Your Goals Are Incompatible With Modern Life
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- In a recent post on our subreddit, a viewer candidly shared their struggle: feeling like their aspirations clash with the demands of contemporary society. This prompted a profound exploration into navigating the conflict between personal ambitions and the realities of the world we live in.
Learn more from Dr. K in his Guide to Mental Health: bit.ly/45NirwY
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Join me as I delve into actionable strategies and insights on how to navigate the challenging terrain when your aspirations seem at odds with the prevailing norms of modern life. Discover practical steps and mindset shifts that can empower you to carve a path forward, even amidst perceived incompatibilities between your goals and the world around you.
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:11 - Reddit Post
04:51 - The science of happiness
11:24 - Fulfilment
16:22 - Placebo
21:32 - It's not fair
27:23 - Conclusion
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DISCLAIMER
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #lifegoals
I'll never forget going for routine bloodwork over a decade ago. There was a nurse, I'm guessing in her 40s, looked like my mom's age. She took me back to get my blood, she looked overworked, tired, the place was understaffed, it was just her and one other staff with a waiting room full of people. She asked me what I do for a living.. I responded honestly, I'm a digital artist, I draw, I'm self taught, people pay me to draw (not a lot, but I survive.) The look on her face as she said "That's what I was supposed to do. I was going to be an artist. You can make a living with the internet?" -- She looked as though she just saw a ghost from her past, she was miserable, shaken. I could hear her muttering under her breath, shaking her head again and again until I walked out the door, I could feel how full of regret she was.
That moment has stuck with me and I'll be damned if I ever end up in her shoes. I'm going to cling to my passions until I drop dead even if I barely scrape by.
If you keep at it, you might actually get there. I've had a passion for working with animals all my life and now I'm a full time pet sitter, working for myself and the love for the job. Getting through the pandemic was hard, but worth it. You never really know what opportunities will come your way though, so don't be too strict about what you do with your passion. And don't be ashamed to go to the food bank.
I went to school for graphic design starting in 2006 starting in a tech prep program in high school. I got my associates, and started working towards my BFA. While working towards my BFA the industry basically imploded. Today almost all the work that graphic designers get aside from the top 1-5% is gig based work $5 at a time. It was supposed to be the fastest growing field for the next 20 years. It died in 6.
Now I fix espresso machines and my professional goal is to open a coffee truck.
I would've cried for days. I'd never forget that for rest of my life. Please let that not be me.
She has helped more people than you have... She should be proud of that.
@@usbsol doesn't mean we should force them to martyr for us. The system want heroic effort out of them, but not give them heroic pay and working condition. At some point somethings going to give.
It's not just about the money. Working takes SO much time out of our lives. I'm not saying "work bad" because some amount of it is necessary, and it is also fulfiling for many people. At the same time though, it inhibits our power to change our own lives. No time for reflection, deadline's coming. No time for friends, I am required to perform a task.
Yes it drains us of energy for passion projects and gives us the weekend to recover but instead we have to catch up on chores it’s really depressing.
It forces us to keep going too even in times of trauma or grief, as you said no time for reflection or proper healing.
so let us change that. HG says that it's easier to change yourself than the world, and of course that's true, but the society we live in makes so many people miserable - it's clear that unhappiness in this world is not just a sign of personal failure. One would expect that our progress in science would lead to people working less than 8 hours a day, yet it doesn't seem to be the case. I recommend the book Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber and the video Work (or, the 5 jobs I had before TH-cam) by Philosophy Tube
I hope the world will start moving towards a 4-day workweek just like we moved from 6-day to 5-day workweek in the industrial age. I already have a hard time staying motivated for sticking to an education from 8AM-3PM Monday-Friday. I myself don't want to live to work, or rather in this case, survive to work
@@demigod8522 Doesn't sound realistic given that the world has a large number of *growing* challenges. I predict we are living in a phase in history after the dissolution of the soviet union and American hegemony that allowed for this more lax world to exist.
After the other challenges grow and the world starts going to hell in a handbasket I don't see how the powers that be would agree to a 4-day workweek when the need for work to be done is growing not shrinking.
Ironically the work that is growing is work for people in the top 30% of people so maybe the 70% who aren't capable enough to be doctors, diplomats, (honest) leaders, justice workers, criminologists, career military, etc. will have their jobs automated and will be permitted not to work after all.
Also since there is no guarantee that your country will be stable when you retire, then as insurance for your family your parents and siblings and yourself we need to have ambition enough to build wealth for ourselves just in case. That's not working well with a 4-day workweek unless the days off are used for building that wealth.
Which wouldn't be a 4-day workweek anyway and I suspect what people really want is to only work 4 days and totally laze around the other 3 (which is what I also desire on the days I'm ok with being self-centered).
@@cyberneticbutterfly8506 I was thinking about a few studies proving happy workers are more efficient, being able to get the same amount of motivated work done in 4 days. I honestly can't remember the source tho.
There's a difference between being content with what you have and not being ok with 10 hours being robbed from you daily
exactly
ultimately I'm against the very notion of Capitalism, but if I lived in the EU in a period of economic stability, with their approach to worker's rights and reduction of work week to 36h on average I think I'd be able to suck it up and just accept the fact that I have to work to get stability and still would have time to focus on the things that make me feel fulfilled.
the thing is I don't live in a place where that's a reality. I live in a "developing country" as they say which is to say I live in a country that's more exploited by the whole system and because of that it's more exploitative of its laborers. most of the people I know work more than 44h a week, and I'm not even including the commute time there, which is on average 20h more, people who work where I live just have time to work and sustain their whole lives around it. there's no free time, there's no hobbies. there's no family time. most people have only Sunday free and even then they still use a portion of Sunday in preparation for the beginning of the work week. And do they at least have financial stability?? you might ask, no, they don't! they live in fear of loosing that all the time and most of the time these jobs don't last more than 2 years and so they spend a little time searching for a new one and starting every all over again. it's very disrespectful to anyone living a life like this. we're just surviving. And there's no way out. I'm hopeless
@@1152pm I certainly will speak out of place, but I have a rosy view of capitalism. In my understanding, if capitalism didn't exist, you would no have your job at all. If the companies hiring you aren't empowered by capitalism they would not exist. TH-cam where we are interacting right now would not exist if it wasn't for capitalism. Capitalism produces all these things that are useless and that enslaves us, but the ones you want to use. If capitalism didn't exist, then we would all be back in farms raising food for our own selves. Maybe us all being in a farm would have been better but there are good innovations for humanity that came out because of capitalism. I don't think the path is to hate on capitalism but how to work around its bad aspects.
I also want to say that I wish I knew what to say to help you with the exploitation issues. I don't. I feel bad hearing you say it is hopeless, I do hope we find a way to solve it.
@@luism9886 I think you are confused what people mean by capitalism, or at least what its critics mean. Capitalism is some guy owning a company and making profits off of the workers just for owning the machines and not doing the work himself, basically. Also known as privatization. Jobs can exist without such an arrangement, think guilds and apprentice systems for example. TH-cam and the internet as a whole did not spawn from privatization, in fact private influences refused to have anything to do with it for the first decade, only starting to get involved and poach things up once it was already in a good state and they realized they could make easy money. Other systems we used before capitalism allowed us to share food and specialize, that was the case since the moment we moved away from being purely hunter gatherers.
You can't even say capitalism has a stranglehold on innovation, as on one hand some 95% or something (idr the exact statistic) of phone components were discovered by collective government spending rather than private funding, and on the other, Cuba, a country that to my knowledge is anticapitalist (and also subject to annual natural disasters as well as an embargo that almost entirely cuts them out of global trade) is still a leader in medical breakthroughs and had enough doctors to send them out to the world during the height of that big event a few years back.
Hope this makes sense.
We shouldn't have to change our goals when it comes to not wanting our labor exploited. Yet we shouldn't submit to the system, nor should we just sit there and complain. Unfortunately, we must take on this burden by oursleves. You must understand yourself and the world to positively impact it. The hope of Socialism is what I am dedicating my life to. Otherwise I'd rather not life frankly. My way or the high way fuck it.
One of my coworkers had a dog that was around 20 years old, and was an integral part of the family as I am sure anyone with pets can imagine. One day she had to take it to the vet to have it put down. She was hauled into HR and questioned why she was late for work, and when she told them why, their response was that going to the vet isn't a valid reason to be late, and she received an official warning.
That'd be my immediate resignation right there. Person in the story probably had to take the abuse because of the little bit of money the corporate overlords were throwing their way?
@@wh4t3v3rrr the price for disobeying our capitalist overlords is being homeless
The heck?
For a while I lived together with an elder person. She was my best friend's mother and she meant a lot to me because she helped me getting my life together. After two years of living with her she got sick and it was still okay at first, but she got weaker and weaker. I would often take care of her, but most of the time she could still do things on her own.
One evening she was out with her kid and boyfriend. Something happened. She had to be resuscitated. I got a call about it and was up rly long waiting for an answer if she was doing alright and even then could barely sleep. I took 2 days off after that event and was met with disbelief. Just because she isn't blood related doesn't mean someone very close to me (almost) dying isn't affecting me. Sorry, but handling people's magazines comes second (or third or lower) place to my friends and my own mental health :/
Did she notify someone that she was going to the vet ? It may sound heartless I know but stuff like that have to be called in ,not that HR isn't an asshole because it is a valid excuse but it falls on people responsibility to inform their job that there is a problem and you had to be late. You signed a contract after all that you will be there at those hours
This feels so incredibly off-base for me. His entire focus was around jealousy, because OP mentioned those windfall friends, but I'm in that exact situation without any source of jealousy. I don't have windfall friends, I don't spend energy thinking about people who live the life I want. And yet I am still filled with despair to think about giving up my goals in order to continue living.
Then u have a different problem. I have been in a similar situation of not having jealousy be a major factor but still having a similar problem to yours. His advice to go to work for yourself and also to make a sacrifice for long term freedom is something I worked out for myself a couple of months ago and has really made a difference. Even if jealousy isn't the issue he's not wrong. Emotions can either help or be a waste of energy!
what else really he can say? Destroy capitalism through revolution? There is no real way out of the situatoin OP is in (right now) and Dr can only help you cope, not solve it.
I 100% agree with you. This is exactly the video I need in my life, but the major focus on jealousy definitely doesn't fit with my own issues. Of course, this was aimed at the OP of the Reddit post, but if Dr. K reads this: It might be worth exploring this topic again without the factor of jealousy. That said, more than 50% of the video IS applicable to us, I think.
Some parts resonated with me pretty strongly, like how I've recently been thinking about how I'll have to sacrifice things and not be able to do 100% of what I want all the time, in an effort of reaching that fabled state of "constant freedom". Hearing it from this video is cementing that uncomfortable but true feeling I have that I will need to suck it up to a certain extent, and mold myself slightly, just so I can fit through the metaphorical tunnel that is getting to a financially stable place in my life. I have therapy tomorrow and will definitely be bringing these topics up!
Same here; I don't want the world to change because I'm jealous of what others have in terms of wealth and abundance as much as I do because I'm "jealous" of the financial security that they have. I've already reached a point where I don't want or need much more than food, water, shelter and an internet connection in order to be content and happy, but reaching that point in the first place feels basically impossible given the circumstances I find myself in. I never chose to have it be basically impossible to move out of your parents home without some kind of lead in from college dorms or roommates that are a total roll of the dice as to whether or not you'll be comfortable living with for however long your lease is, and yet I'm expected just to accept that as the way it is because it's out of my control. It's just so difficult when as the years go by, I ask for less and less and compromise more and more, and yet am still never given what little I do ask for without being told to make myself miserable in the process.
The only real relief I've been able to find towards this feeling has been to put in effort towards making a world where this doesn't have to be the case for everyone who feels similarly, because I know I'm not alone. Whether it be through putting in lots of effort towards researching about politics, both locally and nationally, educating the people in my life who feel similarly to myself about these things, supporting those same people mostly by cooking for them and giving them as much emotional support as I can, and ideally in the near future starting to volunteer for habitat for humanity to have a direct affect on housing which is one of my main fears for the well-being for myself and others. Regardless, it isn't a jealousy that comes from not meeting desires as much as it is a fear that comes from struggling to meet basic needs for security and safety, and it doesn't make sense to me why it has to be that way when we live in such a wealthy country that we can't even provide people with the bare minimum.
anyways sorry for the essay lol hope you have a good day
Do you at least have a role model? Do you engage in social media and have almost undetectable moments of jealousy?
The Healthy Gamer did mention something that really helped me realise the problem: Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Many jobs nowadays are in conflict with all of these needs. How?
1. The job is in conflict with your physiological needs - you must perform it every day for the whole day DESPITE being sick, feeling horrible or being burnt out. You don't even have the time to train or to eat a healthy meal.
2. This leads to a lack of energy and that's why many people can't get a break from everyday life - they don't have the time and energy to meet up with friends or travel somewhere or even have a hobby.
3. Manytimes you have to work with people who are rude to you and hurt your self-esteem. Most of them are idiots too so it makes your job more difficult.
