Black Men & Therapy | Men's Round Table | A Black Love Series
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ค. 2024
- On this episode of Men's Round Table the fellas discuss how therapy can only help your relationship and yourself. They discuss how therapy can show so much insight on your relationship.
Men's Round Table, hosted by Brandon Bryant (IG - @Wallstreetpaper), features Black men of differing ages and relationship status weighing in on everything love and relationships, from dating apps to commitment and marriage. Today the fellas have a frank discussion on how therapy has helped them grow as individuals and in their relationships.
Filmed pre-covid
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I will never minimise the power of this moment shared. Black Brothers engaging in dialogue that challenges the stereotypes placed upon them. I salute you for this content.
Exactly. I love having the shield removed. Bravo!
Thank You so much for this comment!
Yes I love this dialog these blk men are having. Is healthy for there entire body to just get things off there chest!
Therapists don't tell you what to do with your life. Therapists help you understand yourself and your choices more, which then in turn allows you to be open and receptive to the change YOU feel is necessary. They are mirrors. A good therapist helps you think about things differently just by asking questions
True! I like to say that the least Black people can do, concerning our collective overall situation, is to ask better or different questions, thereby we may stubble upon some solutions to the problems, we have been discussing and arguing over for half a century at least, without resolution. I wish there was a national discussion of issues like the change in stance by many of us on the issue of us killing one another. Today many including prominent people thought of as leaders say us killing one another is not a think, and that to even talk about it makes us look pathological. I've never heard a White person of note apply this word to us in public. Michael Eric Dyson has said this, while at the same time charging Black people who ask us to have regard for our lives and others, with practicing 'respectability politics. He and others say we do this to appease White people, and that we think they will treat us differently, if we act in an exemplary manner. It is he who is the one worried about how other people view us, when he says to do so makes us look pathological.
All the talk about the psychological state f Black people, how does denial fix into all this? What does it say about us that significant numbers of us have this new stance and, hardly no one is talking about this shift? In the 80's none of these same people said "Blacks killing Blacks is not a thing", when hip-hop had the stop the violence movement or campaign. We are acting like we always had this indifferent attitude toward this self-destructive behavior. Isn't this a case of us gas-lighting ourselves?
@@siriuslyspeaking9720 That's a lot to digest and I think you have a lot of points. I see a slight shift with my generation and partly because I decided to become a therapist. We started to take steps to normalize therapy, but it still isn't all the way there yet. Now, some of us go and just don't tell people we go. And then on the other hand we have people who overdo it with diagnoses and buzz words like "self-care" and "toxic" and "boundaries" without actually learning what does things TRULY mean.
I believe we'll get there, but I agree this video could have been more informative if they took another approach or simply dug deeper into the perspective of guests who have been going to therapy. They should've also corrected some of their limited views on therapy.
@@Chelz If I can ask, what do you think about the attitude of many of us, to double-down on the use of the phrase defund the police? I will include BLM as well. I see them both as bad messaging. Neither speaks directly enough to a very serious issue/problem. They both deserve better attention from us and using these terms that obviously will provoke the other side is counter productive. More time is spent defending these poor expressions than is thinking about and working on solutions.
I have lived through three consecutive drug epidemics, since the late sixties early seventies, and I don't see where we have learned anything from them. We have come to celebrate, glorify, idolize and imitate anti-social criminality. We readily and openly throw around the term OG, as if we were original in this lifestyle. We say our people sell drugs to survive and that our children go hungry, as if our children will die, if they miss another meal. They are hungry at times, but not near death, and the adults are not hungry themselves, as if they were on a long trek like Africans, looking for water and food, because of a drought or war in their country. Many pro and world class athletes come out of our poorest communities, yet we talk as if they are starving in larger numbers. In one of the wealthiest countries in history, very very few if any people, are in a question of survival. These are clichés we throw around, to make excuses. Even the Hispanic immigrants from Mexico and Central America, are not fleeing starvation. Their countries are not so much poor as they are unjust, corrupt, and violent. They are healthy and strong enough to make the long trek here, and work like dogs when the arrive. Most of us who become criminals are even the exception in their own family. Their siblings grew up in the same conditions and environment, but made different personal choices.
We put proportionately too much focus on that which we have no control over and neglect acting on that which we can control - ourselves. I see this as the fundamental logic behind the concept of the Compensatory Code..., that Neeley Fuller Jr. and the late Dr. Francis Cress Welshing advocated we use to counter White racism, in its systemic form.
I'm just about convinced that there are only two simple approaches that we can take beyond individual actions on our own behalf and for our families. They are, to try to unite around the most basic of human values. Valuing our lives, and life in general would be one, and honesty another for sure. Some other obvious ones also would be included. This is the greatest level of unity, we may be able to obtain.
