AITA For Refusing To Accept Family Meetings Because I'm Tired Of Always... - Reddit Family Drama
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- AITA For Refusing To Accept Family Meetings Because I'm Tired Of Always... - Reddit Family Drama
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AITA For Refusing To Accept Family Meetings Because I'm Tired Of Always Paying For The Whole Family
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Sofia and her husband recently moved into their dream home-a spacious three-bedroom house with a massive kitchen and a large backyard. Excited to finally have the perfect space for family gatherings, Sofia, who used to bartend and loves to entertain, eagerly hosted Thanksgiving. The holiday was a success, and the family praised her efforts. However, this set an expectation that Sofia and her husband would host every family event going forward.
Over the next year, they hosted every major holiday and birthday, and the burden became overwhelming. The financial strain, along with the time and effort required, left Sofia and her husband exhausted. Despite voicing her concerns to her family, they dismissed them, assuming that since Sofia and her husband didn’t have children, they were the best candidates to host.
As Thanksgiving approached again, Sofia decided to take a stand. She informed her family that she wouldn’t be preparing anything for the holiday but still offered her home as the venue. When the family arrived and found no food or preparations, they were shocked and frustrated. Forced to scramble for food at the last minute, they finally began to understand the effort Sofia had been putting in all year.
After dinner, Sofia’s mom apologized, realizing they had taken her hard work for granted. The experience highlighted the need for the family to share the hosting responsibilities, allowing Sofia and her husband the chance to enjoy their home and their lives without the constant pressure of hosting.
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#redditfamily #redditstories #mrreddittales
All you had to do was say was "We are not hosting Thanksgiving this year". At mother's message that dinner will be at your house, your response to the group would have been the same " Not hosting".
Right?!?!? She didn't need the whole show. Could if just replied and said the door will be locked. Period
"Sorry, won't be home. We have other plans"
@@ericwilliams1659 That's very similar to what someone I know told her family. Only the other plans (in this case for Christmas) were clearly stated. She was going to her husband's parents for the holiday. The folks had paid for their son and his wife's tickets to Madrid, Spain. It was a nice Christmas present.
I’m usually the host for thanksgiving and christmas. My father passed away last year and I wasn’t in the mood. I told everyone I’m not hosting this year. No further explanation. I think I would have been irritated and not respond very nicely if anyone argued.
When I said that, my sister volunteered and invited me to come to her house instead. I don’t have difficult, entitled family, luckily.
OP lacks a backbone and a spine. All he had to do was just say NO. No wonder OPs family takes advantage of them ….
I come from large extended family. There is usually over 50 of us at the gathering. Every house brings one or two dishes. The host house usually supplies coffee, sodas, sweet tea, paper plates, and plastic ware and to go plates. The rest of us bring the food, veggies, different meats, pasta dishes, breads, meats. Fourth of July, reunions, and Christmas we rent a place because most of us plan to show up and that is 100 to 150 people and no one’s house is that big. We help clean and decorate wherever the get together is and clean up afterwards. It’s a family gathering and a family responsibility. I hope her family figures it out.
Does the word "no" not exist in OP's vocabulary?
"I didn't realize how much pressure we were putting on you."
OP: "Yes you did. You just didn't care. It was only when you were personally inconvenienced that you decided to give a damn about my feelings."
NO is a full sentence.
my family attempted this with my wife and i until i blew a gasket. i told the family my hosting duties were over forever
You allowed this to happen. It's your home, just say no.
What did they do before op's home ? They should know full well what goes into party planning and hosting
For holidays in my family, we all bring a dish, we all cook, we all clean, and we rotate houses. I don't understand how the sole responsibility can be on one person to buy, cook, and clean up after so many people with so much going on.
All OP had to say was NO. After hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas, they deserved a break from hosting. The relatives were kind of greedy and entitled. That Thanksgiving Non-Dinner was a mike drop. OP was a rock star. 🔥
11:45 Just say NO!!! Why keep discussing it. Just tell them they are NOT invited and do not let them come over. No matter how much they refused.
