I recently posted a question in the community section asking what video topics you would like to see and this one, the Final Discard how Final is it was one of those topics. In this video I wanted to explain why the Narcissist discards in the first place, what makes their routine discards evolve into a Final Discard and finally I wanted to empower you with tips that help you to see that you are not helpless having to accept whatever the Narcissist dishes our - no! You have choices and there are things that you can do to strengthen yourself so that you are no longer vulnerable to getting sucked back into the emotionally abusive cycle that's common in toxic relationships. For the next month I will be making videos that have been specifically requested in this community section, if you would like a specific topic make sure you check out the list that is already there and if your question or topic is not mentioned be sure to add it so that I can provide information on that specific topic. Knowledge is power and wisdom is the application of knowledge - I truly hope that my videos can help you on your healing journey!!
From Surviving To Thriving!! I don't know if you've made a video on this topic, but I'd LOVE to see ' what happens when YOU discard the narc.. I'm going through it and I'd love to hear your opinion
From Surviving To Thriving!! This came so right time! I get huge hoover yesterday out of nowhere!!! I was not expecting that! I was sure he is not gonna hoover. And this time I even believed him. My mistake! Because I was not no-contact because of my daughter living with him. I try to help my daughter to get help.
Arisana Tolomei I'm so sorry for you too. My mother is just like that too. I hope I can see my relatives without my mother coming there too. I'm no-contact succesfully with my mom.
From Surviving To Thriving!! Well i confronted her about all the proof and with a barrage of insults cut her off. I cut her phone off and took it back and she ran. Lol not to mention she started sleeping with her new source. And word for word she laid the script on him within 2 days after. Lol. So what do you think her next course of action is btw he is married.
Make it as difficult as you can for them to get to you. They always try to come back. In some cases it takes weeks, others months... sometimes even years. Never give in to their attempts to come back, remember their sh*t personalities and how they treated you. What self-respecting person would ever want that?
Basia Krol - it could happen (it often does, with narccissists), so one shouldn't be surprised, if so. The best thing is to not take them back. Just stay no contact, no matter who started it. Good luck!
Excellent tips. I started neglecting myself because he demanded ALL my free time. Its been only 2 months and I feel and look 100% better! I now wonder why I put up with this creep for so long!! I find NOTHING about him attractive anymore. New supply.....good luck because I definitely dont want him no more. I am proud to say I am healing faster than I thought but it is through continuous prayers to God and keeping busy doing ME things that it is happening. I am looking forward to a new love however I am pretty happy being alone right now. Loving myself more everyday so that new man better come strong 😊 because I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away now lols.
Reality Check Rollay Red flags 🚩 though I wasn’t that great to him either it was just toxic on both sides. I wanted repair and revamp he walked and didn’t except correction. I know my portion and I’m accountable for that. I’m forgiven and don’t believe I will ever hear from him again. I miss the sweet memories and dreams I had but honestly I felt more controlled and like a kid and restricted. I wanted him so badly feeling like if I was given a chance at redemption. You can’t help , only Jesus if they even want that. I will never be enough for him and he deleted everything that has to do with us and it’s okay. I will never be able to be with someone who doesn’t want to work on themselves and accept fault or correction. I think if they’d moved on with someone new they won’t deal with you anymore.
Only 2 months for me too. sounds like you had experience already with this type of person. 6 years ago, I went through the same thing and couldn't figure out why. This time I got lucky and got pulled out of it, because I almost got fired. Now I finally see how I've been beating myself and wasting my life. These people are sneaky. It's hard to pin point.
They like to pretend that we don't exist when they discard us. Then give to them a high five forever, no contact and be happy. They will never find what they are searching for. You will find your way for healing 💖
no birthdays holidays or dates....I can't believe I dealt with this all these years....I'm truly a beautiful person wow! us Empaths should not have to be in constant fear of these types, it makes it harder to be there for people who truly appreciate you
I didn't understand why on my birthday he didn't so much as say Happy Birthday Valentine's Day same thing yet I took the time because I really loved him to order him a gift got a mushy card and even made coupons... And he acted like the day never existed.. He never goes anywhere with me but sure does go out himself.. It's sad until I realize he's afraid of the attention I might get he's insecure with himself and wants to make me feel like something is so terribly wrong with me that he can't even take me to a movie.. I'm sorry you went through that I know exactly how lonely it feels. I hope you are out of it now.. I'm still in it we just had a baby but after watching these videos and reading comments from ppl like you I am learning there is hope and I can be strong and prevail. Thank you soul sister keep your beautiful head up! Also I don't know you but I do know one day you'll find someone that can't wait to shower you with love on holidays and every other day of the year🙏💪💕
accept all the bad feelings they gave you. It's a gift, remember the special things too, it's a treasure for you to show other people that really deserve it!
Sorry I keep replying to your comments but it's the exact same thing for me! I I always pull out my debit card or hand it to him when he goes to the store. When I met him he was like a typical bachelor or so I thought so I would buy things for his house silverware bed sets everything down to the plug ins in the wall! I clean do laundry and work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week.. I will rub his back after we get home from a long day at work we work at the same place.. I thought he could feel my love.. When I became pregnant I bought the crib the rocker changing table and never even thought of asking him to pitch in. I have paid bills and his truck payment the list goes on and on I'm on maternity leave right now and I had 3,000 dollars in the bank in the beginning of March I figured surely that will get me through until I could go back to work.. Wrong I paid for all the formula all the groceries all the take out everything and I'm not complaining at all its my job its what I am supposed to do to an extent.. My problem is how he acts about things.. Ok he bought 3 bottles of Formula one day and I never heard the end of it. It was like he walked on water he wanted a parade! I can show him my account transactions and he will still act as though he's been carrying me this whole time! It's hard to deal with ppl like him.. But I'm going back to work next week and since watching these videos I have a plan to get my money back up and go..
I am also financially, mentally and emotionally exhausted! I am angry with myself for allowing it! I saw the obvious bait and fell for it. I enforced a boundary and just repeated the complete sentence of NO! Back off!
Michele's Tips: 1. No contact at all. Delete and block the narc. 2. Make a list the painful things the person did to you (big and small), with as much details as possible. 3. Write a letter to the narc saying everything that you want to say, but do not send it. After reading it over and over, just burn it. 4. Take care of yourself. 5. Reconnect with family and friends. 6. Get help of a therapist, support group, life couch etc
I will never forget the love bombing 4 yrs after my discard. I let him take me to breakfast. I laughed and made small talk, not once mentioning our relationship. I could see his fuel going into the negatives. Hehehehe! Then he tried to reel me in by paying for my hair salon visit. Cha Ching, I’ll take that and then not answer your call until I felt like it. Then nonchalantly mention the date that I had gone on with my new “do”. Talking about a 🥊 in the stomach. It was priceless 😎
You realise that people who are in relationships with narcissists become more or less narcissistic themselves right? this is a perfect example of you acting like a narc. and I dont say that to be mean, I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation but you should realise that narcissistic abuse changes the victims over time. I'm a narc myself, I know what I'm talking about.
@@godless789 Yes After 4 years and final discard with " you were a ball at the foot " I came to mistrust violently anything which resembles the past and I do some of the things I was subjected too, trying to shake away the possibility of another mistake. It is like a vaccine But beneficial in the long run It is a reaction not a way of being. A normal emphatic person, cannot and shall not become a monster of egoism and exploitation.
The realization that I was the one who had changed and therefore was no longer desirable to him makes SOOO much sense. I certainly had!! Wow. What an empowering realization.
Thank you for all these videos 🙏 My ex is a narcissist, it left me a broken man. Before I was happy, an empath, full of life and had a large circle of friends....I was made to believe i was the cause of everything and a bad person. Constantly attacked for not doing something how she wanted me to. Your videos resonate with me on the deepest level. I’m slowly rebuilding my life, one piece at a time. I can’t thank you enough, you’re an amazing and wonderful person x
Ex narc has made me feel the same… all my fault, I’m a bad person, did him wrong, although I know I’m none of these things and I never did him wrong, the only thing I did after 37 years of being with him was finally stand up to him and say NO to his demands, not being able to accept that, he left…completely wiping out the last 37 years as if they never existed, what type of people are they? Robots comes to mind, empty shells, no heart, no love, no feelings… just nothing!!!!
Covert narcissists are very different . Mine was kind giving and generous but was cheating behind my back and planning the final treacherous discard. I wasn’t sure but I saw that his generosity and kindness wasn’t real. He left like I never existed
Truth walker Same..mine was also sweet kind and generous..Something just not felt right with me..but I couldn't place it because he was so 'nice' ...plus I loved him..that maked it harder..but looking back it was my intuition calling...yea so bizar how these coverts operate ..They are such good actors. From now on.. *If it sounds good to be true..It probally is*
Lynn Htown you described me. Do you ever wonder if it was us and that they will not do this to the next person? That thought haunts me sometimes... I don’t know why. I am the one who he mistreated and I was blamed for his cheating and unhappiness. He broke my spirit! ☹️
Truth walker Hang in!!! We wax and wane with these feelings but watch for our own masochistic tendency of sitting in our shit of unworthiness that further punishes us for being duped. Figuring out our childhood wounds and childhood programming can help illustrate how and why we hook up with this kind of Android. Getting stuck in self pity and self righteousness can just make us lose more months or years of our precious little time left on earth to enjoy with loving decent people. We can't pick our families but we can pick our friends....
I felt that way, too. And probably there will come some more days, when I feel sh*ty, again. It's a process, you see - the healing. In my case, it's been over a year and a half since the final break-up, and only lately I feel a bit (and sometimes even a lot) better. Of course we are not perfect and we make mistakes, too, but we are not the way covert (or any kind of) narcissists are - it's just not the same. Don't let your spirit stay broken. Pick it up and use the glue (the love you still have, inside of you) to repair the damage that was done. It IS possible, although it seems it cannot be done. A virtual hug and GOOD LUCK, Truth walker.
Alja Žehelj thank you for the sweet support. I hope you’re right 🙏🏼Yes sometimes it seems impossible that I will ever love again or recover from this heart shattering event. Wish all these memories could be changed into negative instead of such beautiful memories I have with this covert monster. I don’t know why it has hurt me more than it has most other women who were with narcs... Maybe mine was more of a true sociopath? Whatever the reason, I didn’t even suspect or imagined that this man was not who he showed to be. It’s horrifying! To explain his behavior before he left, he told ppl we knew that he snapped but he had planned every detail
The paradox on that is if they just give a little bit back they could have the admiration and love forever but they decide to switch the script and you who once were the hero became the worst villain. All the insults, baseless accusations, and threats destroy everything. If you stick to them you will suffer and if they discard you the next one has already entered their slaughterhouse, ready to chop their heart and soul in pieces. Maybe it´s an abortive vestige of empathy that they finally release a victim from the rack.
