AITA For Telling My Siblings I Don’t Want To Split The Bill Equally Since... - Reddit Family Drama
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- AITA For Telling My Siblings I Don’t Want To Split The Bill Equally Since... - Reddit Family Drama
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AITA For Telling My Siblings I Don’t Want To Split The Bill Equally Since They Have Kids And I Don’t?
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I’m the youngest in my family, with two older sisters who have kids, while I’m single and child-free. Over the years, we’ve had ongoing issues about splitting bills when we go out together. My sisters always suggest splitting the bill evenly, but I’ve been paying for their entire families, which doesn’t seem fair.
This came to a head during a recent Mother’s Day lunch. I finally spoke up, saying I’d only pay for myself and our mom, while they could cover their own families. My sisters weren’t happy, and my mom sided with them, saying I was causing unnecessary tension.
A few weeks later, they invited me to another family dinner at an expensive restaurant. This time, I brought along four friends and insisted on splitting the bill three ways, just as my sisters always do. My sisters were visibly uncomfortable when they realized they’d have to cover the costs for my friends, but they couldn’t argue without looking hypocritical. They reluctantly agreed to split the bill based on what each person ordered.
The next day, one of my sisters called, frustrated that I had gone to such lengths to make a point. I explained that I was tired of being expected to pay more than my share just because I didn’t have kids. She eventually agreed that they hadn’t been fair to me, and we decided to find a more equitable way to handle future expenses. It was an awkward situation, but I needed them to understand how I felt.
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#redditfamily #redditstories #mrreddittales
Split the cost of the mother's meal, and everyone else pay for themselves. Period.
I'd pay for me and mom .. ONLY!
Nah paying for themselves and 100% of Moms meal pure genius, Get to say I pay for me and mom and you only payed for yourself(Fam)
This was my thought. Splitting the entire bill evenly makes no sense since it's about paying for Mom.
Oh my goodness talk about poetic justice. This was a good one.
OP paid for his and his mother meal the second. That was what he wanted to do on the first time.
Why aren’t the broke ass husbands chipping in? 😂
That's what I was thinking 🤔
exactly
I don't really see how it would change anything since they're married. They most likely have a joint account so the husbands are paying already.
They know they are taking advantage. They do it on purpose.
Yes. Soon as the bill comes all the husbands & wives get all quiet. Because they know they can't afford the bill.
So they should have selected a more modest place
Of course they know but they want free money.
There is a thing called being fair, it doesn't always mean being equal.
I always leave the table, find our server, pay for my meal before the check arrives. I always leave the table to get my beers and pay as I go with my drinks. Often another family member will go with me and we bring a round back.
I've found that people don't tip well and I don't want to be a part of that. My cousin's wife tried to leave a $8 tip on a $136.00 check. I'll check with the server afterwards to make sure they didn't get stiffed.
@@glundgren2097 , years ago my older daughter wanted to go to Cheesecake Factory for her birthday. There were about 15 or so of us total. Our 4 kids (adults & families) said they were paying for me and wife. Waitress had two helpers. My older son paid check and others chipped back in with cash. I think he left at least 20% tip. I thanked waitress as we left and gave her a $20 for each of them (3 bills).
I do not understand the point you’re making. Please help me.
It’s not that complicated, pay for whatever you ordered and stop being a mooch and expecting others to fund you, your spouse and your kids. If you can’t afford it, don’t indulge at the expense of others.
@@marilynlincoln7173it's completely unfair for the sibling without a spouse or kids to pay for the other siblings husbands and kids
Screw the mother's 'keep the peace' nonsense. 'Keeping the peace' requires all individuals act in a civil and appropriate manner, not just dumping the responsibility onto one person. Folks like these siblings and mother drive me nuts with anger. And their husbands must be wet noodles to just sit there without automatically offering to pay for their own families.
I agree. My personal motto is "never keep the peace".
"Keep the peace" means be a doormat
Or respond to the family by becoming 'unavailable/busy/etc'.
