Seriously, I hate to be one of “those women” but is it even worth it to date? I’m losing my motivation. I love men, I love masculine energy. I don’t desperately need a man, but I’m happy in my life and would very much like to share that with someone romantically. But listening to this and what I’ve experienced in dating men are exhausting. Compromise is always welcome, but why are women expected to tiptoe around men’s fragile egos and primal neuroses? You tell a guy you like him you are labeled as needy, and if you don’t fawn over him you’re not open and receptive enough. It’s too much!
Find a man who is humble. There are some. There are some that take responsibility to offer a gift through their relationship. The rest are a waste of time.
Its really annoying that wanting to spend time with person we like is called chasing them. But men's brain really work like that, if you like them they think you're chasing and they leave. I'm so done with it
I would say a women's brain works like that too, nobody is attracted on clinging or playing too cool, there must be balance, some middle line we should go on
Ive learned to just match the energy of the person I am dating. I'm not going to purposely "play it cool" just to get someone to like me and I've also learned not to be overbearing / attached to someone who isn't showing that same energy towards me. There is definitely a balance between clingy/overbearing and being distant
Keyword. Be yourself. So if a guy or a woman thinks u r desperate or chasing him/her, it's their prob already. And once you feel you are offended by their reaction or response about you just being yourself and showing interests on him/her, it's better to pull back and love yourself more.
@@briannox6540 not at all :) I''m happy as I am now. I admit that I want a man, capable with principles & on the same frequency with me as a partner in my life, but as I mentioned I have a well developed self-esteem & I 'll not lower my standards for anyone! 😃 Well, when that man will appear in my life and he'll appreciate me, being a woman, I'll know how to behave, show him the respect he deserves & my love! ❤ Thank you for everything you do here for all of us, much appreciation! 👏👏👏
This is why I'm loosing interest in dating. Do this wait! Don't do that. Like me for who I am or forget it. I'm not into playing a game of chess with a man.
Be as you are and happy and keep it on God trust me he will come to you Mr.Right! These points they give are nice but doesn't work all the time! Cos love is from God it's chemistry no one knows why and how! Some men if you give them a lot of love they will feel suffocated and some men if you ignore them they will feel attracted to you! So just be you and wish for the good and he will come! Sory to interfere but this from my experience! Hope it helps you for it future.....
Please be yourself. I had the Worst time with dating and I blamed it on so many things. BUT.. No matter what I was always me, and if he didn’t like it-oh well-someone will. One day I met him, and he loves me exactly for who I am. We definitely broke every “rule.” We’re in love and getting married. It’s crazy how easy it is when it’s for you, and all you have to be is yourself. 💞
Yesss.. Forget It! Coz, I'm Pretty Much Straight Forward & Absolutely Serious Person Abt Dating & All That Relationship Criteria.. So, If The Man's Not Seeming/Matching Wth My Vibes Abt Relationship Since The 1st Interactions.. IT'S NOT COOL FOR ME (I'M NOT FKNG AROUND THE STREET GUY!) 😎
Thank you for not sharing the typical tipps, that every dating guru shares, like playing it cool and teasing everytime. Because as soon as you show your true self you will get hurt by someone who is just playing games. To create true intimacy it is important to be authentic
No need for an apology, it is crystal clear. Oh and by the way, if someone nags you with this whole language thing, you know what to do: type in German to confuse them.
Honestly. It’s not a game. Men, if they like someone, they do something about it, if they don’t, well they won’t. Women should NEVER approach. Sure flirt a little but if he doesn’t hone in.. he’s not into u. He will go for what he wants. It’s true.
Agree. This summer i was in some flirty sutuation with a guy. I know he kinda wants me .I want him back. It was last btween us . He lives in other country so ..one more reason i would not go for him. Plus i was expecting from him if he wants me ..to find out my number ..to text me ..for drink or someting ..but he never did. The only he dis and honestly he ask me that couple of times ..would you like us to go for a ride. But i did not like it . Bcz ..what does it mean to go for ride !? What kind invitation is that? For me it is awkqard. Looks just like we gonna cruise all over the city and them he will stop engine somewhere for a kiss ..and then we gonna go to his place ..amd i dont like that raw idea. No effort at all from his part. So i was like ..his intetions is sex ..and i dont mind but he needs to put more effort even just sex. Which i dont mind ..bcz anyways he lives in Swiss/ abroad ..so sex is the only what i would do for that hot summer. I dont want to aproach first, And i would never do his part instead of him . I dont want to teach adult man how he should get women he wants. it was huge chemistry between us ..i guess i am stuborn . He will be here again for winter holidays ..then summer again ..so flirting is hoter then just do the job .
I'm a man. If a woman plays it cool, or starts to play games, I instantly lose my interest. In relationships with people, not just women, I value sincerity. There is NO WAY for me to start chasing after someone. If someone's pretending to be disinterested, that means it's not a human for me to bond with, she's insincere and treats me like she's a "better" than me. Humans have the same value in the universe. If some human thinks she/he is better than the human of the opposite gender, that's a big ego, and a big turn off to me. Men want to be openly liked and wanted too. We have eyes and minds, and we see that women like us. We like to have close, loving, sincere relations with many women, without the need to jump into a s.xual relationship with anybody. We definetly don't choose the insincere ones, who play games and thinks she's better, and worth chasing.
Well, in my situation, I got quite turned off when he was starting to play games with me, which made my interest level go down. So in my situation, I am not pretending to not be interested. I ain't giving him no more attention after all of his tactics, even if it means losing him.
You know I start playing games when my feelings are at stake and I’m scared as hell - but still can not let go. It’s a vicious cycle… Maybe it’s the same with men?
