If I Had LOW SELF ESTEEM, I'd Do This First...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2023
- Most people ignore this, but they really shouldn't... This video highlights the #1 thing that's destroying your self esteem!
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JULIEN's INSTAGRAM: / julienhimself
Julien Blanc (AKA JulienHimself) is a Swiss-born, U.S.-based self-help speaker, entrepreneur and transformational coach.
Since 2010, he has been traveling around the world and has personally coached tens of thousands of clients face to face... Empowering them to create massive success in their lives!
His record-breaking programs Transformation Mastery, Transformation Mastery Live, Transformation Mastery Live Advanced, Transformation Mastery Academy & Transformation Mastery Mentoring help people around the world achieve the HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & HAPPINESS they deserve!
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If I Had LOW SELF ESTEEM, I'd Do This First...
How to raise your self esteem and build self confidence! In this video, Julien Blanc (AKA Julien Himself) reveals the root cause of low self-esteem and how you can improve your self-esteem today... A clear-cut, easy-to-follow process!
This video will teach you how to be confident and how to be more confident in yourself by increasing your self esteem and your self worth.
Discover the root cause of low self esteem and how you can improve your self esteem today!
#julienblanc #julienhimself
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🚨 WATCH ME NEXT
- I studied social anxiety in thousands of clients: th-cam.com/video/jCTgb-pxssE/w-d-xo.html
- If I had low self esteem, I'd do this first: th-cam.com/video/s9yrMPIJHC8/w-d-xo.html
- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: th-cam.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/w-d-xo.html
- What I did to improve my social skills: th-cam.com/video/pCZdJiGSk8g/w-d-xo.html
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Thanks very much for this, I honestly cried together with her on the part where you were asking, why do you think you are unlovable. And tbh, exactly the same thing come to me as what she answered - I don't know. Having done some introspection, I think I have never felt like I have ever been truly loved by another human being and the biggest hole in my soul is the fact that I even don't know why and can't understand it. It's like the feeling of not being good enough, not deserving love, but on top of that, I have no idea why... it's like I don't understand why other people love each other and how they could love me. I guess in a lot of ways I consider that love is given if you provide/achieve something back so I can't understand love without that and I don't maybe even know fully what that feels.
And there is the meta judgment, that I'm a loser/deserve this "exactly because I don't know why". It's kinda these expectations for you to know, and then if you don't know that IS the reason, and it is totally your fault, you loser.
Idk if this makes sense to anyone, but I think the experience this girl had on the stage felt so heartwarming that I just wanted to share what a part of my own experience is. And if someone feels the same way - know you are not alone in this!
Dear Julien~ Why did you choose to wear a Gucci brand sweatshirt? I wld really like to know!
Do you even know what you are supporting when you wear those high class brands? It goes deeper than just trying to show the world you are rich or well off... I think if you knew, u wldnt wear it. But if u do know, than its actually disgusting. It also shows that you care about what other people think of you and its highly ironic that u are giving lectures on that subject, plus low self esteem. U obviously still suffer from it. U dressed in a Gucci outfit, how inauthentic of u... U have charisma, but u r not fooling me.
Biggest Take Away: It's ok to talk through problems with someone. The world is hard for a lot of people. But after you start to embrace your flaws, you start to notice that you are a gift from God to the World & want to share love, joy, kindness, and positivity with those around you.
What does loving yourself mean? A barrage of questions, the feeling that you have to justify your existence to others, that others have a right to know you and make judgements about you. Sorry but this is very painful to watch.(edit) gosh I struggled through, had to take it in small chunks at a time, finally got to see it through to the end. Powerful stuff. Thank you. And well done to the Lady for having the courage and step forward, and just be who she is.
Your getting tension and wanna fuck confused! Me. Reader
“Screw being cool, screw being nice, start being real.” ~Julien
screw being real 😅
Everything we do is real. Acting cool and nice is driven by real thoughts and emotions.
@@FullCircleTravisIf you're trying to be cool, then it's not real, is just a persona
@@j.howlett
What's real is the trying.
@@FullCircleTravis No it's not. Most of us pretend to be someone we aren't.
You're only real if it comes naturally without you having to force anything.
Just show who you actually are, that's what real means.
We need classes like this in schools. Real life classes on how to be yourself and not care what others think. That would be amazing
yeah in elementary school we are ourselves (at least I was), then in middle and high school people's reality is rude. They need to learn that in middle and high school, so I think teaching "being real" can be dangerous. Being "not real" might stay even after high school, so I think that time after high school is best time to teach it.
Just my opinion. You can correct me if something I said wasn't right :)
That’s what good parenting is supposed to do
@@creative45630unfortunately not all people have good parents or even if they are good they don’t have good parenting skills
That’s what standing up for yourself is supposed to do for you.
@@creative45630huhhh parents supposed to do this?!? They are the ones who make you self conscious
That woman has the biggest balls I have ever seen to basically do a public psychology session. Saying what really messes her up in front of so many people, that takes an extraordinary amount of courage. I resonated so much about what she said, but could never do what she did without bursting in tears.
I agree, I have a seriously hard time telling people I’m close to what messes me up
I agree ☝️
I'm with you on all you said.
Crying is accepted. Crying is necessary, crying is normal.
@@lentamintal unless you're a man, then it's considered pathetic.
I personally don't believe that but as a man who has been overwhelmed with emotion from time to time and noticed people's reactions to this, I know that it's true
The parts she thinks are boring are such precious qualities that we don’t see enough of in people these days. I really hope she realizes the value of her qualities.
These qualities just aren’t valued enough. I should know I was exactly the same growing up. People didn’t understand me and I was pretty lonely but I loved myself because I could see the value in them. The sad thing is as I got older I did try to change myself as I kept getting into work situations that just didn’t seem to accept my personality. These situations drained me and made me ill and I lost a couple of really important relationships along the way because by this point I didn’t love myself anymore. They really loved me too and I miss them terribly. I used to feel so connected to myself and knew exactly who I was and I’m ashamed to say I’ve lost that and I’ve never felt so lonely in my whole life. Not sure how to get back to myself again. Also the sad thing is I finally see now that I’m not meant to fit in I was always meant to walk my own path in life. Seems obvious now!
