I absolutely was just going to write that very sentiment…. ‘HIS’ dream girl….not a chance…. How about we stop turning ourselves into pretzels for others….Whilst there is always a need for compromise, give and take, and sacrifice for our partner, ‘HIS’ ‘DREAM GIRL’ really? Being ourselves is always ENOUGH!
My man told me, “I know that if I broke up with you, you wouldn’t chase me” and I loved hearing that sh*t. Haha! He treats me like a queen and makes me feel cherished because I keep him on his toes. It has sadly taken me two divorces and two years of deep transformative healing after my last divorce to get to a place of knowing my value and trusting that what’s meant for me will stay with me. Never chasing a man again. *meow 😽🖤
Can you plz give some examples of how you "keep him on his toes"? I'm curious what that looks like especially in an LTR and you don't play games like hot and cold. Thanks
@@alyailithyia Yes, of course! For me, as someone who had to heal codependent and anxious attachment traits, it’s doing daily check-ins with myself to make sure that I’m giving from a place to express my gratitude for what I’ve already received from my man. Not “giving to get”, which is masculine. I also allow plenty of space to be present in the relationship so he actually has room to come towards me & miss me. Rather than seeing it as “chasing me”, I think a healthier way of looking at it is to notice if he’s “leaning into” and “investing” in the relationship and in those rare occasions where he’s not (usually because of work stress or just needing some man cave time) then I lean back and meet my needs elsewhere by leaning on my friends, passions and hobbies to fulfill me. Usually it’s never more than 48 hours before he’s telling me how much he misses me and wants to spend quality time. I could go on… but, then maybe I’d need to start my own channel. Haha!
@@alyailithyia Yes, of course! For me, as someone who had to heal codependent and anxious attachment traits, it’s doing daily check-ins with myself to make sure that I’m giving from a place to express my gratitude for what I’ve already received from my man. Not “giving to get”, which is masculine. I also allow plenty of space to be present in the relationship so he actually has room to come towards me & miss me. Rather than seeing it as “chasing me”, I think a healthier way of looking at it is to notice if he’s “leaning into” and “investing” in the relationship and in those rare occasions where he’s not (usually because of work stress or just needing some man cave time) then I lean back and meet my needs elsewhere by leaning on my friends, passions and hobbies to fulfill me. Usually it’s never more than 48 hours before he’s telling me how much he misses me and wants to spend quality time. I could go on… but, then maybe I’d need to start my own channel. Haha!
Personal notes: 1) Be 100% authentic. It'll attract the right man FOR YOU. 2) Emotional independence and detachment; have your own life going on, your own thoughts, hobbies, etc 3) Discuss your wants and needs clearly; they won't know what you want if you dont tell them, basically make them a manual on how to make you happy. 4) Support him as his woman, not as his mom; dont do 50/50. Rather, encourage him to do better. 5) Invest in yourself 6) Create a deep emotional bond. 7) Be confident in yourself; dont constantly ask if he loves you 8) Have the willingness to walk away, no need to announce it. Just have it, and they'll sense it. 9) Hot and cold behavior to create desire. 10) Don't drive the entire relationship
And not just a man that chooses you. A man that knows how to KEEP you. Bc plenty of men will be excited about you and obsessed and have no idea how to keep you bc they lack self awareness and emotional intelligence.
1- be authentic, independent. Don't imitate. Mask dropped 2- don't say everything has ur independence thoughts and feelings No one wants to listen they just want to speak. Don't make him chase you if he wants HE wants 3- Actions speak louder than words 4- discuss ur desire and need clearly
emotional independence, detachment and becoming obsessed with myself have been key to becoming her since my breakup. I feel so much better just focusing on myself.
I have noticed that many men marry their dream girl and once she encounters some issues: depression, anxiety, post partum depression, the guy wants to leave.
Everything you just said about invest in yourself instead of investing in him which makes you more attractive by default is exactly the affirmation i needed to hear. I can still focus on being a good partner but until he marries me, I’m focused on moving into my own place, advancing my career as I’m already doing, self care and my own hobbies
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I loved the pigeon analogy😁. When I think I'm gonna swoop in like a graceful swan and help, I have to make sure that I am not just a pigeon desperate for crumbs.
Such powerful advice! Becoming your true self, setting boundaries, and embracing your independence are the keys to attracting the right person. Love the emphasis on being pursued, not chasing after love. We all deserve to be the dream girl, not a placeholder. 💖
I never thought it fun to chase a man & yes I had unhealed father wounds & pain.. God healed that. Glad to hear you talking about God. I love & pray for you.
