please never stop making videos. You don't realize the positive impact you've had on me. All the best (and if you ever find yourself in Dubai ill be your tour guide ;D !).
Bro :) you have no idea how encouraging your comment is, thank you so much :) I will definitely let you know :) send me an email at ruben@socialanimal.us, would love to connect :)
Title: "Confidence vs. Comfort: The Key to Connecting with Others" Summary: In this video, the presenter, Reuben, discusses the challenges many people face when trying to connect with others and how they often rely on confidence as a way to bridge the gap. He reflects on his personal experiences and points out that genuine interactions are not characterized by confidence but by comfort and ease. Reuben encourages viewers to shift their perspective when approaching interactions with others. Key Points: 1. Confidence can be challenging to maintain, especially in social situations. 2. Reuben realized that his best interactions were marked by comfort and ease rather than confidence. 3. The need for confidence arises when people perceive a challenge in connecting with others. 4. Misinterpreting the perceived challenge can lead to feeling inadequate and unworthy. 5. Viewing others as fundamentally different can create a gap that's hard to bridge. 6. Reuben suggests imagining everyone as a potential childhood friend to foster a more relaxed approach to interactions. 7. External factors like looks, wealth, or fame don't necessarily lead to meaningful connections. 8. Reconnecting with the childlike curiosity and friendliness can enhance social interactions. 9. Changing your perspective and realizing you don't need confidence can make interactions more comfortable. 10. Cultivating self-expression and initiating conversations can help build connections. Reuben emphasizes that changing one's perspective and focusing on comfort rather than confidence can lead to more meaningful and authentic connections with others.
I have so much to discuss with you my friend. Watched the Philosophy playlist as you advised. Incredible. So many powerful points that align with insights I’ve had on my own. Let’s get in touch . Some key nuggets I derived from your videos: 1. Did I censor myself or express myself, authentically? 2. Approach strangers like old friends 3. Give compliments LIKE A GIFT 4. What is my relationship / attachment to my desires? 5. Build expression momentum by engaging with all types of people 6. COMFORT > CONFIDENCE
Learning to fight is a good hack. If you spend 6 months committed to boxing, Muay Thai, or kick boxing, the feeling of knowing you can defend your friends, family, and yourself, fills you with confidence wherever you are.
This video is extremely eye opening and it goes deeper than most ppl think. Everything in life is perspective, that’s why for example two people can approach a person and get shut down, one person will be completely ok with it and the other will be destroyed, both of their perspectives are completely different.
:) You'll also enjoy these :) About the importance of realizing that talking to people is first and foremost a side effect of expressing yourself. th-cam.com/video/0lKRM76uFeI/w-d-xo.html About the importance of having a healthy relationship with your desire th-cam.com/video/bZAgGiDf2lo/w-d-xo.html About the essence of interacting and conversation th-cam.com/video/FD7arE3Zcyw/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/U3NZp2Umh5E/w-d-xo.html About what we really have in common with people and why talking to strangers can be hard th-cam.com/video/p3HKzBJRROI/w-d-xo.html Why people fear rejection th-cam.com/video/8IHZELlrxiA/w-d-xo.html
It’s not even strangers that I struggle with, even just initiating conversations with people I already know is a struggle. I just convince myself they don’t want to talk to me. 😢
I always envied those who have lots of women around them in college and work, thinking it’s the only way they can make friends with women, and I had this belief that I am sure there is an alternative way to approach strangers and make friends with them, you’ve taught me how to do it in a simple and sincere way, thank you for your impact in me and everyone you helped 🙏🏻❤️
I wish I meet you one day Ruben to thank you for all the impact you're having on our lives. This video is nothing but wisdom, 4:50 is definetly the right mindset to adopt in this life when it comes to meeting new people.
