My mom would make people around her think she’s the good mom, and I’m the ungrateful daughter. Something I can’t control, and feel so frustrated about.
@@jacquelynsharp9354 my mother is 89 and desperately needs me to do much for her, and yet she still screams at me how stupid I am, how I make up stories, and gets angry when I won’t go along with the bashing of my father. Last week she hung up on me, even though she knows I won’t call her back, and she really wants to go shopping (I’m the only one who will bring her). I have put up boundaries, and I don’t tolerate verbal abuse from her any more. She can sit home alone…at least I have peace.
Turns out our relative who acted like that went to a Catholic School on the molester lawsuit list, but good luck getting someone like that to admit they may need help or may have been abused.Have you tried talking to her as if she is her 3-year-old abused self?
@@kennedykariuki4289 that may be the case with some but in my case you are incorrect. There has to be a balance. Our sons are in their 30's and while they were disciplined adequately they were also loved AND respected as individuals. Not looked at as objects of ownership and extensions of myself. Thats the difference. We have a close relationship.
Yes you will ❤️ I have a 4yo son and I strive to be everything that my mom isn’t. The journey to break the cycle is an extremely difficult one though... I honestly thought it was just going to take being a better mom than I had. What I didn’t know is that to do that, I had to start by healing the deep deep wounds from my own childhood. Additionally, I’m learning that protecting my son from her is also in the agenda. Unfortunately, she came off looking like the best grandma ever...and this was before I knew what she truly is. So, setting boundaries with her, and finding a balance where my 4yo who wouldn’t understand why he can’t see his Grammy anymore... has been difficult at best. I have very limited contact with her and time with my son is monitored. Please send us some good vibes as we navigate this part of our journey ❤️
I want my mother to understand. I'm 39 and have had a hard life as a result of this narcissistic person..and a father who denies everything. Would it be inappropriate to send my sister (the golden child) this video. Or even send to my mother?
@@denapitter38 deep down I know this...its a hard pill to swallow...the part that kills me the most Is them never knowing ...and the time I've wasted self destructing.
I’ve always been jealous of girls who can call their moms when they need a shoulder to cry on. It seems like such a beautiful thing. I’m soo scared as a mom now that my kids will view me as I viewed her 😖
If you're concerned about it and working to actively be there for your kids, I don't think your kids will view you like you view your mom ❤️ Most diagnosable narcissists aren't capable of reflection or empathy.
That's me as well, always thinking - how it is? How that feels to have supportive, loving mother? I'm seriously thinking to find some kind a mentor, a wise loving, smart woman. If I only know where to search.
Unless through circumstances you ended up in the same house. I do mourn my parents, all three. But, this one is like mourning a loved one that came back as the living dead. I figuratively (and have considered literally ) have to kill the zombie version of mom. It is sorrow mixed with horror. There really is a source of evil that infects people, I'm learning.
@@drivethruabortion280 I hear you. In my case they live a few minute walk away and the stress of invading my space under any excuse or insisting on seeing when they need their narcissistic supply is awful. Especially that each time i naively believe that this time may be different and I get tricked and triggered. And unfailingly each contact leaves me feeling sick. I felt much better when I lived on another continent and didn't have to talk everyday nor see them at all. So i had a greater control how much i exposed myself and whatinfoation to share. I can't imagine the horror of living under one roof. I don't know your situation but unless you're able to grey rock to the point of becoming unattractive as a "target", find a way to move out to protect your mental health and your life. In my case living nearby again (not through circumstances, it was the emotional blackmail i gave up ony plans and LIFE and came back and only through circumstances i got stuck living so close). It's difficult to move somewhere else right now, even more through their constant manipulation but I'm going to. We deserve to live and love our life away from drama they create. Notice how much energy is wasted on their drama, protecting yourself, instead of creating your life. There's little energy left, isn't it? My good friend's advice - remember • whenever you interact don't think "my mum", think a narcissistic mentally unstable person • you're not a helpless child anymore, you don't depend on them to survive so you can walk away (at least from a conversation that's turning nasty) • you don't owe them anything (this one is also difficult for me, manipulated by guilt and emotional blackmail, trained for decades into believing that having my own life, or even enjoying something is "betrayal" which when you think about it is absurd - normal parents should be happy when you're happy and live a great life!)
This has so been my new mantra since about late last year. I knew it, but didn't want to think about it, but she's left me with no choice. She wants me to somehow be more patient than I already am with her, but doesn't realize what it will cost, and I'm not gonna bother explaining again. If she haven't gotten the memo by now then anything akin to doing so is smoke and mirrors, I know she just wants to be perceived as an angel (though of course, not the kind that's gentle even when stressed, or understands that other people have different problems, or that not even someone's birthday can always be about them. That's reserved for her devil daughter 🤪)
Im part of the childfree movement thanks to my mom. Unfortunately, i have lots of narcissistic traits that i will not subject my children to. The cycle of abuse ends with me.
Oh thank you Gods for mentioning how people demonize you if you try to talk about your narcissistic mother and they try saying "you only have one mother etc crap" thank you for your empathy. I have been there and it makes my blood boil how people love to shame you instead of trying to understand. I hate it.
Claire Nichols “But that’s your mother!! She loves you! Do you know how much she sacrificed for you??” Just so insensitive so we’re forced to keep it all to ourselves because truly no one understands or cares to understand
I've sacrificed for her too. Have you ever had your mother want to dress so sexy to where she wants the boys your age to pay attention to her and not you? Have you ever told your mother you have been abused and raped and her reply is "why did you put yourself in that situation?" have you ever had your mother tell you what to be and not be supportive of your dreams? Have you ever had your mother force her religion down your throat and not allow you to find yourself to where you felt like you where only loved if you were who you she wanted you to be and not by being yourself? Have you ever had your own mother make fun of you and pressure you into having sex when you weren't ready because her reason was "its just part of an adult relationship" and that I was beiing a prude or a nun because I didn't want to have sex? when i was a teenager and i didn't like to talk about sex she threatened to get me a nun suit for my birthday. Yes she may love me, but she has a fucked up way of showing it by always feeling like she is in competition with me or feeling like she has to put me down to make herself feel better about herself. She hopes I will fail with my apartment and my marriage so that I will come crying back to her and be glued to her hip for the rest of my life. What kind of love is that? ANSWER THAT QUESTION FOR ME, if you know so much about how my mom loves me? Sweethartia, answer it. Have you ever had your mother to tell you if you lost weight the boys would pay attention to you instead of telling you that you are beautiful just the way i am, or if i had the right clothes, or if i did my hair and makeup just right, i would get more attention???? See, you don't know a thing about the "way my mother loves me" yes she may love me, but its sure as hell not in a healthy way. Don't judge until you know the whole story.
@@clairenichols2858 sweetharia wasn't criticising you, she was commiserating. See the quotations, she's quoting what people say to her and how it isn't fair.
My mother hated me for having being born with multiple talents, having courage, enormous inner strength and wisdom. My father and mother both were talented people. My mother hated to see any good traits or capabilities in any other person than in her and in her 2 daughters who were chosen for the roll of golden child in different periods of time .I am very good at poetry , painting and sculpturing. She hated my work so much that that she had given away all my materials I used for art work without my permission. They are twisted demonic humans. We must gain strength to recover our authentic beautiful divine self. I understand your pain. The human soul is resilient. Narc mothers have no expectations other than seeing their scapegoat a pathetic loser. Their wishes do not come true as scapegoats are born with great deal of blessing too. May all the scapegoats get healed ! May all the Narc mothers pay for their karma ! My demonic queen paid for her Karma and passed away on 1.8.2018 The world lost one of its demons that day. What a relief ! What a blessing !
This is what I say to myself everyday. The fact that I don’t have a mom that truly loves me is the most hurtful thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Nobody understands me & ive been suicidal a few times. It’s just a dark cold feeling in my soul & it’s painful like a heartbreak that never ends.
@@jasariyan I know how that feels. It's even hard for me to see Mother's Day posts, tributes, etc. I've been suicidal before as well. I'm still here. I'm glad you are too.
The holidays are a nightmare for daughters of narcissistic mothers. The mother DEMANDS a perfect holiday gathering and if anyone should dare deviate from her perfectionist vision, she will bad mouth and guilt trip you as if you committed a crime. I am completely done with celebrating all holidays because they were so traumatic for me.
I hated Xmas for this exact reason. She pretty much got rid of xmas in our house as we got older. We never celebrated valentines or our birthdays. Then for her she wanted valentines gifts and birthday acknowledgement. She raised us that way and then expected us to understand how important it was to her, but never did we recieve anything of the like. Xmas was especially hard time. Never special.
My mom bullied me into having Christmas this year at my very little apt. It was after the worst year of my life and then I had to do the holiday.. only for 3 people but still.. Magically she forgot my favorite pie "on the counter all specially wrapped safe to go for the trip" and the other goodies she "promised ". And they left right after I opened presents that seemed she put no thought into. . Ie clothes in 3 sizes too big. She insulted me walking in the door and gave me am anxiety attack within 15 minutes. :'(
Heather Swift I can really relate to your post. I had a mother who made every holiday a nightmare for me. she took extreme delight in bossing me around in front of my extended family, as if to say to them "look how I can jerk her around. I say jump, she jumps. I snap my fingers and she does all the crap work.". I was a complete door mat to that cold hearted woman. No one else lifted a finger to help her, but she treated them like visiting royalty, while I was treated like the village idiot. When all the free loading relatives went home my mother was so exhausted she had to take a nap, while I cleaned up the kitchen. and never a kind word, never a thank you never an act of kindness. I put up with her selfish meanness because she had a heart problem and I didn't want to upset her. any rebellion on my part and I would be blamed for her health problems. it was a no win situation for me. I came to the conclusion that she was a hollow empty shell. No love in her. No compassion, no conscience. if you have a parent like that all I can say is leave and never have any contact with them again.
i already told her all of my plan and she just kind of brushed it off and go with her own way. when its the time for me to go have fun with my friends, she always yell at me and cursed a lot of thing..
Hello!! ❤ If no one has told you they love you today, I do!! I'm a scapegoat about to be free! My mother is on her death bed. A true narcissist never changes. It's amazing to watch someone who can't do anything, including eating, on her own, and still believe she can control and manipulate. 😂 Even at 84 with alzhiemers, cancer, and in hospice. The only thing that is sad, is that she ruined our lives up until now, but she doesn't have one single friend. Not anyone but my sister, my dad who is a complete stuck up narcissist, and me. My sister is the golden child who steals all of mom's money, and pain drugs. I just laugh, and laugh! Guess she couldn't live life being the person she pretended to be and she did it ALL to herself. Only God, if there is one will help her now. I'll be her caretaker until the end ❤
I swear to god the whole "not speaking" about narcissistic mothers is a HUGE contributor to the overall problems in society. We have to stop this unconditional reverence for mothers - you don't have to be a great person to get knocked up and carry a child to term.
Exactly. It's so interesting too how these people expect unconditional love, support and loyalty because they are the "parent" and yet they are incapable of showing the same in return.
My mom showed NO interest in me when I was a kid. Now that I have a successful career she claims I got it from her, and pretends to have the same passion.
Same thing here. I do art and despite that most of her time spent with me as a kid was being played doll with (as in, I was the doll), my mom claims because she painted a couple walls once i got it from her, despite me vividly remembering watching my dad use a coloring book in a unique way and doodle on the margins of notepads and it making me realize that technique exists
Exactly! I have always thought of my mother as an older “bully” sister. When her mom died, I felt like I lost a mother. Now I’m here trying to fit the biological mother into the role. Extremely PAINFUL
They have such fake empathy followed along with their fake crocodile tears. Self-Centered liars. True manipulative behavior. Always the victim when the true victims suffer in silence.
Oh my god my mum does this everyone thinks poor her i have no qualms in saying she looks run down because shes up all night on the phone and drinking vodka and makes life an excuse
Wow Jennifer that's how I feel too about my 76 year old mother. The scary part is , her behaviour is getting worst every day. One day she was getting physical with me.
A narcissist mother, only loves you, as long as you are of use to them. I found, that "boundaries", are a foreign concept for them, because only their wants and needs, are important, and do what they have to, to get them met.
My narcissistic mother destroyed my life. I was the scapegoat child and was neglected, humiliated, hated, bullied and gossiped about others. I went no contact 8 years ago and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. She’s a toxic, nasty woman. And she’s gotten worse as she has aged. Do not feel guilty for going “no contact” with a narcissistic parent. You were neglected as a child, now show them what you went through by neglecting them. You owe them nothing!
I can relate with you! When I was in my early teens I knew I would leave at 18 yrs old. Six days after turning 18, I left home. I got married, finished school, and had a job. Best decision I made for myself. Being a scapegoat daughter really was a mental challenge.
Yes, we don’t owe them anything. We were innocent children who were abused by a parent that was supposed to love,nurture and protect us. I believe in karma and they will get their dues. We need to live our best authentic selves..
@fenderblue9485 I was also telling them I will and I did it once I turned 18 however some family emergency occurred 1month later and I was called back.then again after 3yrs and after 6yrs aka every time I left there was an emergency
@user-pp7rf9wq1y karma yes for ex mental illness. No friends,loneliness feeling unfullfilled,no joy hunted by the bad feelings they nurtured and don't let go You can't go by in life doing shit and remain untouched
It is very painful. You realize that the mother you had wasn't an authentic one, and still isnt. You realize that they are the childish one, that they never really grew up or developed emotional maturity. You realize that they single-handedly declared you unworthy of happiness and love because they can't find it for themselves. You realize that you've become the parent, as if you're "looking down" on them. You realize that they will never truly know themselves. It is heartbreaking. But you can't turn around, for realizing these things is what set you free, and you won't go back.
"But she's your mother." My reply to that is, "No. She's the egg donor." After studying, I've come to realize she is a malignant narc. I was the scapegoat, but I've escaped, and am working on healing. 8 months no contact.
I became the mother I wanted to my kids. I am everything my mother wasn't. There's no contact policy in my home when it comes to my mother. It's 2 years we've not spoken and am happy I did it
Yess... My own mother was evil jealous on my wife that she let other ones beat my wife.. So jealousy is to soft to describe this evil. I had difficulty to accept that my own mother was uch a person, but now I fully see it completely..
