The ORIGINS of Self-Sabotage & What It Take To Heal at The Nervous System Levels
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ส.ค. 2020
- I had a lot of fun doing this special topic live stream all on self-sabotage, its origins, plus what it takes to start to dismantle and heal these deep seeded nervous system roots. Also shared a lot of great shares around how folks experience their own self-sabotage.
Enjoy! Irene :)
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Here are some Questions/Topics I discuss in this chat:
1:01 - Introduction to self-sabotage
8:00 - Ways of self-sabotage?
10:21 - Ventral vagal aspect (connecting)
12:30 - Staying in abusive/toxic relationships and environments
14:37 - Wearing an invisible mask that keeps us from who we really are
20:06 - Nature healing itself
21:52 - Human system healing itself
24:01 - Believing that we deserve to heal
28:43 - How survival stress begins
31:40 - Wired for disappointment
34:45 - Wired for self-shaming
35:25 - Healthy Shaming
36:31 - Toxic Shaming
39:02 - Wired for shutdown
43:51 - Needing a reward/praise
47:05 - Effects of school
50:47 - Pre-verbal & life force energy
59:59 - What’s the next step?
1:02:31 - Freeze (and in early childhood)
1:09:13 - Compassion for others and ourselves going through dysregulation
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Resources I mention in this Vlog:
► Drop In Class
irenelyon.com/drop-in-class-1
► Edgar Cayce
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_C...
► George Ivanovich Gurdjieff
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_...
► Up & Down Movement Workshop
www.updownworkshop.com/
► The Polyvagal Theory. Explained
• The Polyvagal Theory. ...
► [Trauma Tips #1] What's the nervous system got to do with it?
• [Trauma Tips #1] What'...
► Moshe Feldenkrais
feldenkrais.com/
► Disgust. The gateway emotion for healing toxic shame
• Disgust. The gateway e...
► Why healthy shame is good for us and toxic shame isn't.
• Why healthy shame is g...
► Origins of The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study
/ origins-of-the-ace-study
► New Thinking About Children Paperback by Po Bronson (Author), Ashley Merryman
www.amazon.ca/NurtureShock-Ne...
► What is Healthy Aggression
• What is healthy aggres...
► Free Resource Centre
irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
► 21-Day Nervous System Tune Up
irenelyon.com/tuneup/
► Functional Freeze Explained
• Functional Freeze Expl...
► SmartMind
www.smartbodysmartmind.com/
► Yellowstone and the trophic cascade that took place
www.nationalgeographic.org/me...
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
SoundCloud: / irenelyon
4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: support@irenelyon.com
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Please know that…
The statements on this TH-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com
Punishment for “failing” to do things in younger years...causing a fear of failure which leads to not doing the thing....🤯
my gosh yes. The idea that if you didn't do it then, then that's it, game over. So wrong. Fall off the horse, get up, get back on - even if years later.
I'm in shock after watching this video. This explains everything. It's no wonder I'm such an anxious, depressed, ashamed mess. I really never had a chance. And I've prolonged the awfulness by subjecting myself to a relationship with a man who has continued to treat me like I'm undeserving, unlovable, crazy, and someone who should be ashamed of who she is and deserves what she gets. I'm stuck in so many ways. It's very sad.
i'm from korea and i'm jobless, so i'm really grateful i have access video like this to learn and study deeper, motivated, when things are difficult to do all by myself, thank you irene.
Earth Collector, Jen here from Team Lyon. it's great to hear that you're finding Irene's videos to be supportive as you learn and study. I wanted to make sure you knew about her other free resources. I'll link to them below. I also hear that you're jobless so not sure if it's an option, and Irene also periodically offers Drop In classes for $19 USD. They can be a great way to experience her teaching "live" and you also receive a recording to review and use after the class too.
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources/
Drop In classes - irenelyon.com/drop-in-class-1
@@IreneLyon thank u🤍🤍
I am a psychiatrist from Munich-Germany. I really love your channel and I learn so much from you! This kind of work is not really done in our hospital, the focus is too much on money and medication...
Das ist nicht nur in München der Fall. Ich habe in D keinen Psychiater kennengelernt, der sich mit Trauma auskennt. Ich wünsche mir, dass Sie die Ausnahme machen :)!
How to heal myself with such money spent already
I am so glad I found this channel. A true miracle.
