10 Things That Trigger Narcissists That You Should NOT Stop Doing
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Telling the truth always triggers them. Never stop speaking the truth.
Lol. Yes I noticed that. Many arguments ay my house bc of not going along with a false narrative
Absolutely , truth , compassion , humility , curiosity and empathy are not even in their thought processes.
Harper.. truth is what they hate, True
I don't think they hate the truth as much as they hate being held accountable for it. Which is why they hate it.
They live in the world of lies and illusion. Truth they hate and so manipulating to justify lies.
Peace and joy are things they don't feel so they try to ruin yours.
Everyone authentic, happy and loving 🥰 triggers them. It’s best to stay away. They are damaged souls.
Sad truth
YES, YES, YES.
They hate traits they don't possess.
Right bc it makes them fear they might not be all powerful and all knowing and that’s a lack of safety to them in their minds- which is sad and very off… it’s such a sickness they have. The more we all collectively say no to them on a regular basis the more they have a fighting chance of redemption for themselves bc it would force them to look at themselves …possibly … God help them
1 Your happiness, peace and inner joy
2. Special occasions
3. When you’re sick
4. They cannot stand to be around people who don’t ‘adore’ them
5. Self confidence
6. Your looks
7. Your success
8. Healthy boundaries
9. Having a different opinion to them
10. I think I missed one...sorry! Please fill it in if you know what I’ve missed!
Rules r never fir both parties thry r to make em we're to abide by them
No you didn't miss anything. Michelle skipped 8.
But it's all good.
Thank you for taking the trouble of making notes. So helpful. ❤️
They hate that we breathe...
@@dianematlock7922 unlike Kabir singh an dnormla ppl
@@dianematlock7922 normal logon ka toxic bhi hamara healthy hai
I learned the traumatic way surviving through a miserable marriage with the malignant narcissist alcoholic that he would sabotage and ruin anything positive and happy in mine and my children’s lives. And when we were down or anything bad happened he made sure to kick us further down ,punish us,turn his back and abandoned us
He thrives off the evil he spreads
including alcohol .. I know what you went through. My wife when she was drinking was the devil.
I had a very important client meeting the next day, and I told her that i had to go sleep earlier, something triggered her (Probably my career).
You know what she did? She didnt go to sleep that night, but made sure that i couldnt sleep as well.
She disturbed my sleep every hour! How sick....
I left a year ago and cannot wait for my divorce. Will never allow a person to abuse me in this way again. Truly mind-blowing.
I remember going on vacations when I was a kid. Argument on the way to vacation time n then Arguments on the home after the vacations. Yep fun times
This is so relatable. Now I know why I hate traveling. Thanks for the insight.
Last time I took my mum on a trip she was miserable and complaining the entire time.
Sounds familiar 2 me 2
Being sick I can relate to! Even if I just needed to visit a doctor that became an ordeal. To this day I still feel guilty or indulgent to go for a medical appointment.
The only one that mine wanted to join was so that he could get answers about what was going on with him, boy do I feel stupid for feeling good about him showing care and concern for me, after 13 years of going by myself to EVERY appointment
😢 I'm so sorry 😞
Gawd! After a back injury that put me in bed..I went 2 days with no food & when I asked my son for help...his response was I brought you food 3 days ago!! Im so done with them all..loving me first. Thank you I needed to hear this 💝🤗
It's almost hilarious now to me. It used to really upset me and make me very depressed and sad and keep me stuck in life but now I realize that if I just hold my ground speak my truth and walk away from situations and people that no longer serve my greater good I am perfectly fine without them.
I'm not into : Standing Ground and Speaking Truth,
I d rather work out a strategy to screw them .!!
Speaking your truth works, but in my case it can render someone getting in your face or a threat to head to the mental hospital for a period of time.
They can make you falsely believe that you are responsible for their 'feelings'.
