Like others have said, this was frustrating to watch, but at the same time, it was a nice reality check for me. To see someone surrounded by things she doesn't love or need but is keeping for seemingly unimportant reasons (though they're important to her), it made me realize I am doing the same thing and have no right to feel frustrated with her decisions (or lack thereof), and then do the same thing in my own life. This might have not gone as planned, but it was very important to post and let people know this happens, some people have struggles decluttering, and that's okay. We'll get there in time.
I have had items that brought so many negative feelings up but it took a while to let them go - so freeing once I did though! And now I rarely think of those items. I am struggling with a cookbook my Dad gave me because I feel guilty I never cooked him anything from it not because I love the book. So I am going to try and make peace with letting it go by browsing the recipes once more and if I still don't feel inclined to use it then it's really ok to donate it. If I ever see my Dad again I don't believe he will ask why I never made him that pie 😂
This is why I love this channel, because it’s very real and we can feel identity with some of the situations. Yes, at some point I was like. “Don’t you see, all the potential your apartment has if you just let things go” I’m actually very excited to see her space once she’s ready.
@@EmilyEmilyEmily01 I've actually given certain items (like my mother's wedding dress, my baby book) a literal kiss goodbye. "Love you dearly but I can't hold onto you any longer."
Lord have mercy on this po child, she just keeps talking herself in and out of moving forward. I hope she will soon be able to. Carla you have the patience of Job. Good job, she can now walk around in there!
It's lovely to see how patient you were with Gabby! (Though not at all surprising - that's why people ask you to help them, after all!) Ideas I haven't seen mentioned yet: - If she has a lot of items of clothing where she's having a hard time deciding whether to keep them or not, a 'wear everything' challenge can help. Basically, you challenge yourself to wear everything that you don't normally wear. It can be a great way to re-discover gems within your wardrobe that you already own, but it can also be a way to let yourself say goodbye to things that 'have so much potential!' but are annoying as sin to actually have on your body. - In addition to separating out her wardrobe into Audition/Sentimental/Actual Life, I'd recommend doing the 'hanger trick' - the thing where you hang everything with the hook facing backwards and then hang it the right way around once you've worn it. You then put a reminder on your calendar to check in in 6 months (or later) to see what's still the wrong way around. At that point, you evaluate - are these things worth keeping, like an outfit for funerals where you wouldn't want to repurchase it? Are they actually sentimental or audition items? Or are they things that always get bumped aside in favor of other pieces? - at 21:56, Gabby said something that really struck me - that even though 2 suitcases feels like enough, getting rid of one would feel like a gouge. She also mentioned being afraid of being left with nothing earlier on. These are some really huge fears to recognize, and they're even bigger to work through. Even though decluttering can be deeply empowering as it creates space for experiences, people, and things that match with your current self to come in to your life, the space will feel like a gaping void at first. No amount of tips like 'store winter coats and spare TP in your suitcases' will address those issues.
I think fixing the bed situation would start an avalanche of change. It's like the elephant in the room. Get a totally new bed frame with drawers underneath, a new mattress, and new bedding. The change will start the process flowing.
I wonder if separating her audition clothes from her personal clothes will help Gaby. That way she may be able to work out her own style and what she needs to invest in for her capsule wardrobe. She could also use the purple suitcase for sentimental items (even her mom's clothes she won't be wearing) and that way she gets to keep sentimental things and have designated storage for them 💗
@lealea3364 don't write her off, it can take time. Even seeing these struggles can be instructive for us all. She's been very vulnerable and I respect that.
Bless her, she is terrified of letting anything go. It speaks that she is carrying trauma. I pray she finds the courage somewhere within her to break through this fear, she’s a gorgeous lady and I wish her peace and joy in her life.
I wonder if trauma also has the opposite effect in people. I've heard of people experiencing a loss or feeling overwhelmed by life and they get rid of a lot. I guess that's possible.
You are so sweet in your response! I get she feels that getting rid of things makes her feel like she has nothing. That’s a clear indication she feels disconnected and unloved. Bless her to feel confident in being alone in the world. Because, ultimately, we’re all on a solo journey.
@@BallroomLilliesandHydrangeas absolutely it does. I had a traumatic experience that ended with me losing over half my possessions. Ever since, I've been neurotic about constant decluttering. The less I have, the less I have to lose.
@@RaeC5280 Thank you for sharing that, RaeC5280. So, you're saying the constant decluttering makes you feel good? I know removing things out of my life that serve no purpose makes me feel happy or in control.
@usagi_t I don't think she needs a cleaner, it's much deeper than that. Her resistance was of the charts, being afraid to be left with nothing, holding on to things that are just wrong for her small home, hoping she'll use them in a future home. That clearly shows some deeper emotional issues. Carla was extremely patient because she could see her friend's struggle. I hope she'll find the way to move beyond whatever is causing her to be stuck.
This was a challenge to watch but it points out that decluttering is very much an internal/mental journey. She’s not ready but hopefully will be eventually. Her apartment has so much potential.
Yes, it's the mind shift that's needed. She needs to envision or make a board for how she wants her space to look & function & then make her stuff fit in that ideal style. Like Dana K. White says, "the space you have is the space you have" and also talks a lot about how the creatures that live in the space deserve the space more than the stuff does. And any item that causes a head explosion 🤯 just has to go.
Just a thought for the pieces Gabby describes as "audition clothes." It's easy to see how critical they are for helping to create a character and make a certain impression, but if they aren't clothes Gabby wears IRL, they don't really deserve places of honor in her grab-and-go closet/drawer/armoire. Let them live under the bed. If they are organized carefully in the right containers, they will be useful when needed and not in the way the rest of the time.
I came here to suggest this too. I think she should separate out all the clothes that are for auditions. I was going to suggest putting them in a bin on the shelf with the suitcases, and if possible getting rid of one of the suitcases.
I thought so too! I think also collecting all of the "audtion clothes" in the same place will help her see any doubles she has or maybe even any gaps she wants to fill
I have found the biggest block for me decluttering was letting go of my "fantasy self" where I had a whole life created around the things I owned that I never lived out. Once I was ready to let that go I didn't have less but I had more of what I loved, used and enjoyed!!!❤❤❤❤😊10 wonderful useful things was wayy better than 500 useless ignored items bogging down my space and my mind.
heck yeah!!!! i could never think to put it that way....i have a few "fantasy self" pieces of clothing...maybe 15 - 20. I just NEVER wear them and they're not even appropriate for my lifestyle and needs right now (or the last 10 years lol) I threw out 6 tops today (actually donated them) so i am not a lost cause yet...
yes when she said "if...than I would hire a stylist" that clearly is a fantasy.. right now.etc pp. Most of us will never have the opportunity. Also, all the auditions - do they work for her or is it a hobby, a past-time?Plus, the stuff she does have seems not well mentained, like, is this really that valuable to you? I emphasizy because i have a feeling that there is a reason for holding on to these things. But girl, nobody forces you to declutter, you dont have to, if you dont want to!!!! You go live your best life- with or without stuff!
Wow, that was the most frustrating video to watch! I say this with kindness, when you want to move forward with life you need to move toward your goals and keep yourself accountable. Often when you are at a crossroads therapy is the key to being able to offload the feelings that are holding you back, and you have the opportunity to re evaluate and change your behaviour patterns. This facilitates the growth in yourself ❤
There’s a concept called Hushing a Room that would be an interesting experiment with Gabby. It would involve taking virtually everything out of her apartment except for bare basics of furniture, clothing, and decor, including emptying all shelves. It would be scary for a few days, but then-as needed-she could bring in a few things. Getting used to living without clutter might help calm her and show her that she doesn’t need all this STUFF.
I'd love to do that. I declutter better when I can stage stuff.... but I don't have the space for that alas.... it doesn't help that it rains all the time, where I live 😢
I've done this and it's a great thing to do! It's almost like moving into a new space. Very refreshing! It allows you to see what you want and what you don't want. Give it a try if you haven't!
That's a great idea because nice as she is I found her exhausting. And did she say this was the fourth appointment?! For a studio. But she's still buying stuff and bringing it in to a tiny space.
Much love to Gabby and you for meeting her where she's at. It sounds like she really does want a change in her space, but is really struggling with a lot of internal fears, attachments, and guilt. She might just need some more time to work through her feelings and clarify her goals. Good job to you both for the little wins you made!♡
Oh my goodness. I found this so frustrating to watch. She just wasn’t ready for the help she invited, and really needs. Unfortunately I foresee her space going back. She needs a breakthrough to push her to making the hard but necessary decisions. Bless you Carla! You were so patient.
I was thinking some "tough love" like Cass gives in her Clutterbug podcasts. From someone a bit further removed than a close friend. Agree, tough watch. Talking, walking, no doing 😅
We need to remember Gabby is a creative, visual person who reinvents herself for a living. So those clothes pieces are essentially her muse. Some inspire her; a lot don't. So having them around is part of her creative process as an actor. I think having them in a wardrobe separately from her everyday pieces would be so wonderful - she could open the doors for inspiration, but close them for quiet, too. I think that working on the bed (see other comment) and a functional wardrobe will help her remove the items she dislikes and helps her create clarity. You can't get clarity when everything is a mound of jumble.
