Narcissists Final Discard - How Final Is It?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 เม.ย. 2018
- micheleleenieves.com
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I recently posted a question in the community section asking what video topics you would like to see and this one, the Final Discard how Final is it was one of those topics. In this video I wanted to explain why the Narcissist discards in the first place, what makes their routine discards evolve into a Final Discard and finally I wanted to empower you with tips that help you to see that you are not helpless having to accept whatever the Narcissist dishes our - no! You have choices and there are things that you can do to strengthen yourself so that you are no longer vulnerable to getting sucked back into the emotionally abusive cycle that's common in toxic relationships.
For the next month I will be making videos that have been specifically requested in this community section, if you would like a specific topic make sure you check out the list that is already there and if your question or topic is not mentioned be sure to add it so that I can provide information on that specific topic.
Knowledge is power and wisdom is the application of knowledge - I truly hope that my videos can help you on your healing journey!!
From Surviving To Thriving!! I don't know if you've made a video on this topic, but I'd LOVE to see ' what happens when YOU discard the narc.. I'm going through it and I'd love to hear your opinion
From Surviving To Thriving!! This came so right time! I get huge hoover yesterday out of nowhere!!! I was not expecting that! I was sure he is not gonna hoover. And this time I even believed him. My mistake! Because I was not no-contact because of my daughter living with him. I try to help my daughter to get help.
Arisana Tolomei I'm so sorry for you too. My mother is just like that too. I hope I can see my relatives without my mother coming there too. I'm no-contact succesfully with my mom.
From Surviving To Thriving!! Well i confronted her about all the proof and with a barrage of insults cut her off. I cut her phone off and took it back and she ran. Lol not to mention she started sleeping with her new source. And word for word she laid the script on him within 2 days after. Lol. So what do you think her next course of action is btw he is married.
How do u co parent with a narc any advice would b great
Make it as difficult as you can for them to get to you. They always try to come back. In some cases it takes weeks, others months... sometimes even years. Never give in to their attempts to come back, remember their sh*t personalities and how they treated you. What self-respecting person would ever want that?
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Narc Survivor - exactly!
Wait so now when I got blocked he gonna come back after a year or so?
Basia Krol - it could happen (it often does, with narccissists), so one shouldn't be surprised, if so. The best thing is to not take them back. Just stay no contact, no matter who started it.
Good luck!
@@erock4319 - way to go!
Cheers! :)
no birthdays holidays or dates....I can't believe I dealt with this all these years....I'm truly a beautiful person wow! us Empaths should not have to be in constant fear of these types, it makes it harder to be there for people who truly appreciate you
I didn't understand why on my birthday he didn't so much as say Happy Birthday Valentine's Day same thing yet I took the time because I really loved him to order him a gift got a mushy card and even made coupons... And he acted like the day never existed.. He never goes anywhere with me but sure does go out himself.. It's sad until I realize he's afraid of the attention I might get he's insecure with himself and wants to make me feel like something is so terribly wrong with me that he can't even take me to a movie.. I'm sorry you went through that I know exactly how lonely it feels. I hope you are out of it now.. I'm still in it we just had a baby but after watching these videos and reading comments from ppl like you I am learning there is hope and I can be strong and prevail. Thank you soul sister keep your beautiful head up! Also I don't know you but I do know one day you'll find someone that can't wait to shower you with love on holidays and every other day of the year🙏💪💕
Same here for 9 years ...he was somewhere else with someone else every holiday every birthday including our anniversary
Empaths do not need to live in constant fear that's the narcs wound
accept all the bad feelings they gave you. It's a gift, remember the special things too, it's a treasure for you to show other people that really deserve it!
@@audrabrizendine4799 because it wasn't about him and narcissists don't want you happy.
They like to pretend that we don't exist when they discard us. Then give to them a high five forever, no contact and be happy. They will never find what they are searching for. You will find your way for healing 💖
Michele's Tips:
1. No contact at all. Delete and block the narc.
2. Make a list the painful things the person did to you (big and small), with as much details as possible.
3. Write a letter to the narc saying everything that you want to say, but do not send it. After reading it over and over, just burn it.
4. Take care of yourself.
5. Reconnect with family and friends.
6. Get help of a therapist, support group, life couch etc
Excellent tips. I started neglecting myself because he demanded ALL my free time. Its been only 2 months and I feel and look 100% better! I now wonder why I put up with this creep for so long!! I find NOTHING about him attractive anymore. New supply.....good luck because I definitely dont want him no more. I am proud to say I am healing faster than I thought but it is through continuous prayers to God and keeping busy doing ME things that it is happening. I am looking forward to a new love however I am pretty happy being alone right now. Loving myself more everyday so that new man better come strong 😊 because I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away now lols.
Reality Check Rollay what did he say exactly that demand all your time? Did you ever give him time? How often did you spend time with him?
I know exactly it’s horrible trying to cut them off altogether but you must
Reality Check Rollay Red flags 🚩 though I wasn’t that great to him either it was just toxic on both sides. I wanted repair and revamp he walked and didn’t except correction. I know my portion and I’m accountable for that. I’m forgiven and don’t believe I will ever hear from him again. I miss the sweet memories and dreams I had but honestly I felt more controlled and like a kid and restricted. I wanted him so badly feeling like if I was given a chance at redemption. You can’t help , only Jesus if they even want that.
