The most powerful statement I've ever heard about narcissists is : A narcissist tries to destroy your life with lies because theirs can be destroyed with the truth.
I tell mine to only destroy his own, that he tries to compete with me, prove I'm worthless then speaks about his own grandeur is all the proof WE need, he's learning to suffer alone!
I've been dating someone who is both covertly narcissistic and bipolar 2, which was both a very humbling and enlightening experience. I was thankfully able to divorce myself from him, but it wasn't until I was able to figure out his pathology that I was able to navigate through all of the lies from his mania - and him just generally not being courteous enough to reciprocate the attention I gave him. To anyone else reading this, don't martyr yourself. When you've figured out what you're dealing with, you are NOT here to save anyone. Do your best and move on.
Thanks you very much for your comment. My husband is also diagnosed with bipolar 2 many years ago, but recently I discovered that he has also covert narc. I have been abused emotionally for years but I always hoped that I can fix him. He did not show regular cycles of bipolar, especially the mania (sometimes he is very driven and concentrated when working). But he definitely has episodes of depression, he sometimes gives hints of suicidal thoughts, too. That's why I am really scard to leave him. He is really alone. I wonder what was your experience with his mania phase? And how did he handle the divorce?
God. I just went through the exact same thing and came to the exact same conclusions. Sorting out the lies, and the lack of empathy, yet at the same time to his relentless pursuit of trying to maintain some sort of connection despite his selfish and self centered behavior. Trying to differentiate between what is character and personality and illness is a biotch. But ultimately the pain that emanates from either is still pain. It is humbling though, and some what empathy inspiring but nonetheless would nevertheless leave you repeatedly disappointed and hurt whether or not the intolerable behavior, secret chemical dependency, affairs, drunkneness, manipulation etc, is personality based or neuro chemical it’s still incredibly harmful.
My husband is bi polar I believe, but im not so sure that its just that. From what I've seen he also has some traits of cover narcissism. We've been married going on three years but haven't been able to maintain the marriage due to his behaviors. He often accuses me of the things that he has done and most recently he rages at me and this wasn't the first time. He fails to see how his actions has caused us not to be together and frankly I'm just worn down tired and scared. I have since decided to let go of the burning rope, and entered into therapy because of the emotional mental abuse.
My ex used to accuse me of having bipolar disorder all the time because his abuse would cause me to quickly go from happy to upset. As if it's abnormal to shift moods when you're being abused. Thank you Doctor Ramani
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 I'm sorry you had to go through that! They will try to justify every horrible thing they do and blame you for it. My ex tried to justify attempting to run me off the road when I was pregnant with our son. They exist in completely different realities and can't take responsibility for anything they do wrong.
My reactions caused by his abuse would lead him to say "You need to see a Dr as there's something wrong with you." Only now am I beginning to truly feel "It's not me". I'm beginning to feel and put all the skills and practices into place that I have learnt from Dr Ramanis Videos and feel more relaxed doing them. 🍒
My ex-wife was recently diagnosed with bipolar - we split twenty years ago. She is the nastiest person I have ever met. I have incidental contact because we have adult kids together. With distance I have learnt to create a brick wall between the two of us mostly by closing down social media accounts and moving out of my community, cutting ties altogether. Even then when we do have contact, I can label the behavior, identify the roles that she plays and the roles she assigns to others. I have found this to be a very effective way to prevent the behavior affecting me. Observe don't absorb. I do think I have PTSD from even twenty years ago...
Thank you so much for this video. My bf of 7 years has been dealing with untreated bipolar and it has gotten worse over the years. I ended our relationship 3 weeks ago due to the worst narcissistic rage episode he had ever unleashed on me. It was an entire day of grandiose verbally abusive behavior, one of the ugliest things I’ve ever witnessed. I was very confused because he seems to have a mixture of the two, bipolar and narcissism. The only reason it matters to me at this point is because I’m trying to understand it instead of taking his destructive words to heart. This is such an abusive combination, it will tear you down like you’ve never known. It has me questioning so much about him and everything I thought we had together. I realize now that even on his good days the narcissism was still there….I guess I got used to it because I was happy he was feeling good. I let myself be abused over and over without realizing it. It’s pure craziness and will leave you with your head spinning and your heart broken. Trust me. Best thing you can do is LEAVE and never look back!
I also had a boyfriend that had bipolar we broke up last month! But that would happen to me he would rage at me. Over and over to this last one I couldn’t take it anymore! I knew that’s how it will always be. But he told me the cruelest things once we broke up. He wanted to break me.
Ok, my husband is the same way. He won’t stay on his meds. He doesn’t do drugs, but he does drink more when he is manic. I can deal with the depressive part, but not the hyper manic raging! We’ve been together almost 8 1/2 years, married almost 7 /12 years. He was not this bad back then. He has gotten worse with age. I’m 60, he is 63. He rages, puts me down, cusses at me, calls me names, threatens me, accuses me of things I do not have any idea what he is talking about. It’s ridiculous! He says he is such a great marine, former marine. He is so sick right this minute, the worst he’s ever been. I cannot even work now because he has made me so depressed it’s hard to leave the house for me most days. I wanted to fix our marriage, but now I don’t think that will work anymore. I can’t take the verbal and emotional abuse any longer. He won’t get help, says he doesn’t need it. Won’t take meds anymore. He doesn’t stay on them longer than 2 or so months. Ugh. What can I do? I can’t live alone because of my health issues. I have fibromyalgia and depression, nerve pain, etc. please help DR?
I'm dealing with a very similar situation, but it's my mother. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that she very clearly has undiagnosed Bipolar 2, but is also a narcissist.....so really it's hard to have any kind of pity when your abuser is just am asshole at the end of the day.
@@lauratruthseekingWarrior I read hope you can find support from those close to you, I'm so sorry you're going through. Please remember that this is not and has never been your fault.
My ex GF is heavily medicated for BIPOLAR and I can see that cycling in the background but the hardest thing to deal with was the constant comorbid narcissism that was always present regardless. I can well and truly understand how some partners of these conditions end up with PTSD. Thanks for continuing to raise awareness.
Separated from my wife of 12yrs right now, and she's bipolar. Learning through these videos what you said; that it's not the manic episodes or months of hypomania that hurt half as much as the narcissism in between. Episodes are just a moment; I can out last them. But when you never get a chance to fully heal from an episode because you never make up afterward, it just builds up.
@@shadyb2234 i feel for you buddy. I was only with this woman for a little over a year. I was bullet proof before meeting her but she was tearing down those outer layers and defences much faster than they can be rebuilt. The onslaught is constant. Some days a little some days alot. But it's relentless. All the best 👍💯💪
My Ex BF had Comorbid Narcissm and it's just too much. He was un medicated but a vulnerable narc seemingly to me. It confused the hell out of me. I get it now though. I'm so done. There's not coming back to abuse. No excuses.
Funny how narcs in my life have accused me of being bipolar for having emotional reactions to being treated like shit. One of the first things I asked my therapist was if she thought I was bipolar, she reassured me I wasn't. It felt so validating. I'm hoping I'll be able to go back to therapy to finally tackle this PTSD. Thank you Dr. Ramani! ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience! I was accused of these things too, and yet... I was the ONLY person showing up for family therapy sessions and doing the work after going no contact. Years later, I have my health and happiness... and they are STILL banging the ol’scapegoat drum. I have manifested authentic connections and peace of mind! Stay strong!
@@frolickingelf I was accused of being a psycho a lunatic a stalker and many other things by the female narcissist I was with but I was none of those things. I would obviously get upset and irritated when I was being ghosted and lied to and stolen from and cheated on but who wouldn't get upset but never to the level of screaming and yelling or abuse Ultimately when I asked for explanations as to why she was behaving this way I was then the immediate victim of a smear campaign behind my back and I knew this because various people we both knew were decent enough to forward me the messages that were sent to them by her It was a horrible 4 years Took a lot out of me
You're alive and reacting like it! They're fave which I heard a few days back as my 65 yr old was acting so immature and I let him know was that I needed to see someone, why 'cause I can no longer stand "his crazy"?
@@SweetiePieTweety I am Happy this Worked out for You.. When I was Coming Out of it All, the "Right" things seemed to Manifest the More I worked to Get myself and My Beautiful Daughter Away From the Monster.... I Met A Random Lady in the Mall Parking Lot where I had taken my then 15 Year Daughter and Friends as I sat in the Car Drawing on a Canvas I just Bought *unknowing I was about to paint Gaslighting a Gurl screaming at her Reflection with purple fog surrounded by punctuations such as $,#,!,@,?❤....** got back from visiting my Folks and Realized he had Spent over 40K in 2 weeks while we were gone from sell of the Previous home that was supposed to go into the Current one.... I have no Idea how Long she has been watching me Draw in my Dissassociated state... she tapped on my window startling out of my Trance and Asked if I had a Card, assuming the worst I noticed I was parked to a white Beamer in my LiL Honda and she was dressed in all white too I thought she thought I hurt her car, but she meant for my art, asking if I would want to do a Mural for her, I gave her my number, but told her I had alot of things going on and wasnt sure (internally I definetly was not that confident of myself or my art either) The next week I cold called for an Attorney and when I was on the way I was trying to talk myself out of it, and figure out how to Make it work with my Exs Escalating Crazy....I got to a Stop Sign Litterally about ro No Show my Appt and She Messaged me.....I told her I still Had so Much on my plate and she Simply said she Understood and Just hoped whatever was going on that I would do the Right thing by my Daughter!! That gave me the push to not Turn Around....I never Heard from her again.....and my Attorney ended up Being a Blessing too as Lovely as Doc Ramani....and my Gratefulness has only Grown 💗
I was accused of being bipolar but behind my back. The smearing started very early on in the relationship and has only gotten worse since I left. My Narc ex has destroyed so much in my life. I'm getting counseling now and then will be starting EDMR therapy soon. I hope it helps. Good luck to all that have suffered at the hands of a narcissist.
@@thetruehustler1365 you have brought up a good point in my case it was not the bulling it was the golden bracelets i have been gaslight so much i have burn marks on my ass
I was recenlty in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed ADHD & Bi Polar, and also described himself as being borderline Aspbergers. A week or so after we started to live together I began to be treated in this horrible way. I first noticed a lack of empathy, then mocking, humilation, constant cristicism, bullying, gas lighting, negging, bread crumbing, triangulation, projection and a lack of respect for bondaries etc etc etc. This caused me to have extreme anxiety which my partner labeled as the real problem between us. I deeply cared for this person and I am sure I was trauma bonded as well. I was so beyond stressed trying to cope with this relatinship. It was breaking my heart and destroying my sense of self worth. No matter how hard I tried to appeal to him to understand what he was doing, he would always shift the blame back to me. Me talking about our problems and my reaction to his abuse were the REAL problems according to him. Anytime I tried to talk about the abuse he would give me the silent treatment leaving the house for days at a time with no mention of where he was going or when he would be back. I was so on edge I told him to move out about every two weeks, but would take it back as I deeply cared for this man regardless of all these problems. I started to Google this behavior and it initially came up as Asbergers. I tried to bring this up with him as he had said himself he believed he was on the spectrum for Aspbergers. He exploded in anger would not speak to me and then left our home again for days in a row. I then ended the realtionship. My PTSD from this treatment was severe and as I sought help from mental health professionals they informed me that what he had done was in fact abuse, and said that this person likely a Bi Polar Narcissist, a Covert Narcissit to be exact. As I started doing lots of research I coun't believe it. It was like he had followed the exact script of a Covert Narc. I was just stunned that the exact treatment I had received from him was outlined to the letter in so many sources on NPD. Of course I felt like I was loosing my mind during the realationship as I was to blame for everything going wrong. HIs big line was "Love is about acceptance" and then only way I could get this man to treat me with a tiny bit of love and affection was to NEVER react or speak about his horrible treatment of me. Of course he will never be diagnosed with NPD because he woud always portray himself as the victim to his therapist. So this cycle will continue on and on. This expererience has without a doubt been the most toxic and stressful realtionship of my life. The amount of pain, confusion and stress this type of diagnosis can cause is extreme. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever been in any type of realtionship with a Bi-Polar Narcissist.
@@LeBronJames-yr8ku says the narcissist who doesn't know who the first African American to be senior line Corpsman of to companies at the same time while working with racist superiors on the blue side is
@@hnlong8531 what are you talking about? It's interesting when people have been so damaged that when somebody says something they don't agree with, that person automatically becomes a narcissist. Great judgment. You should learn discernment.
My ex husband has both bipolar 1 and narcissistic behaviours. I've never seen anyone address the possibility that they can have both before. I found this really helpful. Thank you!
The bi polar would come out when we were around people compared to being alone. She wanted the benefits of my company while acting like I didn’t exist in public. Terrible feeling.
This reminds me of how a child will have a favorite toy one minute and then discard that toy as soon as something more exciting or new comes along. One minute you are important for the emotionally immature narcissistic behaviors or person and then nothing the next minute. Take care 🤔❤️✊🇺🇸
What about when a narcissistic abuser pushes their partner into bipolar psychosis from stress/gaslighting? I strongly believe that a lot of people (though they may have genetic predispositions) are pushed into extreme forms of mental illness due to narcissistic abuse.
Omg! I really agree. At a minimum a narcissist can cause a perfectly healthy person to have a nervous breakdown. That’s on of the reasons I left. I saw myself heading for a total breakdown and I couldn’t do that to myself. Getting rid of that relationship wasn’t easy, but gaslighting is so mentally and emotionally destructive that I knew I couldn’t allow the relationship to continue.
This is what I wanted her to address. I have bipolar disorder and my father was Narcissistic. Growing up was hard, that's all I'll say. I'm curious how that pushed me into becoming Bipolar. I may have become Bipolar with or without the abuse but I also may not have. Because Bipolar disorder is what you said many times a predisposition and something has to KICKSTART it.
