How to Calm Down, Challenges When Self-Soothing, When Triggered, Dissociating, CPTSD | Alan Robarge
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my TH-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
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How to Calm Down, Challenges When Self-Soothing, When Triggered, Dissociating, CPTSD | Alan Robarge
In this video, let's explore Self-Soothing, both the how to and the challenges. When calming down our nervous system, we need to take time to focus on felt-sense body-sensations. Self-Soothing includes self-compassion, self-kindness, and self-care.
Questions for You:
What is one thing you learned by watching this video?
What is one takeaway?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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How to Calm Down, Challenges When Self-Soothing, When Triggered, Dissociating, CPTSD | Alan Robarge
I realize I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to "self-soothe" my way through triggered states thinking that this entailed (somehow, through magic apparently) "coming to peace with" whatever was upsetting me so that I can snap out of it and "be okay" again as soon as possible. After watching this, now it seems obvious that there are plenty of times that that's almost kind of cruel and unfair of me to do to myself, it made for a lot of self-loathing and it's just unrealistic to begin with. This^^ makes a lot more sense, even just your clarification of the definition made me feel much more capable and sure of myself. Thank you.
Damn... that's so real
This is beautifully written and is very similar to my experience. I recently realized that I didn’t know we could be soothed. I thought that bad feelings just feel bad until I beat myself into logic, distraction, a feeling of comfort? I agree that it can be quite cruel. How sad for us to know so little about self soothing up until now. Thanks for putting into words what I’ve been feeling.
Well said - self soothing was just another thing I fail to over-achieve at and perfect to a fine art - therefore impossible - therefore aggravating - therefore may as well just use the old maladaptive techniques because who has the time and energy to fix all these things I’m missing.
Show up for yourself and feel the feelings has never been presented to me as self soothing before - but makes so much more practical sense. Don’t abandon yourself the way they did… is actually good enough.
Very beautifully expressed.
I wish they would teach this type of thing in schools. So to be able to internally take care of yourself was a normalised skill everyone had. Especially for those with toxic, abusive, or narcissistic parents.
I found this very helpful. Especially the dual roles. I do not think he likes the sound of his voice as one commentator stated -- he simply was sharing from a very real and vulnerable side of his life. I really appreciated that! It takes time to do that. Thank you!!
I am a buddhist and for 20 years I have used Metta practice to sooth myself but it only shifted unpleasant feelings over into the category of pleasant. I didn't stay with the feelings and let them have their life. Only with being triggered again and again under the pandemic and engaging in somatic processing therapy do I understand how my mind worked to cut myself off from my feelings. Your video is the best summary I have heard about self soothing yet. I would add that I also use physical touch when moving through old emotional energy from when I was younger. Rubbing my forehead or heart center helps me stay with the emotion moving through me sometimes. I want to thank you for your video. I'm unable to be in one of your healing groups right now but someday I hope to. I shared this video with friends so that the word gets out. You are doing amazing work Alan. It is of real benifit to people. Know that I see that.
Yes you are really helpful Alan
Thank you. This is helpful. Newly separated and incredibly afraid.
Allowing myself to feel the emotions and validating them to myself stops me from spiralling into a storm of negative thinking and coming up with stories to explain what happened (which make me more angry, depressed etc)…ie, someone says something dismissive that upsets me, I tell myself I’m allowed to be upset by it. Usually the person didn’t mean to make me angry, they are acting out of their own trauma. Then I don’t need to keep repeating what they said over and over and the emotions pass much faster. Becoming aware of my emotions is life changing 😊
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That's brilliant I'm going to try that method tomorrow because I'm currently in an anxiously attached situationship and I've been crying everyday . Written on 3rd August 2023.
I feel validated, and so nurtured by your voice and content.. blessings
Words can't describe how much I appreciate and love people like Alan. Such a gentle soul. Thank you!
This is very transformative!! I am about to be 56 at the end of this month and this is SO helpful. I am just beginning to understand self love and self soothing. I can do it for friends but I am highly critical of close family and myself. This is such an instrumental tool to practice.. I listen to this video on the way to work. I have been a bedside RN for 33 years. I was raised in a highly critical environment. I did not have children myself..THANK YOU for this video. I do wish I could have grasped this 30 years ago.. but here it is.. Thank You.. I think this may even be a key to prevent self sabotage such as overeating in my case.. or self isolation.. Thank you.
