I Watch Your Videos But Never Change My Life
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- Never moving forward in life can feel terrible and like life is passing you by, but Healthy Gamer Coaches can help you understand why you think this way and help you take that first step forward! Take back control of your life today: bit.ly/3AXmbA1
Find us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more here: wlo.link/@healthygamer
▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Preview
00:10 - How people change
06:00 - Stages of change
12:48 - Changing without doing
17:44 - The science of change
23:49 - Conclusion
────────────
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
These are getting so relatable to the point that I’m expecting the next video will be him calling me by my name
i was literally eating pizza when i noticed the thumbnail.. sigh
Really had to laugh at this. Yep. I felt very much caught offguard as well. xD
😂😂😂
@@pascal-janssen no way 😂😂😂
Come one William! Do something with your life!
Dr. K: "Don't chain watch informational or motivational videos"
Me with 10 tabs open of just his videos: 👁👄👁
Literally was me but I closed them when he said that.
I add videos to watch later. Then I can take breaks and resume whenever I’m ready to.
I watch and rewatch some content if a message doesnt sink in. I am a slow learner. When i first see something new i want to say no and move on but when i give things a second chance i actually start to understand them. Hopefully more people will be able to learn something and make positive changes 🎉
Yea!
saaame. . . I've saved them to a "watch later" folder now.
Jesus Christ the last month of videos have literally the most relatable set of topics then nothing changes in my life then Dr.K is breaking the 4th wall and is like you think I didn't notice?
Hahaha I needed this video today too
Its something that Dr.K has mentioned over the years. He always says that hes not convinced that his streams/videos actually help people. Its what led to him creating the coaching platform and course.
Such a good reminder that you need to flow between periods of work and periods of reflection and rest. The stress you put on yourself by chain watching videos looking for that information that will turn your life around is unproductive since you're not giving yourself a chance to process all of that information. I guess I'm writing this for my own reflection but that vid was great
Actually the last several videos or so didn't find much resonance within me, it's good to know that there are some problems I don't actually have and/or I outgrew some of them.
Jesus Christ has been so merciful and loving and I’m so grateful for His love and for allowing me to find Dr. K and everyone here!
@@jonnyjoker01 let people have their hope. Whatever works for them
Dr K calling us out on our bs lmao
sadge
I needed this 😅
When ASMR story videos call you out it's cute and funny.
When Dr.K calls you out it's like "damn.. got to go reflect" 😆
@@ConservativeSatanist666 That feeling when i listen to asmr roleplay to mitigate the lonliness because of no choice
and as always, the mirror reflected back at us go brrrrr
ayyyy lmao
Just making sure I recall some key points on how to change:
1. Challenge beliefs (Don't overdo it with information. Make sure you are able to recall the information)
2. Just reflect (the more you do this the more you learn = change)
3. Be patient
I´m trying to fix my procrastination problems. Hope this still applies. Feels a bit weird as I might be procrastinating right now.
And there you have it, you're already implementing these steps with this post. You may be procrastinating on an assignment or what have you but at least you're trying to reflect on this information and solidify it for future use.
@@chickentendies5144 What is going on here, OP's comment is from 26 minutes ago, and the reply is from 53 minutes ago. How can the reply be from before the original comment was made O.o
@@H_Is_One either youtube is drunk, or the comment loaded before you watched the video, and you checked the reply after you watched it.
@@ssjcrafter8842 Nice one, that makes sense!
I know what you mean when you say it feels like you are still procrastinating lol.
You are learning, reflecting (via the comment), and being patient with yourself. Nice!
the " just woke up and decided to change " is so true, happened to me twice.
the first time 5 years ago, after being unhappy with my body for the longest time, one morning i just woke up and decided that I had enough of looking in the mirror and hating the way i looked, so I just started going to the gym 5 times a week and kinda just never stopped.
the second time was recently where exactly this happened, i would sit here and watch dr.k, knowing damn well that as soon as i got out of bed i would turn on Minecraft and play Skyblock for way too long, until one morning it just clicked, decided to fix my financial situation and i am now in the process of starting my first business and just generally improving myself as a person.
give it time people, it might look like you're not doing anything, but your brain is slowly preparing to make the changes you need, Rome wasn't built in a day
lmaooooo skyblock. no literally, same here. just woke up one day, and had enough. fuck that game. quit and never looked back. my minions are probably so stuffed rn.
I find it fascinating how you completely changed a habit around. How did you go about finding that "click" or realization that helped change your life?
@@sovereignknight9290 You know when you're awake really late at night and you have those sudden realizations, and you think of all the ways your life could change for the better, go to sleep feelings extremely motivated and when you wake up it just.. fades? And you proceed to just go back to the same routine as if nothing ever happened? I've had countless before, 99% of it never truly sticked with me. I think one really important thing to consider is that both times I actually managed to change my habits was because I decided to act instantly, no " next week im starting " or " oh well I have no time " or anything like that. Both times when I woke up I was ready to do the work needed to change, no matter if I had to sacrifice the already little time I managed to carve out for myself, both times I was ready to ignore how uncomfortable it was gonna be to change, go to the gym while being overweight ( still remember how shit I felt the first couple times I did abs at the gym, felt like everyone's eyes were on me ) or learn a totally new skill to chase my financial goals.
I think the truth is that change really is hard, and you can't go into it thinking you're gonna allow urself to slip up from time to time, that gets out of hand really fast and falling back into old habits is painfully easy. You have to fully commit instantly, if it really comes from a place of need or deep dissatisfaction with yourself even you'll be surprised by the sheer amount of strength ( both phsical and emotional ) u'll be able to put in, the absolute lowest always ignites the biggest fires if you're ready to take action.
Sorry if this is long / makes little sense at times, I truly spoke from heart, I really hope everyone that's feeling down right now will experience the same climb to self realization as I did
@@liveeeh this is amazing thank u for writing this! How are you staying consistent with being disciplined?