I had the same thought, a lot of the clothes were for very specific work-related reasons and I get that. It would for example be a good idea to limit her everyday clothes to the hanger situation and have her work clothes in the closet.
Yes!! Ikea besta cabinets can be hung high up for seasonal stuff and acually hug in like the bed area (paige wassels did that in her old apartment for example)
A new smaller mattress and bed frame with drawers underneath would definitely make a world of difference! She is over thinking everything and going in circles! Revamping the whole room will make her life much simpler and more organized!
As soon as Gabi said the chair felt like an energy block it was obvious it was time for it to go. Decluttering is hard, but hopefully once she has some time to enjoy the newly freed up space she will start to feel more ready to embrace change
So pleased Gabby was finally ready to accept that the chair was taking up room. Her bed is huge!, She would gain so much more space with a smaller sized bed. It seems like the thought of not being surrounded by unnecessary things/clutter makes Gabby very anxious, bless her. Great job though Carla as always..you did manage to achieve space which is definitely needed. ❤
Yes, or there are beds that you can lift up the mattress & frame & the underneath is all storage, or where the base has storage drawers either side & at the end of the bed would be ideal, a double size bed would be fine for her too.
I haven’t watched this all the way through yet, but I just have to say how kind and positive you are. 💕 And you really listen without judgement. That’s hard to do with a situation like this. What a lovely person you are. 🤗 Deb x
This was rough go watch.. she seems so lost and in need of maybe some therapy. You can tell shes so frustrated with living with so much, yet unwilling to make the changes to ease the stress shes putting herself through. "I feel so bare" and "i feel like im gonna have nothing" are very concerning statements. I feel without the metal healing, she will not be able to help herself. Sending prayers her way, that God will patch up that place in her soul and help her to let go and feel free and at peace. ❤
@@mohenn22smith27She has the CUTEST apartment, but I agree-it does currently reflect her emotional state. I hope she can get both herself and her apartment at its fullest potential! 😊. She has such a sweet spirit. 😊
The 'scarcity' energy and the feeling of being 'bare' also somewhat reminded me of a similar energy around an eating disorder. I have cleared out the gargantuan closets I used to have, and I am very close to letting go of anything I won't be wearing again. I got a bit stuck with the reset of my bedroom to be turned into a work space/sleep space. I'm so READY TO RELEASE the clothes I just don't wear. Now I just have to do the drawer by drawer review. I'm going to be so much more free in my mind when I don't have the (very REDUCED) overflow in my way. Gabi is TALKING about how she feels and she is ASKING FOR HELP. GREAT INDICATORS for her getting ready to 'move' that energy that trapped her. Sending gentle hugs to those on this journey. It IS painful. This is what BRAVERY looks like and I am inspired. ❤❤❤
Moving the chair out made a huge difference to the space! 🎉 So agree that having a vision for what is wanted out of your space is so important for motivation and direction.
In the first Gabby video, I remember commenting she needs a smaller bed and a PAX type wardrobe where that chair is. I remember they put her clothing rack near the door, which was fine, but she has so much stuff that she’s keeping.
Having a vision is huge in changing things. One of my strongest visions for my kitchen was NOTHING on countertops between kitchen use times. That meant really paring down like crazy since not only were cabinets and drawers stuffed, so were the countertops. But we ended up doing it. We made replacements of some things, like a small cheap toaster that is light enough to keep in a lower drawer so it is easy to get out and put back, and donating our large heavy countertop toaster. One set of utensils and dishware for each of us. One glass and one mug each. Donating tons of gadgets and cookware. The kitchen is less emotionally fraught than decisions about clothes though. Great video.
@@daCubanaqt❤❤ I'm a big fan of "starting from zero" in your mind. Picture your place [or a room] completely empty. Then start "filling" it by first using only built in storage [closets, permanent shelving, cabinets, etc.]. Once you've filled those, then move on to stand alone storage and be very specific and keep it to as few pieces and as minimalist as possible.
This was sooo relatable in my early decluttering days when I just wanted to organize. Good for her building up those muscles to get things out of the space. Scarcity mindset and sentimental obstacles are real challenges. Agreed, smaller bed footprint would allow more living and breathing calm space.
Absolutely. For the vast majority of my life, I thought the problem was my personal inability to keep things organized - not too much stuff. It's amazing how much EASIER it is to keep things organized when everything has a place - and those places are not stuffed with stuff.
Carla you are so kind and respectful. I really just think she isn’t ready for this and she doesn’t know what she wants or what she needs. She is caught up with her things and how much they cost and the story behind them . Until she is ready to declutter and wants to declutter, no one can “help her”. I think what she wants from you is to help her organize her wardrobe.
Yes! She's in a different head space. I think if she sees her clothes in a way that encourages her, she will be inspired to do a little more digging in other areas and declutter to get that good feeling in other areas of the room too. She's just lacking inspiration to get motivated.❤
This time Carla is spending with her IS helping her. Her brain is actually wired that way at the moment, and I believe Carla's influence will slowly help her. She was clearly feeling frustrated and stuck and that's a good sign. I believe she will have a breakthrough.
Yeah, like all change it’s not easy and it really requires a huge amount of willingness and readiness. Organizing the clothes would be totally possible if there was that extra armoire since Current closet is too tiny for the amount of clothing.❤
Yes, she is falling completely into the sunk cost fallacy. She also needs to stop thrifting for a while, as that contributes to the problem - both the sunk cost problem and the too much stuff/spending problem. She may benefit from a “you bring one thing in, you need to take one (or two) out” deal, which will help combat both the amount of stuff and the amount of spending/thrifting.
Carla, you are very patient. I think Gabby really just wanted a friend over. Making the few changes ye did will definitely help her mindset. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 👏💪👍🙏💐🐶
You mentioned a basement. Can Gabby box up some of her clothes and store them in the basement? Things she doesn't wear but isn't ready to part with. Maybe the basement could be purgatory and after 3-6 months she'll be ready to make a final decision. PS I suggest separating audition clothes from regular clothes. I'm sure she doesn't need all the clothes she has for auditions. Keep 2-3 outfits for each genre: cool mom, prarie, period piece...
@@jansmith8021 Great idea! I did something where I turned all my clothes hangers to the back, so the opening of the hanger top part is facing the back of the closet. I put in my calendar to check after 6 months. Whichever clothes hangers are NOT turned the right direction -- indicating I wore the item at least once -- it's getting donated or trashed (if it's not nice enough to donate). That TRULY is helping me see what I'm never wearing -- and no matter how much I love looking at that item -- if it's not worn -- it has to go.
I recently moved from a big farmhouse that I lives in for 32 years to a one bedroom Senior apartmemt and I had to give up alot of my possessions ,it was hard but I pushed through it and now feel so much better with less stuff and having fun coming up with storage ideas for what I did bring with me!
I used to be like her. Afraid to let go. Allowing worry and what ifs to rule my mind. Stuff took over and clouded so much. I was manic with clutter and I hated it. I started letting go a year ago and can say 50% of my stuff is gone and I really don’t miss any of it. The peace of mind and open space has allowed for me to grow in a clear way. I have ENOUGH because I am ENOUGH ☺️I hope she finds her way.
Visual clutter can be very stressful. Couple of suggestions: 1. sort all clothing in colour order, ie rainbow order, it will look less chaotic. Secondly, put the curtain back on the cupboard to hide clothes, again it will make room more peaceful. Thirdly, store clothes or linen in the big suitcases, then pull them out when you travel and then put them back when you are back, reduces more visual clutter. Next, look into second hand cupboards, or cabinets with doors, they go cheaply, and definitly replace the cluttered open clothing rack. Don't use open shelves In a small flat, it creates more of the loud visual clutter, best to get cabinets with doors or drawers If you want more peaceful energy. Also u could get couple of narrow storage ottomans and fit some clutter inside, and use as seating. Think dual purpose. Think how you could use heights, ie floor to ceiling cabinets are ideal. Wishing u well x
You are remarkably patient. You allow her to talk through her reluctance to part with things, reason that she doesn’t wear or like items, and finally donate. You go back to the reason why you are with her and what she truly wants to accomplish. Good video!
I hope she watches this video back and really listens to how her thoughts go around and around. It may be eye opening for her to see how much she talks herself out of letting go.