When I hit puberty, mom started buying really sexual looking clothing for me, wanted me to dress sexual in front of all of the men who came to visit when dad would come home from work. I didn't understand why she would tell me to change into certain shorts and tops, until one day it dawned on me, ' she's doing this on purpose '. And I started saying no to her and began to cover up. Wore long pants and long sleeve shirts and jackets from them on. Dad was the same.
I was sick in hospital with a serious condition. Guess what, it was still about her. I’m trying to gradually plan my way out. Sending love to everyone 💓
Me too! At 55 I've engaged once again about a year and a half now. The incredible thing is nothing has changed! Its brought up deep seeded things that confused me as a kid, that is being observed as an adult. Now having been able to cleanse these things I'm looking for my exit in a less damaging way. But still exiting! Best of luck to you. One of the most helpful things I found was to keep my plans and information of my future dreams and daily aspirations private from her and her dominions. I hope this helps you.
Yes I feel you. I was in the hospital a few years ago and almost died, and she never came to see me or call me for the remainder of my days there. On my last day when I was preparing to leave, still feeling half dead, she called my room to complain about my daughter, and how my daughter decided not to go to a birthday party with her that day, the day I was leaving the hospital, and whom my daughter didn’t even know the person the birthday was for, because she wanted to be with me instead, to help me get ready and bring me home with my husband. My mom was irritated and angry, and trying to vent at me, when just 5 days prior I had lost 7 units of blood. I was bleeding to death during surgery, and coming back from being so close to death, recovery is like death, I was feeling awful, no energy, in pain, could barely talk. But it was all about her! I couldn’t believe it.
I’ve never gotten a hug from my mother. I hugged her when her mother died or when things went wrong in her relationships but I NEVER REMEBER HER HUGGING me 😂🤦🏽♀️ spot on with the jealousy 😭🤦🏽♀️
6 minutes in, and I’m already in tears. As I’ve gotten older and observed other mother-daughter interactions, I’ve felt a twinge if jealousy. I hear her voice in my head whenever I see any weight gain, calling me ugly and unlovable. I feel sad knowing that she never came to any of my orchestra recitals because it was “too much work.” It broke my heart to hear her say she would rather have pet dogs than have me as her daughter. I always told myself that she loved me the best she could, and in her own way. In the end, it was just my inner child rationalizing abusive behavior and calling it love, because if it wasn’t love, then I was never loved. I wished I had a mother like you, and maybe someday become a mom like you. Thank you for these videos. ❤️
Cindy, I am witnessing your painful experience with so much compassion. You matter. Your happiness matters. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Your mother is ill and down deep hates herself -like all narcs. You can become anyone and do anything that you want in this life, my dear. Know that you are lovable exactly as you are and deserve all of the happiness in this life. Stay on your healing path and you will get there. I am cheering you on xox
Some people seriously should never have been able to have children... But... The irony here is that she did have you, and thus you are alive and able to take your life into your own hands and be happy! I guess our lesson is that we should not even look for love or validation from anyone... Not even our parents... But look Within for our validations and know that we are good enough. Many blessings!
Wow, you had that thing with the orchestra recitals too?! My NM usually refused to come. But if she did, I would be made to feel like a dirty little demon, for putting that burden on her; there would be verbal abuse -- or even violence -- all the way home. (Now I'm here, may I just say the one good choice I've made in my life was NOT to be a mom. I've travelled, studied, worked for charities, had two fantastic careers ... And wild, passionate love- affairs.. And been creative and totally my own person, supported by some wonderful friends - in spite of my destructive NM. You don't need to have kids to be a complete and respect-worthy human, or to earn your place on Earth.)
This almost brought me to tears. I hate when people tell me I only have one mother because they don’t know what it’s likes to have a mother who isn’t a real mother. Being gaslighted constantly by the People your mother has manipulated
I'm so glad I realized this year that my mom is abusive, because I'm 14, which means I have 4 YEARS to save up money and gtfo. I think I'm lucky because a lot of people don't realize until they are an adult and then they are stuck living with them until they have enough money.
I had the same plan but then I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't that bad because she cut some slack. I believe she did that because she saw I could flee. I'm now 25 and I thought it had changed but it just morphed. I hope you'll follow through and get to love freer quicker!
Hi, I am now 24 years old and made the decision to leave home when I was 19 years old. Best choice I ever made. It will not be easy and every time you face hardship you look around your peers and feel envy on how they are able to live at home with loving families. But let me tell you: that loving family you are missing, you will built up yourself!! I would rather face all the hardships I have than going back to living with my mother ever again. You are a smart cookie! I wish you the most luck and persistence! Sending love ur way xx
I wish I had realized this when I was your age and had the ability and strength to leave, but she had me so reliant on her, so convinced that everything I was going through was somehow my fault, or it was all just in my head, and I ended up enduring many more years of torment when I didn’t have to. That’s how much power these mothers can have over you. You’re smart and I pray you can do it!
I didn’t realize how bad my childhood was until I was raising my own kid. Memories would come back from my own childhood, and I’d look at my kid doing something age appropriate (terrible 2’s) and remembering how my parents dealt with us as kids. I couldn’t imagine treating my precious child how they treated us. When I shared some of the milder punishments I received growing up. At 8 years old, he was able to point out how fucked up my upbringing was. He’s almost 28 now, and he is doing so much better in life than me. I’m so PROUD! My own mother HATES that her grandchild is doing so well. She saw me as a “terrible” parent and said so every chance she got. She’s still criticizing him. He got 2 college degrees, the first in automotive engineering. He got his 2nd degree in 2020, and is now working as an electrical engineering and makes more money per year than his father and I combined! The abuse cycle stopped with me.
This mine everything is a complaint and never good she like really tried to dismiss everything good about me I had a stroke after having my last like and all she could talk about is why did I want to have a baby at this age as if it was like I wasn't like her I didn't feel like having abortion after abortion after abortion like she gets mad because I have my kids the way I had my kids she'll say what when you get pregnant you don't want the man no more so what you telling me is when you got pregnant he was trying to keep a man I'm not trying to keep no man I never got pregnant cuz I wanted the man after I got pregnant I really wanted to leave the man alone cuz they were very toxic ass men and she just but now I'm living in my grandmother's house and I want to get out because I don't want to deal with her so I'm thinking about changing my phone number just to clear cuz she got my oldest daughter narcissistic like her ass to I'm just tired of them
Your mum sounds just like mine she did everything to ensure I didn’t reach my true potential. She would criticize my children and never showed them any love. Now that my daughter is in law school she tried to connect with her by leaving her messages telling her how much she loved her. My daughter will not acknowledge her. My son is doing exceptionally well too..They think they broke our spirit but in fact we became stronger never wanting our children to have childhoods like our.. Yes, indeed the generational abuse cycle has stopped..❤️
The day I went no contact with my mom was a day I was freed! I felt so much relief and joy! I cannot believe it took me 50 years to discover what "it" was! I'm focusing on being the best mother and grandmother for my family! Amen!
Yes and they deny deny deny to the point where you believe they are almost like saints, like they would never betray your trust and they do at every turn!
Being an only child of a narcissistic mother I feel like I am both the golden child AND the black sheep at the same time. Thank you for making this video and opening my eyes to the toxicity of that relationship. I have been contact free for 6 months and honestly never felt healthier
I definitely understand I too am the only child and have experienced this. I am almost one year no contact with narc mom, narc grandma and aunts who are flying monkeys. ♥️
Yep. Same here. Golden boy till the first big slip up. Like failing 1st exam attempt at medical school or something similarly terrible and humiliating for the family.
I’m an only child for a narcissistic mother too. It feels so ugly that I have no escape from this relationship, my parents are aging and I’m so hurt by my mother’s daily behaviors but I can’t leave them . I’m just stuck in there I even thought and tried suicide. My life is a mess
I am the caretaker of my narcissistic mother. Today in the parking lot a woman says to me that I am lucky to have my mother, because her's passed away and she misses her. My first thought was, well I probably won't miss her and I will be relieved when she is not around. I just smiled, and didn't speak up because I knew she wouldn't understand where I was coming from. And surprisingly, empaths are so understanding of others pain and suffering, no one ever have to talk about their feelings.
I'm recently had narcissistic mum age 71 move into our home. My partner thinks I'm insane to feel so traumatised by her, because hes not around when the claws come out. He was so shocked when I said Im not looking forward to her death but when it comes, the first thing I hope to feel is a great sense of relief and lifted weight and obligation
Many years ago I said the same and someone told me that I was wrong. Deep down in me I knew I was right. "They are no mother and father, they are abusers" and they play the game very well that others do not see the real picture and give the child the help that is needed...
I do not give her the "M" word. She does not deserve it. I'm sorry you don't have a mom. My friends' moms were my moms. Which now I understand why I loved them soooo much. Sorry for your pain.
It takes time and we have to accept they are mentally ill. Focus on the being the best you can be and create an amazing life. Why let the narcissist take more from you by living in pain? Life is short ..I wish you well..
I was 9 yrs old and I had gotten my period. I was so embarrassed bc mainly I didn’t know what was happening. My mother never told me about having periods. I thought there was something wrong with me, so I told her. I was crying and crying and I begged her not to tell anyone! No more than 5 mins later she told my brother, my stepdad, even phoned my real dad to tell him. I was crushed. They were all staring at me. That was one of the most painful childhood memories. Narcissistic mothers want to humiliate you. It’s real.
Same. My mother told everyone how much I weighed and they laughed at me. I was 12. Hugs. It’s heartbreaking to have a mother like that but after a few years of staying away as much as possible it gets better.
My narcissistic mother is very argumentative. She starts drama, then play victim to everyone around her. I haven’t talked to her for 6 mos. I had enough of her drama, as i have to focus on my ailing son…which she doesn’t care to offer help. At one time, my mom told me that she gave up her career with Meryl Lynch and said that my step dad forced her to. She doesn’t have a bachelors degree, just a high school diploma. I knew that she was exaggerating. I just got tired of the same b.s. from her yearly. She caused me and my sister so much psychological stress since we were kids. She got away with so much. She even tried to manipulate my 7 yr old daughter against me when i had her sleep over; I thought that they would bond. Boy I was wrong.
I just woke up and realized at age 40 that it will never be enough for her. No matter what I do to help, honor, please, or uplift my mother, it is forgotten in an instant when I do or say something that she feels I shouldn't do or say. It could be as simple as wearing an outfit she doesn't like or mentioning a movie that she thinks I shouldn't have watched. I have tried my whole life and I always end up somehow feeling like I've done something wrong. I constantly feel guilty whether I'm in her presence or not.
Please get physically away from her Wish I had instead of trying over and over of trying to get her love, approval, anything king and loving. Never happened. She ruined my life. Get far away from her. God bless you
OMG! My mother is a master at divide and conquer. So devious. So two faced! A total bitch! Funny thing is, the more I talk about it to strangers, thd more people I find who's mothers are the same. Feeling ashamed of how you feel about uour mum is part of the trap. Tell people. Let them rhink shat they like. A reasonable person will listen and not judge you. Another Narc will use it to try to shame you, thus making them selves feel superior and powerful. Its a great way to sort the Narcs from the normals...
Not having a mothers love has crushed me. I still don’t understand how she could not try. But through therapy I’ve realized she isn’t capable. I’m no contact. Your videos have really helped me with my guilt.
Most of my life I was wondering why the relationship with my mother didn't feel right. I always had the impression that she was obsessed with me, she always tried to make me feel guilty. In front of others, she presents herself as the best mother who loves her children so much. She is also the victim of her circumstances and us, her own children. My brother and I both moved across the ocean to be away from her. Now I know why.
Very similar things for me. My father has severe NPD which I was aware of from a very young age. So of course getting attached to my mother was fundamental, and I was her golden first born child so she used me a lot. It took me a long long time to realize that she has narcissistic personality traits aswell and I am only starting to unpack how that unfolded and all the consequences. It's such a painful process. Living far away is helpful. But I think, for a while at least, staying carefully in contact helps figure out where the problems come from!
My mom has to look like she’s kind and thoughtful around other people she cares more about their impression of her than ever doing the right thing. I used to think my problems revolve around an abusive incident in my childhood when the reality was she wasn’t capable of helping me work through the trauma because the approval of her sister mattered more than raising me to be well adjusted and she’d lie to me about taking care of the situation and forced me to continue having to go to family functions where I developed an eating disorder as I turned too good so I didn’t have to interact where she’d give me the mom look because I didn’t act the way she wanted me to. It was like being under a microscope
Sounds like my mother.. life of the party. Little do they know who she actually is behind closed doors..She loves to be the centre of attention and sulks like a child if no one is paying her attention. Thankfully I live in Canada ..
It took me decades to realize exactly what you are, saying is my experience… I just never knew there were so many more people out in the world who have suffered as I have! I'm not sure how to feel about that!
My parents tried to tell me as a young child that I had learning disabilities and special needs. I learned after my dad passed that none of it was true and I have a high IQ. Knowledge is power.
Amanda K. I have a high IQ, too. My parents were told this when I was 7 or 8, but they NEVER acknowledged it to me. in fact, they constantly worked to make me feel stupid.
I'm tired of trying with my mom and she's getting worse. I'm moving to a new city soon and when I move I want to go complete no contact with her. She is a smothering narcissist. I need to breathe and have my OWN life and identity. I will also be turning 30 this month and I have suffered enough of my youth with my mom's crazy antics and the stress of the relationship. I'm praying for protection as I go forward and that I can find a law to protect me from sabotage and retaliation from her.
Best advice: Ignore her. Because Narcissists will try to sabotage and retaliate, even decades after you've cut them off. Just ignore her and go live your life.
Emma Alvarez My hearts absolutely broken for you. I can’t imagine that long of a time with one of these creatures I honestly prayed for you. I’m so sorry
I literally feel that my career, finances and personal success was sacrificed because of my narcissistic mother. I feel so broken right now. And the regret tortures me.
I was the golden child, her confidant, therapist ... pitted us kids against eachother and destroyed our relationships etc..etc..the list is long and horrifying !! Once I became an adult I started disagreeing with her and boy the guilt trips, punishment, silent treatment... wowee !! I mourned the loss of her for 4yrs until I cut her out of my life.. took me 10yrs, finally did it 6.5yrs ago. Of course she became the victim and I'm the psycho child. They are very sick dangerous people.
@@sadiafarzana6208 yes you will. It takes time, love yourself and work on healing your inner child. Focus on building a great life for yourself. You will be ok and life will be peaceful.