4. Many jobs don't pay you enough so that you can even afford to buy yourself a small flat, or raise a child, or even buy yourself a decent meal.
5. Many jobs are just meaningless office jobs that make you dumb with time and you can't grow as a person.
So yeah, welcome to modern-day slavery where you have to go to work in the winter while sick with a bunch of a$$h0les for some money that will only buy you nasty food in a nasty and moldy rented apartment which you can enjoy by yourself.
This!
Damn, well said.
capitalism 🔥
I feel like this has been most people's experience throughout all of human history, but even as we've made life safer and more convenient, we've demanded an increasing amount from people for less. There was a time, at some point, where you could live in a decent-enough house in a decent-enough neighborhood just working parking time somewhere. And yeah, the job sucked, probably, but life was also simpler overall. Even being a dirt farmer in the middle ages, well, lots of things sucked back then, but you didn't end up living long enough to suffer decades of bodily and mental decline, you had your tribe, you had your spirituality (probably), you had the immediate and tangible rewards for your efforts via building and hunting or farming, and you weren't constantly inundated with media constantly manipulating your emotions. The "better" life gets, the more we find our world twisting away from what we evolved to be, but there's also no going back to just being beasts in the jungle.
Heaven forbid you want to stay single, as well. You'll have to meet all your bills with one income. Rent isn't really designed for single income households now.
I think what the OP was trying to convey is not that he wants pure freedom, but rather the 'freedom' to choose his life path without the need to conform. He has hobbies and interests and things he wants to do in life, but in order to pursue those dreams, he first needs to make money doing something that doesn't interest him - almost like paying a monthly subscription just to be happy. Of course there can be ways to compromise without sacrificing his interests (for example, he said he loves working out, why not work at a gym or be a physical therapist / kinesiologist?) but as of right now, he has to work in retail/factory/hospital/etc. just so he can express himself later.
Freedom from worry and freedom from oppression are both part of pure freedom imo.
I could have been the person writing that post tbh. Currently working retail while trying to become a physical therapist. I'm exhausted. Date not set in stone yet but if I fail and my life is still the same in 5 years from now I don't want any more of it. If what you think your life could be and what your life is actually like are separated by too great of a chasm then you'll never be content.
@@wh4t3v3rrr I was exactly where you are. But im telling you its worth it. Keep pushing. Keep going. I had to do it all by myself, transitioning from retail to graphic design. But now that Im finally here, I dont regret anything. All of my prior work experience has helped me in my career and I dont go home miserable and exhausted. I complain about work, as we all do. But I also recognize that Im miles ahead of where I was just 5 years ago
@@wh4t3v3rrr I once read a job-seeking article that I will paraphrase as, "if you can't find a door, find an escape hatch." I was sitting in the break room of my dead end job, feeling full of dread and despair, and stuck. I read that, and I started thinking about escape hatches. What was something that I could do as a transition? So I didn't think I could walk straight into a stable desk job from retail hell today. Was there some other, less daunting, baby step option? Something not as good as a door, but workable? I found my escape hatch in a part-time job at the local library. That job eventually blossomed into a career. Don't get me wrong. I still want more money and free time and I still lack time and energy for my friendships and creative passions, but this is definitely better than where I was. The escape hatch worked. I didn't leave looking for a career. I left looking to re-establish some newer white collar jobs on my resume. I wanted the job to be a baby step or a springboard to other things. I just happened to be able to advance without ever leaving. So maybe look for your escape hatch: a part-time job at a gym or a doctor's office or something kind of tangentially related to your desired field, volunteering somewhere, etc. Life is much more bearable now that I found my escape hatch.
This is my current life story. :(
I change my goals to
- be annoyed all the time
- be exhausted
- feel small and worthless
- never have enough time for nicr things
- just have enough money not to starve, but not enough to live
Now i can go to work and fulfill all my goals 😊😊😊
living the dream :)
I say this as a psychology/sociology student, but the whole... "change yourself, not society" thing is always a huge red flag. I get what you're saying, and it is more realistic for the moment, but how it plays out is often "let societal atrocities continue without question -- any social problem is actually a YOU problem," and that stance just benefits power. Social problems are actually not impossible to collectively fix. We have too many people working useless jobs, for longer hours than they need to be working, and for very little payoff (in terms of either monetary or internal fulfilment, tbh).
This person mentioned that they volunteered -- well, volunteer work is profoundly more useful to humanity than anything the vast, VAST majority of businesspeople are doing, and yet only one of these positions is afforded tangible value in society. What does that say about us?
Well said. I think the change should happen both in individuals and the society
@@scattered-idea Agreed, and that's partially one of the reasons I'm taking both psych/soc -- they complement each other (can't have permanent individual changes without environmental/social/societal changes, can't have social/societal changes without taking individual, personal thoughts, feelings, and behaviours into account). Balance is always needed
Completely agree. This is where my initial thoughts took me as well.
Well said!
Imagine what the world could look like if "warm and fuzzy altruism feelings" wasn't considered half your paycheck in caring professions.
Completely agree. When he started going that path of advice it had me concerned. Agree with some of his advice, and sometimes it's better to refocus on your own situation, but the whole "social issues are a you problem" is indeed quite detrimental to creating a more fair society.
The question is not "how do I succeed in an unfair world?", the question is "why would I want to participate in a rigged game?"
it's a really good question.
it's all rigged against us. money , work, housing, happiness, whatever.... even in a country with universal healthcare, even the healthcare is rigged against me because of the laws that prevent certain medications or procedures for completely arbitrary reasons. it breaks my heart x10000 every time i think about it.
It’s not rigged, it’s just not perfectly fair. You play because we lose by giving up and you miss every shot you don’t take. You can learn to push through and move past the individual challenges and unfairness of life. The ‘How?’ to that question needs to be discovered by everyone for themselves… Maybe that means learning to live more simply and enjoy less to also worry about earning less.
@@voltaire372 it IS rigged. not in a "a single secret cabal controls the entire world" way, but in a "several groups of rich elites covertly influence global politics with their gigantic wallets and also routinely dodge taxes because they're too rich to face legal repercussions".
the unfairness is built into the system. the entire global north has a vested interest in keeping the global south poor. on a more local level, the wealthy and the owner classes have a vested interest in lobbying local politicians to keep poor people on the bottom rung of society in perpetuity because without poor workers, the rich have no beasts of burden to carry out their work for them.
you might be aware of the panama papers or those numerous times when the american empire destablized other countries. you are likely aware of the sweatshops in asia which produce most of what the world consumes in terms of electronics and clothing. there's no way to "move past" such unfairness except for large scale political change and/or revolt.
I would called it "unbalanced" rather than "rigged". No one is trying to make you lose, they're just trying to keep you from winning. The other thing is that framing is toxic. A "game" implies you're competing against others. If you take the opinion that we are all on the same team, you increase hope and collaboration in the world, which is what puts an end to the struggle and scarcity.
@@TubeytimeExcept for the fact in most real world circumstances, the world is a ridiculously competetive place. If you want to enter a job thats high in supply but low in demand, you would likely have to move the heavens in order to occupy a vacant position. Regarding your part about collaboration, it's essentially just game theory. Sure, humanity would go much further if we actually worked together instead of cutting each other's throats to go the extra mile, but why should I as an Individual care? As far as I'm concerned, everybody around me is insanely competitive and if i don't step up, I'm gonna be left on the streets. This mentality spreads ridiculously quickly and the modern day economic systems(capitalism) exacerbate this by priding itself on the fact that the system works on the basis of innovation through competition.
As someone who's been crushed by alienating low-wage jobs for long years, I can appreciate the point in learning to modulate your own expectations, but it doesn't change the fact that the environment in which you are spending most of your awake time IS invalidating and exhausting you. Currently I'm in my early 30s and I'm back to school full-time for the last 2 years, because I'd rather get myself into a TON of debt than going back to work, even though I'm not even sure that all those efforts and risks are going to pay in the end.
I'm on the opposite trajectory for now after never fitting in or finding proper employment with a degree and constantly cycling through temp tech jobs. Just learning to modulate my expectations. The alienation is like numbness without the drugs.
you don't need a degree to be studying, be careful
What do you want to do with your education?
I'm 29 and am about to start the process of going back to school, got a phone call in 3 hours with my local university's admissions department in fact. I've been a heavy diesel mechanic for 10 years, and it just kills me that I gave up and settled for this. What kills me even more though, is that I feel ungrateful for this career. It pays well enough, the benefits aren't bad, but I've just become so miserable doing it. I didnt have to go to school for it, i just had to learn to fix stuff like i've always had to. I grew up poor, but i learned to be handy thanks to my dad. It hasn't given me a bad life, but it's just chipped away at my soul over the years.
@@j.adamwegs2882as someone who has been soul crushed by an office job, can you share what didn't work for you in mechanics? I've been thinking about retraining in a trade.
I nearly went to therapy for this exact reason (I couldn't find one in my area and insurance that was available outside of my working hours). I felt like I wasn't meant for reality and there was something wrong. Everyone else works. Maybe they don't love it but they manage. I can't manage and I can't just choose something else because I won't survive, so what can I do? (Also, I've worked as various forms of artist. Currently a graphic designer, so the "do what you love and you'll never work a d-" thing doesn't work for me. Having fun doing what you love on your own terms, and being obligated to do something to corporation's/your customer's liking to LIVE are two different concepts) Learn to cope was my answer...now... idk. Still figuring it out.
But, I will take your advice and find a way to pursue something instead of NOT something.
Same here. I work in VFX and love the work itself, but somehow doing it for a company is draining the life out of me. I really feel like I live with a vampire. And I have it easy compared to my colleagues; I don't work overtime (overtime in VFX for most people is balls to the wall insane, probably one of the worst industries in North America for that) and am well-paid. I feel like I must be incredibly spoiled to be unhappy, but I am unhappy nevertheless. Maybe Dr. K's shift in mindset will help.
Same. I decided that I will do all bullshit that I need to do to be free from 8 hours of work everyday. It will cost me big chunk of my life and maybe I will fail but what other choice do I have?
I tried to change my job recently, and almost shotgunned myself from the total panic anxiety of just looking. Managed to apply to a few places, never heard back. Honestly, I didn't even actually want to do a different job, I just wanted to stop working for a while. But I can't. I can lower my hours down a bit, but all that meant was bringing less money home.
I started my dream business of owning a successful music studio. Almost ruined my passion for music over the seven years I did it professionally. Even after closing my studio, it took about a year and a half before picking up an instrument or opening a DAW was no longer a soul-crushing experience. I've pretty much been lost since then.
@@ledumpsterfire6474 Sounds rough, buddy. During my quest for another job, I tried to do some writing-to-market for Amazon Kindle, and I have never had a more miserable time writing in my life. Never again.
As someone who's got a "work to live" attitude and have been struggling with this for a long time, huge props to the Reddit OP for that post
takes a large amount of courage to put something like that out into the world. even on reddit.
You in Europe? Over here we work to live rather than live to work like Americans.
@@thijs2906 culturally yes there is more support/social safety but its not neverending.
@@jordanlavin7 It pretty much is unless you mess up really bad. The difference in salary between 2 jobs don't vary as much as in the US. Even a top CEO won't take home more than 200k (before tax) per year unless he earns money through being a board member of a company. A worker with 20% years of experience takes home around 100k. So the difference isn't that big, while in the US top execs can earn way more than people below them.
Same. I work to live and have decided to sacrifice my time for improvement in another job but I had to due to how busted the economy has become
Hi Doctor K, I'm the original poster. I'd like to say, like many people in the comments, I think you are focusing way too much on the jealousy thing. You said a lot about not settling. However, in the end you seem to say that the solution really is to just settle. I said that I want time to do all of my hobbies and things I find fun. In the end, I simply can't have that kind of free time doing any full 40 hour a week worth of work. I actually have an engineering job, and I have a pretty good income, But I also have a household to run. I have a lot of obligations, and there's no way to get rid of them. I'm married. I have a lot of things going on. I'm the breadwinner in the family. Unless I want to get divorced and leave, and give up my house, and live in a tiny apartment , which I can't even do on my current savings, there's no way out of my current standard of living. Also, I don't want to give up my standard of living. The only reason I brought up my friends is because they happened to have the life I want, not because if they didn't exist, I wouldn't want it anyway. I'm not a fool. I know some people are wealthy enough that they have the amount of time to do the things that I want. I don't want celebrity. I don't want riches. I want to not work and live comfortably. I have always been happier when I've had full days with no work. Always.
would there be a possibility to make your hobbies your career? Or change your job to something that is more fun and wouldn't feel like such a waste of time? Sure you would have to make changes in your life and maybe live with less for a while but wouldn't it be good to pursue your dreams? I liked the part when Dr. K talked about maybe getting more education or something, making changes so you can change your life. But in general I was disappointed in this video (what is really rare wit HG videos!), he focused too much on jealousy part. Even though it might be important too, I would've liked to hear more how he would've approached the question "I don't think this society wants to pay me money for doing things I like even though I think they benefit the world and myself too. Is there anything I can do?"
@@imja_ "ure you would have to make changes in your life and maybe live with less for a while but wouldn't it be good to pursue your dreams"
My dreams have an integral part of not having to do them on a schedule or in order to survive.
