How to deal with needy friends; people who depend on you too much
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 พ.ค. 2013
- You have to sit down with these friends and tell them that while you are there for them, and have their back, they need to rely on you less and become more independent. Suggest they seek counseling, while at the same time, make yourself a little less available, so that they will learn to rely on themselves more and you less.
- แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
I'm in this situation right now. As an introvert, I need time to myself, and she depends on me for everything. It is incredibly exhausting, and whenever I try to distance myself, she guilts me to no end. It's wearing me right down
I think problematic relationships like that solve themselves after a while. I'm a freshman in college going to school thousands of miles from home, I have this friend back home and throughout middle school and high school he asked a lot of me, like I'm his only friend and he would always ask me for rides- he's too afraid to learn himself, even when driving him was way too inconvenient, nag me when I was too busy or spending time with other friends or trying to make new ones, and go off tyrades that got on my nerves. I still feel like I've done so much for him and all he did in return was just give me crap after crap after crap. But now that I'm gone forgiving him came super easy, since distance makes the heart grow fonder and even though I'm not sure what he's been up to it's not right for me to just say "he's nothing without me" and I feel like he's managing on his own
Same, my friend is having issues with her family and her ex, and she's too needy. I can't always be there and comfort her, I'm really really emotionless sometimes and I can't deal with it, I can't always have pity, I also have a lot of homeworks and exams and she begs me to go with her, I really don't know how to tell her.
Have you ever suggested to her to see a therapist?
Needy people seems to always prey on introverts.
Cut her off tell ger you need your own space.
My friend calls me every day to talk about her for hours. I eventually got exhausted I just cut her off and tell her I got to go. Ever since I cut the hours long conversation, I been able to study, exercise and eat healthy. You be suprised at how far back these vampires will pull you back.
Relateable
I can't handle it. I am an introvert and as an adult, I also have to work and run errands. Heck, there are other friends I'd like to hang out with and sometimes I just want to be alone. I can't text for hours on end as if my phone is attached to my body. I need space. I need autonomy over my life again. I can't be the go-to whenever something happens. And what's worse is that this person only has one other friend. It has gotten to the point I turned my phone off. I need peace.
I know exactly what you mean. The "you're my only friend" card. I feel you. I want to enjoy my youth while I have it but needy people always guilt trip me.
Have you ever thought about introducing your needy friend to some of your other friends? Maybe he or she may have interests in common with these other people but not with you, or pick up a new hobby and later share it with you. A person's social circle can become interwoven when one friend introduces them to someone else.
I was deeply saddened when two of my closest church friends, Meredith and Kendra (not their real names), recently moved far away. However, not only have I managed to keep these two friends, but also became friends with a friend of Meredith's named LaToya (not her real name). (Meredith and LaToya were musicians on our worship team -- that is how they met. Meredith and I met in a Bible study group that threw a baby shower a month before the arrival of my first child in 2015. Unfortunately, this group disbanded before the birth of my second child in 2018.) Last fall, LaToya and I ended up together in a new Bible study where I also befriended our group leader, named Sarah (not her real name).
Sometimes it’s not as obvious as this, but if you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach and feel uneasy around them, and the feeling just won’t go away, trust your gut.
Use the excuse “im working all the time bc broke and I’m in debt” that’s how I distanced myself from needy people. It’s worked every time.
Same here. First mistake is to say that you have money and are saving for ANYTHING. They don't care if you're moving, saving up for your granny's heart transplant, saving for school, your baby's medications....they WILL see you are something to suck dry and a resource to exploit till you have nothing left. THEN they'll go and look for another host.
I have a needy friend who always constantly wants to talk on the phone all the damn time, I'm not a people person and I hate when someone always wants to talk to me 24/7..i can't even go online without this person messaging me, all I want is alone time !!!!!!! So annoying.
me tooo i cant stand it
Keshia K same here I can't even go on fb without getting messages from 3 needy friends. I tend to ignore them but they'll do anything to try to contact me even after I said I need me time. It's almost like they're in love with me or aren't getting attention at home from their spouses
Keshia K OMG this happened to me and this bish contacted my other friend. They kept calling every second and even showed up at my house. I said I needed time off and space and posted about it...but instead of leaving me alone she harassed me! I tried calling my other friend to explain to her and no answer so I dont know what my "needy" friend told her. They were even going to call the police wtf!
Melisha Naidoo read my comment omg me too!
DiamondsWood2010 that's insane. They need to back off and let you be. I've already distanced myself from these needy friends and luckily they don't live in my city. I don't respond to their messages asap and I leave it unanswered for almost a week
Is it really considered a friendship or is it a pacifier?They don’t know how to have a friendship because they’re operating from a place of need and I’m tired of it
I watched this video two month ago. 2 hours ago, I ended my friendship with my needy friend. He was the sweetest and nicest person I’ve ever met in my life, but he was consistently telling me about his problems and %95 of our conversation was about himself. I asked him twice to stop telling me about his problems, but he didn’t listen. It was a draining friendship and had to end.
