I went no contact and the smear campaign was her playing the victim act, it was funny because most people knew exactly how she was, sometimes you just have to step away from the situation and let the trash 🗑️ take it's self out 👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋🙏
Yup Gary. I didn't have to say anything other than a solicitor letter re matrimonial issues. The trash let himself out game was up. After 54 years. He couldn't get out quick enough. No biting no scratching. I got educated. I survived.
Having people on comment areas like these say to others, "Good, the trash took itself out" erased any slight feelings of rejection or abandonment I might have felt otherwise in the same predicament. Keep passing it on, brother!
So true what you said Paula. It's the worst thing I have been through in my life. What I finally had to accept after the discard with the narcissist, is that it will never make a whole lot of sense to me because it's a mental disorder. And, he is the one who has it, not me. And, I will never fully understand NPD, or him (my ex narc husband). I Thank God daily for saving me, and bringing me safely out of that entanglement. It's so easy to get trapped into an addictionship with the creatures. But, It's so extremely difficult to escape from them. I can't imagine where I would be right now if God hadn't helped me. It's only by the grace of God that I survived the torment.
Yes! I agree 100% as well (2 Peter 2:9). We are dealing with unthinkable evil. Human strength alone, is not enough to escape from the grip of this invisible enemy ( Matthew 8:28). It's been a frightening awakening, but my God Jehovah has been walking me through this ONE DAY AT A TIME. 😊
The saddest thing is that if narcs put a fraction of the brain bandwidth, energy & effort they use to orchestrate this plate spinning fiasco into actually doing something of value with their lives, they'd easily earn legit, deserved adulation & attention. It all just seems to be a massive waste of a life & I'm honestly baffled as to how they don't step back & think 'hmm, all my relationships have expiry dates, maybe this narcissism thing isn't working for me?'.
they love expiry dates , when one of their family narc supplies dies they get all upset because they lost that supply just like any orher supply .. they get over it or keep using the expired person as all sorts of bs .. and don"t forget how they hated and discarding alll of them
I've had the same thoughts. My narc was so creative and hard working. But as I now understand they don't think as normal people do. It's a shame and a waste of their abilities. It is also a shame and disgusting what they do to their wives and those involved with them. All of us who knew them. What a pathetic way to live. Best of wishes to us all.
Lack of insight and impulsivity are key pillars of cluster B disorders. You are correct, they're actually very stupid. Sure they manipulate, deceive, lie... but this is just primordial behaviour. Time we just call it for what it is: stupidity.
That’s sane logic… the thing that got me… was seeing the pattern of him in his. 30’s including stalking … that was the EXACT SAME CYCLE W ME IN HIS 40’s…
I have experienced the reversal.... it happens over and over until you have nothing left, or until you become aware of narcissism. I found out too late, and lost everything. Praying for others to find clarity and awareness.
Iv went through a few smear campaigns in the past and just now , didn't no it was narcissism at the time, reversing the smear campaigns won't happen for me iv always cut toxic mixing people out my life, didn't realize it was narcissistic people at the time I no now,these have been family members so called friends and work colleagues,they all say the same things you cut people out your life, that's trying to make out it's my fault ,I no I won't change ,when people start smear campaigns against you cut them out your life,Paula your one of the most genuine, honest, people I've ever listened to keep the great work up
Once they are over their excitement of getting you and the disrespect arrives, its never going to get better, its only going one way, misery and abuse. They don't stay the same they get worse.
Your channel is by far my favorite on this topic, your sarcasm and sense of humor about how these insane people operate is on point. Its nice to be able to laugh at the craziness of it all 😂
I have left my narcissist 4 times. This is the final one for me. I am 7 months into being free. I can now laugh at this sick person (not in his presence of course). They will never change. Do not ever believe them. It is so true as Paula says it is always just a repeat of all things. They are boring, have no sense of humour, so sensitive its ridiculous, slick, disgusting, artificial, little childish, and I could go on. Do not ever believe them and go back. They will just get you again. Don't go through all that again. Please believe me. I have been through this for 30 years. I wish you all peace.
Sorry you had to go through that for so long. I’m away 4 weeks after 13 months of that nonsense. 100% don’t believe them, his lies have caught up with him through me. He was as boring as hell, he lived his life through gossip from his ‘harem’ of 6-7 women at any one time and told the rest of us all about it, god knows what he said about me, I know most of it as he put the calls on speakerphone so I could hear him. Extremely sensitive and childish tantrums, he could rip me to shreds and have me in tears but if I even asked him not to do the slightest thing, he exploded. His house was up for sale when I met him, we ended up buying a house and within 3 months he was buying me out, his plan all along. I heard him on the phone before I moved out, asking my replacement to move in ‘once she’s gone….me) or sell both houses and consolidate. I wonder if he was planning to buy a house with the one before me and she dumped him, makes you think as I’m the 3rd woman he has bought houses with in the last 7 years and we all left him. He’s done me a huge favour I suppose as the red flags and alarm bells will be ringing loudly now, I won’t be falling for that again,.
@@jenniferyates8100 Good for you. You might as well think of him that way. He has passed from your life. It's really hard isn't it. But just imagine how you would feel if he was still controlling you. Write me anytime Jennifer. We all need help with these evil people. Take care. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
@@jenniferyates8100 hi Jennifer: Hope u were really able to enjoy some of Xmas. Hard time to be going tbru this. My very best wishes to you and yours. Remember it will get better.
The narc started a huge argument because I called his bluff about putting the house up for sale again, we were only in it 3 months, I said ok and it floored him, he had threatened me a couple of weeks beforehand and I was done with him, I remember the narc came into the living room and saying all he wanted to do was help me with my problems, I didn’t bite, I totally ignored him. In the first week or so of love bombing texts he said he liked me enough even with the Dementia, he then said it again 3 months later, 2 months after that and again before I moved out. He had tried to plant a seed that I was mentally challenged and would constantly remind me of things he had said….he had NEVER said such things as I have a very good memory, this was a ploy on his behalf. He made an off the cuff remark about in our older years he might need to get Power of Attorney over me, so the Dementia was a stepping stone. Thankfully I’m away from him almost 4 weeks and see him for what he truly is….EVIL.
@@karenishness1 thank you Kinnin, he got dangerous the closer I got to moving out, I had to install a camera in my bedroom. He came back from work one night and I could hear him shouting ‘Yeehaw’ the way the cowboys do, then he was doing that and clapping his hands as he came upstairs to go to the bathroom. I never knew where he was until the last minute when he would just barge into my bedroom without knocking pretending he wanted clothes from the wardrobes, 9 times out of 10 it was to mouth off but the clothes thing was his excuse. He had plenty of drawers elsewhere to put them in, but he did it deliberately to intimidate and harass me. Once the camera was installed, he stayed out. EVIL.
@@hhsg11 It gets worse. Look up shraddha style murders in India. I am vegan now and will never feed a man (or woman) meat in case of the"gremlin effect". Many have parasites and mold infections that cause their schizo behavior I am learning.
Fortunately when I went no-contact, I never went back. But as part of the processing of what I had been through, I wondered how he'd reverse his horrendous smear campaign, because I knew that the narcissist would come back around if I had given him that option. Paula, your explanation is sound and answers that query.
@@convoswithcharm I fought the police to take a report - went to police station four times until a female officer finally took the report (felony criminal threat). Got the TRO issued straight away, but then the narcissist failed to accept service of process by hiding from sheriff serving notice and failing to appear in court. I went back to the judge four times, determined to get the restraining order, but did not succeed. Result- narcissist was empowered by the system to get away with it.
When dealing with what you think is a covert narcissist mother, it's overwhelming. I'm in a terrible place with it all. The love, guilt, shame, am I crazy, cycle is absolutely awful. Need to get back to therapy!
Let me say that the doubt / conviction cycle does break through at some point and the scales tip over to knowing for sure without doubt, you are the scapegoat, the abuse was / is real, it wont stop, they never loved you, your intuition is bang on.