I think this was answered somewhat poorly. I think you missed the essence of the post, of their point. It isn't about money, it isn't about settling or being content with what you have. I feel exactly the same way that poster does. I'll give you two scenarios.
In scenario 1, I have worked hard and dutifully in some firm or corporation. I have crawled my way to the top and have many achievements to be proud of. Because of this, I've been rewarded by the company with gifts, raises, and status. I own a home, a car, and every comfort I might need. My future and the future of my family is secure.
Now, scenario 2. I have next to nothing. I find myself alone, in the wilderness with a decent axe, a good knife, and wilderness survival skills. I go hungry, I struggle to get enough food, I painstakingly purify my drinking water, I build a shelter, I find wild edibles, I grow and cultivate them, I cure my ailments with that which I can find in nature. It's hard, I almost die a time or two, but in 10, 15 years I have a small rough homestead and a meagre but steady income of food, a sturdy walking stick, and endless miles of wilderness.
Which scenario am I happy in? Number two, without even the teensiest doubt. And I am not simply saying this without experience because I have lived near enough both of those lives and for a good span of time each. I never became a CEO, but I sped through the ranks of a company and received 5 raises in a short period. My boss admitted to grooming me for executive positions. I also lived for years in a dugout cottage, burning firewood in a clay mortared stone stove to keep warm in winter.
I miss and long for one of these lives, and it isn't the one which necessitates a tie. So, I'll say it for those in the back: My goals are incompatible with the world. In my case, it is because the world for which I am compatible no longer exists. I have never been so tired chopping wood, foraging for mushrooms, and dragging back logs to be hewn and planed for building as I have coming home after merely 9 hours at an office.
exactly. EXACTLY.
So buy some land in
Canada and live the life.
Why did you come back to civilisation when you're built for the wild?
Empathize with this guy so much. I work hard, have a good work ethic, but would never work a "day job" in my life if I wasn't literally going to die starving and homeless within a month of losing my job. A lot of times, I don't even necessarily mind the work, but if I won the lottery, I would quit, and set up my finances to coast off of investment earnings the rest of my life. I don't even want for much, I just want to not live in a ditch or starve to death, and I'd like to be able to afford medical needs so I'm not spending the next couple decades crippled with pain. Also, internet. Gotta have that internet. Point is, I'm a simple man with simple desires living in a world that is vehemently disgusted at the thought of a human being not being a hustle culture grind machine if you aren't already a billionaire.
well said
Your last sentence resonates with myself a little too well.
You do realize that most of the stuff you're asking for is actually a lot, right? Like, not many people have those things (in the world, I know people in the 1st world have much more access to it, but it's not like that in other parts of the world).
@@quintboredom that is actually a very good point. I always think to myself, "oh I could live off of a pretty bare minimum, so long as I have [insert thing that two thirds of the population doesn't have]." Discussions like this are obviously great ("level of suffering" and all that) , but gratitude is extremely important
@@quintboredom Yes, I'm aware. We all relate to things relative to our lived experiences. I know I live ten trillion times better than any king. Compared to other people in my country? I'm just a couple missed paychecks away from homeless.
And those people who have even less then me? I'm sure they also would like the same basic shit I want (ignoring luxuries like the internet). Difference is, I was lucky enough to be born into a situation where I am able to get the basics. Sustain the basics until the inevitable? That's questionable.
i'm so happy people are talking more about the things I used to get weird looks at for speaking about. It's remarkable how much has changed over the last 5 years with what people are willing to share and for that, I'm grateful because it doesn't feel so lonely.
This is true. I agree that these topics are coming into the mainstream light which is a good thing as indeed, not so long ago you couldn't find it much.
Working 40 hours a week is soul crushing. There is no time and no energy for things that make life worth living. I want to do things (plural). I care about doing one thing for most of life. And I refuse to trick myself into giving up on what makes life worth living.
Its almost like the system is made to make you tired and demotivated enough to prevent you from actually protesting or rebelling against the elites.
@@JoseRRodriguez It's more a practical issue than that, it's because people have lost class consciousness and union membership and involvement has declined. Fortunately it has recently started pick up steam again :)
Lol. I work 60-70 hours a week and still got plenty of time for watching movies, playing video games, reading books or meeting up with my friends and family. Quit whining.
@@Maturas And you probably sit at a desk all day. Let us know when you work jobs that actually require you to expend energy before you next get involved in the conversation.
@@ledumpsterfire6474 Yes, I do sit at a desk all day. And it takes a lot of energy, though mental, not physical.
The luxury that physical workers have, and mental ones don't, is that once they call it a day, they've truly left their job. I don't have that - even though I've finished my work day, I'm still thinking about the problems I've got to solve or what the chaos of ongoing operations will bring tomorrow, and I hardly ever do stop thinking about them. And it can be quite tiring, to the point where you just want to lay on your bed and stare at the ceiling.
And guess what, mental work also comes with physical problems! Eye strain, headaches, back pain, neck pain, spine problems, bad posture, and poor physique are common among desk/office workers.
As most mental workers would not want to ever do physical labour, there are also plenty of physical people, who couldn't stand the everyday reality of office work, especially corporate one.
I felt jealous and left behind seeing my friends flourish, but then I had to stop and remind myself that these were the people I cared about, and they care about me as well. I just started cheering for them, becuase I rather see the people I care about doing well than them being in my position. I love seeing them live their dreams and not let their minds stop them. I go to support everything they do, and quickly that jealousy went away. But I still feel like I'm far behind in life and I dont know which way to go.
I agree with a lot of the comments, it's not just about the actual job, the problem is that it takes a huge chunk of the time. If we want to have hobbies, social life, time for ourselves, friends and family etc, we need to that in what..2 days? Not to mention the regular chores, cleaning, cooking, shower, getting ready etc. I tried that for a while, I tried to optimise my week during my internship (8h/5 days a week) and it felt horrible because everything had to be rushed and did not have the time to chill and enjoy the moment. I think it's a complicated topic and depends a lot on situation. Sending support to all of you, whatever you are going through
I agree. Trying to do all of that is horribly stressful. For a couple years I had a part time job while married, and I didn't have the time to get everything done around the house and get the bills paid, all with a job that barely paid for the gas for the commute. The idea of having goals for myself is impossible for me. My husband constantly complained and emotionally abused me while demanding everything of me. Yes, I got a divorce, but now it means a full time job for me when I couldn't do the daily household stuff with a part time job. This doesn't even include spending any time for myself doing anything (exercise, fun, mental health, anything). Work, pay bills, house chores, eat, sleep 5 hours a night if lucky. That's all there's time for, & I will never be able to retire either. The real world is not compatible with mental health, plain & simple.
@@Moraenil I’m really sorry to hear that you have had such horrible experience. The world is not compatible with human needs, period. The need for ‘me-time’ should not be consider essential part of mental health but an essential part of life. It’s kind of ridiculous that the world needs to discuss this, as if it should not be an absolute given. Of course I’m not trying to say that the world needs to adopt this immediately, but I’m happy to hear that at least we are moving towards the 4 day working week. In my hometown the only job position I saw with the 4 day working week was for HR, but you got to work the 40 hours a week regardless. Sadly, the world revolves around money. Not to mention if you wanna do something different than being in a 9-5. You will probably need to give up every little joy you have. It sucks.
I was SO excited for this video. I have struggled with this for so long. I am the person in the video almost exactly, the only exception being jealousy. I don't feel jealous of others, but I feel like 100% of my time is eat/sleep/work. Every job I've ever had doesn't pay enough to justify being away from my family and my hobbies. I could go to college for hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the chance to maybe perhaps get a job that pays more. Maybe. I didn't ask to be born, yet here I am. And with this one and only chance I get in this great, vast world, 2/3rds of it will be spent doing things for others, and the other 1/3rd will be spent being too damn old to actually go do anything
It's pretty interesting. When you look at studies that came out pre-pandemic, the average white collar office worker was only productive for about 3 hours a day.
For some reason, we're trying to scale a job based on an industrial manufacturing context in the mid-20th century to white collar work.
I really, truly, REALLY feel that the illusion of education has completely fallen. Education by itself is literally nothing, useless. It has to be followed up by opportunity. And America and many other nations has fallen absolutely flat on their face when it comes to this due to income and wealth disparity. There's a thousand things we can find that are more specific than that summarization phrase, but at the end the do day, THAT is what we have. Disparity. The opposite of opportunity.
Yes, we should listen to Dr K and adjust our personal reality. Yes we should still try. Yes we should keep going on the journey of the hero AKA humanity as an entity and try to improve things somewhat... but I also think that the collective gaslighting of a toxic culture needs, DESPERATELY, to be acknowledge early, often, and loudly in order to heal the sickness hanging over most of our species' heads currently.
The internet, as the most advanced communication method we've yet invented, didn't create any of these issues. It simply shone a light into the shadows cast by the obfuscation put in place by the corrupt, selfish, and those who murdered their own humanity long ago in pursuit of 'a better life' for themselves exclusively.
Engels once wrote that his ideal man was someone who had the freedom and intellect to "Go fishing in the morning and solve math problems in the afternoon." Work is terrible, but there has to be another way. One where the work ("go fishing") is for you, not "for others" as you say.
Bertrand Russell believed that if we distributed all work equally among all people, it would result in more free time for all provided we don't focus on always growing the profits. Nordic countries have started testing out the 3-day weekend. As technology increases, we've seen the need for human labor decline radically... yet we toil. People in the future will look at us as fools who slaved away their time on Earth so we coud be alive for 2 out of 7 days instead of organizing work towards the goal of more free time for all, as an utopian endgame let's aim at say a 3-day work week that doesn't produce enough to keep the 1%'s lifestyle because that's not what people need to produce for, maintenance for a healthy world would require much less labor. But of course, we don't live in a healthy world just yet, and to organize work you're gonna need workers to be organized. So get organizing! Unionize!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@diego-dias The "40"-hour work week is too profitable for companies in other ways. By stealing all of your mental bandwidth and time, they know consumers will be more susceptible to consumption and drug usage.
@@diego-dias try 1 out of 7. Monday through Friday are spent at work, Saturday is a rest day, Sunday is for mentally preparing to live the exact same week you've been living for years (working Monday through Friday, resting on Saturday, preparing for the workweek on Sunday) This assumes you only work 40 hours and don't get forced to work extra hours or pick up extra responsibilities elsewhere (good luck)
I utterly despise work the way we do it. It is just a polished way of slavery. We work to keep basic necessities. I mean how do our society function this unfairly in this modern age?
I always struggled to find meaning in life. Always something was lacking. Then I learned that the best way to find meaning, is to find a way to help others. And I decided to pursue a life with a goal to help the situation of workers. I have a plan. It may be vague, it may be quite far fetched, but I have a plan. And that gives me motivation to push through the shitty working days. And I hope the we are not forced to grind this wage slavery in the decades to come.
Honestly I think your goal is fine, mine is to find a way to just meet as many people from all across the world. Pretty vague, but it typically means ways to find ways to travel, which means I have to work to make the money for it. That's the part that sucks obviously rip
Want a revolution
"We work to keep basic necessities" - yes, because basic necessities require work to produce. Someone has to work to produce food and water you consume, someone has to work to provide heating and electricity, someone has to work to make your clothes, etc etc. If you'd want to get these for free, that would mean enslaving other people's labour, because nothing is for free.
🏴🚩🏴🚩🏴
@@thekingoffailure9967 hell ya! Anarcho-communism all the way comrade!
It's also the fact that so much of the work people do is just utterly divorced from any kind of higher purpose or meaning. If you're in a 40hr/week job but you know that what you do makes a difference in some area, then you're going to be far more okay with having less free time than if you're doing something where you have no idea why you're here or what you even do it for.
Give work meaning and a sense of genuine fulfillment.
I gotta say HARD DISAGREE. Now I don't think that Dr. K is wrong, becoming content will lead you to be happier in just about any situation but I don't think that should be the end of discussion. The original poster is not happy with their current situation and wants more freedom to pursue goals independent of their occupation, they have had their hopes and dreams oppressed by a society that wants them to be little more than a mindless drone until they are inevitably forced to retire at an age where they won't have the strength of their youth to pursue their goals. I think Dr. K is focusing too much on their jealousy when that isn't entirely why they aren't content. Their needs for fulfillment are not getting met and they are frustrated that others are, but the root of the frustration isn't that others are successful, it's that they aren't and they don't know how to thrive in a society that barely lets them survive. Would they be happier if they just decided to be content? Sure, I could meditate my way to being content with starvation but why should I when there's plenty of food being hoarded by a few cunts in big houses. It is good to learn how to be content but it's ok to dream for more and it's ok to be unhappy with a society that wants you to fail. For a while now our country has been moving towards making the lives of its citizens worse and we shouldn't be ok with that. It's ok to have expectations.
Kinda like a Jordan Peterson move of 'clean up your room'. How do you expect to get closer to where you want to be in the world outside if your room inside is a mess with envy and jealousy and discontentedness.
(I know he's controversial, not trying to spark debate, just an example.)
