Explains why so many of us who grew up in abuse and neglect are so attached to animals. Dogs and cats are always authentic, never withhold their affection, NO SILENT TREATMENT and always happy to see us! Happy New Year from my little animal family to you and yours!
Yes/ I always have had multiple animals throughout my adult life. I’ve also heard that you treat your pets the way you wish you would have been treated as a child. ❤
This is hard but important for me to hear. Im incredibly self critical of my parenting, and having three older teens who have various mental health issues i blame myself alot , even though i kove them, i wasnt very healthy and alot of their needs werent met 😢 but im very thankful to have this kind of support and information now and hopefully can help them start to heal
@becbell4913 I applaude you for seeing this though. Many parents (mine included) never accepted responsibility and I think this can be a part of the healing process of your children. I know it would have helped me.
For those who like to dig deeper in history: here's some fascinating background about how Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs came to be, especially about the Siksika (Blackfoot) influence on his thinking: "Could the Blackfoot Wisdom that Inspired Maslow Guide Us Now?" By Teju Ravilochan (contributing editors: Vidya Ravilochan and Colette Kessler) Published on Medium, April 4, 2021
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 thanks for sharing. This piece is great to my research on decolonization of west therapy. To see that many aspects of our psycology was appropriation from indigenous wisdom
“Chaos and mess.” To me it started letting them learn to eat, be messy, and choose what they like. Washing couscous out of fours kids hair, all over the place. They still talk about it and I’m grateful they felt safe with me.
I tried to give them things I never had, not material. Squat and talk at face level, no baby talk from the beginning. I always held them. I’m very proud of them.
I really don’t like the ‘little t’ trauma label. As Bessel said, sometimes things like natural disasters or war is easier to get through because you have a community around you who come together and help each other with shared experience. A neglected child is alone without any means of getting their needs met and struggles to trust anyone into adulthood. I know for myself I have some significant trauma but the ‘little’ stuff screws me up way more because of the shame.
I didn't get any of these, from anyone. I o ly realised how dangerpus my family was after i had my own child (in copy and paste partner preference) at the age of 38. I have physical symptoms, that affect my day ti day life. I was the only child that stuck around and tried to help and being everyone together. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi it would be great to watch a video on kids who grew up with ADHD or autism and got told off or hit because of their behaviour issues. And how that affected the child emotional wellbeing
This was so enlightening!!! Now if you could translate into Turkish and go back 40 years and hand to my parents, I wouldn't carry cptsd but thank you, I am a better parent for my child :)
So if a person needs to meet their own needs but also needs their partner to meet some of their needs, what about those of us who've never had an intimate relationship? Are we just screwed for ever getting our needs truly met? It sounds like you're saying that we need others to give us attention, etc., to be healthy, so does that mean that those of us without that can't fully be healthy?
@@trish87563 in my journey/recovery it was quite a big thing to let myself tell others how feel, what I need and finding people who want to help me get those needs met. I didn't think anyone would so just figuring out what it was (needs) and where to get them met was a huge thing and I am still working on it.. I have people who don't like hugging, but are always willing to help me move stuff in my home or find something for me or let me vent. I have a friend who is willing to help me have fun and hug but he can't help me with moving things. You can be good in your own company - thats important for the ability to be authentic with others thereby finding people who will help with your needs. I hope that was helpful 🙂
I’m 66 now & would say your only chance is to connect with a trauma therapist like Tim. In a safe environment you’re taught to parent yourself as you also learn to express your stuffed feelings. I’m too old now but hopefully you can find a trustworthy person so you can process painful emotions then reconnect with your younger self 💔❤️🩹♥️
@ I have a trauma therapist and have worked with him for 7 years. I’ve made HUGE changes and growth. And yet I still can’t find new friends and feel like I’ll never fully heal without some closeness and affection.
Wow, thank you so much for this information, it was very enlightening and helpful. I found myself feeling a bit emotional listening as I realised I didnt get these needs met growing up. I am curious what is the best way as an adult to heal this and meet these needs ourselves? Thank you, blessings🙏✨️
I wasn’t physically or emotionally safe & now I wonder whether it was worth trying to connect with humans at all? The therapists then were really harmful when it came to CPTSD & I had no clue what to do, except isolate. Now my animal family is truly the only loving contact that I ever have… 💔❤️🩹♥️
"Attention." "Acceptance." NOT safe. Parents cannot give 1) what they do not have and 2) what they want from you. Even now, at 74, I hate being thought about, evaluated, by others.
Exactly. A parent who feels unsafe cannot help but transmit that to a child. There are many2 factors and I'd say that my parents having gone through WW2 in Asia with the threat to life, killing, starvation, torture and atrocities by the Japanese were traumatised. On top of whatever their own experience was in their families.
