This is so beautiful. I am 28 years old and just now learning this information. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Being able to recognize my behavior, thoughts and feeling has been the most helpful. You can't change it if you never knew you were doing it.
My God your videos are so good. I'm sad that therapy never works for me (I get to anxious, and therapist never catch it in time and cannot calm me down.) So it's pretty much self therapy for me. So these video's are tremendously helpful for people like me that cannot stand the anxiety of therapy. THX A LOT ♥♥
i think you are doing an outstanding job of explaining boundaries in this video, its a complex topic, and yet simple at the same time. im definetly sharing this video. personally, what i like to do is look at myself and the other person during each interaction, it helps me to stay on top of things on my end, and also watch my own boundaries. youre right, boundaries do require courage, because people such as narcissists become enraged, and more manipulative, abusive, etc when you hold strong boundaries. thats when you need to strengthen boundaries with that person because theyre trying to violate them. this also means ofc, separation from the person who refuses to stop trying to violate your boundaries. personally, i dont allow my boundaries to be a topic of debate or abuse, the person either respects my boundaries, or theyre gone from my life.
When I make myself vulnerable & let them in, they run, they don’t want to be a part of my life, they love me “conditionally”. I lost all my friends when they found out about his betrayals. I wasn’t fun anymore nor did they want or know how to deal with me. I’ve been abandoned by every one. My family has left me too by setting unreachable expectations by not healing as fast as they thought I should.
Hi Kristin, I honestly have no idea how I stumbled on your channel, but this channel is such a blessing. I just realized today that I am like the woman you mentioned at minute 26 of this video. It's a terrifying reality, but at the same time, I am so grateful that I realized this since it's better to realize now than never. I wasn't even able to have an emotional/physiology response (which is a totally normal human response) to an uncomfortable situation. In fact, I just realized that I wasn't even able to label the situation as "uncomfortable." I am going to try my best to listen to my gut and allow myself to feel and lean into the discomfort of even allowing myself to say "hey, this is uncomfortable, what's the next step--you should say something to this person." I didn't even realize that I had the power to set boundaries. I just wanted to say thank you for being so open in talking about this subject, and I think you're very insightful. Now it's just up to us individuals to do the work. I come from a very traditional Chinese background with loads of baggage (don't we all), but after realizing that I do care about myself and should try my best to love myself more, I am working on learning more about my own preferences and likes instead of just listening to parents/friends/society. Thank you.
One of my hardest and most powerful healings from a codependent family structure. Walls are safer stance. My spiritual advisor said the only thing about windows is you can see out and others can see in.... But nobody's really coming or going. Gotts put sooner doors in them walls. Learning and establishing boundaries allows healthy doors. Thank you for your work. Have a great door.
Hi Kristin, I’ve been viewing your videos for weeks now. I love how nearly every video has little to no fat. Everything from your channel is extremely informative. There’s no doubt that you’re passionate about your work. Thank you. After 34 years of stumbling through life broken and abused I’ve decided to get some counseling and try to become a better version of myself. Can you recommend an online therapist? Are you available for something like that? Thank you
Hi. I’m glad the videos are helpful to you. I usually refer clients to contact my co-host and colleague Tami Verhelst tami@seekingintegrity.com She’s very well plugged into therapists across the globe who have similar training and experience. Hopefully she can help you find a good fit for your current needs.
I am trying to implement healthy boundaries as having the tendency to attach very quickly means I get let down often. These videos are a huge help and act as a very good guide. I suffer from a love addict attachment disorder, and Kristin’s vid on this is also one I would recommend everyone to take a look at. Boundaries define how much self esteem we have, keep the vids coming Kristin, great work, thank you.
Thank you so much for doing these videos they are soooooooooo helpful since no where its taught even with the a great therapist sometimes its not taught
Kristin, would you be willing to make some videos about the topics you have been going over, but outside of the context of romantic relationships? this too seems to be needed. thanks.
Kristin Snowden, can I ask I question? What if the person you are trying to put up boundaries to, is bi polar Type 2 and is uses emotional blackmail, does not respect them? We are separated, he is the father of my children. There have been multiple suicide attempts, and now its if I can't talk to you, can't "help with things" etc., then I have no reason to live. How do you keep up boundaries when they are ignored, but puts the threat of harm out there, when I care if he hurts himself? Also the whole time telling me how much talking to me helps him, makes him better, but it makes me have bad stress, anxiety and is making my MS very bad. Is blocking that person, the only way?
