When I tell people that I think I may be on the spectrum, they say, _"We're all on the spectrum a little bit."_ It's a bit invalidating. Not that I *_want_* to be autistic, mind you. I just want answers, and the more I watch your videos and look back on my memories, the more things start to make sense. But then I have to ask myself: _"Am I looking at my memories through an ASD only filter?"_ 🤔
Yeah I was diagnosed on the spectrum as a 54 year old, I tell people and my family why I struggle with certain things and I get rolling of the eyes, “ yeah we all have some little Autism in us “ WHAT I could only do social if I was drinking, I only wanted to be there for 10 min otherwise.
The important part for me is, things started to make sense. I feel such relief in this. I was always confused about so much that didn't make sense. Now I don't try to figure out why it doesn't make sense to others. Now I accept that I'm just different and that's just fine with me.
@margrain1 Yes, the old eye roll. Seems like a common reaction from neurotypical folk. And yes, I could only do "social " with a bit of Dutch courage. Your diagnosis is approximately the same age as mine(57 years old). It's kind of like a spin out but at the same time kind of expected. I sometimes have a bit of a cry when I think back at decades of hating myself. I'm slowly getting better though. I'm going to be strong, accept me for me and use my special gift wisely. You do the same good person. Now we know we can move forward. I truly wish you (and everyone else who is on the spectrum) the very best. We are awesome.
@@swissarmyknight4306it is because no not everyone is at all it’s specifically 1 in 40 in the general population and we have very specific challenges that those who aren’t neurodivergent will never have
As a late diagnosed high masking woman, i have been invalidaded in so many ways, both before and after my diagnosis. It is incredibly aggravating to be told I'm weird, to be bullied, to be ostracized, to alienate others, yet they don’t believe the diagnosis. At least I am kinder to myself now.
Same - I was bullied a lot at school and couldn’t see why. I was struggling internally but couldn’t pin down what any of it was. Just felt anxious and confused a lot. It was a relief to finally find out my diagnosis (albeit 10 years after the fact). It was the first time I could say what happened to me wasn’t my fault.
I'm a "jack of all trades, master of SOME" because when I get a hobby, and I have many, I OBSESS. I MUST be perfect at everything I learn!! I wish humans lived longer! 😭
The jack of all trades one comes in when you're also diagnosed with ADHD in my experience, and the autistic need for order plus the ADHD need for chaos is 😵💫
2:57 I had a psychiatrist tell me that he thought I shouldn't go and get evaluated for Autism and ADHD because he thought it would "make it more difficult for me to live a normal life". I'm neurodivergent and hide it well, but I'm never going to live a "normal" (neurotypical) life. It kept me from getting the support, care, and employment protections I needed. Always get a second opinion from a specialist, not the guy that makes money writing you prescriptions.
I agree! My old psychiatrist laughed in my face when I told him I was seeking a diagnosis. Even if I didn’t have autism, which I do, it’s unprofessional to laugh at someone who just wants answers. I’ve changed psychiatrists since then.
This I think comes from doctors who still think about neurodivergence the way it was handled 20 years ago. My parents told me that there were signs for both me and my sister (but we could both pretend to be typical pretty well), but they realized that if we were diagnosed we would be put in a special class in school and lose a lot of opportunities (second language learning, university level classes). I get that, but now things are different, but I think a lot of doctors are still living in the past a bit.
An alternate to being told off for speaking too loudly is speaking too quietly. I've rarely been asked to speak softer in general conversation, but I'm so very exhausted of being told to speak up, talk louder, stop whispering/muttering/mumbling, "I couldn't understand you because you speak so quietly," etc, etc. I've gotten so frustrated with this a few times that I did raise my voice and was then asked to stop shouting. There's no winning.
I have two volume settings soft or loud. My voice is naturally deep and assertive so when I'm loud I tend to scare people. Either I make them jump or they can't hear me. It's very frustrating.
Oh yes!!! i was always told I should speak up but mostly never felt like Im quiet i experienced it as normal. And when i worked on a sorting band, we always needed to talk very loud in order to make the coworker understand but while i felt like I was screaming they where like, "You are still so quiet" 😅
same . but that is less the autism itself and more the social anxiety caused by the neurotypicals lack of empathy etc . not all of our problems come from us . some come from them
Oh my... THIS. People are CONSTANTLY saying to me "Speak up, I didn't hear you; you talk so quietly." It IS frustrating, I don't think I'm being quiet, that's my normal unforced tone.
I can be very relexed about all of that, when I am with a friend, they can make all the decissions, have all the responsability and I can use them an a shield against the world . . . But if I expect ancertain thing and it gets switched around . . .
I still remember how every time my friends asked me to hangout, I immediately starting asking for specific details and tried to organize everything because I didn't like the vagueness.
I think the reason I struggle with imposter syndrome is that I’ve been so high-masking for so long that I know I CAN do some of those things. I know I can suppress my stims for long periods, fit into a social group if I’m camouflaging well, I can transition quickly etc etc. What I’m trying to validate now is that doing those things hurts me, and I am allowed to stop. Now that I can clearly see the harm I’m doing to myself, I am working to unmask enough to protect myself from another burnout.
I suppressed my stims so long that when I got really sick I started stimming. I got really confused and told my neurologist who then tried to pawn me off on a shrink. Fun times. Best part is that my disorder was for siezures and my issues were reactions to medications. All the literature says autistic people tend to have worse reactions to the medications. It would have been nice if my doctor was a bit more educated on things like that because I wasn't diagnosed and knowing that could have been helpful. I didn't that out until my medical issues got to so bad I had a burnout as well and that's how I figured it out.
This is incredibly relatable… as long as I’m not stressed, I’m completely “normal”, so it feels like during the high stress times, I must be faking or I should just try harder. But It hurts me, especially if I do it for a long period. That’s what caused me to hit burnout at 29. I’m still scared that I’m not actually autistic. That I’m just being melodramatic…. Especially since I’m adhd too and maybe my struggles all originate from that instead.
@@Arkyl9602 Yeah I relate to this a lot too. My psychiatrist didn't feel like he was being super thorough, and some of the points in this video I'm honestly not sure apply to me. It's a bit scary, but like you I've also had some really bad burnout, so I guess I just tell myself that well, it can't be *nothing*, so maybe it doesn't matter exactly what I call it.
Definitely NOT nothing. But it definitely would help to be sure of the condition so you can make the right changes to help…. I also feel what you said about your psychiatrist not being thorough. It felt like mine read so much into one off comments without delving deeper…. My interactions with him a big contributor to why I feel so uncertain about my diagnosis.
Oh yeah, I know that struggle. I figure out I was different at 7 and that's when I started working on masking. I didn't get a diagnosis until 25 and I'm 36 now. I've never had imposter sydrome because I remember clearly the issues I had before I started masking and the bootcamp from hell it was for years to even get anywhere close to fitting in and functioning in social situations. I've had a lot of genuine use out of those skills, things like dealing with my emotions, sensory overload, pain, self-control, being able to stay calm in utter chaos, and being able to adapt to changing situations, but it's been a long and bumpy road. I'm happy I developed those skill because after so many years of constantly working on them I've gotten better than many neurotypical people at them, but whatever level of skill they happen to be at is literally effortless for them and required no training, while I fought tooth and nail for every incremental improvement. In any social circle I find myself in I'm generally known as the calmest person there, people have semi-regularly told that I'm a rock. I value that. But I worked my ass off for decades to get there. I value the skills I developed, but it would have been really nice if it had all been as automatic as it is for neurotypical people to reach average.
"An autistic child that sounds like a professor? No... No, not me..." She says as she watches her son passionately argue with his dad about the space/time continuum
Is that by chance like a 7yo who recites the basics of the theory of relativity and half arsed explains it, with the limited understanding a child of that age can, but also corrects an entire school's teachers on correct grammar and word usage besides all while choosingreading books meant for indivisible in their late teens rather than open socializing? Hahaha, it feels like I described Sheldon from Young Sheldon...
I remember being about 11 or 12 and talking to my uncle about my idea of constructing a giant mirror millions of miles out in space facing Earth so that we could see how our planet looked in the past! Also lay awake at night worrying about the sun exploding. Yep.
Late-diagnosed Autistic person. There were several signs. My mom says that she once left me in the care of my aunt. When she came back, my aunt said, "Don't leave me alone with him again, his questions scare me" 😅
I got diagnosed 5 days ago at 43 years old. You are speaking directly to me it feels! Never stop making videos, they’re making me feel seen and validated. And laugh out loud. Also, your first name is very cool!
I am also late diagnosed last summer at 42 years old. and so many things I can't explain in my own words, Orion explains them so perfect and I feel seen and heard. I really love his book and will give it another read again.
I laughed out loud too. I was dx at age 34 and watching and hearing Orion describe autistic traits felt like he was peering into my brain and my memory and describing my life. It's so accurate that it's actually funny 😂 I am so, so grateful for these autistic youtubers helping me feel validated and seen.
I just got diagnosed late last year, at 50 with ASD2 and ADHD combined types. Orion makes me laugh when I'm having a autism-related hard time (which is a lot) with hie honest, relatable freshness and rawness. I feel less lonely and I feel "seen". Such a wonderful life-changing experience! That keeps happening! Thank you Orion!
I feel like a fraud because I’m consuming all of this content and relating to it - but have never been diagnosed. I have mentioned it to my therapist multiple times, but he has ignored it. I’m not sure if he’s using a tactic of focusing on behavior and not saying yes or no about my self-diagnosis. I suppose I should ask him outright for a test.
@@AutoN8GT mine has told me that i was able to make eye contact at some point so he doesnt think i can be autistic. He mentioned that many symptoms are given, however due to the eye contact it needs to be something else. Sometimes i think it is easier to just live with a self diagnosis then finding a professional, knowing what they are talking about. But i also feel like a fraud at some point, especially because it is so hard to get a diagnosis at the age of 26. This video helped me a lot, though.
Do tests on your own online Build a 50 pages thick file about what you relate to and any counter search you did (ie. "I relate a lot with people pleasing, but it's not due to trauma because .....") Therapist will straight up understand what hes faced with
I fell through the cracks for quite a while until the YT algorithm suggested a video to me about ADHD and autism. I had been diagnosed with ADHD at 14 in one hasty appointment with a doctor my school made me see for school anxiety. I’m 44 now. I think none of my doctors ever put together all of the things that correlated to autism criteria that I experienced. I believe they thought I had a host of behavioral and mental health problems instead of seeing the big picture. The YT algorithm may have saved my life because it sent me down a rabbit hole of research and online assessments they use for official diagnosis. I realized I probably had autism, but I also gaslighted myself into imposter syndrome so much so that it took me over a year to bring it up with my psychiatrist. That was three weeks ago. We both decided I met the criteria for a diagnosis. I guess that makes me AuDHD. I’m in between acceptance/relief and imposter syndrome. I really needed to see this video. I can’t thank you for your timing enough! I needed the humor and to hear that my feelings are normal. ❤
Back then they thought that you could only have autism or ADHD, not both. You would get diagnosed based on which one was more obvious to other people, which makes sense seeing as that is the way that the diagnostic criteria is written. I am late diagnosed and had impostor syndrome full on because I brought it up and sort out the diagnosis. For me it was interacting with someone who was diagnosed in childhood and us going same same for so many things that quietened it, what also helped it go away was that I changed the psychologist that I was seeing (previous one didn't know anything about autism and didn't want to learn) and she could see it in me.
I had a similar but reverse experience... I knew about the autism long before I knew its name, and when I went to get diagnosed the ADHD was a total surprise. But looking back, it made sense, and it changed the whole story of my life. At some point I decided to tell my close friends, and hilariously ALL of them said "I've wondered if I'm on the spectrum," at which point I realized, oh yeah you definitely are. That's why we're friends 😊 but then almost every person asked me why get diagnosed, what's the point? I get where they're coming from, and I don't know if a formal diagnosis matters to most people (I wanted to be able to protect myself legally from discrimination), but knowing myself better has been 1000% valuable far beyond what I could imagine. I still have imposter moments, but the more aware and comfortable with myself, the easier it is to recognize other people are neurodivergent. And yeah, you seem like part of the cool team to me 😊 Good luck with everything. ADHD and autism is a strange combo and many complain about the impossibility of being pulled in two opposite directions, but I'm finding it can be kind of fun, and gives you more options for how to live. The more I try not to judge myself with internalized ableism, the better things get. It's still hard at times, but I'm starting to like being me. Best wishes to you!
When you mentioned, "pop-in visitors" my stomach turned, lol. I also don't like random phone calls, which unfortunately most are. So I hardly ever answer my phone. When people on the other line interrupt me, my thoughts fall apart and I can't string words together after they do that to me. A few of the things you mentioned I don't have too much issue with, but I would say the majority I do relate to. I'm a woman who was diagnosed at 29 (I think women can have a slightly different experience to men). Some of these things I did have problems with as a child but as I grew older and started medication for anxiety, they've gotten better (not completely gone, just better).
omg trying to explain to someone that i physically struggle to have a conversation over the phone when we’ve had conversations at great length with an incredible amount of detail in person is SO hard especially if i have to explain it over the phone…. anyways check out some info about “word salad” because this is actually a thing that i feel is swept under the rug SO often for SO many reasons, and it’s a lot more than just forgetting what you’re saying, getting nervous and having a nonverbal moment, or even stumbling over your thoughts. it’s a literal inability to form the information coming from your brain into intelligible speech.
@@MrsAnnThropyIt actually happened to me not too long ago. Needed help from my psychiatrist (I have anxiety and depression along with my ASD that require medication) with some paperwork I was filling out so I called her office to reach her. This one receptionist at that office, while she is overall a nice lady, has a tendency to get in bad moods. I went to ask her something... I forget exactly what the question was... but she interrupted me mid-question saying, "No, no! We can't do that!". All of the confidence I had to build to make that phone call and everything I rehearsed in my mind to say was completely gone. It's like my thoughts were a tower of blocks and she knocked them over. I get that being a receptionist can be a frustrating job, but you gotta remember you are talking to mentally ill people, you know? Not that autism is a mental illness but it is a cognitive difference and many times mental illness will come as part of the package.
@@WeepingWillow422 i’m so sorry to hear that, i know the experience ALL to well. i end up just not getting things i need from professionals because of their receptionist or i end up not getting the information i need because the representative i was talking to spoke to me with a tone that was way outta left field. a tower of blocks being knocked over is such a great way to describe it, it feels exactly like that. ill physically write out a script to say to these people and they interrupt either with something i know to be completely incorrect and they haven’t listened to what im saying or they give me a tone that reminds me why i dont like making these calls, and im like “ok thanks have a nice day”
I relate I'm 41 and haven't gotten diagnosed for autism but at 14 adhd was diagnosed but I still had so many problems no one thought I was autistic but I relate to everything you mentioned and he has mentioned as well my husband is the same as me and we have mind blowing trauma it has made us co dependent it is excruciating to get through the day feeling overwhelmed is practically all we know I feel lost also I work fast food and they do nothing to understand they just say fix yourself and get back to work I can't do applications I have needed food stamps for 5 months but the applications are terrifying I have no car and my 13 year old son is adhd and autistic the teachers understand but he is undiagnosed as well let's just say we need help but the anxiety stops me from doing so 😢😅
The only one I dispute is the varied hobbies and interests, my dude. Us AuDHDers tend to have them piled up like cordwood. You left one lil sliver of imposter syndrome in place but I do think that one is an outlier, especialy if you match the others point for point. Because I have my little workshop and whatever I’m working on at the time becomes everything and food stops existing and sleep can wait and the bathroom is such a journey so I have to get really tough with myself and just go already.
I have few "core" special interests, the most obvious one (to me) being cats. I've been interested in and learned about them since childhood. All of my other hobbies cycle in and out. I usually have one or two things I'm deep-diving on at a time (I can't remember it ever being more than that), and once I am deep-dived enough, I find the next hole of knowledge to explore. I may cycle back at some point. But in general, this is what my hobbies/interests look like.
Yes, as an AuDHDer, I don't have a few hobbies, I cycle through 5-10 a year. But I think the underlying truth of what he says is still valid: I rarely have balance, like I have a few hobbies I do every week... my whole life is woodworking for two months, then I won't touch it for a year because now we're reading about Sparta all day for three weeks, now it's blackwork embroidery 12 hours a day! And the other thing is my hobbies/projects aren't very well-rounded. Most are clearly tied to core long-term special interests, like plants or handcrafting or history. I've done all sorts of crafts, but nothing relating to sports or politics is part of my life unless it's forced on me. The best part of the autism/ADHD hobby life is when you start to achieve synergy between hobbies... doing basic woodworking is a perfect accompaniment for bookbinding. Pottery and baking have been surprisingly handy in keeping planted aquariums, and anything involving bacteria, algae, or water chemistry is easier to understand with aquarium experience. Maybe I should start fermenting stuff... The massive downside is the high risk of financial and storage woes. Coming up with a really robust set of rules/boundaries for yourself (I'd list mine, but you gotta find what works for you) is a really key first step to be able to do and enjoy hobbies. Oh, and you can join hobby clubs, which is nice if you have trouble meeting and befriending strangers. Oops, I didn't mean for this to turn into a lecture. I was diagnosed at 38 and after the first year of learning more about myself and medicating the adhd, my hobby life became much more organized and a source of pride rather than shame. When people ask if I have any hobbies 😅 Final random fun fact: many people really enjoy it if you have a craft/hobby with you. I always have needlepoint, drawings of furniture designs, a toy I'm knitting, etc with me waiting at appointments, and my doctor is really interested, to the point he asks what I'm doing now first thing. I get better medical care now. And I'm less anxious! Good luck to everyone here ❤
The only one that I really disagree with is the varied hobbies, given how often Autism and ADHD occur together, and the latter tends to mean having many hobbies that become intense temporary special interests.
Yes, this one doesn't fit for AuDHDers but that in itself is a contradiction in some areas. Likely what I am. (I'm adult diagnosed ADHD and looking into autism now).
