Have you ever noticed that everytime someone complains that you're being selfish, they always do it from a selfish standpoint themselves? Ironic, isn't it?
Johnny Undaunted it's not always that way, but from narcissistic abusers it's always that way. There's a point where you're going to be a burden to society instead of an asset.
Yup, my parents, yet they showing lots of selfish act most of time, 100% ironic I admit I been there too following their way, I do my best to change myself step by step
It sounds like transitioning from being codependent to healthy. We definitely need to be complete in ourselves before we can give to another in a healthy way. Nice video.
So true. I live my life how I want, I make sure I do for myself so i dont ask for shit and dont expect shit. So I do for others so long as it doesnt hinder my ability to take care of myself
yo this is one of the realest shit I've ever heard bro and tbh this shit been on my mind lately and was trying to make sense of it all and this video made it all clear for me, much respect bro, continue to achieve greatness.
I used to be a super people pleasing codependent and was miserable and I couldn’t figure out why for the longest. I felt like ppl just used me and didn’t actually care about me and took my kindness as a weakness. It’s true i hated myself. I got rid of everyone and started solely focusing on myself and I’ve never been happier. I never thought being “selfish” was the answer but it is!
I love this video, been staying for years to people that you help people because it makes you feel good, so it's a shelfish act. Nobody does anything that makes them feel bad.
You can’t be too selfless in a relationship, you have to be selfish in order to connect to your partner in a deeper, long term way. You gotta love yourself so others can see that and love you as well
What. If you love your wife, and you buy her present to make her happy, thats not self sacritice. Love is most profound selfish feeling, that you have for someone because of what they make you feel, happiness. Selfishness properly understood is not about cheating, manipulate to gain something you don't deserve. Its doing something to eventually get something better for yourself, in the total context of your life.
I watched this about a year ago and my boundaries and sense of self was fragile. Always people pleasing. Recently I started saying no and standing up for myself and this video has become 10x clearer to me. Wow what wisdom John
Slowly but surely I find myself watching videos from your channel so I decided to pull the plug and subscribe, You make a lot of sense and I like that you have a bunch of different topics nice channel bro
Shallow? Far from it in my opinion. Completely agree. People get bothered when they see you have complete love and respect for yourself and put yourself first.
Being ego is a good thing. Men need to work on themselves and build their lives up. We don't owe anybody anything. I attract more women by working hard and buying my own things rather than buying stuff for them and being a sucka
Being selfish and egotistical instead of pleasing other people is actually being a good person. When you are codependent and try to please others (often compromising your values and integrity), it is highly probable that your commitment won't be properly recognized and valued, which leads to anger and resentment - which leads to being angry towards others, so you either lash out eventually or when you can't, you become depressed. People-pleasing is dangerous for everyone. If you really care for other people, put yourself first and don't spread yourself thin pleasing others - that way you are actually depriving others of the value you can create for them by paradoxically being egotistical and investing in yourself.
@75, I remember making a new word for myself after one ex called me selfish when I was 30..........I thought about it for a few weeks......I knew that I was not acting for any self gain....so the word selfish was wrong.........suddenly I found the word "SELF-FULL"......and that if you don´t invest in yourself, just like a bank account...you have to put money into it......then when someone comes and "asks for love"...you have some to give and share........
Great advice in here John! Thanks for answering the reply in a video format again :-). Self-creation is the lesson I am getting out of this video. Great job!
THERE IS SOME TRUTH IN THE "BEING ALONE" CONCEPT YOU SPOKE ABOUT...OUR LOVED ONES DIE AND WE ARE ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR LIVES...HOWEVER...WE ARE NOT REALLY ALONE!!...GOD...IS ALSO A REALITY OF EXISTENCE...BECAUSE HE MADE US. IF WE SEEK HIM WE WILL NEVER BE ALONE...EVEN WHEN ALONE...HE PROMISES TO BE WITH US ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIFE ON THIS EARTH AND BEYOND...AND IT IS TRUE.
that is un scientifical and un logical and I find dogma to seprate man and woman. It also seems to strat wars and does more harm than good. Im not saying all religion is bad but I am just saying one thing that is the bad thing.