In 2019 you helped me understand this behavior as I was going through this type of abuse. It's 2023. Still silent healing and healed in many areas! I got away! Thank you, Teeya
Thank you for this video. I am still dealing with the consequences of a final discard. Today is 3 months. It was devastating and cruel, especially as we were engaged. I will rewatch this video. I needed to be reminded of all the points you discussed.
Hi,It seems we are sailing in the same boat.I was also engaged to a narcissist and its been 3 months that I am trying to recover as he dumped me and immediately got married to someone else.I'm pretty sure that he was cheating on me for a while with this new girl who he got married to and could let go off me so easily this time around. It was literally devastating to see him go with someone else and that too without he regretting or agonizing over our break up in spite of being together for good 4 years.But we should be grateful that they did this to us before exchanging vows as it would have been even more painful then.Let's stand strong and save ourselves from people like this.
I just noticed that many women were engaged right before discarding... I was too... he gave me the ring two days before discard. They all act the same way. I supose they do That because your positive emotions of love and happiness are way up and falling from up there is more painful. They are evil.
Same thong just happened to me 2 days ago. In the past, he'd leave, hoover n return but this time is the Real Deal, he found another victim while with me and tho it hurts like hell...these videos are helping me stay strong. Thank you for sharing. I know Im better off and will heal but rt now, its like his funeral every day
I've been NC for over a year. He sent me a letter telling me that hes moving in with new supply after only 6months in the relationship. I kinda thought he was grooming a new victim. Needless to say it triggered cognitive dissonance in me. Questioning reality and the abuse he put me through. I'm so done and will never be subjected to the mindfuck of this fake relationshit.
The letter you talk about Michele, I wrote and sent. That was when I knew that I was done with him. When he realized I had caught him out, that was the final discard! How emancipating that discard was! For the first time in almost 9 years, I am free and in control of my life once again.
Michelle, I have never commented on a TH-cam video before but felt compelled to do so. THANK YOU. Thank you for making this channel, sharing your experiences, and ultimately sharing these tips. I *know* what I need to do. I’ve watched hundreds of videos and read thousands of posts on websites about the subject; yet until I watched THIS particular video, for whatever reason, it never clicked. Until now. Today is a new day. Spring is here and I’m ready to go into my cocoon so that I may one day emerge, like you and so many others have ... as a butterfly. I wish you continued success and happiness, and everyone watching these videos the strength and courage necessary to love and TRUST in themselves.
You are absolutely right. I have been discarded so many times I could see it coming. This was the final discard. You made so many good points and exactly right on based on my 35 years of experience with a master manipulator, cheater and liar and heartless narcissist He informed me he found someone new. Good luck with that.
This was a really interesting watch. I’ve just started reading into narcissism & I’m utterly convinced my ex is one. With that said, having been on/off with him for nearly 8, the thought of this being the final discard seems almost scary! It’s as if I’ve become so used to being treat like crap, that I miss it! What bothers me more than anything is that he believes this is his decision. Which I’m sure fuels his ego. I’m worried I will never be fully ok after all his torment. In the end, he went to the police to claim I had harassed him 7 year. He lived with me, took thousands off me, got another person pregnant then lost it & I consoled him! Yet I’m the harasser! Nothing but evil !
I would love to see a video on future faking. For me it was one of the most frustrating parts. He was constantly moving the goalposts / finish line....and somehow it was ALWAYS my fault.
It's one of the nastier tricks I'm their torture toolbox. You cannot hold them accountable for "dreams" of a future that they paint. It is a love scam, as bad as the older lady younger foreign man scams on the internet. It's a Love scam-ponzi scheme, built on nothing - zero. By its very definition, it is doomed to never materialise.
16 year until he gave me a final discard. I have no idea what narcissism was until the final discard. I am devastated and we are in the middle of a terrible legal battle. I really think this is the final.
YES! They never feel like THEY need to change because they see themselves as always right and that YOU are the one who needs to accept them as they are. The will NEVER be introspective or look at the people they have hurt. The will NEVER see it or acknowledge it.
WOW!!! "Once you know who they REALLY are, the narcissist knows that to reel you back in would take a TREMENDOUS amount of work. They prefer to discard you and start another relationship where they are viewed as awesome/perfect/not flawed." Why is it that I am willing to do a TREMENDOUS amount of work with him to help heal the pain he has caused me, but he is not willing...says it's "too painful to face the pain I have caused you" --- this explains so much!
Very grateful for truth about the final discard and a positive way to look at it. You get tired of the abuse and they get tired of you not being a good supply. Win win if you can stay no contact with a toxic individual.
Edward Berry YES! I HEAR THAT!! They get sick of low/No supply ...ad we get sick of abuse and agreeing to part becomes the new topic of discussion...however historically nothing with them is so EASY as that . So proceed with caution. As for Hoovering....they can come back decades later......
Sams Randoms Me and my ex have been back and forwards for 5 yrs the longest no contact 9 months I took him back because I do love him but I had to except he doesn’t love me and uses me to make himself feel good. Depending on how much fuel he gets from his new wife your just be on the shelf until he wants to play with you again But be sure he is not in love with his wife he is not in love with anyone but himself
2.5yrs of my life wasted on a covert narc who always has numerous other victims targeted and in various stages of the process from love bombing to final discard. My heart hurts for the many many women to come that will join the same horrible experience. The man i was involved with i found out had numerous fake profiles across all platforms online to ensure a constant supply of women. Hes been doing it for 20yrs i now know of and still is as i write this.
Whats crazy is he never discarded me....he cheated ( i think ) but used social media to get his fix....would lie to them about who he was n what he had...once they wanted to meet i guess he would start with another....i just wished they would actually take him. But thats when i had enough disrespect n made him leave....hes not talking to me at all....we have done this numerous times...he always came back quick....but over a month n not a peep
I am 100% dependent on my narcissistic husband of 30 yrs. I’ve been deathly sick for the past 9 yrs, in physical pain , and I’m not waiting for the discard. I’ve already had him move his stuff from the home. He’s trying to love bomb me , sending me pics of our time together. It’s very difficult but im realizing how toxic my marriage is
I lost my family & friends & they do not want to come back. My eldest daughter is a flying monkey & one of my friends threatened me if I as much as a phone call. I do have a therapist.
Im newly finding out about the flying monkeys. My "friends" were flying monkeys and he hated when i hung out with my real friends. My family thinks im crazy but its fine
Empowering! Thank u. I blocked her on social media after she unfollowed me and left me as a follower to “see” all the places she’s going without me! With new supply!
Yes, we codependents are often "fixers". Mine was a BPD with Covert Narcissist dissociation. I tried to get her into therapy, but she would not go. You can forgive the broken child, but not the adult who refuses to change. Dealing with your own codependency (and the causes of that codependency). In my case I was programmed by a narcissistic mother. Wild stuff.
This is excellent advice. Narcissists can harm people so deeply. We have to wake up to how to protect and care for ourselves. I've had 2 terrible narcissists in my life who hurt me deeply until I caught on and got out. Now I know how to recognize them and disengage/no contact. Lie's too short. Find good people around whom you feel good.
Mine was different, I think he thinks so highly of himself that he does not even have the capability of wanting to hoover or comeback after the discard, which is a good thing. I do not want this person back in my life.
More than anything else we must practice self love. I knew nothing about narcissistic behavior and spent 17 years with one. THEY ARE SOOOO WEAK. He could not break me down but he tried so hard. He left me and started a new relationship in less than a month. I was hurt until I figured out and learned about this disorder. It was soooo easy to walk away. After reading over 500 articles and much research, I found that relationships like this NEVER had happy endings. I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life in mess. So I ex’d my ex 😁. He tried to come back and I would entertain him enough for him to think he was in control and then I would drop him. It’s great to make them think they are in control and then to show them that they are not. Doing this with no emotion 😐. It is a great feeling.
Nyanchula Sauti but she is only doing to him what he did to her. Shit after everything a person with this disorder can put you through I don’t blame her .
My narcissist was also physically abusive and an alcoholic, and after two incidents where the police were called, child protective services got involved and temporarily removed my baby. It wasn’t until then that I started to see he was selfish and it was always going to be about him. I began to hold him accountable, demanding apologies, I finally made it clear I will do everything in my power to get my daughter back which means pressing charges. He didn’t even care what happened to her, he just didn’t want to face jail time. He said he would leave me if anything happened to him. Well, he broke a restraining order thinking I wouldn’t do anything but I called the cops and he was arrested. We haven’t spoken in 3 months, and he was released a month ago from county. He knows I will never play the fool again and so he sees me as useless to him. But I’m finally thinking of myself again, I’m no longer feeling that adrenaline of being on my toes at all times and that feeling of always being wrong no matter how many rings of fire I jump through. Just the fact that I wake up every day and ask myself what is it that I WANT rather than frantically rushing to whatever phone call or text he’s sent... is such a relief. He’s been out of my life and only good things have been coming to me. It’s like god was sending me signals this entire time and after finally saving myself, the opportunities that have been waiting for me have presented themselves.
I believe you will get her back, It is sad that good hearted people get caught up in such a labrinth seemingly no way out. Right??!! omg I knew my entire night would be ruined if i didnt answer my phone right away or a text. I'm glad you stuck to your guns and had him arrested when he broke the restraining order! That will show the judge you were not part of his bad choices. Keep me posted please
Thank you for the video! The hardest part of healing was wondering why my ex narc ghosted me when I was setting a boundary and holding narc accountable for future faking . I realized he had no other options as a con and my setting the boundary was me discarding him, because we both knew he couldn't deliver.
Your videos are very enlightening and helpful. It is sad to think that all my efforts were wasted on a narcissist. My situation was exactly how you described. She had made me so addicted to her, I allowed her to make a mess of me. She always showed little signs but the final discard is what opened my eyes ro her true nature.
Being a saver is the worst because only people can save themselves you can take the horse to the trotht but you can't make it drink. I'm working on stop being a saver and save myself. A narcissist relationship shown me a lot oh and some dmt ❤
I watched this video 3 years ago shortly after it came out. It was so empowering to realize that it was my choice to make it final with “no contact!” I followed your suggestions, blocking everywhere. The hoovering attempts (from new profiles, e-mails, phone numbers, etc…) continued until the end of last year. Over these years I have worked to detach and recover. This video was instrumental in giving me the power to save and heal myself! Thank you for showing me that I had the power inside me all along! I enforced the discard with no contact, let go and moved on. Your tips made all the difference!
I was already feeling emotional enough listening to this video. Then the final discard part came, and you are so right. I did this with my ex in November. Standing up for myself, and ending things with courage, took a lot of work. I have paid the price with smear campaigns, false accusations, and even being robbed since. But I have had so much peace and calm. I couldn’t be happier. My mind still ruminate at times, I’m still confused at times, sometimes I get a little hurt over the last few months as I have lost people who I thought were my friends. But life is so much better now and there is so much more clarity. Thank you so much.
