You are no longer married to a man. That's a deal breaker. Be friends if you can but move on and find happiness with someone else. I guess I should say you are no longer married to the man you thought you were married to. For me personally that would be the end of our marriage, however you have to do whats right for you.
If my wife came to me and said “I’m transitioning to a man” I’m divorcing. To me, she probably felt these things for a long time probably before we married or even met, I would feel like I never really knew them and that she was probably using me and marriage to deny those feelings. At the same time, I don’t owe my wife transitioning to a man my identity, I don’t owe her/him my sexuality.
You don't owe your husband giving up your identity. You are not a lesbian. He knew deep down he felt like a woman, and although he loved you, he did use you to help his denial, and that's not fair. Hopefully you can remain friends, and you will find the kind of love you deserve.
@@oliviawutam it’s absolutely using. Most of these autogynephilic males know for YEARS, crossdressing in their wife’s panties and heels while she’s at work, and they say absolutely NOTHING. There’s a whole community of women with stories just like this (trans widows), so please don’t tell me it’s not happening.
It is not just about what is below the waistline that makes someone a male or female. It is that rugged jawline, it is the facial hair, it is the deeper voice, it is the rougher skin and the hairy toes. Just saying that if you love a man…. These are the things that you find sexy. Here is to loving who you love and who you are!
The issue, speaking only for myself, would be attraction. The things I find attractive with my husband is his masculinity. I love his facial hair. His muscles. His deep voice. When he dresses masculine. If my husband were to transition, of course, the friendship would still be there. The love would still be there. However, the attraction would be gone. I do not find women attractive. Everyone deserves to find someone who wants them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We BOTH deserve that. If the attraction is gone, I think the healthiest thing to do is move on. That way, we both can find someone with mutual attraction and love.
Agreed but even if you were also attracted to women its not like he would become a woman. He would become a disfigured man thats trying to appear like a woman. No normal person can be attracted to that
While I absolutely agree with you I think there is an argument/discussion. Say he was in a horrendous accident physically disfigured and no longer was able to do the "masculine" roles in the home anymore? I'm honestly just curious if it's not the attraction but the realization that they are not who knew them as and are choosing to do that to themselves and to you and your family.
Ugh this poor woman is in denial. This same exact thing happened to me. The man I married transitioned into a female. It wasn't something I was interested in so we parted ways.
@@876me7 It is a thing and it is often beyond clothes, even if your biology stays the same. They don't become biological women, ok so? They may get surgery to remove things and add them. That's more than clothes. There is a middle ground between "trans women are women" and it's just clothes, theirs no such thing. I'm for "trans women are trans women" if you want your husband to be a trans woman and are into it and attracted to them still, awesome. Otherwise what can be done? If both want a sexless partnership, I'm not going to judge, otherwise how can the women even be expected to stay? I think it's insane for the person transitioning to expect this, and says a lot about them and the kind of person they are
Honestly, this was a marriage of friendship and desperation. She basically admitted there was no physical, emotional, or sexual attraction, so honestly the fact that he husband is transitioning isn't even a huge deal. She just doesn't want her situation to change, sure they were a family, but there wasn't an honest connection to begin with. It's sad, but honestly it could be so much worse.
@@biancapierce639Exactly! She told on herself. She wants to stay in the marriage so he can continue providing for them. That’s on her. I have no sympathy for her. She also shouldn’t want to demonstrate women staying in loveless marriages for financial reasons to her daughter either. Woman up and take care of your daughter yourself!
As someone who has a trans brother and is fully in support of trans rights, I agree. The terms of your marriage have changed. If it's something that you are ok with because you love the person and not the gender, that's great, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with not changing your identity because your partner did. The important thing is that even if you divroce, you must still support and love your partner, they are not doing this *to you*.
Terms of marriage change all the time, don't they? I'm not advocating she stays, but I'm asking the question. The wedding vows don't anticipate everything that happens in a marriage. But we vow "til death due us part." Unless there's abuse, adultery, or someone abandons the marriage, the vows haven't been broken. Has her husband abandoned the marriage bc he's no longer considering himself a "he"?
Wow, married for 37 yrs so I can get to say when people do that after marriage they have already known want they wanted and the spouse has to feel like they’ve been robbed of time, that isn’t fair. Open and honesty has to be there!
My mother married a man to give me a full family experience, I will tell you it isn't worth it. Be who you are and move on and show your daughter how to live peacefully on your own terms.
@@jemeson5332 Romans 1:26-27 English Standard Version 26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. Nothing new under the sun. Just bc ppl struggle with wanting to be with the same sex doesn’t make it right. We dont endorse drugs or alcoholism when someone is really struggling we get them help… but when it comes to sexual sins or struggles it’s glorified these days. Ask the Father (God,) to reveal these things to you and for his son to come into your life. You will see things in a way you never have before
My question is though how does one not see the signs of this during a marriage? I am not blaming the wife. Just protecting myself lol. Like would this be something so easy to hide? I remember when Caitlyn Jenner came out as female my first thought was I’m sure there were signs but probably ignored. Could a trans man actually behave like a masculine man until he says he wants to transition?
@@SummeRain783 tbh i wonder this all the time but from what I see in situations like this people actually do know (or have an idea) but they’re in denial because the investment they’ve made in the relationship
@@coquigirl0789 there’s a whole community of women going through it. They call themselves Trans Widows. Please find support there. It seems like they are the only place to get unbiased support for this. ♥️
She also married a man... not a woman. That's enough to leave. You can't just change your orientation just because your partner decides to change genders.
@@rachelatwater7576She shouldn’t have to deny her gender identity to stay with her. I mean, in an ideal world, she never would have had to hide her identity in the first place. But that’s not the world we live in. The best course of action for both of them is to simply break things off.
It’s called “glass children” who grow up with parents that take care of a disabled sibling. It’s a very hard situation. It happened to my own children as our youngest is disabled. It’s very difficult and heartbreaking because we realized this too late. I hope this helps someone.
Even as a bisexual person, if my partner told me they wanted to transition out of no where, it would still be difficult because I would feel like I never really knew them. I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but it would be hard is all.
Went through this, We were already incompatible in some keys ways and I just could not sacrifice my needs even more. We are almost done with an amicable divorce!
Been in the exact same situation and finished up my amicable divorce two years ago! The thing people don’t realize is that this isn’t an ideology thing when it’s happening to you. It’s an emotional road full of ups and downs, and people are allowed to change. I’d never have forgiven myself if I had discouraged my ex from trying to pursue her identity in the name of staying together. However, we were drifting apart in a lot of ways already and got married so young. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I’m not a victim and trans people deserve love and validation. Full stop. Even if we aren’t together any longer, I want to see her succeed and know that she didn’t plot against me when we were 19 (that’s ridiculous). We just changed and that’s okay. 🌸
Amen to how he handled that first call. (minus the misgendering). Really, he spoke such hard and deep truths of accountability to ourselves. And he is so spot on as to how someone with a history of abuse can both have that spot-on intuition while simultaneously trying to ignore it for the sake of "beeing normal". And he is so spot on about the potential of her teaching her daughter how "taking good care of myself and walking through grief" can look like. It is the hardest thing ever, but she will set her daughter up for making her own tough decisions and honoring herself in the future. And also i feel like they as a couple haven't done the worst job bringing their truths out, now it's the difficult time to follow through with who they both have come to understand they are.
Divorce indeed sucks regardless of why it happens. I think a case can be made for abandonment. She married a man and he's made a decision to leave the marriage via gender transition. I would recommend that she and her husband do a legal separation for the time being. This would protect her financial assets in the event of a divorce, or, if something goes wrong with his medical procedures.
What financial assets? She literally admitted she married him for his provisioning... That's the entire reason she still hasn't left. She's not a good person
That would be the end of my marriage. Although I couldn't imagine it would come out of left field if that were my wife since she's never showed any signs of gender dysphoria. The woman hesitated when John asked if she loved the guy, so I think she knew all along something was amiss.
I wonder if he was using her for her health insurance benefits....transitioning isn't cheap, and maybe insurance won't cover everything but they will for part of it.