@@sovereignknight9290 I definitely have my ups and downs, as would all people I think, at the end of the day I still have adhd, but I would say I'm fairly consistent regardless. I recently started meditating too! I know it sounds dumb but today I managed a full 3 minutes, gonna shoot for 5 tomorrow.
As for raw numbers, I've been going to the gym for the past 4 years without a single day off, except for 2 major breaks, the first 6 months of uni ( which I left shortly after ) and obviously covid. As for work, I am currently commuting 2 hours to get to the nearest major city 5 days a week to learn how to code, and working on an another business on the way there and back. My schedule consists of waking up at 5am, commuting there, taking the train back at 6pm, going to the gym at around 8:30pm, showering and sleeping so I don't really leave much time for myself to fuck up and get distracted.
I still play some video games with my gf in the weekend, and some times after I come back from the gym during the weekdays, but I would say I'm far, FAR more productive than I ever was, and for that I have a fair amount of people, including Dr.K, to thank for changing my life for the better!
Doing stuff is not how people change, it’s what comes after people change. Great point man.
we miss reckful, stop giving money to this guy
But in order to see what comes after we change, we need to do stuff to change
@@jaden344 just curious, what do you mean by that?
@@data4385 I believe it's about a controversy regarding Reckful's appearance on Dr. K's livestream. He had a full session talking with Dr. K about many of his issues and thoughts, but sadly ended up committing suicide not long after. Many people contributed his death to Dr. K not fixing Reckful's depression "as a therapist should".
Keep in mind I'm not 100% sure on all of this, but I think it's mostly accurate.
if the change is mental then "just do it" also work abstractly and its not about doing. but about applying everything we learned and unlearned instead of "bha whatever" and not applying anything. not stuff is not how people change either. i prefer doing, once you know do what why when how for what
The day I realized your videos weren’t meant for me anymore was a good day. My life has improved orders of magnitude since I found you, though most of that work had to be done by me. Learning to focus and enjoy the present moment while being aware of managing my neurochemistry were my most important lessons. Don’t give up guys!
Someday his videos are not gonna be for me either and I'll watch it only out of interest in psychology and because I just like how dr. K expresses his thoughts 🙃
@@user-ku9xx1gw3v This is our dharma I believe.
Once the content can no longer be used to improve ourselves because we are the best at cultivating change, we start to use the new information to improve how we help others as well.
Even if we leave HGG for good, the ideas come with us and I believe help make the world a bit better.
There's always room for introspection and reflection. I consider myself decently normal, not a completely hopeless NEET, but I still learn things from Dr K's videos. SOME of the the content is (thankfully) not for me but even as I put my life together there's some content that still teaches me things by expanding on my perspective.
That's good to hear 😊♥️♥️♥️
That’s great brother!
I've come up with a food analogy to summarize this video (that at least helps me)
1. Taste - Absorb the information, but don't bite off more than you can chew.
2. Chew - Process the information, get it ready for you to accept, and take your time (chew before you swallow).
3. Swallow - Move the information from short term (the mouth) to the long term (the stomach), happens naturally in our sleep
4. Digest - Let the information settle in your body and "become a part of you", the actual "change"
5. Take a shit - When you're body has "become one" with the information, you will eventually feel the urge to act. This has to be natural, and ONLY when you feel the urge to do it. If you try to force it, it causes strain and may make it harder in the future.
this is amazing
Very insightful my friend ❤
then we're really doing some 'shit'
It actually reminded me of something I learned about how to get a child to try a new food. Just put it on their plate and don’t mention it. Don’t demand that they eat it. Just have it there. Do that 7 times. By that time it will stop being “ew gross poison” and become a curiosity.
As a computer engineer, the RAM analogy being pretty much correct made my heart happy.
Wouldn't your heart or brain be the mother board?
@@jenkathefridge3933the heart is like the power supply, and the brain is like the motherboard
@@neonch1 i see where you’re coming from, I personally disagree though,I think the heart is more like the motherboard because the job of the motherboard is to link/connect all of the components together, providing power to each part
@@steVENOM it feels to me like that would make your entire body the motherboard, especially as your veins and arteries are 'distributing' the power (power = oxygen), the heart is the one pumping it though (power supply) - the brain is the cpu
@Jephery69 Feel like your brain would be the RAM too, and the GPU as well.
Or maybe your eyes would be the GPU, wait your eyes would probably be the monitor?
Idk it's probably better to not take the analogy too far lmao.
Went on my first date a few days ago at 25. Everytime I wanted to go into my panicy nervous nelly self and stay internal, i reminded myself to stay in the present moment with her and have fun. Dont expect, just live and touch grass. Went very well and already planning the next one with her
Its even more rewarding. She is into the real you, not the fake shiny puppet that you display at dates. There is no conflict. You KNOW that she likes YOU
@@ghostbluster8900 Yea, it was shocking. I couldnt believe it after. Until i told my friends after and all they said was "Bro we've been telling you for years that you are a likeable, capable person. But we're glad your moving out of the depression arc"
@@hover97 "We're glad you're moving out of your depression arc." LOL I love this way of putting it! XD
I needed this, my first one went pretty badly and the 2nd one is happening tomorrow. I also have low self esteem and just no confidence in myself... Many thanks 🙏
@@aruzail you got this!! Hope you have a fun date 🤗
I’ve struggled with changing myself for years and I always feel “behind” for lack of a better phrase. Hearing the phrase “not doing anything is called patience, not failure” literally has me in tears at my office
I just read this and the bit about you crying while listening to that phrase has me in tears too. I had a pretty traumatic episode about 5 years back and I looking back on the fact that I didn't take any significant steps to improve myself because I was emotionally all over the place and couldn't trust myself to take the right steps was a good decision I made. Whoever you are, I hope you are doing better to move towards the life of your dreams.❤
Your efforts and focus may have been misplaced. Change your beliefs first.