Exactly, I'm not playing hard to get, I'm interested but cautious and not in a hurry. Also my attention is focused on different things not just him. He's not the center of my world but a beautiful part of it if only he was more secure within himself and with us.
I told a guy I liked him and asked to date him. He said yes but never was into me as I was into him. It fizzled after a year (we didn’t live in the same city). I like my boldness, going after what I like. The outcome not meeting my hope is irrelevant.
Build a friendship before anything.... Then you'll know weather or not you have what it takes to truly make something beautiful out of it or not..... Ya never know .... We only live once.
i heard a psychologist say.." if you Feel like when you first meet a GUY that feels like you know him your whole life RUNNNNN , it is a memory from the past of a GUY who didn't work out, but it feels familiar, so you wind up choosing the WRONG GUY AGAIN...
Interesting. It’s what others would call twin flame or soulmate. Also, didn’t think psychologists believed in past life or promoted that idea. Finally, if it didn’t work out in the past life, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t be together in this one; we have sayings such as: see you in the next life, we’re not meant to be together in this life, but hopefully we will be in the next, etc
I used to naturally think like that, but it seems to me that the majority of relationships coaches on TH-cam are teaching that you should be naturally distant and busy to build his interest... like you couldn't be at the same time a woman in love and with an interesting life. But that is like they are giving advices on how to force interest in someone who isn't alredy good for you. Thanks Bryan, we need more content on what "showing healty interest" is. Please keep sharing more about it.
As a very strong, direct woman…I used to be very direct with the men I liked. Inevitably, they would run or it just wasn’t right. Men are hunters. They need to hunt and it’s a solid gauge of a mans interest. Men will go after what they want…I don’t think as women we need to act uninterested, but definitely do not chase a man. He will just use you until he finds something better suited to his desires. Soul crushing…just sit back, flirt and let him come to you.
If they would use you, who is the wrong guy anyway which is almost 98% of them from statistics and failed marriages and messed up and humble unclassy human beings on this so exhausting I’m tired of dating haven’t even started
@@Portia620 being patient and allowing him to woo you and show his interest will avoid a lot of heart ache. Of course there are men who just love a chase and will lose interest the second they’ve got you…but you can set the pace, boundaries and if he’s really interested, he will wait and woo. Players will move on eventually. Women have forgotten that we are in charge if we act right and ALLOW it to happen. And don’t jump into bed to fast.
I agree with this, but I tend to “play it cool” with some more than others and often times it’s because there is something about him I feel I need to guard myself from.. I just haven’t figured it out yet.
I'm always having trouble with 2 things first being in warn ,fun mode and not serious business mode. Second Telling a guy I like that I like him is very difficult because I've had some very unpleasant experiences associated with showing that kind of emotion.
The very thing I can’t bear is Game Playing... I understand caution ⚠️, I’m cautious aren’t we all after life experiences..but sometimes just being plain honest works better than any friggin pointless soul destroying mind game .
Usually if I don't care, the man is after me. When I do, it's hard, usually he doesn't care about me then. So I guess the right answer is showing the same energy that he does.
Healthy interest sounds like indifference: if not this person, then the next.. When we are genuinely attracted and interested in someone, we can make mistakes so consciously detach your actions from your emotions around that person: good luck ! I wish everyone watching this video find the person that’s right for them 💕
What kind of ... is this? If someone invited me on a date on a thrusday and I really didn't have time and said that, I would have loved him to propose other days, I wouldn't want to start making suggestion myself, knowing he might be busy. Being persistant is not desperation, it is showing zeal and interest! I would respect such a man more, if I liked him before. I hate those mind games... argh... Praise the Lord I am married already - to a bold man who would have made another suggestion, if we still dated. Frankly, we dated with the intention to get married so it was a differnt league. There was no need to play it cool. If you are reading this, I hope you will find the true love of you life and will be able to be open about your intentions and feelings.
@@briannox6540 Why would someone want that :-O ? If the person did something wrong and the ex left? - Why not apologize for it and change? getting back together might have any sense in that case. If however the ex just left because you are not compatible or have different goals in life - then it is for the best they left.
All of your advice is killing me! I have the most unique situation that you can imagine. After almost 40 years he comes back into my life apologizes for what happened before and I’m like putty. I can’t help myself I had shut down my entire being for the past eight years. I decided that I was just gonna be alone and I’d be fine with that and I was just going through the motions just fine. He shows up I have a visceral reaction in my body just goes berserk on me. I literally cannot control myself. I was up for two days and I wasn’t eating. That is never me ever in this world never me. I’m somebody that would normally stress eat but nope first time ever couldn’t eat for anything didn’t want it I was fine and flying high. Now I think I might’ve overdone it but I was just so excited I couldn’t help myself and he was excited to see me but I think I might’ve got a little bit far. I’m still in love with him and I’ve been in love with him since I was 19 years old and I don’t know what to do about it. And he’s the one that came to me so I don’t know we have another hiccup but I don’t wanna put that out here. If there was anyone that I could talk to it would be greatly appreciated because this is a very Unique and difficult situation. I hope you have a good weekend I know this was two years ago that you posted it. Not sure if you’ll get to read this or not
That's sounds really tough, sorry to hear that. All I can say is stay strong and try speak with a trusted friend. Or try communicate with him about how you are feeling and try work something out. Hope things get better for you. Keep going!!
Curious about what you did and how this went. Did he reach out with genuine intentions, and a well-meaning curiosity to get to rediscover who you are after all this time apart? Or was it a more desperate attempt for him to find companionship, and see what former abuses he can still get away with around you? Or perhaps a bit of both?
