Thank you for this video Jenny. Before my diagnosis eight months ago I had a lot of friends and I was invited to loads of social events. I heavily masked and was not the “real” me. Now I’m masking much less and a lot of these people are distancing themselves from me. That’s ok though. A few friends have sticked around. I think shared interests and being authentic is key to make and maintain friendships. And totally unmasking will be a good test to see who your real friends are. I am doing it gradually because I am afraid I will lose the few friends I have. But it has to be done. I just have to be patient and see what happens.
I agree and totally unmasking would be the true test. I'm still trying to do that one :) I understand the doing it gradually to. If they know our diagnosis, we should be comfortable with letting go with the mask. It's a struggle.
Traits i would look for in friends are being s genuine person, loyalty , truthful and just being able to feel comfortable whilst in their presence. Thank you for the video jenny🙋♂️
I think it is important to make a distinction between friends and people who are friendly towards you. Coworkers are in this sort of area where they can be extremely friendly but they might not be considered friends. What qualifies as a friend to me is people who interact with you in a friendly manner because they want to and not because they have to. Unfortunately some people on the spectrum get taken advantage of because they fail to see bullies who pose as friends. I could give personal examples but I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
That's true. It's hard for me to discern if my coworkers feel like my friend or just a coworker and vice versa. I was bullied a lot as a kid. It is unfortunate that we are targeted.
Thanks for this very helpful advice, Jenny. I have made new friends, for the first time in ages, right here through this wonderful and unique channel of yours.😊🦋
awww....thank you Gwen. I consider you a good friend and I enjoy the friendship we are building! I think you've become friends with Cecile too. I see ya'll comment a lot.
@@autisticjenny The feeling is mutual Jenny....and I'm working on that email to you. Finally have an evening to myself with music of my choice playing softly in the background. The kitchen sink is piled with dishes and I don't care. I'll do them tomorrow.😸
For me its also sharing common interests. Having a deep trust. Truth telling and the ability to be vulnerable when needed. Mutual support without codependence. But if to sum it up in one word: RELIABILITY. And yes, i go radio silent when im struggling. Im trying to change this around as i see it caused me to isolate. The right people will listen to your situation and provide kind words. Ive told a friend im autistic today and she told me about an health condition no one knew about. It paid off to open up. But make sure its someone trustworthy with years of a positive history with you.
I agree. Who we open up to matters for sure. I think many times it will pay off. But we have to be ready to understand that some people won't know what autism is and we may have to briefly describe. I struggle with words when put on the spot. But a reliable friend is the goal. :)
Hi Jenny ! I'm slowly coming back to life, and this video is perfect, thank you for being my friend ! My definition would be 2 people with at least 1 common interest, who share true understanding, acceptance of the other's differences and struggles without judging, and trust, and who feel joy or stimulation, or both when interacting, and of course who care about the well being of each other. Oh, and no need to mask, this one is important ! The way of communication doesn't matter, in person, by text, by mail, as long as communication is genuine. I relate very much with Alejandro's comment. Have a beautiful day !
Thank you Cecile! Glad to see you again and that you are feeling better. :) I like your definition of friendship....I wish I would have added the "no need to mask" that's very important. You have a beautiful day too!
@@scherzo12222 Hi Gwennie ! Nice to see you again ! Life has been complicated, lately, and I had my worst burnout ever, but I'm getting better, thank you ! I hope you're okay too !
A great video, Jenny. I've lost a whole lot of friendships through the years due to overwhelm, and it's been really hard to explain to them why I can't cope with any intensity. 🧡
thank you. :) Yes it can be confusing and draining. But now that we know we are autistic, that gives us more control to choose and find people we don't have to mask with. Are you thinking about being in this month's creator collab? I would love my subscribers to meet you. It's just submitting a 2 minute or less clip about how you feel about friendship in general or how you cope or anything related to that topic. 🙂
Authenticity is very important, shared common interest and a non judgemental personality, give and take is essential within our limits. Friendship shouldn't feel like work it should be a joy...so high maintenance people are problematic as friends. I've also been taken advantage of by people I believed to be friends but turned out they were only out for themselves.