*watched Video* ... Anyways
That's litterary what he told you to do
@@Someone_s_nick2 litterary? 🤔 sounds more like a metaphor, ngl hah
😂😂😂😂
Ugh. This comment is only funny, if you watched the NEXT video.
Dr.K during the video: "Dont binge watch motivational Videos. "
The Outro: FOR MORE ---->
it's a test
this says a lot about our society
blame it on The Algorithm
guys give me your humour 🥺🔪
@@smixqse It's for money
that "RAM" analogy got me, i have like 40 videos on self improvement and i can only remember like 3 and i thought i just had bad memory, turns out whatever i learned just got overwritten lmao
Wow, it's almost like having a therapist educated in psychology AND youth culture is a cheat code. . . seriously helping me more than actual therapy.
Holy crap. He really nailed it. In the past I OBSESSED over watching self-help videos, and I just knew I wasn't retaining anything and I just didn't know why. But omg I just wasn't giving myself space to process and let everything sink in. The tip about not chain watching informational content is pretty life changing for me, and I really needed to hear it. Thank you so much for this knowledge.
Did the advice hold 1 year later?
@@Astolotl To be honest yes. I don’t binge watch content daily anymore haha and I’m now more intentional about giving myself time to process and apply new concepts when I do learn something new.
Not only do I feel like I’m actually applying what I learn but also I’m saving so much time bc I’m not watching self help videos back to back anymore
My biggest problem is stalling. I know exactly what to do in order to progress my social life, my career etc. but keep finding excuses not to. Right now it's "I'm going on holiday next month, if I start a new job now it'll inconvenience my new employer, I'll do it after" or "It's too hot to go out and meet people today, I'll just be too sweaty and thirsty to hold a conversation. I'll do it when it's cooler"
thats exactly my problem!
Try doing / committing to doing activity first and think about it after. Got this advice from a Johnny Harris vid on how he got his job from nothing. Seems to work for me but is always very unnerving!
if you arent really suffering material oppression there is no incentive to change. there is incentive to do the opposite. maybe to change to former societal norms because thats what rich old people want and they have all the economic control atm.
For me these excuses sound valid. Of course only under the presumtion that you are going to do these things once the conditions change and you try to look for other options you might have. For example you can meet people indoors.
I get that man.
Every day i wake up and watch 1 Dr.K video, I feel like I have taken weeks worth of therapy, a screw somewhere in my head just got tightened and the cogs start turning more smoothly.
Me too. I watch only one vid and i always pick up one or more important lesson. 1 video is enough for me to get back on track and I always feels like feeling lost again when something went bad or if days past but all of thay disappear wheb dr. K uploads because him uploading is like a alarm clock for me that's saying "hey, you're in a journey, get your ass up" and they we go, me back on track that quick
Actually, I found that the best way to study is reading once or twice, doing nothing, sleeping, and the next day doing a quick review + practice. Of course everyone has their own way, but if it helps someone there it is.
Not only he gives you the road to fix your life, but also a road to that road. Thanks a lot Dr. K!
Some notes for myself:
1) Don't chain watch, let the info sink in to long term memory
2) Reflect on the video and how it made you feel, regularly recall it (just like learning)
3) Be patient, the one who does not take action is the one who is patient, don't charge in guns blazing or you're destined for failure
I’d also recommend intentionally exposing yourself to the information in different ways at least 7 times. Some studies show that it takes multiple exposures to ideas before somebody will act on it, so I say be aware of this and leverage it to your advantage. I also find it useful to listen to stories and anecdotes from people, which engage more parts of the brain than pure logic. Something about a story or narrative helps the information contained within sink in more. I find change best comes from a good mix of logic and emotion, so do the most with both.
This is actually a great video to start off BEFORE binge-watching Dr. K 's content on TH-cam. It is an introduction to the entire series he posted. You may watch videos and apply them to your life but without any reflection and looking deep within yourself the teachings will not stick. Use this video as a foundation for everything that you will learn and eventually learn in life. Change is inevitable in life, before changing we must first prepare to change ourselves by doing nothing.
I think binge-watching is the wrong word for it, because that's what you shouldn't do lol
The chain watching stuff is so true. When I first found out about Dr K I binge watched a bunch of his stuff. Nowadays i find myself re-watching one every other day because I got absolutely nothing out of them on that binge.
I know that feeling, but I'm hesitant to say I got nothing out of those binges. I may have forgotten most of it, but all those videos will ultimately lead me to this one special video which resonates haaard and gives me something that sticks and I can work on.
It's more like a road, that brings you where you need to be in my perception
Same, I had the exact same thing with political commentary and news videos. Like, it's nice to know what happens around the world (also listen to some of the guys try to crack jokes to light up a situation), but I remembered close to nothing afterwards. Nowadays I try to spend one hour a day on TH-cam, at maximum, which amounts to like 2 or 3 videos tops.
I JUST binge watched his video... :))) ig this is gonna be the last video for today! I will definitely rewatch these one by one later haha
I relate so much to the one day feeling enough is enough, only that for me I keep coming back to the behaviour although each time it takes more time to relapse, whether it is drugs, videogames, arguing with people on the internet... At some point you realize you're just wasting your life and you'd rather do something else that isn't so destructive.
Yes I go through longer and longer periods of stoping a habit for a month and I messed up, two months and I mess up. So I am “changing “ slowly the problem is we might be moved into action too early. Everyone seems to want me to stop my habit and act at the same time. Gg said doing nothing is just being patient. “Don’t override your ram” is the best new way of looking at it I have ever heard. And I always felt this way correct but I keep thinking doing nothing is also a horrible habit but I guess it’s not.
this is so relatable and nobody litterly no one ever has talked about this.