You are EVERYTHING I didn’t know I needed during this separation I’m going through with my husband. Like I don’t even know how to thank you. The knowledge, the attitude, the humor. You are getting me through this. 💜
he says i’m perfect and he’s always praising me , he talks about weddings and stuff with me and is always professing his love lol. this lady gives the same advice my mom does listen to her! it works!
Seriously love your content SO much! You keep me laughing while also having a serious attitude and reminding me of how to be a black cat in a marriage of 7 years. God bless you!
Such a valuable video! I don’t often promote books, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is an exception. It’s packed with insights on wealth and self-care that are not widely known. All the best to everyone
You hurt my feelings in all the right ways. Speaking facts!!! Thank you. I love the tough love approach. You have helped snap me into place when I need it. Grateful videos like yours exist.
I was just pondering this dilemma yesterday. I want to be someone's dream girl and I can't settle for less. I'm through with being pursued by mediocre men with lazy intentions
Amen!!!!! I was the dedicated wife who worked full time, brought the most of the money, I took care of my daughter and he always put me in the placeholder for years… His mother raised him like a little prince and I was always thinking I had to take care of him so my mother in law accepted me.. but after years I understood that she will always find defects on me and he will always be weak if I am a golden retriever. I am a black cat energy for the last month and I this man is in my feet!! I don’t need him anymore but he is still around because he is chasing me all the time! And honestly I don’t know if I will continue with him but it is fascinating how basic men are
"Boo boo kitty" Love it! I tell my husband what I want and he still gets it wrong. I would love for you to also talk about what to do after being married for a long while. None of this helps me now. My husband is too lost in life and I'm just another stress too support. So my lovely feminine energy is always drawing others towards me which is hard because I want the attention from my husband. At this point he drinks to deal and is a shell of himself.
I would try changing your mindset about your husband and talk differently about the situation. I mean this lady advice is great but your thoughts, beliefs and your mindset creates your reality an the experiences you experiences with the people around you. The core issue is not your husband is that the core issue is that he not putting you as a priority. Have you downplayed your goals and aspirations regarding putting yourself as less of a priority? Ask yourself those questions
Placeholders tend to be amazing women who are giving too much too soon. Not giving the man anything to work for. The key to leverage that amazingness is to detach. Invest more of that drive and energy in her self. What Margarita says makes sense.
Thank you for the reminder 🙏🏼 I needed this video today, I had something that was starting to get out of control and I could tell but wasn’t sure if I was overthinking
One of the best reasons not to be a cool girl, placeholder girl, aim to please girl is to repel narcissists. Women need to realize that the placeholder's desperate need for love and validation is the very energy that predatory men can sense even before you speak.
Thats so tough. Ive always had a "black cat energy" but after long term relationship, when it end im behaving like a chaser. I know I will eventually go back to my real self, but for now im making so many mistakes when meeting new people, like I forgot my true desires and personality. L O L
You're literally a next level spiritual teacher for me who's just learning to embrace my feminine energy thank you so much ❤definitely will be signing up for a course
She can fake everything until she hooks him but as soon as her actual self is revealed he's no longer going to want her if she's normally combative, disrespectful and unappreciative.. "Water always finds its level."
“Like the pigeon that I am” brother no one can wake me up inside like you - not even evanescence…. Like how am I laughing at myself after being called a rat with wings
I love your content as always. I was struggling alot in my previous experience with lets say Brad. He wanted to take mortgage with me, he suggested mortgage before saying I love you or even sharing any interest in my life. I knew smth was off, also I remember he told me his ex was useless 😅😅 alot of red flags, I am proud of myself I found my balls to end this 💪
What do you do when someone neither validates nor understands your feelings, especially when they could actually help-but instead they criticize you? I know we shouldn't depend on their validation, but maybe this just isn’t a good match. I’m tired of dealing with anger and sadness rooted in emotional unavailability and narcissistic parenting. How do I heal these wounds to avoid repeating this pattern? Are relationships supposed to be this hard? On one hand, if he provided emotional support, I’d find it unattractive, but here I am in a masculine role, constantly doing and placing him on a pedestal while he shifts into a passive role. When I invested in intuition courses and healing, he dismissed it as a waste, the same way he discouraged me from starting my own business. He even blamed me for not having kids, despite his own fertility issues. Things were only “good” when I was actively pursuing him. I know I’m overthinking, but I feel heartbroken and unheard, left seeking validation.