Me too
I had to move back in with my mom after having freedom for several years. The damage to my health couldn’t be more obvious... weight gain like I’ve never experienced, plus what appears to be rheumatoid arthritis. The stress of raising my son in her house and constantly encountering the same toxic methods of child rearing that she used on me is re-traumatizing but eye opening. I’m grateful for this experience but I have got to find a way out before my health fails further.
While it might feel awful to loose control over something like our body, and our weight, I believe diet culture is a big part of self sabatoge. You can gain weight and still be healthy. Still be valid. When choas is constantly happening, you're struggling for control over your own life. But food is supposed to bring you joy and comfort and nourishment. Irene was just talking about avoiding things that make you happy.
I eat cheesecake every damn day almost..I've gained weight but i also know that my cholesterol is in great shape.
HI Mae Peterson, it can definitely be challenging to our health and healing when we need to move home, especially if we didn't grow up in the most supportive of environments.
Have you checked out Irene's 21 Day Tune Up? It could be a powerful way to practice self-care and support yourself while you're in this living situation, and you take the benefits with you when you move on. I'll link to it in case you want to check it out, and also to another of Irene's vlogs that might of interest. ~Jen from Team Lyon
21daytuneup.com
irenelyon.com/2020/06/14/four-ways-to-spark-up-our-social-engagement-nervous-system-without-socializing/
I'm totally new here. All I know is that I need to be here. Lol. I'm going to take notes.
I love this Irene. Feeling into this concept of deserving has been making me feel really good. My body does this sigh of relief every time it lands in my system! My heart lights up. I have this list of 5 things I've been working with, and true health is top. I became a massage therapist yrs ago so I could help heal people in a more direct way I intuitively felt. It became too overwhelming when my own system I later realized was in cptsd. Now, that I'm healing slowly 🐌...but it is happening...I feel the new possibilities opening for a vibrant life where I'm utilizing my creativity because I'm not locked into old conditioning. Your work and therapy is making this healing real. Every video I watch is helping. Ty! 🙏💕
At about 25:00, "If you think you can, if you think you can't, you're probably right"
(I agree) and
I like to change it a little
'if you believe you can, if you believe you can't, you're probably right ' just because it reminds me that my beliefs override my intellectual thoughts.
Same idea, just resonates for me with what Irene is teaching.
There's a lot here that resonates with my own experiences. This has been so informative. Thankyou
Wish you could go over brain fog, how it incapacitates you and being dysregulated for so long. It’s hard for me to move forward and when I do have clarity it always rears it’s ugly head to where I’m overly anxious do back into freeze....so sick of this. It’s been years of this...which has made me isolate and now have a sleep fear phobia. Anyways hope to hear from you. So I sabotage due to probably learned helplessness and the brainfog is the coping mechanism due to emotional abuse and narc stuff. Gaslighting.
Robert Tweten yes yes yes!
Hi Robert Tweten, I relate to the challenges associated with living with brain fog as do many people in Irene's programs. Living with degrees of freeze in the system can be severely limiting in a variety of ways. I'll pass your suggestion along to Irene.
I also want to make sure you know about Irene's vlogs that address freeze and dissociation? Dissociation can exist alongside brain fog or the two can exist independently, and often the underlying causes at the nervous system level can be similar.
Irene's online programs are also designed to help people to heal from a variety of nervous system based conditions including brain fog, so I'd encourage you to check them out if you haven't already (21 Day Nervous System Tune Up and SmartBody SmartMind)storyandinterest. - Jen from Team Lyon
th-cam.com/video/-PMeMxO8yz8/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/DErYJ9Odcvs/w-d-xo.html
This sounds similar to what I'm going through.
@@teamlyon3109 hi Jen! Thanks for responding and would love to know more. Unfortunately a lot of these programs and help in general is expensive for folks...I appreciate you and tell Irene you said hi...hope everyone is well
@@teamlyon3109 ok thank you Jen...
I attend youre course SBSM this year, and I get stuck often. I wanted to listen this video of yourse again, and this time it is more presence with it. More resonate with the stuff. Always shuting down and shaming response, as youve said in one of youre videos like a bad meat. And it comes to realization that I was always left alone and being ignored of my mistakes or behaviour as a child. A rush for prefection, and then get it in the most wrong way as I could possibly do. And than having a reason to hate myslef even more. Thank you for everything youre teaching us.
What is described at 16 minutes binge eating and eating a lot , hijacked ,Numbness, shutdown and many more
I definitely self-sabotage in the sense that I struggle with impulse control. This has affected many facets of my life, from my relationship to my studies. I also have a strong aversion to suffering of any kind, so when I see it in others I take on their pain, whether or not I have the capacity to.