You laughed because it's truth you speak......I had the image in my head while you spoke and chucked out loud myself because it is also exasperating comedy. [ after you've come into your peace about it, that is] Thank you Paula!!
He never said a bad word about me until I didn’t respond to the hoover attempts. Then he began trying to smear me…that didn’t work for him either. It did however cause another bout of deep sadness for me all over again but time is turning out to be healing. It takes a long damn time to get over this
We have three kids. One of the reasons she used to discard me was that I was a threat to her and the children. She shared this with the school, pediatrician, neighbours, family and friends. Months later she has used each kid one by one to say that he misses me terribly or that he doesn't socialize or that isn't eating well, etc etc because of my absence. So now I'm just a wonderful father.
I’ve missed so much because I’m not getting your notifications. THANK YOU! This is where I am in my life. Funny thing, I suspected that he’d do this. I’ve come to a realization and decision that I don’t care what people think about me anymore. I’m not that important to anybody. They don’t think about me day and night. Most don’t really care. My reputation isn’t important to them. They have their own issues which are more important to them. Let them think what they want. The most important people in my life actually know my character and my personality. People slander each other often, so why should I believe I am exempt. I do wish people were more loving and kind with their words regarding others 😔but all I can do is take what I’ve learned from these teachings, Paula and apply them to help better myself ❤ THANK YOU once more
Thank you, your talks have helped me to understand what happened and now ive realized its not me and that what happened was beyond my control, ive been able to let it go and stop beating myself up. The crazy making and demeaning had me feeling worthless and stupid and it affected me my whole life. I have narc sisters and I believe that if we had been around a few hundred years ago that my sister would have had me burnt at the stake as a witch......over dramatic I know but I truly believe that she is a very dangerous person, although she can act like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. I have fled her twice, she tried to pull me back in a few years ago. I am now estranged from my entire family because of her "talk". Ive had to accept that and stay far away.
Words can not describe how functional they appear to every one else. When it’s time for the discard you the actual sane a functional person is drained and with mental health issues are now dis functional.
After enduring 8 years of narcissistic abuse in my marriage , countless hours of studying and meditating on the gravity of this difficult issue , I employed a novel approach. At the end of our relationship , when my personality disordered wife tried to dismantle me psychologically in private and in public with a malevolent smear campaign in cycles over a long period of time . I went within and accepted that she is emotionally not well ,unable and unwilling to change . With compassion and love in my heart and with the strength of knowing that I have sincerely loved her and knowing who I truly am as a human being and what I deserve , I silently walked away to my better life .
I'm SO HAPPY someone is finally talking about the narc doing this and also using psychology terms to LOOK self aware and caring but just using the words.
As of today - 31 year's later. I've realized that I can't continue to keep having discussions with my daughter's either about their father or the relationship I had with him nor how they were horribly affected. I've been open many times to help them get out their many valid emotions but I'm no longer willing to be treated nor spoken to like a weak piece of trash. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I love my children beyond measure but the way they speak to me creates too many trigger's as well as hurt responses. I'm taking a break. My heart is heavy and I need oxygen. I hear him literally coming through their mouths and it's sickening. It's time for me to take responsibility for my own emotions and focus on my own life. I've missed out on so much that life has to offer because I've been holding on to so much guilt. As of today... that's enough of that. I will continue to pray for my children but clearly they are aligned with their fathers perspective of numerous things. I hope someone here understands because it leaves one feeling isolated, alienated and hollow. It's time to fill my cup. For anyone here going through this I am sending you a ton of love and a massive hug. Indeed 🙏💜💌
All been done numerous times. For some reason I kept believing we were having huge misunderstandings and he really loved me! Have wasted pretty much my entire adult life trying to love and be loved by these people. Ended up very self destructive and no reason to live. Unitil I started to gain some self respect. But it's been a wasted life. Just have to be grateful for whatever remains. It's very hard not to go though endless guilt, grief and regret tho.
I was in it for 3 circeles and After Circle 1 i knew all of that you explain us…. I just could not beleave it…. 😢 . Yes, This Kind of Human beeings do Not Introspect, have no empathy, just look for themselves…. In my opinion They have a Heart of Stone!!!! And Really always try to Play the Victim!!! It’s so so painfull… to exept… that They are what they are…. And That you are Only a supply!!!! 😮
This was a good one. The narcissist, especially coverts, can control mostly any narrative, the smearing included. They need time though, and they’re all a little different. They need to let the dust settle before returning, some more thoroughly than others, depending on how bad their discard (and your reaction to it) was. They don’t always return either, you have to be someone that offers a great deal of validation, there’s a bunch of factors. They’ll sooner take a new target over you if they feel it more rewarding.
I've often wondered how they justify going back once they've bad mouthed us. Thank you for helping to explain. My thoughts now are am I going to feel hurt if she never hoovers, cos I've nothing worth going back for, or do I try to feel relief that she isn't tormenting me again. Thank you as always Paula.
Wow, as someone who has been dumped and hovered (and allowed it, because I am tired of the abuse -which is constant-if I don't). This is really an eye-opener! Unbeknownst to the narcissist in my life I don't want those people back! They would only serve to reverse the good I gave myself in the privacy of being ostracized... 😊 but I have to keep my enemy really close because I'm dealing with a child at the core of all this 😮😢
There is absolutely no way the narc will want anything to do with me again. It got so bad that I recorded his rants, rages and threats, 140 to be exact in 5 months. The Police have 100 of them and phoned me last week for his mobile number as they want to invite him to the station for a voluntary interview regarding a case they have against him for harassment towards me. The week before I left I had to install a camera as he kept barging into my bedroom daily without knocking just to mouth off at me, the Police will be getting the other 40 recordings to see just how bad it got. Owning 25% share in the house I was banned from certain rooms, told not to use the cooker or his dishes etc, he took away the kettle so I couldn’t use it, made sure the radiator in my bedroom was switched off and turned off his stand alone freezer which ruined all my newly bought food, he then let it thaw, put it in black bags and binned it. That is the type of mentality of this evil being. He was bad mouthing me to his ‘harem’ that he would call on a daily basis and put the conversations on speakerphone so I could hear them, calling me *hitface etc to whom ever he was talking to at that moment. I bet he hasn’t told any of them the Police want to interview him….i have to go back and do a video statement and they will decide from there if it goes to court. He’s 65 now and time is running out. I heard him on the phone to my replacement saying once I was gone she could move in or sell both their houses and buy together….I’m the 3rd he’s done this with in 7 years, it’s a pattern, a cycle, whatever you want to call it.
Dear God. I wish I had the right words to comfort you, but for what it's worth, your being here means half your battle is won. You are awakened. Also, standing up to him proves you're the strong one. Thank God the cops are still trustworthy where you are. A rare thing. To make sense of your journey and speed up your recovery, please watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light." We are on a higher plain, and our spiritual essence will help others still unawakened. Psychologists are of no use if they have not experienced this phenomenon first hand, but read about it in some books. You and l are. Good luck in your new life.🌹
@@rolandoscar1696 Thank you Roland, that means a lot. I am away from him but he has to live in that big house alone (until he gets some unsuspecting woman to move in) and all the demons he released in those rooms will eat him alive. He will never exit what he has created, I’m just glad I am not still there. 👍
@@farrellhuff3889 Thank you Farrell. He never thought I would go to a lawyer or the Police, no one has ever done it in the past 40+ years, that’s how long he’s been doing this. 3 ex wives, 4 children..only the son speaks to him, 3 ex girlfriends that he bought houses with including me, a harem of at least 6-7 women going at a time. I remember him answering his mobile and saying he had sent out a text to them all to see who would answer first….I called it ‘Lights, camera, action’. Goodness knows how many other girlfriends he has had in all those years and yet he carried on with the same pattern woman after woman. I was so glad when he was talking to the harem or away for the weekend as I got the house to myself, I actually pitied them, caught up in Stockholm Syndrome.