@ LOL! I’ve never taken abuse ever. It’s a wait and see right now. I’m working through rehabilitation of a Broken femur that was nonunion. I’m not quite ready to move forward as yet. Just taking time to figure out things.
Another great video from Hiirt!! Thank you for your refreshing sense of humour, heaps of really great advice, and being probably the most watchable guy doing these posts! You're my fav. ❤🙏🙂🙂🙂
I have no time, energy, or patience to play these foolish games with a grown ass man. Either we're doing this or we're not. Idgaf if that comes off as "needy". This dude can call it needy, I will call it being a fookin adult and being conscious of not wasting my time or someone else's.
If I like a guy, he would know, my body language and warmth will give me away. But I would wait for him to make a move. If he does - we go from there, if not - his loss. Get mature.
a guy who grew up in greece i was in a relationship with said growing up he and his friends would talk to different girls to get used to rejection. i think it’s a good idea to get in the habit of being okay with exploring relationships, whether they work out or not. less painful and more to learn and ways to grow.
Nowadays men are pampered like highly sensitive babies and much of this comes from the internet and too many coaches of the different varieties. We should get to know ourselves, men as well as women, heal our trauma and take responsibility for ourselves and our lifes. Selfrespect and respect for others comes automatically
Yeah, totaly true, playing cool and showing no interest will bring you nowhere dear ladies and in 2 years he might, no he will be, in another relationship. Just do it smooth, be a little touchy and follow Brian´s teachings. Good luck!
2:05 - _raises hand_ you've not met me. Every guy I've ever expressed interest in does a 180 and completely cuts me out of his life then immediately starts dating anyone who will say they'll go out with him. And I'm introverted - it takes me a really long time, weeks (usually months and sometimes even years) of talking face to face, and a lot of motivation to just say "hey, do you want to go get coffee?" only to be slapped in the face with the world's fastest case of a missing person.
Intermittent reinforcement is an abusive behavioural pattern. Approach avoidant = Come here/go away. I love you/I hate you. Hot/cold. Is a major red flag in Narcissistic abuse 🚩
What to do and how not to be guarded or cold with someone who was cold to me and hurt me, but now wants another chance? I don't know how to not be cold now. I was previously honest, vulnerable and matching him and his communication style. I'm a very independent person and have never acted needy but I am also authentic, kind, and generous person. Anyway, now my walls are up and I'm not so nice. I can't help being authentic and I can't hide how I feel so much. Kind of hate him now so he gets my bad side. He's someone i can't avoid either.
Wow. Your videos are really good at making me realize how immature I am, how bad I am at romance and how much I’ve screwed up my chance to ever be with a certain boy
How can you just say it when you’ve been rejected without even saying you like the person. That person has rejected you from what other people have said! Although he gives off the vibe he likes you opens up to you but then when it seems like your getting close he does things to try and push you away! Yeah it’s an obvious thing he doesn’t like you! It’s just better not to say anything.
I have a serious deep ESP connection with my crush and we have an intense connection i know is felt on both sides He's married sigh life is like a dark joke
I must start by saying youre a very self perceptive person a rarity in todays world. I like that youre open and honest in your assessment of feelings and perceptions, Im sure your gf is very happy to be with a super great guy such as yourself be happy, god bless ! you are one of the few genuine ppl who are self aware and emotionally awake.
Thanks for the valuable content and your dedication to what you do! P.S started to practice the prenountiation of your acctual name as it sounds sooo nice. Greetings to you and your partner! Plenty of happy days to all of us!
Than you so much, I like this video / the content very much. And you 'teach me' so with so much light energy, wonderful. Greetings from Northern Germany, from a 58 years 'young' lady :-)
I am so happy that I finally I’m seeing comments that are exactly how I feel and think about this topic it is crazy. The dating scene is nothing like it used to be and when did playing games be the new thing? And chasing and all this other nonsense I don’t get it so we’re supposed to pretend we don’t like somebody just for them to like us?…… basically, we have to be a fake person for them to like us. For me, I am gonna show you how I feel about you and I’m not going to pretend and fake anything and if you like it then you like it if you don’t then you don’t.
Very informative. Please make a video when after small break we start getting in touch with very minimum communication but there is lot gap to fill and no idea how to start and maintain my own value.
We can only "play it cool" for so long because after awhile we must realize we are pretending it's ok that our personal needs aren't being met but we know, deep down, it's unfair and the other person's needs are clearly being met. They are just as needy, if not more so, than us ladies just in different ways. We need confirmation of where things are going, they need confirmation we are ok with them just being in our life (however much that is). Guess who has their needs met? Always the latter. I agree with you - Game is over! My needs matter just as much as the next person. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Oh i hear and try to understand your thoughts oh. But i learn since four years more english and to understand better american language too. I hear yours here and wow to like a man must not complication or what do you think. To like somebody can´t by difficult it is good when it is not difficult.Thanks.
This worked when i didnt know this for sure. & the cool.. it worked. Being cool isnt the same playing it cool. You need to know how this guy behaves. Need a sheild of armour behind my genuiness, that doesn't compromise my compassion for humanity. Ive been genuine, simply appreciating a person, warm, not trying to indicatecany interest at all. it's my freaking nature!. and then person in front of other females , pointed out another woman in room who was his type. "you're not my type!" . "This is my type". And these were coworkers. I didnt reply. He didnt deserve it. It felt like shit on the inside. And my esteem was good!!