Exactly. "Keeping the peace" falls apart when one party is acting in bad faith. Don't keep the peace. If you have to fight for what's fair, then fight. The value of peace is never equal to the value of what is right
Your sisters and mom are in the wrong. They are all taking advantage of you. You need to put your foot down and refuse to pay
Sisters are 200% wrong Mom was in a rock/hardplace only 50% wrong more misjudged
I always make it a point to tell everyone when we go out that everyone pays for themselves, because when people tend to "split" the bill then they order things they normally wouldn't if they were paying themselves
Yup. It's amazing how "separate bill please" curbs their appetite.
Same. I always make sure we are on the same page on how we are going to pay. I am planning a road trip and just put together the gas bill to get there because we are all broke 😂 gotta budget
I'd honestly be embarrassed to have my baby sibling paying for my entire family
Unless they offered as "their treat" and even then a reasonable person would be careful about what they ordered
NTA. You proved your point succinctly. Brava.👏👏👏
Stop going out with them. Tell your mom to pick up the tab. Crickets. Chirp, chirp, chirp.
I really hate the " anything to keep the peace people"
With thought and practice you can play an uno reverse on them.
It's Not difficult to tell the waiter to split the checks at the outset. 🙄
Right?!😂😂😂😂. That's what I said
my thinking exactly, I would have said from outset. I'm paying for mine and my mother's, thank you. Please keep my bill separate from theirs. Then, let the sisters decide how to pay their bill.
True.
True. If it's a group, most places now will ask if you want separate checks when you sit down.
I once had this, it was a work colleagues lunch, l was a broke newbie as was another girl. We all went to a new place, l and other newbie ordered just a cheap main and a soft drink. One woman had 3 expensive courses, wine, cocktails, a brandy , some others also ran up the bill. At the end they confidently just tried to split the bill. I apologised and explained l couldn't afford to pay for others, and just paid for mine, one by one the others did the same.. Th biggest eater and drinkers bill was around 7 times mine! We never went out as a group again! LOL
People are crazy
Yeah, they tried the game 'play the newbie'.
Years ago I knew two couples. A man and his wife, and the man's father and GF. So there were five of us.
We started a ( short lived ) tradition where every Saturday we would go to an economy restaurant for breakfast.
First Saturday, I paid. Second, the man paid, Third, the father paid. Then they expected me to pay again. Yeah. One time in three. I suddenly became unavailable.
The "tradition" suddenly died.
Family doesn't take advantage of each other either!! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Sometimes family is the worst offender.
I'd have kept the peace by not attending. You can't make someone pay the bill if they're not there.
You did the right thing. Your sisters were taking advantage. When people are like that, you have to let them see what it feels like, or they’ll never learn.
We are five siblings
When we go out as a big family, each family pays their own bill, especially as each family has different number of members and the ages of children range widely
Due to cultural reasons, my brothers pay for our mother
Sounds very equitable.
@@snidecommenter7117 We did even have to discuss it
I have 3 adult sons and my youngest brother has 3 children but 2 are under 10. They do no eat the same amount
I have 2 niece who are married and both they and their parents can afford to pay for their and their families meals.
My eldest brother will often pays for their meals - this is out of love and not an automatic given
I was half expecting the family to have sneaked off while OP was in the bathroom so they'd have to pay the whole bill. 😅
My husband and I started asking for separate checks a few years ago. We are modest when out for dinner and we don't drink. We got tired of being left to pay around $200 for dinner out when splitting the check with his relatives. We realized we are ordering under $60 between us and paying $140 for other people. We have good jobs but didn't think it was fair as well. My husband told his parents that if they're all upset then they need to watch how much they spend when ordering.
Sometimes, people need to be shown their mistake instead of being told. NTA.
OP should stop paying for the doormat mom too
Absolutely!
It was for mother's day? That was the gift?? 😅😂 Good way to project though.
the first time it was Mother's Day, the second time it was just a family dinner. OP paid for Mum's meal every time. While there's nothing wrong with that, I would never let my children pay for my dinner everytime we went out.