@@hhsg11 unfortunately this is what they do, it's woman after woman after woman NOTHING ENOUGH FOR THEM, my advise leave him at it STAY WELL AWAY, you deserve FAR FAR BETTER, thry just go on and do EXACT same to the new supply, it's BONKERS they sabotage their own life it's a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DISORDER and they MISERABLE UNDERNEATH it all, don't engage with him get good legal advice and stay out, keep keep STRONG.
Thanks always Paula. Yes. I came out of the other end of a nasty smear campaign to get me fired from a 6 figure job. NARC is back like nothing has happened. Smoothing the whole company with nicer words about me. Thanks No Bueno. Won't fall for this ever again. Boundaries. Thanks
I may be walking into a hoover. After I walked away and am working on myself and my education of Narcissism, I feel they "just lightly" smear me with my husband and he'll say, "we'll just go fo a while". These people are his family, and I don't want to hurt my husband. I will be on guard for sure. And I'll leave within a hour or so. These people are playing by the book. Thank you for all the education YOU have given me. Really!!
Found out a week ago that my narcissist girlfriend is an escort. I left her immediately, zero contact... But I'm so devastated, my heart literally hurts 😢💔💔💔
You havent lost anything but a projected idea. Your love is real, and it is yours, is you, and it hasnt left you, just the illusion has gone..... POOF! Reflect on the fact you are genuine and real, and be thankful you are not in emotional danger anymore. Now join the dots back to your family and realize why you tolerated this abuse, it will become apparent you have been groomed for abuse by your family of origin, as the scapegoat.
I’ve just deleted emails from him from 2 years ago when I caught him out he was calling me a psycho sick of my bitching arguing all the time, that he was seeing an ex when we first met plus lots of others, blaming me for everything two weeks later we were back together and the process was cyclical as you say for 3 years this time it’s final for me no doubt he’s probably doing it again he will already have moved on and I will be the psycho bipolar ex o still can’t believe how I went back and endured more cheating lies etc but this time I ended it and I am no contact and seeing these emails again had made me see that man he really is not the one he’s pretended to be thank you for all your information it helps so much
Thanks so much Ms Paula.i have gone no contact after an attempted to my life pushing me in the waterfalls and to get me fired from my job and a smear campaign. He already remarry his new supply after I discard him.Now he refuse to give me my religious divorce.Im on the edge.
Stay strong. Break the trauma bond and never let him back. The religious divorce and your need for it is his ace card. Do not play cards with him! Let go of the idea of a religious divorce?
It's so amazing to me how after all we have witnessed & experienced in the presence of this severely emotionally disregulated person, that we are able to articulate what we exactly experienced, simply shows what it means when God not only shows us His mercy but completely enables us to pass it on in detail to others. My faith endured and it brought me through years of healing. We had no social media back in those days & all I knew was there was something gravely out of kilter....and it WASN'T ME. He hated my person & everything I did & said & made it his life's mission to destroy everything I did.
Yes it did she went next Door to my neighbors house and became friends and didn't even know these people and now these people sit in the window and watch me for the last 6 years it's so creepy I don't even know their name 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I observed this happen... Discarding me... And going to live with her Dad who she had previously demonized no end to me... He was suddenly this great human being... But of course.. this couldn't be consistent... Can only imagine what things she was saying about me to him.. guess to process all the hurt... I didn't talk fondly of her either to a few close friends... But I needed the reflection to heal... Not for manipulation and supply...
My extremely violent psychopathic ex, who I discarded for reasons of personal safety, alienated me from my kids but, after a couple of years apparently "only said nice things" about me. I only know this through a chance meeting with my 20 year old son, who told me so, in between shouting me down and talking over me. I am still blocked and alienated. The narcissist knows that I have overwhelming evidence of her lying, raging and violence on recordings, photos and texts and is using every means she can to avoid exposure. I believe she used lies and smears, plus her tyrannical behaviour/FOG, to begin with to establish the alienation before "saying only nice things".
I think they believe they can have anything they want and discard you. Then it doesnt go as planned and hoover. I am done with the whole thing not interested.
Great video. I agree with you, Paula. Even if you are finding the narcissist laughable and have healed from your experience(s), do not underestimate the narcissist. Thanks to videos like this one, I now understand how these people operate and I question every person's motivation whom I do not know. I don't mean this in a paranoid way. I keep an open heart but I let people show me who they are over time. Narcissists can be good looking, intelligent, talented, and charismatic and it's easy to get swept away by those aspects. Now, I look for the lies and I'm getting better at spotting when people are viewing me as an object to be used. All the best to you and have a great holiday 🙂.
My daughter has been captured by a schizophrenic criminal. He is a serial criminal and convinces her he's always wrongfully accused. Right now he's on probation for indecent exposure and broke probation with a drunk driving accident. My daughter who i've been very close to has been brainwashed that he's done nothing wrong -its been a "misunderstanding" She is seeing him as a great sweet guy who just makes mistakes. Now that her family is resisting her relationship, she is turning from us. She wants us to accept him or else she won't talk to us. Maybe when he goes to jail, she'll wake up. This is terrible.
Yes Paula they have to re idolise you again to justify thier behaviour. All of it is to get close enough to mess you up even worse. It's the cycle . We'll my sick narc neighbour has been trying ....🙄. Because l know she smeared me to anyone who would listen before l cut her off.....it just adds to that nausea. Her complete lack of awareness. She will start again in the Spring if l go into my garden . ( l had to leave it to avoid her at the end of last Summer) . I will never let her get comfortable speaking so she will probably blow up again ....😁👍.
Looking for a buddy.. uk based ? Love these videos everytime i feel weak and nearly reverse hoover myself i jump straight on here to make me strong again xx
LOL. After what I said to her and her mother. She would be out of her mind. I'm happy!! Stress free, Going to work on time so I'm good 👍 That bridge was blown up.
My ex narc husband hoover me back while doing a smear campaign simply because he couldn't get someone else to do all his administrative work because most people ran away from him inly looking at his devilish face which I failed to recognize unfortunately too late.He contacted me on my birthday which he feigned ignorance of.I remembered they ruin holidays and birthdays. I remember his cruel discard of me where he threw me on the street at night after triangulation and humiliation.I lose my temper and call on his behaviour of relating to.me his intimate encounters with his exes. He turned into a narcissistic rage and threatened me to get me fired from.my job using reversed abused and blackmail me with a secret video of our intimacy which I was unaware of and nude photos of me which he made without my knowledge until I learned they took pictures and videos to be used at later date against their victims.
Thanks Paula...INVALUABLE...and spot on. Have witnessed this...and caught flying monkeys of theirs doing the very same. CUT THEM ALL OFF...period. If they do it all ONCE....you fill in the rest!!!!
When your in a relationship with someone who has NPD and you don't know of such a condition and fail to understand their behaviour then that's obviously where your life becomes a torture. BUT once you reach your lowest point with them and you simply decide to walk away and think sod this, enough is enough ! It's then that you reflect and see the entire situation for what it was ! Call it a light bulb moment in your life and once you have had that enlightenment, you are now enabled against it and are going to now be stronger and less tolerant to such degenerate sly behaviour and be a far more resilient individual. The narcissist however is likely going nowhere, they have learned absolutely nothing and will continue to keep on repeating same toxic strategy. Which is a real shame and sad to think they could remain like that until the day hey die.
That's because the controllers of the world have been slowly but surely introducing it the last 60 years. So of course they're not going to announce this new phenomenon for what it really is. Instead they're just going to call it the new normal
@@NarcCon It happens on others videos too... it maybe my tablet it's old... I need to upgrade after holidays.. love watching yours with a calm voice and your thoughts.
My ex husband discarded/divorced/smeared me & re-married his “crazy, unstable, money-hungry”ex wife just a few weeks later. 😮 I always wondered how he could get so many people who hated her to buy in to a re-marriage… Thank you for this content!! Q:Do you think he would try to do this to me? Reengage/unsmear. After five years?
Yes, for sure, once she is no longer very useful to him and if he thinks you are back on track. The next time it gets worse, much worse. Close the door on him entirely.