The continuous call for collective Black economics going back nearly 50 years, if not more, has never materialize , because we lack faith and trust in one another. We have to build this prerequisites to unity in small increments. I have, for about 7 years, I estimate - maybe longer, been on the internet calling for a nationwide campaign employing all our institutions, organizations, elected representatives, celebrities, artist and activist to get the masses of our people all focused and working together, to resolve the issues of community cleanliness, low educational achievement, and our attitude toward leaning and acquiring skills, and changing the learning environment in our schools, and ending the extreme levels of violence in our communities, and finally working together on collective economic development, once we have demonstrated, that we can in fact function as a homogenous group and achieve a collective goal.
The other option is to create separate communities based on common beliefs/values. There may still be time for all these fractions among us, who say we are this and should be referred to as that, to demonstrate the power of their belief and build their own communities with their own schools and other institutions. Hispanics in may town have nearly taken control of a community that was once dominated by Greeks. Foreign Muslim, from what I have heard, have taken over sections or a section of Detroit. Members of the NOI or the part of it that Elijah Muhammad's son took with him, after he left the Nation, tried to establish a town in Mississippi. But, after one generation, the town was nearly empty, as their offspring moved away after finishing college.
I've said so much today. This is often my normal volume of posting. If I said this already, this will just reiterate it. Therapy is a lot about being open and honest with oneself, and I have noticed that many people on social media have been discussing it. I think these kind of issues should or at least need to spread as readily among our people as the latest slang term or fad. We have talked about Black Agendas for Black people, but no one has proposed an agenda for all Black people to be involved in completing. There needs to be nationwide coordination of and on these vital issues and problems we face. This talk of a reset and things not going back to the way things were, is just more rhetoric IMO. I've lived too long and have seen this pattern repeat itself. Hardly anyone ever responds to my post. I do find a few youtube bloggers - one of prominence, who have repeated some of my points. This may just be a coincidence, because they never mention the coordinated nationwide aspect when they do, which again is what I think might make the big difference this time around. None however has ever remotely touched the issue of us killing one another, and the contradiction of this new stance, nor have they touched the BLM and police defunding contradictions.
I thank you for responding, and hope you find merit in much of what I have said. I hope if you do, you will spread these points and questions. I have a concept of a Black form of gentrification also that I would like to share, that no one has ever responded to. I've taken enough liberty to write all this already. I would like that to be shared also. I won't assume you will find merit in it.
@@siriuslyspeaking9720 You have typed a lot so I hope I can address at least some. You asked about my opinion on BLM and the phrasing defund the police. My opinion is this...white supremacists don't actually WANT to understand. They won't allow themselves to have the capacity to. So their issue isn't really with how we phrase things. That's just another way they can pretend we're being irrational and radical. Equality is not a hard thing to understand. You're right about people not being on the same page, but that isn't on black people alone. Society is so full of racism that we're being affected by it in more ways that we even realize. It's the very fabric of this country. It's like America is the beach and racism is sand. I don't know what it will take, but I honestly feel like it's white people's responsibility to right this wrong not us. And that's why it's still happening.
Bingo! There are too many misconceptions that people have around therapy and - let's be real - excuses that people find that keep them from seeking counseling. I recommend people do their own research and then actually go to multiple therapist so that they can have their own experiences.
Good to see this. I've noticed the people who need counseling the most are the ones who run from it the fastest.
cakes97 ... Be careful. Your honesty may be deemed offensive.
Yeah it can easily be considered offensive. Some people just have accountability and dont need someone to separate bias away from them
Was just sharing my experience. Wasn't trying to offend.
Amen!
Yup!
Therapy can be beneficial, especially for those of us who don't have a supportive network of elders with positive wisdom, some people come from toxic backgrounds.
It’s sad Therapy has such so many negative views attached to it. It’s very few places that you can actually express your feelings and have zero judgement. I remember telling my dad I wanted therapy and he told me for years that I don’t need it. Going to therapy was one of best things that every happen to me.
I can so relate to ur interactions with ur dad because my father had the same ignorant response to me when I told him “I go to therapy”. He was so negative!
This maybe off topic , but I feel as if this is a more welcoming platform/channel specifically being a young black male trying to understand my people and myself as well , but correct me if I'm wrong If it's not a Black thing , Do you think there's an even more pressure as a male when it comes to driving . I'm getting pressure since at least 16 , but I feel Noone is to blame , but my mom always said she was scared for me to drive and so I never really had enough behind the wheel experience. Even when calling off at my job , at the age I'm at now they ask for the reasoning as to why I'm calling off , and that I should have been went to get a license and car by now. Do you think it Is ok for a woman to drive a man home? Regardless of the circumstance?
