I am a person with fear of engulfment: as soon as I say “I love you” to someone it kind of means that I sign my whole life away to them and they become the center of my existence. It’s as if the word “love” makes me obligated to endure everything and anything from them. I love them, so I have to stick around through thick, thin and horrible, right? Isolating gave me a break from this. But I am doing the work, too and want to step off this wheel of insanity. :)
So excellent! My father was fear of engulfment, my mother fear of abandonment! Always conflicts! I wish I had all of this knowledge growing up! It was all just awkward and unsettling
And now i’ve become that mother. To realize this is so ambivalent. One side is deliberation the otherside is grief that I didn’t understand this before my kids were born… I take both feelings in and work to accept and forgive so I can cultivate more heartfelt energy and my growth can help me, my parents and my chilldren ❤
8 A++ Awesome authentic articulation and explanation of Attachment. Your insights are Invaluable/priceless masterpiece, card/ key. Thank you for all you do to help people like me. 19:22
This helped me understand more about where my parents were coming from, I think I may have had one with a fear of enmeshing and another with a fear of abandoning. Bc I see it play in their dynamic and I often have conflicting thoughts on both sides. So insightful, thanks.
Thank you for sharing this--the conflict between enmeshment and abandonment is probably the biggest thing at the moment driving my difficult relationship with my parents.
Thank you very much, Dear Tim. All you say is helpful, valuable, and deeply healing. May God bless and greatly reward you. I am just wondering where is the Christian spiritual part! I really missed it so much. Please consider adding it again if possible.
I definitely feel seen and heard on this one. So many things on this list has crossed my mind and i have thought about these things in all my relationships.
Thank you so much Tim. I feel so much validated. Its like I have an enabler in me that for me to recognize toxic behaviours from my family I have to pass trugh a fog
"Not good." Yes, definitely. One of my parents feared abandonment and the other feared engulfment. Awful. Then I repeated it. Horrible. Trying to move forward in a healthy way. It feels wrong, but I'm not giving up on getting there.
It cannot be stressed enough that a baby and child is so dependent (until they leave the nest) and this makes them vulnerable to all this trauma if they are not nurtured in a healthy way. On engulfment I have noticed that later in life people who have that style of attachment go over and above doing things to please but create a home of learned helplessness as they learnt to be accepted was parentification with chores but no emotional needs and think that this means they deserve your devotion and their kids, learn that they cannot care for themselves and it is passed on to the next generation sadly.
Sometimes I include them, sometimes I don't - it comes down to how long I ramble about the Complex Trauma part (because sometimes there is a lot to say!) but I keep each video under an hour. Thank you for the valuable feedback - I really appreciate it and will keep this in mind!
@lindsay5305 I get it , I recently moved to the Bible belt its kind of different here more in you're face ...I love Jesus and love the Bible, but when there is pressure from a community or family it's more challenging to connect ... but I truly love how tim ties the factual scientific into biblical information....he also says before hand if it's not for you great no problem I'll see you next Friday you're free to go .....so in my best dude voice from the big lebowski well like that's you're opinion man .
I am a person with fear of engulfment: as soon as I say “I love you” to someone it kind of means that I sign my whole life away to them and they become the center of my existence. It’s as if the word “love” makes me obligated to endure everything and anything from them. I love them, so I have to stick around through thick, thin and horrible, right? Isolating gave me a break from this. But I am doing the work, too and want to step off this wheel of insanity. :)
Thank you, Tim
I listen to your videos a lot. You are a calm voice. I discover a lot about myself and my life. I am thankful for you.
You are welcome.
@@TimFletcher 🩷🌹
So excellent! My father was fear of engulfment, my mother fear of abandonment! Always conflicts! I wish I had all of this knowledge growing up! It was all just awkward and unsettling
Same here
And now i’ve become that mother. To realize this is so ambivalent. One side is deliberation the otherside is grief that I didn’t understand this before my kids were born… I take both feelings in and work to accept and forgive so I can cultivate more heartfelt energy and my growth can help me, my parents and my chilldren ❤
8 A++ Awesome authentic articulation and explanation of Attachment. Your insights are Invaluable/priceless masterpiece, card/ key. Thank you for all you do to help people like me. 19:22
I had no idea that attachment was missing from my life. It feels so good to know that that was something that I needed.