I’m only a couple of months out …. It’s still painful.. but not as painful as it was when I was in it! Anyone else yawn a lot around the narc!? Like they were sucking your energy just being in their presence!? Or is it just myself
Had I not witnessed how he initially portrayed his ex as a very troubled and violent woman who he felt sorry for and only ever wanted the best for to then 10 months down the line needing to contact her because 'he felt bad about how he treated her' I would almost not have believed this one myself! Truth be told, he never smeared her to me like he smeared me to everybody. I am going to guess that this was because the threat to his reputation that he had carefully hand crafted (social media reputation where the faux self exists) was just a lot greater than the real life one that he moved country to rid himself of. I wonder if his next victim will get smeared as much as me? Of course, he gave a very poor attempt at reeling it back in when he needed to see if we could remain friends which was his plan all along. He came to realise that was not an option, either! Hacking my online accounts was all he had until I changed my email addresses also, now he has absolutely NOTHING :) Thank you so much for this Paula. You always find gaps in information that many others havent yet covered I find. I was wondering when something like this was going to flag up I am so glad it did Love and hugs to you courageous lady
Literally told me he said those things on social media to see who was going to tell me , he then blocked the people that new me and knows hes lying . The hoover is coming. The most two faced person I know - such a hypocrite 🙄
@@fire4myChrist wow, ours are very similar! He was trying to find out who told me. I wondered if he would say it was done on purpose to catch ppl out but this may be for the future. He baited 2 of my friends so that he could temporarily block them for the Smear campaign but he learnt his own friends were happy to give him up and that's what enraged him the most 😊 we found out he was editing the audience from those who he knew would tell me. He messed up. he said I was the narc. You're right the hoover came just 3 weeks later.. Declined his underhanded threat of friendship and then told I was toxic and smearing him.. Then when he realised that wasn't going anywhere I got a faux apology and asked to tell him where he went wrong so he can be a better man. Already told him when I kicked him out. He dismissed it and replaced my reason with his own, refusing mine. I changed my number there and then. Head games!!
@@NeurosparklyWolf Just like a child to mummy, oh thats not going to work let me try this... ok ill be a good boy now. So glad for the folks that see through them and keep it real. I got the hoover today in form of a letter to our son, literally lies written on paper. Lots of bragging and ego 🙄 Im not biting his attempts and bids (even negative) for attention and communication.. these demons play book 📖 is sooo old and their time is up !! Praise God for bringing all things to light, for turning all things for our good and His glory. We are free, free indeed 🙌 God bless you
Being openly hacked and having someone change something I'm typing into a text field before I hit send or a TH-cam comment is the worst nightmare I've ever been through. I keep changing phone companies and I finally realized that I'm just going to have to have one phone for family and friends and another phone for internet and everything else
He will never do that because he hates the fact that I caught him in too many lies/ stories. He also has too many supplies to keep him content as their hero.
Paula, your excellent at explaining narcissistic behaviour. A question ? Can they change or be cured and become the real person who they ought to have been in life ?
@@NarcCon that's a shame, it's like there's no hope for them. I don't carry any hate inside me for the narcissist I was involved with, just pity. I would say I walked away from her but it was more like I was driven away by her endless accusations which only became worse and worse. Oh I carried much resentment at first but have since calmed down and only have pity left for her. During the relationship I was unknowingly slowly unmasking her, then again at that time I had never heard of NPD ! Nearly all sites speak of getting back at the narcissist etc etc, but at the end of the day it's more like a mental illness which they should be getting help with. Just my view.
What is it called when the target of the narcissist, goes around, still in the relationship with the narcissist, telling friends and family about all the shitty things the narcissist is doing and saying. I did this, sadly one of the so called friends, who shoulder I was crying on, was yet another narcissist. She and he got together with each other. Sure was a difficult time.
Narc daughters mother asked me if I wanted to borrow her car while she went out of town for Thanksgiving. I knew actually what that snake was trying to do. This video is conformation.
Narcs are definitely snake charmers. I can totally relate to that. That flute could really suck you back into hell. Thank heavens you’ve learned and won’t be fooled again.
⁉️Ty for your help, i have a question... my vicious smear campaign came after i rejected two times hoover... does it mean he will not go back to hoover? (In other videos u say they always comeback... must be times that he doesn't? 🙏🦋 ) thank you.. 💜
@@NarcCon thank you so much 🙏i watched a lot of your videos and tried to find one about times when he doesnt come back again.., i hope it has to stop somewhere :) also would be good to know your opinion about is there any good if he continues to let him know he can have consequences, when they tell our secrets they dont even think that we also know their secrets, do they forget or not care? Maybe they just know empath will not retaliate and we will just take it like a champ.. mine personally could loose his job if his employer knew he was not stabile as he is in a highly demanding job position where lives of others depend on him.. i compleatly ignored brutal smear campaign where he tried to assassin my character, tried to make me loose finances (house) and destroy my relationships with others and my parents, just like you say in your videos.. i had a lot of restraint to not mention to him that he has also things to loose... is it a bad idea to try to warn (scare) them if then persist? Ty 🙏
Book Link Below:
Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI
I went no contact and the smear campaign was her playing the victim act, it was funny because most people knew exactly how she was, sometimes you just have to step away from the situation and let the trash 🗑️ take it's self out 👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋🙏
Yup Gary. I didn't have to say anything other than a solicitor letter re matrimonial issues. The trash let himself out game was up. After 54 years. He couldn't get out quick enough. No biting no scratching. I got educated. I survived.
@@dianahogg6164 that's all we can do is educate ourselves and move forward with our life's, I'm glad you made it out 👍🙏🦋
Having people on comment areas like these say to others, "Good, the trash took itself out" erased any slight feelings of rejection or abandonment I might have felt otherwise in the same predicament. Keep passing it on, brother!
thank you Paula for time ❤
😂 facts
So true what you said Paula. It's the worst thing I have been through in my life. What I finally had to accept after the discard with the narcissist, is that it will never make a whole lot of sense to me because it's a mental disorder. And, he is the one who has it, not me. And, I will never fully understand NPD, or him (my ex narc husband).
I Thank God daily for saving me, and bringing me safely out of that entanglement. It's so easy to get trapped into an addictionship with the creatures. But, It's so extremely difficult to escape from them. I can't imagine where I would be right now if God hadn't helped me. It's only by the grace of God that I survived the torment.
Same, praise God
Same ♥️
Yes! I agree 100% as well (2 Peter 2:9). We are dealing with unthinkable evil. Human strength alone, is not enough to escape from the grip of this invisible enemy ( Matthew 8:28). It's been a frightening awakening, but my God Jehovah has been walking me through this ONE DAY AT A TIME. 😊
So true. God helps us get through.
The saddest thing is that if narcs put a fraction of the brain bandwidth, energy & effort they use to orchestrate this plate spinning fiasco into actually doing something of value with their lives, they'd easily earn legit, deserved adulation & attention. It all just seems to be a massive waste of a life & I'm honestly baffled as to how they don't step back & think 'hmm, all my relationships have expiry dates, maybe this narcissism thing isn't working for me?'.
It boggles the mind. I visualise the psychopathic Narcissist ex still spinning his plates in my absence. Such a tragic, pathetic existence.
they love expiry dates , when one of their family narc supplies dies they get all upset because they lost that supply just like any orher supply .. they get over it or keep using the expired person as all sorts of bs .. and don"t forget how they hated and discarding alll of them
I've had the same thoughts. My narc was so creative and hard working. But as I now understand they don't think as normal people do. It's a shame and a waste of their abilities. It is also a shame and disgusting what they do to their wives and those involved with them. All of us who knew them. What a pathetic way to live. Best of wishes to us all.
Lack of insight and impulsivity are key pillars of cluster B disorders. You are correct, they're actually very stupid. Sure they manipulate, deceive, lie... but this is just primordial behaviour. Time we just call it for what it is: stupidity.