Oh man, those are some really great questions with extremely important issues involved. First off, if you EVER fear for your safety or the safety of your kids please call 911 and/or get professional help immediately. Also, that sounds like a great question to ask other people who are struggling with similar challenges. I’d encourage you to check out the webinars and open group discussions on sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/ Sounds like you need a support group who understands you. You’ll find that under the “partners” or betrayed partners area. They can help with boundary setting, gaslighting, emotional abuse, etc.
These replies offer excellent suggestions. . . . AS a fellow fallible senior human being who has had numerous hours of therapy, and has been surrounded by psychology and social services, (along with a B.S. Sociology), my heart goes out to you! Your words- - anxiety, stress and physical harm. . . I wonder, what would you advise another person who related this sort of experience to you? All his comments to hold you responsible for his behavior, and for his "feeling good", sound like manipulation. Are you Really responsible for making him "feel good"? Are you his therapist? No. Are you qualified to meet his real needs, or even to know what they are? No. You cannot offer the help he really needs. However, you are responsible to help yourself. At this time that may mean to block him completely until he has done his personal work and demonstrated in his life outside your relationship, -- that his emotional life has turned around, - -only then is it wise to risk making contact with him. Then too, of course...do your own emotional health a favor and get the personal professional help you deserve . Because you matter, and I care.
Boundaries under marriage by law which we all should accept and understand especially when you're under oath as a law enforcement to enter a domain that is created by acceptance for marriage and for an officer to enter that domain which should be a dead-end especially if you are here to Serve and Protect but when an officer enters the property of a marriage home and one of the individuals that are married except an officer to come in to have sex and to break a oath under marriage how is that accepted in the world that we live in today which let's talk about a particular country America under let's go ahead and give it a state name state of Florida would the individual that has broken law as a officer serving and protecting knowing or should know right from wrong which has broken the law what does that actually mean and how should that be handled in a courtroom
I'm thinking God was the original boundary maker in the Garden of Eden. Trying to get real intimacy with his creation instead of having robots or liars. We're in a weird world. I train dogs. All I'm doing is getting the dog to look to me like I'm God and focus less on the distractions or the temptations of this world. How do you explain to a dog not to chase the cat across the street b/c there are vehicles that will kill you? You have to be able to get the dog to ignore their base instincts and instead look to you for direction. And you give DIRECTION/GUIDANCE by drawing invisible lines and asking the dog to respect it. Show me discipline and respect for my INVISIBLE boundaries/lines that I draw with my VOICE, and I will show you FREEDOM. You can go with me EVERYWHERE b/c I TRUST you will listen to me and submit to my will. I know what you want, DOG! I'm waaaaaaayyyyyy smarter than you! I'm just trying to get you to respect my boundaries so I can show you MORE of me and we can do shit together. Like go to the park, or the store, etc. Gotta show God discipline for his boundaries and let Him be your focus and then He'll let you have what you want most likely. I could be talking out my ass right now. God only knows.
I'm sure you are an excellent dog trainer. And by all means,, focus on God,, is needed... I see limits to your analogy. I don't see that God approaches people in the way any animal trainer approaches their pupil. God guides, we are responsible to apply that guidance moment by moment in our life. A therapist once illustrated in this way: God may lead us to the sandbox; he does not tell us exactly which shovel to use, or where to dig the hole, or which truck to play with now. He equipped us to make the choices.
Passive aggressive definition in psych is not "passive aggressive". You are using passive agressice out of context here. Back tonschooo!!!! If you bother to lecture, teach, ay the very least, ensure you have accurate facts.
challenged? You tube, well my phone is hacked, for the past 2 years presents a bunch of absolutely most unsubstantiated, improvisations, subjective, useless opinions. Back to school. Understand thecdubject matter. Make it an urgent noundery!!!!!!
in my experience, telling people no is a good test to identify the true nature of the relationship.
Nice way of putting it.. 😃
Boundaries doesn't mean I don't love another, it means I love me too. ♡
I like that saying!
This is so beautiful. I am 28 years old and just now learning this information. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Being able to recognize my behavior, thoughts and feeling has been the most helpful. You can't change it if you never knew you were doing it.