Yea, I feel this, I have a wide variety of ✨️special interests ✨️ but it's like, okay is summer time. ONLY BREATHE MOUNTAINBIKE. till it's time to ONLY BREATHE another intrest. I also have 0 structure......but it drives me NUTS. It's a wonderful contradiction
-always got good marks on my appraisal - consistently got customer service awards -was trusted to run the different sections when the supervisors were absent and during covid Also me: "They all hate me and i think they're going to fire me."
I can relate. I’ve lived long enough in this body to make more valid assumptions than a single appointment doctor. I now organized my life based on autism and celiac decease and finally able to be comfortable. Hopefully with time, all peoples and doctors previous assumptions will eventually stop bothering me too.
Same here - diagnosed at 56 last year. Orion has been a guiding light since my diagnosis and has helped me become more content with myself though the despair and confusion.
Kind of struggling with some of these points as they rely on the world around you being non-receptive to your differences. I would like to argue that some autistic people grow up in relatively safe environments, don't get bullied, and have no trouble finding people who think their quirks are funny. That your lack of eye-contact isnt an issue, but a personality trait. That your inquisitive questions are met with actual answers, patience and understanding. Sure, maybe you play dodgeball every single day for every recess, but you have a group of friends who love dodgeball and gladly play it with you. That your echolalia and repetitive use of words and phrases isn't (too) annoying, but another thing that makes you you. Your deadpan monotone voice is hilarious and makes for great comedy/humour. Your predictability makes you a stable and safe and comforting person to be around. The fact that you sit and game on your console at parties, bring your own water and chill in the corner could again just be an extension of your personality, others will join you to relax when they themselves are tired. As long as autistic people advocate that bullying is a normal part of the experience, i don't think I'll ever get a proper answer, despite the many symptoms I have. I'm teetering this fine line between neurotypicality and neurodivergence, where you will either think it's clear that I am autistic, or you'll think it's clear that I'm not. I'm aware that I grew up blessed. I've been very lucky to be surrounded by people who think I'm funny and interesting, and who have never tried to change me - and for anxiety to be such a core part of what makes someone autistic is upsetting to be honest. If you know any autistic creators who don't struggle with anxiety or who grew up with good childhoods, I'd love to check them out.
This comment is more validating than anything in the video. I haven't been as lucky as you, but I was never openly bullied (if it happened more subtly I wasn't aware), and as an adult I'm lucky enough to live in a place where people typically aren't openly hostile, and to be able to choose most of the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis. As a queer autistic woman, trauma is treated as such a universal experience that for the most part isn't mine, I feel alienated from pretty much every group I'm supposed to be a part of. I know I've been lucky, but it doesn't feel like it when it makes me so goddamn lonely. I feel a little less alone now, so thank you. ❤
@@signalfirefly thank you so much for your comment, it truly feels supporting. The whole anxiety/depression/ocd side of autism is why I don't feel like I deserve to self-diagnose and be a part of autistic communities, and why public health care keeps stating that I'm not visibly struggling enough to have the right for a screening. Its quite painful. It brings me a wealth of joy to know that what I said resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I wasnt bullied growing up either. Not because i was accepted for who i was but because i masked, and it kinda feels invalidating when he says you cant be autistic if you werent ever bullied. Especially when considering that a lot of autistic women do okay at the social part only to burn out later in life. Also considering the big overlap with autism and ADHD its a bit weird when he said that you cant have many special interrest, and still have autism. Anyway i recommend I'm autistic, now what? I really enjoy her content
Thank you all for these comments, as a high masking female I was getting a bit worried at some of these points and feeling I didn’t entirely relate, especially being bullied. While I wasn’t really bullied directly I was taken advantage of many many times and was unaware of this till much later on. Typically people get along with me very well and oddly people I don’t even know seem to just open up to me but it’s exhausting even if it’s something I’m “good” at, I feel like maybe it’s just a skill I picked up on to better fit in. Most people liked having me in their friend groups because I could offer support but many of these friendships ended up being one sided and they never really cared about me at all, I was just too naive to see it
I want to validate everything said here, because I agree and recognize y'all exist. It does make sense to me that bullying it's discussed when talking about late-diagnosed adults, because anyone diagnosed at 40+ has likely both a) grew up in the 80s or earlier b) came of age and navigated adulthood with an understanding of themselves/their autism that does not acknowledge neurodivergence exists and is okay While I believe that some kids had loving parents so skilled they could grow up autistic and love themselves without having any model to understand their differences, I do think that was rare at that time. It seems to be far more common now, which is so deeply reassuring. Everyone who relates in this thread, give your family a little love. I'm very impressed by their work. As for bullying, I would have agreed and said I wasnt bullied much as a child until recently. But through doing deeper trauma work, I've since realized that I was indeed bullied without understanding it in those words, particularly by adults in authority. Maybe a better way to put it would be that you aren't always treated the same as others? Even when I thought people liked me, there were lots of little "we have to do this for HER" moments all my life. Often things I didn't want or agree with. Or perhaps "do strangers often assume things about you that are not accurate?" is a relevant question. Ever been confused bc someone is mad at you for thinking something that you do not think? But again, to be clear, I don't diagree with anyone here. Bullying is not a symptom of autism, it's behavior of other people, and I'm hopeful that in the future it won't even be common enough that it's discussed. I hope that kids 200 years from now are reading a historian's summary of these comments, and saying "sheesh, how did they manage? That sounds so backwards and lame! Why is there only one comment thread where they don't hate their parents?" 😂
Lovely to have such a validating start to the day, thanks Orion 🥰 If I may add another... Number 11: have you ever missed meals without realising and nearly wet yourself because you are so absorbed in whatever you're doing? Since I have partly retired and have more time to indulge myself in my special interests this has become increasingly common.
Boy can I relate! I have an alarm clock app in which I am able to use my own voice recordings as alarms. At various times of the day you can hear my phone saying things like: 'It's time to eat', or 'drink your water', or take your blood pressure now', or 'is your laundry done?', or 'it's time to get ready', or 'it's bedtime, go to sleep!'. As far as the peeing issue, several times a day I have to quickly walk to the bathroom while using my legs as little as possible. lol
My youngest sonno hasn't been bullied at school, really, although still autistic. He's always been EXTREMELY socially anxious and highly avoidant and he's developed advanced masking skills because he's off-the-charts smart and one of his "special interests" is psychology. He's 18 now, very tall and handsome. He's so intellectual, creative and being his mum, I know that he's autistic because he's so like me!
Aww, as someone that also has a special interest in psychology, I can relate. I often tell people that the real reason I got a psych degree was to learn how proper socializing works 😂 and then I just got really into it. Eventually I learned not to go off on MBTI and it's pitfalls every time someone brought it up.
Yeah, that’s the only one he got kinda wrong for some of us. The AuDHDers will have an endless variety of interests. I have a scary number but most are in the same category and I can NOT just pick one, but Heaven help you if you get me started talking about any of them. Buster Keaton, voice acting, sewing, writing, drawing, making all sorts of things… and people just flip out when they see the products of it. You just wanna say, “my dude… while you were socializing, I studied… a buttload of things, for maybe a year each… So I can’t talk to people now.” I did tell a lady recently (who had praised a drawing I was working on) that she in turn was very good at speaking to people. Because they always feel like they gotta insult themselves in order to praise you.
I‘m the opposite, maybe? It was my varied interests that I’m highly passionate about and cycle through, such as different types of art, and continue to work on each toward „mastery“ that led to AuDHD diagnosis. Is that the same as what you meant?
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm feeling the same way "It can't be, I never failed at school". Or "Yes, I do struggle at work, but no one has fired me yet". Hard to get that imposter out of your head.
Diagnosed at age 57. Struggled for many years with my academic life, and recently had to bail on my PhD as treatments for ADHD etc don't seem to have any impact on me. Was told by a colleague that (effectively) I only had 'autism lite'. Completely invalidated the pain, frustration, and on-going sense of failure I feel, but mask reasonably well.
You were diagnosed the same age as me. Just imagine how different things might have been if diagnosed earlier. I think about this a lot and get depressed a lot. Now I am finding people like me I don't feel as alone. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
@@catlifechannel3886several people at the consultancy company I work for are on the spectrum. We all have different issues, but it is nice (finally) to be able to talk with people who understand and don't judge!
14:33 i am 1000% autistic according to this. People i talk to seem angry i would suggest it, im on state health care, and my shrink just dumped me onto some guy, and told me in my last session. For about 3seconds i thought i was safe enough to feel like the me i wanted to be while acting like a kid someone might want so mom didnt hit me or have others hit me, and now i cant get back in my assigned box, and the latest friend i have seems to think i dont "need" a diagnosis. Thinks it wont help me I just want to leave a quote here: "To be nobody but yourself in a world doing it's best to make you someone else, is the hardest battle you will face. Never stop fighting for your Self." Sorry, i dont remember the author.
Important reminder that all of these can vary based on environment and how deeply ingrained your masking is, that’s why diagnosis usually involves talking about your childhood. And going to a smaller school with smaller class sizes I wasn’t really bullied by students (very much so by teachers for things like eye contact, misunderstanding social cues, and “not reaching my potential” despite fully having done the best I could in that environment. No amount of effort overcomes over stimulation only test does
I actually had some teachers notice stuff "she is always looking out the window, but when I ask her a question, she knows the answer" or smth I realized just recently was actually as helpful as it was mean "your daughter is unorganized, messy and not self-sufficient" (idk how she even got to the conclusion, since my parents made sure I always had my stuff with me and I would have been panicked if there was something missing) 😅 I also quickly found out that teachers don't like being corrected or adults interrupted 🤔
I went to a very small (70 students K-8th) rural school in California in the 80's and all my "differences" made me a target for teachers and students alike. It was easier for teachers to let me get lost in a pile of textbooks than have me engage in disecting the flaws in their current lesson. I did wonders for that lil' school's standardized test scores all six years I was stuck there. At age eleven I was testing at university levels in all subjects except math, where I was only above average. I loved doing multiplication in my head for self soothing and I was good at math on my own terms but my test scores were below my real ability because multiple choice math testing annoyed me. If I didn't immediately see the correct answer I would choose one without thinking too hard about it and go to the next problem so I could get done and get back to my reading faster. 😂 Plus it reeeeally upset the other kids who were trying hard when I finished an hour long exam in twenty minutes and still scored better than them without trying. No wonder I got bullied 😂
If you have autism mixed with ADHD, you'll have many different special interests. For me, my obsession for a minute was collecting rocks from everywhere, but I had to stop doing that because I was accumulating too many, lol. Now it's art leathering and many different art projects along with whatever else I decide, and that does take up a lot of time. The Jack of all Trades are the ADHD people.
Do you feel like you can get to a level of having too many special interests at once that leads to sensory overload and shutdown? I’m 38, female, headed for assessment in the next couple weeks, have 2 AuDHD kiddos and one with ADHD (&ODD that is very probably misdiagnosed PDA) and hubby is ADHD also. I tend to max out at exactly 1.5 specials at a time 😂 But I switch frequently and have been accused of the Jill of all trades thing. It causes crippling anxiety if I accidentally happen upon another “ooh shiny” thing that now deserves all my energy and devotion. I try to ignore it but I will meltdown when I feel the urge to choose between leaving another interest “incomplete” (🙃I hate dangling chads) or FOMO or sunk costs of the other interests, but I have a few that have been like a baseline my entire life that I have to revert back to in between the new interests. But I have had literal physically painful, borderline catatonic, clinically dehydrated from bawling my eyes out depression, eating disorder, SIBs and SI when those weren’t possible and my special interests were restricted and boxed out by pretending to be neurotypical for a season.
@@carish1452 Yes, it can because I have about 1,000 ideas at a time bouncing around in my head. What really helps keep me regulated is exercise and I figured out that repetitive exercise is a form of stimming for comfort. I also rock back and forth with I'm thinking because it feels like it helps me think. All of my special interest do get overwhelming and I have to tell myself no, however I try to plan to do it anyways. I often feel like a dog who runs around really quickly and then passes out to sleep. I'm really into science in general.
@@carish1452yeah, freely following your bliss is important for the health of adhd side, but it's super helpful to develop a system/rules to keep that part from terrorizing the autism side, or just ruining your life with chaos what works is probably different for everyone, but for me some of the key things were: specific guidelines about spending money, if I'm going to switch projects before finishing something it's okay but I must be realistic about what happens to the current project, and never starting anything immediately on a whim -- specifically, if I feel that impulse energy and want to buy/start something, I take a picture of it and leave the store/room. If I remember it later, I can find the record and go back to it, but 95% of the time I never think about it again. I used to be able to do one hobby per year, it made my house unmanageable, I wasted money, and I stressed as much as I had fun. Now I do like 10 things a year, I cycle back to abandoned projects and finish them, budget is manageable, and I have an organized crafts room. A big part of the change was taking adhd meds, but it's helpful to let your fussy/rigid side set limits for the creative chaos side. Sorry for the long rant, but my job is cleaning for people with adhd, so I've had this hobby conversation many times and almost everyone struggles with this. The rest of my life is a mess, but my hobby life is going great and that helps me cope with everything else, so I just want to share my joy with everyone 😊
Wow... thank you. I also have ADHD, so the biggest confusion for people around me is how really many hobbies I have... the secret thing, though, is that my special interest is dabbling.
I bought a japanese pull saw, after maybe a solid week of saw research. I tried to show it to my roommate and infodump about japanese saws, but before I could start she said "ah, a Japanese pull saw. I spent two months reading about them last winter. But I just do the research, I never do the things." That's when I realized research is one of my special interests 😂 every time my husband walks in the house, I'm immediately "I really hope you want to hear about the history of sanitation in Chicago for 30 minutes, because I have STORIES!" or "I'm very sorry, but I need to tell you about this 14th century embroidery technique, it's okay if you just zone out, you don't need to know any of this." The hilarious outcome of this is that I'm an awesome party guest but most parties are kind of boring. 😂 I get so hyped when I meet an AuDHD in the wild, we know we're about to have an incredible four hour conversation and then not talk for six months, and nobody's going to give us crap about it. I wish it were socially normalized to publicly list your special interests, I'd probably socialize more. Every now and then you meet NTs with special interests, which is super cute and they are very good allies. Sorry, I'm just rambling... forgot the afternoon vyvanse 😂
I was diagnosed in 2023 at 50. There are times I can not watch videos like this. It's hard for me to come to terms with my diagnosis. I used to work and worked for 34 year's. But I kept changing jobs every 3-6 months. Different types of jobs. So I know it would be difficult for me to get another job, I didn't fit in anywhere I was, so I decided to stop work when my last boss said after I informed them of my diagnosis and I quote " I dont think this is the job for you. But we'll give it a go. " I totally understand this 100%. On the bullying/people not understanding. Last year I was doing my weekly shopping and put everything on the conveyor belt. As I got to the till, I was asked to move my bags to check that I wasn't hiding things underneath the bags, this was the first time I had been asked (Shopped there for years). I tried to explain to speak slower and that why had I been asked and not the people in front, I explained I was autistic. The reply from the cashier was not surprising, very abrupt, and totally uncalled for. She replied and I quote "You don't have a lanyard or other ID saying your autistic. I treat everyone the same. " So not only did she upset me that she believed I should have a big sign on my saying I'm autistic, but subsequently after that I couldn't use that shop again. So I had to familiarise myself with another shop, causing more anxiety etc.
Sadly we can't make people more accommodating (though I hope we'll see gradual change in that direction), but you can alleviate your own anxiety and how much stuff like this affects you by working on internalized ableism. Oh no, I hope this doesn't sound like unsolicited advice... I should say that since my autism diagnosis (at 38) I have found that I had a lot of subtle internalized ableism directed at myself, which was surprising bc I've cared about disability rights for years. I don't want to accidentally be a jerk, so I delved into reading about disability rights more. The developing autism community is very welcoming, validating, and empowering. The unexpected outcome of trying to change my thinking about disability is that I'm less harsh with myself, but also when someone is unfair with me, I have more of a "nope that's nonsense" response than total panic and questioning myself and getting really avoidant. It's SO NICE. I'm 43, and I know this struggle is harder for me than gen z autists who were diagnosed as children, because I spent much, much longer believing I "should" be able to do things that I can't, or I hate, and lots of authority figures reinforce that. So then I always think about my gen x and boomer brothers & sisters, who had it much worse and got diagnosed later or not at all. I'm sorry you had to deal with many decades of societal oppression. And that's why I wanted to suggest going down this road... to make your life easier/better. If I'm off base, just ignore me! Take care ❤
So we need lanyards now?! Maybe someone should invent special vests for us to wear in public, like service dogs, so we don’t have to go through the singular hell theis writer did. Or maybe an embroidered symbol to stitch onto our clothing for easy identification? But no; no one would ever……
I've been dealing with imposter syndrome so bad approaching my formal diagnosis next month. I've spent the last 5 months or so thinking of little else besides Autism and consuming primarily autism related content. After my therapist suggested taking the RAADS-R. I score high on that, the AQ, and VERY high on the CAT-Q(which makes sense I think) When I saw this video on my feed just now I was so excited. But even after watching I still don't feel fully reassured. MOST of them apply to me. But I'm such an expert at masking, that I can come off so personable and "outgoing" I also tend to "collect" hobbies. (But on reflection they are all sort of offshoots of the same 3..) I also don't remember a whole lot of bullying, but on reflection I'm realizing that I went the other direction to avoid it. I became class clown, you cant make fun of me if IM the one making you laugh. Later I joined the "bad crowd" and became a willful outcast to avoid being rejected I think. The main thing I think is the feeling that I always have to "play the game" in social situations. It always feels like an act. And I'm always exhausted. You touched on something major which is WHO AM I without the mask?? I dont know what the real me even looks like. Im just so afraid that I mask so well that I'll be missed in my assessment. If anyone can relate to any of this please chime in.
Sounds like a lot of assimilation (please correct me if I'm wrong) I'd suggest for your assessment, write notes ahead of the day that you can send to the assessment team. It can be anything and everything you think is relevant to yourself and autism. There isn't a wrong answer. I'm not sure what your assessment process is in your country but I can suggest if you forget/leave something out/remember further information to provide, ask if you have the option to provide this info inbetween appointments, - you'll be surprised what starts clicking into place as you work through your assessment. As for masking, a good assessment team does not judge, which means if you are able to drop some of the compensation techniques you've picked up, they'll get a clearer picture. If it helps take something to stim with in your appointment. It will help you to concentrate. Equally explain how and why you mask - write it down and take with you. I hope that's not too many suggestions in one go.