Also why is it that guys I know agree that it isn't ok, but still let a woman drive them to a to b? Do you think they say that because they know that they might not have a license but at least they know how to drive sonthats a way of them just saying/talking shit in a way of trying to intimidate me?/ they have their own personal grudges or vendettas maybe against me?
Also , regardless of a man making it back home or not , let's say he needed to run errands or just needed a drop off somewhere do you think it's ok for the woman to be behind the wheel dropping him off?
Furthermore, when there are situations like this why might the older man have this frustration.......again...FRUSTRATION cause I don't want to necessarily say anger , but frustration towards the young adult male for not being behind the wheel driving , I say this to say my situation is where I see this is present for me with a close family friend who said this , but my thing is my mom is by herself driving and my father is never around nor does he have a license or drive , not saying that he can't drive , but he's never drove since I was like 7 years old. The xlose family friend derive from my father who knows him very well than I do , and to me it like you know he's kinda been a dead beat/ hasn't helped my mom at all and At my age now I never want to put the blame on him cause it has nothing to do with a father , it's just at 16-18 if Mom consistently says "you can't do it "you can't do it and just tells people I'm nervous never letting me behind the wheel and Dads never going to do it. And all the other males in family don't have a liscenes , hard to get a job at the time and when I got one all driving classes were expensive , so to me it's just a thing of where I can only blame myself But without the help and the funds to get practice then it won't get done
@@tross3868 get behind the wheel bro that’s gone be essential in your life I been driving since I was like 17 I’m 23 now and a lot of my experiences and being able to make money is due to knowing how to drive you don’t want have to depend on NOBODY
"If you dont express it, it can't be healed" love this!
Therapy opens your mind! It allows you to give Grace and receive Mercy!
So doctors, lawyers, bus drivers, teachers, even mechanics attend school to learn the skills that they get paid for. Some are better than others. To only look at a therapist as "someone who gets paid to tell me what I should and shouldn't do".....well, if what you doing ain't working, you are already incurring a cost. Maybe, being open to the suggestions of a PROFESSIONAL as the host had suggested can be helpful. Because even elders can be wrong.
Exactly, I'm sure he wants a pilot that went to school or has military training. Someone taught to fly, and is now being paid by the airline that hired him/her to pilot the aircraft. However, maybe he prefers someone with years of experience on a video game because they have a high score and it "looks" good based on what "his" ideas, ideals and view of happiness and love is and not necessarily his partner. JS
In addition, therapist don't tell you what to do (unlike some elders). They allow to make your own decisions and come to your own conclusions.
@@Mirror_My_Ambition -
The job of a therapist is to give all parties the opportunity to express their side of an issue or issues openly, and give tools needed to fix their own problem(s). The job of one or both parties is to want to accept those tools and apply them in the attempt to fix what's going on. If one or both parties don't feel they need to contribute or follow through with applying those tools, then the session, or sessions are a waste.
For me it was one and a half sessions in, I realized the wife felt she was not in any wrong, I divorced her, and saved my money.
Wise words...👏👏👏👏
Exactly! And when you start taking about traumas and Mental health issues that come up, the untrained granny/neighbor knows nothing of what to do next!
Valid points
This was great!!! I love to see Black men speak about the importance of mental and emotional health. ❤
Everyone has so much unhealed trauma and possible under lying physiological issues that hadn't been addressed. It can be scary to find out things about yourself. Your mind is apart of your overall health. We all know if your mind isn't right then it starts to interfere with your life decisions. I hope as a community we can embrace trying to heal the person. Inside and out.
Therapy can be all of it... emotional support, living examples, and learning the tools to unpack what’s inside of you and reconstruct yourself. But you must understand one person can’t fulfill all of that - it’s a matter of building your team: good friends, a mentor and/ or sponsor, and a licensed therapist . All of these roles are beneficial to your growth.
More of this please! I need to hear more from men!
We got you! Check back every Monday for more Men's Round Tables ; ) Hear what the ladies have to say on Wednesday!
Yes I agree wit @Nepps bcuz I jis got out a hurtful, depressing,damaging, dangerous romantic relationship with a black old man who is 21yrs my senior as i was jus 30yrs old and him being 51yrs old caused soooooo much tht i have not been able to repair and its been challenging and I needed help which im in counseling now but seeing this is so love as a black woman who is starting to hate black men, bcuz of what im seeing in the men in Los Angeles CA, how can i change tht feeling and view of black men?
I agree!!
This was refreshing to watch and listen to. In general, some of us (black people) do not think therapy is important. What we fail to realize is that therapy does not mean you are crazy. You just need a professional to express yourself without being judged. Tim's idea of speaking with someone you know, works for some. I love to see this!! Looking forward to ladies' roundtable talk.