@@lorenzosteele2531 IS IT MORE SCIENTIFIC AND LOGICAL TO THINK ALL WE KNOW EXISTS BECAUSE MATTER WILLED ITSELF INTO EXISTENCE? HOW CAN A SPEC OF SAND IN A PITCH BLACK UNIVERSE BE THE ORIGIN OF LAWS, PLANETS, STARS, AND LIFE ITSELF? HOW CAM MATTER GIVE BIRTH TO OUR SOULS, MORALITY, ETHICS, INTELLIGENCE?
@@lorenzosteele2531 YOU QUESTIONED THE EXISTENCE OF GOD, THEREFORE I PROPOSED AN ARGUMENT IN REGARDS TO THE CREATION OF EVERYTHING BY GOD AND HOW THAT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN THE BIG BANG THEORY.
The most selfless thing you can do is giving and sacrificing for your children. It's not easy, especially when they're ungrateful moody teenagers, and it's not always rewarding. It's just putting them above yourself. It's like the book The Giving Tree. I'm here to be poured out for them.
Loving your children is not something selfless people made it that way...if u study biology you'll know...its feeded in the sub-concious mind of humans to reproduce and protect their offspring so that their population grows ..there's nothing selfless about that...people can really find any emotinal angle they want
I watched the video and thought about it for some time and what you say makes sense. If you simplify what you say and turn what you conceptualize into bullet points. "You have to be selfish to give authentically", "you have to be selfish in order not to feel jealous". The best word which describes this concept which is contradictive in nature is a paradox. By definition a paradox is: "a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true." Not trying to take away from your point, but add clarity if possible.
This hit me hard but it's a great lesson. I have a codependent mother and unfortunately this thing passes down like a genetic desease. I have codependent tendencies, but learning to be a bulldog has greatly reduced the need for external things to complete me as a person. The ultimate goal is to be fully self sufficient.
What the difference between healthy selfish and unhealthy selfish? Because growing up my father was flat out selfish all he did was work,come home eat watch tv and never attended to his kids,or gave attention. He was way too into his world to focus on the outside. I was a caregiver growing up,and he was and still is narcissist so I'm asking what the difference?
So true nice people get treated like idiots and the resentment is just not worth it balance is key people who want to stay on top have told you it’s not
When I come to think about being selfish and egotistical, my sister, cousins, and my toxic friends will accuse me of being a narcissist. And I agree, when you respect and love yourself, you will be able to love others. Sometimes not being codependent is a good thing. In other words, I do not live for other people's approval any longer.
Its only really a problem for those who Keep Giving after being denied and put down many times in a selfish manor. Being selfish on Every Topic especially when it comes to others considerations is Not a balanced type to even be Acknowledged by in the first place.. Every type has problems.
ACtually people that are not selfish upfront, and are nice guys aren't more selfish than genuine selfish people, they are just not genuine, but it cannot be more selfish, it is either selfish or not selfish, and humans cannot be unselfish, so being a nice guy is not more selfish, it is just another way to live that is not as good because people will not respect you.Right?
You must defeat that tiger in the background, the time has come. With all those things in the background, all your skills and abilities and resources. Remember though, the animals and I believe in you! Give it your all!
The same say Jesus in Mark 12:31 "The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these." You need to love yourself to be able to love others.
I was raised as a Catholic. Church everyday after school. Sunday, you better have a broken leg. Other families, the town queries, where is he. Trained to be selfless in Church, thats not reality. I am trying to change. Religion can't change human nature, but tries.
There's some proper advice in this video - If you're a "nice" guy you've got to love&respect yourself... but the "depth" and value of the solipsistic mindsets he's recommending isn't going to open vistas of self-actualization - instead it frees you to explore what your self sabotage kept you from reaching. Don't tune out how the world is responding to your actions or how YOUR world is responding to your actions.