Mibs She’s not ready to let things go , equating things with people she’s lost .My heart goes out to her x You were so patient & kind with her . Reassurance that She didn’t need to if she didn’t want to x Big Love Carla ❤
Hmmm…I have a few thoughts here. I live in a 576 sq ft place. Let me see if this helps. When I buy things I too have made purchases that did not work. It took me 4 tries at a dining table, yes 4. Two tries at a sofa. Two tries at a storage closet for clothes. I share my home with my husband. It has taken us 5 years to get it right. It finally feels right. I take up 3 drawers in a dresser and 1/2 of a small closet. I have one thing under the bed and it’s a comforter for cold months in a zip pouch, it could probably fit in a small suitcase instead now that I think of it. I personally don’t think Gabby needs more furniture, I think she would do well using a laundry service to stay on top of the laundry. Referring tasks out is super helpful in a small space. I think the other thing Gabby needs to do is really “define” her style. It sounds like a somewhat “costume” type of wardrobe is where she leans. So maybe dividing up the closet to reflect that might work. Living in the constant chaos of a cluttered space to me seems like Gabby is a SUPER imaginative person whose thoughts are always swirling above and around her. So some grounding needs to happen in her space to balance the energy. The space needs to be styled in healing colors. I thinks tones of greens & blues with some grounding brown and a little yellow. Whatever brings in a sense of feeling the need to “control” less whether it’s stones or something that “releases” that needs to be in place too. All of this after the space is truly organized. Grounding can only happen with a clear space. Peace will come when that happens because you are making the way Gabby. Pull the energy down from your feet (which create the steps in the right direction) all the way up. ☮️ ❤😊
I could see your frustration and it is understandable when someone wants help but is reluctant to let go. You are a wonderful friend! She needs to learn the “container concept” by Dana K. White for sure.
Use the least likely to be used suitcase for audition clothing. One could be the maybe clothing with a time limit to see if you look for it, then declutter. Double or queen bed. At our cottage we built bed frames and had a mattress in a box . We had room to put storage tubs under the bed. A comfy chair with a foot stool that could fit underneath the chair. It is a pretty small, therefore challenging space. Good luck. ❤
One thing I noticed is her fear of letting go of things people gave to her, especially lost loved ones. It took me a long time to realize that the person and their love aren't in the things. It made it easier to let go of stuff.
Ooooohh Carla, you are so patient! She just isn't ready to face any of this. It's hard to watch. I hope she makes her breakthrough soon as her life will be so much happier.
I see how heavy she is. She is weighed down and suffering. She could be so free. Saying she will have nothing is very telling. The stuff means more to her than having a calm and light space. Maybe the suffering is a comfort 🥺
I think Gabby may have recently lost both of her parents? I know from my own experience that this is a very difficult time for her and she may feel like she's not ready to loose anything else just yet. She needs kindness and grace, which Carla is definitely giving her.
Having helped people declutter and having decluttered myself, it's amazing how easy it is to identify other people's stuff that needs decluttering (with just a bit of input from them) than one's OWN stuff. Attachment is a powerful force.
Aw, the look of frustration on both of your faces halfway through hit my heart hard! Gave me a much needed understanding of my husband's perspective. We have downsided from over 3000sqft to less than 900sqft. Its been a real struggle for me as i see space as infinite. My gamer brain has a wonderful bag of holding. My reality however does not! Lol. Working on it! Thanks for listening and inspiring! ❤
Thank you for showing us the realness of the process. I loved that you didn't edit out yours or Gabby's frustrations... this is real and I can see that you both love and respect each other a lot. Frustration is part of friendship❤
I felt the same when I was watching Carla's own decluttering video, but I also love how honest your friend is. Being honest and not afraid of what other people might think on the internet. Thanks Carla for posting videos like this.I am truly inspired.
Hi Carla, Your videos have helped me so much in letting go of the things that were weighing me down over the years and I'm sure Gabby will get there too with your help! Your suggestions on a wardrobe is spot on. I feel like she needs different categories/sections for her clothing: 1) sentimental (put in the pink Ross luggage) 2. Audition clothing (keep in current closet) 3. Everyday wear (new wardrobe). If she gets a wardrobe she can easily maximize the sides of them like adding hooks for her dog's leash closest to the door and hooks for necklaces/jewelry on the other side. I agree that the chaise had to go especially if she didn't want to downsize her bed. I hope Gabby gets more clarity as she continues to declutter 😊
Oh my goodness, I used to be a professional organizer and I had clients like this! It's so hard to help people to see they can't have both a simplified space AND keep all the things! You were so kind and patient with her! Would love to see a future video in her space if she makes the changes you suggested! Thanks for sharing!💖
You are an AMAZINGLY patient and understanding friend. I admit it; I couldn't work with her. I hope she is able to do some work and be able to make some breakthrough so she can help herself live in a better environment.
I'm glad to see you challenging her way of thinking - that's how change happens. It's slow, it's hard, but it's worth it. The sooner Gabby realizes the money she spent is already gone - and that holding onto things you don't want or use doesn't bring it back - the better. It's hard to accept, but doing so helps change the pattern of spending and acquiring things that end up exacerbating the clutter problem, and will ultimately help create a more peaceful, sustainable living environment (something she'd benefit from immensely.) Great work, Carla.
Yes there would be less but it would be less of items that are just hanging in the closet not ever being worn. Or an item on a shelf that will never be used. It’s a difficult question I face too but is that item really doing anything for me other than keeping me from feeling a certain way, which maybe I should face, then move past it. This is a question I’m asking myself too.
I heard this gorgeous question for the purpose of making a choice: Does this item belong in my empowered, creative future? I'm having a much easier time to let things go because I know what my empowered, creative future looks like. It is REALISTIC these days because I am incorporating the reality of my current health challenges. I HAVE A DREAM TO BE FULLY ME. ❤❤❤🎉❤❤❤
If the mom item that shrunk is tossed - what would you be losing? Something damaged and not wearable. The item is not your mom. Take a photo for the memory and toss it - it will free up new space (mentally and physically).
Carla, I admire your patience & understanding. I’ve seen in her past videos and just can’t watch another. Praying she can make progress to creat a calm place to live which she truly deserves
when she threw out the 3 tops i was ecstatic for her!! the burgundy, white and the brown...they were obviously tossers, even to me. i can be slow like that too...i want to throw out 5 bags of stuff but only end up with 1. Some days are like that.
Well done Gabby. Small steps but you will get there with Carla’s help. I literally breathed out when you moved the couch out to the basement. It felt so much more spacious. Good luck!
The ikea wardrobe and possibly the queen ikea bed with drawers underneath would be perfect for the space. She doesn't seem like she would put things away when there is a system in place.
A smaller bed with under storage to shove extra clothes under there. A shelf that will hold cubes to hide things as well. You are awesome Carla. Love when you and your sister get together too!
Whenever I watch your videos, I declutter. I have watched this episode several times today. It has inspired me to get moving. I have released so many things today! Thank you and Gabby! ❤
I highly recommend the book " The life-changing magic of tidying up" by Marie Kondo. I have read through it several times and her thought process really resonates with me. When ALL of my clothes were in one big mountain of consumption and guilt I realized I was holding onto dozens of plain t shirts that fit me, but did not give me joy. The sweater that I remember my grandma wearing but no longer fit me did give me joy. I placed all of my joy/inheritance clothes, shoes, and purses in a memory storage chest that I can sit on in my entry way. The items are safe and I can hold them whenever I want. That all being said, Marie Kondo and I will never agree about books! I just installed floor to ceiling bookshelves because every book I own is a piece of my soul. Blessings to all as you travel your own path. ❤
This was such a relatable video, I could *feel* your frustration, but I could also *feel* the anxiety of the decisions she was facing. I had some ideas of what might help, but there's already lots of great suggestions in these comments. I hope she finds her way.
This is how I got over the “I paid money for it thing”… Whether you keep it or get rid of it, the money is gone either way. Keeping it isn’t going to give you your money back. And you’re not getting any use out of it, so let it move on to someone else and you can create your new life without it. And when it does hurt a little financially, I think it makes it a better lesson to make better financial choices in the future. I learned a lot from it.
Gabby! Sending you so much love! It’s looking like the root chakra is out of balance, leading to that scarcity/fear-based mindset others have mentioned. It’s understandable, as so many have lacked stability since the pandemic…causing anxiety and resistance to change. I’m also an actress, and due to the pandemic and strikes, I’ve lost so much work, money, and SAG healthcare! So I totally understand! I lovingly suggest meditation, grounding, walks, listen to 396 hz frequency, place red items in your home, and practice gratitude (maybe start a gratitude journal). 🫶🏽Strengthen your decluttering muscles by getting rid of trash - things that are nonemotional, broken, expired, stained…literally garbage. You will feel a change energetically for sure! Don’t worry about decluttering the sentimental items (your clothing) at all at this point. You’ve got this, Gabby! ❤❤❤
I am so glad that the chest of drawers (with the mirror on top) was moved to the side (i kept calling out 'Flip it around, flip it around!'). The apartment is actually super cute and if it were curated with just the absolutely BEST stuff ONLY, would look amazing! I am hearing mixed messages: a person who wants clarity, peace and positive energy but is not able to see that a mish-mash of possessions is what's holding her back. Gaby, I hope that when you watch this video you realise just how overwhelming our possessions can be. Downsize the bed, buy a second-hand vintage free-standing shallow wardrobe from Marketplace and allow the ensuing free space to guide you. I am confident that it will open doors for you, in more ways than one. Best of luck to you!
During and right after the pandemic I thrifted a lot of clothes. I spent a lot of money on things I didn't end up liking or needing... and then proceeded to keep them in my bedroom for over two years. This past week, I went and consigned some items and I'm donating the rest! I'm so happy to have the items finally off of my to-do list and happy to have gotten some money back on them in the process. She can do it too - she just needs to want it or be sick of them enough to take action! Thanks, Carla!