I will never be enough for him and he deleted everything that has to do with us and it’s okay. I will never be able to be with someone who doesn’t want to work on themselves and accept fault or correction.
I think if they’d moved on with someone new they won’t deal with you anymore.
Only 2 months for me too. sounds like you had experience already with this type of person. 6 years ago, I went through the same thing and couldn't figure out why. This time I got lucky and got pulled out of it, because I almost got fired. Now I finally see how I've been beating myself and wasting my life. These people are sneaky. It's hard to pin point.
I so agree with you 👌🏻
The realization that I was the one who had changed and therefore was no longer desirable to him makes SOOO much sense. I certainly had!! Wow. What an empowering realization.
Me too!!!!
Covert narcissists are very different . Mine was kind giving and generous but was cheating behind my back and planning the final treacherous discard. I wasn’t sure but I saw that his generosity and kindness wasn’t real. He left like I never existed
Truth walker Same..mine was also sweet kind and generous..Something just not felt right with me..but I couldn't place it because he was so 'nice' ...plus I loved him..that maked it harder..but looking back it was my intuition calling...yea so bizar how these coverts operate ..They are such good actors. From now on.. *If it sounds good to be true..It probally is*
Lynn Htown you described me. Do you ever wonder if it was us and that they will not do this to the next person? That thought haunts me sometimes... I don’t know why. I am the one who he mistreated and I was blamed for his cheating and unhappiness. He broke my spirit! ☹️
Truth walker Hang in!!! We wax and wane with these feelings but watch for our own masochistic tendency of sitting in our shit of unworthiness that further punishes us for being duped. Figuring out our childhood wounds and childhood programming can help illustrate how and why we hook up with this kind of Android. Getting stuck in self pity and self righteousness can just make us lose more months or years of our precious little time left on earth to enjoy with loving decent people. We can't pick our families but we can pick our friends....
I felt that way, too. And probably there will come some more days, when I feel sh*ty, again. It's a process, you see - the healing.
In my case, it's been over a year and a half since the final break-up, and only lately I feel a bit (and sometimes even a lot) better. Of course we are not perfect and we make mistakes, too, but we are not the way covert (or any kind of) narcissists are - it's just not the same.
Don't let your spirit stay broken. Pick it up and use the glue (the love you still have, inside of you) to repair the damage that was done. It IS possible, although it seems it cannot be done.
A virtual hug and GOOD LUCK, Truth walker.
Alja Žehelj thank you for the sweet support. I hope you’re right 🙏🏼Yes sometimes it seems impossible that I will ever love again or recover from this heart shattering event. Wish all these memories could be changed into negative instead of such beautiful memories I have with this covert monster. I don’t
know why it has hurt me more than it has most other women who were with narcs... Maybe mine was more of a true sociopath? Whatever the reason, I didn’t even suspect or imagined that this man was not who he showed to be. It’s horrifying! To explain his behavior before he left, he told ppl we knew that he snapped but he had planned every detail
after he has left me in debt battered and bruised, Yes I have changed😍😍😍😍 and for the best....
Sorry I keep replying to your comments but it's the exact same thing for me! I I always pull out my debit card or hand it to him when he goes to the store. When I met him he was like a typical bachelor or so I thought so I would buy things for his house silverware bed sets everything down to the plug ins in the wall! I clean do laundry and work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week.. I will rub his back after we get home from a long day at work we work at the same place.. I thought he could feel my love.. When I became pregnant I bought the crib the rocker changing table and never even thought of asking him to pitch in. I have paid bills and his truck payment the list goes on and on I'm on maternity leave right now and I had 3,000 dollars in the bank in the beginning of March I figured surely that will get me through until I could go back to work.. Wrong I paid for all the formula all the groceries all the take out everything and I'm not complaining at all its my job its what I am supposed to do to an extent.. My problem is how he acts about things.. Ok he bought 3 bottles of Formula one day and I never heard the end of it. It was like he walked on water he wanted a parade! I can show him my account transactions and he will still act as though he's been carrying me this whole time! It's hard to deal with ppl like him.. But I'm going back to work next week and since watching these videos I have a plan to get my money back up and go..
They love leaving you in debt. Planks
I am also financially, mentally and emotionally exhausted! I am angry with myself for allowing it! I saw the obvious bait and fell for it. I enforced a boundary and just repeated the complete sentence of NO! Back off!
I've been NC for over a year. He sent me a letter telling me that hes moving in with new supply after only 6months in the relationship. I kinda thought he was grooming a new victim. Needless to say it triggered cognitive dissonance in me. Questioning reality and the abuse he put me through. I'm so done and will never be subjected to the mindfuck of this fake relationshit.
In 2019 you helped me understand this behavior as I was going through this type of abuse.
It's 2023. Still silent healing and healed in many areas! I got away!
Thank you,
Teeya
YES! They never feel like THEY need to change because they see themselves as always right and that YOU are the one who needs to accept them as they are. The will NEVER be introspective or look at the people they have hurt. The will NEVER see it or acknowledge it.
Very well spoken, so on point!
100% correct… they have no feelings whatsoever.
A narc. tried to hoover me again 7 years after I discarded her. I said 7, ... after she married etc etc. I didn't even respond.
Very grateful for truth about the final discard and a positive way to look at it. You get tired of the abuse and they get tired of you not being a good supply. Win win if you can stay no contact with a toxic individual.