@@VH-ew7oq I don't think Peterson is controversial and the quote is pretty damn good :D
I felt this and honestly, I work 3 days a week(short term goals), work 3 days on hobbies(long term goals) and I've never been happier even with less money. Dr K is right in that freedom is not the same as fulfilment; it just manifests that way in our minds when we are overworked.
I was in a similar state before and during covid. After covid current work schedule couldnt sustaining me to survive anymore. Which turned into 5 days of work 2 days of hobbies/freedom.
@@semekiizuio Which is why earning more money per hour is really powerful.
I always said to myself I don't care about money because I don't care about buying stuff. However money can indeed buy you freedom or in this case time. Looking for a better paying job just because of the money is a good thing because suddenly you might be able to work 3-4 days instead of 5.
what kind of job gives enough money that 3 days per week is enough to live on? (yes, i'm jealous)
@@asuka_the_void_witch I'm just speculating here, Its possible OP lives with their parents or roommates in which case it's doable, especially with little to no debt.
Traveling nurse pays bank
From my perspective, it's the people that are content which get the most opportunities. When you're happy with what you have, yet aren't too attached to it, it's so much easier to take an opportunity without any stress and be successful.
Mannnn, I keep saying this. I've been unemployed since the end of April when I had to get back surgery. I keep apply for jobs and have gotten interviews but not getting any offers because I don't meet their physical requirements...even the simplest thing. I feel like they see me as a liability because I require a cane for balance even though I can walk well and carry things. I'd say despite having sustained nerve damage in my leg, I've been pretty damn resilient and have come a long way. I used to not be able to walk to my physical therapy place in June then maybe a month or so later, I was able to walk on my own without my walker. But capitalism demands bodies that can be used up for everything they have. Bodies like mine or other disabilities just aren't seen as good enough because they can't profit off them. So I've felt bad that my days don't look like people who work. Like if I'm lazy and not trying hard enough. On better days, I see me not working as a kind of freedom. But I'm always anxious about my finances. This world demands too much. It has become so unreasonable to me. Unsustainable. There's so much need for things because root causes have just been ignored and fed for so long. We're expected to take responsibility for larger systemic issues despite having nothing left to give at the end of the day. We're humans, not robots :/
Spot on
I have chronic fatigue and feel the same way. I could absolutely do things that qualify as work, but because I can't do them on the company's schedule, or because I can't so all the side work that goes with the things I can do, I can't find a job that I can actually do.
I feel for you. I'm a nurse in the U.S. I've worked at nursing homes and seen stroke patients who are doing all the therapies and are improving greatly, only to worry about having their house being taken away to pay medical bills. And what job could they get with their physical limitations? Not one that pays well.
I became a nurse to make more money in less hours and therefore buy more freedom for myself. It's sort of working.
I can relate a lot to this post. I also hated my job and the idea of slaving away for some rich asshole to make money. I decided to save most of my money to reach financial independence so that I don't have to work anymore.
I am in a substantially better mental space now that I don't have to work. I meditate, work out, do yoga, cook, read, learn, spend time with friends, and play games as I want.
I think what Dr k I missing here is that modern life of slaving away is not setup for human happiness and contentment.
how much did you save
The shame of it is that the huge majority can't save that much due to cost of living.
Are you unhappy if any of the things you choose to do are blocked by some obligation? Or are there simply no obligations?
If you lost much of what you have now due to some tragic circumstance outside your control-and you were forced to work again-how would you feel about it?
I think the point here may be that you were content with your plan. You hated your job, sure, but you were content working toward FI. OP isn't content with anything, including working toward their goals, so they'd find something else to be mad about even if they got a giant windfall.
They even pointed out that hating their job takes so much energy that they need "recharge time" that is actually sucking up all their free time instead of using their free time to do what they want. That doesn't sound healthy.
@@MissChibiGodd I lived on a budget of $1500-2000 a month and saved about 75% of my income. It took about 8 years of doing that to become financially independent. I live a simple life and continue to live on the $2000 a month budget.
Some notes:
- The number one predictor of success in relationships is your belief in the relationship
- Quiet quitting is when you stop going the extra mile at work. It's also called just doing your job. Don't grind bc the world wants you to grind
gg :)
I was on board until he started talking about working less hours and improving your financial situation. Working less than 8 hours a day is very rare for adults - we need full time jobs to survive OR the job that pays well enough to live on 5 hours a day doesn't allow you to work less than 8 hours a day. Also, getting a degree is incredibly difficult. It is abhorrently expensive and most people do not have time to work on a degree because they work 40+ hours a day. I'm disappointed by where this lecture went and it just feels like being chastised by a wealthy elite. I get jealousy isn't healthy, that's something we need to keep in check, but don't mislead people into thinking they can get a part time job and still afford to live. That's not the world we live in.
You're right, but if you're lucky enough to be able to get a higher paying job, you can switch jobs frequently and work 1 year on and take 6 months or a year off in between. You just need to be able to sell the story to hiring managers (which is easier if you say you were working on your own business in between).
But not everyone can do that or is able to live with the uncertainty of how long it'll take to find the next job.
My dude literally said, "if you've tried tons of jobs and none of them worked for you, what do you think is the common denominator?". And my head responded: "capitalism".
As someone with autism- this is how my daily life feels bc work overwhelms me sm I rarely have time for my interests or college but I don’t hate my job tbh it’s mostly ok even tho it’s rlly hard (waitress at busy place downtown Detroit) and my coworkers give me joy what’s hardest to figure out right now is just creating flow within all aspects of my life so I don’t feel so wound up inside I’m choking on anxiety all day
If anxiety is the main problem, you could look into remote work. Either that or discuss with a therapist about dealing with the anxiety. That's what I've been personally doing, though of course, don't take it as the ultimate solution, much like the theme of the video. Consider this suggestion, but don't adopt it if it won't make you happy.
Im so happy im not alone! Working at home saved me, also not working with clients. Most of the time I'm very good and focused on my job but the social part is too heavy.
@@blorg7174 remote work would be dream but I dont know what remote work there would be for me? I dont want to do telemarketing and I dont know how to code.
@@megapet777 Here are some suggestions off the top of my head (there are sure to be more): marketing, sales, copy writing, video editing, author, animator, 3D modelling, 3D model rigging, digital artist, traditional artist, foley artist, composer, (language, music, math, history, etc.) teacher or tutor.
Of course, some of these are less stable than others.
Also, if you don't know how to do something (like code) you could learn if the effort is worth working from home to you.
@@Trefender1 Yeah I guess all of these are something I have to learn first. Hard to choose what I should try though. I wonder if there is something with relatively low barrier of entry.
honestly there is nothing more consistently and reliably fulfilling than creating some physical object to see other people genuinely enjoy consuming whatever it was. even if its not something you invented first, a very similar feeling is had when you create anything real and see someone else be effected positively by it. thats pretty much the main thing thats allowed me to have done hard labor for a major net loss to myself for my entire existence so far.. when its something you invented yourself, its a good feeling thats unmatched in comparison when you see that other people were positively effected by it
raising kids is pretty fulfilling : )
or coding
Amen to this. I baked a cake for my friend's birthday celebration this weekend, and just absolutely nailed the recipe. For about 5 minutes everyone at the party was dead silent devouring this cake (with the occasional "mmm" mixed in). Seriously never been prouder of myself.
I know what you mean. I propagate plants and give them away in my gardeners' group and to my friends and it gives me genuine happiness when people show me pics of the plants all grown or flowering
That’s the feeling i get whenever i write fiction or create an electronic device
Im the Guy on the other side of the story here, huge windfall, didn’t do squat to earn it, but have always worked and continue to work roughnecking in the middle of nowhere ND. It is treated as though It doesn’t even exist. At first I quit and lived on it for about a year and I spent and I did everything that I thought that I would love and fulfill me ultimately not even putting a 2% dent in the total. and trust me….. It is absolutely NOT fulfilling. It tore my family and friends apart and I now truthfully kind of hold it in contempt, it is now accruing interest for my children who who’ll receive it in increments along with a letter of warning from me and my experience. I am now much more fulfilled making meaningful relationships and staying on the grind. But I must admit, it is a completely different perspective and state of mind simply knowing that it’s there…….I pray that this message finds whosoever may read this well!
Last year I was stuck in a job that I absolutely hated. Hated getting up in the morning, hated having to pretend to be someone I'm not. resented having to spend the majority of my day/week working to fulfill someone else's goals. This year I have a job that I really appreciate, that challenges me, gives me security, and provides a base for me to work towards me non-work related goals. Plot twist - it's the same job.
I really resonated with this. Gratitude can change your entire life.
Exactly this
Thank you for sharing your story! It resonates with me so much that I felt like you can read my mind.
It happened to me as well. Job coaching helped me and not only in work but my attitude towards myself and others in general. I think you can be miserable in any situation and also happy (or at least content) in any situation. Sometimes changing your mental state is dependent only on you and not the circumstances.
Copium
Care to elaborate?
50% of this definitely is something I needed to hear but as a couple people mention, the "jealousy" route isn't my situation. Totally fair, this was aimed at the OP. I used to have the jealousy problem and it's definitely something I had to work hard to overcome. I'm kind of at the end of that spectrum. I've accepted the ways the world is unfair, I've stopped comparing myself to others or recognizing when I am doing that and reframing my mind to let it go or see the actual problem. I've gotten more education to change my occupational situation and to build a life that is both compatible to the world and balanced with what I want. But I can only do so much to get hired in a new position, I can only do so much to change my circumstances. I'm living in the "yes it's unfair and yes it sucks that the things that got me to this point happened but i've still just gotta do it" and waiting for the part where things get better in spite of me? Or where my extra work starts to actually pay off? Because right now I'm doing the extra external and internal work but I haven't reached the it gets better part yet.
I really feel you there. I’m happy with my growth and accomplishments, and yet I feel I have so little to show for it. Joined the Army at 30 and left all my friends behind, made new ones, and then moved again back home honorably discharged. Now I’m pretty much alone and realize how much time was wasted on friendships that ultimately didn’t bring me very much of anything great -just kinda good, which just wasn’t worth it. I have been enjoying all my time by myself, and yet I’m lonely. Luckily I have been talking to a girl who is finally coming around to seeing a future with me. I feel I’ve done all the personal work, now I need some teamwork and growth with a partner.
Your both on a great path, just keep going it will pay off, trust me. 😉
Love and light
Namaste ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🕉🫂♾
This is harsh but most of what you've said in this comment is false and your attention is in the wrong place but what you're trying to do is on the right path so let me explain and help a bit. In your comment you place a lot of focus on the jealousy part of the conversation in Dr. K's video. You say that it was a previous problem and you grew awareness of it leading you to eventually recognize when it was happening. Which is great since it seems you were able to stop that mindset. The problem is that awareness is not being applied to the rest of what Dr. K was saying and is causing you to miss important details. The rest of what you say is generally how you accept the unfairness in the world and having realized that tried to work within your boundaries to improve your situation. What you say is partially true in that you have realized the world is unfair but what is untrue is you haven't accepted that the world is unfair. If you accept that the world is unfair you understand everything you can do in spite of unfairness. When I say everything though I mean what you can do within realistic bounds. This is where the most important point comes into play and why I say you have not understood unfairness. If it is not realistic and you cannot achieve it but have an overwhelming desire for whatever it might be, acceptance is key. Letting go of your desire and the constant reaching must be done for the sake of happiness. I would take this to heart most when you say you are waiting for things to get better. Waiting does nothing and so you have two options. Pursue a better life and put more effort into where ever effort needs to be put into. Still of course being aware of your limits and knowing they are different from others. Or realizing that you need to let go and work towards acceptance and contentment. Both terribly hard. For your situation it sounds like you have genuinely tried and achieved some success with effort, but in the end you need to realize that if you are truly unhappy with your life you will try to change it. So I would just try to look around you and see what you have, think about the things that provide you joy in your current life, maybe accept that things aren't terrible, and let go. And sometimes you just need a bit of rest before you start trying to change your world again, it is a huge undertaking. I hope this helps and it is up to you to even listen to this or not. I wish you a ride to happiness.
same thoughts tbh, cos a lot of things (mostly external forces) keep on hindering us from reaching that part. i don't even ask for much. i feel like at this point, i've gotten tired of dreaming for a better life, now i'm just aiming for an ok life. just the bare minimum, and the world still often deprives me of it. it makes me so angry but i've learned to suppress my anger in the past year. it might not be healthy, idk, im not in therapy. but i wish i knew a way to release this anger instead of turning a blind eye upon its accumulation.
@@yemzi8366 If your anger is at risk for bringing about destruction, use it instead to create. Put it into something; give it a vessel, so that the burden of its containment is no longer on you, and will stop exhausting you.
What helped me a lot was thinking about it this way: don’t compare the disadvantages of your situation with the advantages of someone else’s. That kind of comparison is unfair. If you want to compare however compare the disadvantages with the disadvantages and the advantages with the advantages! For example as a single person I’d wish for someone sitting next to me on the couch in the evening. But as a parent you wish to just have one evening just for yourself without anyone disturbing. Every phase in life has two sides as a coin. It’s my choice what I want to focus on. But I’m doing way better since I started focusing on what I already have and being curious what I can learn in this phase of my life.