If you’re in high school or in college guys will chase you. It’s not unusual for a pretty girl to sit back and do nothing except smile & the guys come flocking to her. However, as you come into the real the adult world and especially in middle-age, guys don’t chase after women. Women have to bring more to the table than their pretty face. No need to chase a guy but it’s OK to show a guy that you have some interest in him or if he reaches out to you to act like you like him.
Completely untrue. Middle aged women also don’t chase men and don’t need to put in that effort to “bring more to the table” men are everywhere and they are all desperate for a woman especially as they become middle aged. No man wants a woman who makes it easy for them lol. The only thing a woman has to do is have standards.
Hard place to be. I just told him 3 weeks ago my heart is happy when we talk. And left it didn't push or anything needy. I haven't heard from him in a week.
That's a beautiful statement. He must be a monster....a devil not to respond . Run for your life. You deserve a real man. Because you are a real feminine woman. All the best!!!!
This guy is clearly afraid of commitment , the right guy who’s mature and ready for a commitment would be happy to hear those words from you. it’s as simple as knowing which men to watch out for and thank the ones that leaves you first.
What if he says he wants me to take the lead? I'm confused but he honestly isn't good at planning anything. He says I'm the boss 🤷♀️ but then I feel like I might be doing too much. He asked me to be his girlfriend but 1 month later he needed a break. Now we are friends and honestly nothing has changed from being gf and bf to now being "friends." I'm confused...
Telling a guy that you like him is not a sign of desperation or neediness. Playing games to manipulate a man is toxic. Men need to make their fecking minds up about what they want cos it is really fckg confusing & boring for us women.
I do not play cool tho' on TH-cam I find it difficult to keep up . Is it not more straightforward to see the person face,-to-face and/or speak voice-to-voice? When possible, with easier understanding in tone of voice
Men are just exhausting. Such fragile egos. We have to cater to their makeup etc etc That is what makes women overthink things, them, and situations. 🤦🏻♀️ Don’t chase but don’t be too standoffish,..Men are hunters and women are nesters, doesn’t matter if 1950 or 2021! Just exhausting
I didn’t understand that knitting sweaters women …… have good men …… wthat was that .” In there presence “ . I completely didn’t understand, can u please explain
I love you uploads, you are so funny and I swear you must have been a woman in your past life. Moreover I come to your videos upset or not sure I end the videos laughing and as if someone slapped me in the face to wake up … you are brilliant!!
I am an experienced guy. Recently, a young girl played games with me. She love bombed me. Because she is too young, I didn"t persue. Then she did the hot and cold voodoo. I fell for ir knowing exactly what she was doing. The voodoo works.
Seriously, I hate to be one of “those women” but is it even worth it to date? I’m losing my motivation. I love men, I love masculine energy. I don’t desperately need a man, but I’m happy in my life and would very much like to share that with someone romantically. But listening to this and what I’ve experienced in dating men are exhausting. Compromise is always welcome, but why are women expected to tiptoe around men’s fragile egos and primal neuroses? You tell a guy you like him you are labeled as needy, and if you don’t fawn over him you’re not open and receptive enough. It’s too much!
Nailed it.
sounds like your RNG is fooked.
And expensive if you have a fixed income...manicures, pedicures, hair dressers, staying in style..
Find a man who is humble. There are some. There are some that take responsibility to offer a gift through their relationship. The rest are a waste of time.
😅this is soo true😅 resonates so much with me
Its really annoying that wanting to spend time with person we like is called chasing them. But men's brain really work like that, if you like them they think you're chasing and they leave. I'm so done with it
this is true.
Agreed 🤜🤛
And men don't understand why so many women have decided that they would prefer to be alone. It's absolutely crazy how men act with romantic interests.
I would say a women's brain works like that too, nobody is attracted on clinging or playing too cool, there must be balance, some middle line we should go on
@@tinabtm I agree, but there doesn't seem to be a true middle ground with men. Instead, it seems like women are expected to walk on eggshells.
Ive learned to just match the energy of the person I am dating. I'm not going to purposely "play it cool" just to get someone to like me and I've also learned not to be overbearing / attached to someone who isn't showing that same energy towards me. There is definitely a balance between clingy/overbearing and being distant
L
appreciate your insight
Great advice. Jus match their energy. ..bit most importantly, respect yourself. Never lose that.
Amen Sam.
I learnt this this year...it saves a lot of time and unrequited connections
oh wow, dating is complicated af.
I'd rather be single now.
Lmao I know the feeling, would rather be single myself this is hard work
@@balkisuahmadmaiahu8936 RIGHT?!!
The happiest people are single women …the happiest men are in a relationship…
Ditto 😂
😅Absolutely 👍🏻🙊
Keyword. Be yourself. So if a guy or a woman thinks u r desperate or chasing him/her, it's their prob already. And once you feel you are offended by their reaction or response about you just being yourself and showing interests on him/her, it's better to pull back and love yourself more.
BINGO! 👏😁💕
I'm always very opened but in the same time I respect myself & always put myself in first placo
@@briannox6540 not at all :) I''m happy as I am now.
I admit that I want a man, capable
with principles & on the same frequency with me as a partner in my life, but as I mentioned I have a well developed self-esteem & I 'll not lower my standards for anyone! 😃
Well, when that man will appear in my life and he'll appreciate me, being a woman, I'll know how to behave, show him the respect he deserves & my love! ❤
Thank you for everything you do here for all of us, much appreciation! 👏👏👏
@@toaderliliana6621 q
Q
Yea you shoul put yourself in the first taco.
dont play games like children, doesnt work gor adult only for problematic egoic men
This is why I'm loosing interest in dating. Do this wait! Don't do that. Like me for who I am or forget it. I'm not into playing a game of chess with a man.
