know I'm a master of conversation and social awareness. These days, that is. They see a product of years of trial and error. I used to scare friends away with my blunt honesty. I had little empathy for people who did not share my interests and thoughts. I preferred animals over humans. Nearing forty I have worked hard to fit in. I now have three friends!
They just don't expect to see a well-dressed, intelligent, confident woman. I mask during therapy, lol. But thanks to Sam, and people like you I am prepared to fight for my right to be assessed! Chaaaaarge!
I'm 73 and being treated for anxiety and depression. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask to be considered for an ASD diagnosis. Your videos are so helpful to me. Thank you.
You and I are in very similar situations. I'm going to 69 in a few months and only now starting to understand that there is a reason behind the anxiety, depression and other challenges I've dealt with all my life. I will be seeing my GP tomorrow and plan to talk to him about the possibility of getting a diagnosis.
I know your comment is from a year ago. Did you ever go for it?
@@olderandwiser333 I hope your meeting with your GP was successful. My counselor recommended me for testing with a psychologist experienced in testing adults for ASD, and I now have an official diagnosis. Getting diagnosed didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but the confirmation has helped with reconciling my life and my struggles, ( I can relate to the struggles you described) and realizing I wasn't to blame for not being like everyone else. My counseling sessions are going better and are more productive since my Autism diagnosis is being taken into account and addressed now. As for people not believing me, I really haven't had that problem. I don't tell everyone, but if the subject comes up I 'll tell people I'm Autistic.
@@cindya9572 Thanks, Cindy. I saw my doctor and he referred me to a counselor, for a diagnosis, so I'm on my way. Glad things have improved for you.
I'm super depressed. Doctors don't believe me and "lose" my entries on autism symptoms since I was a baby. They just think im being greedy becauss I have adhd, depression, anxiety and ptsd already. But hey I'm making this up for attention as my boyfriend believes. I can't work nor study either but I'm just "making excuses" they say. Yet they think I am manic staying up reading about quantum physics all night for fun. It's all in my head they say. I'm only starting my 30s..so I just grew out of it right?
Cindy A, did you go to the GP and be referred for an autism assessment? I was referred in 2022 and I've just done part one of my assessment. I have part 2 this week. And I'm so anxious over it.
I was on the 2nd visit with a therapist and she told me she didn't think I was autistic. She thought the doctor who diagnosed me was over diagnosing people.
The doctor who diagnosed me had told me before that it isn't "over diagnosing" it's just that they are getting better at diagnosing people, especially girls.
That therapist didn't know anything about me, or the process I went through to get diagnosed. There was so much paperwork, questions to answer, months and months of waiting, hours of talking. I have to remind myself that people only doubt me because they have a lack of understanding.
Seems like that therapist might not be the best one for you on several levels. The most important of which is that is helpful for neurotypical people is not always helpful for people with asd.
Wow! I thought I might be oldest person 2b Diagnosed! “Sir Anthony Hopkins “ being at 70 is amazing!
I love him. His Twitter is the most wholesome thing.
2b hex?
Right on, Sister Sam. I was diagnosed in June of 2019 at the age of 50. It explained and continues to explain so much about my life that I had ascribed to being "weird" and "bad luck". I've known almost all my life that something was wrong with me and never had a word for it or knew it was a Thing. Then -- may every diety bless Professor Attwood! -- I saw one of his videos on girls with autism and it ALL CLICKED. I went to a therapist, I've been misdiagnosed over the years with depression and borderline personality disorder, I asked about autism and took the assessments and boom. Diagnosed. It's real. It's me.
Told my family. None of them believe me. I've never felt so invalidated in my life. And now none of them will talk about it. They can talk all day about my aunt's medical problems and my mother's medical problems... but because I'm just weird old Aunty being an attention whore I get nothing. It does no good to wave my diagnosis letter in their faces -- on the letterhead of an actual therapist with a PH.D! No. I'm just an attention whore.
Ouch. I've got six siblings, one of which has a son with autism. He and I get along like a house on fire. Yesterday he told me a joke and I didn't get it and he laughed: "And I'm the one with autism!"
But no... I'm too emotional, I'm too sensitive, I'm a drama queen, I'm messed in the head. My parents, bless them, support me with all their hearts. They are the only ones who (almost) get to see the real. For the others I play my part: the little weirdo clown. People are weird about mental health. They are afraid it will force them to introspection. I'm a pro at examining myself but I (kind of) get that for most people it's not very easy. I don't understand who people just can't be honest, with themselves and others. But these days I almost understand. I hope it does some good to know you are not alone. I do know it can be so lonely.
I have a similar experience. I've known for a very long time (I'm 50 also) that there is something "wrong" with me. I've always wanted to know what it is. I do know that I suffer from depression derived from PTSD but that hasn't been the whole story. I haven't had an official diagnosis because where I live it's very expensive but I did do a test on the Canadian Autism website and a score of 30-50 there is a high likely hood of having autism. I score 29 so I'm pretty confident in my diagnosis. I haven't bothered to tell my family because I'm positive that they won't believe me. Gotta love family...lol
@@edm-london1660 To quote Terry Pratchett 'when you make people laugh, they don't throw rocks at you'.
@@edm-london1660 I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was saying Christians are not humorous? I'm one myself. I was using Terry Pratchett's quote to show I agree with you that warmth, humour and personality are the best way to get neurotypicals to like us autistics because, as Terry Pratchett said, if we make them laugh at us, they won't be reaching for a stone to throw at us.
ditto ditto ditto...yet comfort knowing we are not alone 💙💙💙
I have self-diagnosed at 70 and the knowledge has transformed my understanding of my entire life. Am only sad that I struggled for SO long...
I’m nearing 70 and realized only a few months ago. Also self-diagnosed, but *nothing* has ever explained so much! I’m also sad that there wasn’t the awareness when I was younger; life could have been a bit easier if I had at least understood myself better. I never understood how most people seemed to glide through life with relative ease, but so many things (almost everything) was like sandpaper against my psyche. We need an online support group for late-diagnosed/self-diagnosed older women. First meeting: a collective scream of frustration for what could have been. Then we’ll pick ourselves up -lean on each other a bit- and make the best of what’s left. ❤️
Right? It’s like trying to navigate New York with a map of Chicago. Suddenly someone gave us the correct map!!
Was it really hard for you? When you realized? Curious
@@HeatherSZ Probably not as hard as your reading comprehension difficulties, though.
@@ImaDoGToo
I have always told people that it was like being told to go to Ouagadougou without knowing what or who that was, without a map or compass and being armed only with a fly swatter and a pen knife!
"You look and behave waaaaay to normal to be an aspie." That's the usual reaction when I tell people about it. They hardly know anyone with this, except for fictional characters. Just as if I needed to be an anthropomorphic stereotype. In short, this video totally mirrors what I experience among people I know.
So better not talk about it anymore.
I like to answer in some sly way. Something like, "you're too neurotypical to know how offensive that is."
My dad says he is not autistic he is lazy and stupid, which was what he was told in the fifties. I am unsure whether to seek a diagnosis for myself (46) but it has been life changing for my child. My dad was sceptical when my child was on the autism diagnosis pathway because he couldn’t see anything ‘wrong’ child was just like him.