NTA. You were pretty generous offering to pay ALL of Mom's bill. My solution would be: you and sisters can split MOM's bill and the rest? Everyone pay their own. Next time, discreetly ask waiter to give you the separate bills for you and Mom, divvy Mom's into 3, and pay your own and a third of Mom's. Are sisters SAHM's or do they work too? Since the kids are older, they might even be 2 income families since husbands come along? Your sisters are used to making you pay for them. What BS. Love your solution to wake them up! Even splitting that bill would not have been fair, they still had 2 more people (husbands) than you did! Next time? FAIR is you pay for 1/3 of Mom's bill and your own. Period.
Family doesn't take advantage of family. You were being used.
Sometimes family s are the very ones to take advantage of you faster than a stranger.
I absolutely do not believe in splitting the bill at all. That's why I bring cash in small bills to cover my cost and tipping. If it wasn't such a big deal then the sisters shouldn't mind paying her fair share. The mom is toxic to suggest doing it to keep the peace, yet won't admonish her daughters about their behavior.
Splitting the bill equally is actually ridiculous. Each cover their own costs period
Came here to say that. If I wanted to invite someone I'd tell them it's on me. Or sneak of and pay the bill in case of "well if you pay then I'll have the lobster" people.
Her sisters have 2 paycheques for each of their families. OP has one. Each sister should be responsible for their own family and the mom's could be split into thirds. This can be easily done.
I don't know if that's the real criterion because they have to pay for their kids' schools and other things so they might need two paychecks just to get by !! On the other hand they select these fancy restaurants so I can't figure it out
Same problem comes up at work sometimes. Whole office goes out for lunch and they all want to split the bill equally. I don’t drink and don’t order dessert and I’m for darn sure not paying for others to drink. Always ask for a separate check!
I always have this problem, to the point I’ve stopped going. I even tell people why, but they don’t stop if I attend. So I don’t go. At least they know it’s a money reason not an antisocial reason.
Why doesn’t your mother tell your sisters to let it go, in order to keep the peace??
It’s fairest of all to only pay for what you ordered. Everyone has their own bill and is responsible for it. As for the mom who thinks it’s no big deal and peace is so important, I’d tell her that she can pay for it all then. Let’s see if your story doesn’t change when the money is coming out of your purse instead of mine. Considering all the money OP had been screwed out of, I would have insisted on the sister’s traditional 3-way even split to help recoup some of that lost cash and only after saying it pay your own way from then on.
Nope if they have an issue just don't participate. You can take your Mom out or give her a gift. Your sisters are definitely taking advantage and you do not need to cater to them. Their family is their responsibility. Just go low contact with them.
You are not the ahole. Your sisters are entitled aholes. And you were right to put them in their place. They were fine as long as they were benefiting. And they both knew it was not fair and they were benefiting and screwing you over. Personally I would be very low contact with them . I can't stand users who try to gaslight you into giving them what they want
One of the easiest techniques is to be "unavailable".
Pay for what you eat. End of story. It’s nobody’s job to subsidize anyone else’s food or entertainment.
Keep the peace = let me take advantage of you
First thing is tell the waiter you want a separate bill.
That would work
Mom .. ugh… 🤦🏻♀️ why is she even there when she couldn’t correct her daughters.?
Ask for separate checks right up front. You can pay for you and your mom, and each sister can pay for each of their respective families.
Nta. They are taking advantage. They can pay for their own food and their spouses and kids food. There are 6 extra ppl. Who should pay. Don't go to the dinner. Your mother and sisters are abusing you. Screw them, they are all entitled
Just ask for a separate bill for yourself. Then pay one third of your mom’s dinner.
I don't know how Mom always finds out. Let's see the Golden Children run and tell her. That your Mom is on their side, I'd just tell her she and I could go to dinner and I'd pay for everything but I couldn't make the Families dinners anymore. Family helps family. I'd say okay but they shouldn't take advantage like y'all do every single time. It makes it hard for y'all on the bill to blab,blab, blab. The easiest and most fair solution would be telling the waiter ahead of time please put these two on one bill and these two on the other. I mean you'd still be paying for more than just yourself you'd be paying for your Mom too. Seems fair to me. 😊 Then tell them if they don't like that they can kiss your butt.