How can you approve selfishness if your so thoughtful as to give. Its not like every time someone demands to be acknowledged or want something after doing something selfless for someone. More like that person deserves the respect to have something be given back out of being a good person in general. If the latter does Nothing about giving back or even to not accept/approve, then they Would come across as generic unremorseful users, ungrateful and selfish in the most wrongful ways. You Should only be Selfish as far as towards self realization and balancing yourself personally through your own experiences. No one is in charge of doing things in your life aside from you accepting it...
just a question , does that point where you become totally or to a very good percent unneedy comes just by changing your mindset or ill have to work on my status first. and can I have alot of status and still be needy? cause noticed that this neediness thing isn't so easy to break off , I think it's like confidence you can't really fake it.
He has a photo of him in his beta days with long curly hair. It’s the video about how he almost got in a fight and stop being the nice guy. Something like that
Uh... no? I do good things because I can. It if doesn't cost me anything, I'll do it and forget about it. You're actually stuck in the shadow side right now and that's not something to preach in defense of. You don't have to be selfless not to be selfish.
How old is the person who sent this to their parents? LOL. If the parents had really raised him to adolescence, he wouldn't need "to get their 2 cents" on tutorials like this.
Isn't "egotistical" the wrong word to use here? Doesn't the term "egotism" suggest the very lack of geniuine-ness and pretense that you are arguing against since self importance in almost any context or any metaphysical scheme is bogus? Furthermore, yes I see your point about the need to love oneself and strive to be genuine, but that seems like a different thing from thinking you are the center of the universe on principle. Aren't you tempting people to think that the world revolves around them? Isn't this overstated? I'm not sure really, I'm just asking.
Wanna know something interesting.. this man.. and every single person that believes this message does not truly believe in God.. I’m jus keeping it real
Ksyusha Kostyuk well First I’m talking about the true God, the God of true love and self sacrifice. The creator.. and I mean believe Him as in Fear/acknowledge Him and trust His word
![PURPEECH - นี่ฉันเองคนที่... (It's me) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NuhHd0hOOg8/mqdefault.jpg)
Have you ever noticed that everytime someone complains that you're being selfish, they always do it from a selfish standpoint themselves? Ironic, isn't it?
Johnny Undaunted it's not always that way, but from narcissistic abusers it's always that way. There's a point where you're going to be a burden to society instead of an asset.
Swan someone can tell you to stop being selfish for your sake ... out of love
Yes..my ex friend was that way. They were throwing shade bc I was succeeding in life and they were miserable.
Yup, my parents, yet they showing lots of selfish act most of time, 100% ironic
I admit I been there too following their way, I do my best to change myself step by step
Omg yes
It sounds like transitioning from being codependent to healthy. We definitely need to be complete in ourselves before we can give to another in a healthy way. Nice video.
that is wisdom right there
So true. I live my life how I want, I make sure I do for myself so i dont ask for shit and dont expect shit. So I do for others so long as it doesnt hinder my ability to take care of myself
If you don't love and respect yourself, you cannot fully love someone else.
Evan Erickson lies from the flesh
horseshit
Man this changed everything for me, my paradigm has completely shifted...thx bro
yo this is one of the realest shit I've ever heard bro and tbh this shit been on my mind lately and was trying to make sense of it all and this video made it all clear for me, much respect bro, continue to achieve greatness.
I used to be a super people pleasing codependent and was miserable and I couldn’t figure out why for the longest. I felt like ppl just used me and didn’t actually care about me and took my kindness as a weakness. It’s true i hated myself. I got rid of everyone and started solely focusing on myself and I’ve never been happier. I never thought being “selfish” was the answer but it is!
Thanks bro I realised I had deep rooted issues
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.
Thanks my friend
I love this video, been staying for years to people that you help people because it makes you feel good, so it's a shelfish act. Nobody does anything that makes them feel bad.
You can’t be too selfless in a relationship, you have to be selfish in order to connect to your partner in a deeper, long term way. You gotta love yourself so others can see that and love you as well
Marcos Tomas this is the most divorce causing false lie of our day
Marriages die from selfishness.