I love how theres no greed when he sais chainwatch less. It basically means chainwatch less of my Videos. Some people wouldnt say this in order to keep revenue or whatever. This is really just about guiding us and helping us
Damn it, when i think about these three steps, its so damn clear. I can literally hear my therapist playing around with the information i give him, its unbelievable. Man, im fucking smiling rn cause this process is so simple but so genius...
Exactly my thoughts
For me it still feels unclear and complicated.
it took my years and it felt like i changed almost nothing. and suddenly one day everything just unraveled like an epiphany!
@@ptrcrispy you grow up and use the experience in those years that will improve yourself without you even knowing. I went to therapy for all sorts of things and now i have a successful job and social life and am way better in socializing than i was 5-6 years ago. I didn’t start trying to do anything i just did it and let it happen.
This is literally me Right Now
I've gone sober and it's exactly like dr. k decribes it. One day it just clicked. I don't know what happened.
Same with my decision to not eat meat. One day it just clicked
That's not true for me, but oh well
Don’t binge watch. Let your brain sink the information in. Reflect. Be patient.
(This is for me)
Recalling information has always been hard for me. Having adhd, depression, and anxiety aren’t the perks I asked for.
This. This is for me too.
I find it kinda hard to reflect when my adhd brain goes apeshit when nothing interesting is happening.
You've got debuffs because you were gonna be too OP. Don't worry tho, depression and anxiety fade, you'll do fine if you sail towards the waves. Challenge that anxiety, make it your b♤tch, and stand tall on the mountain of challenges you've faced! Make depression your b♤tch too, I overcame it by getting out of my own head and living new experiences, be so damn happy that people start thinking you're weird for smiling all day long. YOU CAN BECOME OP💯🔥 HAVE FAITH IN THE PROCESS AND ENDURE❗️
@@oldreaddy3341 Use music to help.
I listen to music while doing house work and end up reflecting a lot during.
I need a reroll
For me personally I don't think 'procrastination' is the right word for what I do, I'm like superficially complacent about change sometimes. Like I know I need to amend a few things, and I KNOW what to do, still it's not enough to be consistent, I can probably do it for two or three days, and then I relapse to whatever I was already doing. Neuroplasticity is too hard to take advantage of, feels like I'm stuck in a rut sometimes.
same
I think this is really just very effective avoidance. I’ve had it a lot. It’s like you know you care, but then you suddenly ‘don’t really care’ and would rather do nothing. My theory is that there’s underlying problems with hopelessness or brain trickery, saying that it’s better to just do nothing because it won’t work anyway
100% feel the exact same
Oh my gooood I couldn't ever describe this
This is called self-sabotage, it'll change when you take accountability for controlling your life.
This makes me honestly want to shead tears.
I've been in this situation before so many years. I have terrible self esteem, I always feel I have to act to improve and whenever I try I end up crashing and burning. I avoided self improvement videos because I just knew I would never follow though. I even avoided this video for some time because I thought it would just be another "Here are ways to improve your life, now go do it" type of video. But it wasn't.
You made me feel okay
I was so depressed earlier
I felt I wasn't ever gonna get successful with what I do.
I'm just sitting here
Just stunned
Speechless really
Because this shit me like a truck.
And it made me so happy
Because I felt I wasn't doing enough and just making excuses for .myself.
Your videos help me a lot.
I don't watch all the time but I honest needed this. I'm glad I decided to watch this.
Thanks for all you do, Mr. K
Damn good lick with life man
To anyone reading this. Dr. K is right. I fought a weed addiction for years. Knew I should drop it, watched videos about beating addiction and still smoked. Then one day poof.... I just dropped it. It built up and I finally made the leap. Don't get discouraged, keep watching stuff that betters you. It will one day click. Don't stop, even looking is more than some are doing. Warching and agreeing is aknowledging the problem. Its a big first step.
Reflection is what's the problem for me and many others. Why? Because we are surrounded, even drowned in technology and messages trying to grab our attention 24/7. It's so damn hard for us not to click on the next video, or look at your phone again immediately once the PC is finally off, or watch TV, or whatever, with all these things just sitting there screaming "YOU'RE MISSING OUT!"
We need long stretches of time where we literally just sit, or walk, and "do nothing". And we need good sleep. I feel like especially our phones mess with this ability the most. Your brain was doing something important, even if you weren't aware of it, when that notification distracted you. And your subconscious will be like: alright fine, I guess we won't learn. Again.
Amen!
You're a good man, Dr. K. I appreciate you.
Wow, this applies to me so hard. Last year I went through a personal crisis mostly centered around a phobia that I've known about for a couple of years. I've always thought I should deal with my fear, but I never did. And last summer I mentally put my foot down. I could no longer ignore it, and the fact that I had been ignoring it all this time gave me a bad case of crushing guilt. I had known the steps I needed to take all this time but I just didn't feel like doing it. Now I had no choice but to do it. I went through a CBT-program where I exposed myself to my fear, but it was still ROUGH. I still had enormous guilt weighing me down, and it would be hard to actually get me to follow through with my plan, which made me feel even more guilt. In hindsight, it seems mad to me that I beat myself up so hard when it only took me about a week of exposure work to get rid of my fear. Maybe I should have been more patient with myself. I've definitely come to be more compassionate with myself, and I feel infinitely wiser now, a lot thanks to these youtube videos.
The science of change is actually golden, I couldn't remember stuff because I've overloaded my brain RAM.
Keep up the good work Dr.K! (:
I just watch content online and I'm detached from my time, life and goals. Reprogramming myself is the only option. I know how I have been in the past and I will reach that performance again. I think you just have to really decide that you want to change.. after that you just use common sense and make the smallest steps in the right direction with compound effect
that made zero sense.
I'm only 60 seconds in but I've changed my perception on this recently. I'm not doing anything about it I used to say. Well spending my time trying to figure out what's wrong with me and if it's a real problem or a problem of my own making and possible solutions to fix it IS doing something! Baby steps.