Honestly I’m not in a relationship, but I’ve learned so much. I’m 22 yrs old and the closest thing I’ve had to one ended 3 weeks ago. I feel fine but I came across this page today while I was at work, and listening has taught me so much more. It’s given me a lot of insight and I’m hoping it prepares me for how to handle certain situations in the future.
Idk I am a bisexual woman who believed I was a lesbian until I met and fell in love with my husband. Due to severe abuse I experienced as a child, male’s physically repulsed me, despite true romantic intimacy between us during our early years. But through prayer and care our relationship did truly blossom into something I never ever dreamed possible. We will celebrate our 23rd anniversary in a few months.
Yes. The wife married a man with the understanding that he would stay a man. The husband does not want to remain a man. This decision has probably been brewing for many years, perhaps even since childhood, and it will not just go away. Hopefully with a past friendship of many years, they can part amicably. They will both be better off in the long run, no matter how painful it is now. There are lots of fish in the sea, for both of them.
@@georgewagner7787 but she really never loved them? It was a relationship that kinda just came together. The partner was there for the Jane. They don’t love each other in that way. People don’t come out much later in life because of the way the world is. Clearly this comment section shows that the world doesn’t like trans people. They both were responsible. They both deserve happiness at the end of the day. it’s definitely better to figure yourself out before something like marriage, but that was the reality for both of them. Making this out to be that one side was entirely responsible is ludicrous
My heart goes out to this woman. She married her best friend because she was desperate for safety and security. She thought he would be a solid foundation for her family. But the reality is NO relationship is guaranteed. It's not your fault. It's not his, either. Finding your own healing is where you'll also find true safety and security because you'll finally trust yourself and your own strength.
I think she has a self esteem and self awareness issue. She deserves a good man, the whole package, not just a good person. Hope everything will start to get better from now on.
How can this even be a question? No matter the love, unless you're pan sexual or would be interested in a swapped sex or same sex attraction, how does this make any sense? You can stay family and all, but if you're a straight woman, you can't be expected to stay in a sexual or romantic relationship like this. If it floats your boat and don't care, awesome, otherwise how can this even be up for debate?
It sounds like there wasn't a lot of sexual attraction on her side even at the beginning......they were more like very good friends & she thought the attraction might develop. Nope.
2 minutes into the video. I have talked about this for years. I worked at McDonalds as my first job back in 1983. We were absolutely packed on the weekends. People would get to the counter and yell at me about the line and the wait. I would profusely appoligize and ask to take their order. They would complain some more, tell us how we weren't working fast enough, yell some more (at a 16 year old kid). I would appoligize again and ask to take there order. Then they looked up at the menu, and talk to themselves "where are your burgers, um, um, let's see, what do I want?". Then the next person in line did the exact same thing. EXACT.SAME.THING. This happened hundreds, yes hundreds, of times in my time working at McDonalds. So many bad human beings out there.
And I would be willing to bet that when she stops to think about it, she will recall all of the nagging doubts she had when detecting his feminine traits…..that he tried to hide, but couldn’t.
Exactly, I'm so glad you pointed that out. Her husband isn't doing anything wrong by becoming her true self. She also isn't doing anything wrong if this is something she cannot work with in a romantic relationship.
It is wrong. It's wrong to break your promises. He is putting his desires ahead of the person he said he would love and support for life. No feelings trump that.
There’s no reason to wait if you’re not attracted to women. When people transition, they usually struggle with that for a very long time before they tell someone. There is no changing the mind after that. 90% of the time, it’s not just a phase so leave.
She is living in a make believe fairy tale. Sounds like she is a great mother but you don’t marry someone just because you want a “family” , that’s teaching her daughter to settle. She could’ve found the love of her life while being married to her best friend just for security. If that’s her best friend , he/she will be there for her and her daughter without the marriage and living together.
When she said perspicacious I was impressed with her vocabulary then I noticed despite being nervous she didn't use filler words. She is obviously a well spoken individual and knows how to make a clear statement. She has compassion and empathy. I don't blame her for being hopeful and hesitant at the same time. What a tough situation.
@@aundirussell8644found the person who gets to the front of the line and starts with “uhhhhh” because you didn’t read the menu and wasted everyone’s time!
I'm soooooo very sorry you are going through. It's a hard situation and no one can judge you. I understand you created a safe and financial environment for your daughter and yourself. Growing up in an abusive home and coming out of an abusive environment changes us and when we find someone that treats us and our children with love its scary to leave that to go to the unknown and afraid to enter into another abusive relationship. When Delony said trust yourself that hit me and what do you want bc u r important n u deserve to be happy. I wish you all the best.
I sure can judge her... She married a guy for financial help with her daughter... Not cool, now he's a she and she doesn't want to leave because she doesn't want to lose the financial help.
People change over time. Sometimes those changes are small and can be resolved together. Other times they are big, non-negotiable, and partners must separate. Separation is scary, hard and painful but it doesn't have to be nasty. (Not including abusive or toxic relationships) Communication, even through pain, is key to healing and being able to move forward. It sounds like this couple would work better as friends.
To the women who kept choosing toxic abusive men who cheat. I relate to you. You are not alone. I’m so glad I listened to this part. I completely to relate to friend zoning or not being attracted to good men. Great advice given to this lady that I’m also going to take on for myself.
I’m usually the guy that will push a troubled towards working out their differences but it’s not going to happen here. She should move on immediately and seriously consider some therapy option for her children.
@@oliviawutam They are resilient but also more perceptive than we likento think, they kniw whats going on. That dad has become an amalgamation of body parts is… well.
First guest... Jane find a good psychotherapist. The more insight you will gain about yourself and your actions over the course of treatment will go far in helping you along your wellness journey. 🙏🏽
By "transitioning," this husband is insulting his wife's womanhood, her worth as a woman, and violating their marriage vows. He's being selfish. She should divorce him right away with no future contact whatsoever.
I think it’s important that her daughter learns she’s allowed to disagree, to grieve, to challenge, to divert, and to make changes when something or someone is no longer what she needs it to be. Parents get so wrapped up in showing their kids how to power through, weather, to take hits and keep pushing. They often forget that children need to know what falling and rising again looks like. So they don’t crash and burn emotionally/psychologically in adulthood.
John, I love your podcast!!! Could you PLEASE make the 3rd call its own video? Your advice is AMAZING and Fear of Intimacy is soooooo prevalent in our society, but rarely addressed. Thank you!!!!
A friend of mine had the same problem. She stuck around for a bit but decided that she had married a man, not a women. Her kids were in their teens and they all decided to leave. He left their marriage by choosing another path. She moved across the country and started a new life near her family.
Transitioning isnt just "genitals" as some of you think, it forms not just our looks but also how you interact socially. If she no longer finds her attractive it's not fair on either person to stay. We all deserve someone who loves us who we are not who we were
Bruh, that happened to me! I can’t tell you how heartbroken I was when I found out. He said he wasn’t happy anymore and sort of quit talking to me and left, then I found out his plans. I hope this woman finds peace, it’s such a betrayal and hard not to resent them.
@@WiltedKuwaitSaladI can't wait to reply to someone positively I just divorced my only friend in life at this moment. We don't live near anyone we would rely on for medical help etc. He's a pure covert passive aggressive narcissist with an age progression of 69 to a regression back to a toddler of 3-5 yo. At 66 and 42 years I need to get away from him. He's attempting to steal this house from under me. Neither of us will leave. The judge gave us until the end of December'24 to leave/sell the house
There are lots of couples who don’t have a sexual relationship with their spouse. It’s the person you love not their sex. Do you think every couple divorces if their partner becomes ill or impotent? It’s completely up to the people involved. To some, sex is a critical part of the relationship. To others, not so much. It’s no one else’s business but the two people who are directly involved.
I think she needs to leave honestly she probably wanted the sense of security that she didn’t have as a single mom. So maybe She needs to come to terms that she never loved him but they are best friends. I get she wanted that family unit for her daughter but those are the cards she was dealt . Not everyone gets the typical family unit . She can definitely do it on her own but doesn’t mean she has to stay during his transition... she needs to love herself and really take the advice of Dr. John ...it’s good cause those recommendations he gave are great .