@@ED-ie3et Hopefully Dr. Ramani see's some of these comments asking about this. I've seen many other's asking. No therapist can ever help me when it comes to this and I believe it's the crux or catalyst of my disorder.
This is the most helpful video I could find about the overlap of bipolar disorder and narcissism personality disorder. We must appreciate the fact Ramani has been rendering some invaluable public service in this channel. Thank you so much, Ramani.
My ex narc used to excuse his abuse towards me by saying he has bipolar. This video was very helpful. Now I know all those were lies to keep me feeling pity for him and justifying his behaviour. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I'm sorry you were treated badly by someone who should have cherished you. Also, I have bipolar I and it is an extreme disservice to the bipolar community to say "it was the bipolar that made me abuse you!" That doesn't help us battle the stigma at all and you and your pain should have been centered after any manic episode.
Mine did too! He would not treat his bipolar to get sympathy, help, a place to stay and attention. He was the most complex type BP1, Mixed Episodes with Psychotic Features. I’m lucky to be alive.
My covert narc husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I've never seen a manic episode from him even before being prescribed medication. I think he was misdiagnosed, and narcissism would have been the better diagnosis, but he told me that he lies to his psychiatrist and "tells him what he wants to hear" so his visits with him will be over quickly. Thank you Dr Ramani, for all your shared knowledge and compassion. You're a lifesaver.
Oh my goodness…I don’t know where to begin. I am for many years happily married to a very kind man. But I had a break up years ago that has still managed to have a psychological effect on me over the years in certain situations. Without telling the whole story, I have recently, and fully realized that this person was bipolar and narcissistic! I finally understand the mirroring, the invalidation, the lying, the bating…all of it. I’m grateful that we never ended up together, but it is also quite traumatic realizing that something you thought was unique, and powerful (even though it wasn’t fully realized, thankfully) was actually a ginormous lie! Thank you for the work you do.
If you knew the amount of times i had to rewind 10sec intervals of your video to rewatch what you just said, you'd be amazed. I finally understand the person i've been dating, everything was 100% spot on. Just Wow. Thank you so much for shedding light on this subject. For the longest time i have been so confused regards all her actions
I totally get you stopping, rewind, replay. Or watch the same video 3 or 5 times. It's like someone just gave you these jigsaw puzzle pieces and you're finally able to lay them out on a table and make sense of the pictures of your life. I do that a lot when videos either hit on something I've lived and I need to understand more deeply (I might cross reference with Dr R's books); or when something is said and I'm zoning out or dissociating or getting a flashback, so I need to replay cuz I missed the past 4 minutes. It's so handy being able to rewind, and I'm grateful Dr R uses platforms we can do that on.... It's also why I wait and watch Dr Ramani's full seminars afterwards when the video is released. (I'm hearing impaired too) So I can rewind and replay, or take meds and a break, if opened up too much. Or step away for a day and then come back.
You're so lucky to have caught your red flags, mine saved me from a toxic narc family and, for that I'm very grateful but it doesn't give him the right to be so mean!
I'm so grateful for your channel/contents Dr Ramani, you have helped me survive narcissistic abuse for the past 8 months. The mind games the narcissists were playing with me nearly knocked me out of reality, I didn't know what I was experiencing until I came across your channel. #IReallyApprociateYourWork
I started watching your channel more so to be uplifted and encouraged more than to be informed. Thank- you for everything you do for me and others. I will have to go back and re- watch your old videos to get through this month. You have a beautiful, comforting and nurturing presence I enjoy! Thank you!
My husband has both. Undiagnosed though. Gets into rages and verbally abusive. Been married 38 years. So tired. Really thankful for Dr Ramani's channel.
I’m in same boat, 46 years, he’s going through a manic stage at present, always seems to manifest around spring time, I’m so tired I’ve nearly lost all feeling and caring
How do y’all get your spouse with bipolar to marry you in the first place? My fiancé and I are going on two years on planning a wedding but I’m alone in it; meanwhile he’s focused on during his stable moods/periods but they don’t last long til the next mood change or episode occurs. And then the wedding planning comes to a halt. Catholic Church isn’t going to understand the ups and downs of our “planning” - nothing happens for three months because he’s so irritable and distracted, he can’t even sit down and set a meeting with our priest for our next planning meeting. So there goes three months. How do we even set a wedding date for some future time? What if he’s in an episode a few weeks leading up to a set wedding date? Cancel everything and start all over? I’m so lost. Wanna marry and yet the actual wedding seems like it will never happen at this rate. Can’t plan for anything 3-9 months in advance. I’d much rather elope and get it over with at this point. I hate bipolar disorder. And I don’t want to be a fiancé forever. But I also want him to be healthy and stable but is that even possible with this disorder? I wish we could just get married during his period of stability and predictability but a Catholic wedding isn’t going to happen with a months notice.
@@LeeJahn-ih9xuhe is actual in prison because of his maniac episodes, he is right now maniac and with him this episodes also starts in spring. I'm so tired too.,...o god know Im tired
I have bipolar but I am definitely not narcissistic. My ex was narcissistic...and we were a terrible match. My mood would fluctuate and worsen due to the treatment I was experiencing in the relationship, I felt my depression even stronger in that sense.
I divorced a Narcissist 5 years ago. My life is definitely better. I have more mental and emotional stability. But I also get feelings of emptiness and feeling lonely.
Oh I remember feeling like that when I was told healing will take time. I can tell you 3 years later it does go fast when you take one day at a time and do fabulous things for yourself. 💪🏽💗🦋
What really helped me out is stop emotional thinking about them, remember all the bad time's and being thankful that you woke up and got out,it gets better 👍 day by day month by month, work on you, enjoy the new you, own it, remember the person you were before you gotten with the narcissist, you got this 🙏
Going on 4 months with mine no contact! Feels great..lets allll...Jus hope we are not dealing with the same dammm...narcs! Because they do have multiple plp..at the same Time! And they recycle plp....Sickkkk
Ya 3 months isn't long but cut your losses, count your blessings, least you know, I've not seen my maglinant mom in 7 yrs nor coke head sis in decades but know I'll only be truly freed when they die as their crap still reaches me although I'm no contact with them but do deal with other family members, ugh!!
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 and resonate with everything you've mentioned. I had a narcissistic friend deplete me over the last few years. The last 6 months I lost my mother and he insisted on lingering and lingering. My mania was absolutely out of control and I was on a crash course to the morg. I had to change my living arrangements, my grandmothers house was far too filthy and disgusting and causing me triggers daily, and then I chopped ou the toxic people from my life and in the last 5 weeks I've never felt more empowered, more uplifted, so much strength in myself. Narcs are toxic to spirituality, phsyical health, everything.. They are the second hand smoke to society.
I dated 2 girls who were clinically diagnosed as Bipolar I, just my luck. I didn’t know there was so much overlap with Narcissism until I started watching these videos. I went no contact with the first girl because out of the blue she said she no longer Needed my assistance, discarded me with a new supply lined up, wanted me to be backup supply, and sent her flying monkeys to discredit me. Ended the 2nd relationship after one drunk night she told me she uses all her friends and feels nothing.
Your videos are a blessing. Im just waking up to the fact I was in love with someone who I thought was just bi-polar with ambivalent attachment tendencies. I would let go and forgive all the things he said and did to me and try to help him instead. It left me exhausted and lost which just gave him more ammunition to judge and condemn me. Please consider making more videos on bi-polar/narcissism/attachment style. Thank you for all you do 🙏🏼
Our doctor had actually ruled out that my Narc mom was not Bipolar, but I was glad that finally someone else had noticed something was going on with her that was not normal.
I believe you sugar, after covert mom sent him back to Winterpeg to rot after having him move to the Maritimes it was just samo jamo cruel maneuvering on her part as I definitely sided with him!
My Narc mom tried to get me misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 separate times to make me look crazy....except I didn't meet ANY of the criteria and the psychiatrists were like stop testing her she isn't bipolar The look on my mom's face 🤣
Nice they weren't into just making bucks, 30 yrs ago we saw a therapist and last week hubby tried to convince me guy said I was crazy! Nope, a psychiatrist would never say that! I do go insane but rid myself of it in my innerts after he's pushed my buttons then blame it on him, I said "Long gone are the days when I'd believe whatever you told me"!
Oh Yea the Ex that pushed a realtion $#!+ too soon after my Divorce got Glean in His Eyes when I decided I needed Mental Help, i assume he thought he could Manipulate the Situation to his Benefit.... It did not go in the Direction He Hoped as My Doc held her Own Boundaries and Didnt Allow him to Get too Involved in my Therapy, he actually went off on her and even tried to Bully and Demean and Shame her...... And It just doesnt Seem real yet at the same time....soooo familiar..... Progress wasnt/isnt Linear but I will Say it is Worth it and Less Painful than the Isolated Crazy Hell....
Yes! My Narc husband made life miserable for me, that after 10 years I got depressed, and he said to me "I'm worried about you. Perhaps you have something wrong with you?"
I just went no contact whith my narsist mother 8 months ago I feel more stronger , more healthy and all good even god send me what I was looking for I m 44 I regret that I didn’t do this when 20 years ago bec really she waisted my energie for nothing
@@hanenetrabelsi4010 I hear you Loud and Clear!!! How much fruitless time we spent begging, pleading, trying to clean up others Messes, clear thier Names, in some instances resulting in trying to counter-manipulate them to behave better( which feels really really Icky) too!! All the While not having the time or energy left for our own Self Care, Thriving, Personal Growth, and the ability to Appreciate the Plethora of Beauty, and adventure this Life has to Offer.....
I really wish the public and providers would think of it this way. That they'd remember these diagnoses stem from this stuff. We were harmed, we didn't want these conditions that have so much stigma.
Not true w chemical imbalances of the brain though. Especially when we have a long family history of it in the family. W trauma its just worse. Without trauma, it's still hell.
Thank you SO much for this video Dr. Ramani. My mother is bi-polar, and covertly narcissistic and I was her caretaker via Munch. by Proxy. My father is overtly narcissitic, and it took EVERYTHING to break the trauma bond and go no contact... boundaries literally nuked the majority of my relationships - as “they” were so used to my over-giving and empathy, they couldn’t reciprocate my love! Now to find my chosen family post-Covid!
My ex would accuse me of having Bipolar disorder as well, and then he’d continue to invalidate my responses and gaslight me to the point where I’d believe his false accusations
I find it amusing that they accuse, judge and criticise others for having, say, Bipolar Disorder, when THEIR disorder (NPD) in my humble opinion, WAAAAY MORE DAMAGING!
Thanks for accurately describing 20 years of my life. A therapist tried to get me to look at his bi-polar behavior. I didn't recognize until I left. Only now 5 years out, and in large part from you does it make sense.
My late husband was diagnosed and treated for bipolar. Psychiatrist never picked up on his narcissism and never bothered asking me. He spent most of our 5 years of marriage abusing me. There was only pills and no therapy. When the tranquillisers stopped working he committed suicide and left me in a mess. I'm still not sure he ever was bipolar, both or just narcissistic.
Both my sisters are bipolar. One sister is irritable and says mean comments, but later apologizes profusely. The other is manipulative, gaslights others says very unkind things, blames you and guilts you. She doesn’t say sorry but feels hurt and shamed when corrected. The first sister enables the other sister’s behavior and excuses it. Yikes!!! I finally understand and now using my Dr Ramani armor!
I had a boyfriend we recently broke up because it was just getting to be too much and he would do that he would say hurtful things and blame me and a lot of the accusations weren’t true but just the way his mind twisted things. Then he would either apologize or say let’s not fight anymore or let’s get back to how things were. Then we would be fine then out of nowhere strike again. In the end he told me some really mean cruel things. He tried to break me. I really did love who I thought he was but he showed me he really didn’t care about me.
Hey, I have this combo. I’m not evil, but yes I’ve been extremely toxic. We’re deeply wounded people. I’m sorry you had this awful experience, I’ve had similar experiences myself. But please don’t just label us as evil. We may not be safe people to love but, speaking for myself, I’m doing my very best to be a better and more healthy person. It comes from intense trauma.
Thanks dr Ramani , this one hits home because I'm bipolar and this was a very good breakdown. I'm a narcissist when I'm manic and it's shit when you come down and recognise how you have behaved. It's part of the guilt that often follows the manic episodes which exacerbates the depressive side of bipolar. It was nice to see someone touch on the crossovers of narcissistic behaviours as I've seen alot of people self label narcissists without any actual knowledge of crossover behaviours caused from other mental health disorders. Was also nice to see you touch on the increased stress a narc can put on someone with bipolar , have personal experience with that and well when the narc gets you into a mania then you basically have two narcs battling and it's not pretty.
I guess I’m completely screwed then being with a man for almost thirty years & only learning in the last few years exactly how sick my husband truly is? It’s terrifying to live this way! I’ve always,always have said when my husband comes home we never know if we’re dealing with Jekyll or Hyde? TERRIFYING
I understand. Over 30 years here. You never know who you're getting or what the trigger will be. You aren't alone. You can't get gray enough, even when you gray rock.
Melody Derby I am married 32, almost 33 years to a wicked wicked malignant covert destructive narc. I stopped feeling anything for him last June when I discovered who he was. I gray rocked him for 4 solid months and slowly (monotone) called him out on behaviors. Told him in 30 years he (DARVO) deflects-attacks-reverse- victims-outlook. He left 6 weeks ago. Get to the core of the shame in them and they’ll go! 🙏
@@Iammzsmit That happened to me too. I was wanting to leave. They know when you're finally at that point. He made the first move by taking a large some of $ out of our bank account. I went and filed. He acted like he was glad I filed. Found out he already had someone else. Another source for him. He used her for a short time, then I'm sure on to another. It saddens me as I type this..still after almost 20 years.