Carla you are such a wonderful friend with such a big heart and what seems like unlimited patience!! Gaby is clearly struggling but was brave enough to let go of that chaise. Her mattress seems too large and looks like it’s hanging over the base. It would help if Gaby put a hold on shopping of any kind, no matter how cheap. She would benefit from the 1-in-1-out rule. Thrifting is probably filling some kind of void and her scarcity mindset makes her believe she’ll never find a deal like that again every time she spots a bargain. Her overwhelming amount of clothes are diminishing her quality of life. She deserves a peaceful home. I wish her all the best❤
Carla I really love that you are kind and patient with your friends. You let them talk things through but at the same time help them realize why they might not want or need to keep things. You are so respectful of their decisions. I would love to have a friend like you and that is why you’re one of my favourite TH-camrs.❤️🙏
So interesting! Carla, your patience and kindness is amazing. Gabby is a tough client, but you kept things moving and made some excellent progress. I'm sure the next time she attempts this, it will be just that little bit easier.
This was frustrating but its because I relate so much to her. Desperately need to declutter my clothes but never seem to part with much. With this space I'm thinking smaller bed, take the art that is hanging where lounge chair was, put mirror on dresser in its place. Slide dresser under mirror. And move rolling cart of work attire to the corner where dresser currently is.
❤ Comment 1 (before watching) I love her space! It just dawned on me that I would personally put a bed where her little office area is and enjoy the room you walk into as a living room/dressing room. There's space for a couch and a clothing rack 😊 Just putting it out there!
So glad you were able to put the chaise in the basement. It was taking a ridiculous amount of space. I think Gabby should talk with Tracy of spacemaker. I think they both really really like to talk about the stories of their clothes.
Carla, you're the best, your friendship with Gabby shines through, even in a frustrating situation. Maybe Gabby can fill two of the suitcases, one with audition wear, the other with things she's not sure about decluttering just yet. Storing them would leave her with only the things she actually loves/wears, which she'll probably realize is enough. This will also help give her the confidence to declutter some of what's stored as backup. I love the new shoe rack and laundry basket plus your kind advice and organizing. Also your collaboration with Quince is amazing for great wardrobe upgrades at a reasonable price!
As soon as she started talking , I knew she wasn’t ready for any change. We know her place isn’t too small…She just has too much stuff. Hopefully she’ll realize that one day. Refocusing was a great save!
Here’s the thing…she kept saying how if she lets go of the clothes that she doesn’t like or wear that she’ll feel like she has nothing, except she’s already broken up with them in her mind by not wearing them. Now, they’re like an ex that just won’t leave or pay rent! They’re there in her closet/apt taunting her about how she didn’t get that job, or that her friend shrunk her favorite sweater, or that she doesn’t fit in them, or that she wasted money on them. As Cas from Clutterbug would say, GET THOSE BULLIES OUT!
I decluttered/re-organized my entire small 2 br apartment in July. I consider myself a minimalist. The amount of junk I got rid of was shocking. So much stuff in nooks and crannys and back of closets. I found myself justifying keeping things I didn't need or want. I learned that it's 100x easier to tell someone else what to do with their stuff than it is to let go of your own stuff. We're not emotionally attached to the stuff and we are able to think logically about the item. Gabby - work on your mindset. I can say with 1000% confidence that whenever I have let clothing go, I have not missed it or even REMEMBERED it existed unless I saw a photo. This includes items I threw out because they were worn out. Start envisioning how you want to wake up in the morning, go to your wardrobe, and put on clothes that you LOVE easily and quickly. Taking the stress out of one more decision is a huge life upgrade. I also sense some ADHD. Being organized and decluttered is even more important with ADHD because we get distracted every 0.02 seconds. A task that takes someone else 1 minute to do could take us 10. Any time I wanted new anything, I decluttered the old item first. You don't need to worry about the money. The new item will appear once you have space for it in your life. Bob Proctor talks about this in Born Rich. (the story about his aunt) Also if your desire is to move, start energetically preparing for that by continuing to declutter. Imagine yourself spending the physical labour to move each and every item. Is that item worth it?
She needs someone who deals with hoarders! It’s sad she lives that way! Just listening to her she’s living in a dream world! If she is too tired, and can’t motivate herself, sounds like depression. She really needs mental help. I’m not being mean but, just listening to her, I know she’s unable to help herself. I love Quince! What you chose from them, was perfect!
Carla, I most admire the way you offer suggestions but then allow your client to make their own decision. Sometimes I sense frustration (well hidden) on your part when the client's choice does not align with your suggestion . You treat your client with so much kindness and professionalism. I wish there were more talented and sensitive people in your line of work to help the needy among us thru these transitions. Please keep up the great work.
Especially since she knew the internet would be coming over ,but more importantly,her friend and helper was coming.(not how I greet my guests) Lastly,because a clear,made bed would have given them more work space!😵💫😖🙄
This was a tough one. I think she should use 2 of the suitcases for storage of audition clothes and sentimental clothes. She will then be able to really see what clothes she has for every day clothes. She also should see a therapist online or in person to see why she has difficulty letting go of things. There is no shame to seeing a therapist when we are feeling stuck in life. Congratulations Carla on the increasing number of subscribers
Yes! the bed is ridiculously large taking up majorly valuable real estate in her space & if she would be willing to change that up - I think a Full size is truly the way to go - but even a Queen size bed would make an incredibly positive difference!! I would also consider putting the bed on the closet side & using that cool brick wall for the living area which next to the kitchen makes more sense. Using tape to outline pieces of furniture on the floor and/or wall can be helpful to get a sense of how things might look! Carla - as always u have the patience of a saint!!
This is my problem, too! "I'm worried about having nothing." Thank you for making me realize that this is why I hoard clothes and buy more and more! :) I'm going to shop my own closet to create a capsule wardrobe and donate everything else.
Upgrade your closet with Quince. Go to Quince.com/THECARLAPROJECT for free shipping on your next order and 365-day returns.
Like others have said, this was frustrating to watch, but at the same time, it was a nice reality check for me. To see someone surrounded by things she doesn't love or need but is keeping for seemingly unimportant reasons (though they're important to her), it made me realize I am doing the same thing and have no right to feel frustrated with her decisions (or lack thereof), and then do the same thing in my own life. This might have not gone as planned, but it was very important to post and let people know this happens, some people have struggles decluttering, and that's okay. We'll get there in time.
I have had items that brought so many negative feelings up but it took a while to let them go - so freeing once I did though! And now I rarely think of those items. I am struggling with a cookbook my Dad gave me because I feel guilty I never cooked him anything from it not because I love the book. So I am going to try and make peace with letting it go by browsing the recipes once more and if I still don't feel inclined to use it then it's really ok to donate it. If I ever see my Dad again I don't believe he will ask why I never made him that pie 😂
This is why I love this channel, because it’s very real and we can feel identity with some of the situations. Yes, at some point I was like. “Don’t you see, all the potential your apartment has if you just let things go” I’m actually very excited to see her space once she’s ready.
Love your comment Kelsey!
Beautifully stated with compassion for Gabby
@@EmilyEmilyEmily01 I've actually given certain items (like my mother's wedding dress, my baby book) a literal kiss goodbye. "Love you dearly but I can't hold onto you any longer."
Thanks for keeping comments kind and respectful! I'm off to the park with Samson but will come back to check in. Happy Fall!!✨❤🥳🏡🍂
Hey where is sherriiiiiiiiiii
Lord have mercy on this po child, she just keeps talking herself in and out of moving forward. I hope she will soon be able to. Carla you have the patience of Job. Good job, she can now walk around in there!
It's lovely to see how patient you were with Gabby! (Though not at all surprising - that's why people ask you to help them, after all!) Ideas I haven't seen mentioned yet:
- If she has a lot of items of clothing where she's having a hard time deciding whether to keep them or not, a 'wear everything' challenge can help. Basically, you challenge yourself to wear everything that you don't normally wear. It can be a great way to re-discover gems within your wardrobe that you already own, but it can also be a way to let yourself say goodbye to things that 'have so much potential!' but are annoying as sin to actually have on your body.
- In addition to separating out her wardrobe into Audition/Sentimental/Actual Life, I'd recommend doing the 'hanger trick' - the thing where you hang everything with the hook facing backwards and then hang it the right way around once you've worn it. You then put a reminder on your calendar to check in in 6 months (or later) to see what's still the wrong way around. At that point, you evaluate - are these things worth keeping, like an outfit for funerals where you wouldn't want to repurchase it? Are they actually sentimental or audition items? Or are they things that always get bumped aside in favor of other pieces?
- at 21:56, Gabby said something that really struck me - that even though 2 suitcases feels like enough, getting rid of one would feel like a gouge. She also mentioned being afraid of being left with nothing earlier on. These are some really huge fears to recognize, and they're even bigger to work through.
Even though decluttering can be deeply empowering as it creates space for experiences, people, and things that match with your current self to come in to your life, the space will feel like a gaping void at first. No amount of tips like 'store winter coats and spare TP in your suitcases' will address those issues.
I think fixing the bed situation would start an avalanche of change. It's like the elephant in the room. Get a totally new bed frame with drawers underneath, a new mattress, and new bedding. The change will start the process flowing.