Good decision 👍👏🌻
That's tough, but if it's hitting your boundaries and it's a lop sided relationship, then it has to end unfortunately.
You did the right thing.
I seldom have needy friends. Real friends are not needy.
I needed to hear this today. Some people are emotionally draining, and I'm starting to shut down. Thank you for this. 💜
Can we just appreciate her calm and relaxing tone in this video. Honestly her voice alone made my whole day.
I have a friend that is annoying and needy! She was already getting on my nerves and wanted to distance myself. She would need my opinion about everything even about guys!! So this past weekend we were suppose to hang out and I didn't reply to her text in 15min she got all psycho and left. But too me that worked perfectly because I was already looking for a way to distance myself from her. She's no negative and needy and I don't need that in my life! Everything happens for a reason 😈
Being 15 min late and not responding when you’re supposed to meet someone is rude and disrespectful. That doesn’t make her psycho if she left. The problem was you in that case and she did the right thing having boundaries and leaving
This video is so what I needed to hear. This kind of friend is sucking the life out of me right now. She actually told me that she only has one real friend at a time and everyone else is an acquaintance. I am the one real friend at this point. I just can't deal...I have a lot of friends but I also like to do things by myself a lot too. I just need space and don't need her constantly at me trying to fill some sort of void in her life.
Will just being unavailable all the time eventually work? I've tried that for a year while still being pleasant and seeing her occasionally and it's not working. I can't deal with this kind of neediness. This behavior is infringing on my ability to live my life. This is the type of person who freaks out and calls 10 times if I don't pick up the phone. It's nuts and I'm over it.
I have no idea how people deal with this 😭
If your needy friend has other acquaintances, why don't you encourage her to branch out and try to get to know them better? Or introduce her to some of your other friends? She may find out that these other people may share interests with her that you do not. She may also pick up a new hobby from them and then enthusiastically decide to share it with you.
I was deeply saddened when two very dear friends from my church, Meredith and Kendra (not their real names), recently moved far away. I had met them almost a decade ago in a Bible study group when my husband and I were expecting our first child. They threw us a baby shower and loyally continued to support us through our challenging journey of parenting. However, I have not only managed to keep these friends but also became friends with one of Meredith's friends, named LaToya (not her real name.) Both Meredith and LaToya were on the worship team, which was how they met. Meredith introduced me to LaToya just before moving to Florida a couple of years ago. Last fall, LaToya and I joined a new Bible study group, where I also befriended our leader, named Sarah (not her real name).
I just told a friend straight up when she called me , that I didn’t wana talk to her everyday & she said okay. Then later on when we were gettin off the phone she said “I’ll call you tomorrow I mean in a few days ‘!”
I said yeah definitely not tomorrow , we be on the phone too much , everyday is too much !” She said “I know “ & haven’t heard from her in over a week thank god!” I told her she gives needy vibes . Like it’s okay to talk to your friend about what’s been goin on in your life but not on a day to day basis . Getcho ass a boyfriend or a therapists for all that ; & not use me as a void. Plus she has a 2 year old . I don’t wana hear her yellin at her kid every 2 secs while we on the phone ‘ girl bye 👋🏼, I told her that too. Honestly people , you just gotta be at the point where you don’t care if you hurt they feelings or not. That’s people pleasing too mf much. It’s about how you feel ~ not how they feel . She’s helped me talk some things out but that don’t mean shit . I wouldn’t dare let her hold that over my head! Because I still ain’t gotta talk about it to her. I move tf toward and trust thyself. You have to be selfish Witcho time . If they was payin you for yo time it would be different but they ain’t . Yo time is yo time ~ HOWEVER YOU WANT TO SPEND IT~ Do not feel guilty . Absolutely not.
I ended a 19-year friendship a year ago, because she was phoning me 4 and even 5 times a week, dominating all the conversations talking about herself, and, when I helped her feel better about her latest problem or worry, she would then hang up without even asking me how I was. Then calling me again 2 days later for another feeding. When I finally confronted her and told her I'd had enough, that I was taking a friendship break, I watched a 67-year-old woman turn into a spoiled, demanding brat, telling me what I owed her, what she was entitled to, and accusing me of "betraying and abandoning her." She's a widow, and had recently retired, and was using me to allay the fears and fill in the holes in her life, and didn't like my telling her to find a support group, learn to be her own best friend and to stand on her own two feet emotionally. She wasn't able to accept any of what I said, so finally I told her good-bye. It takes a lot for me to back away, but when I do, that's IT. I'm done. And this is the only part of the video I'm uncomfortable with. Ms. Dubuque suggests you work WITH your friend towards a better understanding. For a needy friend, that's just more attention, more of you putting energy into them, which is what they want. In other words, more enabling. They'll feed off of that too. And most adults don't want to change unless crisis forces them to. Their patterns are set. It's usually wiser, for your own sake, to back away. And for their sake? Call it Tough Love. What, after all, are you getting from THEM? Friendship is 50/50 or it's a waste of time. When I left, I was surprised that I not only didn't miss her, but felt a ton had lifted from my shoulders. I didn't realize just how much she had been draining, marginalizing, and isolating me - for years. And as for her, she'll either sink or swim without me. Up to her. Not my problem or responsibility anymore.