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This is probably the best video for my anxious attachment. I've read numerous articles and watched videos but this has got to be the most effective . Thank you for producing such great informative content!!
That is nice to hear. I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my efforts. Glad it is of benefit.
Also I want to invite you to the Community Program - Improve Your Relationships. We come together in conversations around this content. Learn more here:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
For me, the takeaway is that rather than shame myself for being triggered (for fighting w my husband for instance) and being hellbent on getting out of that state, I can actually acknowledge the state I’m in w compassion.
Some humans need the step by step encouragement that he provides. Alan is good at his job.
I don't have specific comment on the subject but I have to say how incredibly happy I am because you are back😊
Today i have learned to talk to my sadness and pain. I take away YES Yes I know
your videos saved my life in 2020 and again now . im still so disconnected from myself and my relationships and it’s so painful that my life depends on working through it. i have a very dismissive partner and it brings out my pain a lot but i notice when im around more secure people i feel very calm. does this mean i need to leave this person if it causes me anxiety and makes me experience a lot of disconnect. we are in couples counseling and i go to therapy individually.
Nuanced as always. My heart leapt when I saw you had a new video. Thanks so much, Alan.
You’re brilliant Alan! That advice really soothed me so much!
I’m actually gonna keep listening to this video again and again and share it with people I care for. Thanks so so much!🙏🏼
This will be something I plan to use moving forward. Thank you for your vulnerability and teaching. I look forward to learn more.
Alan whilst learning to let go of attachment, your podcasts have accidentally became my new attachment
lol
This is such a cute comment! And I know exactly what you mean.
😂😂
This was so affirming of what I've been intrinsically feeling I need to do in order to heal my trauma. 1. That my inner parent needs to validate my inner child. 2. My inner parent needs to call my inner child to action to take the necessary steps to heal while being consistent/paitent with her.
just sent this video to a few friends, cause i found it extremly well articulated, systematic yet gentle... lovely! thank you.
I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for spreading the word and for valuing my work.
Thank you so much. You made me realize so many things. This high anxiety I was feeling in my previous relationship was a trauma response to what he was doing. I still have trauma in me and I need to heal from them so I can respond to things in a healthy way or cope with difficult things in a secure way. Being there for yourself is soo important and so underrated. Self care in this sense isn’t taught enough. To me society looks at self care like treating yourself to boba tea or having a skincare routine but there’s a much deeper meaning to it and this is one. I want to develop a more secure attachment style and I feel like this will lead me in that direction. Thank you!!!!
This is great insight. Thank you for your reflections. We can never talk enough about how essential self-care is. Glad to hear the video is helpful. I appreciate the comment.
If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on the conversations around content like this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships, which includes talking about all the types of relationships, not just partner relationships. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
For me... This video gave me names for things I realised I do... I think you called it dual awareness? Sometimes when the triggering isn't too severe I can tell I'm panicked but also have that place in my brain where I'm trying to help myself.
An affirmation I picked up recently that I use when calm and triggered is "I am all in with me" - no matter whats going on I'm all in with me and will do what I can to stay focused on what I want/need despite what's going on around me. And I embody it, I really feel the calm and the focus and positive energy of being on my side.
8:25 dual awareness
16:00 i disconnect from needed resources, including remembering that I’m far wiser than I was when I was young and helpless
18:15 My exact feeling of the fragmented state because i can’t find my true self
19:00 What can I do?
21:00 EXACTLY! I feel like I can’t reconnect
22:45
👉👉👉Create 5+ mantras to listen to all day.
Examples:
“Yes. Yes. Yes!” 🤗🥰
I know ❤️
Hi sadness. What do you need? 🥰🤗
while TAPPING chest and any parts of my body. Lets move through the energy
30:00 Surprising to find sudden bursts of released emotion
32:00 I can feel the presence
I can tell you were engaged with this content. Thanks for the timestamps and reflections. Glad this resonates for you.
Also thanks for your question. Many of us can relate with struggling to find our center. This is something we talk about in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Great information and delivery. A lot of what you mention about parts and dissociation reminds me of Internal Family Systems Therapy which is also about leadership from Self in order to heal. Love your work.
You are so eloquent and thorough with explaining these abstract concepts. Truly, you have a gift. Thank you.
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work.