So we believe that other people are better or different than us so we see it as a challenge to talk to them making us think we need confidence and then we end up over thinking it and mess up. Instead we should believe we are on the same level and talking to people should be similar to how two kids would play in a sandbox. No confidence needed
@@JourneyWithJoEl The guy that commented before me got it spot on. Kids don't really have that prejudgement before talking to one other they act based of pure emotions and instincts. As adults you have been conditioned over and over that we are different so don't engage or communicate, Or you need to have something first before you talk to a beautiful girl for example. It's all an illusion because all that matters is now and that's really the only time you have. The shackles are in your mind. One shall not enter the kingdom of heaven unless he becomes childlike. So the kingdom of heaven is probably opened to you if you explore your own curiosity. You might get burned, rejected or accepted but that's all part of the journey. The key to freedom is self expression of your most authentic self.
Thank you Ruben, it is exactly what I needed for the week. Some réconfort and positivity. And an exercise to talk with people like I would talk to a childhood friend. Take care. Alex
Thank you ;) I hope the message in the video was clear, what did you get out of it. I find making these video where I talk challenging because I am never sure if I am clear enough. Thank you ))
@@socialanimal recently in my mind it was me against the world and the contrary. I convinced myself that I had to be smarter and I was really defensive. Even angry at people because my broken mind was feeling threatened. I had forgotten that dialogue can be innocent, spontaneous or honest. I don’t say that I will suddenly talk to everybody but I don’t imagine perpetual conflicts with people in my head. Your message was clear and inspirational, perfect to start the week on a good optic.
I recently found out, and was forced to acknowledge, that I expect more from, and am way harder on myself than almost anyone else could ever be. I mean I always knew this at a deep level, but had it brought to the surface/forefront a couple of times over the last year, and fortunately/unfortunately, it has completely flipped my life, and mindset upside down. Unfortunately, this has caused me all kinds of extra anxiety, and existential crisis vibes on top of what I already had even though the eye opening experiences I speak of were very positive things said about me by people who wouldn’t hesitate to tell me unapologetic truths, and criticisms. I honestly wish I could go back in time. I preferred being uncomfortably numb instead of now uncomfortably hyper aware. HALP!!!
Also culture convinces us that there is the obstacle , as we grow we are bred in a certain way , certain ideas . However, In Actuality when we allow that child within us to enjoy life , it awakens the same in others because no matter how brainwashed we get there are keystone components to being humans that we can’t simply resist
I made a similar observation years ago. The feeling of isolation is basically a product of consciousness. Although consciousness and free will are ultimately illusions they have a profound impact on everyday life. There are situations where consciousness is beneficial, which is most of the time. For example with abstract problem solving. However consciousness also hinders to automatically perform certain actions, such as in social settings. There it's better not to be conscious. Why that is the case exactly I don't know.
Man! I'm really inspired by you. I always had very high level of respect towards France and listening to you increase that a lot. I really admire your work and I am from New Delhi maybe if you come to New Delhi ever will meet.
This is a very interesting video and I would like to share something that think relates to this. So I have noticed something kind of extraordinary and it is whenever I am engaged in an activity that I enjoy, for example playing tennis, all my worries disappear and a HUGE boost of confidence fills me. Actually I wouldn't call it a boost of confidence more like just this natural flow of connection? More specifically I was playing tennis yesterday and I had invited two friends who know each other but have only met once or twice before. Anyways the entire time I had zero anxiety, I was never in my thoughts and words just came out of my mouth without a second thought. At one point I had sensed some anxiety from one of my friends and I just thought to myself, damn thats what I probably look and feel like 90% of the time. I wish I could enter this state of natural confidence in my dating life.
Also thanks for making these videos bro wicked helpful in lessening my own fears cuz im way smoother talking than half these guys i just dont make a move.
Bigg struggle this. Especially talking to girls that are good looking. I feel fine, but when it comes to it… suddenly got super shy, and freak out 😂 Got better over time, but still hard.
Hi Ruben! I really like your way of thinking! And I enjoy following your videos! But a good mic might help the content! My sensible ears often get disturbed by the reverb in your space. Other than that, keep up the good work! :)
3:33 But thats the thing, i dont think there is a gap between me and other people, there *IS* a gap between me and other people. For example, they can talk comfortably, and i cant. Thats detrimental enough on its own right there.