I never understand why people would do this. In my family, every household will chip in a certain amount of money for the family gathering during big celebration. But for smaller celebration like birthday it will solely falls on the the household that doing the celebration.
My family had a slightly different rule. Almost all were held at my parents house as they had the largest house by far and we had a very large extended family. Everyone brought something for the big holidays which meant my dad only had to cook a turkey or other meat dish because he wanted to. Birthday food and dessert were supplied by the relevant household.
We always have potluck meals and help with the cleanup.
😮😮My mom would fix a turkey, the rest of us brought side dishes.
OP: "It hadn't been a perfect solution."
Are you freaking kidding? It. Was. Epic.
They would not have understood any other way!
They only understood once they were personally inconvenienced.
After promising to ‘help’ they arrived ready to eat not to cook. Glad they finally got it. She needs to get rid of her guilt before they make her give in again
The word is NO , did this for years , after 25 odd years , I really pulled the plug on this, I moved interstate , and when I came back after a few years I told everyone that I had given up cooking , 🇦🇺👋
You’re being a doormat. Stand up for yourself and say no.
YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF BOTH OF YOU ! FINANCIALLY TRICKING YOU GUYS ! MAKE THEM EXTREMELY FEEL LIKE THEY WON AGAIN ! EVERYONE DEFINITELY KNOWS EXACTLY HOW EXPENSIVE &. TIME CONSUMING IT IS !
In the English language, no is a complete sentence. Just tell them no.
Just tell them" No mom volunteered me, I didn't agree. So it's mom responsibility for the gathering not mine".
Our family always brought dishes. Appetizers, salads, rolls, veggies, drinks and dessert. We cooked the turkey and stuffing.
I would have sent out a list of jobs to be done, plus food, drink, decorations etc to be supplied by various members of the family. Then enthusiastically gush about coming together, working together to create à family extravaganza! Then just watch .LOL
Welcome to my world 😂. Everyone in my family had downsized and I have been hosting every holiday since I was in my twenties with small children to care for. I’m now in my forties and nothing has changed. I’d quit but my husband absolutely lives for it every year. He does help me with things.
Just bloody tell them you don’t want to host. Then go overseas.
12:00 Just text back "we aren't hosting" and lock the house up and go to a nearby resort for 2 days. They'll get the hint when they arrive to a dark house with no OP or husband
Why try to convince everyone that you mean what you say? State for the record that you will not be hosting. Period.
Since you allowed them to push you into hosting again, the question for everyone should be, “What did you bring for dinner? Whatever you cooked and brought is what we’re having.”
I wonder how this family celebrated before op bought his house? 🤔
Who was then responsible?
How do you expect people to host all the time, but then not take some responsibility for some of the food and cleaning afterwards? Like, invite me over and I'll bring a couple of baked zitis, a dessert, and do dishes.
I will never go through life thinking it’s my duty to put my family and friends happiness over my thoughts and feelings. I don’t know what’s up with these with these people who go out their way to please everybody and then get upset when they start to get disregarded and disrespected and ignored.
if you stand your ground, from the beginning, it would never get to that point. stand your ground and stop being a people pleaser. people will respect you a lot more instead of waiting until your completely upset.
Who was hosting before the house was bought?
Great question. But now you know how/why the story is fake.
@@ericwilliams1659 🤣 fact or fiction imma need it to make sense lol
As you can see negotiating with them is failing......put you mother loving foot down!!!!!
So my sisters house is that house. They host both familys for thanksgiving: easter: fourth of july and 3 birthdays. My sister comes to ours for a shared sister birthday. Its almost 30 people togother. But family pays for the turkey; ham and all bring sides and deserts. We bring paper plates in addition. So no plates to wash. I put up the food: a sil and my parents wash the pots and pans. We help clean up the house. It works out well as my bil makes really good food and my sister makes great sides. Mom always brings rolls and leaves them. Each household spends a few days in prep. It can work; but we do ask them if its okay to still do.
I've been stuck in the same mess in the past. Its overwhelming.
Mumsy muyht’s eyes were not just filled with concern, but with SPOOF!