Edward Berry YES! I HEAR THAT!! They get sick of low/No supply ...ad we get sick of abuse and agreeing to part becomes the new topic of discussion...however historically nothing with them is so EASY as that . So proceed with caution. As for Hoovering....they can come back decades later......
There is no final discard!!!!
You must go no contact and stay that way.
True.
You are absolutely right. I have been discarded so many times I could see it coming. This was the final discard. You made so many good points and exactly right on based on my 35 years of experience with a master manipulator, cheater and liar and heartless
narcissist He informed me he found someone new. Good luck with that.
If you remove all your posts from their page that always triggers a reaction.
I will never forget the love bombing 4 yrs after my discard. I let him take me to breakfast. I laughed and made small talk, not once mentioning our relationship. I could see his fuel going into the negatives. Hehehehe! Then he tried to reel me in by paying for my hair salon visit. Cha Ching, I’ll take that and then not answer your call until I felt like it. Then nonchalantly mention the date that I had gone on with my new “do”. Talking about a 🥊 in the stomach. It was priceless 😎
You realise that people who are in relationships with narcissists become more or less narcissistic themselves right?
this is a perfect example of you acting like a narc.
and I dont say that to be mean, I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation but you should realise that narcissistic abuse changes the victims over time.
I'm a narc myself, I know what I'm talking about.
To do That, it took you time and energy That you spend on him. Revenge makes you just like him. Self-respect takes you to healing.
Your vídeos are fantastic. Thanks.
Haha classic!
@@godless789
Yes
After 4 years and final discard with " you were a ball at the foot "
I came to mistrust violently anything which resembles the past and I do some of the things I was subjected too, trying to shake away the possibility of another mistake.
It is like a vaccine
But beneficial in the long run
It is a reaction not a way of being.
A normal emphatic person, cannot and shall not become a monster of egoism and exploitation.
WOW!!! "Once you know who they REALLY are, the narcissist knows that to reel you back in would take a TREMENDOUS amount of work. They prefer to discard you and start another relationship where they are viewed as awesome/perfect/not flawed." Why is it that I am willing to do a TREMENDOUS amount of work with him to help heal the pain he has caused me, but he is not willing...says it's "too painful to face the pain I have caused you" --- this explains so much!
Carter - you put it so well!
Bravo!
The paradox on that is if they just give a little bit back they could have the admiration and love forever but they decide to switch the script and you who once were the hero became the worst villain. All the insults, baseless accusations, and threats destroy everything. If you stick to them you will suffer and if they discard you the next one has already entered their slaughterhouse, ready to chop their heart and soul in pieces. Maybe it´s an abortive vestige of empathy that they finally release a victim from the rack.
Love has no agenda.
Love is a feeling.
Feelings exist to be expressed.
Honest expression reveals our identity. Our identity is who we are.
@Mike Maillet Hallelujah! When we feel loved and supported, when we know someone has our back it is an amazing feeling! I want to feel that way again. It's just so hard to realize who has your best interest and sometimes you have nowhere to go.
Yasss!👏
Been discarded since vday . No closure . Blocked .. some days are good , this morning I’m struggling . Best video so far . Thank you
Can you give an update on your situation?!
I feel like I can't love anybody else and knowing that they have no idea what love is makes me feel like I have never been loved painful
I know how you are feeling
Love yourself as you want them to love you.
There is No final discard
They will always return
You must go no contact
Nope weather it’s months or a decade they all come back.
Not necessarily..Depends how much their target knows about them in the end..
@@angelaedwards7361 how many times to they come back. mine did, but then has married someone (new supply) a few years ago now.
Sams Randoms
Me and my ex have been back and forwards for 5 yrs the longest no contact 9 months I took him back because I do love him but I had to except he doesn’t love me and uses me to make himself feel good.
Depending on how much fuel he gets from his new wife your just be on the shelf until he wants to play with you again
But be sure he is not in love with his wife he is not in love with anyone but himself
@@angelaedwards7361 And the mad thing is thats what they accuse you of !!??
I watched this video 3 years ago shortly after it came out. It was so empowering to realize that it was my choice to make it final with “no contact!” I followed your suggestions, blocking everywhere. The hoovering attempts (from new profiles, e-mails, phone numbers, etc…) continued until the end of last year. Over these years I have worked to detach and recover. This video was instrumental in giving me the power to save and heal myself! Thank you for showing me that I had the power inside me all along! I enforced the discard with no contact, let go and moved on. Your tips made all the difference!
This video is exactly where I'm at right now in my healing from the narcissist.
More than anything else we must practice self love. I knew nothing about narcissistic behavior and spent 17 years with one. THEY ARE SOOOO WEAK. He could not break me down but he tried so hard. He left me and started a new relationship in less than a month. I was hurt until I figured out and learned about this disorder. It was soooo easy to walk away. After reading over 500 articles and much research, I found that relationships like this NEVER had happy endings. I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life in mess. So I ex’d my ex 😁. He tried to come back and I would entertain him enough for him to think he was in control and then I would drop him. It’s great to make them think they are in control and then to show them that they are not. Doing this with no emotion 😐. It is a great feeling.
good for you girl!
Has it occured to you that youre also a narcissist on the low
You have become the very person that you hate...I'm sorry to say.
Nyanchula Sauti but she is only doing to him what he did to her. Shit after everything a person with this disorder can put you through I don’t blame her .
