Just be careful not to make assumptions about what they’re thinking. They may be going through something we don’t understand and the fact that we’re reaching out means the world to them, even if they’re not in a good place to respond.
@@danielbutcher5836 Yes it make sense what you say. But where do you draw a line, you can't reach out to all of them, some maybe be genuinely going through personal crisis and some just aren't that close to you so that's why they are drifting away. How do you handle this, because if you start reaching out to each and everyone, you might just end up reaching nowhere
sanjeev yadav I have been through this recently, inviting a friend to do something for which we have a common interest but he has not seemed interested. I chose to stop inviting him and stop messaging for a while, and at some point I will reach back out just to let him know there’s no hard feelings.
Useful points from the video: 1)Be the one who initiates social interaction or events , don't wait for other people to invite you 2)Show your geniune, true and authentic self to others, never just agree with whatever. Voice your opinion 3)Be comfortable with rejection that way you can meet more people and increase your chances of forming deeper bonds. 4)Go to the places where you think you can find people who have the same interests as you. All the best for anyone who is reading this :)
@@arthur5771 i am really not an expert in this subject but since you asked, If that one person takes you for granted , I think you should stop initiating with him / her.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
So true! People love talking about themselves and they’ll love it if you pepper them with questions and really listen to what they have to say. Pretty soon they’ll be peppering you with questions too. I practice this a lot in the workplace to enhance teamwork and build a positive environment. It works 90% of the time.
but sometimes it just feels too draining to hear someone ONLY talk about themseleves especially if they are boasting., i wouldnt say you can make friends that way, maybe acquaintances. if the other person isnt putting any effort to ask about you even if youve been trying so hard to be interested in them then i think its time to walk away
pls don't say it's "not hard" it really pisses me off to read that because it's always been really hard for me...everyone had their own friendgroups and i've never been part of any friend group
@@mateoslab to be honest i've never had a true friend group. always been the outcast even though I got along with everyone. I feel this but also it being hard or easy is all perspective. What Gabriel is saying is that those very few people you come across in life that you connect with deeply, keep them close.
I think people still think social anxiety is being shy, no its deep rooted fear of people and social interaction. And yes you can still make friends that way but that doesnt make it go away tf.
@@ate810 well in my case the only thing that made my anxiety go away was when I was in a relationship if you can make it go away once I guess you can do it multiple times (sorry for my bad english 😥)
3 steps on my Making Friends video: 1. Have fun stuff planned in your week that you are going to do with or without anyone else (gives you something to invite people to) 2. Be the initiator. Practice approaching. Initiate conversation with stranger (That's how you find people to invite to the fun stuff you have planned, suddenly you're that cool guy inviting someone into the fun) 3. Get outside more.
To be honest....I don't know how to throw a party. I never hosted one. I could say: "Because in my childhood and youth I was bullied and had no friends." But now I do - and I never planned one, never even googled it. Because I'm anxcious it would be a bad party, or sit-in or whatever and my friends would think bad of me. I just recognized that when watching this video. So thanks man...I'm gonna host a social event now and look where it takes me.
If you make or buy tacos, the people will come. Hosting is a skill I have been slowly getting better at over the years. Honestly, people just want to chill and if you can provide a decent chill space they'll be happy to hang.
Hej hej the pentagon revealed footage of an unknown space ship that was hovering and it disobeyed the laws of physics, company like nasa revealed that it was unidentifiable and other company said that it was not their ship plus it was rotating and hovering and disobeyed the laws of physic and no ship during out time can do that so the truth is out there
@@Hhej927 idk if I’m right or not, but I’m pretty sure that “Aliens” are any species of organism that don’t live in Earth. So technically they could be very real, considering the size of the universe. And we don’t know wether there is ppl with big eyes and laser guns...
5:37 You missed the most important third option, which in my opinion is vital for deep friendships: Someone doesn't fully agree or may totally disagree but sees how you think and appreciates it and respects it. I don't think a deep friendship can be one where this happens on every point but I think there has to be some times where you have interesting disagreement. Indeed, in my own life I have noticed many occasions where disagreement and conflict has resulted in a deepening of friendship.
1. Always take the initiative. 2. Honesty is the antidote: be willing to break out the small talk. If you want to say something just say it. 3. Rejection is a very useful tool. Quick rejection. 4. Demographics: Go to places where people similar to you are.
People always say it’s harder to make friends when you get older. This is because you HAVE to get out of your comfort zone, outside of your normal regular, working routine. When growing up, we’re forced out of our comfort zones with a new school year, new semester, school camps, etc. But most people when they get older stop all of that and just go to work and go home, rinse/repeat. If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to get out of your comfort zone and get out there 👍🏻
That makes sense... but! Where excactly would you really go? In my case I do learn everything by my own at my home, I have easier time having exhausting strength and hypertrophy training at my home gym. I just don't have anywhere to go since I do everything locally. That also doesn't mean I am really that searching for someone else since I know that people are not that needed in life but sometimes it would be fun to have ONLY one person to share some ideas with. I've had some of these in the past but they were a mistake.
Yeah, where would you go for creating interactions? I'm not in college anymore. Even then when I spoke to people and invited them, I never kept any friends. If you go to my state, if you say hi to a random person in any form of being in public, you will always get a weird look. I've been told its the complete reversal down south. To the point when someone in the grocery store is trying to know every aspect of your life and very creepy for how friendly they are. At work, everyone is at least twice my age. But I do try to have conversations. Its the best way for them to feel more comfortable around you and they would be more willing to reach out to you. But its not the situation where they invite you or you invite them. to anything except work holiday parties. I don't go to bars. I don't go to gyms. I would rather save money and go on a walk/run down the road rather than spending $20+/month. There really isn't much else from there. For the most part it is who you know. Friends of Friends. There isn't any club stuff, learning locations for say cooking classes, or whatever. Especially for adults. I've asked libraries, shelters, etc for volunteering. But it looks like they only take kids. No adult programs. Took over a month to hear back from the animal shelter. But at that point I was back in the middle of my college classes, working a night time job, and studying after that for exams. There was absolutely no time. Now that I am a bit older, I don't see the reason to help out since it seems to be a very secretive society lol.... My two friends don't really have friends themselves after we finished high school. We hang out at both of their houses. But not my mobile home. I've invited them for drinks and sitting by a fire pit. They know I don't have extra controllers. I've told them they could bring theirs. But majority dictated to hang out their places.
And no, it isn't my fault. Whether it was the way I acted or looked. I had a twin sister growing up who would say that I was a awful person that ruined her life... Abusive, always hitting her.... No that was my father and she put the blame on me for whatever reason. She never went to school with any bruises... I took 90% of the beatings. Being hit with metal or wood. I didn't bruise easy. She had it off easy compared to me. Hell she tried to stab me with a knife back in high school cause she thought I was annoying.. She's Crazy... In middle school she had an eating disorder, anorexia... That totally messed up her mind. There is ton more to the story for how crazy she is now... But that is for another time. People who I never met knew me (my name and what I looked like) and didn't want to speak with me.... No one every gave me a chance to know who I really was. People are very gullible. Didn't matter if we moved. She would start up the whole process. Even though I kept to myself in school. I tried to be social. But in high school I tried to socialize...Joined a sport, tried joining clubs. But no one socialized with me. I ended up leaving the clubs after a few meetings. But I kept to myself because everyone knew each other from birth and they chose that they had enough "friends." Even if they didn't say it. In general, I'm a very kind/shy person. Willing to help out. Managed to keep a couple of friends from high school but never met any new people. But they act more like associates.The college I went to was filled with pricks with money. More females to male ratio. The older people who had kids themselves were the ones I ended up speaking with the most. But were are at different points of our lives.
I loved this. I’ve always been an extremely bubbly outgoing person and had a tight group of friends growing up. But since college, those have all drifted and I find it hard to get close to anyone now, as I feel like I’m a bother or overbearing. And it’s not even a confidence thing, but I’m such a people pleaser that I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable and I don’t share the jokes in my head or certain opinions because I want to make everyone comfortable or I’m afraid I’ll say something that will create discomfort. This has something that’s been on my mind heavily lately, as I’m getting married next year, and I’m realizing I no longer really have a set group of die hard friends to stand next to me, but just close friends as invites. And that’s no one else’s fault but my own.
@@erinnn5790 There’s so much pressure to have 5,6,7 close friends and it’s weird because I’m high school I would’ve needed 8 bridesmaids but as an adult, majority of those friendships have gone separate ways. It does make me feel better though because my fiancé is super bubbly and makes friends wherever we go and even he is finding it hard to choose 5 guys he thinks are close enough.
@@rachaelannewalker Yup, my sister had 8 bridesmaids plus two backups just in case... and she claimed once to 'not to have any friends'. And then there's me, with one close friend and nobody else, certainly never had a gf before. Y'all want me to have 8? I can't even get to 2!!
@@Nesütüyhaaa So it’s funny you ask this because I feel like a completely different person when I wrote this a year ago. My now husband and I have completely switched roles and I’m the one with the plans and friend group and he’s the one to want to stay home. (I still love being at home too.) To answer your question, I would consider myself a bit of an extrovert but I didn’t just wake up like that one day. I purposely put myself out there (which was crazy scary) but honestly I got to the point where there was nothing to lose and it all paid off. I know there are different levels of introvertism but I think it’s totally possible to change and adapt to for those that want to.
As a 17-year-old, you make me realize the value of my experiences. Not everything lasts forever. But, if can learn a thing or two there's no doubt it was valuable to who you are today.
especially enjoy the time you are in right now... it's the most open and free time you will have in your entire life... just everything opens up to be explored and there is just enough time before too many responsibilities start to chase you around... just making experiences is so valuable in that time... doesnt even need to be positive ones... just experiences... it will make you grow. enjoy it bro!
@@YuriNoirProductions What are you talking about. After graduating I have easier in my life than ever before. I don't have to go to fucking death camp called school that tells you what you can and what you can't do. I can buy myself things and do actually whatever I want. I dunno why some of you people are saying that it is harder in adulthood. The only thing that is hard for me in adulthood is getting friends, but that's my experience.
Literally. That actually hurt to hear. It got me thinking. The three closest friends that I have, I've had for the last 10 years and back when when I was making friends I was super outspoken about my views and so the people that stuck with me became like my brothers. I realized that when I moved to a different country I became really quite mild and inoffensive. Perhaps because I didn't want to offend anyone in a foreign country but I didn't realize that it's probably why...Fuck.
Whenever I'm out with friends anything I might say or do, always goes through a damn filter in my mind as to not make myself look odd or get controversial. I never voice my opinion or express myself like I would normally do, I'm essentially just playing this "role" of an ordinary, simple (and now I realize a very boring) guy with the aim to get liked by everyone because I don't want to get rejected. I realize now this is why I never have any meaningful relationships with anyone and why the few relationships I've had just faded away. So all I need to do is to turn that filter off and just be myself. Thanks for the informative video...really puts things in perspective!
I have been going through the exact same thing and I relate to you a lot. I’ve been trying more to be myself in multiple situations when I’d normally become super agreeable and a people pleaser. I’d never form real relationships either, and I’d feel really bad for being so disconnected or if I did something that may have been viewed in a bad light- things that would “make people dislike me.” I’ve just recently started the journey of showing my most authentic self to others, and hopefully I can become more comfortable with me. Thank you for sharing your story!
@@emedits4607 bro, the first sentence gave it away. You dont have to explain yourself, or excyse it especially when thats exactly what ur gona do. If u do something stand for it LOL we need to learn that
People saying “oh I only have 2 close friends”, and I’m like “bro, that’s more than enough, most of the people have just 1 close friend”. Close friends are never more than 3.
I’m lucky I have 6 men I can hold close to my heart and I’ve had them since I was 12. They’ve even gone as far as to say I’ve been the heartbeat of the group but now we’re all going out separate ways to go be real adults and live life and I’ve been faced with the challenges of making new friends in a post-covid, college environment. It’s tough.