@@Broomstick_Handle Thank you so much for your reply. I sometimes feel like Ive been shouting into the void for reassurance through this process. Im glad to hear your recommendation for notes as I've been compiling a sort of timeline of my life, as well as symtoms that I feel meet the diagnostic criteria, and then of course the immense impact on my current life. I like the suggestion to bring comfort items, stim toys, as Ive been on this journey I've grown more comfortable "letting it all hang out" but the reminder that they are likely not judgmental as professionals made me feel good so thank you. I think just letting them know "hey, I have programmed myself to make eye contact so that people thnk I respect and am listening to them, but I will focus better if I dont have to think about it" and "my favorite stim toy is a little clicky sounding I hope thats ok, it will help me focus. The waiting game is just brutal. And I cant shake the feeling that Im somehow delusional, and Im wrong, despite the fact that an Autism diagnosis would explain SO much. I just hope that these are competent professionals and that Im able to unmask enough for them to see the true me(the me who has been silently suffering from something that I never could get a clear answer to) SORRY FOR THE NOVEL!
@@_____kb You're very welcome, novels are welcomed! It's so difficult when you don't have that person to ask whilst waiting. And those last few months to get to assessment in my opinion are the hardest. I'm so glad that those suggestions have helped and your timeline sounds like an excellent idea! I think I know the clicky toy you're mention, highly recommend :) The professionals should know about the eye contact/masking, explaining it will help. And explain the sensory sensitivities too. It's very easy to internalise judgement but find something to keep you structured until that date. And you're not delusional, yet I understand the worry.
Yes, I can relate to all of it. Obvs I am not your doctor, but just for the validation, you are austistic. Welcome to the team! I'm tired from writing three other novel length comments in this thread, so I'm just gonna throw out some bullet points: - we all write novels, esp those of us with adhd. I had no idea I was AuDHD until I went for the autism diagnosis. My favorite part about reading threads in autism forums is how often someone will say "I could say more about this, but it would be way too long." And then someone ALWAYS asks, "please can you share more? Make it very long please." I've never felt that tribal impulse much, but it's so surprising and validating and exciting to be with other people like us. We're all so different, but we often get each other so much. My dream is to start an adult autistic summer camp 😂 - I highly recommend doing some reading in the disability rights space. I was shocked at how much internalized ableism I directed at myself when I really started digging. In a society with so much misinformation about autism, where the leading charity to help us has low-key advocated a genocide against us... it's really hard not to take on some toxic views without realizing it. The more I have noticed and explored this topic, the less I have felt bogged down with shame and second-guessing myself. The more I accept that I'm not bad at being a regular person, I'm good at being me, the better I function (in addition to feeling better). It's my #2 tip for people new to seeing themselves as autistic. - And the #1 tip is check for unaddressed trauma you may have. Most of us do bc it's inevitable, and the older we are the worse it is, as society was less chill about neurodivergence the farther back you go. And even if you did therapy when younger, like I did, decent trauma-informed therapy wasn't really available until recently. Arguably it's still hard to acess, but it's at least possible. A lot of my struggle wasn't about being autistic or having adhd, it was the undiagnosed ptsd. - some parts of the process of being diagnosed can be upsetting or invalidating. Some doctors say misguided, ignorant things, and some of the tests are really offensive (there's an empathy scale in particular that would have really caused me a ton of shame if I didn't already know about the test and how hated it is) due to outdated science and myths. If you deal with any of this, the internet can help you! There are multiple sites that analyze the various diagnostic tests and their shortcomings. There are forums with hundreds of stories of people getting diagnosed, talking about their feelings, and getting advice. And you can always post your own story or question. I don't think I've ever seen an autism-focused forum that wasn't great, so anything you find is a good bet. Good luck with everything!
Excellent video Orion. Funny, informative and reassuring. I reached out to most of my family when I got my diagnosis and now they really don't talk to me or call me too complicated. It hurts a little but hey I'm finally accepting myself and a lot of help has come from you so a big thank you 😊 P.S 13:47 my favourite part lol
I have just been formally identified as being autistic at the age of 48 & 3/4. I have spent the last 3 years researching autism and the experiences of other late diagnosed adults. Your videos and others such as woodshed theory and mom on he spectrum have been so helpful to me. Thank you for talking about your experiences and putting out videos.
Yeah, I thought transmission was a great metaphor, and then I felt silly for thinking it was on purpose, and then I was validated by it being on purpose. Lovely.
Thank you. I was diagnosed months ago at the age of 41 after a lifetime of suffering and you're spot on in everything you say. I'm still not happy in my life and I'm still struggling, but at least I know now. Your video feels like being in a home with the comfort of being surrounded by a family that truly understands and loves you.
Got diagnosed on Thursday at age 35, and the imposter syndrome is crazy, especially after my parents are basically telling me it’s nonsense because they didn’t pick up on any subtleties when I was young. This video is amazingly helpful. Thank you.
Hey Orion, I wanted to thank you for your videos and book because they and mostly you are a huge role model for me to find my own way as a late diagnosed autistic person. I’ll be giving a speech at my work place soon, telling all I’m autistic and what that means for me and them. I want to spread the word in my universe, just like you do here. So thanks a million!❤
No diagnoses yet, and still feeling a bit like an imposter after watching this… I’m really good at masking and I sometimes think I’ve worked so hard at skills like ‘making other people feel comfortable and relaxed’ and ‘not being attached to things’ and ‘dealing with uncertainty’ that I actually got the feedback of being ‘too flexible’ (might be some adhd/giftedness muddying the waters there, I get bored quickly). But the masking is exhausting, the inertia is getting worse with the demands of being a mum (and probably also age related hormonal instability) and the few times I found people who do like the real me it’s been so life affirming exhilarating…
I completely relate to you on this and this was a point I struggled with in the video. I think the experience of high masking women can be slightly different, maybe we are more prone to people pleasing? For whatever reason people seem to feel very comfortable opening up to me and I’m good at listening and making them feel heard but it is so exhausting.
I know, it’s so hard to understand why you feel alien as a child, you make up theories as you go. I was randomly thinking about why I didn’t have friends in primary school this morning, and I think it wasn’t because I didn’t understand their behaviour in a more anthropological way and could theoretically have blended in, but because I found it utterly irrational, morally abject and frankly rather savage. [like bullying other girls for popularity and ditching your years long friend to join the popular group in bullying them as soon as they’ll let you, though they seemed like normal childhood developmental stages on some level as well] I think I decided at the time that I just didn’t like children, and I remember feeling rather alien. Still very allergic to bullying even though I avoided getting bullied luckily..
Once again you’ve touched on many things I can relate to. On your last podcast you actually showed what the speech “dilemma” might look like. My mind is racing all the time and my my mouth can’t keep up. I need to slow down my speech to get anything across. Just read my mind for goodness sake people!
Yes! And can't they just invent something that will take my thoughts down so I don't have to type and write and loose what I am thinking and want to write out. But my brain is going so fast I loose parts of the things I wanted to write down!
I got my diagnosis a few months ago, and it definitely does something to your sense of identity. I'm not fully connected to the autistic community, but the validation I've gotten from seeing myself through people's experiences has been quite nourishing. And really, as someone who's felt like they've been playing a part their whole lives, it's normal to question the conclusions we've arrived at.
Usually the invalidation comes from people who would benefit from you continuing to mask, or who would benefit from you NOT being autistic because then they can continue to pressure you to perform at a neurotypical level. Not to mention caregivers who have treated you badly under the assumption that you were intentionally misbehaving and the revelation that you're autistic suddenly shining a light on their abusive behavior.
I am happy to see your lighter side. I really felt your frustration with earlier videos. It set off a similar "This is me, take me or leave me" attitude. Not that I have friends to say that to.
This resonated so strongly with me, but 4:38-4:45 in particular resonated so much that my life flashed before my eyes and I felt like I could literally hear every single person who'd ever said those words to me as if I was back in those moments and not somewhere in the distant future watching a video on the internet.
Thank you for posting these videos. I was diagnosed autistic late at age 61. I guess I have been masking so well, I caused myself to burn out! I am now 63 and retired last august, but I am still being triggered by those who tell me I am not autistic. So tired of feeling like I am always wrong and that I am not human enough.
I just got my diagnosis on Friday (I’m in my late 30s). Part of me has been thinking the diagnostic team got my result wrong…maybe I tricked them somehow 🤷♀️. This is a very timely video! Looking forward to watching this. EDIT: fantastic video! Thank you for making this (especially now)…I’ll go ahead and drop the imposter syndrome.
I was just diagnosed a few years ago and it's intense watching this. He described me one point at a time. I don't know what I'm feeling exactly, but it's intense.
I really needed to see this video in my feed. It took me over a year after I started suspecting I may be autistic to bring it up with my psychiatrist and really open up. I think I just fell through the cracks and missed a diagnosis as I child. I believe none of the healthcare providers in my life ever put all the symptoms that correlated together and had that “ah ha!” moment. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 14 after a very hasty visit with one psychiatrist the school made me go to after I couldn’t seem to get past school anxiety. I think that my teachers and parents had decided that I had a host of behavioral and mental issues instead of ascribing it all to one disorder. My emotional disregulation, my meltdowns, my school anxiety, my sensory issues that I didn’t understand, my social difficulties, my acid reflux I’d had since I could remember, my hygiene issues, my stimming, depression, anxiety, executive function problems, etc were never looked at as a whole. I think that every other mental health professional going forward from that one hasty visit just accepted it when I said I had been diagnosed as ADHD and never inquired any further. I just happened to have the YT algorithm suggest a video about ADHD and autism one day that sent me down a path of research. I took official online assessments. I watched*many* more videos. I looked at the DSM-V. I listened to podcasts. I was pretty darn sure I had autism. For a while. Then I started gaslighting myself and experiencing imposter syndrome. That’s what led me to finally bring it up with my psychiatrist. We decided that I definitely fit the criteria. That was only three weeks ago. I’m still going back and forth between relief and imposter syndrome. Thank you for this and for the laughs! It’s another step in the direction of a life that’s starting to make some sense after 44 years. ❤
Yes I agree.Seven decades of actually being autistic carries a lot of weight in my mind no matter what anyone else says.I know myself very well.I'm 71.
The only thing that doesn't quite apply to me is that I was never overtly bullied. I think it was mostly down to circumstances. I don't know if there was bullying I didn't pick up on though. But I also didn't notice much obvious bullying in general in my high school. My high school was entirely small town/rural/farm kids in middle of nowhere Canada, so 🤷. But I definitely didn't fit in with the "popular" kids! Had my family not moved across the country when I was 13, I would have gone to a very large high school in a moderate sized city in a much more heavily populated part of the country with a lot more diversity and where there was definitely bullying happening. I did occasionally get teased, had weird comments from people making fun of certain things about me, and people would say things about me behind my back (had a few friends tell me after the fact) but nothing specific or significant enough to have a lasting impact on its own. I was (and still am) frequently excluded from groups and am often the last person considered for things. I think the only reason I don't get teased or picked on now, aside from being an adult who doesn't go out much (or ever), is partly due to masking, but also because the career I've chosen tends to be somewhat common among neurodivergent people. I also suspect some of my coworkers may be autistic and/or ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent as well, whether they know it or not.
i understand. But, for a young human, to be excluded is a very bad form of bullying, i think. it's more refined, we don't see it but it's hurting in the same way. Remember, in our social mammal brain, be excluded of the hord was a sentence of death. So, it's a very, very, very bad form of abuse... even if there is no physical abuses, no wounds... the brain is dammaged exactly in the same way ! it's the same for family abuses or neglect. No need to beat a children or to rape him for abuse or neglect... it's a very common mistake to forget that, specially with people who has been neglected or emotionally abused in their family. They don't see how they have suffered from that... and it's a damn ! I
@@elouan5092 That is a really good point. Even though I know that, logically, I do tend to forget it. Especially in regards to myself. If someone else had said the same thing I did, I probably would have immediately said that counts too! That is also why I said I wasn't "overtly bullied" because I definitely didn't experience the really obvious type of bullying in ways I've heard others describe. I'm also really good at ignoring/not recognizing my own feelings or how things affect me, especially when the impact is not immediately apparent.
I can't really relate to this as well. People in my class weren't that nice and now I have fear of being judged and laughed at. But I don't remember if they ever bullied me hard. I was just a shy kid who didn't talk to anybody except my one friend. Plus me being upset because they joked rudely (which apparently is normal for people, although I always hated it) was funny to them. So I don't know what to think... I just couldn't defend myself well I guess.
I feel you. I prefer an anouncement a week in advance or so. Please do not come by spontanousily, as it may well happen that I dont answer the door and play dead😅
Wow Orion this is one of your best messages yet! I didn’t even know I was suffering with this…that I had so many doubts! You set me free to accept my diagnosis no matter what. You had me laughing out loud at the 10 things 😂 Thanks so much for all you do. Don’t let anyone discourage you. You keep going and doing what you love best. 💜
And again, you hit the nail on the head! (that means you brought super good content). I relate to all of these 10 things. And, OH I dread Easter celebration this weekend. There is one person out of the group that treats me as if im 100yrs old, or maybe even 5yrs old. One outta 10 aint bad i say to myself... Thanks for being here for us. Really important that we have you...
Thank you for this video. I suffer from imposter syndrome from my late diagnosis and this really helps me accept me for who I am. Now back to masking at work. 😂
Hey Orion, this video is incredibly good and I love it. You have put so much into it. As a late-diagnosed autistic person myself, your videos have helped me a lot. If fact, your videos have helped me more than anything else I've watched or read. You really have a way of explaining things that makes sense and is very clear. Many thanks for putting this video together and posting it.
Thank you for explaining it , i know how it feels . Thank you that you can help me accept this fact and that most people seem to have fun making late diagnosed people theire lives even harder then it has to be ! If you ask for a benefit because you can't profide for enough money with the work you do to live properly from its even harder ! Its about time that these finaly gone change for the better , its about time !!!
Another later diagnosed here. A couple of things that were slightly misunderstood in my diagnosis: Hobbies - I have a lot of different ones... But, I focus or 1 (or 2) at a time, often for a few years. Then I might switch back to something else. But the 'interests' remain lingering in the background. Stimming - this is a biggy. I don't obviously stim, and it was noted in my diagnosis. The truth is I stim nearly all the time but in lots of different ways. And I've learned to (mainly) hide them. Usually, it will be some form of finger, nail, or toe tapping, flicking, rubbing etc. Usually out of sight, with hands under a desk or under my thigh, etc. I also didn't get bullied much but I think being very quick witted and good at sports really helped there.
Orion, I am so glad you exist. You are beyond helpful. I sit here, listening to this video, working on my various special interests. I was just sewing a leg for a stuffed animal I am making. Now, I am writing with my left hand to increase its skill. (I am ambidextrous) It is for stimming purposes, keeps me busy, otherwise I shake my leg nonstop all day and get irritated. These hands have to stay busy, so that keeps me engaged in a plethora of interests.
I was professionally diagnosed in '22. I'd been doubting my diagnosis for a few weeks now, but my therapist just made it worse after I told her and she said I'm not autistic. Nice 👍
Wow. Great video. Thank you! Oh wait, real quick, I've noticed since I stopped masking (I'm 48) and I now openly talk about being neurodivergent that I get the most pushback from people who may be in denial about their own neurodivergence. And I feel so bad in that moment because the person appears terrified about their own potential truth. Has this happened to anyone? I usually just back pedal at that point and say our experiences are completely different. SMH.
I was just diagnosed with Autism at 45 to go along with my ADHD diagnosis at 19. I'm struggling hard with imposter syndrome and this has helped me out tremendously. The timing could not have been any better for this, thank you
4:17 I am 100 perfect here again. Identity crisis round two! I learned about my autism a few years ago and have been on a healing journey, and now I can't go back to old masking behaviors and people pleasing jobs and fawning trauma relationships with my family. I'm in an identity limbo where I'm more aware of myself while feeling more lost; I'm healthier and more accepting while feeling less like I belong anywhere now that my mold is broken and a new one hasn't yet formed.
I’m am Dyslexic and I have ADHD, I didn’t know there are 6 types of Dyslexia. I’m sure I have all 6, I thought I might be Autistic. After listening to your videos I know I am.
Thanks a lot, I was lately diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at 41 and people keep telling me I cant be autistic because I look at them and talk with them. Yeah duh, I learned how to fit in the hard way, because as a Teenager I was the weird outsider who nobody really liked and who can be bullyied. Today I work as a teacher and very few people know the real me. The diagnosis was like an enlightenment to me, now everthing makes sense and it really helps with my constant anxiety, because I am not stupid or mad, I am autisitc and even if I get the feeling people bother to accept it, for me it explains my whole life.