Yeah, I'm not sure how those of us who aren't married are supposed to get them met. Mine have never been met, and as a 40-something single, I'm struggling to find people to do anything with, let alone be friends with. It's kinda killing me. My emotional tank has NEVER been full, and I guess I'm looking at a life of never getting beyond maybe 1/4 tank.
Ugh!! I was raised in a family, and church like that, and they're using that to justify their own evil. God created us to have, and be fed by, a supportive community, even if it's just one other person. People who use the faith to justify their own evil ways are just VILE. We need to start banding together as survivors for friendship, and companionship in our local communities. We're hiding in unexpected places. I started reaching out on craigslist, of all places, and found some genuine people want the same. Yeah, there's going to be those weirdos still, but weed those out, they'll always be there, no matter how you're meeting people in today's world. It's time to step into our empowerment that healing has brought to us, and that we've worked so hard for...if you happen to be in a good place, mentally, of course. Just get back out there, and start living again. We can do this ❤❤❤🥂💃🥂💃🥂
Not only my needs weren’t met, I was abused systematically which caused me to develop mental health issues. Narcissists should be held accountable by law.
1. Attachment
2. Authenticity
3. Autonomy
4. Attention
5. Acceptance
6. Appreciation
7. Affection
8. Allowing
Thank you for listing here :))
Thank you
Thank you that's very helpful
Explains why so many of us who grew up in abuse and neglect are so attached to animals. Dogs and cats are always authentic, never withhold their affection, NO SILENT TREATMENT and always happy to see us! Happy New Year from my little animal family to you and yours!
💔❤️🩹♥️🐈🐈⬛
Agreed ❤🐈🦌🐕🐺🐯🐷🐑🐿🐣🦢🦉🐊🦖🐢🐳🐬🦋🐝🐌🥂💃🥂💃🥂🥂Happy New Year 🥂💃🥂💃🥂💃🥂
@@firehorse9996 same 🙏🏻 got two 😻😻
Beautiful message and your absolutely right thank you 🙏🏼 🐶
Yes/ I always have had multiple animals throughout my adult life. I’ve also heard that you treat your pets the way you wish you would have been treated as a child. ❤
This is hard but important for me to hear. Im incredibly self critical of my parenting, and having three older teens who have various mental health issues i blame myself alot , even though i kove them, i wasnt very healthy and alot of their needs werent met 😢 but im very thankful to have this kind of support and information now and hopefully can help them start to heal
@becbell4913 I applaude you for seeing this though. Many parents (mine included) never accepted responsibility and I think this can be a part of the healing process of your children. I know it would have helped me.
For those who like to dig deeper in history: here's some fascinating background about how Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs came to be, especially about the Siksika (Blackfoot) influence on his thinking:
"Could the Blackfoot Wisdom that Inspired Maslow Guide Us Now?"
By Teju Ravilochan (contributing editors: Vidya Ravilochan and Colette Kessler)
Published on Medium,
April 4, 2021
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 thanks for sharing. This piece is great to my research on decolonization of west therapy. To see that many aspects of our psycology was appropriation from indigenous wisdom
“Chaos and mess.” To me it started letting them learn to eat, be messy, and choose what they like. Washing couscous out of fours kids hair, all over the place. They still talk about it and I’m grateful they felt safe with me.
I tried to give them things I never had, not material. Squat and talk at face level, no baby talk from the beginning. I always held them. I’m very proud of them.
Loved it and shared with the parent of a young child in my life.
I really appreciate you touching on this topic. Eye opening! Happy New Year 🎆
I’m a great student, but forget details. Thank you, saved to remember and reflect.
I really don’t like the ‘little t’ trauma label. As Bessel said, sometimes things like natural disasters or war is easier to get through because you have a community around you who come together and help each other with shared experience. A neglected child is alone without any means of getting their needs met and struggles to trust anyone into adulthood. I know for myself I have some significant trauma but the ‘little’ stuff screws me up way more because of the shame.
I didn't get any of these, from anyone. I o ly realised how dangerpus my family was after i had my own child (in copy and paste partner preference) at the age of 38. I have physical symptoms, that affect my day ti day life. I was the only child that stuck around and tried to help and being everyone together. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi it would be great to watch a video on kids who grew up with ADHD or autism and got told off or hit because of their behaviour issues. And how that affected the child emotional wellbeing
Brilliant as always Mr. Fletcher!
Thank you. Be blessed
I haven’t watched this yet but I was like oh my goodness that’s a lot I wonder what they could be 😅.