I don't think that I have had friends since elementary school. Perhaps, this was a time when we were just kids, without inhibitions. I was definitely from the generation, that lived on their bikes and didn't come home till dark. Friendship wasn't defined, it was just natural. Sometimes your "best" friend was whoever was allowed for a sleepover. Friendship in adult life, is much harder! I never changed my interests much, I still like to talk about nature and animals. I would love a friend to do art with.
Thanks for sharing Lisa....yes, didn't we grow up in one of the greatest generations for childhoods? Play outside, come home at dark. And friendship "seemed" easier because we didnt' know any different. I was much more bossy back then. LOL
This has really hit home with me. I don't have friends. I struggle with this. I feel I don't trust people . If I make a mistake and say the wrong thing I am often shut out. I don't meet other ASD adult women. I don't do social media except watching TH-cam. Clubs are hard for me . That's alot of social expectations and people.
Thank you Tallulah....I know the feeling. My best friend is my cousin, family so she has to like me. LOL I do think friendship feels like it's harder when we get older. But I do believe when we meet the right person we "click" with, we will know it. It's nice to chat with other autistic people on here that understand and hear us. :)
I understand Stacy. I didn't have one until I asked my cousin to be my best friend. Had to scrape from the family barrel. LOL We both feel the same about communication. We like to just text. Have you tried Autistic.Chat It was started by Karen from Proudly Autistic. You might like that.
![Small Talk | An Autie's Guide to Neurotypical Social Skills Ep. 3 [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yPxihU5_YEw/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you for this video Jenny. Before my diagnosis eight months ago I had a lot of friends and I was invited to loads of social events. I heavily masked and was not the “real” me. Now I’m masking much less and a lot of these people are distancing themselves from me. That’s ok though. A few friends have sticked around.
I think shared interests and being authentic is key to make and maintain friendships. And totally unmasking will be a good test to see who your real friends are. I am doing it gradually because I am afraid I will lose the few friends I have. But it has to be done. I just have to be patient and see what happens.
I agree and totally unmasking would be the true test. I'm still trying to do that one :) I understand the doing it gradually to. If they know our diagnosis, we should be comfortable with letting go with the mask. It's a struggle.
Traits i would look for in friends are being s genuine person, loyalty , truthful and just being able to feel comfortable whilst in their presence. Thank you for the video jenny🙋♂️
thanks for sharing James!
I think it is important to make a distinction between friends and people who are friendly towards you. Coworkers are in this sort of area where they can be extremely friendly but they might not be considered friends. What qualifies as a friend to me is people who interact with you in a friendly manner because they want to and not because they have to. Unfortunately some people on the spectrum get taken advantage of because they fail to see bullies who pose as friends. I could give personal examples but I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
That's true. It's hard for me to discern if my coworkers feel like my friend or just a coworker and vice versa. I was bullied a lot as a kid. It is unfortunate that we are targeted.
Thanks for this very helpful advice, Jenny. I have made new friends, for the first time in ages, right here through this wonderful and unique channel of yours.😊🦋
awww....thank you Gwen. I consider you a good friend and I enjoy the friendship we are building! I think you've become friends with Cecile too. I see ya'll comment a lot.
@@autisticjenny The feeling is mutual Jenny....and I'm working on that email to you. Finally have an evening to myself with music of my choice playing softly in the background. The kitchen sink is piled with dishes and I don't care. I'll do them tomorrow.😸
For me its also sharing common interests. Having a deep trust. Truth telling and the ability to be vulnerable when needed. Mutual support without codependence. But if to sum it up in one word: RELIABILITY. And yes, i go radio silent when im struggling. Im trying to change this around as i see it caused me to isolate. The right people will listen to your situation and provide kind words. Ive told a friend im autistic today and she told me about an health condition no one knew about. It paid off to open up. But make sure its someone trustworthy with years of a positive history with you.