Thanks for all the effort you put into these videos ❤ I binge watched them since i found you a couple months back when i met a guy which made me feel insecure and not valued. Your videos helped me build up my confidence and i felt great lately 💪 Started talking to another guy, which i seemed to get along great and just before we could agree on a date to meet up, he self sabotaged and i feel not only turned off but heartbroken. I don't understand why someone i didn't even met yet, can make me feel so awful 😔. It kinda destroyed my day and i went from a high into a hole. My stomach aches and im just wondering, how can i be open for love but also protect myself to not get hurt and disencouraged by one individual. This experience on top of all the others really put me off even trying again 😢
Just wondering... I've been married for 14 years. Just now I realize I'm a golden retriever married with a black cat. I don't think I can be in black cat energy. I believe I learned how to be independent, but I feel better when I am a golden retriever. I'm wondering if it's not easier (for those who aren't married yet) to find another golden retriever (if you are one) instead of trying to be a black cat.
I feel like I’ve gotten too independent emotionally to the point I look uninterested =\ i need help finding the balance of showing enough interest with out seeming too interested
Why bother pretending not to be interested? How long do you intend to play games? What if the other person is not naive enough not to notice? What if they start to pay back with playing their own games? And what if they feel betrayed? What if they assume, that since we technically lie to them, they are morally OK to lie to us? It's a slippery slope. And people can see right through a lot of such artificial disinterest... or take it as a sign it's time to move on.
Im obsessed with your channel, it has helpes me immensly, I really feel the authenticity and am very gratefu. I ve started mimicing you with the hand movements hah ok not funny its ared flag. Anyway truly appreaciate the work, the inspiration and wisdom, the seamless sponsorship inserts and ads. Please dont stop
The fact that the onus is being put on the woman to become "better" for the man rather than calling out the man for using women as place holders and reducing her to these categories really bothers me
I used to be his dream girl and then stopped being it somewhere along the way of being codependent. How do I get back to that “independent” energy whilst still in a relationship?
Look at her detachment videos and black cat girl videos and how to re-invent yourself video. Believe you are who you used to be and fake it until it becomes natural again. She mentioned before picking a character or actress where in a movie they portray your old vibe or the baddest vibe you want to pull. And pretend you are already that. What would she do or wear.. or what would she never do? Etc Fake it til you make it, it involves healing the codependency.. detachment and leaving if need be because scarcity mindset is real and you have options
honestly? only focusing on something else helps. I used to be obsessed with my partner, and nothing helped. I finally made my childhood dream come true, and now I'me mostly focused on that dream. I used to be very anxious when they disappeared, now if they disappear for a day I notice it in the evening only xD.
@littledevil8146 Agreed. You need to have passions and things you are genuinely invested in going on in your life. Otherwise its easy for us to become obsessed and center a relationship.
theres this man, im his dream girl. hes made it clear now for like 6 years. and he is almost my dream guy. i know he would take care of me and make me happy. but he has a child already.. and i don’t know if i want my own kids- let alone be a stepmom! i dont know what to do and ive been internally battling whether to be with him or not for the past two years
Ok- aside from all that I’m finally learning in my late 40s from you I learned something new today. I had no idea summer and spring were different months in Australia. At first I was like “How was this posted 12 hours ago if it’s summer?”😅😂
I started focusing on self growth while with my ex-husband realized I wasn’t where I wanted to be . I met this boy at 17 ignored crazy red flags and now Going through a divorce at 23 . always felt like a placeholder. Walked on like a doormat and never his dream girl. I nowww know not to ignore what I feel .You live and you learn I guess My friend is going through the same thing but she just got back together with him. (They arent married but he threatens to sue her bc he thinks they’re common law) Everyone in her family hates him so I want to give her space to figure it out and not just be another nagging voice to her. Don’t know how else to help
I've learned this the hard way. I was the golden retriever from my first marriage. Trying to be the dream girl with this new relationship that im in. I love it whenever i hear him say that im his dream girl and that he wouldnt do anything to let me go, even if i dont want him hahahah. Seems obssessed but it's a good feeling to be loved that way by a man.
Sadly I live in spain and here absolutely everyone goes 50/50 and it's seen very badly that he pays more just because you are a woman. Still, me and him are paying equal rent and equal everything and he earns 300€ more than me every month... It's hard for me to save money right now because rent and food is so high, I have exactly the same money saved as when I moved with him a year ago. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with him 😅
@@onaalert5480 it’s the same in Denmark and probably a lot of places in Europe. I have seen relationships where guys made 1-2k euro more then their girlfriend or wife and the would still go 50/50.
Sounds like it's not your man, I used to have such type of relationships, even worse actually, it didn't work, man should invest something material in his woman, even if a woman earns more money, otherwise it's just a friend.