AGREED!! Don't be yourself, don't show your emotions, protect his ego, blah blah blah... It is exhausting!!
Be as you are and happy and keep it on God trust me he will come to you Mr.Right! These points they give are nice but doesn't work all the time! Cos love is from God it's chemistry no one knows why and how! Some men if you give them a lot of love they will feel suffocated and some men if you ignore them they will feel attracted to you! So just be you and wish for the good and he will come! Sory to interfere but this from my experience! Hope it helps you for it future.....
Please be yourself. I had the Worst time with dating and I blamed it on so many things. BUT.. No matter what I was always me, and if he didn’t like it-oh well-someone will. One day I met him, and he loves me exactly for who I am. We definitely broke every “rule.” We’re in love and getting married. It’s crazy how easy it is when it’s for you, and all you have to be is yourself. 💞
Yesss.. Forget It! Coz, I'm Pretty Much Straight Forward & Absolutely Serious Person Abt Dating & All That Relationship Criteria..
So, If The Man's Not Seeming/Matching Wth My Vibes Abt Relationship Since The 1st Interactions.. IT'S NOT COOL FOR ME (I'M NOT FKNG AROUND THE STREET GUY!) 😎
Thank you for not sharing the typical tipps, that every dating guru shares, like playing it cool and teasing everytime. Because as soon as you show your true self you will get hurt by someone who is just playing games. To create true intimacy it is important to be authentic
If my english is not perfect, it is because german is my mothertongue 😉
No need for an apology, it is crystal clear. Oh and by the way, if someone nags you with this whole language thing, you know what to do: type in German to confuse them.
I was about to leave this comment. This is a great video👌🥰
Yeah, watch over the next year or so, all these 'gurus' will change their snake oil as they realise men are not responding to stupid abuse.
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#
@@DiamondsRexpensive thank you :)
Honestly. It’s not a game. Men, if they like someone, they do something about it, if they don’t, well they won’t. Women should NEVER approach. Sure flirt a little but if he doesn’t hone in.. he’s not into u. He will go for what he wants. It’s true.
Yep men are hunters.
Fact👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻💯💯💯💯💯
Agree. This summer i was in some flirty sutuation with a guy. I know he kinda wants me .I want him back. It was last btween us . He lives in other country so ..one more reason i would not go for him. Plus i was expecting from him if he wants me ..to find out my number ..to text me ..for drink or someting ..but he never did. The only he dis and honestly he ask me that couple of times ..would you like us to go for a ride. But i did not like it . Bcz ..what does it mean to go for ride !? What kind invitation is that? For me it is awkqard. Looks just like we gonna cruise all over the city and them he will stop engine somewhere for a kiss ..and then we gonna go to his place ..amd i dont like that raw idea. No effort at all from his part. So i was like ..his intetions is sex ..and i dont mind but he needs to put more effort even just sex. Which i dont mind ..bcz anyways he lives in Swiss/ abroad ..so sex is the only what i would do for that hot summer. I dont want to aproach first, And i would never do his part instead of him . I dont want to teach adult man how he should get women he wants. it was huge chemistry between us ..i guess i am stuborn . He will be here again for winter holidays ..then summer again ..so flirting is hoter then just do the job .
I'm a man. If a woman plays it cool, or starts to play games, I instantly lose my interest. In relationships with people, not just women, I value sincerity. There is NO WAY for me to start chasing after someone. If someone's pretending to be disinterested, that means it's not a human for me to bond with, she's insincere and treats me like she's a "better" than me. Humans have the same value in the universe. If some human thinks she/he is better than the human of the opposite gender, that's a big ego, and a big turn off to me.
Men want to be openly liked and wanted too. We have eyes and minds, and we see that women like us. We like to have close, loving, sincere relations with many women, without the need to jump into a s.xual relationship with anybody. We definetly don't choose the insincere ones, who play games and thinks she's better, and worth chasing.
Aren't there shy men?
Well, in my situation, I got quite turned off when he was starting to play games with me, which made my interest level go down. So in my situation, I am not pretending to not be interested. I ain't giving him no more attention after all of his tactics, even if it means losing him.
You know I start playing games when my feelings are at stake and I’m scared as hell - but still can not let go. It’s a vicious cycle… Maybe it’s the same with men?
Games are not for the serious minded that want to find their love.
Exactly,
I'm not playing hard to get, I'm interested but cautious and not in a hurry. Also my attention is focused on different things not just him. He's not the center of my world but a beautiful part of it if only he was more secure within himself and with us.
my I know..what do you mean playing games is? can you explain what he did to you?
Right, the game took all my energy.. lost interest
I told a guy I liked him and asked to date him. He said yes but never was into me as I was into him. It fizzled after a year (we didn’t live in the same city). I like my boldness, going after what I like. The outcome not meeting my hope is irrelevant.
Absolutely
Build a friendship before anything.... Then you'll know weather or not you have what it takes to truly make something beautiful out of it or not..... Ya never know .... We only live once.
I always try to be straight forward. I think when we grow up, we have less game when we like someone.
i heard a psychologist say.." if you Feel like when you first meet a GUY that feels like you know him your whole life RUNNNNN , it is a memory from the past of a GUY who didn't work out, but it feels familiar, so you wind up choosing the WRONG GUY AGAIN...
Interesting. It’s what others would call twin flame or soulmate. Also, didn’t think psychologists believed in past life or promoted that idea. Finally, if it didn’t work out in the past life, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t or can’t be together in this one; we have sayings such as: see you in the next life, we’re not meant to be together in this life, but hopefully we will be in the next, etc
Ohhhh noooo why didnt i read this earlierrrr
@@XYZOxyz I don't think it's about another life in a spiritual way but just in your past in previous experiences of your own life.