If you like this content you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
i realised something about self soothing, when i was with my ex & i would completely breakdown. i was hoping he would comfort me, hold me or tell me it's okay. Something would have triggered me, i just realised i was abandoning my own emotions. by not letting it be what it is, me running away from that discomfort & fear of feeling. I see where i can be in the present with the emotions & accept that my nervous system is having a arrest situation. you know, i was ignored everytime i had a mental breakdown with my parents or sister. i was met with contempt & ignored. i dissociated as far as i can remember my entire life. This learning after breaking up with my avoidant partner is a great insight to my healing.
you said in one of your videos that, if we were hurt relationally we can heal relationally. my heart is filled with gratitude, what a heeling journey this has been.
I have grown up feeling extremely lonely. the pain is surfacing after a break up. I don't know for how long this will go on.
Great awareness. Thanks for your reflection. I see you are in an emotionally challenging place. It may be helpful knowing that many of us have been there.
During challenging times it may be helpful to have supportive resources. If this content is helpful you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I invite you joining us:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Literally been thru the same thanks for putting word on this its helps us not feeling guilty or crazy .
Trauma and avoidant partner best cocktail for a constent anxiety and feeling of loneliness
Please remember that the pain you are feeling wont last forever .
Allow to feel the pain until you have no more tears and you start getting tired of yourself feeling like this .
I love you sis❤
@@noneofyourbuizness how long did it take to feel OK?
Alan Robarge!! So great to see/hear from you on TH-cam!! ...Thank you for offering such empathetic, validating, kind tools for us to use... I love that you highlight the importance of validating our own emotions and experiences! ... It seems like I have a habit of invalidating and abandoning myself in a moment of dysregulation, then later minimizing and sort of shaming myself for having "overreacted" ... I LOVE this opportunity to embrace and sooth and validate my experience as it's happening. This is really BEAUTIFUL and LOVING
Omg that’s exactly what I do and didn’t realise it. You put it into words so well!
I just wanted to tell you Alan that I tried to watch some other videos on trauma. Sometimes like today I cant manage, I cant move, Im highly dissociative. I have ADHD and apparently when PMDD kicks in, then I'm like in some kind of bubble. I CAN'T process anything fast, so I'm SO VERY THANKFUL you speak slowly, clearly, calmly so I can have some time to process. And despite this, I need sometimes go back and rewatch. Those people who is ok to text something critical without anything useful for others, they are haters that are "gonna hate". I am very impressed you showed yourself honest and answered. I would shame myself because I usually can't just let go, at the same time have it hard standing for myself in real life.
ANYWAY, PLEASE DON'T SPEAK ANY FASTER, otherwise I won't be able to listen to you because almost everyone speaks about those new and beautiful concepts of healing in a manner as if they're rushing somewhere, so its for me just wrong. Though I'm not enough brave to tell them to slow down, so I am able to understand information they try to deliver. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!
Thank you for seeing my commitment and efforts to create quality content. Glad this delivers easy understanding.
Adhd / complex ptsd or just adhd ?
Mili-On adhd with traits of ptsd. I’ve just asked my doctor last Friday to fix so they would consider looking at trauma again..
Thank-you. The very words I really needed to hear today. Your words remind and help me to be a better friend for myself. Thank you for sharing yourself and your knowledge like that. Means a lot.
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An amazingly insightful and helpful video.
But then all your work is great!
It’s a pleasure to hear you. You explain so well, just so soothing to hear you. Thank you so much!! Please continue!!! You a a gift to us!
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Hello, I created two places to calm down.
Lying in a flowerfield on a mountain, looking down on a village (my life) and take a distance. While thinking : while I rest, that down there will go on.
And the other one is sitting in the Sunday morning on the floor at my grandma's just playing with toys (wich i still have) 😊
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Thank you for this! Im a 50 yr old woman crying her eyeballs out at 6 am learning to be kind to myself for the first time. To hear myself. To feel heard. To feel.
Thank you for sharing this video was moving for you. Glad you are learning about self-kindness. So important to keep talking about this.
Self-kindness comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan I think you should know that the past several months have been terribly difficult for me and a relationship that I consider very dear has grown strained and has resulted in much suffering. But you have gotten me through it. All of your talks, your wisdom, your precision in describing and helping me go forth. You make me want to consider this profession, even. THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO!!!