Thanks, Orion!!! Hysterically funny video in parts! :D It's so wild that even my favorite officially diagnosed TH-camrs struggle with Imposter Syndrome. So many times, researching & trying to solve problems in my life has led me to autism. But, then I will find a million things that resonate and explain everything, but this one thing I do a little differently (but not in an NT way either) and I'm just like... nope, I guess it wasn't that. Back to the drawing board! LOL ( & then I go down all the wrong paths with medications/treatments/pushing myself through burnouts, etc.) & the same thing has happened in so many different years of my life. It's so awesome that this time-- in my life, I can get information from really cool, really smart autistic people here instead of research papers & reading the DSM over and over!
i was diagnosed at 26, then my brother and his wife told me they thought the diagnosis was wrong, my mum said i was never "the one she was worried about", and when i went to the Asperger's support centre in Edinburgh and attended a meeting of other aspies, the neurotypical meeting leader challenged me by asking if i had been diagnosed whilst looking at me with narrowed, suspicious eyes. me telling him the name of the local specialist who gave the diagnosis made him look away with a facial expression as if he didn't want to challenge further but still felt the truth in his gut. i never went back and never sought out face-to-face autism groups again. then ended up spiraling into the psychosis that was inevitably coming after the diagnosis. i only got the diagnosis because i broke down in front of my GP talking about bizarre things and she sent me to a psychiatrist. i told the psychiatrist i thought i was a psychopath and she brought in an older psychiatrist presented as a colleague who wanted to sit in. the older psychiatrist just sat there listening me talk to the other one, asking a few questions here and there, and then BOOM. i had never once even considered it, and suddenly everything clicked into place. but the impostor syndrome hasn't gone anywhere. even after this video. i don't really have particular special interests that consume all of my attention. i love music and playing/writing music but most of my time is spent at a computer screen, granted i usually do the same things on it (like 95% of my steam time is spent on three games). but when i can i also like going on walks, morning dips in the sea, i like trying all sorts of different things and am open to new experiences more than most allistics even because i was so closed to them when i was young. also, since the diagnosis, i developed an ability to make assessments of people's body language that reveal complex emotional truths that no one else notices and that they are used to no one else noticing. i sometimes address them, and people get very uncomfortable. when they see the way i look at them they react as if i am staring into their soul (until 26 i just looked at the ground) and in a way i kind of am, and that's why when i say i am autistic they get suspicious, like "how can an autistic person be so aware of my feelings". i still can not read social cues for shit, and when someone is intending to manipulate me i will not realize until afterwards. but subtle expressions of real complex emotions that i empathize with i can spot sometimes on the first meeting, and it makes people close off from me.
This doesn't sound like the writing of someone who's only "kind of" autistic, it sounds like an autistic person who's affected by unresolved trauma and not yet aware of that. It sounds a lot like me most of my life. I'm sorry you've dealt with so much invalidation, which was honestly really extreme. These interactions have probably caused you real harm, bc all humans are traumatized by things like dehumanization. It's more likely to happen to us bc of how society is structured. For many years, if someone asked me what I do for fun, I'd shut down or panic. I dunno, what do I do all day? Now, if you ask me, I'll just say the three hobbies that I think you'll be most interested in, because you don't have time to hear them all. I didn't suddenly become an autistic persob with special interests after I was diagnosed. I always was this person. The difference is that I didn't give myself permission to do what I wanted, and I didn't know how. I just thought I was wrong, and so badly wanted to be better, to somehow be right. But that was never possible, because my own view of myself as bad WAS the big problem holding me back. I'm not saying all that is true for you, that's my weird journey. But reading what you wrote, I have the strongest impulse to tell you that you're a fine, probably really awesome person, and you need to stop being so unfair to this cool person. I don't mean that in a blaming way, none of this is your fault. But you are the #1 person who can help yourself. You are awesome at being you. Your special interest in studying and noticing other people's subtle emotions is cool and rare, and it makes you a really, really good close friend. Yes, some people will hate it, but that's okay. There is nothing in the world that isn't hated by someone. You'll be happier the more you find and fill your life with people who think you are great. We're out here looking forward to meeting you! I loooooove those people that notice I'm upset before I do, they are very helpful. Everything you described is very normal. Any of the many ways to approach trauma-informed therapy are worth exploring. You're worth the effort, and the benefits are worth the trouble ❤
I needed to find this morning. I'm self-diagnosed ---have been for nearly a decade---and just talked to my doctor yesterday about how I want to seek an official diagnosis, but now I'm having all these second thoughts because doubts are playing on repeat in my head. Seeing this, yeah, I experience a lot of these things. Thanks for the confidence boost.
You always seem to make me laugh.Even on my most difficult days.That question about friends and social success in and of itself made me laugh but that line about not standing to close to you was the icing on the cake.I laughed so hard! Spot on mate!..;-) Also I lost it when you were talking about the speech b/c people are always! telling me I’m loud or I talk to fast.When I get excited or upset I can’t seem to control the volume of my voice.I have always talked a lot and talked fast.I kept getting told I was Manic.I was like no my brain moves fast,yours is just to slow,lol..I put in my message mate,and I’m not from Australia.I use big words b/c I had issues communicating for a long time so I read the dictionary and thesaurus,etc.I also use words from all decades and eras cause I now love words.I think I over compensated due to lack of communication skills in early life and getting teased,etc.Then I got teased for using big words and using words from different eras and ethnicity’s,etc.You can never win with Neurotypical people.We will always stand out no matter how much we try to mask.
I am 63 and was just diagnosed last Wednesday, 5 days ago. I kept my appointment private and have not told anyone the results. I know it has affected me all my life and I really wanted to understand. I have had a lifetime of being the outsider, not fitting in, being bullied. I didn't really understand because I thought if I was nice to people I should do okay, but social interactions are more complicated than that. I had a career where I had to interact closely with people that were new to me all day long. I was masking as best I could and it helped that the focus was on them and not me, but developed ulcers and TMJ pain from stress and spent the time alone on the weekends recovering. I have been on an antidepressant for the past 10 years and it was lifechanging! This video really helped me. I absolutely fit the description and my diagnosis was made by a psychologist who specializes in autism in adult women, but I was even questioning it myself. I think that is why I haven't told anyone yet and I really don't want to have to "defend" my diagnosis or do a lot of explaining. But YES I absolutely am socially awkward, get bullied, sound different, get anxious and even angry with loud music that I can't get away from, and was not aware until recently that things I was doing were called stimming and were helping me to calm and center myself. I don't expect accomidations from people, I just want to understand myself and my past.
DIng, ding, ding! 10 out of 10! I win! I win! What did I win? The luxury of being able to embrace who I really am and to heck with anyone who doesn't like it! Orion, thank you for another load of wonderful information and some laughs along the way.
I have been told by people that they are comfortable around me. But usually, in the context of counseling or someone experiencing a crisis, not just chilling casually in a social context.
If you have to talk yourself through crises all the time, you get really good at pep talks! This may not apply to you, but just in case: if you also find that you're much calmer than others in a crisis/emergency situation, consider if you might have ptsd. I seem very anxious and too high strung to most people most of the time, but if something is on fire, I'm the one putting it out while everyone else runs around screaming. It's really common for ND people to have some trauma, esp from childhood. I dunno how I spent 15 years in therapy without anyone noticing my raging ptsd, but knowing about it was the first step in my life getting way better.
@@lolomcspankyI already knew I had ptsd but damn does pointing that out put things into perspective for me. I guess when you suffer from anxiety, a situation where the stakes are very clear can be sort of relieving.
Depression and this imposter syndrome, i hear about these concepts/feelings but i have no first hand experience with. The more i hear of autistic state of being the more i think i may be that, it fits so much more than any other. Even with that there are qualities that i differ on, but with how long i have operated it may be that i have learned/adapted on each of those slight differences. Like with the bullying thing, people have tried and i always fight back, and with not being accepted, that is just a normal thing and i learned to be somewhat self sufficient because of it. I do not have a hyper focus as far as i can tell, unless you count my fascination with why things are like they are and the vastly differing thought patterns that result from that
Most things about autism are named according to what the normies see. They will call something hyper fixation when for us it's just following things to their conclusions properly. We can have certain things in common, though some of it certainly IS the same it LOOKS different to them.
@@chey7691 i get that but also i am trying to adapt to the things i have difficulty with, dealing with people more effectively than i currently do without being dishonest about it being a primary concern of mine. The more i learn about autism the more it seems like that it is exactly what is going on with me.
@@patryn36 Ok then I may have a relevant bit of information. Neurotypicals live and breathe "white" lies and extremely conditional and vague social rules. Getting comfortable with lying (even if it's nonsensical and counterintuitive) can help, because if you are actually completely honest (even if it's for yourself) they will still be uncomfortable with you. They actually expect you to lie and mask, they (vast majority of neurotypicals) know it's fake for everyone to some degree. I'm no medical purist and I know some people slip through the cracks, so there is nothing wrong with seeing if the shoe fits to help yourself. Advice doesn't exactly need a medical diagnosis to work. I'm glad you are willing to learn. Oh and a fair amount of autistic people have had run ins with depression, it's not easy living in a world that is explicitly hostile in design to you and still have to navigate daily. It feels like living on an alien planet where everything makes sense except the endemic sentient life you talk to every day, similar but too different to not stand out despite the fact that somewhere else I could be considered "normal". And the fact that they refuse to learn to speak my language and learn my customs, but I absolutely must be fluent in theirs otherwise I cannot communicate because they refuse to compromise.
This video helped me a lot. I went to a special clinic for autism in adults and got diagnosed last week. The process/diagnoses took round about a year to finish, plus this clinic is known for it to be the best one in Germany for diagnosing adults and yet I still think I might not have it. I noticed that every point fits with me though socializing is easier for me because I learnt it over years and masking while doing it. The best part was “I hate it” etc when it came to change 😂 I tell people I’m close with that they need to tell me 1-2 weeks in advance if they want to come over or do something. Thank you a lot for your videos they are helping me a lot understanding myself better and noticing things I just thought they were normal or not specifically autistic. Thank you a lot for your work here 😊
I was properly diagnosed last March and I'll be 40 this year, it actually helped me put my whole life up to this point into better perspective. I always knew something was off but I couldn't articulate it to anyone properly and no one around me was intentionally looking for signs of it, especially considering it wasn't as widely recognized 30+ years ago outside of the most severe cases.
Thank you so much! I absolutely needed this at this point in time. I'm 41 and have over the past two weeks or so begun to understand that I'm probably autistic - and after this video, I can safely remove the word "probably" in there. You just slapped that last bit of imposter syndrome right out of me and I had to cry very badly. 🥲
I needed this video! Thanks Orion! =) I almost finished reading your book. Like many others i'm getting a late diagnosis at 28. Thanks for helping me through a challenging time! Greetings from Switzerland 🙋♂
When I served in Bosnia I never felt good enough and would ask to get extra lessons for things I didn’t know. My MO said I was an asset to the med centre and exemplary but that I had an unjust lack of self confidence. So I didn’t get the promotion. But it was caused by a couple of bullies and yes I wasn’t confident if I could handle everything I was asked. They were good teachers but it was me that didn’t trust myself imposter syndrome I had to live with most of my life
Regarding speech, I would say autists are deliberate with their words. Crafting each sentence to be as accurate as possible, where most people think the general idea is fine and words don't need to be carefully chosen to avoid confusion.
Beginning to understanding my past. I always believed autism means you cannot sense the feelings of others. Therefore I am not autistic. End of story, I am just weird. Now I learned some actually do and to an extent that is what I feel - overwhelming. Now every piece of the puzzle falls into place. The stimming, the scripting, sounding like a professor.. I will embrace who I am. Thanks for your wonderful videos.
1. I have social sucess but it doesn't come easy go me and it only comes easy to me around other ND people and even then it's still hard sometimes 2. First time i was bullied/ostracized was when I was 5, and it happened multiple times after ( mostly from people I considered friend ) 3. No they wouldn't consider me normal but my family and friends find me endearing 4. I don't hate socializing, and sometimes I like it, but not always. It really depends on who I'm with and where I am. Sometimes I like it but , that's usually only with people I'm bonded with 5. I have lots of speech abnormalities, looping/repeating, childish/sing song voice, formal talk, cluttering , stuttering, vocal stims, Echolalia, too loudly , semi verbal at times, talk too fast or slow etc... 6. I stim a lot 7. I'm either not processing things because they're all blurring into a incomprehensible stimuli or hypersensitive to it. 8. Hyperempathy, intense interests I do have, 9. I'm almost always tense, anxious and freaked out by unexpected changes, things I haven't navigated before, stimuli 10. No I cannot easily transition tasks, sometimes I can't even leave school because transitions are so hard, I do experience autistic inertia and executive dysfunction 11. I'm much more comfortable with who I am so I'm less masked now that I'm diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have masked/hid my special interests/autistic traits from people
Two questions- 1) When a person possibly has both ADHD and Autism, how do you differentiate what is ADHD and what isn't? Is it the level of severity of the symptoms that overlap? 2) What if someone doesn't experience all of the things on this list but does experience most? Does that mean they might not have autism? The more i learn about autism in women, the more i feel like my life is being explained to me. The whole video about love language in Autism explains so much, especially the physical touch trigger when overwhelmed. I'm not officially diagnosed, but it's heavily suspected. My area doesn't have good access to help for adult males with autism- forget finding one who knows about women. The more I learn though, the more it fits.
Ok .. given I experience 0 of those things maybe I ought to trust my diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 51 but so many people responded to that by saying you can’t suddenly become autistic when you are that old they made me doubt how downright uncomfortable and miserable a lot of those 51 years have been.
Interesting, I'm over 50, not diagnosed, but feel it all. I doubt I can unmask long enough to get diagnosed. How did that happen for you, if you don't mind me asking?
@@violetgypsie there is and it’s what so many people who know me don’t appreciate, I was born wired differently I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that today was the day I’d become autistic like it was a lifestyle choice
I relate strongly to them all! I was told i was a borderline sociopath. So i researched that and I'm absolutely not!! I am for sure Autistic as as are my son and my brother and my mom!! Thanks Orion!
Oh it's jarring to realize HOW MUCH I actually do mask, bc I've said to people "oh I don't know how to mask" - but yes I do! I tone myself DOWN! It's like I don't put things ON, I tone them down and hold them in. I move slower. I try to do LESS motion. React LESS. Less excitement. STOP myself from dancing. OVERTHINK every motion I'm doing and imagine what everyone's thinking if they look at me - am I being normal? Uhgggghhh but I'm so USED to that, it sorta goes unconsciously. It's annoying for sure. I love being around people on the spectrum too and / or people with ADHD because I can kinda let loose and they don't question it. So as far as "do people feel comfortable with me"? I think if they are neurodivergent, perhaps yes. Because I often hear that people feel they can be themselves with me. And that's what I need too!
“Me no likey-likey the transitions!” ROFL soo good Orion. There’s a new energy about you on this one…. If someone got under your skin, you channeled whatever it was into a beautiful video. ❤
I was formally diagnosed in 2018 at the age of 29. It all started in late 2017 (I think it was late November) when an online friend saw a facebook post of mine describing in detail the problems I was experiencing at my job and in the world in general. She asked if anyone ever evaluated me for autism. I laughed at her. But then she told me she was on the spectrum and had a lot of the same problems. She then gave me links to videos about women with late autism diagnoses and their experiences. It was like someone took the blinders off. There was a moment not too long after that God revealed to me that, yes, I am autistic and, yes, it's okay to be autistic. He created me that way for His purpose. I'm not a mutant, my brain is just wired differently. Ten months later, after neuropsychological testing, it was confirmed. I try to hold to that knowledge that it's okay to be autistic and what God has told me, but other human beings are pretty good at throwing me off on that and causing me to question myself.
When I tell people that I think I may be on the spectrum, they say, _"We're all on the spectrum a little bit."_ It's a bit invalidating. Not that I *_want_* to be autistic, mind you. I just want answers, and the more I watch your videos and look back on my memories, the more things start to make sense. But then I have to ask myself: _"Am I looking at my memories through an ASD only filter?"_ 🤔
Yeah I was diagnosed on the spectrum as a 54 year old, I tell people and my family why I struggle with certain things and I get rolling of the eyes, “ yeah we all have some little Autism in us “
WHAT
I could only do social if I was drinking, I only wanted to be there for 10 min otherwise.
The important part for me is, things started to make sense. I feel such relief in this. I was always confused about so much that didn't make sense. Now I don't try to figure out why it doesn't make sense to others. Now I accept that I'm just different and that's just fine with me.
They mean well, but its a dumb thing to say for sure.
@margrain1 Yes, the old eye roll. Seems like a common reaction from neurotypical folk. And yes, I could only do "social " with a bit of Dutch courage. Your diagnosis is approximately the same age as mine(57 years old). It's kind of like a spin out but at the same time kind of expected. I sometimes have a bit of a cry when I think back at decades of hating myself. I'm slowly getting better though. I'm going to be strong, accept me for me and use my special gift wisely. You do the same good person. Now we know we can move forward. I truly wish you (and everyone else who is on the spectrum) the very best. We are awesome.
@@swissarmyknight4306it is because no not everyone is at all it’s specifically 1 in 40 in the general population and we have very specific challenges that those who aren’t neurodivergent will never have
As a late diagnosed high masking woman, i have been invalidaded in so many ways, both before and after my diagnosis. It is incredibly aggravating to be told I'm weird, to be bullied, to be ostracized, to alienate others, yet they don’t believe the diagnosis. At least I am kinder to myself now.
Awesome that you have learned to be kind to yourself! WTG
I hear you. I share a similar experience. 💜
This, experience exactly this. At least I am kinder to myself now.
Kindness to self I think is the best benefit I've found, just let them be them, you know better.
Same - I was bullied a lot at school and couldn’t see why. I was struggling internally but couldn’t pin down what any of it was. Just felt anxious and confused a lot. It was a relief to finally find out my diagnosis (albeit 10 years after the fact). It was the first time I could say what happened to me wasn’t my fault.
Hahaha this video is so good. “I’m a go with the flow kind of guy…. AS LONG AS YOUR FLOW DOESNT GET IN MY WAY.” 😂😂😂
Big BIG facts mate.
Haha, same!
I had to replay that whole bit a couple times before I could move on 😂❤
@@openup860 Ditto! Then I had to comment with an analogy about rivers & boulders & such, lol 😝
🤣
I'm a "jack of all trades, master of SOME" because when I get a hobby, and I have many, I OBSESS. I MUST be perfect at everything I learn!! I wish humans lived longer! 😭
The whole thing is "jack of all trades, master of none but often still metter then master of one"
Kinda changes the conotations, does not it!
I really think neurodivergent have it right look at what the neurotypical world we live in I wouldn’t call that doing well
@@moleath i said this to my sister a while back and she agreed 😆
Would you accept the Witch of Greed's pact?
The jack of all trades one comes in when you're also diagnosed with ADHD in my experience, and the autistic need for order plus the ADHD need for chaos is 😵💫
2:57 I had a psychiatrist tell me that he thought I shouldn't go and get evaluated for Autism and ADHD because he thought it would "make it more difficult for me to live a normal life". I'm neurodivergent and hide it well, but I'm never going to live a "normal" (neurotypical) life. It kept me from getting the support, care, and employment protections I needed. Always get a second opinion from a specialist, not the guy that makes money writing you prescriptions.
I hope you are doing well and getting the help you deserve.