19 *YEARS?*
Once I spot one of these people in first meeting (usually frantic and with a needy, peering over your shoulder, eager-tiny dog vibe to them), I am out in the first 19 seconds. They don't hide their intentions either.
This sounds so familiar...only that I told someone to get professional help instead of texting me a rant or calling me every time she wanted to cut. Same thing happened when I told her that I wanted out. It was all about how SHE would NEVER do that to me and whatever. A lot of these people don't need a friend, they need a therapist and are using us as free therapy instead.
I wish I had gotten out years ago, and that someone else had just given me permission to instead of suggestions to improve the situation. You cannot help certain people, you can only get out of the situation or go down with them. Save yourselves, folks.
I know the type. Always need to borrow money💴 or need a favor & if you tell them NO, they beg or give you an attitude like you owe them or something. They tend to look for suckers or enablers. They don't take advice or care about sharing your wisdom to become a responsible person, but will take your money💴 in a heartbeat. And if you do lend them money don't expect to get it back!!!😫
Yep I know the type, it can seem like an innocent good will thing to have that openness in a friendship where you lend some money and get it back reasonably and have that option to do the same, it can help you feel more secure when your at a low and financially less stable place in your life to have friends with that option to do that, to respectfully look out for each other
But when you are looked at over your shoulder every time you will have money coming in, like they are aware of when you will have money and more conscience of it then you, when they expect you to give them the borrowed money back the second you get paid
When you feel the need to fight with them through a window of time where you have to practically beg to get you own money back and they say things like “well you just wasted 20$ on beer “ or other excuses as to why you don’t need your money
It just tends to get very very bad...
Probably end up a bum on the street with a cup begging for coins while the person who stole all your money walks bye and ridicules you on their stolen “high-horse” about how you nee to get a job or something
It does get that bad
Don’t mix family/ friends and business
And don’t mix business and pleasure
I needed this ugh omg I need my space bro please
Have gone through this with a very needy, draining person, drove me to near insanity, needy and clingy people are a huge no for me after what I have been through, great video
I just moved to a new city where I don't have any friends or family. So I had to cling on to the very few people that made friends with me. I kept asking them to have coffee, or text them when they're not around. After a while, I realized that they're making themselves less available to me. It has never happened to me before when I had my family, or my old friends around me. I have always been the cool one who people would love to hang out with. This made me realize that when life is good, people flock around you. But when you need someone to be your friend, there's no one for you. I stopped looking for friends, but instead started liking the times I spend alone with myself. There's always a reason why people become clingy. If you're willing to help them, you will gain an amazing friend.
Emily, so well put.
Help but for how long. Some people always in that position. It works both ways and boundaries are a form of love and respect.
Help them???? What exactly does that mean?
Right, except for whenever it is literally never ending and you’ve been doing it for so long that it is expected of you all of the time, even after you have told them that you need to focus on your mental stability and adult responsibilities, then you get the guilt tripping. That is not my definition of a great friend
@@steviemichelle7271 Exactly! Plus the original poster began to realize what she was doing and started to enjoy alone time. We all make mistakes and we all go through hard times. none of us is perfect. I'm not denying that fair-weather friends exist, but so does toxic friendship.
I have spent the last few years trying to "help" a clingy person with severe mental health issues who, at any time of the day, might text me "This and that and that, my husband is a terrible person. I WANT TO CUT!". So I'd drop everything and respond to stop her. I was starting to feel like I was almost single-handedly responsible for keeping another adult from harming herself. I felt bad about even thinking about distancing myself because I knew that she had no family near her and no real support. I should have gotten out of that friendship years ago. In cases like that, you can either jump ship or go down with the person. You can't save everyone. A lot of these people don't need a friend, they need a therapist.
I don't have a lot of friends either (though I like alone time). Ending that friendship significantly improved my mental health and allowed me to spend more time doing things I enjoy by myself and with other friends and family. There is only so much time you can give. I can't be constantly available to someone, nor can I demand it of someone else.
I've not got the energy left to help them through anything else when all they've done is take from me and go psycho when I need my own space to sort my own issues which are valid e.g. bereaving someone v close to me atm, instead of being a real friend and understanding that, I've been called a crap friend for not contacting this person for a few days out of a 4-year friendship and they never sit and think about you and how you might have your own life and needs as well as their constant issues and attention seeking, it's just plain wrong
I think I'm deplete of empathy now I'm mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained from it all, just don't need it
We all have to take responsibility for our mental health and go to therapy if it's really that bad where you need help in coping with things on a regular basis, a real friendship is not one party constantly exploiting the other and going psycho when the exploited party has nothing left to give
From my own experience,don't ever be the needy friend.It can lead to a ruined friendship and miscommunication.Being independant is really the best way.I had a friend who I got really attached to for a little bit of time,I didn't really let time define our closeness and I constantly bugged her and at the end she set her boundaries.There was a miscommunication problem so I needed my space as well b/I was hurt.I have bumped into her a few times but I pretend not to see her b/I don't want it to be
Not only are they needy, they never want to give anything back, even if you ask them for it. 😬
I also have a friend like that. I’m not the only person she clings to, though. She gets attached to people very easily in general. I mean, VERY attached. So attached that she wants to be in a relationship with them. I think she’s been in at least 5 or 6 relationships this year. (I have trouble keeping track of it.) And she’s always busy looking for new friends (good or not) on the internet. She panics when people don’t respond to her texts. Though I think she doesn’t do it as much now, she used to call her friends (me included) for hours every day.