I have realized a while ago & I have been telling him for years that he doesn't love me. I asked him for a trial separation on 3/26 of this year. He cried my name & has gone ghosting since. I mean it, I want him out of my life There is no coming back! He's in a facility & I don't want to see him again. I'm packing his belongings up & I have moved on. I lost my family, because of him & I'm now living on my own. I still need his pension, to stay off the streets & health has gone down. I'm writing a book on this, at the request of a specialist. Once I no longer need his pension, he will be gone. Looking into getting my health back & doctoring & then find my career as self employed. Don't want to work for someone else. Sleeping better & longer, but since I sometimes kick all night long I'm exhausted. My family stopped being family & friends walked & I'm starting all over again. Have a therapist, because my BP went way too high. Looking into eating better.
That's absolutely spot on Michele! I treated my former narc partner as a 'normal person' and challenged when I was increasingly perplexed by certain behaviours, and 'made the mistake' of having my own thoughts, asserting myself, and saying "No!" The lesson since learnt was that I should not have compromised and tolerated as much as I did - and acted upon my intuition when I noted her constant 'magical thinking' and demands for eulogising . (It was only post-discard when trying to work out what had happened that I subsequently discovered NPD and Cluster B personality disorders).
Michelle!! This was so INCREDIBLY helpful for me. I've been searching for the answer for what has happened with my narcissist. We got toward the end of our 6 year horrifying relationship and with help from your videos I started to realize the truth about him. I started to become independent, set boundaries and hold him accountable. I let him know who I thought he really was. And you're dead on. He has completely discarded me. The final discard. I had gone no contact anyway, but he's made it easy because he's completely written me out of his life. I work as a server at this bar and he works the door at this same place. I luckily never see him because our shifts differ, but one night I stupidly stayed after work and he was there. He completely ignored me, not even just ignored, but it was as if I did not even exist. It hurt. I did the wrong thing and after I left that night I sent many texts trying to reason with him or get validation, or just get him to acknowledge my existence. Or like you said, get closure. It was very codependent on my part, and felt like a relapse. He ended up then blocking me on Facebook and of course did not respond to anything. I've been so confused thinking... If he's a narcissist, doesn't he want my reaction? Isn't he going to start hoovering? But you nailed it. I became "a mirror" in his life. I forced him to look at his own flaws. He cannot have that. This has caused the final discard. Because of your videos I know this is not my fault, and I can stay strong and stay no contact. Thank you so much.
My ex left me for a guy she was cheating with after almost 2 years. She cheats several times before that. Apologizing and blaming me at the same time. I blocked anyway for her to reach me again. Her sister was a reserved person, but even she tried to warn me ahead of time. I've learned my lesson.
My narc mom contacted my father after 30 years, he took her back which was a huge mistake, then she tortured him until he died. I tried to prevent as much abuse as I could, but they lived 250 miles away and sadly, my father had a soft, caring heart and she is an evil witch. I am glad he is in heaven now and doesn't have to endure her abuse. I can't cut my mom off because I have a sister and brother whom I love. They always send group texts.
He is avoiding me now after I confess to his family everything that he did to me after 4 years.. I almost died with him and can't take the depression alone. I have unmask him however I was still hoovered. He impregnate me and had a miscarriage. I was used over and over again. He said he is choosing the new supply , love her and will change for her. Can that be possible? but then he is adding me in facebook. Why?
I have watched dozens upon dozens of videos I've the past few months. This one has really hit home .. Every word was spot on.. Thank you! Healing everyday!
The problem with no contact is people are using it as a control tactic against people who are judged to be narcissists simply because the "narcissist" disagreed with them. I have been hurt by people unfriending me because I changed my plans at the last minute or because I told them that they were stuck in a cycle, so no-contact is abusive. Also, sending a letter telling them the problems is a good idea. That will get you to final discard and you know why. In other words, it gives you closure. Don't share the letter with others. This will enrage the vindictive narcissist, but taking control of the relationship helps you see how the narcissist is toxic. Getting strong through exercise, diet and self-reflection is helpful, but if you go non-contact before you're done emotionally with the narcissist, the pain will affect you.
Catherine Noble & Raman D ... Have just discovered this channel...Although Michelle’s advice is amazing, agreed write that final letter , laying it all out in the nicest way... have just decided to finally discard after having someone systematically demean & degrade me on & off for 2 years... only receiving a teeny crumb of niceness when it suited but showed complete disinterest the majority of the time ...everything was literally about him. He knew he was cruel, so they know & can control themselves when they want. It is best typed & sent by post, which is less connected unlike email... I think it is the only way to disconnect yourself and clarify your own reality , especially after a cruel narcissist has played cat and mouse with you driving you to the point of craziness ... once you reach that point and take a look look at yourself you realise that in fact their crazy making & torment makes you begin to mirror their craziness. In turn disliking how we are becoming, we allowed our own boundaries to be over ridden in an attempt to secure their attention or affection ... a healthy person knows this is the tipping point, for your self respect , to pullback, heal & find yourself again , putting your healthy boundaries back in place and using it to learn... It is an addiction , keep repeating the cycle, falling off the wagon until in the end it either destroys you or you quit. By Writing a truthful , mature factual letter means you are finally ready to go no contact, address the person who hurt you honestly. Because this means we are no longer afraid of the narcissistic rage & frequent narc discards that accompanies pointing out the truth to them but finally ready to move on realising the painful truth that their pattern of behaviour to control and devalue is rooted in their fear of losing you but will never , ever change & all that would happen is you lose yourself to acquiesce a child.
Writing a final letter and sending it, is giving them more fuel. Write it for you to take your pain out of the chest but It is not a good idea to send that letter to him/her. He will enjoy the pain he makes you feel.
@@leoninavictoria8024 Its hard to know whether to send it. You want to, so you are heard. But I agree it will give them a certain power as they feel /know then you are thinking of them.
This is soooooo true!! If u don’t sing to their tune they cut u off. I never knew what a narcissist was and I tolerated so much! They drain the energy out of u! They take take take and never give back. They are number 1!
I was discarded last night, over me talking to my friends and not giving him 100% attention and gifts. Deleted me, unfriended me and he changed his profile from all media as single, has blocked me I guess I didnt check but most likely. I feel alright, but I am mad at my self for putting up with his crap.
I feel for you. He told me we were twin flames and that he loved me more than anything in the world, then discarded me a few days later because he was mad about a comment that a friend made on my Facebook profile picture. He said, "You don't exist anymore." Now I'm blocked on everything and I believe he's deleted all of our pictures and conversations as well. It was a buildup of things, he was extremely unhappy because of how jealous and insecure he felt about me having male friends, and him not being able to control me in general. I loved him, but I refused to be painted as a bad person whilst being verbally and emotionally abused every other day. It was a passionate and heady romance interlaced with cruelty and multiple discards. I think it's over for good, the mask /really/ came off at the end and he knows that I know he's a narcissist, or at least a very cold and vindictive person who needs to work on himself.
@Mike Maillet Hallelujah! When we feel loved and supported, when we know someone has our back it is an amazing feeling! I want to feel that way again. It's just so hard to realize who has your best interest and sometimes you have nowhere to go.
Your insight could leave me to believe that you observed/studied my college relationship. You absolutely understand what my ex-girlfriend was all about. I hope that victims of narcissistic people learn from and gain strength from your videos. My advice to those victims: take back your life, say no, and set firm boundaries. Lean on people in your life that you can trust to get over the discard. If the narcissist discards you, stay away, it's a blessing in disguise. Great video!!!
18 months with a covert and since the beginnings it was all red flags everywhere but unfortunately i could not connect the puzzle. It all ended abruptly a month ago with no closure as usual. I started the discard but the she started racing to make it seem like she was discarding. But deep down she knew who initiated it. Within a matter of hour she was blocked and deleted from every social media except phone number. Couple of days later she started hoovering but i already knew what i was dealing with. I have Found all the valuable information. Finally with her last hoovering she was ghosted by me so hard. I can only imagine what would be the result on her fragile ego!
My narc ex is still trying to hoover me two years of out divorce. During our two and a half years of marriage, he left me four times and discarded me countless times by threatening me of divorce to get his ways. I tried everything I could to keep the marriage together but I said “okay let’s do it “ by the last time he said “let’s get divorced since you wouldn’t do things as I wanted”. He started hoovering and discarding since then. He is a coward who cannot face and solve his own problems.
I've driven him away...how strong am I..fifteen years later...I go between crying to feeling good within myself..last week wanted to marry me following week threatens me if I show at stepsons 21st..completely unstable..I've been doing boundaries saying no and using his behaviours reflected back at him and yes embracing my individuality...so I dumped him proved his lies to his brother and let it slip to his work mates that I was the dumper. **** .
Thank you sweetie! I was in a relationship with a Virgo demon for 15 years found out what a was dealing with,Everything to the box to the left! Kick his ass to the curb!!All that fricking stress !For get about walking on egg shells!! Hell yeah!! Love yourself first Queen's your soul matter's!!😘😘
Thank you for this video. It helps me realize that the power is with me and not with him. It helped me to realize that he discarded me because I had said to him no more and I started setting boundaries, it has nothing to do with me as a person and everything to do with his character. It was 18 months of hell and I hope I never see or hear from him again. He said to me I am not a good man and you deserve better. Well that's one thing he got right about me. I do deserve better. He was wrong on pretty much everything else. He was abusive and our relationship was extremely toxic and I'm glad it's over. He's the one who left this time but do you think he will be back? Have you ever seen this happen and then heard of cases where they come back anyway? I asked him if he was doing this because he didn't love me anymore and he said no I'm doing this because I do love you and I am not a good man and you deserve better. I said I love you too. Have a good life. And he texted back saying you too. Thursday night was the last time I've heard from him. I don't want him anymore, I just want to know if a Hoover attempt May happen anyway. Thank you again.
I always compare my ex narc to food; he was like the main course, what I always wanted suddenly available to me, only whilst eating did I notice he was mouldy and there was nothing I could do, he had been rotten long before I got to him. and like with mouldy food, throwing him away was the only option.
Thank you for all your work, Christ HAS used u open MY eyes, I expose MY NARS with what I knew before marriage, I stopped drinking and confronted her WITH the facts of the her definition and minimizing HER behavior and maximizing MY behavior, I EXPOSED HER, and I took away HER safe feeling, anyway SHE discarded me, and your help with all the new vocabulary of words and I realized early in to this, NO REVENGE. MOVE ON, AND RUN AWAY AS FAST AS U CAN
brilliant video, my ex managed to leave me a vm message despite blocking him from all forms of communication. when you block a number you don't see a .missed call, the phone won t ring texts can t be left but their call does go straight to vm so they can leave a message. After their message i felt i had go be back 10 steps .. No contact is the only way to move forward, you need to shut the door an d not Allow your mind to play tricks to make you think they cared. The only person that ever mattered or will ever matter is themselves.