Me whenever I meet a guy who reminds me of my father... he's a narcissist.
seek help.
I used to naturally think like that, but it seems to me that the majority of relationships coaches on TH-cam are teaching that you should be naturally distant and busy to build his interest... like you couldn't be at the same time a woman in love and with an interesting life. But that is like they are giving advices on how to force interest in someone who isn't alredy good for you. Thanks Bryan, we need more content on what "showing healty interest" is. Please keep sharing more about it.
It is always the men that make dating complicated as they often have contradicting wants.
As a very strong, direct woman…I used to be very direct with the men I liked. Inevitably, they would run or it just wasn’t right. Men are hunters. They need to hunt and it’s a solid gauge of a mans interest. Men will go after what they want…I don’t think as women we need to act uninterested, but definitely do not chase a man. He will just use you until he finds something better suited to his desires. Soul crushing…just sit back, flirt and let him come to you.
If they would use you, who is the wrong guy anyway which is almost 98% of them from statistics and failed marriages and messed up and humble unclassy human beings on this so exhausting I’m tired of dating haven’t even started
You preach girl! I agree with you in toto
@@Portia620 being patient and allowing him to woo you and show his interest will avoid a lot of heart ache. Of course there are men who just love a chase and will lose interest the second they’ve got you…but you can set the pace, boundaries and if he’s really interested, he will wait and woo. Players will move on eventually. Women have forgotten that we are in charge if we act right and ALLOW it to happen. And don’t jump into bed to fast.
Why is love so hard , why can't we just be
.
I agree with this, but I tend to “play it cool” with some more than others and often times it’s because there is something about him I feel I need to guard myself from.. I just haven’t figured it out yet.
I'm always having trouble with 2 things first being in warn ,fun mode and not serious business mode. Second Telling a guy I like that I like him is very difficult because I've had some very unpleasant experiences associated with showing that kind of emotion.
The very thing I can’t bear is Game Playing... I understand caution ⚠️, I’m cautious aren’t we all after life experiences..but sometimes just being plain honest works better than any friggin pointless soul destroying mind game .
I just like being true to yourself your feelings and emotions
Usually if I don't care, the man is after me. When I do, it's hard, usually he doesn't care about me then. So I guess the right answer is showing the same energy that he does.
Healthy interest sounds like indifference: if not this person, then the next.. When we are genuinely attracted and interested in someone, we can make mistakes so consciously detach your actions from your emotions around that person: good luck ! I wish everyone watching this video find the person that’s right for them 💕
What kind of ... is this? If someone invited me on a date on a thrusday and I really didn't have time and said that, I would have loved him to propose other days, I wouldn't want to start making suggestion myself, knowing he might be busy. Being persistant is not desperation, it is showing zeal and interest! I would respect such a man more, if I liked him before. I hate those mind games... argh... Praise the Lord I am married already - to a bold man who would have made another suggestion, if we still dated. Frankly, we dated with the intention to get married so it was a differnt league. There was no need to play it cool. If you are reading this, I hope you will find the true love of you life and will be able to be open about your intentions and feelings.
@@briannox6540 Why would someone want that :-O ? If the person did something wrong and the ex left? - Why not apologize for it and change? getting back together might have any sense in that case.
If however the ex just left because you are not compatible or have different goals in life - then it is for the best they left.
Thank you and amen
All of your advice is killing me! I have the most unique situation that you can imagine. After almost 40 years he comes back into my life apologizes for what happened before and I’m like putty. I can’t help myself I had shut down my entire being for the past eight years. I decided that I was just gonna be alone and I’d be fine with that and I was just going through the motions just fine. He shows up I have a visceral reaction in my body just goes berserk on me. I literally cannot control myself. I was up for two days and I wasn’t eating. That is never me ever in this world never me. I’m somebody that would normally stress eat but nope first time ever couldn’t eat for anything didn’t want it I was fine and flying high. Now I think I might’ve overdone it but I was just so excited I couldn’t help myself and he was excited to see me but I think I might’ve got a little bit far. I’m still in love with him and I’ve been in love with him since I was 19 years old and I don’t know what to do about it. And he’s the one that came to me so I don’t know we have another hiccup but I don’t wanna put that out here. If there was anyone that I could talk to it would be greatly appreciated because this is a very Unique and difficult situation. I hope you have a good weekend I know this was two years ago that you posted it. Not sure if you’ll get to read this or not
That's sounds really tough, sorry to hear that. All I can say is stay strong and try speak with a trusted friend. Or try communicate with him about how you are feeling and try work something out. Hope things get better for you. Keep going!!
Curious about what you did and how this went. Did he reach out with genuine intentions, and a well-meaning curiosity to get to rediscover who you are after all this time apart? Or was it a more desperate attempt for him to find companionship, and see what former abuses he can still get away with around you? Or perhaps a bit of both?
@ LOL! I’ve never taken abuse ever.
It’s a wait and see right now.
I’m working through rehabilitation of a Broken femur that was nonunion.
I’m not quite ready to move forward as yet. Just taking time to figure out things.
@@Denise-pn1tj That’s good to hear, and makes any potential reunion easier to navigate. Best healing well wishes from me to you!
@ Thank you! God bless and Merry Christmas 💞
Another great video from Hiirt!! Thank you for your refreshing sense of humour, heaps of really great advice, and being probably the most watchable guy doing these posts! You're my fav. ❤🙏🙂🙂🙂
I have no time, energy, or patience to play these foolish games with a grown ass man. Either we're doing this or we're not. Idgaf if that comes off as "needy". This dude can call it needy, I will call it being a fookin adult and being conscious of not wasting my time or someone else's.