@@BoxOfCurryos sameeeeee, college envir sucks tbh, i'm now entering second year of pharma school and i think I will do better this time Edit: I'm not doing better X)
3:55 Damn, that hurts. For most of my life, I have been the type of nice person that doesn't express opinions or my position and view of the world. I even remember a phrase that a very close friend of mine told me: "Yeah you're nice, but I don't know you. " This video came as something else to change my point of view of the world. Especially considering how much of an introvert I am.
well I believe I'm okay at making friends, however my two problems are: 1) I'm not finding my group of people since I left high school (where I had lots of friends and acquaintances) 2) I tend to avoid conflict at all cost. Once upon a time I'd be scared of getting into a fight with a friend because people always drop friendships so easily, but now I realize that it's an inevitable part of life, and it's important to have fights/disagreements. That's when you really realize who people are.
I was taught to always be nice to everyone brcause you never know what their growing through. I think I took it to the extreme because when you said "liked by everyone loved by no one" I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL. LIKE DANG
*Personal reminder:* *1) **1:18* _Always assume iniciative._ Don't just sit around waiting to be called to a party or make plans. Take control. The worst that could happen is that the people you invite reject your proposal, but even then you have to have a clear conscience because you did what you had to do. *2) **3:08* _Honesty is the antidote._ If you don't express your identity, if you are not being yourself cause you're afraid of not liking others and you just pretend to be someone you are not, then it will be difficult for you to make friends. Try to be you. If you don't say what you actually think, you're basically concealing your identity from others. And people don't tend to bond with people that they don't know at all, especially people who they don't trust. If you say what you think or show your true self, people can do one of two things: agree with you or reject you. First thing is great in itself. And being rejected, paradoxically, it is too. *3) **5:52* _Rejection is a very useful tool._ When you communicate honestly, when you're not afraid to be controversial and be who you are in front of other people, then you're inevitably gonna make a lot of people stay away from you because they completely disagree with you. And that's a good thing cause you can figure it out very quickly who the people who are actually staying are. And those people are probably the ones that you can bond with. Rejection is an inevitable vicissitude of life that always happens if people are incompatible or have different points of view or life projects. Rejection can be difficult to process mentally, especially if it is sudden or if the person rejecting you is doing it in an unpleasant or offensive way. But, trying to see the good in things, maybe that is better, because that way you avoid the painful breakdown of a long friendship or love relationship. *4) **8:50* _Demographics advice._ If you complain that you can't find people like you, who likes the exactly or similar things like you, or with your same hobbies or controversial opinions about religion or politics or whatever, just try to frequent social spaces in which it is statistically and demographically more likely to find people similar to you. Places like churchs, extracurricular events, optional meet ups and stuff like that. If you wanna increases your chances of finding people that you connect with, get out of your comfort zone and stop looking in the same generic places as always.
The only thing I would say about this video is sometimes it's very valuable to have friends that fundamentally disagree with you, if mutual respect can be maintained. I think only having friends that agree with your perspective can leave you blind to the humanity of the "other." Nice video though, thank you.
The second point about voicing your true opinion really opened my eyes. I’ve always been the type to blindly agree with whatever people say to me, at the fear of them leaving, or judging me, but now I totally get how that causes me to struggle a lot with forming relationships. Thank you for this video
I don’t know if its the same or no, i tend to have a different personality with different people, ill try to be like by everyone and never been able to make a deep friendship.
Bro even after all that effort they will still betray you its better to say fuck people im not afraid to stand up for myself btw i do it at work all the time its just why try with people i seen my brother get stabbed in the back so many times even after all that bro for nothing why?
If I had to give one bit of advice on this to someone in their teens or early 20s, it would be to keep up your friendships with extended family that you are close too, cousins etc. I drifted away from my extended family and placed much more emphasis on my school/college/work friends. As you get older, you'll find that many of those people drift away, simply because the thing that brought you together isn't there anymore. Most people also place platonic friends very low down the pecking order of priorities. Family on the other hand have a blood bond. They will give a shit about you when it counts. Don't ditch them.
@@xeixi3789 What he says doesn't happen all the time, blood bonds are not a safe thing for everyone, sometimes the people that can hold us back the most are those of our own family.
This is so incredibly accurate. I am a religious guy and I really struggled to find frienship early on in college. I would go to a party looking for a new buddy or the love of my life and always comeback disappointed feeling like an outsider. Finally, I began to go to events held by the campus church and now I am involved with a community where I have real friendships and share deep values with people. It has literally been life changing. Take this guy's advice, go to where you are most likely to find people who share similar values and interests as you
I am so much like you. I tried to fit in at different places but you can't force it. I've been attending a small group and I feel like I fit in there so much more, and most of my friends are from church. It's so worth it to just be yourself
Wow.. I wish I could’ve seen this 4-5+ years ago, it would’ve saved me so many nights of crying lol over being so frustrated from not having any close friends. I’ve gone basically my whole life without making ANY friends that I’m comfortable talking to, and recently I’ve begun to understand why but this video really put it into words. Literally everything he said called me out 💀 it’s so hard though, to take initiative and to be able to say and do things without fearing rejection. I’m so anxious in front of people that I analyze every single thing I do and say that I can’t even think of what I WANT to do or say. For a while I was scared I had no personality at all, because I just literally became no one in front of other people. I’ve been so afraid that I don’t have any time left to make close friends.. But videos like this give me hope and I’m so grateful. And the tips are actually useful!! It’s gonna be really hard to implement them but I’m hoping I don’t fail this time. Thank you so much, I’m really glad I stumbled across this video and an entire community of people who are also struggling, don’t worry guys we still have time
I can relate to your comment, this has been a major issue in my life for a very long time, and hearing what he said hit the nail on the head. I'm guilty of all the above
@@daryavinocur6836 it’s alright!! I can’t say I’ve made many friends but my confidence in myself as a person has gotten a lot better, or at least my tendency to care what other people think has gone away lol. I think all I need to do now is meet the right people to build connections with :,) how are you doing?
I'm an interesting case. For the past few years now, It's been very easy for me to make friends. I used to be more of an introvert but expanded on myself and a lot of what was said in this video were just things that came to me naturally. However, I've also learned that being that outgoing person takes a toll on you if you aren't careful. Last year, it greatly affected my mental state and because I was trying to keep up with everyone, a lot of the time, I'd forget to handle a lot of my own priorities. This video definitely has a point about how rejection is a good thing. Having a small circle is nice, especially when you know these are people you can trust. While I still do have a large number of good friends, I now just take casual mental breaks from everyone to sort myself out. I learned that you can make time for others, but dont forget to make time for yourself.
I have social anxiety disorder, but this video helped me. My favorite takeaway from this is that you can make friends just by inviting people to stuff. All you need to do is add people (e.g. to snapchat) and then send DM flyers or post to your story inviting them, whether you met them at a job, class, party, etc. Once you do this a few times at random, you'll get to know some of them who frequently want to join you in your events or whatever your theme of interaction is. These people will share common interests with you, and hopefully you'll eventually have enough of a selection to find your besties and really get to know them!
I learned to make friends by being chill, talking calm, using common sense and having a high sense of humor so others don't identify me as "boring". When it comes to making friends, find people who are trustworthy, chill, and incredible nice. These type of people will help you in the long run and last for decades. They will show loyalty, honesty, and most importantly true friendship. Always make sure you lead a good first impression, it's like finding a really solid ground to build a skyscraper.
Ok that "you don't invite me" hit me hard. It's so true for me, even with my best friend, he invites me but I don't even though I love him. I'll work on that. Thank you!
I just rewatched this video and this is honestly gold material. Every point u covered in friendships is harshly but truly revealing. I will start thinking about being a friend before i go asking for one.
Something I love about your video editing is that even though you're teaching important things to people and voicing your thoughts, there's little mistakes still prevalent in the video. A jumbled phrase, a word said wrong, things like that. It makes you feel more down-to-earth and human--you make mistakes too and there's nothing wrong with that.
These are almost exactly the same things I've learned from having my first ever best friend at 21, We have shared deep and honest moments and alot of the times when we do annoy each other we are acutely aware of what annoys the other person, so we either do it just to fuck with the other person as a joke or we don't do it at all. We do love each other ALOT (not in a relationship) and are always trying to better each other. And I think the points mentioned in this video are absolutely key to what goes in cultivating a true friendship. We always joke about our perspectives and our life experiences being so inherently different yet we vibe harder with each other than anyone else, and I think honesty from both sides is what led to that level of bond. I am not gonna pretend that we like the best friends in the universe or anything but I am closer to them than I have ever felt with anyone else. Hopefully someday I can find more people like that.
@@anna.318 Tbh you'll be surprised how little people flinch you express your honest self to them. Like things you think people will judge you ruthlessly for end up being things they are either okay with or are going through themselves.
I have two friends that I have felt that close to. One of child hood friends who was very different than me. He taught me how to get out of my shell and have fun. He toughened me up and taught me the value of hard work. He is still one of my best friends but I’m not as close to him anymore because I moved away. We still meet every now and again but it’s only natural we would grow apart. Then there is a friend I made in college who has a very different background to me yet came to have many of the the same interests I have such as mathematics and science. He was an engineering major and I was and still am an Astrophysics major. We had some of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had and we weren’t afraid to voice our opinions, even if they were vastly different from one another. We worked out problems together and helped each other in our studies. We were always competing with each other to see who did better in our classes. He got me even more fired up to learn because I wanted to beat him and it felt like a huge accomplishment when I did because we were often only a few points off on all of our tests. And when I was unprepared and I got a unusually subpar grade like a C and he got an A he didn’t rub it in, like if he were to beat me by only a few points. Unfortunately the last semester I saw him I fell into a bad depressive state for a weeks, the worst I’ve had in my life were for a while I almost completely gave up on my life. I could tell during that time I was pushing everyone around me away but I didn’t know how not too. I felt like I couldn’t be honest with people because I was suffering which made me fall into even greater despair. I saw him a few more times after that in my final semester at community college. If I recall correctly he was finishing up with his last class online but still came into to the math center to come study, which is where we always talked and made the other friends in our friend group. I fortunately got to say goodbye to him on okay terms, but things didn’t quite feel the same between us after my episode. I hope I see him again.
ShimonKoni Yeah politics is the only thing I’m afraid to be honest about because it is so polarized now a days. I usually don’t talk about it unless I’ve carefully accessed if they are on the same part of the political spectrum that I am. Some people don’t really care what side your on but some will look at you differently because they have strong opinions and they can’t relate to your way of thinking.