I want to know why I do this to myself. Why I struggle with saying "No," why I hold on to all this heartache, etc. Thanks for posting, love your stuff.
Hi Kieran, great to hear that Irene's videos are resonating. Hope you're finding some info that sheds some light on what you're experiencing. - Jen from Team Lyon
after plant medicine, try to heal my self intensely from desperation, going through integration time as dark night of soul, finally, i feel like more awakening to 'i deserve to be well.' i have been feeling so powerless again. and consent with voices from world telling me i'm not deserve, i can't be well. i deserve to be well. i will writing down all the way i sabotage myself. (i resonate with many of things, how people sabotage themself. wow. .) i am myself is prince wake up myself from sleeping in powerless, helplessness. i can do this.
I’m at breaking point, I needed to hear this. I was raised by a narcissist mother and I recently realise I look for validation as a human being from others. I am almost in survival mode all the time. Alcohol is something that doesn’t mix well with trauma, I drink get black out and make a fool of myself. I feel have too many problems to sort out. I have to actually try and change how my brain has been wired as a child .. and I never thought it would effect me but being almost 23 it’s now taking over my life , the past trauma
Hi Thicc Toast, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness. Thinks like alcohol serve as coping mechanisms for many of us who have a history of trauma. As we grow nervous system foundation and heal past trauma, we typically have less need for these strategies. If you want to learn more about Healing Trauma, Irene has a free video training. I'll link to it here in case you want to check it out.
free Healing Trauma training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
How many of us have been raised by narcissists?!! I know I should be leaving an encouraging message but I can't unfortunately. I'm 36 and still suffering from my upbringing, big time. It's torture to be brought up by narcissists. Feels like a life sentence to me but some people say it's possible to heal... I've been trying. I guess I keep trying. What else can I do apart from taking my own life. I'm not up for that. But I can totally understand how so many people get there.
@@dorijoeI hope you have healed since this post
@@4Mikes4Mindset4 what a lovely comment. I have made a lot of progress since, indeed. I understand that the root of this meaninglessness is childhood trauma/scapegoating. I have started to take an interest in getting to know my real self and am enjoying taking care of myself and my gifts.
So grateful to have found you our channel. Thank you 🤍
"I deserve to be myself." When I say this out loud I feel anxiety Creep up the back of my neck and shoulders. When I say it to myself inside, I smile. What could this be? I have my own idea but desire your take on it. Thank you in advance for your reply.
HI Pamella Phillips, Jen here from Irene's team. Hard to say for sure without knowing you and would encourage you to trust your hunches (listening to and trusting our impulses is one of the foundational concepts Irene teaches in her online healing programs).
One reason could be that when you say it to yourself you feel the resonance and truth in it, and when you say it out loud your response might be more reflective of how you imagine those outside you will receive and reflect it back (or not). Many of us did not grow up in environments that encouraged us to be and believe in ourselves (often those raising us didn't know how to encourage this or even that it was a viable possibility!).
Are you familiar with polyvagal theory? It sheds a lot of light on why some of us find it harder to feel connected to others and move forward in life than others - and how to heal when we are living with limitation. Much of what Irene teaches in her online resources and programs relates to this. I"ll link to a related resource in case you want to check it out.
The Polyvagal Theory. Explained.: irenelyon.com/2019/09/14/the-polyvagal-theory-explained/
Hello, what I senced was your protective personality aka mind, knows when you speak it out its not authentic and engrained as a program. But when you speak internally maybe it's coming from your heart and deeper knowing of that's who you are and what you truly deserve. Maybe say it inside till you smile enough inside that it flows out and you can say it out loud and eventually you will believe it on all levels X
Perhaps try mirror work. Say it to yourself in the mirror. Hard but could help to see yourself saying it.
Thanks for another terrific topic. As someone mentioned earlier, it was so articulate. Thank you for explaining self sabotage so clearly. For someone who swims in a sea of jumbled thoughts and emotions most of the time, you bring such clarity to the muddle, and intuitively I know what you're saying holds so much truth.
Thanks for sharing this such an important information! My baby is going through this stage right now where he pulls my hair, I found it cute and I was seeing it as he was trying to show me what he wants! I also do need to overcome self sabotaging! Great job! 💡👏🏻🧠
Omg! Thankyou, you make so much sense. As a person whose been 'healing' for more thsn half my life and im a total mess ... this back to the nervous system really resonates. Thankyou for expressing yourself and this subject so beautifully 💖
This is very special and invaluable information. You and your team are doing amazing work. It is so needed in this world! Thank you!