If I like a guy, he would know, my body language and warmth will give me away. But I would wait for him to make a move. If he does - we go from there, if not - his loss. Get mature.
a guy who grew up in greece i was in a relationship with said growing up he and his friends would talk to different girls to get used to rejection. i think it’s a good idea to get in the habit of being okay with exploring relationships, whether they work out or not. less painful and more to learn and ways to grow.
Brian, you are such a warm, sincere person. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. ❤️
That middle point is so difficult for me lol. I play it cold or super hot 🤣🤣🤣 I gotta learn to balance them both.
Nowadays men are pampered like highly sensitive babies and much of this comes from the internet and too many coaches of the different varieties. We should get to know ourselves, men as well as women, heal our trauma and take responsibility for ourselves and our lifes. Selfrespect and respect for others comes automatically
Yeah, totaly true, playing cool and showing no interest will bring you nowhere dear ladies and in 2 years he might, no he will be, in another relationship. Just do it smooth, be a little touchy and follow Brian´s teachings. Good luck!
Excellent, as always!
The only problem with your videos, Brian, is that it’s too few of them!!!
Please come here more often! Pretty please! 😊
2:05 - _raises hand_ you've not met me. Every guy I've ever expressed interest in does a 180 and completely cuts me out of his life then immediately starts dating anyone who will say they'll go out with him. And I'm introverted - it takes me a really long time, weeks (usually months and sometimes even years) of talking face to face, and a lot of motivation to just say "hey, do you want to go get coffee?" only to be slapped in the face with the world's fastest case of a missing person.
Intermittent reinforcement is an abusive behavioural pattern.
Approach avoidant = Come here/go away.
I love you/I hate you. Hot/cold.
Is a major red flag in Narcissistic abuse 🚩
This. Intermittent reinforcement really plays with one's mind and soul.
What to do and how not to be guarded or cold with someone who was cold to me and hurt me, but now wants another chance? I don't know how to not be cold now. I was previously honest, vulnerable and matching him and his communication style. I'm a very independent person and have never acted needy but I am also authentic, kind, and generous person. Anyway, now my walls are up and I'm not so nice. I can't help being authentic and I can't hide how I feel so much. Kind of hate him now so he gets my bad side. He's someone i can't avoid either.
Comparing mode
Can you be the voice for the bed time stories, love your voice.💕
Thank you Brian for this video - I especially loved the exemplary phrases you used, as they make it easier to understand the concept! :)
Wow. Your videos are really good at making me realize how immature I am, how bad I am at romance and how much I’ve screwed up my chance to ever be with a certain boy
How can you just say it when you’ve been rejected without even saying you like the person. That person has rejected you from what other people have said! Although he gives off the vibe he likes you opens up to you but then when it seems like your getting close he does things to try and push you away! Yeah it’s an obvious thing he doesn’t like you! It’s just better not to say anything.
.maybe those people are spreading false rumours because they are jealous or maybe interested in you or him and want to drive you away from him
I have been struggling to understand whats wrong with me.. now i know , thank you ❤
I played it cool with a guy I was having intense crush n feelings...but now he is married🙃sigh..life is hard!!
I have a serious deep ESP connection with my crush and we have an intense connection i know is felt on both sides
He's married sigh life is like a dark joke
I must start by saying youre a very self perceptive person a rarity in todays world. I like that youre open and honest in your assessment of feelings and perceptions, Im sure your gf is very happy to be with a super great guy such as yourself be happy, god bless !
you are one of the few genuine ppl who are self aware and emotionally awake.
Thanks for the valuable content and your dedication to what you do!
P.S started to practice the prenountiation of your acctual name as it sounds sooo nice. Greetings to you and your partner! Plenty of happy days to all of us!
I did both extremes with one challenging person -at an older age, I hadnt dated seriously in too long a time.
Than you so much, I like this video / the content very much. And you 'teach me' so with so much light energy, wonderful. Greetings from Northern Germany, from a 58 years 'young' lady :-)
@@briannox6540 thanks, no, I'm not. It's all ok like it is :-)
Very balanced advice. Thank you.
I am so happy that I finally I’m seeing comments that are exactly how I feel and think about this topic it is crazy. The dating scene is nothing like it used to be and when did playing games be the new thing? And chasing and all this other nonsense I don’t get it so we’re supposed to pretend we don’t like somebody just for them to like us?…… basically, we have to be a fake person for them to like us. For me, I am gonna show you how I feel about you and I’m not going to pretend and fake anything and if you like it then you like it if you don’t then you don’t.
A very balanced approach .
Thank you very much
I really enjoy your videos and humor.
Very informative. Please make a video when after small break we start getting in touch with very minimum communication but there is lot gap to fill and no idea how to start and maintain my own value.
Best advice out there . Thank you!
Thank you Brian!
Hello first time here 🙂 watching your good videos let's spread love and peace
. Watching now from Asia country from manila Philippines 🇵🇭 God bless
I've always played it cool, until I became too needy🙈 then it was game over😳
You play it your way. Your a 10. It’s any mans loss. ..you look exotic 🦊
Same issue. Reserved until I'm all in...and he runs. Have to remind myself that wasn't the one for me.
😘❤ I found out that all of these men have an "avoidant attachment style". 😳 or also called "dismissive avoidant"
We can only "play it cool" for so long because after awhile we must realize we are pretending it's ok that our personal needs aren't being met but we know, deep down, it's unfair and the other person's needs are clearly being met. They are just as needy, if not more so, than us ladies just in different ways. We need confirmation of where things are going, they need confirmation we are ok with them just being in our life (however much that is). Guess who has their needs met? Always the latter.