I'm in the stage of thinking I can help my ex even though I've seen through the mask. I'm still hoping she comes back after her new supply runs out. I'm screwed up and know it 😣
2 years later...how are you feeling? Did she ever come back? Did you even want her back? I'm exactly where you were...but I'm 1 month out from the final discard...still wanting him to reach out smh. I hope you've been doing well on your healing journey!
Once I had a 'label' for these people I knew I had to steer clear the more I learn about this condition I know they will never change and get a sick satisfaction out of hurting me, but knowing that the problem lies with them and not me frees me, great video calm and concise xxx
It's so interesting when you say that the narcissist wears a mask. I actually saw the mask of my narcissistic husband fall down when he was gaslighting me for months to the point where my PTSD just kept getting so bad that it affected my speech, I couldn't sleep, I was exhausted all the time and ket my guard up all the time because I was just standing there waiting for the next attack to come. He was accusing me of cheating and going out with another man, I wasn't, I hardly had time to do anything at all. I was at university taking a full-time program, my two kids were small but already in school. I saw the mask fall when after many months of him gaslighting me and accusing me of cheating on him. I found a 1year worth of him having an intimate conversation with a girl that he used to date many, many years ago. He didn't know I had the whole conversation printed. I confronted him on Christmas day after our guests were gone. First I asked him about it and he denied it until I showed him the print. I saw his mask fall immediately, the look on his face was priceless. His expression changed from arrogant, mean and spiteful to scared. It was a wonderful thing to watch. just wonderful. After that he asked me twice if I had deleted and trashed all the copies of the conversation, he even went on saying that it wasn't healthy for our relationship to keep it. Of course, I still have it. After that, he never accused me again, and I have threatened to leave. But I also know now that he is trying to keep me in the relationship in other ways. But it won't work, because of videos like this one.
Me too😪🤣I was like wow. Lol 😆 an went as extreme as moving me an my daughter out of state for a "job transfer " meanwhile was grooming a supply. Then discarded me. Super cold hearted . Even in person I seen the demon in there eyes. Super crazy how these people are. .
@@biscotti_8820 I saw my narcs demon to. Whe. I miss her beautiful face I think of the evil behind her eyes when she ran off to cheat on me. Or when she raged at me. And when I begged her to stop hurting me. A narcs looks will fade the demon only gets stronger.
@@tzasurvival387 lol yes it gets worse when they have a new supply and there just determined to get rid of you. It was super crazy to see. Im like wow u hella snapped over night. Its crazyyyy
@@tzasurvival387 and to add to that he would tell me that he never wanted to be with me the whole 7yrs and that I was never his type to be with and then that he would just say an do things to make me happy🤣🤷🏻♀️Like who does that.
I'm really struggling with this. I love my wife but I always get sucked back in. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm thinking no contact may be the only way. It's really difficult this narcissism.. one thing I've learned, these narissist never realize the pain or torment they have caused others...
you might be able to negotiate a threesome. many of these narc women are into women. have fun and move on. You can hurt her ego by just telling her how she was not very good in bed. How she needs to get a dr to tighten her up as she is too loose. undermine her ego about how she performs sexually. mind fuck her for a change.
Tero Prince Are you aware of the EENY MEENY MINEY MO FOUNDATION in New Zealand? They have a very uplfting supportive Facebook Group which may be of benefit to you and make your journey easier. Sending you hugs. 🙅♀️
Nikki Shawn I doubt that. Mine has been gone for just a little over 3 yrs and guess what ? Yes he's trying to get back in but not for a relationship but for sex and sex only. So they still watch you even if you think they are not. They know your every move and when they see that your finally moving on and your happy they will be right back to stop you from getting over them. The other reason is when there supply they have now is getting boring so they come back to what they know and that is you. God bless.💕
It's been over a yr and his new supply isn't around. I gave him a major narc injury by calling him out and moving on with someone else. I still get that sick feeling he has unfinished business with me. They say they usually don't Hoover after a yr. Hope so . Staying no contact.....
Kim Sikorski Yes. My ex narc initiated a 6 month break to date and sleep with new supply half his age. I dated other people during that time. Fast forward him to coming back a few months later and me stupidly resuming things for another 4 years. In the end at discard he accused me of being a whore and could not marry me because of what I did during the break. Wow dating other people after he wanted a break makes me a whore in his eyes...Omg what an ass....
Raman Dhaliwal i wonder that...I called him out on the bs and tbe mssk dropped. Not a pretty sight....he ghosted. Does that make a difference? I wonder?
*He owes me money and I told him that when it's over I'm changing my number and deleting his. I know I fucked up. But he needs to know that I'm done. Now hes being stagnant on giving it back. He knows I'm done with him. Last time I called about this he was about to end the conversation on some kind of smart remark. In the middle of it I hung up 😏 it felt good.* *I blocked him on IG and messenger but some reason we haven't blocked each other profiles. Like he can still view my profile. Ikno he stalks because he actually commented something negative on one of my posts. Pathetic. I'm about to straight block him*
Awesome video! So many great insights and tips. I’ve always had the perspective that my mother discarded me. But, it’s true that I changed and needed her out of my life. ❤️
Oh my God how do you know all these things I swear I feel like it’s God talking to me though u... Everything you’re saying is just perfectly aligned with my experience
Hi Michelle, I always say that your video's are awesome as always, but i'm officially changing that to AMAZING!!!! This specific video is the one I've been hoping you would do. Knowing now that my ex gf's final discard wasnt from her but from me because she finally saw that i know who and what she really is helps a lot. It will be 3 months on the 14th of May since i went full no contact blocking her from phone/text/social media. I know theres a chance that they pop back up months, years, after, but i honestly believe that since she has no way of contacting me at all now, that i'll never hear from her again. Finding your page truly has been a blessing. My cptsd/trauma bond, is still an ongoing thing, but with your help i know i'll eventually heal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ☺❤
I'm so glad you found this video helpful and even more glad to hear you're healing one day at a time. Cptsd doesn't heal overnight and sometimes it feels like you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back but little by little, you start seeing yourself less triggered, more present and comfortable in your skin! Thanks for always taking the time to share your experience and offer words of encouragement 😊🤗
You're welcome Michelle, anytime ☺ Writing out my experience for others to see not only helps them, but seeing my pain in words helps me too because i'm not able to grieve as much as i should. Always sharing my experience with my ex gf and coming here where others have gone through the same things make me feel like im not alone. Everyone has been so caring, including yourself and that truly means so much, Lisa ☺❤
Lisa Scott I also blocked my narc from all communication so was really shocked 4 months into the no contact I had to scroll through my call log and saw he had tried to call me twice, then I looked at my visual vm and sure enough he had left a message! I called my phone company sprint and asked how this happened, they said if you block someone on the phone when they call instead of the phoning ringing it won’t it will just go straight to vm, you won’t see missed call either, but you will see it in the phone log, they still can’t get a text message through though.
CarmellaNYC yeah it sucks that they can still leave voicemails. Knock on wood its been almost 6 months since i went full no contact and i havent heard anything at all from my ex gf. Fingers crossed!
Michele, you are a BADASS!! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. I really believe you saved my life at least the happy life I deserve please keep it up. The pain of discard is indescribable to anyone who hasn't felt the isolation and hurt. Thank you for everything.
I recently posted a question in the community section asking what video topics you would like to see and this one, the Final Discard how Final is it was one of those topics. In this video I wanted to explain why the Narcissist discards in the first place, what makes their routine discards evolve into a Final Discard and finally I wanted to empower you with tips that help you to see that you are not helpless having to accept whatever the Narcissist dishes our - no! You have choices and there are things that you can do to strengthen yourself so that you are no longer vulnerable to getting sucked back into the emotionally abusive cycle that's common in toxic relationships.
For the next month I will be making videos that have been specifically requested in this community section, if you would like a specific topic make sure you check out the list that is already there and if your question or topic is not mentioned be sure to add it so that I can provide information on that specific topic.
Knowledge is power and wisdom is the application of knowledge - I truly hope that my videos can help you on your healing journey!!
From Surviving To Thriving!! I don't know if you've made a video on this topic, but I'd LOVE to see ' what happens when YOU discard the narc.. I'm going through it and I'd love to hear your opinion
From Surviving To Thriving!! This came so right time! I get huge hoover yesterday out of nowhere!!! I was not expecting that! I was sure he is not gonna hoover. And this time I even believed him. My mistake! Because I was not no-contact because of my daughter living with him. I try to help my daughter to get help.
Arisana Tolomei I'm so sorry for you too. My mother is just like that too. I hope I can see my relatives without my mother coming there too. I'm no-contact succesfully with my mom.
From Surviving To Thriving!! Well i confronted her about all the proof and with a barrage of insults cut her off. I cut her phone off and took it back and she ran. Lol not to mention she started sleeping with her new source. And word for word she laid the script on him within 2 days after. Lol. So what do you think her next course of action is btw he is married.
How do u co parent with a narc any advice would b great
Make it as difficult as you can for them to get to you. They always try to come back. In some cases it takes weeks, others months... sometimes even years. Never give in to their attempts to come back, remember their sh*t personalities and how they treated you. What self-respecting person would ever want that?
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Narc Survivor - exactly!
Wait so now when I got blocked he gonna come back after a year or so?
Basia Krol - it could happen (it often does, with narccissists), so one shouldn't be surprised, if so. The best thing is to not take them back. Just stay no contact, no matter who started it.
Good luck!
@@erock4319 - way to go!
Cheers! :)
Excellent tips. I started neglecting myself because he demanded ALL my free time. Its been only 2 months and I feel and look 100% better! I now wonder why I put up with this creep for so long!! I find NOTHING about him attractive anymore. New supply.....good luck because I definitely dont want him no more. I am proud to say I am healing faster than I thought but it is through continuous prayers to God and keeping busy doing ME things that it is happening. I am looking forward to a new love however I am pretty happy being alone right now. Loving myself more everyday so that new man better come strong 😊 because I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away now lols.
Reality Check Rollay what did he say exactly that demand all your time? Did you ever give him time? How often did you spend time with him?
I know exactly it’s horrible trying to cut them off altogether but you must
Reality Check Rollay Red flags 🚩 though I wasn’t that great to him either it was just toxic on both sides. I wanted repair and revamp he walked and didn’t except correction. I know my portion and I’m accountable for that. I’m forgiven and don’t believe I will ever hear from him again. I miss the sweet memories and dreams I had but honestly I felt more controlled and like a kid and restricted. I wanted him so badly feeling like if I was given a chance at redemption. You can’t help , only Jesus if they even want that.