That isn’t the only thing, though. She has Autism and other learning difficulties, so she struggles with school a lot. This last year or so she’s also been mentally unstable and has spoken to a lot of therapists and psychologists. She doesn’t act the way you would expect someone to act, so people I know who have met her find her “weird” and “unpredictable”. So you probably get why I’m hesitant to introduce her to someone I’m busy forming a friendship with like she asked me to. (I told her about that person and they have one or two interests in common, so that’s why.) I don’t want my friend’s unpredictable behavior to affect the friendship I’m forming and I’m also worried as hell about my friend. I’m worried that her meeting my new friend won’t go the way she wants it to, which will damage her self-esteem more than it already has been damaged. I tried telling her that I probably wouldn’t be able to arrange a meetup since I wasn’t sure if my new friend would want to meet someone she didn’t know just like that, but she didn’t get the hint. She just assumed I meant that she was trying to start a relationship with my new friend and said that she just wanted to try to be friends with that person.
She’s been trying to contact me about it for over a week now and I’ve been ignoring her. I don’t know how to respond to her messages!! I can’t tell her the real reason I can’t introduce her to my new friend. I would just hurt her feelings!! I can’t say I’ve been ignoring her because I’m busy. She’s smarter than that. I think she’s really pissed at me now based on her last messages, even asking me why I’ve been ignoring her. To make things clear: I am NOT pissed at her!! I just have no idea how to deal with this situation.
Thanks for listening to my TED talk.
Thank you for this advise. I have worked hard to get where I am in life. I am a nice person, and word must have gotten around. I have over 10 people a day who just knock on my door, interrupt my "work time" tell me there sad story's, Ask for something to eat, drink, clean cloths, if they can use the bathroom, for bus money, cigarettes, or if they can come in and relax for a little while. I say I'm sorry, No, I'm Sorry, No, and NO. It's like they will not take No for a answer. I've had to just walk away, and hide until they wonder off. I can't even come out on my front porch for a smoke, without being confronted by several people just waiting to have a chance to approach me. I want to move out of this place, and I just moved in less than 4 months ago.
In the same situation my friend , I just feel like we’ve out grown each other. She’s a very sweet and intelligent girl but she just needs help, that I can’t give her . I still want to be her friend just not as close. She wears me down I feel as though she needs to find other friends. She calls me 5-10 times a day!!! I can’t do it , I try to distance myself but I don’t know a nice way to say I need my space ?
Extremely accurate and great advice!!! Experiencing this issue first hand...and this advice...truly worth it's weight in gold.
Neediness stems from low self-esteem. I found out as I got older most people don't think as highly of themselves as they portray. Is all a facade......
This video was extremely helpful! I have a friend that is to clingy and sucking all my energy out. I wanna stay really good friends with her, but I want my own space
masandrea, try everyday to do something on your own. try going somewhere or doing something by yourself that you normally had to have someone go with you. Before you ask someone else for help, think about solving the problem on your own first. When you are in a relationship, don't demand all of his time. Spend one evening a week being by yourself or going out with the girls. Expand your circle of friends instead of depending on one person. You can do it! also create goals for yourself!
thank you!!! I have a co worker who basically hangs on my every word , follows me every where and doesn't give me very much space ; since I work with her i'm kind of stuck as far as making myself less available but yesterday I did keep my distance from her by keeping myself busy and getting some work done which seemed to work though she didn't look happy but it did work
purplegal597 OMG... Going through this right now, as well! This is an individual who I haven't known for very long, but for some reason, has glommed on to me. I was instantly put off by her from the moment I met her. Not only is she super-clingy, but tries to copy everything I do or say! It's like she doesn't have a mind of her own, and is looking for someone to take care of her. It's really irritating and draining! I have been keeping my distance from my needy coworker, but she still "tries" to push my boundaries from time to time. I totally understand wanting to make new friends, but being clingy and suffocating is not the way to go about it. It will push people away! I still maintain my distance, even though she's not happy about that... oh well...