As a black man that has endured his share of traumas, I'm glad I came across this video. I've always known that my past experiences has molded my current reactions and relationships,
But you gotta right the ship at some point. This conversation helped me make the needed move.
Unbiased point of view is what couples need sometimes.
No doubt
Absolutely LOVE this. One thing, as a mental health therapist, when the one man was speaking & relegating a therapist to “someone who went to school & gets paid to tell me xyz”... It’s beyond that. It’s not like business, where we go into it for money, or anything surface level. It’s a passion. And a science. Meaning, we are continuously working on ourselves AND our practice; the science of our practice. We have experience. And... We don’t give “advice”, we help you figure it out. Because advice... Brings the fish for food for a night, but does not teach the man to fish & eat forever. Therapy does teach someone to fish, so they eat forever.
I love your description of therapy. Thank you
@@mnicolebrooks thank you so much! 🙏🏾💞
Therapy is a beautiful thing!
Men in Therapy are better human beings, better partners, fathers, and more. THANK YOU!!
a pact i’ve made with myself: i will never date/marry/share children with a man who has not been in therapy. the minimum suggested # in psych is around 22 sessions. ppl don’t understand how imperative it is for the overall health & healing of self & a relationship. but we can only ask this if we ourselves have *also* been in therapy. ppl’s (well meaning) advice is NOT a *replacement* for PROFESSIONAL therapy
That is completely asinine you are assuming that every may and has had a traumatic experience in need a therapeutic revolution. Also, the 22 ratio was formulated, to ensure that the Therapist and Counselors actually see a profit from the co-pay.
@@StaplesPropertyAcquisitions nah bro... YOU sound completely asinine in YOUR ASSUMPTION that a prerequisite of therapy is that one must have trauma 🙄. but a hit dog will holla 🐕!
I AGREE!!
While the idea of the person having had 22 sessions is somewhat extreme to me, I respect that for you, this may have been determined by your experiences on your relationship journey.
Best wishes as you continue to heal Sis. 💛
@@originaleverythingelseisca5977 👌🏾
As a black female therapist I am extremely honored when a black man chooses me as their therapist.
I really enjoyed this conversation! There are many misconceptions about therapy that people should really know about. Here is how I would have responded when the young man asked about what to expect when seeing a therapist. 9:11
1. Seek out a therapist that is able to address the needs that you have - *one size does not fit all* (i.e. PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Additions, OCD, etc.)
2. Be sure to have multiple consultations with different counselors *before* you commit to a therapist --- see if they are able to communicate with you in the way that you need and who will understand and be sensitive to your concerns.
3. Go into your sessions knowing that *this is a marathon, not a race* . It may take many months or years before you see growth and or maturity in your challenges.
4. Be open, honest, and learn to trust your therapist --- *they are legally bound to keep your conversations private* (unless you talk about hurting yourself or someone else... then they may report it as a 5150.)
5. Be open, honest, and learn to trust your self --- there's walls we have a tendency of putting up and *we're not always as honest and vulnerable as we need to be* with ourselves to get the healing we need.
6. Therapist are not there to give you the answers, but instead they are there to give you the *tools* to help you come to some realizations. One size does not fit all and each individual is different, so *what works for one person does not work for another* .
7. YOU are there to do the work on YOU, not your therapist. *The work you put in is the work you get out* .
**Bonus Point.** It ain't easy!!! There are going to be times you feel like giving up and that it's not working, *but stick with it and make sure that you're giving it your all to get your healing* (See 3-7, again).
Good luck everyone and I pray that you all find peace in your life! *Psalm 23: 1-6*
You weren’t having therapy... you were venting and kicking it. Totally different. Therapist provided therapy, not your friends and pastors.
Pastors can provide therapy, so you are completely wrong
@@honeyk4551 they can if they are trained to do so. Absolutely. I know several pastors who went to get a masters in social work or counseling and went through all of the training and hours of clinical study to go with their pastoral care. Many have double masters degrees in counseling and theology. These are not those who say they are therapist and have no training.
We men are viewed as strong and not needing any help due to that perceived almighty strength. At times we can be vulnerable and in need of help. I talk to someone weekly just to vent and it has been helpful. This is a good thing to see.
This is what we qualify as high value man. Men who aren't afraid to have the honest and difficult conversations amongst themselves.
We need more of this please!
Oh please stop i!
HVM is just another fashionable catch phrase BW have gravitated to. There is no such thing; a man either has value that he respects and operates by, or he doesn't.
You can't up what already exits, that just as stupid as saying "High Value Oxygen", or High Value Water".
I can understand what dude from Queen Sugar is saying but to go to an elder who knows you can be problematic because they can prove to be biased.