When you see someone that you want talk to but you are intimated, it's as if there is a wall between you and that person. Most people are asking themselves how can I climb the wall, they learn strategies, they hit the gym, they want more money (I am not saying that one should not be healthy and ambitious) - they try to convince themselves that they can do this hard thing. The key is in realizing that they are no wall in the first place, that people are just people like you and that you can talk to them like you talk to your friends. In this clip from matrix, the kids tell Neo, you cannot bend the spoon (you cannot climb the wall, thats why you see tons of fit successful people who are lonely and cannot be true to themselves), the key is to realize they are no spoon, (they are no walls, its all in your head) I hope that make sense :)
My lack of confidence comes from the way people have treated me my whole life. Women are rude and disrespectful anytime I try to be more than a friend so what is the point
"What is the point" Well you clearly still care about meeting people or you wouldn't be spending your time on a TH-cam channel like this. If "people" or "women" are treating you badly then this is your first clue that you might be doing something wrong. Get out of your own way.
@@kp8923 lol. Or maybe women don't like me because I'm not a "Chad or Tyrone". People need to stop pretending like your looks don't matter. I have ok experiences with regular interactions just not with dating. Anytime I try to express interest I get shit on and called names like ugly or gross. Women are completely different people when you aren't attractive. People that have never seen that side of women will never understand
@@gordonbecker1456 I'm not saying looks don't matter at all, but what I think is more important is how looks affect your (wait for it) *confidence and congruence.* I've personally known some pretty fugly dudes who've had very attractive girlfriends because they're comfortable in their own skin. And just speaking for myself here, I'm okay in the face but I'm quiiiiite short (5'5", I think that's 167cm or something) which is a no-go for a lot of women. I still do okay and I'm nowhere near being a Chad.
@@gordonbecker1456 Some of the guys who are on this channel aernt “chads or tyrones “ but they suck it up and talk to people. Why are you limiting yourself? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.
Ruben i have developed lots of insecurities due to being a little black pilled, I dont think I am bad looking but I lose confidence due to my height and race (s.asian), mostly due to black pill, I have started to approach girls a bit through IG and all but I haven't done an in-person one and I feel really anxious, my heart is beating out and p@@@sy out at the exact last moment. Also I feel like I will just bother someone even though I know they have forgotten about me after 30 seconds. Advice? also do you have IG?
Idk brother, start working out and practice semen retention You'll hear a lot of bullshit about semen retention, but as a normal 21 yo college guy, I can assure you it will make you more confident, if only a little Hope this works!
please never stop making videos. You don't realize the positive impact you've had on me. All the best (and if you ever find yourself in Dubai ill be your tour guide ;D !).
Bro :) you have no idea how encouraging your comment is, thank you so much :) I will definitely let you know :) send me an email at ruben@socialanimal.us, would love to connect :)
Bro you really did change my entire experience with talking to people, now I’m helping people talk to other people
❤️
Title: "Confidence vs. Comfort: The Key to Connecting with Others"
Summary:
In this video, the presenter, Reuben, discusses the challenges many people face when trying to connect with others and how they often rely on confidence as a way to bridge the gap. He reflects on his personal experiences and points out that genuine interactions are not characterized by confidence but by comfort and ease. Reuben encourages viewers to shift their perspective when approaching interactions with others.
Key Points:
1. Confidence can be challenging to maintain, especially in social situations.
2. Reuben realized that his best interactions were marked by comfort and ease rather than confidence.
3. The need for confidence arises when people perceive a challenge in connecting with others.
4. Misinterpreting the perceived challenge can lead to feeling inadequate and unworthy.
5. Viewing others as fundamentally different can create a gap that's hard to bridge.
6. Reuben suggests imagining everyone as a potential childhood friend to foster a more relaxed approach to interactions.
7. External factors like looks, wealth, or fame don't necessarily lead to meaningful connections.
8. Reconnecting with the childlike curiosity and friendliness can enhance social interactions.
9. Changing your perspective and realizing you don't need confidence can make interactions more comfortable.
10. Cultivating self-expression and initiating conversations can help build connections.
Reuben emphasizes that changing one's perspective and focusing on comfort rather than confidence can lead to more meaningful and authentic connections with others.