Not valued at all by a lot of people. I am like her, I am very thoughtful and speak slowly, people tend to just start blabbering over me, but what I do right is I avoid people like this when this happens too often and I protect my authenticity at all costs. Glad there are people that realize the value of it!
@@hummingbird4934very relatable
Wow. This dude is like the embodiment of shadow work. Straight up honest, non-judging, and caring. Really cool to see.
AND he's been doing this for decades
What's shadow work?
@@thegbgfamilyWorking on the dark inner parts of your psyche
The parts that tell you that you're not good enough, or unloveable, or people are out to get you or destroy you. Shadow work is getting to the root of those and understanding that they aren't outwardly projected onto you but internally projected onto you. Overcoming those, bringing them from subconscious to conscious and changing that internal speak
@@djWOOF Doesn't have to be "dark" per say. Just the unconscious parts of ourselves.
"You're not here to justify your existance" - absolutely love that.
I started using the "it's ok" thing like a mantra especially in social settings, and I realized how much I judge myself, but at the same time I started being much more relaxed and have more fun. It is so powerful
Amazing! 🙏
When she said “Defect” my skin crawled. I’ve used that very same word dozens of times in my own writing about myself. It’s hard to believe someone else could have the same horrible self concept. It’s so easy to see yourself in a silo
To the young lady that got up on stage and was willing to be honest, real and vulnerable, that was very brave. Massive respect to you for doing that! I'm actually just like you but magnify it by 100. This was very helpful for me, thank you for willing to get up on stage and put yourself on the line. I'm pretty sure you also helped everyone else at the seminar as well as those viewing this video.
Yes, it takes a lot of COURAGE and WILLINGNESS to do the work... Massive respect to her! 🙏
I have no idea how I ended up here but I think I needed to see this video tonight too.
yeah mad props to the lovely lady, love her openness and vulnerability.
Her level of self awareness and how quick she processed the questions was very impressive. She is so lovely and gentle.
Wilingness to do the work is key. Props to this lady.
That woman is absolutely adorable. It’s a shame that people in life have put her into that place of low self esteem. I hope she develops into a confident person soon, she has a lot to offer the world that she doesn’t realize. If she were my friend I would let her know that she’s awesome without anyone else’s approval, every day.
Yeah, but keep in mind that the fact that she has a NICE FACE plays a VERY BIG ROLE in that you find her ADORABLE. If she was ugly OR average, you wouldn't feel as much empathetic for her.
AND we don't know if she is an actress playing this role! Deducing from the state of this world the most probable possibility is that she is an actor.
On the other hand if we look through the very possible dishonesty of the guy, the message is good.
The sad part is that people like her are shy and feel unwanted, while most assholes and ignorant people think they're the best and that someone should make them a statue :(
@@mrthegrievous She might be an actress, sure, but if she is, she seriously deserves an oscar. Look at how she is working her hands and eyebrows. The colour of her cheeks. That's real. Or her acting teacher was Gene Cousineau.
@@monio.9444 the assholes don’t like themselves. The statues are just an attempt to feel important.
@@Hmpfgrmbl
It's tricky this stuff.
She appears quite convincingly affected all throughout, but, such a person would never possibly allow being recorded at such an uncomfortable moment.
What do you believe?
Honestly, I seriously feel for this woman, she is so so brave for doing this bc I just sit here and imagine myself in the exact same position up there, and I could literally cry and sweat all at the same time....perhaps with shaking too. Well done to her for going up there for us
right
me too👏
Same
I'd gonna die immediatley! Right on the stage. My heart would simply stop beating, if I were in this situation. I nearly died by watching this video and I had to stop it for several times. Couldn't stand it.
Some times I had moments of aggression, cause I started to ask myself: Who could ever hurt such a wonderful person?
For me, the term "boring" was the last thing, I would have thought of her. You just need to look in her eyes. There is a lot of depth. She is just a unicorn. 🦄
And I love the moment, when she lost control over her face and her inner child came out. As a mother, I can tell, how a child looks authentically, when it wants to cry.
And I know by heart, what I got to do as a parent. Now, I don't get those parents, who tell their children to stop crying. What's the deal? If the child was quiet, you don't have to take care?? That's very dumb. If a child is too quiet, you lose the control anyway.
One day comes the moment, when the parents claim: "Now, we have done anything right. We were good parents. Look at my children, how good are they doing. Just sucessful in every aspect."
And if you ask their children, they say about themselfes: "I hope, my life will not last that long. I'm praying for this nightmare to end."
It's okay if that happens and you have a panic attack. That is a normal human response to the stress of a hundred judging eyes. Just know that EVERYBODY feels that way, and everybody who has been on stage and in the audience understands this and will have nothing but compassion for you.
She has no idea how brave she is! And still able to express herself so good in front of the group.
I would be sweating my ass off up in front of everyone if I was her. So awesome to see her conquer her fear and open up in front of all those people.
Extremely brave, I don’t think I could’ve managed as well
She's brave and attractive as heck 😍
It takes A LOT of courage to put yourself out there and COMMIT to your own well being... Massive respect to her! 🙏
totally agree 😍
How disappointing that we cannot even look past her appearance to see or hear what she is really saying.
@@sm.9599 Part of why she's attractive us because of what's she's saying. Imo
She is very attractive! The jawline.
She is an introvert. And that is why she is questioning her own value.
Society says it is bad to be introvert.
❤
American society says it is bas to be introvert. But it is not true.