I'm actually the needy person but I'm the one backing away from her
She's a good friend and waaay to kind
So I'm trying to force myself to back away from her for her own good 😂😂
Shameful☹
I have 2 disabled neighbors that seem to rely on me because they don't drive or help themselves in any way. The guy below me is a drunk and he asks me almost daily for a ride to the liquor store. he always comes knocking... gets really offended when I'm busy and won't just drop what im doing to hang out. I own 3 business and, while I'm home a lot, these neighbors think im free to wait on them hand and foot. my other neighbor is a disabled vet who wants to hang out every day and is always calling. he'll give me something random as a gift and then hold it over my head as manipulation. they're both on housing and have food stamps and everything handed to them so I think they just have a sense of entitlement. the Vet thinjs the world owes him everything. its like because im young and have legs and a car Im required to do shit for them. theyre nice people and I feel bad that they aren't mobile, but I'm not their family who needs to be taking care of their ill. Short of moving I have no solution. Its hard to tell people with didabilities no.
kitty, slowly distance yourself from her. And don't let it rattle you when she gets mad because you didn't get back to her right away. If she knows that behavior will get you to respond faster, she will keep doing it.
Victoria, whenever she asks about your other friend, tell her to go to that person directly, not to ask you anymore. And don't allow her to alienate you from your other friends. She doesn't sounds like someone you want to be around all the time.
I have a neighbor like this. She’s is very clingy and calls Multiple times a day to talk about nothing especially while I’m trying to work and always wants to hang out. If she sees my car in the driveway she’s calling me . It’s becoming very draining and I can’t seem to go about my day and chores . I’m going to start backing off a bit even though that’s hard for me because I don’t like to ignore people .
I love your videos Marie! They really help me get over social situations that bother me without over reacting. I tend to see everytime a friend doesn't respond to me or doesn't include me in their plans as them not liking me, or just not wanting to be friends anymore. When I watch your vides, though, you really help me to see things from their points of view, instead of just feeling attacked or left out.
You hit the nail on the head!! Thank you so much for the advice ❤️
thank you. your point on showing them a positive quality was even more helpful. I have a friend that would probably take it personally and does have low self-esteem. I needed to hear what you needed to say because sadly my friend is just sapping my energy.
I had this woman who would go out and about with dolls in a pram and she ended up making friends with me (I should of moved because I was at the library and trying my hardest to study but every time I went to write something she'd start talking to me and I'd lose track) ... she treated the dolls like real babies (gave them bottles/formula, nappy changes etc told me that they've had a bad night, thrown up, all that 😑 .. it was obviously more than a hobby for her, she doesn't have children and she has never lost any).
She would feel the need to walk me back to work every single time IF I had lunch with her, I've since blocked her on my phone, Facebook etc because especially I'm the phone it woukd just be too exhausting (would spend literally 3 hours on the phone talking about pretty much nothing ... mostly the dolls 😑).
It felt like every day she would want to talk to me or see me it just got too much!. She still comes into my work, she can clearly see I'm busy with customers yet continue to talk to me about her day like we're sitting at lunch (meanwhile I'd have a line up of customers and her yammering away while I'm trying to concentrate while also trying not be rude to either party), she would get in people's way with her stupid pram ... now why would she think a workplace would be an appropriate time or place?! I don't go and annoy her like that at her job (she volunteers). I took it upon myself to make it so we had limited time together otherwise I'd be mentally drained.
I ended up with one of her dolls 😑 and she would ask how it is ... talk to it through the phone 😑 I just, couldn't anymore!. I had to find a way to tell her to back off and that she was batshit crazy.
She would text or Snapchat me while I was at work with just useless information like if her partner just got home from work or that she was going for a sleep ... like I care or have time to at that moment!, then she'd be like "call or text me when you get home" (even when I've just spent a few exhausting hours with her!)
As soon as I got home from work I'd get a text (literally when I was walking in my front door or just hopped on the bus going home) asking how my day was she just didn't let me relax/unwind first! she was straight onto me which was the annoying part.
I can definetly tell she's lonely but the funny thing is that she has a partner so obviously he isn't giving her enough attention or there's just nothing really in that 'relationship' so she gets it from her dolls or other people?.
Also those kind of comments to the needy friend or the friend who loves their friends regular company,or who needs it saying things to them need to be done in a very sensitive, gentle manner, because I had a friend tell me this similar at one point, and it affected our friendship in a way. I felt embarrassed, like a huge loser, and yes even guilty when I found myself wanting to call her to just talk even after hanging out with her a day earlier. If I don`t call she never calls me.
I can totally relate. I have a few friends who are like this. I just subscribed because you are very relatable. :) I am glad you know how it feels.
Story of my life.
That's when I usually stay off of skype and any other chats, to finally be able to catch up on MY work. Though, recently I cut out a lot of people completely. Anybody who would either just take or take more than give. BAM. A lot of time (as well as energy and life-spirit) freed up suddenly. =3
I have a coworker who initiated the friendship. I really don't know what to do. I finally got lose of another toxic needy friend and know I have a new one..at work...yayyy. It wouldn't be so bad if they at least listen to me talk for once. These types of people do all the talking with little listening and wonder why I'm drained all the time. 🙄😑 I want to hang out with other coworkers and get to know other people but I'm scared this person will get offended if I don't invite them too.