I will never be enough for him and he deleted everything that has to do with us and it’s okay. I will never be able to be with someone who doesn’t want to work on themselves and accept fault or correction.
I think if they’d moved on with someone new they won’t deal with you anymore.
Only 2 months for me too. sounds like you had experience already with this type of person. 6 years ago, I went through the same thing and couldn't figure out why. This time I got lucky and got pulled out of it, because I almost got fired. Now I finally see how I've been beating myself and wasting my life. These people are sneaky. It's hard to pin point.
I so agree with you 👌🏻
They like to pretend that we don't exist when they discard us. Then give to them a high five forever, no contact and be happy. They will never find what they are searching for. You will find your way for healing 💖
no birthdays holidays or dates....I can't believe I dealt with this all these years....I'm truly a beautiful person wow! us Empaths should not have to be in constant fear of these types, it makes it harder to be there for people who truly appreciate you
I didn't understand why on my birthday he didn't so much as say Happy Birthday Valentine's Day same thing yet I took the time because I really loved him to order him a gift got a mushy card and even made coupons... And he acted like the day never existed.. He never goes anywhere with me but sure does go out himself.. It's sad until I realize he's afraid of the attention I might get he's insecure with himself and wants to make me feel like something is so terribly wrong with me that he can't even take me to a movie.. I'm sorry you went through that I know exactly how lonely it feels. I hope you are out of it now.. I'm still in it we just had a baby but after watching these videos and reading comments from ppl like you I am learning there is hope and I can be strong and prevail. Thank you soul sister keep your beautiful head up! Also I don't know you but I do know one day you'll find someone that can't wait to shower you with love on holidays and every other day of the year🙏💪💕
Same here for 9 years ...he was somewhere else with someone else every holiday every birthday including our anniversary
Empaths do not need to live in constant fear that's the narcs wound
accept all the bad feelings they gave you. It's a gift, remember the special things too, it's a treasure for you to show other people that really deserve it!
@@audrabrizendine4799 because it wasn't about him and narcissists don't want you happy.
after he has left me in debt battered and bruised, Yes I have changed😍😍😍😍 and for the best....
Sorry I keep replying to your comments but it's the exact same thing for me! I I always pull out my debit card or hand it to him when he goes to the store. When I met him he was like a typical bachelor or so I thought so I would buy things for his house silverware bed sets everything down to the plug ins in the wall! I clean do laundry and work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week.. I will rub his back after we get home from a long day at work we work at the same place.. I thought he could feel my love.. When I became pregnant I bought the crib the rocker changing table and never even thought of asking him to pitch in. I have paid bills and his truck payment the list goes on and on I'm on maternity leave right now and I had 3,000 dollars in the bank in the beginning of March I figured surely that will get me through until I could go back to work.. Wrong I paid for all the formula all the groceries all the take out everything and I'm not complaining at all its my job its what I am supposed to do to an extent.. My problem is how he acts about things.. Ok he bought 3 bottles of Formula one day and I never heard the end of it. It was like he walked on water he wanted a parade! I can show him my account transactions and he will still act as though he's been carrying me this whole time! It's hard to deal with ppl like him.. But I'm going back to work next week and since watching these videos I have a plan to get my money back up and go..
They love leaving you in debt. Planks
I am also financially, mentally and emotionally exhausted! I am angry with myself for allowing it! I saw the obvious bait and fell for it. I enforced a boundary and just repeated the complete sentence of NO! Back off!
Michele's Tips:
1. No contact at all. Delete and block the narc.
2. Make a list the painful things the person did to you (big and small), with as much details as possible.
3. Write a letter to the narc saying everything that you want to say, but do not send it. After reading it over and over, just burn it.
4. Take care of yourself.
5. Reconnect with family and friends.
6. Get help of a therapist, support group, life couch etc
I will never forget the love bombing 4 yrs after my discard. I let him take me to breakfast. I laughed and made small talk, not once mentioning our relationship. I could see his fuel going into the negatives. Hehehehe! Then he tried to reel me in by paying for my hair salon visit. Cha Ching, I’ll take that and then not answer your call until I felt like it. Then nonchalantly mention the date that I had gone on with my new “do”. Talking about a 🥊 in the stomach. It was priceless 😎
You realise that people who are in relationships with narcissists become more or less narcissistic themselves right?
this is a perfect example of you acting like a narc.
and I dont say that to be mean, I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation but you should realise that narcissistic abuse changes the victims over time.
I'm a narc myself, I know what I'm talking about.
To do That, it took you time and energy That you spend on him. Revenge makes you just like him. Self-respect takes you to healing.
Your vídeos are fantastic. Thanks.
Haha classic!
@@godless789
Yes
After 4 years and final discard with " you were a ball at the foot "
I came to mistrust violently anything which resembles the past and I do some of the things I was subjected too, trying to shake away the possibility of another mistake.
It is like a vaccine
But beneficial in the long run
It is a reaction not a way of being.
A normal emphatic person, cannot and shall not become a monster of egoism and exploitation.
The realization that I was the one who had changed and therefore was no longer desirable to him makes SOOO much sense. I certainly had!! Wow. What an empowering realization.
Me too!!!!
I feel like I can't love anybody else and knowing that they have no idea what love is makes me feel like I have never been loved painful
I know how you are feeling
Love yourself as you want them to love you.
Thank you for all these videos 🙏
My ex is a narcissist, it left me a broken man. Before I was happy, an empath, full of life and had a large circle of friends....I was made to believe i was the cause of everything and a bad person. Constantly attacked for not doing something how she wanted me to.
Your videos resonate with me on the deepest level.
I’m slowly rebuilding my life, one piece at a time.
I can’t thank you enough, you’re an amazing and wonderful person x
I totally resonate with this comment
You are still empath, happy and full of life ....... underneath you are beautiful ❤ hope you know that.
Ex narc has made me feel the same… all my fault, I’m a bad person, did him wrong, although I know I’m none of these things and I never did him wrong, the only thing I did after 37 years of being with him was finally stand up to him and say NO to his demands, not being able to accept that, he left…completely wiping out the last 37 years as if they never existed, what type of people are they? Robots comes to mind, empty shells, no heart, no love, no feelings… just nothing!!!!
Covert narcissists are very different . Mine was kind giving and generous but was cheating behind my back and planning the final treacherous discard. I wasn’t sure but I saw that his generosity and kindness wasn’t real. He left like I never existed
Truth walker Same..mine was also sweet kind and generous..Something just not felt right with me..but I couldn't place it because he was so 'nice' ...plus I loved him..that maked it harder..but looking back it was my intuition calling...yea so bizar how these coverts operate ..They are such good actors. From now on.. *If it sounds good to be true..It probally is*
Lynn Htown you described me. Do you ever wonder if it was us and that they will not do this to the next person? That thought haunts me sometimes... I don’t know why. I am the one who he mistreated and I was blamed for his cheating and unhappiness. He broke my spirit! ☹️
Truth walker Hang in!!! We wax and wane with these feelings but watch for our own masochistic tendency of sitting in our shit of unworthiness that further punishes us for being duped. Figuring out our childhood wounds and childhood programming can help illustrate how and why we hook up with this kind of Android. Getting stuck in self pity and self righteousness can just make us lose more months or years of our precious little time left on earth to enjoy with loving decent people. We can't pick our families but we can pick our friends....
I felt that way, too. And probably there will come some more days, when I feel sh*ty, again. It's a process, you see - the healing.
In my case, it's been over a year and a half since the final break-up, and only lately I feel a bit (and sometimes even a lot) better. Of course we are not perfect and we make mistakes, too, but we are not the way covert (or any kind of) narcissists are - it's just not the same.
Don't let your spirit stay broken. Pick it up and use the glue (the love you still have, inside of you) to repair the damage that was done. It IS possible, although it seems it cannot be done.
A virtual hug and GOOD LUCK, Truth walker.
Alja Žehelj thank you for the sweet support. I hope you’re right 🙏🏼Yes sometimes it seems impossible that I will ever love again or recover from this heart shattering event. Wish all these memories could be changed into negative instead of such beautiful memories I have with this covert monster. I don’t
know why it has hurt me more than it has most other women who were with narcs... Maybe mine was more of a true sociopath? Whatever the reason, I didn’t even suspect or imagined that this man was not who he showed to be. It’s horrifying! To explain his behavior before he left, he told ppl we knew that he snapped but he had planned every detail
she hoovered me back 9 times after the discard!!!
The paradox on that is if they just give a little bit back they could have the admiration and love forever but they decide to switch the script and you who once were the hero became the worst villain. All the insults, baseless accusations, and threats destroy everything. If you stick to them you will suffer and if they discard you the next one has already entered their slaughterhouse, ready to chop their heart and soul in pieces. Maybe it´s an abortive vestige of empathy that they finally release a victim from the rack.
In 2019 you helped me understand this behavior as I was going through this type of abuse.
It's 2023. Still silent healing and healed in many areas! I got away!
Thank you,
Teeya
Thank you for this video. I am still dealing with the consequences of a final discard. Today is 3 months. It was devastating and cruel, especially as we were engaged. I will rewatch this video. I needed to be reminded of all the points you discussed.
shadele17 lol, I’m a guy, but thanks!
Hi,It seems we are sailing in the same boat.I was also engaged to a narcissist and its been 3 months that I am trying to recover as he dumped me and immediately got married to someone else.I'm pretty sure that he was cheating on me for a while with this new girl who he got married to and could let go off me so easily this time around.
It was literally devastating to see him go with someone else and that too without he regretting or agonizing over our break up in spite of being together for good 4 years.But we should be grateful that they did this to us before exchanging vows as it would have been even more painful then.Let's stand strong and save ourselves from people like this.
Mine discarded me nearly two years ago, complete psychopath he now has new supply yet again and massive debts to pay, not good
I just noticed that many women were engaged right before discarding... I was too... he gave me the ring two days before discard. They all act the same way. I supose they do That because your positive emotions of love and happiness are way up and falling from up there is more painful. They are evil.
Same thong just happened to me 2 days ago. In the past, he'd leave, hoover n return but this time is the Real Deal, he found another victim while with me and tho it hurts like hell...these videos are helping me stay strong. Thank you for sharing. I know Im better off and will heal but rt now, its like his funeral every day
I've been NC for over a year. He sent me a letter telling me that hes moving in with new supply after only 6months in the relationship. I kinda thought he was grooming a new victim. Needless to say it triggered cognitive dissonance in me. Questioning reality and the abuse he put me through. I'm so done and will never be subjected to the mindfuck of this fake relationshit.
The letter you talk about Michele, I wrote and sent. That was when I knew that I was done with him. When he realized I had caught him out, that was the final discard! How emancipating that discard was! For the first time in almost 9 years, I am free and in control of my life once again.
Michelle, I have never commented on a TH-cam video before but felt compelled to do so.