Your success is their failure remember that one 👍 up Michelle and survivors and thrivers 🙏
I’m only half way thru your lecture. You have nailed my narc in a way nobody else would understand. My hair takes forever to grow. It finally grew to a few inches below my shoulders. My friends began bragging ab my hair to my stylist/friend. So, she started undermining that growth by saying, “your hair is getting thin”. She told me this every time I went to the beauty shop with more & more growth. I never said anything when she tried to undermine the growth. Keep in mind she was my stylist and ‘friend’ for 35+ years. Well the last time I sat in her chair, I dozed off slightly. She came up behind me, grabbed my hair violently and cut off 4-5 inches before I could react. I did not realize she had been warning me she was going to destroy my hair. But that’s exactly what she did. My hair had taken yrs to grow. Now at 73, I don’t know if I have enough time left to enjoy feeling so feminine again ever. Needless to say, I excised her. I have gone silent on her. I have found her a new hair stylist. After she cut my hair, I knew she wanted me to make a scene. Instead I paid her and quietly slipped out the door for the last time. She has made 8 phone calls to my home & to my cell phone. She has enlisted others to call me. I do not answer. I fear I will give her the angry/weepy scene she so desires. I’m determined to at least keep that satisfaction away from her. Thanks for understand narcs hurt people badly even tho they were NOT lovers, but good buddies (I thought).
Brush your hair often, it gets the oxygen flowing and your will grow. Meanwhile try to enjoy it short...better short as we age.
They love you when you're down!
I never feel joy in front of my narc mother because i'm miserable around her. It's hard to be myself. I shut down emotionally when i'm near her or I'm miserable. It's awful.
Exactly the same here. I feel you. 🙃
@@blackandwhite6054 Isn't it terrible? I don't want her to have so much power over me. I just find that it's safer to be miserable and unhappy around her. When i'm that way, she will still put me down but she isn't as harsh. If i'm in a good mood she "takes advantage" and uses my kindness to her own advantage by asking me to do a million things for her. It's so weird. I can never just be myself. It's bizarre. Not sure if I'm even explaining this correctly.
@@cindy7733 If you know yourself, you'll not be harmed by what is said about you. Hurtful words are powerless without your reaction. Take care of your inner peace and mental health. Keep your personal life private as much as you can. Keep interactions or conversations with her boring and non-specific so she will lose interest. No details about how you're doing, or how your life is going so she has less to use against you. You have gone that far with your mother, it means that you're strong. You're a survivor and keep being one until you reach your goals and happiness. 😊❤️
@@blackandwhite6054 thank you. ugh. so hard. i just ate 2 bags of chips from the stress this morning even though i walked for 30 min to de-stress. eating has become my source of comfort. fills the emotional emptiness and numbs the pain.
i know that makes no sense. am i feeling empty or am i feeling pain? idk. both i guess. anyway, thanks for the words of encouragment.
When I get into my art work he says I'm addicted to it and am ignoring him. I stopped for awhile but now I started up again and realizing he needs to deal with it...I enjoy it and will not stop something I love.
In my first marriage (married twice to narcs) I couldn't even read my Bible in peace. He couldn't stand it.
When he picked me up for a date, he’d be disgusted if I was dressed up. He’d walk in front of me and give me the silent treatment
The walking in front isn’t a real issue .. though you may feel that way, an alpha male that isn’t a narc MAY do that but not all the time .. but the silent treatment definitely is
@@johncorson6599
Hmm
If you can imagine walking along the beach at sunset, and I’m trying to catch up as he is five feet in front of me. I have MS and he won’t slow down and hold my hand on this date. Won’t hug me or talk to me. It’s humiliating
@@katharineann3324 that is definitely very f’d up .. no doubt at minimum a total ass$&@“ or narc ., sorry you ended up enmeshed with that.. I’ve been so stupid about this stuff for so long, it’s so helpful to know what others’ experiences are so I can learn
I was thinking of perhaps going in to a crowded restaurant or similar venue .. not a beach walk thing
@Count Dracula I don’t understand someone doing that when a woman fixes herself up and all except sometimes in a crowded venue like I mentioned .. the dating scene is so messed up these days .. I just got ‘dumped’ by a now ex gf because 3 weeks ago a. I just caught her in 2 lies and 1 total deception and called her on it which triggered a rage on me and the ‘dump’ b. I had suggested we just be friends for now till she decided to move to another city where her new job is as I am 9 hrs away and I’d help her do the move as I have good friends there who can help her get settled ... I haven’t dated or anything since I had to move away due to a lay-off (1.5 years now) and I’ve been accused of screwing around almost since I moved and some prior to that.