I agree! My old psychiatrist laughed in my face when I told him I was seeking a diagnosis. Even if I didn’t have autism, which I do, it’s unprofessional to laugh at someone who just wants answers.
I’ve changed psychiatrists since then.
I said it above. Normies are very frustrating. They don't understand that it is mostly masking that makes me bearable.
This I think comes from doctors who still think about neurodivergence the way it was handled 20 years ago. My parents told me that there were signs for both me and my sister (but we could both pretend to be typical pretty well), but they realized that if we were diagnosed we would be put in a special class in school and lose a lot of opportunities (second language learning, university level classes). I get that, but now things are different, but I think a lot of doctors are still living in the past a bit.
Anyway, like a diagnosis is what causes a perseon to be autistic/ADHD? If only it were so simple...
An alternate to being told off for speaking too loudly is speaking too quietly. I've rarely been asked to speak softer in general conversation, but I'm so very exhausted of being told to speak up, talk louder, stop whispering/muttering/mumbling, "I couldn't understand you because you speak so quietly," etc, etc. I've gotten so frustrated with this a few times that I did raise my voice and was then asked to stop shouting. There's no winning.
I have two volume settings soft or loud. My voice is naturally deep and assertive so when I'm loud I tend to scare people. Either I make them jump or they can't hear me. It's very frustrating.
Just needed to come in here and say... SAME!
Oh yes!!! i was always told I should speak up but mostly never felt like Im quiet i experienced it as normal. And when i worked on a sorting band, we always needed to talk very loud in order to make the coworker understand but while i felt like I was screaming they where like, "You are still so quiet" 😅
same . but that is less the autism itself and more the social anxiety caused by the neurotypicals lack of empathy etc . not all of our problems come from us . some come from them
Oh my... THIS. People are CONSTANTLY saying to me "Speak up, I didn't hear you; you talk so quietly." It IS frustrating, I don't think I'm being quiet, that's my normal unforced tone.
I'm a go with the flow guy... as long as I know where we're going, when, why, for how long, and what we plan on doing afterwards.
This is the most relatable thing of the week, I feel it in my bones. I can be very laid back... with weeks of careful preparation.
😂😂😂😂. And have two to three weeks’ notice of where, when, why, what and how long.
And give me lots of time to prepare for these events ahead of time. And let me review in my mind how each conversation went afterward.
I can be very relexed about all of that, when I am with a friend, they can make all the decissions, have all the responsability and I can use them an a shield against the world . . . But if I expect ancertain thing and it gets switched around . . .
I still remember how every time my friends asked me to hangout, I immediately starting asking for specific details and tried to organize everything because I didn't like the vagueness.
I think the reason I struggle with imposter syndrome is that I’ve been so high-masking for so long that I know I CAN do some of those things. I know I can suppress my stims for long periods, fit into a social group if I’m camouflaging well, I can transition quickly etc etc. What I’m trying to validate now is that doing those things hurts me, and I am allowed to stop. Now that I can clearly see the harm I’m doing to myself, I am working to unmask enough to protect myself from another burnout.
I suppressed my stims so long that when I got really sick I started stimming. I got really confused and told my neurologist who then tried to pawn me off on a shrink. Fun times. Best part is that my disorder was for siezures and my issues were reactions to medications. All the literature says autistic people tend to have worse reactions to the medications. It would have been nice if my doctor was a bit more educated on things like that because I wasn't diagnosed and knowing that could have been helpful.
I didn't that out until my medical issues got to so bad I had a burnout as well and that's how I figured it out.
This is incredibly relatable… as long as I’m not stressed, I’m completely “normal”, so it feels like during the high stress times, I must be faking or I should just try harder. But It hurts me, especially if I do it for a long period. That’s what caused me to hit burnout at 29. I’m still scared that I’m not actually autistic. That I’m just being melodramatic…. Especially since I’m adhd too and maybe my struggles all originate from that instead.
@@Arkyl9602 Yeah I relate to this a lot too. My psychiatrist didn't feel like he was being super thorough, and some of the points in this video I'm honestly not sure apply to me. It's a bit scary, but like you I've also had some really bad burnout, so I guess I just tell myself that well, it can't be *nothing*, so maybe it doesn't matter exactly what I call it.
Definitely NOT nothing. But it definitely would help to be sure of the condition so you can make the right changes to help…. I also feel what you said about your psychiatrist not being thorough. It felt like mine read so much into one off comments without delving deeper…. My interactions with him a big contributor to why I feel so uncertain about my diagnosis.
Oh yeah, I know that struggle. I figure out I was different at 7 and that's when I started working on masking. I didn't get a diagnosis until 25 and I'm 36 now. I've never had imposter sydrome because I remember clearly the issues I had before I started masking and the bootcamp from hell it was for years to even get anywhere close to fitting in and functioning in social situations.
I've had a lot of genuine use out of those skills, things like dealing with my emotions, sensory overload, pain, self-control, being able to stay calm in utter chaos, and being able to adapt to changing situations, but it's been a long and bumpy road.
I'm happy I developed those skill because after so many years of constantly working on them I've gotten better than many neurotypical people at them, but whatever level of skill they happen to be at is literally effortless for them and required no training, while I fought tooth and nail for every incremental improvement. In any social circle I find myself in I'm generally known as the calmest person there, people have semi-regularly told that I'm a rock. I value that. But I worked my ass off for decades to get there.
I value the skills I developed, but it would have been really nice if it had all been as automatic as it is for neurotypical people to reach average.
"An autistic child that sounds like a professor? No... No, not me..."
She says as she watches her son passionately argue with his dad about the space/time continuum
Oh my god. I remember that argument 😂
Is that by chance like a 7yo who recites the basics of the theory of relativity and half arsed explains it, with the limited understanding a child of that age can, but also corrects an entire school's teachers on correct grammar and word usage besides all while choosingreading books meant for indivisible in their late teens rather than open socializing? Hahaha, it feels like I described Sheldon from Young Sheldon...
I had my own laboratory in the outhouse. Granted - I was probably just growing different sorts of mold but it was very interesting to me.
I remember being about 11 or 12 and talking to my uncle about my idea of constructing a giant mirror millions of miles out in space facing Earth so that we could see how our planet looked in the past! Also lay awake at night worrying about the sun exploding. Yep.
Late-diagnosed Autistic person. There were several signs. My mom says that she once left me in the care of my aunt. When she came back, my aunt said, "Don't leave me alone with him again, his questions scare me" 😅
I got diagnosed 5 days ago at 43 years old. You are speaking directly to me it feels! Never stop making videos, they’re making me feel seen and validated. And laugh out loud. Also, your first name is very cool!
I am also late diagnosed last summer at 42 years old. and so many things I can't explain in my own words, Orion explains them so perfect and I feel seen and heard. I really love his book and will give it another read again.
I laughed out loud too. I was dx at age 34 and watching and hearing Orion describe autistic traits felt like he was peering into my brain and my memory and describing my life. It's so accurate that it's actually funny 😂
I am so, so grateful for these autistic youtubers helping me feel validated and seen.
I just got diagnosed late last year, at 50 with ASD2 and ADHD combined types. Orion makes me laugh when I'm having a autism-related hard time (which is a lot) with hie honest, relatable freshness and rawness. I feel less lonely and I feel "seen". Such a wonderful life-changing experience! That keeps happening! Thank you Orion!
you got played. doctors own you now. there is time for you to get your head out of your a**
Welcome! I’m 61 Late diagnosed Autistic Woman among other things. 💜🧡
I feel like a fraud because I’m consuming all of this content and relating to it - but have never been diagnosed. I have mentioned it to my therapist multiple times, but he has ignored it. I’m not sure if he’s using a tactic of focusing on behavior and not saying yes or no about my self-diagnosis. I suppose I should ask him outright for a test.
@@AutoN8GT mine has told me that i was able to make eye contact at some point so he doesnt think i can be autistic. He mentioned that many symptoms are given, however due to the eye contact it needs to be something else.
Sometimes i think it is easier to just live with a self diagnosis then finding a professional, knowing what they are talking about. But i also feel like a fraud at some point, especially because it is so hard to get a diagnosis at the age of 26.
This video helped me a lot, though.
A psychiatrist would point you towards an diagnostic exam. I'm having my Dr help schedule a test... Not really something I'm looking forward to tbh.
@@AutoN8GT You aren’t alone. I feel the same way.
Omg stop literally me even tho my therapist put down that I likely have ASD
Do tests on your own online
Build a 50 pages thick file about what you relate to and any counter search you did (ie. "I relate a lot with people pleasing, but it's not due to trauma because .....")
Therapist will straight up understand what hes faced with
I fell through the cracks for quite a while until the YT algorithm suggested a video to me about ADHD and autism. I had been diagnosed with ADHD at 14 in one hasty appointment with a doctor my school made me see for school anxiety. I’m 44 now. I think none of my doctors ever put together all of the things that correlated to autism criteria that I experienced. I believe they thought I had a host of behavioral and mental health problems instead of seeing the big picture.
The YT algorithm may have saved my life because it sent me down a rabbit hole of research and online assessments they use for official diagnosis. I realized I probably had autism, but I also gaslighted myself into imposter syndrome so much so that it took me over a year to bring it up with my psychiatrist. That was three weeks ago. We both decided I met the criteria for a diagnosis. I guess that makes me AuDHD. I’m in between acceptance/relief and imposter syndrome. I really needed to see this video. I can’t thank you for your timing enough! I needed the humor and to hear that my feelings are normal. ❤
Back then they thought that you could only have autism or ADHD, not both. You would get diagnosed based on which one was more obvious to other people, which makes sense seeing as that is the way that the diagnostic criteria is written.
I am late diagnosed and had impostor syndrome full on because I brought it up and sort out the diagnosis. For me it was interacting with someone who was diagnosed in childhood and us going same same for so many things that quietened it, what also helped it go away was that I changed the psychologist that I was seeing (previous one didn't know anything about autism and didn't want to learn) and she could see it in me.
I had a similar but reverse experience... I knew about the autism long before I knew its name, and when I went to get diagnosed the ADHD was a total surprise. But looking back, it made sense, and it changed the whole story of my life.
At some point I decided to tell my close friends, and hilariously ALL of them said "I've wondered if I'm on the spectrum," at which point I realized, oh yeah you definitely are. That's why we're friends 😊 but then almost every person asked me why get diagnosed, what's the point?
I get where they're coming from, and I don't know if a formal diagnosis matters to most people (I wanted to be able to protect myself legally from discrimination), but knowing myself better has been 1000% valuable far beyond what I could imagine.
I still have imposter moments, but the more aware and comfortable with myself, the easier it is to recognize other people are neurodivergent. And yeah, you seem like part of the cool team to me 😊
Good luck with everything. ADHD and autism is a strange combo and many complain about the impossibility of being pulled in two opposite directions, but I'm finding it can be kind of fun, and gives you more options for how to live. The more I try not to judge myself with internalized ableism, the better things get.
It's still hard at times, but I'm starting to like being me. Best wishes to you!
When you mentioned, "pop-in visitors" my stomach turned, lol. I also don't like random phone calls, which unfortunately most are. So I hardly ever answer my phone. When people on the other line interrupt me, my thoughts fall apart and I can't string words together after they do that to me. A few of the things you mentioned I don't have too much issue with, but I would say the majority I do relate to. I'm a woman who was diagnosed at 29 (I think women can have a slightly different experience to men). Some of these things I did have problems with as a child but as I grew older and started medication for anxiety, they've gotten better (not completely gone, just better).
omg trying to explain to someone that i physically struggle to have a conversation over the phone when we’ve had conversations at great length with an incredible amount of detail in person is SO hard
especially if i have to explain it over the phone….
anyways check out some info about “word salad” because this is actually a thing that i feel is swept under the rug SO often for SO many reasons, and it’s a lot more than just forgetting what you’re saying, getting nervous and having a nonverbal moment, or even stumbling over your thoughts. it’s a literal inability to form the information coming from your brain into intelligible speech.
@@MrsAnnThropyIt actually happened to me not too long ago. Needed help from my psychiatrist (I have anxiety and depression along with my ASD that require medication) with some paperwork I was filling out so I called her office to reach her. This one receptionist at that office, while she is overall a nice lady, has a tendency to get in bad moods. I went to ask her something... I forget exactly what the question was... but she interrupted me mid-question saying, "No, no! We can't do that!". All of the confidence I had to build to make that phone call and everything I rehearsed in my mind to say was completely gone. It's like my thoughts were a tower of blocks and she knocked them over. I get that being a receptionist can be a frustrating job, but you gotta remember you are talking to mentally ill people, you know? Not that autism is a mental illness but it is a cognitive difference and many times mental illness will come as part of the package.
@@WeepingWillow422 i’m so sorry to hear that, i know the experience ALL to well. i end up just not getting things i need from professionals because of their receptionist or i end up not getting the information i need because the representative i was talking to spoke to me with a tone that was way outta left field. a tower of blocks being knocked over is such a great way to describe it, it feels exactly like that. ill physically write out a script to say to these people and they interrupt either with something i know to be completely incorrect and they haven’t listened to what im saying or they give me a tone that reminds me why i dont like making these calls, and im like “ok thanks have a nice day”
I relate I'm 41 and haven't gotten diagnosed for autism but at 14 adhd was diagnosed but I still had so many problems no one thought I was autistic but I relate to everything you mentioned and he has mentioned as well my husband is the same as me and we have mind blowing trauma it has made us co dependent it is excruciating to get through the day feeling overwhelmed is practically all we know I feel lost also I work fast food and they do nothing to understand they just say fix yourself and get back to work I can't do applications I have needed food stamps for 5 months but the applications are terrifying I have no car and my 13 year old son is adhd and autistic the teachers understand but he is undiagnosed as well let's just say we need help but the anxiety stops me from doing so 😢😅
I can't stand pop-in visitors, even if they're my closest friends. I HATE it
The only one I dispute is the varied hobbies and interests, my dude. Us AuDHDers tend to have them piled up like cordwood. You left one lil sliver of imposter syndrome in place but I do think that one is an outlier, especialy if you match the others point for point. Because I have my little workshop and whatever I’m working on at the time becomes everything and food stops existing and sleep can wait and the bathroom is such a journey so I have to get really tough with myself and just go already.
I have few "core" special interests, the most obvious one (to me) being cats. I've been interested in and learned about them since childhood. All of my other hobbies cycle in and out. I usually have one or two things I'm deep-diving on at a time (I can't remember it ever being more than that), and once I am deep-dived enough, I find the next hole of knowledge to explore. I may cycle back at some point. But in general, this is what my hobbies/interests look like.
I got hung up on that one, too. I have a lot of hobbies, but they cycle in and out, since it's always a deep dive.
Yes, as an AuDHDer, I don't have a few hobbies, I cycle through 5-10 a year. But I think the underlying truth of what he says is still valid: I rarely have balance, like I have a few hobbies I do every week... my whole life is woodworking for two months, then I won't touch it for a year because now we're reading about Sparta all day for three weeks, now it's blackwork embroidery 12 hours a day!
And the other thing is my hobbies/projects aren't very well-rounded. Most are clearly tied to core long-term special interests, like plants or handcrafting or history. I've done all sorts of crafts, but nothing relating to sports or politics is part of my life unless it's forced on me.
The best part of the autism/ADHD hobby life is when you start to achieve synergy between hobbies... doing basic woodworking is a perfect accompaniment for bookbinding. Pottery and baking have been surprisingly handy in keeping planted aquariums, and anything involving bacteria, algae, or water chemistry is easier to understand with aquarium experience. Maybe I should start fermenting stuff...
The massive downside is the high risk of financial and storage woes. Coming up with a really robust set of rules/boundaries for yourself (I'd list mine, but you gotta find what works for you) is a really key first step to be able to do and enjoy hobbies.
Oh, and you can join hobby clubs, which is nice if you have trouble meeting and befriending strangers.
Oops, I didn't mean for this to turn into a lecture. I was diagnosed at 38 and after the first year of learning more about myself and medicating the adhd, my hobby life became much more organized and a source of pride rather than shame. When people ask if I have any hobbies 😅
Final random fun fact: many people really enjoy it if you have a craft/hobby with you. I always have needlepoint, drawings of furniture designs, a toy I'm knitting, etc with me waiting at appointments, and my doctor is really interested, to the point he asks what I'm doing now first thing. I get better medical care now. And I'm less anxious!
Good luck to everyone here ❤
@@lolomcspanky I totally relate to this! I may cycle through hobbies but the one I'm currently on is my entire life for the few weeks I do it.
@@tripstrickstickstips4442 Me too!
My brain had to work extra hard with all of those double negatives, but I got there in the end 🧐😅
OH double negatives are ALSO the bane of my existence! 😯
Me too 🙂
Yea I had to stop and rewind so many times 🤣
@@lauraluey omg same same same
The only one that I really disagree with is the varied hobbies, given how often Autism and ADHD occur together, and the latter tends to mean having many hobbies that become intense temporary special interests.
I also experience this even though I'm not ADHD! Serial deep interests, with few that remain active pursuits for the majority of my life.
Yes, this one doesn't fit for AuDHDers but that in itself is a contradiction in some areas. Likely what I am. (I'm adult diagnosed ADHD and looking into autism now).
I have a few core hobbies and then I cycle through a bigger number.
Yea, I feel this, I have a wide variety of ✨️special interests ✨️ but it's like, okay is summer time. ONLY BREATHE MOUNTAINBIKE. till it's time to ONLY BREATHE another intrest.
I also have 0 structure......but it drives me NUTS. It's a wonderful contradiction
Especially if it's in combination with ADHD
Orion, I just want to say thank you so much for all of your content. It is literally LIFE-CHANGING and LIFE-SAVING for many people.
I’m grateful to hear that.
Absolutely right!
💯
I like this style of video, where a listing of typical behavior, shines a spotlight on our differences. Thank you.,
-always got good marks on my appraisal
- consistently got customer service awards
-was trusted to run the different sections when the supervisors were absent and during covid
Also me: "They all hate me and i think they're going to fire me."
Hey Orion. You are really helping me with my late diagnosis. Age 57 I was diagnosed. I have learnt so much from you. Keep up the good work mate. 👏
I felt like the lone ranger. Thank you for speaking up. 😊
Same here.