Years ago Kris admitted she felt betrayed because she believed he struggled for years and never admitted it to her. Therefore she considered it lying to her and the family and leading them all on and wasting her life when she could have found someone else. Also it then became all about “him”.
I appreciate the questions you ask as you lazer in towards the unspoken need. I listened to your 500th show today with your wife. Really enjoyed it. And now I want to listen to YOUR full story, John!
I am glad you told the first caller that her “stable” family is a myth. It literally is wishful thinking. She wants it so much, she is blind to actuality. If she loves her husband, she will want for both herself and her him/her a fulfilling g life in the future, not a limited friendship. His loyalty, family time, and even financial support can still happen outside of a marriage, but tying someone down does not make sense, even if he is up to it for now.
I've become addicted to John. I love his compassion, his tact and his directness. He doesn't judge, but guides people on their best route. Yes, I'd be divorced in a heartbeat, but I understand her heart and misdirection with the situation. She voiced it before he did, so it's easy to point out what she should do, but when emotions are involved, it sucks - big time.
That statement about "fear of intimacy" being linked to "children being placed in adult situations/roles" hit me like a bullet. I'm disabled. I swear I can't open up to anyone. That's why all of it gets put into art. There's an enormous amount of fear and anxiety within me when it comes to taking relationships to the next level. And when I say that, I mean the simplest things like: meeting coworkers outside of work. It's a constant trust issue.
I understand because I had a terribly abusive upbringing and even as an adult, experienced severe trauma. I can tell you this much, Jesus completely healed my pain, anxiety and depression. Completely. Do you know the Savior?
Based on your comment it sounds very difficult, do you mind elaborating what you said because it sounds interesting and a educational opportunity to learn to deal with people in sumo situations
@@danilaroche1156 how did Jesus take away your pain and depression. I want to know. I ask because I know many Christians and those who profess Christ yet there is no change.
@@LisaLisaCJ I was worn out & utterly defeated and God ( The Mighty Counselor)told me He would heal me. This is how it happened. First thing, the Lord told me to forgive my parents for abuse. Then the Lord told me to forgive myself for accomplishing nothing for years and years. I had self loathing. THEN the Lord said to repent & renounce premarital sex, occult dabbling and to stop listening to heavy metal and hindu music. For REAL. After I did this the depression and chronic anxiety left for GOOD!!! Now I'm an acclaimed author. Published 4 books!! I help others now. Thanks for replying!
No one should have to live their life lying about their attraction. This goes for cis and non-cis people. If we are so eager to accept that a man is embracing becoming a woman.. we should be just as accepting when their partner wants to break up with them. Because then the partner would have to live with someone they're not attracted to. If it wasn't ok for the man..why should that be ok for the woman.
Love is an interesting word and most people have a different opinion of what it looks like. They are each others best friend, which is wonderful, but that is not a whole marriage. My take ... she loves her partner, he loves her and her daughter. The thought of a divorce is devasting for her. She's willing to live in a "friends-only" marriage, but maybe it's always been a bit like that. However, the relationship has changed, and will continue to change. Close, authentic friendships are hard to come by. Whatever happens, I hope their friendship doesn't die.
The third woman calling striving to connect with her husband is a classic case of avoidant attachment. Very interesting to hear it voiced from what I assume to be someone realizing their dismissive avoidance. I admire Dr. Delony's ability to know this stuff deeply, but to address the caller with such situationally-specific nuance and flexibility. All these callers are such strong women in their own rights, this episode is rife with developmental trauma. I think caller #1, the woman with the transitioning husband, might have attachment style struggles as well. I feel for her; losing trust in yourself and your own decision-making process can be deeply confusing. It does start with prioritizing YOU, listening to your own wants/needs/desires above all else and listening honestly.. Choosing what avenue would guarantee the least heaviness, the most relief. When heaviness feels like the status quo, or when complexity feels safe, when we don't feel worthy or ever capable of having what we really truly want and need for ourselves but only capable of providing that to others, we turn very clear waters murky with our minds. Her husband knew she held the key for his own truth and own healing and it's part of why he was drawn to her, may she allow him to do the same for her.
We pray for a change "inside" when the outside is dangerous. Because we wish to conform only over danger. Its not in our nature. But we pray for change "outside" when we are all alone. Change maybe on our bodies but mostly always we pray for ACCEPTANCE and support from society.
To the 2nd caller, the woman who was dating a nice guy but doesn't have feelings for him. I dated a guy who was affectionate. I asked him why he was so nice to me, he said because you let me. 😢
“Because you let me?” What does that mean??????? Was he trying to say that you were easy? Did he ever try to take advantage of you? How did the relationship pan out?
As a trans woman my opinion on this is that if she has no interest in dating a woman and wants to date men then she has the right to end the relationship. Sexual preference is something that you can’t change and you shouldn’t force anyone to stay with you.
@@apebass2215 what is the point of saying this? You don’t think us trans people know that are sex wont change? Obviously not but you gotta understand this is like telling a man he’s a women or a women that she’s acting like a man. It’s still insulting and comes across as having no empathy
@@apebass2215 To me a man is someone that caries himself like a man. Someone who protects but still has compassion. A woman is someone who is sensual and caring and has a lot of empathy. If you look a me and think “Man” then that’s fine but personally i feel like you would be changing the value of the word. That’s just me though 🤷♀️ I’m sure we would both agree that Im biologically “male” though
@@Franz304 how does a man carry himself like a man? Does a man who refuses to protect women and children suddenly stop being a man? Does he become a woman? Does a woman who lacks empathy stop being a woman? Does she become a man? I think you're the one changing meanings of words.
@@Franz304 you are a man, simply because you're an adult male. 'Feminine' men aren't lesser men. Tom boys aren't lesser girls. Your appearance is irrelevant to whether or not you're a man.
My husband is fully aware that if he ever even hints at getting involved in gender nonsense I'll be gone the same day and gone forever. I've seen the destruction and harm that comes from this stuff and I absolutely would not tolerate it.
The only time something like this is an issue is when someone starts a life and gets married while the whole time they knew it was a front. You can ruin someone’s life doing this to them.
@imnezu8940 Yes. Getting a 'beard', that's when they marry a woman, because they're afraid their family will judge them for being gay or a cross dresser etc. 😊
@@mariatorres9789 it’s sad both ways tbh. Someone who forces themselves into a lie just to maintain their secret. And then the poor spouse who had their entire life turned upsides down realizing they don’t truly know the person they married.
As a transman, I would have been forthcoming about my transition from the very beginning to my partner. I think the husband should have revealed his true identity to the wife as soon as he knew. It would have saved a lot of time and energy with the emotions. Especially, if she doesn't want to remain married to him. Some marriages are salvageable despite transition because those "good things" can still remain.
It seems like the wife got the husband to that point, though, so it wasn't independent self-discovery and processing. Seems she believed it was the case before her husband saw (or allowed himself to see).
I understand her desire to want to show her daughter what a strong family looks like, but that can happen when parents aren't together as long as they are able to maintain a good co-parenting relationship. Especially if they can remain friends. The most important thing is for their child to have two active and supportive parents in their life.
Could we get the 3rd call as a video on its own, please? I think many people may miss out all that gold, which can help so many of us, in the weight of the whole program.
They have a great relationship, but no attraction or romance. It's not a marriage. It's best female friends as roommates and running a household together.
She said part of her reason for marrying her childhood friend was to give a stable family life to her daughter. Her childhood friend first deceived her and has now decided he wants to live the rest of his life mimicking a woman. So much for a stable, psychologically healthy environment for her daughter to grow up in.
This is an incredibly interesting video to watch immediately after watching the one about a woman who's husband had a TBI and is now essentially a husk of what he was, and she was thinking of divorce. ESPECIALLY reading the comments, and the vast difference. So interesting.