A day bed with storage underneath would be perfect for the space. A place to sit and sleep and store.
Amen!
Absolutely….
And make your bed !
ues. And, an Ikea armoire. They hold a ton.
I wonder if separating her audition clothes from her personal clothes will help Gaby. That way she may be able to work out her own style and what she needs to invest in for her capsule wardrobe. She could also use the purple suitcase for sentimental items (even her mom's clothes she won't be wearing) and that way she gets to keep sentimental things and have designated storage for them 💗
Love these ideas!
my thoughts exactly! separate the audition clothes from her regular every day clothes. One in/One out rule is also helpful.
This lovely woman is so indecisive. She’s talking herself in circles. I’m not sure she’s really ready for change.
I feel like giving her a good shake !
Yeah, it seems that way. Some people just aren't organized, nor do they desire to be.
Please help someone who really wants the help.
Sooooo true.
Even with the chase lounge. She wants to put it " on loan " to a friend.
Sister, no one wants to store your stuff for you.
@lealea3364 don't write her off, it can take time. Even seeing these struggles can be instructive for us all. She's been very vulnerable and I respect that.
Bless her, she is terrified of letting anything go. It speaks that she is carrying trauma. I pray she finds the courage somewhere within her to break through this fear, she’s a gorgeous lady and I wish her peace and joy in her life.
Well said.😇
I wonder if trauma also has the opposite effect in people. I've heard of people experiencing a loss or feeling overwhelmed by life and they get rid of a lot. I guess that's possible.
You are so sweet in your response! I get she feels that getting rid of things makes her feel like she has nothing. That’s a clear indication she feels disconnected and unloved. Bless her to feel confident in being alone in the world. Because, ultimately, we’re all on a solo journey.
@@BallroomLilliesandHydrangeas absolutely it does. I had a traumatic experience that ended with me losing over half my possessions. Ever since, I've been neurotic about constant decluttering. The less I have, the less I have to lose.
@@RaeC5280 Thank you for sharing that, RaeC5280. So, you're saying the constant decluttering makes you feel good? I know removing things out of my life that serve no purpose makes me feel happy or in control.
I could see your frustration and it is understandable when someone wants help but is reluctant to let go. You are a wonderful friend!
I would say that girl needs a cleaner, not a declutteler. That's why it was frustrating, the wrong "occupation" dealing with this situation. 🙂
@usagi_t I don't think she needs a cleaner, it's much deeper than that. Her resistance was of the charts, being afraid to be left with nothing, holding on to things that are just wrong for her small home, hoping she'll use them in a future home. That clearly shows some deeper emotional issues. Carla was extremely patient because she could see her friend's struggle. I hope she'll find the way to move beyond whatever is causing her to be stuck.
@@Xiroi87I think as you, its a psychological issue, I got it myself.. and have to work on that by daily basis.. but Im doing som3 progres$
@@Xiroi87 she definitely has that "someday" I "might" use it mindset vs the utility of the item in the present
This was a challenge to watch but it points out that decluttering is very much an internal/mental journey. She’s not ready but hopefully will be eventually. Her apartment has so much potential.
Yes, it's the mind shift that's needed. She needs to envision or make a board for how she wants her space to look & function & then make her stuff fit in that ideal style. Like Dana K. White says, "the space you have is the space you have" and also talks a lot about how the creatures that live in the space deserve the space more than the stuff does. And any item that causes a head explosion 🤯 just has to go.
I loved the realness of your FACE in this one, Carla. So patient & kind but still helping Gabby stay focused. What a gift!
Just a thought for the pieces Gabby describes as "audition clothes." It's easy to see how critical they are for helping to create a character and make a certain impression, but if they aren't clothes Gabby wears IRL, they don't really deserve places of honor in her grab-and-go closet/drawer/armoire. Let them live under the bed. If they are organized carefully in the right containers, they will be useful when needed and not in the way the rest of the time.
I came here to suggest this too. I think she should separate out all the clothes that are for auditions. I was going to suggest putting them in a bin on the shelf with the suitcases, and if possible getting rid of one of the suitcases.
@@stephaniemoore-fuller9082 Great minds...! ; )
I thought so too! I think also collecting all of the "audtion clothes" in the same place will help her see any doubles she has or maybe even any gaps she wants to fill
Or put the audition clothes inside the suitcases
@@amylangdon1903 Great plan!
I have found the biggest block for me decluttering was letting go of my "fantasy self" where I had a whole life created around the things I owned that I never lived out. Once I was ready to let that go I didn't have less but I had more of what I loved, used and enjoyed!!!❤❤❤❤😊10 wonderful useful things was wayy better than 500 useless ignored items bogging down my space and my mind.
You said it 👏
You hit the nail on the head! I didn't know how to word it so kindly!❤
This is it right here. Yes! 🙌🏼
heck yeah!!!! i could never think to put it that way....i have a few "fantasy self" pieces of clothing...maybe 15 - 20. I just NEVER wear them and they're not even appropriate for my lifestyle and needs right now (or the last 10 years lol) I threw out 6 tops today (actually donated them) so i am not a lost cause yet...
yes when she said "if...than I would hire a stylist" that clearly is a fantasy.. right now.etc pp. Most of us will never have the opportunity. Also, all the auditions - do they work for her or is it a hobby, a past-time?Plus, the stuff she does have seems not well mentained, like, is this really that valuable to you? I emphasizy because i have a feeling that there is a reason for holding on to these things. But girl, nobody forces you to declutter, you dont have to, if you dont want to!!!! You go live your best life- with or without stuff!
Wow, that was the most frustrating video to watch! I say this with kindness, when you want to move forward with life you need to move toward your goals and keep yourself accountable. Often when you are at a crossroads therapy is the key to being able to offload the feelings that are holding you back, and you have the opportunity to re evaluate and change your behaviour patterns. This facilitates the growth in yourself ❤
There’s a concept called Hushing a Room that would be an interesting experiment with Gabby. It would involve taking virtually everything out of her apartment except for bare basics of furniture, clothing, and decor, including emptying all shelves. It would be scary for a few days, but then-as needed-she could bring in a few things. Getting used to living without clutter might help calm her and show her that she doesn’t need all this STUFF.
I'd love to do that. I declutter better when I can stage stuff.... but I don't have the space for that alas.... it doesn't help that it rains all the time, where I live 😢
Joanne what an interesting idea!!! I love the concept, wow I will have to look into this further! THANKS!
I've done this and it's a great thing to do! It's almost like moving into a new space. Very refreshing! It allows you to see what you want and what you don't want. Give it a try if you haven't!
That's a great idea because nice as she is I found her exhausting. And did she say this was the fourth appointment?! For a studio. But she's still buying stuff and bringing it in to a tiny space.
That's great, IF YOU HAVE THE SPACE! I don't think she's fully accepted she lives in a tiny studio.
Carla, the look on your face when she doesn't want to let things go . . . You're a good friend and very kind to her.
Much love to Gabby and you for meeting her where she's at. It sounds like she really does want a change in her space, but is really struggling with a lot of internal fears, attachments, and guilt. She might just need some more time to work through her feelings and clarify her goals. Good job to you both for the little wins you made!♡
Yes it takes time! Took me many many years and I’m still working on my space which is twice the size ❤.
Oh my goodness. I found this so frustrating to watch. She just wasn’t ready for the help she invited, and really needs. Unfortunately I foresee her space going back. She needs a breakthrough to push her to making the hard but necessary decisions.
Bless you Carla! You were so patient.
I was thinking some "tough love" like Cass gives in her Clutterbug podcasts. From someone a bit further removed than a close friend. Agree, tough watch. Talking, walking, no doing 😅
It looked so much better with the new shoe rack, the chair taken out of the room and the dresser turned the other way. Such an improvement!
I love when we have return places on this channel. It really shows how much of a process it is to declutter and that it takes time!
Me too!
We need to remember Gabby is a creative, visual person who reinvents herself for a living. So those clothes pieces are essentially her muse. Some inspire her; a lot don't. So having them around is part of her creative process as an actor. I think having them in a wardrobe separately from her everyday pieces would be so wonderful - she could open the doors for inspiration, but close them for quiet, too. I think that working on the bed (see other comment) and a functional wardrobe will help her remove the items she dislikes and helps her create clarity. You can't get clarity when everything is a mound of jumble.
I had the same thought, a lot of the clothes were for very specific work-related reasons and I get that. It would for example be a good idea to limit her everyday clothes to the hanger situation and have her work clothes in the closet.
In a studio, vertical space is your best friend!!
She needs to take advantage of her walls for storage (in addition to having a smaller bed).
Yes!! Ikea besta cabinets can be hung high up for seasonal stuff and acually hug in like the bed area (paige wassels did that in her old apartment for example)
She can have a classy wood stand with a hook for steaming.
A new smaller mattress and bed frame with drawers underneath would definitely make a world of difference! She is over thinking everything and going in circles! Revamping the whole room will make her life much simpler and more organized!