So great to see you smiling, again.
Superb content and delivery as always, Alan.❤
I listen for a couple of minutes at a time then I rest and then I continue listening for a short while again This is so important I have to take a lot of pauses to reflect .Thank You !!
Thank you for sharing this content inspired reflection for you and thank you for valuing my effort.
Since this content is helpful you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the quiz to learn more www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This video brought me a lot of relief. I’m really struggling with the intensity of emotion at the moment. I’ve been working up to this point, where I am healthy enough to live in an apartment by myself, and I knew it would be a hard transition. But I’ve been sobbing for hours and I feel alone and it’s really frightening. I’m working on support, and right now I’m one of the only people I have, so I need to be here for myself, and want to know how to do this. ❤
Hey Alan. Can you do more videos about CPTSD and relationships? It would really help
hi. good idea. please submit it so I get it on the list. thanks. www.alanrobarge.com/questions
Can you please provide the link to your video about tapping & bilateral stimulation? I’m unable to find it in your youtube playlist.
so glad your back online with vids!
The way you explain things is SO comforting to listen to and follow along with the process. Having a process with your narrative is SO helpful - thank you!!!
Thanks for letting me know this content is helpful for you. Glad you are finding it of benefit.
I so missed you. So happy to see you back sharing information for us unable to purchase your products. You are one of the wisest people I have seen on You tube. Best to you 🤗
U r so helpful and so sweet and feel like a friend!
I am alone on Easter, nothing new- but, found this video helpful as I figure out why I am so agitated today. I'm not new to being alone, on my own. But , today feels unsettled.
I can empathize. Holidays can be triggering. Glad this video was helpful.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thank you:-)
you're welcome
This popped up my suggestions whilst having a panic attack and I found it comforting and helpful. I suffer from agoraphobia not trauma but it still was helpful. Thank you ❤️
Thank you Alan. This is helpful. Working on this specifically. Accountable for my actions in a loving, gentle with boundaries. Working on myself. I also wish I had learned this 40 years ago.
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You couldn’t have posted this at better time.
Thank you
I learned that when we comfort ourselves in times of stress it affirms that the stress is only temporary and that we are worthy of love and support. My take away is that with the evidence that trauma that keeps us away from ourselves, with accountability, we must keep tools and skills to facilitate love and with self-soothing practices then we can protect our worthiness of love at any given time.
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So deeply grateful to you for sharing your work in this way.
Thanks for the comment. Glad this is helpful.
You look great! Glad your back.. you are the best of TH-cam 🙏
I love this video, thank you so much. I recently made a notes tab in my phone with some of the four things I can do when I'm dysregulated because all logic goes out the window when I am. I'd like to part about saying" yes, i know " out loud and acknowledging yourself when triggered. I think you called it "relational responsiveness" and "repetitive acknowledgment of reality as it is". Honestly, for myself, I think sometimes I just need to feel acknowledged since I have a history of childhood neglect. I'm def gonna use this tools next time I'm triggered which will probably be sometime this week.
I appreciate the kind words and thank you for sharing this video was helpful.
my takeaway from this video: if i stop focusing on time, feeling good again, feeling guilt for feeling bad, integration, what the "end result" will look like, simply being present with myself when i'm feeling activated is enough to get me through it!
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This information is so, so very meaningful and important. Thank you Alan!
I can't wait to watch this, I've watched almost every video. They are so helpful.
Thank you very much for everything that you do, and all the time and effort you put into describing these complex struggles.
What a wonderful and well done video. I’ve done a lot of self work these past couple years and I’m enjoying it so far. I got closer with family and I’m more and more at peace with myself. Most of this work is done on my own as a single person. Unexpectedly, I recently met someone who I really enjoy their company and they communicated their enjoyment spending time with me too. I avoiding dating as I know there’s a lot of traumas and areas that need healing. I’m noticing an attachment pattern that is making me feel insecure. It comes from similar horrible experiences in the past. This video hits the spot when it comes to soothing my emotions and brings me back to the ground. I’m saving this video as I know I really want to face this unhealed area and keep from hiding from it. Thank you
I love your videos Alan. Your voice calms my soul.
Thank you for all the work you do. The Stop Avoiding Your Healing Work and Twin Flame videos were very very helpful. 🙏👍
COMMENTING FOR ENGAGEMENT. We have to protect and help this man for his help given. Thank you so much. I'm in New Zealand. Wish I could make an appt with you
I appreciate the kind comment. Thank you for valuing my effort.