@@caligirl1002 We need to live our best life now!! They are and always will be empty sad shells. I’ve been more blessed in the few weeks he’s been gone than ever. I am going through the phase of realizing he stole an entire marriage I could have had as I had many other options and almost did not marry him 😭 Regret.
This was really helpful in understanding the difference between bipolar and someone maybe just experiencing narcissistic supply and feeling elated. For my ex, there were clear things that could trigger that elated, manic-ish state, which I paid attention to because it was more pleasant than the depressive state (or narcissistic depletion). Good video!
My best friend believes that she is bipolar but is in a relationship with a narcissist and had a narcissistic father. I have tried to convince her that it's not necessarily bipolar but belief is powerful. I wish I could convince her.
I believe this is what happened to me. Abuse can cause so many physical and emotional issues. I am noticing all of my symptoms decreasing since I left my ex narc. I have been divorced for a little less than a year, and I guess I hoped everything would be good by now. But I was with him about 31years, married 29 years. It's just going to take time to heal. They labeled me bi- polar at a young age. I was in a deep depression. I wasn't doing anything like spending money, gambling, sleeping around ect. My husband was cheating, gaslighting, and plain abusive. I wanted a divorce, then my dad passed away. A year later they diagnosed me. They put me on some of the most Horrendous meds. I shook internally, started having seizures, ect. It was a living Hell. He went to a lawyer who told him to give me to the state. Had two babies to take care of. There was no way out at that point. I think he didn't want to take care of the kids alone, which probably kept him from doing it. I would be Very Careful of a 'Diagnosis'. They don't ask you what happened, they just slap a label on you. I believe I had PTSD or CPTSD. I'll never get a real diagnosis. Love to all of you who have walked in my shoes. May God Bless You. 🙏
I had a "friend" that Claimed his Ex Was BiPoloar....im now Afraid He was Abusing her the Whole time....he did not seem Empathetic in throwing that info out...lookimg back I believe it was his way of "invalidating" the reactive states she Displayed..... The more Incongruency I Expierienced when He would periodically "Love Bomb" how much he had "Always" Loved me saying also I just wouldnt give him a chance.... yet many times over He would go Ghost...we Live a ways away so the Behaviour didn't Stand out...I would be told his Exs were Jealous of our Friendship....I worrt he also used me as a Form of Triangulation toward his Lovers..... I tried to question some of the Behaviour met with Minimization and would get side lined by the Hopeless Romanticism....now hes gone Ghost again..... It Definetly has been Less than Comfortable to Manage my own Hopeful Expectations of my Long time Childhood Friend, yet Im still Grateful that now days my Brain is not as capable to hold on to the Cognitive Dissonance when I Expierience the Inconsistencies.... I still expierience much Sadness and Loss, and at the same time Grateful my Brain Refused to Fall into this Trap again....
@@ghuyakalika it is terribly Unsettling, and you want so Bad to give the benefit of Doubt....or blame yourself that you perhaps you didn't address the Inconsistencies compassionately enough..... Warm Thoughts of a more Peaceful inner Landscape for those who have expierienced this Extremely unsettling discomfort....
Having Bipolar 1, I'll give my two cents! When I'm manic, I often think highly of myself but I also gain a closer connection/bond to those around me, so not only my view of myself as amazing, but I also view those around me being just as amazing too, I can go on spending sprees just by buying gifts for my friends, or even have deeper conversations cause I am in a "good" state of mind and really open my heart out. I never feel like I need to belittle people to make myself feel better, cause I already think I'm great and the people around me are usually just as great! 🤩
My 1st marriage was with a bipolar and borderline person. IT WAS HELL!! Abuse is abuse. Bipolar freakout rage selfish issues was off the chain uncontrollable. They refused meds...refused therapy...AND drove me over the edge to being hospitalized for 11 days. Freakin' nervous breakdown. I divorced it when I got out. Mention bipolar to me and I cringe. I don't walk away...I run like hell.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how devastating this must have been 🥺 I'm glad you got away. 💕 I guess I can imagine it in some way because I have both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar 2. I can understand why you'd run. Gratefully, I've been able to get effective medication and constant thorough therapy. And am hell bent on changing.
That was my dad! Bipolar paranoid schizophrenic but his cycles were hourly. Childhood sucked lol. I hope you've been able to have the time you need to heal and move forward from all that crap!
@@KitKat-gw4rh good on you for getting treatment and being determined to be your healthiest person. My dad was also quite narcissistic so he didn't need to change, me and my mother did.
@@shoopydoopy9388 - Ohhhh... the mood cycles were horrifying. Been no contact for 4 years. I have PTSD from living thru it. My son became a military cop because of this. Always defend the helpless I told him. I remember having to physically pull that thing off of him. It was on too. That's no parent...thats why I call it a creature. It'd jump out the car or threaten to while moving. Grab the steering wheel while I'm on the interstate. It threw ice water on me in the middle of the night because I couldn't stay awake. I was exhausted. It's family was tired of dealing with it. I was done. That's why...the word bipolar, narcissist, sociopath or psychopath...makes me hypervigilant. I'd rather fight than stand back and see someone get ran over. My empathy stops for any abuser. It's abuse no matter how anyone looks at it. I lost who I was and now after 4 years...I found myself. I can breathe but in the back of my mind...I'll never forget. I'm very sorry you had to live thru that with your Dad. It's not fair to you growing up in that chaos. You're fortunate to walk out alive. Most people don't understand that. However for myself...it taught me that's the way not to act and treat people. Have a blessed and peaceful day Shoopy Doopy.
I'm so happy you posted this video. My ex was diagnosed to have bi-polar, but I'm 100% sure he is a covert narcissist. The dynamic can be very very similar, but the cruelty, constant overly selfish behaviour and complete lack of empathy. Also the victim mentality does reveal what's going on... Thank you for all the visdom you put out for us. Your videos were hugely helpful to me during my recovery
Thank you Doctor Ramani for the episode. I was diagnosed with bipolar 6 months after I got out of 10 years narcissistic relationship. I'm still coping with the diagnose although I see that I showed symptoms long before I went to the psychiatrist. There was no time and space for self-reflection when I was with the narcissist, I was just facing daily battles to change him. I'm on my way to heal now and your videos played huge role in it.
I can't believe that even they can't stop revealing my secrets! It's hurting No problem I'm getting tolerant of these I must face society Even if I'm afraid I must And I won't doubt myself or blame myself Thanks 😊
Thank You for this explanation & separating the differences between bi polar & narcissism. My ex definitely has both. When he was diagnosed as bi polar, it was such a relief to know & as you stated, the let down, to learn there was much more, medication wasn't helping with. I've only recently come to learn & understand the narcissistic part. While I never tried to fix him, I knew that it wasn't my job &/or to hope that things would get better, I literally got trapped years ago, without support, family, friends, etc. He had full control over my life, to such an extent, that I rarely left the house. I had no where to go, to call, to seek assistance. Even the police, shelters, etc., would say that if he hadn't hit me, they could not help me. I was put in a corner, where I could be monitored, to await his next need of me. I cannot express enough, how much I appreciate you. I no longer feel stupid, for not getting out sooner, for not defending myself. THANK YOU
The manic will be ground to nothing and be disposed of asap. Covert maglinant mom never got any financial support after their divorce as she didn't ask for any which I found bewildering as he had a good pension, she went onto marrying another man which I never bothered to met!
me too, this is what I need to deal with where there even as bipolar, I was often attacked in my weakest moments and actually was always expected to be manic to keep up with her.
I can say something about my father, who was bipolar and his parents, who I believe had strong narcissistic traits. My grandparents believed that they were a bit better than their neighbors. My grandfather was a policeman with a good education. He spoke English as a foreign language (which in Germany in the 50s most people didn’t). My grandmother was a housewife, who came from a relatively wealthy and a bit posh family. And I think they thought of their son to be a little special, too. They sent him to first grade when he was only five (normal age would be six in Germany). It‘s just that my father didn’t live up to their standards. As the son of the village policeman, my grandfather expected impeccable behavior from him, which he didn’t always show. Just a normal kid and teenager, who was sometimes rebellious. Also he barely got by in school and showed no above average talent, as my grandmother had expected. Once as a teenager my father didn’t do his chores and instead did some mechanic work on his moped with his friends. When he finally came home, my grandfather was already waiting for him in the driveway and beat him so terribly, that other people had to stop him, because they thought, my grandfather might beat my father to death, otherwise. So this is the mixed message my grandparents sent my father: You’re fantastic, you’re better than others...unless you disappoint us, then you’re completely worthless, not even your life is safe. It’s understandable how this translates into bipolar, with grandiose and depressed/fearful episodes. Unfortunately my father also developed some narcissistic traits and never really understood his family dynamic.
This was actually very interesting and helpful for me. I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and it now makes sense why the last decade of my life was so crazy. Having a bipolar disorder is already difficult on its own and be abused by a narcissist and having a toxic environment at the same time is a total nightmare. A lot of self-blame was, to be honest, was released because of this video! Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! and congrats to on the way to 600k Subs! been here since 150k subs and you're absolutely fantastic! Thank you for what you do Dr. Ramani!
I also think that the addictive nature of narcissistic relationships can make people with bipolar disorder especially susceptible to them, particularly if unmedicated. It makes the highs and lows of that relationship all the more intense, keeping you trapped in a chase for the highs especially when you’re low. Also, the lows are so insanely low that they cause a degree of desperation, that the narcissist can then use to their advantage. All the while, the relationship is making your bipolar disorder worse. It’s kind of like how people with bipolar disorder are likely to abuse substances even though they ultimately make the disorder worse. (That could just be my experience though.)
Not just you. I had a very recent relapse on alcohol and cannabis. I am just coming down to earth again. My life feels meaningless. I am not doing well financially either.
I have had the pleasure of enduring a type 2 bi-polar partner for several years until it was diagnosed as well as a long term so-called friendship with a narcissist. Both revelations occurred in that order. The narc stuff I had already mostly figured out and although spooked by it, I had already worked through a lot of the BS that came with it and acknowledged the weakness being displayed by other so-called friends. The bi-polar relationship however took a lot more to figure out and extract myself from due to being a love interest and upon further reflection I definitely feel that there is also some narcissistic traits that were displayed at certain times such as the need for admiration and to be the centre of attention, stonewalling, lack of ability to reflect on ones own behaviour and in fact an refusal to do so, held high on a pedestal then discarded, arrogance and haughty nature. Best thing that happened to me was the ending of that relationship which lead me to travel and meet my now fantastic wife who is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks Doc Ramani. You do really good....no..... fantastic work!
Dad's a covert narc and mom actually developed bipolar bc of traumatic childhood + adulthood partner abuse. Moral of the story, get tf out of an abusive / narc relationship asap, this can actually save your sanity (and life, possibly).
My mum is a Narcisist and my Brother is bipolar 1. Now, thanks to all your videos I I feel like I can see my family for the first time. Omg 🥺 Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️
I would like to see a video series about people with narcissistic personality in relationships with partners that have bipolar disorder, as well as other psychological concerns. Situations where the partner to the narcissist has a preexisting disorder or concern. That's what I thought this was, so while it is great information to see the overlap, I was disappointed to have misunderstood the title. Your videos are incredibly insightful. Thank you.
@ Melissa Curry. I thought that too . My Foster mother was a narcissist and my husband too . My daughter is bi polar . My personality has been like that , up and down, my husband used to complain when I was up .( tho I always managed to hang onto my sanity ) We both had severe post natal depression which went on for years. My husband was incapable of supporting me at that time and showed no empathy . I'm wondering if the narcissist contributes to or causes manic depression. My son in law says horrid things to my daughter, is always putting her down, it certainly wouldn't be marvellous if he was a narcissist. My daughter now has MS . I have fibromyalgia among other things. I have often wondered if the abuse caused it . I too hope Dr. Romani addresses this . God bless K
Exactly. It requires more meds, it exacerbates the moods, and you can learn every technique in the book, know every single coping and self-soothing technique, but that abuse is going to have an effect. I particularly wonder if it affects rapid cycling mixed state moods.
I’ve always wanted a reality show like (real world). where it’s a bunch of narcs but they don’t know the other people are narcs and just see how it goes
@@katharinedavis4947 married to a narc for 27 years. I’m not dx with anything but i was suffering narc abuse. At the end I was having panic attacks and I realized this is how people get cancer and things like MS. I just felt like my long term health would be at risk. It added to my strength to leave.
Right on point today Dr. Ramani! Exactly what I've been wondering. The comparison between a Narcissist and a Bipolar person. I've been reading and watching different information about both for a few years. The last year of watching your videos everyday. Comparing my family members as well as ex husbands to the symptoms of bipolar vs. narcissism. Wondering is it this or is it that. For 2 of my people it's both. Your presentation today clarified this for me. I can now see the difference, and since it's both for 2 people, I can stop believing their excuses, and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt for their behavior. It's sad that they have bipolar, and even more sad that they are narcissistic too. I've taken the blame, the rage, guilt, gaslighting, verbal abuse, and on and on most of my life. Started as a little girl I'm now 74. Been on my own now over 16 years, and still experiencing the effects from both conditions from my adult son. It's so much harder when it's your son. BP and NARC. I'm tired. But you are my boost of energy and light everyday Dr. Ramani. Again, Thank you so very much for your support. Oh and one last comment. It's NOT my fault. If any of you read this, please, please remember it's NOT YOUR FAULT.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani, for answering my question I posted in one of your previous videos. My dad has Bipolar 1 and has narcissistic traits. I wanted to know if these conditions could co-exist. His Bipolar is under control with medication, but the narc traits..Nah! As you said, it's there to stay forever! It's ingrained in his DNA! Your videos have helped me manage my relationship with my dad, especially the DEEP technique. I divorced my nex, but I can't do the same with dad. I appreciate all that you do, doc!