When our family comes together everyone brings something and everyone helps.
I would just ask the family to contribute $1000 a piece to hire a staff. They would go a different route
She went this all wrong. She should have headed them off at the pass when the message went out that they were all in agreement that they would have dinner at OP's house after OP had said no. That was when she should have taken her stand. Not be vague when asked about what was going to be on the menu.
I would offer them once holiday a year at my place. That's it.
"we loved having company. Then it became too much" 😂
Everyone I know who desires to "entertain" does it for a year, then they realize just how expensive it is to host people. If you aint generous, hosting aint for you 🤷🏽♂️
🙄 how about telling NO????! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Are you not learned the word NO?
When I was growing up, my Mom’s side of the family would get together for all the holidays. There was usually about 40+ in all. They would rotate where the holidays were spent. Since there were 7 families, that meant that each family would host about every other year. The “host” family would make the turkey/ham, and everyone else would bring the sides. Everyone had a velvet box with their best silverware and would bring along, and plates. After we were done eating, the older cousins would clean up while my Dad and uncles would sit down to play cards and drink. The Moms would sort the silverware, plates, etc, and my younger cousins and myself would change into play clothes and go outside and play ( weather permitting). I sure miss those days!
Be careful what you start with people, especially family, don't hesitate to say NO and not back down, that gets expensive, no one offers to help.
Before op got the house what did the family do? Did they mot have gatherings? How did no one know how much went into a gathering? Why not just tell everyone to bring a dish? Does the husband not have a family they wanted to spend time with? So many questions the op did not cover
My family tradition is everyone brings food. That works well.
I cooked the turkey 18 years in a row, made the mashed potatoes and hauled it to my neighbor's lovely house. People all showed up with side dishes, and our hosts decorated the house and made the coffee, and made side dishes and desserts if guests were few. It worked out great!
Mom’s voice wasn’t just tinged with confusion, it was tinged with spoof!
Brother and cousin, both can GAGF!
I can't stand when women constantly call their husbands their "partners".
It sounds like a 2007 gay couple, just refer to him as your husband and avoid the confusion.
What makes you think that the couple here is married? A lot of couples are living together without going through a wedding, even couples with kids.
You are the only one who seems to care. Why should they change for you?
@@ericwilliams1659 trust me I'm not the only one that seems to care, I'm just the only one that commented on this particular video.
@mjareacts2731 OK, so maybe 2 or 3 people total want it to change, and therefore, 340 million people have to change to make you feel better. Got it.
@@mjareacts2731 Are you republican and that is why you fear change?
This is so unfair i have space at my home n my house is the default gathering place but if there is a birthday or any other event they all bring the food dont leave till everything is cleaned the last dish is washed and the floors mopped its a pleasure having family over honestly always look forward to it
I'd have a come to Jesus meeting with the people volunteering me and my home!!🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Everytime there's a celebration its always on my uncle house, and we contribute the cost and my cousin will come to prepare and cook,.and we hire someone to clean and wash the dishes aside from there maid.
My rule with helping family is no more than two without them giving back third event I would have demanded it be somewhere else and the easier they agree the sooner I host again
Not even my rich (7 figures) cousins have ever been expected to do all of that, not even for 'family'.
Mom had 8 siblings and gatherings were usually three or four times a year averaging 35 to 65+ in the summer.
Great Grandma and Grandpa taught us well. There was a signup sheet. Everyone had a chore, everyone set up, brought and/or paid for
the meats Great Grandma cooked, everyone brought all of the other dishes served, gifts (Many homemade clothes, toys, baked goods)
were given by drawing names, AND EVERYONE was involved in the cleanup. I can still taste Aunt Jennie's special cranberry compote,
that Family Heritage Recipe Pecan Pie, Granny's Herb Stuffing . . . and the Ginger Pound Cake.
Back in the day, the family who came over helped with cleanup. Nobody hired help for that. Sometimes people brought food or beverages to share to help out. What an entitled family in this story!