This is gunna be a really long story so if you take the time to read it thanks in advance! :) My family and I moved from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico to El Paso, Texas in January 2012. It was easily the hardest thing to have happened to me not only because it was an unwanted change of location due to many factors, but because I was leaving truly the greatest friends I have had in my entire life. Veronica, Juan Diego, Fernando, Miguel. With them, life was literally perfect, school was amazing (I had Veronica in every single class from day care all the way to 3rd grade, when I moved in between semesters. Unironically, she was the last person I ever saw in Puerto Rico as her and her family drove us to the airport to ease the transitions and say their goodbyes) there were many fun activities that we could do, and if we ever got in an argument we would be running back to each others company after a week at most. That's when I knew our friendship was real, nothing could split us apart until I had to leave. We moved from a sunny, humid city to a brittle cold winter from one day to the next, and when we got to our hotel, I got in the shower and cried. I never wanted to leave Mayaguez, and once I arrived in El Paso the first thing I wanted to do was leave. School heightened that desire. My first day I was settling in, I was assigned 2 people to tour around the school, they were uninterested and just showed me the basics and moved on. Once it was lunch time, I tried talking with people but relationships were already established and it seemed like everyone was in a group already and they didnt have room for one more. I tried to talk to them but I had an accent and they just looked at me and said "you talk weird leave us alone", and if people disnt care about how I talked they would just bully me (just the basic children mocking like four eyes or slender man) and the first day I was alone. Come the second day and I was sitting in the corner of the table alone during lunch, when the most popular guy and his friend came to sit next to me, and all I could think to say to him was "why are you here", and he responded with "why not, do you want to be alone?" I was in awe, all of these people rejecting me because of the way I looked or sounded, and here came this awesome athletic and smart guy wanting to talk to me and I thought to myself that this has to be a real friend. And he was until he moved a couple of months later. Fortunately I grew closer to his friends and created a relationship with them too. They turned to be my "best friends" here in El Paso, and we were close for a couple years until a birthday party came and everyone avoided me except for the host and another friend. The next day that person told me that no one wanted me to be there except him, after 2 years of being friends this hurt and I confronted them, and just like that they stopped talking to me. Then in middle school that last friend went to the popular kids table and left me alone, just like when I got here. In middle school I met a bunch of new people from different schools who had many similar interests to me and we had many happy memories, some just in school but others outside of it too. 7th grade i met an incredible person called Aileen. She was reserved at first but for some reason I approached her often since we sat in the same group in class and she turned into one of the closest people I had in El Paso ever. I found many feelings for her that I hadn't felt before, but I was too scared to make a move or ask her how she felt, and a couple of months later she died of an incredibly rare disease called HLH. This was the hardest thing to have ever happened to me in EP, and the more I thought about past events, the more I realized she had those same feelings back for me, and that turned into a depression (i didnt know it was a depression until our highschool had a presentation on the signs of it) for about 3 years, and it was one of the first of a long list of regrets due to overthinking. Then in 8th grade who I considered one of my "best friends" got into the football team and it was deja vu, another friend lost to popularity, but I still had one other friend who stuck by me past middle school. Come highschool and my social anxiety and nerve to start conversation kicked up to its highest ever, and since I went to a different highschool than I was supposed to I barely knew anyone. I joined a group of kids who just dragged me along so I wouldnt be alone and be thought a loser by everyone. Then in 10th I met the two people who are to this day my only friends, Steven and Martin. Over the covid pandemic and lockdown, transitioning to online, my friend from middle school, has just left about a month ago, we just drifted apart I guess, he met other people and left me out of it. During lockdown I found my old yearbook for pre k and all that happiness that k felt whenever I thought of Puerto rico and my friends came back to me in a knuckle ball, and I just sobbed because I realized that ever since I arrived to El Paso, every single friend I have made has left me, everyone, the only two left are martin and steven, no one else. And I think of the happiness I felt in those polaroids, my happy faces with my friends, with veronica, juan diego, Fernando and miguel, that happiness was genuine and it was caused by real friendship. And I just barely accepted how much I miss them. I miss them so so much, it's an incredibly painful feeling to miss them as much as I do. The only fear I have at this moment is that they dont remember me that the bestest friends I've had ever have forgotten about the moments we had together. I cant find their social media, and I wish I could just give them a hug, all 4 of them, I wish we could go back to the beaches and have fun. Now in just a couple weeks I start my first day of university, with only 2 friends and the intention to put myself out there as uninteresting as I am, to find genuine people to make relationships with. I hope I succeed in that and hope they dont shut down the school so I can at least attempt it haha but I will give it my best shot. Again if you read this, truly thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
read this entire thing, and it hurts man, just how relatable this is, especially after you realised how good you had it and that may never happen again. hang in there, you and i are on the same boat. it gives me some comfort and solace that i’m not the only one, albeit it’s not much, but it’s still something. praying you and i both get our tribe of friends who will stick by us no matter what 🤲🏽💕💕💕
Hola! Una puertorriqueña aquí :) Leí tu comentario y solamente con irte de la isla debe de ser sumamente difícil. Me da mucha pena todo lo que ha pasado con eso de las amistades, y más que esas amistades que se quedaron atrás y nos has vuelto a ver. Los boricuas somos distintos y es entendible que te hagan falta. Tu comentario original es de hace un año pero espero que te vaya bien en la universidad y aquí una amiga :))
Hope you are okay now and finally have found good people to be friend!!! I'm also starting university, in a few days, and making friends is one of my main concerns 🥲
It's better to have a few close friends than like 12 (fake/half) friends. It's not the amount but the quality of friendship that counts. I know a lot of people that have many friends that are not happy with them. They feel like no one in their group understands how they feel. I believe that everyone needs friends, but we have to stop comparing ourselfes with others. Comparing yourself with people who have it ''better'' than you only makes you unhappy. I know now that many people with a lot of friends feel lonely because they don't have a close bond with their friends. I value close friendships over the amount of friends you have. I noticed that a lot of people feel uncomfortable to talk about this stuf when I say this.
This video was so heartwarming. I actually got a bit emotional watching this because of the happiness you radiate while hanging out with your friends. I've been watching your videos recently while drinking my morning coffee and it just nudges my day in the right direction. Keep on doing these videos my friend, so many people find these super helpful and inspirational! Thanks man!
You have honestly made life so much easier. Its like all the hidden rules to becoming a better version of yourself are found in your videos. Thank you so much 🙏
You never know who you’re going to meet in life. Just be open-minded and let people into your life. It’s not always about romance, it’s about people and the energy they have and how you just never know!
Being the one that initiates social interaction is very important, I've always been waiting for people to do that (with most of them) so some of my friends (that weren't many to begin with) started to get farther and colder, so now I'm 21, mostly alone, trying to fit in and actually trying to find also new people. The only point of the video where I don't fully agree is when you say to basically voice everything even if it can be "painful" or things like that, I get the point but I think voicing your opinions has to be done with moderation, like, you want to be honest, but don't need/want to be basically a jerk to other people. Thank you for the video, even if being initiative is something that I kinda already knew in my mind, it's indeed a very honest tip and I need to follow it.
The part of "Take control" really hit me. It's not that I don't have friends or don't do any fun stuff, a lot actually. But I would like it to be more actually, and then more into my kind of interests. You really hit me with the fact that you have to take control and host and invite people, stop waiting around. So now I have plannend a weekend of mountainbiking with my friends insteed of dumb drinking all the time!
i cried through the whole vid because ive always been bullied and never had friends (until recently)...i've also been denied many friendships because i don't drink and don't like going out...ive always wanted a boys squad to play videogames with...now that im older it doesn't matter anymore...ive always been my own best friend
Mateo Ceballos Querol I’m not sure if I’m an extrovert or introvert but I do have many friends and one thing I will tell you is before you make amazing friends you need to know your who you truly want to surround yourself and don’t be shy about it. You can still make amazing dope friends consider me you’re friend if you want homie
Don't sweat people one dimensional enough to write you off because you aren't extraverted or don't enjoy extraverted hobbies. You're better off without that crowd.
I would be that one real true friend, I'm honest, like to have fun, joke around but not afraid to get deep and serious. I'd be a brother to you. It's sad being a grown adult with not many real friends, it really is sad.
I have the feeling that forming friendship bonds might be (at some level) more difficult to men, because men are expected not to be vulnerable and talk openly about feelings. I used to be an extremely antisocial girl and this resonated with me a lot, as in my early 20s I resorted to blogs about masculinity to learn about socialisation, and several articles I read had similar advice. It was so useful to me, I was really depressed at some points of my life, and I just wanna say to people struggling with making friends: it gets better.
Actually not true. I'm a girl with social anxiety, huge introverted, also super awkward. The girls at my class really extroverted. And you know that mean girl teams. They just make me so awkward. I think it's so much hard for girls also.. There's always a competition. And most of them are not honest, just use you for their needs.. It is not what you see.they are just besties front of everyone but not really they actually hate each other.
Something I learned recently related to what he says after 2:10 is You're living your life, and inviting other people to hang out is your way of sharing it with them. So, first you've got to do something with your life. If it's not liked by many, it's ok, its not that big of a deal.
I really want to be more outgoing and make more friends but what I struggle with is that I am embarrassed by who I have been and how I have been living my life up until now. I have been letting my social anxiety get in the way of making friends or having any kind of experiences that when I meet new people I have nothing to talk about. And whenever I have to talk about myself I have nothing to say because of this. I don't have any fun experiences or memories in my teen years/youth and even if I start fixing this now it's something that's always going to be brought up and will always affect me.
i feel you man but one thing i can tell u is that try to over come it watch some more videos try get a better understanding and when ur talking with someoje keep an open convorsation cuz if we jusy tell u things to say u can never truly be ur self ur just playing someone elses story
It's been 19 years of my life and I really had a hard time making friends or better said keeping them, I spent my whole childhood under the overprotection of my parents, instead of going out and playing with friends I was housebound . so once I grew up I started going out but I had no idea how to make friends, although I managed to find some I couldn't keep them , i mean i always felt like something was missing i figured out the problem was with me because they started looking at me as their friend when they found out i was good but i didn't prove the same thing to them...... The rest was all said in this video well now i know what to do after 3 years these things are taught since you were young but this didn't happen to me, i wish i had seen this video back then (3 years ago ) when i was starting to come out but its not too late now i will do my best to change thanks because no one was there to tell me what to do and I couldn't learn on my own
I just realized how many chances I had at making more friends. People invited me to hang out with them, and I could have reached out to them as well. All it takes is the first step of just asking others, rather than eating for them
I didn’t have many friends growing up because I always felt unwanted and the ones I had usually made me feel like sh*t. Then one day I talked to my therapist and she told me that it was the fear of being abandoned the reason why I was always letting everyone used me. Then, after some traumatic events in life and therapy, I realized that I needed to stand up for myself, be honest and express how I really feel. Now, I have a few wonderful friends, and this time it feels real, we can talk to each other about anything, I feel very comfortable with them and they know who I am and what I believe it’s right and wrong. They don’t judge and neither do I. I wish I could’ve seen this video when I was a teenager, but I’m ok now. To those who still struggle with loneliness, I wish you the best ❤. It does get better, and you get stronger.
@@randomtamilvideos4318 by being sincere with my feelings, caring about them and viceversa. I used to think I wasn’t allowed to ask my friends out, I was always waiting for them to do it until they stopped. Also, having empathy and not judging because we’re all imperfect, we make mistakes but they shouldn’t define us. I’m a good listener and I always listen to their problems and offer advice whenever possible and viceversa. It can’t be one-sided. I realized that some “friends” were only there for me when they needed something, but when I needed something, they weren’t there and I would accept that. Huge mistake.
Thank you for this. Some harsh realities here but I realised I find it really hard to be honest cause I don’t want to be alone or dislikes so I’d avoid being controversial and at times where I was I’d sense the uncomfortableness in my friends face, I played it off with a smile, in my friendships we all lacked honesty except for one friend. There’s a lot of things I disagreed with and I always put on a smile so nobody really knew me or felt uncomfortable. Tbh I’ve always thought part of the problem is that no one teaches anybody what a true friend is and that ties in with social skills. I just don’t know how to get close to people cause of how uncomfortable it makes me and I just mask it with an uncomfortable smile. I have been alone for awhile now and not bc I isolated myself but i now know that no one knew me and that’s probably why I’d get annoyed when no one could pick a quality out of me, or try to put in the same effort I put into them, I simply just need to be honest with myself first then others.
This is one of your best videos to date. Or at least one I've connected to more than others. The "take the initiative" advice is something I've been doing for a while. It also blew my mind when I discovered that most people are just waiting for you to invite them to do something. Or simply talk to them. And finding that out also makes you realize you're not as different as you thought you were. Also, loved to see one of my favorite TH-camrs recommend a class from another one of my favorite TH-camrs :')
His talk is so clear and easy to get .. for the first time i finally understand why i find myself always in the corner..and toxic situations without consciousness
I am 16 years old with some friends. But, so many of these things you are saying I am noticing in my own relationships. I have often felt like the person who wasn't really invited to gatherings, but now I realize I just have to invite others more. And the big one with being controversial and not so agreeable. That one I really applied to me. You have some good ideas! :D
I read a tweet that said "we're allowed to make mistakes in the search for human connection" so don't be afraid or conceal yourself. it pays off because those who see the good in you will remain close to be a part of it.
This is quite helpful. One thing that really struck me was: you view yourself through how others view you. I got bullied and ignored for 5 years in high school. So I thought of myself as a worthless person that no one wants to associate with, and I don’t talk to people that much because I don’t think they want to talk to me. I even got a speech impediment from how insecure and unconfident I am. I’m now trying to take initiative and voice my opinions during group conversations but I find that the lack of social skills and the fear of stuttering is really getting in the way. I am now so out of the loop that it’s hard for me to make friends anymore. Very hard. Anyways I will apply some of the techniques of this video and I hope it will give me a social life.