Thanks
Great comment. Thank you
I have so much to discuss with you my friend. Watched the Philosophy playlist as you advised. Incredible. So many powerful points that align with insights I’ve had on my own. Let’s get in touch .
Some key nuggets I derived from your videos:
1. Did I censor myself or express myself, authentically?
2. Approach strangers like old friends
3. Give compliments LIKE A GIFT
4. What is my relationship / attachment to my desires?
5. Build expression momentum by engaging with all types of people
6. COMFORT > CONFIDENCE
This video is a lifetime of wisdom in only a few minutes.
Oh woa, just saw this, thank you bro
Learning to fight is a good hack. If you spend 6 months committed to boxing, Muay Thai, or kick boxing, the feeling of knowing you can defend your friends, family, and yourself, fills you with confidence wherever you are.
This video is extremely eye opening and it goes deeper than most ppl think. Everything in life is perspective, that’s why for example two people can approach a person and get shut down, one person will be completely ok with it and the other will be destroyed, both of their perspectives are completely different.
:)
You'll also enjoy these :)
About the importance of realizing that talking to people is first and foremost a side effect of expressing yourself.
th-cam.com/video/0lKRM76uFeI/w-d-xo.html
About the importance of having a healthy relationship with your desire
th-cam.com/video/bZAgGiDf2lo/w-d-xo.html
About the essence of interacting and conversation
th-cam.com/video/FD7arE3Zcyw/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/U3NZp2Umh5E/w-d-xo.html
About what we really have in common with people and why talking to strangers can be hard
th-cam.com/video/p3HKzBJRROI/w-d-xo.html
Why people fear rejection
th-cam.com/video/8IHZELlrxiA/w-d-xo.html
actually practicing this in real life is the best way to improve
Like everything )
Yea
I guess that's why strangers talk about weather often, it's cause that's what we have in common at first glance.
I would say thats a easy floater to grab on but there is way more )
@@socialanimal a popular one in the UK.. With the rain and changeable weather. lol
I think it’s key to realize everyone feels this way even a lot of girls
It’s not even strangers that I struggle with, even just initiating conversations with people I already know is a struggle. I just convince myself they don’t want to talk to me. 😢
I always envied those who have lots of women around them in college and work, thinking it’s the only way they can make friends with women, and I had this belief that I am sure there is an alternative way to approach strangers and make friends with them, you’ve taught me how to do it in a simple and sincere way, thank you for your impact in me and everyone you helped 🙏🏻❤️
I wish I meet you one day Ruben to thank you for all the impact you're having on our lives. This video is nothing but wisdom, 4:50 is definetly the right mindset to adopt in this life when it comes to meeting new people.
I immensely respect your work. You’re advice is on point. Keep up the amazing videos!
thank you very much :) No plan on stoping anytime soon :)
This is what “game” is
Confidence comes from within
So we believe that other people are better or different than us so we see it as a challenge to talk to them making us think we need confidence and then we end up over thinking it and mess up.
Instead we should believe we are on the same level and talking to people should be similar to how two kids would play in a sandbox. No confidence needed
Thats matrix thinking
@@hzskillz1721can you please elaborate on this? I’m genuinely curious
@@JourneyWithJoEl The guy that commented before me got it spot on. Kids don't really have that prejudgement before talking to one other they act based of pure emotions and instincts. As adults you have been conditioned over and over that we are different so don't engage or communicate, Or you need to have something first before you talk to a beautiful girl for example. It's all an illusion because all that matters is now and that's really the only time you have. The shackles are in your mind. One shall not enter the kingdom of heaven unless he becomes childlike. So the kingdom of heaven is probably opened to you if you explore your own curiosity. You might get burned, rejected or accepted but that's all part of the journey. The key to freedom is self expression of your most authentic self.
Thank you Ruben, it is exactly what I needed for the week. Some réconfort and positivity. And an exercise to talk with people like I would talk to a childhood friend.