Dr. Ramani thank you for this. This is a very specific topic that is not addressed often. I have BPD and I was with a narcissistic partner. It means a lot that a clinical psychologist recognises how tough it is to have BPD and to live with a Narc. Towards the end of our relationship, I was actually the mature stable person and I was mostly calm not falling for his triggers. After watching this video, I realize how strong I am, for managing BPD and living with a Narc, in a calm manner. Thank you❤️
I wish I would have seen this video earlier. I am dealing with someone that has both. They finally took meds and was doing great. But since stopping Psychosis has returned and this person doesn’t think anything is wrong. It feels like bad dream on repeat . Any positive vibes this way would be much appreciated!! ✌🏽
That was it! It was so confusing. I tried everything.She took her life at 76, but I was with her 24 yrs. The doctors that she went to did not get this, it was after I wrote a descriptive 35 paper describing every thing she did gave one doctor a clue. Thank you for these videos, I wish I had seen them earlier!
Well put. When my bipolar type 1 ex would start to come down from mania, she would continue the constant blame and victimization while never accepting any responsibility - even when she was finally thinking more clearly. It never got better so I had to leave, as much as it still hurts
Thank you Dr. Ramani for discussing NPD & bipolar disorder together. They are different disorders w/ some similar characteristics. The information you provide is always helpful. Keep up the great work!
I was thinking about this the other day. And I didn’t know I started to master in 2017 how to control my emotions and working with difficult patients who were very needy/demanding/entitled and later own learned they were narcissists or had narcissistic tendencies extremely manipulative and I always let them know up front you are not special or the only patient I have to take care off. I can get you anything you want but like every patient everyone will have give the same amount of time at least.
Just had a narcissist try to make me jealous of another person on the job, by saying the they should probably do it the way "person x" does it. It's so funny cause there is this dramatic pause right after they say. But it respond with glee and say your absolutely correct, then they get a brain freeze as that was not the expected response. Also finding more and more that narcissists are lovers of inwindows and 1-upping others. They especially cannot take back what they dish out.
You made the best distinction between bipolar and narcissism. If the mood shifts minute to minute or hour to hour or day to day, that isn’t bipolar - it is a personality disorder. My husband seems bipolar, but it’s hour to hour, which is how I know it’s the narcissism.
In regards to what Dr. Ramani said about consistency: While exclaiming to my therapist, "Do you know what he did this time?!" His wise answer was, "Well at least he is predictable." And I have a theory: overt narcissists sleep very well at night because they don't have much of a conscience.
A narcissist around me has been known to say that their Ex was bi-polar, but I never saw any swings, and since the narc lies all the time I’m not believing it. I have then heard others say the same about a narcissist they knew. Convenient that the narc “went through so much” “living with” a tough Dx (diagnosis). A previous boss specialized in bipolar. I’m not an expert, just not seeing it.
Thank you for addressing this overlap between narcissism and bipolar disorder. I have spent 30 years (15 married/15 divorced) trying to understand the craziness that became my life while married to a mentally ill clinical psychologist. No one in my regular life wants to listen to the “lengthy “pop-psychology/psychobabble“ and, honestly, it wears me out, too. I have summarized it as “the perfect storm of narcissism and bipolarDisorder. Thank you for confirming that that exists!
Yep my ex tried to convince me I had bipolar because my moods went up and down. Turns out my moods were up and down for good reason, Narcissistic abuse. Depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I'm almost 3 years out of that marriage nightmare, and my life is great. Depression is gone, no medication, no doctors visits, lost 30kgs and fit and healthy, working full time in my own business, and have a healthy relationship with a new partner. To anyone in the same position i was in, HANG IN THERE! things get better.
This is just the video I‘ve been asking for here in the comment section, because my father was bipolar with narcissistic traits. Thank you for making this video, Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani would you please do a series about attachment styles, how to work on them and how some people with certain attachment style can be an easier target to narcs. Thank you again for all of your amazing efforts
I’ve been waiting for this video. This is me. Bipolar 2, and covert narcissism. Had no idea about the bipolar until a couple of years ago when repressed memories of sexual trauma in my childhood resurfaced. Knew I was dating narcissists left and right, but couldn’t see it in myself until 2020. 🤦♀️ How do we go about healing? I feel lost at sea with no hope. When I’m in my depressed state, I don’t want to be me anymore, I want out of this life. None of my therapists recognized either of these issues and just diagnosed me with depression and ptsd. I’m so thankful for these videos, dr. Ramani.
Yest mine fixed something by applying a piece of transparent scotch tape over it, later he asked if I'd removed it (no honey that's what you do, undo what I've done) "Maybe it dried and fell off, shall I look on the floor for it?" - "No!" Later I checked and saw it's still there! 🙄 🙂 😊
Please do a video about mothers day for kids with narcissistic moms! I feel like im dead in the water over here because my mom is already expecting me to disappoint her. :(
She won't be grateful whatever you do. Even if she is on that day it'll all be undone later when she's verbally abusing you, so all you have to do is what makes you comfortable. If you can say to yourself "I did my best" and stand in your truth, knowing you love her and try (as exhausting as it is) then that's all you can do. Ultimately just being grateful that she still has her family during this pandemic and for her to know her daughter is supporting herself in whichever way, should be enough. Love is Love. Stuff doesn't make a relationship. Effort does. If there's only one-sided effort then maybe evaluate your desire to please and do less...x good luck
I have been no contact since last summer, and my life has normalized and my mind is clear. I don’t want the pressure of Mother’s Day to get myself back in the quicksand. It took so many years to get free. Still, I might have to do something, or maybe not. I so request your advise, Dr.Ramani.
@@suzannesmith5339 don't. You'll just torment yourself and you may get the "Why did you bother, not like you cared" response. Be kind to yourself. And well done on sticking firm. X
My mother is a textbook narcissist and my son has bipolar or schizoaffective, depending on the shrink. I am not the only person with this kind of family situation and despite the fact that psychiatry as not yet come to a conclusion on this, I believe there is a connection. When my son was little, I remember telling the family therapist that I often felt like was raising my mother. Before he started hallucinating, he was a lot like her.
Mental illnesses is real 🤦♀️I just want to live the best I can with mine 🤷♀️life is to short at my age to give a shit what others think about me 😊thanks doc 💐🙏
I extremilly happy to learned after many years that I have nothing wrong.. Nothing wrong is in me. The problems was those people in my earlier years of my life that cause soooo much confusion. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your teaching. I keep learning from you every day. I send a lot of love and gratitude. 😊🥰😍
My sister was diagnosed as Bipolar. But even with treatment she still has narc tendencies I no longer wish to coddle her behaviors but she told me she doesn’t think she’s Bipolar she believes she’s BPD. Either way it’s all exasperating. I’m emotionally spent.
@@Jess-kn8vl Yea she’s still in therapy but “taking responsibility” tends to be a hard blow for a weak heart. It’s frustrating everything is a trigger or “people need to be more understanding” of piss poor behaviors. I just love folks for a safe distance.
@@Mllascelles1 My family is like that towards my older sister who has been a drug addict for 14 years. No one can point out her mistakes for fear she might go off the deep end for being called out on her behavior. The trail of destruction she has led has been so devastating and she still has not seen a therapist for any comorbid disorders. Our mother is a narcissist, my brother went no contact with all of us many years ago, which was hard on his multiple sclerosis and I dont blame him and I have CPTSD. But both my mother and sister still point the fingers at anyone who sets healthy boundaries, its unbelievable.
@@Jess-kn8vl oh my...my mother is narcissist and my ex husband is a narcissist...I was just diagnosed with MS and it was brought to my attention CPTSD. Ugghhh sometimes I hate it here. I’m so hypersensitive to “bad/negative” behaviors because of the experiences. I’ve no contact and gray rock from family and friends. I’ve a friend over 20 years and just realized she hates personal boundaries. I quietly disassociated from her and now knee deep in an ugly smear campaign of complete lies. They alleged NPD isn’t the majority of society but it sure doesn’t seem that way. I wish both you and your brother peace and happiness. I totally get it...but my heart broke a little when I read your comment. So relatable.
@@Mllascelles1 I hear you a lot of people are chronic antagonists and it takes a toll on our health! Thank you for the kind words and I hope you find comfort and healing quickly on this journey. My brother was diagnosed in 1996 and there has been a lot more research on managing MS and higher cases of remission with a combination of both medical and functional medicine. 🌱 I personally believe stress management is the highest priority first. I have CPTSD we believe thats comorbid with insulin resistance due to chronic stress, chronic levels of epstein barr antibodies and hashimotos thyroiditis.
🧡THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, DR. RAMANI❤You are the first person I've ever heard address how the health of a person with bipolar disorder is affected by a narcissist.💚 I can never express how much this means to me. 💛Thanks, Dr. Ramani💜
My ex was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was a child and has always refused to take medication. I explained away all of the patterns of narcissistic personality disorder (lovebombing, discarding, grandiose behavior, gaslighting, future faking etc) to the bipolar disorder. On top of that he would use uppers and sometimes become physically violent and quite frankly psychotic. Now looking back I wonder if he was misdiagnosed or if he suffers from both disorders. Thanks for the content it's been very useful for my healing process
As far as I unserstand,Doctor says during mania episodes they can act like a narcissist but actually they are not.She means that these symptoms can overlap.However,some have both, bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder and it is much more difficult to cope with.
Thank you so much for this! This is something of great interest to me because I have a brother with Bipolar I. Medication, even in large doses, does little to help. When manic he seems very narcissistic. But even when depressed he is often sharp, disinterested and intolerant with even the best of his friends. Growing up, he was Mother’s favorite (she admitted this to a family friend who was ‘kind’ enough to tell me). He was a very intelligent, creative child who now admits proudly that he has always hated authority.
I stayed with a narc for way too long because I thought he was bpd and if only he could get some help, we'd be okay. Problem was actually he was doing a ton of coke, drinking, doing other drugs. I dunno know if he's bpd or not, but I had to get out.
You’re the best dr RAMANI watch you every video you post absolutely changing life’s and make as understand dealing all can of behaviour thanks you again 🙏.
My father has Bipolar and narcissistic personality. I have Bipolar 1, PTSD from my father's emotional abuse and emotional abandonment, and sexual abuse from one of my foster families. My mother had to leave my father when I was 3 and my brothers 2 and 1 because of the narcissistic abuse from my father. Of course my father was able to get custody because of setting my mother up😪 From the age of 5 until the age of 29 I had no idea were my mother was. My father had taken me and my brothers overseas to his country of origin. I never gave up on looking for her and eventually I was able to find her and reunite with her at the age of 30. In the family we never talked about my mother. It was taboo. More likely because it was unspokenly forbidden. Now I am almost 63 and it still hurts badly. More often than not I still cry from the pain.
The most powerful statement I've ever heard about narcissists is : A narcissist tries to destroy your life with lies because theirs can be destroyed with the truth.
I tell mine to only destroy his own, that he tries to compete with me, prove I'm worthless then speaks about his own grandeur is all the proof WE need, he's learning to suffer alone!
That is so awesome and true, I need to remember this ... thank you and bless you 👍🙏
Whoa!!! That really is a very clear concise summary...
WOW- that pretty well sums it up TFS
Totally.
I've been dating someone who is both covertly narcissistic and bipolar 2, which was both a very humbling and enlightening experience. I was thankfully able to divorce myself from him, but it wasn't until I was able to figure out his pathology that I was able to navigate through all of the lies from his mania - and him just generally not being courteous enough to reciprocate the attention I gave him.
To anyone else reading this, don't martyr yourself. When you've figured out what you're dealing with, you are NOT here to save anyone. Do your best and move on.
Same here... It's very difficult
Oh I can identify with all of this . The guilt I feel cutting contact is taking over my life I am trying though
Thanks you very much for your comment. My husband is also diagnosed with bipolar 2 many years ago, but recently I discovered that he has also covert narc. I have been abused emotionally for years but I always hoped that I can fix him. He did not show regular cycles of bipolar, especially the mania (sometimes he is very driven and concentrated when working). But he definitely has episodes of depression, he sometimes gives hints of suicidal thoughts, too. That's why I am really scard to leave him. He is really alone. I wonder what was your experience with his mania phase? And how did he handle the divorce?
God. I just went through the exact same thing and came to the exact same conclusions. Sorting out the lies, and the lack of empathy, yet at the same time to his relentless pursuit of trying to maintain some sort of connection despite his selfish and self centered behavior.
Trying to differentiate between what is character and personality and illness is a biotch. But ultimately the pain that emanates from either is still pain. It is humbling though, and some what empathy inspiring but nonetheless would nevertheless leave you repeatedly disappointed and hurt whether or not the intolerable behavior, secret chemical dependency, affairs, drunkneness, manipulation etc, is personality based or neuro chemical it’s still incredibly harmful.
My husband is bi polar I believe, but im not so sure that its just that. From what I've seen he also has some traits of cover narcissism. We've been married going on three years but haven't been able to maintain the marriage due to his behaviors. He often accuses me of the things that he has done and most recently he rages at me and this wasn't the first time. He fails to see how his actions has caused us not to be together and frankly I'm just worn down tired and scared. I have since decided to let go of the burning rope, and entered into therapy because of the emotional mental abuse.
My ex used to accuse me of having bipolar disorder all the time because his abuse would cause me to quickly go from happy to upset. As if it's abnormal to shift moods when you're being abused. Thank you Doctor Ramani
Same
@@loanicastillo3327 Exactly! Because they think they are perfect and can do no wrong.
I’m convinced my spouse told themselves this crap to justify cheating 🤢🤮
Same lol
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 I'm sorry you had to go through that! They will try to justify every horrible thing they do and blame you for it. My ex tried to justify attempting to run me off the road when I was pregnant with our son. They exist in completely different realities and can't take responsibility for anything they do wrong.