THINKING can also be DOING
I just realized how much of a receptacle I am for other people's mindsets and ideas. If you focus enough, you can see your own original thoughts and feelings that help guide you when you're lost/stuck.
My favorite thing is actually what patience means. The "pati-" sound and primary root of patience is from the same latin root as passion-- meaning to suffer. Patience and Passion are two sides of a coin, patience means "an action that causes minor suffering that is given out of love" and passion means "an action that causes major suffering that is given out of love."
The word itself acknowledges first that you, the giver of patience, is suffering by doing so, but it also states there is this higher state of thinking, this willful acceptance of suffrage, that is done through the lens of care. If you are being patient with yourself, you are giving yourself care while you are suffering from it. But you have that higher desire to achieve love or a moral improvement through that patience.
based and etymology pilled
I “quit” WoW about 6 times before it worked. I would always get really bored and go back when a big patch or a new expansion came out a few months later.
But this was important because each time I came back, I felt a little worse about being on the game. I felt frustrated that I failed to quit. That piled up more and more each time I came back until I felt truly disgusted with myself and with the game. Finally I was so desperate to do something else with my life that I stopped playing, AND quit.
It was still hard. I got really bored and I wasn’t very productive. But I told myself I would commit to making a habit of “never playing WoW when I’m bored.”
So far it has been working. I feel no desire to play WoW these days, or really any video games. I spend more time on hobbies, going outside and hanging out with friends.
I guess the lesson is…once you are truly sick of something, quitting feels a lot more like salvation and less like a chore.
Fortunately I already had that same bored feeling the first time I ever played WoW.. and the second and third tries several years later
i was always unhappy with my weight and health and one day it just clicked, i figured out some stuff to change and started goiung for walks every other day and switched to diet soda. i later and still do some more but that was weird because i kinda remember that. i kinda compared my obesity to addiction, which was the theme of the course i was in at that moment and since lost aproximately 60 pounds and feel healthier than ever before.(getting fitter, looking better and fitting into my jeans again did nothing to help get me friends, but still feels good...)
I wish I could reflect better, but it's just so easy to come up with excuses and argue for why it's better to stay where I'm at. This is why I like the interviews, a lot of the time the other person comes up with the same reasons for why they don't want to change as I do lol. And then Dr. K can address them.
I think I needed to hear this right now. I’ve been working a lot on trying to understand how to move on from traumatic events from my past and be more free from the chains I mentally feel bound by based on those events. I was at my psychs and talked to her about how I feel stuck and I don’t want that anymore, and that I feel like the stuff from my past is connected to a “young me” that I can’t bring myself to face and let her actually be a part of me. And watching this now really put a lot of stuff into perspective for me about the ways I’d tried to go about things. Having ADHD and autism has some very polarising effects in my brain, working against each other. So I think I can maybe just begin now to actually look back on how that little girl also was me and also had those diagnosis’ but she was undiagnosed and she suffered because of the effects of that (and other stuff). I think I’m now ready to actually work on facing her. And it’s like you said. I woke up one day and was like yeah, no I’m not gonna do this anymore. I need to try something else and not just watch a lot of videos whenever I feel desperate. Cuz it’s an overload and it’s not really something I implement. I really wanna sit with myself and give myself time through this journey of healing and be patient until my brain starts to get the message I want it to. Thanks for all your videos and streams. It’s really great to have this community and space to reflect and try to evolve.
I always describe this as plating a Seed in our minds, that will grow over time until the Fruit pops out (or Flower blossoms), and then it's ready to be harvested and that's when change happens. Each person has different seed growing speeds, and some can grow many seeds at the same time. I've noticed changes in my life thanks to HG and most of them where from one day to another as Dr.K describes.
Hi! Actually I've noticed possitive changes in my life. When I hear a piece of your advice, I stat to apply it to my life straight away. I've fixed several problems:
1. I'm forcing myself to do something useful first 4 hours after sleep, only then I can play videogames a little.
2. Now I know how to make my brain fall asleep and not think about "pls let's fall asleep" or "what do you think about...", I don't let my mind wander when I'm trying to sleep.
3. I've added several simple active challenges to my life, to feel a little bit better about myself. I started to tidy up my room more often.
4. I've naturally reduced the playtime, cuz now I notice if I don't wanna play. I forced myself to play before, cuz I had nothing better to do. Nope, it's not working this way anymore.
5. I'm struggling to apply your advice about being super aware of this habit 🚬, but it takes time.
My point if you're watching something and pay attention - the advice will work. If you're watching while playing or while something else is distracting you - nah, it's not gonna help, cuz your mind doesn't even process what you're hearing. Videos can't change anything, until you really start to collect the knowledge you're given, and start to be fully aware of it.
I’m making progress but it’s slow and I gaslight myself to think I’m not.
And thus this man has shown me singlehandedly why I have been stuck trying to change in the last 3 months
I completely agree, being aware of the problem is the first step to change
Oh boy I had a bunch of stuff saved to my watch later and I was planning on watching a bunch of it but I put this one at the top... Guess it's good I did.
It's just so hard to be patient when I feel like I've taken too long already. What if you try to be patient but instead of it sinking in and changing eventually you just have to start over again even later? It's scary to waste time when my biggest fear is the passage of time.
1. Don't chain watch stuff and take in too much information to overload your RAM.
2. Reflect. I feel I must take walks without music, it is easy to keep up with and is extremely powerful.
3. Have patience. Progress is progress. You're going to get there if you stick to change.
I've been watching Dr. K for a while now and I think I've gathered a common pattern of principles from his lessons:
1. Actions based off the impulse are never effective/sustainable.
2. A lot of feeling bad is just on the mind. Change your mind, you change your actions.
3. Allowing yourself to change little by little than over a shorter period of time allows you to embrace and fully understand the purpose of change better and get burnt out/overwhelmed less.