@@keylo2473 Update: I had the scary conversation with him and he gladly agreed. He probably isn't the thoughtful type but he found it very reasonable specially since he is expecting a raise for his job. I'm glad he's willing to invest in his girl even if the other men around him won't. Now that I recall it, he told me this morning that he had a dream where he got a huge raise and he bought a beautiful house for us (real) so I made a step in the right direction for sure.
@@keylo2473 but really, never date a spanish man. No flowers, 50/50 on dates, no romantic gestures.... It maybe helps that my boyfriend is russian, he was raised better 😂
I need more details about the: “50-50” thing .. what if the man cant afford 100% and needs some help? What then ..? What exactly is emotional intimacy?
Then he cannot afford a gf dear. Get this, for his dream girl he will not only make it happen but she won’t know that he’s struggling. He is manipulating the situation to get tou and Plus your money. Good deal huh.
@@shesnottheeere7132 I don't know why my comment got deleted today. I asked if the man I'm dating is wasting my time. Maybe you could help me. He doesn't have a stable job (in his 50s) but tells me that he is working on a big project with a foreign country (no office, no details). How do I know if he is telling the truth? Also, he doesn't have any family to meet, only friends. I asked him to send me some pictures of his parents but he replied that they didn't like photos and only had pictures when he was very young. I'm starting to think that he is not who he is. What would you do?
Question on speaking your wants/needs - I did this and always have tbh. I'm pretty upfront with my expectations and have never landed myself in a "situationship" because of it. HOWEVER, I get lovebombed like a mf. Even though I'm coming from a genuine place, it seems I'm handing them a roadmap on how they can emulate what I want in order to manipulate me. Maybe I need to be better at spotting the red flags, idk, but being too trusting has landed me in a whirlwind of trouble and once I'm attached I have a really hard time with the whole black cat emotional energy thing.
I kind of want to be my own dream girl
this should be the main goal honey
same 😂
ENERGYYYY
I absolutely was just going to write that very sentiment…. ‘HIS’ dream girl….not a chance…. How about we stop turning ourselves into pretzels for others….Whilst there is always a need for compromise, give and take, and sacrifice for our partner, ‘HIS’ ‘DREAM GIRL’ really? Being ourselves is always ENOUGH!
❤
My man told me, “I know that if I broke up with you, you wouldn’t chase me” and I loved hearing that sh*t. Haha! He treats me like a queen and makes me feel cherished because I keep him on his toes. It has sadly taken me two divorces and two years of deep transformative healing after my last divorce to get to a place of knowing my value and trusting that what’s meant for me will stay with me. Never chasing a man again. *meow 😽🖤
Thank u! I need to hear it now❤
@@keylo2473 Of course! Wishing you the best on your journey.🥹💛
Can you plz give some examples of how you "keep him on his toes"? I'm curious what that looks like especially in an LTR and you don't play games like hot and cold. Thanks
@@alyailithyia Yes, of course! For me, as someone who had to heal codependent and anxious attachment traits, it’s doing daily check-ins with myself to make sure that I’m giving from a place to express my gratitude for what I’ve already received from my man. Not “giving to get”, which is masculine. I also allow plenty of space to be present in the relationship so he actually has room to come towards me & miss me. Rather than seeing it as “chasing me”, I think a healthier way of looking at it is to notice if he’s “leaning into” and “investing” in the relationship and in those rare occasions where he’s not (usually because of work stress or just needing some man cave time) then I lean back and meet my needs elsewhere by leaning on my friends, passions and hobbies to fulfill me. Usually it’s never more than 48 hours before he’s telling me how much he misses me and wants to spend quality time. I could go on… but, then maybe I’d need to start my own channel. Haha!
@@alyailithyia Yes, of course! For me, as someone who had to heal codependent and anxious attachment traits, it’s doing daily check-ins with myself to make sure that I’m giving from a place to express my gratitude for what I’ve already received from my man. Not “giving to get”, which is masculine. I also allow plenty of space to be present in the relationship so he actually has room to come towards me & miss me. Rather than seeing it as “chasing me”, I think a healthier way of looking at it is to notice if he’s “leaning into” and “investing” in the relationship and in those rare occasions where he’s not (usually because of work stress or just needing some man cave time) then I lean back and meet my needs elsewhere by leaning on my friends, passions and hobbies to fulfill me. Usually it’s never more than 48 hours before he’s telling me how much he misses me and wants to spend quality time. I could go on… but, then maybe I’d need to start my own channel. Haha!
Personal notes:
1) Be 100% authentic. It'll attract the right man FOR YOU.
2) Emotional independence and detachment; have your own life going on, your own thoughts, hobbies, etc
3) Discuss your wants and needs clearly; they won't know what you want if you dont tell them, basically make them a manual on how to make you happy.