We have to become aware of our beliefs, didn't realize till watching this that I have an underlying feeling that I don't believe I can heal, that I'm not, powerful enough, not able to, prob self worth, don't deserve to, as I'm so in capable, that it's too big, too hopeless. Crikey, that is self sabotage
Thank you Irene. This has helped so much.
Thank you so much for teaching us this valuable knowledge. I especially liked all the examles on good versus bad parenting situations - shaming, baby's agression, rewarding. After following you for more than a year now, I've come to a new level of integration and practice of what you teach and with every video it makes more and more sense and adds another layer to the puzzle.
Making simple decisions is impossible. I'm in isolation and then came the pandemic. Time sensitive things that are draining my resources - I just let them go and the panic grows.
Thank you for rescuing people out of suffering and nightmare. Thank you thank you thank you ALWAYS
This video is amazing. Thank you for all that you do to help others!!
I can't be around people because my impulse is to clutch at them and beg them to save me.
Hi Kahlo Diego, I hear you on this. When we don't have access to safety in our own nervous system, we can feel desperate and like the only way that we'll be okay is if other people save us. I linked to Irene's free Healing Trauma training in one of your comments on the video. If you have a chance, I'd give it a watch as you might find some answers there. - Jen from Team Lyon
Same here!
@@chell5010 ❤
WOW!! cronic youtuber here! If I'm not on it,my phone needs to be charged or wifi went out..Makes sence.
Thanks Irene for your generosity sharing all your knowledge. 😊
Thank you so much for taking the time 💕
Your content is lifechanging !!!
You are so clear with your words about this. Thank you. Also i have to say your hair is lovely
Fascinating and thank you, for your ability to articulate clearly and concisely this information. Relevant & Integral.
Can you Please do a talk on a healthy aggression
Krzysztof B: A psychologist and psycho-therapist told me that when one has healed, anger / wrath one feels in one's body but doesn't explode or shout/ scream against the other. That is, one feels it as a message to oneself and then acts upon it, setting limits, saying to the one concerned what one wants or needs or objects to.Thus one's calm and life-energy is preserved, as opposed to aggressive outbursts.
Display of aggression is then only motivated in acute situations of assault, life-danger. it harms oneself, which even criminals know. If you think of maffia films f ex, they are super calm for the most part, even when killing. They know this.
Only after hearing I Lyon, it got clear that she meant something other than the aggression I mention above: A specific,unique expression of unformed life-force at 6-8 months.
I love your calm voice. I’m very sensitive to voice inflection.
Thank you so much for sharing, can't believe it's still not that known
Thank you so much for this video!!
Dear Irene and team, what a great talk - yet again! Thank you for your wonderful work!
BTW, here's some interesting etymological information about the word "Personality":
-In Ancient Greek: prósōpon [
πρόσωπον] meant face; appearance; mask used in ancient theatre to denote a character or, more generally, a social role
-In Etruscan [φersu] A mask. A masked individual, often performing in funerary games. An actor.
-From one or both of these two sources it finally went into the Latin persona: person. Character. Mask. Person, personality.
(Not wanting to be a smartass at all, it was Alan Watts who mentioned this first ;-)
I Thank God for the education you bring and share with us. And you do it in such wonderful way. Thank you Irena for great work you do. Would it be possible to do deeper talk about chronic insomnia? I think there are lots of folks having the condition and not linking it with childhood trauma.
Hi Basia Barbara, Jen here from team Lyon. Have you seen these vlogs from Irene? And/or her free Healing Trauma training which explains the link between (early) trauma and a wide variety of chronic conditions? I'm interested to know Irene has address what you're wanting to learn. I'll link to a few resources here.
Why can't I sleep: th-cam.com/video/t61EdUcFVO0/w-d-xo.html
Free Healing Trauma Training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Why am I waking up in a panic attack?: irenelyon.com/2020/01/18/why-am-i-waking-up-in-a-panic-attack-the-last-month-in-review/
I really needed this video. Thankyou
Absolutely empowering information
I love the new me. Very grateful
Just found you channel! Thank you!🙏🏻 Much love from Switzerland.
I was just about to seek more information when I noticed that some sources were questionable. Glad I caught myself in time.