4. True motivation comes from understanding and not the will to get validation.
I sincerely appreciate Dr. K's tips and I now feel like I'm someone I was not before. I think I've been a calmer person recently because I'm starting to understand that people don't understand information or turn a new leaf in a split second. It takes patience. Change is not by taking the biggest win of your life the next day. It's taking small wins everyday and gradually adjusting to a new lifestyle. People need to understand that change is a slow transition, it's a car ride and not a teleportation. You need to enjoy the trip of changing while you're in it. You cannot avoid the natural slow process of sustainable change. Trying to duck the process of changing will only cause you to avoid knowing things you would've learned during the process or get burnt out.
you are inspirational, thank you very much for you contribution to the society
I failed out of college. Went back and basically had to restart twice but finished with a 3.8 GPA from when I returned to completion. Every semester on the deans list and a 2x council of scholars inductee.
Just like you said it took hitting bottom and when I returned returning for me, not someone else.
I had changed, I couldn’t be stopped. I’m still that new person today.
Well being poor, broke, old depressed, suicidal everyday and having nothing to look towards gives me no reason to change other than to get the courage to take my own life and not wake up anymore
Never had any other video that hit as hard as this.
This video made me feel so validated. Thank you Dr. K you’re amazing
This video was exactly what I needed today. I've been dealing with depression since I was a teen and now as a 34 year old I still have a dead end job, with no hope of ever being able to have anything in life. I've been able to live with some small fun things like video games, but never anything meaningful or lasting. A new car, a house, or anything truly extravagant like an international vacation has always been out of reach. It sunk in about ten years ago that I needed to change my life, but my lack of motivation and self esteem has left me feeling trapped. The longer I wait to change the more frustrated I become. And I hate myself for it, which makes me feel worthless. I have started watching these videos and slowly trying to change my perception of the world around me, and trying to be easier on myself.
Thank you so much Dr K., and the whole subreddit community. This channel has given me hope, and I believe I can change. Let's get our shit together guys!
I’ve always been quick at adapting and changing myself and my habits. I feel like it comes from an internal sort of humility. I feel like, I view my habits in my life deck of cards. When I find one card that’s better than the one I’m using, I work hard to ditch the old one and introduce the newer one. I’m no expert in anything. At least I don’t look at myself that way. So everything I do and know, I allow myself to challenge.
I somewhat experience the learning/change process when trying to lower my self-hatred and learning self-compassion :
From watching videos about how to self-love, reflecting on how I love people more than I love myself and trying to shift my perspective "what if the one I hate (myself) is somebody else / a child?", reflecting how people can be so positive and standing up to themselves (it can be toxic because of comparison), and after several times fallen into what I called "depressive state" where I couldn't even try to think positively about myself, it dawned upon me that it'll take a really long time to even get a hold of this "self-love".
I expect to have changed for a year, it certainly takes longer than that and back then it gives me serious despair. That I had to be patient, that i had to endure and kept trying for longer, when all I want is that I got it "now" and deal with my life more easier. "I don't have the time, I need to sort things out quickly and move on with my life". Things went wrong (my mental state turned worse) and I had to be MORE patient because of the aftermath.
So... Yeah, the last part "be patient" is certainly simple, but not easy. Like waiting for a flower to bloom, you can't force it but it's certainly frustrating to wait when you wish to see it bloom, to enjoy the result of you taking care of it, especially if it helps lighten your burden in the present.
I've started keeping self help videos that i found really empowering in a yt playlist i titled "Loop" and it definitely feels like a lifeline when the unkind and self defeating thoughts get overwhelming enough that i cant make rational conclusions. Like what you said, i keep those videos/information at a minimum so that they do not lose their impact. I have saved some of your videos in this playlist as it they are really helpful in reframing my state of mind. Thank you so much for posting these :) I'm not an active subscriber, but i really appreciate these videos
For me, has some stuff not mentioned by DrK, just what I think about this:
1. Don't chain watch info.
- When watching stuff about how to improve some behaviour, do not keep filling the bucket incessantly, once you find something you think can be helpful to you, just stop and focus on that thing. Don't try to learn another thing while you're at it. As I understand this, the mind can only put a certain amount of stuff from ram to the hard drive at a time. And if you keep filling it with stuff, you won't know how and what you lose track of and just goes out.
2. Recall./ Reflect
- your actions (consistently) change when the default thoughts in your mind change, and default thoughts change when your mind actually learns something, and the best way to learn something is try to recall, it reflect on it, see how it makes sense, see how it could apply to you, etc. Just spend as much time as you can with the thing you need to learn, and it will stick eventually.
3. Be patient.
- recognize that it may take some time to change your behaviour, do not beat yourself up for not changing even when you know you should, remember that it takes time. Be aware of the times you get frustrated with yourself for not changing and instead of thinking about yourself in that moment, try to recall the other two steps.
I've been so depressed lately I've been completely addicted to mmos and ignoring real life completely and it's shown in my personal hygiene and the state of my flat. I'm in the contemplative stage of change right now and it's so difficult. I know video games are causing me to neglect my health and relationships BUT I'm addicted to them and they're the only happiness I derive from my mundane life.
I needed to hear all of this andI'm hoping that through reflection and small action, that I can overcome the constant lethargy my depression and addiction causes.
Dr. K, you're inspiring me to be a better teacher for my students. I needed this reassurance I am in the change process even if I still get caught in old patterns.
the 3 steps are insane. especially the part about reflecting/play and mastery.
thank you dr k i will keep this in mind while trying to deal with current internal conflicts
your channel is a godsend. you do good work and i’m happy you exist!