What. If you love your wife, and you buy her present to make her happy, thats not self sacritice. Love is most profound selfish feeling, that you have for someone because of what they make you feel, happiness.
Selfishness properly understood is not about cheating, manipulate to gain something you don't deserve. Its doing something to eventually get something better for yourself, in the total context of your life.
I watched this about a year ago and my boundaries and sense of self was fragile. Always people pleasing. Recently I started saying no and standing up for myself and this video has become 10x clearer to me. Wow what wisdom John
The title turned me off. But i clicked the video and was pleasantly surprised by the richness of information.... thank you
Title turned you off? Gotta be open minded bruh
This video is life changer I've never seen before on youtube. Thank you man!
Robert Greene's Laws of Human Nature did emphasise on self interests being inherent. Ultimately whatever we do, it tends to be win-win.
one of your best videos yet brotha
Slowly but surely I find myself watching videos from your channel so I decided to pull the plug and subscribe, You make a lot of sense and I like that you have a bunch of different topics nice channel bro
9:20, ah ha! The golden rule. If you love yourself better, you love your neighbor more.
Shallow? Far from it in my opinion. Completely agree. People get bothered when they see you have complete love and respect for yourself and put yourself first.
True Bro. People who act nice are the ones that turn out to be the most selfish. You see it when you get to know them a bit.
"I am the fucking shit!" - St. Paul's Epistle to the Galatians.
People do what's best for them and so should too.
Being ego is a good thing. Men need to work on themselves and build their lives up. We don't owe anybody anything. I attract more women by working hard and buying my own things rather than buying stuff for them and being a sucka
I agree.
Thanks for all of your work and for sharing your path to greatness with us.
This is your best video so far for my opinion.
This is gold. As an university student, I’m truly enlightened by this crucial message!
Thank you very much,I really needed that,
Love your honesty Brother, that's Real Talk right there.
Being selfish and egotistical instead of pleasing other people is actually being a good person. When you are codependent and try to please others (often compromising your values and integrity), it is highly probable that your commitment won't be properly recognized and valued, which leads to anger and resentment - which leads to being angry towards others, so you either lash out eventually or when you can't, you become depressed.
People-pleasing is dangerous for everyone. If you really care for other people, put yourself first and don't spread yourself thin pleasing others - that way you are actually depriving others of the value you can create for them by paradoxically being egotistical and investing in yourself.
Bartexor you call evil good and good evil
Marquis Squire can I say that if you think this is true . You are living a lie
I love this guy.
what he says is really true and I always believed on it!
I am BullDog and John Sonmez is our Master!
Good Luck y'all.
Extremely well said. Amazing thought process man. I can't wait until I reach this level in life. Keep up the great work
Thank you John for talking about this tabu subject
This was really interesting, appreciate you sharing this John
I watch your videos every day bro! Keep doing this. Greetings from the Netherlands
@75, I remember making a new word for myself after one ex called me selfish when I was 30..........I thought about it for a few weeks......I knew that I was not acting for any self gain....so the word selfish was wrong.........suddenly I found the word "SELF-FULL"......and that if you don´t invest in yourself, just like a bank account...you have to put money into it......then when someone comes and "asks for love"...you have some to give and share........
Great advice in here John! Thanks for answering the reply in a video format again :-). Self-creation is the lesson I am getting out of this video. Great job!
THERE IS SOME TRUTH IN THE "BEING ALONE" CONCEPT YOU SPOKE ABOUT...OUR LOVED ONES DIE AND WE ARE ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR LIVES...HOWEVER...WE ARE NOT REALLY ALONE!!...GOD...IS ALSO A REALITY OF EXISTENCE...BECAUSE HE MADE US. IF WE SEEK HIM WE WILL NEVER BE ALONE...EVEN WHEN ALONE...HE PROMISES TO BE WITH US ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIFE ON THIS EARTH AND BEYOND...AND IT IS TRUE.
What is it with Christian preachers and overusing caps and punctuation
that is un scientifical and un logical and I find dogma to seprate man and woman. It also seems to strat wars and does more harm than good. Im not saying all religion is bad but I am just saying one thing that is the bad thing.