We all have a bit of narcissistic tendencies, but she just gave him his own treatment. Good for you!
Thank you for all these videos 🙏
My ex is a narcissist, it left me a broken man. Before I was happy, an empath, full of life and had a large circle of friends....I was made to believe i was the cause of everything and a bad person. Constantly attacked for not doing something how she wanted me to.
Your videos resonate with me on the deepest level.
I’m slowly rebuilding my life, one piece at a time.
I can’t thank you enough, you’re an amazing and wonderful person x
I totally resonate with this comment
You are still empath, happy and full of life ....... underneath you are beautiful ❤ hope you know that.
Ex narc has made me feel the same… all my fault, I’m a bad person, did him wrong, although I know I’m none of these things and I never did him wrong, the only thing I did after 37 years of being with him was finally stand up to him and say NO to his demands, not being able to accept that, he left…completely wiping out the last 37 years as if they never existed, what type of people are they? Robots comes to mind, empty shells, no heart, no love, no feelings… just nothing!!!!
I was already feeling emotional enough listening to this video. Then the final discard part came, and you are so right. I did this with my ex in November. Standing up for myself, and ending things with courage, took a lot of work. I have paid the price with smear campaigns, false accusations, and even being robbed since. But I have had so much peace and calm. I couldn’t be happier. My mind still ruminate at times, I’m still confused at times, sometimes I get a little hurt over the last few months as I have lost people who I thought were my friends. But life is so much better now and there is so much more clarity. Thank you so much.
I hope things are better for you.
I’m going through the same, the ruminating is the worst, if we can get passed that I think we’ll be on the road to recovery.. bless you🩷
Mine was different, I think he thinks so highly of himself that he does not even have the capability of wanting to hoover or comeback after the discard, which is a good thing. I do not want this person back in my life.
has your narc come back a year later?
After 2 years.... has he ever hovered you? Reached out to you in anyway? Or tried to come back?
@@am1berry yes! They always comeback...but do not fall for it!
@@maddyv6064 how long after the discard did he come back?
2.5yrs of my life wasted on a covert narc who always has numerous other victims targeted and in various stages of the process from love bombing to final discard. My heart hurts for the many many women to come that will join the same horrible experience. The man i was involved with i found out had numerous fake profiles across all platforms online to ensure a constant supply of women. Hes been doing it for 20yrs i now know of and still is as i write this.
Whats crazy is he never discarded me....he cheated ( i think ) but used social media to get his fix....would lie to them about who he was n what he had...once they wanted to meet i guess he would start with another....i just wished they would actually take him. But thats when i had enough disrespect n made him leave....hes not talking to me at all....we have done this numerous times...he always came back quick....but over a month n not a peep
Your insight could leave me to believe that you observed/studied my college relationship. You absolutely understand what my ex-girlfriend was all about. I hope that victims of narcissistic people learn from and gain strength from your videos. My advice to those victims: take back your life, say no, and set firm boundaries. Lean on people in your life that you can trust to get over the discard. If the narcissist discards you, stay away, it's a blessing in disguise. Great video!!!
My narc mom contacted my father after 30 years, he took her back which was a huge mistake, then she tortured him until he died. I tried to prevent as much abuse as I could, but they lived 250 miles away and sadly, my father had a soft, caring heart and she is an evil witch. I am glad he is in heaven now and doesn't have to endure her abuse. I can't cut my mom off because I have a sister and brother whom I love. They always send group texts.
So sorry to hear that...it's gotta be the hardest thing ever to know that about your own mother ... 💙
That's terrible! Your poor father!
I would love to see a video on future faking. For me it was one of the most frustrating parts. He was constantly moving the goalposts / finish line....and somehow it was ALWAYS my fault.
It's one of the nastier tricks I'm their torture toolbox. You cannot hold them accountable for "dreams" of a future that they paint. It is a love scam, as bad as the older lady younger foreign man scams on the internet. It's a Love scam-ponzi scheme, built on nothing - zero. By its very definition, it is doomed to never materialise.
*correction typo: "one of the nastier tricks in their.... ..."
I had exactly the same thing…. Constantly moving goalposts, distorting reality…. Gaslighting..
Michelle!! This was so INCREDIBLY helpful for me. I've been searching for the answer for what has happened with my narcissist. We got toward the end of our 6 year horrifying relationship and with help from your videos I started to realize the truth about him. I started to become independent, set boundaries and hold him accountable. I let him know who I thought he really was. And you're dead on. He has completely discarded me. The final discard. I had gone no contact anyway, but he's made it easy because he's completely written me out of his life. I work as a server at this bar and he works the door at this same place. I luckily never see him because our shifts differ, but one night I stupidly stayed after work and he was there. He completely ignored me, not even just ignored, but it was as if I did not even exist. It hurt. I did the wrong thing and after I left that night I sent many texts trying to reason with him or get validation, or just get him to acknowledge my existence. Or like you said, get closure. It was very codependent on my part, and felt like a relapse. He ended up then blocking me on Facebook and of course did not respond to anything. I've been so confused thinking... If he's a narcissist, doesn't he want my reaction? Isn't he going to start hoovering? But you nailed it. I became "a mirror" in his life. I forced him to look at his own flaws. He cannot have that. This has caused the final discard. Because of your videos I know this is not my fault, and I can stay strong and stay no contact. Thank you so much.