My reactions caused by his abuse would lead him to say "You need to see a Dr as there's something wrong with you." Only now am I beginning to truly feel "It's not me". I'm beginning to feel and put all the skills and practices into place that I have learnt from Dr Ramanis Videos and feel more relaxed doing them. 🍒
My ex-wife was recently diagnosed with bipolar - we split twenty years ago. She is the nastiest person I have ever met. I have incidental contact because we have adult kids together. With distance I have learnt to create a brick wall between the two of us mostly by closing down social media accounts and moving out of my community, cutting ties altogether. Even then when we do have contact, I can label the behavior, identify the roles that she plays and the roles she assigns to others. I have found this to be a very effective way to prevent the behavior affecting me. Observe don't absorb. I do think I have PTSD from even twenty years ago...
Thank you so much for this video. My bf of 7 years has been dealing with untreated bipolar and it has gotten worse over the years. I ended our relationship 3 weeks ago due to the worst narcissistic rage episode he had ever unleashed on me. It was an entire day of grandiose verbally abusive behavior, one of the ugliest things I’ve ever witnessed.
I was very confused because he seems to have a mixture of the two, bipolar and narcissism. The only reason it matters to me at this point is because I’m trying to understand it instead of taking his destructive words to heart. This is such an abusive combination, it will tear you down like you’ve never known. It has me questioning so much about him and everything I thought we had together.
I realize now that even on his good days the narcissism was still there….I guess I got used to it because I was happy he was feeling good. I let myself be abused over and over without realizing it.
It’s pure craziness and will leave you with your head spinning and your heart broken. Trust me. Best thing you can do is LEAVE and never look back!
I just checked out for good.
I also had a boyfriend that had bipolar we broke up last month! But that would happen to me he would rage at me. Over and over to this last one I couldn’t take it anymore! I knew that’s how it will always be. But he told me the cruelest things once we broke up. He wanted to break me.
Ok, my husband is the same way. He won’t stay on his meds. He doesn’t do drugs, but he does drink more when he is manic. I can deal with the depressive part, but not the hyper manic raging! We’ve been together almost 8 1/2 years, married almost 7 /12 years. He was not this bad back then. He has gotten worse with age. I’m 60, he is 63. He rages, puts me down, cusses at me, calls me names, threatens me, accuses me of things I do not have any idea what he is talking about. It’s ridiculous! He says he is such a great marine, former marine. He is so sick right this minute, the worst he’s ever been. I cannot even work now because he has made me so depressed it’s hard to leave the house for me most days. I wanted to fix our marriage, but now I don’t think that will work anymore. I can’t take the verbal and emotional abuse any longer. He won’t get help, says he doesn’t need it. Won’t take meds anymore. He doesn’t stay on them longer than 2 or so months. Ugh. What can I do? I can’t live alone because of my health issues. I have fibromyalgia and depression, nerve pain, etc. please help DR?
I'm dealing with a very similar situation, but it's my mother. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that she very clearly has undiagnosed Bipolar 2, but is also a narcissist.....so really it's hard to have any kind of pity when your abuser is just am asshole at the end of the day.
@@lauratruthseekingWarrior I read hope you can find support from those close to you, I'm so sorry you're going through. Please remember that this is not and has never been your fault.
My ex GF is heavily medicated for BIPOLAR and I can see that cycling in the background but the hardest thing to deal with was the constant comorbid narcissism that was always present regardless. I can well and truly understand how some partners of these conditions end up with PTSD. Thanks for continuing to raise awareness.
Separated from my wife of 12yrs right now, and she's bipolar. Learning through these videos what you said; that it's not the manic episodes or months of hypomania that hurt half as much as the narcissism in between. Episodes are just a moment; I can out last them. But when you never get a chance to fully heal from an episode because you never make up afterward, it just builds up.
@@shadyb2234 i feel for you buddy. I was only with this woman for a little over a year. I was bullet proof before meeting her but she was tearing down those outer layers and defences much faster than they can be rebuilt. The onslaught is constant. Some days a little some days alot. But it's relentless.
All the best 👍💯💪
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's sometimes difficult to find men's perspectives on living with/leaving/life after a bipolar partner.
My Ex BF had Comorbid Narcissm and it's just too much. He was un medicated but a vulnerable narc seemingly to me. It confused the hell out of me. I get it now though. I'm so done. There's not coming back to abuse. No excuses.
It’s so true. It’s literally like their mental condition is almost contagious.
Funny how narcs in my life have accused me of being bipolar for having emotional reactions to being treated like shit. One of the first things I asked my therapist was if she thought I was bipolar, she reassured me I wasn't. It felt so validating. I'm hoping I'll be able to go back to therapy to finally tackle this PTSD.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience! I was accused of these things too, and yet... I was the ONLY person showing up for family therapy sessions and doing the work after going no contact. Years later, I have my health and happiness... and they are STILL banging the ol’scapegoat drum. I have manifested authentic connections and peace of mind! Stay strong!
@@frolickingelf I was accused of being a psycho a lunatic a stalker and many other things by the female narcissist I was with but I was none of those things. I would obviously get upset and irritated when I was being ghosted and lied to and stolen from and cheated on but who wouldn't get upset but never to the level of screaming and yelling or abuse
Ultimately when I asked for explanations as to why she was behaving this way I was then the immediate victim of a smear campaign behind my back and I knew this because various people we both knew were decent enough to forward me the messages that were sent to them by her
It was a horrible 4 years
Took a lot out of me
You're alive and reacting like it! They're fave which I heard a few days back as my 65 yr old was acting so immature and I let him know was that I needed to see someone, why 'cause I can no longer stand "his crazy"?
@@SweetiePieTweety I am Happy this Worked out for You..
When I was Coming Out of it All, the "Right" things seemed to Manifest the More I worked to Get myself and My Beautiful Daughter Away From the Monster....
I Met A Random Lady in the Mall Parking Lot where I had taken my then 15 Year Daughter and Friends as I sat in the Car Drawing on a Canvas I just Bought
*unknowing I was about to paint Gaslighting a Gurl screaming at her Reflection with purple fog surrounded by punctuations such as $,#,!,@,?❤....** got back from visiting my Folks and Realized he had Spent over 40K in 2 weeks while we were gone from sell of the Previous home that was supposed to go into the Current one....
I have no Idea how Long she has been watching me Draw in my Dissassociated state... she tapped on my window startling out of my Trance and Asked if I had a Card, assuming the worst I noticed I was parked to a white Beamer in my LiL Honda and she was dressed in all white too I thought she thought I hurt her car, but she meant for my art, asking if I would want to do a Mural for her, I gave her my number, but told her I had alot of things going on and wasnt sure (internally I definetly was not that confident of myself or my art either)
The next week I cold called for an Attorney and when I was on the way I was trying to talk myself out of it, and figure out how to Make it work with my Exs Escalating Crazy....I got to a Stop Sign Litterally about ro No Show my Appt and She Messaged me.....I told her I still Had so Much on my plate and she Simply said she Understood and Just hoped whatever was going on that I would do the Right thing by my Daughter!!
That gave me the push to not Turn Around....I never Heard from her again.....and my Attorney ended up Being a Blessing too as Lovely as Doc Ramani....and my Gratefulness has only Grown 💗
I was accused of being bipolar but behind my back. The smearing started very early on in the relationship and has only gotten worse since I left. My Narc ex has destroyed so much in my life. I'm getting counseling now and then will be starting EDMR therapy soon. I hope it helps. Good luck to all that have suffered at the hands of a narcissist.
They can also use their diagnosis to be extreme bullies to get what they want.
Yes, some are just abusers 💯
My dad...
@@thetruehustler1365 you have brought up a good point in my case it was not the bulling it was the golden bracelets i have been gaslight so much i have burn marks on my ass
Hell. Fucking. Yeah.
This is EXACTLY my mother in law.
I was recenlty in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed ADHD & Bi Polar, and also described himself as being borderline Aspbergers. A week or so after we started to live together I began to be treated in this horrible way. I first noticed a lack of empathy, then mocking, humilation, constant cristicism, bullying, gas lighting, negging, bread crumbing, triangulation, projection and a lack of respect for bondaries etc etc etc. This caused me to have extreme anxiety which my partner labeled as the real problem between us. I deeply cared for this person and I am sure I was trauma bonded as well. I was so beyond stressed trying to cope with this relatinship. It was breaking my heart and destroying my sense of self worth. No matter how hard I tried to appeal to him to understand what he was doing, he would always shift the blame back to me. Me talking about our problems and my reaction to his abuse were the REAL problems according to him. Anytime I tried to talk about the abuse he would give me the silent treatment leaving the house for days at a time with no mention of where he was going or when he would be back. I was so on edge I told him to move out about every two weeks, but would take it back as I deeply cared for this man regardless of all these problems. I started to Google this behavior and it initially came up as Asbergers. I tried to bring this up with him as he had said himself he believed he was on the spectrum for Aspbergers. He exploded in anger would not speak to me and then left our home again for days in a row. I then ended the realtionship. My PTSD from this treatment was severe and as I sought help from mental health professionals they informed me that what he had done was in fact abuse, and said that this person likely a Bi Polar Narcissist, a Covert Narcissit to be exact. As I started doing lots of research I coun't believe it. It was like he had followed the exact script of a Covert Narc. I was just stunned that the exact treatment I had received from him was outlined to the letter in so many sources on NPD. Of course I felt like I was loosing my mind during the realationship as I was to blame for everything going wrong. HIs big line was "Love is about acceptance" and then only way I could get this man to treat me with a tiny bit of love and affection was to NEVER react or speak about his horrible treatment of me. Of course he will never be diagnosed with NPD because he woud always portray himself as the victim to his therapist. So this cycle will continue on and on. This expererience has without a doubt been the most toxic and stressful realtionship of my life. The amount of pain, confusion and stress this type of diagnosis can cause is extreme. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever been in any type of realtionship with a Bi-Polar Narcissist.
I love this woman! She knows all!!!
My TH-cam name says it all, I worked with the best and worst but she is top 5
Your TH-cam name says nothing
Isn't she wonderful to have thought so much through and sharing with us, happiness IS sharing...
@@LeBronJames-yr8ku says the narcissist who doesn't know who the first African American to be senior line Corpsman of to companies at the same time while working with racist superiors on the blue side is
@@hnlong8531 what are you talking about? It's interesting when people have been so damaged that when somebody says something they don't agree with, that person automatically becomes a narcissist. Great judgment. You should learn discernment.
My ex husband has both bipolar 1 and narcissistic behaviours. I've never seen anyone address the possibility that they can have both before. I found this really helpful. Thank you!
Am suspecting my bf is the same
@@aselyne5631 please get out of there. These people are dangerous. Stay safe!
@@wren2637 OMG for real? He accuses me if being bipolar does yours do that too
@@aselyne5631 my ex never accused me of that because he was diagnosed with bipolar. He tried saying all sorts of other things though
@@wren2637 same. Diagnosed with Bp 1 but after emdr therapy hid another dx and I suspect it’s narcissist
The bi polar would come out when we were around people compared to being alone. She wanted the benefits of my company while acting like I didn’t exist in public. Terrible feeling.
Emotional support animals come to mind
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 omg. She had her cat that she said was her best friend, and she wanted us to get a bigger bed for a second cat..
This reminds me of how a child will have a favorite toy one minute and then discard that toy as soon as something more exciting or new comes along. One minute you are important for the emotionally immature narcissistic behaviors or person and then nothing the next minute. Take care 🤔❤️✊🇺🇸
@@elanahammer1076 damn bruh, that’s how I felt 😔 gunna be more watchful next time
@@travis6694 It gets better with the narcissists you can detect them from 3000 miles away! Wish you well
What about when a narcissistic abuser pushes their partner into bipolar psychosis from stress/gaslighting? I strongly believe that a lot of people (though they may have genetic predispositions) are pushed into extreme forms of mental illness due to narcissistic abuse.
Omg! I really agree. At a minimum a narcissist can cause a perfectly healthy person to have a nervous breakdown. That’s on of the reasons I left. I saw myself heading for a total breakdown and I couldn’t do that to myself. Getting rid of that relationship wasn’t easy, but gaslighting is so mentally and emotionally destructive that I knew I couldn’t allow the relationship to continue.
This is what I wanted her to address. I have bipolar disorder and my father was Narcissistic. Growing up was hard, that's all I'll say. I'm curious how that pushed me into becoming Bipolar. I may have become Bipolar with or without the abuse but I also may not have. Because Bipolar disorder is what you said many times a predisposition and something has to KICKSTART it.
@@lovinliverpool thank you for this comment that's what I'm wondering too
@@ED-ie3et Hopefully Dr. Ramani see's some of these comments asking about this. I've seen many other's asking. No therapist can ever help me when it comes to this and I believe it's the crux or catalyst of my disorder.
@@lovinliverpool I share the EXACT same problems as you. I need answers
Dr. RAMANI IS AN EARTH ANGEL GOD BLESS HER 💕💕💕
Both are hard to deal with
Truly she is.
Yes, she is. I feel so blessed to have found her, forever grateful to Dr. Ramini🙏
This is the most helpful video I could find about the overlap of bipolar disorder and narcissism personality disorder. We must appreciate the fact Ramani has been rendering some invaluable public service in this channel. Thank you so much, Ramani.
My ex narc used to excuse his abuse towards me by saying he has bipolar. This video was very helpful. Now I know all those were lies to keep me feeling pity for him and justifying his behaviour. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I'm sorry you were treated badly by someone who should have cherished you. Also, I have bipolar I and it is an extreme disservice to the bipolar community to say "it was the bipolar that made me abuse you!" That doesn't help us battle the stigma at all and you and your pain should have been centered after any manic episode.
Did we date the same guy? lol... jokes apart, I hope you are doing better now! I broke up with my ex about a month ago and feel so free! :)
Mine did too! He would not treat his bipolar to get sympathy, help, a place to stay and attention. He was the most complex type BP1, Mixed Episodes with Psychotic Features. I’m lucky to be alive.