Nomeo Nay yeah, I can see that happening. They live with it for so long in the family that it’s not something anybody has experience with so they don’t know that being diagnosed doesn’t mean you are wrong in any way
For me it has been really valuble to get a diagnosis as it has meant that I’ve gotten access to education and tips and tricks about it ... my thinking I might live 30-50 more years ( I’m your age) also it can mean better adjusted help as an old person/ work place.
@@helenhenninger835 that’s fantastic. I’m going for assessment in about 10 days and really hope for the same for me x
I don't know if you will see my comment, but I am getting my diagnosis because of you. A big part of me agreeing to go through the screening and get back into the mental health community was me coming to terms with myself that I don't CARE who believes me. I know, that I know what is happening in my head. The only way I could get myself to make this appointment was by making this mental pact with myself that no matter what people tell me I'm not going to stop moving forward in my journey. I know if I don't like a particular therapist or doctor then I don't have to go back to them again. If I can't get my misdiagnosis taken off record, I decided I don't care as long as I'm still working towards understanding this one. I can do this.
Here is a message to anyone else out there who knows what this feels like: they are not living your life. They arent YOU. They can tell you what they think. They can act like they understand, and maybe they do. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in the negative consequences of somebody else's misunderstanding. This. Is. YOUR. Life. 🙌🏼
Amazing and empowering comment!
I'm 61, and have struggled with many of these characteristics my whole life. My 35 year old daughter was just diagnosed with autism this Spring, and so much of what she experiences resonates strongly with me as well. Being someone in my generation that I'm learning may be neurodivergent, I've learned to mask somewhat. I have been dismissed my whole adult life as being "just depressed". Ugh..I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted!
Heck yeah!
Thank you! Needed to see this after getting completely dismissed by family members who I trust 😫❤
Went to my gp of 30 years. He 'reassured' me that I couldn't be autistic, I was just a 'kind people pleaser', 'intelligent', and 'controlling', then prescribed for anxiety. He then said, "Don't worry, you are not neurodivergent." I just sat there. He knows that I was diagnosed with ADHD 20 years ago. I thanked him for his time, left shaking my head, and decided, at 76, I'm pretty good at masking.
My son has stereotypical autism that which no one would ever doubt. My nephew is quite undoubtedly to anyone that has ever met him an aspie, just undiagnosed. My brother is an undiagnosed aspie, but maybe less obviously. More than likely my father is as well.
Since my son's diagnosis 9 years ago, I hadn't once questioned if I might be autistic. Not until I watched one of your videos. Then I took the AQ tests online. 43/50 . Then the quiz (I can't remember the name) that was created by an aspie. Every quiz says I have a major amount of autistic traits.
Now, I knew I was quirky. There's just so many instances that I've said "You mean everyone doesn't do/think/say that?" I just thought other people managed better. Had better filters. Didn't care as much. Well, they do. I just didn't know there was a reason why.
This year (even without the pandemic) has brought so much change to my life that I'm crumbling. Little by little my abilities to manage have just dropped off. I don't know if it's worth it to pursue a diagnosis ( United States, high deductible HSA) but I won't be comfortable saying I'm autistic without it. It's the rules! The dumb rules that I've made up, and I must stick to because... I dunno I just have to.
I have the money, but in the US what does it change? Quite a bit for me personally. Imposter syndrome is strong with this one. Of course I can say all the right things to get diagnosed, my son is sooo autistic. So, would a diagnosis really help me with this thought process?
I know why I didn't know. Super strict parents. My sister and I present so well as heavy maskers that couldn't manage the mask so well after motherhood. Life, eh?
Sorry, I dumped there. I have no one besides my super lovely, wonderful husband to listen to me.
I'm also part of an autistic family. My brother is a higher support needs autistic, my son is also a classical autistic, with ADD too, though with extra support he has finished high school this year, while my daughter is an aspie like me and my father.
My parents were also very strict, to the point of being harsh and bullying. My mother was never big on praise or encouragement, but she would hammer me all the time with reminders like "eye contact". My father was a harsh disciplinarian, who used physical punishment, even for things like saying the wrong thing or "fussing" or "daydreaming", so I learned to watch myself very closely from when I was very young. I also started studying how people work, in an effort to fit in. I used textbooks on human behaviour and body language and suchlike, as well as copying people from TV, practicing facial expressions in the mirror, that sort of thing.
My brother was diagnosed when he was two. I am much older than him, so I was about 14 when he was diagnosed. No one had heard of autism then, so my family never joined the dots with respect to myself and my father, not until much later. I was just "odd" and "stand-offish" and "obsessive". It was only as an adult that it became clear to me, and confirmed when my son was diagnosed.
I don't know that a diagnosis changes much. You are what you are. It can give you some reassurance I guess, and perhaps allow you to understand and even forgive yourself.
You are brave, hang in there and keep finding the right communities to support you. And thank you for "dumping," I enjoyed the thoughts that you shared, found them extremely informative
Hugs. I'm in a very similar boat.
I live in a country with healthcare, so it was probably easier for me, but if you need permission to live your best life, go get it!
I understand the needing the diagnosis. I felt the same way, I stopped looking at some online content because I felt I didn't get to without one. More than anything, I feel that now I have permission to do what helps me keep together. All the most important people around me are people who handle these things a bit better, or know it a bit more than most, for a few reasons, different for every person, but I'm lucky in that way, I know, so I feel comfortable masking less around them, and finding recourses online that now I'm 'allowed' to access in my own head that help me learn more about myself and how to manage my social and sensory input (and that pesky executive disfunction!) so I don't shutdown, burn out, or lose control.
God my mom is a school psychogist specializing in learning disabilities. She actually homeschooled me. I was misdiagnosed with PANDAS as a child but recently self diagnosed and formally diagnosed at age 27. She thinks because shes worked with a few young stereotypical boys that she knows all about autism. She also said autistic people are not funny, creative or empathetic...I am all three!
That's awful BS that they are saying 'can't be empathetic'. In my experience, in which I am high functioning/Aspergers, we are OVER emotional. The lack of empathy I think is based on extreme autism. If you have visual and audible processing problems then emotions are very hard to determine. I - myself - in person lol - can detect emotions by sound but have visual emotion deficit. I did a test from Cambridge (it's online) and I could not detect emotions AT ALL by seeing people eyes, I can detect a smile and tears but not by expression. That being said I showed very high audible detection. Your brain will compensate if another sense if active.
A friend of mine had audible and visual emotional issues. He actually played guitar so he was again more visual. A group of friends (actually it was in a band we played in) kept shouting at him for missing cues, not being quick on understanding and missing emotional reactions, seeming a bit cold. I detected his autism immediately. When I spoke to him in person, and took the time to explain an emotional issue he had 'missed' it was clear he had a warm heart and really cared. He was a little robotic in his creativity due to I guess his more severe state of autism than my own, but I helped show him how to connect emotionally to the guitar better and find the better guitarist in him, the little punk started getting better than me!! And good on him. (PS I quit the band in disgust at their treatment of him, and me for that matter.)