My God your videos are so good. I'm sad that therapy never works for me (I get to anxious, and therapist never catch it in time and cannot calm me down.) So it's pretty much self therapy for me. So these video's are tremendously helpful for people like me that cannot stand the anxiety of therapy. THX A LOT ♥♥
i think you are doing an outstanding job of explaining boundaries in this video, its a complex topic, and yet simple at the same time. im definetly sharing this video. personally, what i like to do is look at myself and the other person during each interaction, it helps me to stay on top of things on my end, and also watch my own boundaries. youre right, boundaries do require courage, because people such as narcissists become enraged, and more manipulative, abusive, etc when you hold strong boundaries. thats when you need to strengthen boundaries with that person because theyre trying to violate them. this also means ofc, separation from the person who refuses to stop trying to violate your boundaries. personally, i dont allow my boundaries to be a topic of debate or abuse, the person either respects my boundaries, or theyre gone from my life.
When I make myself vulnerable & let them in, they run, they don’t want to be a part of my life, they love me “conditionally”. I lost all my friends when they found out about his betrayals. I wasn’t fun anymore nor did they want or know how to deal with me. I’ve been abandoned by every one. My family has left me too by setting unreachable expectations by not healing as fast as they thought I should.
Hi Kristin, I honestly have no idea how I stumbled on your channel, but this channel is such a blessing. I just realized today that I am like the woman you mentioned at minute 26 of this video. It's a terrifying reality, but at the same time, I am so grateful that I realized this since it's better to realize now than never. I wasn't even able to have an emotional/physiology response (which is a totally normal human response) to an uncomfortable situation. In fact, I just realized that I wasn't even able to label the situation as "uncomfortable." I am going to try my best to listen to my gut and allow myself to feel and lean into the discomfort of even allowing myself to say "hey, this is uncomfortable, what's the next step--you should say something to this person." I didn't even realize that I had the power to set boundaries. I just wanted to say thank you for being so open in talking about this subject, and I think you're very insightful. Now it's just up to us individuals to do the work. I come from a very traditional Chinese background with loads of baggage (don't we all), but after realizing that I do care about myself and should try my best to love myself more, I am working on learning more about my own preferences and likes instead of just listening to parents/friends/society. Thank you.
One of my hardest and most powerful healings from a codependent family structure. Walls are safer stance.
My spiritual advisor said the only thing about windows is you can see out and others can see in.... But nobody's really coming or going. Gotts put sooner doors in them walls.
Learning and establishing boundaries allows healthy doors.
Thank you for your work.
Have a great door.
I love the way you talk!
Hi Kristin, I’ve been viewing your videos for weeks now. I love how nearly every video has little to no fat. Everything from your channel is extremely informative. There’s no doubt that you’re passionate about your work. Thank you. After 34 years of stumbling through life broken and abused I’ve decided to get some counseling and try to become a better version of myself. Can you recommend an online therapist? Are you available for something like that? Thank you
Hi. I’m glad the videos are helpful to you. I usually refer clients to contact my co-host and colleague Tami Verhelst tami@seekingintegrity.com
She’s very well plugged into therapists across the globe who have similar training and experience. Hopefully she can help you find a good fit for your current needs.
I am trying to implement healthy boundaries as having the tendency to attach very quickly means I get let down often. These videos are a huge help and act as a very good guide. I suffer from a love addict attachment disorder, and Kristin’s vid on this is also one I would recommend everyone to take a look at. Boundaries define how much self esteem we have, keep the vids coming Kristin, great work, thank you.
Beautifully said!!!!
Yes, i need this
You are amazing
Thank you so much for doing these videos they are soooooooooo helpful since no where its taught even with the a great therapist sometimes its not taught
Brilliant!
What a great definition!
Kristin, would you be willing to make some videos about the topics you have been going over, but outside of the context of romantic relationships? this too seems to be needed. thanks.
amazing role model for me !!
Boundaries also applies to other areas like watching tv, eating sweets, etc.
Kristin Snowden, can I ask I question? What if the person you are trying to put up boundaries to, is bi polar Type 2 and is uses emotional blackmail, does not respect them? We are separated, he is the father of my children. There have been multiple suicide attempts, and now its if I can't talk to you, can't "help with things" etc., then I have no reason to live. How do you keep up boundaries when they are ignored, but puts the threat of harm out there, when I care if he hurts himself? Also the whole time telling me how much talking to me helps him, makes him better, but it makes me have bad stress, anxiety and is making my MS very bad. Is blocking that person, the only way?