As soon as Gabi said the chair felt like an energy block it was obvious it was time for it to go. Decluttering is hard, but hopefully once she has some time to enjoy the newly freed up space she will start to feel more ready to embrace change
it really does look like a bulky block
So pleased Gabby was finally ready to accept that the chair was taking up room. Her bed is huge!, She would gain so much more space with a smaller sized bed. It seems like the thought of not being surrounded by unnecessary things/clutter makes Gabby very anxious, bless her. Great job though Carla as always..you did manage to achieve space which is definitely needed. ❤
I agree, maybe a foldout bed could be an idea.
Yes, or there are beds that you can lift up the mattress & frame & the underneath is all storage, or where the base has storage drawers either side & at the end of the bed would be ideal, a double size bed would be fine for her too.
I haven’t watched this all the way through yet, but I just have to say how kind and positive you are. 💕 And you really listen without judgement. That’s hard to do with a situation like this. What a lovely person you are. 🤗 Deb x
Thanks for this comment. 😘
This was rough go watch.. she seems so lost and in need of maybe some therapy. You can tell shes so frustrated with living with so much, yet unwilling to make the changes to ease the stress shes putting herself through. "I feel so bare" and "i feel like im gonna have nothing" are very concerning statements. I feel without the metal healing, she will not be able to help herself. Sending prayers her way, that God will patch up that place in her soul and help her to let go and feel free and at peace. ❤
@@mohenn22smith27She has the CUTEST apartment, but I agree-it does currently reflect her emotional state. I hope she can get both herself and her apartment at its fullest potential! 😊. She has such a sweet spirit. 😊
The 'scarcity' energy and the feeling of being 'bare' also somewhat reminded me of a similar energy around an eating disorder.
I have cleared out the gargantuan closets I used to have, and I am very close to letting go of anything I won't be wearing again. I got a bit stuck with the reset of my bedroom to be turned into a work space/sleep space. I'm so READY TO RELEASE the clothes I just don't wear. Now I just have to do the drawer by drawer review. I'm going to be so much more free in my mind when I don't have the (very REDUCED) overflow in my way.
Gabi is TALKING about how she feels and she is ASKING FOR HELP.
GREAT INDICATORS for her getting ready to 'move' that energy that trapped her.
Sending gentle hugs to those on this journey. It IS painful. This is what BRAVERY looks like and I am inspired.
❤❤❤
Moving the chair out made a huge difference to the space! 🎉 So agree that having a vision for what is wanted out of your space is so important for motivation and direction.
In the first Gabby video, I remember commenting she needs a smaller bed and a PAX type wardrobe where that chair is. I remember they put her clothing rack near the door, which was fine, but she has so much stuff that she’s keeping.
Having a vision is huge in changing things. One of my strongest visions for my kitchen was NOTHING on countertops between kitchen use times. That meant really paring down like crazy since not only were cabinets and drawers stuffed, so were the countertops. But we ended up doing it. We made replacements of some things, like a small cheap toaster that is light enough to keep in a lower drawer so it is easy to get out and put back, and donating our large heavy countertop toaster. One set of utensils and dishware for each of us. One glass and one mug each. Donating tons of gadgets and cookware. The kitchen is less emotionally fraught than decisions about clothes though. Great video.
@@daCubanaqt❤❤ I'm a big fan of "starting from zero" in your mind. Picture your place [or a room] completely empty. Then start "filling" it by first using only built in storage [closets, permanent shelving, cabinets, etc.]. Once you've filled those, then move on to stand alone storage and be very specific and keep it to as few pieces and as minimalist as possible.
This was sooo relatable in my early decluttering days when I just wanted to organize. Good for her building up those muscles to get things out of the space. Scarcity mindset and sentimental obstacles are real challenges. Agreed, smaller bed footprint would allow more living and breathing calm space.
You have made great observations. Thanks. 💚✌
Me too! I sincerely believed I needed to be more organized with the right containers. In reality, I couldn't manage the amount of stuff I owned.
Absolutely. For the vast majority of my life, I thought the problem was my personal inability to keep things organized - not too much stuff. It's amazing how much EASIER it is to keep things organized when everything has a place - and those places are not stuffed with stuff.
Carla you are so kind and respectful. I really just think she isn’t ready for this and she doesn’t know what she wants or what she needs. She is caught up with her things and how much they cost and the story behind them . Until she is ready to declutter and wants to declutter, no one can “help her”. I think what she wants from you is to help her organize her wardrobe.
Yes! She's in a different head space. I think if she sees her clothes in a way that encourages her, she will be inspired to do a little more digging in other areas and declutter to get that good feeling in other areas of the room too. She's just lacking inspiration to get motivated.❤
WOW ! A great observation and comment. 🤔
This time Carla is spending with her IS helping her. Her brain is actually wired that way at the moment, and I believe Carla's influence will slowly help her. She was clearly feeling frustrated and stuck and that's a good sign. I believe she will have a breakthrough.
Yeah, like all change it’s not easy and it really requires a huge amount of willingness and readiness. Organizing the clothes would be totally possible if there was that extra armoire since Current closet is too tiny for the amount of clothing.❤
Yes, she is falling completely into the sunk cost fallacy. She also needs to stop thrifting for a while, as that contributes to the problem - both the sunk cost problem and the too much stuff/spending problem. She may benefit from a “you bring one thing in, you need to take one (or two) out” deal, which will help combat both the amount of stuff and the amount of spending/thrifting.
Carla, you are very patient. I think Gabby really just wanted a friend over. Making the few changes ye did will definitely help her mindset. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 👏💪👍🙏💐🐶
That was my feeling also...
You mentioned a basement. Can Gabby box up some of her clothes and store them in the basement? Things she doesn't wear but isn't ready to part with. Maybe the basement could be purgatory and after 3-6 months she'll be ready to make a final decision.
PS I suggest separating audition clothes from regular clothes. I'm sure she doesn't need all the clothes she has for auditions. Keep 2-3 outfits for each genre: cool mom, prarie, period piece...
Great idea!
She could use the suitcases to store the clothes she is not sure she wants to get rid of till she does decide!
@@jansmith8021 Great idea! I did something where I turned all my clothes hangers to the back, so the opening of the hanger top part is facing the back of the closet. I put in my calendar to check after 6 months. Whichever clothes hangers are NOT turned the right direction -- indicating I wore the item at least once -- it's getting donated or trashed (if it's not nice enough to donate). That TRULY is helping me see what I'm never wearing -- and no matter how much I love looking at that item -- if it's not worn -- it has to go.
I recently moved from a big farmhouse that I lives in for 32 years to a one bedroom Senior apartmemt and I had to give up alot of my possessions ,it was hard but I pushed through it and now feel so much better with less stuff and having fun coming up with storage ideas for what I did bring with me!
@@jansmith8021. GREAT idea!!!
I used to be like her. Afraid to let go. Allowing worry and what ifs to rule my mind. Stuff took over and clouded so much. I was manic with clutter and I hated it. I started letting go a year ago and can say 50% of my stuff is gone and I really don’t miss any of it. The peace of mind and open space has allowed for me to grow in a clear way. I have ENOUGH because I am ENOUGH ☺️I hope she finds her way.
Good for you, I NEED to do the same asap
Letting go of stuff we've just purchased that doesn't work (and past the return due date) was a big learning curve for me, too.
Visual clutter can be very stressful. Couple of suggestions: 1. sort all clothing in colour order, ie rainbow order, it will look less chaotic. Secondly, put the curtain back on the cupboard to hide clothes, again it will make room more peaceful. Thirdly, store clothes or linen in the big suitcases, then pull them out when you travel and then put them back when you are back, reduces more visual clutter. Next, look into second hand cupboards, or cabinets with doors, they go cheaply, and definitly replace the cluttered open clothing rack. Don't use open shelves In a small flat, it creates more of the loud visual clutter, best to get cabinets with doors or drawers If you want more peaceful energy. Also u could get couple of narrow storage ottomans and fit some clutter inside, and use as seating. Think dual purpose. Think how you could use heights, ie floor to ceiling cabinets are ideal. Wishing u well x
Great suggestions!
Sometimes you are a decluttering therapist and sometimes you are a listening ear. It’s wonderful that you care so much ❤
You are remarkably patient. You allow her to talk through her reluctance to part with things, reason that she doesn’t wear or like items, and finally donate. You go back to the reason why you are with her and what she truly wants to accomplish. Good video!
I hope she watches this video back and really listens to how her thoughts go around and around. It may be eye opening for her to see how much she talks herself out of letting go.
You are very kind Carla. She doesn't seem willing or able to make a change but living in such chaos is not good for
Yep. I know people like this and they seem scattered mentally.
That space would drive me mad…she is definitely not ready for this!!
Everyone needs a sweet Carla in their lives💗
It's the excess/oversize stuff in the space for me, and not cleaning. Just too much for those small rooms.
Mibs She’s not ready to let things go , equating things with people she’s lost .My heart goes out to her x You were so patient & kind with her . Reassurance that She didn’t need to if she didn’t want to x Big Love Carla ❤
Grief is a real monster. Thanks for this comment.
