The silent treatment is used as a punishment device. The best thing to do ist to cancel your relationship with that person. They are evil and very sick.
I'm only speaking for myself. But, when I ignore somebody it's because I don't like them or don't want to deal with them. If someone ignores you just let them be, no matter how you feel.
@@The_504 I need to do this, I apologized to someone that I felt I did wrong to them and they decided to silent treatment me at work and we work together, but in different problems. Its been going on for about a month now.
The silent treatment is actually the best gift you can get from this person. Don’t break it at all costs. Don’t give them the power. This is specific to narcissists though.
What you're describing is not the silent treatment. Silent 'treatment' implies that the person is deliberately 'treating' you this way and it is a psychologically manipulative, emotionally abusive evil tactic and tool of dark personalities who practice dark arts. You must never try to place any onus upon yourself to get them to do anything because that is futile. The type of silence that is worth tolerating or assisting someone with is the reasonable amount of space a person deserves if you have done something to make them angry, or if someone just needs space until they are ready to speak about it or if they are suffering in silence due to some difficulty. That is not silent treatment. Silent treatment is used as punishment with evil intent and is usually the tool of narcissists. Do not ever play their game or think that you can do anything to make them stop the silent treatment.
This just doesn't work with a raging Narcissist. They are all about waiting for you to break your silence first do they can WIN! IT'S ALL ABOUT PUNISHING YOU FOR SOMETHING THEY DID, I.e. cursing , raging over absolutely NOTHING. It just does not work in this situation. Sure wished it did. Thanks for suggesting though.
Nooooo don't handle silent treatment .. The most beautiful thing about being in love is being understood and together as partners are communicating to each other .. I left my boyfriend today..he uses this all the time with me for two years even in quarantine. He remain angry for days even after I apologise and call .. Two days ago he was mad cause I was away from the phone then he stonewalled me for 3 days .. It consumed me alot af energy ..I called for 3 days he wasn't responding Then ...I left .. Yup ..I left ..life is too short to remain angry for 7 days because the phone was away ... I wanna be happy.. . I left him and I'm not sorry Girls ..love and respect yourselves .leave when you feel abused and disrespected..you will find your way
You made a very smart choice. I was married to a man for 17 years who tormented me with silent treatments. I tried to reason with him as advised in this video and it never went anywhere productive. It just fed into his control game.
Communication is the key of any relationship so if your partner is giving you silent treatment it means there is something psychologically wrong with that person being alone for sometime is different but being silent for days and weeks is toxic and eventually this will take out all the joy of loving the person healthy partners don't fight they communicate smartly and try to resolve the issue while unhealthy partners don't communicate for days and leave the problems unresolved
What if they’ve been single and alone forever, surrounded by active narcissists and living under criminal fear. Wouldn’t it shut anybody up? Maybe it’s not from Malice…?
Doesn't work when you don't live with or see the person daily or often. The stone wall can go on forever as a punishment until they want something from you. They will not allow the stonewall to be mentioned.
Siddharth Gupta - I lived with that for 20 years where it would last days, to weeks, to months for random reasons to no reason . I get it, its not easy, I was just as hurt and confused. Don’t patronize me
I definitely left that alone by now. I was trauma bonded & I wasn't myself mentally or emotionally. At least now I know what to look out for in future relationships or partners
I've tried to communicate with the one giving me the silent treatment, and they have told me they don't want to talk to me and thats it. So even if I have said I want to help solve the problem, its pointless. So i am not going to speak to them anymore either.
Hi Ricku. The best we can do is try, and if the other person is not receptive to our message, then we have to move on. Trust your gut and go with your instincts. Thanks for sharing this example. Happy Explearning ⚡
@@ExplearningCo I’m dealing with the same thing. He says he wants me to communicate, but gives me the silent treatment. I’m stone walling back right now. I never do that, but he needs to know what he does - passive aggression and emotional abuse.
Good on you, Ricky! ^_^ Yes, we have to move on, and anyway, it's better that we move on without the stonewaller; it's not healthy for you to try to maintain a relationship with someone who employs this tactic of communication; life is too short to spend it by chasing after someone who's perpetuating the problem by not speaking, or at least ATTEMPTING, to speak about the problem. When you really think about it, you're infinitely better off without them.