Theblckforest, that is fine that you have one friend. A lot of people don't even have that. Try to meet people through your friend. Her other friends will eventually become your friends, but give it time. Definitely join clubs, and sports. That is a great way to meet people. Just concentrate on the sport or the club, and the conversation with the other people in the group will naturally happen. Don't force it because you will look anxious.
Thank you so much for the great tips!
I just dropped them in my situation. I wish the best for them, but their expectations for me are insane. They don't take care of their own needs and expect me to be their therapist while I'm struggling with my own mental health.
AHHHH I NEEDED THIS VIDEO, THANK YOU!!!! I've been wanting to know how to diplomatically handle this without cutting them off. You say things in a way where it would be hard to get offended lol
this video is exactly what I was looking for
Great point MsActor!
my bestfriend keep asking me for help. im too tired of her requests. and when i need her, she never wanna help me.
In the last few years I'd gotten so, so tired and annoyed of a clingy friend. I blocked his phone numbers and kept my iPhone on do not disturb for nearly a whole year. The final straw was when he ruined my birthday...
and then give yourself a pat on the back when you reach them. It takes time, but you will get there!
This is very annoying and its hit breaking point for me
Covert narcissist also use you as emotional supply! Just be upfront and assertively set boundaries with them
I have come across as needy to one of my coworker friends. Until a point, we were very close but lately she started distancing herself from me when she started to switch from one team to another and I asked her for a clarification 3-4 times and that made her feel like I was being needy/clingy. I am hurting that I made her feel like that. Feeling very guilty…😢😢
I am so done with my friend. She is just so selfish :( And it's true, it's a self-esteem problem, really
I have a friend considered as my best friend. I love her but she drives me nuts. she knows where I live she has my cell and my home phone number. so if I don't pick up on my cell she makes sure she calls on my home, where she knows my family will pick up. if I don't pick up, she'd call me 5-10 tims a day. when I do pick up she has nothing to say. she'd stay on the phone saying nothing. when I tell her I have to do something I'll call her back she calls me back and hour after. sometimes I need a break from her. I feel like I can't breath sometimes. I'm afraid of hurting her feelings. I don't know what to do sometimes. the other day I just didn't feel like talking. she called me every 10 minutes 5 times! sometimes it's stressful. but what can I do?
I think we might make them be dependant on us to some extent by it starting off as us likeing the attention and likeing to be needed and helpful so in a way we are scared of them being completely independent and not needing us at all we would like it to be when it suits us
kately, just like Boyinatree said below, be yourself. I know it is hard, but if you worry about being judged your real personality will not show through because you are too nervous. And if someone doesn't like you, so what! You just weeded them out. If you throw caution to the wind and really put yourself out there, you will appear more confident as well. I know this takes time, but you can do it!
The worst part is that act like they don’t want me
This is the exact situation I’m in!! I’ve a friend who calls me every evening asking to hangout.
He spends too much money eating out every time we are out. He wants to roam around the city on my bike. Although he wants to pay for me too, given it’s very rare that I eat out with him! Like 2 out of 8 time I eat something and ai pay at least for once. We are 23 yrs old, he has nothing going in his life, I’m up for an MBA in next 2 months. He only wants to enjoy everyday!!! I’m really looking for suggestions!
I can honestly say coming from the other end of this, its not the supposed needy friends fault, if the other friend condoned it or acted cool with it and continued to not say anything or give any sign it was bothering them then they need to let the friend off the hook, because A) poor communication and B) not truthful with said needy friend (so really how would the needy friend know what they were doing was wrong if the friend went along with it for many years and never said it?
I am currently dealing with a needy friend. The interesting thing is that she is my only friend and she is the one with a lot of friends. She is a very good person but she struggles to do things on her own. Even making decisions such as picking an outfit is difficult. She always asks my opinion. I'm tired and drained.
I’m currently having this kind of problem. This person is soooo annoying. He kept coming to my apartment everyday and talk about himself. I always find him rude cause he always comes without asking my permission. Like whaatt?! I know I’m a little bit of people pleaser type but I can’t handle it anymore! I need to speak up for my sake of happiness. I hope he leaves soon.🐓
While watching this video my friend just called me 7 times and I texted him before saying I was busy.
I know whatcha mean...especially with money.
Yes this is all true but how do i do that without pissing that person off and just ruining that friendship cus that person does alot for me but the constant phone calls were just too much and he doesnt understand what is too much and if i dont answer he just keeps calling non stop
I M to the point to scream i have needy family and they depends on me for everything . I am to the point of having anxiety attacks . I am only one person . But it doesn't matter i can break down and no one cares at all . It's always give give give ... I give so much i break 💔. I don't like being around people and everytime she always says come on now you have to be social. I can't be social . I have social anxiety. She doesn't care ..... Not does my husband as long as I am providing for people i am useful.
Hi Marie, I have a friend who is always wanting me to hang out with her because she used to be best friends with my friend. And my friend doesn't want to be her friend anymore. And my
How can I stop my best friend from making a decision that will ruin her life? She's recently started hanging out with this girl in my school who is a friend of mine from a long time ago.. Who tried getting me to drink and do drugs and do things with men I didn't know. My friend really likes her a lot and would do almost ANYTHING to be her friend. I'm afraid she's going to ruin her life!!