This was immensely helpful. I will say I DO a lot in regards to changing behavior - but in some areas I have been, as you said, watching the content but not doing much. Realizing the internal change happens before the action change is amazing for me to know. 🤞🏽
I worked with a guy before that based his entire personality on Dr. K, LITTERALY. He was watching him so much it was like he was trying to become him or something.. He even introduced me to Dr. K! But it's like everytime i tried talking to him he would redirect me into what i was saying with some huge psychological response... I was like wtf man there's no possible way to have a conversation with this guy ? He's acting like a psychiatrist. One day he left to job and i blocked him on all social media platforms
I had to get this off my chest
Lmaooo this is too much
Dr. K your dedication to this online community and desire to spread education is intoxicating! I love every one of your videos and I use a lot of your points to reinforce education for my patients. Keep up the great work!
This video hit me on such a deep level, and I think I've finally started to learn my lesson. Tomorrow is a new day with new perspective
Thank you Dr K. I think i kind of understand how i got around to implementing healthy habits and cutting down the bad ones. It was literally how i stopped living like a neet, like I was done with the whole rotting in your room lifestyle after two whole years and decide it was enough. There was so much background processes going on. Truly amazing and eye opening stuff Doc
meta there
I'm listening to this a second time now as that repetition can help me learn. This Could be a great first step video to Any progress.
I used to be very good at studying. Well sometimes. I used the ideal 7 items for short term memory, I copied notes to smaller pieces with visual colour highlights, and used visual memory to help recall.
I was JUST thinking about this and getting frustrated with myself, even broke down few hours ago. Damn, your content always knows the right time
Wow I really needed this today. I’m returning to a job that I hate today after a 2 month leave of absence due to burnout and anxiety. During those two months I was trying to switch fields, unfortunately the leave has ended and I didn’t find an opportunity that was a good fit for me and have to return to the same position. I really needed to hear that patience is key and things takes time to fall in place.
I so needed to hear this . I need to be more patient with myself rather than feeling bad for not DOING more. I’m making a BIG change in my life rn and have been beating myself up for not moving on it quick enough but I feel like I need more time to take it all in and have been hard on myself. Thank you Dr K for your compassionate approach ❤
Holy shit. I have gone sober and this is EXACTLY how I would describe it. One day it just clicked. I don't know what happened.
Ha. I discovered Dr K about a month ago, and I've been watching 1-3 videos a week. I instinctively started summarizing each video with a sentence or two in my notes after watching it and so far I have:
- Avoid phone use during toilet, eating
- Resist problem-solving past issues aka counter-factual thinking (depressive rumination?)
- Accept my addictions- it makes it easier to get rid of them
- Detach myself from thoughts (as well as learned helplessness?), they aren't facts
- Change is a subconscious process. Relapses arent back to square 1
- Be aware of the actual costs of changing
- Making friends requires repeated unplanned interactions
And this video - "Change is patience, give it time. Reflect on motivational ideas."
This is what I needed for such a long time. I need to be more patient with myself.
I always beat myself up over not doing... anything basically, feeling like my effort would be in vain. Allowing myself to be patient about my progress really helps me cope with the time I think I lost in the past few years due to my anxiety. Thinking back, I feel like I made so much more progress throughout my entire life by letting go of things, instead of adding stuff and pushing myself to do anything.
It's weird how that works but thank you Dr. K!
I enjoyed this quite a bit ^^
I always believed it is an external force pushing us and that force is time. The passage of time will force you to change whether you want to or not. I am glad to hear there is truth to this in accordance to patience.
"when i ask you what's 2+2 the answer bubbles up why does it bubble up because it's been solidified within you and what do people struggle with they struggle with the fact that the right thoughts don't bubble up." this is gold, thank you Dr. K
you're awesome man. I want to note something very important for all those who read this. Change is actually incredibly easy, and I know you know this because you've done it before. The hardest part is not changing... it's finding a reason to. Once you find a purpose that feels fulfilling and genuinely makes you feel a certain way, you won't even consider the act of going after it or doing it requiring effort and energy because you willingly want to accomplish or achieve it. The reality is most of us want to change into a version of us that accomplishes things we DON'T want to do or have a passion for, because the trade off is that it's "better" for us. In that sense you will NOT feel like you have a reason to do it, because you emotionally literally do not want to do it. Don't waste your energy convincing yourself why to do it, just do it. I can tell you from experience that you will never convince yourself to enjoy doing it, and in fact I've found it makes it worse because you will let your expectations down 100% of the time. It's far easier to just accept that it sucks balls, but if you've decided it's necessary for you and it's a genuinely important thing that will positively impact your life, than the only thing left is to actively engage in it and actually get it done. anything outside of actually doing it is just consuming your valuable energy and emotions, you'll just be in never ending circular reasoning, either trying to find a way to get out of doing it, or convincing yourself to do it, which itself consumes all the energy you would be using to actually do it to begin with. Also understand that you DON'T have to do it, really at the end of the day you actually don't have to legitimately do it, there is clearly a reason you are going out of your way binge watching self help videos. I also think a critical point in this video was brought up, you need to expect it to be a process. it's ridiculous if you think it's going to work for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd time. We're human and you have to be more patient and understanding of yourself, if it was easy than there wouldn't be 500 self help channels with hundreds of millions of collective views. The reality is this process is NOT easy, and if it easy for you than YOU are the exception, not vice versa. best of luck to all
Great comment, thank you
My personal saying is: "The first step to make a dream come true, is making that first step yourself"
I find this very grounding. If you don't want to walk, you will never reach your destination. If you are fat and lazy, the journey is still doable, but you have to work harder for it. If you have hobbies that distract you from reaching your goals, only spend time on your hobbies the last 4 hours before bedtime. Too tired to enjoy your hobbies? Good. It's a hobby, not work.
Also, just a tip. If you write a long text like this as a comment. Try and push a couple of alinea's to split topics and make it easier to read :)
Value ur time more and you will change
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Like you it took me 9 years of slacking, on top of that also being dumped by the love of my life and a lot of videos from you (and few other channels) to make serious change for the better. It happened as you described, suddenly I started doing the right things more and more with each new day. I still will keep on learning patiently. Thank you so very much, I have nothing but love for this channel. One day in the future when I get to a better position in life I will remember this and help you and this channel in whatever way I am able to.