I hate that ppl do not understand what in sickness and in health means when they speak their vows. He didn’t cheat. I’m sure he didn’t cause his brain injury intentionally or even an effect of his doing, and she wants to run away because “He’s not ideal any more”? This is the same trash of men leaving their wives when they get older for the simple fact that they are not youthful any more. There was no true love there. And I’m guilty of this when I was younger. And even messed up my relationship with my son because I didn’t understand how my attitude was damaging him knowing he was clinically depressed and mentally struggling. So I’m not one to be a hypocrite. I speak from a place of knowing how ignorant and damaging not truly loving someone while saying you do can be for not just them but self.
@HeyThatsMe3 our opinions differ, but i completely understand where you're coming from. I would not want my husband to go without companionship for the rest of his life if I were to be in a similar situation, and vice versa. People NEED companionship, affection, understanding, empathy, and validation. The wife is no longer able to receive any of those from her husband. As far as I'm concerned, that man is not the person she married in any sense of the way. Chaining her to a body (his mind, and personality are no longer there) that cannot give her, well, anything really, is unfair.
If my husband were to transition to a woman, I'd be ok - be go ahead, just don't expect me to stick around and NEVER expect or force our child/ren to call you MOTHER, otherwise there will be complications in the future.
Prayers for peace and comfort to the caller. If there was ever a reason to divorce with no animosity, this would be it. It’s called “conscious uncoupling.” I hope you can be the best of friends someday but for right now do the grieving process.
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If my husband wanted to be woman, I would not be waiting to see whether he changed his mind. I married a man not a woman.
Exactly
Ditto that would be a deal breaker for me.
but what about toxic masculinity?
@@moisesbeyond stinker. Lol
You are no longer married to a man. That's a deal breaker. Be friends if you can but move on and find happiness with someone else. I guess I should say you are no longer married to the man you thought you were married to. For me personally that would be the end of our marriage, however you have to do whats right for you.
If my wife came to me and said “I’m transitioning to a man” I’m divorcing. To me, she probably felt these things for a long time probably before we married or even met, I would feel like I never really knew them and that she was probably using me and marriage to deny those feelings. At the same time, I don’t owe my wife transitioning to a man my identity, I don’t owe her/him my sexuality.
what...........
@@AC-mp7cx Lol
Why are you so rude
Absolutely!!!
You can’t switch genders dude. She would need a therapist and a divorce. Her feelings wouldn’t magically turn her into a dude
You don't owe your husband giving up your identity. You are not a lesbian. He knew deep down he felt like a woman, and although he loved you, he did use you to help his denial, and that's not fair. Hopefully you can remain friends, and you will find the kind of love you deserve.
she wouldn't be giving up her identity. it's her choice.
nobody is 'using' here It takes a long time to realize what is happening. Many women also have problems relating to a man. it is normal.
@@oliviawutam it’s absolutely using. Most of these autogynephilic males know for YEARS, crossdressing in their wife’s panties and heels while she’s at work, and they say absolutely NOTHING. There’s a whole community of women with stories just like this (trans widows), so please don’t tell me it’s not happening.
@@aundirussell8644 many women feel obligated to stay with a transsexual male out of pressure by trans activists and their allies. Happens every day.
It is not just about what is below the waistline that makes someone a male or female. It is that rugged jawline, it is the facial hair, it is the deeper voice, it is the rougher skin and the hairy toes. Just saying that if you love a man…. These are the things that you find sexy. Here is to loving who you love and who you are!
Automatic divorce. No questions asked.
Absolutely
@Skimmiksify My marriage or not, I have zero tolerance for that. You may be accepting of it and that's okay. I don't have that to do.
@paigenicholespeaks6172 so you're transphobic? Do better boo.
@@paigenicholespeaks6172I agree.
Make that an annulment even.
The issue, speaking only for myself, would be attraction. The things I find attractive with my husband is his masculinity. I love his facial hair. His muscles. His deep voice. When he dresses masculine. If my husband were to transition, of course, the friendship would still be there. The love would still be there. However, the attraction would be gone. I do not find women attractive. Everyone deserves to find someone who wants them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We BOTH deserve that. If the attraction is gone, I think the healthiest thing to do is move on. That way, we both can find someone with mutual attraction and love.
That would be HARD. It seems he should have not married her if he knew he wasn't attracted to women for a lifetime commitment and wanted to be a woman
@Samantha Smiles, Hands down the most rational, considerate, respectful, and complete comment on this caller’s situation.
Agreed but even if you were also attracted to women its not like he would become a woman. He would become a disfigured man thats trying to appear like a woman. No normal person can be attracted to that
This is probably the best explanation I've heard
While I absolutely agree with you I think there is an argument/discussion. Say he was in a horrendous accident physically disfigured and no longer was able to do the "masculine" roles in the home anymore? I'm honestly just curious if it's not the attraction but the realization that they are not who knew them as and are choosing to do that to themselves and to you and your family.
Ugh this poor woman is in denial. This same exact thing happened to me. The man I married transitioned into a female. It wasn't something I was interested in so we parted ways.
He's still male, he's just changed his appearance.
@@apebass2215 There are definitely people who are only interested in males who look like males.
There’s literally no such thing. He just changed his clothing.
@@876me7 You don't know that. He might have taken hormones and got surgery. Man in dress doesn't equal Trans Female.
@@876me7 It is a thing and it is often beyond clothes, even if your biology stays the same. They don't become biological women, ok so? They may get surgery to remove things and add them. That's more than clothes. There is a middle ground between "trans women are women" and it's just clothes, theirs no such thing. I'm for "trans women are trans women" if you want your husband to be a trans woman and are into it and attracted to them still, awesome. Otherwise what can be done? If both want a sexless partnership, I'm not going to judge, otherwise how can the women even be expected to stay? I think it's insane for the person transitioning to expect this, and says a lot about them and the kind of person they are
Honestly, this was a marriage of friendship and desperation. She basically admitted there was no physical, emotional, or sexual attraction, so honestly the fact that he husband is transitioning isn't even a huge deal. She just doesn't want her situation to change, sure they were a family, but there wasn't an honest connection to begin with. It's sad, but honestly it could be so much worse.
It is a big deal that he wasn’t honest with her. He’s been “praying to god since he was a child” and didn’t happen to mention it early on.
Deception is betrayal
She said he is a good provider - she married him for financial security.
@@biancapierce639time to pay the piper
@@biancapierce639Exactly! She told on herself. She wants to stay in the marriage so he can continue providing for them. That’s on her. I have no sympathy for her.
She also shouldn’t want to demonstrate women staying in loveless marriages for financial reasons to her daughter either. Woman up and take care of your daughter yourself!
Sis there is a reason you two were friends for so long..gotta keep friends as friends sometimes !
You're related to her?
You can love someone and not be able to live with them.
@@phukyew14 I think she meant to say cis, not sis. Haha 😂 jk
@@phukyew14 - No.
@@phukyew14 It's a term of endearment.
If it were my husband doing this, I would divorce him without thinking twice. I married a **husband,** not a wife.
Surely you married them for who they are as a person on the inside and not the fact they are a man with a penis.
As someone who has a trans brother and is fully in support of trans rights, I agree. The terms of your marriage have changed. If it's something that you are ok with because you love the person and not the gender, that's great, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with not changing your identity because your partner did. The important thing is that even if you divroce, you must still support and love your partner, they are not doing this *to you*.
@@y0utuberculosisyou absolutely do not still have to love and support them. And you shouldn't be shamed if you don't.
Terms of marriage change all the time, don't they? I'm not advocating she stays, but I'm asking the question.
The wedding vows don't anticipate everything that happens in a marriage. But we vow "til death due us part."
Unless there's abuse, adultery, or someone abandons the marriage, the vows haven't been broken. Has her husband abandoned the marriage bc he's no longer considering himself a "he"?
*OF COURSE YOU AS A WOMAN WOULD, YAll DIVORCE OVER NOTHING*
Wow, married for 37 yrs so I can get to say when people do that after marriage they have already known want they wanted and the spouse has to feel like they’ve been robbed of time, that isn’t fair. Open and honesty has to be there!
My mother married a man to give me a full family experience, I will tell you it isn't worth it. Be who you are and move on and show your daughter how to live peacefully on your own terms.