Well, you can be in a relationship and never have kids, but I see your point.
this is really all i got out of this video. his points were moving in a sequence of a coil. repeating, retouching, and progressing very slowly. lost me few times and didnt seem to resolve from the initial mention of compromise and giving up. but what you said and the last 3 min helped me far more than the entire 30 min of this video.
I learned about radical acceptance recently and it's changed my life. It's similar to the concept described in this vid, but essentially, I started to accept my life situation. Then, once I accepted my life situation, something incredible happened.
It was actually easier to change my life situation. I worked in a low paying job for my industry, attempting to do the job of a whole team based on my company's needs. It was draining and I didn't feel creatively fulfilled.
When I got home, I felt more motivated to work on my portfolio, resume, cover letters, and apply for jobs (because I wasn't as miserable at my day job, since I accepted my situation -- and knew it was temporary. Any big project I got, I saw as an opportunity for myself and my portfolio.) I tried to create more friendships around the office, and not take my job so seriously to the point that it makes my life living hell.
Within a couple of months, I got a new job that pays almost double and is completely remote. I love my job now and still make time to do more creative fun things after, although I'm still getting better at setting and meeting personal goals.
But it's been such a life changing mindset. Instead of feeling miserable or self-pity my situation, I now try to look at the positive side of any situation I'm in.
Love this! Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. I was going to say radical acceptance sounds very Buddhist and then I looked it up! 🤭
The "change your goals" thing only works for low-level goals. Like, my high-level goal is to have positive/wholesome interactions with the living things around me. Our society is inherently harmful and exploitative, and participation is mandatory. So... am I supposed to just decide that am actually okay with being evil? Like, I'm not gonna change that goal.
You usually have a bigger impact on people than you think, especially close ones. If you want to keep on seeing the issue of the world instead of doing something about it that's also your choice. You know not everyone and everything is bad.
@@dirimi6352 I mean, my whole point is that I DO want to do something about it...
Also, when I disparage society, I'm not saying that everyone is inherently evil. I'm saying that individuals are put in a situation where they're forced to take evil actions. (IMO, the concept of inherent good/evil is dumb and a right-wing premise.)
@@JoeJoeTater you're never forced to do something really
Dr. K is incredible. I am a mental health professional, I work with clients on clinical mental health needs on a daily basis for a living. I use little tidbits from Dr. K with every. Single. Client. I want to take a university level course on common mental health concerns taught by him. I feel like it'd be just as valuable as my entire graduate education combined.
The fault with his perspective is that he doesn't understand that you aren't alone. Your options aren't just to whine to the government or change your individual self, all in a futile effort. It is within your individual power to organize and unite with other people. You only feel weak because you are alone and isolated. However, there is more strength within you than you realize. You will only come to understand that strength once you reach out to others like you. Together, you can change the world
This is the best response to this video that I've seen yet.
Organising and leading a movement for social change is certainly possible, and very admirable too if you can do it. But it'll be FAR more work than anything you'll do in a 9-5 job. You'll have even lesser free time. So even if that's your goal, you'll have to work VERY long, hard hours to achieve it.
@@zetaforever4953 this part. and it will be a lot more difficult to do that work if you're still miserable and envious. If you can say "okay, this job sucks and it's unfair, but I'm going to still find contentment" like Dr. K is saying, then you'll have a lot more energy to connect with others, organize, and make change.
@@zetaforever4953 you can look into and find out if there are any opportunities for you to support/join causes organised by other people which have similar goals, though
@@zetaforever4953 There's a fundamental difference here: actively working in a way you're convinced will help to solve your problems tends to be fulfilling, so that effort isn't as exhausting. This depends on the specific work, person and other circumstances of course.
I just want to feel like the entire day wasn't robbed from me. I get maybe 2-3 hours of free time on weekdays. But by the time I get home and wind down, I'm too tired to do anything. I dont even feel like hopping on Discord to play games or talk to my friends.
Can't use celebrities cause they're famous, that skews the results, it's not the money that we see making celebrities unhappy, it's the fame
I was curious and checked this channel. Telling me to ignore the unfairness of the world while i am reminded of it every hour of being awake and sometimes even asleep, is when you lost me.
Agree, this advice was pretty off-base imo.
I didn't get that he was saying to ignore it, but that you must work to find happiness/contentment wherever and however you can because it's a worthy pursuit. Yes the world is fucked, but until it changes, we must find a way to push on and find joy and peace and contentment. Lots of marginalized communities understand this. If you have the energy to combat it, combat it - or support those who do combat it in your stead. If you don't, then you don't have the ability to focus on the world, try to help yourself, your loved ones, and if you can, a stranger now and again. Think of that song "Lean On Me". Also - try to not ignore the good things in the world as well, because if you look for that, you'll find an abundance of it as well; so try to balance your diet of information consumption! For instance - Bloodywood - Aaj, good song, highly recommend it.
This is the first vid of his I've seen that made me feel how you likely so. I'd put this as an outlier.
Fighting the unfairness can help bring a sense of satisfaction and purpose that help keep you going. Find a local communist or socialist party and work with them to liberate the working class.
@@justinwatson1510 As someone who has formerly been enslaved in a then-communist country, go live in China and tell me how much you love being part of the liberated working class. Anyway, im not numb enough to experience torture and ignore it.
As someone who encounter multiple traumatic experience, It's hard to not give up ! I'm not jealous of other, but the world seems so wrong and so unfair, living looking at the bright side feel like a full time job, especially when people keep doing wrong things all around you, and you feel like the only one to care. Society expect me to work a full time job, when most people of society would do greater good if they stop their activity. I found that making video is the easiest thing I can do, I'm slow, I don't find enough client, but at least the work I'm done please my customer. It's worrying, a lot. I'm trying my best. But at the end I still can't process the lack of empathy of people. The amount of waste of time and energy. People are starting company not to create something useful but to have a job and create app toxic for the mind, object that will be used twice in their lifetime, make false promise to desperate people. We need to change the world
I think this is a rising discontentment for intelligent people... maybe a reaction to the increase in wealth inequality and (related) saturation of a 'dog eat dog' cultural behaviors.
The information revolution creating awareness of the big picture and where we are in it.
I think Dr. K is wrong because he blamed this thinking on jealousy or your own need to change and stop comparing, just focus on us. That acts as if the world is static and not dependent on you at all.. but it clearly isn't static. The world, people, actively get in the way of and try to exploit you and your behavior.
To pretend that isn't happening or that you cannot do anything about it is a weird version of nihilistic slave mentality. It also conveniently reflects blame, no it's not the slave owner making you work all day that makes you unhappy, it's all in your own head. And there's a level of truth to that as taught by Buddhism, but it isn't relevant since by the same logic you can be happy while being water boarded.
But the problem of what to do is difficult and complex, depends a lot on the individual situation, and won't really fit into a youtube video.
What would you change about the world if you could?
Amen
@@craigslist6988 if I could change the world I would prioritize education, valu scientifique knowledge over opinion in society and share the amount of work foe basic need to all citizen that can help so all people do a little hours of work that is crucial but nobody suffer from it, then everybody can creat freely what they think will beneficiat them or society while not hurting it
For exemple you can creat social website or game that push retention, you better make one that creat satisfaction or happiness
But for sure everyone deserve a shelter, food, culture, respect and healthcare
And you what would you do ?
@@zoqin if I could change the world I would push for people to be more empathetic. If we started at a place where people cared for other people, I feel like everything would start to naturally fall into place
@@zoqin I would push for more dialogue about communication and self awareness. I think this channel does a great deal of that, but imagine being taught at a young age how our actions do affect others like bullying and also learning about trauma or why people do the things they do and also effectively communicating needs or problems in a relationship. We talk so much about mental health too, but we don’t talk about the signs or how to even engage in a conversation with someone who may be at risk or needs help.
So much fighting and violence in the world could be solved with simple communication and understanding, often we’re all stuck in the same puddle of shit, but instead of trying to help each other get out collectively we fling the shit at each other.
I used to get frustrated growing up with people who would say that I shouldn't settle for being content with what I have. They thought that contentment would rob me of motivation. That I was lazy to accept what I have. It didn't and I'm not. Instead, I don't need to make as much money to be happy. It's a different type of freedom.
Contentment is safety. But for humans to change grow and improve, challanges need to happen. Contentment leads to comfort. And staying that safe bubble for a long time isnt good... we are slaves to time and either we move with it or stay behind.
The biggest kicker of this:
You can work MORE than full time and you still can’t afford to live. Those above you seek to constantly disempower you and riddle you with debt (healthcare and school) and most of us are destined to not live fulfilling lives, cause that’s how it’s always been.
I am 73. I've never worked at a job I didn't want to do. But that didn't happen accidentally. Or without cost. At every point from my late teens I made choices that would give me that freedom.
I became interested in photography when I was 10 years old. Obsessed with it, in fact. So, after college (My degree is in English Lit and History), I became a freelance industrial/commercial photographer. When I married at 27, I married a woman who shared my desire not to have children. That single decision meant any work/life choices we made would only affect us. We weren't forced to work just to keep shoes on the kid. So in the early 1980's, I turned a hobby in computers, into a software company writing custom accounting and inventory software for medium and large companies. A friend and I who are news junkies decided along the way we would publish a couple of newspapers as a side project, just for kicks. When I sold the software company after 20 years (actually intended to retire but got bored), I used a connection from the newspaper days to become the IT/Website guy for a small newspaper group, and also have been able to do photography for one of he newspapers. I've been working for the newspaper group for 20 years.
Basically, I got paid to do my hobbies my entire career (I still work full time for the newspaper group in IT). I also worked long hours for many years in all my pursuits. The cost was those long hours and never having children. The benefit is my wife and I have had an incredible life. She taught elementary age deaf kids her entire career, which she loved. We could have failed miserably, but never worried about it.
You can have anything you want, but there is always a cost. You make your choices and you pay your price. Ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
You hiring, there's A lot we can learn from you!
The amount of privilege here that you had to be able to do this is very obviously ignored or you aren't even aware of it. I'll let it slide though because, like all the boomers and older saying you just have to rock up and ask for a job like they did, you just don't understand how many barriers everyone else has, just to get a single job even if it's not the one you want.
Yes there are people now who still get to do what you did, rare as they are, it comes down to right time right place right body right environment.
I'd retire right now if I had 2.5mill (I was on the financial independence retire early path until my burnout got so bad my body finally collapsed and ruined my health) and wouldn't want to go back to work because I'm bored. Not everyones hobbies are able to be monetized.
@@Onthe9thlife3730 I'm not sure what privilege you are referring to. I had no advantage, no hand up. My dad worked in a refinery 41 years, he was 17 when I was born. My mom never worked outside the home. They were only middle class. While my sister and I never went without food or a roof over our heads, my dad really didn't didn't care for children and had little interaction in our lives.
Got my first after school job when I was 13 and have worked every day since. Then worked my way through college working nights as a nursing assistant on a hospital psychiatric unit.
My point is that we become the choices we make.
Was being born a white male when I was, in a country with 150 million fewer people, when I could get a college degree in a state college for $125 a semester, when there were far fewer obstacles to success, and having the right skills because of my hobbies at the right time in history an advantage? Absolutely. But I had no choice in when, where an to whom I was born.
But I could have easily decided, like my dad, at 17 to knock up my girlfriend, be forced to marry her (this was 1950 when I was born, after all), go to work at a refinery and hate my job for 41 years.
But I did not make those choices. And that made all the difference.
@@jamespowers8826 I apologize for my generations attitude towards our elders. God forbid you happen to white . Rather than be angry and bitter towards a group, is it not better to try and understand, listen, and adapt their life lessons to our reality, time, and place. This man clearly chose to work hard, overcome, and adapt in spite of the many obsticals. I found your story inspiring, thank you.
I'm glad you found a way to be happy, but I think you're missing the point. The issue isn't necessarily not liking a particular job, it's not liking having a job in general. It's wanting the freedom to just go frolic in the park with your wife at 3pm on a Wednesday...every Wednesday. You say things have a cost. And I suppose the cost of the not working lifestyle is dying of hunger/the weather. We're not willing to pay that price so we're left feeling like...well...fuck. What now? (There might be a practical answer like invest or start drop shipping but it still forces you to have to find a way to deal with your job and your life in the 10-30 years it takes for those things to generate enough passive income that you can stop working)
Its really funny to me because all I want in life is the mental stability to be able to hold a full time job.
bruh same....
siiighhh frfr😩
Haha fr
This is something I’ve struggled with for years now. A philosophy I’ve lived by is that society demands from you regardless of what you want. It’s either conform or you suffer. I can’t leave society because ironically that requires me to do things society wants me to. It left me bitter and jaded for a while. But then I learned to accept that life isn’t meant to always go your way. You have to learn how to do what you don’t like and not focus on the bad. I don’t let others determine my worth and focus on my own personal goals. Hell is other people.