That accusatory stuff was driving me crazy and feel like crap (I’m living with my brother who dates all the time) and she did her ‘dump’ telling me she’s getting back on the dating sites .. oh ok .. I dated 3 ppl from those things in 4 years and she was one of them and the other 2 were before we were an item’ .. if there is some kind of issue in the relationship and one is trying to dominate it all the time .. if it ain’t fixed quickly by a truly equal footing and understanding .. I do not see it being a fairy tale ending .. peace and quiet contentment with both positively energizing each other consistently is happiness, IMHO... I had exactly 2 calls in 1.5 years that I thought were energizing to me from this ex gf .. and they were things she said that she had learned about herself on her own and I was ecstatic about it .. nothing I discussed or about what I was working on internally or little projects I was working in seemed to matter to her whatsoever the whole time and I have been doing these things the entire time .. I don’t get it
Yes. If I dress up and look nice ... silent treatment!
I never feel safe or cared for when I'm sick, by the narcissist husband I have ..
They only care their ego
You being separate from them also triggers their safety. If you can do things they don’t like or expect, it’s a betrayal of their trust. They trust you to be a part of them, but you cannot be.
Thinking about my relationship with the narc, all these things happened. I have a few select memories where i had the upper hand on them. And knowing theyll spend the rest of their lives detached from true happiness, makes me pity them. Im so much more grateful for the time i get attached to true happiness because of the narc. Ty ml * just to add a little more, when you start these relationships you dont know your in competition with them. Therefore of course they get these 'wins' over you. Because they have a head start and are lying about competing with their victim
Thank you Michele They get triggered when you don’t get triggered Can’t win for losing
Point 6 is really interesting. The narcissist’s effort-their accomplishment-is making world feel less attractive and lower their self worth. I never thought about narcissism this way. This is really sad to think about, but really puts it into perspective. Can you imagine how painful it might be to one day become aware if this?
Exactly, I was shocked when soon to be ex husband of 23 years said one day"The world is a cut throat place"during a normal conversation, was shocked but realized that's how he has operated throughout his life,cut throat first or others might cut his!horrible way of living his life!left him after 21years together with my 3 children,things are going well for us,for him he contacted 2 STDs during Tringulation(Trich+Hep B)
He is homeless now sleeping in his car and hoover after I blocked him everywhere. God saved us,not going back
Not just as in pretty . Can have pretty inside . Kind caring etc . This is seen attractive as well
I took my ex best friend to a live music pub where was a blues group and she became so uncomfortable that she left. I thought she was not feeling good but now I know she was out of her fish bowl.
Thank you dear Michele , God bless you !
I am 65 years old . I am a grandma .
I personally experienced all the 10 things you mentioned .
41 years of marriage , I was so naive & stupid .
Trying harder & harder to please him & avoiding his anger .
It was only when I recently read books & listened to your videos that I finally realized that it was his character not mine that was the cause of my continuous feeling that whatever I do was not enough .
I prayed a lot & still praying that he might change .
I want to tell you that for me , truly , your words are so much to the point , very clear .
It is as if you say exactly the things that happen to me all the time .
God bless you dear !
This helped me realize why I have a fear of being sick. whenever I get sick my anxiety goes through the roof, even if it's just a little head cold or something
I became disabled… i was discarded. It was so hard and still is painful. Lost my whole family.
EVERYTHING ON POINT !!! The horrible game of soul shrinking. Thank you, Michele for this great video.
i'm just so sick of other people not seeing anything that's going on because they are a huge part of the problem and now it's the whole world not just my awful family. Gaslighting and projection is all around like a ...like.....like a virus!!
And on the last topic , yes yes yes , I love music always have , its healing to me , but whenever I listen to music or even playing it myself , the narc will find anyway they can to interupt especially in those moments where you got the feels about something and your crown chakra is going off its like the narc is saying nope come back down to my level !!!
This hit home for sure. Anything that heals your soul is not to their liking. Anything that she would happenstance hear and was from artist that total contradicts a good feeling but the angry young man music, I mean the really disgusting type, all from a fifty something woman, never comfortable in her own skin. It was impossible to act like the lyrics didn't repulse. I dont think it was by she related to it as much as starting a confrontation when you object to hearing cutting off body parts. Yea that disgusting.
My mom was so like this but not all the time.
Most likely she was a mid range narcissist, they're the light variant of NPD, not overly malignant but menacing enough to keep you on the edge and make you walk on eggshells all the time. My sister is one and she exhibits everything mentioned but not always and not to the extreme.