These...these are what I had done in my life. I never really assume the initiative or be more honest & bold with what I'm saying. Just like some others in the comments, your words really hit me "You're liked by everyone but loved by no one" Thank you, for making this video
I’m 28 right now and I used to be energetic and confident when I was younger now , I used to be semi decent average at socializing with ppl but right now I’m slowly losing my energy and confidence right now I don’t what get what has happened to me , I also can’t stop thinking about my eyes blinking every few seconds which is a HUGE ISSUE that I don’t like , I’m almost 30 , almost at my prime , I’m almost at my prime, once I’m fully independent away from my parents , I’m scared that I won’t be good as as socializing with friends and talking to pretty girls compare to my younger years , only cuz I have phobia that I will get annoyed by my eye blinking every seconds combine with a lack of energy and confidence , it sucks I would love to meet some beautiful women but I have some mental issues such as eye blinking bs that will prevent me forever and I’m scared I won’t be the same person as I used to be when I was younger 😞😞😞
I literally wrote something not dissimilar to this a minute ago when a guy said lonely people build walls, not bridges. I disagreed and said lonely people do the opposite and are afraid to burn bridges, because they're afraid they can't rebuild them. I usually don't like quotes. But i like yours.
@@stevenstevensom2198 I've heard something similar to that "milk and honey" saying recently but I don't get it, can someone explain it to me? I'm really curious thanks!
@@ejmulawin4336 In the Bible Canaan, the promised land is said to have everflowing milk and honey, symbols of wealth and good life. I'm pretty sure it is also used sarcastically (for "sounds/looks too good to be true")
I slowly drifted away from all my friends, over the course of 10 years or so. And I realized (it took me awhile to do this) that the reason is because I felt like I didn't have anything to offer to our friendship, not like being a good friend to them, but in a selfish kind of way, I needed to become someone, to accomplish something great, so I can talk about that with them; basically brag. I have this vision of who I want to be as a person (job I want to have, opinions I want to hold, women I want to be with - and since I havent accomplished any of that I felt almost ashamed while I was hanging out with some of them, even though none of them knew anything about those aspirations of mine. So I stopped calling them, if they called I didnt answer, and slowly every single one of them drifted away. If I see some of them in the supermarket I have exact type of conversation that he mentioned in the video. The worst part about this is even now that I know all this, I still wont make an effort to call some of them, or try to make new friends, for the exact same reason. I look at someone like my dad for example, he looks like he needs to be surrounded always by people, he always is calling his friends to go fishing or camping or whatever, he's social at gatherings and reunions... I figured out that I need to rewire my brain to that whatever state I was in, like 10 years ago or so, find what is left of my compassion and kindness and stop being so self centered... But that's easier said than done... I really am the worst :
Don't feel like you're the worst, honestly you're in the same situation I was getting in, but I've taken the decision to slowly dive into a more social lifestyle. It really takes some effort from me to achieve it, but even if I don't get anything out of it in a day or week, I'm still glad I went for it, because I know that eventually my effort will count. It'll still be a little bit of a struggle to know whether or not you're doing things right, if you're with the right people and all, not overthinking them will make things a lot easier, and I recommend looking to know when you're overthinking about things for that. There will always be a wall you'll have to climb in order to get the perfect sight you've always wanted to see on the other side, taking the first steps to climbing may make it appear as almost useless to even try, but if you keep going, one step at a time, you'll certainly get what you wish for. You have an entire lifetime to start working on it, don't beat yourself for not having done things in the past, use your knowledge so the future you has the one thing you want right now
I feel the same way right now. I get jealous really easily. I feel like every time I have a conversation with someone all I think is “They have a life. They know who they are. They’re good. They’re interesting. And I have nothing to say or share or offer them.” And that is such a damaging ideology. It’s insulting to myself but also to them. Sometimes I almost feel Like I’m saying “I have nothing to say to you” in an exclusionary way. I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m projecting my feelings onto you, i just related to your comment. Try to remember that all people, no matter who they are, want companionship. And as you start your journey to accomplish your goals, throughout that journey (regardless of where you are at) you will also desire companionship. People are pretty great. I think you’ll find that most people just want a person they can share themselves with. And if you can offer that, then you are offering more than enough. You don’t need to accomplish big things before you have friendships. While you’re working on your career, I assure you that one night you’ll think “hey I really want to go to a movie with a friend”.
I also think it's super important to surround yourself with people that challenge you and are different than you. That comes in look, lifestyle, interests, cultures, and goals. Of course you have to have similar interests and values, but there's no other way around it you will grow through these people
Thank you so much for talking about rejection being a tool. I helped me turn it into something i’m grateful for, which is an idea i already explored but you saying it really drove it home for me.
@@ararix3722 bad advice if you really don’t wanna be lonely, get the courage to talk to anyone. When you talk to someone for instance if they have the same hobbies like: working out (going to the gym, Gym bros!), video games, hiking, painting, Writing, whatever there is! Have something you are both interested in and connect with each other by talking about any topic. And Ik it’s not easy because I’m also lonely af 😅
1. Initiate -do plans .... don't wait for invitation 2. Be honest -express yr opinion -if nt .. u will be liked by everyone but loved by no one. -dnt hide yr identity, ppl don't trust ppl that they dnt know 3. Quick rejection is better than gradual rejection..
One of if not the best advice regarding friendships I ever saw on the Internet. I'm the type of person who tries to stay neutral, and in fear of being judged, I even lie at times about what I'm really passinate about! Being liked by everyone, but loved by no one describes my situation really well. When I look back, I made a lot of progress and I hope to make good friends as time will go on. I already have some friends, but I don't get to know them better as I conceal what makes me who I am. To anyone reading this, you got this! Become your best friend first and the rest will follow. Thank you, Joey!
making friends is so hard for me, i always expect them to find me bothering or annoying, so i dont even try. but what i learned from the few friends i have made if to observe the people you want to talk to. usually you notice who they hang around- a lot of people say you can be friends with anyone if you just put your mind to it, but it really dosent work that way. observe the people who you think would be nice and interested, and then try to start a conversation about something you know theyre interested in. you (of course) have to keep talking to them, and eventually they will start of conversations with you :) boom- friend.
Thank u, i was just in another one of those depressing lows cause i dont have a single close friend, and i wish so hard to have someone to rly vibe with someday. Im an introvert and that i love anime which makes me stay in my room all day doesn’t make finding cool people much easier. I hope i find the courage to go outside more and go up and talk to people that could bring me on in life and make me happy. Thanks for the video, i rly liked it ^^
I watch a lot of "self-help" content on TH-cam but this is the first video that I can say truly hit home. Every point is bang on how I've behaved my whole life and explains so much. Time to make a change!
So relatable.. 1: I am scared that my opinion might hurt others. 2: i get influenced by others opinion ( like if they are wrong also i feel scared to disagree with them ) 3: i always think what others are thinking about me 4: i feel insecure everytime 5: i feel like i have different character with different people ( like i tend to change my character for them to like me ) BUT NOW I have changed a lot by now, now i try to say no to things i don't like, express my opinion, feel less insecure etc.. I think i started caring less what other's think about me.. Like i don't care. At the end of the day nobody give af about me other than my family so yeah idk.. That's all I am not saying i am not an introvert anymore.. I'm just saying that i feel a lil more confident now but still i am trying to get away with social anxiety U can do it toooo cmon guys let's not care about what other's thinkkkk.. Let them think whatever.. We r living our life that's all their opinion does'nt matter if we do good we live good... Omg idk what i am sayin but i hope u got what i mean.. Idk who reads this full but whoever it is Hiii!! hope u doin good have a good lifeee yo!!!♥️
I'm only 15 and I just started highschool a few months ago. I've never really had a friend, but this is seems like the perfect time to make some. But I'm quite introverted, so I don't really know from where to start, or how do people get to that point where they can say "this person really is my friend". This video really made me think how I should aproach people and made me realise that I've been doing some things in the wrong way. I will aply these lessons in my life too, and see what happens, I guess :)) Anyway, all I wanted to say is thank you! This helped me a lot, and I'm sure it helps other people too!
"Your like by everyone but love by no one" it hits sooo hard.
it was a home run for me.
and known by no one which leads to extreme loneliness.
“One day you’re going to look around and realize everybody loves you, but nobody likes you, and that is the loneliest feeling in the world”
@@Pravduh how can you love someone you don't like?
@@1622-p2t I love my narcissistic grandmother, but I only love her from a distance. Do I like her? Hell no.
"Once you feel you are ignored by someone, never disturb them again".
I find this useful
Just be careful not to make assumptions about what they’re thinking. They may be going through something we don’t understand and the fact that we’re reaching out means the world to them, even if they’re not in a good place to respond.
@@danielbutcher5836 Yes it make sense what you say.
But where do you draw a line, you can't reach out to all of them, some maybe be genuinely going through personal crisis and some just aren't that close to you so that's why they are drifting away.
How do you handle this, because if you start reaching out to each and everyone, you might just end up reaching nowhere
sanjeev yadav I have been through this recently, inviting a friend to do something for which we have a common interest but he has not seemed interested. I chose to stop inviting him and stop messaging for a while, and at some point I will reach back out just to let him know there’s no hard feelings.
Sameee
Update: My parents are very mad
Useful points from the video:
1)Be the one who initiates social interaction or events , don't wait for other people to invite you
2)Show your geniune, true and authentic self to others, never just agree with whatever. Voice your opinion
3)Be comfortable with rejection that way you can meet more people and increase your chances of forming deeper bonds.
4)Go to the places where you think you can find people who have the same interests as you.
All the best for anyone who is reading this :)
Well done.
thanks
Thanks for this!
for point 3, i usually initiate activities with that one friend, but they never do. I think its the other way round for me, should i stop initiating?
@@arthur5771 i am really not an expert in this subject but since you asked, If that one person takes you for granted , I think you should stop initiating with him / her.
it sucks when you're not the best friend to any of your best friends
You’ll find it eventually. I feel the same way, that’s my case too :/
I feel the same way :(
Same
Same
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
- Dale Carnegie (author of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People")
@@saulgoodman980 yeah Exactly.
So true! People love talking about themselves and they’ll love it if you pepper them with questions and really listen to what they have to say. Pretty soon they’ll be peppering you with questions too. I practice this a lot in the workplace to enhance teamwork and build a positive environment. It works 90% of the time.
but sometimes it just feels too draining to hear someone ONLY talk about themseleves especially if they are boasting., i wouldnt say you can make friends that way, maybe acquaintances. if the other person isnt putting any effort to ask about you even if youve been trying so hard to be interested in them then i think its time to walk away
Farihah Khalid Shaikhh yeah certainly, that sort of person is not the right kind of person to become friends with.
Making friends is not hard
Keeping them over the years is
Don't worry if you only have one true friend. Most people don't even have that.
keep the few people that truly know you close AMEN
pls don't say it's "not hard" it really pisses me off to read that because it's always been really hard for me...everyone had their own friendgroups and i've never been part of any friend group
@@mateoslab Me too. Never. I have 2 true friends tho. Twins who are 3 years older than me. They don't have friends either.
@@mateoslab to be honest i've never had a true friend group. always been the outcast even though I got along with everyone. I feel this but also it being hard or easy is all perspective. What Gabriel is saying is that those very few people you come across in life that you connect with deeply, keep them close.
Love this Gabriel!
I think people still think social anxiety is being shy, no its deep rooted fear of people and social interaction. And yes you can still make friends that way but that doesnt make it go away tf.
Exactly
You are right. I’m late but anxiety will always be there I think the purpose is to lower it so it doesn’t hinder growth as a human being
@@ate810 well in my case the only thing that made my anxiety go away was when I was in a relationship if you can make it go away once I guess you can do it multiple times (sorry for my bad english 😥)
@@elpibelol5005 wow really? My relationship made me more socially anxious and I think that’s why she left me lol.
@@Luke-pd7xj I hope you find a better girl
"In order to have friends, you have to be one."
True
3 steps on my Making Friends video:
1. Have fun stuff planned in your week that you are going to do with or without anyone else (gives you something to invite people to)
2. Be the initiator. Practice approaching. Initiate conversation with stranger (That's how you find people to invite to the fun stuff you have planned, suddenly you're that cool guy inviting someone into the fun)
3. Get outside more.
fr
💯
Love you lots hamza💥💥💥💥❤😅
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Comment maxing huh😂
Adonis❤️
To be honest....I don't know how to throw a party. I never hosted one.