But due to his inability to detect emotions 'off the cuff' if you will, people were abusive to him. It was very upsetting. But mark my words underneath all of the confusion was the nicest, kindest, most gentle and warm hearted caring person you would ever meet. He just expressed it differently and needed things more carefully explained at times.
Besides, most 'normal's' (pah!) all think everybody thinks and acts like them, and if they don't they are weird, and often these normals express emotion to others that are insincere just because 'they are supposed to'. I have picked up this habit as a learned trait, but also note that AN AUTISTIC PERSON WHO SAYS THEY CARE REALLY REALLY MEAN IT. How much is that true for the general population????? Who is it that really has empathy again????
Edit I will post this as a separate post, but I directed it at you as it seemed so nasty that somebody so close could persist with such a horrible view. Underneath your words I felt the pain and confusion of being there, cause I have been there.
I have a friend who has ADHD comorbid with OCD, the latter of which is attributed to PANDAS (she didn't call it that, but it fits how it was explained to me).
I'm funny, but my humor is mostly puns.
I'm creative, but my creativity is creative solutions to problems not artistic creativity.
I'm not empathetic though.
This story literally makes me want to scream because it's so accurate to the way typical idiots see us. I'm done trying to explain things to people because they all have their own predisposed beliefs and biases. There is no point in explaining this to a mass majority of neuraltypical people because they are literally a different breed of human. I made the mistake of telling my parents and got threatened and told I was a liar even though I got a formal diagnosis and had it in writing. I will never tell another soul after how my own family reacted. It's just not worth it and makes me feel hopeless to the whims and idiocy that is neuraltypical people. More of them, less of us.
Wow, thank you for this! My 35 year old daughter was diagnosed with Autism in the Spring, as well as ADHD. I'm 61, and have struggled with what I'm convinced is ADHD my whole life. Being someone in my generation that I'm learning is Neurodivergent, and learned to mask fairly well. I have been dismissed my whole adult life as being "just depressed". Ugh..I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted!
I was told that I had to be completely mute and completely socially unable by a "professional". He interrupted me after barely describing my traits and told me that I couldn't have autism because I wasn't completely and utterly disfunctional.
I honestly hate doctors at this point. We need a reform of the system.
My family: "Hm. Makes sense." Apparently I'm more noticeably Autistic than I thought.
MY FAMILY TOO LOL 🤣🤣 Well, good that they believe on us 😊😌
Same 😂
I wish:'''0
Or they are less.
@@wetsocks7619 my family still doesn't understand. They just believe it bc they see me as simple. 😞
0:14
That cat's like, "Man, my human is weird."
"Every week she sets up lights and talks to herself, then stares at a rectangle, but other than that mostly sleeps"
My cats love the fact I sleep so much - they love to pile on and I wake up with a variety of cats on/around/snuggled up with me!
well actually pretty sure cats usually consider autistic people to be more like them than neurotypicals...? at least my connection with cats throughout my life (even the ones outside, because i was only allowed cats at age 10) were the ones that helped me through my childhood maybe the most lol
@@pyruvicac.id_ No they don't see it that way. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you have a connection with your cat. My friends sister has autism and both their house cat and dog are beyond weirded out by her and go out of their way to stay away from her. It's nothing to be taken personally. Cats/dogs have much simpler brain functions, they obviously don't understand the idea of autism. All they see is her making sudden loud noises and sudden movements and the noises in particular scare them as their ears are more sensitive than ours.
I would like to see a forum where the typicals talk about their own struggles and why they think everybody has that, and we can ask them questions.
"Autism is not about permanent suffering.. Well, depending on the day" 😂
That was just perfect! I can't stop laughing and agreeing at the same time! Thanks you just made my day!
I'm 15, and for a couple months now I've been looking into autism and trying to figure out whether I might be autistic. After everything I've seen I've been almost certain (minus the certainty a diagnosis would give) that I am as I relate so heavily to everything and a lot of it puts my entire life into perspective, like it all suddenly makes sense. I gathered the courage to bring it up to my mom, who at first was very open and welcoming to hear what I had to say, but the moment the words "I think I might have autism" came out of my mouth she shifted. "I can tell you that you 100% don't have autism." Is what she said and for the rest of the conversation she would not waver because she's had training and "worked with autistic kids" in the past, and that I'm just not it. I want to add that she seemed very angry and offended, though I can't understand why. She said an autistic person wouldn't be able to even recognize the symptoms in themselves to want to look into it like I did (because they can't be self aware), or be able to articulate their thoughts at all. I also love to write, and have been told I'm very good at it, but according to my mom autistic people aren't able to write. She proceeded to list a bunch of other mental illnesses she thinks I have instead (social anxiety, depression, bpd+) and tell me it's just my subconcious making up symptoms to avoid doing school work. I don't know what to do. I know a lot of the things she said are just wrong, but now I can't help but feel so much less confident in not only my original suspicion but myself. I'm starting to think, despite what "my subconcious" is telling me, that I'm just (and I know this isn't a good word to use) crazy. What hurts the most is how she seemed to care more about the fact that I had a different opinion than her on a topic she "knows about very well" than the fact it took a lot of courage and vulnerability that I notoriously lack to face her with this in the first place. One thing I know for sure is that I won't ever trust her with my feelings again.
i know your comment is old but my heart breaks for you, the same thing happened to me when i was 14. i'm so sorry you learned the hard way that you aren't comfortable trusting someone who should be there for you no matter what. you were very brave even if it didn't work out like you hoped. it's possible she'll come around but regardless, never stop advocating for yourself!
@@felixmastropasqua2820 Thank you, your words mean more than you know. My original comment may be old but still applies to this day, so it means a lot. It’s difficult, but I’ve begun to find comfort in learning about myself and finally allowing myself to be who I am despite who supports me. It’s really nice to be reminded there are people who are/have been in similar positions and understand. I appreciate your words very much :)
@@sonijya i'm glad her words didn't tear you down completely. i'm basically on my autism re-discovery journey at 21 years old now because i received so much doubt at the time. learning about yourself never stops, it's good you got a head start. be well!
To your original comment:
I am 18 now and told my mum in a similiar kind of situation about half a year ago. Well, I've got a better response, I have to admit. Like, in the first moment after I told her about my suspicion she was like: "Yeah, I see what you mean, there are some points just fitting into the whole autism thing".
But every now and then up to today there are moments she actually tells me "Nah, I don't believe you are autistic".
By myself I think it's some kind of shielding by her, because she knows some of the "hard autism cases" (the one with great need of help) and is afraid. Because accepting, that I really are autistic would mean to accept and exspect so much more problems for my further life. And well, she's after all a loving mum, wishing best for her daughter...
(However, the problems would anyways be there. It's just about her realising process, I think).
I absolutely don't want to tell you, that your situation is less sh* than you experience it.
The point I want to make is:
Maybe this knowledge and understanding helps you to deal with her reaction. Maybe it makes it easier, because it's some kind of care and sign of her love.