This was so enlightening!!! Now if you could translate into Turkish and go back 40 years and hand to my parents, I wouldn't carry cptsd but thank you, I am a better parent for my child :)
So if a person needs to meet their own needs but also needs their partner to meet some of their needs, what about those of us who've never had an intimate relationship? Are we just screwed for ever getting our needs truly met? It sounds like you're saying that we need others to give us attention, etc., to be healthy, so does that mean that those of us without that can't fully be healthy?
@@trish87563 in my journey/recovery it was quite a big thing to let myself tell others how feel, what I need and finding people who want to help me get those needs met. I didn't think anyone would so just figuring out what it was (needs) and where to get them met was a huge thing and I am still working on it..
I have people who don't like hugging, but are always willing to help me move stuff in my home or find something for me or let me vent. I have a friend who is willing to help me have fun and hug but he can't help me with moving things. You can be good in your own company - thats important for the ability to be authentic with others thereby finding people who will help with your needs.
I hope that was helpful 🙂
I’m 66 now & would say your only chance is to connect with a trauma therapist like Tim. In a safe environment you’re taught to parent yourself as you also learn to express your stuffed feelings. I’m too old now but hopefully you can find a trustworthy person so you can process painful emotions then reconnect with your younger self 💔❤️🩹♥️
@ I have a trauma therapist and have worked with him for 7 years. I’ve made HUGE changes and growth. And yet I still can’t find new friends and feel like I’ll never fully heal without some closeness and affection.
@@caroleminke6116 Too old for her therapist or to work with your mind? Everyone can heal their inner child until the last day.
@@caroleminke6116You are not too old. You choose not to try to connect. Because I do it as well.
Great video!!!
Thank you🙏
I do agree ❤
Thanks
Wow, thank you so much for this information, it was very enlightening and helpful. I found myself feeling a bit emotional listening as I realised I didnt get these needs met growing up. I am curious what is the best way as an adult to heal this and meet these needs ourselves? Thank you, blessings🙏✨️
I think it starts with knowing what they are
@@becbell4913 Thank you so much for your reply. Bless you
Yes 🙏😊
I wasn’t physically or emotionally safe & now I wonder whether it was worth trying to connect with humans at all? The therapists then were really harmful when it came to CPTSD & I had no clue what to do, except isolate. Now my animal family is truly the only loving contact that I ever have… 💔❤️🩹♥️
God loves you unconditionally
"Attention." "Acceptance." NOT safe. Parents cannot give 1) what they do not have and 2) what they want from you. Even now, at 74, I hate being thought about, evaluated, by others.
Exactly. A parent who feels unsafe cannot help but transmit that to a child. There are many2 factors and I'd say that my parents having gone through WW2 in Asia with the threat to life, killing, starvation, torture and atrocities by the Japanese were traumatised. On top of whatever their own experience was in their families.
It always amazes me that humans need a TH-cam teaching video to learn how to behave like dogs do❤
According to my church and my ex wife. I'm not allowed to have needs and if I do have needs then God is supposed to mysteriously meet them
Yeah, I'm not sure how those of us who aren't married are supposed to get them met. Mine have never been met, and as a 40-something single, I'm struggling to find people to do anything with, let alone be friends with. It's kinda killing me. My emotional tank has NEVER been full, and I guess I'm looking at a life of never getting beyond maybe 1/4 tank.
Ugh 😑 … I’m so sorry that you’ve been treated like this. I hope you find a mate that can meet these for you and with you.
Ugh!! I was raised in a family, and church like that, and they're using that to justify their own evil. God created us to have, and be fed by, a supportive community, even if it's just one other person. People who use the faith to justify their own evil ways are just VILE. We need to start banding together as survivors for friendship, and companionship in our local communities. We're hiding in unexpected places. I started reaching out on craigslist, of all places, and found some genuine people want the same. Yeah, there's going to be those weirdos still, but weed those out, they'll always be there, no matter how you're meeting people in today's world. It's time to step into our empowerment that healing has brought to us, and that we've worked so hard for...if you happen to be in a good place, mentally, of course. Just get back out there, and start living again. We can do this ❤❤❤🥂💃🥂💃🥂
Have they never heard of the commandment "Love thy neighbor as yourself"?
Leave that Church.
💜
❤
My mum always toldw.i am old enough
I subscribed when I didn't know you were religious. Now I know I've suffered religious trauma and can't use tour advice anymore
I'm so sorry.
Not only my needs weren’t met, I was abused systematically which caused me to develop mental health issues.
Narcissists should be held accountable by law.
It just hurts me so much listening to and learning about what normal parenting is, my inner child wants to scream with every realization.
Faithprecedesthemiracle✅