Marie, I need your help please. My best friend has been starting to believe me less and it's frustrating knowing he won't believe me at all. Should he still be my friend? Or should he not be my friend? Thanks for your time
insanity, I would not text her again until she texts you back. If she doesn't, you will know. But I think the ball is in her court now.
Also for a little more detail on her lies, I recently had a friend pass away and I was very depressed from it, didn't contact people, just felt like staying inside. When the needy friend says "my best friend killed herself I need you, I can't handle this" her best friend is alive and well....why would she make up such a thing?
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that from that person, that's beyond evil fabricating that beyond comprehension, just sounds like a very sick and selfish individual
I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope that that you're well
Friend is always asking me to talk to my other friend asking her stuff and is obsessed with whatever she is doing. She also keeps asking me of I'm mad at her because I talk to my other friends as well and she doesn't want to be around them. I don't know what to do
Hyperman, it's hard to have a friendship if someone doesn't quite trust you. So, I would put him on the back burner for a little bit until he realizes you are trustworthy and he can believe you. Until then, stay friends with him, but don't spend quite as much time with him. It will take time, but you will gain his trust.
awkward.I have limited the amount of times I text her overall and showed her that I want my space as well.She has seen me looking at her the few times I bumped into her but we were really far away from each other,I act normal when it happens and just go on.Summer Break is almost here,do you think that if I don't contact her at all,will she notice that I am not pestering and will come and talk to me instead of thinking that the only reason I go and talk to her is to hangout?
Hi Marie, I recently became friends with a girl who is extremely needy, but not only that she also lies , just to get my attention or reaction. If I do not answer her text right away she will spam call me or text me. If I don't answer she will say something bad is happening and she needs me because she needs comfort, it's starting to get draining. How do I get rid of her without being Mean?
14Japanfan, don't always be available. If this friend calls at the last minute, say you have plans. And tell him/her to call earlier next time. Then, you will never be a stand-in again. And if she avoids you at school, avoid her! Get to know other people! And it's a good idea anyway. It will help you later in life.
if you tell someone you always have their back and you're there for them and then you're not, then your a liar. you need to find out someone's background. unless you just don't care. then completely break off the relationship. part of being a friend is maybe teaching the other person. what if they had a crappy childhood. if you don't love them enough to help them then go away.
Kendra they should.go get help from a professional If they are that needy. Self esteem is an inside job.
You can't put the weight of someone else's life problems on someone else, everyone is responsible for their own happiness.
Doesn't matter who you are, it's the same for everyone on this planet, and to expect another person to take all of that on and fix it is not only unrealistic, codependent and unhealthy but it's also cheeky.
We can support other people as much as we want but ultimately we all need our own space as well and all need to take responsibility for our own mental health and see a professional if it's that bad.
People can't expect to just take all the time and have friends without being a friend first themselves, it should be 50/50 where there's an understanding that it's not healthy or normal to depend on anyone else to meet all of your emotional needs.
Everyone here is too nice and its fucking killing us lmfoaoo
Underrated comment omg you nailed it!!
And may I add I return her calls later that day or the next! I don't take it personal when she is busy r when she hits decline on her cell n don't return my txt! Very selfish! She is a good person but if I tell her how I feel she wants to cut me off and hung up on me or change the subject!! 1 time I ended the friend ship n she still kept txting me telling me she been a good friend n I'm messed up n would not leave me alone until I gave her another chance now sometimes I regret it!
That's the exact same thing I've had, hope you're ok because it's so mentally draining, I've had enough honestly, going through a lot myself and I don't feel like talking to anyone tbh but she's been phoning 4 times a day and when I finally replied she started calling me a crap friend just because I hadnt spoken to her in a few days to listen to her problems as usual because I need space to sort my own issues as I'm struggling myself, it's the audacity of her perceived entitlement to endless access to me and my time that has angered me the most, I'm not a therapist and it's always about them isn't it like you say?
The minute I say anything emotional about my issues, she does the exact same, finds an excuse to hang up pretty much straightaway but yeah I've been met with a barrage of abuse for needing space and not "being there for her" for a few days.