4) Support him as his woman, not as his mom; dont do 50/50. Rather, encourage him to do better.
5) Invest in yourself
6) Create a deep emotional bond.
7) Be confident in yourself; dont constantly ask if he loves you
8) Have the willingness to walk away, no need to announce it. Just have it, and they'll sense it.
9) Hot and cold behavior to create desire.
10) Don't drive the entire relationship
“Struggle love is not for you…..Choose a man who chooses you.” A reminder from Mother that I needed to hear! 💗🙌🏻
And the fathers say to son(s), choose the woman who chooses you 😄
And not just a man that chooses you. A man that knows how to KEEP you. Bc plenty of men will be excited about you and obsessed and have no idea how to keep you bc they lack self awareness and emotional intelligence.
1- be authentic, independent. Don't imitate. Mask dropped
2- don't say everything has ur independence thoughts and feelings
No one wants to listen they just want to speak.
Don't make him chase you if he wants HE wants
3- Actions speak louder than words
4- discuss ur desire and need clearly
emotional independence, detachment and becoming obsessed with myself have been key to becoming her since my breakup. I feel so much better just focusing on myself.
Just went through some break ups and I wsnt to be single and focus on me. Kinda in the same boat you are.
@@SR77736 pouring all that love I used to give to others back into myself is a game changer! You got this!!
I am the married placeholder with 2.4 kids. Listen to this woman's words 👏🏼
how do u know ur the place holder? and r yall divorcing?
I have noticed that many men marry their dream girl and once she encounters some issues: depression, anxiety, post partum depression, the guy wants to leave.
This comment is very “real life” I agree with you on this. Some won’t like this truth ❤ x
Hbd
He needs to be the dream man too
Really? I feel the average man doesn't even have access to his "dream girl".
@@kokolatte825 great point! He would have to be above average if he is going to pursue his “dream girl” it works both ways x
Okay but that scared me when you said “nobody forced you Patricia” it’s a sign
😂😂😂😂
💜
😂😂😂
😸😸😸
Everything you just said about invest in yourself instead of investing in him which makes you more attractive by default is exactly the affirmation i needed to hear. I can still focus on being a good partner but until he marries me, I’m focused on moving into my own place, advancing my career as I’m already doing, self care and my own hobbies
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Gather around my sweet summer children MOTHER HAS ARRIVED
Zip it and write it in a diary 😂😂😂
Be your own dream girl! Be everything you ever wanted to be, earn your own respect and admiration ❤❤❤
Then the men will chase❣️🥰
I loved the pigeon analogy😁. When I think I'm gonna swoop in like a graceful swan and help, I have to make sure that I am not just a pigeon desperate for crumbs.
Such powerful advice! Becoming your true self, setting boundaries, and embracing your independence are the keys to attracting the right person. Love the emphasis on being pursued, not chasing after love. We all deserve to be the dream girl, not a placeholder. 💖
I never thought it fun to chase a man & yes I had unhealed father wounds & pain.. God healed that. Glad to hear you talking about God. I love & pray for you.
You are EVERYTHING I didn’t know I needed during this separation I’m going through with my husband. Like I don’t even know how to thank you. The knowledge, the attitude, the humor. You are getting me through this. 💜
I need to feel the power I know I have within me
Believe it
Feeling is the secret
@@hayaashraf3404 fake it til you make it
You got this!
I just did LOL though because your profile picture made me hear that in Dwight's Voice 😂😂😂
@@deuteriumtritium9700 hahhaa i'm glad 😂😂 but remember that identity theft is not a joke. millions of families suffer every year
That blue color compliments you Margarita! You are looking fabulous as always ❤
thank god mother uploaded
omg, the moment you said "Patricia, nobody forced you" hit me the best because my name is Patricia. Thank you so much!
You have no idea how much I needed to see this video right now
he says i’m perfect and he’s always praising me , he talks about weddings and stuff with me and is always professing his love lol. this lady gives the same advice my mom does listen to her! it works!
I am 47. Hopeful i can get it right next time. Was married to guy who was abusive, don't wanna make the same mistake again. Thank you ❤
The edge in the tone of this video is everything ❤ Thank you for the tough love mama.
Seriously love your content SO much! You keep me laughing while also having a serious attitude and reminding me of how to be a black cat in a marriage of 7 years. God bless you!
Such a valuable video! I don’t often promote books, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is an exception. It’s packed with insights on wealth and self-care that are not widely known. All the best to everyone
You hurt my feelings in all the right ways. Speaking facts!!! Thank you. I love the tough love approach. You have helped snap me into place when I need it. Grateful videos like yours exist.