I agree. Who we open up to matters for sure. I think many times it will pay off. But we have to be ready to understand that some people won't know what autism is and we may have to briefly describe. I struggle with words when put on the spot. But a reliable friend is the goal. :)
Hi Jenny ! I'm slowly coming back to life, and this video is perfect, thank you for being my friend !
My definition would be 2 people with at least 1 common interest, who share true understanding, acceptance of the other's differences and struggles without judging, and trust, and who feel joy or stimulation, or both when interacting, and of course who care about the well being of each other. Oh, and no need to mask, this one is important !
The way of communication doesn't matter, in person, by text, by mail, as long as communication is genuine.
I relate very much with Alejandro's comment.
Have a beautiful day !
Thank you Cecile! Glad to see you again and that you are feeling better. :) I like your definition of friendship....I wish I would have added the "no need to mask" that's very important. You have a beautiful day too!
Hi Cecile...you have described what friendship means perfectly. I'm happy to see you back here and hope you're okay!
Yes it is such a relief to not have to mask around friends 🙋♂️
@@scherzo12222 Hi Gwennie ! Nice to see you again ! Life has been complicated, lately, and I had my worst burnout ever, but I'm getting better, thank you ! I hope you're okay too !
@@jamesnock5572 Absolutely, it's probably number 1 !🙋♀
A great video, Jenny. I've lost a whole lot of friendships through the years due to overwhelm, and it's been really hard to explain to them why I can't cope with any intensity. 🧡
thank you. :) Yes it can be confusing and draining. But now that we know we are autistic, that gives us more control to choose and find people we don't have to mask with. Are you thinking about being in this month's creator collab? I would love my subscribers to meet you. It's just submitting a 2 minute or less clip about how you feel about friendship in general or how you cope or anything related to that topic. 🙂
@@autisticjenny Aww, this sounds great. I'll get something over to you by your deadline. It's a really interesting topic for sure 🧡
Authenticity is very important, shared common interest and a non judgemental personality, give and take is essential within our limits. Friendship shouldn't feel like work it should be a joy...so high maintenance people are problematic as friends. I've also been taken advantage of by people I believed to be friends but turned out they were only out for themselves.
Yes, I agree. Friendship will have ups and downs but should be more of a joy in general. Well said. :)
I think several of my friends from school are probably autistic. But I am not in touch with them now.
possibly...I think the same for some of the people I was friends with.
I don't think that I have had friends since elementary school. Perhaps, this was a time when we were just kids, without inhibitions. I was definitely from the generation, that lived on their bikes and didn't come home till dark. Friendship wasn't defined, it was just natural. Sometimes your "best" friend was whoever was allowed for a sleepover.
Friendship in adult life, is much harder! I never changed my interests much, I still like to talk about nature and animals. I would love a friend to do art with.
Thanks for sharing Lisa....yes, didn't we grow up in one of the greatest generations for childhoods? Play outside, come home at dark. And friendship "seemed" easier because we didnt' know any different. I was much more bossy back then. LOL
@@autisticjenny I was a bit bossy, as well!😀❤️👍
This has really hit home with me. I don't have friends. I struggle with this. I feel I don't trust people . If I make a mistake and say the wrong thing I am often shut out. I don't meet other ASD adult women.
I don't do social media except watching TH-cam.
Clubs are hard for me . That's alot of social expectations and people.
Thank you Tallulah....I know the feeling. My best friend is my cousin, family so she has to like me. LOL I do think friendship feels like it's harder when we get older. But I do believe when we meet the right person we "click" with, we will know it. It's nice to chat with other autistic people on here that understand and hear us. :)
love your definition of friendship. my intense interests are autism, art and vintage toys.
Vintage toys are super cool. They just don't make things like they used to. Things aren't built to last anymore.
Thanks for another great video Jenny - and thanks so much for your kind shout out! 😊
You are so welcome!
Friendship is hard. I have to say I havent been a great friend. I have never had many friends but struggle with keepiing friendshiips up.
I understand Stacy. I didn't have one until I asked my cousin to be my best friend. Had to scrape from the family barrel. LOL We both feel the same about communication. We like to just text. Have you tried Autistic.Chat It was started by Karen from Proudly Autistic. You might like that.