Fuck that Labels. She is awesome real and Not pretending. A real human No mask gobbler seeking validation, Just confused about this stupid labeling . :) everyone wants to have some quiet from time to time. Those WHO do Run from themself
I am from Latvia, here it is bad to be LOUD. So it depends on the society you are from. Switzerland is the same, they prefer quiet people in public.
Labels suck. Introversion doesn't even really exist, it's just less extreme extraversion. Everyone receives positive influence from social interaction (and absolutely needs it), but sensory preferences and cognitive work are more or less of a factor depending on the person. If we vibed perfectly with the people we were around, we would not long for time alone - the complexity of the world and the trauma of our pasts causing us to hide ourselves when in the presence of others is what creates a condition of "introversion".
@@gnatdagnat It does exist. I am in med school and you can directly see who is the extrovert and who the introvert. Extroverted people GAIN energy from being around others, introverts like being around others but regain energy from being alone. I see it with my friends, some of them need to be around others all the time, my introverted friends recharge on their own and need time on their own. I do believe it exists. I am an introvert myself
This really hit home for me. I'm in the bathroom crying so hard because I want to be accepted and cherished and loved. (I wonder, why was I always a burden and abused?) I can relate to this beautiful woman so well. It's so hard to love yourself while the closest people to you are tearing you down every day. But I think I'm going to try. Because I realized we are all just broken. 🙏
Are you watching You Tube while sitting on the toilet again?
The Son of God loves you so much he died for you, so you can be set free from sin and death.
That's beautiful. Your beautiful.
I cherish you, I accept you, but I’m the babysitter.
You can do it!
"Are you living or trying to justify your existence?" wow.... that hit me
I'm amazed by how she's able to hold eye contact for so long. She never looked away!
As a person who has infinite eye contact i have to remind myself to occasionally break it like normal people.
Girls are much comfortable with eye contact
This sort of eye contact is based in fight or flight mode, when you feel threatened you keep your eyes on the identified threat at all times to watch for any sudden movements. As a therapist, she may have some trauma related to men and could be projecting this fear onto him.
@@mord0Yeah but for me who's always in flight mode, I always try to look away.
@@usernameisunavailable8270 she was in fight mode, typically very defensive. And you mentioned looking away, usually flight mode. Both states are based in survival and rooted in early formative experiences
I can literally feel her anxiety. This is so stressful . Her left foot is pointing towards the audiance almost as if she wants to get out of the spotlight . She's brave .
Social media is a big driver of all this depression, anxiety, self doubt, feeling of isolation, feeling inadequacy, etc...
People think they have to be perfect and/or the most valuable person on earth and loved 1000% every second, and that every single person is going to do some grand things. Most people are completely average, but just by being a living human in this universe it's an absolute miracle (religious perspective or not).
This has proved the fact that no matter what you look like, what your life is like, its your own view of it that matters. The fact that this attractive woman that on the surface looks like she is complete, and ahead of the rest of the field, feels unwanted is unthinkable. This has given me food for thought, and I think I may just start giving myself the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. Thank you.
yeah... this doesn't work with ugly people
@@hugosnchz2542 It does. You just need to have money, or find the women who are into uglies (there are a lot of them). There's one for every type.
Exactly. Conversely, the guy with horrible grooming and a disastrous, sloppy outfit seems very confident!
@@NostalgiaforInfinity good thing money grows on the trees these days
@hugosnchz2542 That wasn't my point. It was the fact she actually had ALL the boxes ticked, in this case she IS attractive and she actually viewed herself as undesirable, but even so it was still it was her own stance on things that mattered. Basically, the problem is ourselves; ugly or not.
I’m 100% sure that I’ve never seen someone more relatable to my mind and situation than this young lady, it was like she was reading the script of my mind..I wish you and myself all the good energy and comfortableness
totally... it almost gave me shivers..
Ditto
me too ❤ u aren’t alone
Cannot agree more it's scary how relatable this was.
@@Yggdri you’re really not as alone as it may seem at times. most children aren’t told what they need to hear to help them grow and be confident in who they are. real life isn’t really any different than high school when most people are still trying to impress and be popular/liked
she's a lot ahead of some people by being able to keep the eye contact nonstop. i could never ever maintain eye contact for more than 5 seconds with anyone
Me either!!!!!! I’m so glad her conscious was helping her.❤
I had to fight hard to look people in the eye, then progress to maintaining it long enough.
This is the best therapy I have ever seen for social anxiety it really gets to the core and it isn’t about changing who u are like with cbt it is about embracing yourself with flaws and all. Amazing work u have helped me more in this video more than any therapist I have ever seen. Finally a therapist that wants authenticity and not trying to change u to fit the stereotypical mold
This session with a young and attractive girl proves that, no matter how smart or attractive you objectively are, the only thing that matters, in the end, is how much of that you believe. If you don't believe it, (maybe because nobody has ever told you, or when you were 5 years old something your parents or your siblings or an external idiot said caused you trauma) you will behave as if you were ugly and stupid, and it will show and elicit reactions in that direction from others. Talking about her but mostly talking about myself, ha! I am 50 and a successful writer, but my rejected 8-year-old is still looking for approval, and that causes me so much anxiety! Thanks for this, I love your sessions
Deep rooted core beliefs and trauma runs us all, yes... Fortunately there's a way to LET GO of this! 🙏
Yeh but there's also a problem in believing that you are smarter/more attractive than you really are. Better to just face the facts, and work on what you need to improve.
@@AryaManIndiaI think it's natural to feel that way and to have negative thoughts/emotions in general. It doesn't neccesarily mean it has something to do with what someone said to you as a child.
Yeah judging by her looks you'd think she's the coach. Almost looks like she's an actor doing a bit. Like she is trying to hide her actual confidence and play awkward.