Having to cut off my mother was not the hardest part at all for me personally. Wondering what was wrong with me was and trying to solve why I wasn't being loved and blaming myself was.
Same here , I really went deep in my pain and really let out my hate ( a great friend helped me ) until I felt the love I have for her and the need for her love and at the end I had the deepest realization I WILL NEVER get loved by her .it has been 3 years no contact at all . Put huge boundaries on my brothers to not talk to me about her .and I don’t talk about her to them . I think of her has emotionally handicap and I am able to forgive but since she is the same person she will continue to damage me , Now my life is to stop some behaviour I got from her and father and not repeat with my son , Just sharing amongst same people that understand .is a blessing 50 years of suffering was the time it took me . Josee
i have gone No contact with my Narcisstic Mother, 2 yrs now. I still hear the cruel things in my head that she said to me as a child, it was awful. I still remember these things, trying to deal with it
I went no contact December 27 2013. It's coming up to 10 and a half years - she had my wife and I in court whilst my wife was 8 months pregnant with my third daughter. My Narcopath mother has never seen my third daughter who is now ten and a half years old. I still get fuming thinking about her and have to go for walks about how she cruelled me at critical points and toyed with me like a mouse and she the cat. But it is deeply satisfying knowing she is withering into her mid 80's, alone, whilst I am surrounded by my wife and 3 daughters in the middle of my own family. No contact is a slow burning, sweet karmic exhale. 🙏
Spot on that people whose parent is not a narcissist have no idea and quickly jump to advice like “you only have 1 mother, she is your mother after all” It only makes you feel worse.
Your so right mines called CPS on me so much like one time she came to my house cleaned out my refrigerator the next day CPS showed up at my house go straight to the fridgerator you know what this b**** says ain't you happy I'll clean out your fridgerator he'll know you're the one that to call them
This is true for me, too. I have shared intimate thoughts about my marriage, kids and work and my mom files it and then uses it to hurt me later. Or, shares it with my sister.
Growing up as an only-child with a narcissist mother was hell, my dad, as sweet as he was/is, was a classic "passive enabler", too scared to ever speak up, so he took a back seat and always sided with her. I had to always walk on egg-shells, I was hyper-sensitive to her moods and bodily/facial cues, and I would live in fear of the narcissistic rages that she would fly into at the drop of a hat. On a daily basis, I was criticized and put down, nothing I did was ever good enough. I internalised all of my anger and took it out on myself, to this day I find it hard to express anger. Everything was about her image, she would force and coerce me to make decisions to suit her. She even forced me to terminate my 4 month pregnancy when I was a teenager (I felt I had no choice at the time), almost 20 years on, I am still haunted by this. On my wedding day, she decided to tell me the "real reason" why she didn't want any more kids -basically she had found my birth to be so degrading and horrid that she couldn't bring herself to ever do it again!. My kids don't like spending time with her, and I've made the decision to try and have as little contact as possible. From what my kids have told me, she has been a bitch to them when they are in her care (she just can't help herself). My mental health is not great, I suffer with depression, anxiety and eating disorders. I first wanted to end my life at 8 years old. My mother still has the power now to make me want to end it all now, she still makes me feel like the biggest disappointment (especially now that I'm going through a divorce). I am so glad that finally, I am able to recognise what my mother actually is -narcissic, it gives me some relief that it was never me with the "problem", but HER.
So sorry for what u went through. I am also an only child with an ex-narcissist mother. Little contact helps. that reduces the effect they can have. Eventhough the pain from the past doesn't go away, at least new pain wont be added.
I am almost 50years old and I remember as a small child asking my mother “mommy do you like me?” I could tell something was wrong. I never had a mother who was gentle or kind towards me as a child. I received that from my father. And she was jealous of that. She and my father had a very contentious marriage - a lot of verbal abuse - and she would use me to hurt my father. Fast forward and back in Nov 2021 my father passed away. My mother is jealous of my grief and she has driven a rift between my brothers and I. Same thing she did to my father. All of her rage and hatred towards him is now focused on me, my adult niece and her children because we are the ones grieving for daddy. My last conversation with my mother last week, she verbally abused me, called me a deceitful woman, told me she was finished with me, all because I wanted to help my niece with her grief and she hates my niece (her granddaughter). This abuse came one week after I had been working hard to get my mother the benefits my father left in place for her through his employer. When that happened I was the good child. But she is a miserable hateful person, and I am trying to help my niece move out on her own. It’s time for my brothers to take the abuse from their mother now.
Wow we experienced almost the same things!😳 She was so angry at me after my dad passed away and i was grieving. İ m sure She was jealous of hım dying because he took away all the attention away...
My dad (very supportive and a great father) once told me that "she knows all your buttons...because she installed them" it's been so difficult to change my reactions, but knowing this was helpful.
Im 51 and all I can say is that you have to Put yourself 1st. It is going to feel selfish and wrong at the moment and wrong When you 1st do it, But you have to come to the understanding that your mother is never going to be what you want her to be..... The only way to thrive with A narcissistic mother is is to prioritise your own life, sanity, welfare, health And healing. You must be prepared at any point to walk away and not come back. Once I started doing this and understanding that she was never going to view me The way a normal mother Would, Then my life started to get better. You must at all costs stop giving your power away to her........ I'm sending you so much love...... You've got this..... You can do it xx
"Her ability to ever love you, actual love you is very limited." Wow, I've felt like this my whole life. I'll even take it a step further, she will never really truly accept you unless you do exactly what she wants. I don't think i've ever had any encouraging words from my mom, it's either very critical, negative or judgemental. To this day the shame and guilt I feel when I'm around her is overwhelming. I am recognizing this now and I am taking actions to seek the help I need. Thank you Terri for the tips, I'm glad I came across your channel. Much luv....cheers.
No contact is like a breath of fresh air kicking the devil out of your family. Never invite them in again. Period. Anyone asks why, They should Already Know the answer. Eff em
Spot on! 😭 I’m 33 and so behind because of the manipulation. Ridding trauma. Her slandering my name to her siblings and their spouses and me just being so misunderstood
I am identifying some of these traits in my mother. I always wondered how she became friends with my Childhood Friend when I moved away. She migrated to live with me and refused to get a credit card she slept on my couch for years. When I tried to buy a house she talked me out of it stating it's too far because she does not drive. Three years went by and I bought the house and messaged her after, she asked how many rooms and said she is going to sleep. It has been over two weeks and she has not asked to visit the house. I am happy that I no longer need her approval, I do not trust her or my brother.
I have very limited contact with my Narc mother, and when I do, I only focus on talking about the good and successful things in my life, and how happy I am, she HATES it 😂😂 the happier I am, the more she suffers, it’s a win win
Tina Cheung My mom is the same way. Sometimes she’ll try to act like she’s happy for me, but she’s so fake that I literally see right through the act. It really is funny.
My mother is the most negative person I’ve ever known. Hasn’t contributed to society in any positive way, but she thinks she has. Looks are everything to her and she puts everyone down. The thing is, she has become as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside and expects for me to buy her beauty products to fix it. There aren’t enough cosmetics to fix the ugliness. My mother is like a black 🕳. If she’s given something, it’s a cue to immediately start asking for something else. Never ending.
I feel like I’m seeing the truth for the very first time. I always tell myself that I am wrong and how could I possibly think of my mother in this regard? The more videos I watch about narcissistic mothers, the more I realize that I’ve been right. I need to start healing.
I spent 30 years “running away from home”-to the point of going to Asia for 6 years- because I couldn’t bear to be around my mother. I struggled with terrible guilt for years that I was a crappy daughter because a loving daughter would want to visit often and call her mother every day. I could barely force myself to call once a week. It’s taking me half my life to realize that the reason my mother showed very little interest or affection in me Was not due to a deficiency in myself, but rather in her. My three sisters all have self-esteem issues due to her as well but I feel like I got the brunt of it because I couldn’t pretend as well as they could to be as shallow as her. When I tried to express myself at home, I would be gaslit endlessly- I was too sensitive, I was stupid, I was lazy etc….all because I was not an acceptable reflection of her. Now I’ve come back home after a series of setbacks and I’m trying to get back on my feet but my mental health is not great. My mother is now 87 and in a steep physical decline. Being sick and in constant pain has only made her meaner and more self-absorbed. I try to offer as much help as I can with household chores, cooking and trying to engage with her. Most of my overtures are rebuffed because she is too proud and stubborn to accept help even from her kids. I thought maybe after so many years apart, as she may have softened and actually would be glad to have me around, but the fact is my mother doesn’t like me very much. We used to make excuses for her, saying that she was so non-demonstrative because she was shy. She’s not shy… She just wants to control the situation and she also doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do even when her health is at stake. She brings out the worst in me and I really don’t like who I am around her. She makes me feel like garbage and always has done… That’s why I never wanted to come home, because I would have to claw my way back to some semblance of Equanimity after every visit home. Now that I’m living with her again, I have to take a hefty dose of anti-depressants to cope and although it’s better than it was, my mood and zest for life is still in the basement. I am heartbroken about resigned to the reality that it’s too late for my mother and I to have a better relationship than this. The best I can hope for are better moments, but her decline will continue. It’s not a good place to be, and I wonder if I will have any future to look forward to. Being back in her orbit at my age feels like being incarcerated in a halfway house for Life Failures. I had so many hopes and dreams as a younger person, and I even realized some of them, but I’ve boomeranged back to my mothers house- My worst case scenario really. Being back is everything I feared it would be… I feel trapped. I lost my dad 20 years ago and I feel like I’ve gotten insight into his last years living with her…they can’t have been good. I feel like his proxy now because my mother has accused me of “being just like him“. I said thank you but she didn’t mean it in a complementary way. My sisters and I are agreed that any good qualities we have came from our father, not her. It’s a tough pill to swallow at the age I am to realize that my mother actually resented her marriage, her children and her life. She says we were wanted but I think it was some idealized version of kids in the abstract that she wanted… The kids she wound up with proved disappointing and she’s never been able to hide that fact.
I shocked when others appreciate what I'm doing while my mom always treat me like I'm nothing. Maybe you should go out meet appreciative people, it might help to build your confidence 💗
My narcissistic mother caused me a lot of pain and emotional trauma, but I think it made me a stronger and smarter person at the end of the day. From years and years of arguing with a narcissist I got really good at logical reasoning, as I would try literally everything to get her to understand my point of view.
Still going through this with mine. I'm 47 and truly only started waking up to all this about 10 years ago. My mother is 72 now and I only started putting real boundaries down about 4 years ago. It has not been pretty but I will stay the course for mine and my children's sakes.
Ive always been jealous of the relationship other kids had with their parents, especially with their mothers and i never knew WHY my relationship was nothing like theirs. It took me 25 years (im 26 now) to realize that i have a narcissistic mother. And i have no idea how to cope with this. All i know is that the pain she caused me and still is causing me isnt worth it.
run far and run fast...they will never change and never stop abusing you. I am 55 and just figured this out after my mother yelled at me when I called her to tell her my husband of 17years just had a heart attack and died in front of me.
Yes, leave and rebuild your life somewhere she can’t get to you. They never change and will just cause more hurt and pain throughout your life. They are incapable of loving..
My principles are basically - don't share information (they weaponize all info against you), don't react, don't show emotions (they smugly use this against you to lie that there's something wrong with you), don't personalize their behavior (it's a function of their disorder, not you).
@@emanuel_soundtrack Basically just recognizing that their behavior is about them, not you. I think it's important to depersonalize a narcissist's behavior because it helps to understand their actions as a reflection of their disorder rather than taking them personally, and therefore protecting one's emotional well-being. Many narcs became that way because they were mistreated by other narc(s) and developed their toxic defense mechanisms.
I’m the oldest and I’m the scapegoat. I became an emancipated minor at 17. I’m almost 60 now and I wish there had been a diagnosis foe this condition. 40-50 years ago. I’ve lived most of my life with this abuse. The child in me keeps hoping for change. But out of self-preservation I had to bail and heal the best I can. When i left and her narc supply dried up, she engages my siblings in an all out campaign of humiliation, gossip, gaslighting, blaming and shunning. It’s been a very confusing, painful, lonely life.
💞 Me eldest too... she died in August. Dad now carrying on her legacy - (why did that surprise me?) And the 2 sisters still on board the golden child ride.... 57 and just sick and tired of it all. Xx
What courage to leave when you did, you are so very strong.. I was the scapegoat in my family too.. my brothers and my father all stick up for her and no one sees what I’ve gone through. It is lonely, but good and loving people out there can help to fill that hole xx
I wished I had "awakened" earlier in my life. I am 52 and just now learning to discover who I am, and realizing that I have a say in my life. Thank you so much for helping me understand that I am not alone and I deserve happiness.
Dont worry how long it took so many of us never figure it out. I sincerely appreciate these informing TH-cam videos helping to clarify what was not clarified via all the reading I have done. Hugs...there are others out here like us so you are not alone🌹 Healthforthesoul.youngevity.com
Same here! I am also 52 and was wondering for a long time, whether I was so stupid to figure it out! So, do not worry about it. Time is an illusion! Be happy, that you have figured it out and enjoy your beautiful self!
You deserve happiness!!! It took me 53 years before I woke up and over 3 years of therapy. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER❣️I’m so glad I got out of that. Life is so much better without them.
Here to reinforce what I already know. I have been no contact with my mother for 4 years now after I discovered her true character in the most shocking way. I flew her and my disabled sister from South America to UK for a once in their lifetime holiday, all expenses paid by my husband and I. They were happy for the first 3 days, but soon started to behave oddly. I couldn't understand what was wrong, so out of impulse, I decided to leave my phone in the car, recording the conversation, whilst I went to the supermarket and my mother and my sister stayed in the car. Well, when we all got back to the house I made sure they were settled in their room and decided to listen to the recording... Long story short, they were telling each other how much they hated me and my husband. My disabled sister was telling my mother to really abuse my willingness to take her shopping and spend my money because I never really helped them with anything. They also said that as far as they were concerned they thought that everything in the UK was rubbish and the food we were feeding them was terrible. I could not believe what I was listening to. They went on and on. To make matters worse, my sister started pretending that she was sick so they could go back home earlier. Which meant that I had to change their flight tickets and pay a huge difference. In the end, thank goodness for my supportive husband, we booked them an earlier flight and got rid of them. My other siblings told me how badly she spoke of me and how badly treated they were while in my house. After this event, a deluge of memories came back to me and everything started clicking into place. Once I learned her true character I realised I cannot resume contact with her. My mental health suffered massively. I'm on medication for anxiety and every time she tries to reach me I feel that wave of doubt, anger and pain all over again.