Very helpful and much appreciated
Our relationship with our parents, or those who raised us, whoever that might be, set us up for success of failure.
Jen here from Team Lyon. For sure current research is showing that our parents and/or caregivers had a huge influence on how we develop and who we become. And it's also finding that we have much more ability to grow and transform - at any age - then we ever thought possible before. This is what much of Irene's work is about.
While childhood maltreatment can be a reason, scientists until this day don't know why some of us develop disorders/complexes/ect.. while those who experience the same don't. They do talk about 'subjective memory' and those who remember the most, suffer the most. It's interesting. I wish if they teach neuroscience and psychology at high school level.
This reminds me of the ironic observation ... ‘Until my parents treat me better as a kid, I can’t move on.’
Great videos- could you please provide specific exercises for healing?
Starts: 7:57
amazing! thank you
i would say feeling you dont deserve can be a sign of developmental trauma, and even if the person has a lot of intention its something that can sabotage. This is a belief that can be worked on and healed, maybe with ample enough support and joining support groups or something, sharing about it understanding where this belief comes from or this self-criticism and noticing that like many other beliefs or things we had to pick up in our family to survive it doesnt help us, express the healthy life and version of ourself that is the most authentic.
If my ventral vagal nervous system wasn’t robustly built when I was a young child, can I robustly address that now?
I loooove music and ‘Singing’ and I looove nothing more than putting on a playlist of good music and singing with passion the words with the meaning and the message. Is this that robust answer? it feels so good for the soul 💯🙏
HI Luke Carey, Jen here from Irene's Team. Definitely hear you about singing being good for the soul and relate!
The answer to your question about can you address the fact that your ventral vagal nervous system wasn't build robustly when you were. child, the answer is yes! You can certainly address that now - this what Irene teaches people how to do in her online healing programs. SmartBody SmartMind in particular deals with healing from early trauma, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up is great preparation for SBSM.
I'll link to the 'Tune Up' in case you want to check it out and also to a recent vlog of Irene's on social engagement that relates and came to mind when I read your post.
reading off all those examples of self sabotage felt like someone reading my mind, oh no 😅
So interesting for me right now
I knew innately if I out shined or did well I would be punished by my Narc mother so hidding no attention, failing was how we survived!
Thank you 😊
You are Really Great
I cannot imagine that I deserve anything. When I think that thought all I feel is a solid wall of blackness. But am so very grateful for you doing this video because at least now I understand what’s going on.
Hi Ronnie, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's good to hear that Irene's video is helpful in building understanding of what's going on. If you haven't yet seen her longer Healing Trauma video series, that may be of interest too. I'll link to it here.
Healing Trauma video series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/
South Africa. THANKS very much for this valid and relevant information... Caroline Leaf? Do you like and agree with her work?
Lol I watch endless videos, procrastinate, keep gathering information from podcasts etc. spoil my sleep and exercise regime. It’s frustrating. My childhood wasn’t that awful but I felt like wasn’t seen for who I am and was given extreme pressure to perform well at academic stuff only.
I moved back near my family 5 years ago and had a complete NBD.
This was super helpful! Thank you 💜. I'm growing some capacity...yay! But when I think about releasing my survival energy, it feels overwhelming because of the trauma from in utero through my early 40s. When I start releasing, will the stuff coupled with specific events release with it? I have so much it feels like it will take forever to release it all.
Hi Louse Young, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear this was super helpful! No, you do not have to release everything that happened to you - thank goodness for that. I'll link to a related video of Irene's below.
As to you question about will "stuff" coupled with specific events release with it - it will depend. Sometimes different aspects associated with a specific memory or experience will emerge/move through together or in close proximity to one another, other times we may simply feel emotion or sensation, etc. and won't know what it's associated with.
Every system is unique, and wprovides education and practices that are designed to help to get to know your system and how to support and to work with it to heal (now and in all the years to come!).
irenelyon.com/2017/05/09/work-every-single-trauma-heal-nervous-system/
@@teamlyon3109 thanks again Jen ❤. I know I ask things multiple times so I appreciate it! Its a lot to remember.
💜💜💜.
@@louiseyoung1231, you're welcome! As it sounds like you know, sometimes we need to ask things many times and ways in order to really digest and integrate the answers.