She’s actually average looking
This one brought a tear to my eye. Never stop doing this man, social anxiety and not loving yourself is really high lately with social media and instagram and what not, and not only are you changing their lives, but seeing how it changes them inspires every person watching. God bless brother❤
Thank you! A LOT more to come! 🙏
As a shy introvert myself, I wouldn't say I feel a desire "to be liked", but a desire to be understood. And with that comes a desire to NOT express myself to many others and build a relationship of understanding with them, as that type of rapport seems taxing. My most stressful moments are when I believe someone misinterprets me or that I know I've misrepresented myself.
Sure, external affirmation CAN feel good, but it can also produce it's own pressures. If I was up there when he kneeled down praising me, I'd feel misrepresented. That in itself would be distressing, not a form of positive praise. Having a focus on me when it feels undeserved (which would often be the case) just feels "inauthentic" to me, which is part of the miscommunication.
I "care" for that understanding as such is the basic pursuit of expanding social relationships. I'm actually quite content as a "hermit". But if I'm going to socialize, the full desire is in shared communication.
Talking doesn't simply consist of "speaking our truth". Communication is inherently about creating understanding. So pausing to think or omitting certain things is a way of crafting a message to create a message that will best convey the desired message. I can't speak "truth" to you. I don't own "my truth". Anything I say will be filtered by you and others. And navigating that is difficult. And any first impressions play a strong factor into representations.
And yeah, there's also hesitancy toward sharing "too much". I "fear" expressing myself in ways I don't want others to acknowledge. Where I don't want a relationship to be built on that attribute of myself. Because it's likely something I believe misrepresents who I envision myself to be, something I desire to change about myself. I feel "boring" myself. That there isn't enough to communicate and share. I'm comfortable being boring, I'm not comfortable boring others. Because that's a form of miscommunication.
If I feel fine, but you don't, I feel distressed. I could be quiet or I could be speaking up, the issue is if the "message" isn't landing the same as it does for me. Registering that miscommunication is distressing.
"Self-Love" is something that seems inauthentic to me. I can appreciate certain aspects of myself and have a base level of self-esteem that allows me to function. But "self-love" as a broader more encompassing idea just seems like Stockholm syndrome to me. It seems more a defense mechanism of a captive situation, than a true feeling.
"Living" often requires others. Thus I can't simply "live" without placing pressure and expectations on others. One's "life" with inherently violate another's "life". If I was chosen to go on stage, I'd be constantly questioning if someone else having gone up would have produced a better outcome for everyone else. And if I felt a sense of enjoyment in the result, I'd likely then feel guilty unless I truly believed I offered something unique.
I got more from your comment than all the TH-cam video’s combined. Thank you for articulating what I so loudly feel within. ❤🙏🏻
I think you made many great observations that I also felt were being glossed over. Towards the end though it seems to veer into negative self-talk, such as someone else being a better example being on stage.
Optimization and having the perfect example or performance is not the goal, it's an iterative process approaching understanding. You don't have to be all at once and represent every nuance and capture it perfectly the first time. That's why several people might go on stage, you might also talk personally about your situation (since generalization will always miss important aspects).
Being understood certainly matters a lot, being accepted though helps a lot, because it allows you to work towards being understood.
@@aronhighgrove4100 It's not negative self-talk to recognize that others provide more value than me in certain things. I don't need to be arrogant to have self-respect. I don't feel the need or even really the desire to be acknowledged by others unless I truly believe I provided something of significant value. Again, we are discussing a SOCIAL interaction, my "value" within that context has nothing to do with my self-perception.
i intellectually and morally can't drop that. I can't adopt a view that others should just deal with me. That I should feel confident in anything I do. Because such is inherently oppressive on another in such a societal context.
I'm not suggestion "optimization", but that BOTH the audience and the person that would take my place would simply benefit MORE than me. Both in feeling that they enjoyed that spotlight, and that the audience benefited more from someone else than me.
What does it mean to be "accepted"? As what? Into what? "Accepted" seems to have become blind accommodation, which I think it the antithesis to actually acceptance, which I think requires understanding. The blind compliments all seem so patronizing to me. I fail to understand how you can be accepted without being understood.
I'm a 49 year old man and thought through the questions as if directed at me. This was unbelievably helpful. Thank you for this. I'm an introvert but occasionally it seems like hiding from judgement that may not exist outside of myself. The young lady on stage really was fantastic. I felt just like her during most of her experience.
I had low self-esteem, but then I did this:
I said, "screw norms." I realized I do not believe in society anymore. I'm 27, still live at home, having never moved out. I have never had a girlfriend or a date, and I don't even have a driver's license. I have both a learning disability and ASD, and sometimes I say unfiltered things or act weird in social moments. I assume my ASD makes me "less normal." I don't have too many friends now that I've graduated from college and most of my friends have left town. My coworkers all seem to fit in; I usually stand out. I used to feel like a misfit at work, but now I realize that it's not a big deal. It's just they're not my people, they're each other's only. If my ASD makes them not like me enough, that's their problem. Sure, I don't have a great filter, but it doesn't define me; nobody is perfect. I don't care if people find me weird or annoying. I don't care that my both my sisters have boyfriends and started dating at 16 while I've always been single. I don't care that I can't drive. I don't care that I appear dopey because of my learning disability. I don't care that I graduated high school at TWENTY. I don't care that I seem slow and helpless and do better with a guide than by myself (my boss basically said that to my face). I don't care that I still live with my mom. I don't care that I went to a small charter school than the "superior" public school that has many more activities, adventures, and organizations. I don't care about any of my weaknesses; I still have confidence in myself. It doesn't matter what others think of me, it's what I think of myself that matters. I will never fall for society's tricks again; society is buIIshit, and that would explain our government and political leaders. I say "SCREW NORMS!" I am absolutely fine the way I am, I say confidently. I am not a loser. A disabled man who doesn't match standards, yes, but not a loser. There is nothing wrong with being different.
I love you.
You articulate yourself very well. You are wise beyond your years. Keep up the good work.
🎉❤
Most of your thoughts are your ego, trying to protect you from non-existent threats. Listen to your heart/gut/true self.