I pray your deliverance and peace in the Lord in Jesus name. I know it is hard, but try not to let them control you in Jesus name. When we don't forgive people that mean they control us.
Hi! I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused by my mother. God bless you for devoting your career to rescuing children of narcissistic parents. Thank you so much validating the abuser: I took me 59 yrs to see it in all angles & confirmed that I have to cut her off: she said I am not invited to her funeral.
I have accepted that my mother is selfish and jealous. I love her but I do not like her. I allow myself the right to not like her. I’ve changed my dance and she’s trying all efforts to pull me in. Nope. I’m in therapy and out of her web of misery. ☺️ Peace feels amazing ❤
I’ve been in terrible denial about this. My mother is a text book narcissist, she checks every single box. I kept hoping if I healed enough I could make it work between her and I. It’s not possible and this video really solidified that for me. Thank you!
Me too. Perhaps realising we cant amend this relationship it'd be easier to shift focus on protecting ourselvves from more harm from them. What really makes me suffer is that each time i expect it'd be different, she would finally show me love and care. It's time to mourn the kind of a relationship we've never had and will never have with them. And move on.
"Your wedding isn't about you, it's where I get to invite my friends." or "Really, a miscarriage is just your body's way of getting rid of flushing the system." These are real things my mom has said. She also ends a lot of conversations with "If you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it." These videos are so helpful in building a safe relationship with her.
@@SquirlieMcSquirrel Congratulations! Do what you need to do to make *you* happy! If it makes you feel better my mother just told my 22 year old daughter that she won't come to her wedding because relatives she doesn't like will be there. When once I would have been hurt by her selfishness now my response was "easier for me" 😂.
I'm almost 62 years old and my mother is getting ready to celebrate her 80th birthday. It makes me mad when I see how sweet she can be on social media. She knows the right things to say and do, but in real life it isn't like that at all. When I was younger, and probably still today, she would martyr herself after an argument. Call her friends and tell them how bad I had been, and then say she must just be a bad mother/grandmother. They, of course, would feed her ego and tell her No, you're a good mom, it isn't you. To this day, I feel scummy around her friends.
I don't have to watch this one. Go no contact and never open the door again. She did enough damage when I was a child. Been no contact for years and it's a blessing.
I’m never going to have kids and my mother would always try to talk me into having kids so she can be a grandma and take care of my kids. It always made me horrified and I would not want her anywhere close to my kids if I had any. Gives me chills to think of her touching my child.
After 47 years I went no contact AFTER saying everything I ever wanted to say. It was the best decision I have made. I will see her at her funeral and I am ok with that.
I am so sorry that it has gone that far. I am trying to hold onto a string of relationship that we do have. She pushed me to the point today that I blew up. And guess what, it was all my fault and I am a evil person. Praying for me and you both.
I as well finally stood up to my mother . I got so sick and tired of her verbal vomit to me I finally just exploded and decided enough was enough before she ruined my health. I don’t care if I ever see her again . I can find no words I would ever want to share with her, nor will I spend the money on her at her funeral . May she rest in peace and so will I !
It is hard... i am 50 and when she is near my heart rate goes up.. nobody believes why i feel tense around her and my brother which is the golden child.... even if they dont talk to me i feel observed... judged... criticised... I honestly how to feel strong around them.
I make myself incredibly positive and I stay superficial in conversation. When my mom starts talking about someone to me I just say let them be who they are. Their path is theirs and yours is yours. Whenever she brings up my past i say I LOVE Myself and I have a great life. Shuts her right up. HAHA doesn't erase my pain of 45 years with her but it does help in the moment. Sometimes I let her get to me and I hate myself afterward.
My mother is a narcissistic parent. I realized it long ago. It was really hard for me to accept it until today. She was shouting at me scream how I’m a horrible person how I ruined the family etc. she was saying so many things to tigger me. Of course I responded i said stuff back and she attacked me physically. She started to beating me. ( not the first time. She even broke my nose. I’m used to it. ) I fought back. My sister was trying to separate us. Then for the first time after years I saw an evil smile on her face. A smile how she enjoys the situation. Like I don’t know how to express. After i saw that smile I automatically paused and ran away. This is the moment where the acceptance started for me. The acceptance the truth slapped on the face. It hurts more than the real one. That’s who she is. A narcissist and I can’t do anything to change it. I need to save myself immediately. Protect myself. I locked myself in the room watching videos to keep myself distracted then i found this video. It really made calm down. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. 🙏🏼
Same here hun, my vulnerable narc mum has somehow made me feel like I could never leave fully to live alone especially since my narc dad died 10 years ago because she’s so codependent. She’s 80 and I’m 45, I’ve always been somehow convinced if I was single that the “best thing for me” is to live back with her too, I’m ONLY just realising how toxic this is NOW bc my dad was the obvious narcissistic and she was a victim there but enjoyed the martyrdom of it bc she chose to be the passive aggressive wife and not divorce him bc she wanted his money. To this day, she still love bombs me which is so very confusing so I am planning my exit strategy finally! Good luck to you and your situation! I am so sorry that there is physical violence in your house, that’s just so wrong. Team scapegoat! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
You are definitely not alone and worthy of so much more. I pray you see healing in your life and heart, and that those lies she has told you through her words and actions, all fall away as you see your true God-given worth 💟 I love you (even though I don't know you) and God loves you
That is so crazy I saw the exact same disgustingly sick smile on my mothers face when my two-year-old son was throwing a tantrum and clawing and punching me in the face and she just laughed on her front porch and said nothing and every time I let him see her when we leave I say, "we love you mom" and she says, "I love YOU Hardy", how much these narcissists are exactly the same is Eerie & spooky in a way that makes me think they are all clones and maybe perhaps not even real people at all...
When you grow up with a narcissist mother it's like having a roommate who does irresponsible and inappropriate behavior. I believe they are just unfortunate victims of demons invited in through trauma . Thankfully I haven't seen her in 12 years and haven't talked in 4 yrs and life is peaceful.
Raised by an active codepedent and a convert narcissist. Thank god I realized this at 18. Being the quiet golden child is so hard. At least I'm moving next month.
Wow, I have a very similar situation. I'll be 18 next month and on my birthday I am moving states to escape my narcissistic mum. The problem is the psychological damage she has done, conditioning me to worry what others think of me, how I act and treat other people. I have become very similar to my father, extremely giving, which is also probably due to the fact that I was constantly seeking praise (and of course never got it) from my mum as a child. I hope you succeed in ridding yourself of the cruelty that your narcissistic parent has caused, and I'm sure you will do well living out of home!
The lying and the smear campaign is the worst part of all of this. She has convinced everyone I’m the bad guy. She’s mad because: 1. I called her out in her treating my brother like a child 2. called her out on her lies 3. The 2k I gave her in rent every year while going to college and cleaning / doing everything in the house was not enough. I still owe her money from when I lived with them while going to college. (They did not pay for my college or anything ever). I’ve had two of my aunts call my phone to cuss me out for some lie my mother told them. Fun times. Narcissist suck & Toxic families suck.
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Rina. She certainly displays signs of a narcissist. I'm glad you're here and I hope the content is helping to guide you ❤️
@@terri_cole thanks. It definitely feels better to know you are not alone because they definitely make you feel as though you are crazy when in fact they are the crazy ones.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You deserve love and support. If you can, PLEASE CHANGE YOUR NUMBER. That’s something I will be doing soon to stop and flying monkeys and create no contact.
My mother treats me like I'm her ex husband. She talks sown about me to everyone, even complete strangers. Today, she "broke up with me" because she "doesn't support my lifestyle". I don't even know what that means. I own Pizzazz Piercing and Tattoo in Gainesville, FL. My shop was just rated second most influential business in the city. I don't drink. I don't smoke anything, or do any drugs. I've raised two boys, one of which is a successful adult who's about to have his own family with his wife. The only thing I can think is that I'm not conservative.
She doesn't sound "conservative" herself so I don't really know what you're talking about? She's simply a narcissist. You're giving her the energy she wants even trying to figure her out.
Mine is jealous, plays all of us against one another (especially when it’s too peaceful) and loves chaos and fighting, lies constantly and is over sensitive. Drives me crazy that she befriends my friends- sooo weird and uncomfortable! I feel empty when I hear “I love you.” Once she humiliated me in front of ‘friends of the family and their kids.” Later, in a restaurant, brought it up in front of the same people while having brunch with them. I was so enraged that I stood up, and while clapping said, “Congratulations mother, you have managed to humiliate your own child. You must be so proud of yourself.” Nobody spoke for a long while - you could’ve heard a pin drop 😅. I almost always heard, “you only have one mother,” so finally stopped telling people.
I am just now realizing this is what she is. I started to finally see that it’s not normal. She calls my friends and talks bad about me. Tells stories that just are not true. I am sad life isn’t normal for us.
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My mom would make people around her think she’s the good mom, and I’m the ungrateful daughter. Something I can’t control, and feel so frustrated about.
the same
Me too she says worse things though
Me too. and it's too frustrating.
Same
Nerdy Little everyone thinks they are wonderful and you think “if they only knew”!
you can Never argue with a narcissistic mother , because she is always either the victim or the hero
They always hang up😢
AND NEVER WRONG !
@@jacquelynsharp9354 always hang up so you can’t get your point across
@@jacquelynsharp9354 my mother is 89 and desperately needs me to do much for her, and yet she still screams at me how stupid I am, how I make up stories, and gets angry when I won’t go along with the bashing of my father. Last week she hung up on me, even though she knows I won’t call her back, and she really wants to go shopping (I’m the only one who will bring her). I have put up boundaries, and I don’t tolerate verbal abuse from her any more. She can sit home alone…at least I have peace.
My Mother is the greatest heartache and heartbreak in my entire life
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
@@terri_cole thank you... trying to heal... I've distanced myself... still really hard.
Very thin skinned is true! My mom has the emotional maturity of a toddler.
True. Very sensitive!
My narcissist mother is 89…I call her the Geriatric Toddler. It never improves.
Turns out our relative who acted like that went to a Catholic School on the molester lawsuit list, but good luck getting someone like that to admit they may need help or may have been abused.Have you tried talking to her as if she is her 3-year-old abused self?
If one day I am able to be a mother - I will be the best mother to my children. I will be everything my mother wasn't.
Yes you will because my mother is pure evil and I have 3 sons and we get along just fine because I refuse to put them through what I went through 🙏
Amen
You are likely to smoother them too much coz of your past... its equally damaging
@@kennedykariuki4289 that may be the case with some but in my case you are incorrect. There has to be a balance. Our sons are in their 30's and while they were disciplined adequately they were also loved AND respected as individuals. Not looked at as objects of ownership and extensions of myself. Thats the difference. We have a close relationship.
Yes you will ❤️ I have a 4yo son and I strive to be everything that my mom isn’t.
The journey to break the cycle is an extremely difficult one though... I honestly thought it was just going to take being a better mom than I had. What I didn’t know is that to do that, I had to start by healing the deep deep wounds from my own childhood. Additionally, I’m learning that protecting my son from her is also in the agenda. Unfortunately, she came off looking like the best grandma ever...and this was before I knew what she truly is. So, setting boundaries with her, and finding a balance where my 4yo who wouldn’t understand why he can’t see his Grammy anymore... has been difficult at best. I have very limited contact with her and time with my son is monitored.
Please send us some good vibes as we navigate this part of our journey ❤️
1. Acceptance
2. Knowledge about narcissist mothers
3. Boundaries
4. Focus on you
thank you, you just saved me 20min time....
summary xo
I want my mother to understand. I'm 39 and have had a hard life as a result of this narcissistic person..and a father who denies everything. Would it be inappropriate to send my sister (the golden child) this video. Or even send to my mother?
@@lollic307 they won't get it...this video is for YOU
@@denapitter38 deep down I know this...its a hard pill to swallow...the part that kills me the most Is them never knowing ...and the time I've wasted self destructing.
I’ve always been jealous of girls who can call their moms when they need a shoulder to cry on. It seems like such a beautiful thing. I’m soo scared as a mom now that my kids will view me as I viewed her 😖
If you're concerned about it and working to actively be there for your kids, I don't think your kids will view you like you view your mom ❤️ Most diagnosable narcissists aren't capable of reflection or empathy.
I have the same jealousy. I’m literally trying my best to trust my mom enough to get close to her. I JUST DON’T TRUST HER. It really sucks
That's me as well, always thinking - how it is? How that feels to have supportive, loving mother? I'm seriously thinking to find some kind a mentor, a wise loving, smart woman. If I only know where to search.
@@terri_cole thank you 💜
The fact that you are concerned about that is already a sign that you are a great mother.
It's time to mourn the kind of a relationship we've never had and will never have with them. And move on.
Unless through circumstances you ended up in the same house.
I do mourn my parents, all three. But, this one is like mourning a loved one that came back as the living dead. I figuratively (and have considered literally ) have to kill the zombie version of mom. It is sorrow mixed with horror. There really is a source of evil that infects people, I'm learning.
@@drivethruabortion280 I hear you. In my case they live a few minute walk away and the stress of invading my space under any excuse or insisting on seeing when they need their narcissistic supply is awful. Especially that each time i naively believe that this time may be different and I get tricked and triggered. And unfailingly each contact leaves me feeling sick. I felt much better when I lived on another continent and didn't have to talk everyday nor see them at all. So i had a greater control how much i exposed myself and whatinfoation to share. I can't imagine the horror of living under one roof.
I don't know your situation but unless you're able to grey rock to the point of becoming unattractive as a "target", find a way to move out to protect your mental health and your life.
In my case living nearby again (not through circumstances, it was the emotional blackmail i gave up ony plans and LIFE and came back and only through circumstances i got stuck living so close). It's difficult to move somewhere else right now, even more through their constant manipulation but I'm going to. We deserve to live and love our life away from drama they create.
Notice how much energy is wasted on their drama, protecting yourself, instead of creating your life. There's little energy left, isn't it?
My good friend's advice - remember
• whenever you interact don't think "my mum", think a narcissistic mentally unstable person
• you're not a helpless child anymore, you don't depend on them to survive so you can walk away (at least from a conversation that's turning nasty)
• you don't owe them anything (this one is also difficult for me, manipulated by guilt and emotional blackmail, trained for decades into believing that having my own life, or even enjoying something is "betrayal" which when you think about it is absurd - normal parents should be happy when you're happy and live a great life!)