Take care.
Alex
Thank you ;) I hope the message in the video was clear, what did you get out of it. I find making these video where I talk challenging because I am never sure if I am clear enough. Thank you ))
@@socialanimal recently in my mind it was me against the world and the contrary. I convinced myself that I had to be smarter and I was really defensive. Even angry at people because my broken mind was feeling threatened. I had forgotten that dialogue can be innocent, spontaneous or honest. I don’t say that I will suddenly talk to everybody but I don’t imagine perpetual conflicts with people in my head.
Your message was clear and inspirational, perfect to start the week on a good optic.
Very nice to hear ;) thank you :) don’t hesitate to reach out to me by email, always love to meet people watching my videos! Where are you located?
Bro just discovered your channel - tremendous content!! Keep going !
:)
I recently found out, and was forced to acknowledge, that I expect more from, and am way harder on myself than almost anyone else could ever be. I mean I always knew this at a deep level, but had it brought to the surface/forefront a couple of times over the last year, and fortunately/unfortunately, it has completely flipped my life, and mindset upside down. Unfortunately, this has caused me all kinds of extra anxiety, and existential crisis vibes on top of what I already had even though the eye opening experiences I speak of were very positive things said about me by people who wouldn’t hesitate to tell me unapologetic truths, and criticisms. I honestly wish I could go back in time. I preferred being uncomfortably numb instead of now uncomfortably hyper aware. HALP!!!
you don’t need the epic music in the background :)
Also culture convinces us that there is the obstacle , as we grow we are bred in a certain way , certain ideas . However, In Actuality when we allow that child within us to enjoy life , it awakens the same in others because no matter how brainwashed we get there are keystone components to being humans that we can’t simply resist
I made a similar observation years ago. The feeling of isolation is basically a product of consciousness. Although consciousness and free will are ultimately illusions they have a profound impact on everyday life. There are situations where consciousness is beneficial, which is most of the time. For example with abstract problem solving. However consciousness also hinders to automatically perform certain actions, such as in social settings. There it's better not to be conscious. Why that is the case exactly I don't know.
Man! I'm really inspired by you. I always had very high level of respect towards France and listening to you increase that a lot. I really admire your work and I am from New Delhi maybe if you come to New Delhi ever will meet.
This is a very interesting video and I would like to share something that think relates to this. So I have noticed something kind of extraordinary and it is whenever I am engaged in an activity that I enjoy, for example playing tennis, all my worries disappear and a HUGE boost of confidence fills me. Actually I wouldn't call it a boost of confidence more like just this natural flow of connection? More specifically I was playing tennis yesterday and I had invited two friends who know each other but have only met once or twice before. Anyways the entire time I had zero anxiety, I was never in my thoughts and words just came out of my mouth without a second thought. At one point I had sensed some anxiety from one of my friends and I just thought to myself, damn thats what I probably look and feel like 90% of the time. I wish I could enter this state of natural confidence in my dating life.
The only channel and videos with substance. I wish you can help me on a personal level. I'm suffering 😔
shoot me an email at ruben@socialaninal.us if you have some questions, happy to help :)
Loving the channel
Also thanks for making these videos bro wicked helpful in lessening my own fears cuz im way smoother talking than half these guys i just dont make a move.
:) come on the channel bro, where are you located?
@@socialanimal oh idk haha idk i live in the US
@@socialanimal yeah im from the US but if you ever wanted to skype or something i might be down for that
I thought you were from England based on the "wicked" :) as you want bro, shoot me an email at ruben@socialanimal.us if you change your mind :)
Finding your videos was like hitting jackpot!!!!
Thank you :) Checkout the videos in the "Philosophy" playlist, you'll probably enjoy them too :)
Bigg struggle this. Especially talking to girls that are good looking. I feel fine, but when it comes to it… suddenly got super shy, and freak out 😂
Got better over time, but still hard.