I don't know if this helps at all. I hope it does! :)
Hi
Today I tried to tell my mom I think I'm autistic. I was really nervous to tell her because she is a bit of an interesting mother. So I started a year plus ago trying to figure out why I do the things I do and how I work. I eventually took an autusim online test and it told me I am highly likely to be on the spectrum. So I was so surprised because my mother would always tell me autusim is people with serious disabilities. So when I started looking into autusim I was so shocked how I related to a lot of the "symptoms". It finally struck me a few months ago that I actually may have autusim because everything especially the masking, stiming and socializing parts started to make a lot of sence.
So today I tried to tell her "was so nervous" and she told me there is no way I could have autusim because I look and act normal. But the truth is I copy her body language all the time and everybody always tells me that. I have always struggle socially since I was small but they always says it's shyness. So now I am feeling hurt of what she said. But I still believe I am on the spectrum. I'm 16 now so I want to try and make an appointment as soon as I'm 18 to do a full assesment.
Just needed to write it down 😊
Thank you for reading
I am not yet diagnosed ( I have an assessment booked in february) and have gotten the "I worked with kids with autism and dont see that in you" response from someone. It was actually really hurtful and set me back quite a way in my journey as I started to doubt myself. I think self doubt is the biggest challenge for me. I worry that even after getting a diagnosis I am going to think that I somehow manipulated them into giving me a diagnosis (even tho during the pre assessment they told me that I seem to have myself figured out which will make the assessment process go quite smoothly).
And how do you feel about the diagnosis you have received now?
Also curious
How did it go?
As an autistic person diagnosed at 43, I resonate with some of the comments and obviously feel the same (and of course the content of the video is exactly how I try to explain and educate people); Still, we autistics must remind ourselves that we would have probably reacted the same if someone "like us" came up and said they were autistic.
Bc that's what X-Y generations know. My 13 y/o son and his friends see it differently. They actually think the diagnosis is "cool"...
I was diagnosed at 44.. I'm still 44! What hurts the most is my family are very unsupportive :(
I have an idea about why girls and women (in particular) are underdiagnosed with autism, or are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder instead: dissociation. Speaking for myself, I could not have a meltdown however badly I needed one (I almost envy people who can), and I could not figure out why for months. I don't think I've had a meltdown since I was very little (I got spanked for tantrums, among other reasons), but I've spent a huge chunk of my life in my own head, and trying to 'show up' for life has meant more stimming and more strategies to deal with stress. I strongly suspect I'm not the only one. I'm 'self-diagnosed' for now, but I seriously fear I won't be believed that I'm autistic partly due to lack of meltdowns, which are so strongly associated with autism. If there are many other people like me, then there are lots of people missing their lives who need help to find their voice.
Due to an over abundance of life changing events happening within the span of 4 months this year, I can not keep up the mask anymore. I need too. I really do but I can't.
I had really strict parents. Extremely. No deviation from my dads idea of how life should be was acceptable. I had absolutely no idea I am autistic, not until last week when I watched a few of Sam's videos. My son is diagnosed autistic, but presents very stereotypically. So very many undiagnosed "male version " aspies in my family. I didn't even think for a second I might be autistic.
I know that my parents being so strict is what kept me from realizing. It didn't work for my brother. I definitely knew he was an aspie. My sister, like me, the thought never crossed my mind until now. Everything fits so well. Even my dad's strictness. I try to control my environment to the max, but my max stops at other people's discomfort. His didn't.
Dissociation is the word I have been missing! I've only just started to figure out that I most probably have ADHD and are somethere, firmly on the autism spectrum. Thinking back to my childhood I begin to understand that my famous "tantrums" probably were meltdowns and then I learned to supress and control myself with an iron will that runs in the family and to internalize and "immobilize" everything.
Meltdowns are like eye contact problems: while common in people with ASD, they are no something everyone with ASD has. My meltdowns are very rare and I think relatively subdued compared to a lot of other people with ASD (and I only have eye contact problems talking to groups).
I'm a guy, but I think under some stressful situations I start thinking about some random thing other than what is going on. I assumed it was more of an inattentive ADHD thing, but maybe actually dissociation due to ASD?
Oh my god, someone else has this problem. I’m so sorry. I have been diagnosed and my family don’t believe me because my brother had meltdowns and I didn’t.
@ReiSutoikku I wrote the above 3 years ago, but I'll tell you what's happened since. I decided I needed a regular doctor, and on my first visit, after the preliminaries, I straight up told him about my autism suspicions. I wasn't graceful, but I was direct and as complete as I could be and felt more like my hidden self the more I talked. I felt like I hadn't said enough afterward, like I couldn't say enough, but he took me at my word and referred me to a psychologist for an autism evaluation. There was an interview to start assessing my overall mental health, then a series of seemingly random tasks: arranging blocks, defining words, doing math among other things. Only those administering the evaluation could help me a little, and I could have short breaks when I needed them. In the end, I was diagnosed with autism, and a year later with ADHD (with another psychologist, but that was simpler and straightforward). So it was work and risk, but possible to be believed!
I can't get my therapist to believe that I'm autistic, I went for an official diagnosis and the man didn't take me seriously he offered me a different diagnosis (with no evidence of me having this diagnosis ) so im really struggling because I need to get my daughter evaluated and I know it's not something either of us can properly handle because of how this experience has influenced my faith in mental health care. So self diagnosis and embracing coping skills and God are my only hope.
definitely don't go back to the same guy when you get your daughter evaluated. sometimes when a child is diagnosed, their parent will get diagnosed too. if you can find a professional who specializes in autism and is up to date on how autism presents differently in women/non-binary people than it does in men, that would be ideal.
Yes! It’s not the system, but the individual. If you can, try someone else until you get a sympathetic ear - or at least one who is willing to reason through things with you. Don’t give up!!
I have not yet gone for a diagnosis, but I was searching for mental health support. Therapists are people, it can go well, it can be a disaster. I'm at my second one, and it's much better than the first...
Something that's given me hope after being tossed aside and misunderstood so many times by my loved ones and the mental health community is seeing the way my Uncle who struggles with addiction chooses his therapist. He makes all these appointments with multiple different people until he finds someone he feels like he "clicked" with. Even though I'm already aware (and you may be too) of how important this is in a therapist-client relationship, seeing him "shop around" made me realize that I can too. Now I encourage other people to do the same thing. This is our journey and as much as we may want to dive right in, remember its okay to take your time and let your heart lead the way
Martha Burns I’m going for assessment very soon by phone and am really worried about this.
I like the point you make about engagement. Learning more about how likes, comments, and shares affect the TH-cam recommendations has made me interact more. It's important to recognize the reason behind why TH-camrs ask you to like, comment, and share.
I want to help spread the causes and other things I care about, like the Neurodiversity movement.
Quite honestly, finding your channel while I was doing deep dives into information on autism was the lightning bolt of realization that I myself am very, very likely autistic. Certain memories started making sense, and everything that couldn’t be easily put into the box of “she just has ADHD” made all of the sense in the world. So really, truly, thank you! ❤️
...I also feel the need to mention that, in the event that you were to write and publish a book, I would absolutely buy it without any hesitation.