That’s sane logic… the thing that got me… was seeing the pattern of him in his. 30’s including stalking … that was the EXACT SAME CYCLE W ME IN HIS 40’s…
I have experienced the reversal.... it happens over and over until you have nothing left, or until you become aware of narcissism.
I found out too late, and lost everything. Praying for others to find clarity and awareness.
The narcissist made a whole community hate me and discard me.
Iv went through a few smear campaigns in the past and just now , didn't no it was narcissism at the time, reversing the smear campaigns won't happen for me iv always cut toxic mixing people out my life, didn't realize it was narcissistic people at the time I no now,these have been family members so called friends and work colleagues,they all say the same things you cut people out your life, that's trying to make out it's my fault ,I no I won't change ,when people start smear campaigns against you cut them out your life,Paula your one of the most genuine, honest, people I've ever listened to keep the great work up
Thanks James 🌹🙋♀️
Once they are over their excitement of getting you and the disrespect arrives, its never going to get better, its only going one way, misery and abuse. They don't stay the same they get worse.
Absolutely! Not going back
I can verify that ..
37 years experience says you are right!
@@thewanderer6637 37 yrs showed you had lots to offer. Put yourself first for a change.
Your channel is by far my favorite on this topic, your sarcasm and sense of humor about how these insane people operate is on point. Its nice to be able to laugh at the craziness of it all 😂
🙏🌹🙋♀️
I have left my narcissist 4 times. This is the final one for me. I am 7 months into being free. I can now laugh at this sick person (not in his presence of course).
They will never change. Do not ever believe them. It is so true as Paula says it is always just a repeat of all things. They are boring, have no sense of humour, so sensitive its ridiculous, slick, disgusting,
artificial, little childish, and I could go on. Do not ever believe them and go back. They will just get you again. Don't go through all that again. Please believe me. I have been through this for 30 years. I wish you all peace.
Sorry you had to go through that for so long. I’m away 4 weeks after 13 months of that nonsense. 100% don’t believe them, his lies have caught up with him through me. He was as boring as hell, he lived his life through gossip from his ‘harem’ of 6-7 women at any one time and told the rest of us all about it, god knows what he said about me, I know most of it as he put the calls on speakerphone so I could hear him. Extremely sensitive and childish tantrums, he could rip me to shreds and have me in tears but if I even asked him not to do the slightest thing, he exploded. His house was up for sale when I met him, we ended up buying a house and within 3 months he was buying me out, his plan all along. I heard him on the phone before I moved out, asking my replacement to move in ‘once she’s gone….me) or sell both houses and consolidate.
I wonder if he was planning to buy a house with the one before me and she dumped him, makes you think as I’m the 3rd woman he has bought houses with in the last 7 years and we all left him. He’s done me a huge favour I suppose as the red flags and alarm bells will be ringing loudly now, I won’t be falling for that again,.
@@jenniferyates8100 Good for you. You might as well think of him that way. He has passed from your life. It's really hard isn't it. But just imagine how you would feel if he was still controlling you. Write me anytime Jennifer. We all need help with these evil people.
Take care. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
@@christie991 Thank you Brenda. Merry Christmas 🎄 happy new year
@@jenniferyates8100 hi Jennifer: Hope u were really able to enjoy some of Xmas. Hard time to be going tbru this. My very best wishes to you and yours.
Remember it will get better.
@@christie991 you have been through so much. Bless you for your kind thoughts, it's not easy. Take care.🙋🌈
The narc started a huge argument because I called his bluff about putting the house up for sale again, we were only in it 3 months, I said ok and it floored him, he had threatened me a couple of weeks beforehand and I was done with him, I remember the narc came into the living room and saying all he wanted to do was help me with my problems, I didn’t bite, I totally ignored him. In the first week or so of love bombing texts he said he liked me enough even with the Dementia, he then said it again 3 months later, 2 months after that and again before I moved out. He had tried to plant a seed that I was mentally challenged and would constantly remind me of things he had said….he had NEVER said such things as I have a very good memory, this was a ploy on his behalf. He made an off the cuff remark about in our older years he might need to get Power of Attorney over me, so the Dementia was a stepping stone. Thankfully I’m away from him almost 4 weeks and see him for what he truly is….EVIL.
First they love bomb. If you don't bite, the comments get progressively more nasty.
EVIL.
Good for you. That's one dangerous person to share a home with. I found I was better off in a trailer than in a fine house with a predator like that.
@@karenishness1 thank you Kinnin, he got dangerous the closer I got to moving out, I had to install a camera in my bedroom. He came back from work one night and I could hear him shouting ‘Yeehaw’ the way the cowboys do, then he was doing that and clapping his hands as he came upstairs to go to the bathroom. I never knew where he was until the last minute when he would just barge into my bedroom without knocking pretending he wanted clothes from the wardrobes, 9 times out of 10 it was to mouth off but the clothes thing was his excuse. He had plenty of drawers elsewhere to put them in, but he did it deliberately to intimidate and harass me. Once the camera was installed, he stayed out. EVIL.
@@hhsg11 It gets worse. Look up shraddha style murders in India. I am vegan now and will never feed a man (or woman) meat in case of the"gremlin effect". Many have parasites and mold infections that cause their schizo behavior I am learning.
@@karenishness1 thank you. 👍
Fortunately when I went no-contact, I never went back. But as part of the processing of what I had been through, I wondered how he'd reverse his horrendous smear campaign, because I knew that the narcissist would come back around if I had given him that option. Paula, your explanation is sound and answers that query.
did you get a restraining order ?
@@convoswithcharm I fought the police to take a report - went to police station four times until a female officer finally took the report (felony criminal threat). Got the TRO issued straight away, but then the narcissist failed to accept service of process by hiding from sheriff serving notice and failing to appear in court. I went back to the judge four times, determined to get the restraining order, but did not succeed. Result- narcissist was empowered by the system to get away with it.
When dealing with what you think is a covert narcissist mother, it's overwhelming. I'm in a terrible place with it all. The love, guilt, shame, am I crazy, cycle is absolutely awful. Need to get back to therapy!
Let me say that the doubt / conviction cycle does break through at some point and the scales tip over to knowing for sure without doubt, you are the scapegoat, the abuse was / is real, it wont stop, they never loved you, your intuition is bang on.
@@HeartFeltGesture thanks for your reply xx
Going through the same thing 💔😩🤦🏽♀️
@@HeartFeltGesture😢 it’s horrible
You laughed because it's truth you speak......I had the image in my head while you spoke and chucked out loud myself because it is also exasperating comedy. [ after you've come into your peace about it, that is]
Thank you Paula!!
🙋♀️🌹
He never said a bad word about me until I didn’t respond to the hoover attempts. Then he began trying to smear me…that didn’t work for him either. It did however cause another bout of deep sadness for me all over again but time is turning out to be healing. It takes a long damn time to get over this
We have three kids. One of the reasons she used to discard me was that I was a threat to her and the children. She shared this with the school, pediatrician, neighbours, family and friends. Months later she has used each kid one by one to say that he misses me terribly or that he doesn't socialize or that isn't eating well, etc etc because of my absence. So now I'm just a wonderful father.
I’ve missed so much because I’m not getting your notifications. THANK YOU!
This is where I am in my life. Funny thing, I suspected that he’d do this. I’ve come to a realization and decision that I don’t care what people think about me anymore. I’m not that important to anybody. They don’t think about me day and night. Most don’t really care. My reputation isn’t important to them. They have their own issues which are more important to them. Let them think what they want. The most important people in my life actually know my character and my personality. People slander each other often, so why should I believe I am exempt. I do wish people were more loving and kind with their words regarding others 😔but all I can do is take what I’ve learned from these teachings, Paula and apply them to help better myself ❤ THANK YOU once more
Thanks Jan..🌹
Thank you, your talks have helped me to understand what happened and now ive realized its not me and that what happened was beyond my control, ive been able to let it go and stop beating myself up. The crazy making and demeaning had me feeling worthless and stupid and it affected me my whole life. I have narc sisters and I believe that if we had been around a few hundred years ago that my sister would have had me burnt at the stake as a witch......over dramatic I know but I truly believe that she is a very dangerous person, although she can act like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. I have fled her twice, she tried to pull me back in a few years ago. I am now estranged from my entire family because of her "talk". Ive had to accept that and stay far away.