This has so been my new mantra since about late last year. I knew it, but didn't want to think about it, but she's left me with no choice. She wants me to somehow be more patient than I already am with her, but doesn't realize what it will cost, and I'm not gonna bother explaining again. If she haven't gotten the memo by now then anything akin to doing so is smoke and mirrors, I know she just wants to be perceived as an angel (though of course, not the kind that's gentle even when stressed, or understands that other people have different problems, or that not even someone's birthday can always be about them. That's reserved for her devil daughter 🤪)
Im part of the childfree movement thanks to my mom. Unfortunately, i have lots of narcissistic traits that i will not subject my children to. The cycle of abuse ends with me.
Great self awareness and empathy. Not something narcs are good at.
I hear you and sending you strength. I am cheering you on for your commitment to ending the cycle and I am cheering you on for your healing.
Thank you
Facts x
Me too. I knew at an early age I didn’t want kids. I find out at an older age my mom is a full blown narc. The cycles ends with me too ❤️
Oh thank you Gods for mentioning how people demonize you if you try to talk about your narcissistic mother and they try saying "you only have one mother etc crap" thank you for your empathy. I have been there and it makes my blood boil how people love to shame you instead of trying to understand. I hate it.
You are not alone in this world. Get healed ! Love !
Claire Nichols “But that’s your mother!! She loves you! Do you know how much she sacrificed for you??” Just so insensitive so we’re forced to keep it all to ourselves because truly no one understands or cares to understand
I've sacrificed for her too. Have you ever had your mother want to dress so sexy to where she wants the boys your age to pay attention to her and not you? Have you ever told your mother you have been abused and raped and her reply is "why did you put yourself in that situation?" have you ever had your mother tell you what to be and not be supportive of your dreams? Have you ever had your mother force her religion down your throat and not allow you to find yourself to where you felt like you where only loved if you were who you she wanted you to be and not by being yourself? Have you ever had your own mother make fun of you and pressure you into having sex when you weren't ready because her reason was "its just part of an adult relationship" and that I was beiing a prude or a nun because I didn't want to have sex? when i was a teenager and i didn't like to talk about sex she threatened to get me a nun suit for my birthday. Yes she may love me, but she has a fucked up way of showing it by always feeling like she is in competition with me or feeling like she has to put me down to make herself feel better about herself. She hopes I will fail with my apartment and my marriage so that I will come crying back to her and be glued to her hip for the rest of my life. What kind of love is that? ANSWER THAT QUESTION FOR ME, if you know so much about how my mom loves me? Sweethartia, answer it. Have you ever had your mother to tell you if you lost weight the boys would pay attention to you instead of telling you that you are beautiful just the way i am, or if i had the right clothes, or if i did my hair and makeup just right, i would get more attention???? See, you don't know a thing about the "way my mother loves me" yes she may love me, but its sure as hell not in a healthy way. Don't judge until you know the whole story.
@@clairenichols2858 sweetharia wasn't criticising you, she was commiserating. See the quotations, she's quoting what people say to her and how it isn't fair.
My mother hated me for having being born with multiple talents, having courage, enormous inner strength and wisdom. My father and mother both were talented people. My mother hated to see any good traits or capabilities in any other person than in her and in her 2 daughters who were chosen for the roll of golden child in different periods of time .I am very good at poetry , painting and sculpturing. She hated my work so much that that she had given away all my materials I used for art work without my permission. They are twisted demonic humans. We must gain strength to recover our authentic beautiful divine self. I understand your pain. The human soul is resilient. Narc mothers have no expectations other than seeing their scapegoat a pathetic loser. Their wishes do not come true as scapegoats are born with great deal of blessing too. May all the scapegoats get healed ! May all the Narc mothers pay for their karma ! My demonic queen paid for her Karma and passed away on 1.8.2018 The world lost one of its demons that day. What a relief ! What a blessing !
“A narcissistic mother had no ability to show you empathy. Has no ability to show you compassion”. This. Thank you Terri. This sums it up. 🙏🏽💕
You're so welcome ❤️
I’m so tired of the guilt trips, jealousy, manipulation, and smearing my name behind my back. Tired, tired, tired.
I am holding space for your exhaustion 💕
Thank you. She makes me wonder if I am crazy. I guess she’ll never change. I wish I had a loving mom.
Rhoades Traveled me too
I do too 😥
Same thoughts
This is what I say to myself everyday. The fact that I don’t have a mom that truly loves me is the most hurtful thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Nobody understands me & ive been suicidal a few times. It’s just a dark cold feeling in my soul & it’s painful like a heartbreak that never ends.
@@jasariyan I know how that feels. It's even hard for me to see Mother's Day posts, tributes, etc. I've been suicidal before as well. I'm still here. I'm glad you are too.
The holidays are a nightmare for daughters of narcissistic mothers. The mother DEMANDS a perfect holiday gathering and if anyone should dare deviate from her perfectionist vision, she will bad mouth and guilt trip you as if you committed a crime. I am completely done with celebrating all holidays because they were so traumatic for me.
I hated Xmas for this exact reason. She pretty much got rid of xmas in our house as we got older. We never celebrated valentines or our birthdays. Then for her she wanted valentines gifts and birthday acknowledgement. She raised us that way and then expected us to understand how important it was to her, but never did we recieve anything of the like. Xmas was especially hard time. Never special.
My mom bullied me into having Christmas this year at my very little apt. It was after the worst year of my life and then I had to do the holiday.. only for 3 people but still..
Magically she forgot my favorite pie "on the counter all specially wrapped safe to go for the trip" and the other goodies she "promised ". And they left right after I opened presents that seemed she put no thought into.
. Ie clothes in 3 sizes too big.
She insulted me walking in the door and gave me am anxiety attack within 15 minutes. :'(
Yeah...
Heather Swift I can really relate to your post. I had a mother who made every holiday a nightmare for me. she took extreme delight in bossing me around in front of my extended family, as if to say to them "look how I can jerk her around. I say jump, she jumps. I snap my fingers and she does all the crap work.". I was a complete door mat to that cold hearted woman. No one else lifted a finger to help her, but she treated them like visiting royalty, while I was treated like the village idiot. When all the free loading relatives went home my mother was so exhausted she had to take a nap, while I cleaned up the kitchen. and never a kind word, never a thank you never an act of kindness. I put up with her selfish meanness because she had a heart problem and I didn't want to upset her. any rebellion on my part and I would be blamed for her health problems. it was a no win situation for me. I came to the conclusion that she was a hollow empty shell. No love in her. No compassion, no conscience. if you have a parent like that all I can say is leave and never have any contact with them again.
i already told her all of my plan and she just kind of brushed it off and go with her own way. when its the time for me to go have fun with my friends, she always yell at me and cursed a lot of thing..
I have a whole narc family lol Ive always been singled out. HELLOO TO ALL MY BEAUTIFUL SCAPEGOATS . 🎉❤
Hello!! ❤ If no one has told you they love you today, I do!! I'm a scapegoat about to be free! My mother is on her death bed. A true narcissist never changes. It's amazing to watch someone who can't do anything, including eating, on her own, and still believe she can control and manipulate. 😂 Even at 84 with alzhiemers, cancer, and in hospice. The only thing that is sad, is that she ruined our lives up until now, but she doesn't have one single friend. Not anyone but my sister, my dad who is a complete stuck up narcissist, and me. My sister is the golden child who steals all of mom's money, and pain drugs. I just laugh, and laugh! Guess she couldn't live life being the person she pretended to be and she did it ALL to herself. Only God, if there is one will help her now. I'll be her caretaker until the end ❤
I swear to god the whole "not speaking" about narcissistic mothers is a HUGE contributor to the overall problems in society. We have to stop this unconditional reverence for mothers - you don't have to be a great person to get knocked up and carry a child to term.
Animals do it all the time!
WELL SAID!!!!!!!
Exactly. It's so interesting too how these people expect unconditional love, support and loyalty because they are the "parent" and yet they are incapable of showing the same in return.
@@daphnelarsson8365 YES!!! They are so delusional and hypocritical!
Exactly
“Having a narcissistic mother can make life super miserable.” PREACH IT, SISTER!!!
My mom showed NO interest in me when I was a kid. Now that I have a successful career she claims I got it from her, and pretends to have the same passion.
Same thing here. I do art and despite that most of her time spent with me as a kid was being played doll with (as in, I was the doll), my mom claims because she painted a couple walls once i got it from her, despite me vividly remembering watching my dad use a coloring book in a unique way and doodle on the margins of notepads and it making me realize that technique exists
Having a narcissistic mother is very HARD because one MAIN reason : because it IS NOT A MOTHER. Very PAINFUL.
Exactly! I have always thought of my mother as an older “bully” sister. When her mom died, I felt like I lost a mother. Now I’m here trying to fit the biological mother into the role. Extremely PAINFUL
Exactly. Lately I'm becoming more detached and in my mind I refer to her by her first name.
They have such fake empathy followed along with their fake crocodile tears. Self-Centered liars. True manipulative behavior. Always the victim when the true victims suffer in silence.
Oh my god my mum does this everyone thinks poor her i have no qualms in saying she looks run down because shes up all night on the phone and drinking vodka and makes life an excuse
Spot on!
Im sorry. I understand exactly what you mean . I just don't love my mother anymore
We always suffer in silence and it's draining
Wow Jennifer that's how I feel too about my 76 year old mother. The scary part is , her behaviour is getting worst every day. One day she was getting physical with me.
A narcissist mother, only loves you, as long as you are of use to them. I found, that "boundaries", are a foreign concept for them, because only their wants and needs, are important, and do what they have to, to get them met.
So true
My narcissistic mother destroyed my life. I was the scapegoat child and was neglected, humiliated, hated, bullied and gossiped about others. I went no contact 8 years ago and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. She’s a toxic, nasty woman. And she’s gotten worse as she has aged. Do not feel guilty for going “no contact” with a narcissistic parent. You were neglected as a child, now show them what you went through by neglecting them. You owe them nothing!
I can relate with you! When I was in my early teens I knew I would leave at 18 yrs old. Six days after turning 18, I left home. I got married, finished school, and had a job. Best decision I made for myself. Being a scapegoat daughter really was a mental challenge.
Yes, we don’t owe them anything. We were innocent children who were abused by a parent that was supposed to love,nurture and protect us. I believe in karma and they will get their dues. We need to live our best authentic selves..
@fenderblue9485 I was also telling them I will and I did it once I turned 18 however some family emergency occurred 1month later and I was called back.then again after 3yrs and after 6yrs aka every time I left there was an emergency
@user-pp7rf9wq1y karma yes for ex mental illness. No friends,loneliness feeling unfullfilled,no joy hunted by the bad feelings they nurtured and don't let go You can't go by in life doing shit and remain untouched
It is very painful. You realize that the mother you had wasn't an authentic one, and still isnt. You realize that they are the childish one, that they never really grew up or developed emotional maturity. You realize that they single-handedly declared you unworthy of happiness and love because they can't find it for themselves. You realize that you've become the parent, as if you're "looking down" on them. You realize that they will never truly know themselves. It is heartbreaking. But you can't turn around, for realizing these things is what set you free, and you won't go back.
This is very beautifully written and so true.
"But she's your mother." My reply to that is, "No. She's the egg donor." After studying, I've come to realize she is a malignant narc. I was the scapegoat, but I've escaped, and am working on healing. 8 months no contact.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength. I hope you are finding peace in the no contact.
@@terri_cole I truly am finally at peace. 💖
Warm hugs
I hate it when people say it's your mother. We are still the daughter. We didn't choose to be born. They could buy a condom...
I became the mother I wanted to my kids. I am everything my mother wasn't. There's no contact policy in my home when it comes to my mother. It's 2 years we've not spoken and am happy I did it
I began no contact with my parents only 3 days ago. It hasn't been easy but there is a feeling of a new start, or a new beginning, and I feel free.
The word Jealousy is too mild! It's more like "malicious envy!!!". Thank you for your helpful videos!!!
Yess...
My own mother was evil jealous on my wife that she let other ones beat my wife..
So jealousy is to soft to describe this evil.
I had difficulty to accept that my own mother was uch a person, but now I fully see it completely..
When I hit puberty, mom started buying really sexual looking clothing for me, wanted me to dress sexual in front of all of the men who came to visit when dad would come home from work. I didn't understand why she would tell me to change into certain shorts and tops, until one day it dawned on me, ' she's doing this on purpose '. And I started saying no to her and began to cover up. Wore long pants and long sleeve shirts and jackets from them on. Dad was the same.
@@spirithawk9630ow awful!! Yeah my mother actually flashed me -- I had to deal with that awful reality. Ugh
It never ends. You are right, you can never please her. It is never enough.
I hear you.
I was sick in hospital with a serious condition. Guess what, it was still about her. I’m trying to gradually plan my way out. Sending love to everyone 💓
Get out! Get out get out get out!
IDENTICAL situation over here!
I hope you are feeling better. Take care of yourself.
Me too! At 55 I've engaged once again about a year and a half now.
The incredible thing is nothing has changed! Its brought up deep seeded things that confused me as a kid, that is being observed as an adult. Now having been able to cleanse these things I'm looking for my exit in a less damaging way.
But still exiting! Best of luck to you. One of the most helpful things I found was to keep my plans and information of my future dreams and daily aspirations private from her and her dominions. I hope this helps you.
Yes I feel you. I was in the hospital a few years ago and almost died, and she never came to see me or call me for the remainder of my days there. On my last day when I was preparing to leave, still feeling half dead, she called my room to complain about my daughter, and how my daughter decided not to go to a birthday party with her that day, the day I was leaving the hospital, and whom my daughter didn’t even know the person the birthday was for, because she wanted to be with me instead, to help me get ready and bring me home with my husband. My mom was irritated and angry, and trying to vent at me, when just 5 days prior I had lost 7 units of blood. I was bleeding to death during surgery, and coming back from being so close to death, recovery is like death, I was feeling awful, no energy, in pain, could barely talk. But it was all about her! I couldn’t believe it.
Having a narcissistic mom make me feel orphan and cursed but it will be ok one day❤
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Neglecting Narc: zero ability to show compassion or love.
Always a division of siblings.
I’ve never gotten a hug from my mother. I hugged her when her mother died or when things went wrong in her relationships but I NEVER REMEBER HER HUGGING me 😂🤦🏽♀️ spot on with the jealousy 😭🤦🏽♀️
My mother hugged me profusely but also manipulated me to do as she wished.