My covert narc husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I've never seen a manic episode from him even before being prescribed medication. I think he was misdiagnosed, and narcissism would have been the better diagnosis, but he told me that he lies to his psychiatrist and "tells him what he wants to hear" so his visits with him will be over quickly. Thank you Dr Ramani, for all your shared knowledge and compassion. You're a lifesaver.
Oh my goodness…I don’t know where to begin. I am for many years happily married to a very kind man. But I had a break up years ago that has still managed to have a psychological effect on me over the years in certain situations. Without telling the whole story, I have recently, and fully realized that this person was bipolar and narcissistic! I finally understand the mirroring, the invalidation, the lying, the bating…all of it. I’m grateful that we never ended up together, but it is also quite traumatic realizing that something you thought was unique, and powerful (even though it wasn’t fully realized, thankfully) was actually a ginormous lie! Thank you for the work you do.
If you knew the amount of times i had to rewind 10sec intervals of your video to rewatch what you just said, you'd be amazed. I finally understand the person i've been dating, everything was 100% spot on. Just Wow. Thank you so much for shedding light on this subject. For the longest time i have been so confused regards all her actions
I totally get you stopping, rewind, replay. Or watch the same video 3 or 5 times.
It's like someone just gave you these jigsaw puzzle pieces and you're finally able to lay them out on a table and make sense of the pictures of your life.
I do that a lot when videos either hit on something I've lived and I need to understand more deeply (I might cross reference with Dr R's books); or when something is said and I'm zoning out or dissociating or getting a flashback, so I need to replay cuz I missed the past 4 minutes.
It's so handy being able to rewind, and I'm grateful Dr R uses platforms we can do that on.... It's also why I wait and watch Dr Ramani's full seminars afterwards when the video is released. (I'm hearing impaired too) So I can rewind and replay, or take meds and a break, if opened up too much. Or step away for a day and then come back.
You're so lucky to have caught your red flags, mine saved me from a toxic narc family and, for that I'm very grateful but it doesn't give him the right to be so mean!
You’ve come to the right place!
I'm so grateful for your channel/contents Dr Ramani, you have helped me survive narcissistic abuse for the past 8 months.
The mind games the narcissists were playing with me nearly knocked me out of reality, I didn't know what I was experiencing until I came across your channel.
#IReallyApprociateYourWork
The knowledgeable, professional and intelligent, Dr. Ramani. Thanks for this channel and the content.
I started watching your channel more so to be uplifted and encouraged more than to be informed. Thank- you for everything you do for me and others. I will have to go back and re- watch your old videos to get through this month. You have a beautiful, comforting and nurturing presence I enjoy! Thank you!
My husband has both. Undiagnosed though. Gets into rages and verbally abusive. Been married 38 years. So tired. Really thankful for Dr Ramani's channel.
I’m in same boat, 46 years, he’s going through a manic stage at present, always seems to manifest around spring time, I’m so tired I’ve nearly lost all feeling and caring
How do y’all get your spouse with bipolar to marry you in the first place? My fiancé and I are going on two years on planning a wedding but I’m alone in it; meanwhile he’s focused on during his stable moods/periods but they don’t last long til the next mood change or episode occurs. And then the wedding planning comes to a halt. Catholic Church isn’t going to understand the ups and downs of our “planning” - nothing happens for three months because he’s so irritable and distracted, he can’t even sit down and set a meeting with our priest for our next planning meeting. So there goes three months. How do we even set a wedding date for some future time? What if he’s in an episode a few weeks leading up to a set wedding date? Cancel everything and start all over? I’m so lost. Wanna marry and yet the actual wedding seems like it will never happen at this rate. Can’t plan for anything 3-9 months in advance. I’d much rather elope and get it over with at this point. I hate bipolar disorder. And I don’t want to be a fiancé forever. But I also want him to be healthy and stable but is that even possible with this disorder? I wish we could just get married during his period of stability and predictability but a Catholic wedding isn’t going to happen with a months notice.
@@beesonpetals7154tbh I’d run before it gets worse and harder to leave.
@@LeeJahn-ih9xuhe is actual in prison because of his maniac episodes, he is right now maniac and with him this episodes also starts in spring.
I'm so tired too.,...o god know Im tired
I have bipolar but I am definitely not narcissistic. My ex was narcissistic...and we were a terrible match. My mood would fluctuate and worsen due to the treatment I was experiencing in the relationship, I felt my depression even stronger in that sense.
Yes i m
I divorced a Narcissist 5 years ago. My life is definitely better. I have more mental and emotional stability. But I also get feelings of emptiness and feeling lonely.
It’s been 3 months since I’ve seen my narc in person. Still healing. Anyone else wish you could speed up time?
Oh I remember feeling like that when I was told healing will take time. I can tell you 3 years later it does go fast when you take one day at a time and do fabulous things for yourself. 💪🏽💗🦋
Yes wish healing would go quicker!
What really helped me out is stop emotional thinking about them, remember all the bad time's and being thankful that you woke up and got out,it gets better 👍 day by day month by month, work on you, enjoy the new you, own it, remember the person you were before you gotten with the narcissist, you got this 🙏
Going on 4 months with mine no contact! Feels great..lets allll...Jus hope we are not dealing with the same dammm...narcs! Because they do have multiple plp..at the same Time! And they recycle plp....Sickkkk
Ya 3 months isn't long but cut your losses, count your blessings, least you know, I've not seen my maglinant mom in 7 yrs nor coke head sis in decades but know I'll only be truly freed when they die as their crap still reaches me although I'm no contact with them but do deal with other family members, ugh!!
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 and resonate with everything you've mentioned. I had a narcissistic friend deplete me over the last few years. The last 6 months I lost my mother and he insisted on lingering and lingering. My mania was absolutely out of control and I was on a crash course to the morg. I had to change my living arrangements, my grandmothers house was far too filthy and disgusting and causing me triggers daily, and then I chopped ou the toxic people from my life and in the last 5 weeks I've never felt more empowered, more uplifted, so much strength in myself. Narcs are toxic to spirituality, phsyical health, everything.. They are the second hand smoke to society.
No we ain't not very Narc is like that I ain't like that
I dated 2 girls who were clinically diagnosed as Bipolar I, just my luck. I didn’t know there was so much overlap with Narcissism until I started watching these videos. I went no contact with the first girl because out of the blue she said she no longer Needed my assistance, discarded me with a new supply lined up, wanted me to be backup supply, and sent her flying monkeys to discredit me. Ended the 2nd relationship after one drunk night she told me she uses all her friends and feels nothing.
Your videos are a blessing. Im just waking up to the fact I was in love with someone who I thought was just bi-polar with ambivalent attachment tendencies. I would let go and forgive all the things he said and did to me and try to help him instead. It left me exhausted and lost which just gave him more ammunition to judge and condemn me. Please consider making more videos on bi-polar/narcissism/attachment style. Thank you for all you do 🙏🏼
Our doctor had actually ruled out that my Narc mom was not Bipolar, but I was glad that finally someone else had noticed something was going on with her that was not normal.
Bipolar 2 here. It’s totally treatable, but I am extremely empathetic. It’s wildn
I believe you sugar, after covert mom sent him back to Winterpeg to rot after having him move to the Maritimes it was just samo jamo cruel maneuvering on her part as I definitely sided with him!
My Narc mom tried to get me misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 separate times to make me look crazy....except I didn't meet ANY of the criteria and the psychiatrists were like stop testing her she isn't bipolar
The look on my mom's face 🤣
Nice they weren't into just making bucks, 30 yrs ago we saw a therapist and last week hubby tried to convince me guy said I was crazy! Nope, a psychiatrist would never say that! I do go insane but rid myself of it in my innerts after he's pushed my buttons then blame it on him, I said "Long gone are the days when I'd believe whatever you told me"!
Oh Yea the Ex that pushed a realtion $#!+ too soon after my Divorce got Glean in His Eyes when I decided I needed Mental Help, i assume he thought he could Manipulate the Situation to his Benefit....
It did not go in the Direction He Hoped as My Doc held her Own Boundaries and Didnt Allow him to Get too Involved in my Therapy, he actually went off on her and even tried to Bully and Demean and Shame her......
And It just doesnt Seem real yet at the same time....soooo familiar.....
Progress wasnt/isnt Linear but I will Say it is Worth it and Less Painful than the Isolated Crazy Hell....
Yes! My Narc husband made life miserable for me, that after 10 years I got depressed, and he said to me "I'm worried about you. Perhaps you have something wrong with you?"
I just went no contact whith my narsist mother 8 months ago I feel more stronger , more healthy and all good even god send me what I was looking for I m 44 I regret that I didn’t do this when 20 years ago bec really she waisted my energie for nothing
@@hanenetrabelsi4010 I hear you Loud and Clear!!!
How much fruitless time we spent begging, pleading, trying to clean up others Messes, clear thier Names, in some instances resulting in trying to counter-manipulate them to behave better( which feels really really Icky) too!!
All the While not having the time or energy left for our own Self Care, Thriving, Personal Growth, and the ability to Appreciate the Plethora of Beauty, and adventure this Life has to Offer.....
Honestly, all "mental illnesses" overlap symptoms. In the end, I believe those are just symptoms of the same disease: abuse/neglect/trauma.
I really wish the public and providers would think of it this way. That they'd remember these diagnoses stem from this stuff. We were harmed, we didn't want these conditions that have so much stigma.
Not true w chemical imbalances of the brain though. Especially when we have a long family history of it in the family. W trauma its just worse. Without trauma, it's still hell.
Yea, that be bunk tho. They don't really have tests for chemical imbalances in the brain. Any honest clinician will tell you that.
Thank you SO much for this video Dr. Ramani. My mother is bi-polar, and covertly narcissistic and I was her caretaker via Munch. by Proxy. My father is overtly narcissitic, and it took EVERYTHING to break the trauma bond and go no contact... boundaries literally nuked the majority of my relationships - as “they” were so used to my over-giving and empathy, they couldn’t reciprocate my love!
Now to find my chosen family post-Covid!
My ex would accuse me of having Bipolar disorder as well, and then he’d continue to invalidate my responses and gaslight me to the point where I’d believe his false accusations
I find it amusing that they accuse, judge and criticise others for having, say, Bipolar Disorder, when THEIR disorder (NPD) in my humble opinion, WAAAAY MORE DAMAGING!
@@ladybaabaa3294 I agree with you %100. Their Incapability to perceive or acknowledge insight is astonishing.
Thanks for accurately describing 20 years of my life. A therapist tried to get me to look at his bi-polar behavior. I didn't recognize until I left. Only now 5 years out, and in large part from you does it make sense.
My late husband was diagnosed and treated for bipolar. Psychiatrist never picked up on his narcissism and never bothered asking me. He spent most of our 5 years of marriage abusing me. There was only pills and no therapy. When the tranquillisers stopped working he committed suicide and left me in a mess. I'm still not sure he ever was bipolar, both or just narcissistic.
Both my sisters are bipolar. One sister is irritable and says mean comments, but later apologizes profusely. The other is manipulative, gaslights others says very unkind things, blames you and guilts you. She doesn’t say sorry but feels hurt and shamed when corrected. The first sister enables the other sister’s behavior and excuses it. Yikes!!! I finally understand and now using my Dr Ramani armor!
I had a boyfriend we recently broke up because it was just getting to be too much and he would do that he would say hurtful things and blame me and a lot of the accusations weren’t true but just the way his mind twisted things. Then he would either apologize or say let’s not fight anymore or let’s get back to how things were. Then we would be fine then out of nowhere strike again. In the end he told me some really mean cruel things. He tried to break me. I really did love who I thought he was but he showed me he really didn’t care about me.
Wow I recently had the worse experience with people who have narcissistic and bipolar disorder in one, they're extremely manipulative and evil.
Same and with my young grandson involved. I am now his legal guardian.🙏
My ex has bipolar and is a narcissist.... not the best relationship 😕
Y'all stay safe, bipolar-narc is an unpredictable situation.
@@eddierayvanlynch6133
I agree, it's a very deadly combination especially when alcohol is added to the list.
Hey, I have this combo. I’m not evil, but yes I’ve been extremely toxic. We’re deeply wounded people. I’m sorry you had this awful experience, I’ve had similar experiences myself. But please don’t just label us as evil. We may not be safe people to love but, speaking for myself, I’m doing my very best to be a better and more healthy person. It comes from intense trauma.
Thanks dr Ramani , this one hits home because I'm bipolar and this was a very good breakdown. I'm a narcissist when I'm manic and it's shit when you come down and recognise how you have behaved. It's part of the guilt that often follows the manic episodes which exacerbates the depressive side of bipolar. It was nice to see someone touch on the crossovers of narcissistic behaviours as I've seen alot of people self label narcissists without any actual knowledge of crossover behaviours caused from other mental health disorders. Was also nice to see you touch on the increased stress a narc can put on someone with bipolar , have personal experience with that and well when the narc gets you into a mania then you basically have two narcs battling and it's not pretty.
I guess I’m completely screwed then being with a man for almost thirty years & only learning in the last few years exactly how sick my husband truly is? It’s terrifying to live this way! I’ve always,always have said when my husband comes home we never know if we’re dealing with Jekyll or Hyde? TERRIFYING
I understand. Over 30 years here. You never know who you're getting or what the trigger will be. You aren't alone. You can't get gray enough, even when you gray rock.
Melody Derby I am married 32, almost 33 years to a wicked wicked malignant covert destructive narc. I stopped feeling anything for him last June when I discovered who he was. I gray rocked him for 4 solid months and slowly (monotone) called him out on behaviors. Told him in 30 years he (DARVO) deflects-attacks-reverse- victims-outlook. He left 6 weeks ago. Get to the core of the shame in them and they’ll go! 🙏
And yes, you’re correct... they are sick ..and demonic beings. Nothing they do is of God or of truth.