Amoonia I can second this. Thank you 🙏🏻
Same here.
It's like you wrote these post just for me!
I have meet several people who don't believe I have autism. They usually say "But you can do this/that" "But you are so...". I have tried to explain that autism exists on a spectrum and that everyone have bad and good days but they just don't seem to get it. It is so frustrating
OMG! A social educator told me I wasn't autistic cause "I didn't look autistic, there are too many autistic people out there and I had feelings" (whatever that means to hee) and had to re-do a lot of my disability paperwork because of her! Thanks a lot for doing this video!
"I had feelings." WTF? Pretty sure every human being on earth has feelings. Does she believe that autistic people aren't human?
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope that there's a way for you to report her.
@@Shadow-zf5uc Well, not to that "social educator" 😔
I have too many and too strong feelings and I am diagnosed Autistic.
Are you sure you didn't make that up? Completely sure?
@@Liverpool5095 Sadly, it's true
Don't they include diagnosis in cereal packets anymore? :-p
No, it's a choking hazard.
"Collect the entire DSM...with Kellogs!"
Those were good times.
No, that's in Cracker Jack boxes.
@@YoSamdySam 😂🤣
I got "there's nothing wrong with you, you're just shy" only problem is I'm not shy. Pop culture has given a lot of people the wrong impression. Thanks Sam, take care 👍 ☺️ ❤️
That's what I have been told my whole life, too. I don't have a shy bone in my body. Nobody had any idea, not even I, that I was autistic (got my diagnosis at 38), but still.
This is one of many reasons why I wish the DSM kept Aspergers as a diagnosis. My daughter presents very much like you do, but she ‘s only 10yrs old and not an adult woman. My daughter was diagnosed as gifted, with ADHD, and mildly autistic. I use the word mildly, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t suffer from sensory overload, anxiety, rigid/literal thinking , gets completely overwhelmed with new social situations, has trouble with transitions, is extremely empathetic while also having difficulty understanding another person’s perspective and then feels frustrated and sad because that barrier is real for her and people can’t easily see that.
I got diagnosed when I became a teen and I kept it to myself, masking it also. It didn't help that I had no idea what autism was. So when people did find I was autistic, it was a mix of people either not believing and surprise. I chose the different approach of being honest about it when I went to university and telling my friends, it was a much better experience and in the end, it helped a lot. I liked the comparison to the DJ Mixer and that overdiagnosis scene was awesome! XD
People love labels, so I like to label myself a psychic empath. I see more than others see, I feel differently than others do. I reason differently than "normal" people. People assume they know the definition of autism, but not that of a psychic empath. Works for me ♡ Before I knew it was autism I wrote an ebook called Care & Feeding for the highly sensitive soul.
When I went for my diagnosis (which my mother and sister suggested), I said to the psychologist (or whatever they're called) that I don't care what his findings are, as long as I know so I can prepare and adjust around it.
It turned out I was high functioning. I immediately joined a Aspie group and explained my diagnosis to my boss at work.
Had I known my condition at 15 rather than 45, I wouldn't have wasted my time looking for romance and friendships in the wrong places.
One useful thing I failed to mention for a long time because of which I struggled to get them to understand my autism, is breakdowns and shutdowns!
Nowadays, that's the first thing I bring up during my autism conversations. A lot of times, I get this "aha" reaction where they finally understood why I was being cranky or such a jerk.
With regard to videos versus written materials: I love video because you say to someone “hey let’s sit and watch this five minute video TOGETHER” and it’s very well accepted as a together activity. I’ve been able to use videos (and often YOUR videos) to start and continue conversations. Thanks for this!
I'm so glad you showed up in my life. Half a world away, but I feel less alone. Thank you, Samdy Sam! 🙃💙🙂
Getting the diagnosis answers so many questions that you didn't even know you have... anyone who thinks you're not autistic hasn't lived your life. When I told my closest relatives, they were like, "Ah, yes, that explains it (my difference)." That's enough validation for me.
Quite right: the diagnosis answers many questions and helps to understand yourself. I had a few bad experiences when I told some "friends". People just doesn't seem to be able to handle the outing. Except for my wife. She answered: "Tell me something I didn't know yet".
How do I explain to my mom that says "oh well everyone is a little autistic" or "You don't need support because you not really autistic"? Im about done with my own mother because I got diagnosed as an adult and she's taking it as a personal attack on her because she didn't have me tested as a kid because to her I was just quirky and weird. She's taking the whole thing as an attack on her when it has nothing to do with her.
Update: we no longer talk over her accusations and political choices. I will not be anyone's lapdog. Im autistic not stupid.
This is the best response/explanation I've seen to "everyone is a little autistic."
neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/
@@calmercaninestraining6260 Wow! That's such an interesting and accurate way of explaining "the spectrum". I'm saving this page on my bookmarks to read it again so I can perhaps explain it to people in my life. (have to try translate it into my native language).
Thanks for sharing. :D
@@calmercaninestraining6260 OMG that link is amazing, thank you so much! I will translate it and share it!
She sounds exacty like my mum who is a narcissist.
@@calmercaninestraining6260 thank you so much for sharing this, I have made a photo copy of this as I am still coming to terms with my ASD diagnosis at the age of 43, and I’m still learning why I have felt so different all my life and had certain difficulties, my intention is to be able to get as much knowledge and information to make a file and maybe one day be able to help someone coming to terms with their ASD diagnosis, for me it has been like peeling an onion once I have taken a layer of I learn something new about my condition with the next layer,after my diagnosis of ASD/Aspergers there was no help or information given to me apart from the Psychiatrist who had done the assessment saying look online and at books on Aspergers.
I'm dyslexic and adhd and I often feel like the internet was designed and written specifically to waste my time so I just don't bother even trying to read online most of the time
You're right. It literally was. Check out the social dilemma on netflix.
Additionally, you can slow down the internet by being really choosey about your sources. Spending less time on social media and more time on resource style sites can really help you get use out of the tool that is the world wide web without the burnout of constant clicking, scrolling, and misinformation.
@@Noalmenclature even on my social media, I've put a lot of effort into training the algorithms. I've become very block happy and my experience has only improved. I remember to react to all my friends depression posts so Facebook doesn't hide something I need to see under a bunch of memes. Resisting spending time on pointless memes is the hardest part but I'm getting better at it
@@Noalmenclature but on that note, youtube is the absolute worst. It's the most clearly biased with what it's pushing and the best at suppressing the things it hates. And it's block feature is just absolute trash
@@GaasubaMeskhenet TH-cam is... So weird. Like my very religious father once called me in a panic because his TH-cam was filled with porn. It turns out he had left autoplay on and had been casting to the tv downstairs for like an entire night and then youtube decided "oh well you're still watching so obviously this is what you were looking for" I had to clear his TH-cam viewing, browser history, and pull shenanigans with his IP address before it was fixed.
@@Noalmenclature jegus....