Around 27:20 about carrying burdens. I feel my family sees me like my mother although I’ve been exposed to more education and I’m well aware of a lot of things. When I think of myself having a child I feel like people don’t think I can take care of one... I’m starting to think it’s something like your talking about.
my problem is it seems like everyone else is trying to sabotage me.. i cant go a day in my life without someone else trying to force me to do something i wouldnt do that ruins my work or tries to get me in trouble with some kind of paranoid false accusation.. im pretty sure people just like ruining eachothers lives whenever they have a chance and look for any opportunity.. im also starting to understand how peoples behavior resembles wild apes more than civilized human beings..
Don't praise, don't punish, don't spoil, and don't neglect. 🤔
Can we buy the program on video? Is there a course coming this fall?
Hello. My daughter was recently diagnosed PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizure) She is 23 years old. She was diagnosed as epilepsy when she was 8 years old and taking seizure meds ever since. Can somatic experience help her? Thank you.
HI JUNKO GOTO, Jen here from Team Lyon, I'd need to know more to say whether healing at the nervous system level is likely help your daughter, and it's worth looking into further as this work has helped others with seizures.
And while I imagine healing the PNES is a priority, know that growing nervous system regulation typically helps in MANY aspects of life and functioning, including providing more access to connection, joy and creative expression as well as coping with challenges we inevitably face in life.
I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma training in case you haven't seen it as that might be of interest. You might also consider a consult with a nervous system specialist who would take more information about your daughter's history and situation and give you more individualized feedback about her situation and the treatment that might be most beneficial.
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
You nailed me. I’m looking 4 how to submit my email to you. I don’t see where to sign up. But I vow to keep looking for that mechanism. Thank you.
I would Request to Please Upload Short Version of Lectures Pin Pointing the Point to be Discussed
That Would be Great to Use
Hi from South Africa.
You have so much valuable information to share. I just find it frustrating because the information rambles. I can see you try to stay on track but you keep deviating from the key messages. Like 3 times you say to watch the polyvagal video, but then you explain the polyvagal video. Its difficult to watch. The examples are great but It would be really great if you could do a mind map or a bullet point list to capture the main points of your messages.
b bumper - Thanks for the feedback. I'm Mara with Team Lyon. Irene's website and paid programs are quite organized and offer multiple ways to take in information with visual content, audio content, transcripts, checklists, etc. If this video format does not work for you, consider looking at some of her free resources. irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
This is fascinating. So in relation to that part about the preverbal micro-trauma around having the healthy aggression and life-force energy thwarted, could a micro-trauma also occur if the foetus’s biological urge to squirm and fight its way out of the birth canal during birth was thwarted? I was a suction birth because I got “stuck” in the womb but the story goes that the privileged male doctor assigned to my birth refused to get out of bed to deliver me and by the time he got in at 6am I had to be hoovered out. Apparently the nurses were doing all they could to delay the birth.. madness! Is it possible I shutdown in the birth canal?
That makes sense. Peter Levine talks about birth trauma and Bold As Love podcast has an episode where she talks about using his methods with her child years after their traumatic birth.
Also, fwiw, I heard that the two things seen as highest danger for our nervous systems are abandonment and being restrained.
Yes, there are people who work in pre/perinatal trauma using SE check out Kate White for example, I also do it as well❤
It starts at 8:22 before that it is the introduction then the polyvagal theory th-cam.com/video/8AnHlx3qZ30/w-d-xo.html and trauma tip number one 18:06 th-cam.com/video/k4A4_OpbzkU/w-d-xo.html
I get anxious even hearing the list. I finally had things lining up for me and through it all away. In and out of nervous breakdowns for 5 years since. Can't even function now.
Hi Kahlo Diego, Jen here from Team Lyon. I definitely hear about about getting anxious hearing the list. You're not alone there. Simply hearing about the nervous system can lead to responses in many of our systems and bodies. Please press "pause" and take breaks whenever you need to do so.
And know that there is much hope for healing, even when the system has been significantly compromised and we've lost much of our capabilities (and can feel like we've lost ourselves). If you haven't seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, I'd recommend it. She's also offering a drop in class the coming weekend which can be a great way to get to know her and her work a bit better and spend some time in a healing field. I'll share links to both in case you want to learn more.
irenelyon.com/drop-in-class-1
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
What if panic state is the root pattern in life? For every action. In some parts of life not so much but in relationship or loosing a relationship so big fear.
Hi bebaaskaful, Seth here from Team Lyon. If feeling panicked is the norm for someone, that shows that they are holding a lot of hyperarousal in their system - stuck fight/flight energy. If it is much more intense around relationships, or losing relationships, there is likely some attachment wounding in the picture as well.