I love the way that you chose to look at it eventually, I've struggled with this notion myself, from a holistic standpoint its easy to see all the ugliness, but what good does it do if it doesn't change how you act or what you do. Obligations and responsibilities are all things that we must have and hold on to because those are attached to our values. Even if we don't like it, i think that so many people like to be detached from that and be free but they forget that the polar opposite also will not fulfill you. Not sure if you agree but let me know
There's an angle to this that I'm struggling with. I have definitely been in that place where I need to make an attitude adjustment in order to accept where I am in life, but this is proving so much more difficult when it comes to my health. My goal, very simply, is to be healthy. I'm being treated for my chronic illness, though there are certain things I know can help that I don't have access to (that's another discussion....). I'm adjusting many things about my lifestyle. But... Having to accept that pain and exhaustion and unpredictability are now a permanent fixture of my day feels deeply morally objectionable. It feels wrong to adjust my attitude when it goes against what I value. Neither can I change the outside factors that have made me ill. What's left?
Read till the bottoms I promise I will help, That’s exactly what medical industry that by the way was bought out by the Rothschilds aka puppets family that takes all the blame for the elites doing . Alongside the education industry aka schooling. That’s why MD’s aren’t even taught how to cure, they are taught on to “identify” a disease, which by the way is just your body at not being at ease. Stressed out/did-ease. And then prescribe a medication for the disease which is just really symptoms, aka your body trying to tell you something needs to be changed. So instead of them telling you what the root of your problem, 80% of the time a deficiency, other times something you are ingesting. I’m telling you this as I deal with Chronic pain and lost my parents both to cancer, started spending a lot of time researching the truth because I got sick and tired of feeling helpless and needing pain killers or being sick without them. Which by the way, medication they give you create more problems and negative symptoms, then they will prescribe MORE medication for those symptoms. Never ending cycle until you’re breakfast plate is pills and they keep reaping in $$$$. “A patient cured is a customer lost” is no joke with them. If you really even looked into where the white/blue hospital gowns come from you’d understand they really live by that quote, not to get deep into that side of it though. You know what saved me ??? Figuring out a secret that is obviously powerful since the medical industry hides it at all expense. ALL of our problems come from not getting the essential nutrients our body needs, getting Dis-Ease’s and dying from sicknesses etc is actually not normal and our body is meant to be resilient self healing machines. They have purposely depleted the soil and food of all these nutrients other then the few basic vitamin A B C D. That’s only 4... there is 90 essential nutrients our body needs to function and heal properly, like any machine, one part not working properly will ripple and cause the whole machine to not work. Only difference is humans are amazing and we are capable of functioning around what we are missing to the best of our ability’s. Will we be thriving ? On top of eating bad food ? Def not, but we usually will survive. What they don’t tell you is once we do get the whole 90 ESSENTIAL nutrients, we will heal ANY problem you have. Something like 30 vitamins, 45 minerals, a few OMEGAS and Amino Acids. That isn’t exact, but that’s what we are all missing daily,....of course health problems will arise. Message me if you aren’t like most brainwashed miserable sacks and want to learn more so you can be sickness free and wake up feeling 100%. True 100% by the way we are deficient for so long we aren’t aware we could be feeling so much more energized and healthier. Either way wish you well and God bless you. Hope you want the names of the very blackballed supplement company’s that provide whole 90 sourced from plant based mineral farm, only 4 left in the world where lab tests show all 90 to still be active in soil. Cheers
I relate. Illness and injury took a sledgehammer to my job strengths, hopes and dreams. Seriously everything I've ever been good at is no longer accessible to me. I don't know what to do, every hope, every dream, every positive goal has been obliterated. I have stuff to offer still, but the world probably won't hire anyone who has a 3 hr health limit for work. I can pull off 3 hrs, before my body and mind force quit. So I really don't see my place in the world
@@deepwaters7242 I'm so sorry, I hope you can recover and find a place for yourself again. I can personally attest how demoralizing it is to not be able to do the things you want or even need to do. I hope you have support of family and/or friends and I hope you can find an employer who can compassionately accommodate you.
@@CaelanAegana yeah I don't have much support (does toxic count?) So I am rebuilding everything with no hope or expectations.
As a person that had juvenile arthritis and is still suffering 14 years later, I can relate. But what he's saying is to focus on the things you have control over. And what's left? There isn't much, other than proceeding forward and advocating for ourselves. It will not be your version of ideal joy and it may never be. Radical acceptance of reality is the only choice you have, frankly. And in my experience, resisting reality makes the pain even worse.
I know what will make me happy. I will starve if I pursue it. What I'm hearing is that there is nothing that can be done about this.
I wish OP hadn't mentioned "windfall", most of this was spent talking about jealousy which is beside the point. Money buys security and freedom from wage slavery. Op saw the money as a means to an end, they didn't mention extravagance they just want their time for them. Talking about rich celebrities was kind of non sequitur.
I agree!
agreed. kinda felt like dr k didn't have a good answer to their post and decided to zoom into something insignificant to the problem instead.
@@HiiYuna I think he answered the question. I think the point is that if you need to work 8-10 hours in a job you hate to make the same amount of money that your friends don’t have to work as much for, they have the time to do the things they love, while you don’t. He didn’t take about extravagance, he spoke about freedom.
@@MayaParris 8-10 hours a week at…$80 just for replacement wage.
Ok 😂😂😂😂 it’s mathematically possible for us to all be doctors
It's so true that people don't want happiness, they want to meet desires. If you told a person they could be happy with nothing or unhappy with millions of dollars, mansions, and nice cars, they would pick the latter. Because they can't imagine that you could be happy with nothing or that you could be unhappy with everything.
Speak for yourself.
so why not just take the all the money from the rich if they could be happy with nothing?
@@greenspaceman531 It mathematically could not help everyone enough to get people out of being poor or get out of poverty. There are people who do not need, just donates them all, and stay inside small apartments, and eat like a foreigner who eats cheap.
Closed-minded take. In our society you're not allowed "nothing". In the West the land we live on costs money, food and water cost money. The very bottom of Maslowe's hierarchy requires employment.
@@nickc2837 you guys are mad stupid. Can you read between the lines? He clearly meant the materialistic things like fancy cars, big mansions or parties
What choice do we have?
As a poor university student who can't afford winter shoes (walking in the snow in torn sneakers then spending the whole day in soaked shoes and socks is no fun) I must say that I have little to no choice in the matter. I don't work currently since my parents support me but it won't last long. I do uni full time and do an (unfortunately unpaid) internship part-time. I struggle since I have autism, depression, ADHD and bpd. I keep failing every single test/exam and need to retake it. I'm on the verge of being kicked out or dropping out myself. I do the internship in finance but I don't think I have mental energy to work in this field. I also lack financial knowledge since I've always fallen behind in my studies. I have no social skills and often make mistakes. Because of all that I will soon have to find a job as a cashier or a cook in some fast-food place. It's not like I'm looking down on these jobs and people who do them but it's sad I can't pursue my career (all my peers do that now). I have mental breakdowns a few times a week. My life is constantly changing. I can't feel stable in my situation and live in a constant fear of the future. At least my parents help me out (which I'm extremally grateful for but I don't forget how toxic and abusive they are). I used to think about how I don't want to have my life taken away by things like work but now I don't know anymore. The more you resist the system, the harder it is to live in the society.
tbh the people who go straight through the degree route tend to have a mid-life crisis now. Having some life experience w/ blue collar jobs will set you up to actually do what you want in your 30s and avoid spending your money on a new car and two families in your 40s.
“ He who copes with the world the best, is usually the one who never changes it, “
I never left home for the past 2 years. I’m struggling with a severe depression & my add brain (inattentive adhd) failed to respond to most of my medications. I live alone abroad, away from family & friends who think i’m busy working so hard on my dreams. I was a happy person with an amazing career. Now I dont even remember how it feels to be happy. I feel numb, nothing makes me happy, nothing makes me sad either except for the sudden anxiety attacks in almost every hour of the day. Everything exhausts me even watching a tv show or answering my phone. This is my first time writing abt my situation and it took me literally 4 hours to write this.
This made me sad my friend, you deserve so much more from life. Your mind is playing tricks on you and you need to take back control.
oof. i'm in a similar position
@@cooperpayne exercise = boring and difficult. meds = easy.
@@cooperpayne taking medicine is easily done. dragging yourself out of your safe space (house) to go for a walk is a massive challenge.
@@cooperpayne 99% is awfully high. That's completely ignoring genetics, which a lot of mental health disorders are.
I feel similarly to this, but it is more of fear than jealousy. I've worked 40 hours a week once for three months and hated it. Since then I've managed to scrape by on 30 hours a week, but the extra 10 hours allow me to balance exercise, meditation, friends, and reading. I'm not sure how people work 40 hours a week... It feels like you have to lose a balance in life.
i'm honestly glad if it's just 40 hours, most companies expect more and they fire you if you won't do overtime.
I work 50 hours and still manage to hangout with my friends three nights a week, workout four nights a week, read 100+ books a year, and play videogames. Just gotta have priorities. I did basically give up on dating though, can't have everything. But you can definitely live a satisfying life even if you work a lot.
@@ForeverMasterless Good for you but what you're saying is a little bit ableist. Not everyone has energy to be able to do (all) this. I have ASD and I wouldn't be able to see my friends three nights a week period. When I work (and I do have 40hr/week job) I can see them twice a months tops.
@@kikitauer Respectfully, how is their comment ableist? They didn't discriminate non-abled body people, they only said how it works for them. Advice not applying to everyone is not ableist, they are speaking about their own personal experience.
How the hell do you only work 30 hours a week? I feel bored out of my mind if I don't work at least 60
I just went back to school, and knew that it wasn't actually going to change my life. I knew that I was just blaming work for my inability to get in touch with my feelings no matter how hard I tried. It's not like I was suddenly going to start having breakthroughs in my trauma healing just because I got out of a situation that reminded me of my trauma.
But I went back to school anyway, I moved away from my family, and left the job where I was too anxious to ever stop fawning for a second. And it turns out - yes... I am having breakthroughs! I am finally able to feel my feelings! I even got in touch with the optimism I used to have before all the stuff that happened.
Many people do have to accept the things they cannot change, but some of us have done SO much resignation to struggle that we need to learn to change the things we can. For me, I had the privilege to go stop working for a little while and go back to a situation where I feel fulfilled and curious and optimistic. It's only temporary, though, so I'm already getting anxious about after. However I have a therapist and I'm going to ask for her help with this.
I think your situation mirrors mine. Thanks for sharing.
I returned to school this fall too. I did it because of bad employment options. I hope to one day be able to live my life without being worried about losing my job again and then not being able to find another one. I went to college, so I am overqualified for the one group of jobs. I only got a bachelors, so no job in my field while other fields are for those with the diplomas in that specific field. Some hate being the office drones, while for me it is a dream come true. It is really degrading to be mooching of my mother, while remembering how ambitious I once was. That is also why I am going to plant an orchard this spring. If everything else fails, in five to ten years I will at least have something to fall on.
I wish you both a good luck with your education being worth it in the end!
Pro-tip. Find jobs that satisfy the "shoulds" but leave ample free time. Example: I'm an inland helmsman (I work on ships that cruise on rivers, lakes, and such). I work 20 weeks per year, 7 days per week, 10-12 hours a day. This leaves me 36 free weeks each year! Now, I live a simple life and keep costs down. And combined it makes it possible. It's a very diverse job market. Ocean, inland, cargo shipping, cruises, summer work, winter work, contract, self-employed, waterbuses/taxi, ferry, police boat, environmental boat, construction boat, and many more types! Getting in is 2000 EUR and a 90-day education with 1 practical exam to become a mate. BAM you're set. I'm almost Schipper/captain now. Then I'll earn enough to work even less.
Think outside the box. Stay away from standard jobs.
Very insightful 🙌
1. i've thought about the "non-standard jobs" angle for a long time but i never figure out what jobs actually exist. also aren't these kinds of jobs usually already at saturation, worker-wise?
2. please share information links about this helmsman course.
I used to feel somewhat similarly. Although I had a job I kind of enjoyed ( it wasn't by any means my "passion" or anything), I wished I could just dedicate my whole time to doing the things that fulfill me, finishing my writing projects, meditating, exercising, playing video games and writing about them, etc. Then I got a windfall and coincidentally got fired from my job almost as soon as the windfall came.
So what did I do? Figured I'd take a few months just doing what I always wanted to do, but soon I started getting depressed, feeling like a useless person, like I wasn't contributing any value to anyone, and just living like a sort of parasite. These thoughts made me so depressed that I lost motivation to do any of the things I wanted to do, writing, reading, exercising, and even playing video games. Spent most of the time doomscrolling and binge-watching youtube.
Now that I recently got another job in writing, ironically, I feel so happy, and I started to do the things I like again in my free time.
So, as Dr. K says, it's largely a matter of perspective. Working on yourself internally, even though it might sound cliche, and even disingenuous, is perhaps the one most important factor in achieving happiness.
Doomscrolling wow never heard of that before but it describes what I am doing right now perfectly. I quit my job to study, but I struggle so hard now and try to distract and procastinate and it makes everything so much worse that I am even skipping lectures for 2 weeks now... I am in a very bad place right now, and I was just kinda happy or content when I was working a regular job, I just thought I needed to study to get a better job to be able to support a family one day because thats actually my dream: Having a family, but right now it seems so far away and i am so depressed and lonely.