@@Iammzsmit That happened to me too. I was wanting to leave. They know when you're finally at that point. He made the first move by taking a large some of $ out of our bank account. I went and filed. He acted like he was glad I filed. Found out he already had someone else. Another source for him. He used her for a short time, then I'm sure on to another. It saddens me as I type this..still after almost 20 years.
@@caligirl1002 We need to live our best life now!! They are and always will be empty sad shells. I’ve been more blessed in the few weeks he’s been gone than ever. I am going through the phase of realizing he stole an entire marriage I could have had as I had many other options and almost did not marry him 😭 Regret.
This was really helpful in understanding the difference between bipolar and someone maybe just experiencing narcissistic supply and feeling elated. For my ex, there were clear things that could trigger that elated, manic-ish state, which I paid attention to because it was more pleasant than the depressive state (or narcissistic depletion). Good video!
My best friend believes that she is bipolar but is in a relationship with a narcissist and had a narcissistic father. I have tried to convince her that it's not necessarily bipolar but belief is powerful. I wish I could convince her.
I believe this is what happened to me. Abuse can cause so many physical and emotional issues. I am noticing all of my symptoms decreasing since I left my ex narc. I have been divorced for a little less than a year, and I guess I hoped everything would be good by now. But I was with him about 31years, married 29 years. It's just going to take time to heal. They labeled me bi- polar at a young age. I was in a deep depression. I wasn't doing anything like spending money, gambling, sleeping around ect. My husband was cheating, gaslighting, and plain abusive. I wanted a divorce, then my dad passed away. A year later they diagnosed me. They put me on some of the most Horrendous meds. I shook internally, started having seizures, ect. It was a living Hell. He went to a lawyer who told him to give me to the state. Had two babies to take care of. There was no way out at that point. I think he didn't want to take care of the kids alone, which probably kept him from doing it. I would be Very Careful of a 'Diagnosis'. They don't ask you what happened, they just slap a label on you. I believe I had PTSD or CPTSD. I'll never get a real diagnosis. Love to all of you who have walked in my shoes. May God Bless You. 🙏
I had a "friend" that Claimed his Ex Was BiPoloar....im now Afraid He was Abusing her the Whole time....he did not seem Empathetic in throwing that info out...lookimg back I believe it was his way of "invalidating" the reactive states she Displayed.....
The more Incongruency I Expierienced when He would periodically "Love Bomb" how much he had "Always" Loved me saying also I just wouldnt give him a chance.... yet many times over He would go Ghost...we Live a ways away so the Behaviour didn't Stand out...I would be told his Exs were Jealous of our Friendship....I worrt he also used me as a Form of Triangulation toward his Lovers.....
I tried to question some of the Behaviour met with Minimization and would get side lined by the Hopeless Romanticism....now hes gone Ghost again.....
It Definetly has been Less than Comfortable to Manage my own Hopeful Expectations of my Long time Childhood Friend, yet Im still Grateful that now days my Brain is not as capable to hold on to the Cognitive Dissonance when I Expierience the Inconsistencies....
I still expierience much Sadness and Loss, and at the same time Grateful my Brain Refused to Fall into this Trap again....
@@knowtruth2773 I am so sorry. May your heart be fully healed 💔💗💔
@@fairygurl9269 The ghosting is so traumatic. My narcissistic ex would ghost me repeatedly as well
@@ghuyakalika it is terribly Unsettling, and you want so Bad to give the benefit of Doubt....or blame yourself that you perhaps you didn't address the Inconsistencies compassionately enough.....
Warm Thoughts of a more Peaceful inner Landscape for those who have expierienced this Extremely unsettling discomfort....
When my son was little he said that his dad was “tripolar”-either mad,sad or glad. Out of the mouths of babes.
That is quoteable!
@@Star-dj1kw 🙂
Having Bipolar 1, I'll give my two cents!
When I'm manic, I often think highly of myself but I also gain a closer connection/bond to those around me, so not only my view of myself as amazing, but I also view those around me being just as amazing too, I can go on spending sprees just by buying gifts for my friends, or even have deeper conversations cause I am in a "good" state of mind and really open my heart out. I never feel like I need to belittle people to make myself feel better, cause I already think I'm great and the people around me are usually just as great! 🤩
You’re probably not a narc then
My 1st marriage was with a bipolar and borderline person. IT WAS HELL!! Abuse is abuse. Bipolar freakout rage selfish issues was off the chain uncontrollable. They refused meds...refused therapy...AND drove me over the edge to being hospitalized for 11 days. Freakin' nervous breakdown. I divorced it when I got out. Mention bipolar to me and I cringe. I don't walk away...I run like hell.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how devastating this must have been 🥺 I'm glad you got away. 💕
I guess I can imagine it in some way because I have both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar 2. I can understand why you'd run.
Gratefully, I've been able to get effective medication and constant thorough therapy. And am hell bent on changing.
That was my dad! Bipolar paranoid schizophrenic but his cycles were hourly. Childhood sucked lol. I hope you've been able to have the time you need to heal and move forward from all that crap!
@@KitKat-gw4rh good on you for getting treatment and being determined to be your healthiest person. My dad was also quite narcissistic so he didn't need to change, me and my mother did.
@@shoopydoopy9388 - Ohhhh... the mood cycles were horrifying. Been no contact for 4 years. I have PTSD from living thru it. My son became a military cop because of this. Always defend the helpless I told him. I remember having to physically pull that thing off of him. It was on too. That's no parent...thats why I call it a creature. It'd jump out the car or threaten to while moving. Grab the steering wheel while I'm on the interstate. It threw ice water on me in the middle of the night because I couldn't stay awake. I was exhausted. It's family was tired of dealing with it. I was done. That's why...the word bipolar, narcissist, sociopath or psychopath...makes me hypervigilant. I'd rather fight than stand back and see someone get ran over. My empathy stops for any abuser. It's abuse no matter how anyone looks at it. I lost who I was and now after 4 years...I found myself. I can breathe but in the back of my mind...I'll never forget.
I'm very sorry you had to live thru that with your Dad.
It's not fair to you growing up in that chaos. You're fortunate to walk out alive. Most people don't understand that. However for myself...it taught me that's the way not to act and treat people.
Have a blessed and peaceful day Shoopy Doopy.
@@KitKat-gw4rh - I hope everything works out for you.
I'm so happy you posted this video. My ex was diagnosed to have bi-polar, but I'm 100% sure he is a covert narcissist. The dynamic can be very very similar, but the cruelty, constant overly selfish behaviour and complete lack of empathy. Also the victim mentality does reveal what's going on...
Thank you for all the visdom you put out for us. Your videos were hugely helpful to me during my recovery
@@stfu7870 exactly what I've experienced... Not even towards his child.
Thank you Doctor Ramani for the episode. I was diagnosed with bipolar 6 months after I got out of 10 years narcissistic relationship. I'm still coping with the diagnose although I see that I showed symptoms long before I went to the psychiatrist. There was no time and space for self-reflection when I was with the narcissist, I was just facing daily battles to change him. I'm on my way to heal now and your videos played huge role in it.
You have an amazing attitude! I wish you well.
I can't believe that even they can't stop revealing my secrets!
It's hurting
No problem
I'm getting tolerant of these
I must face society
Even if I'm afraid
I must
And I won't doubt myself or blame myself
Thanks 😊
Exactly! Everyone excused my mother because she has bipolar disorder while I suffered the narcissistic abuse for decades. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank You for this explanation & separating the differences between bi polar & narcissism. My ex definitely has both. When he was diagnosed as bi polar, it was such a relief to know & as you stated, the let down, to learn there was much more, medication wasn't helping with.
I've only recently come to learn & understand the narcissistic part. While I never tried to fix him, I knew that it wasn't my job &/or to hope that things would get better, I literally got trapped years ago, without support, family, friends, etc. He had full control over my life, to such an extent, that I rarely left the house. I had no where to go, to call, to seek assistance. Even the police, shelters, etc., would say that if he hadn't hit me, they could not help me. I was put in a corner, where I could be monitored, to await his next need of me. I cannot express enough, how much I appreciate you. I no longer feel stupid, for not getting out sooner, for not defending myself. THANK YOU
Both is difficult and going back and forth is frustrating
I was hoping to hear more about how narcissistic abuse affects the partner with bipolar disorder.
The manic will be ground to nothing and be disposed of asap. Covert maglinant mom never got any financial support after their divorce as she didn't ask for any which I found bewildering as he had a good pension, she went onto marrying another man which I never bothered to met!
Same, I've never heard anyone speak about the effects of parental narcissistic abuse on a bipolar person.
@@lovinliverpool I need this too, sadly.
me too, this is what I need to deal with where there even as bipolar, I was often attacked in my weakest moments and actually was always expected to be manic to keep up with her.
I can say something about my father, who was bipolar and his parents, who I believe had strong narcissistic traits.
My grandparents believed that they were a bit better than their neighbors. My grandfather was a policeman with a good education. He spoke English as a foreign language (which in Germany in the 50s most people didn’t).
My grandmother was a housewife, who came from a relatively wealthy and a bit posh family.
And I think they thought of their son to be a little special, too. They sent him to first grade when he was only five (normal age would be six in Germany).
It‘s just that my father didn’t live up to their standards. As the son of the village policeman, my grandfather expected impeccable behavior from him, which he didn’t always show. Just a normal kid and teenager, who was sometimes rebellious.
Also he barely got by in school and showed no above average talent, as my grandmother had expected.
Once as a teenager my father didn’t do his chores and instead did some mechanic work on his moped with his friends. When he finally came home, my grandfather was already waiting for him in the driveway and beat him so terribly, that other people had to stop him, because they thought, my grandfather might beat my father to death, otherwise.
So this is the mixed message my grandparents sent my father: You’re fantastic, you’re better than others...unless you disappoint us, then you’re completely worthless, not even your life is safe.
It’s understandable how this translates into bipolar, with grandiose and depressed/fearful episodes.
Unfortunately my father also developed some narcissistic traits and never really understood his family dynamic.
This was actually very interesting and helpful for me. I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and it now makes sense why the last decade of my life was so crazy. Having a bipolar disorder is already difficult on its own and be abused by a narcissist and having a toxic environment at the same time is a total nightmare. A lot of self-blame was, to be honest, was released because of this video! Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! and congrats to on the way to 600k Subs! been here since 150k subs and you're absolutely fantastic! Thank you for what you do Dr. Ramani!
I also think that the addictive nature of narcissistic relationships can make people with bipolar disorder especially susceptible to them, particularly if unmedicated. It makes the highs and lows of that relationship all the more intense, keeping you trapped in a chase for the highs especially when you’re low. Also, the lows are so insanely low that they cause a degree of desperation, that the narcissist can then use to their advantage. All the while, the relationship is making your bipolar disorder worse. It’s kind of like how people with bipolar disorder are likely to abuse substances even though they ultimately make the disorder worse. (That could just be my experience though.)
Wow, great insight! 👍
I completely understand and agree!
Not just you. I had a very recent relapse on alcohol and cannabis. I am just coming down to earth again. My life feels meaningless. I am not doing well financially either.
I have had the pleasure of enduring a type 2 bi-polar partner for several years until it was diagnosed as well as a long term so-called friendship with a narcissist. Both revelations occurred in that order. The narc stuff I had already mostly figured out and although spooked by it, I had already worked through a lot of the BS that came with it and acknowledged the weakness being displayed by other so-called friends. The bi-polar relationship however took a lot more to figure out and extract myself from due to being a love interest and upon further reflection I definitely feel that there is also some narcissistic traits that were displayed at certain times such as the need for admiration and to be the centre of attention, stonewalling, lack of ability to reflect on ones own behaviour and in fact an refusal to do so, held high on a pedestal then discarded, arrogance and haughty nature. Best thing that happened to me was the ending of that relationship which lead me to travel and meet my now fantastic wife who is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks Doc Ramani. You do really good....no..... fantastic work!
I'm so glad you got free and found your happiness ❤️
i wish your story could be mine. im just walking away from an abusive narc-bipolar man and hope future is good
Dad's a covert narc and mom actually developed bipolar bc of traumatic childhood + adulthood partner abuse. Moral of the story, get tf out of an abusive / narc relationship asap, this can actually save your sanity (and life, possibly).
Mom has bipolar 2 btw.
My mum is a Narcisist and my Brother is bipolar 1. Now, thanks to all your videos I I feel like I can see my family for the first time. Omg 🥺
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️
I would like to see a video series about people with narcissistic personality in relationships with partners that have bipolar disorder, as well as other psychological concerns. Situations where the partner to the narcissist has a preexisting disorder or concern. That's what I thought this was, so while it is great information to see the overlap, I was disappointed to have misunderstood the title. Your videos are incredibly insightful. Thank you.
@ Melissa Curry. I thought that too . My Foster mother was a narcissist and my husband too . My daughter is bi polar . My personality has been like that , up and down, my husband used to complain when I was up .( tho I always managed to hang onto my sanity ) We both had severe post natal depression which went on for years. My husband was incapable of supporting me at that time and showed no empathy . I'm wondering if the narcissist contributes to or causes manic depression. My son in law says horrid things to my daughter, is always putting her down, it certainly wouldn't be marvellous if he was a narcissist.
My daughter now has MS . I have fibromyalgia among other things. I have often wondered if the abuse caused it .
I too hope Dr. Romani addresses this . God bless K
Exactly. It requires more meds, it exacerbates the moods, and you can learn every technique in the book, know every single coping and self-soothing technique, but that abuse is going to have an effect. I particularly wonder if it affects rapid cycling mixed state moods.
I’ve always wanted a reality show like (real world). where it’s a bunch of narcs but they don’t know the other people are narcs and just see how it goes
@@katharinedavis4947 married to a narc for 27 years. I’m not dx with anything but i was suffering narc abuse. At the end I was having panic attacks and I realized this is how people get cancer and things like MS. I just felt like my long term health would be at risk. It added to my strength to leave.
