What Does It Means To Be Stoic? - Can You Be Too Stoic
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- Hello Bulldogs! John Sonmez from Bulldog Mindset Here, where I teach you how to go from the Victim Mindset to the Bulldog Mindset.
Today I'll be responding to a request I got from one of you guys, on stoicism, what it means to be stoic and can you be too stoic.
The request is the following:
Hey John,
I've been a follower of yours for years now. Have always loved your balanced opinions and approach on topics, and would love your opinion on something i'm dealing with if possible.
I'm 34 years old and been with my current girlfriend for 6 months now. On multiple occasions, she has said I don't show emotion. She says that I'm never insecure Or jealous, and she even said I'm too stoic.
She went as far as to say that i'm like dating a robot and that i'm not human. She has criticized me because I never cry even when she thinks it's warranted. Admittedly, during arguments or emotional situations, I try to keep calm and express my emotions plainly and directly. I'm certainly not perfect. At times, I've definitely lost my temper, become frustrated, or just not even know how to feel. I've definitely felt insecure and jealous and afraid. It's true that I almost never cry. It's just not something I do often. I'm not sure why, but never saw it as a bad thing.
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Nice one man. Stoicism has been essential in my business and personal life.
100% agree, great advice. I would add one thing: from the wording of the email its unclear if she's misbehaving, or doing things that do not honor the relationship,etc. If that's the case than she is looking for him to put her "in her place' so to speak, to be strong, consistent and enforce standards and boundaries. If the guy is WAY to stoic than his under-reaction will be perceived as permissive weakness - an unwillingness to confront her.
"Choosing to let go of negative emotions as soon as they come up" is a crucial point, that's what's empowering; fear, anger and craving present themselves as if they'll put us in a safer/stronger/satisfied position, but they never do, they always put us in a weaker position.
Papa John, more of these “going in depth” videos
Stoicism is a fascinating strand of philosophy. Thanks for sharing John.
John you kinda have a Talent, when it comes to bringing a video, right when I need it. Thank you so much!
I used to be cold and impatient with everyone including my ex girlfriend, I used to be known amongst my friend group for being short-tempered but oddly enough, people loved me for that while my ex used to complain and wanted me to be more affectionate. After a while when I started studying and was put on medication for ADD I became more patient, I used to listen, I became much more kind than I used to be and turned into the "perfect boyfriend" she always wanted, after a while she dumped me. I mean it's still pissing me just thinking about how things ended up in that relationship but thankfully I know much better today.
Thanks so much, John. It's great to hear you say these things like it is, or at least how it feels. I was laughing out loud at how the points you're saying, are so funny, but so true. I love looking at our basic human instincts, beneath all our complexities. I feel this will help me in my relationship, and a lot of what you have taught me about stoicism, has already begun to help. Only just this morning, I held myself back from getting involved in the 'drama', and I feel quite sure, in doing so, allowed us to say goodbye, lovingly, as I left for work, as opposed to getting upset with what she said, and upsetting her by commenting on it. We love each other very much, but realising the male / female difference helps me understand why I don't understand, sometimes, and to just continue to progress, despite the occasional hurt. I feel my resistance to pain, is stronger than my resistance to pleasure, so I might watch some more of your anti lazy videos, and read your book on it. I really appreciate your motivational content to help people become stronger across several disciplines. It is truly inspiring, and hope I can offer a similar value to the world soon.
As usual John, this was a gold mine. Cheers brother
You can show weakness, but if it puts you in a position where she sees you as lower value than her, than attraction is gone.
Well put. They’ll definitely keep raising the stakes of tension and to stay calm & strong is key. Imagine being on a ship in the middle of the ocean. Crashing on board. Actually TH-cam the ship and ocean scene. It gets real.
Finally found my coach!!!
Hey John
wow I'm so flashed how you disected every sentence of that video
I believe you felt some kind of responsibility to help out the guy and you were right doing so I can say out of first experience
I wasn't really knowing what was going on in my last relationship as I was also trying to keep up the stoic masculine frame but in the end she was able to breach it down and all with it.
I have tried to analyze in the aftermath where I was going wrong and you were explaining so beautifully the dynamics in play in that relationship.
That stuff matters a lot - she moved out and my little family with my two small childs broke up
Means you are so right taking that serious.
I also like the positive vibe you are analyzing and seeing the male female dynamics in play - instead of going into victim mindset you are preaching being realistic about what to expect from a woman and how to deal with female nature - that's so beautiful how you are doing that by being that what you are preaching - I know nobody in that field that is so congruent than you are and I knew quite a few people
Thanks for sharing your insights and helping guys out so the world is becoming a better place by that
I subscribed to your channel for one week now and happy for every explanation in every video - you are really amazing to me so far!
Beautifully said sir
On point man. Had to hear that today! Thanks for sharing it.
Marcus Aurelius was a king….I mention that to say: no one’s gonna care how stoic you are if you have no value. Get power first, worry about stoicism later.