Words can not describe how functional they appear to every one else. When it’s time for the discard you the actual sane a functional person is drained and with mental health issues are now dis functional.
ohh thank you so much very caring as usual, and spot on.
After enduring 8 years of narcissistic abuse in my marriage , countless hours of studying and meditating on the gravity of this difficult issue , I employed a novel approach. At the end of our relationship , when my personality disordered wife tried to dismantle me psychologically in private and in public with a malevolent smear campaign in cycles over a long period of time . I went within and accepted that she is emotionally not well ,unable and unwilling to change . With compassion and love in my heart and with the strength of knowing that I have sincerely loved her and knowing who I truly am as a human being and what I deserve , I silently walked away to my better life .
I'm SO HAPPY someone is finally talking about the narc doing this and also using psychology terms to LOOK self aware and caring but just using the words.
As of today - 31 year's later. I've realized that I can't continue to keep having discussions with my daughter's either about their father or the relationship I had with him nor how they were horribly affected. I've been open many times to help them get out their many valid emotions but I'm no longer willing to be treated nor spoken to like a weak piece of trash. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I love my children beyond measure but the way they speak to me creates too many trigger's as well as hurt responses. I'm taking a break. My heart is heavy and I need oxygen. I hear him literally coming through their mouths and it's sickening. It's time for me to take responsibility for my own emotions and focus on my own life. I've missed out on so much that life has to offer because I've been holding on to so much guilt. As of today... that's enough of that. I will continue to pray for my children but clearly they are aligned with their fathers perspective of numerous things. I hope someone here understands because it leaves one feeling isolated, alienated and hollow. It's time to fill my cup. For anyone here going through this I am sending you a ton of love and a massive hug. Indeed 🙏💜💌
All been done numerous times. For some reason I kept believing we were having huge misunderstandings and he really loved me! Have wasted pretty much my entire adult life trying to love and be loved by these people. Ended up very self destructive and no reason to live. Unitil I started to gain some self respect. But it's been a wasted life. Just have to be grateful for whatever remains. It's very hard not to go though endless guilt, grief and regret tho.
The devil comes to kill steal and destroy.
I was in it for 3 circeles and After Circle 1 i knew all of that you explain us…. I just could not beleave it…. 😢 . Yes, This Kind of Human beeings do Not Introspect, have no empathy, just look for themselves…. In my opinion They have a Heart of Stone!!!!
And Really always try to Play the Victim!!!
It’s so so painfull… to exept… that They are what they are…. And That you are Only a supply!!!! 😮
This was a good one. The narcissist, especially coverts, can control mostly any narrative, the smearing included. They need time though, and they’re all a little different. They need to let the dust settle before returning, some more thoroughly than others, depending on how bad their discard (and your reaction to it) was. They don’t always return either, you have to be someone that offers a great deal of validation, there’s a bunch of factors. They’ll sooner take a new target over you if they feel it more rewarding.
I've often wondered how they justify going back once they've bad mouthed us. Thank you for helping to explain. My thoughts now are am I going to feel hurt if she never hoovers, cos I've nothing worth going back for, or do I try to feel relief that she isn't tormenting me again. Thank you as always Paula.
I thought of the same thing too its shameless to bad mouth someone at the same time living with them and trying to hold on or get back with them...
@@sunshine-db2zm I totally agree. Sick behavior.
Wow, as someone who has been dumped and hovered (and allowed it, because I am tired of the abuse -which is constant-if I don't). This is really an eye-opener! Unbeknownst to the narcissist in my life I don't want those people back! They would only serve to reverse the good I gave myself in the privacy of being ostracized... 😊 but I have to keep my enemy really close because I'm dealing with a child at the core of all this 😮😢
There is absolutely no way the narc will want anything to do with me again. It got so bad that I recorded his rants, rages and threats, 140 to be exact in 5 months. The Police have 100 of them and phoned me last week for his mobile number as they want to invite him to the station for a voluntary interview regarding a case they have against him for harassment towards me. The week before I left I had to install a camera as he kept barging into my bedroom daily without knocking just to mouth off at me, the Police will be getting the other 40 recordings to see just how bad it got. Owning 25% share in the house I was banned from certain rooms, told not to use the cooker or his dishes etc, he took away the kettle so I couldn’t use it, made sure the radiator in my bedroom was switched off and turned off his stand alone freezer which ruined all my newly bought food, he then let it thaw, put it in black bags and binned it. That is the type of mentality of this evil being. He was bad mouthing me to his ‘harem’ that he would call on a daily basis and put the conversations on speakerphone so I could hear them, calling me *hitface etc to whom ever he was talking to at that moment.
I bet he hasn’t told any of them the Police want to interview him….i have to go back and do a video statement and they will decide from there if it goes to court. He’s 65 now and time is running out. I heard him on the phone to my replacement saying once I was gone she could move in or sell both their houses and buy together….I’m the 3rd he’s done this with in 7 years, it’s a pattern, a cycle, whatever you want to call it.
Dear God. I wish I had the right words to comfort you, but for what it's worth, your being here means half your battle is won. You are awakened. Also, standing up to him proves you're the strong one. Thank God the cops are still trustworthy where you are. A rare thing.
To make sense of your journey and speed up your recovery, please watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light."
We are on a higher plain, and our spiritual essence will help others still unawakened. Psychologists are of no use if they have not experienced this phenomenon first hand, but read about it in some books. You and l are.
Good luck in your new life.🌹
@@rolandoscar1696 Thank you Roland, that means a lot. I am away from him but he has to live in that big house alone (until he gets some unsuspecting woman to move in) and all the demons he released in those rooms will eat him alive. He will never exit what he has created, I’m just glad I am not still there. 👍
@@hhsg11 Good to hear. 🏇🏁
@@farrellhuff3889 Thank you Farrell. He never thought I would go to a lawyer or the Police, no one has ever done it in the past 40+ years, that’s how long he’s been doing this. 3 ex wives, 4 children..only the son speaks to him, 3 ex girlfriends that he bought houses with including me, a harem of at least 6-7 women going at a time. I remember him answering his mobile and saying he had sent out a text to them all to see who would answer first….I called it ‘Lights, camera, action’. Goodness knows how many other girlfriends he has had in all those years and yet he carried on with the same pattern woman after woman. I was so glad when he was talking to the harem or away for the weekend as I got the house to myself, I actually pitied them, caught up in Stockholm Syndrome.
@@hhsg11 unfortunately this is what they do, it's woman after woman after woman NOTHING ENOUGH FOR THEM, my advise leave him at it STAY WELL AWAY, you deserve FAR FAR BETTER, thry just go on and do EXACT same to the new supply, it's BONKERS they sabotage their own life it's a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DISORDER and they MISERABLE UNDERNEATH it all, don't engage with him get good legal advice and stay out, keep keep STRONG.
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt sold it at a yard sale
Thanks always Paula.
Yes. I came out of the other end of a nasty smear campaign to get me fired from a 6 figure job. NARC is back like nothing has happened. Smoothing the whole company with nicer words about me.
Thanks No Bueno. Won't fall for this ever again. Boundaries. Thanks
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Yes Thank you, my sister wants my cooperation so she is doing the reverse smear campaign.
I may be walking into a hoover.
After I walked away and am working on myself and my education of Narcissism, I feel they "just lightly" smear me with my husband and he'll say, "we'll just go fo a while". These people are his family, and I don't want to hurt my husband.
I will be on guard for sure. And I'll leave within a hour or so. These people are playing by the book. Thank you for all the education YOU have given me. Really!!