My question is why do certain individuals have to have an entourage of people to sort all their issues out for them constantly? No-one else in my life is like that or expects all of this from me, it's as though she expects me to have 3 hours free to speak to her every day about her issues/random stuff and that I don't have a life/needs/wishes etc, just sick of her going psycho and spitting her dummy out of the pram when I've had enough and am focusing on sorting my own issues out
Sorry for the essay but I feel like I need to speak to people who have been through the same thing for my own sanity tbh, I hope you're doing loads better now and that if that person is still in your life that they have worked on themselves to not be like that any more
@@stephaniewalsh9685 this is my new account. I go by this name now. lol well honey I dropped her like a hot potato in late 2014 not too long after I wrote this. It got so bad with her disrespect, making things hard at our job and so on. One night we went out and she said something out of line and I tried to kick her big a** she jumped in her car and rolled up the windows as I banged on her window. That night I ended it cuz I had enough. She drove me mad. After a year she then tried to call me, send me letters and so. She wanting our friendship back. She knew she messed up. I kept saying no to myself no don't take her back, but one time in early 2019 I got weak and gave in. Now we are good again but she is very careful and now NOT needy anymore. We can go weeks with out talking. I can tell when I get on her nerves when I say something that don't go her way she won't won't respond to my text but I don't even care. Lol 🤣 she is a good person in some ways. Example. If you are down and out she will help you. I never been in that situation but I seen her help many others. When I celebrated not watching my nieces anymore because I was their babysitter for almost a year. She sent me candy and champagne. Lol she always been my biggest cheerleader for my relationship/marriage to my husband. I guess those are the reasons why I remain friends even though I took a hiatus for about 5 years from her. Someone once told me that "all friends serve different purposes" some you can tell your secrets too and others you can't but you can hear theirs. Some friends are for fun like partying with and some are chill and like going to clam places like a jazz club. We just have to except what each one is good for. Now that her and I took a break and I almost kicked her butt cuz she was driving me crazy back then, we are in a much better place. Mind you I never ever had a wild friendship with anyone before like I did with her. Lol It was almost like a relationship with a man. Lol she now backed off alot, but guess what she still gets attitude sometimes now that she is comfortable being back in my life for 2 years. That is okay cuz then we won't talk for a month and I act like I don't notice. Hehe I don't care girl. I got a good marriage, just bought a home, kids left to college and I chill in my hot tub. I had 99 problems and now just one and that is my a** getting in shape. Lol she is last of my concerns when she is mad, she is not a problem anymore. Lol sometimes u got to let the friend ship go and if they come back with a lesson learned then that is awesome. 😘🥰
Hi, I'm a very needy/clingy person. I am like that with friends and in romantic relationships and I always tend to push people away. How do I stop being so needy/clingy? How can I raise my self esteem? How do I raise my self worth? How can I be more independent? I don't want to continue to push people out of my life.
I think just examine your lifestyle and past relationships
Be more aware of where you are getting your ideas of what makes you feel important/fulfilled/desired/etc, and try to recognize anywhere that you are looking outward to feel better about yourself instead of inward
Acknowledge that these things are toxic and people are born with what god (if there is a god) gave them, and everything after that that we work towards in fairness is just a bonus
We can’t expect others to give us their money or validate us all the time, or take care of us , or agree with everything we think
For a lot of young girls today they put a lot of pressure on themselves to have that ET Hollywood entertainment show style relationship or something, someone to take selfies with to get compliments from friends and stuff, they want the white wedding and the diamond ring or whatever, but when they do it just for the attention and outward validation , that quick high of feeling like mommy and daddy or whoever friends are proud of them, and they are fitting in and doing something right,
The high will be really temporary - and will not help fill the void...as opposed to wanting a friendship or relationship based of truly respecting and caring for another person,
It may not seem that great at first depending on where your priorities are at, like you are giving up slowly on a chance for the “willy wonka golden ticket” the potential sell out liars club chance at winning some sort of lottery or better life,
But it will be worth it , if you truly want a better life
Ktty, really get her to see a therapist. She can't stand it when you aren't giving her the attention she craves. She needs help.
My friend is injured though.
This is not the kind of needy I'm thinking about. The kind of people who just ask you for everything. All kinds of requests & favours. Because the know you won't say no
Luckily I don't have that problem as the looser that I am.
How can I make more friends I shy and afraid I'm going to get judged
Most people are programmed to be needy. Needing to be in a relationship is "Needy" as well
yeah easier said than done..i have neighbors who think im a store..urrg sucks .or they text my daughter for a ride to school like really .what the freak !! i need help
i dont like needy ppl there lot ppl that too needy i hate it xxxx
My gf is needy but I don't think she wants my life cuz in not working! If I don't return her call n make myself available when she wants me she takes it personal! I have 4 kids n my gf has 3 u think she would get it but NO she dont! But then again if any1 don't make it 2 her parties she dont like dem anymore then makes up later after talking bad about them! I'm confuse if I should keep her as a friend! Takes to much personal when her friends r not available! Help!?
Sucks being a needy person
You're CRAZYY
And yes.. She is still a drug addict and an alcoholic. My friend knows this too.
So I like thus girl and I text her about 2 times/days a week! Am I bothering her?
Deffo not mate
I am one :(
Parasite
I’m that needy friend. :)
Please don’t be needy, you are pushing away friends. Your friends can get tired of being called all the time, or asking for help all the time and that can be exhausting and draining for your friends to handle. If you keep being needy, no one would like to be close to you for long. Give yourself space and give them their space and they would appreciate it for sure. Be a real friend not a needy friend.
gotadaguaful Terra Yep, I already lost my best friend,well, I guess I’m cursed.
It’s not normal to be needy. Seek therapy