Thank you
Amen!
You hit the nail on the head !
God has standards. We can't just live how we want to ESPECIALLY when it comes to our sexuality.
@@jemeson5332 Romans 1:26-27
English Standard Version
26 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
Nothing new under the sun. Just bc ppl struggle with wanting to be with the same sex doesn’t make it right. We dont endorse drugs or alcoholism when someone is really struggling we get them help… but when it comes to sexual sins or struggles it’s glorified these days. Ask the Father (God,) to reveal these things to you and for his son to come into your life. You will see things in a way you never have before
Goes to show that if you are ever unsure of yourself 100% don't bring people into your mess. They don't deserve that.
My question is though how does one not see the signs of this during a marriage? I am not blaming the wife. Just protecting myself lol. Like would this be something so easy to hide? I remember when Caitlyn Jenner came out as female my first thought was I’m sure there were signs but probably ignored. Could a trans man actually behave like a masculine man until he says he wants to transition?
@@Brightrose377 idk about that lol that seems drastic, but at the same time idk what effect it’s had on her life
@@SummeRain783 tbh i wonder this all the time but from what I see in situations like this people actually do know (or have an idea) but they’re in denial because the investment they’ve made in the relationship
@@SummeRain783 I’m going through this same thing right now and I’m at a loss. There were no signs…..😢
@@coquigirl0789 there’s a whole community of women going through it. They call themselves Trans Widows. Please find support there. It seems like they are the only place to get unbiased support for this. ♥️
She also married a man... not a woman. That's enough to leave. You can't just change your orientation just because your partner decides to change genders.
Agreed!!
She shouldn't have to change her orientation for him.
@@rachelatwater7576She shouldn’t have to deny her gender identity to stay with her. I mean, in an ideal world, she never would have had to hide her identity in the first place. But that’s not the world we live in. The best course of action for both of them is to simply break things off.
@@_tasiaxnotwe don’t normalize degeneracy
@@_tasiaxnotHE*
The immediate answer to whether you should leave a man who wants to transition is “YES” … no hesitation.
Run
It depends on your sexuality. If yoy are bi or a closeted lesbiab, it might not be an issue for you.
@@lw498that wouldn’t be a lesbians. Lesbians date biology women not men cosplayed as a woman
RUNNNNN
No that's dumb, run. @lw498
It’s called “glass children” who grow up with parents that take care of a disabled sibling. It’s a very hard situation. It happened to my own children as our youngest is disabled. It’s very difficult and heartbreaking because we realized this too late. I hope this helps someone.
Even as a bisexual person, if my partner told me they wanted to transition out of no where, it would still be difficult because I would feel like I never really knew them. I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but it would be hard is all.
we never know anyway, both ways
at some point both know that something is changing , It's nothing personal. the transgender is the one suffering Not the partner.
understandable
@@oliviawutam Actually not true. The partner does suffer.
Y'all better Repent.
Definition of perspicacious: of acute mental vision or discernment : Keen, an ability to analyze a situation and know what's going on.
It's funny because it's common word in Spanish, and learning English I realized words with a Latin or Greek root are "educated" words.
The Average Person ... does not use big words as "perspicacious" in daily conversation.
right. she was a little wrong. perception and discernment aren't the same.
@@warriormanmaxx8991 define average. anyway, my kid on the spectrum uses words like that all the time. she should be free to use the word. (latin kid)
I have a whole ass doctorate degree and I've never heard that word.
Even if her husband wasn't transitioning it seems like they're marriage more of a partnership. The transitioning is almost secondary.
Fun fact. Almost all marriages for most of human history were like that, minus the transition. Marriage for passionate love is a modern thing
that is a normal fact
@@derrickk773 marriage for passion is definitely not modern… we see example in old school literature
Partnership? That implies they both are doing something for a mutual goal. More like she married him for help with raising her daughter
@@derrickk773you ok are absolutely correct
Went through this,
We were already incompatible in some keys ways and I just could not sacrifice my needs even more. We are almost done with an amicable divorce!
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
Been in the exact same situation and finished up my amicable divorce two years ago! The thing people don’t realize is that this isn’t an ideology thing when it’s happening to you. It’s an emotional road full of ups and downs, and people are allowed to change. I’d never have forgiven myself if I had discouraged my ex from trying to pursue her identity in the name of staying together. However, we were drifting apart in a lot of ways already and got married so young.
I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I’m not a victim and trans people deserve love and validation. Full stop. Even if we aren’t together any longer, I want to see her succeed and know that she didn’t plot against me when we were 19 (that’s ridiculous). We just changed and that’s okay. 🌸
Amen to how he handled that first call. (minus the misgendering).
Really, he spoke such hard and deep truths of accountability to ourselves. And he is so spot on as to how someone with a history of abuse can both have that spot-on intuition while simultaneously trying to ignore it for the sake of "beeing normal". And he is so spot on about the potential of her teaching her daughter how "taking good care of myself and walking through grief" can look like. It is the hardest thing ever, but she will set her daughter up for making her own tough decisions and honoring herself in the future.
And also i feel like they as a couple haven't done the worst job bringing their truths out, now it's the difficult time to follow through with who they both have come to understand they are.
It’s excellent how Dr. Delony was able to firmly, but gently guide her to get to the point.
Divorce indeed sucks regardless of why it happens. I think a case can be made for abandonment. She married a man and he's made a decision to leave the marriage via gender transition. I would recommend that she and her husband do a legal separation for the time being. This would protect her financial assets in the event of a divorce, or, if something goes wrong with his medical procedures.
Wisdom.
Courts don't recognize it as that as long as they are there and present no matter the gender.
What financial assets? She literally admitted she married him for his provisioning... That's the entire reason she still hasn't left. She's not a good person
*HOPEFULLY THE TRANSGENDER WOMAN GETS 100% CUSTODY OF THE KIDS AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT AND ALIMONY, AND CHILD SUPPORT AND THE HOUSE ETC.*
That would be the end of my marriage. Although I couldn't imagine it would come out of left field if that were my wife since she's never showed any signs of gender dysphoria. The woman hesitated when John asked if she loved the guy, so I think she knew all along something was amiss.
Agreed
Most of these men don’t either. It’s a fetish. According to them, dysphoria is not even a requirement to be considered trans.
I wonder if he was using her for her health insurance benefits....transitioning isn't cheap, and maybe insurance won't cover everything but they will for part of it.
@@raizinboyz huh I never would have thought about that; I bet you’re right in that there was something there in that regard.
@@dewilew2137 Agree. Sexual deviancy imho
Honestly I’m not in a relationship, but I’ve learned so much. I’m 22 yrs old and the closest thing I’ve had to one ended 3 weeks ago. I feel fine but I came across this page today while I was at work, and listening has taught me so much more. It’s given me a lot of insight and I’m hoping it prepares me for how to handle certain situations in the future.
Same 🥹love from London 🇬🇧❤️
Same too. I am single at the moment and working on myself and John is teaching us young single ppl so much with these calls.
Idk I am a bisexual woman who believed I was a lesbian until I met and fell in love with my husband. Due to severe abuse I experienced as a child, male’s physically repulsed me, despite true romantic intimacy between us during our early years. But through prayer and care our relationship did truly blossom into something I never ever dreamed possible. We will celebrate our 23rd anniversary in a few months.
I know it's been a year but congratulations
Yes. The wife married a man with the understanding that he would stay a man. The husband does not want to remain a man. This decision has probably been brewing for many years, perhaps even since childhood, and it will not just go away.
Hopefully with a past friendship of many years, they can part amicably. They will both be better off in the long run, no matter how painful it is now. There are lots of fish in the sea, for both of them.
Big D, no marriage starts by saying : I expect you to stay as a man. many women get frigid after the first baby , that leaves HIM unhappy,
He’s always going to be a man regardless. A man dressed as a woman and taking wrong-sex-hormones is still a man.
He shouldn't marry again. He is selfish
@@oliviawutamyou need to rearrange your mind. And your soul.