Found out a week ago that my narcissist girlfriend is an escort. I left her immediately, zero contact... But I'm so devastated, my heart literally hurts 😢💔💔💔
You havent lost anything but a projected idea. Your love is real, and it is yours, is you, and it hasnt left you, just the illusion has gone..... POOF! Reflect on the fact you are genuine and real, and be thankful you are not in emotional danger anymore. Now join the dots back to your family and realize why you tolerated this abuse, it will become apparent you have been groomed for abuse by your family of origin, as the scapegoat.
Its the shock, it will lessen in time.
🌹🌹
Jezebel Spirit
@@HeartFeltGesture excellent reply. He was in love with an illusion.
I’ve just deleted emails from him from 2 years ago when I caught him out he was calling me a psycho sick of my bitching arguing all the time, that he was seeing an ex when we first met plus lots of others, blaming me for everything two weeks later we were back together and the process was cyclical as you say for 3 years this time it’s final for me no doubt he’s probably doing it again he will already have moved on and I will be the psycho bipolar ex o still can’t believe how I went back and endured more cheating lies etc but this time I ended it and I am no contact and seeing these emails again had made me see that man he really is not the one he’s pretended to be thank you for all your information it helps so much
Same !!!
Thanks so much Ms Paula.i have gone no contact after an attempted to my life pushing me in the waterfalls and to get me fired from my job and a smear campaign. He already remarry his new supply after I discard him.Now he refuse to give me my religious divorce.Im on the edge.
Stay strong. Break the trauma bond and never let him back. The religious divorce and your need for it is his ace card. Do not play cards with him! Let go of the idea of a religious divorce?
Yes Paula, I've been there, unwittingly. A very painful experience .
Excellent video as always...but volume is really low, not sure if you're using a new mic. Thank you, happy holidays!
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It's so amazing to me how after all we have witnessed & experienced in the presence of this severely emotionally disregulated person, that we are able to articulate what we exactly experienced, simply shows what it means when God not only shows us His mercy but completely enables us to pass it on in detail to others. My faith endured and it brought me through years of healing. We had no social media back in those days & all I knew was there was something gravely out of kilter....and it WASN'T ME. He hated my person & everything I did & said & made it his life's mission to destroy everything I did.
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❤Paula! Thank you for spreading knowledge!💞💞💞Peace & Blessings!!💞💞💞
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I swear my day is never ever made any sense without watching any one of your videos Paula ..... honestly.
🙏🙋♀️☺️
Thank you so much Paula for explaining this behavior pattern so brilliantly 🙏❤️
Immense gratitude for all your help 🙏🙏🙏
You are so welcome
Yes it did she went next Door to my neighbors house and became friends and didn't even know these people and now these people sit in the window and watch me for the last 6 years it's so creepy I don't even know their name 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Hi Paula!…you’re the grace of god and I’m so grateful for your videos!…Merry Christmas 🤗
🙏🙋♀️Merry Christmas Carol
I observed this happen... Discarding me... And going to live with her Dad who she had previously demonized no end to me... He was suddenly this great human being... But of course.. this couldn't be consistent... Can only imagine what things she was saying about me to him.. guess to process all the hurt... I didn't talk fondly of her either to a few close friends... But I needed the reflection to heal... Not for manipulation and supply...
My extremely violent psychopathic ex, who I discarded for reasons of personal safety, alienated me from my kids but, after a couple of years apparently "only said nice things" about me. I only know this through a chance meeting with my 20 year old son, who told me so, in between shouting me down and talking over me. I am still blocked and alienated. The narcissist knows that I have overwhelming evidence of her lying, raging and violence on recordings, photos and texts and is using every means she can to avoid exposure. I believe she used lies and smears, plus her tyrannical behaviour/FOG, to begin with to establish the alienation before "saying only nice things".
I think they believe they can have anything they want and discard you. Then it doesnt go as planned and hoover. I am done with the whole thing not interested.
you always very very good at education in Healing this, Thank you so much and Happy Holidays!! 😘😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🌹🌹🌹🌹🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃
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your clips made it possible for me to fully understand narcissism .
I don’t have amnesia. Not going to work with me.
Just experienced this.. spot on analysis
I love that example!!! The narcissist uses words the way a snake charmer uses a flute to get the snake out of the den! ❤❤❤
Thank you, Paula!
Great video. I agree with you, Paula. Even if you are finding the narcissist laughable and have healed from your experience(s), do not underestimate the narcissist. Thanks to videos like this one, I now understand how these people operate and I question every person's motivation whom I do not know. I don't mean this in a paranoid way. I keep an open heart but I let people show me who they are over time. Narcissists can be good looking, intelligent, talented, and charismatic and it's easy to get swept away by those aspects. Now, I look for the lies and I'm getting better at spotting when people are viewing me as an object to be used. All the best to you and have a great holiday 🙂.
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Youre a genius Paula. My sons ex narc is scheming a hoover right now.
.....'Flatlining' when you don't care or feel anymore
My daughter has been captured by a schizophrenic criminal. He is a serial criminal and convinces her he's always wrongfully accused. Right now he's on probation for indecent exposure and broke probation with a drunk driving accident. My daughter who i've been very close to has been brainwashed that he's done nothing wrong -its been a "misunderstanding" She is seeing him as a great sweet guy who just makes mistakes. Now that her family is resisting her relationship, she is turning from us. She wants us to accept him or else she won't talk to us. Maybe when he goes to jail, she'll wake up. This is terrible.
Yes Paula they have to re idolise you again to justify thier behaviour. All of it is to get close enough to mess you up even worse. It's the cycle . We'll my sick narc neighbour has been trying ....🙄. Because l know she smeared me to anyone who would listen before l cut her off.....it just adds to that nausea. Her complete lack of awareness. She will start again in the Spring if l go into my garden . ( l had to leave it to avoid her at the end of last Summer) . I will never let her get comfortable speaking so she will probably blow up again ....😁👍.
This is verbatim what I am going through right now. Thank you. There is not much info on this subject
Gladiator of compromise! Brilliant 😅
Wonderful, thank you.
Great video.
Hi Paula, Merry Christmas. Your voice is sweet, you look calm. I hope you're doing well
Thank you! You too!
I injured my narcissistic and he devalued me from his girlfriend to a friend. I am hurting he on a smear campaign against me now.
Looking for a buddy.. uk based ? Love these videos everytime i feel weak and nearly reverse hoover myself i jump straight on here to make me strong again xx
LOL. After what I said to her and her mother. She would be out of her mind. I'm happy!! Stress free, Going to work on time so I'm good 👍 That bridge was blown up.
This is great
I would like to add another term to narcissist behaviour... 'flatlining' when you feel like n
when you feel like nothing matters anymore.
Sadly it's happening.
🌹🌹
True! Right now, the narc is radio silent because he needs to manipulate the judge at our next hearing.
He’s learnt his lesson and he’s promised to never go back to his ways so I have taken him back.
Good luck
Yeah um no , God bless you.. those demons are just in hiding
My ex narc husband hoover me back while doing a smear campaign simply because he couldn't get someone else to do all his administrative work because most people ran away from him inly looking at his devilish face which I failed to recognize unfortunately too late.He contacted me on my birthday which he feigned ignorance of.I remembered they ruin holidays and birthdays. I remember his cruel discard of me where he threw me on the street at night after triangulation and humiliation.I lose my temper and call on his behaviour of relating to.me his intimate encounters with his exes. He turned into a narcissistic rage and threatened me to get me fired from.my job using reversed abused and blackmail me with a secret video of our intimacy which I was unaware of and nude photos of me which he made without my knowledge until I learned they took pictures and videos to be used at later date against their victims.
He did the same to me. It is sickening.
Very funny Paula 😂😂😂 This is how miserable they really are!
Thanks Paula...INVALUABLE...and spot on.
Have witnessed this...and caught flying monkeys of theirs doing the very same.
CUT THEM ALL OFF...period.
If they do it all ONCE....you fill in the rest!!!!