@@lorenzosteele2531 IS IT MORE SCIENTIFIC AND LOGICAL TO THINK ALL WE KNOW EXISTS BECAUSE MATTER WILLED ITSELF INTO EXISTENCE? HOW CAN A SPEC OF SAND IN A PITCH BLACK UNIVERSE BE THE ORIGIN OF LAWS, PLANETS, STARS, AND LIFE ITSELF? HOW CAM MATTER GIVE BIRTH TO OUR SOULS, MORALITY, ETHICS, INTELLIGENCE?
@@TecumsehSherman36 evrything you said makes no sence
@@lorenzosteele2531 YOU QUESTIONED THE EXISTENCE OF GOD, THEREFORE I PROPOSED AN ARGUMENT IN REGARDS TO THE CREATION OF EVERYTHING BY GOD AND HOW THAT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN THE BIG BANG THEORY.
If I try to be good I always wind up behaving bad. Everything I do Is Inappropriate to others anyway. Thank you!
Great video. Just discovered this channel, loving the quality content. Keep up the great work John.
The most selfless thing you can do is giving and sacrificing for your children. It's not easy, especially when they're ungrateful moody teenagers, and it's not always rewarding. It's just putting them above yourself. It's like the book The Giving Tree. I'm here to be poured out for them.
Loving your children is not something selfless people made it that way...if u study biology you'll know...its feeded in the sub-concious mind of humans to reproduce and protect their offspring so that their population grows ..there's nothing selfless about that...people can really find any emotinal angle they want
My heart will go to her,.. by finding real love,..
Jesús all of this is SO TRUE
One of your very best videos. Well done.
I watched the video and thought about it for some time and what you say makes sense. If you simplify what you say and turn what you conceptualize into bullet points. "You have to be selfish to give authentically", "you have to be selfish in order not to feel jealous". The best word which describes this concept which is contradictive in nature is a paradox.
By definition a paradox is: "a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true."
Not trying to take away from your point, but add clarity if possible.
True words.
This is wisdom.
Very well spoken. Thankyou.
Strong words John, thank you.
Ok I get it be selfish and be a bad guy. Got it
This hit me hard but it's a great lesson. I have a codependent mother and unfortunately this thing passes down like a genetic desease. I have codependent tendencies, but learning to be a bulldog has greatly reduced the need for external things to complete me as a person. The ultimate goal is to be fully self sufficient.
Real talk
👊
Fuck... feel like I’ve just freed from this horrible spell
What the difference between healthy selfish and unhealthy selfish? Because growing up my father was flat out selfish all he did was work,come home eat watch tv and never attended to his kids,or gave attention. He was way too into his world to focus on the outside. I was a caregiver growing up,and he was and still is narcissist so I'm asking what the difference?
So true nice people get treated like idiots and the resentment is just not worth it balance is key people who want to stay on top have told you it’s not
thank you, you are top of all on youtube, no competition
Amazing mannnn. Loved it
When I come to think about being selfish and egotistical, my sister, cousins, and my toxic friends will accuse me of being a narcissist. And I agree, when you respect and love yourself, you will be able to love others.
Sometimes not being codependent is a good thing.
In other words, I do not live for other people's approval any longer.
Perfect timing
Good video and makes a lot of sense ..
You and George Bruno need to have a TH-cam chat .
Its only really a problem for those who Keep Giving after being denied and put down many times in a selfish manor. Being selfish on Every Topic especially when it comes to others considerations is Not a balanced type to even be Acknowledged by in the first place.. Every type has problems.
ACtually people that are not selfish upfront, and are nice guys aren't more selfish than genuine selfish people, they are just not genuine, but it cannot be more selfish, it is either selfish or not selfish, and humans cannot be unselfish, so being a nice guy is not more selfish, it is just another way to live that is not as good because people will not respect you.Right?
So sharp and articulated.
You must defeat that tiger in the background, the time has come. With all those things in the background, all your skills and abilities and resources. Remember though, the animals and I believe in you! Give it your all!