@@georgewagner7787 but she really never loved them? It was a relationship that kinda just came together. The partner was there for the Jane. They don’t love each other in that way. People don’t come out much later in life because of the way the world is. Clearly this comment section shows that the world doesn’t like trans people. They both were responsible. They both deserve happiness at the end of the day. it’s definitely better to figure yourself out before something like marriage, but that was the reality for both of them. Making this out to be that one side was entirely responsible is ludicrous
Gotta give it to Dr. John.... he can answer any question. With much empathy, I might add.
Did he have any empathy for the woman's wife?
My heart goes out to this woman. She married her best friend because she was desperate for safety and security. She thought he would be a solid foundation for her family. But the reality is NO relationship is guaranteed. It's not your fault. It's not his, either. Finding your own healing is where you'll also find true safety and security because you'll finally trust yourself and your own strength.
I think she has a self esteem and self awareness issue. She deserves a good man, the whole package, not just a good person. Hope everything will start to get better from now on.
@@anafernandez7237 she deserves the consequences of her choices...as do we all
Exactly. It’s no ones fault. They just aren’t right for each other.
@@anafernandez7237 many marriages are virtually sexless anyway.
not his fault?
How can this even be a question? No matter the love, unless you're pan sexual or would be interested in a swapped sex or same sex attraction, how does this make any sense? You can stay family and all, but if you're a straight woman, you can't be expected to stay in a sexual or romantic relationship like this. If it floats your boat and don't care, awesome, otherwise how can this even be up for debate?
It sounds like there wasn't a lot of sexual attraction on her side even at the beginning......they were more like very good friends & she thought the attraction might develop. Nope.
This floats approximately no one's boat.
I challenge you to find anyone who's an old couple like this.
2 minutes into the video. I have talked about this for years. I worked at McDonalds as my first job back in 1983. We were absolutely packed on the weekends. People would get to the counter and yell at me about the line and the wait. I would profusely appoligize and ask to take their order. They would complain some more, tell us how we weren't working fast enough, yell some more (at a 16 year old kid). I would appoligize again and ask to take there order.
Then they looked up at the menu, and talk to themselves "where are your burgers, um, um, let's see, what do I want?".
Then the next person in line did the exact same thing. EXACT.SAME.THING.
This happened hundreds, yes hundreds, of times in my time working at McDonalds.
So many bad human beings out there.
Jane accidentally married her best girl friend.
lol it is true
And I would be willing to bet that when she stops to think about it, she will recall all of the nagging doubts she had when detecting his feminine traits…..that he tried to hide, but couldn’t.
That's a dude, and I promise you this middle aged man looks ridiculous.
I think this channel is going to become very successful! The topics are very interesting. Almost like "Gossiping" with strangers.
The new Gerry Springer.
Sometimes relationships fall apart even when no one did anything wrong. That’s okay. You have to be honest about what you need and what you want.
Exactly, I'm so glad you pointed that out. Her husband isn't doing anything wrong by becoming her true self. She also isn't doing anything wrong if this is something she cannot work with in a romantic relationship.
@@Hiker2110 thank you both people change as time goes on
wasnt this supposed to be a christian channel
It is wrong. It's wrong to break your promises. He is putting his desires ahead of the person he said he would love and support for life. No feelings trump that.
@@Hiker2110 his. he’s not a woman
This is actually extremely sad. I clicked the video not knowing what this conversation would be like but I hope the whole family finds happiness
There’s no reason to wait if you’re not attracted to women. When people transition, they usually struggle with that for a very long time before they tell someone. There is no changing the mind after that. 90% of the time, it’s not just a phase so leave.
She is living in a make believe fairy tale. Sounds like she is a great mother but you don’t marry someone just because you want a “family” , that’s teaching her daughter to settle. She could’ve found the love of her life while being married to her best friend just for security. If that’s her best friend , he/she will be there for her and her daughter without the marriage and living together.
*YES THEN WE TEACH MEN TO NEVER SETTLE TO, INSTEAD WE TEACH MAN TO GO TO THE EAST TO FIND A REAL WOMAN*
She knows what to do, she's fighting it.
Maybe she's done unsavory stuff. She can point fingers to appease her own guilt. Go ahead. Blame your nastiness on someone else.
I bet she feels like she’s lost “her”. It’s all about him. Get out. Just get out. Recover. Get out.
I couldn't agree more. This is no different than one partner having an affair. You can not serve two masters.
but what about toxic masculinity?
@K F To reach stage 3 of feminism it was because it begun with stage 1
@@moisesbeyond … what?
@@moisesbeyond who gives a damn lol
When she said perspicacious I was impressed with her vocabulary then I noticed despite being nervous she didn't use filler words. She is obviously a well spoken individual and knows how to make a clear statement. She has compassion and empathy. I don't blame her for being hopeful and hesitant at the same time. What a tough situation.
PERSPICACIOUS implies unusual power to see through and understand what is puzzling or hidden.
Keen sense of discernment is how I have always defined it
@@valley5617 That’s a really good description. Thanks
As a Chick-fil-A worker I am literally so grateful for the opening rant. 😂😂🙏
i'm so confused, what does chicken have to do with this?
@@aundirussell8644 he was just talking about the random conversations people have in line that have nothing to do with food.
@@ness0388 I'm glad that made sense to someone.
@@ness0388 and not being ready to order their food or pay for it
@@aundirussell8644found the person who gets to the front of the line and starts with “uhhhhh” because you didn’t read the menu and wasted everyone’s time!
I'm soooooo very sorry you are going through. It's a hard situation and no one can judge you. I understand you created a safe and financial environment for your daughter and yourself. Growing up in an abusive home and coming out of an abusive environment changes us and when we find someone that treats us and our children with love its scary to leave that to go to the unknown and afraid to enter into another abusive relationship. When Delony said trust yourself that hit me and what do you want bc u r important n u deserve to be happy. I wish you all the best.
I sure can judge her... She married a guy for financial help with her daughter... Not cool, now he's a she and she doesn't want to leave because she doesn't want to lose the financial help.
She doesn’t even sound upset which tells me she doesn’t love him. They could probably stay friends though.
She loves him, just not romantically
She mentioned this has been going on for 3 years so I think she is past the “shock” or “upset”.
People change over time. Sometimes those changes are small and can be resolved together. Other times they are big, non-negotiable, and partners must separate. Separation is scary, hard and painful but it doesn't have to be nasty. (Not including abusive or toxic relationships)
Communication, even through pain, is key to healing and being able to move forward.
It sounds like this couple would work better as friends.
To the women who kept choosing toxic abusive men who cheat. I relate to you. You are not alone. I’m so glad I listened to this part. I completely to relate to friend zoning or not being attracted to good men. Great advice given to this lady that I’m also going to take on for myself.
Here b/c I think this same caller called onto Dave’s show today.
That's why I'm here, too!
yes he certainly thought let's give this one to Dr D
I’m usually the guy that will push a troubled towards working out their differences but it’s not going to happen here. She should move on immediately and seriously consider some therapy option for her children.
children, are resilient they still love both if not poisoned by the mother
@@oliviawutam her child will need therapy whether or not they separate.
@@oliviawutam They are resilient but also more perceptive than we likento think, they kniw whats going on. That dad has become an amalgamation of body parts is… well.
First guest... Jane find a good psychotherapist. The more insight you will gain about yourself and your actions over the course of treatment will go far in helping you along your wellness journey. 🙏🏽
By "transitioning," this husband is insulting his wife's womanhood, her worth as a woman, and violating their marriage vows. He's being selfish. She should divorce him right away with no future contact whatsoever.
In what way is her womanhood being 'insulted' exactly?
She encouraged him, so she is to blame to. The reality is she was never sexuallly attracted to him and that is a huge problem.
Having some experience with this I can tell you it has zero to do with the wife.
I do not agree at all with the insulting part and being selfish. It's not an easy choice for the husband either.
Agreed. And his choice to transition is likely due to a fetish. Autogynophilia.
Oh Jane...i wish you strength and peace ❤
Imagine explaining this to people 100 years ago
B.i.n.g.o.
Depends on what culture you're explaining this to.