@@kpkp-hc1hq non existent threats? What’s that?
This guy is amazing. He needs to hold these sessions in schools across the country. I was let down time and time again by my teachers, ridiculed in front of classrooms. All for being so shy I'd freeze up when called upon or i'd resort to bad jokes just to get something out my mouth. I didnt know it at the time, but all these negative experiences will f you up later in life.
Yes it would be useful, but might be hard when they google him and it shows him being banned from australia, japan, UK. And with headlines such as "misogynistic and racist pickup artist". The accusations are clearly just the regular woke/feminist bullshit. But it's not like it's gotten better.
I had the same experiences at school and social interactions where I just wanted to scream at random ( luckily I didn't haha) but your still alive and you're the creator of your own destiny. Rock on man!
True, that's why I'm try to find solution now before I regret in old age
And when I got into business public speaking became everyone’s hill to die on. Instead of allowing you to bow out appropriately, they’d double down on the issue and then be surprised at the dumpster fire result.
Totally agree 💯! I took Julien's program and I truly believe it should be taught in schools
The "don't care about people's opinion" approach is not bad, but it's not the answer.
I used to be the center of attention, people admired me and I could notice. But I went into a dark place and my confidence was shattered to the point where I would feel my stomach melting down when my turn to pay at the supermarket was getting closer. I couldn't even look in my mother's eyes, that's how shattered I was.
During those times, I used to wonder how in the world was it that I didn't care about people's opinion before. I knew I just didn't, but I didn't know how!
Then I realized that, actually, it was not that I didn't care before, it was that I had a good opinion of myself before, so when I interacted with others I didn't expect anyone to think anything bad about me.
When I became ashamed of who I was (for multiple reasons) I expected people to think the same about me.
So it's not about not caring, it's about working on yourself till you are proud of yourself. Then you'll be confident around people. But watch out, because some people are so proud of themselves that they are a bit too extra around people and come out as arrogant and pedantic.
You will turn it around, my friend. I could tell you many things, but we all walk our own paths, so I am no one to tell you how to get your life straight. The only thing I want to advise you is to be kind to yourself, be your friend, not your enemy. You wouldn't tell a friend that they are not good enough, so don't tell yourself that.
Be comprehensible with yourself as well, if you fail today, you'll do better tomorrow.
Be your ally, and you'll have an easier time through life.
Best of luck and keep fighting, you are not alone! @@okplld
You are capable my brother
Out of all gurus ( most of them fake) Julien is truly a breath of fresh air. He's different, he really and deeply understands human nature more than most greatest therapists and psychologists out there. Instantly subbed! Great material please keep them coming Julien.
I agree. I would also add coaches Craig Kenneth and Doctor K to the list. All three have been of great help to me. Julien regarding self-expression, Doctor K regarding habits and behaviors, and Craig's channel regarding cultivating healthy relationships. For anyone looking for more good channels that teach a lot and are available for free, I'd strongly recommend those.
There is something powerfully attractive about someone sincerely speaking their mind, especially if they honestly grapple with their ideas, self-esteem and doubts. It immediately makes me like them more and want to find out more. I wish there were more people like that.
After the first 10 mins of watching, I thought wow this woman is amazing and she doesn't even know it. To get up on stage and bare your inner self like that will resonate with a lot of people. Beautiful inside and out ❤ I wish her path all the best 🙏
It's frustrating that these techniques have not been readily available to everyone. Mental health is a global problem.
Massive hug to the young lady with a heart of gold, she was so courageous and incredibly beautiful ❤ She is going places now.
This is your first video I have watched, mainly because of the title.
Man, It hit me hard and deep, this is so relatable content. The way you helped her navigate out of this is commendable.
I fall in love with her when she mentioned about the feeling of being ignored/rejected, feeling stupid infront of so many people. Kudos to her for standing there and going through strong stream of self realisation. If she ever reads this, "You are mature, strong, awesome. I Love You! I wish I could make you feel it rather than just saying it" 🙏.
Part of the issue here is that she self judges all the time. So telling her to stop self judging is actually telling her not to accept herself and how she is right now.
The better method is to redirect her to notice her own self judgement behavior. And then to accept that she self judges!
This one had me bawling like a baby from how much it brought up in me as well. I relate so much to the “never started loving myself” because one of my earliest memories is wondering why I wasn’t wanted by others, why I was so different and why I wasn’t good enough to be or do what other people did. I hope some day I can meet you in person just to say thank you 🥲
And how did you change that?
@@bekabeka71 Honestly I'm still working on it because I've spent my whole life strongly hating myself and everything about myself. It's gotten better since I've been following Julien since last March or so but it's been through a lot of what he goes over; inner work, triggering, understanding, and letting go. It's not an easy thing and it does require honest willingness in the ways we usually don't want to be honest as well as shifting our mindset and learning to adopt new ones while learning to let go.
Same. 19:45 I got emotional because I literally felt like he was saying that to me. It kind of disheartening most of us are our worst enemy within our heads.
it all comes from thoughts and actions of our parents .. mostly mothers when we were in the womb until 5 yrs of age.
Julien! Thank you! I started watching this, this morning and i felt just like this girl! I felt her heavy legs, i felt her heart racing… sweating armpits. The awkwardnes… the feeling of almost dying. I have extreme fear of speaking to a group. The moment she started to cry, i started to cry! I also have had this feeling of never being good enough… having a very toxic voice in my head… afterwards i felt so much weight coming of me and i felt so much lighter! I feel like now i can keep going in the right direction.. thank you bro!
What you practise there is amazing! That closeness and you putting your hands on her shoulders, saying these things to her made it so personal and intense. I've got social anxiety and selective mutism as long as I can think of. Low self-esteem was added as a teen when people began to bully me. I wonder if such a coaching, had I done it early on, would've worked better for me than all the years of cognitive therapy?