I was just pondering this dilemma yesterday. I want to be someone's dream girl and I can't settle for less. I'm through with being pursued by mediocre men with lazy intentions
you’re really my role model 🩷 love u aunty margarita
I absolutely adore your videos. I think they are honestly life-changing for women and how we see ourselves. Keep up the amazing work.
Amen!!!!! I was the dedicated wife who worked full time, brought the most of the money, I took care of my daughter and he always put me in the placeholder for years…
His mother raised him like a little prince and I was always thinking I had to take care of him so my mother in law accepted me.. but after years I understood that she will always find defects on me and he will always be weak if I am a golden retriever.
I am a black cat energy for the last month and I this man is in my feet!!
I don’t need him anymore but he is still around because he is chasing me all the time! And honestly I don’t know if I will continue with him but it is fascinating how basic men are
Your vibe, timing, comedic wisdom is EVERYTHING I need right now ❤❤❤
South Africa has decided to skip spring and go into summer too ! It’s lovely
Needed this today 😢 thank you. I almost forgot about my feminine energy that I worked so hard to embrace in this new “relationship” of mines.
"Boo boo kitty" Love it! I tell my husband what I want and he still gets it wrong. I would love for you to also talk about what to do after being married for a long while. None of this helps me now. My husband is too lost in life and I'm just another stress too support. So my lovely feminine energy is always drawing others towards me which is hard because I want the attention from my husband. At this point he drinks to deal and is a shell of himself.
Addiction is a valid reason to leave.
“Codependent No More” was a life changing read for me. Highly recommend for this dilemma.
If he won't get any help, he's abandoned himself & you. It will only get worse. I'd think about leaving.
I would try changing your mindset about your husband and talk differently about the situation. I mean this lady advice is great but your thoughts, beliefs and your mindset creates your reality an the experiences you experiences with the people around you.
The core issue is not your husband is that the core issue is that he not putting you as a priority. Have you downplayed your goals and aspirations regarding putting yourself as less of a priority?
Ask yourself those questions
OMG Margarita, I am the placeholder! And I never realized!!! Aaaah!
Margarita changed my brain chemistry. God bless this woman
I don’t think you understand how funny you are Margarita 😂😂
You drop gems though ❤️
You’re my role model! 💕
“You’re a place holder because you’re amazing”
Riiiiight 😂
Placeholders tend to be amazing women who are giving too much too soon. Not giving the man anything to work for. The key to leverage that amazingness is to detach. Invest more of that drive and energy in her self. What Margarita says makes sense.
Thank you for the reminder 🙏🏼 I needed this video today, I had something that was starting to get out of control and I could tell but wasn’t sure if I was overthinking
One of the best reasons not to be a cool girl, placeholder girl, aim to please girl is to repel narcissists. Women need to realize that the placeholder's desperate need for love and validation is the very energy that predatory men can sense even before you speak.
Thats so tough.
Ive always had a "black cat energy" but after long term relationship, when it end im behaving like a chaser.
I know I will eventually go back to my real self, but for now im making so many mistakes when meeting new people, like I forgot my true desires and personality. L O L
You are my spirit animal! Love this content!
It’s not the year of the dragon in 2025 but year of the dream girl. ❤
You're literally a next level spiritual teacher for me who's just learning to embrace my feminine energy thank you so much ❤definitely will be signing up for a course
She can fake everything until she hooks him but as soon as her actual self is revealed he's no longer going to want her if she's normally combative, disrespectful and unappreciative..
"Water always finds its level."
I love your shirt here!! Blue fits you sooo well 💙
YES my first thought. This blue looks incredible on her! 💙
You are like a big sister and raise me up. Thank you for this video
“Like the pigeon that I am” brother no one can wake me up inside like you - not even evanescence…. Like how am I laughing at myself after being called a rat with wings
I love your content as always. I was struggling alot in my previous experience with lets say Brad. He wanted to take mortgage with me, he suggested mortgage before saying I love you or even sharing any interest in my life. I knew smth was off, also I remember he told me his ex was useless 😅😅 alot of red flags, I am proud of myself I found my balls to end this 💪
Ahhhhh….summer in Australia….stay cool!!! ❤
Your videos are absolute GOLD. Thank you 🙏.
This landed at the perfect time for me! Thank you, goddess 😘
I could listen to you for hours, love your energy
Great advice, something I would’ve appreciated to hear when I was younger but still, I think this applies in the many phases of my life.
You literally changed my life in the most positive way. Thank you so much!!! When does your book come out and where can I buy it????