Imagine explaining 100 years ago that black people will have all the same rights as white people.
Depends on the person. Transgender is not a new concept to many cultures, even western ones.
Trans people have always existed
If you're not a lesbian or bisexual then yeah, prolly time to call it quits
Only stay if he has Elliott Page money.
@@chrisreynolds6391 lol
Yeah i agree. Time to call it quits
@@chrisreynolds6391 Even Elliot Page's wife didn't stay.
wrong advice...keep this one..you will double your wardrobe...
It starts at 4:47
Thank you!
Thank you SO much
🤗🤗❤️
Ty
Ty
I think it’s important that her daughter learns she’s allowed to disagree, to grieve, to challenge, to divert, and to make changes when something or someone is no longer what she needs it to be.
Parents get so wrapped up in showing their kids how to power through, weather, to take hits and keep pushing. They often forget that children need to know what falling and rising again looks like. So they don’t crash and burn emotionally/psychologically in adulthood.
John, I love your podcast!!! Could you PLEASE make the 3rd call its own video? Your advice is AMAZING and Fear of Intimacy is soooooo prevalent in our society, but rarely addressed. Thank you!!!!
Y’all know with a culture like this, covid is the least of our problems
Amen brother! What a heavy call!
Sad but true!
The stress of covid really allowed everything slightly cracked in our society to fully break.
This is not your problem. Covid was a world event. There's fundamentally a big difference.
A friend of mine had the same problem. She stuck around for a bit but decided that she had married a man, not a women. Her kids were in their teens and they all decided to leave. He left their marriage by choosing another path. She moved across the country and started a new life near her family.
Transitioning isnt just "genitals" as some of you think, it forms not just our looks but also how you interact socially. If she no longer finds her attractive it's not fair on either person to stay. We all deserve someone who loves us who we are not who we were
idk ,someone having a identity disorder, you have to fix that because they cant change who they are.
If she no longer finds “him” attractive.
@@FedkaSlovanich there is no “fixing it” the sooner you idiots realize that the better off everyone will be. just let people be who they are.
You can't become the opposite sex.
Dr John your compassion and your wisdom has deeply moved me. Thank you for using this platform to help so many including me.
Bruh, that happened to me! I can’t tell you how heartbroken I was when I found out. He said he wasn’t happy anymore and sort of quit talking to me and left, then I found out his plans. I hope this woman finds peace, it’s such a betrayal and hard not to resent them.
I hope things are going better for you now.
@@WiltedKuwaitSalad they are, thank you!
At least he had the respect to not guilt and coerce you into accepting it which is what most AGPs do.
@@possumfriend2335 he tried at first
@@WiltedKuwaitSaladI can't wait to reply to someone positively I just divorced my only friend in life at this moment. We don't live near anyone we would rely on for medical help etc. He's a pure covert passive aggressive narcissist with an age progression of 69 to a regression back to a toddler of 3-5 yo. At 66 and 42 years I need to get away from him. He's attempting to steal this house from under me. Neither of us will leave. The judge gave us until the end of December'24 to leave/sell the house
There are lots of couples who don’t have a sexual relationship with their spouse. It’s the person you love not their sex. Do you think every couple divorces if their partner becomes ill or impotent? It’s completely up to the people involved. To some, sex is a critical part of the relationship. To others, not so much. It’s no one else’s business but the two people who are directly involved.
A person's sex doesn't change just because he becomes impotent.
It is like they are a different person.
I think she needs to leave honestly she probably wanted the sense of security that she didn’t have as a single mom. So maybe She needs to come to terms that she never loved him but they are best friends. I get she wanted that family unit for her daughter but those are the cards she was dealt . Not everyone gets the typical family unit . She can definitely do it on her own but doesn’t mean she has to stay during his transition... she needs to love herself and really take the advice of Dr. John ...it’s good cause those recommendations he gave are great .
My first thought is where is Kris Jenner to ask this question.
Years ago Kris admitted she felt betrayed because she believed he struggled for years and never admitted it to her. Therefore she considered it lying to her and the family and leading them all on and wasting her life when she could have found someone else.
Also it then became all about “him”.
Oh I believe that 100%
@@CarnivoreStork thanks. I was wondering.
I love dr. John in this clip. Such an emotional caller ❤
I appreciate the questions you ask as you lazer in towards the unspoken need. I listened to your 500th show today with your wife. Really enjoyed it. And now I want to listen to YOUR full story, John!
BE READY TO ORDER WHEN YOU REACH THE FRONT OF THE LINE!!!! I have never agreed more!
I am glad you told the first caller that her “stable” family is a myth. It literally is wishful thinking. She wants it so much, she is blind to actuality. If she loves her husband, she will want for both herself and her him/her a fulfilling g life in the future, not a limited friendship. His loyalty, family time, and even financial support can still happen outside of a marriage, but tying someone down does not make sense, even if he is up to it for now.
You can’t force sexuality and gender. Respect has to remain in order for the the family to function.
I've become addicted to John. I love his compassion, his tact and his directness. He doesn't judge, but guides people on their best route. Yes, I'd be divorced in a heartbeat, but I understand her heart and misdirection with the situation. She voiced it before he did, so it's easy to point out what she should do, but when emotions are involved, it sucks - big time.
That statement about "fear of intimacy" being linked to "children being placed in adult situations/roles" hit me like a bullet. I'm disabled. I swear I can't open up to anyone. That's why all of it gets put into art. There's an enormous amount of fear and anxiety within me when it comes to taking relationships to the next level. And when I say that, I mean the simplest things like: meeting coworkers outside of work. It's a constant trust issue.
I bet your art is profound in its own way ❤
I understand because I had a terribly abusive upbringing and even as an adult, experienced severe trauma. I can tell you this much, Jesus completely healed my pain, anxiety and depression. Completely. Do you know the Savior?
Based on your comment it sounds very difficult, do you mind elaborating what you said because it sounds interesting and a educational opportunity to learn to deal with people in sumo situations
@@danilaroche1156 how did Jesus take away your pain and depression. I want to know. I ask because I know many Christians and those who profess Christ yet there is no change.
@@LisaLisaCJ I was worn out & utterly defeated and God ( The Mighty Counselor)told me He would heal me. This is how it happened. First thing, the Lord told me to forgive my parents for abuse. Then the Lord told me to forgive myself for accomplishing nothing for years and years. I had self loathing. THEN the Lord said to repent & renounce premarital sex, occult dabbling and to stop listening to heavy metal and hindu music. For REAL. After I did this the depression and chronic anxiety left for GOOD!!! Now I'm an acclaimed author. Published 4 books!! I help others now. Thanks for replying!
No one should have to live their life lying about their attraction. This goes for cis and non-cis people. If we are so eager to accept that a man is embracing becoming a woman.. we should be just as accepting when their partner wants to break up with them. Because then the partner would have to live with someone they're not attracted to. If it wasn't ok for the man..why should that be ok for the woman.
“CIS” the label to make normal people feel alienated
Lady, divorce as soon as possible
There's no such thing as a "cis" person, no one is a subset of their own sex.
@jakevote8978 agree, I'm a woman not a cis woman.
I’m not a CIS. I’m a damn WOMAN. Quit disrespecting and erasing women!
Love is an interesting word and most people have a different opinion of what it looks like. They are each others best friend, which is wonderful, but that is not a whole marriage.
My take ... she loves her partner, he loves her and her daughter. The thought of a divorce is devasting for her. She's willing to live in a "friends-only" marriage, but maybe it's always been a bit like that. However, the relationship has changed, and will continue to change.
Close, authentic friendships are hard to come by. Whatever happens, I hope their friendship doesn't die.