I could say: "Because in my childhood and youth I was bullied and had no friends." But now I do - and I never planned one, never even googled it.
Because I'm anxcious it would be a bad party, or sit-in or whatever and my friends would think bad of me.
I just recognized that when watching this video. So thanks man...I'm gonna host a social event now and look where it takes me.
Always remember that even your party failed, It Will be experience for the next one good luck
You should update this !!!
good luck with your party man
If you make or buy tacos, the people will come. Hosting is a skill I have been slowly getting better at over the years. Honestly, people just want to chill and if you can provide a decent chill space they'll be happy to hang.
@Tf Oh Yes, that is precisely what this form of anxiety is lol it sucks
If aliens come to earth. I want this guy to represent the human race.
Amen 🙏
alien dont exist
Hej hej the pentagon revealed footage of an unknown space ship that was hovering and it disobeyed the laws of physics, company like nasa revealed that it was unidentifiable and other company said that it was not their ship plus it was rotating and hovering and disobeyed the laws of physic and no ship during out time can do that so the truth is out there
@@Hhej927 idk if I’m right or not, but I’m pretty sure that “Aliens” are any species of organism that don’t live in Earth. So technically they could be very real, considering the size of the universe. And we don’t know wether there is ppl with big eyes and laser guns...
luigi vergara i think this is totally true
5:37 You missed the most important third option, which in my opinion is vital for deep friendships:
Someone doesn't fully agree or may totally disagree but sees how you think and appreciates it and respects it.
I don't think a deep friendship can be one where this happens on every point but I think there has to be some times where you have interesting disagreement. Indeed, in my own life I have noticed many occasions where disagreement and conflict has resulted in a deepening of friendship.
Exactly.
Agree
They should teach social skills in school, it's so important in every part of your life...
oh hell nah 😂
School doesn't even prepare you for the real world what makes you think they'll teach you that?
Think about it. Most social skills are taught at school.
@@ludvig4752 you mean social conditioning?
@@maltsday If you count conversation and playground games as social conditioning then I agree.
1. Always take the initiative.
2. Honesty is the antidote: be willing to break out the small talk. If you want to say something just say it.
3. Rejection is a very useful tool. Quick rejection.
4. Demographics: Go to places where people similar to you are.
Gracias!
So you're saying that I should go to a brothel?
That’s what I’m saying I have made some of the deepest friendships by being the one to cut the small talk and ask a real question
love this!
@MangoTangoFango cry harder
People always say it’s harder to make friends when you get older. This is because you HAVE to get out of your comfort zone, outside of your normal regular, working routine. When growing up, we’re forced out of our comfort zones with a new school year, new semester, school camps, etc. But most people when they get older stop all of that and just go to work and go home, rinse/repeat. If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to get out of your comfort zone and get out there 👍🏻
That makes sense... but! Where excactly would you really go? In my case I do learn everything by my own at my home, I have easier time having exhausting strength and hypertrophy training at my home gym. I just don't have anywhere to go since I do everything locally. That also doesn't mean I am really that searching for someone else since I know that people are not that needed in life but sometimes it would be fun to have ONLY one person to share some ideas with. I've had some of these in the past but they were a mistake.
Yeah, where would you go for creating interactions? I'm not in college anymore. Even then when I spoke to people and invited them, I never kept any friends. If you go to my state, if you say hi to a random person in any form of being in public, you will always get a weird look. I've been told its the complete reversal down south. To the point when someone in the grocery store is trying to know every aspect of your life and very creepy for how friendly they are.
At work, everyone is at least twice my age. But I do try to have conversations. Its the best way for them to feel more comfortable around you and they would be more willing to reach out to you. But its not the situation where they invite you or you invite them. to anything except work holiday parties.
I don't go to bars. I don't go to gyms. I would rather save money and go on a walk/run down the road rather than spending $20+/month. There really isn't much else from there. For the most part it is who you know. Friends of Friends.
There isn't any club stuff, learning locations for say cooking classes, or whatever. Especially for adults. I've asked libraries, shelters, etc for volunteering. But it looks like they only take kids. No adult programs. Took over a month to hear back from the animal shelter. But at that point I was back in the middle of my college classes, working a night time job, and studying after that for exams. There was absolutely no time. Now that I am a bit older, I don't see the reason to help out since it seems to be a very secretive society lol....
My two friends don't really have friends themselves after we finished high school. We hang out at both of their houses. But not my mobile home. I've invited them for drinks and sitting by a fire pit. They know I don't have extra controllers. I've told them they could bring theirs. But majority dictated to hang out their places.
And no, it isn't my fault. Whether it was the way I acted or looked. I had a twin sister growing up who would say that I was a awful person that ruined her life... Abusive, always hitting her.... No that was my father and she put the blame on me for whatever reason. She never went to school with any bruises... I took 90% of the beatings. Being hit with metal or wood. I didn't bruise easy. She had it off easy compared to me. Hell she tried to stab me with a knife back in high school cause she thought I was annoying.. She's Crazy... In middle school she had an eating disorder, anorexia... That totally messed up her mind. There is ton more to the story for how crazy she is now... But that is for another time.
People who I never met knew me (my name and what I looked like) and didn't want to speak with me.... No one every gave me a chance to know who I really was. People are very gullible. Didn't matter if we moved. She would start up the whole process. Even though I kept to myself in school. I tried to be social. But in high school I tried to socialize...Joined a sport, tried joining clubs. But no one socialized with me. I ended up leaving the clubs after a few meetings. But I kept to myself because everyone knew each other from birth and they chose that they had enough "friends." Even if they didn't say it.
In general, I'm a very kind/shy person. Willing to help out. Managed to keep a couple of friends from high school but never met any new people. But they act more like associates.The college I went to was filled with pricks with money. More females to male ratio. The older people who had kids themselves were the ones I ended up speaking with the most. But were are at different points of our lives.
Sure as hell doesn't help with COVID ongoing too....
I'm doing my best
I loved this. I’ve always been an extremely bubbly outgoing person and had a tight group of friends growing up. But since college, those have all drifted and I find it hard to get close to anyone now, as I feel like I’m a bother or overbearing. And it’s not even a confidence thing, but I’m such a people pleaser that I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable and I don’t share the jokes in my head or certain opinions because I want to make everyone comfortable or I’m afraid I’ll say something that will create discomfort. This has something that’s been on my mind heavily lately, as I’m getting married next year, and I’m realizing I no longer really have a set group of die hard friends to stand next to me, but just close friends as invites. And that’s no one else’s fault but my own.
I feel this 10000%. Getting married was a really huge reality check that I really didn’t have very many people in my life, like at all.
@@erinnn5790 There’s so much pressure to have 5,6,7 close friends and it’s weird because I’m high school I would’ve needed 8 bridesmaids but as an adult, majority of those friendships have gone separate ways. It does make me feel better though because my fiancé is super bubbly and makes friends wherever we go and even he is finding it hard to choose 5 guys he thinks are close enough.
@@rachaelannewalker Yup, my sister had 8 bridesmaids plus two backups just in case... and she claimed once to 'not to have any friends'. And then there's me, with one close friend and nobody else, certainly never had a gf before. Y'all want me to have 8? I can't even get to 2!!
Do you think an extroverted personality can develop later rather than congenitally?
@@Nesütüyhaaa So it’s funny you ask this because I feel like a completely different person when I wrote this a year ago. My now husband and I have completely switched roles and I’m the one with the plans and friend group and he’s the one to want to stay home. (I still love being at home too.) To answer your question, I would consider myself a bit of an extrovert but I didn’t just wake up like that one day. I purposely put myself out there (which was crazy scary) but honestly I got to the point where there was nothing to lose and it all paid off. I know there are different levels of introvertism but I think it’s totally possible to change and adapt to for those that want to.
As a 17-year-old, you make me realize the value of my experiences. Not everything lasts forever. But, if can learn a thing or two there's no doubt it was valuable to who you are today.
time is on your side pal!
you have the right mindset for a 17 yo. wish you the best brother.
especially enjoy the time you are in right now... it's the most open and free time you will have in your entire life... just everything opens up to be explored and there is just enough time before too many responsibilities start to chase you around... just making experiences is so valuable in that time... doesnt even need to be positive ones... just experiences... it will make you grow. enjoy it bro!
You are wise beyond your years my friend
@@YuriNoirProductions What are you talking about. After graduating I have easier in my life than ever before. I don't have to go to fucking death camp called school that tells you what you can and what you can't do. I can buy myself things and do actually whatever I want. I dunno why some of you people are saying that it is harder in adulthood. The only thing that is hard for me in adulthood is getting friends, but that's my experience.
I'm that *Nice* type of guy everyone likes but....
when he said, “Liked by everyone but loved by no one”
He murdered me.
Yep, same...
ooooooff, that's me...
hits home..
Literally. That actually hurt to hear. It got me thinking. The three closest friends that I have, I've had for the last 10 years and back when when I was making friends I was super outspoken about my views and so the people that stuck with me became like my brothers. I realized that when I moved to a different country I became really quite mild and inoffensive. Perhaps because I didn't want to offend anyone in a foreign country but I didn't realize that it's probably why...Fuck.
Jack of all trades master of none
“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.”
― Oscar Wilde
Calm down
This
if you genuinely care, it's really not that hard.
What does that even mean? Not being jealous of their success?
Whenever I'm out with friends anything I might say or do, always goes through a damn filter in my mind as to not make myself look odd or get controversial. I never voice my opinion or express myself like I would normally do, I'm essentially just playing this "role" of an ordinary, simple (and now I realize a very boring) guy with the aim to get liked by everyone because I don't want to get rejected. I realize now this is why I never have any meaningful relationships with anyone and why the few relationships I've had just faded away. So all I need to do is to turn that filter off and just be myself. Thanks for the informative video...really puts things in perspective!
Go for it
Meaningful relationships will turn toxic, the drama cycle is not worth it. It bothers the mind
exactly, How r u now bud?
I have been going through the exact same thing and I relate to you a lot. I’ve been trying more to be myself in multiple situations when I’d normally become super agreeable and a people pleaser. I’d never form real relationships either, and I’d feel really bad for being so disconnected or if I did something that may have been viewed in a bad light- things that would “make people dislike me.” I’ve just recently started the journey of showing my most authentic self to others, and hopefully I can become more comfortable with me. Thank you for sharing your story!
@@emedits4607 bro, the first sentence gave it away. You dont have to explain yourself, or excyse it especially when thats exactly what ur gona do. If u do something stand for it LOL we need to learn that
People saying “oh I only have 2 close friends”, and I’m like “bro, that’s more than enough, most of the people have just 1 close friend”. Close friends are never more than 3.
And other people have no friends at all, like me
I’m lucky I have 6 men I can hold close to my heart and I’ve had them since I was 12. They’ve even gone as far as to say I’ve been the heartbeat of the group but now we’re all going out separate ways to go be real adults and live life and I’ve been faced with the challenges of making new friends in a post-covid, college environment. It’s tough.
@@BoxOfCurryos sameeeeee, college envir sucks tbh, i'm now entering second year of pharma school and i think I will do better this time
Edit: I'm not doing better X)
@@nataliaponte1292 i feel you fella, i feel you
My strategy is quite simple: looks friendly enough so that some extroverts could pick me up and adopt me
3:55 Damn, that hurts. For most of my life, I have been the type of nice person that doesn't express opinions or my position and view of the world. I even remember a phrase that a very close friend of mine told me: "Yeah you're nice, but I don't know you. "
This video came as something else to change my point of view of the world. Especially considering how much of an introvert I am.
well he must have said that for a reason. Learn from it and adapt.
@@calvin9187 Yeah you're right
same
@@calvin9187 that sounds like the Bear grills slogan
Wow that would crushed me
POV: you aren't very good at making friends so now you're scrolling through comments.
Accurate.
I laughed pretty hard, this is accurate
Nope I do make friends but still have social anxiety
I've never been so offended by something I'm 100% agreed with
well I believe I'm okay at making friends, however my two problems are:
1) I'm not finding my group of people since I left high school (where I had lots of friends and acquaintances)
2) I tend to avoid conflict at all cost. Once upon a time I'd be scared of getting into a fight with a friend because people always drop friendships so easily, but now I realize that it's an inevitable part of life, and it's important to have fights/disagreements. That's when you really realize who people are.