It really hurts when your spouse gives you silent treatment....from experience i can say they are trying to convey you a strong messages....instead of trying to be nicer just accept their allegations...don't argue....you can never win with a narcissit...remember...its about them...not about you....find a friend with whom you can share your heart...who appreciates you.....dont crave for approval and acceptance from your spouse or people....engage in sone activity life painting ,sketching etc which will help you overcome a low self esteem....its good to fall down sometimes to rise up again.
Lots of videos about how to handle the person GIVING the silent treatment. I give it all the time and I need help in avoiding getting into this dark mood in the first place!!! I just end up there but would not like to get there.
How do you stop being the stonewaller? I am a stonewaller and it happens when I feel overwhelmed and I lose sight of what to say so I just don't say anything. I need to stop and I don't know how
Just a friendly advice..... that you can try to communicate it to other person especially if its a partner that you feel this way when u aren’t sure what to say so u temporarily shut down and if this kinda situation appears you need a little time to workout what you wanna say and stuff ... also you should set up a challenge for yourself that no matter what i only take 2-3 hours for myself and afterward just talk it out to other person whatever i can ... because delaying communication longer can give rise to other problems .. communication after a short time might not solve everything but it can make the other person feel that you are trying and that way even if things are working out slowly they don’t get at least worse or added upp.. hope this helps:)
Please say anything to them, except being silent. Because someone else will take your place if you don't. Just say, yr overwhelmed atm ... is that so difficult?
My wife and I are in a long distance relationship, she's tried to silent treat me for the 50th time, this time I ask for a divorce, as hard as it'd been before covid but this is the breaking point.
They're communicating ''You're beneath me and you should KNOW THAT, you shouldn't be trying to converse with me as though we were equals, how dare you.''. Also, you might be able to expose their double standards and lack of reason and logic if you force them to have a conversation.
This sound good my husband discarded me for 3 yrs no contact i had no idea what happened, anyway most recently he text me out of no where and said he was mad at me for something that could have easily resolved with a convo, no that he left me hanging i told him he could stay with his side chick im good. I moved on and no longer even care
I did try saying this to my aunt when she refused to speak to me "I know you don't usually say much, but I was wondering when you'd be able to talk so we may have a conversation". Immediately she told me what's on her mind and that she had outstanding work doing that that one of those days she would let me know when we could" (This was last year btw)
Thank you, thats realy magic to say in such moments, however dont say it to change that person. They won't. Its a deep rooted manipulative strategy/pattern to have power over a person.
Hi thank you for your comment. This is not a one-size-fits all approach, because there is no such thing in human interaction. But suffice to say that we can try once or twice and if the person is still not receptive to our message and conflict-mediation then we are under no obligation to continue communication with them.
@@ExplearningCo It's a wonderful phrase to keep yourself out of the silent treatment, to not be manipulated into feeling small and worthless as if you dont exist. It's basically a very disrespectful tactic to lure you into their bad mood to make you feel bad aswell. It seems such a simple sentence, but you don't get to it when someone puts you down like that. So thank you very much.😘
My husband always does this to me and I am always the one who initiates to stop this. We keep on telling each other that he should stop doing this because it is unhealthy and affects our son. But still, we are almost s month now of silent treatment and I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to cooperate with me pretending I don't even exist.
Hi Kaye. Thanks for reaching out. Very sorry to hear this. Keeping an open line of communication is one of the best things to do during such times. Sending you good vibes and strength to get through it. You will!
@@ExplearningCo she just said he won't communicate, so she can't do anything! ! 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ I've had panic attacks brought on by it in the past. Luckily I have a lovely new friend to help with this. Because it's not right to have to have manipulative people dominating us! Better people can help us
Your husband might be a narcissist. May be it would help you to do a little research in finding out the chore traits of a narcissist, i.e. the interaction tools they use to dominate the relationship. If your husband does not intend on generally dominating you then he is most likely not a narcissist but unfortunately uses this narcissist tool to block resolution of a conflict in order to dominate you for this particular conflict. Ask him if he knows what a narcissist is and stonewalling or silent treatment is a core tool of the narcissist. In any case, one way to deal with this is to learn about the nature of your dedication, loyalty and respect (DLR) for your husband. Then have an educational general friendly conversation for DLR you both have for each other. This will help you understand where he stands in his DLR with-respect-to you. Then you can develop free-agency to adjust your DLR with-respect-to him and at the very least not be emotionally dominated by him. This will at least give you an idea about where you stand in your marriage with-respect-to him. NOTE: For this to work you have to be authentic with yourself, and accept that you have no control over your husbands authenticity.