@@Gaphalor and that's why it is very very important when you are going to study to shut off all electronics and go to a very quiet place often the public library. Unless it's an online project your fucked. But literature like reading and taking notes, gotta get into the state of flow
High maintenance lifestyles frequently have a large number of "baked-in" stressors. Money shifts from the primary stressor to a background maintenance level concern, but depending on the individual other priorities come to the forefront.
Financial security is the commute to the job of contentment.
The feeling I have felt rising up in me more and more over the years is: I don't want to be social anymore.
I don't want to talk to anyone anymore to be able to live. I have many friends, a best friend, a family and a boyfriend. It is very ironic that I am talking/ texting to you over the internet. But heck, I would sacrifice all of that, even TH-cam, if only I could live in solitude. Being by myself for multiple days for a chance, makes me soooooo happy and chill. I am just constantly stressed around anyone. I just want to draw, sew, game, be in the woods, swim etc.
But there is NO chance a human can live without seeing and talking to other humans. And it is stressing me out. It is stressing me out that I can't get my peace for all my life.
It isn't just an introvert feeling. It isn't just a feeling to get me some rest for a few days or rest from specific people. No, all people. All days. If I just see one person, I just don't want to function anymore. I need to be alone not for just a few days, but rather forever. The only one who doesn't stress me that much is my boyfriend. But even with him my battery is on 0%. I don't want to be a social animal, god!
I have been feeling like this for some time now... when I was a kid I dreamt of moving to huge cities like NY or Tokyo, but nowadays I find myself wanting more and more to move to an isolated farm in some nordic country. I'm tired of the human experience.
I've been feeling this way the past few months, and I've noticed it's correlated with depression for me. But talking to my parents or grandparents for even 2 minutes about some trivial conversation topic, it's insufferable. I don't have the will anymore
Have you considered an autism diagnosis? Autistic people tend to need far more alone time than other people. It is a common trope in older autistic fathers to have a room or a garage where they can spend hours without interacting with anyone. I also know of an autistic couple who regularly schedule days where one of them will leave the house for the entire day so that the other gets to recharge batteries.
Humans are designed to be in nature (calmness), not it cities. We need to be connected to the natural rhythms of life.
Wait, if a $100k is the value that maximizes happiness, shouldn't we work to construct a world where most people receive around this value? In contrast with our world where most people receive less than it and a few people receive orders of magnitude more
The world unfortunately doesn't exist to hand out happiness. Even then, $100k is just a number. I know plenty of people with that income that aren't happy. Although, I do believe income disparities are ridiculous (eg random tech guy with only a year of experience playing video games half his shift on a second monitor while remote working gets paid 3x vs an EMT working 48hr shifts to save lives).
@@NiSE_Rafter According to whom? That seems like the point of view of someone raised in a colonizer nation. Other cultures absolutely view the world as a the wellspring of all happiness, and seeing as we all live on it, they are, in part at least, correct. The world has the carrying capacity to feed, house, and clothe everyone. It's mathematically proven. Our current system doesn't do that because it gives the lion's share of the resources to tech bros, managers, and landlords. We don't need to be working as hard as we are. But our current economy won't accept alternatives, and enforces the current state of affairs via violence. But such a system can be changed.
You would be surprised by how many doctors in my country don't do it for saving lives but for other things. The former is just a nice excuse.
I don't think that people that contribute directly to advance society should be paid more, but that poverty shouldn't exist.
@@stevehansen4112 The world doesn't give them happiness. They find contentment and happinesses in themselves while making do with what they have. That's literally what the point of the video was.
@@NiSE_Rafter The whole point of the stat is that $100k doesn't bring you happiness, it FREES you from worry and allows you the ability to work towards contentment. People who make $30k a year have worries and concerns that someone who makes $100k+ never even have to spend a second thinking about. It's about maximizing happiness and equity for all, not instantly making you content for life once you make $100k. That's like....the point of this video
Interesting how inflation plays into this. Makes you feel like you can’t plan ahead if you have no idea what life will cost in a few years
Hearing you describe this process after going through this is a trip....already had a BA but things didn't pan out how I wanted, got fed up after like 5 years of that, went back to school for a bit (2019 -2020), got some IT certs, grinded it out for two more years (2021 - 2022) and now I'm where I "thought" I could be. Being in that hole you're describing is so dark though that I still wake up in disbeleif and with gratitude everyday. Just kinda can't believe it "worked." I think it's all about aligning your goals with your values, staying open minded, and knowing there may be some comromises.
Any direction you choose is a leap of faith and you just gotta roll with it, stay manifesting.
My BA is in Psychology and I'm life long gamer, :) I think it's so cool what you do and the wisdom you share
This episode just made me think the doctor is extremely out of touch with average people. The average person has to work 40 hours at minimum just to hardly scrape by. We can’t just up and go get a degree, much less just magically will ourselves into a better job or situation. There’s institutional roadblocks for all of these things. I was a firefighter for years before I moved across the country, and grew up with a family relatively well off, and I still had very little opportunity. I don’t want anyone else’s anything, but the world isn’t as simple as you seem to think it is.
totally agree most people make less than 50k a year and have less than $600 in the bank and more than half their paycheck goes to rent this video is really out of touch.
Thank you, this nailed it
Exactly. He can't relate to how the OP feels. He has no concept of what it's like. This is why he latched onto the one thing he could understand, the bit about jealousy.
Yes. I saw and enjoyed some of his videos before. This one was disapointing. Very.
I work 60 hours a week, i barely have time to sleep, much less meditating. Can't really do hobbies, exercise or socialize reguraly. I don't even have time to prepare a decent meal every day. I'm ok with my job and this is the first boss i've had that i'm happy to serve because he pays better and actually listen to the workers. But 40h a week it's just not enough money.
So i'm forced to work way more but still can't save much.
Some part of the money i save goes to the car that i use to work which comes with a lot of taxes and maintenence costs. Car takes priority over my health issues because i must have a car in order to go to work. So i'm using my savings to KEEP WORKING while my health issues gets delayed.
I know my only solution is to emmigrate which i will.
It was tilting listen to him saying the financial situation can be improved, if we try to.
I think what we all need is a revolution to destroy capitalism and instal UBI, because I once lived below the poverty line, and there was no way I could have gotten myself out without help from my parents.
Is that 150K per year?
that's a fuckton of money, TBH. So I'll just be somewhat miserable all my life untill I manage to somehow earn that? sheesh...
That's for the average person. There are ways you can learn how to be content pretty much always, Dr. K mentions them a lot.
I make ~$60k in a mid sized city in the US and am pretty content tbh. I go out to restaurants once or twice a week, live in a nice (but not luxury) apartment in a good part of the city that gets plenty of sun, have somewhat expensive hobbies I'm able to engage in (rock climbing, cycling), a gym membership, youtube premium, am able to travel internationally at least once a year, and I max out my retirement accounts every year.. Honestly I feel like I live in the lap of luxury sometimes although that's with no kids, debt, or responsibilities outside of myself. The trick for me is being content with a little less. I don't frequently buy clothes, just basics that mix and match. I rarely spend money out drinking at bars. I do not buy luxury goods or many non-essential items outside of whatever is necessary for hobbies which directly contribute to my overall happiness and mental health. All this to say - you can still be very happy with less than even $100k a year granted you're not straddled with too much debt or people to support.
Too many things resonates with me. Being 27 and feeling stuck for years and sinking deeper. Either I used to empathise too much, or problems were piling on for a long time as I was going deeper into my delusions. And this one was kinda the answer to a part of them. Feeling resentment because I was the one to blame when I had to protect myself in school or being youngest in a crowded home who had no authority and right to say a word in the matters. No freedom and personal space for years. Years ago I tried to make myself to be less swayed by outside situations but a couple heartbreaks and many ungrateful and literally scamming jobs later reality crushed my fragile inexperienced will to change things.
Looking back it seems like resentment was a big part of my parents lives too, and now I kinda forgive them for it but it's far from everything.
I finally going to a professional today. Guess better late than never.
Keep safe everyone.
I'm glad you're going to a professional.
Please let me know how this works for you, because you are my clone 🫠
Yup the world sucks, life sucks. Hope you begin to accept it more and appreciate what little good things we can do and control ourselves. Good luck 👍
i hope my life can improve for the better
I had a wall of angry text written about this video but I realized this person just dumbed down real life issues as jealousy. This is my first video I've seen and I'm done.
My only comment is that (in my opinion) you mainly tackled that the OP is looking for equivalence of outcome when I got out of it that it was more about equivalence of opportunity. They don’t necessarily want the windfall life that those people are living but their own life enabled by their own windfall. In the end it’s probably not the biggest distinction but I feel there is some difference there. And I’ve seen I’m not the only one who’s had a similar thought.
I think most of what you said still applies but might need tweaking to make more sense to everyone. Being someone who’s felt this way in the past, I still think the answer is pretty much personal perception…sometimes our goals need modification to actually work in reality.
I can't say that my jealousy is completely gone, but it did went to a minimal level when I accepted my situation as it was when I reached my low a couple years ago. It really did make me more content and allowed me to find happiness in daily life. Last weekend I had my partner's family enjoy my homecooking and I felt a sense of achievement I never did before.
20:29 Simply Make More More Money
I've genuinely liked a lot of these videos, but this one really grinds my gears. Like yeah actually doc, there are reasons I can't work a 20 hour week. I did make the sacrifice, I went to a good college, got a computer science degree, I took on the 40 years of debt and I *still* can't start a career.
If I lacked jealousy my life would not be that different. I am not bitter because I see my friends living lives I wish I had, I'm bitter because they don't. I'm bitter because I've remade my resume, gotten feedback form professionals, worked on projects and improved my repertoire of work, and applied for jobs consistently for over a year but I still can't get a job that makes use of my schooling. I'm bitter because people brush aside largescale problems that need to be tackled as a society (such as climate change, stagnant wages, and many other things) and tell you that because things have improved from the past (8:57), that you must be happy with the way things are, and if you're not it's your fault, as if those problems aren't going to massively influence my life and I shouldn't be mad about them.
You can say it's my choice to be upset by the Kitten-Crusher 9000, and that if I just meditated for 6 months I can be happy about it, when the reality is that unless you can actively dismantle it, in which case you should do that instead, I'd say it's far more healthy to be upset that the Kitten-Crusher 9000 continues operation.
Pop off
The original poster mentioned that they need a lot of recharge time. I have the same issue. Personally, I found a lot of help in looking at what about working was really draining my batteries. For me the whole dressing up and commuting thing and working in an office with way too much background noise and horrible lighting exhausts me. While I may not say I love work, being able to work from home has made a world of difference. It frees up a lot of mental energy that I can then use to pursue the things that I do find fulfilling.
I was talking to a friend a few months back that had done a similar delving into what made him the most miserable about working and realized it was having someone else tell him when to show up and having to deal with a direct supervisor he can’t respect. He now works about 25% more hours and harder than ever for the same money, in the gig economy driving for ride shares and delivery services. But on the whole he’s happier because he doesn’t have a direct supervisor he has to deal with and he can work the hours he wants, he just has to have the discipline to make sure he works enough over the course of the week to make ends meet.
Point is, do some serious thinking about what are your biggest pain points at work. Perhaps there are some changes that could be made that would reduce the mental energy cost of working, leaving more energy for the things that are fulfilling.
I was and still am this person. There are 800 comments so i don't know if this will get seen... But i think what is more helpful is to think about how much energy we expending coping psychologically. A bad job is draining, when i was able to pivot to a better job and gained more experience with it, it took less energy out of me. Family trauma was draining energy from me, I've been working on that with therapy and the depression/anxiety is not there to drain so much energy from me. Distractions and escapism divide my attention and drain energy, so im setting up better habits and rituals. Not understanding being neurodivergent was creating an energy inefficient approach to life. Optimize what you can not for 'the grind' but so you can free up even a little bit more energy. Its s finger hold and it gives you a little bit more energy to look around for the next small pivot you can do... To free up more energy. I won't give my specific solutions because they probably won't apply to you. You have to think like an energy scavenger, look around at whatever resources you have and how you can leverage those resources. It will not be a direct path, but just move in a general direction one finger hold at a time.
I love Dr. K but I’m having a hard time understanding how this doesn’t just boil down to giving up lol. He’s basically saying just stop trying
yeah sure seems like it
Learn to listen, mr blackpill... where can your hear that out ?
no, what he's saying is: face the facts and try to realize that most things about the world can't be changed overnight. (an example, the amount of work you need to put in to be able to survive won't change in decades. you can fight for progressive politics etc but it will take more than one person, and it will take decades for regimes to implement such changes)
Right? He's lowkey saying the world is like it is, things won't change there for YOU should change your wishes and mindset to accept reality and don't became anguished/depress.
This is where I am at with my perspective. I spent a long time thinking I've been treated unfairly and while that may be true I realized that I had two options: Focus on that or focus on what I can change. I chose the latter and I'm slowly accepting where I am at with my life. This video just reinforced that idea for me and I feel like I'm on the right path.