While watching it definitley felt like I myself would be standing there. I was sweating, I was starting to cry when you said certain things (because I knew it was true for me as well) and I desperately was surpressing to show those feelings, even though I'm completely alone at home, safe, nobody would've noticed.
I struggle a lot with being authentic - being my own individual, indipendent person. It stresses me out all the time being in conflict with myself. It hurts my relationships (because I can't tell them what I want or be myself in their presence), I can't pursue my goals (like e.g. joining some kind of sports club) or meet my values.
In the last few years I watched lots of talks and lectures and read books by people like Jordan Peterson, The Minimalists, John Delony, etc. and I learned so much from them about how life works and about myself. I'm so grateful for that! But it's nice to see these theories, these methods acted out in a real situation. This was also very precious to me to whitness. Thank you and her for sharing! :)
One day I realized: "why the fuck am I so self defeating?" I went through so much and I attacked myself more than I would ever attack anybody. "I am truly my own worst enemy."
That day I did my first act of kindness towards myself and swore that I I'd stop attacking myself. Life is tough enough. If life defeats me, fine. But I won't kill my opportunities, freedom and wishes myself.
This girl has a beautiful personality and she’s probably just disappointed in the world and how people treat each other.
Don’t worry, many of us feel the same way.
I admire her bravery and relate to her so much. I hate that her support system failed her so deeply and genuinely hope she finds the way to make space to be her beautiful self - big small quiet loud - to be good enough. Im sending her so much love.
You can hear a pin drop with the silence in the room. People were clearly listening. And it's that silence which shows how many people suffer from lo self-esteem and we don't even realise it.
This was so powerful and amazing! Bravo to the lady for being so brave and amazing and for Julien for sharing his knowledge about low self-esteem ❤
my self esteem
I felt all of that. I'm struggling with very similar issues. Always want to be perfect so everyone likes me. Which is impossible, and it's okay if people don't like me. I don't like everyone and is perfectly fine. It all comes down to self-love and being grounded in your center as a person. Unshakable by external factors.
I totally agree. I have waves of moments when I’m super confident and don’t care what anyone thinks, and then switch back. Trying to embrace my true feelings and not be afraid to express them. This was great.
@LegendaryRob That is true. The waves. True mastery of yourself then comes when you are able to release the resistance at any time, any circumstance, and just be.
@@crystalgonzales4534 🖨️
Julian you missed a good question. Why do you have to be perfect in order to be loved? Would you only love someone else because the other is perfect? Love is perfect when we are capable of giving someone else the space, to be exactly the way they are.
Wow! What a video. How heart wrenching to see that young lady with so much externally going for her yet still struggles as we all do.
I just randomly stumbled upon this video after having a few bad weeks, I've just been feeling really low and lacking any self-confidence. While it hurts my soul to know other people feel this way, I felt a little less alone watching this and more hopeful. I just kept thinking to myself there is absolutely nothing wrong with you while this girl barred her soul in front of a camera and a crowd of people. So extremely vulnerable and brave of her. I hope she finds the peace she deserves.
The "it's okay" hit really close to home. as so often you upload those videos at just the right moment.
Glad that part spoke to you! 🙏
The way this woman is so open and brave to fully put herself out to the world like this is very beautiful. Her eyes tell a thousand stories and are also very capturing. Much love to this lady ❤👏💪
This guy is awesome. I've watched only 3 vids and cried in every one.
I can feel the struggle this woman has. It's not that i'm in the same situation but i really felt i was there with my shit.
And... She is so brave. Just standing there... Damn. I applaud you! Love yourself, you are amazing, you made a huuuuge step just by confronting your problems and talking about them.
This sessions also gave me the hability to love people for who they are and the moment they are in. There is a full potential person in everyone of us and i will think about that as much as I can from now on.
Thank you julien! Your work is so damn awesome
I was quiet for most of the video, and then I couldn't help but cry when he said "it's okay".
A while ago I saved the name of my ex boyfriend in my cell phone with this name. I had broken up with him for good reasons, even though I still loved him. It was so hard.
He now has a new one and we no longer have any contact. I still think about him but it's slowly getting better. It was hard for me and there are still some feelings, even though the relationship was 2 years ago.
I always felt ridiculous, but hearing it from you, and seeing my actions confirmed has done me so much good. Thank you for your special videos. They help so many people in this world. Thank you!...
I hope one day I will be completely over it.
This mirrors how I’ve felt in my life for a very long time, I hope she knows she helped a lot of ppls life by being brave/vulnerable and deciding to put herself out there. Very powerful moment!!
Fellow "boring" sensitive soul here sending love to both. ❤
The hard questions we all need to hear and answer. Thank you. Props to the young lady, she's so strong.
She is so brave. I have so much sisterly love for her and respect. God bless you and surround you with loving supportive people. You’re definitely not alone.
Being authentic and vulnerable is very attractive, especially in a woman. I think society has told us constantly we have to be more, which is why 'you're ok' 'its ok' is so powerful. Thank you Julien and this wonderful woman for having such a positive impact on so many. Really needed this as someone struggling deeply to accept myself for who i am and not hate myself because I'm not what i think people expect.
Men are naturally wired to be attracted to a woman who shows vulnerability. But it is time for men to let go of control and be vulnerable themselves. Then the world and the relationship between men and women can heal
Especially in a woman...?
ngl that first sentence is super weird. like can a woman literally just do anything and be just herself without it being connected to some level of attractiveness. she's trynna healing, not impress you. my god
@@DarthMessiasI should've been more specific, being super sensitive and vulnerable isn't an especially attractive quality for a man to possess. Obviously being authentic is an equally great quality for men and women.
@@rossbest2049 Why vulnerability and sensitivity are not attractive in men?
She has a great mimic and is very attractive. It’s weird how even such attractive ppl struggle
I've been watching coaching, training, self-healing, etc etc videos, from different kids of professionals.
This one is the best I've seen. Thank you both Julien and brave lady for this. It resonates a lot.