I ❤️Friday Night with Tim Fletcher. I am fortunate to have taken his course. It’s easier to be me. Gratitude for Tim, and his caring staff.
I have fear of being overwhelmed by this content! I'm pretty tired!
This helped me understand more about where my parents were coming from, I think I may have had one with a fear of enmeshing and another with a fear of abandoning. Bc I see it play in their dynamic and I often have conflicting thoughts on both sides. So insightful, thanks.
I finally have a name for what I feel... Fear of engulfment. Now I just need to fix it... 😜🤕
Thanks so much for this video (and for all the videos!) 🙏
Tim, Serious. You` re a Genius!
Thank you for sharing this--the conflict between enmeshment and abandonment is probably the biggest thing at the moment driving my difficult relationship with my parents.
Have a great weekend doctor Tim
You can't imagine how much I wait your videoklips every week 😊
Thank you, Tim. Have a great weekend. 💜
Thank you very much, Dear Tim. All you say is helpful, valuable, and deeply healing. May God bless and greatly reward you. I am just wondering where is the Christian spiritual part! I really missed it so much. Please consider adding it again if possible.
Agree!
Disagree
I have someone I think needs to hear this. It makes so much sense for someone who fears attachment but also is afraid of commitment.
Thank you Tim ❤
I have been both at different times 😢 healing now
Another wonderful articulation of how dysfunctional my inner self is.🤦🏼♀️
I definitely feel seen and heard on this one. So many things on this list has crossed my mind and i have thought about these things in all my relationships.
Thank you so much Tim. I feel so much validated. Its like I have an enabler in me that for me to recognize toxic behaviours from my family I have to pass trugh a fog
THIS is an ANSWER TO PRAYERS ❣️🙏🏼
"Not good." Yes, definitely. One of my parents feared abandonment and the other feared engulfment. Awful. Then I repeated it. Horrible. Trying to move forward in a healthy way. It feels wrong, but I'm not giving up on getting there.
05:40 1Attachment
13:15 2Authenticity
17:50 3Autonomy
Tkank you! Dziękuję!
I’ve seen both fears acting out and driving me
Thank you 🙏🏽
Good talk. It makes me think of the differences between gender.
Thank you, Tim ❤❤💕💕🙏🙏
So good. Really appreciate your talks.
AMAZING!
these is so impotent for me ,,thank you Tim .where can i get the slides of these lectures ? thank you !
32:00
It cannot be stressed enough that a baby and child is so dependent (until they leave the nest) and this makes them vulnerable to all this trauma if they are not nurtured in a healthy way. On engulfment I have noticed that later in life people who have that style of attachment go over and above doing things to please but create a home of learned helplessness as they learnt to be accepted was parentification with chores but no emotional needs and think that this means they deserve your devotion and their kids, learn that they cannot care for themselves and it is passed on to the next generation sadly.
What the rest of the 8?
Edit: Found them
• Attachment
• Authenticity
• Autonomy
• Attention
• Acceptance
• Appreciation
• Affection
• Allowing
Thanks
❤❤
🙏🏼
Am I schizophrenic? I’m seeing both of these characteristics in pieces and parts…
I miss the Christian portion at the ends of the videos
Me too.
Sometimes I include them, sometimes I don't - it comes down to how long I ramble about the Complex Trauma part (because sometimes there is a lot to say!) but I keep each video under an hour. Thank you for the valuable feedback - I really appreciate it and will keep this in mind!
@TimFletcher thanks tim , either way I love all of you're stuff thanks for doing what you do
I dont
@lindsay5305 I get it , I recently moved to the Bible belt its kind of different here more in you're face ...I love Jesus and love the Bible, but when there is pressure from a community or family it's more challenging to connect ... but I truly love how tim ties the factual scientific into biblical information....he also says before hand if it's not for you great no problem I'll see you next Friday you're free to go .....so in my best dude voice from the big lebowski well like that's you're opinion man .