I agree. You have to be able to go to someone that can speak to your partners perspective as well as yours.
what i see in him is a fixer which, on one hand, is good. he's going to an elder to find solutions that will address problems as they arise. on the other hand, i feel like he may be resisting deeper emotional work and i can see the possibility of him asking transactional / surface questions. i'm less concerned about their answers than his questions.
I agree! Although I understand his point, it’s also concerning. You can’t discredit wisdom from experience, but you also have to acknowledge that their advice can be biased based on their experiences, how well they know you, and how you presented the situation to them because you’re only telling one side of things from your perspective. From my experience, therapy doesn’t just give you a solution to a problem, it helps you see yourself. It helps to identify what may have led to the problem and gives you tools to navigate the situation. In summary, I feel like you need both WISE COUNSEL AND THERAPY.
And everybody hasn’t had the same upbringing and life experiences. You can’t put yourself in someone’s shoes in that way.
Also sometimes appearances are deceiving. You see this elder and think their life is all together meanwhile behind closed doors, things are not so great.
Therapy helps you get to the roots that pushed you into trauma experiences to understand what happened, why it happened and the boundaries you need to set so it won't happen again. It also helps you with triggers what they look like and how to push through them, so you see the person currently in front of you instead of the person who hurt you. Changing behaviors that lead in wrong directions.
This comment should be pinned. 👏🏽 very well stated I
I really love this video. This is a great discussion. I think there should be a part 2 with therapists present. I am a therapist and I always see the stigma in the African-American/Caribbean community around therapy.
This is a great thing to see men be vulnerable. To have discussions about themselves and relationships and not be afraid to learn and grow. Keep up my brothers may this unity will spread throughout our black community to heal our men. #Positivity.....
Man thank yall fr. I've been in a relationship with my gf for about a year and some change now and I've come to realize I have problems and tramas from past relationships I don't really know where to start on and yall have been so helpful. We need this. Especially for our black couples. Relationships are hard sometimes and sometimes even harder for us.
This is such beautiful progress in our community. Love this, more of this is healing for us as a whole.
Thank you Brothers, for your transparency and your honesty. This is so vital!!!!
Oh brothers!! Thank you so much for putting this together! We need more of this!
Thank you so much for this. Very insightful and wonderful to hear from a man's perspective. Very healthy conversation.
This helped me to understand that men need to be free to choose how they will attempt to fix relational issues..as long as they are willing to put in the work somewhere. Often times women push therapy on men without realizing that he may not see how that could even help.
I stumbled across this and its such a powerful platform to see our black brothers keeping it so real. So refreshing to see this.
Great round table topic 🙌🏽, I’m all for counseling particularly through my church the spiritual guidance is what I love most about it❤️
Hearing black men speaking like this gives me a whole lot hope in the dating world
This is beautiful!!! We needed this from you guys 💖💖💖💖
This makes my heart, mind, and soul so happy... Seriously!! Bravo! Encore!
Deep bow to each of you for your authenticity and dispelling of the myths. You are all beautiful men, remain encouraged!!
I never thought about that, I also have trouble we initiation of conversation of what I need or what's bothering me. This was a good for me to self reflect. Thank you!
Thank you ..... Our men need platforms that that they are comfortable with to heal this is great now we need more men to face their fears and lets talk about it
Plethorae of women's help/discussion groups. Great. We men need the same. Searched "men's counseling". This was first result. I'm watching and I hear good sense involving men, women and relationships. I am NOW subscribed. Thank you.
Therapy allows one partner to communicate their needs to the other partner while knowing that your perspective is still valid, honoured and respected and understood.
This panel of men is making my heart smile because it is long overdue that our brothas have an opportunity 2 take care of their mental health needs. Which assists them w/attaining & maintaining a sound mind 2 walk through life's journey. It allows our men 2 be better sons, husbands, fathers, friends, family male members that will produce a strong black family! Therapy is a process 2 attend & participate in that = us loving ourselves the choice 2 get help 2 understand our pains, hurts, ills, confusion. Therapy gives us the tools 2 fix how we can conduct ourselves in a better manner than we were prior 2 learning how 2 make positive changes or direction paths. The best type of Therapy in Psychology is a technique called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" it displays how we act which usually is harmful 2 our lives or growth. Experiences that we encounter daily triggers a response, set a specific mindset, or pushes us 2 have a reaction internally or externally that might not serve us well. Therapy especially "Cognitive Behavioral" shows us WHY WE ACT OUT and can associate it 2 the negative trauma experience or experiences that occurred in our lives. Out of any group of folks outside of the Native American we are folks that have been traumatized by the horrific experiences of Racism for over 400 years. Which has caused us, folks, 2 act out in so many ways that have been harmful or not loving 2 ourselves. Trauma damages human beings mentally, emotionally & physically which is why we DESERVE THERAPY. Perhaps part of our African American reparation should be having access 2 professional therapy & free tuition for starters. FYI many white folks back after WWII & the '60s did receive FREE TUITION & in some cases housing that supported their families, 2 enter in 2 the middle-class status. Prior 2 the late 1800's many white folks got FREE LAND another opportunity or leg up that we deserved after over 250 yrs of FREE LABOR from our ancestors. I am soooooooooooooo glad 2 see this panel on the Black Love Series!! Therapy helps w/turning around dysfunctional relationships if we listen & learn then participate w/the lessons we learned. Black men deserve 2 have their truth be told amongst each other w/the guidance of a professional who can guide the learning process. I hope more brotha's get inspired 2 form their own therapy | pray & book clubs!!