Being an empath I always fall for a Narcissist..
It's because we think that we can save people. Make them better, showing them love. But they will never change.
Empaths dont exist. Narcs n psychopaths do have access to empathy. Beware calling yourself an empath is grandeous.
Being a saver is the worst because only people can save themselves you can take the horse to the trotht but you can't make it drink. I'm working on stop being a saver and save myself. A narcissist relationship shown me a lot oh and some dmt ❤
Then STOP DOING THAT.
Same damnit!
That is exactly what happened. I changed. They never change. Everything your saying is so spot on.
Thank you for the video! The hardest part of healing was wondering why my ex narc ghosted me when I was setting a boundary and holding narc accountable for future faking . I realized he had no other options as a con and my setting the boundary was me discarding him, because we both knew he couldn't deliver.
Decades for me -- Mom, brother, sisters. I am done. Thankfully. Your help is invaluable.
Thank you for this video. I am still dealing with the consequences of a final discard. Today is 3 months. It was devastating and cruel, especially as we were engaged. I will rewatch this video. I needed to be reminded of all the points you discussed.
shadele17 lol, I’m a guy, but thanks!
Hi,It seems we are sailing in the same boat.I was also engaged to a narcissist and its been 3 months that I am trying to recover as he dumped me and immediately got married to someone else.I'm pretty sure that he was cheating on me for a while with this new girl who he got married to and could let go off me so easily this time around.
It was literally devastating to see him go with someone else and that too without he regretting or agonizing over our break up in spite of being together for good 4 years.But we should be grateful that they did this to us before exchanging vows as it would have been even more painful then.Let's stand strong and save ourselves from people like this.
Mine discarded me nearly two years ago, complete psychopath he now has new supply yet again and massive debts to pay, not good
I just noticed that many women were engaged right before discarding... I was too... he gave me the ring two days before discard. They all act the same way. I supose they do That because your positive emotions of love and happiness are way up and falling from up there is more painful. They are evil.
Same thong just happened to me 2 days ago. In the past, he'd leave, hoover n return but this time is the Real Deal, he found another victim while with me and tho it hurts like hell...these videos are helping me stay strong. Thank you for sharing. I know Im better off and will heal but rt now, its like his funeral every day
she hoovered me back 9 times after the discard!!!
The letter you talk about Michele, I wrote and sent. That was when I knew that I was done with him. When he realized I had caught him out, that was the final discard! How emancipating that discard was! For the first time in almost 9 years, I am free and in control of my life once again.
This is soooooo true!! If u don’t sing to their tune they cut u off. I never knew what a narcissist was and I tolerated so much! They drain the energy out of u! They take take take and never give back. They are number 1!
Michelle, I have never commented on a TH-cam video before but felt compelled to do so.
THANK YOU. Thank you for making this channel, sharing your experiences, and ultimately sharing these tips.
I *know* what I need to do. I’ve watched hundreds of videos and read thousands of posts on websites about the subject; yet until I watched THIS particular video, for whatever reason, it never clicked. Until now.
Today is a new day. Spring is here and I’m ready to go into my cocoon so that I may one day emerge, like you and so many others have ... as a butterfly.
I wish you continued success and happiness, and everyone watching these videos the strength and courage necessary to love and TRUST in themselves.
Thank you! The same, to you!
Have you emerged from your cocoon? How are things? This is inspiring.
Yes, we codependents are often "fixers". Mine was a BPD with Covert Narcissist dissociation. I tried to get her into therapy, but she would not go. You can forgive the broken child, but not the adult who refuses to change.
Dealing with your own codependency (and the causes of that codependency). In my case I was programmed by a narcissistic mother. Wild stuff.
That's absolutely spot on Michele! I treated my former narc partner as a 'normal person' and challenged when I was increasingly perplexed by certain behaviours, and 'made the mistake' of having my own thoughts, asserting myself, and saying "No!" The lesson since learnt was that I should not have compromised and tolerated as much as I did - and acted upon my intuition when I noted her constant 'magical thinking' and demands for eulogising . (It was only post-discard when trying to work out what had happened that I subsequently discovered NPD and Cluster B personality disorders).
It was 12 years after the discard before he started hovering me. They can always come back to haunt! Beware.
I have watched dozens upon dozens of videos I've the past few months.
This one has really hit home .. Every word was spot on.. Thank you! Healing everyday!
Thank you Michele, this video has helped me so much to understand these horrible tactics these Narcs employ. I broke up with my ex who would lie straight to my face and act like she was the queen. In fact on certain days she referred to herself as "Princess" she thought nothing of hurting my feelings. i'M FREE OF HER and she'll never get a chance to see me again.
Mine was the male. But your post is relatable 100%. Thank you. And best wishes because mine is very fresh on getting out.
The isolation part is SOOO true. I agree, friends and family have been seeing from the outside what we couldn’t see from within, bc we gave our spouse our trust. Our friends and family are only too happy to welcome us back.
Michele, you are a BADASS!! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO. I really believe you saved my life at least the happy life I deserve please keep it up. The pain of discard is indescribable to anyone who hasn't felt the isolation and hurt. Thank you for everything.
By far your most impacting video to me. This is total validation for my thoughts and actions for years. This is almost creepy how exacting this is. It brings back some really bad memories which only help me heal more!! Thank you Michelle for being so awesome!!
So on point. Just got out of a 18 month relationship with a narcissist. I thank God for his grace to safely remove me from that cycle of abuse.