If you value this content then you may also like to take part in the conversations on these topics in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Your content has played a huge part in my healing journey. Thank you so much for sharing your work and for being so comforting.
Thank you for letting me know. That is nice to hear. Glad you find benefit from this content. Thanks for valuing my efforts to offer quality content.
Also, since this content is helpful, I want to invite you to the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. You may like being a member:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you so much for your healing us all. This is wonderful and very helpful. ❤
Thank you for teaching me simple ways to soothe, be with myself, and acknowledge my emotions, Alan.
I appreciate the feedback. Thank you for sharing my work is helpful for you.
Thank you for all of your videos and it is great to see you again. I have severe attachment trauma and I am bipolar. I am trying to end a multi year living together relationship with a man I dearly love because I am triggered constantly. I suspect he does it on purpose to watch me melt down. I am not sleeping much and I often listen to your videos for hours at a time to stay sane and to give me courage to make the changes that need to happen. I have a pattern of taking him back each time he moves out. Your videos will keep me strong after he moves out again. Thanks for all you do. Self care is the only defense I have against being abused and used.
Thank you, Alan. You have no idea of the impact you have had in my life.❤
That's so wonderful to hear. Thank you for sharing the videos have been so helpful for you. I wonder if you know about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's validating when others can relate and we learn so much together. Thanks again for the positive feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
If somebody as knowledgable as you Dr Robarge can feel this way also I am made to understand that it is a fairly universal set of emotions.
Wow! That was definitely an A+! Honestly, I had to pause and play back many parts; especially the first 6-8 minutes - extremely nuanced and subtle... i literally cried when you began the affirmations portion.... anyway, thanks for the literal, concrete tools we can use and the indepth explanation and examples. I took many notes... thanks again AR
That's nice to hear. I appreciate the kind words. Glad this content is of benefit for you. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts.
Also, since this content is so helpful I want to invite you to the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. We come together in conversations around topics like this. You may like being a member:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan this made so much sense and brought me comfort in my struggles relating with self compassion
I pat myself on the shoulder for self-soothing :))
Good work.
You are a godsend. Thank you Allen. ❤️❤️🌺🌺🌺
Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate the positivity.
I have come to a point where “anger” is my identity. I can’t get out of the hamster wheel.
And sometimes I really feel that there is no way out.
Empathy to you. Many people can relate. Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for commenting.
I can recommend you to someone powerful who was able to bring back my ex wife and it works very fast and I believe he can solve your relationship problems...
†16512789445💕⏯⏭⏯????????
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I learned that I have to be more patient with myself and allow myself to feel this pain and sadness. I also learned that I have to be kinder to myself and treat myself with the respect that I deserve to be treated with, not by other but by myself. Thank you for creating this video
Thanks a million for your compassionate work that blends clarity with wisdom
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I love the ‘relationship educator’ switch. You are a marketing guru as well. Or have great people for your branding. 👌👍
Thanks for the kind words.
Alan thanks for being truly human by walking us through this maze of feelings.its a lot of heavy-duty work because we dissociated for too long
I appreciate the kind words. It's so important to keep talking about this. Thank you for valuing my work.
Your videos are SO good. V glad to have discovered you. Amazing levels of effective self-help, self-mastery, love and evolvement 🙏🙏🙏
Alan. I feel I owe you so much. You have and are teaching me so much about myself. Sharing HOW to self sooth is priceless. I love and appreciate you ❣️
Thank you for the kind words. Glad you are finding benefit. Thanks for valuing my work.
The YES approach is a revelation, I wish I had known this skill to soothe my hurt, thank you! The symohony example is perfect❤
Glad to hear this video is helpful. Thank you for the kind words and for valuing my effort.
If you like this video then you may also like being part of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the Relationship Quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Hey Alan,
Good to see you, 😊thank you for discussing dissociation… really struggling with that with CPTSD during the pandemic.. the dissociation was much more subtle before… it started becoming a real problem, to depersonalization levels over the past 2 years.