It took 17:00 mins and then some to get to the start of the information..That gave me anxiety just weeding ALL the housekeeping
How come you haven’t talked about neurofeedback yet?? This method of healing for trauma has huge potential. It would be interesting to hear your views about neurofeedback and how it can be utilised in a therapeutic process, to help move people toward healing and recovery from trauma.
Hey Anthony, Seth here from team Lyon, thanks for the suggestion! I'll pass it on.
Hello thank you so much for your content, I have CPTSD and have been dx but 4 different doctors, I also had neurofeedback which the neuropsychologist stated I do not have mental illness my brain has PTSD, currently getting help but also staying sober from alcohol, also raising n sharing custody of my two girls with my ex who is sooooooooo abusive n really hurt me but do u know of tools someone like me could use to keep myself sober, I just feel like I am not like most people I mostly take things out on myself and isolate , really really want to be stable and sober, are there things out there for people of trauma like me, my dad was a Jehovah Witness and I would never like NEVER try to act, impress or even try to be one, I knew I could not be fake n I just told myself I am not good enough to be loved so why not try at anything except when I was pregnant and homeless , busted my butt in nursing school, not sure how I did it but I am afraid of self sabotaging my life, doing good today but .....
Hello, Sophia with Team Lyon here. Thank you for your comment and for sharing about what is going on for you. We appreciate you sharing. We don't generally assess individual symptoms because of the complex nature of this work. Irene's work helps most people heal at the nervous system level, which generally has a positive impact on the entire human system. But, we can not say whether or not it will help heal a specific ailment as it would be unethical to do so. What we can say is that this work has impacted a lot of people positively who have suffered from a wide variety of syndromes, diseases, etc. We invite you to check out the student testimonials to see what they have to say. irenelyon.com/successstories/
Many folks find this nervous system work at its heart is about becoming who YOU truly are and finally learning what it means to go from living in a state of survival, stress and anxiety to a place of hope, possibility and solid well-being.
Here is an interesting conversation speaking about some topics you mentioned: th-cam.com/video/d1VkYrkd26w/w-d-xo.html
A good place to start if you feel inclined to work on your nervous system would be Irene's free resources and mini training "Healing Trauma", all of which are housed under this link:
irenelyon.com/free-resources/
You are also welcome to reach out to our support inbox with any questions you may have. I hope this helps.
When I think about really and truly breaking through whatever is holding me back and becoming the best version of myself... I feel like I'm going to vomit. Soomeone please respond to this. I need it.
Hi MADEMYSELFABOSS, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like tuning into a "big" vision is overwhelming for your nervous system. This may be the case for a variety of reasons, such as your system associating being seen with danger (to give you an example). Taking steps to grow nervous system regulation and heal trauma will likely transform this experience over time and enable you to move into the possibilities you envision for your life.
Are we also wired for disconnection? I wonder if this is also feeding some of my self-sabotaging patterns. I guess that’s similar to being wired for abusive/toxic environments.
Hi Gabby Smith, Jen here from Team Lyon. We can certainly learn patterns of disconnection in response to what we go through and these patterns can become our safe/familiar territory (until we do the work to change this).
what's the name of the person mentioned @24.40 ?
Moshe Feldenkrais
Edgar Cayce
I feel like such a sad ass, reality based, feeling based, emotion based soul out here and that nobody can tolerate my presence. I can’t say, be, or feel. I’m outcast.
No soul can handle my depths, even I don’t want to because they are not the status quo and not happy go lucky.
Hi chilloften, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like the depths you experience can make it challenging to connect with others. There can be a balance between respecting how we are, and that we are whole exactly as we are, and also recognizing that when trauma, and in particularly early/developmental trauma is in the picture. When this is the case, it can it can sometimes cause us to live in the depths, to feel disconnected from and different from others. If this resonates, you might consider learning more about early/developmental trauma.
I have been feeling paralysed by indecisiveness. Is that a form of self sabotage? I don't know how to shift this. I suspect that the answer is to trust life more. Much more. But I don't. I feel unsafe and I don't trust that I have any meaning here on Earth in this life. So I have no foundation on which I could make and trust my choices.