@@loveispatientloveiskind2205 : I'm curious, Are you currently in a relationship where your spouse is unauthentic and tries to employ unfair and hurtful emotional dominance over you?
When you are dealing with someone behaving like this, you are not dealing with someone reasonable. You are dealing with a manipulator who is using this to gain control over you. Your advice would be giving them exactly what they want, and they will not play fair.
What if I've told my parents what the problem is (they keep labelling me paranoid, then when I object ''sensitive'' and when I point out that I can't win, angry''. They deny there is a problem. I'm the one who says there is a problem and I'm being met with a silent treatment.
i know i have sinned to my wife because of an affair. me and my wife is married for 14years plus, i have an affair in the past and leave her because i have been emotionally attached to that other person, but now i realize i was totally wrong and i decided to go back to her fix the issues and ask for her forgiveness, now im experiencing this stone walling, and she ignores me through txt or call, no words or respond even im admitting my mistakes and want to fix everything and yet until now she is still doing it on me.. its so painful to me.. what should i do?
What happened to the 1 you had feelings for, why didn't you stay with that 1 ? If yr wife doesn't want you anymore, it's too hard for her to love you because you don't know who you want?
If they're not speaking to you then there is a reason, people usually don't reply for just no reason. Maybe it's what you say & how you're saying it. When my wife goes on a rant & wants to b**ch about something I just want to shut down & not talk at all. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21: 9
A hi... There is 1 reason why I no longer respond at all. That's when someone deliberately damages my trust and justifies themselves behind my back. My trust is gone so, friendship gone. No reply...
Practicing stonewalling against stonwallers- for some reason it works, but it leads to another thing I learned from a video, which I hope was reliable… It’s something along the line of “supply collapse”(cringes me a little to think humans cultivate humans) Anyways, that’s behavior in covert narcissism (cn) The cn turns to be something offended and grudgy if left in stonewalling. I’m dealing right now with trying to make amends in a relationship with a cn, I’m a ptsd. So it doesn’t match well as I never react at the exact moment and he never understands what’s wrong with my emotions for him, making it seem I’m just crazy. So if you experience PTSD, can I please say something? I know we want to feel validated and loved by our loved ones, and very much fiercely protected, but finding a partner from such a point in life (if untreated), will give you a very wrong “closure&balance” go your soul, as it might attract people with unhealthy point of view of you and for you, etc, whatever you call it.
My dad used the silent treatment with my narscisist mom so rather than leaving her he kept up the silent treatment until he was dying and she left him whining to neighbors and to his brother that he hadn't talked to in 20 years. It was pathetic seeing 2 adults blaming each other like little children when my dad was dying and my mom enlisting my retarded sister against my dying dad.
The silent treatment is used as a punishment device. The best thing to do ist to cancel your relationship with that person. They are evil and very sick.
I'm only speaking for myself. But, when I ignore somebody it's because I don't like them or don't want to deal with them. If someone ignores you just let them be, no matter how you feel.
I’ve used the silent treatment on people who are mean to me everyday, I’m not evil, I’m just done being hurt by them.
@@The_504 I need to do this, I apologized to someone that I felt I did wrong to them and they decided to silent treatment me at work and we work together, but in different problems. Its been going on for about a month now.
@@Th33Vultur3 If you apologized it's their problem after it, just ride it out my friend.
The silent treatment is actually the best gift you can get from this person. Don’t break it at all costs. Don’t give them the power. This is specific to narcissists though.
Sounds like my whole dynamic with them was wrong
@melissanoelle410 How is it a gift if this behavior blocks progress?
Don’t break the silent treatment , just leave them alone.
What you're describing is not the silent treatment. Silent 'treatment' implies that the person is deliberately 'treating' you this way and it is a psychologically manipulative, emotionally abusive evil tactic and tool of dark personalities who practice dark arts. You must never try to place any onus upon yourself to get them to do anything because that is futile.