THANK YOU. Thank you for making this channel, sharing your experiences, and ultimately sharing these tips.
I *know* what I need to do. I’ve watched hundreds of videos and read thousands of posts on websites about the subject; yet until I watched THIS particular video, for whatever reason, it never clicked. Until now.
Today is a new day. Spring is here and I’m ready to go into my cocoon so that I may one day emerge, like you and so many others have ... as a butterfly.
I wish you continued success and happiness, and everyone watching these videos the strength and courage necessary to love and TRUST in themselves.
Thank you! The same, to you!
Have you emerged from your cocoon? How are things? This is inspiring.
So on point. Just got out of a 18 month relationship with a narcissist. I thank God for his grace to safely remove me from that cycle of abuse.
Amen 🙏🙌 me too ❤
A narc. tried to hoover me again 7 years after I discarded her. I said 7, ... after she married etc etc. I didn't even respond.
There is no final discard!!!!
You must go no contact and stay that way.
True.
In my experience it’s never final, the will try to Hoover you even months or years later
You are absolutely right. I have been discarded so many times I could see it coming. This was the final discard. You made so many good points and exactly right on based on my 35 years of experience with a master manipulator, cheater and liar and heartless
narcissist He informed me he found someone new. Good luck with that.
If you remove all your posts from their page that always triggers a reaction.
This was a really interesting watch. I’ve just started reading into narcissism & I’m utterly convinced my ex is one. With that said, having been on/off with him for nearly 8, the thought of this being the final discard seems almost scary! It’s as if I’ve become so used to being treat like crap, that I miss it! What bothers me more than anything is that he believes this is his decision. Which I’m sure fuels his ego. I’m worried I will never be fully ok after all his torment. In the end, he went to the police to claim I had harassed him 7 year. He lived with me, took thousands off me, got another person pregnant then lost it & I consoled him! Yet I’m the harasser! Nothing but evil !
8 year *
I would love to see a video on future faking. For me it was one of the most frustrating parts. He was constantly moving the goalposts / finish line....and somehow it was ALWAYS my fault.
It's one of the nastier tricks I'm their torture toolbox. You cannot hold them accountable for "dreams" of a future that they paint. It is a love scam, as bad as the older lady younger foreign man scams on the internet. It's a Love scam-ponzi scheme, built on nothing - zero. By its very definition, it is doomed to never materialise.
*correction typo: "one of the nastier tricks in their.... ..."
I had exactly the same thing…. Constantly moving goalposts, distorting reality…. Gaslighting..
16 year until he gave me a final discard. I have no idea what narcissism was until the final discard. I am devastated and we are in the middle of a terrible legal battle. I really think this is the final.
Think of it as a blessing. Love God, love yourself more. It's okay to be alone. Pray, pray, pray❤
YES! They never feel like THEY need to change because they see themselves as always right and that YOU are the one who needs to accept them as they are. The will NEVER be introspective or look at the people they have hurt. The will NEVER see it or acknowledge it.
Very well spoken, so on point!
100% correct… they have no feelings whatsoever.
Yes he is doing this... After he found another supply I threatened to leave so he started the less and less conditioning
WOW!!! "Once you know who they REALLY are, the narcissist knows that to reel you back in would take a TREMENDOUS amount of work. They prefer to discard you and start another relationship where they are viewed as awesome/perfect/not flawed." Why is it that I am willing to do a TREMENDOUS amount of work with him to help heal the pain he has caused me, but he is not willing...says it's "too painful to face the pain I have caused you" --- this explains so much!
Carter - you put it so well!
Bravo!
Very grateful for truth about the final discard and a positive way to look at it. You get tired of the abuse and they get tired of you not being a good supply. Win win if you can stay no contact with a toxic individual.
Edward Berry YES! I HEAR THAT!! They get sick of low/No supply ...ad we get sick of abuse and agreeing to part becomes the new topic of discussion...however historically nothing with them is so EASY as that . So proceed with caution. As for Hoovering....they can come back decades later......
There is No final discard
They will always return
You must go no contact
Nope weather it’s months or a decade they all come back.
Not necessarily..Depends how much their target knows about them in the end..
@@angelaedwards7361 how many times to they come back. mine did, but then has married someone (new supply) a few years ago now.
Sams Randoms
Me and my ex have been back and forwards for 5 yrs the longest no contact 9 months I took him back because I do love him but I had to except he doesn’t love me and uses me to make himself feel good.
Depending on how much fuel he gets from his new wife your just be on the shelf until he wants to play with you again
But be sure he is not in love with his wife he is not in love with anyone but himself
@@angelaedwards7361 And the mad thing is thats what they accuse you of !!??
I had a friend pretend to be him and I practically yelled and screamed everything that I wanted to say to him! It felt soooo good! Lol
2.5yrs of my life wasted on a covert narc who always has numerous other victims targeted and in various stages of the process from love bombing to final discard. My heart hurts for the many many women to come that will join the same horrible experience. The man i was involved with i found out had numerous fake profiles across all platforms online to ensure a constant supply of women. Hes been doing it for 20yrs i now know of and still is as i write this.
Whats crazy is he never discarded me....he cheated ( i think ) but used social media to get his fix....would lie to them about who he was n what he had...once they wanted to meet i guess he would start with another....i just wished they would actually take him. But thats when i had enough disrespect n made him leave....hes not talking to me at all....we have done this numerous times...he always came back quick....but over a month n not a peep
I am 100% dependent on my narcissistic husband of 30 yrs. I’ve been deathly sick for the past 9 yrs, in physical pain , and I’m not waiting for the discard. I’ve already had him move his stuff from the home. He’s trying to love bomb me , sending me pics of our time together. It’s very difficult but im realizing how toxic my marriage is
I lost my family & friends & they do not want to come back. My eldest daughter is a flying monkey & one of my friends threatened me if I as much as a phone call. I do have a therapist.
Im newly finding out about the flying monkeys. My "friends" were flying monkeys and he hated when i hung out with my real friends. My family thinks im crazy but its fine
Empowering! Thank u. I blocked her on social media after she unfollowed me and left me as a follower to “see” all the places she’s going without me! With new supply!
Yes, we codependents are often "fixers". Mine was a BPD with Covert Narcissist dissociation. I tried to get her into therapy, but she would not go. You can forgive the broken child, but not the adult who refuses to change.
Dealing with your own codependency (and the causes of that codependency). In my case I was programmed by a narcissistic mother. Wild stuff.
This is excellent advice. Narcissists can harm people so deeply. We have to wake up to how to protect and care for ourselves. I've had 2 terrible narcissists in my life who hurt me deeply until I caught on and got out. Now I know how to recognize them and disengage/no contact. Lie's too short. Find good people around whom you feel good.
Mine was different, I think he thinks so highly of himself that he does not even have the capability of wanting to hoover or comeback after the discard, which is a good thing. I do not want this person back in my life.
has your narc come back a year later?
After 2 years.... has he ever hovered you? Reached out to you in anyway? Or tried to come back?
@@am1berry yes! They always comeback...but do not fall for it!
@@maddyv6064 how long after the discard did he come back?
Been discarded since vday . No closure . Blocked .. some days are good , this morning I’m struggling . Best video so far . Thank you
Can you give an update on your situation?!
More than anything else we must practice self love. I knew nothing about narcissistic behavior and spent 17 years with one. THEY ARE SOOOO WEAK. He could not break me down but he tried so hard. He left me and started a new relationship in less than a month. I was hurt until I figured out and learned about this disorder. It was soooo easy to walk away. After reading over 500 articles and much research, I found that relationships like this NEVER had happy endings. I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life in mess. So I ex’d my ex 😁. He tried to come back and I would entertain him enough for him to think he was in control and then I would drop him. It’s great to make them think they are in control and then to show them that they are not. Doing this with no emotion 😐. It is a great feeling.
good for you girl!
Has it occured to you that youre also a narcissist on the low
You have become the very person that you hate...I'm sorry to say.
Nyanchula Sauti but she is only doing to him what he did to her. Shit after everything a person with this disorder can put you through I don’t blame her .
We all have a bit of narcissistic tendencies, but she just gave him his own treatment. Good for you!
My narcissist was also physically abusive and an alcoholic, and after two incidents where the police were called, child protective services got involved and temporarily removed my baby. It wasn’t until then that I started to see he was selfish and it was always going to be about him. I began to hold him accountable, demanding apologies, I finally made it clear I will do everything in my power to get my daughter back which means pressing charges. He didn’t even care what happened to her, he just didn’t want to face jail time. He said he would leave me if anything happened to him. Well, he broke a restraining order thinking I wouldn’t do anything but I called the cops and he was arrested. We haven’t spoken in 3 months, and he was released a month ago from county. He knows I will never play the fool again and so he sees me as useless to him. But I’m finally thinking of myself again, I’m no longer feeling that adrenaline of being on my toes at all times and that feeling of always being wrong no matter how many rings of fire I jump through. Just the fact that I wake up every day and ask myself what is it that I WANT rather than frantically rushing to whatever phone call or text he’s sent... is such a relief. He’s been out of my life and only good things have been coming to me. It’s like god was sending me signals this entire time and after finally saving myself, the opportunities that have been waiting for me have presented themselves.
Did you get your daughter back?
Valinda not yet but I finished my counseling so I’m just waiting for my case to close. Thank you for asking!
I believe you will get her back, It is sad that good hearted people get caught up in such a labrinth seemingly no way out. Right??!! omg I knew my entire night would be ruined if i didnt answer my phone right away or a text. I'm glad you stuck to your guns and had him arrested when he broke the restraining order! That will show the judge you were not part of his bad choices. Keep me posted please
Thank you for the video! The hardest part of healing was wondering why my ex narc ghosted me when I was setting a boundary and holding narc accountable for future faking . I realized he had no other options as a con and my setting the boundary was me discarding him, because we both knew he couldn't deliver.
Your videos are very enlightening and helpful. It is sad to think that all my efforts were wasted on a narcissist. My situation was exactly how you described. She had made me so addicted to her, I allowed her to make a mess of me. She always showed little signs but the final discard is what opened my eyes ro her true nature.
Being an empath I always fall for a Narcissist..
It's because we think that we can save people. Make them better, showing them love. But they will never change.
Empaths dont exist. Narcs n psychopaths do have access to empathy. Beware calling yourself an empath is grandeous.
Being a saver is the worst because only people can save themselves you can take the horse to the trotht but you can't make it drink. I'm working on stop being a saver and save myself. A narcissist relationship shown me a lot oh and some dmt ❤
Then STOP DOING THAT.
Same damnit!