@@NikkiBNice I AGREE. K
Right on point today Dr. Ramani! Exactly what I've been wondering. The comparison between a Narcissist and a Bipolar person. I've been reading and watching different information about both for a few years. The last year of watching your videos everyday. Comparing my family members as well as ex husbands to the symptoms of bipolar vs. narcissism. Wondering is it this or is it that. For 2 of my people it's both. Your presentation today clarified this for me. I can now see the difference, and since it's both for 2 people, I can stop believing their excuses, and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt for their behavior. It's sad that they have bipolar, and even more sad that they are narcissistic too. I've taken the blame, the rage, guilt, gaslighting, verbal abuse, and on and on most of my life. Started as a little girl I'm now 74. Been on my own now over 16 years, and still experiencing the effects from both conditions from my adult son. It's so much harder when it's your son. BP and NARC. I'm tired. But you are my boost of energy and light everyday Dr. Ramani. Again, Thank you so very much for your support. Oh and one last comment. It's NOT my fault. If any of you read this, please, please remember it's NOT YOUR FAULT.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani, for answering my question I posted in one of your previous videos. My dad has Bipolar 1 and has narcissistic traits. I wanted to know if these conditions could co-exist. His Bipolar is under control with medication, but the narc traits..Nah! As you said, it's there to stay forever! It's ingrained in his DNA! Your videos have helped me manage my relationship with my dad, especially the DEEP technique. I divorced my nex, but I can't do the same with dad. I appreciate all that you do, doc!
I asked for this video recently and didn’t realize it was already made… thank you Dr. Ramani!!! This is sooo helpful!!!!
Been following your channel for a while, love your content so much. Thinking about signing up for your workshop! :)
Dr. Ramani thank you for this. This is a very specific topic that is not addressed often. I have BPD and I was with a narcissistic partner. It means a lot that a clinical psychologist recognises how tough it is to have BPD and to live with a Narc. Towards the end of our relationship, I was actually the mature stable person and I was mostly calm not falling for his triggers. After watching this video, I realize how strong I am, for managing BPD and living with a Narc, in a calm manner. Thank you❤️
I wish I would have seen this video earlier. I am dealing with someone that has both. They finally took meds and was doing great. But since stopping
Psychosis has returned and this person doesn’t think anything is wrong. It feels like bad dream on repeat . Any positive vibes this way would be much appreciated!! ✌🏽
They need some deliverance prayer videos. Noah Hines channel has many on mental health. They’ve helped me in many areas. God bless ❤️
I’m seeing this in a close family member she is having both and it’s so difficult to handle.
That was it! It was so confusing. I tried everything.She took her life at 76, but I was with her 24 yrs. The doctors that she went to did not get this, it was after I wrote a descriptive 35 paper describing every thing she did gave one doctor a clue. Thank you for these videos, I wish I had seen them earlier!
Well put. When my bipolar type 1 ex would start to come down from mania, she would continue the constant blame and victimization while never accepting any responsibility - even when she was finally thinking more clearly. It never got better so I had to leave, as much as it still hurts
As usual doctor I find your information invaluable.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for discussing NPD & bipolar disorder together. They are different disorders w/ some similar characteristics. The information you provide is always helpful. Keep up the great work!
I was thinking about this the other day. And I didn’t know I started to master in 2017 how to control my emotions and working with difficult patients who were very needy/demanding/entitled and later own learned they were narcissists or had narcissistic tendencies extremely manipulative and I always let them know up front you are not special or the only patient I have to take care off. I can get you anything you want but like every patient everyone will have give the same amount of time at least.
Oh, my! 😲 What a Godsend it is for you to have posted THIS one. Thank YOU! 💗🙏🏼🙋🏽♀️
Just had a narcissist try to make me jealous of another person on the job, by saying the they should probably do it the way "person x" does it. It's so funny cause there is this dramatic pause right after they say. But it respond with glee and say your absolutely correct, then they get a brain freeze as that was not the expected response. Also finding more and more that narcissists are lovers of inwindows and 1-upping others. They especially cannot take back what they dish out.
Wait are saying you gray rocked (blank face) and they realized it shows it didn't affect you?
You made the best distinction between bipolar and narcissism. If the mood shifts minute to minute or hour to hour or day to day, that isn’t bipolar - it is a personality disorder. My husband seems bipolar, but it’s hour to hour, which is how I know it’s the narcissism.
In regards to what Dr. Ramani said about consistency: While exclaiming to my therapist, "Do you know what he did this time?!" His wise answer was, "Well at least he is predictable." And I have a theory: overt narcissists sleep very well at night because they don't have much of a conscience.
Dr. Ramani for president 🙌🏾
A narcissist around me has been known to say that their Ex was bi-polar, but I never saw any swings, and since the narc lies all the time I’m not believing it. I have then heard others say the same about a narcissist they knew. Convenient that the narc “went through so much” “living with” a tough Dx (diagnosis). A previous boss specialized in bipolar. I’m not an expert, just not seeing it.
Thank you for addressing this overlap between narcissism and bipolar disorder. I have spent 30 years (15 married/15 divorced) trying to understand the craziness that became my life while married to a mentally ill clinical psychologist. No one in my regular life wants to listen to the “lengthy “pop-psychology/psychobabble“ and, honestly, it wears me out, too. I have summarized it as “the perfect storm of narcissism and bipolarDisorder. Thank you for confirming that that exists!
Yep my ex tried to convince me I had bipolar because my moods went up and down. Turns out my moods were up and down for good reason, Narcissistic abuse. Depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I'm almost 3 years out of that marriage nightmare, and my life is great. Depression is gone, no medication, no doctors visits, lost 30kgs and fit and healthy, working full time in my own business, and have a healthy relationship with a new partner. To anyone in the same position i was in, HANG IN THERE! things get better.
😊 I lost weight too! Almost fully healed and ready to find my person ❤
Congratulations...this is so great to hear. I am very happy for you. Well done!
This is just the video I‘ve been asking for here in the comment section, because my father was bipolar with narcissistic traits.
Thank you for making this video, Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani would you please do a series about attachment styles, how to work on them and how some people with certain attachment style can be an easier target to narcs. Thank you again for all of your amazing efforts
I’ve been waiting for this video. This is me. Bipolar 2, and covert narcissism. Had no idea about the bipolar until a couple of years ago when repressed memories of sexual trauma in my childhood resurfaced.
Knew I was dating narcissists left and right, but couldn’t see it in myself until 2020. 🤦♀️
How do we go about healing? I feel lost at sea with no hope. When I’m in my depressed state, I don’t want to be me anymore, I want out of this life. None of my therapists recognized either of these issues and just diagnosed me with depression and ptsd. I’m so thankful for these videos, dr. Ramani.
Dr ramani my ex was narcs so was my mil and they used to call me toxic over my silly mistakes 😅
Yest mine fixed something by applying a piece of transparent scotch tape over it, later he asked if I'd removed it (no honey that's what you do, undo what I've done) "Maybe it dried and fell off, shall I look on the floor for it?" - "No!"
Later I checked and saw it's still there! 🙄 🙂 😊
Thank you 10000 times Doctor Ramini to shine your bright light on what i suspect my ex narc/ bipolar is suffering from.
Please do a video about mothers day for kids with narcissistic moms! I feel like im dead in the water over here because my mom is already expecting me to disappoint her. :(
She won't be grateful whatever you do. Even if she is on that day it'll all be undone later when she's verbally abusing you, so all you have to do is what makes you comfortable. If you can say to yourself "I did my best" and stand in your truth, knowing you love her and try (as exhausting as it is) then that's all you can do. Ultimately just being grateful that she still has her family during this pandemic and for her to know her daughter is supporting herself in whichever way, should be enough. Love is Love. Stuff doesn't make a relationship. Effort does. If there's only one-sided effort then maybe evaluate your desire to please and do less...x good luck
I have been no contact since last summer, and my life has normalized and my mind is clear. I don’t want the pressure of Mother’s Day to get myself back in the quicksand. It took so many years to get free. Still, I might have to do something, or maybe not. I so request your advise, Dr.Ramani.
@@suzannesmith5339 don't. You'll just torment yourself and you may get the "Why did you bother, not like you cared" response. Be kind to yourself. And well done on sticking firm. X
To thine own self be true. We owe our abusers NOTHING, no matter their relationship to us. Sending you love & strength on Mother’s Day.
My mother is a textbook narcissist and my son has bipolar or schizoaffective, depending on the shrink. I am not the only person with this kind of family situation and despite the fact that psychiatry as not yet come to a conclusion on this, I believe there is a connection. When my son was little, I remember telling the family therapist that I often felt like was raising my mother. Before he started hallucinating, he was a lot like her.
Mental illnesses is real 🤦♀️I just want to live the best I can with mine 🤷♀️life is to short at my age to give a shit what others think about me 😊thanks doc 💐🙏
Stunning in its brilliance and clarity~!
Thank you 🙏🏻
I extremilly happy to learned after many years that I have nothing wrong.. Nothing wrong is in me. The problems was those people in my earlier years of my life that cause soooo much confusion. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your teaching. I keep learning from you every day. I send a lot of love and gratitude. 😊🥰😍
My sister was diagnosed as Bipolar. But even with treatment she still has narc tendencies I no longer wish to coddle her behaviors but she told me she doesn’t think she’s Bipolar she believes she’s BPD. Either way it’s all exasperating. I’m emotionally spent.
She still needs to take responsibility and get therapy.
@@Jess-kn8vl Yea she’s still in therapy but “taking responsibility” tends to be a hard blow for a weak heart. It’s frustrating everything is a trigger or “people need to be more understanding” of piss poor behaviors. I just love folks for a safe distance.
@@Mllascelles1 My family is like that towards my older sister who has been a drug addict for 14 years. No one can point out her mistakes for fear she might go off the deep end for being called out on her behavior. The trail of destruction she has led has been so devastating and she still has not seen a therapist for any comorbid disorders. Our mother is a narcissist, my brother went no contact with all of us many years ago, which was hard on his multiple sclerosis and I dont blame him and I have CPTSD. But both my mother and sister still point the fingers at anyone who sets healthy boundaries, its unbelievable.
@@Jess-kn8vl oh my...my mother is narcissist and my ex husband is a narcissist...I was just diagnosed with MS and it was brought to my attention CPTSD. Ugghhh sometimes I hate it here. I’m so hypersensitive to “bad/negative” behaviors because of the experiences. I’ve no contact and gray rock from family and friends. I’ve a friend over 20 years and just realized she hates personal boundaries. I quietly disassociated from her and now knee deep in an ugly smear campaign of complete lies. They alleged NPD isn’t the majority of society but it sure doesn’t seem that way. I wish both you and your brother peace and happiness. I totally get it...but my heart broke a little when I read your comment. So relatable.
@@Mllascelles1 I hear you a lot of people are chronic antagonists and it takes a toll on our health! Thank you for the kind words and I hope you find comfort and healing quickly on this journey. My brother was diagnosed in 1996 and there has been a lot more research on managing MS and higher cases of remission with a combination of both medical and functional medicine. 🌱 I personally believe stress management is the highest priority first. I have CPTSD we believe thats comorbid with insulin resistance due to chronic stress, chronic levels of epstein barr antibodies and hashimotos thyroiditis.
🧡THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, DR. RAMANI❤You are the first person I've ever heard address how the health of a person with bipolar disorder is affected by a narcissist.💚 I can never express how much this means to me. 💛Thanks, Dr. Ramani💜
My ex was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was a child and has always refused to take medication. I explained away all of the patterns of narcissistic personality disorder (lovebombing, discarding, grandiose behavior, gaslighting, future faking etc) to the bipolar disorder. On top of that he would use uppers and sometimes become physically violent and quite frankly psychotic. Now looking back I wonder if he was misdiagnosed or if he suffers from both disorders. Thanks for the content it's been very useful for my healing process
I think we have the same ex 😳
As far as I unserstand,Doctor says during mania episodes they can act like a narcissist but actually they are not.She means that these symptoms can overlap.However,some have both, bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder and it is much more difficult to cope with.
I wonder why they do the future faking..
Bipolar 2 here. I can't believe how on point this is. Never realized this is why I talk so fast
My mother's eyes turn black when she gets angry. I group up with severe narcissist abuse.
Thank you so much for this! This is something of great interest to me because I have a brother with Bipolar I. Medication, even in large doses, does little to help. When manic he seems very narcissistic. But even when depressed he is often sharp, disinterested and intolerant with even the best of his friends. Growing up, he was Mother’s favorite (she admitted this to a family friend who was ‘kind’ enough to tell me). He was a very intelligent, creative child who now admits proudly that he has always hated authority.
I stayed with a narc for way too long because I thought he was bpd and if only he could get some help, we'd be okay. Problem was actually he was doing a ton of coke, drinking, doing other drugs. I dunno know if he's bpd or not, but I had to get out.
You’re the best dr RAMANI watch you every video you post absolutely changing life’s and make as understand dealing all can of behaviour thanks you again 🙏.
My father has Bipolar and narcissistic personality. I have Bipolar 1, PTSD from my father's emotional abuse and emotional abandonment, and sexual abuse from one of my foster families. My mother had to leave my father when I was 3 and my brothers 2 and 1 because of the narcissistic abuse from my father. Of course my father was able to get custody because of setting my mother up😪 From the age of 5 until the age of 29 I had no idea were my mother was. My father had taken me and my brothers overseas to his country of origin. I never gave up on looking for her and eventually I was able to find her and reunite with her at the age of 30. In the family we never talked about my mother. It was taboo. More likely because it was unspokenly forbidden. Now I am almost 63 and it still hurts badly. More often than not I still cry from the pain.
Warm Hugs to your Inner Child, Children Do Not Deserve this!!!
Omg I feel so sorry ❤ feel hugged from a sad girl oim Germany
You look beautiful, Dr. Ramini!❤️❤️