My narc ex is still trying to hoover me two years of out divorce. During our two and a half years of marriage, he left me four times and discarded me countless times by threatening me of divorce to get his ways. I tried everything I could to keep the marriage together but I said “okay let’s do it “ by the last time he said “let’s get divorced since you wouldn’t do things as I wanted”. He started hoovering and discarding since then. He is a coward who cannot face and solve his own problems.
T SONG Really ??? Divorce doesn’t end the contact ??? Surely I’m in a different state so surely this is over.
Brilliant! Sooooo true! I’ve experienced it all. I am over it, healed and way stronger that I’ve ever been. I am even grateful for him to give me the lesson. I’ve learned about myself, about manipulation, narcissism a lot and most importantly I finally learned to put myself first and to truly love myself. 🍀🙏🍀
Awesome video! So many great insights and tips. I’ve always had the perspective that my mother discarded me. But, it’s true that I changed and needed her out of my life. ❤️
Once I had a 'label' for these people I knew I had to steer clear the more I learn about this condition I know they will never change and get a sick satisfaction out of hurting me, but knowing that the problem lies with them and not me frees me, great video calm and concise xxx
Thank you so much for this. It’s like you were narrating my life! Ugh. It’s so good to see this so I know I’m not going crazy
I'm starting to be myself again more and more as time goes on and yes you are so right by emphasizing on reconnecting with your family or friends due to narcissistic abuse. By listening to you it's a relief because everything you're saying is what I been through and what I've been wanting to say, thank you!!
I've got contacted 12 years after ... sick
There's no expiry date when it comes to using someone.
I was discarded last night, over me talking to my friends and not giving him 100% attention and gifts. Deleted me, unfriended me and he changed his profile from all media as single, has blocked me I guess I didnt check but most likely. I feel alright, but I am mad at my self for putting up with his crap.
I feel for you. He told me we were twin flames and that he loved me more than anything in the world, then discarded me a few days later because he was mad about a comment that a friend made on my Facebook profile picture. He said, "You don't exist anymore." Now I'm blocked on everything and I believe he's deleted all of our pictures and conversations as well. It was a buildup of things, he was extremely unhappy because of how jealous and insecure he felt about me having male friends, and him not being able to control me in general. I loved him, but I refused to be painted as a bad person whilst being verbally and emotionally abused every other day. It was a passionate and heady romance interlaced with cruelty and multiple discards. I think it's over for good, the mask /really/ came off at the end and he knows that I know he's a narcissist, or at least a very cold and vindictive person who needs to work on himself.
This is my 4th discard in 20 years & this is the last time. I’m on to her BS & I have learned how to control my empathy so I don’t fall for it again.
I really needed to hear this today, Michelle. Thank you so much. Great one!
Thank you so much❤I am finally on the road to recovery.Your videos SAVED MY LIFE...Literally!
wow!... I really needed to hear this, its time for me to make that crucial decision this week, she has been stringing me through the discard for 2 years. everything you said is right on point, even down to abandoning my own interests, everything does revolve around her.
Michele
This is great! Thanks, I’m moving on. The pain is unreal. Your channel and a few others has helped me tremendously.
I could have save a lot of money long ago.
Exhaustion all the time, when around a narcissist. I have a lot to work on now. I’m overwhelmed to the hilt. I do not want to ever hook up with a narcissist ever again in my life!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for your help and support...😇
Thank you so much for making this video and sharing it on You Tube. You explain things so clearly and you are spot on! Great video!
Its been more than a year but the hurt lingers on. What stings the most is that fact that i was such a lowly doormat sort of a human being that i could see everything wrong being done to me, even out rightly said to me or displayed through her actions blatantly and still i would voluntarily choose to stay believing that i would never be able to find love again.
I would be mad pissed, create a scene and then accept the half lame ass apologies that i knew were not authentic just so that i wouldnt have to bear the loss of someone that i thought was my soulmate. She would disappear for days, cook up fake stories about drug abuse and would try to instigate me by saying that she was in a vulnerable state amongst people who were shady. I now know all of that was just lies, she was just getting her vices met with these folks.
I genuinely thought with enough sincerity from my end i just may be able to heal the hurt that she carried within and my biggest mistake was exposing to her the fact that i had started learning about NPD and i suggested to her that maybe therapy would be the right way to heal. I think that was the last straw, the disengagement became more and more prominent and suddenly one day i get to hear through a mutual that my gf of around 8 years had married a random from a different city and moved away.
I have mostly wasted away the past year living like a hollow human, abusing myself further by not taking care of my health and my finances while pondering the viscious loop of how can a person be this evil.
How could my person be this evil!
Day in and day out it would consume me but thanks to folks such as you, Hg tudor, Dr Ramani, you guys have provided me some sort of a clarity and a sense that after having gone no contact for more than a year i now know it for a fact that being alone is so much more empowering than being entangled with someone that leads to insecurities, loneliness and chaos.
This is sort of an affirmation to me. I think its finally time to truly heal and love the ones that actually loved with no malice in their hearts.
I wont close myself off to good people, i wont become unkind just because i got dealt a bad hand. I will not let this situation define me.
I will be working hard, i have to work hard there are so many people that i need to shower love on because i messed up worrying about a sick individual who never was authentic in the first place.