What do you do when someone neither validates nor understands your feelings, especially when they could actually help-but instead they criticize you? I know we shouldn't depend on their validation, but maybe this just isn’t a good match. I’m tired of dealing with anger and sadness rooted in emotional unavailability and narcissistic parenting. How do I heal these wounds to avoid repeating this pattern? Are relationships supposed to be this hard?
On one hand, if he provided emotional support, I’d find it unattractive, but here I am in a masculine role, constantly doing and placing him on a pedestal while he shifts into a passive role. When I invested in intuition courses and healing, he dismissed it as a waste, the same way he discouraged me from starting my own business. He even blamed me for not having kids, despite his own fertility issues. Things were only “good” when I was actively pursuing him.
I know I’m overthinking, but I feel heartbroken and unheard, left seeking validation.
I love your style ! You are soooo funny …let’s let go of struggle life..and your voice is so soothing
Thanks for all the effort you put into these videos ❤
I binge watched them since i found you a couple months back when i met a guy which made me feel insecure and not valued.
Your videos helped me build up my confidence and i felt great lately 💪
Started talking to another guy, which i seemed to get along great and just before we could agree on a date to meet up, he self sabotaged and i feel not only turned off but heartbroken.
I don't understand why someone i didn't even met yet, can make me feel so awful 😔.
It kinda destroyed my day and i went from a high into a hole. My stomach aches and im just wondering, how can i be open for love but also protect myself to not get hurt and disencouraged by one individual.
This experience on top of all the others really put me off even trying again 😢
I'm here for the Margarita idioms!! They are 💥 and I'll be dropping them too haha
this format really suits me
Yay The Queen is here👑
Wise words girl ..🙏🏻❤️
It’s the first time that I am watching a video on repeat! Wow! How nice is this ! ❤
Just wondering... I've been married for 14 years. Just now I realize I'm a golden retriever married with a black cat. I don't think I can be in black cat energy. I believe I learned how to be independent, but I feel better when I am a golden retriever. I'm wondering if it's not easier (for those who aren't married yet) to find another golden retriever (if you are one) instead of trying to be a black cat.
I love u. This is the best timing when needed the most!
I so appreciate your straightforward advice!! Thank you!!! 🙏👏💖
Love this…golden advice.
I feel like I’ve gotten too independent emotionally to the point I look uninterested =\ i need help finding the balance of showing enough interest with out seeming too interested
Why bother pretending not to be interested? How long do you intend to play games? What if the other person is not naive enough not to notice? What if they start to pay back with playing their own games? And what if they feel betrayed? What if they assume, that since we technically lie to them, they are morally OK to lie to us?
It's a slippery slope. And people can see right through a lot of such artificial disinterest... or take it as a sign it's time to move on.
Im obsessed with your channel, it has helpes me immensly, I really feel the authenticity and am very gratefu. I ve started mimicing you with the hand movements hah ok not funny its ared flag. Anyway truly appreaciate the work, the inspiration and wisdom, the seamless sponsorship inserts and ads. Please dont stop
This video confirmed to me what I deep down already knew.
I am a dream girl ahaha.
Margarita you literally described my mindset and beliefs.
The fact that the onus is being put on the woman to become "better" for the man rather than calling out the man for using women as place holders and reducing her to these categories really bothers me
The less we compete with one another to be placeholders, the fewer men will hang onto placeholders because there won’t be any left hanging around
I used to be his dream girl and then stopped being it somewhere along the way of being codependent. How do I get back to that “independent” energy whilst still in a relationship?
Look at her detachment videos and black cat girl videos and how to re-invent yourself video. Believe you are who you used to be and fake it until it becomes natural again. She mentioned before picking a character or actress where in a movie they portray your old vibe or the baddest vibe you want to pull. And pretend you are already that. What would she do or wear.. or what would she never do? Etc Fake it til you make it, it involves healing the codependency.. detachment and leaving if need be because scarcity mindset is real and you have options
honestly? only focusing on something else helps. I used to be obsessed with my partner, and nothing helped. I finally made my childhood dream come true, and now I'me mostly focused on that dream. I used to be very anxious when they disappeared, now if they disappear for a day I notice it in the evening only xD.
Check out Rori Raye.
@littledevil8146 Agreed. You need to have passions and things you are genuinely invested in going on in your life. Otherwise its easy for us to become obsessed and center a relationship.
theres this man, im his dream girl. hes made it clear now for like 6 years. and he is almost my dream guy. i know he would take care of me and make me happy. but he has a child already.. and i don’t know if i want my own kids- let alone be a stepmom! i dont know what to do and ive been internally battling whether to be with him or not for the past two years
Summer is ending here. Can I be his dream girl in the fall/winter?
margarita please make a video on how to make a strong emotional bond? !!