Well put. Some people are just leaches trying to get others to cover what should be their part only
Don't show up for the crap show.
What a patsy.
But you know the mother won't stand for that, she will complain to OP that she wants ALL her family there and OP will be emotionally abused by the mother for being wrong to exclude her sisters & their families when she knows they are taking advantage of OP.
Ive been in a very similar situation.
In England, 14 year olds can drink wine with a meal.
At my mums birthday meal, i had to watch my nieces and nephews swallow white wine like it was pop whilst myself and my other 5 siblings were expected to settle the entire bill.
I didn't kick off that night, but i did tell my parents that it wouldn't be happening again.
In future we would pay for our food and drink and a share of my parents meal.
If id have set off a bomb, i wouldn't have got more of a reaction!
More abuse has been accepted in the name of keeping the peace than anything else. Peace does not require the abuse of one family member.
Dude this is really simple just pick up the tab for the dinner for you and your mom and tell your sisters just use your imagination
Just cover your meal and your moms ? What's so hard about that.
Your family finally realized they were taking advantage of you. Gou to dinner and the other party drinks a lot they should pay their share.
Finally realized? No, they knew all along, they just liked it because it favored them.
@brianbarber5401 exactly and the op was just lacking a spine to speak up about it!
They knew. OP just finally stood up to them. They ordered so much because they only had to pay 1/3 of the bill.
Always ask for a separate check as soon as the server comes by.
And if there's any pushback from the other diners, never go out with them again. That's how I done it for decades.
He should not have paid for his mom either. Should have offered one third of her meal and leave them two thirds. Also he should have told them to pay back the money from before.
I don’t get the group checks. In Canada, it’s automatically individualized or the server ask who’s with who…
Was in a work group that went out to lunch about every other month. One guy always paid with a credit card so he would scoop up the cash from everyone and put the total bill on his card. We found out later that he was leaving a tiny tip for the wait staff even though most of us left an extra 20 percent to cover our part of the tip. Our estimation of him folded like a house of cards and he was never invited again.
My suggestion if they will not budge, then decline the "mother's day" dinner, and just take your mom out the next weekend for a dinner just the two of you.
Definitely NTA.... Awesome way to give them a reality check😊
You have to teach people how to treat you.
I love what you did! Over 60 & still learning! Thanks nephew!😂😂😂
Its like my cousin's birthday party in a bar. I dont drink and only had a single taco.. he demanded I split the bill with everyone. I said hell no I already paid for my sodanand single taco. He lost his mind screaming at me. I just left. Essentially been nc with him for 7 years now.
Treat your Mom to a lunch for just the 2 of you. Don't go when they plan ahead to split the bill.
The second time, wow. They ordered everything because they thought the brother would pick up a third of it. That’s just so crazy.
Suggest a pot luck/BBQ for future get togethers. End the restaurant outings and other trips, or make your own arrangements and get separate checks.
The three sisters and the two husbands should all split the bill equally.
In a word ... no. Stay strong. Family acts like con artists.
I don't mind paying more when splitting a bill but when people take advantage and go all out like pigs at a trow, then that's not at all fair. There always seem to be that family or friend in the group that pulls this nonsense. If it happens too many times, I would show up for one drink, explain that I can't stay long, leave money on the table and be long gone before the bill comes out.
You handled that perfectly ❤
You can also fix a situation like this. I have an emergency call in the middle of dinner having to leave. After paying for your part
Just flake on eating out with the family and take mom out 1 on 1.
Gently convince them to go to a fancy restaurant then flake as every one shows up with a believable excuses ( car trouble, work, food poisoning, shit pants right before arriving, etc)
I'm so sorry! Maybe next time!
Then invite them over to help paint your house or now the grass or wash your car or pay your bills. But family! Why are you making this a big deal? Your being petty! Your always like this!
I'll bet you know this trick.
If someone understands English, you speak English to them.