The type of silence that is worth tolerating or assisting someone with is the reasonable amount of space a person deserves if you have done something to make them angry, or if someone just needs space until they are ready to speak about it or if they are suffering in silence due to some difficulty. That is not silent treatment.
Silent treatment is used as punishment with evil intent and is usually the tool of narcissists. Do not ever play their game or think that you can do anything to make them stop the silent treatment.
This just doesn't work with a raging Narcissist. They are all about waiting for you to break your silence first do they can WIN! IT'S ALL ABOUT PUNISHING YOU FOR SOMETHING THEY DID, I.e. cursing , raging over absolutely NOTHING. It just does not work in this situation. Sure wished it did. Thanks for suggesting though.
Nooooo don't handle silent treatment ..
The most beautiful thing about being in love is being understood and together as partners are communicating to each other ..
I left my boyfriend today..he uses this all the time with me for two years even in quarantine. He remain angry for days even after I apologise and call ..
Two days ago he was mad cause I was away from the phone then he stonewalled me for 3 days ..
It consumed me alot af energy ..I called for 3 days he wasn't responding
Then ...I left ..
Yup ..I left ..life is too short to remain angry for 7 days because the phone was away ...
I wanna be happy.. .
I left him and I'm not sorry
Girls ..love and respect yourselves .leave when you feel abused and disrespected..you will find your way
You made a very smart choice. I was married to a man for 17 years who tormented me with silent treatments. I tried to reason with him as advised in this video and it never went anywhere productive. It just fed into his control game.
Thanks for writing this...its soo hard to accept this silent treatment especially when u were in a relationship with them
My girlfriend does the very same thing
Communication is the key of any relationship so if your partner is giving you silent treatment it means there is something psychologically wrong with that person being alone for sometime is different but being silent for days and weeks is toxic and eventually this will take out all the joy of loving the person healthy partners don't fight they communicate smartly and try to resolve the issue while unhealthy partners don't communicate for days and leave the problems unresolved
What if they’ve been single and alone forever, surrounded by active narcissists and living under criminal fear.
Wouldn’t it shut anybody up? Maybe it’s not from
Malice…?
Doesn't work when you don't live with or see the person daily or often. The stone wall can go on forever as a punishment until they want something from you. They will not allow the stonewall to be mentioned.
I've been getting stonewalled for 2 months. I'm going to try your method! Thanks for the video!!!
Woah wtf no!! leave that relationship what the hell! Buddy she did what my dad did when he never came back when he said he was gonna get some milk.
Leave. It is pure disrespect. Do you want to live with a tyrant?
Bye Bye it’s easier said than done.
Siddharth Gupta - I lived with that for 20 years where it would last days, to weeks, to months for random reasons to no reason . I get it, its not easy, I was just as hurt and confused. Don’t patronize me
I definitely left that alone by now. I was trauma bonded & I wasn't myself mentally or emotionally. At least now I know what to look out for in future relationships or partners
I've tried to communicate with the one giving me the silent treatment, and they have told me they don't want to talk to me and thats it. So even if I have said I want to help solve the problem, its pointless. So i am not going to speak to them anymore either.
Hi Ricku. The best we can do is try, and if the other person is not receptive to our message, then we have to move on. Trust your gut and go with your instincts. Thanks for sharing this example. Happy Explearning ⚡
@@ExplearningCo I’m dealing with the same thing. He says he wants me to communicate, but gives me the silent treatment. I’m stone walling back right now. I never do that, but he needs to know what he does - passive aggression and emotional abuse.
Good on you, Ricky! ^_^ Yes, we have to move on, and anyway, it's better that we move on without the stonewaller; it's not healthy for you to try to maintain a relationship with someone who employs this tactic of communication; life is too short to spend it by chasing after someone who's perpetuating the problem by not speaking, or at least ATTEMPTING, to speak about the problem. When you really think about it, you're infinitely better off without them.
It really hurts when your spouse gives you silent treatment....from experience i can say they are trying to convey you a strong messages....instead of trying to be nicer just accept their allegations...don't argue....you can never win with a narcissit...remember...its about them...not about you....find a friend with whom you can share your heart...who appreciates you.....dont crave for approval and acceptance from your spouse or people....engage in sone activity life painting ,sketching etc which will help you overcome a low self esteem....its good to fall down sometimes to rise up again.