Thank you giving and sharing gems to soothe. I TRUELY find it helpful in moments when i am triggered and spiral. I found this one the most needed as i do smallest things being compassionate and gentle. But the way you have expressed, allows depth and such a great gift of help to self soothe. U are a healer and genuinely, your time you take to go in depth, with patience and compassion. I feel you are talking to me. I do greatly find you as a healer for broken soul that is working through courage and showing up for self. PLS continue to do more videos. 🙏🏽 you are a blessing to hear and learn from.❤
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing my work has been helpful for you. Yes to compassion and gentleness for ourselves. Glad this video spoke to you.
If this video is helpful, then you may also like to get in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're invited. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hi Alan. First of all, I'd like to let you know that I've been watching your videos, I've learned a lot and it has already impacted me positively and I've noticed changes and improvement. You are very smart, talented, very gifted with words and deeply empathic. From this video I've learned to talk to myself ("yes", "I know"), and the applied benefits of tapping. I would like to become a supporter when I'm in a position to do so. I've subscribed to your channel here, and joined your group on Facebook. I struggle so much with attachment trauma, wounds, being stuck, that it almost killed me at some point. I'm deep into working on it to get better. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful I found you.
Thank you for the kind feedback. Glad to hear this content has been so helpful for you. Appreciate you letting me know. Thanks for valuing my work.
This is the fitsy yime i hear you! I really luke it.you really know it:) keep doing it. GRACIAS
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You are blowing my mind. Thank God I found you. Your dexterity in describing the complexity in this is so helpful. Whew. I am breathing.
Alan your knowledge and delivery is unmatched. Truly an expert
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This video was so helpful and eye-opening. Recently I ended an eight year relationship because it was not healthy. And the feelings I have been experiencing since have been difficult… so I can use these techniques to help myself. Even more, I finally realize why I have been feeling so disconnected and scattered and confused in other areas of my life. It is because my attachment trauma was triggered and maybe I’m a little bit dissociated from myself. I can’t wait to use the grounding techniques to help make things better! Thank you, Alan!
I appreciate the feedback. Ending long term relationships is so hard. Empathy to you. Glad this video was helpful. Thank you for seeing value in my work. You're welcome.
†16512789445💕⏯⏭⏯????????
I learned to self soothe better. I take away that I want to no longer be disconnected in my relationships. I’m striving to connect well with others in my family and at work too.
You are my sunshine
Thank you for the kind comment.
new idea of self soothing vs. just calm down: able to be present and in relationship to self
yes
Thank you so much! I related to all of this. I just want to add how important it is to really get in touch with your own intuition, because deep down your true self knows exactly what is going. You have to take the time when your are calm to go inward and ask yourself those hard questions. Then when you are having an all out panic attack/ trigger you’ve already done the inner work so those overwhelming emotions start to lose their power because you’ve done the inner work. Also the self soothing gets easier and easier as well. I hope this helps someone 🙏🤗
Thank you for this video Alan 🙏
I'm in a married 23 yrs to an enmeshed husband with him mum and sisters. She mil has written controversial stuff on me in an autobiography and refuses to back down, yet I must go on holiday with them all, and be loving and kind and effectionate and be not triggered. My marriage has been difficult and he is even more verbally abusive towards me, also tells me if I don't want to go on holiday with the family which us also my two sons, then I must just stay behind. Also trying to understand a family trust where I'm a trustee but not a beneficiary. Yes, I share the house with him but everything else basically goes to the kids. I can't help but feel betrayed.
I learned about Locus of Control …. I found that so interesting. You are a healer.
Thanks for the kind words and thanks for reflecting. Glad you like the video.
Amazing. So powerful. Thank you for this.
This so incredibly helpful. Thank you.❤
Thanks man ❤
You're back! So excited 😊
Should people tell their partner after self-soothing? A lot of content creators don't talk about the aftermath.
Like using "when you [...] I feel" Otherwise the partner maybe oblivious.
Thanks for reflecting and thanks for the question. It's challenging to answer with one response. There are many factors to consider from the situation, each person's experience and history. We would need many conversations.
Communication is a topic that comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us in our conversations. www.alanrobarge.com/community
So so helpful. I’ve read loads on self soothing and missed this crucial part, so when not calm every time another thing to criticise myself for.
WhatsAzz him 👆
I like How articulate you are with those topics sooooo helpful 🙏
I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my efforts. Glad it offers benefits.
This is one of the regular topics of conversation in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
instantly felt good energy from this.
Amazing tips thank you 🙏