Hmmm…I have a few thoughts here. I live in a 576 sq ft place. Let me see if this helps. When I buy things I too have made purchases that did not work. It took me 4 tries at a dining table, yes 4. Two tries at a sofa. Two tries at a storage closet for clothes. I share my home with my husband. It has taken us 5 years to get it right. It finally feels right. I take up 3 drawers in a dresser and 1/2 of a small closet. I have one thing under the bed and it’s a comforter for cold months in a zip pouch, it could probably fit in a small suitcase instead now that I think of it. I personally don’t think Gabby needs more furniture, I think she would do well using a laundry service to stay on top of the laundry. Referring tasks out is super helpful in a small space. I think the other thing Gabby needs to do is really “define” her style. It sounds like a somewhat “costume” type of wardrobe is where she leans. So maybe dividing up the closet to reflect that might work. Living in the constant chaos of a cluttered space to me seems like Gabby is a SUPER imaginative person whose thoughts are always swirling above and around her. So some grounding needs to happen in her space to balance the energy. The space needs to be styled in healing colors. I thinks tones of greens & blues with some grounding brown and a little yellow. Whatever brings in a sense of feeling the need to “control” less whether it’s stones or something that “releases” that needs to be in place too. All of this after the space is truly organized. Grounding can only happen with a clear space. Peace will come when that happens because you are making the way Gabby. Pull the energy down from your feet (which create the steps in the right direction) all the way up. ☮️ ❤😊
😍
Woww… my anxiety is at top notch while watching this… she’s just another level of messy and chaotic for me 🫨
I've seen worse hoarding situations than this, and her just moving furniture out and tidying I can already tell has made a huge difference!
I could see your frustration and it is understandable when someone wants help but is reluctant to let go. You are a wonderful friend! She needs to learn the “container concept” by Dana K. White for sure.
I suggested the same thing!😂
@@Katy_living_simply great minds 😀
Agree 100% on container concept!
Sometimes we want something we’re not quite ready for.
Use the least likely to be used suitcase for audition clothing. One could be the maybe clothing with a time limit to see if you look for it, then declutter. Double or queen bed. At our cottage we built bed frames and had a mattress in a box . We had room to put storage tubs under the bed. A comfy chair with a foot stool that could fit underneath the chair. It is a pretty small, therefore challenging space. Good luck. ❤
One thing I noticed is her fear of letting go of things people gave to her, especially lost loved ones. It took me a long time to realize that the person and their love aren't in the things. It made it easier to let go of stuff.
I kept my father’s baptism dress from 1930s and it hangs on the wall. One thing works for me. Some need a memory box.
Ooooohh Carla, you are so patient! She just isn't ready to face any of this. It's hard to watch. I hope she makes her breakthrough soon as her life will be so much happier.
I see how heavy she is. She is weighed down and suffering. She could be so free. Saying she will have nothing is very telling. The stuff means more to her than having a calm and light space. Maybe the suffering is a comfort 🥺
I think Gabby may have recently lost both of her parents? I know from my own experience that this is a very difficult time for her and she may feel like she's not ready to loose anything else just yet. She needs kindness and grace, which Carla is definitely giving her.
God bless her, she is not ready for what you have to offer. She has a rhyme and reason for everything in her home. Good luck on this project.
Carla you have the patience of jobe , you’re perfect for this job and it’s a gift you have! not just anyone can do this! Ty for what you do!
Beautiful comment. Thanks! 🤗
Job. There's no "e"
Having helped people declutter and having decluttered myself, it's amazing how easy it is to identify other people's stuff that needs decluttering (with just a bit of input from them) than one's OWN stuff. Attachment is a powerful force.
Congratulations to you for your patience cus i would lost it and gave a speech about her way of living
You sound like my mom. ☺
Yeah, the shower curtain did me in. There is only so much space in that tiny place. Carla is a good friend.
Aw, the look of frustration on both of your faces halfway through hit my heart hard! Gave me a much needed understanding of my husband's perspective. We have downsided from over 3000sqft to less than 900sqft. Its been a real struggle for me as i see space as infinite. My gamer brain has a wonderful bag of holding. My reality however does not! Lol. Working on it! Thanks for listening and inspiring! ❤
Thank you for showing us the realness of the process. I loved that you didn't edit out yours or Gabby's frustrations... this is real and I can see that you both love and respect each other a lot. Frustration is part of friendship❤
Double sided shower hooks. Washable shower curtain liners & nice (also washable) fabric shower curtains. I only use double sided hooks.
I felt the same when I was watching Carla's own decluttering video, but I also love how honest your friend is. Being honest and not afraid of what other people might think on the internet. Thanks Carla for posting videos like this.I am truly inspired.
Hi Carla, Your videos have helped me so much in letting go of the things that were weighing me down over the years and I'm sure Gabby will get there too with your help!
Your suggestions on a wardrobe is spot on. I feel like she needs different categories/sections for her clothing: 1) sentimental (put in the pink Ross luggage) 2. Audition clothing (keep in current closet) 3. Everyday wear (new wardrobe).
If she gets a wardrobe she can easily maximize the sides of them like adding hooks for her dog's leash closest to the door and hooks for necklaces/jewelry on the other side.
I agree that the chaise had to go especially if she didn't want to downsize her bed. I hope Gabby gets more clarity as she continues to declutter 😊
Oh my goodness, I used to be a professional organizer and I had clients like this! It's so hard to help people to see they can't have both a simplified space AND keep all the things! You were so kind and patient with her! Would love to see a future video in her space if she makes the changes you suggested! Thanks for sharing!💖
You are an AMAZINGLY patient and understanding friend. I admit it; I couldn't work with her. I hope she is able to do some work and be able to make some breakthrough so she can help herself live in a better environment.
I'm glad to see you challenging her way of thinking - that's how change happens. It's slow, it's hard, but it's worth it.
The sooner Gabby realizes the money she spent is already gone - and that holding onto things you don't want or use doesn't bring it back - the better. It's hard to accept, but doing so helps change the pattern of spending and acquiring things that end up exacerbating the clutter problem, and will ultimately help create a more peaceful, sustainable living environment (something she'd benefit from immensely.)
Great work, Carla.
Carla you are a saint!
Very difficult to watch her struggle. Both of you were avoiding eye contact. Carla you are wonderfully patient helping her through this process!
The scarcity mindset is overwhelming and paralyzing. 😢
Yes there would be less but it would be less of items that are just hanging in the closet not ever being worn. Or an item on a shelf that will never be used. It’s a difficult question I face too but is that item really doing anything for me other than keeping me from feeling a certain way, which maybe I should face, then move past it. This is a question I’m asking myself too.
I heard this gorgeous question for the purpose of making a choice:
Does this item belong in my empowered, creative future?
I'm having a much easier time to let things go because I know what my empowered, creative future looks like. It is REALISTIC these days because I am incorporating the reality of my current health challenges.
I HAVE A DREAM TO BE FULLY ME.
❤❤❤🎉❤❤❤
If the mom item that shrunk is tossed - what would you be losing? Something damaged and not wearable. The item is not your mom. Take a photo for the memory and toss it - it will free up new space (mentally and physically).
Bless her heart. I felt her anxiety. Sending her good energy and clarity. She deserves a space that brings her peace of mind.
❤❤❤ I'm with you on this.
We love you Gaby. One baby step at a time. Breathe, my dear. I believe in you.
Carla, I admire your patience & understanding. I’ve seen in her past videos and just can’t watch another. Praying she can make progress to creat a calm place to live which she truly deserves
Baby steps, Gabby. Baby steps. You are moving in the right direction!
She made a little progress. That's good.
when she threw out the 3 tops i was ecstatic for her!! the burgundy, white and the brown...they were obviously tossers, even to me. i can be slow like that too...i want to throw out 5 bags of stuff but only end up with 1. Some days are like that.
Well done Gabby. Small steps but you will get there with Carla’s help. I literally breathed out when you moved the couch out to the basement. It felt so much more spacious. Good luck!
The ikea wardrobe and possibly the queen ikea bed with drawers underneath would be perfect for the space. She doesn't seem like she would put things away when there is a system in place.
or she would just buy more stuff to fill up the wardrobe and drawers.
I don't believe that she has ever been tidy & organized. Bringing up her parent's divorce. She needs a therapist.
A smaller bed with under storage to shove extra clothes under there. A shelf that will hold cubes to hide things as well. You are awesome Carla. Love when you and your sister get together too!
Whenever I watch your videos, I declutter. I have watched this episode several times today. It has inspired me to get moving. I have released so many things today! Thank you and Gabby! ❤
I highly recommend the book " The life-changing magic of tidying up" by Marie Kondo. I have read through it several times and her thought process really resonates with me. When ALL of my clothes were in one big mountain of consumption and guilt I realized I was holding onto dozens of plain t shirts that fit me, but did not give me joy. The sweater that I remember my grandma wearing but no longer fit me did give me joy. I placed all of my joy/inheritance clothes, shoes, and purses in a memory storage chest that I can sit on in my entry way. The items are safe and I can hold them whenever I want.
That all being said, Marie Kondo and I will never agree about books! I just installed floor to ceiling bookshelves because every book I own is a piece of my soul.
Blessings to all as you travel your own path. ❤
Thank you Carla for your patience and care with Gabby. Sending positive prayers and love for her decluttering chaos resolution. 🙏🏽❤️
This was such a relatable video, I could *feel* your frustration, but I could also *feel* the anxiety of the decisions she was facing. I had some ideas of what might help, but there's already lots of great suggestions in these comments. I hope she finds her way.