Lots of videos about how to handle the person GIVING the silent treatment. I give it all the time and I need help in avoiding getting into this dark mood in the first place!!! I just end up there but would not like to get there.
How do you stop being the stonewaller? I am a stonewaller and it happens when I feel overwhelmed and I lose sight of what to say so I just don't say anything. I need to stop and I don't know how
Just a friendly advice..... that you can try to communicate it to other person especially if its a partner that you feel this way when u aren’t sure what to say so u temporarily shut down and if this kinda situation appears you need a little time to workout what you wanna say and stuff ... also you should set up a challenge for yourself that no matter what i only take 2-3 hours for myself and afterward just talk it out to other person whatever i can ... because delaying communication longer can give rise to other problems .. communication after a short time might not solve everything but it can make the other person feel that you are trying and that way even if things are working out slowly they don’t get at least worse or added upp.. hope this helps:)
Please say anything to them, except being silent. Because someone else will take your place if you don't. Just say, yr overwhelmed atm ... is that so difficult?
My wife and I are in a long distance relationship, she's tried to silent treat me for the 50th time, this time I ask for a divorce, as hard as it'd been before covid but this is the breaking point.
Tim how are things now? I am in the same situation.
They're communicating ''You're beneath me and you should KNOW THAT, you shouldn't be trying to converse with me as though we were equals, how dare you.''. Also, you might be able to expose their double standards and lack of reason and logic if you force them to have a conversation.
And if they retort, "I don't want your help" or they think that YOU are the problem, then what?
This sound good my husband discarded me for 3 yrs no contact i had no idea what happened, anyway most recently he text me out of no where and said he was mad at me for something that could have easily resolved with a convo, no that he left me hanging i told him he could stay with his side chick im good. I moved on and no longer even care
I did try saying this to my aunt when she refused to speak to me "I know you don't usually say much, but I was wondering when you'd be able to talk so we may have a conversation". Immediately she told me what's on her mind and that she had outstanding work doing that that one of those days she would let me know when we could" (This was last year btw)
What about when you notice when they give you a look when you pass by even though you left them alone?
Thank you, thats realy magic to say in such moments, however dont say it to change that person. They won't. Its a deep rooted manipulative strategy/pattern to have power over a person.
Hi thank you for your comment. This is not a one-size-fits all approach, because there is no such thing in human interaction. But suffice to say that we can try once or twice and if the person is still not receptive to our message and conflict-mediation then we are under no obligation to continue communication with them.
@@ExplearningCo It's a wonderful phrase to keep yourself out of the silent treatment, to not be manipulated into feeling small and worthless as if you dont exist. It's basically a very disrespectful tactic to lure you into their bad mood to make you feel bad aswell. It seems such a simple sentence, but you don't get to it when someone puts you down like that. So thank you very much.😘
My husband always does this to me and I am always the one who initiates to stop this. We keep on telling each other that he should stop doing this because it is unhealthy and affects our son. But still, we are almost s month now of silent treatment and I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to cooperate with me pretending I don't even exist.
Hi Kaye. Thanks for reaching out. Very sorry to hear this. Keeping an open line of communication is one of the best things to do during such times. Sending you good vibes and strength to get through it. You will!
@@ExplearningCo she just said he won't communicate, so she can't do anything! ! 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I've had panic attacks brought on by it in the past. Luckily I have a lovely new friend to help with this. Because it's not right to have to have manipulative people dominating us! Better people can help us
Your husband might be a narcissist. May be it would help you to do a little research in finding out the chore traits of a narcissist, i.e. the interaction tools they use to dominate the relationship. If your husband does not intend on generally dominating you then he is most likely not a narcissist but unfortunately uses this narcissist tool to block resolution of a conflict in order to dominate you for this particular conflict. Ask him if he knows what a narcissist is and stonewalling or silent treatment is a core tool of the narcissist.