Great timing, I just got my unofficial diagnosis yesterday and I have to call to schedule my autism screening sometime today. When I told my friends yesterday their immediate reaction was that the diagnosis was wrong and that I’m perfectly fine and that everyone is a little autistic. I knew I would hear those things at some point but I didn’t expect to hear it the very same day I actually have a name for it and I especially didn’t expect to hear it from my friends. I’m really upset about it.
soon as i got diagnosed my husband and parents told me they didnt want to hear about it and that i shouldnt talk about it to them... like, what?
Fortunately, I had more people who are familiar with autism accurately guess that I'm autistic than people who are unfamiliar with it tell me I don't look autistic and can't possibly be autistic. It's actually really validating when I sometimes don't have to tell people I'm autistic; they just know and don't think any less of me for it. Those are the kinds of people I want to surround myself with. I don't want to associate with someone who barely knows me and thinks they know more about me than I do.
It's weird that people hear "Spectrum" and seem to picture a gradient. If they were to imagine say the colour spectrum for instance, like even the colour picker tool on a computer. There are endless possibilities 🎨
Literally, as a child, I was told my issues were never bad enough as I managed ok in school life etc, I got diagnosed recently after almost giving up and just thinking this must just be how everyone works!
I just want to understand myself and have others understand me as well, didn't realize that was too much to ask for :/
It really seems too much to ask for. First it is difficult to understand yourself and as soon as you accept it yourself, others doubt it or don't know how to react. Sad.
In my mid 50s I came to understand why I am different and why I struggle with things others seem to understand intuitively. Realizing I am on the spectrum has at long last given me something to work with, a roadmap and an explanation as to why I am different. I now know why I need to avoid certain circumstances while developing strategies to aid in other circumstances. Still, I don't expect neurotypically wired individuals to understand why I'm different. I don't see that as having good results. In the end, I just want to have better interactions with people and learn neurotypical code well enough to have some close relationships. Why would neurotypical people want to learn my code? Once I reveal to others why I am different, I'm locked into a perception I can never escape. I don't want autism to be the key feature of my identity and my relationships.
I have never been able to describe how I feel EVER and I’m 51 (female). Then I heard an adult female who’d recently been diagnosed with autism speaking in a video and it was though she was mirroring me to a T. So I’ve now become obsessed, which means I’ve spent hours and hours and have taken so many notes I’ve gone through 2 big notebooks and EVERYTHING I have read and EVERYTHING I have heard has been the description of me that I’ve always tried to give myself. So today I took this information to my counselor and she balked it all and said she’d bet her bank account that I’m not autistic. It crushed me because just like you said, it was her betting that I’m not me! She tied every thing I told her to my horrible social anxiety and that I have verbal communication disability. I’m sure I do but there really weren’t but maybe 3-4 things on the 2 ADOS Aspie test I took that weren’t perfect descriptions of me. The results were all ‘you are very likely autistic’. But because I didn’t have time to go through every question I’d answered with her and tell how it related to me, well didn’t get to the ones that couldn’t so easily be traits in both, she basically laughed at me. I’m also a psych major. I just want validation in happiness I’m feeling having something to call what I’ve known was ‘wrong’ with me. Deflated. Oh she used example that I’d recognized some emotion that a former neighbor of mine would feel from me breaking ties as reason I can’t be autistic. I’m sorry I’ve been obsessed with psychology for 30 years as well so I’ve learned what to expect from certain things when it comes to what others could feel. I wouldn’t of known it prior to psychology obsession and education. I’m disappointed. I gain nothing from the label other than validation. She told me I was not leaving there thinking I was autistic. I’m trying to get in for the full psychological testing. Felt good getting that out. Thanks. Oh and I don’t ‘look autistic’ I don’t guess.
Thank you for this video...I really needed this! I was diagnosed at the age of 60 and I think some people don’t believe that I am because I had developed a lot of coping skills and I’m very good at masking.
I'm awaiting my daughter's diagnosis. We have our telephone call (in the world of covid) in 10 days.
She presented her beautiful autistic self. I told her not to mask it. Because I had noticed her masking when ever she was going to camhs.
Temple Grandin is really good as well if anyone wants to know more about autism. All people are different and all neuro-divergent people are different too.
That DJ Mixer analogy is really the best. I first seen Agony Autie use it and I was like "Yes, that's what it's like"
I love how you are all teaching me more about my confirmed Autistic son and my unconfirmed possibly Autistic daughter :) You are helping those of us with a listening ear who are curious about how this works and how we can help our loved ones through the struggles/meltdowns.
I have sat and looked myself at my daughter and thought, if I was wrong because she has done something that presents as neurotypical. But actually she's just masking and I need to remember she does that to fit in.
You are Amazing. Thank you.
I was diagnosed on the 29th September 2020. I already get these comments. Like honey you're also the one who thinks I'm "weird" and doesn't want to talk at other times so...
People are crazy
@@queen_of_flatulence (Brilliant name!)
As a non binary person who isn't out to their family, and just discovered your channel and am self diagnosed, the 'coming out' analogy is So real, and also the energy and education that I'm going to have to do for my family is similar in a lot of ways. Thanks for making awesome content!
Honestly people diagnosing is clueless. I’ve gone to several people, and most of them don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ve been labelled as a “introverted, highly sensitive, kept-to-themself, shy, talented empath with a high IQ and limited knowledge of social cues” I don’t see why they can just admit I’m probably on the spectrum, just because I don’t fit the typical image of a person on the spectrum.
edit: A lot of people are talking in the comments, so let me specify. I was given a referral, they spoke to about one or two people who barely know me, and my opinion was not given at all. The topic of masking was not even bought up. My experience with the process was pretty bad and it looks like I’ll be getting very limited help. The people were not doctors either, mostly counsellors made to handle completely different issues and it was mostly school aswell, there was pretty much no professionals
My therapist thought it was more accurate to give me an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder diagnosis (I have two of the eight symptoms) than admit that I'm dealing with executive dysfunction "because I have too many friends and interests to be autistic". If anything, autism is underdiagnosed.
my doctor also doesnt want to admit i may be autisitc because i dont speak like bill gates does in his words, and because he thinks it mainly affects males. females generally mask more successfully so its harder for us to get diagnosed. also like someone else said they see it as a stigma whereas i dont. i accept i am autistic but for them its near a death sentence
@@corsicanlulu Imagine if "speaking like Bill Gates" was an actual diagnostic criterion for autism. Yikes.
To be fair though, you can have all those attributes and not be autistic. The assessment process is pretty in depth and asks some really specific questions so if you've met with multiple doctors who've all administered some form of assessment and none of them have agreed with you, you may just be mistaken. I get that for some people the label can be comforting and give them a sense of identity, or explain certain experiences in their lives, but that doesn't make the self given label accurate. I've met my fair share of incompetent doctors but if they're all saying the same things, especially without having communicated with each other, chances are they're not wrong.
@@mydogeatspuke Of course but when it comes to autism, there is an extra level of prejudice and misinformation. The way I see it is, if they just say no without offering a better explanation for my struggles and behaviour, then their opinion is as unprofessional as mine.
I really appreciate your videos. I'm 57, and these videos are really helping explain why my life has happened the way that it has. Everything is finally starting to make sense.
same.