When your in a relationship with someone who has NPD and you don't know of such a condition and fail to understand their behaviour then that's obviously where your life becomes a torture. BUT once you reach your lowest point with them and you simply decide to walk away and think sod this, enough is enough ! It's then that you reflect and see the entire situation for what it was ! Call it a light bulb moment in your life and once you have had that enlightenment, you are now enabled against it and are going to now be stronger and less tolerant to such degenerate sly behaviour and be a far more resilient individual. The narcissist however is likely going nowhere, they have learned absolutely nothing and will continue to keep on repeating same toxic strategy.
Which is a real shame and sad to think they could remain like that until the day hey die.
it never ends
apart from the narcissistic personality disorder...many people just have narcissistic traits, or are narcissistic.
The Bible says it would be so in these days. Sooooo true
That's because the controllers of the world have been slowly but surely introducing it the last 60 years. So of course they're not going to announce this new phenomenon for what it really is. Instead they're just going to call it the new normal
Paula could you do a video on narcissists getting with your friends please?
Paula keep the knowledge flowing, I wait to see another new video
🙋♀️🙏
I try to watch your videos when they come up... some of them the voice is so low I can't make out your words....Have a Merry Christmas Paula.
Thanks Diana for letting me know
@@NarcCon It happens on others videos too... it maybe my tablet it's old... I need to upgrade after holidays.. love watching yours with a calm voice and your thoughts.
My ex husband discarded/divorced/smeared me & re-married his “crazy, unstable, money-hungry”ex wife just a few weeks later. 😮 I always wondered how he could get so many people who hated her to buy in to a re-marriage… Thank you for this content!! Q:Do you think he would try to do this to me? Reengage/unsmear. After five years?
Yes, for sure, once she is no longer very useful to him and if he thinks you are back on track. The next time it gets worse, much worse. Close the door on him entirely.
@@thrivingnow7395 thank you
I’m only a couple of months out …. It’s still painful.. but not as painful as it was when I was in it! Anyone else yawn a lot around the narc!? Like they were sucking your energy just being in their presence!? Or is it just myself
Had I not witnessed how he initially portrayed his ex as a very troubled and violent woman who he felt sorry for and only ever wanted the best for to then 10 months down the line needing to contact her because 'he felt bad about how he treated her' I would almost not have believed this one myself! Truth be told, he never smeared her to me like he smeared me to everybody. I am going to guess that this was because the threat to his reputation that he had carefully hand crafted (social media reputation where the faux self exists) was just a lot greater than the real life one that he moved country to rid himself of. I wonder if his next victim will get smeared as much as me? Of course, he gave a very poor attempt at reeling it back in when he needed to see if we could remain friends which was his plan all along. He came to realise that was not an option, either! Hacking my online accounts was all he had until I changed my email addresses also, now he has absolutely NOTHING :)
Thank you so much for this Paula. You always find gaps in information that many others havent yet covered I find. I was wondering when something like this was going to flag up I am so glad it did
Love and hugs to you courageous lady
Thanks yogi
Literally told me he said those things on social media to see who was going to tell me , he then blocked the people that new me and knows hes lying . The hoover is coming. The most two faced person I know - such a hypocrite 🙄
@@fire4myChrist wow, ours are very similar! He was trying to find out who told me. I wondered if he would say it was done on purpose to catch ppl out but this may be for the future. He baited 2 of my friends so that he could temporarily block them for the Smear campaign but he learnt his own friends were happy to give him up and that's what enraged him the most 😊 we found out he was editing the audience from those who he knew would tell me. He messed up. he said I was the narc. You're right the hoover came just 3 weeks later.. Declined his underhanded threat of friendship and then told I was toxic and smearing him.. Then when he realised that wasn't going anywhere I got a faux apology and asked to tell him where he went wrong so he can be a better man. Already told him when I kicked him out. He dismissed it and replaced my reason with his own, refusing mine. I changed my number there and then. Head games!!
@@NeurosparklyWolf Just like a child to mummy, oh thats not going to work let me try this... ok ill be a good boy now. So glad for the folks that see through them and keep it real. I got the hoover today in form of a letter to our son, literally lies written on paper. Lots of bragging and ego 🙄 Im not biting his attempts and bids (even negative) for attention and communication.. these demons play book 📖 is sooo old and their time is up !! Praise God for bringing all things to light, for turning all things for our good and His glory. We are free, free indeed 🙌 God bless you
Being openly hacked and having someone change something I'm typing into a text field before I hit send or a TH-cam comment is the worst nightmare I've ever been through. I keep changing phone companies and I finally realized that I'm just going to have to have one phone for family and friends and another phone for internet and everything else
Are the narcissist's close friends & family not complicit? Particularly if this has happened multiple times surely they know 🤔
They do
He will never do that because he hates the fact that I caught him in too many lies/ stories. He also has too many supplies to keep him content as their hero.
Paula, your excellent at explaining narcissistic behaviour. A question ? Can they change or be cured and become the real person who they ought to have been in life ?
Unfortunately the personality is set..some behavioural modification though
@@NarcCon that's a shame, it's like there's no hope for them. I don't carry any hate inside me for the narcissist I was involved with, just pity. I would say I walked away from her but it was more like I was driven away by her endless accusations which only became worse and worse. Oh I carried much resentment at first but have since calmed down and only have pity left for her. During the relationship I was unknowingly slowly unmasking her, then again at that time I had never heard of NPD !
Nearly all sites speak of getting back at the narcissist etc etc, but at the end of the day it's more like a mental illness which they should be getting help with. Just my view.
What is it called when the target of the narcissist, goes around, still in the relationship with the narcissist, telling friends and family about all the shitty things the narcissist is doing and saying. I did this, sadly one of the so called friends, who shoulder I was crying on, was yet another narcissist. She and he got together with each other. Sure was a difficult time.
Called taking advantage and double dark destruction would be my take Karen 🌹🌹
Could you please adjust the volume? It is so low, I need to wear earbuds to hear it on my laptop. Thank you,
👍
Narc daughters mother asked me if I wanted to borrow her car while she went out of town for Thanksgiving. I knew actually what that snake was trying to do. This video is conformation.
Narcs are definitely snake charmers. I can totally relate to that. That flute could really suck you back into hell. Thank heavens you’ve learned and won’t be fooled again.
Your so funny mind you it was hell when it's all raw but 5 years on for me I can see the funny side simetimes😊
Do you do any coaching?
Narcscon@gmail.com
@@NarcCon I sent you an email last night 🙂
Sound too low.
👍
Thanks a lot,narc is energy sucking ,manipulative and evil
Yup ..,
Jonny Jews and jilly Jews 😂😂😂that's spot on .
Glad I can laugh these days.
No! The Smear Campaign certainly doesn't always follow The Discard!! Most often they have started The Smear before the narc ever asked you out!!!
Te mynarc has said “ well,I tried to help her” . About numerous women .
👀🤓
That's what evil really looks like. Hey boo @paula
Its unfortunate many of us wasted so many years but I guess better late ..
Experience has a great value too 🌹
⁉️Ty for your help, i have a question... my vicious smear campaign came after i rejected two times hoover... does it mean he will not go back to hoover? (In other videos u say they always comeback... must be times that he doesn't? 🙏🦋 ) thank you.. 💜
Will do a vid tks
@@NarcCon thank you so much 🙏i watched a lot of your videos and tried to find one about times when he doesnt come back again.., i hope it has to stop somewhere :) also would be good to know your opinion about is there any good if he continues to let him know he can have consequences, when they tell our secrets they dont even think that we also know their secrets, do they forget or not care? Maybe they just know empath will not retaliate and we will just take it like a champ.. mine personally could loose his job if his employer knew he was not stabile as he is in a highly demanding job position where lives of others depend on him.. i compleatly ignored brutal smear campaign where he tried to assassin my character, tried to make me loose finances (house) and destroy my relationships with others and my parents, just like you say in your videos.. i had a lot of restraint to not mention to him that he has also things to loose... is it a bad idea to try to warn (scare) them if then persist? Ty 🙏