Thank God!!!! Men getting help
This is something real that I can honestly get behind. A powerful movement
This discussion was a breath of fresh air 🙏🏾
I am super grateful y'all,this is beautiful...💯🙏💫✨
Black South African man feeling like the 6th member of this table. Thanks gents, thanks Black Love keep these coming, we're here for it.
I first went to therapy as a pre teen. I wasn’t open to the experience then because it was new. Fast forward some 15yrs later and I’m glad that the community is talking about mental health. I started going back to therapy again and this time I have no problem opening up and growing back until I get the healing that I need.
Ps Rest In Peace to your mom bro
More of this please! Loved this! ❤️
One’s own being operates seamlessly, it’s your ego, with its doubts, limitations and beliefs that hinder the process...you can’t get gold from tarnish, Black men/women have to learn we are not here to undermine each other
This maybe off topic , but I feel as if this is a more welcoming platform/channel specifically being a young black male trying to understand my people and myself as well , but correct me if I'm wrong If it's not a Black thing , Do you think there's an even more pressure as a male when it comes to driving . I'm getting pressure since at least 16 , but I feel Noone is to blame , but my mom always said she was scared for me to drive and so I never really had enough behind the wheel experience. Even when calling off at my job , at the age I'm at now they ask for the reasoning as to why I'm calling off , and that I should have been went to get a license and car by now. Do you think it Is ok for a woman to drive a man home? Regardless of the circumstance?
Also why is it that guys I know agree that it isn't ok, but still let a woman drive them to a to b? Do you think they say that because they know that they might not have a license but at least they know how to drive sonthats a way of them just saying/talking shit in a way of trying to intimidate me?/ they have their own personal grudges or vendettas maybe against me?
Also , regardless of a man making it back home or not , let's say he needed to run errands or just needed a drop off somewhere do you think it's ok for the woman to be behind the wheel dropping him off?
Furthermore, when there are situations like this why might the older man have this frustration.......again...FRUSTRATION cause I don't want to necessarily say anger , but frustration towards the young adult male for not being behind the wheel driving , I say this to say my situation is where I see this is present for me with a close family friend who said this , but my thing is my mom is by herself driving and my father is never around nor does he have a license or drive , not saying that he can't drive , but he's never drove since I was like 7 years old. The xlose family friend derive from my father who knows him very well than I do , and to me it like you know he's kinda been a dead beat/ hasn't helped my mom at all and At my age now I never want to put the blame on him cause it has nothing to do with a father , it's just at 16-18 if Mom consistently says "you can't do it "you can't do it and just tells people I'm nervous never letting me behind the wheel and Dads never going to do it. And all the other males in family don't have a liscenes , hard to get a job at the time and when I got one all driving classes were expensive , so to me it's just a thing of where I can only blame myself But without the help and the funds to get practice then it won't get done
I'm glad to see and hear this conversation from brothers. The brother in the black shirt has expressed that his family has been through a lot. The elders can support you and provide insight. But therapy helps with the process of understanding the pain.
These men have bestowed a gift upon the TH-cam community. As a therapist, I see clients whose partners are not invested in the tool of treatment. The few clients I DO see with partners who are concurrently in therapy have the best communication habits/patterns. This is not by chance. Each individual must do THEIR work for the union to flourish. Peace and love, fam🙏🏽
Thank y'all for this content. I've been married for 10yrs its refreshing to see content like this. Raspek✊🏾
This maybe off topic , but I feel as if this is a more welcoming platform/channel specifically being a young black male trying to understand my people and myself as well , but correct me if I'm wrong If it's not a Black thing , Do you think there's an even more pressure as a male when it comes to driving . I'm getting pressure since at least 16 , but I feel Noone is to blame , but my mom always said she was scared for me to drive and so I never really had enough behind the wheel experience. Even when calling off at my job , at the age I'm at now they ask for the reasoning as to why I'm calling off , and that I should have been went to get a license and car by now. Do you think it Is ok for a woman to drive a man home? Regardless of the circumstance?