I was taught to always be nice to everyone brcause you never know what their growing through.
I think I took it to the extreme because when you said "liked by everyone loved by no one" I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL.
LIKE DANG
*Personal reminder:*
*1) **1:18* _Always assume iniciative._ Don't just sit around waiting to be called to a party or make plans. Take control. The worst that could happen is that the people you invite reject your proposal, but even then you have to have a clear conscience because you did what you had to do.
*2) **3:08* _Honesty is the antidote._ If you don't express your identity, if you are not being yourself cause you're afraid of not liking others and you just pretend to be someone you are not, then it will be difficult for you to make friends. Try to be you. If you don't say what you actually think, you're basically concealing your identity from others. And people don't tend to bond with people that they don't know at all, especially people who they don't trust. If you say what you think or show your true self, people can do one of two things: agree with you or reject you. First thing is great in itself. And being rejected, paradoxically, it is too.
*3) **5:52* _Rejection is a very useful tool._ When you communicate honestly, when you're not afraid to be controversial and be who you are in front of other people, then you're inevitably gonna make a lot of people stay away from you because they completely disagree with you. And that's a good thing cause you can figure it out very quickly who the people who are actually staying are. And those people are probably the ones that you can bond with. Rejection is an inevitable vicissitude of life that always happens if people are incompatible or have different points of view or life projects. Rejection can be difficult to process mentally, especially if it is sudden or if the person rejecting you is doing it in an unpleasant or offensive way. But, trying to see the good in things, maybe that is better, because that way you avoid the painful breakdown of a long friendship or love relationship.
*4) **8:50* _Demographics advice._ If you complain that you can't find people like you, who likes the exactly or similar things like you, or with your same hobbies or controversial opinions about religion or politics or whatever, just try to frequent social spaces in which it is statistically and demographically more likely to find people similar to you. Places like churchs, extracurricular events, optional meet ups and stuff like that. If you wanna increases your chances of finding people that you connect with, get out of your comfort zone and stop looking in the same generic places as always.
Lies again? Make Friends Die Faster
@@NazriB what?
The only thing I would say about this video is sometimes it's very valuable to have friends that fundamentally disagree with you, if mutual respect can be maintained. I think only having friends that agree with your perspective can leave you blind to the humanity of the "other."
Nice video though, thank you.
You know, I agree with this as well. It can definitely place you in a bubble if you only have and keep friends that agree with everything about you.
"Opt for honest communication and quick rejection" loved that
The second point about voicing your true opinion really opened my eyes. I’ve always been the type to blindly agree with whatever people say to me, at the fear of them leaving, or judging me, but now I totally get how that causes me to struggle a lot with forming relationships. Thank you for this video
I don’t know if its the same or no, i tend to have a different personality with different people, ill try to be like by everyone and never been able to make a deep friendship.
Bro even after all that effort they will still betray you its better to say fuck people im not afraid to stand up for myself btw i do it at work all the time its just why try with people i seen my brother get stabbed in the back so many times even after all that bro for nothing why?
I feel like youre my friend
I feel the same way :)
@@betterideas Feel for me too
*Due to corona and isolating urself, u realize how important it actually is to socialize and be with friends* 🙏
The real question is: is that emoji one person praying, or two twins high-fiving?
@@joshuak4553 Well... The name of the emoji is "Praying hands"... So I don't know
Joshua K well great, thanks, now I look at that emoji differently
True..
@@joshuak4553 why do you think they're twins?
If I had to give one bit of advice on this to someone in their teens or early 20s, it would be to keep up your friendships with extended family that you are close too, cousins etc.
I drifted away from my extended family and placed much more emphasis on my school/college/work friends. As you get older, you'll find that many of those people drift away, simply because the thing that brought you together isn't there anymore. Most people also place platonic friends very low down the pecking order of priorities.
Family on the other hand have a blood bond. They will give a shit about you when it counts. Don't ditch them.
Thanks for the advice sir
This is what I thought too. But I have an insecure and complicated relationship with my extended family. Mind having a conversation on this?
@@xeixi3789 What he says doesn't happen all the time, blood bonds are not a safe thing for everyone, sometimes the people that can hold us back the most are those of our own family.
Jokes on you I don't have any extended family
This highly depends on the family, by the way
This is so incredibly accurate. I am a religious guy and I really struggled to find frienship early on in college. I would go to a party looking for a new buddy or the love of my life and always comeback disappointed feeling like an outsider. Finally, I began to go to events held by the campus church and now I am involved with a community where I have real friendships and share deep values with people. It has literally been life changing. Take this guy's advice, go to where you are most likely to find people who share similar values and interests as you
I am so much like you. I tried to fit in at different places but you can't force it. I've been attending a small group and I feel like I fit in there so much more, and most of my friends are from church. It's so worth it to just be yourself
Wow.. I wish I could’ve seen this 4-5+ years ago, it would’ve saved me so many nights of crying lol over being so frustrated from not having any close friends. I’ve gone basically my whole life without making ANY friends that I’m comfortable talking to, and recently I’ve begun to understand why but this video really put it into words. Literally everything he said called me out 💀
it’s so hard though, to take initiative and to be able to say and do things without fearing rejection. I’m so anxious in front of people that I analyze every single thing I do and say that I can’t even think of what I WANT to do or say. For a while I was scared I had no personality at all, because I just literally became no one in front of other people.
I’ve been so afraid that I don’t have any time left to make close friends.. But videos like this give me hope and I’m so grateful. And the tips are actually useful!! It’s gonna be really hard to implement them but I’m hoping I don’t fail this time. Thank you so much, I’m really glad I stumbled across this video and an entire community of people who are also struggling, don’t worry guys we still have time
Also that sponsorship transition was smooth af lol
I can relate to your comment, this has been a major issue in my life for a very long time, and hearing what he said hit the nail on the head. I'm guilty of all the above
@@SlobZombie What do you struggle the most with? I hope you'll be able to build close relationships and make more friends now
@@datmangotho9618 how is it goin now?:D
@@daryavinocur6836 it’s alright!! I can’t say I’ve made many friends but my confidence in myself as a person has gotten a lot better, or at least my tendency to care what other people think has gone away lol. I think all I need to do now is meet the right people to build connections with :,) how are you doing?
"Liked by everyone but loved by no one"
Perfect description of my life
Well i think everyone hates me
I'm an interesting case. For the past few years now, It's been very easy for me to make friends. I used to be more of an introvert but expanded on myself and a lot of what was said in this video were just things that came to me naturally.
However, I've also learned that being that outgoing person takes a toll on you if you aren't careful. Last year, it greatly affected my mental state and because I was trying to keep up with everyone, a lot of the time, I'd forget to handle a lot of my own priorities.
This video definitely has a point about how rejection is a good thing. Having a small circle is nice, especially when you know these are people you can trust.
While I still do have a large number of good friends, I now just take casual mental breaks from everyone to sort myself out. I learned that you can make time for others, but dont forget to make time for yourself.
I have social anxiety disorder, but this video helped me. My favorite takeaway from this is that you can make friends just by inviting people to stuff. All you need to do is add people (e.g. to snapchat) and then send DM flyers or post to your story inviting them, whether you met them at a job, class, party, etc. Once you do this a few times at random, you'll get to know some of them who frequently want to join you in your events or whatever your theme of interaction is. These people will share common interests with you, and hopefully you'll eventually have enough of a selection to find your besties and really get to know them!
4:35 That was the most Canadian convo ever lmao
“You may forget with whom you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept.”
--Kahlil Gibran
First I read 'slept' 😆
When i read this comment.... I try to remember with whom i wept... And.....Oh i never wept in front of people...
I have dementia
@@Christian-mn8dh sorry
wow I was just about to go to bed then this video came out of nowhere lol
Me too lol
Same 😂
Same, we livin the same lives
Same here
Same
I learned to make friends by being chill, talking calm, using common sense and having a high sense of humor so others don't identify me as "boring". When it comes to making friends, find people who are trustworthy, chill, and incredible nice. These type of people will help you in the long run and last for decades. They will show loyalty, honesty, and most importantly true friendship. Always make sure you lead a good first impression, it's like finding a really solid ground to build a skyscraper.
“The best mirror is an old friend.”
― George Herbert
Ok that "you don't invite me" hit me hard. It's so true for me, even with my best friend, he invites me but I don't even though I love him. I'll work on that. Thank you!
I just rewatched this video and this is honestly gold material. Every point u covered in friendships is harshly but truly revealing. I will start thinking about being a friend before i go asking for one.
Something I love about your video editing is that even though you're teaching important things to people and voicing your thoughts, there's little mistakes still prevalent in the video. A jumbled phrase, a word said wrong, things like that. It makes you feel more down-to-earth and human--you make mistakes too and there's nothing wrong with that.
These are almost exactly the same things I've learned from having my first ever best friend at 21, We have shared deep and honest moments and alot of the times when we do annoy each other we are acutely aware of what annoys the other person, so we either do it just to fuck with the other person as a joke or we don't do it at all.
We do love each other ALOT (not in a relationship) and are always trying to better each other. And I think the points mentioned in this video are absolutely key to what goes in cultivating a true friendship.
We always joke about our perspectives and our life experiences being so inherently different yet we vibe harder with each other than anyone else, and I think honesty from both sides is what led to that level of bond. I am not gonna pretend that we like the best friends in the universe or anything but I am closer to them than I have ever felt with anyone else. Hopefully someday I can find more people like that.
Do what was adviced in the video: go to places where you can find like minded people
My goal is to find friendships like that! Even just at least 1 friend like that would be amazing
@@anna.318 Tbh you'll be surprised how little people flinch you express your honest self to them. Like things you think people will judge you ruthlessly for end up being things they are either okay with or are going through themselves.
I have two friends that I have felt that close to. One of child hood friends who was very different than me. He taught me how to get out of my shell and have fun. He toughened me up and taught me the value of hard work. He is still one of my best friends but I’m not as close to him anymore because I moved away. We still meet every now and again but it’s only natural we would grow apart. Then there is a friend I made in college who has a very different background to me yet came to have many of the the same interests I have such as mathematics and science. He was an engineering major and I was and still am an Astrophysics major. We had some of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had and we weren’t afraid to voice our opinions, even if they were vastly different from one another. We worked out problems together and helped each other in our studies. We were always competing with each other to see who did better in our classes. He got me even more fired up to learn because I wanted to beat him and it felt like a huge accomplishment when I did because we were often only a few points off on all of our tests. And when I was unprepared and I got a unusually subpar grade like a C and he got an A he didn’t rub it in, like if he were to beat me by only a few points. Unfortunately the last semester I saw him I fell into a bad depressive state for a weeks, the worst I’ve had in my life were for a while I almost completely gave up on my life. I could tell during that time I was pushing everyone around me away but I didn’t know how not too. I felt like I couldn’t be honest with people because I was suffering which made me fall into even greater despair. I saw him a few more times after that in my final semester at community college. If I recall correctly he was finishing up with his last class online but still came into to the math center to come study, which is where we always talked and made the other friends in our friend group. I fortunately got to say goodbye to him on okay terms, but things didn’t quite feel the same between us after my episode. I hope I see him again.
ShimonKoni Yeah politics is the only thing I’m afraid to be honest about because it is so polarized now a days. I usually don’t talk about it unless I’ve carefully accessed if they are on the same part of the political spectrum that I am. Some people don’t really care what side your on but some will look at you differently because they have strong opinions and they can’t relate to your way of thinking.
This video is gold. Please never delete this. I'm saving this to favorites...