Thank you to the person that had the courage to go up and be real!! Resonated me with SO much!! I always thought I must be weird liking being alone, but honestly, I love it and in the last year or so learnt that it’s just who I am and it’s ok. My risk is not having enough social interaction, but now that I’ve learnt that it’s ok for me to love being alone and just cruising along doing my own thing, when I am around people I enjoy it more for some reason and I can strangely be more authentic as well. Guess it goes along with the process of ‘not resisting’ as you mention. Life was meant to be LIVED and in my 40’s it might seem late, but better late than never. Thank you for your content!!
Hey, Julien, I started watching your videos today, and in the blink of an eye I watched the entirety of two of them (I almost never watch long videos). Well, this fact obviously exposes how truly useful your content is. You're such an amazing person, please keep helping the world become themselves.
"What if everything is okay?"
There are so many times I've come to this conclusion and still need reminding. After all, I'm 33, still alive, still not homeless, still with all the trappings that create a comfortable life, still in decent health, still with people in my life that love me, and still with people to love. It HAS all been okay and will still be okay, even in the face of all the mistakes.
I’d just like to thank you for asking questions and posting this and to the lady courageous enough to be in front of everyone…. I’m very very appreciative of this and I’ll probably watch this again. Maybe one day I’ll be able to break through and heal.
Only minutes in and youve made an excellent point. We strive for an abundance of approval but when we get it, we realize its only a temporary bandage for a deeper wound. Unfortunately, some might not get the opportunity to see that approval is not what they’re actually looking for
The work you do julien is important and debunk alot of shit from the self improvement space that say to become extraverted, you acknowledge that it is also ok to be introvert, huge respect julien
What an absolutely beautiful moment in self love. From the incredible ability to hold back the pain and tension built up in her throat to bravery and embracing authenticity.... properly brought me to tears. The world needs more moments like this, more than ever and have beautiful hurt souls heal. So muc potential hidden behind their own self doubt, so much to give... absolutely beautiful moment. Thanks so much for posting this.
This was one of the most helpful 30 minutes of content I have seen recently. I feel the same all the time and trying to reframe my mindset from "What if..." to "What if... So what!?". Anxiety and feeling of being not good enough made me miss out on a lot of opportunities in my life and I don't want to regret what is left. Respect for the courage!❤
You can tell she's a very smart woman and oh thanks to both of you, this one helped a lot! I've never got to this level of understanding about resistance, already went through 2 of your trainings, was too overwhelmed to finish the second one. Don't remember if it's transformation mastery or not, but it's the taking action part, I'm just too stuck in my own body and mind. I've also watched tens of hours of your free content and this one just made it click. It's way easier and I finally understand what's it's all about, it's not just theorical or conceptual anymore, it's real! I can start tracking and tracing things myself, if I allow it to be there!
If I would have been in the audience that day, I would have immediately thrown off my insecurity and asked her for a date. And I've never done this in real life before. She's not only a (in my eyes) perfect natural beauty, but also everything a sane man would want from a woman: ability to show yourself vulnerable, empathy, true and pure femininity, deep thinking, thoughtfulness, courage and openness and a lot more I can't express right now. That's a georgeous woman on every level I can imagine and definitively "wife-material".
Whoever you are on that stage: I hope you read this one day and know (And - more important - also feel deep in your heart!) that you are everything you wanted another person to tell you. You are, in all imperfectness we humans have, perfect and loveable!
I couldn't agree more. I was wondering if she's single the whole time.
King of simps
wife material. smh . simps gonna simp
The best i’ve seen on self respect, comfort with oneself, love to oneself, thank you!!! This is a great work, i’ve resonated with this a lot, and could get useful advices to my life as well
When video started i noticed that she was showing her persona and not showing her real self to the speaker and i do the same all the time..
But as the man started getting deep with her and she opened up slowly i felt as she was speaking of me. And i cried with her .
Thank you lady for being real i dont know how to thank you for sharing and making me feel connected as well. ❤
This brought me to tears! As someone who constantly struggles to love himself, this resonated with me and helped nudge me one small step closer in the right direction. Thank you brave young lady. Your much stronger than your think.
This moved me deeply seeing how she built up the bravery to open up more and more and how profoundly Julien guided this with his own authenticity
Woah, I'm gonna download this and listen to it every day until I've internalized it. That monologue is so good!! The content isn't really new (how often do we hear about self-love after all and have no clue what it means) but the authentic and direct way of conveying that message here really hit me. ❤
I'm crying to watch this. Too relate.. To the young lady you're smart and pretty, you throught out many struggle and still awake. I'm proud of you
Its hard to imagine a beautiful girl like her who's so caught up in anxiety. Swear the girls who are most beautiful are the ones who have most insecurities.
And I suppose the ones that aren’t , well it doesn’t matter whether they are insecure or not.
@@effie3798exactly.
@@effie3798what is the difference between being realistic about being unattractive and being insecure about it?
@@amysho2192 the difference is whether they get admiration for having any thoughts at all Amy.
The part about liking to be alone and feeling bad for not wanting more really resonated with me
My biggest takeaway from this is that knowing I have low self esteem is only the first step. Actually committing to improving self love is the next and it's okay if it's at my own pace.
Thank you both for your work
Improving your mental health and stop being socially anxious starts with finding out you are struggling. I have been struggling and still struggling with social anxiety, but I think this channel really is a great spot of finding help
The more Julien say 'it's okay' my gut feels soo much tension release, I can breath more and feel more in present
For anyone reading this comment
It's okay to feel the way you are feeling ...
Glad this trigged some valuable sensations to release... And yes, ALWAYS embrace what you're feeling unconditionally! 👌
I feel like coming to your house and peeing on your doorstep.
It's a key component of acceptance and commitment therapy method. Be compassionate with yourself. "Yes this (feeling, thought) is difficult, but it is OK".