Ok- aside from all that I’m finally learning in my late 40s from you I learned something new today. I had no idea summer and spring were different months in Australia. At first I was like “How was this posted 12 hours ago if it’s summer?”😅😂
I started focusing on self growth while with my ex-husband realized I wasn’t where I wanted to be .
I met this boy at 17 ignored crazy red flags and now Going through a divorce at 23 . always felt like a placeholder. Walked on like a doormat and never his dream girl.
I nowww know not to ignore what I feel .You live and you learn I guess
My friend is going through the same thing but she just got back together with him. (They arent married but he threatens to sue her bc he thinks they’re common law) Everyone in her family hates him so I want to give her space to figure it out and not just be another nagging voice to her.
Don’t know how else to help
oh gosh i really love you and there is always something new to learn!!
How do you handle finances after going 50/50 since dating and now we have been married for 10 years?
For all the women out there, I would strongly recommend to read "The Art of Seductive Power by Juliet Arden". I have studied men before.
I've learned this the hard way. I was the golden retriever from my first marriage. Trying to be the dream girl with this new relationship that im in. I love it whenever i hear him say that im his dream girl and that he wouldnt do anything to let me go, even if i dont want him hahahah. Seems obssessed but it's a good feeling to be loved that way by a man.
Sadly I live in spain and here absolutely everyone goes 50/50 and it's seen very badly that he pays more just because you are a woman. Still, me and him are paying equal rent and equal everything and he earns 300€ more than me every month... It's hard for me to save money right now because rent and food is so high, I have exactly the same money saved as when I moved with him a year ago. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with him 😅
Sounds like room mates. 😅
@@onaalert5480 it’s the same in Denmark and probably a lot of places in Europe. I have seen relationships where guys made 1-2k euro more then their girlfriend or wife and the would still go 50/50.
Sounds like it's not your man, I used to have such type of relationships, even worse actually, it didn't work, man should invest something material in his woman, even if a woman earns more money, otherwise it's just a friend.
@@keylo2473 Update: I had the scary conversation with him and he gladly agreed. He probably isn't the thoughtful type but he found it very reasonable specially since he is expecting a raise for his job. I'm glad he's willing to invest in his girl even if the other men around him won't. Now that I recall it, he told me this morning that he had a dream where he got a huge raise and he bought a beautiful house for us (real) so I made a step in the right direction for sure.
@@keylo2473 but really, never date a spanish man. No flowers, 50/50 on dates, no romantic gestures.... It maybe helps that my boyfriend is russian, he was raised better 😂
He is not emotionally available to me what should i do ?
Seems like you are directly talking to me. Thank you for this.
Fall here 🥰 Always happy to see your videos 🎉
I sent this to my sister who's been a placeholder for 10 years now
Sooo needed to hear this! Thank you!!!❤
Just ordered your book!!! ❤❤❤
These feed my soul! Thank you ❤❤
Mashalah, you are amazing! New fav youtube channel!
I love you Margarita. Thank you thank you thank you. I appreciate your teachings so much!
I need more details about the:
“50-50” thing .. what if the man cant afford 100% and needs some help? What then ..?
What exactly is emotional intimacy?
Then he cannot afford a gf dear. Get this, for his dream girl he will not only make it happen but she won’t know that he’s struggling. He is manipulating the situation to get tou and Plus your money. Good deal huh.
@@shesnottheeere7132totally agree, had such experience, unfortunately
@@shesnottheeere7132 I don't know why my comment got deleted today. I asked if the man I'm dating is wasting my time. Maybe you could help me. He doesn't have a stable job (in his 50s) but tells me that he is working on a big project with a foreign country (no office, no details). How do I know if he is telling the truth? Also, he doesn't have any family to meet, only friends. I asked him to send me some pictures of his parents but he replied that they didn't like photos and only had pictures when he was very young. I'm starting to think that he is not who he is. What would you do?
Thanks so much for this reminder. Haven't had relationship experience
Question on speaking your wants/needs - I did this and always have tbh. I'm pretty upfront with my expectations and have never landed myself in a "situationship" because of it. HOWEVER, I get lovebombed like a mf. Even though I'm coming from a genuine place, it seems I'm handing them a roadmap on how they can emulate what I want in order to manipulate me. Maybe I need to be better at spotting the red flags, idk, but being too trusting has landed me in a whirlwind of trouble and once I'm attached I have a really hard time with the whole black cat emotional energy thing.
Thank you so much for you videos Margarita 🙏🏽
Margarita, seriously
I love you more ❤
If you sneeze at me… I will walk away! 😂😂
Love the video❤
Love your channel SO much!