I can relate. I’ve lived long enough in this body to make more valid assumptions than a single appointment doctor. I now organized my life based on autism and celiac decease and finally able to be comfortable. Hopefully with time, all peoples and doctors previous assumptions will eventually stop bothering me too.
Same here - diagnosed at 56 last year. Orion has been a guiding light since my diagnosis and has helped me become more content with myself though the despair and confusion.
@ishbelharris1857 Us oldies have a lot of life still to live. Let's live it proud and do whatever makes us happy. Your not alone.
Kind of struggling with some of these points as they rely on the world around you being non-receptive to your differences. I would like to argue that some autistic people grow up in relatively safe environments, don't get bullied, and have no trouble finding people who think their quirks are funny. That your lack of eye-contact isnt an issue, but a personality trait. That your inquisitive questions are met with actual answers, patience and understanding. Sure, maybe you play dodgeball every single day for every recess, but you have a group of friends who love dodgeball and gladly play it with you. That your echolalia and repetitive use of words and phrases isn't (too) annoying, but another thing that makes you you. Your deadpan monotone voice is hilarious and makes for great comedy/humour. Your predictability makes you a stable and safe and comforting person to be around. The fact that you sit and game on your console at parties, bring your own water and chill in the corner could again just be an extension of your personality, others will join you to relax when they themselves are tired.
As long as autistic people advocate that bullying is a normal part of the experience, i don't think I'll ever get a proper answer, despite the many symptoms I have. I'm teetering this fine line between neurotypicality and neurodivergence, where you will either think it's clear that I am autistic, or you'll think it's clear that I'm not. I'm aware that I grew up blessed. I've been very lucky to be surrounded by people who think I'm funny and interesting, and who have never tried to change me - and for anxiety to be such a core part of what makes someone autistic is upsetting to be honest.
If you know any autistic creators who don't struggle with anxiety or who grew up with good childhoods, I'd love to check them out.
This comment is more validating than anything in the video. I haven't been as lucky as you, but I was never openly bullied (if it happened more subtly I wasn't aware), and as an adult I'm lucky enough to live in a place where people typically aren't openly hostile, and to be able to choose most of the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis. As a queer autistic woman, trauma is treated as such a universal experience that for the most part isn't mine, I feel alienated from pretty much every group I'm supposed to be a part of. I know I've been lucky, but it doesn't feel like it when it makes me so goddamn lonely.
I feel a little less alone now, so thank you. ❤
@@signalfirefly thank you so much for your comment, it truly feels supporting. The whole anxiety/depression/ocd side of autism is why I don't feel like I deserve to self-diagnose and be a part of autistic communities, and why public health care keeps stating that I'm not visibly struggling enough to have the right for a screening. Its quite painful. It brings me a wealth of joy to know that what I said resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I wasnt bullied growing up either. Not because i was accepted for who i was but because i masked, and it kinda feels invalidating when he says you cant be autistic if you werent ever bullied. Especially when considering that a lot of autistic women do okay at the social part only to burn out later in life.
Also considering the big overlap with autism and ADHD its a bit weird when he said that you cant have many special interrest, and still have autism. Anyway i recommend I'm autistic, now what? I really enjoy her content
Thank you all for these comments, as a high masking female I was getting a bit worried at some of these points and feeling I didn’t entirely relate, especially being bullied. While I wasn’t really bullied directly I was taken advantage of many many times and was unaware of this till much later on. Typically people get along with me very well and oddly people I don’t even know seem to just open up to me but it’s exhausting even if it’s something I’m “good” at, I feel like maybe it’s just a skill I picked up on to better fit in. Most people liked having me in their friend groups because I could offer support but many of these friendships ended up being one sided and they never really cared about me at all, I was just too naive to see it
I want to validate everything said here, because I agree and recognize y'all exist. It does make sense to me that bullying it's discussed when talking about late-diagnosed adults, because anyone diagnosed at 40+ has likely both
a) grew up in the 80s or earlier
b) came of age and navigated adulthood with an understanding of themselves/their autism that does not acknowledge neurodivergence exists and is okay
While I believe that some kids had loving parents so skilled they could grow up autistic and love themselves without having any model to understand their differences, I do think that was rare at that time. It seems to be far more common now, which is so deeply reassuring.
Everyone who relates in this thread, give your family a little love. I'm very impressed by their work.
As for bullying, I would have agreed and said I wasnt bullied much as a child until recently. But through doing deeper trauma work, I've since realized that I was indeed bullied without understanding it in those words, particularly by adults in authority.
Maybe a better way to put it would be that you aren't always treated the same as others? Even when I thought people liked me, there were lots of little "we have to do this for HER" moments all my life. Often things I didn't want or agree with.
Or perhaps "do strangers often assume things about you that are not accurate?" is a relevant question. Ever been confused bc someone is mad at you for thinking something that you do not think?
But again, to be clear, I don't diagree with anyone here. Bullying is not a symptom of autism, it's behavior of other people, and I'm hopeful that in the future it won't even be common enough that it's discussed.
I hope that kids 200 years from now are reading a historian's summary of these comments, and saying "sheesh, how did they manage? That sounds so backwards and lame! Why is there only one comment thread where they don't hate their parents?" 😂
Lovely to have such a validating start to the day, thanks Orion 🥰
If I may add another... Number 11: have you ever missed meals without realising and nearly wet yourself because you are so absorbed in whatever you're doing? Since I have partly retired and have more time to indulge myself in my special interests this has become increasingly common.
Boy can I relate! I have an alarm clock app in which I am able to use my own voice recordings as alarms. At various times of the day you can hear my phone saying things like: 'It's time to eat', or 'drink your water', or take your blood pressure now', or 'is your laundry done?', or 'it's time to get ready', or 'it's bedtime, go to sleep!'. As far as the peeing issue, several times a day I have to quickly walk to the bathroom while using my legs as little as possible. lol
"Oh I love socializing! But on what terms?" THIS! YES! I enjoy socializing, but only under very specific conditions!
My youngest sonno hasn't been bullied at school, really, although still autistic. He's always been EXTREMELY socially anxious and highly avoidant and he's developed advanced masking skills because he's off-the-charts smart and one of his "special interests" is psychology. He's 18 now, very tall and handsome. He's so intellectual, creative and being his mum, I know that he's autistic because he's so like me!
Aww, as someone that also has a special interest in psychology, I can relate. I often tell people that the real reason I got a psych degree was to learn how proper socializing works 😂 and then I just got really into it. Eventually I learned not to go off on MBTI and it's pitfalls every time someone brought it up.
Thanks for sharing ❤
Can I just say you are helping me validate my own experience with every single video. Thank you so very much.
12:00 Being AuDHD I'm a jack of restricted interests, master of none. lol
Yeah, that’s the only one he got kinda wrong for some of us. The AuDHDers will have an endless variety of interests. I have a scary number but most are in the same category and I can NOT just pick one, but Heaven help you if you get me started talking about any of them. Buster Keaton, voice acting, sewing, writing, drawing, making all sorts of things… and people just flip out when they see the products of it. You just wanna say, “my dude… while you were socializing, I studied… a buttload of things, for maybe a year each… So I can’t talk to people now.” I did tell a lady recently (who had praised a drawing I was working on) that she in turn was very good at speaking to people. Because they always feel like they gotta insult themselves in order to praise you.
I‘m the opposite, maybe? It was my varied interests that I’m highly passionate about and cycle through, such as different types of art, and continue to work on each toward „mastery“ that led to AuDHD diagnosis. Is that the same as what you meant?
@@BeeWhistlerYou explained it so much better than I did. ❤
@@BeeWhistlerHey, I do share a common interest with you.
you dont have adhd. you are however on pills. doctors own you . you fell for it
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm feeling the same way "It can't be, I never failed at school". Or "Yes, I do struggle at work, but no one has fired me yet". Hard to get that imposter out of your head.
you got played. doctors own you now. you lost. good news is there is time for you to get your head out of your a**
Diagnosed at age 57. Struggled for many years with my academic life, and recently had to bail on my PhD as treatments for ADHD etc don't seem to have any impact on me. Was told by a colleague that (effectively) I only had 'autism lite'. Completely invalidated the pain, frustration, and on-going sense of failure I feel, but mask reasonably well.
You were diagnosed the same age as me. Just imagine how different things might have been if diagnosed earlier. I think about this a lot and get depressed a lot. Now I am finding people like me I don't feel as alone. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
you got played. you arent autistic. you are liberal. fact. do better. a lot better
I’m sorry you have been dismissed. It may be true that ‘higher functioning’ means ‘lite’ people can appear to be more ‘normal’, but…
@@Kman2765may I ask how you’re connecting with other late-diagnosed people? Finding it hard. Similar ‘revelation’ age as you.
@@catlifechannel3886several people at the consultancy company I work for are on the spectrum. We all have different issues, but it is nice (finally) to be able to talk with people who understand and don't judge!
14:33 i am 1000% autistic according to this.
People i talk to seem angry i would suggest it, im on state health care, and my shrink just dumped me onto some guy, and told me in my last session.
For about 3seconds i thought i was safe enough to feel like the me i wanted to be while acting like a kid someone might want so mom didnt hit me or have others hit me, and now i cant get back in my assigned box, and the latest friend i have seems to think i dont "need" a diagnosis. Thinks it wont help me
I just want to leave a quote here:
"To be nobody but yourself in a world doing it's best to make you someone else, is the hardest battle you will face. Never stop fighting for your Self."
Sorry, i dont remember the author.
Important reminder that all of these can vary based on environment and how deeply ingrained your masking is, that’s why diagnosis usually involves talking about your childhood. And going to a smaller school with smaller class sizes I wasn’t really bullied by students (very much so by teachers for things like eye contact, misunderstanding social cues, and “not reaching my potential” despite fully having done the best I could in that environment. No amount of effort overcomes over stimulation only test does
I actually had some teachers notice stuff "she is always looking out the window, but when I ask her a question, she knows the answer" or smth I realized just recently was actually as helpful as it was mean "your daughter is unorganized, messy and not self-sufficient" (idk how she even got to the conclusion, since my parents made sure I always had my stuff with me and I would have been panicked if there was something missing) 😅
I also quickly found out that teachers don't like being corrected or adults interrupted 🤔
I went to a very small (70 students K-8th) rural school in California in the 80's and all my "differences" made me a target for teachers and students alike. It was easier for teachers to let me get lost in a pile of textbooks than have me engage in disecting the flaws in their current lesson. I did wonders for that lil' school's standardized test scores all six years I was stuck there. At age eleven I was testing at university levels in all subjects except math, where I was only above average. I loved doing multiplication in my head for self soothing and I was good at math on my own terms but my test scores were below my real ability because multiple choice math testing annoyed me. If I didn't immediately see the correct answer I would choose one without thinking too hard about it and go to the next problem so I could get done and get back to my reading faster. 😂
Plus it reeeeally upset the other kids who were trying hard when I finished an hour long exam in twenty minutes and still scored better than them without trying. No wonder I got bullied 😂
If you have autism mixed with ADHD, you'll have many different special interests. For me, my obsession for a minute was collecting rocks from everywhere, but I had to stop doing that because I was accumulating too many, lol. Now it's art leathering and many different art projects along with whatever else I decide, and that does take up a lot of time. The Jack of all Trades are the ADHD people.
Do you feel like you can get to a level of having too many special interests at once that leads to sensory overload and shutdown? I’m 38, female, headed for assessment in the next couple weeks, have 2 AuDHD kiddos and one with ADHD (&ODD that is very probably misdiagnosed PDA) and hubby is ADHD also. I tend to max out at exactly 1.5 specials at a time 😂 But I switch frequently and have been accused of the Jill of all trades thing. It causes crippling anxiety if I accidentally happen upon another “ooh shiny” thing that now deserves all my energy and devotion. I try to ignore it but I will meltdown when I feel the urge to choose between leaving another interest “incomplete” (🙃I hate dangling chads) or FOMO or sunk costs of the other interests, but I have a few that have been like a baseline my entire life that I have to revert back to in between the new interests. But I have had literal physically painful, borderline catatonic, clinically dehydrated from bawling my eyes out depression, eating disorder, SIBs and SI when those weren’t possible and my special interests were restricted and boxed out by pretending to be neurotypical for a season.
@@carish1452 Yes, it can because I have about 1,000 ideas at a time bouncing around in my head. What really helps keep me regulated is exercise and I figured out that repetitive exercise is a form of stimming for comfort. I also rock back and forth with I'm thinking because it feels like it helps me think. All of my special interest do get overwhelming and I have to tell myself no, however I try to plan to do it anyways. I often feel like a dog who runs around really quickly and then passes out to sleep. I'm really into science in general.
@@carish1452yeah, freely following your bliss is important for the health of adhd side, but it's super helpful to develop a system/rules to keep that part from terrorizing the autism side, or just ruining your life with chaos
what works is probably different for everyone, but for me some of the key things were: specific guidelines about spending money, if I'm going to switch projects before finishing something it's okay but I must be realistic about what happens to the current project, and never starting anything immediately on a whim -- specifically, if I feel that impulse energy and want to buy/start something, I take a picture of it and leave the store/room. If I remember it later, I can find the record and go back to it, but 95% of the time I never think about it again.
I used to be able to do one hobby per year, it made my house unmanageable, I wasted money, and I stressed as much as I had fun. Now I do like 10 things a year, I cycle back to abandoned projects and finish them, budget is manageable, and I have an organized crafts room. A big part of the change was taking adhd meds, but it's helpful to let your fussy/rigid side set limits for the creative chaos side.
Sorry for the long rant, but my job is cleaning for people with adhd, so I've had this hobby conversation many times and almost everyone struggles with this. The rest of my life is a mess, but my hobby life is going great and that helps me cope with everything else, so I just want to share my joy with everyone 😊
Wow... thank you. I also have ADHD, so the biggest confusion for people around me is how really many hobbies I have... the secret thing, though, is that my special interest is dabbling.
Lol I love that. Relate hard.
I bought a japanese pull saw, after maybe a solid week of saw research. I tried to show it to my roommate and infodump about japanese saws, but before I could start she said "ah, a Japanese pull saw. I spent two months reading about them last winter. But I just do the research, I never do the things."
That's when I realized research is one of my special interests 😂 every time my husband walks in the house, I'm immediately "I really hope you want to hear about the history of sanitation in Chicago for 30 minutes, because I have STORIES!" or "I'm very sorry, but I need to tell you about this 14th century embroidery technique, it's okay if you just zone out, you don't need to know any of this."
The hilarious outcome of this is that I'm an awesome party guest but most parties are kind of boring. 😂
I get so hyped when I meet an AuDHD in the wild, we know we're about to have an incredible four hour conversation and then not talk for six months, and nobody's going to give us crap about it.
I wish it were socially normalized to publicly list your special interests, I'd probably socialize more. Every now and then you meet NTs with special interests, which is super cute and they are very good allies.
Sorry, I'm just rambling... forgot the afternoon vyvanse 😂
I was diagnosed in 2023 at 50. There are times I can not watch videos like this. It's hard for me to come to terms with my diagnosis. I used to work and worked for 34 year's. But I kept changing jobs every 3-6 months. Different types of jobs. So I know it would be difficult for me to get another job, I didn't fit in anywhere I was, so I decided to stop work when my last boss said after I informed them of my diagnosis and I quote " I dont think this is the job for you. But we'll give it a go. " I totally understand this 100%. On the bullying/people not understanding. Last year I was doing my weekly shopping and put everything on the conveyor belt. As I got to the till, I was asked to move my bags to check that I wasn't hiding things underneath the bags, this was the first time I had been asked (Shopped there for years). I tried to explain to speak slower and that why had I been asked and not the people in front, I explained I was autistic. The reply from the cashier was not surprising, very abrupt, and totally uncalled for. She replied and I quote "You don't have a lanyard or other ID saying your autistic. I treat everyone the same. " So not only did she upset me that she believed I should have a big sign on my saying I'm autistic, but subsequently after that I couldn't use that shop again. So I had to familiarise myself with another shop, causing more anxiety etc.
Wow. What an ignorant person. I'm sorry you experienced that.
@daminox thanks unfortunately as we all know it's part of the stigma attached to autism
Very sorry my friend :)
Sadly we can't make people more accommodating (though I hope we'll see gradual change in that direction), but you can alleviate your own anxiety and how much stuff like this affects you by working on internalized ableism.
Oh no, I hope this doesn't sound like unsolicited advice... I should say that since my autism diagnosis (at 38) I have found that I had a lot of subtle internalized ableism directed at myself, which was surprising bc I've cared about disability rights for years. I don't want to accidentally be a jerk, so I delved into reading about disability rights more. The developing autism community is very welcoming, validating, and empowering.
The unexpected outcome of trying to change my thinking about disability is that I'm less harsh with myself, but also when someone is unfair with me, I have more of a "nope that's nonsense" response than total panic and questioning myself and getting really avoidant. It's SO NICE.
I'm 43, and I know this struggle is harder for me than gen z autists who were diagnosed as children, because I spent much, much longer believing I "should" be able to do things that I can't, or I hate, and lots of authority figures reinforce that.
So then I always think about my gen x and boomer brothers & sisters, who had it much worse and got diagnosed later or not at all. I'm sorry you had to deal with many decades of societal oppression. And that's why I wanted to suggest going down this road... to make your life easier/better. If I'm off base, just ignore me! Take care ❤
So we need lanyards now?!
Maybe someone should invent special vests for us to wear in public, like service dogs, so we don’t have to go through the singular hell theis writer did. Or maybe an embroidered symbol to stitch onto our clothing for easy identification? But no; no one would ever……
I've been dealing with imposter syndrome so bad approaching my formal diagnosis next month. I've spent the last 5 months or so thinking of little else besides Autism and consuming primarily autism related content. After my therapist suggested taking the RAADS-R. I score high on that, the AQ, and VERY high on the CAT-Q(which makes sense I think) When I saw this video on my feed just now I was so excited. But even after watching I still don't feel fully reassured. MOST of them apply to me. But I'm such an expert at masking, that I can come off so personable and "outgoing" I also tend to "collect" hobbies. (But on reflection they are all sort of offshoots of the same 3..)