Hi Dori Jo. Seth here with Team Lyon. Indecisiveness could certainly be seen as a form of self-sabotage, but self-sabotage itself has its roots in unresolved trauma. Specifically, indecisiveness shows a difficulty in connecting to our authentic impulses, accessing our life energy, and having drive to move forward, and all of that is indicative of a system that is living with unresolved trauma where the freeze response is dominating the system. Trusting life sounds like a nice idea, but that has to start with trusting ourselves, and that starts with understanding ourselves and what is happening inside us, and then learning how to work with it, which is exactly what Irene offers in these videos, in her free resources, and in her online programs. I highly encourage you to check out these things, and start doing this work! This will give you the foundation from which to make choices, which is rooted in bodily knowing and intuition. Please check out the links below...
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
Neurosensory Exercise Playlist - th-cam.com/video/-p60UIgIe-I/w-d-xo.html
21 Day Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/
This is very informative. However, I feels sad and frustrated, because in the title, it says ‘what it takes to heal’ and while you generalize on what it takes (nervous system regulation) you barely go into concrete exercises and just pony to your work.
I’m making it mean you purposefully put that in the title to attract people to going to your website and paying you.
While I understand you have to make money, I’m making this mean I’ve been misled.
I thought I was the only one that noticed this. It’s literally like she’s going in circles. Never hitting the mark
I'm so afraid.
36:23 I don't see how that is connected to shame. That's just alerting the child to danger.
Hi Humanyoda, Seth here from Team Lyon. Yes, it can be confusing because so often we think of shame as something bad, and that is because toxic shame IS bad, and so prevalent. The example that Irene gives here is about healthy shame, which isn't anything the parent ''does''. it is an instinctive mammalian response that occurs in the body of the child (think of a dog tucking it's tail between it's legs and lowering it's head - it's the same postural response in us) in response to mom raising her voice and being very firm while saying NO to something, and this is totally necessary. In this scenario, that strong NO, is followed up by connection, and explanation, and love. So the child is not left feeling bad about themselves at all, but they do have a somatic imprint (because of the instinctive shame response) that will perk up the next time they see a hot stove and they will remember not to touch it because of that body memory. That's healthy shame. Toxic shame would be that same NO, but accompanied by being hit, or followed up with derision, or scorn - "you're such a bad child, you little shit, what am I going to do with you?, etc... " Hope that all makes sense.
@@teamlyon3109, isn't there a different word for this? Who has decided to call this response a shame response?
@@humanyoda - Not that I know of. Shame is a basic physiological response that all mammals share, I'm not sure who coined the term. The word 'shame' has negative connotations because so often what people experience is toxic shame. But healthy shame is an essential and important part of learning for all young mammals who need help figuring out what is safe and not in their environment.
@@teamlyon3109, so if, for instance, you're walking down the street to get to a store, and someone tells you not to go there because terrorists have occupied the store and are killing everybody who is approaching them, would the feeling you start to experience be called shame?
@@humanyoda , Jen here from Team Lyon. In that situation you described the feeling would be more likely to be fear or terror and possibly concern for the people inside/a desire to help/get help (assuming a relatively regulated nervous system). If someone had specialized training (e.g. military) they might also experience some fight.
Video starts 8 minutes in
Can someone summarize this?
Hi Khydo, Seth here with Team Lyon. It's too complex to easily summarize and retain a full understanding. If I were to be super general I would say, 'Self-sabotage isn't a character flaw, but rather a result of behaviours and physiological processes that were formed early in life as self-protective responses to threat'. If you don't want to watch the full video, I suggest reviewing the timestamps in the description and checking out some of the key points you are interested in.
I’m on utube still somewhat new
So is it pointless to change your behaviours / habits? Or is it still relevant just an uphill battle? And gets easier as our capacity increases?
Hi Liz, no, it's not pointless to change behaviors and/or habits. If/ as we do so, it can be helpful to apply some foundational nervous system concepts and to be aware of/curious about the impact on the nervous system of any changes we make.
Some of the foundational concepts that can be particularly helpful to consider include 1) having a sense of the intention behind the change and 2) to titrate the movement towards a new behavior and/or habit (where feasible).
And yes, this does get easier as regulation and capacity increase (and sometimes we no longer need to institute a change as it changes organically and/or no longer fits our needs). Hope this helps clarify a bit! - Jen from Team Lyon
Too much fluff, I’d prefer hearing the message and less pr
I would Request you to be More Articulate, and To the Point, to the Point of Quite Blunt
U r beautiful 😊😊🥰
2 min in and still advertising and babbling. Get to the point please
Is one way you self sabotage dealing with anxiety by getting very critical? Just a guess :)
One way I do is focusing on people other than myself. That kept me safe as a kid.