'We will help more, we promise' yep they got the holiday they deserved. Shit isn't magic it takes work
For Mom's birthday, I probably would have just had a clean house, frozen pizza, and a Betty Crocker cake. There's no need to go all out for everything, and show no interest in throwing parties. Then they could look for a different place for the next party.
Family meetings can be overwhelming 😟
Matthew 5:37 says let your yes be yes and your NO be NO.
Do not let others manipulate you.
Plan a vacation and go out of town.
I don't understand families who find it ok to leech on someone in the household
You also could have bought 20 or so frozen turkey dinners, like banguet or similar, and a couple cases of beer and pop. Then when you were asked about food, etc., state, "I've got frozen turkey dinners we can microwave at only $5.00 a piece, beer $2.00 a can or pop at $1.00 a can. And if you don't care for that, you're free to leave. Your choice." That too would get the point across!
OP really made the worst possible decision. She still couldn’t say no and ruined everybody’s holiday. Congrats.
She said no yet they still decided to show up. 🤷🏽♀️
You should have told them to each bring a dish and decor. Letting them show up to nothing was an awful choice because they asked you beforehand, meaning they were willing to pitch in a bit.
Lack of limits precedes abuse.
We are taking a vacation in November and won't be home for Thanksgiving
There are a couple of things they can do. One everyone take turns hosting like OP suggested, rent a space, or OP can agree moving forward she will only host partially host Christmas and Thanksgiving planning meals, cooking, decorating and arranging cleanup but they will have to split the cost. So she will send out a bill of what it will coat to put on the event that season and all the family excluding her and her husband have to cover the costs money must be recieved a predetermined amount of time before event and if ALL is not recieved then event is canceled and they will have to figure it out. I only suggest this because OP seems to enjoy doing it, but not all of it. And these two holidays seem to be the favorite.
The family should have gotten together and everyone should have cooked one of two dishes and put it together and worked as a family
It's called having a spine, or some balls and just tell them no after the first time. It's not hard. Family is only there to f*ck you and take everything from you they can. people need to stand up and stop allowing people to bully them.
Is this how people do it? The host handles everything? Huh, in my family the host is responsible for main dish, stuffing and mashed potatoes, and tells everyone else what to bring.
But it’s easier for all of them if you just do it for them! You’re not wrong. Everyone should take a turn Go on vacation for thanksgiving. Do not be home. Lock up the house and go out of town
Let's see how much we can brag about ourselves and our house/decor/cooking/hosting prowess.
.I had this happen to me and I had to cook and clean for my in-laws and they were so lazy that my mother in law came into the kitchen complaining that I was wrong in everything. I turned it all off and went to my room. My wife came in and asked me what happened. I told her if you want me to cook the food you go and tell her that she has to stay out of the kitchen. My mother in law came to my room and said it is my kitchen and you cannot ask me to stay out. I said to her. It is your kitchen and so you cook. She looked like I slapped her. I went outside to help my father in law with the wood working gifts he was making. He saw my face and asked what did my wife do? I told him and he said excuse me. He came back and said the kitchen was mine if I wanted it and no one will bother you. I went in and cooked the meal. When my sister in law came over she asked me if she could help. I said, I do not know where the flour is to make the pie crust for the pie. She got it out and started helping. I told her thank you. It was like the time she came over to my apartment in tears because her mother had run up her electric bill and she could not pay it. I asked her how much was it. I told her to hold on I had to go to the bathroom. I came back with an envelope with the money she needed. She said I cannot accept this. I said it is my monthly fun money so for a year I have had not fun. She understood and took the money and put a lock box on the thermostat. She came over on her day off and my day off and we went to see the new Dawn of the Dead we stopped off at Mrs. Fields cookies where my wife who was her sister and she told us to have fun and we did.
Why try to convince everyone that you mean what you say? State for the record that you will not be hosting. Period.
When my parents in-law hoasted they would coordinator who made or suplied what and everyone brought something to the table
2 options "we regret to annouce we will be unable to Host" or you send a list of Assugned duties when they complain send them an invoice for their share
Who wrote this? Sounds like a creative writing story.