So true
I never understood it
Trips were miserable
Special occasions miserable
I still don’t quite understand the sick situation - it was a major trigger when I had to be hospitalized once and I just didn’t get it being so opposite and having empathy I can’t imagine
I’d never experienced a Narcissist before in a relationship
Left on his BDay left him a bday note w a cake saying
Peace is my greatest gift now 🎉
You’re spot on about being sick. I could be on my death bed and he wouldn’t even check on me…. He’s actually jeopardized my life on two occasions. The first time we were away at vacation home and I became violently ill. I asked him to take me to the hospital. He said, “you just have the flu”. I said nope, I’ve had the flu and this is nothing like it. He decided to have people over for a party while I was sick in bedroom. Comes in and says everyone wants to see you. 😳. Stupid me gets up, takes shower and goes out there. Anyway, after we got home and I’m still sick I told him, I need to go go to hospital now. He says, can’t it wait until the morning. I said no. He drives me and I can’t even walk so he has to get a wheelchair. First thing nurse says when he wheels me in and she sees me, “you waited too long”. I was extremely dehydrated…. I now know I can’t depend on him for my health but he gets really pissed if I don’t… just can’t win.
Their turn to be sick without support.
Its heightened misery.
The laugh spells everything.
5 samples and the instances they relate to. Almost all is revealed.
Masked, is generally why they fake, cue and premeditated responses.
They could still be genuine in the instances.
Important matters have a long trail of consequence for change. They invest the insecurity not the assurance.
In our awareness we vault our own concerns not from them but for us.
Tell them to be real..? Bad for business.
5 more puzzled faces of curiosity.
I almost died, dad used it to gain ''popularity points'', acted empathetic, now I'm sick but under treatment and he insults me and screams at me, and say ''it was all in your head''. I told him I'm not gonna stay around him when he behaves like this, he threatened me lol
That's awful. Keep your conviction and go no-contact when you get better
Thank you. This describes my mother and my sister. You have helped me to understand what I didn't understand most of my adult life! I've been listening to you for a few years now, and with your wisdom and easy to listen to delivery of these truths, and most of all God's discernment in me, I am set free of a lifetime of emotional abuse! Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!
I wish God gives me this realization soon. I know the facts but I am still not able to emotionally accept it. I fail everyday.
Same here 💗
Same boat with the mother and sister they stole my life with guilt shaming and dramas been no contact for 3 months the flying monkeys are working overtime lol but just know you have the right to be happy and voice your opinion live yourself and live your dreams with anyone stopping you x
That sick thing, ALWAYS a competition with them. You have a headache, they have a worse migraine? Worked in the yard for 8 hours yesterday and now your back aches today? Their back is not only killing them but it's far worse than yours, even though they were only watching tv. I was literally laying on a gurney to get on an ambulance after falling and nearly breaking my rib cage and couldn't breathe, only to listen to her go on and on to the EMT about how much her back hurts. It never ends to the point I don't even mention any negative health thing that might be going on. And OMG if they actually are sick. No one in the history of the world has been as sick as they are and you better darn well be there 24/7 to attend to THEIR needs if they are sick.
So true! I heard my husband throwing up and It sounded like he was dying!!
Hope you now have left this manipulationship.
@@leonablack3516 Almost 2 yrs free of it now thankfully.
Oh my god....😱🥺😢😭😭😭
This.. all of it...time and time again...without a fault....Vulnerable sensitive introverted doormat narc....
Very hard to detect that it is narcissism.
He did it by withdrawing, stonewalling, passive agressive, being very distant, cold.
It is the worst kind of narcissisme. Lot of lies, broken promises, double binds, a lot of hurt, being sneaky...And all that in silence and exhausting vampire energy.The discard was horrible! Extremely traumatising.
What concerns looks. Narcs do like a goodlooking partner because it gives them value...
Yeah i didnt think shy people could be narcs and i was horribly wrong there worse than the overt anyday.
@@dust17111 That is shocking to discover isnt it? I thought he was autistic...discard after 20 years...in lockdown...which is inhumane...
And started to realise what he really is...I am still in trauma and pain...still can"t believe it because I did love him...and still do in a way...😭
@@Karlien68 I thought the same of my covert thought as it was developing she was autistic just from what I've heard but after I got her pregnant is when the mask came off and she started doing all the covert narc stuff to make me go crazy and self sabatoge the relationship , mine wanted me to leave and still does I feel but we have a child and i treat her other children as my own so yeah a bit of a bind but i love them and my angel so were trying to make it work lol or im trying I should say , I wish you the best with your situation , may peace rest upon you
Hey I am an introverted shy person. But if I love someone I won't treat them this way. Everybody has this wrong idea that introverts withdraw or don't talk. That's not true. If we like you we are going to talk like crazy with you. And if we need to recharge we are going to let you know that and will compensate for it. Educate yourself about introverts it will help you to avoid the covert narcs.