Amazing, very real, very clear, and to the point . This is the best video ever clear tonthe point
I watched this video 3 years ago shortly after it came out. It was so empowering to realize that it was my choice to make it final with “no contact!” I followed your suggestions, blocking everywhere. The hoovering attempts (from new profiles, e-mails, phone numbers, etc…) continued until the end of last year. Over these years I have worked to detach and recover. This video was instrumental in giving me the power to save and heal myself! Thank you for showing me that I had the power inside me all along! I enforced the discard with no contact, let go and moved on. Your tips made all the difference!
I think his lies were catching up to him, so he had to go all in and in his words blow up our relationship
I was already feeling emotional enough listening to this video. Then the final discard part came, and you are so right. I did this with my ex in November. Standing up for myself, and ending things with courage, took a lot of work. I have paid the price with smear campaigns, false accusations, and even being robbed since. But I have had so much peace and calm. I couldn’t be happier. My mind still ruminate at times, I’m still confused at times, sometimes I get a little hurt over the last few months as I have lost people who I thought were my friends. But life is so much better now and there is so much more clarity. Thank you so much.
I hope things are better for you.
I’m going through the same, the ruminating is the worst, if we can get passed that I think we’ll be on the road to recovery.. bless you🩷
Dil se dua nikalti h apke liye. My heart prays for you bcz of your awesome words you are helping so many ppl.You are a real family.
This video is exactly where I'm at right now in my healing from the narcissist.
I have realized a while ago & I have been telling him for years that he doesn't love me. I asked him for a trial separation on 3/26 of this year. He cried my name & has gone ghosting since. I mean it, I want him out of my life There is no coming back! He's in a facility & I don't want to see him again. I'm packing his belongings up & I have moved on. I lost my family, because of him & I'm now living on my own. I still need his pension, to stay off the streets & health has gone down. I'm writing a book on this, at the request of a specialist. Once I no longer need his pension, he will be gone. Looking into getting my health back & doctoring & then find my career as self employed. Don't want to work for someone else. Sleeping better & longer, but since I sometimes kick all night long I'm exhausted. My family stopped being family & friends walked & I'm starting all over again. Have a therapist, because my BP went way too high. Looking into eating better.
Morton Carol did you're family choose the narc over you?
That's absolutely spot on Michele! I treated my former narc partner as a 'normal person' and challenged when I was increasingly perplexed by certain behaviours, and 'made the mistake' of having my own thoughts, asserting myself, and saying "No!" The lesson since learnt was that I should not have compromised and tolerated as much as I did - and acted upon my intuition when I noted her constant 'magical thinking' and demands for eulogising . (It was only post-discard when trying to work out what had happened that I subsequently discovered NPD and Cluster B personality disorders).
Ha, ha, ha... I'm boring and that's a benefit!👍
Michelle!! This was so INCREDIBLY helpful for me. I've been searching for the answer for what has happened with my narcissist. We got toward the end of our 6 year horrifying relationship and with help from your videos I started to realize the truth about him. I started to become independent, set boundaries and hold him accountable. I let him know who I thought he really was. And you're dead on. He has completely discarded me. The final discard. I had gone no contact anyway, but he's made it easy because he's completely written me out of his life. I work as a server at this bar and he works the door at this same place. I luckily never see him because our shifts differ, but one night I stupidly stayed after work and he was there. He completely ignored me, not even just ignored, but it was as if I did not even exist. It hurt. I did the wrong thing and after I left that night I sent many texts trying to reason with him or get validation, or just get him to acknowledge my existence. Or like you said, get closure. It was very codependent on my part, and felt like a relapse. He ended up then blocking me on Facebook and of course did not respond to anything. I've been so confused thinking... If he's a narcissist, doesn't he want my reaction? Isn't he going to start hoovering? But you nailed it. I became "a mirror" in his life. I forced him to look at his own flaws. He cannot have that. This has caused the final discard. Because of your videos I know this is not my fault, and I can stay strong and stay no contact. Thank you so much.
If you have kids with them, they’ll likely find ways to keep messing with you. Be sure your divorce decree minimizes what they can do.
My ex left me for a guy she was cheating with after almost 2 years. She cheats several times before that. Apologizing and blaming me at the same time. I blocked anyway for her to reach me again. Her sister was a reserved person, but even she tried to warn me ahead of time. I've learned my lesson.
My narc mom contacted my father after 30 years, he took her back which was a huge mistake, then she tortured him until he died. I tried to prevent as much abuse as I could, but they lived 250 miles away and sadly, my father had a soft, caring heart and she is an evil witch. I am glad he is in heaven now and doesn't have to endure her abuse. I can't cut my mom off because I have a sister and brother whom I love. They always send group texts.
So sorry to hear that...it's gotta be the hardest thing ever to know that about your own mother ... 💙
That's terrible! Your poor father!
He is avoiding me now after I confess to his family everything that he did to me after 4 years.. I almost died with him and can't take the depression alone. I have unmask him however I was still hoovered. He impregnate me and had a miscarriage. I was used over and over again. He said he is choosing the new supply , love her and will change for her. Can that be possible? but then he is adding me in facebook. Why?
I have watched dozens upon dozens of videos I've the past few months.
This one has really hit home .. Every word was spot on.. Thank you! Healing everyday!
I was willing to stick with him but now I told him al no stop hiding, u believe you , he acted like he don't no me. I believe he's ashamed.
The problem with no contact is people are using it as a control tactic against people who are judged to be narcissists simply because the "narcissist" disagreed with them. I have been hurt by people unfriending me because I changed my plans at the last minute or because I told them that they were stuck in a cycle, so no-contact is abusive. Also, sending a letter telling them the problems is a good idea. That will get you to final discard and you know why. In other words, it gives you closure. Don't share the letter with others. This will enrage the vindictive narcissist, but taking control of the relationship helps you see how the narcissist is toxic. Getting strong through exercise, diet and self-reflection is helpful, but if you go non-contact before you're done emotionally with the narcissist, the pain will affect you.
Catherine Noble & Raman D ... Have just discovered this channel...Although Michelle’s advice is amazing, agreed write that final letter , laying it all out in the nicest way... have just decided to finally discard after having someone systematically demean & degrade me on & off for 2 years... only receiving a teeny crumb of niceness when it suited but showed complete disinterest the majority of the time ...everything was literally about him. He knew he was cruel, so they know & can control themselves when they want.
It is best typed & sent by post, which is less connected unlike email... I think it is the only way to disconnect yourself and clarify your own reality , especially after a cruel narcissist has played cat and mouse with you driving you to the point of craziness ... once you reach that point and take a look look at yourself you realise that in fact their crazy making & torment makes you begin to mirror their craziness. In turn disliking how we are becoming, we allowed our own boundaries to be over ridden in an attempt to secure their attention or affection ... a healthy person knows this is the tipping point, for your self respect , to pullback, heal & find yourself again , putting your healthy boundaries back in place and using it to learn... It is an addiction , keep repeating the cycle, falling off the wagon until in the end it either destroys you or you quit. By Writing a truthful , mature factual letter means you are finally ready to go no contact, address the person who hurt you honestly. Because this means we are no longer afraid of the narcissistic rage & frequent narc discards that accompanies pointing out the truth to them but finally ready to move on realising the painful truth that their pattern of behaviour to control and devalue is rooted in their fear of losing you but will never , ever change & all that would happen is you lose yourself to acquiesce a child.
Writing a final letter and sending it, is giving them more fuel. Write it for you to take your pain out of the chest but It is not a good idea to send that letter to him/her. He will enjoy the pain he makes you feel.
@@leoninavictoria8024 Its hard to know whether to send it. You want to, so you are heard. But I agree it will give them a certain power as they feel /know then you are thinking of them.
Your videos are so spot on with what I have been through with my husband
I've got contacted 12 years after ... sick
There's no expiry date when it comes to using someone.
This is soooooo true!! If u don’t sing to their tune they cut u off. I never knew what a narcissist was and I tolerated so much! They drain the energy out of u! They take take take and never give back. They are number 1!
I was discarded last night, over me talking to my friends and not giving him 100% attention and gifts. Deleted me, unfriended me and he changed his profile from all media as single, has blocked me I guess I didnt check but most likely. I feel alright, but I am mad at my self for putting up with his crap.
I feel for you. He told me we were twin flames and that he loved me more than anything in the world, then discarded me a few days later because he was mad about a comment that a friend made on my Facebook profile picture. He said, "You don't exist anymore." Now I'm blocked on everything and I believe he's deleted all of our pictures and conversations as well. It was a buildup of things, he was extremely unhappy because of how jealous and insecure he felt about me having male friends, and him not being able to control me in general. I loved him, but I refused to be painted as a bad person whilst being verbally and emotionally abused every other day. It was a passionate and heady romance interlaced with cruelty and multiple discards. I think it's over for good, the mask /really/ came off at the end and he knows that I know he's a narcissist, or at least a very cold and vindictive person who needs to work on himself.
This is one of the best discard videos I’ve seen. Thank you!
Love has no agenda.
Love is a feeling.
Feelings exist to be expressed.
Honest expression reveals our identity. Our identity is who we are.
@Mike Maillet Hallelujah! When we feel loved and supported, when we know someone has our back it is an amazing feeling! I want to feel that way again. It's just so hard to realize who has your best interest and sometimes you have nowhere to go.
Yasss!👏
This is SPOT ON! I cannot ❤️ this enough!
the discard is never final. at least 3 years after re fact it is not. my exN throws out subtle Hoover's which I completely ignore
This video is fantastic. Thank you
Your insight could leave me to believe that you observed/studied my college relationship. You absolutely understand what my ex-girlfriend was all about. I hope that victims of narcissistic people learn from and gain strength from your videos. My advice to those victims: take back your life, say no, and set firm boundaries. Lean on people in your life that you can trust to get over the discard. If the narcissist discards you, stay away, it's a blessing in disguise. Great video!!!
5 is my case, I threatened to leave and voiced the possibility of leaving the relationship.
Decades for me -- Mom, brother, sisters. I am done. Thankfully. Your help is invaluable.
18 months with a covert and since the beginnings it was all red flags everywhere but unfortunately i could not connect the puzzle. It all ended abruptly a month ago with no closure as usual. I started the discard but the she started racing to make it seem like she was discarding. But deep down she knew who initiated it. Within a matter of hour she was blocked and deleted from every social media except phone number. Couple of days later she started hoovering but i already knew what i was dealing with. I have Found all the valuable information. Finally with her last hoovering she was ghosted by me so hard. I can only imagine what would be the result on her fragile ego!
My narc ex is still trying to hoover me two years of out divorce. During our two and a half years of marriage, he left me four times and discarded me countless times by threatening me of divorce to get his ways. I tried everything I could to keep the marriage together but I said “okay let’s do it “ by the last time he said “let’s get divorced since you wouldn’t do things as I wanted”. He started hoovering and discarding since then. He is a coward who cannot face and solve his own problems.
T SONG Really ??? Divorce doesn’t end the contact ??? Surely I’m in a different state so surely this is over.