This is how I got over the “I paid money for it thing”… Whether you keep it or get rid of it, the money is gone either way. Keeping it isn’t going to give you your money back. And you’re not getting any use out of it, so let it move on to someone else and you can create your new life without it.
And when it does hurt a little financially, I think it makes it a better lesson to make better financial choices in the future. I learned a lot from it.
Someone said that to me-the money is gone either way-and I quickly snapped out of my frivolous spending habits. 👍🏼.
Gabby! Sending you so much love! It’s looking like the root chakra is out of balance, leading to that scarcity/fear-based mindset others have mentioned. It’s understandable, as so many have lacked stability since the pandemic…causing anxiety and resistance to change. I’m also an actress, and due to the pandemic and strikes, I’ve lost so much work, money, and SAG healthcare! So I totally understand! I lovingly suggest meditation, grounding, walks, listen to 396 hz frequency, place red items in your home, and practice gratitude (maybe start a gratitude journal). 🫶🏽Strengthen your decluttering muscles by getting rid of trash - things that are nonemotional, broken, expired, stained…literally garbage. You will feel a change energetically for sure! Don’t worry about decluttering the sentimental items (your clothing) at all at this point. You’ve got this, Gabby! ❤❤❤
A clean and tidy space is extremely important for your well being!
I am so glad that the chest of drawers (with the mirror on top) was moved to the side (i kept calling out 'Flip it around, flip it around!'). The apartment is actually super cute and if it were curated with just the absolutely BEST stuff ONLY, would look amazing! I am hearing mixed messages: a person who wants clarity, peace and positive energy but is not able to see that a mish-mash of possessions is what's holding her back. Gaby, I hope that when you watch this video you realise just how overwhelming our possessions can be. Downsize the bed, buy a second-hand vintage free-standing shallow wardrobe from Marketplace and allow the ensuing free space to guide you. I am confident that it will open doors for you, in more ways than one. Best of luck to you!
During and right after the pandemic I thrifted a lot of clothes. I spent a lot of money on things I didn't end up liking or needing... and then proceeded to keep them in my bedroom for over two years. This past week, I went and consigned some items and I'm donating the rest! I'm so happy to have the items finally off of my to-do list and happy to have gotten some money back on them in the process. She can do it too - she just needs to want it or be sick of them enough to take action! Thanks, Carla!
I feel like Gabby is having a harder time right now, sending her
Carla you are such a wonderful friend with such a big heart and what seems like unlimited patience!! Gaby is clearly struggling but was brave enough to let go of that chaise. Her mattress seems too large and looks like it’s hanging over the base. It would help if Gaby put a hold on shopping of any kind, no matter how cheap. She would benefit from the 1-in-1-out rule. Thrifting is probably filling some kind of void and her scarcity mindset makes her believe she’ll never find a deal like that again every time she spots a bargain. Her overwhelming amount of clothes are diminishing her quality of life. She deserves a peaceful home. I wish her all the best❤
decluttering opens the gates of opportunity including wealth! I have first hand experience with people around me also! ❤
Carla I really love that you are kind and patient with your friends. You let them talk things through but at the same time help them realize why they might not want or need to keep things. You are so respectful of their decisions. I would love to have a friend like you and that is why you’re one of my favourite TH-camrs.❤️🙏
So interesting! Carla, your patience and kindness is amazing. Gabby is a tough client, but you kept things moving and made some excellent progress. I'm sure the next time she attempts this, it will be just that little bit easier.
This was frustrating but its because I relate so much to her. Desperately need to declutter my clothes but never seem to part with much.
With this space I'm thinking smaller bed, take the art that is hanging where lounge chair was, put mirror on dresser in its place. Slide dresser under mirror. And move rolling cart of work attire to the corner where dresser currently is.
❤ Comment 1 (before watching) I love her space! It just dawned on me that I would personally put a bed where her little office area is and enjoy the room you walk into as a living room/dressing room. There's space for a couch and a clothing rack 😊 Just putting it out there!
Great idea!
TY 🥰 Carla for all your motivation. TY 🥰Gabby for sharing yourself and the process. Everything counts when you’re going through the process. Good job⭐
I love when you visit/work w/ old friends/previous clients. It's like we're friends too. 😂😂😂
So glad you were able to put the chaise in the basement. It was taking a ridiculous amount of space. I think Gabby should talk with Tracy of spacemaker. I think they both really really like to talk about the stories of their clothes.
Carla, you're the best, your friendship with Gabby shines through, even in a frustrating situation. Maybe Gabby can fill two of the suitcases, one with audition wear, the other with things she's not sure about decluttering just yet. Storing them would leave her with only the things she actually loves/wears, which she'll probably realize is enough. This will also help give her the confidence to declutter some of what's stored as backup. I love the new shoe rack and laundry basket plus your kind advice and organizing. Also your collaboration with Quince is amazing for great wardrobe upgrades at a reasonable price!
As soon as she started talking , I knew she wasn’t ready for any change. We know her place isn’t too small…She just has too much stuff. Hopefully she’ll realize that one day. Refocusing was a great save!
We agree.
Here’s the thing…she kept saying how if she lets go of the clothes that she doesn’t like or wear that she’ll feel like she has nothing, except she’s already broken up with them in her mind by not wearing them. Now, they’re like an ex that just won’t leave or pay rent! They’re there in her closet/apt taunting her about how she didn’t get that job, or that her friend shrunk her favorite sweater, or that she doesn’t fit in them, or that she wasted money on them. As Cas from Clutterbug would say, GET THOSE BULLIES OUT!
I decluttered/re-organized my entire small 2 br apartment in July. I consider myself a minimalist. The amount of junk I got rid of was shocking. So much stuff in nooks and crannys and back of closets. I found myself justifying keeping things I didn't need or want. I learned that it's 100x easier to tell someone else what to do with their stuff than it is to let go of your own stuff. We're not emotionally attached to the stuff and we are able to think logically about the item.
Gabby - work on your mindset. I can say with 1000% confidence that whenever I have let clothing go, I have not missed it or even REMEMBERED it existed unless I saw a photo. This includes items I threw out because they were worn out. Start envisioning how you want to wake up in the morning, go to your wardrobe, and put on clothes that you LOVE easily and quickly. Taking the stress out of one more decision is a huge life upgrade. I also sense some ADHD. Being organized and decluttered is even more important with ADHD because we get distracted every 0.02 seconds. A task that takes someone else 1 minute to do could take us 10.
Any time I wanted new anything, I decluttered the old item first. You don't need to worry about the money. The new item will appear once you have space for it in your life. Bob Proctor talks about this in Born Rich. (the story about his aunt)
Also if your desire is to move, start energetically preparing for that by continuing to declutter. Imagine yourself spending the physical labour to move each and every item. Is that item worth it?
She needs someone who deals with hoarders! It’s sad she lives that way! Just listening to her she’s living in a dream world! If she is too tired, and can’t motivate herself, sounds like depression. She really needs mental help. I’m not being mean but, just listening to her, I know she’s unable to help herself. I love Quince! What you chose from them, was perfect!
I was thinking the same she would benefit from therapy. Especially after the green shower curtain that says a lot
Carla, I most admire the way you offer suggestions but then allow your client to make their own decision. Sometimes I sense frustration (well hidden) on your part when the client's choice does not align with your suggestion . You treat your client with so much kindness and professionalism. I wish there were more talented and sensitive people in your line of work to help the needy among us thru these transitions. Please keep up the great work.
I relate so much to Gabby! The creative, woo woo, indecisive, sentimental, distracted woman! I love all of the videos you’ve done with her!
😵💫
Oh, Carla.... you were so over it...hahaha. Kudos to you for hanging in there.
A good piece of advice is to always make your bed. This makes the room look more organized and gets one motivated to do more!!
Especially since she knew the internet would be coming over ,but more importantly,her friend and helper was coming.(not how I greet my guests) Lastly,because a clear,made bed would have given them more work space!😵💫😖🙄
This was a tough one. I think she should use 2 of the suitcases for storage of audition clothes and sentimental clothes. She will then be able to really see what clothes she has for every day clothes.
She also should see a therapist online or in person to see why she has difficulty letting go of things. There is no shame to seeing a therapist when we are feeling stuck in life.
Congratulations Carla on the increasing number of subscribers
Yes! the bed is ridiculously large taking up majorly valuable real estate in her space & if she would be willing to change that up - I think a Full size is truly the way to go - but even a Queen size bed would make an incredibly positive difference!! I would also consider putting the bed on the closet side & using that cool brick wall for the living area which next to the kitchen makes more sense. Using tape to outline pieces of furniture on the floor and/or wall can be helpful to get a sense of how things might look! Carla - as always u have the patience of a saint!!
Love your philosophy of decluttering. I help folks declutter and respecting their thoughts, reasons and motivations is so important.
This is my problem, too! "I'm worried about having nothing." Thank you for making me realize that this is why I hoard clothes and buy more and more! :) I'm going to shop my own closet to create a capsule wardrobe and donate everything else.