FINALLY. A MGTOW channel that on the same page as me.
Thanks John for the good advise! One interesting question is how does selflessness fit into this context?
Love yourself first before you love anyone else.
one of the best video you made, top 3 for sure. I don't want to be negative, but you are too wise for bulldog :P
I really get this!!!!
The same say Jesus in Mark 12:31 "The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these." You need to love yourself to be able to love others.
Difference between confidence and arrogance: arrogant people are neither generous nor supportive.
Thank you
I called someone out on there one sided bullshit. Said we should just be friends. Mad was the def
I was raised as a Catholic. Church everyday after school. Sunday, you better have a broken leg. Other families, the town queries, where is he. Trained to be selfless in Church, thats not reality. I am trying to change. Religion can't change human nature, but tries.
I was called selfish by my ex Wie because I too k care of myself
true
TH-cam decided to fuck us upp ditt all these adds just are longer than the video I am watching. TH-cam come on
There's some proper advice in this video - If you're a "nice" guy you've got to love&respect yourself... but the "depth" and value of the solipsistic mindsets he's recommending isn't going to open vistas of self-actualization - instead it frees you to explore what your self sabotage kept you from reaching. Don't tune out how the world is responding to your actions or how YOUR world is responding to your actions.
Holy shit that was good advice
Awsome clip 😎
I guess you listened to a lot of Tony Robbins
You sent it to your parents? lmao
How can you approve selfishness if your so thoughtful as to give. Its not like every time someone demands to be acknowledged or want something after doing something selfless for someone. More like that person deserves the respect to have something be given back out of being a good person in general. If the latter does Nothing about giving back or even to not accept/approve, then they Would come across as generic unremorseful users, ungrateful and selfish in the most wrongful ways. You Should only be Selfish as far as towards self realization and balancing yourself personally through your own experiences. No one is in charge of doing things in your life aside from you accepting it...
7:48 :( yap,I hate myself. Nailed it.
I Like You
Thanks
Yea deeply understood person.. thank you love from India🤗
Krish k Love from the U.S.A, friend!
@@smiththesun 😊😊😊
just a question , does that point where you become totally or to a very good percent unneedy comes just by changing your mindset or ill have to work on my status first. and can I have alot of status and still be needy? cause noticed that this neediness thing isn't so easy to break off , I think it's like confidence you can't really fake it.
You have an amazing curly hair. Maybe you could consider growing it :)
Ikr im jealous
He has a photo of him in his beta days with long curly hair. It’s the video about how he almost got in a fight and stop being the nice guy. Something like that
Uh... no? I do good things because I can. It if doesn't cost me anything, I'll do it and forget about it. You're actually stuck in the shadow side right now and that's not something to preach in defense of. You don't have to be selfless not to be selfish.
HAVE I NOT SAID 'YE ARE GODS'?
This man looks delicious 😂
How old is the person who sent this to their parents? LOL. If the parents had really raised him to adolescence, he wouldn't need "to get their 2 cents" on tutorials like this.
7:52 extreme leftists, extreme feminists
I can’t believe this world really calls evil good... and they call good evil ... the Bible professed this would happen
Isn't "egotistical" the wrong word to use here? Doesn't the term "egotism" suggest the very lack of geniuine-ness and pretense that you are arguing against since self importance in almost any context or any metaphysical scheme is bogus?
Furthermore, yes I see your point about the need to love oneself and strive to be genuine, but that seems like a different thing from thinking you are the center of the universe on principle. Aren't you tempting people to think that the world revolves around them? Isn't this overstated? I'm not sure really, I'm just asking.
Your a pussy stfu and take notes...pussy
Wanna know something interesting.. this man.. and every single person that believes this message does not truly believe in God.. I’m jus keeping it real
What do you mean by - Believe in God?
Ksyusha Kostyuk well First I’m talking about the true God, the God of true love and self sacrifice. The creator.. and I mean believe Him as in Fear/acknowledge Him and trust His word
I'm unsubscribing just for the fact that this is all ego purposes