@@luckycharm1212 I know the difference...don't worry....I guess ypu do care about other people and can be empathic.
Narcs don't and aren't. Only cognitive empathy and if they experienced the pain themselves.
Thank you for ypur reaction 😊
These are the things we lose after narcissistic abuse because of fear of them getting triggered.. And we must cultivate them back into ourselves in order to become our true and original self..
All 10 are all spot on! Thank you Michele, I've been watching your videos for over 4 years and as a male victim, it's been extremely encouraging.
God bless you 🙏
You have validated me and my 13 year relationship/Marriage, with each point that you made. You also validated why I left ! There is no logical reason to stay, NONE !
In my experience - everything about you (their extension, their property, their instrument of use) needs to be less then them and more than others. They "need" you to be e.g. the most attractive, funny, successful, accomplished, smart etc. +1 at the party, but not the most whatever person - that's them.
And then it's the cognitive dissonance: I need a partner that e.g. needs a PhD to be better than everyone else's, but can't have more than a highschool diploma so they're not smarter than "me" and my college degree. And it always comes to this (mentality) in the end.
so correct so relatable ... so validating.. and that hiding reading and studying thanks Im not alone but sad
Cancer was what led me to discover she had a disorder and what it was. Her reaction to my getting cancer was shockingly callous.
They erase you.. So true
When I was first getting eye pain which is still something of a mystery even though I was going to doctors and specialists and not getting answers, my then boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend didn't understand why it was taking so long to get a diagnosis. All he could ever say was, When are you going to get better? I've been having this eye pain for nearly eight years now and am still trying different vitamins to see if that gets rid of the pain. It's painful when someone who you thought would be your rock, your support system, turns out to not accept you when you aren't at your healthiest. Narcissists don't believe in sickness and in health, among other things.
When you have joy, it brings them pain. When you have pain, it brings them joy. They are truly twisted little beings.
That's a really good way to put it, it highlights how absolutely sick and sadistic they truly are.
I was doing hot yoga and fainted. When I came to, a stranger was trying to help me. The narcissist was 15 feet away, back turned, and joking with someone. Laughing.
Spot on with the sickness thing. When they are sick the world needs to revolve around them but when I'm sick it is nothing or even them trying seems fake and forced
Went on a vacation with my now ex gf driving 9 hours to someplace .. stopped briefly, a day or so, in her childhood hometown then went to the destination. That was ok. But on the drive back, I was driving for the 8-9 hrs, she started in on me about my commitment or something like that .. for hours while driving .. it made me feel like crap after this so called vacation .. many months later I found out from her an ex boyfriend of hers contacted her while we were in her hometown and was trying to get her to meet with him for coffee or breakfast or whatever.
I just wondered if the ex bf thing triggered her to do the interrogation during the drive home .. anyways the periodic interrogations didn’t stop till it finally ended 3 weeks ago .. never felt right or happy in the relationship since that first interrogation .. I caught her on a couple of lies ( not big but lies nonetheless) and called her on it and she ‘dumped’ me .. what a relief as I was just suggesting we just be friends as I was living out of town anyways due to a lay-off .. she raged on that and did a dump as cruelly as she could .. no problem .. I know the truth and saying it brought wrath .. enough is enough
The worst abuse and cruelty i went through as a child because of my covert narcissistic mother was when i was sick. I was tortured emotionally, neglected, shouted at, blamed and shamed and sometimes even put through physical cruelty although my body was shivering in high fever. When i grew up i got terrified of getting sick. For a long time people said im hypochondriac but after no contact and healing work i understand that im not a hypochondriac. I am traumatizef.
My grandmother was so narcissistic that she “accidentally dropped “ my grad father’s cell phone in the washing machine when he was sick …soo many people calling to check on him. He couldn’t take it…..my narcissist boss spent the whole day” crying “ over her divorce on birthday. She decorated the restaurant as if to celebrate and complained and cried all day( her divorce was over a year ago. She left him and she been dating someone the entire time)…I absorbed all that negativity and spent the evening balling my eyes and out telling myself I had no worth
Your videos are helping me sooo much. I found out years ago that my mom is NPD and a little sociopathic. I am just now realizing that separation didn’t hear me. I keep running into people that trigger my cptsd and your videos help me sooo much
Heck if you breath they seem to be triggered, one time my ex was gripping about losing his job yet again, and I said a lot of people are being impacted by covid so your like everyone else (or somthing along those lines), this guy got so mad, out of nowhere he started yelling about something he made up on the spot, this was before I realized he was a narcissist, they do some strage things I'm tellin ya, bad juju for realz!