In any case, one way to deal with this is to learn about the nature of your dedication, loyalty and respect (DLR) for your husband. Then have an educational general friendly conversation for DLR you both have for each other. This will help you understand where he stands in his DLR with-respect-to you. Then you can develop free-agency to adjust your DLR with-respect-to him and at the very least not be emotionally dominated by him. This will at least give you an idea about where you stand in your marriage with-respect-to him.
NOTE: For this to work you have to be authentic with yourself, and accept that you have no control over your husbands authenticity.
@@loveispatientloveiskind2205 : I'm curious, Are you currently in a relationship where your spouse is unauthentic and tries to employ unfair and hurtful emotional dominance over you?
Sorry to hear this. I pray something happier happens in your life...
Like he stops his nonsense and never treats you badly like that, anymore?
A narsisist would love to have someone to go and talk to them about figuring out the problem
When you are dealing with someone behaving like this, you are not dealing with someone reasonable. You are dealing with a manipulator who is using this to gain control over you. Your advice would be giving them exactly what they want, and they will not play fair.
What if I've told my parents what the problem is (they keep labelling me paranoid, then when I object ''sensitive'' and when I point out that I can't win, angry''. They deny there is a problem. I'm the one who says there is a problem and I'm being met with a silent treatment.
Mmmmh family drama, going through the same. It's the worst coz you can't dump them like friends
i know i have sinned to my wife because of an affair. me and my wife is married for 14years plus, i have an affair in the past and leave her because i have been emotionally attached to that other person, but now i realize i was totally wrong and i decided to go back to her fix the issues and ask for her forgiveness, now im experiencing this stone walling, and she ignores me through txt or call, no words or respond even im admitting my mistakes and want to fix everything and yet until now she is still doing it on me.. its so painful to me.. what should i do?
What happened to the 1 you had feelings for, why didn't you stay with that 1 ? If yr wife doesn't want you anymore, it's too hard for her to love you because you don't know who you want?
Nice way to explain, by keeping it very simple....thanks
How to deal with a situation when someone is too sensitive to talk about a conflict
@@ExplearningCo Thanks Mary. I guess being sensitive is the key
What if you speak to the person and they refuse to reply at all? Are they mentally ill?
Lol probably
It means you need to move on and carry or with with life
If they're not speaking to you then there is a reason, people usually don't reply for just no reason. Maybe it's what you say & how you're saying it.
When my wife goes on a rant & wants to b**ch about something I just want to shut down & not talk at all.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21: 9
A hi... There is 1 reason why I no longer respond at all. That's when someone deliberately damages my trust and justifies themselves behind my back. My trust is gone so, friendship gone. No reply...
Most likely.
Not with a Narcissist they would respond "you know what you did"
Just ignore them too!!!
😂
Practicing stonewalling against stonwallers- for some reason it works, but it leads to another thing I learned from a video, which I hope was reliable…
It’s something along the line of “supply collapse”(cringes me a little to think humans cultivate humans)
Anyways, that’s
behavior in covert narcissism (cn)
The cn turns to be something offended and grudgy if left in stonewalling.
I’m dealing right now with trying to make amends in a relationship with a cn, I’m a ptsd. So it doesn’t match well as I never react at the exact moment and he never understands what’s wrong with my emotions for him, making it seem I’m just crazy.
So if you experience PTSD, can I please say something? I know we want to feel validated and loved by our loved ones, and very much fiercely protected, but finding a partner from such a point in life (if untreated), will give you a very wrong “closure&balance” go your soul, as it might attract people with unhealthy point of view of you and for you, etc, whatever you call it.
What if you already know what the problem is.
I do think it’s a form of mental illness.
My dad used the silent treatment with my narscisist mom so rather than leaving her he kept up the silent treatment until he was dying and she left him whining to neighbors and to his brother that he hadn't talked to in 20 years. It was pathetic seeing 2 adults blaming each other like little children when my dad was dying and my mom enlisting my retarded sister against my dying dad.
Were both your mom and dad narcissists?
He said, “I don’t want your help.” Mkay... now what?
Lmfao! Sorry, I know it's not funny inherently, but I was just scrolling through all the other comments, and this one caught me off guard >.>
It's abusive and not ok!
This is nice and all but this sounded like attitude and arguing so I would of gotten beat more so if ur narcissist is ur mother don’t say this
What if they say "I don't what your help." Then carry on with the silent treatment?