If someone understands German, you speak German to them.
If they only language they understand is AH, you speak AH to them.
Family should help each other so indeed, they wanted Her to help them take their families out 😅
Good for OP standing up for himself. When my family goes out to dinner, we battle it out to pay the bill. My husband and I strategize to get the bill before it is brought to the table.
Separate checks. Plain & simple!
“Hey Family, I’d like you to meet my new partner and their five kids. I’m so happy we always split the bill 3 ways!!”
As soon as the server shows up, discuss the bill and that it will be split 3 ways with all picking the cost of the mom. Inviting the group was a genius move.
I think this is fiction. For mum’s birthday, If the restaurant is so fancy and reservations needed to be made weeks in advance, you can’t just show up with 4 extra ppl and expect to be seated .
Bringing 4 grown adults with you, proved the point. They were treating you like the baby who always must do what the older siblings tell them. They knew all along what they were doing was wrong, but they had the Cliches to continue the Grift. You returning the favor, dismantled their excuses.
However, they WILL NOT discuss problems in the future; they are too old and set in their ways. You will have to remind them: YOU wanted us to talk things through, if you aren't willing to address my concerns, or listen to my frustrations, you force me to embarrass you in public to get your attention! I'm amiable with that option.
Technically if 3 adult children are taking their mom out for Mother’s Day each should be paying for 1/3 of moms order as well as their own and their children’s . OP was ALREADY doing more than fair by exclusively being the one to pay for their mother.
Absolutely NTA!
Askinh you to splitvthe bill when their kids and husbands meals are on that bill they are asking you to pay for their kids
And they damn well know what kind of shit they are pulling.
@@snidecommenter7117 I would go sometime and order extra, lots and lots extra. And yo take home. Meaning op takes home a third of the food
I when out with friends splitting do 2 things always let them order first. Then I get something for less
I feel bad for your friends. You invited them in for a free meal, but they all ended paying for their own. You have true friends. They were along for the ride, and it seems like they really enjoyed the point you were making. You have true friends. 😅
Thank god I’m Dutch so “going Dutch” is completely normal here!
Always do separate checks when dining out with your sisters. For special events like Birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, pay 1/3 of mom or dad's meal and all of your own. Your sisters are scamming you.
I just wouldn’t go. That’s absolutely insane.
OP doesn’t have to justify their decision. “I will not be doing that” is all they have to say. Sisters can throw around all the manipulative words they want, but OP is just wasting time trying to have a reasonable conversation when the other party doesn’t want to be rational.
"just keep the peace" "dont rock the boat" but the sisters are the ones rocking the boat and jumping around..
if it was just the 3 siblings and their mom yea split the bill 3ways.
op pays for himself and the mom and the sisters should pay half and half
NTA they got used to not fully paying for their stuff
Nope. I'd never pay for their families. What are their husbands contributing?
Story is waaaaayyyyyy to wordy.
A bit long winded
Most of these stories are way too wordy, especially with how insignificant the issues usually are.
There is only one thing to say in this situation. “I will pay for my meal and split Mum’s meal with you. I will not negotiate on this.” If your sisters want to argue this point, then they are knowingly taking advantage of you and want to continue doing so.
Tbh I'd have had a problem with OP bringing STRANGERS to a family diner on Moms birthday but im glad the sisters were so focused on the money that they didn't think to make it about that without iat being sincere
If one of the sisters had only 1 kid and the other had 3, I'm sure a mountain would have been made out of a mole hill earlier!
Where are the husbands in all of this? Why aren’t they taking care of their families? I’m not trying to get into a debate about gender roles, but I think it’s strange the way these husbands seem to agree that it’s ok to mooch off of their wives’ single sibling. I’m not at the end of the story yet, so maybe I’m about to find out.
Edit: Ok so the husbands never said anything. They’re part of the problem.
I appreciated the little experiment the single sibling tried on their sisters, but the thing I don’t get is why the friends paid for their own portions in the end.