I will put my faith in Shiva and extend my hand for him to guide me. I wont be pessimistic about god, about goodness of the heart and close my heart to the purity of the soul on the basis of one individual.
To the person that read my long ass comment i just needed to get it out from my system and if you are also going through this incredible pain i hope and pray that you find closure within yourself.
This is one of the best discard videos I’ve seen. Thank you!
Thank you for the reminders of the realities of the situations. Every time I think I want to try again, I try and remind myself of what really happened. Writing letters just to get things out really does help. It helps to process and get the feelings out for sure. The other day I found out the people we had to go no contact with cheated a friend of mine out of hundreds of dollars. It makes me so angry, but it is a poignant reminder of what is really going on.
Best video I've seen on Narcissism and friends, ty so much, my life has turned around to the very best. Melissa I'm sure is still fooling people, men and woman in her life, but as her once best friend I have never been happier in my life.
Dil se dua nikalti h apke liye. My heart prays for you bcz of your awesome words you are helping so many ppl.You are a real family.
Thank you for the consistent enlightenment... greetings from New Zealand. God bless!!
Tero Prince Are you aware of the EENY MEENY MINEY MO FOUNDATION in New Zealand? They have a very uplfting supportive Facebook Group which may be of benefit to you and make your journey easier. Sending you hugs. 🙅♀️
You are so amazing! I love your channel! You are so knowledgeable and you explain everything so clearly and wonderful. I’m so glad I found your channel. You have helped me so much. Thank you ☺️
This is so very good, Michelle!!! Exactly what I needed😊
Hello Michelle. Thank you so much for this. I was at a panicking moment of freaking out about finding out the narcs new supplies before this even ends. Seeing your video saved my sanity from sending him a message about what I found. I’m glad that I just stayed my cool. And I’m celebrating it. Thank you.
In my experience it’s never final, the will try to Hoover you even months or years later
Thank you Michele! I've recently subscribed to your channel after trying to find something and anything to help me get over my abusive narcissist ex. This video here has definitely helped me the most. He emotionally destroyed me for over a year and I've felt so broken. But now I see I do have power and I was in love with someone who doesn't actually exist. (I'm in a tough situation because he owns the property next door to me and always finds a way to come by and make his presence known. I've stuck to my no contact and even if he wants to lurk around the property to see what I'm doing, I ignore him completely.)
Perfect description!! I didn't leave because I hoped he would change and become the person he was reeling me in the first time. It took him discarding me to realize what he truly is. He has tried hoovering me again and I completely cut contact with him or anyone related to him.
Thank you so much for this video. Its very clear and makes a lot of sense. You don't talk in circles or in cryptic terms like others.
My narc discarded me because I exposed her, and I set boundaries I also called her out on her behavior.
Me too😪🤣I was like wow. Lol 😆 an went as extreme as moving me an my daughter out of state for a "job transfer " meanwhile was grooming a supply. Then discarded me. Super cold hearted . Even in person I seen the demon in there eyes. Super crazy how these people are. .
@@biscotti_8820 I saw my narcs demon to. Whe. I miss her beautiful face I think of the evil behind her eyes when she ran off to cheat on me. Or when she raged at me. And when I begged her to stop hurting me. A narcs looks will fade the demon only gets stronger.
@@tzasurvival387 lol yes it gets worse when they have a new supply and there just determined to get rid of you. It was super crazy to see. Im like wow u hella snapped over night. Its crazyyyy
@@tzasurvival387 and to add to that he would tell me that he never wanted to be with me the whole 7yrs and that I was never his type to be with and then that he would just say an do things to make me happy🤣🤷🏻♀️Like who does that.
@@biscotti_8820 thats what they do
Thank you so much. This really hit me. I walked away from a toxic group of women and it was two years of rough. The hardest part was realizing the one friend I defended and cherished the most, didn’t have the ability to share that same type of friendship. She ghosted me after 8 yrs of friendship and I was devastated. Absolutely crushed. I found out later that I’m not the only one this has happened to with this person. Two plus years later I am finally starting to feel like myself again. Finally starting to trust and open myself up to new friendships. I have to say I am proud of how far I’ve come. I started Olympic weight lifting at 49 and have a solid core group of friends through time shared at the gym. That was a life saver for me as I had spent so much time with these ladies. I should have trusted my gut from the very beginning. The writing was on the wall looking back. Today I am healthier and happier but there are still times my loss of that “friend” sucks the wind out of my lungs. That’s when I search out for information/confirmation like this video and it reminds me that I won’t allow myself to be treated like that again. Thank you. My “gut” tells me I need to watch more of your videos. ❤️ Much peace to you, keep up the great work!
the discard is never final. at least 3 years after re fact it is not. my exN throws out subtle Hoover's which I completely ignore
Your videos are great. All things considered, I figured out the pattern pretty quickly and defeated the narcissist’s sinister plan. Now these videos are helping me detox pretty quickly.
Michelle thank you for taking the time to make these powerful videos. God bless you and your family…. Thank you again.
You hit the nail on the head on every turn of what I have gone thru this year. It's like reading my life at the hands of the narcisist.
She is completely saturated in all these traits you spoke of. It feels like evil once you begin to realize how you are and have ben manipulsted. fooled and used. Run for your lives people. That seems to be what they want. Sick, merciless, takers, and actors.They are dangerous.