This is gunna be a really long story so if you take the time to read it thanks in advance! :)
My family and I moved from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico to El Paso, Texas in January 2012. It was easily the hardest thing to have happened to me not only because it was an unwanted change of location due to many factors, but because I was leaving truly the greatest friends I have had in my entire life. Veronica, Juan Diego, Fernando, Miguel. With them, life was literally perfect, school was amazing (I had Veronica in every single class from day care all the way to 3rd grade, when I moved in between semesters. Unironically, she was the last person I ever saw in Puerto Rico as her and her family drove us to the airport to ease the transitions and say their goodbyes) there were many fun activities that we could do, and if we ever got in an argument we would be running back to each others company after a week at most. That's when I knew our friendship was real, nothing could split us apart until I had to leave. We moved from a sunny, humid city to a brittle cold winter from one day to the next, and when we got to our hotel, I got in the shower and cried. I never wanted to leave Mayaguez, and once I arrived in El Paso the first thing I wanted to do was leave. School heightened that desire. My first day I was settling in, I was assigned 2 people to tour around the school, they were uninterested and just showed me the basics and moved on. Once it was lunch time, I tried talking with people but relationships were already established and it seemed like everyone was in a group already and they didnt have room for one more. I tried to talk to them but I had an accent and they just looked at me and said "you talk weird leave us alone", and if people disnt care about how I talked they would just bully me (just the basic children mocking like four eyes or slender man) and the first day I was alone. Come the second day and I was sitting in the corner of the table alone during lunch, when the most popular guy and his friend came to sit next to me, and all I could think to say to him was "why are you here", and he responded with "why not, do you want to be alone?" I was in awe, all of these people rejecting me because of the way I looked or sounded, and here came this awesome athletic and smart guy wanting to talk to me and I thought to myself that this has to be a real friend. And he was until he moved a couple of months later. Fortunately I grew closer to his friends and created a relationship with them too. They turned to be my "best friends" here in El Paso, and we were close for a couple years until a birthday party came and everyone avoided me except for the host and another friend. The next day that person told me that no one wanted me to be there except him, after 2 years of being friends this hurt and I confronted them, and just like that they stopped talking to me. Then in middle school that last friend went to the popular kids table and left me alone, just like when I got here. In middle school I met a bunch of new people from different schools who had many similar interests to me and we had many happy memories, some just in school but others outside of it too. 7th grade i met an incredible person called Aileen. She was reserved at first but for some reason I approached her often since we sat in the same group in class and she turned into one of the closest people I had in El Paso ever. I found many feelings for her that I hadn't felt before, but I was too scared to make a move or ask her how she felt, and a couple of months later she died of an incredibly rare disease called HLH. This was the hardest thing to have ever happened to me in EP, and the more I thought about past events, the more I realized she had those same feelings back for me, and that turned into a depression (i didnt know it was a depression until our highschool had a presentation on the signs of it) for about 3 years, and it was one of the first of a long list of regrets due to overthinking. Then in 8th grade who I considered one of my "best friends" got into the football team and it was deja vu, another friend lost to popularity, but I still had one other friend who stuck by me past middle school. Come highschool and my social anxiety and nerve to start conversation kicked up to its highest ever, and since I went to a different highschool than I was supposed to I barely knew anyone. I joined a group of kids who just dragged me along so I wouldnt be alone and be thought a loser by everyone. Then in 10th I met the two people who are to this day my only friends, Steven and Martin. Over the covid pandemic and lockdown, transitioning to online, my friend from middle school, has just left about a month ago, we just drifted apart I guess, he met other people and left me out of it. During lockdown I found my old yearbook for pre k and all that happiness that k felt whenever I thought of Puerto rico and my friends came back to me in a knuckle ball, and I just sobbed because I realized that ever since I arrived to El Paso, every single friend I have made has left me, everyone, the only two left are martin and steven, no one else. And I think of the happiness I felt in those polaroids, my happy faces with my friends, with veronica, juan diego, Fernando and miguel, that happiness was genuine and it was caused by real friendship. And I just barely accepted how much I miss them. I miss them so so much, it's an incredibly painful feeling to miss them as much as I do. The only fear I have at this moment is that they dont remember me that the bestest friends I've had ever have forgotten about the moments we had together. I cant find their social media, and I wish I could just give them a hug, all 4 of them, I wish we could go back to the beaches and have fun.
Now in just a couple weeks I start my first day of university, with only 2 friends and the intention to put myself out there as uninteresting as I am, to find genuine people to make relationships with. I hope I succeed in that and hope they dont shut down the school so I can at least attempt it haha but I will give it my best shot. Again if you read this, truly thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
I remember this song while reading your story. th-cam.com/video/rWNgZEJ_cso/w-d-xo.html it was friends who broke your break by James Blake
read this entire thing, and it hurts man, just how relatable this is, especially after you realised how good you had it and that may never happen again. hang in there, you and i are on the same boat. it gives me some comfort and solace that i’m not the only one, albeit it’s not much, but it’s still something. praying you and i both get our tribe of friends who will stick by us no matter what 🤲🏽💕💕💕
Hola! Una puertorriqueña aquí :) Leí tu comentario y solamente con irte de la isla debe de ser sumamente difícil. Me da mucha pena todo lo que ha pasado con eso de las amistades, y más que esas amistades que se quedaron atrás y nos has vuelto a ver. Los boricuas somos distintos y es entendible que te hagan falta. Tu comentario original es de hace un año pero espero que te vaya bien en la universidad y aquí una amiga :))
one of the people, who actually read this all. Damn, you have a big history being with people
Hope you are okay now and finally have found good people to be friend!!! I'm also starting university, in a few days, and making friends is one of my main concerns 🥲
I have autism and it’s hard to make friends, but I have loads of support at my job. It’s a blessing really and my therapist is my biggest support.
It's better to have a few close friends than like 12 (fake/half) friends. It's not the amount but the quality of friendship that counts. I know a lot of people that have many friends that are not happy with them. They feel like no one in their group understands how they feel. I believe that everyone needs friends, but we have to stop comparing ourselfes with others. Comparing yourself with people who have it ''better'' than you only makes you unhappy. I know now that many people with a lot of friends feel lonely because they don't have a close bond with their friends. I value close friendships over the amount of friends you have. I noticed that a lot of people feel uncomfortable to talk about this stuf when I say this.
This video was so heartwarming. I actually got a bit emotional watching this because of the happiness you radiate while hanging out with your friends. I've been watching your videos recently while drinking my morning coffee and it just nudges my day in the right direction. Keep on doing these videos my friend, so many people find these super helpful and inspirational! Thanks man!
I was just thinking about this, then I looked on my phone and I was like: What the hell, am I controlling this universe.
The power of thought!
Or is Google controlling your thoughts at this point? Hm...
RX Lan hmmmm 😂
You do
Maybe life is more mystical than you thought...
You have honestly made life so much easier. Its like all the hidden rules to becoming a better version of yourself are found in your videos. Thank you so much 🙏
My problem is, that when people agree with me, I question them and their likeability...
I’d recommended researching how to build up self worth.
"The algorithm blesses my bald head"
*Posts vid at 12:30AM EST*
Joey what a madlad
You never know who you’re going to meet in life. Just be open-minded and let people into your life. It’s not always about romance, it’s about people and the energy they have and how you just never know!
"You are the average of the five people that you spend most time with" - Jim Rohn
That smooth transition to the Skillshare ad had me dying 😂😂😂
0:07 that shooting form is legendary
"You'll be liked by everyone, but loved by no one." is the sentence that hit me the most.
Being the one that initiates social interaction is very important, I've always been waiting for people to do that (with most of them) so some of my friends (that weren't many to begin with) started to get farther and colder, so now I'm 21, mostly alone, trying to fit in and actually trying to find also new people.
The only point of the video where I don't fully agree is when you say to basically voice everything even if it can be "painful" or things like that, I get the point but I think voicing your opinions has to be done with moderation, like, you want to be honest, but don't need/want to be basically a jerk to other people.
Thank you for the video, even if being initiative is something that I kinda already knew in my mind, it's indeed a very honest tip and I need to follow it.
The part of "Take control" really hit me. It's not that I don't have friends or don't do any fun stuff, a lot actually. But I would like it to be more actually, and then more into my kind of interests. You really hit me with the fact that you have to take control and host and invite people, stop waiting around. So now I have plannend a weekend of mountainbiking with my friends insteed of dumb drinking all the time!
i cried through the whole vid because ive always been bullied and never had friends (until recently)...i've also been denied many friendships because i don't drink and don't like going out...ive always wanted a boys squad to play videogames with...now that im older it doesn't matter anymore...ive always been my own best friend
I can feel it
Mateo Ceballos Querol I’m not sure if I’m an extrovert or introvert but I do have many friends and one thing I will tell you is before you make amazing friends you need to know your who you truly want to surround yourself and don’t be shy about it. You can still make amazing dope friends consider me you’re friend if you want homie
Don't sweat people one dimensional enough to write you off because you aren't extraverted or don't enjoy extraverted hobbies. You're better off without that crowd.
@@Jakub680 thank you, friend :)
You only need one true friend really; don't need a bunch of them
I would be that one real true friend, I'm honest, like to have fun, joke around but not afraid to get deep and serious. I'd be a brother to you. It's sad being a grown adult with not many real friends, it really is sad.
4:06 "surface level acquaintanceship" man, that hit close
I have the feeling that forming friendship bonds might be (at some level) more difficult to men, because men are expected not to be vulnerable and talk openly about feelings. I used to be an extremely antisocial girl and this resonated with me a lot, as in my early 20s I resorted to blogs about masculinity to learn about socialisation, and several articles I read had similar advice. It was so useful to me, I was really depressed at some points of my life, and I just wanna say to people struggling with making friends: it gets better.
But then again girls are expected to be friendly and bubbly etc, I think it depends more on whether you’re good looking or not
It’s equally hard for both
Actually not true. I'm a girl with social anxiety, huge introverted, also super awkward. The girls at my class really extroverted. And you know that mean girl teams. They just make me so awkward. I think it's so much hard for girls also.. There's always a competition. And most of them are not honest, just use you for their needs.. It is not what you see.they are just besties front of everyone but not really they actually hate each other.
Brotherhood sound nice.....sisterhood sounds plastic and toxic.....or so I think....probably because I only had 'sisterhood' s in my life
Something I learned recently related to what he says after 2:10 is You're living your life, and inviting other people to hang out is your way of sharing it with them. So, first you've got to do something with your life. If it's not liked by many, it's ok, its not that big of a deal.
I really want to be more outgoing and make more friends but what I struggle with is that I am embarrassed by who I have been and how I have been living my life up until now. I have been letting my social anxiety get in the way of making friends or having any kind of experiences that when I meet new people I have nothing to talk about. And whenever I have to talk about myself I have nothing to say because of this. I don't have any fun experiences or memories in my teen years/youth and even if I start fixing this now it's something that's always going to be brought up and will always affect me.
i feel you man but one thing i can tell u is that try to over come it watch some more videos try get a better understanding and when ur talking with someoje keep an open convorsation cuz if we jusy tell u things to say u can never truly be ur self ur just playing someone elses story
It's been 19 years of my life and I really had a hard time making friends or better said keeping them, I spent my whole childhood under the overprotection of my parents, instead of going out and playing with friends I was housebound .
so once I grew up I started going out but I had no idea how to make friends, although I managed to find some I couldn't keep them , i mean i always felt like something was missing i figured out the problem was with me because they started looking at me as their friend when they found out i was good but i didn't prove the same thing to them...... The rest was all said in this video well now i know what to do after 3 years these things are taught since you were young but this didn't happen to me, i wish i had seen this video back then (3 years ago ) when i was starting to come out but its not too late now i will do my best to change thanks because no one was there to tell me what to do and I couldn't learn on my own
I just realized how many chances I had at making more friends. People invited me to hang out with them, and I could have reached out to them as well. All it takes is the first step of just asking others, rather than eating for them
I feel like the hardest part is actually finding those people, and it only makes matters worse because social anxiety just doesn't help man.
I didn’t have many friends growing up because I always felt unwanted and the ones I had usually made me feel like sh*t. Then one day I talked to my therapist and she told me that it was the fear of being abandoned the reason why I was always letting everyone used me. Then, after some traumatic events in life and therapy, I realized that I needed to stand up for myself, be honest and express how I really feel. Now, I have a few wonderful friends, and this time it feels real, we can talk to each other about anything, I feel very comfortable with them and they know who I am and what I believe it’s right and wrong. They don’t judge and neither do I. I wish I could’ve seen this video when I was a teenager, but I’m ok now. To those who still struggle with loneliness, I wish you the best ❤. It does get better, and you get stronger.