I like putting on your videos every other day to learn something that I can implement in my life. You already helped me so much so thank you.
Although today, I am going through a stressful period in my life (The struggle of whether to go home and take care of my parent or stay where I am and continue to build my own life) I was just thinking on my way to get a prescription refill that I need to be patient with myself and focused on my goals. I stumbled on this video while waiting for my refill eating some A&W and I think it's a sign and I think I'll try to stay where I am longer to fulfill part of my goals in life. Thanks man.
Doctor, sometimes even just reading the titles of your videos incites me to change, you are truly a blessing for all of us
"Is it all right to take notes during the reflective period?" chat rediscovers journalling, we did it! :D
This video has some of the best advice I've seen on your channel so far. A bit ironic (or appropriate) that it's been moldering in my Watch Later list for months, but probably just what I needed to hear for the new year.
Sounds like I've been more-or-less on the right track this whole time, though I'm probably slowed down further by ADHD, variable depression and some mild C-PTSD, (though I am working on it). The big problem comes from the impatience/panic one has to deal with when the superego/expectations of society holds a figurative gun to your head and says "get your shit together _right now_ or lose everything." The high-speed high-stakes no-reserves world we've found ourselves in is a huge part of most of our problems, collectively and individually, and I wish there was a way to get the dopes at the top who set the pace and call the shots to cool their flippin' jets.
A possible tip for those of us who can't always help but binge-watch stuff: if you come across something (like this video, for instance) that sounds like it has some important information you should reflect on, don't just pause to think on it (though that is an important step). Save the video to a personal playlist of good ideas and food for thought, so you can refer back to it later. Later repetition of information can also help get things to stick in your brain, though your mileage may vary, of course.
Thank you for this video. I beat myself up for a while for not changing my bad behaviors. This video made me realize, that I already slowly started to apply your advice. One of my biggest issues is my lack of sleep, but thanks to your advice I removed some bad late-night habits from my evening routine and eventhough I will relapse every once in a while, I finally had a few very restful nights and I struggle less with getting up early (I used to be an early bird).
The first thing I'm thinking of after watching this video is questionning the school system. Most of us know how to learn through learning experience, but the school system is absolutely not adapted to learning process. Also, I never learnt how to learn in school. Isn't that ironic ? That reflects to the gifted kid tho.
Anyways, big thank you Dr. K. I start to put my life into perspective, it feels good to finally take care of myself.
The school system is designed to produce workers who work "good jobs" and to filter the "smart" kids from the "stupid" ones. That's why from day 1 they convince you to think "what job am I gonna have growing up, how much money will be enough, in which field will I be least upset with work, which classes should I take at 15y/o to get me to that job?"
Instead of asking you what your passion is they "prepare you for the real world" without teaching you anything. Its about teaching a mindset more than enriching education.
My hippocampus has been damaged and I can't turn short term memories into long term memories, my ram never transfers to rom
I've always had problems articulating myself. I know how I feel I just couldnt describe it. Recently I've started a video-diary where I just vocalise my feelings every once in-a-while and listen back on them to see what I need to improve on.
I've also always been a "it doesnt really matter person" when it comes to what I want to eat, which movie to watch or where to go on dates. But recently I've made an effort to just pick an option/vocalize what I want.
It's small changes but your videos made me reflect on my feelings and what I wanted to change in my life, they gave me the motivation to start changing.
Tyty :D
I LOVE your advices. The delivery is so good. Never too much, never too less. Alwys the right amount. Thank you,
ooof... felt like this video was made just for me.
i've had literally only ONCE a genuine "just cause" change in my life, when over two and a half years ago i started drawing.
i just went "i want to learn to draw"
there was obviously reasons for it: goals, desires, convenience if i reach my goals, and even possibly a chance to earn money if i get good enough...
but after i started?
well, for the first few months it... went ok i guess, there was actually an impressive amount of improvement given what i started with(have to thank my observational skills for that i feel)
but after about 8 months or so... well nothing.
no change.
no improvement.
in fact, i barely draw anymore today, even though nothing changed, i just lack motivation and guidance, and when i wake up during the idea, i end up in the loop described at 9:50 of choosing.
except it doesn't last 5, 15 30 seconds, a minute... it lasts the whole day.
and i'm not joking, even in contexts of the actual example like at a restaurant or more reasonably, when i have to choose what to order for dinner, it can take me even half an hour if not the whole day.
eventually i end up choosing but it takes SO long.
is it because of my autism?
perhaps, might be more simply an automated risk aversion system my brain started implmenting... but point is it sucks, i don't even have a comprehension of what it feels to know delayed gratification because of this and playing games or watching yotube videos like this.
stil
i had never thought of associating change to learning, even if it makes sense...
but i suck at learning, consciously at least, so...
I don't think I'm autistic, but I have had days when I was trying to decide what I wanted to work on in that day (I had a lot of varyingly important and urgent things I've been wanting to do but wasn't sure which to go with) and only actually decided hours after I had woken up. It sucks because it just feels like I've wasted a bunch of time and not actually made any progress.
Therapy! Specially tailored to your individual needs
The topics are really great, I appreciate your advice to the community a lot! Here is to a million subs soon!
So true. Biggest actions in my life usually came after month of thinking and defining what I want and don't want.
It's scary how Dr. K seems to read my mind. His videos are so accurate to my thoughts and issues.
Ah crap he's calling me out does this mean I have to improve my life now?
Nah you don't have to do anything at all. Its your choice
I just have to say I only found your channel about a week ago and I’m addicted 😅🙏🏻 thank you soo much!
This is maybe the most hopeful, encouraging video I have seen in months and I watch a lot of personal development videos. Thank you for giving me permission or grace to "learn" at a subconscious level for as long as it takes. This really helps me be patient with myself. God bless you 🙏 ❤😊