I've driven him away...how strong am I..fifteen years later...I go between crying to feeling good within myself..last week wanted to marry me following week threatens me if I show at stepsons 21st..completely unstable..I've been doing boundaries saying no and using his behaviours reflected back at him and yes embracing my individuality...so I dumped him proved his lies to his brother and let it slip to his work mates that I was the dumper.
****
.
Thank you sweetie! I was in a relationship with a Virgo demon for 15 years found out what a was dealing with,Everything to the box to the left! Kick his ass to the curb!!All that fricking stress !For get about walking on egg shells!! Hell yeah!! Love yourself first Queen's your soul matter's!!😘😘
Thank you for this video. It helps me realize that the power is with me and not with him. It helped me to realize that he discarded me because I had said to him no more and I started setting boundaries, it has nothing to do with me as a person and everything to do with his character. It was 18 months of hell and I hope I never see or hear from him again. He said to me I am not a good man and you deserve better. Well that's one thing he got right about me. I do deserve better. He was wrong on pretty much everything else. He was abusive and our relationship was extremely toxic and I'm glad it's over. He's the one who left this time but do you think he will be back? Have you ever seen this happen and then heard of cases where they come back anyway? I asked him if he was doing this because he didn't love me anymore and he said no I'm doing this because I do love you and I am not a good man and you deserve better. I said I love you too. Have a good life. And he texted back saying you too. Thursday night was the last time I've heard from him. I don't want him anymore, I just want to know if a Hoover attempt May happen anyway. Thank you again.
I always compare my ex narc to food; he was like the main course, what I always wanted suddenly available to me, only whilst eating did I notice he was mouldy and there was nothing I could do, he had been rotten long before I got to him.
and like with mouldy food, throwing him away was the only option.
Thank you for all your work, Christ HAS used u open MY eyes, I expose MY NARS with what I knew before marriage, I stopped drinking and confronted her WITH the facts of the her definition and minimizing HER behavior and maximizing MY behavior, I EXPOSED HER, and I took away HER safe feeling, anyway SHE discarded me, and your help with all the new vocabulary of words and I realized early in to this, NO REVENGE. MOVE ON, AND RUN AWAY AS FAST AS U CAN
brilliant video, my ex managed to leave me a vm message despite blocking him from all forms of communication. when you block a number you don't see a .missed call, the phone won t ring texts can t be left but their call does go straight to vm so they can leave a message. After their message i felt i had go be back 10 steps .. No contact is the only way to move forward, you need to shut the door an d not Allow your mind to play tricks to make you think they cared. The only person that ever mattered or will ever matter is themselves.
Yes ive been going threw this with a manwho is so mean and trying to guet me
Omg Carmella, I say that to him all the time, " the only person that matters to you, is you"
That is exactly what happened. I changed. They never change. Everything your saying is so spot on.
It was 12 years after the discard before he started hovering me. They can always come back to haunt! Beware.
Yup I'm an empath so I thought I could help but it doesn't work... I told him I accepted you as you are but....
I'm in the stage of thinking I can help my ex even though I've seen through the mask. I'm still hoping she comes back after her new supply runs out. I'm screwed up and know it 😣
2 years later...how are you feeling? Did she ever come back? Did you even want her back? I'm exactly where you were...but I'm 1 month out from the final discard...still wanting him to reach out smh. I hope you've been doing well on your healing journey!
Once I had a 'label' for these people I knew I had to steer clear the more I learn about this condition I know they will never change and get a sick satisfaction out of hurting me, but knowing that the problem lies with them and not me frees me, great video calm and concise xxx
It's so interesting when you say that the narcissist wears a mask. I actually saw the mask of my narcissistic husband fall down when he was gaslighting me for months to the point where my PTSD just kept getting so bad that it affected my speech, I couldn't sleep, I was exhausted all the time and ket my guard up all the time because I was just standing there waiting for the next attack to come. He was accusing me of cheating and going out with another man, I wasn't, I hardly had time to do anything at all. I was at university taking a full-time program, my two kids were small but already in school. I saw the mask fall when after many months of him gaslighting me and accusing me of cheating on him. I found a 1year worth of him having an intimate conversation with a girl that he used to date many, many years ago. He didn't know I had the whole conversation printed. I confronted him on Christmas day after our guests were gone. First I asked him about it and he denied it until I showed him the print. I saw his mask fall immediately, the look on his face was priceless. His expression changed from arrogant, mean and spiteful to scared. It was a wonderful thing to watch. just wonderful. After that he asked me twice if I had deleted and trashed all the copies of the conversation, he even went on saying that it wasn't healthy for our relationship to keep it. Of course, I still have it. After that, he never accused me again, and I have threatened to leave. But I also know now that he is trying to keep me in the relationship in other ways. But it won't work, because of videos like this one.
you need to expose him to your entire family. you need to leave him
dann hienn you are very right.
Stay strong.
My narc discarded me because I exposed her, and I set boundaries I also called her out on her behavior.
Me too😪🤣I was like wow. Lol 😆 an went as extreme as moving me an my daughter out of state for a "job transfer " meanwhile was grooming a supply. Then discarded me. Super cold hearted . Even in person I seen the demon in there eyes. Super crazy how these people are. .
@@biscotti_8820 I saw my narcs demon to. Whe. I miss her beautiful face I think of the evil behind her eyes when she ran off to cheat on me. Or when she raged at me. And when I begged her to stop hurting me. A narcs looks will fade the demon only gets stronger.
@@tzasurvival387 lol yes it gets worse when they have a new supply and there just determined to get rid of you. It was super crazy to see. Im like wow u hella snapped over night. Its crazyyyy
@@tzasurvival387 and to add to that he would tell me that he never wanted to be with me the whole 7yrs and that I was never his type to be with and then that he would just say an do things to make me happy🤣🤷🏻♀️Like who does that.
@@biscotti_8820 thats what they do
I'm really struggling with this. I love my wife but I always get sucked back in. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm thinking no contact may be the only way. It's really difficult this narcissism.. one thing I've learned, these narissist never realize the pain or torment they have caused others...
you might be able to negotiate a threesome. many of these narc women are into women. have fun and move on. You can hurt her ego by just telling her how she was not very good in bed. How she needs to get a dr to tighten her up as she is too loose. undermine her ego about how she performs sexually. mind fuck her for a change.
Thank you for the consistent enlightenment... greetings from New Zealand. God bless!!
Tero Prince Are you aware of the EENY MEENY MINEY MO FOUNDATION in New Zealand? They have a very uplfting supportive Facebook Group which may be of benefit to you and make your journey easier. Sending you hugs. 🙅♀️
Beauitful I LOVE that!! I will be the final disguard!! Im takin it slow but im ready to move on as i said in the other comment lol♡♡
I haven't heard from my narcissist in a year so I'm sure this discard was final
Nikki Shawn I doubt that. Mine has been gone for just a little over 3 yrs and guess what ? Yes he's trying to get back in but not for a relationship but for sex and sex only. So they still watch you even if you think they are not. They know your every move and when they see that your finally moving on and your happy they will be right back to stop you from getting over them. The other reason is when there supply they have now is getting boring so they come back to what they know and that is you. God bless.💕
It's been over a yr and his new supply isn't around. I gave him a major narc injury by calling him out and moving on with someone else. I still get that sick feeling he has unfinished business with me. They say they usually don't Hoover after a yr. Hope so . Staying no contact.....
Nikki Shawn mine came back after three years
Kim Sikorski Yes. My ex narc initiated a 6 month break to date and sleep with new supply half his age. I dated other people during that time. Fast forward him to coming back a few months later and me stupidly resuming things for another 4 years. In the end at discard he accused me of being a whore and could not marry me because of what I did during the break. Wow dating other people after he wanted a break makes me a whore in his eyes...Omg what an ass....
Raman Dhaliwal i wonder that...I called him out on the bs and tbe mssk dropped. Not a pretty sight....he ghosted. Does that make a difference? I wonder?
*He owes me money and I told him that when it's over I'm changing my number and deleting his. I know I fucked up. But he needs to know that I'm done. Now hes being stagnant on giving it back. He knows I'm done with him. Last time I called about this he was about to end the conversation on some kind of smart remark. In the middle of it I hung up 😏 it felt good.*
*I blocked him on IG and messenger but some reason we haven't blocked each other profiles. Like he can still view my profile. Ikno he stalks because he actually commented something negative on one of my posts. Pathetic. I'm about to straight block him*
Awesome video! So many great insights and tips. I’ve always had the perspective that my mother discarded me. But, it’s true that I changed and needed her out of my life. ❤️
This is my 4th discard in 20 years & this is the last time. I’m on to her BS & I have learned how to control my empathy so I don’t fall for it again.
Oh my God how do you know all these things I swear I feel like it’s God talking to me though u... Everything you’re saying is just perfectly aligned with my experience
Hi Michelle, I always say that your video's are awesome as always, but i'm officially changing that to AMAZING!!!! This specific video is the one I've been hoping you would do. Knowing now that my ex gf's final discard wasnt from her but from me because she finally saw that i know who and what she really is helps a lot. It will be 3 months on the 14th of May since i went full no contact blocking her from phone/text/social media. I know theres a chance that they pop back up months, years, after, but i honestly believe that since she has no way of contacting me at all now, that i'll never hear from her again. Finding your page truly has been a blessing. My cptsd/trauma bond, is still an ongoing thing, but with your help i know i'll eventually heal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ☺❤
I'm so glad you found this video helpful and even more glad to hear you're healing one day at a time. Cptsd doesn't heal overnight and sometimes it feels like you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back but little by little, you start seeing yourself less triggered, more present and comfortable in your skin! Thanks for always taking the time to share your experience and offer words of encouragement 😊🤗
You're welcome Michelle, anytime ☺ Writing out my experience for others to see not only helps them, but seeing my pain in words helps me too because i'm not able to grieve as much as i should. Always sharing my experience with my ex gf and coming here where others have gone through the same things make me feel like im not alone. Everyone has been so caring, including yourself and that truly means so much, Lisa ☺❤
Lisa Scott I also blocked my narc from all communication so was really shocked 4 months into the no contact I had to scroll through my call log and saw he had tried to call me twice, then I looked at my visual vm and sure enough he had left a message! I called my phone company sprint and asked how this happened, they said if you block someone on the phone when they call instead of the phoning ringing it won’t it will just go straight to vm, you won’t see missed call either, but you will see it in the phone log, they still can’t get a text message through though.
CarmellaNYC yeah it sucks that they can still leave voicemails. Knock on wood its been almost 6 months since i went full no contact and i havent heard anything at all from my ex gf. Fingers crossed!
Michele, you are a BADASS!! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. I really believe you saved my life at least the happy life I deserve please keep it up. The pain of discard is indescribable to anyone who hasn't felt the isolation and hurt. Thank you for everything.