The third woman calling striving to connect with her husband is a classic case of avoidant attachment. Very interesting to hear it voiced from what I assume to be someone realizing their dismissive avoidance. I admire Dr. Delony's ability to know this stuff deeply, but to address the caller with such situationally-specific nuance and flexibility. All these callers are such strong women in their own rights, this episode is rife with developmental trauma. I think caller #1, the woman with the transitioning husband, might have attachment style struggles as well. I feel for her; losing trust in yourself and your own decision-making process can be deeply confusing. It does start with prioritizing YOU, listening to your own wants/needs/desires above all else and listening honestly.. Choosing what avenue would guarantee the least heaviness, the most relief. When heaviness feels like the status quo, or when complexity feels safe, when we don't feel worthy or ever capable of having what we really truly want and need for ourselves but only capable of providing that to others, we turn very clear waters murky with our minds. Her husband knew she held the key for his own truth and own healing and it's part of why he was drawn to her, may she allow him to do the same for her.
We pray for a change "inside" when the outside is dangerous.
Because we wish to conform only over danger. Its not in our nature.
But we pray for change "outside" when we are all alone.
Change maybe on our bodies but mostly always we pray for ACCEPTANCE and support from society.
To the 2nd caller, the woman who was dating a nice guy but doesn't have feelings for him.
I dated a guy who was affectionate. I asked him why he was so nice to me, he said because you let me. 😢
“Because you let me?” What does that mean???????
Was he trying to say that you were easy?
Did he ever try to take advantage of you?
How did the relationship pan out?
If my husband told me he wanted to be a woman I’d be signing divorce papers. I’m not a lesbian, I married a man.
Hi John, Timestamps will really be helpful. Thanks!
Amen!
this man's analogies are second to none I stg
As a trans woman my opinion on this is that if she has no interest in dating a woman and wants to date men then she has the right to end the relationship. Sexual preference is something that you can’t change and you shouldn’t force anyone to stay with you.
Who asked a bunch of nobodies to speak 🤣💀 get a life
@@apebass2215 what is the point of saying this? You don’t think us trans people know that are sex wont change? Obviously not but you gotta understand this is like telling a man he’s a women or a women that she’s acting like a man. It’s still insulting and comes across as having no empathy
@@apebass2215 To me a man is someone that caries himself like a man. Someone who protects but still has compassion. A woman is someone who is sensual and caring and has a lot of empathy. If you look a me and think “Man” then that’s fine but personally i feel like you would be changing the value of the word. That’s just me though 🤷♀️ I’m sure we would both agree that Im biologically “male” though
@@Franz304 how does a man carry himself like a man? Does a man who refuses to protect women and children suddenly stop being a man? Does he become a woman? Does a woman who lacks empathy stop being a woman? Does she become a man?
I think you're the one changing meanings of words.
@@Franz304 you are a man, simply because you're an adult male. 'Feminine' men aren't lesser men. Tom boys aren't lesser girls. Your appearance is irrelevant to whether or not you're a man.
Everyone is free to do what they want. You have the duty to stay true to yourself and your heart.
We're not free to deceive others, especially not about something as important as which gender you feel you are.
My husband is fully aware that if he ever even hints at getting involved in gender nonsense I'll be gone the same day and gone forever. I've seen the destruction and harm that comes from this stuff and I absolutely would not tolerate it.
The only time something like this is an issue is when someone starts a life and gets married while the whole time they knew it was a front. You can ruin someone’s life doing this to them.
@imnezu8940 Yes. Getting a 'beard', that's when they marry a woman, because they're afraid their family will judge them for being gay or a cross dresser etc. 😊
@@mariatorres9789 it’s sad both ways tbh. Someone who forces themselves into a lie just to maintain their secret. And then the poor spouse who had their entire life turned upsides down realizing they don’t truly know the person they married.
"gender nonsense." You sound like a catch--not.
You're going to hell
Kuddos to you Dr. Delony. You handled this extremely well. Much respect to you and your practice.
This just goes to show...women can be soooook freakn smart in so many areas... except for when it come to MEN. OMG
🤦🏾👌🏽
Bingo
Men will always be our biggest weakness
@@kayjeffs3741Love is woman’s biggest weakness. I assure you, lesbians are just as dumb about each other.
Start 4:51.
Love all these. Binging. Thanks Dr. John
As a transman, I would have been forthcoming about my transition from the very beginning to my partner. I think the husband should have revealed his true identity to the wife as soon as he knew. It would have saved a lot of time and energy with the emotions. Especially, if she doesn't want to remain married to him. Some marriages are salvageable despite transition because those "good things" can still remain.
It seems like the wife got the husband to that point, though, so it wasn't independent self-discovery and processing. Seems she believed it was the case before her husband saw (or allowed himself to see).
2:24 I hope no one in real life actually says or thinks this way 😂 I love my cats, but I would NEVER claim it's harder to be a cat mom.
I understand her desire to want to show her daughter what a strong family looks like, but that can happen when parents aren't together as long as they are able to maintain a good co-parenting relationship. Especially if they can remain friends. The most important thing is for their child to have two active and supportive parents in their life.
Her 1st husband is the girl's father.
Wow! The neglect trauma opened my eyes to things. I didn’t know that was a thing.
YOU CAN'T STAY WITH A MAN TRANSITIONING TO A WOMAN!! JUST TO TRY TO KEEP A FAMILY TOGETHER!!! LIKE JOHN SAID IT IS FANTASY!
John, you must be a Virgo. Deliberate and detailed. Wait in line in your car at a drive thru. Much less stressful!
Could we get the 3rd call as a video on its own, please? I think many people may miss out all that gold, which can help so many of us, in the weight of the whole program.
It sounds like they have a good relationship. It's ok to not be attracted to her anymore if you're not into women, but I hope they can stay friends
They have a great relationship, but no attraction or romance. It's not a marriage. It's best female friends as roommates and running a household together.
She said part of her reason for marrying her childhood friend was to give a stable family life to her daughter. Her childhood friend first deceived her and has now decided he wants to live the rest of his life mimicking a woman. So much for a stable, psychologically healthy environment for her daughter to grow up in.
This is an incredibly interesting video to watch immediately after watching the one about a woman who's husband had a TBI and is now essentially a husk of what he was, and she was thinking of divorce.
ESPECIALLY reading the comments, and the vast difference. So interesting.
I hate that ppl do not understand what in sickness and in health means when they speak their vows. He didn’t cheat. I’m sure he didn’t cause his brain injury intentionally or even an effect of his doing, and she wants to run away because “He’s not ideal any more”? This is the same trash of men leaving their wives when they get older for the simple fact that they are not youthful any more. There was no true love there.
And I’m guilty of this when I was younger. And even messed up my relationship with my son because I didn’t understand how my attitude was damaging him knowing he was clinically depressed and mentally struggling. So I’m not one to be a hypocrite. I speak from a place of knowing how ignorant and damaging not truly loving someone while saying you do can be for not just them but self.
@HeyThatsMe3 our opinions differ, but i completely understand where you're coming from. I would not want my husband to go without companionship for the rest of his life if I were to be in a similar situation, and vice versa. People NEED companionship, affection, understanding, empathy, and validation. The wife is no longer able to receive any of those from her husband. As far as I'm concerned, that man is not the person she married in any sense of the way. Chaining her to a body (his mind, and personality are no longer there) that cannot give her, well, anything really, is unfair.
If my husband were to transition to a woman, I'd be ok - be go ahead, just don't expect me to stick around and NEVER expect or force our child/ren to call you MOTHER, otherwise there will be complications in the future.
This would be devastating to anyone healthy. God help her to take the path she should take. Poor lady breaks my heart. heartbroken 💔
Prayers for peace and comfort to the caller. If there was ever a reason to divorce with no animosity, this would be it. It’s called “conscious uncoupling.” I hope you can be the best of friends someday but for right now do the grieving process.
great advice. Susan
Isn’t that the term that Gwen Paltrow and her ex made up?
@@dewilew2137 I imagine that Gwyneth adopted this term from a counselor and then popularized it.
Damn this is good advice to her.
@@susanmarie2231It's called divorce. Divorce is always a conscious process, without exception, unless you're divorcing someone who's in a coma.
Yes. Leave. Please.
I love the John rants at the beginning of the videos XD
It's so selfish for him to change that way, it would be loving for him to go get his mind straight through counseling. She married HIM, not HER.
Thanks for saying “watch for little ears in the room” but this show has so many crazy situations I’d never listen around the kids 😂