"He raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued"..and ..."Determination hardening in my chest"...etc...
Cheap wine and sandwiches is cheaper problem solve
My biggest criticism is why a couple who has no intention to have kids own a big house.
And once I said, I don’t want to get together at my house. That’s just what I mean. it’s not happening at my house. But then if my mother insist on sending people emails and disregard the fact that I said it’s not happening we will have major problems. Then I will dare my family to come over my house after I said no they will not like the outcome.
It all depends on family finances, what they think its the idea home, availability, a sense of prestige, showcasing family functions, etc. Communication is key. You discuss what you expect, such as you bring the beans, you bring the this or that. If they balk, then, end the hosting. If the folks become abusive, then make travel to the house more difficult meaning, sell the home and move several states away. Just move.
Sell the house and move several states away. You will no longer be the default gathering place.
Good revenge story! Good ending.
The way AI said Santa 😂 Saunta
I would have shown the family the total costs of hosting so far.
You just had to say from the first event everyone must bring their share of the food and please help clean before everyone leaves thank you
I love this!!😂😂😂
Been there, done that. When I saind No they pushed back, then we booked an All inclusive resort for Thanksgiving. Our family was shocked but we had a wonderful time. 15 years later occasionally we host and so does everyone else.
Just do thanks giving only
What kind of family doesn't bring food and help clean after? Try that in the South and see how fast Mama brings you down a peg or two
It's probably fake, but "this isn't like you," frustrated me.
No means no. All you need to say.
Why was this even a conversation its your house if you don't want people over then people cant come over. Just tell them youre not hosting and thats that they don't have a say but OP acts like they do really annoys me how weak these people on these reddit post are.
Interesting way to end the story, right before the climax.
Oooh hell no
With how pushy the family is I would’ve just done the bare minimum. We eating cheap bad cardboard pizza for thanksgiving with water as the main beverage
I read praying instead of paying
Grow a backbone.
Could have said no and kept emphasising that🤷🏿♂️
good story but what's with the block popping to every word being said.....irritating to say the least.....
It's time to get $$$$ out of family members, especially parents or those bringing kids, partners, etc. Then hire a catering service, choose the menu, hire a bartender, and limit the variety of alcohol, adding more soft drinks, juices, etc, and the cleaning crew. Then figure the per person cost and include that in the invite. If it's just your own wedding then only parents should be approached, and specify no gifts if you want for other events. Christmas and Parent's BD's might be exceptions but even those should focus on the people, not the gifts.
You must set boundaries now as for more than a year you have been taken advantage of... an alternate is to anticipate those events and announce that you'll be on vacation, a cruise, a road trip... anywhere that puts you and those dates unavailable. Then when things have calmed down just pick 2 or 3 annual events that you are actually willing to host and tell everyone at the beginning of the year what those will be, and also emphasize that they will either be pot luck, BBQ's or picnics, where everyone brings something, or they will be just cocktails and appetizers, then go to a big box store and buy the party trays or frozen appetizers to throw in the oven.
I can relate because this has happened to us, yet other family members have a lot more $$ than we do because we sunk it all into our mortgage for the nice house and none of them even gave us a housewarming party, much less gifts. Not even my hubby's relatives gave wedding gifts, but with his aunt even telling us what she was getting us, which never came.
We started buying the precooked holiday meals that a local big grocery makes up, and all we have to do is pick some sides and it's all packed in foil pans, then reheat and serve it. Saves a lot of aggravation. We also limit the number of guests by separating family events into smaller groups and entertaining our friends at different times so they're not all there at once, so we have fewer headaches. Interestingly, friends are much more willing to bring food, probably because they are often in the same boat, while the family expects us to cover it all. No more.
This was interesting!
What’s the point, you still hosted! I would have just gone on a holiday and let them figure it out for themselfs! You still had to do dishes, and clean up.
Send a response text to the Family stating you were not hosting Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.
Well done 👏. You told them nicely , 10 different ways , but they wouldn't listen . 😉 # show them # better than you can tell them 😅 # FAFO season 😂
Ah yes sonta claus