It was great. I think you should take some parts of it out and make some Instagram posts of it . Like 1 minute posts. Like shoulder for crying...
Wow...fantastic John, great way you broke it down logically. You are the Master...
She’s bored & has no where to put her energy so she creates the drama to inject excitement into her world.
If she’s acting like a little girl, she wants to be told off. So, in a stern, calm voice, put her back in her place. She’ll wear you down bro. Careful.
I have read about law of attraction and started now stoic philosophy and found out that it is two different things one is based on imaging what you want and you whould like to have but the stoic say what evere life throws at me it doesnt matter i will endure and i will finde something good in it or if it is good it doesnt matter as well
Ahh at the gym after work. Time to learn stoicism. Lol.....’im so fucked
Best advice I've ever heard! Thank you very much John, any books or podcast to listen to more of this wisdom?
It's more of doing the work ... then thinking ...!
Its frustrating when women act that way but you are right...
Good analysis. Especially of women wanting drama.
I think I'll stay single. Egads! LOL
Thank you!
I fucking hate that you are right.
What’s up Bulldog
God damn, man. I could've used this video like 5 or so years :/ I guess better late than never.
Hey John, love the message. My fiancee/partner heard your statement on the feminine quality, and strongly disagrees! Do you have science to back that women want drama, or is that purely anecdotal?
Seems like she just proved it right there. Lol
@@BulldogMindsetArchive So, anecdotal? You can't just say "I'm not trying to be chauvinistic" and then make a blatantly chauvinistic comment. To give you context, I was watching that video, left the room for a minute, my partner heard your comment and asked me when I returned "who is this guy?" I thought she was into it, but it turns out she was just offended by your generalization. I skipped back to see for myself, saw how you zoomed in when you made the statement, and was like, ya, that's pretty brutal. Man, I literally JUST subscribed, but I'm feeling offended. Your comment just doesn't match my experience. Do women want drama? I know plenty that do, but just as many guys, if not more, who are exactly the same. You've gotta back up statements like that.
Fuck dude, what can I tell you besides you are proving my point more and more. Look, no offense, but your woman is trying to make some drama with you, you are doing what men typically do which is to try and seek peace by dissolving her drama by disagreeing with me and saying, "he doesn't know what he's talking about, he doesn't have evidence, blah, blah." Basically whatever bullshit you can come up with to not have to FACE your fiance and potentially have drama. Just face up, be a man and believe what you believe and don't worry what I or she thinks about it. That's the real lesson here.
@@BulldogMindsetArchive Wow. Fist off, this is ME here, not my fiancee. I read your first reply to her out loud and she rolled her eyes, said, "mmhmmm," and went back to what she was doing. I started typing. My words here, not hers. So, in fact, you are disproving your own point. I'm bringing the drama, bro! You responded to a question about your views on feminism with a bro joke. As a feminist, I'm offended by your small-minded outlook. Also, refusing to back up your opinions with facts or science or even some fucking context on what women have done to hurt you is a cop out man. I say again: if you're going to say "women love drama," back it up. We're on your channel to learn. So teach, don't preach.
You are a male feminist? Ok. Enough wasting my time, you are right. She's the man, and you are bringing the drama.
women can be stoic too, it knows no gender
It's simple. This could have been handled in one sentence: "Women act like children and you deal with them the same way - i.e. don't take them seriously, discipline when warranted and just do you."
You think she wants drama but it sounds like she wants validation. Hes not showing empathy to her feelings. If she feels insecure he should help her feel secure. Not really about dominance, its about understanding each other. When youre in a relationship you should be partners not master and sub or parent n child.
Excellent point. Empathic listening is very important. You need to feel understood. This is a very fundamental emotional need. There's much more to this than what the video perceives.
@@MeegoHeebo yeah a good tip is to react to the persons feelings, not the situation.
19:40 true, but I've seen otherwise
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I disagree. In general women need validation emotionally, not dominated but she wants to know her man cares the way she does which is through crying and other emotions. But it has to be a healthy balance. In this scenario she’s projecting insecurity. Also he’s not giving her much emotional stability being non reactive all the time. I mean you’re not a fucking robot. This is also the main reason why men die sooner than women, not having healthy ways of managing stress, emotions etc
@Toxic Stoic Just because some women are like that doesn't mean they all are... also you're really falling into that "nice guy" bullshit mindset.
Stereotyping an entire gender with a narrow view point of behavioral patterns is dangerous, inaccurate, uneducated and small minded. Furthermore I believe anything you say moving forward is invalidated by not believing in male feminists or denouncing their opinion. If you’re a man and not a feminist you’re part of the problem. Disappointed these view points exist and are fueling the fire of inequality but I do think it’s important to be able to have respectful discourse with those who have opposing view points. That is where change occurs and I support your right to free speech.
Ps. As a woman if you asked me what I most want it would be peace, equality and truly great physical intimacy.
I wanted to attach this to Coleman’s thread but my phone didn’t allow.
I don't want to be sexist... but let me generalize half the world. 🙄 It's like those people who say "Not to be racist, but black people..."