You shouting at the stuffed animals reminded me of that one "No more pomegranates!" meme and now I can't stop thinking about it.
It was the cat's reaction to it that cracked me up! 🤣
Watching this makes me realise how effing lucky I am, that every single person I told until now has been really respectful (its not been many, but they have been cool and many people seem to not have this luck!)
Raise your hand if using metaphors the single easiest way to show a NT what its like to be us
1) You are so right - I’m a medical student and a late-diagnosed ASD. We did not cover anything about ASD in our curriculum (although we may have some exposure on neuro/psych rotation). However, one of my professors will be adding lectures on autism to neuroscience block! (He said it was inspired by a project I’m doing on ASD.)
2) It’s inappropriate for non-experts in a field to comment/disregard someone else’s diagnosis without even interviewing the patient. For example, you wouldn’t see a psychiatrist telling you, “Um, you don’t have atrial fibrillation....I can tell by your eyes.” No! Even a normal EKG couldn’t contradict a previous diagnosis. Psychiatrists/psychologists themselves often specialize in particular aspects of a condition (childhood presentation of ASD, adult presentation, etc). A psychiatrist who focuses only on borderline wouldn’t be the best person to evaluate ASD - and they would say that. Could they? Yes. And they could also do a tracheotomy, in an emergency. . . .
3) People don’t understand how rigorous the diagnostic process is. By the scoring system and masking and clinician bias, it is MUCH more likely to receive a false negative diagnosis than a false positive diagnosis. . . .
4) Thank you for educating people about this topic!
Hi, Sam! I'd love for you to share more information on different examples of what the diagnostic criteria can look like in action, particularly the three criteria under "persistent deficits in social communication". The more I hear of the experiences of women with late diagnoses, the more I wonder if I might be on the spectrum myself, but figuring out whether those criteria truly apply to me is tricky.
All I have to go on is that socializing often feels overwhelming to me and that I feel I'm working really hard to give people what I think they want out of interactions, but I can't identify specific examples of social (especially nonverbal) communication that are difficult for me (sort of the same way I have trouble identifying my own feelings, when I need to eat, etc). In fact, I think I've become quite good at it. I'm a medical student and have even been told by multiple instructors that one of my greatest strengths is my bedside manner! (Interactions with defined roles between parties tend to be easier than casual peer-to-peer interactions).
As I kid I remember the distinct feeling that everybody knew something about how to be with each other that I didn't, and I was continually rejected for reasons I still can't identify. I imagine this means there was probably some atypical social approach involved, but I have no memory of what these things might have been. It might just be due to my inattentive type ADHD. I understand the concept of "masking", but if I were ever to explore pursuing a diagnosis, I would need to be able to provide concrete examples of how my experience fits the diagnostic criteria, and I don't know if I can given how automatic my adopted social approach has become, how little I remember about the process of adopting that approach, and how difficult it is to identify within myself what is natural and what is artifice.
I wonder if anyone with a diagnosis has had similar experiences, or if I'm just barking up the wrong tree here.
Hi Safflora, I know your comment is two years old but as I saw in another one that you did get a diagnosis and I'm asking myself exactly the questions you asked yourself two years ago (complete with very bad memory of my childhood) - how did the diagnostic process go? Did you go into it after you have found concrete examples? Or did you just go for it and you found references in the process?
Spreading the algorithm love 💕
Thanks for all you do for the ASD community 🌞😊
I deal with it by not telling people. I'd rather they just think I'm weird.
I deal with it by *telling* people I'm autistic, because I want people to start to see what autism looks like. It's not just the non-verbal kid in the corner staring into space flapping their hands.
In noting your very good point about the parents of recently diagnosed people on the spectrum I used to work with families doing non directive play sensory play as part of the Short Breaks programme in the UK where we consciously included parents and siblings to work alongside in intuitive playwork where the realisation and acceptance of themselves being on the spectrum gradually developed, due to an atmosphere of non judge-mentality and seeing that through using multiple sense and feeling/thinking processes we are all different and adaptive. Thanks for-the vid
You've officially earned a subscription
Hi. I found just getting the diagnosis really helped. My parents and wife now go “oh that’s why. They understand now “ just telling people is a good thing. It’s great to be a bit special. Happy thoughts to all of you.
Your plushies who all got a diagnosies looked a bit like me as a child playing school with my plushies ^^; (and your cat is great too!) And thanks for your videos. (On thursday I have my first asingnment for a diagnosis after waiting for over a year now... im so afraid/nervous/hopeful/overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings -.-)
I have been holding in the fact that I suspect I have autism for about a month now... I finally told one person. The first words out of their mouths were "we are all on the spectrum". I have only just begun my journey and I already know it isn't going to be easy.
I have an appointment next Friday and wanted to talk about my auto diagnosis to my psychiatrist. Well, I see her once a month and found out that I might be autistic like eight months ago (I think I'm her patient for over a year, not sure) and just couldn't approach it yet. I really don't know how! I am afraid the way I say it may affect her believing in me or not. I get anxious as hell every time just by going out, so thinking about telling her makes me nervous and sick. I am awful at expressing my self, I find it to be very difficult communicating ideas but I'm not sure she got that, even tho I tried very hard to explain lol. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to her or I might just freeze and nod if she says she doesn't think I am autistic or maybe I won't tell her and be anxious for another month
What autistic people need to do, if they possibly can, is to stop caring what other people think about them.
I was 15, after five heartbreaking, personally and socially catastrophic, friendship rejections, over about 3 years, each involving my entire friendship group at the time, when I finally realised, I'm ok just being a loner. I'm confident just in myself. I don't need other people's kindness and understanding to be directed at me.
Yet I value kindness above all other human qualities. When I see anyone showing kindness to others, or to animals, or even to me, I think that's the best of human nature. I strive to be kind to all other people and all other animals as one of the highest goals in life. But I don't NEED personally to be the recipient of others' kindness.
When we are oddballs, and we can't help it, and others are rejecting us because of it, we gotta have that strength of independence, and confidence in our own integrity, or we're setting ourselves up for a life of misery. If we need others to see and accept us as "normal", or even for them to be understanding and welcoming after they know we're autistic, that's often unrealistic.
There will be people who are kind and very understanding of our situation. And it's always super lovely to know them. But we autistics can't rely on a steady stream of them through our lives to prop us up. We have to keep ourselves going, and not feel like failures, and still have internal confidence, while we have no one like that in our life.
Sorry for the long post, I tend to do that. I think I'll just say something short, but then I just need to expand.
Severing ties with doubters is sometimes inevitable
Life is too short
Whenever I get imposter syndrome I have to remind myself - no not everyone does/ goes through that.