I also don't remember a whole lot of bullying, but on reflection I'm realizing that I went the other direction to avoid it. I became class clown, you cant make fun of me if IM the one making you laugh. Later I joined the "bad crowd" and became a willful outcast to avoid being rejected I think.
The main thing I think is the feeling that I always have to "play the game" in social situations. It always feels like an act. And I'm always exhausted.
You touched on something major which is WHO AM I without the mask?? I dont know what the real me even looks like. Im just so afraid that I mask so well that I'll be missed in my assessment.
If anyone can relate to any of this please chime in.
Sounds like a lot of assimilation (please correct me if I'm wrong)
I'd suggest for your assessment, write notes ahead of the day that you can send to the assessment team.
It can be anything and everything you think is relevant to yourself and autism.
There isn't a wrong answer.
I'm not sure what your assessment process is in your country but I can suggest if you forget/leave something out/remember further information to provide, ask if you have the option to provide this info inbetween appointments, - you'll be surprised what starts clicking into place as you work through your assessment.
As for masking, a good assessment team does not judge, which means if you are able to drop some of the compensation techniques you've picked up, they'll get a clearer picture.
If it helps take something to stim with in your appointment.
It will help you to concentrate.
Equally explain how and why you mask - write it down and take with you.
I hope that's not too many suggestions in one go.
@@Broomstick_Handle Thank you so much for your reply. I sometimes feel like Ive been shouting into the void for reassurance through this process.
Im glad to hear your recommendation for notes as I've been compiling a sort of timeline of my life, as well as symtoms that I feel meet the diagnostic criteria, and then of course the immense impact on my current life.
I like the suggestion to bring comfort items, stim toys, as Ive been on this journey I've grown more comfortable "letting it all hang out"
but the reminder that they are likely not judgmental as professionals made me feel good so thank you. I think just letting them know "hey, I have programmed myself to make eye contact so that people thnk I respect and am listening to them, but I will focus better if I dont have to think about it" and "my favorite stim toy is a little clicky sounding I hope thats ok, it will help me focus.
The waiting game is just brutal. And I cant shake the feeling that Im somehow delusional, and Im wrong, despite the fact that an Autism diagnosis would explain SO much. I just hope that these are competent professionals and that Im able to unmask enough for them to see the true me(the me who has been silently suffering from something that I never could get a clear answer to)
SORRY FOR THE NOVEL!
@@_____kb You're very welcome, novels are welcomed!
It's so difficult when you don't have that person to ask whilst waiting. And those last few months to get to assessment in my opinion are the hardest.
I'm so glad that those suggestions have helped and your timeline sounds like an excellent idea!
I think I know the clicky toy you're mention, highly recommend :)
The professionals should know about the eye contact/masking, explaining it will help.
And explain the sensory sensitivities too.
It's very easy to internalise judgement but find something to keep you structured until that date.
And you're not delusional, yet I understand the worry.
@@Broomstick_Handle Thank you so much!
Yes, I can relate to all of it.
Obvs I am not your doctor, but just for the validation, you are austistic. Welcome to the team!
I'm tired from writing three other novel length comments in this thread, so I'm just gonna throw out some bullet points:
- we all write novels, esp those of us with adhd. I had no idea I was AuDHD until I went for the autism diagnosis. My favorite part about reading threads in autism forums is how often someone will say "I could say more about this, but it would be way too long." And then someone ALWAYS asks, "please can you share more? Make it very long please."
I've never felt that tribal impulse much, but it's so surprising and validating and exciting to be with other people like us. We're all so different, but we often get each other so much. My dream is to start an adult autistic summer camp 😂
- I highly recommend doing some reading in the disability rights space. I was shocked at how much internalized ableism I directed at myself when I really started digging. In a society with so much misinformation about autism, where the leading charity to help us has low-key advocated a genocide against us... it's really hard not to take on some toxic views without realizing it.
The more I have noticed and explored this topic, the less I have felt bogged down with shame and second-guessing myself. The more I accept that I'm not bad at being a regular person, I'm good at being me, the better I function (in addition to feeling better). It's my #2 tip for people new to seeing themselves as autistic.
- And the #1 tip is check for unaddressed trauma you may have. Most of us do bc it's inevitable, and the older we are the worse it is, as society was less chill about neurodivergence the farther back you go.
And even if you did therapy when younger, like I did, decent trauma-informed therapy wasn't really available until recently. Arguably it's still hard to acess, but it's at least possible.
A lot of my struggle wasn't about being autistic or having adhd, it was the undiagnosed ptsd.
- some parts of the process of being diagnosed can be upsetting or invalidating. Some doctors say misguided, ignorant things, and some of the tests are really offensive (there's an empathy scale in particular that would have really caused me a ton of shame if I didn't already know about the test and how hated it is) due to outdated science and myths.
If you deal with any of this, the internet can help you! There are multiple sites that analyze the various diagnostic tests and their shortcomings. There are forums with hundreds of stories of people getting diagnosed, talking about their feelings, and getting advice. And you can always post your own story or question. I don't think I've ever seen an autism-focused forum that wasn't great, so anything you find is a good bet.
Good luck with everything!
Excellent video Orion. Funny, informative and reassuring. I reached out to most of my family when I got my diagnosis and now they really don't talk to me or call me too complicated. It hurts a little but hey I'm finally accepting myself and a lot of help has come from you so a big thank you 😊 P.S 13:47 my favourite part lol
I have just been formally identified as being autistic at the age of 48 & 3/4. I have spent the last 3 years researching autism and the experiences of other late diagnosed adults. Your videos and others such as woodshed theory and mom on he spectrum have been so helpful to me. Thank you for talking about your experiences and putting out videos.
Aaahhhhhh pop in visitors? I got stressed just writing it...
The transition transmission part had me laughing so hard! Thanks for the video!
I appreciate your support.
Yeah, I thought transmission was a great metaphor, and then I felt silly for thinking it was on purpose, and then I was validated by it being on purpose. Lovely.
Thank you. I was diagnosed months ago at the age of 41 after a lifetime of suffering and you're spot on in everything you say. I'm still not happy in my life and I'm still struggling, but at least I know now. Your video feels like being in a home with the comfort of being surrounded by a family that truly understands and loves you.
Got diagnosed on Thursday at age 35, and the imposter syndrome is crazy, especially after my parents are basically telling me it’s nonsense because they didn’t pick up on any subtleties when I was young. This video is amazingly helpful. Thank you.
As a non native english speaker I had too look up ‘Apprehension’. Other than grasp and understanding it also means fear, anxiety or worry.
It can refer to you grasping something, or something grasping you.
@@GodsCosmicBollockOoh, that’s good. My etymology special interest and I are stealing that. 😂
Hey Orion, I wanted to thank you for your videos and book because they and mostly you are a huge role model for me to find my own way as a late diagnosed autistic person. I’ll be giving a speech at my work place soon, telling all I’m autistic and what that means for me and them. I want to spread the word in my universe, just like you do here.
So thanks a million!❤
No diagnoses yet, and still feeling a bit like an imposter after watching this…
I’m really good at masking and I sometimes think I’ve worked so hard at skills like ‘making other people feel comfortable and relaxed’ and ‘not being attached to things’ and ‘dealing with uncertainty’ that I actually got the feedback of being ‘too flexible’ (might be some adhd/giftedness muddying the waters there, I get bored quickly).
But the masking is exhausting, the inertia is getting worse with the demands of being a mum (and probably also age related hormonal instability) and the few times I found people who do like the real me it’s been so life affirming exhilarating…
I completely relate to you on this and this was a point I struggled with in the video. I think the experience of high masking women can be slightly different, maybe we are more prone to people pleasing? For whatever reason people seem to feel very comfortable opening up to me and I’m good at listening and making them feel heard but it is so exhausting.
I know, it’s so hard to understand why you feel alien as a child, you make up theories as you go.
I was randomly thinking about why I didn’t have friends in primary school this morning, and I think it wasn’t because I didn’t understand their behaviour in a more anthropological way and could theoretically have blended in, but because I found it utterly irrational, morally abject and frankly rather savage.
[like bullying other girls for popularity and ditching your years long friend to join the popular group in bullying them as soon as they’ll let you, though they seemed like normal childhood developmental stages on some level as well]
I think I decided at the time that I just didn’t like children, and I remember feeling rather alien. Still very allergic to bullying even though I avoided getting bullied luckily..
Once again you’ve touched on many things I can relate to. On your last podcast you actually showed what the speech “dilemma” might look like. My mind is racing all the time and my my mouth can’t keep up. I need to slow down my speech to get anything across. Just read my mind for goodness sake people!
Yes! And can't they just invent something that will take my thoughts down so I don't have to type and write and loose what I am thinking and want to write out. But my brain is going so fast I loose parts of the things I wanted to write down!
I got my diagnosis a few months ago, and it definitely does something to your sense of identity. I'm not fully connected to the autistic community, but the validation I've gotten from seeing myself through people's experiences has been quite nourishing.
And really, as someone who's felt like they've been playing a part their whole lives, it's normal to question the conclusions we've arrived at.
you arent autistic.... do better
Yes!!! I didn't know I wanted a community until I found you all.
@@lolomcspanky a community getting played by doctors
Usually the invalidation comes from people who would benefit from you continuing to mask, or who would benefit from you NOT being autistic because then they can continue to pressure you to perform at a neurotypical level. Not to mention caregivers who have treated you badly under the assumption that you were intentionally misbehaving and the revelation that you're autistic suddenly shining a light on their abusive behavior.
I am happy to see your lighter side. I really felt your frustration with earlier videos. It set off a similar "This is me, take me or leave me" attitude. Not that I have friends to say that to.
Me either, but it's still good to hear that we have the right, isn't it?
This resonated so strongly with me, but 4:38-4:45 in particular resonated so much that my life flashed before my eyes and I felt like I could literally hear every single person who'd ever said those words to me as if I was back in those moments and not somewhere in the distant future watching a video on the internet.
Thank you for posting these videos. I was diagnosed autistic late at age 61. I guess I have been masking so well, I caused myself to burn out! I am now 63 and retired last august, but I am still being triggered by those who tell me I am not autistic. So tired of feeling like I am always wrong and that I am not human enough.
I just got my diagnosis on Friday (I’m in my late 30s). Part of me has been thinking the diagnostic team got my result wrong…maybe I tricked them somehow 🤷♀️. This is a very timely video! Looking forward to watching this.
EDIT: fantastic video! Thank you for making this (especially now)…I’ll go ahead and drop the imposter syndrome.
I was just diagnosed a few years ago and it's intense watching this. He described me one point at a time. I don't know what I'm feeling exactly, but it's intense.
I really needed to see this video in my feed. It took me over a year after I started suspecting I may be autistic to bring it up with my psychiatrist and really open up. I think I just fell through the cracks and missed a diagnosis as I child. I believe none of the healthcare providers in my life ever put all the symptoms that correlated together and had that “ah ha!” moment.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 14 after a very hasty visit with one psychiatrist the school made me go to after I couldn’t seem to get past school anxiety. I think that my teachers and parents had decided that I had a host of behavioral and mental issues instead of ascribing it all to one disorder. My emotional disregulation, my meltdowns, my school anxiety, my sensory issues that I didn’t understand, my social difficulties, my acid reflux I’d had since I could remember, my hygiene issues, my stimming, depression, anxiety, executive function problems, etc were never looked at as a whole. I think that every other mental health professional going forward from that one hasty visit just accepted it when I said I had been diagnosed as ADHD and never inquired any further.
I just happened to have the YT algorithm suggest a video about ADHD and autism one day that sent me down a path of research. I took official online assessments. I watched*many* more videos. I looked at the DSM-V. I listened to podcasts. I was pretty darn sure I had autism. For a while. Then I started gaslighting myself and experiencing imposter syndrome. That’s what led me to finally bring it up with my psychiatrist. We decided that I definitely fit the criteria. That was only three weeks ago. I’m still going back and forth between relief and imposter syndrome.
Thank you for this and for the laughs! It’s another step in the direction of a life that’s starting to make some sense after 44 years. ❤
I'm 68 and I know why I am , I'm on the spectrum.
Thank you
Yes I agree.Seven decades of actually being autistic carries a lot of weight in my mind no matter what anyone else says.I know myself very well.I'm 71.
The only thing that doesn't quite apply to me is that I was never overtly bullied. I think it was mostly down to circumstances. I don't know if there was bullying I didn't pick up on though. But I also didn't notice much obvious bullying in general in my high school. My high school was entirely small town/rural/farm kids in middle of nowhere Canada, so 🤷. But I definitely didn't fit in with the "popular" kids! Had my family not moved across the country when I was 13, I would have gone to a very large high school in a moderate sized city in a much more heavily populated part of the country with a lot more diversity and where there was definitely bullying happening. I did occasionally get teased, had weird comments from people making fun of certain things about me, and people would say things about me behind my back (had a few friends tell me after the fact) but nothing specific or significant enough to have a lasting impact on its own.
I was (and still am) frequently excluded from groups and am often the last person considered for things. I think the only reason I don't get teased or picked on now, aside from being an adult who doesn't go out much (or ever), is partly due to masking, but also because the career I've chosen tends to be somewhat common among neurodivergent people. I also suspect some of my coworkers may be autistic and/or ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent as well, whether they know it or not.
i understand. But, for a young human, to be excluded is a very bad form of bullying, i think. it's more refined, we don't see it but it's hurting in the same way. Remember, in our social mammal brain, be excluded of the hord was a sentence of death. So, it's a very, very, very bad form of abuse... even if there is no physical abuses, no wounds... the brain is dammaged exactly in the same way !
it's the same for family abuses or neglect. No need to beat a children or to rape him for abuse or neglect... it's a very common mistake to forget that, specially with people who has been neglected or emotionally abused in their family. They don't see how they have suffered from that... and it's a damn ! I
@@elouan5092 That is a really good point. Even though I know that, logically, I do tend to forget it. Especially in regards to myself. If someone else had said the same thing I did, I probably would have immediately said that counts too!
That is also why I said I wasn't "overtly bullied" because I definitely didn't experience the really obvious type of bullying in ways I've heard others describe. I'm also really good at ignoring/not recognizing my own feelings or how things affect me, especially when the impact is not immediately apparent.
I can't really relate to this as well.
People in my class weren't that nice and now I have fear of being judged and laughed at. But I don't remember if they ever bullied me hard. I was just a shy kid who didn't talk to anybody except my one friend. Plus me being upset because they joked rudely (which apparently is normal for people, although I always hated it) was funny to them. So I don't know what to think... I just couldn't defend myself well I guess.
"Pop-in visitors?" Sir, I can hardly take visitors that give me a two-hour notice! An actual pop-in visitor would kill me 😂
I feel you. I prefer an anouncement a week in advance or so. Please do not come by spontanousily, as it may well happen that I dont answer the door and play dead😅
Even a two week notice would have me anxious for two weeks. Can’t stand visitors in my home. Home is my safe zone.
Wow Orion this is one of your best messages yet! I didn’t even know I was suffering with this…that I had so many doubts! You set me free to accept my diagnosis no matter what. You had me laughing out loud at the 10 things 😂 Thanks so much for all you do. Don’t let anyone discourage you. You keep going and doing what you love best. 💜
And again, you hit the nail on the head! (that means you brought super good content). I relate to all of these 10 things. And, OH I dread Easter celebration this weekend. There is one person out of the group that treats me as if im 100yrs old, or maybe even 5yrs old. One outta 10 aint bad i say to myself... Thanks for being here for us. Really important that we have you...
Thank you for this video. I suffer from imposter syndrome from my late diagnosis and this really helps me accept me for who I am.
Now back to masking at work. 😂
Hey Orion, this video is incredibly good and I love it. You have put so much into it. As a late-diagnosed autistic person myself, your videos have helped me a lot. If fact, your videos have helped me more than anything else I've watched or read. You really have a way of explaining things that makes sense and is very clear. Many thanks for putting this video together and posting it.
Thank you for explaining it , i know how it feels . Thank you that you can help me accept this fact and that most people seem to have fun making late diagnosed people theire lives even harder then it has to be ! If you ask for a benefit because you can't profide for enough money with the work you do to live properly from its even harder ! Its about time that these finaly gone change for the better , its about time !!!
Another later diagnosed here. A couple of things that were slightly misunderstood in my diagnosis:
Hobbies - I have a lot of different ones... But, I focus or 1 (or 2) at a time, often for a few years. Then I might switch back to something else. But the 'interests' remain lingering in the background.
Stimming - this is a biggy. I don't obviously stim, and it was noted in my diagnosis. The truth is I stim nearly all the time but in lots of different ways. And I've learned to (mainly) hide them. Usually, it will be some form of finger, nail, or toe tapping, flicking, rubbing etc. Usually out of sight, with hands under a desk or under my thigh, etc.
I also didn't get bullied much but I think being very quick witted and good at sports really helped there.
Its hard for me to make friends because my trusting issues but because of my adhd i love to talk non stop
Orion, I am so glad you exist. You are beyond helpful. I sit here, listening to this video, working on my various special interests. I was just sewing a leg for a stuffed animal I am making. Now, I am writing with my left hand to increase its skill. (I am ambidextrous) It is for stimming purposes, keeps me busy, otherwise I shake my leg nonstop all day and get irritated. These hands have to stay busy, so that keeps me engaged in a plethora of interests.
Fabulous video Orion. Thank you for this I needed to see this today.
I was professionally diagnosed in '22. I'd been doubting my diagnosis for a few weeks now, but my therapist just made it worse after I told her and she said I'm not autistic. Nice 👍
Wow. Great video. Thank you! Oh wait, real quick, I've noticed since I stopped masking (I'm 48) and I now openly talk about being neurodivergent that I get the most pushback from people who may be in denial about their own neurodivergence. And I feel so bad in that moment because the person appears terrified about their own potential truth. Has this happened to anyone? I usually just back pedal at that point and say our experiences are completely different. SMH.
I was just diagnosed with Autism at 45 to go along with my ADHD diagnosis at 19. I'm struggling hard with imposter syndrome and this has helped me out tremendously. The timing could not have been any better for this, thank you
4:17 I am 100 perfect here again. Identity crisis round two!