Also why is it that guys I know agree that it isn't ok, but still let a woman drive them to a to b? Do you think they say that because they know that they might not have a license but at least they know how to drive sonthats a way of them just saying/talking shit in a way of trying to intimidate me?/ they have their own personal grudges or vendettas maybe against me?
Also , regardless of a man making it back home or not , let's say he needed to run errands or just needed a drop off somewhere do you think it's ok for the woman to be behind the wheel dropping him off?
Furthermore, when there are situations like this why might the older man have this frustration.......again...FRUSTRATION cause I don't want to necessarily say anger , but frustration towards the young adult male for not being behind the wheel driving , I say this to say my situation is where I see this is present for me with a close family friend who said this , but my thing is my mom is by herself driving and my father is never around nor does he have a license or drive , not saying that he can't drive , but he's never drove since I was like 7 years old. The xlose family friend derive from my father who knows him very well than I do , and to me it like you know he's kinda been a dead beat/ hasn't helped my mom at all and At my age now I never want to put the blame on him cause it has nothing to do with a father , it's just at 16-18 if Mom consistently says "you can't do it "you can't do it and just tells people I'm nervous never letting me behind the wheel and Dads never going to do it. And all the other males in family don't have a liscenes , hard to get a job at the time and when I got one all driving classes were expensive , so to me it's just a thing of where I can only blame myself But without the help and the funds to get practice then it won't get done
First of all I would like to commend and thank all of the guys for being open and courageous enough to sit there and have that discussion and share their experiences and point of view. The two guys on the end had some really good feedback and personal experience that they were willing to share about their personal involvement in therapy sessions and I thought this was absolutely awesome because more black man need to hear this type of positive feedback about therapy. NUMBER ONE: a person HAS to have a open mind going into therapy...One statement was made about not feeling the need to seek out a person who does not have the depth and level of experience as an older person however in today’s current society most of the wise elders are either dead or 40 years old with grandkids so that population of Wise individuals are getting smaller and smaller. Second comment was made about a therapist giving advice or telling someone what to do but having received therapy myself I will say that a good therapist will follow a narrative type of therapy in which the client and the therapist dialogue about whatever it is that the client would like to dialogue about and that therapist will ask thought-provoking questions which will ultimately lead the client to coming to a final resolution ideally. The culture could benefit from having more African-American male therapists in the communities. I think the bigger problem is that our culture has made it seem as though something is we are labeled as something being wrong with us or labeled as having mental issue. A good therapist is an unbiased person with “no skin in the game” whose ultimate goal is to help you look within for resolution. SORRY NOT SORRY for the long post. This is something I’m passionate about! 🥰
Great commentary. These particular gentlemen represent a great panel.
New subbie to this channel!! I'm loving it
This was absolutely REFRESHING 🙌🏽💜
Only did the pre-marital counseling and that was just for one session. I can definitely see the benefit of working on things with an outside source.
Great conversation. Good information guys.
I absolutely LOVE this content! Beautiful black working on becoming better. 🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍❤
The thing that's crazy is that a lot of times women won't accept a therapist's perspective if the therapist doesn't take their side.
Yep, and since therapist don't make a lot of money, the game is to keep patients on a revolving door, and if the wife is the one they can keep coming back, they will say what's needed to bring them back for another session, and another, and another.
@@thespadestable Exactly! Therapy is for women! LOL!! Men tend to work through their problems fairly quickly but women will talk about something to death. Men tend to solve their problems, compartmentalize them and move on
@@mickyfingaz -
I've talked to a share of women who attend or attended therapy, and they waste time and money waiting for the therapist to figure out their problem.
Unless a woman has a high pressure job, like upper management, pro athlete, politician, entertainer, pilot, etc., if they tell me they are attending therapy, I'm out of there!
Deuces!!
That's sad
Great session! Too short. Thank you All for inviting us in.
These sessions are very interesting.
A lot of information is packed into 16 minutes.
These round tables are a winner, I pray every man sees these episodes. As one who helps individuals with preparation for marriage, I always explain how don't rely on friends, family, peers, and or co-workers to be your counselor. A relationship needs the ear of either a therapist, counseling couple, or life coach. I believe both sides of the spectrum is right, going to a counselor, or a counseling couple, ones who have a successful marriage, receiving counseling from those who have life experience skills at working through a marriage. The fact that these men are expressing themselves, and wanting either direct or in-direct therapy, is Lovely, I Love It...thank you Jesus.
I simply love this! 💕
I needed this
I am on the clock here in melrose park Illinois watching this video....thank you for posting...i have a behavior therapists.....
I also have a psychiatrist....still a strong and free black man...
I never thought about continual marital counseling... like even when things aren't at the brink of divorce. If you can afford it, that's actually a really wise move.