Outstanding coaching Julien! This interaction definitely hits home. I relate to her in so many ways, and yet I'm a man. Afraid to be me. Loving, caring, kind, introverted and appreciates depth. All things that I don't think a woman wants or society wants in a man. Not being alpha or macho. Just be me and embrace those qualities. Don't compare to others who may do life differently than me, or behave differently. Being me is all I want to be.
This woman IS extraordinary and beautiful in and outside. It's hard to believe she thinks these things about herself.
You did an amazing job of letting her see what everyone else sees when she's speaking. She truly was being authentic and vulnerable.
You've got a gift my friend.
Being loving, caring, kind, introverted and appreciating depth are all great qualities ! Most people wanna be treated kindly. Not being alpha or macho is great lmao
Just found your channel today. These shadow questions you started asking her i imagined that im standing in front of you and they hit me deep and i cried , then laughed, i really felt big relief.. Im so grateful i found your channel. Its like i was always looking for someone ask me these questions and just go deep and dig those answers… Im trying to understand why i wanted others to see my talents, and tell me that im talented, but if i say this to myself - I dont believe, and if i ask why i dont believe that im super talented, because i havent achieved anything “Good” with them…then who said we have to achieve something with them… and then i find here my perfectionism…id rather dont create anything if im not plannoing to achieve much 😢 omg so much shadow work to do..thank you💗
Wow I'm am incredibly impressed, I remember the Julien from rsd and it's such a beautiful thing to see what you are doing now and the content you are putting forth, as human beings our goal should not be to take advantage of each other weaknesses, but help each other conquer those weaknesses.
Mental health has been at a very critical stage of late, and this is really wholesome in that front, keep up the good work Julian. I am praying for you and your family!
I just recently found Julien and have watched soooo many videos. As other comments have said, self-love, self-awareness, and being yourself, free expression is very rare these days and very difficult for all of us at times.
Truly doing gods work Julien, helping so many people with these seminars and the content, certainly helping me discover some things and lessons about myself which I am ever grateful for.
Honestly, some of the best work with people I have ever seen, amazing content, thank you all
Keep loving yourselves so much that life is but a joyful playground
Thank you so much! 🙏
@@JulienHimselfyour zodiac sign?
I love this woman. She is attractive but more importantly she is so pure. She is so innocent like a child but brave at the same time. Most women with her looks are often full of ego but omg she is just different
Sounds like if she was hideous you wouldn't be saying this. Not would this video have gotten this many views.
The "I'm not sure I started" was the answer that popped up in my head too. *Hug* girl, we can get through this!
What's so beautiful about this session is you can see in her mimic that she has a social filter for her internal voice. She doesn't want to bother anyone with her internal critic, but yet allows this critic inside her head. This voice creates the distance and dissaproval she experience with others. It"s time to replace this voice with positive feedback about yourself and your experiences.
Also, I just wrote this comment to remind myself we think a lot-a-like. Thank you for putting your vulnerability on stage, you're brave!
This was very helpful. Thank you :)
My anxiety was really bad this year. When summer came and my term ended with my job I thought I would feel better. I had been at odds with myself and this was a reminder that the way out is through. I am remidned that it is really important that I comfort the parts that are still feeling affected from my environment. It's okay that I don't know whats next bc no matter what I am okay. I will be okay.
Omg thank you Julian you have helped a 16 years Old girl to finally be okay with who she is i did every single thing you told to this woman just like you were talking to me I’ve also stopped in the middle of the video to look at myself in the mirror and let go of all the emotions and actions I resist I told myself i am pretty and i am there for myself even though nobody has I’ve never ever saw myself this pretty I always thought there was something wrong with how i look but I’ve really changed the way i see myself such a relief and it’s all goes to you for sharing your knowledge to people ❤
This was very profound for me. Saw alot of myself in this young lady and several times I couldn’t help but be moved by her willingness to listen. At times you would see her loosen her tension and let go. This of course was followed by the impulse to tense up again but as a viewer you could see the somersaults she was doing and the progress she was making as a result.
I personally feel lighter after watching this. Thanks Julien.
And to those who say she’s an actor… even if she WAS an actor, it does not detract from the point of the discussion. I was deeply moved and thats all that matters. Id go as far to say if she was an actor its MORE impressive to illicit the kind of reaction I had than if it was genuine because manufacturing authentic emotion is no easy feat.
This is making me tear up.... I'm feeling exactly how she feels and I feel seen. Her courage allowed this video to exist and for me to see that I'm not alone. Thank you, Julien for all your work!
good question on asking her if someone has told her if she was boring or stupid. just goes to show how much of this is just a thought in our heads and not fact. that was such a lightbulb moment, for me especially.
This was fantastic. I haven't watch many of Julien's videos but that will change today. I love how deeply he managed to both unravel and address her key issues within such a short timespan. This is the kind of empathetic, insightful, and empowering content I want to see more of.
If I ever see her in life I will tell her she is extraordinary and everything is ok.
Everything about this was very raw and pure. She is the best of us. Bravo!
Seriously, I've never felt the urge of traspasing the screen and hug someone. She is so sweet, lovable and she is damn pretty, god. I feel really represented on her and thinking I could be similar on any sense of that amazing and magnetic woman made my day.
This was the first video I watched. She is speaking the words in my mind if I were in her position.
This is a huge step in growing and I am grateful for all the participation for this video. We are not in this alone, even if we feel that way at times.
Thank you for for this deep deep dive.
I think a lot of our self-esteem is a result of the way our parents relate and talk to us. And the damage it does to us when it all goes south and the years that follow trying to find the acceptance and love which was missing. But it could also be as a a result of a bad marriage with the wrong partner as well. Thanks to this beautiful and courages lady, we can see first hand how she mirrors our own struggles and lends reality to it. ❤🤗
To the guest woman - Your compassion is astonishing and you are unbelievably wise. God bless you.
Thanks for being for us Julien❤