I'm not confirmed to be autistic but I do have ADHD, which is a very similar condition as you may know. I haven't told many people about my ADHD yet as I just got diagnosed a few months ago, but I feel like once I start telling more people the more won't believe me. I am probably the least stereotypical ADHD person people know because I'm generally very calm and quiet, but my parents know the real, messy, forgetful, executive dysfunctional me. I suspect I may be autistic as well but after my assessment the doctor didn't think so. I think I masked too much and the fact that I got my ADHD diagnosis after the assessment probably ruined my opportunity to really dive into my issues with executive functioning and auditory processing. I will be looking for a second opinion though
W hat an inspiration you are. I was diagnosed with autism 15 years ago (I’m 63. Years old). None of my family takes this diagnosis’ seriously. Eve n though, w hen you review my childhood, it is obvious that this was the problem. They just think I’m lazy, stupid,and unorganized. It’s disheartening. I actually cried during one of your videos, with empathy. I generally don’t tell people . I didn’t even n tell my doctor, because I didn’t think he would believe me. My family thinks this is just some trumped up excuse for not (trying harder). Your video about pregnancy was very relatable. I also had great difficulty asking for help or getting my doctor to take my concerns seriously. In spite of everything,, the diagnosis was a relief. Thank you for what you are doing. If all you wanted to do was help one person, mission accomplished. Thank you.
Just gotta say... I'm loving the sparkly background 🤩
Sam, i hope you read this. I work in IT, it's a profession that really favours the neural divergence among us. i myself have dyslexia and major depression. Anyway, I was working a some place and there was a guy who just didn't fit in, I guessed right immediately. So being me , I treated him like a normal human being. I soon discovered he had talents that others ignored. Not to boast but I'm smart, yet often when I came to him with an issue he left me in his wake. However he was hopeless at paperwork or getting people to understand what he was saying. He was VERY self contained. One of the greatest days of my life was when he came over to me and simply asked if I could write a technical paper for him. He saw that I could be a conduit to get his ideas across. That blew me away. It was the first time I'd ever seen him trust(ask for help, use, goto anyone) in all the time I knew him. Together we saved the tax payer approximately £12,000,000 that day (probably far more). But the fact that he came to me that was everything to me.
Thanks again for your videos ❤️ in french we call those dj things "une platine de mixage", I don't know the name in english...
In English, we call them "DJ Turntables". :)
Sound mixer
This helped a lot. Thank you. And yes, please make a video on the topic of how people believe that “real autism” is someone who needs more assistance than those who don’t need as much constant care.
Two of my brother were diagnosed as kids with aspergers, and one of my friends told me she was diagnosed as an adult with autism, and shared some of her struggles she had with it. I never would have guessed that she had autism at all. She seemed "normal" when ever we talked. But it's a spectrum for a reason. People don't see just how much goes on behind the scenes, and things that people struggle with socially, because they learn to hide it so well. My little brother is high functioning, and they debated on where to put him on the spectrum, because he was in such a gray area of definitely autistic, but unsure of how severe. I remember learning different hugs that would help calm him down, him having to use weighted blankets to help him during school, along with various other things. Poor kid didn't have eyelashes for a long time because he would pull them out when he got anxious. I feel like for every visible trait, there are any more that aren't visible. And most of the time, I feel that if someone tells you about their new diagnosis, they are asking for your support, not your opinion on the validity of their diagnosis.
You are hysterical, I THOROUGHLY enjoy your humor 😆
I appreciate your videos so much. I’ve learned so many little things that are helpful for me and I hope to help my students with them too. Everyone can benefit from trying to understand different viewpoints.
Your dj mixer analogy is awesome! 👍🏻👍🏻
“Dude” Spot On bout the
People of disbelief!
Hello Sandy Sam, I was diagnosed under 2 years ago at the age of 63. I’ve been a singer songwriter all my life and now after a 40 year quest (having walked away from a record deal in London) to come to know myself, people and the world - everything makes sense. Diagnosis is not a fix but I recommend it for anyone who is unsure. Thanks for your videos. I have subscribed and will be watching and listening. Dx
My stepdad said that my older brother's diagnosis was 'the flavor of the month' and he's said that autism isn't real. I can't argue with him because he's crazy, and arguing with crazy people is impossible.
Thank you so much for this channel. My mum was basically screaming at doctors since I was 6 that I was autistic and they didn’t believe her. I finally got an assessment at 20 when I had finished school and got my diagnosis. It’s so frustrated to not be believed
I'm going for a diagnosis right now and I feel my therapist doesn't quite believe I can be autistic just because I can talk to people and have friendships. I feel like I have to remind her constantly that autistic traits go beyond that and even then, I still struggle in some social situations, especially when I'm caught unprepared. At least she went on to test me anyway, so I hope the results next week help me get through this.
@Samantha Macmillan Thanks, that's what I plan on doing. I keep pointing out that even if I can blend really well it drains me very quickly and on some occasions I just run away from the situation altogether. I'm praying they're listening to me.
I was just diagnosed today at 38 years old and already gaslit by both my mother and mother in law. After I got my diagnosis I felt free and like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders only to be shot down by both of them. Thank you for posted this video.
That comparison with the mixer caught me off guard--I like making music, so that hit close. Actually, every time you mentioned arts and such I felt called out lol
I really like the humor in this video, the start had me rolling! I'm saving that maths joke for later. Speaking of the start, that was a nice animation
I am just starting my neurodiversity journey (still in the assessment process), but I have a fairly high confidence that they're going to confirm what I have already self-diagnosed. With that in mind, I have been watching your videos. I have enjoyed them SO MUCH, and have learned a lot in a short amount of time. I particularly love your analogy of the DJ mixing board (although when I explain it to my 84 year old mother, I use the analogy of a record engineer. She thinks of a DJ as the guy who plays songs on the oldies station). That and your other talks have helped me get past the mental and emotional hang-ups about being diagnosed late in life. It's never too late to live your best life!
"All Autism kind of starts at spicy anyway, doesn't it?" XD
Thank you for saying family members may doubt you because they have the same autistic traits. I am going through this now and it's very validating to hear after years of, "There's no reason for you to be struggling. Get over it."
Also love the idea of referencing mixing boards and Anthony Hopkins. I'm going to try using those.
I am a subscriber! :) Diagnosed in 2015 (@ age 49). Thank you for all of your advocacy! :)
I am so grateful I came across this channel. I am middle aged and just recently diagnosed. Excellent at masking, clearly. Literally nobody, including my friends, believe me.
That's funny, I've mentioned Anthony Hopkins to my parents! Hahahaha... and Daryl Hannah 😄
"Remember that actor in that movie you liked..." 😂
Probably best to not to mention Courtney Love though...
@@desperatemohammedantheworl5833 learning about Courtney Love helped my [ formerly ] punk mama understand. Courtney is known for being blunt / honest in interviews,, that connection blew my mind
Try Dan Aykroyd 🤷🏼♀️
This video is so very helpful. I actually came out to a couple of good friends, a married couple, and one, a special needs teacher for God's sake said my brilliant clinician was on drugs! I wish I would have seen this video before I came out to them...on a good note her husband was very supportive of me and I felt somewhat validated by his understanding. It's such a disservice when people don't know anything about autism but claim they know you don't have it. I wish people would open their minds and get out of the stereotypical mode where they think only highly impacted autism is the only valid autism. It even took awhile for my therapist to warm up to my diagnosis and she is highly intelligent and competent. Thanks again for making this video.