I agree with you - Game is over! My needs matter just as much as the next person. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
@@larryrubin5150 ugh the ‘Exotic’ comment 🙄
Was waiting for new video
Thanks, Brian.
Yourself is who you need if he is not willing to compliment your life, run! Many men are too self centered to act like a man.
Thank you brian for this new vid. such a great advice! It helped me so much!..Hope to watch more of your videos. You are amazing. God bless!..👍👍👍😉
He makes sense while I'm listening, but I forget the logic later.. lol
Oh yes ! That s the 1st time someone say it so clearly ! And I just need it for now 🥰
Merci ! Bisous de Paris
Oh i hear and try to understand your thoughts oh.
But i learn since four years more english and to
understand better american
language too. I hear yours here and wow to like
a man must not complication or what do you think.
To like somebody can´t by difficult it is good when
it is not difficult.Thanks.
You ROCK Brian!!! thank you!
This worked when i didnt know this for sure. & the cool.. it worked. Being cool isnt the same playing it cool. You need to know how this guy behaves. Need a sheild of armour behind my genuiness, that doesn't compromise my compassion for humanity. Ive been genuine, simply appreciating a person, warm, not trying to indicatecany interest at all. it's my freaking nature!. and then person in front of other females , pointed out another woman in room who was his type. "you're not my type!" . "This is my type". And these were coworkers. I didnt reply. He didnt deserve it. It felt like shit on the inside. And my esteem was good!!
If you’re in high school or in college guys will chase you. It’s not unusual for a pretty girl to sit back and do nothing except smile & the guys come flocking to her. However, as you come into the real the adult world and especially in middle-age, guys don’t chase after women. Women have to bring more to the table than their pretty face. No need to chase a guy but it’s OK to show a guy that you have some interest in him or if he reaches out to you to act like you like him.
Completely untrue. Middle aged women also don’t chase men and don’t need to put in that effort to “bring more to the table” men are everywhere and they are all desperate for a woman especially as they become middle aged. No man wants a woman who makes it easy for them lol. The only thing a woman has to do is have standards.
Thank you so Muchly for another fantastic video Brian 🤗
And men say that women are confusing Sheesh!
I love your videos!! Thank you
I enjoy your videos Brian.
I really love your videos , insight , and advice as they have been very helpful to me . Thank you 😊
I like when a man comes to me if he dosent forget about him .
Men know what they like. It's not brain surgery people. 💁♀️
I like your sense of humour 😊
Hard place to be. I just told him 3 weeks ago my heart is happy when we talk. And left it didn't push or anything needy. I haven't heard from him in a week.
Yes that’s a sign to move on, or give him distance
That's a beautiful statement. He must be a monster....a devil not to respond . Run for your life. You deserve a real man. Because you are a real feminine woman. All the best!!!!
Why ppl are allergic to authenticity 🤔
This guy is clearly afraid of commitment , the right guy who’s mature and ready for a commitment would be happy to hear those words from you. it’s as simple as knowing which men to watch out for and thank the ones that leaves you first.
Yes, same boat! Not fun!
Great talk. Thank you!
Thank you once again Brian for the fabulous advice as always ♥️🥰🤗
Becoming weary texting wears me out
What if he says he wants me to take the lead? I'm confused but he honestly isn't good at planning anything. He says I'm the boss 🤷♀️ but then I feel like I might be doing too much. He asked me to be his girlfriend but 1 month later he needed a break. Now we are friends and honestly nothing has changed from being gf and bf to now being "friends." I'm confused...
Means he wants gf benefits while being allowed to see others if he was tempted too
He wants you to do all the work so he doesn’t have to. Major red flag, you’re not the dude he wants you to be.
If you're confused you might be being used. A man that really cares loves and respects you enough to make an effort.
I totally killed it, not that I had a chance but I like to think I had.
Another great one!!
Telling a guy that you like him is not a sign of desperation or neediness. Playing games to manipulate a man is toxic. Men need to make their fecking minds up about what they want cos it is really fckg confusing & boring for us women.
Yeah-except then they call you pushy and aggressive and they’re gone 💔😢
Social media has made dating so much harder. An array of women are literally at their finger tips!
I do not play cool tho' on TH-cam I find it difficult to keep up . Is it not more straightforward to see the person face,-to-face and/or speak voice-to-voice? When possible, with easier understanding in tone of voice
Love your videos, thank you
Your way of speaking is fabulous 😂❤
Men are just exhausting. Such fragile egos. We have to cater to their makeup etc etc That is what makes women overthink things, them, and situations. 🤦🏻♀️ Don’t chase but don’t be too standoffish,..Men are hunters and women are nesters, doesn’t matter if 1950 or 2021! Just exhausting
Appreciate it so much
I love your advices
What if you are treat so badly??
And than you dont want feel the pain again.
Amazing! Thank you Brian
Desperate people get together all the time
I didn’t understand that knitting sweaters women …… have good men …… wthat was that .” In there presence “ . I completely didn’t understand, can u please explain
Lol, Brian's amusement kills me
I love you uploads, you are so funny and I swear you must have been a woman in your past life. Moreover I come to your videos upset or not sure I end the videos laughing and as if someone slapped me in the face to wake up … you are brilliant!!
I was always careful in every-way i treat him but still he decide to leave
Thanks
I am an experienced guy. Recently, a young girl played games with me. She love bombed me. Because she is too young, I didn"t persue. Then she did the hot and cold voodoo. I fell for ir knowing exactly what she was doing. The voodoo works.