Oh man, those are some really great questions with extremely important issues involved. First off, if you EVER fear for your safety or the safety of your kids please call 911 and/or get professional help immediately. Also, that sounds like a great question to ask other people who are struggling with similar challenges. I’d encourage you to check out the webinars and open group discussions on
sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/
Sounds like you need a support group who understands you. You’ll find that under the “partners” or betrayed partners area. They can help with boundary setting, gaslighting, emotional abuse, etc.
These replies offer excellent suggestions. . . .
AS a fellow fallible senior human being who has had numerous hours of therapy, and has been surrounded by psychology and social services, (along with a B.S. Sociology), my heart goes out to you! Your words- - anxiety, stress and physical harm. . . I wonder, what would you advise another person who related this sort of experience to you?
All his comments to hold you responsible for his behavior, and for his "feeling good",
sound like manipulation.
Are you Really responsible for making him "feel good"? Are you his therapist? No. Are you qualified to meet his real needs, or even to know what they are? No. You cannot offer the help he really needs. However, you are responsible to help yourself. At this time that may mean to block him completely until he has done his personal work and demonstrated in his life outside your relationship, -- that his emotional life has turned around, - -only then is it wise to risk making contact with him.
Then too, of course...do your own emotional health a favor and get the personal professional help you deserve .
Because you matter, and I care.
I have a question does this apply to both genders ?
Does what apply to both genders?
Boundaries under marriage by law which we all should accept and understand especially when you're under oath as a law enforcement to enter a domain that is created by acceptance for marriage and for an officer to enter that domain which should be a dead-end especially if you are here to Serve and Protect but when an officer enters the property of a marriage home and one of the individuals that are married except an officer to come in to have sex and to break a oath under marriage how is that accepted in the world that we live in today which let's talk about a particular country America under let's go ahead and give it a state name state of Florida would the individual that has broken law as a officer serving and protecting knowing or should know right from wrong which has broken the law what does that actually mean and how should that be handled in a courtroom
Mosquitoes donot understand the meaning of boundaries.
Mou Lee vampires not mosquitos
I'm thinking God was the original boundary maker in the Garden of Eden. Trying to get real intimacy with his creation instead of having robots or liars. We're in a weird world.
I train dogs. All I'm doing is getting the dog to look to me like I'm God and focus less on the distractions or the temptations of this world. How do you explain to a dog not to chase the cat across the street b/c there are vehicles that will kill you? You have to be able to get the dog to ignore their base instincts and instead look to you for direction. And you give DIRECTION/GUIDANCE by drawing invisible lines and asking the dog to respect it. Show me discipline and respect for my INVISIBLE boundaries/lines that I draw with my VOICE, and I will show you FREEDOM. You can go with me EVERYWHERE b/c I TRUST you will listen to me and submit to my will. I know what you want, DOG! I'm waaaaaaayyyyyy smarter than you! I'm just trying to get you to respect my boundaries so I can show you MORE of me and we can do shit together. Like go to the park, or the store, etc.
Gotta show God discipline for his boundaries and let Him be your focus and then He'll let you have what you want most likely.
I could be talking out my ass right now. God only knows.
Right. And God has provided therapists who apply the guidance we cannot find ourselves. God can guide us to the find the professional help we need.
I'm sure you are an excellent dog trainer. And by all means,, focus on God,, is needed...
I see limits to your analogy. I don't see that God approaches people in the way any animal trainer approaches their pupil.
God guides, we are responsible to apply that guidance moment by moment in our life.
A therapist once illustrated in this way: God may lead us to the sandbox; he does not tell us exactly which shovel to use, or where to dig the hole, or which truck to play with now. He equipped us to make the choices.
Passive aggressive definition in psych is not "passive aggressive". You are using passive agressice out of context here. Back tonschooo!!!!
If you bother to lecture, teach, ay the very least, ensure you have accurate facts.
challenged? You tube, well my phone is hacked, for the past 2 years presents a bunch of absolutely most unsubstantiated, improvisations, subjective, useless opinions.
Back to school. Understand thecdubject matter.
Make it an urgent noundery!!!!!!