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Thank you sweetie! I was in a relationship with a Virgo demon for 15 years found out what a was dealing with,Everything to the box to the left! Kick his ass to the curb!!All that fricking stress !For get about walking on egg shells!! Hell yeah!! Love yourself first Queen's your soul matter's!!😘😘
This was all the closure I needed
Hi Michelle, I always say that your video's are awesome as always, but i'm officially changing that to AMAZING!!!! This specific video is the one I've been hoping you would do. Knowing now that my ex gf's final discard wasnt from her but from me because she finally saw that i know who and what she really is helps a lot. It will be 3 months on the 14th of May since i went full no contact blocking her from phone/text/social media. I know theres a chance that they pop back up months, years, after, but i honestly believe that since she has no way of contacting me at all now, that i'll never hear from her again. Finding your page truly has been a blessing. My cptsd/trauma bond, is still an ongoing thing, but with your help i know i'll eventually heal. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ☺❤
I'm so glad you found this video helpful and even more glad to hear you're healing one day at a time. Cptsd doesn't heal overnight and sometimes it feels like you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back but little by little, you start seeing yourself less triggered, more present and comfortable in your skin! Thanks for always taking the time to share your experience and offer words of encouragement 😊🤗
You're welcome Michelle, anytime ☺ Writing out my experience for others to see not only helps them, but seeing my pain in words helps me too because i'm not able to grieve as much as i should. Always sharing my experience with my ex gf and coming here where others have gone through the same things make me feel like im not alone. Everyone has been so caring, including yourself and that truly means so much, Lisa ☺❤
Lisa Scott I also blocked my narc from all communication so was really shocked 4 months into the no contact I had to scroll through my call log and saw he had tried to call me twice, then I looked at my visual vm and sure enough he had left a message! I called my phone company sprint and asked how this happened, they said if you block someone on the phone when they call instead of the phoning ringing it won’t it will just go straight to vm, you won’t see missed call either, but you will see it in the phone log, they still can’t get a text message through though.
CarmellaNYC yeah it sucks that they can still leave voicemails. Knock on wood its been almost 6 months since i went full no contact and i havent heard anything at all from my ex gf. Fingers crossed!
You're amazing. Have a great day Michelle!
What a great video! Thank you so much for sharing all this great information.
It's so interesting when you say that the narcissist wears a mask. I actually saw the mask of my narcissistic husband fall down when he was gaslighting me for months to the point where my PTSD just kept getting so bad that it affected my speech, I couldn't sleep, I was exhausted all the time and ket my guard up all the time because I was just standing there waiting for the next attack to come. He was accusing me of cheating and going out with another man, I wasn't, I hardly had time to do anything at all. I was at university taking a full-time program, my two kids were small but already in school. I saw the mask fall when after many months of him gaslighting me and accusing me of cheating on him. I found a 1year worth of him having an intimate conversation with a girl that he used to date many, many years ago. He didn't know I had the whole conversation printed. I confronted him on Christmas day after our guests were gone. First I asked him about it and he denied it until I showed him the print. I saw his mask fall immediately, the look on his face was priceless. His expression changed from arrogant, mean and spiteful to scared. It was a wonderful thing to watch. just wonderful. After that he asked me twice if I had deleted and trashed all the copies of the conversation, he even went on saying that it wasn't healthy for our relationship to keep it. Of course, I still have it. After that, he never accused me again, and I have threatened to leave. But I also know now that he is trying to keep me in the relationship in other ways. But it won't work, because of videos like this one.
you need to expose him to your entire family. you need to leave him
dann hienn you are very right.
Stay strong.
Thanks very much for your great Video's we are so Blessed to have people like you in this World ❤
You explain things so well. Thank you for that.
You are amazing Michele, you deserve more views xx
You’re very good in explaining the all process. Thank you, can’t wait for that final discard 😁😉
Your videos are the best as they are so insightful and helpful in creating understanding.
you already know i got a million questions but michele you better work it girl you saved my ass from a toxic relationship
Agreed! My 2 narc ex-friends are in total damage control mode. The one who relies on her looks, flirting, and her fake nice-lady act, has even done the smear campaign on me. As soon as I saw her for what she was, she started neglecting our 'friendship' and moved quickly on to a new supply. She can never be alone and always needs adoration from many sources. The thing is that she showed me HERSELF what she was really like. She revealed herself to me for sympathy. At first, I had it for her. Then, her neglecting hurt me more and more. She is a master manipulator. She uses her charm, sex-appeal, and looks to lure and control those around her. The thing is, I've seen her without her 'war-paint' on. It's a complete illusion with her. She looks completely different behind her makeup and the makeup is as much a part of her mask as the act she puts on.
axess2084 And the other narc ex-friend? what happened to her/him? You didn't say one single thing about that one.....why is that
@@valnicols4016 - Sorry, I never got notified about your reply/question. It turns out I was wrong about the 2nd one. She's young and she's a bit moody. But, she's not a Narc. I was deep in the pain of the betrayal of the narc and I reacted badly to a misunderstanding with my other friend. I took her behavior as narcissism. And, while she does do things that are somewhat narcissistic, she's not a narc. The one I talked about, the main one who betrayed me, is a full blown narc. She never changes. She was always constantly on the hunt for adoration/attention and probably still is. Narcs don't change.
Great topic. Your information is always helpful and I'm definitely a fan of this channel. I've been busy but I put a bunch of your videos in a playlist so I can see them all eventually.