6 minutes in, and I’m already in tears. As I’ve gotten older and observed other mother-daughter interactions, I’ve felt a twinge if jealousy. I hear her voice in my head whenever I see any weight gain, calling me ugly and unlovable. I feel sad knowing that she never came to any of my orchestra recitals because it was “too much work.” It broke my heart to hear her say she would rather have pet dogs than have me as her daughter. I always told myself that she loved me the best she could, and in her own way. In the end, it was just my inner child rationalizing abusive behavior and calling it love, because if it wasn’t love, then I was never loved. I wished I had a mother like you, and maybe someday become a mom like you. Thank you for these videos. ❤️
Cindy,
I am witnessing your painful experience with so much compassion. You matter. Your happiness matters. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Your mother is ill and down deep hates herself -like all narcs. You can become anyone and do anything that you want in this life, my dear. Know that you are lovable exactly as you are and deserve all of the happiness in this life. Stay on your healing path and you will get there. I am cheering you on xox
Some people seriously should never have been able to have children... But... The irony here is that she did have you, and thus you are alive and able to take your life into your own hands and be happy! I guess our lesson is that we should not even look for love or validation from anyone... Not even our parents... But look Within for our validations and know that we are good enough. Many blessings!
Wow, you had that thing with the orchestra recitals too?! My NM usually refused to come. But if she did, I would be made to feel like a dirty little demon, for putting that burden on her; there would be verbal abuse -- or even violence -- all the way home. (Now I'm here, may I just say the one good choice I've made in my life was NOT to be a mom. I've travelled, studied, worked for charities, had two fantastic careers ... And wild, passionate love- affairs.. And been creative and totally my own person, supported by some wonderful friends - in spite of my destructive NM. You don't need to have kids to be a complete and respect-worthy human, or to earn your place on Earth.)
We love you ❤ you can talk here we'll listen
Me 2 😭😭😭
Hi Terri, just wanna say even though this video is currently 4 years old… it still matters to the 500k of us who have watched this. Thank you.
❤️❤️❤️
This almost brought me to tears. I hate when people tell me I only have one mother because they don’t know what it’s likes to have a mother who isn’t a real mother. Being gaslighted constantly by the People your mother has manipulated
I'm so glad I realized this year that my mom is abusive, because I'm 14, which means I have 4 YEARS to save up money and gtfo. I think I'm lucky because a lot of people don't realize until they are an adult and then they are stuck living with them until they have enough money.
I'm sending you strength and cheering you on for setting a plan. Keep your boundaries strong!
I had the same plan but then I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't that bad because she cut some slack. I believe she did that because she saw I could flee. I'm now 25 and I thought it had changed but it just morphed. I hope you'll follow through and get to love freer quicker!
Hi, I am now 24 years old and made the decision to leave home when I was 19 years old. Best choice I ever made. It will not be easy and every time you face hardship you look around your peers and feel envy on how they are able to live at home with loving families. But let me tell you: that loving family you are missing, you will built up yourself!! I would rather face all the hardships I have than going back to living with my mother ever again. You are a smart cookie! I wish you the most luck and persistence! Sending love ur way xx
I wish I had realized this when I was your age and had the ability and strength to leave, but she had me so reliant on her, so convinced that everything I was going through was somehow my fault, or it was all just in my head, and I ended up enduring many more years of torment when I didn’t have to. That’s how much power these mothers can have over you. You’re smart and I pray you can do it!
I didn’t realize how bad my childhood was until I was raising my own kid. Memories would come back from my own childhood, and I’d look at my kid doing something age appropriate (terrible 2’s) and remembering how my parents dealt with us as kids. I couldn’t imagine treating my precious child how they treated us.
When I shared some of the milder punishments I received growing up. At 8 years old, he was able to point out how fucked up my upbringing was.
He’s almost 28 now, and he is doing so much better in life than me. I’m so PROUD!
My own mother HATES that her grandchild is doing so well. She saw me as a “terrible” parent and said so every chance she got.
She’s still criticizing him. He got 2 college degrees, the first in automotive engineering. He got his 2nd degree in 2020, and is now working as an electrical engineering and makes more money per year than his father and I combined!
The abuse cycle stopped with me.
Bless you and your family ❤️
This mine everything is a complaint and never good she like really tried to dismiss everything good about me I had a stroke after having my last like and all she could talk about is why did I want to have a baby at this age as if it was like I wasn't like her I didn't feel like having abortion after abortion after abortion like she gets mad because I have my kids the way I had my kids she'll say what when you get pregnant you don't want the man no more so what you telling me is when you got pregnant he was trying to keep a man I'm not trying to keep no man I never got pregnant cuz I wanted the man after I got pregnant I really wanted to leave the man alone cuz they were very toxic ass men and she just but now I'm living in my grandmother's house and I want to get out because I don't want to deal with her so I'm thinking about changing my phone number just to clear cuz she got my oldest daughter narcissistic like her ass to I'm just tired of them
Your mum sounds just like mine she did everything to ensure I didn’t reach my true potential. She would criticize my children and never showed them any love. Now that my daughter is in law school she tried to connect with her by leaving her messages telling her how much she loved her. My daughter will not acknowledge her. My son is doing exceptionally well too..They think they broke our spirit but in fact we became stronger never wanting our children to have childhoods like our..
Yes, indeed the generational abuse cycle has stopped..❤️
I distance myself from my mom and it works for me, when I do see her she reminds me why I stay away from her.
My mom is a narcissistic mother, and sister. I brought them into my house, and I now regret.
The day I went no contact with my mom was a day I was freed! I felt so much relief and joy! I cannot believe it took me 50 years to discover what "it" was! I'm focusing on being the best mother and grandmother for my family! Amen!
Way to go, Jenny! 🙌
Even in your strength I know it still hurts. We got the short straw. Just know others like myself know how hurtful it is. ❤️
@@ThePortalTheory It has been excruciating and although it triggers me less the pain and loss doesn’t seem to go away. 🙏♥️
@jennykay5140 Amen! 🙏 You are not alone it me 50 years also ♥️
It took me over 50 years too.. I understand..❤️
Its so sad..yes tell them nothing.. they tell stories to people who are not theirs to tell.
every. damn. time. absolutely
Yes and they deny deny deny to the point where you believe they are almost like saints, like they would never betray your trust and they do at every turn!
Totally
Yep
They tell stories regardless of what you share.
Being an only child of a narcissistic mother I feel like I am both the golden child AND the black sheep at the same time. Thank you for making this video and opening my eyes to the toxicity of that relationship. I have been contact free for 6 months and honestly never felt healthier
I'm sorry you were given the position of taking both roles. I'm glad you're feeling healthier and keeping your boundaries. I'm cheering you on!!
I definitely understand I too am the only child and have experienced this. I am almost one year no contact with narc mom, narc grandma and aunts who are flying monkeys. ♥️
Yep. Same here. Golden boy till the first big slip up. Like failing 1st exam attempt at medical school or something similarly terrible and humiliating for the family.
I’m an only child for a narcissistic mother too. It feels so ugly that I have no escape from this relationship, my parents are aging and I’m so hurt by my mother’s daily behaviors but I can’t leave them . I’m just stuck in there I even thought and tried suicide. My life is a mess
ahmed salma
I am the caretaker of my narcissistic mother. Today in the parking lot a woman says to me that I am lucky to have my mother, because her's passed away and she misses her. My first thought was, well I probably won't miss her and I will be relieved when she is not around. I just smiled, and didn't speak up because I knew she wouldn't understand where I was coming from. And surprisingly, empaths are so understanding of others pain and suffering, no one ever have to talk about their feelings.
I'm recently had narcissistic mum age 71 move into our home. My partner thinks I'm insane to feel so traumatised by her, because hes not around when the claws come out. He was so shocked when I said Im not looking forward to her death but when it comes, the first thing I hope to feel is a great sense of relief and lifted weight and obligation
Pray, God can heal
What's a mother? When she's a narcissist you don't have a mother, you have an abuser. I came out of a narcissist.
Many years ago I said the same and someone told me that I was wrong.
Deep down in me I knew I was right.
"They are no mother and father, they are abusers" and they play the game very well that others do not see the real picture and give the child the help that is needed...
I do not give her the "M" word. She does not deserve it. I'm sorry you don't have a mom. My friends' moms were my moms. Which now I understand why I loved them soooo much. Sorry for your pain.
I feel that....
Exactly how I have felt all my life,
I've done no contact for the past month and indefinitely
Aww poor baby
And your own family don’t get it. I’m glad we get each other❤
It actually hurts more to believe and accept that my mother is a narcissist.. hurts even more than the pain I endured
That's a fact!
For sure!
Yes, but now at least we have a name and validation for how she is. :/
Hang in there . Me too . Can't believe it took until I was 60 to figure it out ??
It takes time and we have to accept they are mentally ill. Focus on the being the best you can be and create an amazing life. Why let the narcissist take more from you by living in pain? Life is short ..I wish you well..
I was 9 yrs old and I had gotten my period. I was so embarrassed bc mainly I didn’t know what was happening. My mother never told me about having periods. I thought there was something wrong with me, so I told her. I was crying and crying and I begged her not to tell anyone! No more than 5 mins later she told my brother, my stepdad, even phoned my real dad to tell him. I was crushed. They were all staring at me. That was one of the most painful childhood memories. Narcissistic mothers want to humiliate you. It’s real.
I'm so sorry you went through that, just so cruel.
Same. My mother told everyone how much I weighed and they laughed at me. I was 12. Hugs. It’s heartbreaking to have a mother like that but after a few years of staying away as much as possible it gets better.
It's true. There is no sacred information. They live to broadcast every detail that should be private.
My narcissistic mother is very argumentative. She starts drama, then play victim to everyone around her. I haven’t talked to her for 6 mos. I had enough of her drama, as i have to focus on my ailing son…which she doesn’t care to offer help. At one time, my mom told me that she gave up her career with Meryl Lynch and said that my step dad forced her to. She doesn’t have a bachelors degree, just a high school diploma. I knew that she was exaggerating. I just got tired of the same b.s. from her yearly. She caused me and my sister so much psychological stress since we were kids. She got away with so much. She even tried to manipulate my 7 yr old daughter against me when i had her sleep over; I thought that they would bond. Boy I was wrong.
same
How can you keep your kids away from her?
I just woke up and realized at age 40 that it will never be enough for her. No matter what I do to help, honor, please, or uplift my mother, it is forgotten in an instant when I do or say something that she feels I shouldn't do or say. It could be as simple as wearing an outfit she doesn't like or mentioning a movie that she thinks I shouldn't have watched. I have tried my whole life and I always end up somehow feeling like I've done something wrong. I constantly feel guilty whether I'm in her presence or not.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Please get physically away from her
Wish I had instead of trying over and over of trying to get her love, approval, anything king and loving.
Never happened. She ruined my life.
Get far away from her.
God bless you
3:19 With a narcissist it’s all about ‘divide and conquer’ ‘total loyalty’ wow, you nailed it!
OMG! My mother is a master at divide and conquer. So devious. So two faced! A total bitch! Funny thing is, the more I talk about it to strangers, thd more people I find who's mothers are the same. Feeling ashamed of how you feel about uour mum is part of the trap. Tell people. Let them rhink shat they like. A reasonable person will listen and not judge you. Another Narc will use it to try to shame you, thus making them selves feel superior and powerful. Its a great way to sort the Narcs from the normals...
Walked away when I was 14 and am 55 now. The best thing you can do with a malignant narcissist is get away and stay away .
Thank you for sharing. I'm cheering you on!
Not having a mothers love has crushed me. I still don’t understand how she could not try. But through therapy I’ve realized she isn’t capable. I’m no contact. Your videos have really helped me with my guilt.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your guilt ❤️
You're not alone ❤❤ right there with you.
Most of my life I was wondering why the relationship with my mother didn't feel right. I always had the impression that she was obsessed with me, she always tried to make me feel guilty. In front of others, she presents herself as the best mother who loves her children so much. She is also the victim of her circumstances and us, her own children. My brother and I both moved across the ocean to be away from her. Now I know why.
Very similar things for me. My father has severe NPD which I was aware of from a very young age. So of course getting attached to my mother was fundamental, and I was her golden first born child so she used me a lot. It took me a long long time to realize that she has narcissistic personality traits aswell and I am only starting to unpack how that unfolded and all the consequences. It's such a painful process. Living far away is helpful. But I think, for a while at least, staying carefully in contact helps figure out where the problems come from!
My mom has to look like she’s kind and thoughtful around other people she cares more about their impression of her than ever doing the right thing. I used to think my problems revolve around an abusive incident in my childhood when the reality was she wasn’t capable of helping me work through the trauma because the approval of her sister mattered more than raising me to be well adjusted and she’d lie to me about taking care of the situation and forced me to continue having to go to family functions where I developed an eating disorder as I turned too good so I didn’t have to interact where she’d give me the mom look because I didn’t act the way she wanted me to. It was like being under a microscope
Sounds like my mother.. life of the party. Little do they know who she actually is behind closed doors..She loves to be the centre of attention and sulks like a child if no one is paying her attention. Thankfully I live in Canada ..
@@user-pp7rf9wq1y I also live in Canada :) It is my safe place far away from family.
It took me decades to realize exactly what you are, saying is my experience… I just never knew there were so many more people out in the world who have suffered as I have! I'm not sure how to feel about that!
My parents tried to tell me as a young child that I had learning disabilities and special needs. I learned after my dad passed that none of it was true and I have a high IQ. Knowledge is power.
Amanda K. I have a high IQ, too. My parents were told this when I was 7 or 8, but they NEVER acknowledged it to me. in fact, they constantly worked to make me feel stupid.
Omgsh me tooo...I found report cards yrs ago before she removed me from my dad. They were great but then it got to where I was doing bad.😥
I'm tired of trying with my mom and she's getting worse. I'm moving to a new city soon and when I move I want to go complete no contact with her. She is a smothering narcissist. I need to breathe and have my OWN life and identity. I will also be turning 30 this month and I have suffered enough of my youth with my mom's crazy antics and the stress of the relationship. I'm praying for protection as I go forward and that I can find a law to protect me from sabotage and retaliation from her.
Best advice: Ignore her. Because Narcissists will try to sabotage and retaliate, even decades after you've cut them off. Just ignore her and go live your life.