I learned about my autism a few years ago and have been on a healing journey, and now I can't go back to old masking behaviors and people pleasing jobs and fawning trauma relationships with my family.
I'm in an identity limbo where I'm more aware of myself while feeling more lost; I'm healthier and more accepting while feeling less like I belong anywhere now that my mold is broken and a new one hasn't yet formed.
"Just a quick little leveler: let's talk about your social success." 😂 That made me laugh so much.
I’m am Dyslexic and I have ADHD, I didn’t know there are 6 types of Dyslexia. I’m sure I have all 6, I thought I might be Autistic. After listening to your videos I know I am.
Thanks a lot, I was lately diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at 41 and people keep telling me I cant be autistic because I look at them and talk with them. Yeah duh, I learned how to fit in the hard way, because as a Teenager I was the weird outsider who nobody really liked and who can be bullyied. Today I work as a teacher and very few people know the real me. The diagnosis was like an enlightenment to me, now everthing makes sense and it really helps with my constant anxiety, because I am not stupid or mad, I am autisitc and even if I get the feeling people bother to accept it, for me it explains my whole life.
This post is my autobiography, I can relate to every single point!
Thanks, Orion!!! Hysterically funny video in parts! :D It's so wild that even my favorite officially diagnosed TH-camrs struggle with Imposter Syndrome. So many times, researching & trying to solve problems in my life has led me to autism. But, then I will find a million things that resonate and explain everything, but this one thing I do a little differently (but not in an NT way either) and I'm just like... nope, I guess it wasn't that. Back to the drawing board! LOL ( & then I go down all the wrong paths with medications/treatments/pushing myself through burnouts, etc.) & the same thing has happened in so many different years of my life. It's so awesome that this time-- in my life, I can get information from really cool, really smart autistic people here instead of research papers & reading the DSM over and over!
i was diagnosed at 26, then my brother and his wife told me they thought the diagnosis was wrong, my mum said i was never "the one she was worried about", and when i went to the Asperger's support centre in Edinburgh and attended a meeting of other aspies, the neurotypical meeting leader challenged me by asking if i had been diagnosed whilst looking at me with narrowed, suspicious eyes. me telling him the name of the local specialist who gave the diagnosis made him look away with a facial expression as if he didn't want to challenge further but still felt the truth in his gut.
i never went back and never sought out face-to-face autism groups again. then ended up spiraling into the psychosis that was inevitably coming after the diagnosis. i only got the diagnosis because i broke down in front of my GP talking about bizarre things and she sent me to a psychiatrist. i told the psychiatrist i thought i was a psychopath and she brought in an older psychiatrist presented as a colleague who wanted to sit in. the older psychiatrist just sat there listening me talk to the other one, asking a few questions here and there, and then BOOM. i had never once even considered it, and suddenly everything clicked into place.
but the impostor syndrome hasn't gone anywhere. even after this video. i don't really have particular special interests that consume all of my attention. i love music and playing/writing music but most of my time is spent at a computer screen, granted i usually do the same things on it (like 95% of my steam time is spent on three games). but when i can i also like going on walks, morning dips in the sea, i like trying all sorts of different things and am open to new experiences more than most allistics even because i was so closed to them when i was young. also, since the diagnosis, i developed an ability to make assessments of people's body language that reveal complex emotional truths that no one else notices and that they are used to no one else noticing. i sometimes address them, and people get very uncomfortable. when they see the way i look at them they react as if i am staring into their soul (until 26 i just looked at the ground) and in a way i kind of am, and that's why when i say i am autistic they get suspicious, like "how can an autistic person be so aware of my feelings".
i still can not read social cues for shit, and when someone is intending to manipulate me i will not realize until afterwards. but subtle expressions of real complex emotions that i empathize with i can spot sometimes on the first meeting, and it makes people close off from me.
This doesn't sound like the writing of someone who's only "kind of" autistic, it sounds like an autistic person who's affected by unresolved trauma and not yet aware of that. It sounds a lot like me most of my life.
I'm sorry you've dealt with so much invalidation, which was honestly really extreme. These interactions have probably caused you real harm, bc all humans are traumatized by things like dehumanization. It's more likely to happen to us bc of how society is structured.
For many years, if someone asked me what I do for fun, I'd shut down or panic. I dunno, what do I do all day?
Now, if you ask me, I'll just say the three hobbies that I think you'll be most interested in, because you don't have time to hear them all. I didn't suddenly become an autistic persob with special interests after I was diagnosed. I always was this person.
The difference is that I didn't give myself permission to do what I wanted, and I didn't know how. I just thought I was wrong, and so badly wanted to be better, to somehow be right. But that was never possible, because my own view of myself as bad WAS the big problem holding me back.
I'm not saying all that is true for you, that's my weird journey. But reading what you wrote, I have the strongest impulse to tell you that you're a fine, probably really awesome person, and you need to stop being so unfair to this cool person. I don't mean that in a blaming way, none of this is your fault. But you are the #1 person who can help yourself.
You are awesome at being you. Your special interest in studying and noticing other people's subtle emotions is cool and rare, and it makes you a really, really good close friend. Yes, some people will hate it, but that's okay. There is nothing in the world that isn't hated by someone. You'll be happier the more you find and fill your life with people who think you are great. We're out here looking forward to meeting you! I loooooove those people that notice I'm upset before I do, they are very helpful.
Everything you described is very normal. Any of the many ways to approach trauma-informed therapy are worth exploring. You're worth the effort, and the benefits are worth the trouble ❤
Video games can be special interests. Or even computers in general.
I needed to find this morning. I'm self-diagnosed ---have been for nearly a decade---and just talked to my doctor yesterday about how I want to seek an official diagnosis, but now I'm having all these second thoughts because doubts are playing on repeat in my head. Seeing this, yeah, I experience a lot of these things.
Thanks for the confidence boost.
You always seem to make me laugh.Even on my most difficult days.That question about friends and social success in and of itself made me laugh but that line about not standing to close to you was the icing on the cake.I laughed so hard! Spot on mate!..;-) Also I lost it when you were talking about the speech b/c people are always! telling me I’m loud or I talk to fast.When I get excited or upset I can’t seem to control the volume of my voice.I have always talked a lot and talked fast.I kept getting told I was Manic.I was like no my brain moves fast,yours is just to slow,lol..I put in my message mate,and I’m not from Australia.I use big words b/c I had issues communicating for a long time so I read the dictionary and thesaurus,etc.I also use words from all decades and eras cause I now love words.I think I over compensated due to lack of communication skills in early life and getting teased,etc.Then I got teased for using big words and using words from different eras and ethnicity’s,etc.You can never win with Neurotypical people.We will always stand out no matter how much we try to mask.
I was just diagnosed a few days ago and the imposter syndrome kept getting the best of me. This video was incredibly validating. Thank you!
I am 63 and was just diagnosed last Wednesday, 5 days ago. I kept my appointment private and have not told anyone the results. I know it has affected me all my life and I really wanted to understand. I have had a lifetime of being the outsider, not fitting in, being bullied. I didn't really understand because I thought if I was nice to people I should do okay, but social interactions are more complicated than that. I had a career where I had to interact closely with people that were new to me all day long. I was masking as best I could and it helped that the focus was on them and not me, but developed ulcers and TMJ pain from stress and spent the time alone on the weekends recovering. I have been on an antidepressant for the past 10 years and it was lifechanging! This video really helped me. I absolutely fit the description and my diagnosis was made by a psychologist who specializes in autism in adult women, but I was even questioning it myself. I think that is why I haven't told anyone yet and I really don't want to have to "defend" my diagnosis or do a lot of explaining. But YES I absolutely am socially awkward, get bullied, sound different, get anxious and even angry with loud music that I can't get away from, and was not aware until recently that things I was doing were called stimming and were helping me to calm and center myself. I don't expect accomidations from people, I just want to understand myself and my past.
you got played. congrats. good news is there is still time to get your head out of your ass.
Now you know for sure. And it's OK. ❤
DIng, ding, ding! 10 out of 10! I win! I win! What did I win? The luxury of being able to embrace who I really am and to heck with anyone who doesn't like it!
Orion, thank you for another load of wonderful information and some laughs along the way.
I have been told by people that they are comfortable around me. But usually, in the context of counseling or someone experiencing a crisis, not just chilling casually in a social context.
If you have to talk yourself through crises all the time, you get really good at pep talks!
This may not apply to you, but just in case: if you also find that you're much calmer than others in a crisis/emergency situation, consider if you might have ptsd. I seem very anxious and too high strung to most people most of the time, but if something is on fire, I'm the one putting it out while everyone else runs around screaming.
It's really common for ND people to have some trauma, esp from childhood. I dunno how I spent 15 years in therapy without anyone noticing my raging ptsd, but knowing about it was the first step in my life getting way better.
@@lolomcspankyI already knew I had ptsd but damn does pointing that out put things into perspective for me.
I guess when you suffer from anxiety, a situation where the stakes are very clear can be sort of relieving.
Depression and this imposter syndrome, i hear about these concepts/feelings but i have no first hand experience with. The more i hear of autistic state of being the more i think i may be that, it fits so much more than any other. Even with that there are qualities that i differ on, but with how long i have operated it may be that i have learned/adapted on each of those slight differences. Like with the bullying thing, people have tried and i always fight back, and with not being accepted, that is just a normal thing and i learned to be somewhat self sufficient because of it. I do not have a hyper focus as far as i can tell, unless you count my fascination with why things are like they are and the vastly differing thought patterns that result from that
Most things about autism are named according to what the normies see. They will call something hyper fixation when for us it's just following things to their conclusions properly. We can have certain things in common, though some of it certainly IS the same it LOOKS different to them.
@@chey7691 i get that but also i am trying to adapt to the things i have difficulty with, dealing with people more effectively than i currently do without being dishonest about it being a primary concern of mine. The more i learn about autism the more it seems like that it is exactly what is going on with me.
@@patryn36 Ok then I may have a relevant bit of information. Neurotypicals live and breathe "white" lies and extremely conditional and vague social rules. Getting comfortable with lying (even if it's nonsensical and counterintuitive) can help, because if you are actually completely honest (even if it's for yourself) they will still be uncomfortable with you. They actually expect you to lie and mask, they (vast majority of neurotypicals) know it's fake for everyone to some degree.
I'm no medical purist and I know some people slip through the cracks, so there is nothing wrong with seeing if the shoe fits to help yourself. Advice doesn't exactly need a medical diagnosis to work. I'm glad you are willing to learn.
Oh and a fair amount of autistic people have had run ins with depression, it's not easy living in a world that is explicitly hostile in design to you and still have to navigate daily. It feels like living on an alien planet where everything makes sense except the endemic sentient life you talk to every day, similar but too different to not stand out despite the fact that somewhere else I could be considered "normal". And the fact that they refuse to learn to speak my language and learn my customs, but I absolutely must be fluent in theirs otherwise I cannot communicate because they refuse to compromise.
This video helped me a lot. I went to a special clinic for autism in adults and got diagnosed last week. The process/diagnoses took round about a year to finish, plus this clinic is known for it to be the best one in Germany for diagnosing adults and yet I still think I might not have it. I noticed that every point fits with me though socializing is easier for me because I learnt it over years and masking while doing it. The best part was “I hate it” etc when it came to change 😂 I tell people I’m close with that they need to tell me 1-2 weeks in advance if they want to come over or do something. Thank you a lot for your videos they are helping me a lot understanding myself better and noticing things I just thought they were normal or not specifically autistic. Thank you a lot for your work here 😊
I was properly diagnosed last March and I'll be 40 this year, it actually helped me put my whole life up to this point into better perspective. I always knew something was off but I couldn't articulate it to anyone properly and no one around me was intentionally looking for signs of it, especially considering it wasn't as widely recognized 30+ years ago outside of the most severe cases.
Thank you so much! I absolutely needed this at this point in time. I'm 41 and have over the past two weeks or so begun to understand that I'm probably autistic - and after this video, I can safely remove the word "probably" in there. You just slapped that last bit of imposter syndrome right out of me and I had to cry very badly. 🥲
I love to say that I'm good with change. But you change the tasks I'm expected to do today, and watch someone lose it completely.
0:02:40 your observations are so accurate & so hysterical. Thank you for this!
Great video Orion, thanks for this!
I needed this video! Thanks Orion! =)
I almost finished reading your book. Like many others i'm getting a late diagnosis at 28.
Thanks for helping me through a challenging time!
Greetings from Switzerland 🙋♂
When I served in Bosnia I never felt good enough and would ask to get extra lessons for things I didn’t know. My MO said I was an asset to the med centre and exemplary but that I had an unjust lack of self confidence. So I didn’t get the promotion. But it was caused by a couple of bullies and yes I wasn’t confident if I could handle everything I was asked. They were good teachers but it was me that didn’t trust myself imposter syndrome I had to live with most of my life
FANTASTIC and oh so true. Yes I doubt myself. Orion is a lifesaver!
Regarding speech, I would say autists are deliberate with their words. Crafting each sentence to be as accurate as possible, where most people think the general idea is fine and words don't need to be carefully chosen to avoid confusion.
Yes I concur with that.
Beginning to understanding my past. I always believed autism means you cannot sense the feelings of others. Therefore I am not autistic. End of story, I am just weird.
Now I learned some actually do and to an extent that is what I feel - overwhelming.
Now every piece of the puzzle falls into place. The stimming, the scripting, sounding like a professor..
I will embrace who I am.
Thanks for your wonderful videos.
I had anorher Autistic person tell my 3.5 yrs ago that I couldn't be Autistic because of how much I was able to do in the world.
Did you remind them that the S in ASD IS SPECTRUM? 🙄
I think so many people think all autistic people are either non verbal or like Rainman
I needed this today 😞
Thanks for your support!
1. I have social sucess but it doesn't come easy go me and it only comes easy to me around other ND people and even then it's still hard sometimes
2. First time i was bullied/ostracized was when I was 5, and it happened multiple times after ( mostly from people I considered friend )
3. No they wouldn't consider me normal but my family and friends find me endearing
4. I don't hate socializing, and sometimes I like it, but not always. It really depends on who I'm with and where I am. Sometimes I like it but , that's usually only with people I'm bonded with
5. I have lots of speech abnormalities, looping/repeating, childish/sing song voice, formal talk, cluttering , stuttering, vocal stims, Echolalia, too loudly , semi verbal at times, talk too fast or slow etc...
6. I stim a lot
7. I'm either not processing things because they're all blurring into a incomprehensible stimuli or hypersensitive to it.
8. Hyperempathy, intense interests I do have,
9. I'm almost always tense, anxious and freaked out by unexpected changes, things I haven't navigated before, stimuli
10. No I cannot easily transition tasks, sometimes I can't even leave school because transitions are so hard, I do experience autistic inertia and executive dysfunction
11. I'm much more comfortable with who I am so I'm less masked now that I'm diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have masked/hid my special interests/autistic traits from people
Two questions- 1) When a person possibly has both ADHD and Autism, how do you differentiate what is ADHD and what isn't? Is it the level of severity of the symptoms that overlap?
2) What if someone doesn't experience all of the things on this list but does experience most? Does that mean they might not have autism?
The more i learn about autism in women, the more i feel like my life is being explained to me. The whole video about love language in Autism explains so much, especially the physical touch trigger when overwhelmed. I'm not officially diagnosed, but it's heavily suspected. My area doesn't have good access to help for adult males with autism- forget finding one who knows about women. The more I learn though, the more it fits.
Ok .. given I experience 0 of those things maybe I ought to trust my diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 51 but so many people responded to that by saying you can’t suddenly become autistic when you are that old they made me doubt how downright uncomfortable and miserable a lot of those 51 years have been.
Interesting, I'm over 50, not diagnosed, but feel it all. I doubt I can unmask long enough to get diagnosed. How did that happen for you, if you don't mind me asking?
You didn’t “become” autistic at 51. It’s a lifelong condition. You were diagnosed at 51. Big difference.
@@violetgypsie there is and it’s what so many people who know me don’t appreciate, I was born wired differently I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that today was the day I’d become autistic like it was a lifestyle choice
I relate strongly to them all! I was told i was a borderline sociopath. So i researched that and I'm absolutely not!! I am for sure Autistic as as are my son and my brother and my mom!! Thanks Orion!
Oh it's jarring to realize HOW MUCH I actually do mask, bc I've said to people "oh I don't know how to mask" - but yes I do! I tone myself DOWN! It's like I don't put things ON, I tone them down and hold them in. I move slower. I try to do LESS motion. React LESS. Less excitement. STOP myself from dancing. OVERTHINK every motion I'm doing and imagine what everyone's thinking if they look at me - am I being normal? Uhgggghhh but I'm so USED to that, it sorta goes unconsciously. It's annoying for sure. I love being around people on the spectrum too and / or people with ADHD because I can kinda let loose and they don't question it. So as far as "do people feel comfortable with me"? I think if they are neurodivergent, perhaps yes. Because I often hear that people feel they can be themselves with me. And that's what I need too!
“Me no likey-likey the transitions!” ROFL soo good Orion. There’s a new energy about you on this one…. If someone got under your skin, you channeled whatever it was into a beautiful video. ❤
Diagnosed at 36, 18 months ago. Never mentioned until Feb 2022 that maybe I was autistic 🙃
Seems like good timing.... but IDK your circumstances.
I was formally diagnosed in 2018 at the age of 29. It all started in late 2017 (I think it was late November) when an online friend saw a facebook post of mine describing in detail the problems I was experiencing at my job and in the world in general. She asked if anyone ever evaluated me for autism. I laughed at her. But then she told me she was on the spectrum and had a lot of the same problems. She then gave me links to videos about women with late autism diagnoses and their experiences. It was like someone took the blinders off. There was a moment not too long after that God revealed to me that, yes, I am autistic and, yes, it's okay to be autistic. He created me that way for His purpose. I'm not a mutant, my brain is just wired differently. Ten months later, after neuropsychological testing, it was confirmed. I try to hold to that knowledge that it's okay to be autistic and what God has told me, but other human beings are pretty good at throwing me off on that and causing me to question myself.