Thank you Dr. K.
Love your ability to call out “jealousy” - I’ve been focusing on the haves of others, brewing resentment rather than progress/ perhaps it’s having worked so hard that I’m spiritually exhausted
This is so helpful to me. Lately, I’ve been trying to write out my goals and work towards them, but it’s hard and discouraging and I can tend to not have a lot of hope. Really needed to hear this today, gonna listen to this every time I need the reminder
This video talks about the exact reason where I don't see anywhere out of life other than taking my own life - I'm not happy, the things that would be needed to happen for me to be happy are never going to happen and I am not willing to conform with that.
It's in this topic that I hit a hard wall in my therapy and I don't believe it to be fixable.
Honestly I feel the same :/
@@antebelium2669 To avoid going into too much of a wall of text, it's essentially 2 bullet points:
a) I'm nowhere near rich enough to have the life I want
b) I'm nowhere near attractive enough to have the intimate life I want
@@LikeGodzzila feel that
It's a hard wall in therapy because a lot of therapists focus on the individual having problems. It's a rare therapist who actually is willing to admit the world is broke in many areas. They do exist.
Start thinking outside the box of appropriateness, shame and politeness. If you lie to your boss can you get one less day off. If you dumpster dive will you have more money. There are "mutual aid" organisations all over like "food not bombs" that you can volunteer and eat. Go to unauthorised gatherings. This TH-camr failed you due to his inability to think outside the box
As for attractiveness there are plenty of people who don't subscribe to the social understanding of objective attraction that you would find attractive. The only true objective attraction issue is hygiene, which is easy fixed.
This is now harm reduction, so what can you do to make life bearable but more stable long term
@@LikeGodzzila Forget b because if it is not unconditional it is not what you would want from bottom of your heart. It just doesn't exist so you don't miss it. But a is a problem for me too
Also there is DEFINITELY a crisis of medical professionals who are oblivious to ASD effects. Even many therapists 'think' they get it but don't often.
I used to be jealous alot. But the older I get the more I realize that if you were born at the bottom the world keeps you at the bottom. So just make do with what you got and keep it moving.
A lot of people are not willing to lower their standard of living for their peace of mind. I get it, but also don't get it sometimes. I left my family early because it was a toxic environment, I earned barely enough for rent and food. It wasn't exactly a dream come true, but it was better. Later on i lived with some friends, and one of us lost their job, and we agreed to pay their part of the rent, because we all wanted them around, and once again we barely had money to get by, but we were happy and had tons of fun. Some cases you have to give up some amount of comfort that money gives you, in exchange for something that makes you happy. I work part time now, i don't make too much, but i have time for my hobbies and i enjoy myself.
For me one of the reasons is how much better my life and the world could be, compared to how it is. Why must I lay in the dirt and let others walk over me for the rest of my life? Why must I ignore everyone who's getting trampled on? Feck that. A lot of people don't put with that so why should I? I want it all. I do not want complacency.
I absolutely love the compassion Dr. K and the community consistently shows to these questions, concerns, and challenges many (if not all) of us face. In a life lived where this is often not the case (e.g. "suck it up," "work harder," "special snowflake," "others have it harder," etc.), starting with compassion not only feels so much better but also goes so much further.
I hate the "the others have it harder" or "everyone needs to do this" crap. What a ridiculous crap. Frist studies have shown that there isn't a difference of working hard or working "normal" compared to actual success (except you have your own company and you're the boss who needs to do things).
Second, there is literally NO reasoning in: It get done this way b/c everyone makes it (and now the sht hit the fan) - b/c others demand from your to be like them!
Clown World!
a) We have the technology to completely remap the whole economic system (and I'm not talking about the "Great Reset" b/c this is a scam!). There are smart ppl who thought about a concept and I found the Venus Project. And it is awesome. Where ppl won't end up like worker bees or drones like in nowadays society, yet stuff gets done and I guess no one would argue that there is a ton of stuff to get done.
But the "others need to do it as well"-crap statement isn't an proper argument, b/c it shows no causality but tries to sell conformity.
I spent nearly a decade with undiagnosed ADHD working 100+ hours per week and stressing out constantly about being behind/getting fired (which happened often) when I wasn't working. It's so depressing thinking about having to go back to that.
What I basically got out of this was "Too bad the rich and powerful own the world, gotta do what they tell ya!"
I felt this way for a long time, and I had to do a LOT of self reflection (like years). I had to learn to not be so black-&-white in my thinking. Meeting my goals may not look the way I was expecting.
Over time, i learned to think more creatively, which i have to say, really did change my perspective. Rather than get frustrated that others got it in the way they did, i understood that there are a bunch more ways to achieve my goal.
There are small ways to build a more balanced life. It may mean getting a more suitable job that enables you to pursue your interests. That may take some time, but it can be done! A 'more suitable' job doesn't have to mean make 10x as much money as you do in your current job either. It's also the kind of work, location, hours, etc. (Again, it doesn't just look one way) It may mean you have to pursue your goals just a little bit at a time, or that they take longer than you'd prefer. But forward movement is never wasted. Life goals aren't a one-time achievement that you check off the list once it's done. It's a lifelong pursuit that will have to be constantly adjusted and tweaked.
Really nicely said. I'm still in the progress of getting to the point where you are in terms of growth, but it often feels like a tango that never goes anywhere. I really want to start thinking more creatively and show myself more grace to get where I want to be, but it's been really challenging. It's like my core values and the explicit/implicit messaging of society that I've internalized over the years are constantly at war. I also feel like as you age out of young adulthood, there are more restrictions and limitations in terms of access to certain opportunities or resources. I hope I will be fortunate enough to have the right opportunities available to me.
@chai lattes the point about opportunities changing when you age out of adulthood is SO real! Sometimes i get frustrated with it (I'm 40 and still are trying out things for the first time). But, every day we become a little more of ourselves. I remind myself that i couldn't do some things sooner because only the me that I am today can do them. Not the me of the past.
Continue to be kind to yourself, friend. You can do this. Even the smallest inch of progress counts! You'll get more balanced every day. ❤
@@kandyappleview It's definitely tough. 2023 has not been kind to me so far. Most days I feel like the gum stuck on the bottom of life's shoe. I really want to experience the growth you spoke about in your original comment, but my mindset boxes me in. I'm constantly at war with myself because I want to make something of my life. I want to prove everyone wrong who said I wouldn't amount to anything, but tbh I think that's just an excuse to hide behind because I don't know what I want in life and that's much scarier than pretending to be someone you're not. If it's not too much to ask, what was a baby step you took that set you in the right direction? What was a small, but significant choice or act of kindness to yourself that helped you to set one foot in front of the other? Don't feel like you have to answer. I have appreciated our conversation and found it very encouraging💜
I don't so much feel jealous of people for what they have, but that other people support their goals because they're conventional and easy to comprehend in under 10 seconds. When you're outside the box, you don't really have a lot of ppl to talk to about what you're truly passionate about, that you could talk about for hours. When I'm alone with my thoughts, I'm proud of where I am today and look to the future with hopeful optimism. It's when I open up to other ppl and they ask me why I don't have this, do that, etc. That's when I feel the comparison creep up and forget what I do have and what I have accomplished, just because other ppl don't get it. If I'm jealous of anything, it's that other people are genuinely accepted. But perhaps the lack of praise is what fueled me in the first place, so in a way, I'm thankful for it too. Sorry for the rant. Felt like I needed to share that for some reason.
Same here. I am a breadwinner... and I want to be a novelist/fiction writer... but you know that generally speaking, these things dont go together very well... Currently, I am working as a corporate slave and then still working part time...
He has good points and things I agree with a lot, but also saying everyone has the possibility to improve their finances to the point of achieving content, feels sort of unfair. Like if you're a one person you have much better chance of doing so, however, if you're a single mother of 2 in poverty, you literally might not be the possibility to save money or get an education for a better paying job etc. So as I do agree people can improve their finances and that way their quality of life, there is many situations that people have where they just cannot do that. And saying that they can is like a slap in the face and feels like it comes from priviledge.
Sometimes I feel like he conciders only the type of people that his advice does help, but ignores the people who can't, and then just gives advice with wording like "all can/ can't" etc etc, when it really just applies to the first group.
I'm gonna go out on another limb here and say that being loved and accepted is the main thing that is necessary for happiness. If you're unhappy with what you have, the root of your dissatisfaction is probably a sense of loneliness that you can't identify as loneliness so you project it onto other things as being the reason for your unhappiness
What about when there is no jealousy? When it isn't about what others have in comparison. When the life you want, the goal is a life of less. Less tech, less advancement, less money, less external obligation. How do you achieve less when the world requires more.
I struggle with this too...Even if you personally want something else, there's absolutely no way to not go with the crowd if you want a job and a social circle. I feel like there's no way to escape unless you inherited a fortune and can do whatever you want.
@lunair Pretty much. I think all of our advancements have been more detrimental than beneficial because they actually aren't inline with how our brains work. Like it seems most people I know don't understand or believe that social media and such actually use how our brains work against us with their algorithms. They are predators of our subconscious and unrecognized workings. Money is an evil concept designed for the benefit of government. If we had kept a more simplistic trade and barter concept then individual skills would have more value because the interaction is less demanding. They can't demand tax an item for item exchange, you can't exchange an item to pay the tax and it's value only impacts those involved. With a currency as the goal we will always be undervalued because everyone's skills are equalized and equated to a dollar amount. They guarantee compliance by becoming a norm. Some people have great ideas and end up in front of the right people at the right time and get a windfall. But then they increase the societal demand for more just because they exist and their idea is based on more use, becoming the thing everyone simply must have to not be weird. No one can get more without people wanting and obtaining more of their thing. The more people use their thing the more the expectation of common use grows. Then folks who see the manipulation or just feel less drawn to it are forced to comply with the expectations of the masses to be involved. It is using the human need for acceptance and inclusion to ensure use.
some people do go to such lenghts like become monks (like , join a cloister or a buddhist temple). others do simple living in the country side as a collective (difficult because you need to find land to purchase and be able to make money buy producing jewelery or whatnot)
Wow. Second video I’ve seen by you and this is the exact mindset I’ve built over the past few years of my life.
Keeping positive perspective, attitude, and framing is fundamental to find fulfillment. Change what you can to help you accept what you currently cannot.
This mindset has saved me. Great advice.
I love your conclusion on this video. I watch your videos because I struggle with PTSD. Your kind words of "it's incredibly sad" and "it isn't fair" while acknowledging that I have a say *now*, is extremely compelling.
genuinely The Best dr k videos are the ones where he kinda pisses me off, this one got under my skin a couple times but i learn so much about where i'm at by digging into the stuff i'm really resistant to regardless of whether or not it changes my position. love what yall do here!
I can relate to this as an aspiring artist. I share the poster's frustrations with work. I hate it, it drains the life out of me. But I need money to live. The only exception is art. I've had a few comissions in the past (not nearly enough to pay the bills), and every time I do them... It's hard. Sometimes it's frustrating and demoralizing when you're not able to provide the quality of product that you want. Sometimes, even when the customer is happy, I feel like I scammed them with a garbage drawing even though I spent hours of hard work on it.
Yet in spite of all of that, art is work that I find fulfilling. It still leaves me feeling drained, but It's a satisfied drained feeling. Like how you feel after a good workout. And the frustrations with the quality of my work leaves me hungry to go back and do a better job next time. I love this job so much I'd do it even if I didn't need money to live.
Unfortunately... art doesn't pay the bills (yet). And I just don't have the energy to do art AND work a low-wage service job at the same time just to make ends meet. So here I am, sat in my parent's house, contributing nothing, unable to afford anything I actually want, while I work on improving my art. Every day I ask myself if I should give up and return to a soulless corporate life with no upward mobility.
I relate so much to this persons post.. uhg. Non of my dreams seem achievable in the way the world is.
And I can’t fucking stand shaving away for someone else’s goals.
What I need to do this year is not a to do list but what I achieved so far in my life because I do not tend to see myself but others. Believe it or not, I don't tend to be jealous, healthy envy is more like it but I'm very tired of feeling powerless, helpless and meaningless so this other type of listing is a must for me and thank you for your video because this very good idea pop out of my mind while listening to it.
I absolutely love how articulate you are in simplifying your thoughts to topics which makes it easier for others to comprehend. Keep it up. You are creating a HUGE impact to the world. ❤
I relate as a musician. Though the difference is that I'm aiming to make it my career... the problem is that nobody in my family actually thinks I can reach my goals as they keep nudging (or in the case of my father, strongly suggesting) to get a degree, get a job, etc. I just want to create and play music, I want to be great at it and that takes a lot of time and effort, something that (particularly entry level/minimum wage jobs) take away from that. There's also other problems that I have with trying be what others want me to be in that I'm just weird, I constantly feel out of place, constantly screw up, etc.. I just want to be my own person and do what makes me happy rather than doing things just because people say it's best for me when those things don't work for me.
idk
sincerely hope you pursue your dream. at the least you won't regret not doing it.