Your list is spot on and it makes me weep at the deep level of abuse this is and how I could not piece this all together. It was so evil and toxic It’s hard to feel all of this was real. They are miserable and demonic people.
I've been married for 29 years & my wife hit all 10/10 run that's all I can say is run run
Finally! Thank you for explaining the music! My sister attacked me since we were children and never stopped. We are both married and still she can not stand that I am a metal head and she likes soft rock. Who cares right?! Wrong, she tells everyone one who listens, complains, tells me I need help, forces me to listen to her music. It’s horrible quite unbearable to have to sneak my music around her rage
On the very few occasions that I was quite ill, my ex wife (covert narcisssist) offered zero help. She just left me to it. She totally resented anything I did for myself. Even watching You Tube videos. I could never wear the right thing when we went out socially. We always had differing opinions. I lost my passion for my music because she hated my music. Why do they choose us just to crush us?
Probably because her parents did that to her.
Right on with all of these. I dealt with it for 27 years. Yah got me out. Don't stay with them....they never change and repent. So they do not change for the better. They only get worse.
My mom: *HEY YOU CANNOT TOUCH MY PHONE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION PUT THAT DOWN ROGHT NOW!*
Me: Make me 😏 You always use all of my stuff
They can’t stand see you smile. They will say”why you smile?” You are happy is a bad thing to them.. they can’t stand it
I'm triggered by events because I can't leave and there's just so much pressure. Probably something to do with being expected to pretend we had a happy family when I was a kid.
I think so too. I had the sane experience. Reality was stuffed down.
This is exactly what makes a narcissist so debilitating. Thank you for bringing this out, because these things were so familiar to me at one time.
My adoptive mom and general crowd of adults I grew up around always tried to put people down like they would never be happy so don’t ever be true to your emotions, and everyone walked around with broken egos and having to prove themselves 24/7... I probably never saw genuine people and even in funerals or celebrations emotions were faked.
Telling my ex I was hurting in order to see to myself and not go into work, he'd reply, "my body hurts EVERY DAY! Do you see me whining? I still go to work every day!!"
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤯🤯🤯
They are super on point!!! I hated getting sick like not the sick part. But the idiot that made me feel even worse due to her insults and running around slamming doors.
Oh also yea they are always defensive. If I say wow it’s such nice weather outside. She would respond with “what do you think I need to get more color?” Like wtf?
I can remember when I was a little girl my mother never ever believed me if I was sick...had to go through her tests to make sure I was....to this day being an adult...I think to myself am I sick or am I imagining it!!!! It was so annoying if I was sick for her a real inconvenience. She's a horrible Narcissist. Gone no contact now which means my dad and sister and her kids too. I've always been the scapegoat in the family...very painful. Glad I don't see her anymore the older she gets the meaner she is....I can honestly say she has killed any love I had. I'm a real empath and a codependent just found out what that means!! Always wondered why I'm trying to fix and help everyone now I know..
They suck your joy away because they feel entitled… to be the sole source of joy in a situation and/or to access the joy others feel, but they can’t. If they don’t get something they want, but someone else has it, it threatens their crucial need to be THE MOST special.
Or flat out tell you your not sick just trying to get attention 🙄 as your literally in the hospital and the doctors are concerned then never be there for you it
So true!!
You are spot on!!! These are horrible people! I pray that God reveals them for who they really are!!!
I left home at 20 and spent the next 10 years figuring things out. I realized then that the person in my life was selfish, and got mad when he didn't get his way, and that I had lost the ability to judge situation apart from considering what would trigger him. But as I overcame this, my mind has been blown to learn in the last year or two that, the pain, sadness, shame and self loathing I had felt was not an unintended consequence to selfishness. He had deliberately sought to create these distorted self images of myself and furthermore if that wasnt enough my mind is still boggled to realize that it had been the source of his happiness. I still can't comprehend it, but with channels like yours and true friends for affirmation I'm finally seeing the world for what it is and it's a beautiful world and a beautiful life with beautiful people, myself included. Thanks for sharing. How did you come to learn these secrets of the dark side?