Hi can you pls explain in more detail how you formed deep friendships?
@@randomtamilvideos4318 by being sincere with my feelings, caring about them and viceversa. I used to think I wasn’t allowed to ask my friends out, I was always waiting for them to do it until they stopped. Also, having empathy and not judging because we’re all imperfect, we make mistakes but they shouldn’t define us. I’m a good listener and I always listen to their problems and offer advice whenever possible and viceversa. It can’t be one-sided. I realized that some “friends” were only there for me when they needed something, but when I needed something, they weren’t there and I would accept that. Huge mistake.
Thank you for this. Some harsh realities here but I realised I find it really hard to be honest cause I don’t want to be alone or dislikes so I’d avoid being controversial and at times where I was I’d sense the uncomfortableness in my friends face, I played it off with a smile, in my friendships we all lacked honesty except for one friend. There’s a lot of things I disagreed with and I always put on a smile so nobody really knew me or felt uncomfortable. Tbh I’ve always thought part of the problem is that no one teaches anybody what a true friend is and that ties in with social skills. I just don’t know how to get close to people cause of how uncomfortable it makes me and I just mask it with an uncomfortable smile. I have been alone for awhile now and not bc I isolated myself but i now know that no one knew me and that’s probably why I’d get annoyed when no one could pick a quality out of me, or try to put in the same effort I put into them, I simply just need to be honest with myself first then others.
This is one of your best videos to date. Or at least one I've connected to more than others. The "take the initiative" advice is something I've been doing for a while. It also blew my mind when I discovered that most people are just waiting for you to invite them to do something. Or simply talk to them. And finding that out also makes you realize you're not as different as you thought you were.
Also, loved to see one of my favorite TH-camrs recommend a class from another one of my favorite TH-camrs :')
All the people in comment section with no friends, we are already a tribe!🥂
His talk is so clear and easy to get .. for the first time i finally understand why i find myself always in the corner..and toxic situations without consciousness
I am 16 years old with some friends. But, so many of these things you are saying I am noticing in my own relationships. I have often felt like the person who wasn't really invited to gatherings, but now I realize I just have to invite others more. And the big one with being controversial and not so agreeable. That one I really applied to me. You have some good ideas! :D
"I don't need friends, they disappoint me."
"Hi my name is Carla Shaw"
? LOL your joking right?
💃
Cringe
@@user-np8yf8fj2w Ur cringe
I read a tweet that said "we're allowed to make mistakes in the search for human connection"
so don't be afraid or conceal yourself. it pays off because those who see the good in you will remain close to be a part of it.
This is quite helpful.
One thing that really struck me was: you view yourself through how others view you.
I got bullied and ignored for 5 years in high school. So I thought of myself as a worthless person that no one wants to associate with, and I don’t talk to people that much because I don’t think they want to talk to me. I even got a speech impediment from how insecure and unconfident I am.
I’m now trying to take initiative and voice my opinions during group conversations but I find that the lack of social skills and the fear of stuttering is really getting in the way. I am now so out of the loop that it’s hard for me to make friends anymore. Very hard.
Anyways I will apply some of the techniques of this video and I hope it will give me a social life.
I'll be watching this a few billion times so I don't forget it. So good
These...these are what I had done in my life. I never really assume the initiative or be more honest & bold with what I'm saying. Just like some others in the comments, your words really hit me
"You're liked by everyone but loved by no one"
Thank you, for making this video
I’m 28 right now and I used to be energetic and confident when I was younger now , I used to be semi decent average at socializing with ppl but right now I’m slowly losing my energy and confidence right now I don’t what get what has happened to me , I also can’t stop thinking about my eyes blinking every few seconds which is a HUGE ISSUE that I don’t like , I’m almost 30 , almost at my prime , I’m almost at my prime, once I’m fully independent away from my parents , I’m scared that I won’t be good as as socializing with friends and talking to pretty girls compare to my younger years , only cuz I have phobia that I will get annoyed by my eye blinking every seconds combine with a lack of energy and confidence , it sucks I would love to meet some beautiful women but I have some mental issues such as eye blinking bs that will prevent me forever and I’m scared I won’t be the same person as I used to be when I was younger 😞😞😞
You'll be liked by everyone, but loved by no one.
I don't know why, but i really liked that quote.
"Burning all the wrong bridges is the only why you will find the right bridge leading you to the promised land."
-Me I just came up with this lol
I literally wrote something not dissimilar to this a minute ago when a guy said lonely people build walls, not bridges. I disagreed and said lonely people do the opposite and are afraid to burn bridges, because they're afraid they can't rebuild them.
I usually don't like quotes. But i like yours.
*the only way* also "promised land"? talking about some milk and honey my guy
@@stevenstevensom2198 I've heard something similar to that "milk and honey" saying recently but I don't get it, can someone explain it to me? I'm really curious thanks!
@@ejmulawin4336 In the Bible Canaan, the promised land is said to have everflowing milk and honey, symbols of wealth and good life. I'm pretty sure it is also used sarcastically (for "sounds/looks too good to be true")
I slowly drifted away from all my friends, over the course of 10 years or so. And I realized (it took me awhile to do this) that the reason is because I felt like I didn't have anything to offer to our friendship, not like being a good friend to them, but in a selfish kind of way, I needed to become someone, to accomplish something great, so I can talk about that with them; basically brag. I have this vision of who I want to be as a person (job I want to have, opinions I want to hold, women I want to be with - and since I havent accomplished any of that I felt almost ashamed while I was hanging out with some of them, even though none of them knew anything about those aspirations of mine. So I stopped calling them, if they called I didnt answer, and slowly every single one of them drifted away. If I see some of them in the supermarket I have exact type of conversation that he mentioned in the video.
The worst part about this is even now that I know all this, I still wont make an effort to call some of them, or try to make new friends, for the exact same reason. I look at someone like my dad for example, he looks like he needs to be surrounded always by people, he always is calling his friends to go fishing or camping or whatever, he's social at gatherings and reunions...
I figured out that I need to rewire my brain to that whatever state I was in, like 10 years ago or so, find what is left of my compassion and kindness and stop being so self centered... But that's easier said than done... I really am the worst :
Don't feel like you're the worst, honestly you're in the same situation I was getting in, but I've taken the decision to slowly dive into a more social lifestyle. It really takes some effort from me to achieve it, but even if I don't get anything out of it in a day or week, I'm still glad I went for it, because I know that eventually my effort will count.
It'll still be a little bit of a struggle to know whether or not you're doing things right, if you're with the right people and all, not overthinking them will make things a lot easier, and I recommend looking to know when you're overthinking about things for that.
There will always be a wall you'll have to climb in order to get the perfect sight you've always wanted to see on the other side, taking the first steps to climbing may make it appear as almost useless to even try, but if you keep going, one step at a time, you'll certainly get what you wish for.
You have an entire lifetime to start working on it, don't beat yourself for not having done things in the past, use your knowledge so the future you has the one thing you want right now
I feel the same way right now. I get jealous really easily. I feel like every time I have a conversation with someone all I think is “They have a life. They know who they are. They’re good. They’re interesting. And I have nothing to say or share or offer them.” And that is such a damaging ideology. It’s insulting to myself but also to them. Sometimes I almost feel
Like I’m saying “I have nothing to say to you” in an exclusionary way. I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m projecting my feelings onto you, i just related to your comment.
Try to remember that all people, no matter who they are, want companionship. And as you start your journey to accomplish your goals, throughout that journey (regardless of where you are at) you will also desire companionship. People are pretty great. I think you’ll find that most people just want a person they can share themselves with. And if you can offer that, then you are offering more than enough. You don’t need to accomplish big things before you have friendships. While you’re working on your career, I assure you that one night you’ll think “hey I really want to go to a movie with a friend”.
@@tesouro2146 Thank you.
@@anava7030 Thank you.
I also think it's super important to surround yourself with people that challenge you and are different than you. That comes in look, lifestyle, interests, cultures, and goals. Of course you have to have similar interests and values, but there's no other way around it you will grow through these people
Thank you so much for talking about rejection being a tool. I helped me turn it into something i’m grateful for, which is an idea i already explored but you saying it really drove it home for me.
I need this going into university in just over a month. I’m gonna put this to play cos I’m lonely af 😅
Just remember to smile 2hen you speak to people not all the time tho but a small time
@@ararix3722 bad advice if you really don’t wanna be lonely, get the courage to talk to anyone. When you talk to someone for instance if they have the same hobbies like: working out (going to the gym, Gym bros!), video games, hiking, painting, Writing, whatever there is! Have something you are both interested in and connect with each other by talking about any topic. And Ik it’s not easy because I’m also lonely af 😅
What i've learned
1. Take initiative
2. Be completely honest
3. Search your demographic
1. Initiate
-do plans .... don't wait for invitation
2. Be honest
-express yr opinion
-if nt .. u will be liked by everyone but loved by no one.
-dnt hide yr identity, ppl don't trust ppl that they dnt know
3. Quick rejection is better than gradual rejection..
One of if not the best advice regarding friendships I ever saw on the Internet. I'm the type of person who tries to stay neutral, and in fear of being judged, I even lie at times about what I'm really passinate about! Being liked by everyone, but loved by no one describes my situation really well. When I look back, I made a lot of progress and I hope to make good friends as time will go on. I already have some friends, but I don't get to know them better as I conceal what makes me who I am.
To anyone reading this, you got this! Become your best friend first and the rest will follow. Thank you, Joey!
making friends is so hard for me, i always expect them to find me bothering or annoying, so i dont even try. but what i learned from the few friends i have made if to observe the people you want to talk to. usually you notice who they hang around- a lot of people say you can be friends with anyone if you just put your mind to it, but it really dosent work that way. observe the people who you think would be nice and interested, and then try to start a conversation about something you know theyre interested in. you (of course) have to keep talking to them, and eventually they will start of conversations with you :) boom- friend.
Nobody asked to be here and nobody is perfect, we take the hand we are dealt and try to make the best of it.
Take initiative
Be honest
Don't be afraid of rejection
Ok got it all
I think the tip to initiate activities with friends really opened my eyes.
Thank u, i was just in another one of those depressing lows cause i dont have a single close friend, and i wish so hard to have someone to rly vibe with someday. Im an introvert and that i love anime which makes me stay in my room all day doesn’t make finding cool people much easier. I hope i find the courage to go outside more and go up and talk to people that could bring me on in life and make me happy. Thanks for the video, i rly liked it ^^
You’re speaking right into my soul. I was making those mistakes.
I watch a lot of "self-help" content on TH-cam but this is the first video that I can say truly hit home. Every point is bang on how I've behaved my whole life and explains so much. Time to make a change!
I feel the same, it’s sad and beautiful at the same time to see how I find myself in these patterns. Time to make a change 💪🏼
So relatable..
1: I am scared that my opinion might hurt others.
2: i get influenced by others opinion ( like if they are wrong also i feel scared to disagree with them )
3: i always think what others are thinking about me
4: i feel insecure everytime
5: i feel like i have different character with different people ( like i tend to change my character for them to like me )
BUT NOW
I have changed a lot by now, now i try to say no to things i don't like, express my opinion, feel less insecure etc..
I think i started caring less what other's think about me.. Like i don't care. At the end of the day nobody give af about me other than my family so yeah idk.. That's all
I am not saying i am not an introvert anymore.. I'm just saying that i feel a lil more confident now but still i am trying to get away with social anxiety
U can do it toooo cmon guys let's not care about what other's thinkkkk.. Let them think whatever.. We r living our life that's all their opinion does'nt matter if we do good we live good... Omg idk what i am sayin but i hope u got what i mean.. Idk who reads this full but whoever it is
Hiii!! hope u doin good have a good lifeee yo!!!♥️
I'm only 15 and I just started highschool a few months ago. I've never really had a friend, but this is seems like the perfect time to make some. But I'm quite introverted, so I don't really know from where to start, or how do people get to that point where they can say "this person really is my friend". This video really made me think how I should aproach people and made me realise that I've been doing some things in the wrong way. I will aply these lessons in my life too, and see what happens, I guess :))
Anyway, all I wanted to say is thank you! This helped me a lot, and I'm sure it helps other people too!
How’s it going?
ye tell us bro