Sounds like my life! I moved last year to Las Vegas to create my own identity and raise my daughter properly.
Run girl! I’m married with 2 kids now.. we moved and now I am FINALLY whole! 27 years later th-cam.com/video/dUsNWv14S1M/w-d-xo.html
Im 46 years old living with with my narc mother I can't leave because I can't afford to leave. :(
Emma Alvarez My hearts absolutely broken for you. I can’t imagine that long of a time with one of these creatures I honestly prayed for you. I’m so sorry
I literally feel that my career, finances and personal success was sacrificed because of my narcissistic mother. I feel so broken right now. And the regret tortures me.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Tamar ❤️
I understand.. but you still have a lot of life to live. Don’t live in the past but look towards the future..it can be done.
I was the golden child, her confidant, therapist ... pitted us kids against eachother and destroyed our relationships etc..etc..the list is long and horrifying !! Once I became an adult I started disagreeing with her and boy the guilt trips, punishment, silent treatment... wowee !! I mourned the loss of her for 4yrs until I cut her out of my life.. took me 10yrs, finally did it 6.5yrs ago. Of course she became the victim and I'm the psycho child. They are very sick dangerous people.
I went through the exact same thing.
Will I ever heal??
@@sadiafarzana6208 yes you will. It takes time, love yourself and work on healing your inner child. Focus on building a great life for yourself. You will be ok and life will be peaceful.
Having to cut off my mother was not the hardest part at all for me personally. Wondering what was wrong with me was and trying to solve why I wasn't being loved and blaming myself was.
You are worthy of love. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for being here.
This hurts me. I know someone dealing with this now!
Mine is getting worse by the day...i feel like the black sheep.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Same here , I really went deep in my pain and really let out my hate ( a great friend helped me ) until I felt the love I have for her and the need for her love and at the end I had the deepest realization I WILL NEVER get loved by her .it has been 3 years no contact at all . Put huge boundaries on my brothers to not talk to me about her .and I don’t talk about her to them .
I think of her has emotionally handicap and I am able to forgive but since she is the same person she will continue to damage me ,
Now my life is to stop some behaviour I got from her and father and not repeat with my son ,
Just sharing amongst same people that understand .is a blessing
50 years of suffering was the time it took me .
Josee
I know how you feel. To this day I feel totally unworthy of being loved.
i have gone No contact with my Narcisstic Mother, 2 yrs now. I still hear the cruel things in my head that she said to me as a child, it was awful. I still remember these things, trying to deal with it
I went no contact December 27 2013. It's coming up to 10 and a half years - she had my wife and I in court whilst my wife was 8 months pregnant with my third daughter. My Narcopath mother has never seen my third daughter who is now ten and a half years old. I still get fuming thinking about her and have to go for walks about how she cruelled me at critical points and toyed with me like a mouse and she the cat.
But it is deeply satisfying knowing she is withering into her mid 80's, alone, whilst I am surrounded by my wife and 3 daughters in the middle of my own family. No contact is a slow burning, sweet karmic exhale. 🙏
Spot on that people whose parent is not a narcissist have no idea and quickly jump to advice like “you only have 1 mother, she is your mother after all” It only makes you feel worse.
So damn true
not me. i respond with SO IVE HEARD
“Emotionally untrustworthy” feels so accurate to my experience with my narcissistic mother - thank you!!
Thank you for being here Tina ❤️
Your so right mines called CPS on me so much like one time she came to my house cleaned out my refrigerator the next day CPS showed up at my house go straight to the fridgerator you know what this b**** says ain't you happy I'll clean out your fridgerator he'll know you're the one that to call them
This is true for me, too. I have shared intimate thoughts about my marriage, kids and work and my mom files it and then uses it to hurt me later. Or, shares it with my sister.
I have learned the Grey rock strategy on my own but every once in awhile I will give up information only to regret it.
Growing up as an only-child with a narcissist mother was hell, my dad, as sweet as he was/is, was a classic "passive enabler", too scared to ever speak up, so he took a back seat and always sided with her.
I had to always walk on egg-shells, I was hyper-sensitive to her moods and bodily/facial cues, and I would live in fear of the narcissistic rages that she would fly into at the drop of a hat.
On a daily basis, I was criticized and put down, nothing I did was ever good enough. I internalised all of my anger and took it out on myself, to this day I find it hard to express anger.
Everything was about her image, she would force and coerce me to make decisions to suit her. She even forced me to terminate my 4 month pregnancy when I was a teenager (I felt I had no choice at the time), almost 20 years on, I am still haunted by this.
On my wedding day, she decided to tell me the "real reason" why she didn't want any more kids -basically she had found my birth to be so degrading and horrid that she couldn't bring herself to ever do it again!.
My kids don't like spending time with her, and I've made the decision to try and have as little contact as possible. From what my kids have told me, she has been a bitch to them when they are in her care (she just can't help herself).
My mental health is not great, I suffer with depression, anxiety and eating disorders. I first wanted to end my life at 8 years old. My mother still has the power now to make me want to end it all now, she still makes me feel like the biggest disappointment (especially now that I'm going through a divorce). I am so glad that finally, I am able to recognise what my mother actually is -narcissic, it gives me some relief that it was never me with the "problem", but HER.
So sorry for what u went through. I am also an only child with an ex-narcissist mother. Little contact helps. that reduces the effect they can have. Eventhough the pain from the past doesn't go away, at least new pain wont be added.
I'm an only child aswell an yes life has been hell .I didn't have a chance
I am almost 50years old and I remember as a small child asking my mother “mommy do you like me?” I could tell something was wrong. I never had a mother who was gentle or kind towards me as a child. I received that from my father. And she was jealous of that. She and my father had a very contentious marriage - a lot of verbal abuse - and she would use me to hurt my father. Fast forward and back in Nov 2021 my father passed away. My mother is jealous of my grief and she has driven a rift between my brothers and I. Same thing she did to my father. All of her rage and hatred towards him is now focused on me, my adult niece and her children because we are the ones grieving for daddy.
My last conversation with my mother last week, she verbally abused me, called me a deceitful woman, told me she was finished with me, all because I wanted to help my niece with her grief and she hates my niece (her granddaughter). This abuse came one week after I had been working hard to get my mother the benefits my father left in place for her through his employer. When that happened I was the good child. But she is a miserable hateful person, and I am trying to help my niece move out on her own. It’s time for my brothers to take the abuse from their mother now.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your grief ❤️
Wow we experienced almost the same things!😳 She was so angry at me after my dad passed away and i was grieving. İ m sure She was jealous of hım dying because he took away all the attention away...
Watching this video because I am just tired of her behavior.. No contact seems like the only way..
I know how you feel it sucks
I feel youm going thru the same.
My dad (very supportive and a great father) once told me that "she knows all your buttons...because she installed them" it's been so difficult to change my reactions, but knowing this was helpful.
If I enforce a boundary she gives me the "silent treatment" I call it a much needed "break".
When my mother gave me the silent treatment i always used to say, "Dang, i was enjoying the peace and quiet" That used to really piss her off lol
@@ApostateMike I'm stealing this!
If I set a boundary, I’m called “controlling.”
@@AntyTiff yup same thing I get told as well
🎯
When they say, “you only have one mother” I feel like saying, no I never had one.
So valid 💕
Im 51 and all I can say is that you have to Put yourself 1st. It is going to feel selfish and wrong at the moment and wrong When you 1st do it, But you have to come to the understanding that your mother is never going to be what you want her to be..... The only way to thrive with A narcissistic mother is is to prioritise your own life, sanity, welfare, health And healing. You must be prepared at any point to walk away and not come back. Once I started doing this and understanding that she was never going to view me The way a normal mother Would, Then my life started to get better. You must at all costs stop giving your power away to her........ I'm sending you so much love...... You've got this..... You can do it xx
Thank you for sharing, Rebecca ❤️
"Her ability to ever love you, actual love you is very limited." Wow, I've felt like this my whole life. I'll even take it a step further, she will never really truly accept you unless you do exactly what she wants. I don't think i've ever had any encouraging words from my mom, it's either very critical, negative or judgemental. To this day the shame and guilt I feel when I'm around her is overwhelming. I am recognizing this now and I am taking actions to seek the help I need. Thank you Terri for the tips, I'm glad I came across your channel. Much luv....cheers.
No contact is like a breath of fresh air kicking the devil out of your family.
Never invite them in again. Period. Anyone asks why, They should Already Know the answer.
Eff em
Spot on! 😭 I’m 33 and so behind because of the manipulation. Ridding trauma. Her slandering my name to her siblings and their spouses and me just being so misunderstood
Same here.
🙏
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Same here and to my siblings
I am identifying some of these traits in my mother. I always wondered how she became friends with my Childhood Friend when I moved away. She migrated to live with me and refused to get a credit card she slept on my couch for years. When I tried to buy a house she talked me out of it stating it's too far because she does not drive. Three years went by and I bought the house and messaged her after, she asked how many rooms and said she is going to sleep. It has been over two weeks and she has not asked to visit the house. I am happy that I no longer need her approval, I do not trust her or my brother.
I have very limited contact with my Narc mother, and when I do, I only focus on talking about the good and successful things in my life, and how happy I am, she HATES it 😂😂 the happier I am, the more she suffers, it’s a win win
Keep looking after your own health and happiness!! Cheering you on and I appreciate you being here.
Tina Cheung My mom is the same way. Sometimes she’ll try to act like she’s happy for me, but she’s so fake that I literally see right through the act. It really is funny.
My mother is the most negative person I’ve ever known. Hasn’t contributed to society in any positive way, but she thinks she has. Looks are everything to her and she puts everyone down. The thing is, she has become as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside and expects for me to buy her beauty products to fix it. There aren’t enough cosmetics to fix the ugliness. My mother is like a black 🕳. If she’s given something, it’s a cue to immediately start asking for something else. Never ending.
We must be sisters. I’m so sorry for you.
Describes mine to a T.
Use moms age and in a story make sure to add one year & maybe 2 and it throws them into weeble wobble mode😭
I feel like I’m seeing the truth for the very first time. I always tell myself that I am wrong and how could I possibly think of my mother in this regard?
The more videos I watch about narcissistic mothers, the more I realize that I’ve been right. I need to start healing.
I see you ❤️
This is where I'm at now. I just started therapy last week
I spent 30 years “running away from home”-to the point of going to Asia for 6 years- because I couldn’t bear to be around my mother. I struggled with terrible guilt for years that I was a crappy daughter because a loving daughter would want to visit often and call her mother every day. I could barely force myself to call once a week. It’s taking me half my life to realize that the reason my mother showed very little interest or affection in me Was not due to a deficiency in myself, but rather in her. My three sisters all have self-esteem issues due to her as well but I feel like I got the brunt of it because I couldn’t pretend as well as they could to be as shallow as her. When I tried to express myself at home, I would be gaslit endlessly- I was too sensitive, I was stupid, I was lazy etc….all because I was not an acceptable reflection of her. Now I’ve come back home after a series of setbacks and I’m trying to get back on my feet but my mental health is not great. My mother is now 87 and in a steep physical decline. Being sick and in constant pain has only made her meaner and more self-absorbed. I try to offer as much help as I can with household chores, cooking and trying to engage with her. Most of my overtures are rebuffed because she is too proud and stubborn to accept help even from her kids. I thought maybe after so many years apart, as she may have softened and actually would be glad to have me around, but the fact is my mother doesn’t like me very much. We used to make excuses for her, saying that she was so non-demonstrative because she was shy. She’s not shy… She just wants to control the situation and she also doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do even when her health is at stake. She brings out the worst in me and I really don’t like who I am around her. She makes me feel like garbage and always has done… That’s why I never wanted to come home, because I would have to claw my way back to some semblance of Equanimity after every visit home. Now that I’m living with her again, I have to take a hefty dose of anti-depressants to cope and although it’s better than it was, my mood and zest for life is still in the basement. I am heartbroken about resigned to the reality that it’s too late for my mother and I to have a better relationship than this. The best I can hope for are better moments, but her decline will continue. It’s not a good place to be, and I wonder if I will have any future to look forward to. Being back in her orbit at my age feels like being incarcerated in a halfway house for Life Failures. I had so many hopes and dreams as a younger person, and I even realized some of them, but I’ve boomeranged back to my mothers house- My worst case scenario really. Being back is everything I feared it would be… I feel trapped. I lost my dad 20 years ago and I feel like I’ve gotten insight into his last years living with her…they can’t have been good. I feel like his proxy now because my mother has accused me of “being just like him“. I said thank you but she didn’t mean it in a complementary way. My sisters and I are agreed that any good qualities we have came from our father, not her. It’s a tough pill to swallow at the age I am to realize that my mother actually resented her marriage, her children and her life. She says we were wanted but I think it was some idealized version of kids in the abstract that she wanted… The kids she wound up with proved disappointing and she’s never been able to hide that fact.
Best thing was when I said good bye. Whew. Nothing I do will ever matter, so I stoped engaging.
my mom was my first bully & it made it grow up to never really know my worth& be very insecure
Same here.. have had to work real hard on the self love 💗
I shocked when others appreciate what I'm doing while my mom always treat me like I'm nothing. Maybe you should go out meet appreciative people, it might help to build your confidence 💗
My mom used to taunt me when I cried! I hate her
@@CD-DMV my mom as well. I’m haunted by it. But it also strengthens me to move even further away from her abuse.
You said it epic! I never thought about this:( “my mother was my first bully” so true and sad
My narcissistic mother caused me a lot of pain and emotional trauma, but I think it made me a stronger and smarter person at the end of the day. From years and years of arguing with a narcissist I got really good at logical reasoning, as I would try literally everything to get her to understand my point of view.
Witnessing you with so much compassion. Yes, sometimes we have to find our strengths that came out of the struggles.
Still going through this with mine. I'm 47 and truly only started waking up to all this about 10 years ago. My mother is 72 now and I only started putting real boundaries down about 4 years ago. It has not been pretty but I will stay the course for mine and my children's sakes.
Same
Ive always been jealous of the relationship other kids had with their parents, especially with their mothers and i never knew WHY my relationship was nothing like theirs.
It took me 25 years (im 26 now) to realize that i have a narcissistic mother. And i have no idea how to cope with this. All i know is that the pain she caused me and still is causing me isnt worth it.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Xarunah ❤️
run far and run fast...they will never change and never stop abusing you. I am 55 and just figured this out after my mother yelled at me when I called her to tell her my husband of 17years just had a heart attack and died in front of me.