The single sibling said, “I reached out to a few of my closest friends. People who I knew wouldn’t say no to a *free meal,* especially at a place like this. I explained the situation to them and they were all too happy to play along. *I told them to order whatever they wanted,* no holding back.” Then later, “I could see my sisters growing more and more uncomfortable as my friends kept ordering; appetizers, main courses, sides, desserts, they didn’t skip a beat. Then finally, “We spent the next few minutes going over the bill, dividing it up based on what each person had ordered. My friends, who had been silently enjoying the show, *pitched in their share* without complaint.”
So that’s what I don’t get. The single sibling invited their friends under the guise of it being a free meal where they’re intentionally supposed to go over the top with what they ordered, to run up the bill. If I were one of the friends and had been told to overspend because the meal would be free, then was asked to pitch in at the end, I’d be pretty upset. The only thing I can think is maybe the single sibling reimbursed them, but I’m surprised they wouldn’t have mentioned that.
When we go to family dinners, we ask the waiter/waitress for separate checks. No confusion.
Not five minutes in and I think the OP should refuse to join them.
Just don’t go. Invite your mom to go out just the two of you and pay the bill yourself.
I've been out with families and the bratty kids didn't like the food twice so Mom got them a 3rd meal and she fully expected all to split equally (including her kids' 3 meals each, that's 9 entrees those little shits didn't eat) Nope! I ate a salad and drank a Coke and that, with tax and tip, is ALL I am paying. Don't care if restaurant doesn't split checks or I never get invited out again. I am CHEAP, because I'm BROKE. Notice the people demanding others pay have good jobs, fine homes, and expensive cars
I certainly hope you pull the "separate bill" move now.
That's not 'splitting the bill'. If the restaurant won't do separate bills, get up and leave.
I bet the mother was laughing so hard inside, because she knew what was happening.
I love this ending
Tell the waiter separate checks and say who gets which
Nothing about his story was faor or equal. He's right, being a family doesn't mean paying more than you should. If someone invites or has more members than the others that person should pay for his/ her extra ppl, not the single one with no kids or extra parties. Good on this person for showing them what fairness isn't being shown for him/her. It's funny how nobody wants to split said bill when he/she shows up with 5 extra ppl. 🤣 that's what I would have done, too. Check and mate
Luv this Op epic comeback✊🏼👏🏼👏🏼🔥💪🏼🎯💯
In situations like this always tell the waiter at the beginning to bring your check separate from the rest of the people.
Divide the bill by 10. You pay 2 of 10 (you & mom) and each family pays for 4 portions. Or. Don’t go. Man I feel. Sorry. For .the. Server!!
Don't know how your mother kept a straight face. I would have been in stitches nta
They were moochers… imagine being mad because your kids and husband eat and you expect everyone else to pay for them.. the answer is no.
I am a mother of 6 and I foot the bill of mines and! You NTA hun I agree with you!
Wow . We as an Asian family fights for who gets the bill first rather than letting the other pay for it 😂😂😂😂
I thought what this guy did for us not splitting or splitting the bill was great! As a single person, I have gotten stuck more times than I count. When people have said oh let’s just split the bill and we’ll all pay the same thing and I ended up paying for people who are ordering complete dinners or giant pizzas or a bunch of drinks when all I had was a small sandwich and a cuppa coffee. People at work would get really mad at me because I stopped going along with them well they ordered a giant pizza or sandwiches, knowing that I couldn’t finish my portion and then they would get the rest of my food. One day I just said this is baloney and started taking my portion of the food to the fridge and then home that night they were like well you can’t take your food home, to which I said the heck I can’t, I paid for it. Finally, I just stopped ordering food with the group because I was getting screwed time and time again. So back to the story. This guy did what should have been done all along, which was if we’re dividing it by three, I’m bringing my friends and then we’ll show you what three cost because “we family and family should help family “. I just laughed when I read that. I thought it was really funny when he showed his other family members with that feels like when he is one person, and they are 5 to 6 people in a family. Why should he get stuck paying for all of them? Good story!
FFS pay for what you eat unless they offer to pay for it. 🤦♀️
This OP is my hero 😂😂😂