They nit pick our appearance to the bone but then they won’t even be in pictures themselves- a couple of them that I’ve known. Also my dad was obsessed w the fact that his brother didn’t like salmon and kept trying to force him to like it like he did- he wouldn’t let it go for years
Wow! Sounds like my dad. I wasn't allowed to have my preferences or.somethubg with him amdnhed question of I was his of I dod loke something he liked
The years that I spent with my ex was like playing an endless game of opposite day. He said he was attracted to me because of A, B, C and then he would do everything to destroy A, B, C qualities. He would also do this when it came to my looks. Let's say my hair was red. He would say he prefers brunettes. Then I dye my hair brown to make him happy then we would go out and he would start talking about how hot another woman in the room is and how he thinks red hair is so sexy. Like WTF. He would do this with everything.
One of the best episodes and that’s exactly what i am dealing with at home
100% agreed with all of your points. I've experinced and witnessed all of these..
Hit the nail on the head. Great explanation and validation. Thank you keep up the great work.Thank you.
I have listened 4 times now, saved this and sent it to my email folder. This is so valuable. Thank you.
These are right on. Describes him completely.
Completely on TRACK!! This is my life to a T!!
Spot on Michelle, their laughter is fake.
100% accurate. It's sickening.
The most educational video I’ve seen on this topic. Thank you
One of the best videos I’ve seen on this topic. Oh my gosh, each one has happened to me for over 3 years. Still recovering from the trauma. But first time I understand the reason why. Thank you so much. You are wonderful!
You are 100% accurate on all ten I have experienced all 10 in 3 people who are out of my life now. Much better and happier now! Thank you.
So on point. Thank you for explaining.
Thank you Michelle, this helped me to come to some realizations.
This is SO GREAT to realize that it is the SHADOWS that trigger the rage.
Also that you are seen as an extension of that person.
So if you are supposed to BE them and there are aspects of themselves that they hate then you will not be allowed to express as a whole human being.
So it is GREATLY IMPORTANT that you say to make sure to keep doing the things that trigger them because if you don't you cannot live a whole full life.
Life necessitates using every human attribute, expression and trait. So if human beings can understand that we are each programmed in childhood to cut ourselves off from some aspects of our whole being.
Those aspects become our triggering shadows.
Most people just further polarize themselves apart in relationships where shadows are colliding.
For instance, my mom identified herself as "kind" my dad identified himself as a "no- nonsense, get it done disciplinarian."
They each saw wrong in the other and over the years moved further and further apart, always blaming each other, making each other wrong and insisting they were right.
Some people might think " What is wrong with kindness? Nothing, but if you are stuck on it as the only possibility of expression for all situations, then you cannot lead a full life. For some life situations acting in a direct or assertive way will better serve the moment.
And what is wrong with assertive, get it done attitude? Nothing, but sometimes kindness will better serve the moment.
Humans live their best lives when they can be appropriate to the moment. But if they are identified with some traits and shadowing others, they are not, for the moment, being fully self expressed.
If each one could have seen their own triggers as evidence of a shadow and done their shadow work to embrace the missing aspects then instead of further polarizing away from each other, they could have helped each other to integrate their own personalities toward wholeness.
There is an added problem of the threat of violence and one person giving away their power of choice to a stronger person.
For a relationship to lead to wholeness and integration both people must be willing to learn what personal aspects in themselves are missing by learning from the other instead of making them wrong.
If only one person is willing to learn, that person can integrate their own shadows but then they will need to leave that relationship in order to express fully all personality aspects of a whole human being.
Life experience shrinks when a person is not embracing fully all possible ways of being; aspects, emotions, attributes, traits, expressions, etc..
You nailed it dear! God has blessed us through you Hallelujah!
Dang girl ❤ Thank you for carrying the torch. My Granddaughter does
You go girl you're a 100% right! Im dealing with a narcissist at work....ugh
Thank you God bless you hun ......I'm so frightened bless you 😇❤🤗
Oh my God Michelle, these are spot on. Just incredible! I like having a pretty green yard, I work hard at it but she is hell bent on it not looking as good as I like!
She dumped me so I accepted that and ignored her from then on. I had no idea that would make her so angry, but I won't chase someone who says, "Our meeting was unfortunate."
you teach me alot of things
thanks michele
Minutes 8 and so; they never have a good word for you for free.