Yes, leave and rebuild your life somewhere she can’t get to you. They never change and will just cause more hurt and pain throughout your life. They are incapable of loving..
My principles are basically - don't share information (they weaponize all info against you), don't react, don't show emotions (they smugly use this against you to lie that there's something wrong with you), don't personalize their behavior (it's a function of their disorder, not you).
Thanks for sharing ❤️
Excellent. What do you mean with personalize?
@@emanuel_soundtrack Basically just recognizing that their behavior is about them, not you. I think it's important to depersonalize a narcissist's behavior because it helps to understand their actions as a reflection of their disorder rather than taking them personally, and therefore protecting one's emotional well-being. Many narcs became that way because they were mistreated by other narc(s) and developed their toxic defense mechanisms.
I’m the oldest and I’m the scapegoat. I became an emancipated minor at 17. I’m almost 60 now and I wish there had been a diagnosis foe this condition. 40-50 years ago. I’ve lived most of my life with this abuse. The child in me keeps hoping for change. But out of self-preservation I had to bail and heal the best I can. When i left and her narc supply dried up, she engages my siblings in an all out campaign of humiliation, gossip, gaslighting, blaming and shunning. It’s been a very confusing, painful, lonely life.
💞 Me eldest too... she died in August. Dad now carrying on her legacy - (why did that surprise me?) And the 2 sisters still on board the golden child ride.... 57 and just sick and tired of it all. Xx
What courage to leave when you did, you are so very strong.. I was the scapegoat in my family too.. my brothers and my father all stick up for her and no one sees what I’ve gone through. It is lonely, but good and loving people out there can help to fill that hole xx
I wished I had "awakened" earlier in my life. I am 52 and just now learning to discover who I am, and realizing that I have a say in my life. Thank you so much for helping me understand that I am not alone and I deserve happiness.
Dont worry how long it took so many of us never figure it out. I sincerely appreciate these informing TH-cam videos helping to clarify what was not clarified via all the reading I have done. Hugs...there are others out here like us so you are not alone🌹
Healthforthesoul.youngevity.com
Yes you deserve happiness and then some
Same here! I am also 52 and was wondering for a long time, whether I was so stupid to figure it out! So, do not worry about it. Time is an illusion! Be happy, that you have figured it out and enjoy your beautiful self!
You deserve happiness!!! It took me 53 years before I woke up and over 3 years of therapy. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER❣️I’m so glad I got out of that. Life is so much better without them.
I feel the same way!!
She doesn't celebrate our lives. She turns every event into her own drama and then makes others feel like they should pay attention to her.
Here to reinforce what I already know. I have been no contact with my mother for 4 years now after I discovered her true character in the most shocking way. I flew her and my disabled sister from South America to UK for a once in their lifetime holiday, all expenses paid by my husband and I. They were happy for the first 3 days, but soon started to behave oddly. I couldn't understand what was wrong, so out of impulse, I decided to leave my phone in the car, recording the conversation, whilst I went to the supermarket and my mother and my sister stayed in the car. Well, when we all got back to the house I made sure they were settled in their room and decided to listen to the recording... Long story short, they were telling each other how much they hated me and my husband. My disabled sister was telling my mother to really abuse my willingness to take her shopping and spend my money because I never really helped them with anything. They also said that as far as they were concerned they thought that everything in the UK was rubbish and the food we were feeding them was terrible. I could not believe what I was listening to. They went on and on. To make matters worse, my sister started pretending that she was sick so they could go back home earlier. Which meant that I had to change their flight tickets and pay a huge difference. In the end, thank goodness for my supportive husband, we booked them an earlier flight and got rid of them. My other siblings told me how badly she spoke of me and how badly treated they were while in my house. After this event, a deluge of memories came back to me and everything started clicking into place. Once I learned her true character I realised I cannot resume contact with her. My mental health suffered massively. I'm on medication for anxiety and every time she tries to reach me I feel that wave of doubt, anger and pain all over again.
I pray your deliverance and peace in the Lord in Jesus name. I know it is hard, but try not to let them control you in Jesus name. When we don't forgive people that mean they control us.
I pray your strength
Narcissism is mental disorder. please don't take it too personally, just empathise
I’m sorry you experienced this. You deserve to be at peace and happy. I commend you for choosing you. 🙏🏾 💕
Hi! I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused by my mother. God bless you for devoting your career to rescuing children of narcissistic parents. Thank you so much validating the abuser: I took me 59 yrs to see it in all angles & confirmed that I have to cut her off: she said I am not invited to her funeral.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. I am sending you strength and protection for your healing.
I have accepted that my mother is selfish and jealous. I love her but I do not like her. I allow myself the right to not like her. I’ve changed my dance and she’s trying all efforts to pull me in. Nope. I’m in therapy and out of her web of misery. ☺️ Peace feels amazing ❤
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I’ve been in terrible denial about this. My mother is a text book narcissist, she checks every single box. I kept hoping if I healed enough I could make it work between her and I. It’s not possible and this video really solidified that for me. Thank you!
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
My mum too textbook narcisst
Me too. Perhaps realising we cant amend this relationship it'd be easier to shift focus on protecting ourselvves from more harm from them.
What really makes me suffer is that each time i expect it'd be different, she would finally show me love and care.
It's time to mourn the kind of a relationship we've never had and will never have with them. And move on.
It is not possible. Only God can change a heart. Focus on healing and protecting your heart and mind from further abuse.
"Your wedding isn't about you, it's where I get to invite my friends." or "Really, a miscarriage is just your body's way of getting rid of flushing the system." These are real things my mom has said. She also ends a lot of conversations with "If you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it." These videos are so helpful in building a safe relationship with her.
I am witnessing you with compassion. And I am cheering you on to advocate and take care of yourself, mama!! I hear you and you matter, Heather.
My mother frowned through my entire wedding because i got married overseas and she didn't have her friends there. I feel you.
@@galileegirl08 i just got marrued secretly and my mom still doesnt know :(
@@SquirlieMcSquirrel Congratulations! Do what you need to do to make *you* happy! If it makes you feel better my mother just told my 22 year old daughter that she won't come to her wedding because relatives she doesn't like will be there. When once I would have been hurt by her selfishness now my response was "easier for me" 😂.
I'm almost 62 years old and my mother is getting ready to celebrate her 80th birthday. It makes me mad when I see how sweet she can be on social media. She knows the right things to say and do, but in real life it isn't like that at all. When I was younger, and probably still today, she would martyr herself after an argument. Call her friends and tell them how bad I had been, and then say she must just be a bad mother/grandmother. They, of course, would feed her ego and tell her No, you're a good mom, it isn't you. To this day, I feel scummy around her friends.
This is my mother to a T😔
I am sorry, its really hard:(
Omg...she is the same with me. She even managed to do same with my father....and to even push him to kill himself
I don't have to watch this one. Go no contact and never open the door again. She did enough damage when I was a child. Been no contact for years and it's a blessing.
I’m never going to have kids and my mother would always try to talk me into having kids so she can be a grandma and take care of my kids. It always made me horrified and I would not want her anywhere close to my kids if I had any. Gives me chills to think of her touching my child.
The same here. I would never forgive me if I've put my child near her. I prefer not to have them.
Same
I thought I'm the only one having these feelings atleast now I know I'm not alone thank you for sharing
I'm proud to be the scapegoat. It helped me wake up and break free
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After 47 years I went no contact AFTER saying everything I ever wanted to say. It was the best decision I have made. I will see her at her funeral and I am ok with that.
I am so sorry that it has gone that far. I am trying to hold onto a string of relationship that we do have. She pushed me to the point today that I blew up. And guess what, it was all my fault and I am a evil person. Praying for me and you both.
I as well finally stood up to my mother . I got so sick and tired of her verbal vomit to me I finally just exploded and decided enough was enough before she ruined my health. I don’t care if I ever see her again . I can find no words I would ever want to share with her, nor will I spend the money on her at her funeral . May she rest in peace and so will I !
I get so tired of being judged by friends, relatives, and acquaintances for how I set boundaries with my mother…
Same here. If you want to push back, just tell them "I haven't heard from them recently".
It is hard... i am 50 and when she is near my heart rate goes up.. nobody believes why i feel tense around her and my brother which is the golden child.... even if they dont talk to me i feel observed... judged... criticised... I honestly how to feel strong around them.
🙋🏾♀️ When you are your mother's only child, so you're the golden child and the scapegoat, depending on her mood for that day.
I make myself incredibly positive and I stay superficial in conversation. When my mom starts talking about someone to me I just say let them be who they are. Their path is theirs and yours is yours. Whenever she brings up my past i say I LOVE Myself and I have a great life. Shuts her right up. HAHA doesn't erase my pain of 45 years with her but it does help in the moment. Sometimes I let her get to me and I hate myself afterward.
My mother is a narcissistic parent. I realized it long ago. It was really hard for me to accept it until today. She was shouting at me scream how I’m a horrible person how I ruined the family etc. she was saying so many things to tigger me. Of course I responded i said stuff back and she attacked me physically. She started to beating me. ( not the first time. She even broke my nose. I’m used to it. ) I fought back. My sister was trying to separate us. Then for the first time after years I saw an evil smile on her face. A smile how she enjoys the situation. Like I don’t know how to express. After i saw that smile I automatically paused and ran away. This is the moment where the acceptance started for me. The acceptance the truth slapped on the face. It hurts more than the real one. That’s who she is. A narcissist and I can’t do anything to change it. I need to save myself immediately. Protect myself.
I locked myself in the room watching videos to keep myself distracted then i found this video. It really made calm down. I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. 🙏🏼
Same here hun, my vulnerable narc mum has somehow made me feel like I could never leave fully to live alone especially since my narc dad died 10 years ago because she’s so codependent. She’s 80 and I’m 45, I’ve always been somehow convinced if I was single that the “best thing for me” is to live back with her too, I’m ONLY just realising how toxic this is NOW bc my dad was the obvious narcissistic and she was a victim there but enjoyed the martyrdom of it bc she chose to be the passive aggressive wife and not divorce him bc she wanted his money. To this day, she still love bombs me which is so very confusing so I am planning my exit strategy finally! Good luck to you and your situation! I am so sorry that there is physical violence in your house, that’s just so wrong. Team scapegoat! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
You are definitely not alone and worthy of so much more. I pray you see healing in your life and heart, and that those lies she has told you through her words and actions, all fall away as you see your true God-given worth 💟 I love you (even though I don't know you) and God loves you
That is so crazy I saw the exact same disgustingly sick smile on my mothers face when my two-year-old son was throwing a tantrum and clawing and punching me in the face and she just laughed on her front porch and said nothing and every time I let him see her when we leave I say, "we love you mom" and she says, "I love YOU Hardy", how much these narcissists are exactly the same is Eerie & spooky in a way that makes me think they are all clones and maybe perhaps not even real people at all...
As did I in terms of that smile..I will never forget it.
When you grow up with a narcissist mother it's like having a roommate who does irresponsible and inappropriate behavior. I believe they are just unfortunate victims of demons invited in through trauma . Thankfully I haven't seen her in 12 years and haven't talked in 4 yrs and life is peaceful.
Boundaries are hedges of protection meant for self-protection. It is the #1 key to practicing autonomy responsibly.
Raised by an active codepedent and a convert narcissist. Thank god I realized this at 18. Being the quiet golden child is so hard. At least I'm moving next month.
good idea! Run, but slowly! Be careful! Don't share informations or addresses
Wow, I have a very similar situation. I'll be 18 next month and on my birthday I am moving states to escape my narcissistic mum. The problem is the psychological damage she has done, conditioning me to worry what others think of me, how I act and treat other people. I have become very similar to my father, extremely giving, which is also probably due to the fact that I was constantly seeking praise (and of course never got it) from my mum as a child. I hope you succeed in ridding yourself of the cruelty that your narcissistic parent has caused, and I'm sure you will do well living out of home!
Good for you!
I'm 18 and I wish I could escape. She keeps me trapped here because she refuses to let me drive.
Congrats for realizing at 18 what took me until 50
The lying and the smear campaign is the worst part of all of this. She has convinced everyone I’m the bad guy. She’s mad because:
1. I called her out in her treating my brother like a child
2. called her out on her lies
3. The 2k I gave her in rent every year while going to college and cleaning / doing everything in the house was not enough. I still owe her money from when I lived with them while going to college. (They did not pay for my college or anything ever).
I’ve had two of my aunts call my phone to cuss me out for some lie my mother told them.
Fun times.
Narcissist suck & Toxic families suck.
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Rina. She certainly displays signs of a narcissist. I'm glad you're here and I hope the content is helping to guide you ❤️
@@terri_cole thanks. It definitely feels better to know you are not alone because they definitely make you feel as though you are crazy when in fact they are the crazy ones.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You deserve love and support. If you can, PLEASE CHANGE YOUR NUMBER. That’s something I will be doing soon to stop and flying monkeys and create no contact.
My mother treats me like I'm her ex husband. She talks sown about me to everyone, even complete strangers. Today, she "broke up with me" because she "doesn't support my lifestyle". I don't even know what that means. I own Pizzazz Piercing and Tattoo in Gainesville, FL. My shop was just rated second most influential business in the city. I don't drink. I don't smoke anything, or do any drugs. I've raised two boys, one of which is a successful adult who's about to have his own family with his wife.
The only thing I can think is that I'm not conservative.
She doesn't sound "conservative" herself so I don't really know what you're talking about? She's simply a narcissist. You're giving her the energy she wants even trying to figure her out.
Mine is jealous, plays all of us against one another (especially when it’s too peaceful) and loves chaos and fighting, lies constantly and is over sensitive. Drives me crazy that she befriends my friends- sooo weird and uncomfortable! I feel empty when I hear “I love you.” Once she humiliated me in front of ‘friends of the family and their kids.” Later, in a restaurant, brought it up in front of the same people while having brunch with them. I was so enraged that I stood up, and while clapping said, “Congratulations mother, you have managed to humiliate your own child. You must be so proud of yourself.” Nobody spoke for a long while - you could’ve heard a pin drop 😅. I almost always heard, “you only have one mother,” so finally stopped telling people.
I am just now realizing this is what she is. I started to finally see that it’s not normal. She calls my friends and talks bad about me. Tells stories that just are not true. I am sad life isn’t normal for us.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ and way to go for standing up for yourself!