Really appreciate your videos bro …keep it up ....Love from India 🇮🇳
❤️
ruben you’re much appreciated
Time to make a change for the better
Uhmmm... "what if I was childhood friend with this person?" Thanks a bunch boss of clarity
Hi Ruben! I really like your way of thinking! And I enjoy following your videos! But a good mic might help the content! My sensible ears often get disturbed by the reverb in your space. Other than that, keep up the good work! :)
Another great video with straight facts!
3:33 But thats the thing, i dont think there is a gap between me and other people, there *IS* a gap between me and other people.
For example, they can talk comfortably, and i cant. Thats detrimental enough on its own right there.
well maybe you CAN, you just dont.
@@grunntalll I think i would know. Trust me, its a CANT not a DONT.
Absolutely ✅️ right
love this guy
Me encanta nuevo sub, si me pasa que pienso que los demas son muy diferentes ami
Awesome video! Keep it up, friend :)
Thank you Alan ;) anything in particular you resonated with?
Désolé, c'est quoi la musique à 0:30?
Jusqu'a quand tu va etre desole frere :)))) here it is: www.epidemicsound.com/track/Jq2mWGXY4Z/
@@socialanimal merci mec:)
Why am I not in this video when talking about closest friends. Where?!
Do you work with women with these issues as well?
4:50
Tackle your obst --Frootman
Thanks.
I dont get that with the spoon?
When you see someone that you want talk to but you are intimated, it's as if there is a wall between you and that person. Most people are asking themselves how can I climb the wall, they learn strategies, they hit the gym, they want more money (I am not saying that one should not be healthy and ambitious) - they try to convince themselves that they can do this hard thing. The key is in realizing that they are no wall in the first place, that people are just people like you and that you can talk to them like you talk to your friends.
In this clip from matrix, the kids tell Neo, you cannot bend the spoon (you cannot climb the wall, thats why you see tons of fit successful people who are lonely and cannot be true to themselves), the key is to realize they are no spoon, (they are no walls, its all in your head)
I hope that make sense :)
@@socialanimal I respect the way you interact as well as help out your "fanbase" greatly, you seem like a great guy.
My lack of confidence comes from the way people have treated me my whole life. Women are rude and disrespectful anytime I try to be more than a friend so what is the point
"What is the point" Well you clearly still care about meeting people or you wouldn't be spending your time on a TH-cam channel like this. If "people" or "women" are treating you badly then this is your first clue that you might be doing something wrong. Get out of your own way.
@@kp8923 lol. Or maybe women don't like me because I'm not a "Chad or Tyrone". People need to stop pretending like your looks don't matter. I have ok experiences with regular interactions just not with dating. Anytime I try to express interest I get shit on and called names like ugly or gross. Women are completely different people when you aren't attractive. People that have never seen that side of women will never understand
@@gordonbecker1456 I'm not saying looks don't matter at all, but what I think is more important is how looks affect your (wait for it) *confidence and congruence.* I've personally known some pretty fugly dudes who've had very attractive girlfriends because they're comfortable in their own skin. And just speaking for myself here, I'm okay in the face but I'm quiiiiite short (5'5", I think that's 167cm or something) which is a no-go for a lot of women. I still do okay and I'm nowhere near being a Chad.
@@gordonbecker1456 Some of the guys who are on this channel aernt “chads or tyrones “ but they suck it up and talk to people.
Why are you limiting yourself? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.
This guy is portuguese?
I am french :)
Comment for the algo
The Matrix reference says it all. :)
Eh coupe toi les cheveux Edmond
Reste calme Marcel
Ruben i have developed lots of insecurities due to being a little black pilled, I dont think I am bad looking but I lose confidence due to my height and race (s.asian), mostly due to black pill, I have started to approach girls a bit through IG and all but I haven't done an in-person one and I feel really anxious, my heart is beating out and p@@@sy out at the exact last moment. Also I feel like I will just bother someone even though I know they have forgotten about me after 30 seconds.
Advice? also do you have IG?
Idk brother, start working out and practice semen retention
You'll hear a lot of bullshit about semen retention, but as a normal 21 yo college guy, I can assure you it will make you more confident, if only a little
Hope this works!
It’s how you look at people 🦧
You changed my life bro