To my old witch I was either too skinny or too fat (she forgot how fat she was at that time) and I had weight imbalance due to hormonal changes which took me by surprise since I have always been slim except for a few stages in my life.
I told her once that talking about a few months ago, when I was too fat, to becoming too skinny was not suddenly. I said it was obvious that in one moment and I don't mean seconds, I had the perfect weight and how come, and being so concerned about my weight, no one noticed it. She shut up because she was left without an argument but didn't slightly touched her skin. They bounced back like toys; no shame.
Now, she would be spitting my name but , what has change? That I don't have to hear them anymore. Peace 2 all.
Michele, your observations are just so _crystal clear._ Just amazing. Thank you for posting this content. ♥️
PS: You’re _amazing_ and _beautiful._ And I don’t mean just your outward appearance, of course. Thanks so much for all this _clarity._
Every thing you said is very true, thank you!
Wow. Number 4,5 and 9 and 10 really hit me. When you mentioned the narc's need for flying monkeys I thought of my brother. He has not been nasty to me for years but I am smart enough to know my narc parents turned him against my husband and I. I recently had a not so fun phone call with my dad and he said that my brother ADORES him and I hate him and that I have killed he and my mom by my actions. My actions? BOUNDARIES. My father hates and hates on my husband and his family and I can say from my own perspective that if anyone is higher than another my husband and his family is way up there simply because they admit when they are wrong and are always striving to be better people and grow. And I know that intimidates my father. I've grown too and actually love who I am. And he made it clear without directly saying it that he hates everything I am and that's more than okay with me. 🤣🙌💜💥
I have been watching all you videos and you are spot on. Some people are told they are acting like a victim is a dismissive manner with no acknowledgement of the issue. Character assassination galore!
Years of being treated disrespectful by family and expected to forgive and forget over and over.....makes a person deny own needs till they get physically ill from so much stress. Then when sick: like you said, it becomes a competition for attention. Feeling abandoned when sick after years of devotion just broke my heart. All I would hear is it's my own fault to be sad when my effort was not reciprocated and selfish if I expected anything in return. Now I know. I take responsibility for my failed expectations and if they are upset I don't give as much, then I can politely restate my boundary that my needs come first.
Thank you for uploading this video as well as your others. I’ve been married more than 10 years, and the point about appearance is significant.
I did not know what covert narcissism was about a year ago, but since then I’ve done lots of reading, watching learning and Counsel and I believe that my spouse has many of these traits; besides the blaming, shaming, glaring and scowling, telling me my brain is damaged or I’m delusional, scolding, gaslighting invalidation, and on and on
For her there is this weird devaluation of her appearance and of all her best feminine traits, every day on purpose, she wears old, faded, oversized clothes, men’s underwear, the lowest slumming appearance I’ve ever seen a person wear, man or woman. It looks like someone who hates themselves or is severely depressed, but yet does not care and attacs any comments you make.
it is like she thinks being a woman is bad, being feminine and sexy and beautiful is bad, men are terrible and she just wants to hide from the world. I have also heard her criticize attractive or well put together women, But then she wants to tell you that you’re not pumping her up or admiring her or spending more time with her
When I mention my frustration or anger at times or even with a counselor, she gets mad and offended and says what she looks like doesn’t matter and that I should let her do whatever she wants and she doesn’t care what I think
As a man I have wants and needs and she has made it plain that she does not care and there is zero compromise in this area. In fact, sex intimacy and femininity have been used as a weapon and have been withheld as a means of control and punishment.
I have never met a person who deliberately devalues their appearance seven days a week all day long and does not care, and then they tell you they’re not depressed, but that they don’t care what you think
And the painful thing is that she was not like this when we dated at all in fact she was the opposite. But I have learned overtime that this can be the love bombing phase or conditioning to trick you into thinking a person is wonderful because they are showing you their false self , then when their hooks are in and you’re really committed, they just stop doing all of those acts that attracted you
I needed this today! Thank you!
this list is also a list what you should focus on after you end relationship with Narcissist. 😌
That's wonderful advice.
Thank you for telling the truth
EVERY single point made was spot on! We’ve done lots of traveling and “vacations”, but I can honestly say I can’t ever remember having a good time when they were involved… and don’t get me started on being sick, if I have a headache and stomachache, he has a headache, stomachache AND BACKACHE!! I always find myself trying to downplay my symptoms or pretending to feel okay, when I actually feel terrible 😩