Men do the same thing, your woman can suggest something and you ignore or give it no energy until another person says the same thing and suddenly it's like Wow, that's interesting 😂🙄✌🏾
Yes! My husband just did that to me last week lol
All. The. Time.
He never said women only do it he just brought up an example
Your delivery is everything man or woman. Also making the courage to confront issues regardless of biases is important part of therapy is about stepping outside your comfort zone. As a future therapist I will say my pay has nothing to do with my love to help people but like the guy in the middle said we should be paid for our craft. The generation of blk men 40 and up definitely need to open up to therapy so it can trickle down to the 30 and down generation of men good luck to them.
P h e n o m e n a l!!!!......luv it guys....keep it up....such a corrective experience to reduce the stigma associated with black men submitting to professional counseling..
I definitely enjoyed this
Absolutely love this....
I love this topic
Therapy is a wonderful tool!!
Sooooo love this
therapy is beautiful. find the approach you are looking for and allow them to guide your thought as you process through concerns.
I agree. I have always hung out with the elderly. I used to get picked on for it, but I didn't care! They know more than I do. They have been where I am going. I have learned a lot from my elders.
There is nothing wrong with Therapy! They can give you another way to view a situation.
I would like to see more of these videos like this sounds very interesting.
Checking in from the DMV
Like a breath of fresh air
I love the transparency
Shout out to my guy B. Bryant....216 all day....great conversation bro
love it 🙌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Mmmm..I think Mr Queen Sugar is confusing "mentorship" with therapy.
I got tht he looks at it from an apprenticeship kind of thing...
Great use of words there! I think he’s using it as an excuse to avoid therapy. He said he’s never been.
He said the hormones were attacking her! 🤣😂🤣😂 That tickled me.
Tree top.... Glad to see you doing your thing my guy
🥰SO IMPRESSED WITH THESE MEN‼️🥰
This was 🔥🔥
@ Timon… I appreciate your share out about the therapist (went to school and gets paid) vs a neighbor or an elder mother. Consider the difference between wisdom, counsel, or advice and the therapeutic process. You basically described that you want the wisdom and good advice. That’s great, necessary and a significant part of our Black communal experience.
The therapist is not supposed to give advice. They are to listen, give empathetic responses and ask questions that encourage the client think critically and honestly about the situation or matter(s) at hand. Good therapy is the client talking themselves through the answer.
Just a thought!
To all the brothers: TRUST AND BELIEVE, as a woman, if you tell me that you've been to therapy, it's 1000% going to make me look at you more positively, more than any amount of money, cars, clothes, etc . Just like going to the gym and eating right, it shows me that you're serious about being responsible and taking care of yourself. (Not saying that should be your sole motivation, but just one way to look at it.)
Oftentimes, just existing in black skin in America is traumatic on some level. It's just a matter of the scale. Whether it's growing up in the hood seeing violence and aggression, growing up in a white community and experiencing microaggressions, witnessing police violence... we all have SOMETHING that has affected the way we see the world and how the world sees us. If nothing else, therapy will help you 1) recognize past trauma, 2) understand how that trauma manifests in your life today, and 3) process situations with that awareness in mind. To each his own, but with all due respect to the elders, in the same way that I'm not asking my auntie or cousin to fix a broken leg, I'm not asking them to fix my life (no Iyanla lol). If you have access to quality affordable, professional, culturally-aware mental health support (which, sadly, I know is not available to everyone), it's only going to help you level up in every aspect of your life.
Why when it comes to therapy you don’t want to pay a degreed person but you don’t do the same thing with a medical doctor?? His comments are why the stigma against therapy is real in the black community.
You want a heart physician only if he’s had a heart attack? That doesn’t make sense.
It's truly the way men think. When I told my narcissistic ex to go to therapy he lied and had his mom write a paper for him as proof to say he was seeking therapy.
Nice to listen to
I wish I was sitting at this table..So many words said, I feel..
Hormones are not "psychological" it is biological
Effects are psychological as well that's what he meant women are easily triggered when pregnant.
*Hormones do in fact affect you- (the brain) Psychologically. Research the amazing pituitary gland for starters; [dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, estrogen].*
Hormones can affect your mood
@@BeautyMarkBeautyMark -
Hormones can affect your mood, and your actions. Hormones can affect a woman's mood, she believes she should strike the man in her life, then follows through with hitting him with her hand/fist, foot/feet, or an object, which constitute physical domestic abuse. Same thing, but with her voice is verbal domestic abuse.
@@thespadestable actions can be affected by emotions but its been many times i felt like doing something but had self control. Actions are dictated by choice. Ive been pregnant 4 times so i know what im talking about. I have felt many things but thinking of the consequences and self control stopped me from doing it.
More this this, definitely too short. ♥️
I agree. Seems as if it was cut off.
Love this! Jude: 2